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#Agatha’s like: oh yeah my man thing and puppet
cissa-calls · 18 days
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Countdown to Agatha: Day 801
Agatha, having burned another grilled cheese to hell and back: “Thank Hecate I’m not a housewife”
Wanda: “But you WERE a housewife. Remember Ralph?
Agatha: “Oh yeah…my fake husband turned Fietro. Forgot about that. But really Wanda? If you think I ever cooked for that man-child, then your heart and conscience weren’t the only thing the Darkhold corrupted.”
Wanda: “Says you, remember when I blasted you so far you were crushed beneath a house?
Agatha: “…I don’t…”
Wanda: “Exactly”
Agatha: “Bad memory and possible brain damage aside, you didn’t have an excuse not to cook! You married a toaster!”
Wanda: “-Watch it Harkness-“
Agatha: “-And I betcha that toaster couldn’t make grilled cheese either”
Wanda: “YOU WITCH” *tackles Agatha*
*meanwhile*
Y/N: *reading a book* “Why do I smell burnt cheese and violence?”
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aloneatpeace · 2 years
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In another universe
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Chapter 13
Fight for home
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you blast agatha making her fall on the road .she grunts as she fall your magic hitting her hard.
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"I take power from the undeserving. it's kinda of my thing " she absorb your power making your hands turning brownish color , like it's life has been sucked out.
"why don't you surrender your magic to someone who knows to do with it and i let you keep this pathetic little world you created yourself. what do you say ".
you throw a car at her using your power making her crash into a house. you move towards where is landed only to see her gone.
" y/n?? "
Alex run towards you with your boys.
"boys !! " you run towards them hugging them to chest Alex wrap you both in a tight embrace.
sound of footsteps make you siff as you see bonnie and her friends you stand in front of your family.
"y/n i know why you did this . we just want to help you" bonnie calmly said you read her mind and the tall man who give you an understanding look.
"I can fix it " you say in soft voice.
"can you? " a guy in suit ask you. you narrow your eye at him.
"this is my home. It's our home " determined you look at Alex .
"Then lest fight for it " Alex squeeze you hand
"well, well look at that scarlet witch and Bennett witch. so much powers " agatha appear in the sky . she glance at the hunters and vampires . "you brought your friends well I have some of mine too".
witches come out into the street agatha disappear from sky laughing hysterically. you turn to Alex and the boys looking worried. sam watch you sensing your fear for your family.
" y/n" at the tall male you turn to him " we wil keep them safe . " he said with determination .you look back at your family.
"yeah mom go show her who you are " oliver exclaim charile nodding his head you chuckle at them.
" I'll keep them safe petal " Alex squeeze your hand.
" we will help you y/n " bonnie add giving you a small smile.
you node before flying after agatha.
" I really hate witches " dean state.
" well that's something we have common " klaus agree with dean . they start to take out witches as stefan and Elijah protect the kids with Alex.
you land on the center of the Westview a truck pass by you.
" don't shoot I'm just a messager "as get distracted agatha throw a spell at you. you look up to see her floating on top of a building.
she open a spell book with magic floating in front of her. " y/n, did you know there is a whole page devoted for you in the darkhold. that's the book of the damned"
you stand there not knowing what she is saying. agatha turn the page " the scarlet witch is not born she is forged, she has no coven , no need to incantation "
"I'm not a witch, I don't cast spells. no one taught me magic " you yell at her annoyed with her rants.
she make the book disappear " your power exceeds that of the sorcerer supreme . it's your density to destroy the world."
" I'm not what you say I am " you shake your head at agatha.
"oh, really " she chant something making the person close to you stop for a minute.
"y/n "
"Dottie"
" my name is Sarah. I have a daughter she is eight maybe she could be friends with your boys if you like that story line the school bully even. just let her out of the room, I just want to hold her please "
you turn to agatha " what are you doing. you're making her say this ".
" she is your meat puppet, I just cut the strings " she cast the spell now to everyone making the people around you start to walk to you.
" I don't recognize my face in the mirror. my voice when I speak. I try to resist you, but now I can't remember why do you " you turn to look at voice.
" my husband is on a business trip tell him I love him and don't come here ever " you again turn to the new voice.
"I'm exhausted "
they circle around you making you feel claustrophobic hard to breath.
"no you're fine, it's all going to be fine "you try to clam down the people.
" when you let us sleep we have your nightmares "
you shake your head not believing what they say you look around the people
"no that's not true... I've.. I've kept you.... you safe.... in peace "
" we feel your pain "
tears start to form your eyes the voice getting louder.
" your grief is poisoning us " mrs hart yell at you.
"no stop "
" let us go Y/n "
" please stop "
you spun around them try desperately clam the people around you. the voice around you get louder making you feel anxious, overwhelmed and scared your emotions all over the palace.
"stop" you yell hunching over covering your ears unknowingly let your power release the red mist wrap around the people's neck making them the chocking and falling down the ground.
