AITA ? I (40M) bought a condo one of my friends (43F) wanted to buy with her boyfriend (36M) to get back at her for hurting my best friend's (50M) feelings.
This is a bit lengthy so bear with me.
I have a prestigious job in the medical field and I am head of department in my specialty. I met my best friend (G) years ago when he bailed me out of jail (another long story). We work in the same place, under the supervision of our boss (C) who is also a close friend of mine.
Now G and C have a bit of a history. They met in medical school, from what I know they shared a night together, but G was kicked out of uni so it never became more than that, until they found each other again years later and she offered him his current job. They are always flirting, always pushing each other's buttons, and they are clearly very attracted to one another, but a lot of things prevent them from acting on it.
First, their respective positions - she's our boss - and also the fact that my best friend is, to put it plainly, an asshole who avoids emotions and vulnerability like the plague. Given his history, it makes sense, but he's never tried to work on himself, instead preferring to hide behind drugs, booze, and, lately, prostitutes. So he wasn't exactly relationship material, but things changed last year.
First, they got closer. In a very emotional moment that I won't disclose here, G ended up at her place and they kissed. They immediately agreed to pretend like it never happened, despite the fact that they clearly both have strong feelings for each other.
Next, G's drug addiction got worse. Much, much worse, to the point where he hallucinated an entire night where he went through detox in her company, then they had sex, and she left early the next morning. Yes, I wish I was making this up. He was weird the next day, and he ended up shouting for the entire hospital to hear that they slept together. She got understandably extremely mad at him for putting her reputation at work at stake in such a humiliating way. That's when he realised how bad things had gotten. He came to me, and with my help, he went into rehab.
He spent a few months there. When he came back, he'd changed. Not radically, but he was off the drugs, he was seeing a therapist regularly, and he seemed genuinely commited to working on himself and trying to be a better man, to lead a better life. In his own words, he was "tired of being miserable." He moved in with me at the advice of his therapist, and he tried to distance himself from work for a while. He quit, he tried other activities, but eventually he came back because he loves this job.
I could see he was also still interested in C, but she was very guarded. I encouraged him to try to show that he'd changed, because he had, and I knew she also had feelings for him. But things came to a head when we went to a medical conference she also attended. The reason she was so distant with him was also because, as it turned out, she got into a new, serious relationship while he was away, with a man (L) who used to be G's friend. Obviously, it was a blow for G. And for me as well, because I didn't know about this, or I wouldn't have encouraged G to pursue it.
Anyway, life went on, and after a while C started talking to me about buying a condo and moving in with L. I was still a little put out by her behaviour towards G. She called my ex-wife, who happens to work in real estate, and found "the condo of her dreams".
So I called my ex-wife, visited the condo with G, and impulsively decided to buy it before she could.
We'll be moving in shortly with G. He seems happy, and I'm happy to be doing this for him. Hopefully he can move on, and it may teach her a lesson.
So, Reddit, AITA ?
Edit, in answer to a few comments:
- Yes, we met when he bailed me out of jail. I was going through a rough patch and ended up doing something stupid that got me arrested. He bailed me, a perfect stranger, out of jail because he said I was "the most interesting person around." We've been best friends ever since.
- The price for the condo was around 250,000$. I paid 3/4th of it using most of my savings, and I don't regret it one bit. He paid what was left, in an exceptionally generous display (for him).
- L was a private investigator G hired to spy on me (long story) at a time where I wanted to get away from him. They became sort of friends, but we hadn't heard from him in a long time before finding out he was in a relationship with C.
- C cares for him, but she is also at a spot in her life where she wants stability. She is a single mother with a daughter to care for, and she wants to be with a man whom she can rely on. What with G's history, I can't blame her for not acting on her feelings.
It doesn't mean I can't be mad at her for hurting him, though.
Edit 2:
Yes, G and I are close. He's the only person who truly gets me and doesn't put up with my bullshit. He's the worst and the best friend I've ever had.
Edit 3:
Stop asking me if I'm in love with my best friend. We're both straight, we've both been in very commited, serious relationships with women. He doesn't see me that way, no matter how many gay jokes he makes.
Edit 4:
C found out someone had bought her dream condo, and was pretty mad. I won't lie, I acted all chagrined on her behalf but I feel pretty damn good about it.
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Given that my post about why you are not obligated to blog about Current Events (whatever they are at any given time) is going around again, I'd like to say the same thing from a slightly different angle and state what you ARE obligated to do.
You are still not obligated to blog about ANY specific subject, no matter how serious, no matter how urgent, no matter how grave. You never will be. The impact of social media on real world atrocities has the potential to be great, but it is cumulative. No one is going to die in a ditch somewhere, barely uttering the tragic final words, "if only...if only...tumblr users wormhentaiafficionado and mothmanbutthole...posted about how sad they are...then maybe things would be different..." - nor are policymakers going to change their minds because some tweet has 749,845 cumulative likes and retweets instead of 750,000. Make no mistake, if you have the energy to be sharing these kinds of things, it can be good to do! We live in a society, it's always good to help where you can, even if all you can do is show public support for people who are hurting - but if you can't do that, for any reason, you're not obligated to. Period. End of.
What are you obligated to do?
1. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Social media accounts are not most people's entire lives. Just because someone isn't blogging about whatever tragedy is occurring does not mean they don't care. Sometimes it does mean that, sure, and that sucks - but not only are you not going to change that by yelling at them, sometimes it means they care too much. Sometimes it means they're closer to it than you assumed and need a moment to think about something else, anything else. Sometimes it means it's not safe for them to be blogging about it, be it due to abusive family potentially finding out, being at risk of getting fired and quite possibly dying of poverty sooner rather than later, or even taking very illegal direct action that they do not want to be linked to on record in even the vaguest possible way. Sometimes it means dealing with it is their day job and they're on the internet after a long and exhausting day of trying to make things better. You don't know. You'll never know unless they decide to tell you. No one owes you that explanation. You are obligated to make peace with that fact.
2. Slow the fuck down.
Listen. When bad things happen, from natural disasters, to manmade horrors beyond our comprehension, it's only normal to get scared and desperate to do something, anything about it. That heightened emotional state is very vulnerable, and because of that, there will always be people out there looking to take advantage of the chaos for ulterior motives - and no matter how good your intentions, and in fact no matter how right you are in your values and at the core of your strategy, you will never be immune to garbage-in-garbage-out. Misinformation can be deadly, even in the hands of someone who means well. You need to pause long enough to sort out the garbage. You need to learn to fight the impulse to trust every single post that tells you that your share/comment/etc. is URGENT and WILL mean the difference between life and death for someone, somewhere. Do your fact checks. Scan for dogwhistles before you end up passing around a post that implies [insert group that is marginalized in most of the English-speaking world but has hegemonic power in some other part of the world and is committing some atrocity there] is coming after you next if you stay silent. Vet charity and advice links before you accidentally send scared, desperate, and vulnerable people to a scammer - or worse, hand them over to a honeypot operation or give them a recipe for poisonous "medicine".
Or, to put it another way, you are obligated to make an attempt to stay informed enough to avoid making things materially worse. You are not obligated to doomblog. In fact, doomblogging can be antithetical to your obligation to not make things worse. Choosing neutrality in times of great tragedy and injustice is bad, yes, but you should immediately be wary of anyone who says that simply not blogging about a subject - let alone not sharing a specific post - is inherently "choosing neutrality".
So remember: breathe. Be careful out there. Mourn for the people that whatever atrocity has this or my other post circulating has taken from us or will take from us, and do your best to be kind to the people who are still alive - and remember that kindness includes using social media responsibly.
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