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denpamen · 2 months

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Dolph Laserhawk’s body language in episode 3 and why it’s actually really interesting:

To start, I want to point something out. I’ve seen the scene between Dolph and Alex construed as romantic, or Dolph considering reconsidering getting back with Alex, but I cannot help but believe that Dolph is in fact, absolutely terrified.

This glossy, wide-eyed look is not the look we got from Dolph in episode one when he was feeling romantic, content, and relaxed. When this happens, his face, eyebrows, and eyes are Relaxed.

In fact, we only see him make this face in episode 3 and only ever in the presence of Alex after Jades death in episode three. He is even frozen enough to give Alex time to lean in and kiss him. And you might be asking, who cares, he’s scared of Alex? So what?

Well, there’s a multitude of reasons why Dolph’s body language matters so much. But the first thing my mind immediately goes to is the difference before and after Jade’s death. How does he react around Alex before Jade’s death? Well it’s simple, tunnel vision around revenge just gives him anger, nothing else, no fear, no sadness, just anger. He doesn’t care about anything else at this point.

This shift, especially following the scene where Dolph looks at Jade’s blood on his hands (pointed out by another user, I’d link the post but I can’t find it.), shows an incredibly important shift in Dolph’s character. Not just that he starts to give a damn, but this forces him to look inward. He was raised to be a cog in the machine, nothing but a crutch to Eden’s or Alex’s plans, nothing he did ever mattered or changed his inevitable fate, and it still doesn’t, but it changed others’. His callousness and inconsiderate actions killed Jade. This is the first time he’s been hurtful and cruel without there being a puppet master, this is the first time where instead of being helpless, he realizes he can hurt people with just his words and actions and not his gun.

He’s afraid. He starts to care.

This starts the chain of events that makes Dolph care enough to break out of the VR and save bullfrog, on top of being genuine to Sarah, even touching her shoulder (wow!). The change in his eyes, all by themselves, represent this change.

However, there is something much much deeper I’d like to talk about. Something that I actually haven’t seen pointed out. One that is integral to Dolph himself, rather than the overarching plot.

Why is Dolph so scared of Alex? Genuinely, why? He’s so much stronger than Alex, they aren’t dating anymore, why is this a fear we only ever see in his eyes when he sees Alex? I mean we’ve seen Dolph scared before, but it’s not the same at all if you ask me.

When he looks scared in those scenes in episode 3, it’s in a way that makes him look almost, small. Why?

Because what Alex did to Dolph, all of it, is unique to Alex. What we are seeing isn’t just fear, the reason he shrinks away from Alex’s touch, the reason he gets that specific look in his eyes isn’t just fear. It’s trauma. It’s that traumatized boy who was taken away at a young age inside of him, it is not a grown man who’s afraid of pain and death, it’s a boy who’s scared of being lied to and having his feelings hurt again. This is something really, only Alex could ever bring back out. The fear after Jade’s death only just cracks his shell.

I think this stems from the unique dynamic of someone who’s been manipulated and emotionally abused and the perpetrator. When one is abused, especially in the ways Dolph was, even when there is no possibility of being hurt and abused again, the fear lingers, not of the abuse but the memory to be relived. The look of their eyes and the feeling of their hands is world ending, it guts you inside and out in a much worse way than dying ever could. (Especially since Dolph tries to get hit with a missile right after this). Dolph is terrified because every time he has to look in Alex’s eyes, he has to relive it. No pain or threat of death can recreate the raw emotion around years of lies and manipulation.

Listen, I know Dolph leaves a lot to be desired in terms of background story and writing, but I think the way his character shows trauma is mind blowing. It is very subtle, in a releastic hurtful way. Seeing Dolph Laserhawk, who’s not even scared of death, shrink in terror at the touch of someone who hurt him, is a good parallel to how many people would genuinely rather die than go through it again. Dolph touched my soul a lot, and the body language in this episode was beautifully woven to tell his story. I hope we get more of this in season 2. (God forbid I even discuss episode 4.)

#chey speaks #captain laserhawk #dolph laserhawk #clhabdr #clh #clh dolph #character analysis

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yuri-is-online · 10 months

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The Rains Have Ceased (Riddle, Cater, and Idia x Yuu)

You have been having strange dreams lately. Every time you go to sleep you se the same set of flashing images, a carriage ride, a crumbling castle under a ink stained sky, ending in the jaws of a monster. The pain you feel from the flames makes you wonder, on nights when you are alone in Ramshackle with Grim, if those dreams are less fiction and more of a memory.

You are not the only one who has those dreams. There's another, laying awake in his bed, hand clutched tightly over his frantically beating heart trying desperately to hold the fraying edges of his sanity together. How many times has he done this? How many times has he tried to hold onto the last fleeting traces of warmth in you with his cold, unworthy hands.

Again. He loves you, that is the one thing that refuses to change no matter how many times the world is reset. He loves you, he has no choice but to try again.

notes: they/them pronouns used for Yuu,more of this here (ie which boys would go insane trying to save Yuu from a time loop), heavy angst, hurt almost no comfort, borderline yandere behavior, major character death, references to murder, everyone is self destructing. If this made you feel something you can check out my masterlist here.

Riddle

He handles things extremely poorly when there is no guide book or rules he can follow. If it is made clear to him that there is no way of saving Yuu, that cosmic law has decreed they die, then he has no real choice but to let them... unless there is some way to take their place. Riddle is determined to be the very best at everything, and he is a bit of a brat when it comes to things that make him angry, but he becomes desperate help his friends when they find themselves in situations he feels that he has caused. He can accept that there is no way for you to be together, the chances of that were admittedly already pretty slim; you are from a different world and his mother almost certainly has plans for him he would find difficult to ignore. What he cannot accept there is no chance for you to live, he'd even be content to watch you fall in love with someone else just please, please live. He cannot bring himself to confess to anyone what it is he is trying to do, Trey would absolutely try to stop him, Ace and Deuce wouldn't accept your fate, and he doesn't know how Cater would react. He satisfies himself with telling you he loves you every time he dies in your place, whether it is in your arms or not.

Cater

TBH he is not really someone you can rely on in this situation bestie. Not because he doesn't love you, he's past denying that, but because Cater already doesn't want to dwell on what things could have been. His dorm uniform has a voice line lamenting you aren't in Heartsabyul but brushing it off because there just isn't any use in wishing for things. With each reset he spirals further and further, it gets harder for him to keep his mask in place. Why do you keep dying if he isn't going out of his way to save you? And why can't he stop caring about you? Is it because in spite of everything he still loves you? Cater is actually pretty good at dealing with people and making plans, he could maybe keep you alive a little bit longer if he helped. He eventually lets that thought slip to Lilia, who believes him purely based on the fact it's him saying it. Lilia does his best to help, picking Cater's mind for observations of each loop and trying to make a plan. He wonders if he is even worthy of you if he cannot make a plan to save you, if you will hate him if you realize how passive he has been. No matter how many times Lilia points out that you have loved him in every life time, or that he can say he has been passive all he likes but he has been going out of his way to watch over you from the shadows, Cater refuses to accept that he is just as faultless in this as you. His smile and optimism are determined to stay gone.