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you gasp when you see what you've done . "no... stop.. stop... I'm sorry " you flick your wrist making the chock hold disappear. you apologies repeatedly you look around to see the people with bonnie also panting getting on there feet.
" if you won't let us go, just let us die please " a pained voice begg you.
"I will let you go. I will " letting out laboured breathes you look around the people nodding your head.
" what's stopping you? use your power. " agatha Mockingly encourage you.
you let out a breath before screaming and opening the hex with all power you have left the red beam around you reach the top of the hex opening the barrier around the town.
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" GO...all of you now " you yell at the people while holding the hex open.
the Mikealson's brother watches you as you open the hex. the sound of military trucks can be heard. the rest of them catch up where is you stand holding the hex open.
" now you'll see " agatha grin down at you.
" what ? " you ask confused.
" MOM"
"y/n"
you turn to see your boys Glitching away their bodies start to fade away bits bits.
" boys" Alex try to walk towards them but fall down as his one side fade away.
" now do you see y/n. you tied your family to this twisted world and now one can't exist without the other "
" No....no " Tears falls down at the pained cries of your boys
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"mom"
" y/n" everyone around your family watch helplessly no one can do anything to save them
" save your family or Westview "
" BOYS" you yell at them literally torn seeing your love fade away your kids crying asking to save them helplessly on the ground tears fall down your cheeks. you close the hex making the boys and Alex whole again as you fall down on your knees.
they run towards you help you stand on your feet . you hug the boys as the wrap their arms around your waist.
"mom "you kiss both boys head and embrace them
"y/n" Alex stand being you one arm around you other around the boys
" hi... hii .. hey " you let out sigh of relief knowing your family is okey . Alex kiss your head with one arm around the boys one stroking your hair . you wipe their tears away running hands through their hair
"aww, how sweet the bunch is whole again " agatha say from .
"NO" "y/n" bonnie and sam yell as they see agatha use her magic on your family.
"NO"you swiftly turn around making a shield around your family protecting them from the blast. Alex wrap his arms around the boys you scream as agatha absorb your power from the shield disappear Alex and the boys look at you sadly at your painful cries .
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you let out a gasp when she finally release you. Alex help you stand.
" y/n " Alex glance at your hands that now turned black
" mom are you okey ? " charile ask you.
"I'm fine " you stand letting out breathes . the sound of trucks coming .
you stand in front you family hands in the air ready to protect your family from Hayward.
" don't worry love we got this " klaus speed in front you so does the rest of the vampire. bonnie and the Winchester stand by your side.
you look at them and bonnie and sam give you a node silently telling you they are her for you.
" listen boys your mother and i never prepared for you this " Alex tell them fully confident in his boys ability.
" but you're born for this " you said looking at your boys they smile at you joyfully.
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WandaVision Episode 8 spoilers
Ok I heard this episode is sad so I’m prepared to cry and ruin my eyeliner.
I’m just emotionally preparing myself rq before I start I’m assuming a lots gonna go down cause the second episode is the finale.
I’m still not ready 2 minutes later lmao wait.
Okay hmm the title is called Previously On so we’re going back in time to her childhood based on the summary.
I think we’re gonna get more insight on her and Visions relationship and how it formed and hopefully get to see her relationship with her brother I’m starting now.
Ugh my TV is glitching
Okay we’re starting out in witch trials so it’s Agathas backstory the lady staring at her looks familiar. Oh it’s her mom
Her powers are blue here she’s into dark magic and the book in her basement is the stolen book from Doctor Strange im assuming she began learning dark magic from it l.
As they started to drain her. Her powers became blue and she starting to drain them back. I’m assuming the witches shared power and it was blue and now that it’s dark magic it’s purple.
Wow she killed her whole coven my draining them of their life and magic. Then she took her mother’s amulet so that’s the amulet she’s always wearing from the comics is. 
She admitted her thoughts weren’t available and she was never under control.
Her accent is back because she’s angry because of her children being missing.
She possessed the fake Pietro from another universe she didn’t say he was from another universe she just said she couldn’t get to his body so she had to do possession instead of necromancy.
She picked up the fly now she’s chanting in Latin
She’s mind controlling and talking about how thousands of people can be under your control and all interact with each other with complex storylines which makes me think she wants Wanda power because she’s jealous she can do everything like transformation and mind control without having to study all the spells
“Magic on autopilot,” Dhe wants to know how she did this and she wouldn’t tell her and now she’s manipulating her with her own loneliness. She took a piece of her hair so now she has her DNA 
Real reruns aka memories so she can look into them to see how she did it.
Her kids are crying out for in the basement so she’s gonna go with Agatha to save them I honestly don’t think the cries were her own.
OHHH MY GOD
All the movies her parents were going to sell were the decades and movies she did projected.
When Wanda walked into the memory she turned into her younger self,
The Dick Van Dick show is in the TV shape of the one Darcy used on the first episode so we know where she got her inspo for that one.
Everything outside makes me think this is the scene where her parents die.
The Stark bomb just hit and she’s looking around and can’t find her family yeah the Stark industry label is in front of her and she’s reverted back to Sokovian because she’s young and not the best at English yet I’m assuming.
The TV I’d still on and playing the show “At the end of the episode you realize it was all a bad dream,” I’m not sure why she said that part in English maybe because she’s referring to the show and movie nights are for English? 
Agatha is asking if she used a probability hex to stop the bomb because Wanda reached her hand out towards it and that’s how she uses her powers.
Maybe Agatha is hinting towards Wanda being a natural born witch?
“So what I see here a baby witch obsessed with sitcoms and years of therapy ahead of her. Doesn’t explain your recent hijinks,”
Wanda used her powers subconsciously there and she’s probably using her powers subconsciously to keep Westview running and she used them subconsciously to get it started. 
“The only way forward is back,”
She’s referring to Wanda not wanting to go back to Hydra I haven’t seen the scene yet but I’m assuming it’s because the testing was painful and because she now knows who hydra is and what it stands for.
“Don’t be scared you already lived it once,”
They have Loki’s sceptor of course im assuming they got it from SHIELD since they are SHIELD.
She didn’t have to touch the sample it just came to her on its own further proving she’s a witch but I don’t think she knows she moved it,
She touched the tesseract making the mine stone she then absorbed all its energy and passed out.
In isolation she’s watching another sitcom I just can’t figure out which it is.
I’m sure the episode on the TV is important “she hasn’t got any feeling,” maybe it’s about the Westview citizens or maybe it’s about vision being a doll or like a puppet and the brother is like “she hasn’t got any feelings” just like when Pietro or Fietro called Vision a popsicle an inanimate object 
“So little orphan Wanda got up close and personal with an infinity stone that amplified what otherwise would’ve died on the vine. The broken pieces of you are adding up buttercup I have a theory but I need more,” This is probably talking about how if you don’t use your powers or learn to control them you stop having them but the infinity stone just made the powers she already had stronger. The name Scarlett Witch is starting to make sense now. 
Another door another memory that I’d her watching Malcom in the middle.
She said the Avengers compound was the first home she had ever shared with Vision and with her family and country gone she felt alone so I’m assuming she’s with Vision cause he cured her loneliness.
Vision walking through the walls again she asking him to watch the sitcom with her. The sitcoms are important to her and she’s sharing them with him.
“So it is funny because of the grievous injury that man just suffered?” Vision
“No he’s not really injured,” Wanda
“How Can you be sure?”
“It’s not that kind of show,”
I think this is sort of related to the fact that nothing bad ever happens in Westview permanently like in Malcolm in the middle where the roof structure fell on the dad sure he got hurt but it wasn’t a detrimental injury.
He wants to comfort to her “The only thing that would bring me comfort is seeing him again,” Wanda about Pietro she felt the same with Vision hence why Westview is happening and why he’s back.
“I’m so tired, It’s just like this wave washing over me again and again it knocks me down and when I try stand up it just comes for me again and I can’t- it’s just gonna drown me,” How she explains her grief and depression we’re getting a glismpe of how she copes with death in her actual reality.
Vision says he’s always been alone he never experienced loss because he never had a loved one to lose.
“What is grief if not love preserving,” Okay damn Vision getting all deep.
Aww they just had a moment and now he’s laughing over the show how sweet. The awkward smile they did at eachother. How cute
Vision was dead and she wanted him back now we get to see how she stole Visions body back from her perspective.
All the news on the TV playing might not be revelant but it’s related to tamiles being reunited after the blip. So this is very shortly after the blip and some people might be right thinking it was almost directly after Tony’s funeral.
“He deserves a funeral at least I deserve it,”
They’re letting her take him probably to be able to paint her as a villain which is why Hayward cut out the first part of the footage.
She’s being shown him take apart and sawed she’s in pain seeing him practically dying again. Hayward called vision a weapon and Wanda is saying he’s not a weapon because he wasn’t and he didn’t want to be a weapon Hayward is hiding his true intentions of bringing him back to be his own weapon
“I just want to bury him. That’s all I want,”
She said she can’t do that she truly believes she can’t.
He won’t let her take $3 billion of vibranium to put in the ground she just wanted him to have a proper burial but Hayward provoked her and set her off.
She can’t feel him. A nod to how Vision said “I only feel you,” When he asked Wanda to kill him there is nothing left. She hot in the car and went to Westview she left and when she left she didn’t have Visions body.
She’s pulled up to place where she planned to grow old in with Vision and it’s been demolished this is the scene where she breaks down crying over it. And when she grieved she lets it get the best of her which is how she put the house back together without realizing she was doing it. Then that spread over the whole town and she is projected her own version of Vision. But I’m unsure if this is really Vision or not because then she’d be way more powerful than I ever believe to be able to create people own her own.
Oh wow she’s showing all the lights and it’s like she’s own set so she’s back to where Agatha had this all set up and she was the audience.