Idia

So. The last time someone in his life died in front of him he turned them into a robot. While you were dying in front of him the thought of making a new Yuu did cross his mind, he almost had a stroke from how pleased he was when he woke up before orientation for a second go with all his memories in tact. Ortho is brought into the loop immediately, as is Styx. As mixed as Idia's feelings are about the family business, he recognizes this has something to do with blot and that Styx is his best bet of saving you. Chapter 6 already proved he doesn't have much... emotion about conducting experiments that deal with blot, as a method of coping with his current situation he starts to try and gamify the time loop, or view it as an experiment. He won't feel bad about imprisoning the overblot students or deciding to take the time to study Grim. Ortho is probably the one who suggests kidnapping you before Crowley can bring you back into the mirror chamber and keeping you safe... somewhere. Maybe he takes you back to Styx, maybe he just keeps you in Ignihyde with a robot child soldier guarding you at all times. He doesn't care if you hate him, well that's not true. Idia want you to love him, he wants you to play games with him just like you used to. But something in this world is trying to kill you, and until it is gone he cannot let you out of his sight; a flower that's doomed to stay in the underworld, forevermore.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #cater diamond x reader #idia shroud x reader #riddle rosehearts x reader #every time i write one of these i feel like i am loading a shotgun #anyway play amnesia: memories

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raisedbythetv89 · 11 months

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No, but like…FAMOUSLY not just in Buffy, but every universe that has spells and magic, real love CANNOT be manufactured or duplicated by magic. Only twisted obsession/infatuation like what we see in Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered.

But in “Something Blue” Buffy literally says once the spell is over and she’s talking to Willow “I loved him, we were betrothed” in a spell whose specifications had only to do with marriage which would only change them from being enemies to allies, which then allowed all their suppressed and ignored feelings to come to the surface that they could NOT act on before when the other person was supposed to bring about their death.

And I’m not saying full deep romantic season 7 and beyond love but they clearly CARE about each other and are extremely attracted to each other, in lust if you will…and must have been for a while. Giving SO MUCH credence to neither of them ever succeeding at killing each other because deep down they genuinely never wanted to. (yeah yeah plot armor but so much of the time when one of them got away it was really WAY too easy like they could have at least made it so both of them were always just BARELY getting away by the skin of their teeth instead of how many times one of them really just lets the other go after exchanging a few punches like 😹 they weren’t even TRYING after a while and to me “Something Blue” proves it’s because they do not want to kill each other because they are crushing SO HARD. Because also in season 2 when they make the truce literally FIVE MINUTES LATER Buffy leaves Spike alone with her mother while she’s on the phone. The amount of trust that demonstrates is actually insane especially when you combine it with the fact that Buffy doesn’t do a disinvite spell after he leaves town OR comes back in season 3 & 4. And plot armor or not, them never killing each other becomes part of the lore and informs the motivation of the characters because that’s just how fiction works! 🤷🏼‍♀️)

I mean just look at these two love sick idiots

I MEAN….Buffy’s face when her immortal and extremely durable vampire just gets tossed across the room?? She goes into slayer overdrive, swiftly taking care of the two demons she was fighting to run over and check on him exactly like she does so many times in season 7 because that’s her vampire!!!

We see them so happy and in love - literally the happiest we’ve ever seen Buffy and then the show tries to tell us “it wasn’t even nice” because what? They bickered?? You mean they actually SAID what was on their minds and talked about it and then comforted the other when they were sad instead of bottling it all up or being evasive of topics that would cause fights and Buffy would tell Spike lovingly to shut up when he was being dumb??? OH NO THE HORROR!!

And what really is the cherry on top for me is the “wind beneath my wings” bit because Buffy blames the spell while her body language and face clearly says it was NOT the spell, that was all Buffy. Which opens the door for us to question just how much was what we saw because of the spell’s influence vs the real Spike and Buffy just completely uninhibited by their status of an engaged couple???

Especially when this supposed engagement to a “bad boy” who was helpful to her watcher, extremely caring and loving towards her in front of all her friends and when xander says something mean spike is SO HURT and he’s like “that’s it! You’re off the usher list!” Like oh yes THE BIG BAD INDEED 💀 but Buffy claims being engaged to a Spike “gets her over her bad boy thing because it wasn’t even nice” ….. GURL you are running for the hills to seemingly “normal” captain cardboard because you LOVED being engaged to the slayer of slayers and that scared the absolute shit out of you and you were like I need to do something to convince myself I’m normal and not the kind of girl who would be into Spike IMMEDIATELY 💀 and then avoids Spike for the next several episodes while Spike is always asking where she is for Buffy to achieve maximum avoidant/suppression of feelings possible 😹😹😹

And the way Spike NEVER teases her about it afterwards like he did with the “wind beneath my wings” bit at the end of the episode to me is so telling of the importance it held for him too that he never used everything he must have learned about her at that time or never even taunted Riley about the fact that the Slayer was all over him when her and Riley had first started dating because let’s be honest that would be SUCH a Spike thing to do. Like???? They have been so into and conflicted about each other for a LONGGG time and I honestly cannot be convinced otherwise 😹

#they’re actually madly in love your honor #spuffy #something blue #spike and buffy

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iraprince · 1 month

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Hello! long time silent fan here 💝

i came across an older post referring to you leaving the Guns Blazing project... i did back that kickstarter, and now im kinda worried about just who i gave my money to :/

are you able to share any details about why you left, or if theres anything i should know about the creators? it's too late for me to not give them money, but id like to know before i recommend the game to anyone

the main issue shared in the post you reference is pretty much it: a prominent ttrpg award was given to an active duty military strategist. a lot of people in the community, myself included, were obviously horrified by this and many spoke up about what kind of grotesque and deeply unjust message this sends about what we're allowing (more than allowing, CELEBRATING????) in the space; bafflingly, a bunch of other people in the community all crowded around to congratulate and asspat and defend and gas up this grinning servant of the imperial american death machine. it was horrifying to see that the dev of guns blazing, which the entire time it was funding had constantly and loudly advertised itself as a "decolonial" and "anti-imperialist" game, was one of the people celebrating his win.

when i confronted the dev one-on-one about this, i was told "the man's a personal friend who's helped me out in the past and helped out other marginalized people in the space." that is not a sufficient excuse for me when the issue is what this man was doing to marginalized people, FOR MONEY, FOR HIS CAREER, outside of the space. (it's murder. what a military strategist does is facilitate murder as needed by the state.) u cannot buy back lives you've destroyed globally by getting other poc jobs in roleplaying games or whatever the fuck.