Agatha is choking the twins “I know what you are. You have no idea how dangerous you are. You’re supposed to be a myth. A being capable of spontaneous creation. and here you are using it to make breakfast for dinner.” Maybe Wanda was a prophecy before hand and she just never learned how powerful she really was and now Agatha is trying to feed off her powers I’m assuming she’s going to try to get Wanda to push her powers into her so she can drain her.
“Let go of my children,” Wanda with her accent coming back.
“Oh, yes your children and Vision and this whole little life you’ve made, this is Chaos magic Wanda. That makes you the Scarlett Witch,” Ugh yes one of those moments where they say a name of the movie or a character that’s basically it’s own movie I love it.
I’m gonna research Chaos magic and then I’ll reblog this again after I research some other things too.
End credits time. “Team is ready for launch,” They’re going to use Wanda own power to attack her using Visions actual corpse. He’s been brought back as the one thing he didn’t want to be. A weapon. I’m not sure who that was who powered it up but was it Monica’s contact?
Also doesn’t Agatha have Monica now if she was possessing Fietro? I have a lot of questions that I can’t get out right now
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f4liveblogarchives · 3 years
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Fantastic Four Vol 1 #236
Mon May 04 2020 [08:31 PM] Wack'd: IT'S A MILESTONE!
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[08:32 PM] maxwellelvis: A triple-sized issue, eh? [08:33 PM] Wack'd: All your favorite Fantastic Four characters are here! Wyatt! Norrin! Agatha! Franklin! Namor! Willie! Impy! T'Challa! And, uh. I guess some other folks? [08:33 PM] maxwellelvis: I'm going to guess that's a double-sized Byrne story and then a regular-sized one by Stan and Jack. [08:33 PM] Bocaj: Ah yes captain america and reed richards in one place at one time in a time and place that isn't the ill received special avengers 300 roster [08:33 PM] maxwellelvis: That's the rest of the Marvel Universe heroes here to party. [08:33 PM] Wack'd: Yes. [08:33 PM] Wack'd: Why isn't Alicia on this cover. [08:34 PM] Wack'd: Or, like, any number of Fantastic Four repository players. [08:34 PM] maxwellelvis: Had to make room for Stan Lee. [08:34 PM] Wack'd: Also who's that guy in the suit? Is that...Collins, maybe? [08:35 PM] maxwellelvis: I just told you. [08:35 PM] Wack'd: Oh [08:35 PM] Wack'd: ...where's Jack? [08:35 PM] maxwellelvis: Either he's on the back or John Byrne knows which side his bread is buttered on. [08:36 PM] Bocaj: maybe he's behind the special triple sized sticker [08:36 PM] Bocaj: Like he got Mike Wachowski'd [08:36 PM] Wack'd:
Clint: I can't believe it... Wanda: Oh, Clint, I'm so sorry... Clint: I'M ON THE COVER OF *FANTASTIC FOUR*!
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[08:36 PM] maxwellelvis: 🤣 [08:37 PM] Wack'd: Can't believe Bocaj beat me to essentially this same joke [08:37 PM] Bocaj: My secret is that I didn't bother putting in extra effort [08:39 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, let's start our first story, shall we? [08:39 PM] maxwellelvis: Indeed. [08:40 PM] Wack'd: Oh good, we're doin this
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[08:40 PM] Wack'd: I think this is our first real, proper origin retelling. We got one in the late 70s but it was less a retcon and more "this is a recap issue, please don't kill us if we fudged some details" [08:40 PM] Umbramatic: welp [08:42 PM] Wack'd: I guess instead of "first to the moon" it was "make it further into space than anyone else"
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[08:42 PM] Bocaj: Time keeps on slipping, slipping into the future [08:42 PM] Umbramatic: what is time [08:42 PM] Bocaj: I know that the Slott FF has the idea instead that the rocket was FTL and they were trying to get to a specific planet, which turns out to be full of assholes [08:44 PM] Wack'd: So here's egg on my face [08:44 PM] Wack'd: The dialogue from this scene is taken note-for-not from #1 [08:44 PM] Wack'd: This isn't actually retconning anything at all, except for that one narrative caption [08:45 PM] Wack'd: Oh, and the addition of some jargon
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[08:47 PM] Umbramatic: CAPTAIN SPACE ICEBERG AHEAD [08:47 PM] Wack'd:
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[08:49 PM] Umbramatic: this is intense [08:49 PM] maxwellelvis: Both version are pretty intense. [08:49 PM] maxwellelvis: I'm noticing the dialogue's been slightly rewritten on the new version. [08:50 PM] Wack'd: Very slightly, mostly just to add technical terms you'd expect a rocket crew to be using [08:50 PM] Umbramatic: aha [08:50 PM] Wack'd: All of the original lines are still there, though [08:50 PM] maxwellelvis: And to keep Ben's manner of speech more consistent [08:51 PM] Wack'd: Punctuation is a bit different [08:52 PM] Wack'd: OH SHIT, WE'RE DOIN' THIS
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[08:53 PM] Umbramatic: oh. OH [08:55 PM] Wack'd: In this reality, Reed's a college professor, Sue's a housewife, and Ben and Alicia are married and running a tavern. All in a little town creatively named Liddleville. [08:55 PM] Bocaj: Our Town Founders made a decision there [08:55 PM] Wack'd: Our Town Founder is Josiah Liddle [08:56 PM] Bocaj: Lets cut the head off his statue [08:56 PM] Bocaj: Like in the Jetsons [08:56 PM] Wack'd: Oh, also, Alicia can see in this reality. Alicia offhandedly mentioning she saw something makes Ben real happy and he has no idea why [08:57 PM] Bocaj: Hmm. [08:57 PM] Wack'd: But I do! It's this creepy fucker
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[08:57 PM] Umbramatic: oh boy! oh BOY! [08:58 PM] maxwellelvis: We're actually doing the "Perchance to Dream" thing, aren't we? [08:58 PM] maxwellelvis: Is THIS where B:TAS got that idea from? [08:59 PM] Wack'd: Pretty sure they stole it from For the Man Who Has Everything [08:59 PM] Wack'd: Which incidentally won't exist for another three or four years [08:59 PM] maxwellelvis: Wild how time works [09:00 PM] Wack'd: Another dream sequence, this time for Sue! And with much more dramatic changes [09:01 PM] Wack'd: This time, Ben's complaints about safety concerns are much more substantial, and Sue's accusation that Ben is a coward is more to do with time and money running out to do this experiment and less to do with, uh [09:01 PM] Wack'd: Commies [09:03 PM] Umbramatic: "I'm going to the one place free from capitalism... SPACE" [09:03 PM] Wack'd: Also this happens
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[09:03 PM] Umbramatic: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH [09:04 PM] maxwellelvis: It's a nice touch that in those first two panels, the Thing is more leathery, like he was in the early comics, and it's only when Reed starts stretching that he looks more rock-like [09:04 PM] Wack'd: Yeah, I liked that too [09:05 PM] Umbramatic: oooh [09:05 PM] Wack'd: So Reed, Johnny, and Ben meet up at Ben's tavern to discuss these dreams, and whaddayknow, they've all been having them [09:06 PM] Wack'd: Tragically, Ben's dreams give him super-strength, but no rock skin. Dream!Ben is scared to ask Alicia to marry him--but he doesn't know why. [09:08 PM] Wack'd: Reed then goes to work, where he's having problems with his dickhead boss.
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[09:09 PM] Wack'd: Reed decides to try and work out what's up with these dreams, dozes off, bonks his head, and realizes when he wakes up that he is actually a superhero, and the Puppet Master is responsible for all this. [09:10 PM] Umbramatic: wha [09:11 PM] Wack'd: Reed, trying to figure out why he doesn't have stretching powers, makes the very smart and scientifically motivated decision to stab himself in a vein and bleed out in his office. [09:12 PM] Umbramatic: oh [09:12 PM] Umbramatic: i diagnose you with dead [09:13 PM] Wack'd: It's okay though! Turns out he's a robot and the blood is all fake. So are the bodies of Ben, Sue, Johnny, Alicia and Franklin. [09:13 PM] Umbramatic: ...IS DOOM IN ON THIS TOO?! [09:13 PM] Wack'd: It takes Reed no time at all to convince his friends and family of this and go confront Phillip. [09:14 PM] Wack'd: Wow, uh, you're ahead of me here, Umbra [09:14 PM] maxwellelvis: Lucky guess [09:14 PM] Umbramatic: damn this is the second thing i've predicted tonight [09:14 PM] Wack'd: Phillip apparently just wanted to give Alicia the life he thought she wanted, but Reed points out he doesn't have the tech to do this all on his own. [09:15 PM] Wack'd: Phillip, it turns out, has made the very smart and not-at-all-suicidal decision to mind control Doctor Doom [09:15 PM] Umbramatic: oh this is gonna be goooooooooooooooooooooood [09:15 PM] Bocaj: Oh geeeeeeeeeeeez [09:16 PM] maxwellelvis: This should be good. [09:17 PM] Wack'd: Of course this is Doom we're talking about. He doesn't make mistakes, he just lets people figure things out for stupid ego reasons.