i couldn't handle this. i'm not going to judge other artists who stayed in — i don't know if everyone even saw, the turmoil over the award was something that from what i saw was mostly contained to twitter and the dev kept his head down about it aside from his initial congratulations. there was a moment before i confronted the dev where honestly i thought to myself "maybe i can just pretend i didn't see it," but i knew in my heart that wasn't true and i wouldn't be able to be proud of myself if i did that. so that's why i pulled out.

my tone is heated here bc obviously this is a really appalling subject — it's the reason my commerical work contracts have a fucking ethics clause in them now, lmao — but at the same time i'm honestly not interested in like, "calling out" the dev over this. he let me leave the project immediately and without any issues, and i haven't kept up with anything he's doing since this incident. maybe he's changed his mind or like, one would hope all of the absolute horror we're constantly submerged in from witnessing the us government's eager support of the genocide in palestine has opened his eyes to No, Agents Of The Military Are Not Our Fucking Friends, Actually. i don't know. i don't care to go looking to find out. my interest is not in saying "i think this dev is a bad person and everyone should be wary of them!!!!", it's just to say "this dev did something that was so shocking to me and so misaligned from my own morals that i had to distance myself immediately." i don't know how far that reflects on anything else he believes or does, i just know it was a dealbreaker for me personally. the story ends there for me, and other people will have to make their own judgements based on what they observe now.

#i have caps of the (very brief) convo and if someone needs to see them for verification you can dm me.#but like i said i am not interested in this being like. a Callout or anything. i dont want them plastered everywhere #like i dont think anything good would come of it. it wouldnt Help anyone. im just. explaining what i saw and felt and did.#also why this is unrebloggable.

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wolfsetfree-if · 3 months

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I have some questions about omegas when they go feral so please bear with me.

-how much control over it does the omega have? Both in triggering it and during it.

-is it only triggered when pups are endangered? Can it be triggered if a pack in general or the wolf themselves are in danger no matter the presence of pups?

-can it be triggered by perceived danger like a panic attack or ptsd?

-how dangerous exactly is a feral omega? Like obviously it makes them more aggressive but does it make them stronger or tougher in any way? Is it comparable to adrenaline, allowing the omega to push their body to their true limits?

-with the adrenaline comparison does it suppress pain in the same way? When it ends does it have the same sort of crash, leaving the omega tired, sore, and in pain, etc?

-when does it end? Is it a matter of time? So even if a battle is quickly won you still have a pissed-off omega that needs to run through the woods for a while? Or does it end when the omega feels the danger has passed?

-can anything calm down an omega early?

-are there any other instincts that are triggered by it? Like feeling extra protective or clingy of any pups soon after or other behavioral changes?

-and more of a general question about omegas. Besides being generally more submissive but able to fight and protect if need be, what else about omegas makes them particularly well-suited to pup care? Like obviously they have a particular draw to them but are they especially tuned on to the needs of pups? Perhaps they have some herding instinct for rounding up excited pups? Maybe their larger size allows them to carry multiple pups on their back?

Thank you for taking a look at my questions! I hope it's not to much but the worldbuilding in this game is utterly fascinating to me!

Hello, thank you so much for this ask! It is very interesting and it was a delight to answer.

So, Omegas basically go into rage mode only to defend pack members, weaker/injured ones or pups. It may be triggered by life or death situation for the omega, too. (Omega MC did go into rage when they were captured and decimated the djinns that eventually managed to capture them. But MC at that time was malnourished and suffering from loneliness and overall sick).

It may, theoretically, be triggered by a very vivid and intense panic attack, though it is a rare occurance- mainly because not many werewolves end up as traumatised as MC is.

The situation must be incredibly stressful for it to be triggered, and it isn't something that happens at will. The wolf might feel their ears ring, their body heat up or tingle, and they might shake, and then their minds kind of go blank as they rage.

The rage makes them stronger, faster, overall a killing machine. Like adrenaline but tenfold in effect. And yes, most of the time the rage doesn't end until the Omega is absolutely exhausted and cannot even stand. It does help with pain, but as you theorised the pain later comes back (though mostly the omega is barely coherent after a rage). Just if the omega was injured - which is difficult to do with a feral one.

The rage ends when the threat ends, but since those are triggered by very severe threats, oftentimes as I said the wolf is injured or barely able to stand after the rage. If they are not, they experience a 'crash' that leaves them dizzy, confused, aggressive but very weak.

(More in part 2!)

#ask #omega!mc #omega mc #omega rage

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rose-of-pollux · 3 months

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So, @belphegor1982 asked me for my thoughts on the BTTF musical which I saw about 10 days ago, and I've managed to put them together and keep them as spoiler-free as possible--

Even before you go into the theatre, the merch store is separate, which is great when it's a rainy January night and you're waiting for the doors to open (which I was). I'm not sure if this has been a thing for previous productions at the Winter Garden Theatre, but for other Broadway shows I've seen in different theatres (Phantom and Anastasia), the merch was sold inside the theatre, and you needed a ticket to get to it/wait til the doors opened.

The pre-show immersion/ambiance is fantastic; not even Phantom can boast that.

There are numerous easter eggs for fans of the movies; it's so fun spotting them all.

It does not take long for the fourth wall to come tumbling down, and it is glorious. Marty even lampshades it in the opening number.

@knickynoo mentioned this in her writeup, but Doc and Marty are just as neurodivergent (if not moreso) than their movie counterparts

Doc is also so very obviously asexual in this version, I love it.

A small thing, but we actually get to hear Doc say "If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything." In the movie, everyone credits him for saying it, but we never actually hear him say it.

Doc's involvement in the Manhattan Project is canonized in the musical-verse!

The DeLorean is borderline sentient and sassy

Most people know by now that they changed Twin Pines Doc's cause of death/the reason Marty goes back in time, and it works so much better for both practicality reasons on stage, and for the fact that the original was a charging bull elephant in the room.

Goldie Wilson gets an absolute banger for his song (as well he should!)

Another small thing, I like the little addition of Doc's fear of heights.

@wromwood pointed out how only Doc and Marty seem to acknowledge the existence of the chorus ensemble (Lorraine gets some backup singers for her number out of nowhere, but she takes no notice of them). I didn't even realize this until he mentioned it, and now I'm fascinated by the implications of Doc and Marty being hyper-aware of the fourth wall for whatever reasons.

The Act I closing number is gloriously chaotic.

...I could do an entire post about why I love "For the Dreamers" so much and how it delves so deeply into Doc's character. Just... GAH. This man has dealt with so many naysayers and considers himself a failure (it's telling that he did technically have a success with the Manhattan Project, but still considers that a failure--I'd theorize because he obviously feels so dang guilty about having the blood of innocent civilians on his hands as a result of it) but now he has hope that he will accomplish something great.

Not only do we have Marty worrying about Doc dying in 1985, we get to see him worried and unsure of his own fate. This kid has been Through It, and it isn't over yet.

THE WAY THEY DID THE ENCHANTMENT UNDER THE SEA DANCE. I cannot spoil this; you must experience this firsthand, but I will assure you that "Earth Angel" and "Johnny B Goode" are there in all their glory.