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[09:18 PM] Wack'd: God, the fact that this isn't an illusion, the Four, Franklin and Alicia are trapped in tiny robots, is a lovely extra layer of bonkers. [09:18 PM] Bocaj: Amazing [09:19 PM] Wack'd: ALSO "LIDDLEVILLE" ISN'T A SMALL TOWN JOKE, IT'S LITERALLY LITTLE [09:19 PM] Wack'd: INCREDIBLE [09:20 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, Reed asks Doom what his next move is, and Doom...doesn't have one [09:20 PM] Wack'd: He's just gonna leave them like this [09:20 PM] Wack'd: Forever [09:21 PM] Umbramatic: DOOM: "I don't know, I never thought I'd get this far.” [09:21 PM] maxwellelvis: The fact that he's resisted the urge to play Godzilla now that they know he's the one who orchestrated this shows he has way more willpower than I [09:22 PM] maxwellelvis: Assuming the shock of dying in robot bodies wouldn't wake them up. [09:23 PM] Wack'd: They do have one ace in the hole--Phillip! After all, Phillip's in this mess because he mind-controlled Doom, but he's not an idiot, surely he has an escape hatch. [09:23 PM] Wack'd: Well turns out he did. Doom turned it off. [09:23 PM] Umbramatic: oh [09:23 PM] maxwellelvis: Womp womp [09:23 PM] Wack'd: Reed examines it through and tries to see if he can get it to work anyway. [09:24 PM] Wack'd: Ben, meanwhile, is taking all this really hard. [09:25 PM] Umbramatic: aw... [09:26 PM] Wack'd: He's also decided to stay in Liddleville. The world has other superheroes now, and he's earned a normal, idyllic life. [09:26 PM] Wack'd: (The fact that Doom turned off all the fake villagers does not seem to be something he's noticed.) [09:27 PM] Umbramatic: Ben: The Last Man On Fake Earth [09:28 PM] Wack'd: So! Here's the plan. Turns out Doom built a real miniature particle accelerator at Reed's fake miniature college because Reed would spot a fake. [09:28 PM] Wack'd: So all they have to do is get it to spit out some cosmic rays. Easy. [09:28 PM] Umbramatic: excuse me what [09:29 PM] Wack'd: To which part? [09:29 PM] Umbramatic: the first bit mainly [09:29 PM] Wack'd: Yeah uh [09:30 PM] Wack'd: Doom wanted to taunt Reed with some cool science he couldn't play with to make Reed miserable [09:30 PM] Umbramatic: omg [09:30 PM] Wack'd: But he also knew Reed would know if it was a fake cool science [09:30 PM] Umbramatic: that's deliciously petty [09:30 PM] Wack'd: It issssssss [09:30 PM] Wack'd: So, as they're debating who gets a power up first, Ben has a change of heart and demands to go first. [09:31 PM] Umbramatic: Ben: This is insane. ...I’m in. [09:33 PM] Bocaj: Hahah [09:33 PM] Wack'd:
Alicia: ben you dingus i literally sculpt real people with pinpoint accuracy, you've seen my work, and also we've touched each other...a lot... Ben: Yeah I know but I got that danged body dysmorphia
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[09:33 PM] Bocaj: Aww [09:34 PM] Umbramatic: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww [09:34 PM] Wack'd: I joke because I love [09:35 PM] Wack'd: Ben/Alicia 4ever [09:35 PM] Umbramatic: ye [09:35 PM] Umbramatic: (though i felt the body dysmorphia part) [09:37 PM] Wack'd: With their powers restored, all they have to do is fight a bunch of miniature robots, scale the walls of their fake city, climb up to Doom's workstation... [09:37 PM] Wack'd: Aaaaaaand he took the battery out. [09:37 PM] Wack'd: Now the workstation can only turn left 😛 [09:38 PM] Umbramatic: -gasp- [09:39 PM] Wack'd: So! New plan. Use the Liddleville river to flood Doom's office, stick some live electrical wires in there, and hope the alarm goes off. [09:39 PM] Wack'd: No dice. [09:39 PM] Wack'd: They're gonna have to find Doom and bring him to them. [09:40 PM] Wack'd: And since Reed and Ben have fairly limited top speeds, and Johnny's flame can run out without rest, this task falls to Sue. [09:41 PM] Wack'd:
Reed: No! I can't permit you to go against Doom alone! Sue: Please, Reed! Must we go through this every time a dangerous task falls to me? I've proven time and time again that I can handle myself in an emergency situation. I'm the only one who can go. And you know it.
[09:42 PM] Wack'd: Sue puts up a good fight against Doom, pelting him with force fields, but she's still as big as a fingernail, and all he really has to do is put a cup on her like she's a bug he's found. [09:43 PM] Wack'd: But the goal is accomplished. Doom is going to check and make sure the other three aren't making any trouble. [09:43 PM] Wack'd: Just like they wanted. [09:43 PM] Bocaj: Good job Sue [09:43 PM] maxwellelvis: Was this inspired by the 1967 Fantastic Four cartoon intro?  [09:45 PM] Wack'd: ...hahahaha it coulda been! [09:45 PM] Wack'd: Oh hey, that's where this meme comes from
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[09:46 PM] Umbramatic: this was a meme? [09:49 PM] Wack'd: 106k notes on Tumblr [09:51 PM] Wack'd: AND SO! Doom does not blindly stride into this childish trap, and then electrocute himself. [09:51 PM] Wack'd: He angerly fires some energy beams at the childish trap because he feels insulted. [09:51 PM] Wack'd: And then Reed, Johnny, and Ben use their powers to trip him into the childish trap. Which electrocutes him. [09:52 PM] Bocaj: Wow [09:52 PM] Bocaj: bad show doom, good show reed, ben, johnny [09:52 PM] Wack'd: This somehow instantaneously shunts everyone back into their real bodies. [09:53 PM] Umbramatic: welp [09:54 PM] Wack'd: Also, Doom is now in a stasis coma in his suit. [09:54 PM] Wack'd: To ensure he stays that way, the Four decide, well... [09:55 PM] Wack'd:
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[09:57 PM] maxwellelvis: I must admit I am curious to see how he gets out of this one eventually [09:59 PM] Bocaj: If you die in Liddletown you die in real life [09:59 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, the quote-unquote "brand new story by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby" is a rejected script for the 1978 animated series, adapting Doctor Doom's first appearance. [09:59 PM] Wack'd: It is also not available here. So I am going to write it off as no big loss and move on. [10:02 PM] Wack'd: I did like this story, though! I think it coulda stood to spend a little less time on the mechanics and a little more time on how everyone felt about this situation, but overall it's really good.