The Clocktower scene is spectacular. You're wondering how they'll pull it off onstage, and they just do it.

Others have mentioned this BUT WE GET THE LONE PINE HUG THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN IN THE MOVIE.

The absolute best meta joke comes courtesy of Jennifer near the end. I cannot spoil this either, but if you know, you know.

THAT FINALE (again, if you know, you know).

#bttf #bttf the musical #back to the future #don't mind me

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pancreasman · 10 months

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Hey!! Do you mind sharing with us your Shadamy headcannons for both the in game universe and your AU?

Abso-fucking-lutely!

There’s a lot of overlap between my au and general headcannons in terms of the ship itself so I’m just lumping it into all one category

I never enjoyed the idea of Sonic being jealous or made as a bad guy or something in order for Shadamy to happen. Sonic is a G, he is the third wheel, he’s the best man at the wedding. They’re all cool.

Shadow doesn’t like sweets at all. He likes his coffee sickeningly bitter and rarely eats anything sugary. However, the second he meets Amy it’s as if sweetness starts seeping it’s way into everything Shadow eats or makes. He doesn’t even realize at first until his friends remark on how much better the coffee he makes tastes. This was a detail in the au and those who noticed get extra points.

Amy is absolutely floored everytime shadow gets a new outfit. (Or I guess any outfit in general) Every. Single. Time. Shadow is too, but is way better at hiding it. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t screaming internally everytime Amy gets a costume change.

Shadow does absolutely nothing to try and calm Amy down during her bursts of fury. He thinks it’s cute and would rather watch her beat some guy to a pulp in admiration.

Rouge was the first to realize Shadow liked Amy after Omega pointed out his heart rate increasing. Rouge was surprisingly oblivious beforehand but very proud after.

Silver was the last to be told about them because he cannot keep a secret to save his life.

Amy is one of the few to make Shadow laugh. Usually not on purpose. And Shadow has a very loud evil supervillain laugh that is intimidating to most but Amy finds absolutely charming.

Shadow still will not let Amy live up the time she mistook Shadow for Sonic. Perhaps in the early days this moment annoyed or bothered him, but now he just finds it hilarious.

Shadow would definitely give someone a death glare for messing with Amy, but only when she’s not looking as to not embarrass her. Amy, however, will go full sicko mode on your ass in front of the entire Walmart.

Shadows favorite features about Amy are her smile and hair.

Amy’s favorite features about Shadow are his height and the tired lines around his eyes that I imagine are there.

Shadow is an early bird who helps drag Amy out of bed and also the night owl that helps her wobble her way back.

Shadow doesn’t believe in Tarot but endures it for Amy’s sake. This annoys her until she realizes that means he doesn’t actually know how it works and totally uses that to lie to him.

Shadow taught her to ride a motorcycle and once she starts riding it on her own he thinks it’s the most amazing thing he has ever seen

#shadow the hedgehog #amy rose #shadamy #shadow x amy #shadamy headcannons #sth #sth headcanons #asks

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ohmyenjolrass · 18 days

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things i adored of the catalan version of jesus christ superstar

so i just saw the catalan version of after discovering there is one (it's here, check it out!) and i think it was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. shoutout to @this-is-a-name-dont-worry for making me discover it <3

catalan is my favourite language and i am lucky enough to speak it every day, and this production didn't disappoint at all!

so as a tradition in this blog, let's review my favorite parts!

first of all, i adored the setting and the cast. the costumes were also fabulous. so the whole aesthetic of the show was impeccable, giving me the same vibes as the 2018 nbc version. 10/10 for scene.

now, specific things. many of these things have to do with lyrics because i think the translation was EVERYTHING.

heaven on their minds is always a banger, no matter the production. one thing i loved about this particular version was the lyric obri els ulls i escolta el que t'he de dir / que no veus que no vull veure't morir?, which literally translates to open your eyes and listen to what i have to say / can't you see that i don't want to see you die? (more or less).

that translation changed my life forever.

the percussion break right before what's the buzz? gave me +20 years of life.

then, judas's expression during mary's bit was so funny.

and also, some note changes during strange thing mystifying that i LOVED.

i also think it was clever how judas was arguing with the apostles in the background during the first chorus of everything's alright.

moreover, the way mary soothes judas in the second chorus

AND HOW THEY CHANGE THE LYRICS SO THEY CAN MAKE IT PLURAL (like mary talks to both jesus and judas).

ANNAS IS A GIRL !!!!! and an amazing performer, gotta say.

also, the little dancing of the priests during this jesus must die.

i adored how in hosanna, jesus and judas enter together and then mary joins them (and judas gives her a little kiss!!).

also judas telling the crowd to be chill while caiaphas sings.

and how he gets mad when jesus talks about heaven.

SIMON IS A GIRL !!!! and also SPECTACULAR.

the way pilate and jesus look at each other just before pilate's dream.

the priests being in the temple during the scene.

mary confessing to jesus during i don't know how to love him and jesus ALMOST KISSING HER???? WOAH.

a priest offered judas some food while he was having a mental breakdown in damned for all time and i thought it was the funniest thing ever.

okay so during the last supper happened a lot of things

first, JUDAS SMOKING. i'm always a fan of that (please, don't smoke).

also, during their first confrontation, judas says deixa'm que t'expliqui (let me explain) to jesus, and I WANTED TO CRY

the way the apostles tidy up the table after jesus and judas's first fight.

at the end, judas looks for comfort in the apostles AND THEY REJECT HIM???? the audacity.

gethsemane was in general absolutely stunning, but some things i liked about it is the way it was translated. the song in catalan seems like jesus is asking god to show himself so that he can see that everything is real. HEART B R E A K I N G.

ANOTHER HEARTBREAK. the lyrics just before the song starts say ningú es vol quedar despert amb mi? / no em deixeu sol avui, which translates to none of you wants to stay awake with me? / don't leave me alone today. I MEAN.

some other lyrics that destroyed me were the pre-chorus. in catalan, jesus sings: vas donar-me llum / però ara sols veig fum / esperant que tú vinguessis / vaig donar-te el que tenia / una vida / no pots esperar més d'un home sol, which translates to you gave me light / but now i only see smoke / waiting for you to come / i gave you what i had / a life / you cannot expect more from only a man. I MEAN X2.

peter's voice was one of my favorites.

and also, herod serving cunt in that animal print trousers. chef's kiss.

judas's death affected me more than any other production

in superstar, judas singing de debò el teu sacrifici et converteix en salvador? which translates to does your sacrifice really makes you a savior? in the cuntiest way possible. yes, king.

and to finish, the timer above the cross going down before jesus's death.

if you reached this point, hi! i hope you enjoyed it, 'cause i know i did. check out this production, it is truly amazing. see you in the next post! x

#ro likes musicals #jesus christ superstar #jcs #catalan jcs

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aspd-culture · 10 months

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hey, i've really enjoyed this blog so i want to make absolutely sure: your stance on endogenic systems is "they have trauma, they just don't know it"?