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turnoftherogue · 7 years
Text
Advice from a Caterpillar Part 1
Dean pulled up outside the Century Motel and he and Lacey got out of the Impala. As they approached their motel room they spotted a man standing outside handing out pamphlets. The guy spotted them and locked in on Dean. "Excuse me friend but have you taken time out to think about Gods plan for you?" Dean stopped and gave him a look. "Too friggin' much pal." He told him before ushering Lacey into the room. Moments later Deans phone rang and he sat down on one of the beds to speak to Cas. Lacey slipped out of her boots and padded across to the bathroom. She put her bag down on the counter top and rifled through it until she found her face mask and applied it before heading back out to the bedroom where Dean sat with his back to her still on the phone to Cas. "We're talking about the Colt right? I mean THE COLT?" Dean carried on talking to Cas for a while and arranged for Cas to come meet them the following morning. As he hung up he spotted Lacey sitting on the other side of the bed and jumped. "Jesus Christ Lace! What the hell is that?" "It's a honey face mask. It's supposed to be good for your skin." Lacey said defensively. Dean chuckled. Lacey rolled her eyes and stalked into the bathroom. She came back out a minute later drying her hands on a towel. "Better?" She asked Dean sarcastically. "Much." He said giving her a small smile. "I'm beat, I'm gonna try and get some shut eye before Cas turns up." Lacey nodded and jumped onto the bed beside him. She picked up the TV remote and flicked through the channels, cringing as she spotted a re-run of Alice in Wonderland before settling on an old Agatha Christie movie. She turned the volume down low and climbed under the covers next to Dean. Dean didn't know why he bothered getting a room with two beds anymore, she usually ended up falling asleep watching movies in his bed. With the buzz of the TV in the background Dean began to doze. It seemed only moments later that he was awoken by his phone vibrating, he groaned and glanced over to see Lacey asleep beside him. He picked up his phone and growled into it; "Damn it Cas, I need to sleep!" "Dean it's me." Came Sams voice over the line. Dean sat up in bed and looked at the clock. "Sam? It's quarter past four." "This is important." Sam told him. Dean wandered over to the fridge and grabbed a beer before heading into the bathroom so as not to wake Lacey up. "So you're his vessel huh? Lucifer's wearing you to Prom?" "That's what he said." Sam replied. "Just when you thought you were out they pull you back in huh Sammy?" "So that's it? That's your response?" "What are you looking for?" Dean asked. "I don't know. A little panic maybe?" "I guess I'm a little numb to the earth shattering revelations at this point." "What are we gonna do about it?" Sam asked. "What do you want to do about it?" Dean replied. "I want back in for starters." Sam told him. "Sam…" Dean began before he was interrupted. "I mean it. I am sick of being a puppet to these sons of bitches. I'm gonna hunt him down Dean." "Oh so we're back to revenge then are we? Yeah cause that worked out so well last time." Dean accused. "Not revenge. Redemption." Sam corrected him. "So what you're just gonna walk back in and we're gonna be the dynamic duo again?" "Look Dean I can do this. I can. I'm gonna prove it to you." "Look Sam it doesn't matter whatever we do. I mean it turns out that you and me, we're the uh, the fire and the oil of the Armageddon. You know on that basis alone we should just pick a hemisphere. Stay away from each other for good." Dean reasoned. "Dean it doesn't have to be like this. We can fight it." "Yeah you're right. We can. But not together. We're not stronger when we're together Sam. I think we're weaker. Because whatever we have between us - love, family whatever it is, they are always gonna use it against us. And you know that. Yeah we're better off apart. We got a better chance of dodging Lucifer and Michael and this whole damn thing if we just go our own ways." "Dean don't do this." Sam tried to reason. "Bye Sam." Dean said before hanging up. He made his way back into the bedroom and climbed back in next to Lacey. She hadn't stirred since he'd left. The moment his head hit the pillow he was asleep. "Dean!" He felt someone shaking him awake. "Dean wake up!" Lacey called. Dean opened his eyes. He turned over to face Lacey and realised that the mattress he was sleeping on had been stripped down to its springs. As he looked around he realised the whole room had been smashed to pieces. The glare coming through the window told him it was morning. "Grab you're stuff, lets see what's going on." Dean instructed her. Lacey nodded and zipped up her boots, put her jacket on and grabbed her bag. They exited the motel room into a deserted street. At first glance there was no sign of life until they heard the sound of glass smashing. Dean pointed at a nearby alleyway and they headed down