Yep. If someone is genuinely a system, that is incompatible with having no trauma. If someone genuinely did not have trauma, they by our current scientific understanding cannot be a system.

That said, unlike many other people with this take, I try not to push endos to realize that because if they were ready to, their system would have told them. I know *multiple* people who identified as "endo" before remembering their trauma when they were ready to and realizing they were very wrong.

I also know people who formerly identified as "endo" but realized that trauma to a child can be things as "simple" as a divorce or death of a very important person in their family etc. It's not always super intense abuse. Whilst that is much more likely to cause a system it is in no way impossible to see it from things that are not commonly thought of as traumatic. It's a great time to acknowledge this actually because it's true of every trauma disorder - childhood trauma is inherently going to be different than adult trauma because children are less resilient with less life experience and their brains are still in development so they are much less likely to "bounce back". It gets cemented in their development that pain like this is part of the world and they need to develop ways to cope.

The things that an adult believes they cannot manage to survive, and therefore need to change the way their brain functions to tolerate, has a *much* higher threshold than the same for a child because a child has not seen proof of what the human brain and body can survive. Further, a child hasn't developed the ability to emotionally support themselves, so emotional neglect can make it so what in no way even upsets a child with a support system may feel unsurvivable to a child without any. If you didn't know how much blood you could lose and still live, you would think the smallest scratch might kill you - that's what life is to a child.

All of that is to say, systems don't need to have lived through unspeakable horrors to be systems, but they *do* need to have some sort of trauma as far as we currently know. If you look into adverse child experiences (ACEs), you will probably be surprised as to what counts as traumatic in the mind of a child. I cannot stress enough that a kid may become traumatized enough to develop a system from almost *any* normal negative part of life if they have no emotional support to teach them how to adjust and handle pain. That is where, in that case, the system would come in - to be the ones helping them process and handle pain since no one else is.

If the psych community were to find in multiple repeatable studies that there is a reason for non-traumagenic systems to develop, I would change my stance because I know that psych knowledge especially has a very short half-life. We learn new things all the time. But for what we currently know about how systems develop, they cannot do so without some type of sustained trauma.

If that affects your enjoyment of this blog, I'm not sure what to say. It is not common that systems even get discussed here, though it does come up sometimes because both are trauma disorders (with ASPD being infrequently purely genetic I think?). When it does come up - because all of this blog besides the culture asks are based in current psych knowledge, the DSM/ICD, and my personal anecdotes - you will see my understanding in my discussions of it. It's not to alienate anyone, but it's no different than someone asking me to say something currently believed to be factually wrong about ASPD for their comfort; I can't and won't do that.

I don't mean to come off hostile, this is all /neutral, it's just that I hate the idea that an ASPD blog that is helpful or enjoyable to someone might in some way have that positive impact affected by a currently accepted truth about a completely unrelated disorder.

Is it right of me to take that out on you though my tone? No, because you're not the one causing that emotion bc I don't even particularly know your stance on this. Unfortunately though, despite rewriting this post like 3 times, I cannot seem to get the /neutral tone to come across properly. Just... please understand it is there because my autism is not letting me phrase it right.

#aspd-culture-is #tw endo #cw endo #system discourse #cw trauma

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apocalyptichearts · 1 month

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So, hi! I hope this message finds you well!

I know you might’ve moved on from the AoS fandom, but I’ve come from your TikTok, and I love your May & Daisy edits! The fics that accompany a few of them as well are simply glorious! And the captions are mini fics in and of themselves as well so they’re lovely (if heart wrenching at times) to read, too!

I was hoping, if you wouldn’t mind, could you rec some of your favourite May & Daisy fics? Doesn’t matter whether it’s complete or how long it is :)

Thank you for your time! And for your wonderful edits and works!

Have a nice day/night!

thank you so much for your kind words anon, they really do mean a lot :))

as for maydaisy fic recs, boy do i have some for you!!

now for the sake of not making this post too long here are some of my favourite maydaisy authors:

Book_freak I don't think we can talk about maydaisy fics without mentioning them; of they're 90 or so maydaisy fics, you're bound to find your cup of tea!!

PanicMoon15 for when you need a little fluff and lightheartedness. also, they're Baby Mine, Rest Your Head Close To My Heart series? a must read, no one does AU like they do.

cassiopluto for when you want something a little darker and want to read some insanely good writing <3

daisyqiaolianmay they have so many good fics to choose from and I think I mention The Framework later in this post, but others worth checking out are A Daisy By Any Other Name and The Parts That Make A Whole Series!!

Inkquillery i can't express in words how beautiful her writing is, all of her maydaisy fics are such joys to read <33

marvelthismarvelthat would've ended up listing all their fics in the following section so I listed them here. they write so many cool concepts it's hard to summarize them, but each and every one is incredible

agentmmayy a lot of sweet philindaisy content as well as a handful of maydaisy angst bcus sometimes that's just what you need.

here are some more specific fics that I (obviously) love:

It’s a Long Road Out to Recovery From Here by PanicMoon15 I enjoy most fics that deal with their relationship post the season 2 finale, but this one is quite something else. the writing and the themes and the characterization and just omg I cannot stress how good this fic is!!

Hold Her Close by StillTryingToWrite I'm a sucker for character studies and introspections and this one is just so beautiful.

silent secret sacred ground by Inkspinner a post-coulson's s5 death fic that is just so sweet and so gentle and I lose my cool a little whenever I think about it.

In Kasias' arena, no one wins… by Axolotl7 read this so long ago but I remember it being just jawdroppingly tragic and such a cool concept. insanely vivid writing <3

Mother’s Day/Father’s Day Series by agentquakingskye philinda becoming grandparents?? yes please. this series is so fluffy and so happy and even if you aren't into daisy x sousa, i think it's still worth reading.

Exposure by agentquakingskye now this isn't maydaisy focused, but they do have quite a few scenes and honestly, I'll take any opportunity to recommend this fic because oh my god. life-changing, I'm telling you.

and if you're into AU's that deal with baby/younger daisy some of my favs are:

from your head down to your toes (and your tiny nose) by agentmmayy of all the "daisy getting turned into a baby somehow" fics, this one is my absolute favourite. sadly I think it was discontinued but I think it's worth reading the 18 chapters posted!

Just a Walk in the Park by Bdoyle1807 I remember lovinggg the dynamic between May and (a much younger) Daisy in this and I'm pretty sure I read it in one sitting so.

The Framework by daisyqiaolianmay such an interesting take on the whole Framework stuff, I can't recommend it enough.

honestly, despite going through my bookmarks pretty meticulously, I'm probably missing some I would absolutely recommend as well, but I hope you find something you like out of the ones listed :))

#i love rambling about my favourite fics ty sm for the ask #maydaisy #fanfiction recommendation #fic rec #ask #agents of shield #melinda may #daisy johnson #mama may #marvel #aos

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kyokasuiigetsu · 2 years

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They did Orihime so dirty in the anime. They left everything out and turned her into the damsel in distress trope and that is just not what happened at all. Like, yes she had almost no offensive power in the beginning, and she is the defacto healer, but her character development in the manga is so good and so glaringly obvious and in your face. I literally dont know how people dislike her. Orihime is actually one of the best and most multifaceted nuanced characters ever, and she doesnt get enough love or credit for everything she did for Ichigo (and by extension soul society and their friends) without question. Unwavering loyalty, even when they questioned if she had gone to Hueco Mundo of her own volition, after the soul society arc wanting to get stronger so she can protect everyone too, so she doesnt have to look at Ichigo's back while he protects her, so they can fight shoulder to shoulder, even though she cant fathom the enemy that they're going up against, even though Tatsuki gets her soul damn near sucked out, even though Chad's arm gets ripped off right in front of her eyes and all she does is immediately step forward to use her powers to reject and reverse his injury. She watches Chad get his arm ripped clean off and then tries to fight against a monster 8 times her size, because she doesnt want to buy time until Ichigo arrives anymore, she wants to fight too! We dont acknowledge that she is a 15 year old girl being threatened with the lives of all the people she cares about if she doesnt accompany Ulquiorra to Hueco Mundo, and this girl has no family left, her friends are her family. Her absolute unshakable faith that at least Ichigo, if not all of their friends would come for her no matter the risk. (Six hearts will beat as one) WHY DOES NO ONE FUCKING TALK ABOUT THE MOMENT SHE IS HAVING HER OWN POWER SPECULATED ON BY AIZEN, SHE REALIZES IF HER POWER IS THE ABILITY TO REJECT PHENOMENA, THAT SHE IS GOING TO TRY AND DESTROY THE HOGYOKU BY REJECTING ITS VERY EXISTENCE? THAT IS ONE OF THE MOST GIRLBOSS MOVES IN ALL EXISTING MEDIA. We dont talk about how fucking down for Ichigo she is in that moment in his fight with Grimmjow, when she is afraid of him, afraid of the hollow inside him, afraid that he will be lost to it like her big brother was and have his soul consumed, about how the second she decided he was still Ichigo, and he always would be that Ichigo was able to pull out the win. We dont talk about how the boy she loved got murdered right in front of her eyes by her kidnapper and manipulator, and in that moment calling out for him to protect her was more powerful than death. Ichigo was only able to use his hollow powers like that without losing himself (and he almost did) to them BECAUSE it was at Orihime's explicit request. Orihime deserves everything, she is the ultimate ride or die and not just for Ichigo, for everyone she cares about, and even for the people who dont deserve it. She healed those two arrancar women who were beating her to a pulp after Grimmjow busted in and ripped them apart, one even called her a monster as she was healing her because she didnt understand how Orihime could be so selfless in the face of such violence directed at her. She calls Orihime a monster because she herself is a monster and cant understand someone like Orihime that will help anyone with no bias just because it's the right thing to do. Orihime is literally the best fucking character and you cannot change my mind. So much of BLEACH is about the words, the feeling, the symbolism, and Orihime brings something to BLEACH that despite all the amazing dialogue and intense feelings and amazing battles, other characters at their best just don't bring to the series for me. She was the most underpowered, uninformed character just thrown into the middle of a literal supernatural war all because she wanted to do the right thing and help her friends and the boy she loved.

#wow #i am sorry #rant over #but seriously #orihime is such a bad bitch #she is everything to me #her character development in the manga compared to the anime is just #bleach #bleach manga #orihime inoe #ichigo kurosaki #manga vs anime #aizen sousuke #ulquiorra #tite kubo knew what he was doing #studio perriot didnt know shit #inoue orihime

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shostakobitchh · 5 days

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Hello! On my millionth re-read of Aim and Ignite, and would love to know how you would have wrote/envisioned Snape’s reaction to the memory Lily left for Ariel and him. When Lily says that she “loves them both”, Ariel doesn’t linger too much on those words as she knew Lily loved her dearly, having read so in the letter/seen Lily’s love and sorrow for her in the Mirror etc. I can only imagine what Snape must have felt when he heard Lily say that she loved him, even though she couldn’t truly know that he was “on his way back”... I think it’s interesting that Snape doesn’t ever think about/reflect on that moment, is it just too painful? Is it locked away forever in his mind? I absolutely adore your story and would love to hear your thoughts!

so, I love this question for two reasons.

(1) this was the very first thing I wrote for aim & ignite - the story was actually meant to end on this moment - and it is my favorite thing i’ve written thus far.

(2) I kept a lot of what Snape felt here a mystery because you’re completely right! he has never reflected on the memory, has never really thought about it. I actually don’t think I’ve ever written him ever even having a passing thought about this moment and how it’s affected him - and there’s absolutely a reason for that!

Short answer: yes, Snape finds it almost unbearable that she loved him, and he cannot mentally handle that memory, so he keeps it under lockdown. Notice that he doesn’t say a single word after they emerge from the memory - Ariel even remarks that she can’t tell if the hand on her shoulder is to comfort her, or to keep himself upright. She sees him in a very, VERY vulnerable state. I believe he’s covering his face, too - my original intention was that he was trying not to cry, actually - I know, a rare one for Snape! But it’s open to interpretation honestly.

The one thing he took away and keeps at the forefront is that Lily asked Snape to care for Ariel. She asked him to do what he should have done from the beginning, and he does, which you see when he’s strolling through Little Whinging with Ariel after the events of Book 1. He’s actually trying.

Long answer (I just typed all this out a deleted it I’m going to kill myself)

At the time, Lily had no idea what she felt for Snape. It’s my own personal headcanon that Lily always loved him, in a way, had some sort of crush but didn’t understand it until the Mudblood incident. That’s why the inciting incident of Snape saving Lily during battle drives her crazy in the flashback in Chapter 11 (I think it’s Chapter 11, anyway).

Snape, in the meantime, has always loved her - never stopped, never will. The idea that he HAD Lily - he could have had her after that night in the inn - probably could have saved her life - is crushing him. And this is ON TOP of the prophecy (and The Other Thing, but we’re not there yet).

And, despite all of his mistakes - “you’re on your way back.” Lily still believes in him. He showed her enough that night that she knows, somehow, someway, he’ll come back and do the right thing. For Snape to know she had that much faith in him - at a time when he was still a loyal Death Eater - he just can’t handle it. He can’t forgive himself for fucking up so massively.

Snape knows he could have saved Lily, but even with what happened between them it changed nothing, so he doesn’t think his love was enough. Lily, however, loved him knowing he wouldn’t come back - not for a while, anyway - but she had to try something - anything - for Ariel.

I also think finally confronting that memory will directly tie into how Snape feels about Ariel. He’s admitted he cares about her - okay, great. What’s he going to do with that? Well, right now, he’s caring in his Snape-way, but he’s not exactly doing it well. And why is that?

Because he loves Ariel and doesn’t know it yet.

And once he admits he loves Ariel, he can begin to make his way back to Lily, and what she tried to give him in the Pensive.

#sam speaks #aim and ignite #snape vibes #lily vibes #ariel vibes #ask #anon #i think this is my favorite ask i’ve ever gotten lol #i love this scene so fucking much #and snape never thinking about it is so intentional #i’m so happy someone picked up on it

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cuubism · 1 year

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I was watching a video on Youtube of someone criticizing the anti-aging advices shorts on Tiktok and my mind went to Hob, the immortal 30-something, being horrified at people being afraid of growing old with a hint of jealousy as he knows that aging is something that he will never experience.

I went down SUCH a mental rabbit whole of "what even is aging, actually?" while trying to answer this. Like, is aging one's relationship with time? Because Hob definitely gets older numerically as time passes, even if his body doesn't change. Is aging about one's relationship with death, and its nearness? Or is aging about one's relationship to their body? Or is it all of the above?

Because if you are mortal, like... all real people, time does leave a mark on the body. But to say that aging is the body's decay is too simplistic because physical disability also changes your body's functioning without being solely associated with aging (though some disabilities do get worse with age so it's not separate either). Aging-related cosmetic content online is focused on not "looking old" but going from a child to a young adult is also aging, and makes you look older but not "aged" so to speak. When it comes to death, aging does bring you closer to death, but death can also come at any time, whether you're "old" or not.

So I thought about it a lot (too much) and I thought about Sandman as a story about stories, and how the story of a life has a natural arc to it, a rise and fall, and how that is what Hob doesn't experience. He lived through the rising arc of his life but there is never a proper falling arc, a conclusion. There are ups and downs, minor climaxes. But it always returns to this plateau that keeps going straight rather than ultimately falling to an ending.

And... I am trying to see whether I think Hob would be jealous of this or not. Curious, for sure, because he's curious about pretty much every experience. And I think there is some melancholy whenever he loves someone and they age past him, some thought of it would be nice if we could stay on the same life path, at least for a while. And I'm sure he's cared for elderly people at various points in his life too, and seen people age, and die of old age, and held their hands and been through that moment with them. And... I do think he would feel for these very young people becoming so concerned over appearance in the sense that it can take away from actually living life. Hob is all about experiencing life, not, you know, avoiding laughing so you won't get wrinkles. In that respect, I think he would want those young people to really live and appreciate those years instead of spending them fearing what's to come.

The only feeling I can associate with Hob when it comes to aging is gratitude, actually. Not even in relation to physical appearance. But gratitude that he gets to continue on and avoid the downward arc of the conclusion of a life. Although I think that very situation is disturbing to Dream, who's in kind of the same boat, I think Hob might say "well why should a story have an ending anyway?"

There's really only one thing that lingers, and it's the question -- what happens after? It's the one subject of curiosity Hob absolutely cannot sate without giving up all the rest. Do I think it haunts him? No, not really. Tickles the back of his mind sometimes, though, probably.

I think of this poem Aging by Rosmarie Waldrop:

Distant galaxies are moving away from us. Friends, lovers, family. Even the sky shifts toward red. Where every clearness is only. A more welcoming slope of the night. And I don't remember why I opened the door.

Pretty much every door in life is open to Hob if he's willing to commit enough time and effort to it. Except for maybe the most major one. And everybody else lives with this inevitability. Except Hob. Which... well, rejecting inevitability is kind of how he got himself into that situation in the first place. So it tracks. And it's what makes Hob's story so interesting because what is a life without inevitability like? Or, you know, a story without an ending?

#hob: stories should just continue forever :)#dream: *EXTREMELY STRESSED*#just thoughts and stuff #ask #anonymous #hob gadling

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here-lies-golden-kamuy · 1 year

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after seeing some of your Ogata meta, I wanted to share an idea I had.

it starts with Yuusaku, and Ogata's paradoxical hatred/envy of him. in my mind, Ogata hates Yuusaku because he represents a privileged existence. one that their father granted to Yuusaku, while neglecting Ogata. they're like light and shadow. Yuusaku's purity has and will always frame him as an exception to the compromises that other people have to make... and it's not just in relation to Ogata. normal men compromise their morals during war, but Yuusaku is treated as though he's above everyone.

Ogata's position is that this isn't fair. but then, what should be the method of leveling the playing field? Yuusaku would rather bring Ogata into the light, and Ogata would rather drag Yuusaku into the dark. these are their attempts to become relatable to each other, but they'd have to fundamentally alter each other if they were ever going to see eye to eye.

when Ogata asks "was a blessed life ever possible for me?" he does tip his hand a bit. it sounds like he actually wants to have those blessings. meanwhile, Yuusaku was never enticed by the darkness. Ogata failed to prove that his way of thinking is inherently tempting... and when Ogata shoots Yuusaku, that 100% cements his ideological loss. Yuusaku's death ended his potential to change, and immortalized his purity forever. and Yuusaku left Ogata with a curse of his own: "nobody should be able to kill without feeling guilt."

Yuusaku died, and made it so. and with this background knowledge, here is what I'm really getting at.

at the end of their journey together, we see Ogata draw a clear parallel between Asirpa and Yuusaku. both are people who have an empathetic, sentimental urge to care about the lives of others... and they expect to try and maintain that moral framework, even in the midst of a conflict that seems to necessitate violence and death. in some ways, their dedication to these morals can come off as judgmental towards people who have ended up dirtying their hands already. early in their relationship, Asirpa and Sugimoto grappled with that.

I believe that, if Asirpa and Yuusaku are comparable, then Sugimoto and Ogata are contrastable in the same role... they've responded in opposite ways to the same offer. both consider themselves to be cursed, and they think of killing as sometimes necessary, but Sugimoto feels guilt fully and readily. and when Asirpa reaches out to him, Sugimoto is more readily willing to change.

once you start thinking of the two as foils, there's no going back. Asirpa reminds Sugimoto of how he lived before the war, and Sugimoto devotes himself to Asirpa... Yuusaku reminds Ogata of how he lived before the war, and Ogata kills Yuusaku. one accepts the aid of someone who can help him heal, while the other rejects it.

this all culminates in Ogata murdering Wilk, and shooting Sugimoto. at that point, Sugimoto is basically what Ogata could've been if he'd embraced the connection that was offered to him. and I think it's symbolically meaningful that Ogata tries to kill this symbolic healthier version of himself. with this one decision, he ensures that Asirpa will never be able to think well of him... not if she ever learns the whole truth. whether Ogata knows it or not, he's essentially been watching as, once again, another person lives a more blessed and prosperous existence that he cannot partake in. he's always on the outside looking in, and when he shoots Sugimoto, he closes off one more important avenue.

I absolutely love the scene where Asirpa shoots Ogata in the eye. first of all, Asirpa and Sugimoto are beginning to swap their views on killing. Asirpa's morals have been tested, and she's starting to come to Sugimoto's early conclusion that killing isn't something she wants to do, but sometimes it can't be avoided if you want to survive. meanwhile, Sugimoto has picked up Asirpa's philosophy of being as non-lethal as possible. war isn't the proper tool for preserving a culture... Sugimoto already knows it isn't the proper tool for preserving a person. he went to war, and it nearly destroyed him. but now, everything he values about himself exists because, from the beginning, Asirpa had the correct tools to let him rebuild himself.

and so, when the arrow hits Ogata in the eye, Sugimoto saves Ogata's life, regardless of his rage. Ogata failed to kill Sugimoto, and Asirpa succeeded in healing him. as a result, when Asirpa is in danger of being pulled into the dark, she has someone there to help her.

and Ogata has still failed to corrupt anyone. he can't figure out how to bring someone down to his level so that he can relate to them. he's still alone. he never quite figures out what's good for him until after he's already ruined it.

Hey, anon! <33 When I first read this, I was totally blown away /gen And honestly, you deserve your own meta post about Ogata for real ‼️‼️‼️ I'd totally lose my mind again like I did the first time I read this /pos

Let me give you my thoughts in chunks! :-D I'll put it under the cut because holy shit it's so long

"it starts with Yuusaku, and Ogata's paradoxical hatred/envy of him. in my mind, Ogata hates Yuusaku because he represents a privileged existence. one that their father granted to Yuusaku, while neglecting Ogata. they're like light and shadow. Yuusaku's purity has and will always frame him as an exception to the compromises that other people have to make... and it's not just in relation to Ogata. normal men compromise their morals during war, but Yuusaku is treated as though he's above everyone."

My god, the thematic light and dark analogy is so on point. I agree: Yuusaku is the embodiment of light whilst his older half-brother is the dark entity. I always found it interesting that Yuusaku was pushed to a position of veneration (chapter 165, page 12). By keeping himself pure, he will be an "icon" for other men to look at and relieve themselves from the guilt of killing another person. What's interesting about it is that he's following the interpretation of their father about the superstition surrounding the flagbearer role. I argue that Yuusaku, to some degree, is forced to be light. He was forced to play a role that dictated that his life should radiate purity. His position as flagbearer and the mysticism behind the role wasn't his idea (and to some extent, wasn't his choice - he just followed what his father wanted); but because he's a willing participant of this superstitious belief, he, therefore, transforms himself from mere man to a purity akin to divinity.

Because he's so pure, to the point of veneration, I feel like that was part and parcel of why Ogata killed him: to prove to himself that even the gods and their blessed children bleed and die at the hands of men like him.

YES YES YES!!!! Exactly! I love your idea of them trying to bring the other to their "ideological side" as a form of relating to one another. I feel like Yuusaku wanted to "save" his brother from the darkness that he feels had enshrouded him his entire life. Ogata, on the other hand, wanted to prove that a person who was beloved by his parents and who had it all can still be someone like him: "normal". This comes from the idea that Ogata thought that it was normal for everyone not to feel guilt when killing people (chapter 165, page 13); who knows what else he thought was normal?

I think there's a part of Ogata that really wanted to be a blessed child, underneath all his layers. There's a Tumblr post that tries to pull out the intricacies and nuances in Ogata's confrontation with Hanazawa Senior in chapter 103. I think it really showed Ogata's vulnerability, the inner child in him that continued to be ignored and hurt.

I think Ogata's hand in Yuusaku's death does immortalize his purity forever! Because Ogata finally gave up on their game: Yuusaku won their ideological battle by offering Ogata true love and acceptance (it's completely familial please) - something he's never received from anyone in the past. Though, I don't fully agree with how Yuusaku's death ended Ogata's potential to change: rather, for me, it symbolizes that Ogata's life ideology is flawed, and he ran away from it rather than confronting it. I argue that his potential to change died in your later observation of him shooting Sugimoto and/or when he pointed a gun at Asirpa and got shot in the eye by accident.

I love your idea of Ogata having his own curse as a result of Yuusaku's death: "nobody should be able to kill without feeling guilt". Because that's the backbone of his relationship with Asirpa, the one who reminds him of Yuusaku and someone who also tried to love him.

[With so many emotions] fuck. 🥹🥹 I love your assessment of both Asirpa and Yuusaku being so firm in their own beliefs that they can come off as judgemental or even condescending to those that fail to meet their standards. Well in the case of Asirpa, she eventually learns that the world isn't as white and black as she used to think, so she too grows in her own ideological perspective.

Sugimoto and Ogata are foils, you're so right, and you pointed out the main reason why I strongly believe that. It boils down to their respective relationships with Asirpa, who is characterized as a "chosen one" in the sense that she's a) given a huge moral task of protecting the Ainu (and later on even the other ethnic minorities in Karafuto and Russia), and b) she's - for the most part of the story - depicted as someone who's is pure (and is firm in staying pure) in a world of bloodshed and greed.

I like your idea on how Sugimoto and Ogata had their respective person who represented light in their lives. And you're right: they differ in their response to being "saved". I wholeheartedly agree with how Asirpa reminds Sugimoto about his past (unmarred) life. But for me, I think rather than being reminded of his past, unmarred life, Yuusaku represents a "what if" in Ogata. He represents a blessed life that Ogata himself could have lived; to go even further, even perhaps the lost life he could've had, should Yuusaku hadn't been born.

I think that Ogata truly did close himself to the possibility of a blessed life. Hence, I love the metaphor of him having his own path in the snow versus the lynx (meko oyasi) and the rest of the group in chapter 169. Like a lynx that lives a solitary life, he was forced to live life alone because of the childhood neglect he experienced (I talked about that in my first meta for Ogata and Love). But because he killed Yuusaku and therefore gained his "curse", he further alienates himself from others, trapping himself in his own twisted worldview by clinging onto it. He forced himself to be isolated - hence he's walking on his own path, which hints on his independence as a character on the surface but shows his loneliness on a deeper level.

I love this so much that I'm just nodding my head to everything you said. Hey, you dropped this crown, your majesty 👑 I love how you looked into how Sugimoto and Asirpa grew throughout the series, especially in the Karafuto Arc for the latter. And how despite Asirpa dipping her toes into the moral dark, she has an anchor in Sugimoto. She's not like pure Yuusaku, but she's not also as dark as Ogata: she now exists in a lighter moral grey.

"He's still alone. He never quite figures out what's good for him until after he's already ruined it." I love love LOVE this one. Because you're right: Ogata damns himself in pits of the darkness of his own volition. He curses himself never to escape its traps by killing (or attempting to kill) those that try to pierce through his gloomy veil.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this, anon. I loved every moment of reading and analyzing Ogata more <3

#ogata hyakunosuke #hanazawa yuusaku #asirpa #sugimoto saichi #mod speaks #i answer #golden kamuy headcanon #golden kamuy headcanons #golden kamuy imagine #golden kamuy imagines #golden kamuy meta #golden kamuy ask blog #golden kamuy #ゴールデンカムイ #here lies golden kamuy

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