it. As they approached they saw a little girl crouched on the floor. "Little girl?" Dean called out to her. When he got no response he tried again. "Little girl? Are you hurt?" He walked towards her. Lacey followed cautiously behind. "You know the not talking thing is kind of creepy right?" The girls head snapped up, blood was dripping from her mouth. She screamed and ran at Dean with a shard of glass, cutting him in the arm. "Dean!" Lacey shouted and flung her arm out causing the girl to fly across the alleyway and hit the opposite wall. Lacey ran to Deans side. He was staring at the wall that the little girl had hit. On it was written the word CROATOAN in red graffiti. "Oh crap." Dean muttered as a group of people appeared around the corner. "Run!" Dean called pushing Lacey in the opposite direction. The infected people chased after them. They ran out of the alley and back towards the hotel until they hit a chain link fence. Moments later several tanks arrived and began shooting at the croats. Dean dragged Lacey to the side and they crawled under a gap in the chain link fence. As they go to their feet Dean noticed a sign and peered at it for a moment. "August first 2014." He muttered. "Come on." He said pointing out and abandoned car. Dean opened the passenger door and opened up the dashboard and hot wired the car. They got in and Dean began to drive. "Try my cell phone." Dean said handing it to Lacey. She opened the handset up. "No service." She told him. "That's never a good sign." Dean muttered. "Croatoan pandemic reaches Australia." Came a voice from the back seat. Lacey let out a shriek and they both whipped around. Zachariah was sitting in the back seat reading a newspaper. "I thought I smelled your stink on this back to the future crap." Dean growled. "President Palin defends bombing of Houston." Zachariah continued unperturbed. "Certainly a buyers market in the real estate. Lets see what happening in sports. That's right no more sports. Congress revoked the right to group assembly. What's left of Congress that is. Hardly a quorum if you ask me." "How did you find us?" Dean asked. "Afraid we had to tap some unorthodox resources of late, human informants. We've been making inspirational visits to the fringier Christian groups. They've been given your image, told to keep an eye out." "The bible freak outside the motel, he what dropped a dime on us?" "Onward Christian soldiers." Zachariah nodded. "Okay well good, great, you've had your jollies. Now send us back you son of a bitch." "Oh you'll get back, all in good time. We want you to marinate a bit." "Marinate?" Dean asked. "Three days Dean. Three days to see where this course of action takes you." "What's that supposed to mean?" Dean growled. "It means that your choices have consequences. This is what happens to the world if you continue to say no to Michael. Have a little look-see." "Get out." Dean growled. Zachariah smiled at them from the back seat. Moments later there was a noise like a sword being unsheathed and Dean glanced down. What appeared to be knives were sticking out of Laceys hands from the knuckles. She pointed them at Zachariah. "Get out." She repeated. A second later Zachariah was gone. A few hours later they drove up to Bobbys' house and got out of the car. Dean walked up to the front door and opened it. "Bobby? Bobby I'm coming in!" Dean called. There was no answer. They walked in and looked around the place but there was no sign of Bobby. "Oh no." Dean sighed as they walked into the living room and saw Bobbys' upturned wheelchair. Lacey looked worried. "Where is everybody Bobby." Dean muttered to himself. Dean bent down and opened up a hidden compartment under the floorboards and produced a journal and a photo. Lacey came closer and looked over his shoulder. The photo showed Bobby and Cas and a few other men standing in front of a sign. "Camp Chitaqua." Dean read out loud. They carried on driving into the night until they found the camp from the photograph. Dean parked the car a little way away and they walked the rest of the way in. There were men with guns patrolling in front of the fence. Suddenly something caught Dean's eye. "Oh, baby no." He groaned. Lacey followed his gaze and saw the Impala trashed to hell. Dean walked over to the car to examine the damage. "Oh no baby what did they do to you?" He said as he bent to examine the hood. "Is it repairable?" Lacey asked as she followed him over. There was a noise behind them. Dean spun around only to be hit over the head and collapsed to the floor. "Dean!" Lacey cried out falling to her knees beside him. "On your feet." Came a voice from behind her. It sent shivers down her spine. She got to her feet and turned to face the speaker. Standing in front of her was another Dean. He was pointing a shot gun at her. More men with guns moved forward and grabbed hold of Dean's unconscious form. "Follow us." Dean told her pointing his gun towards some cabins. "No." Lacey said holding her ground. "Go ahead shoot me if you want." She folded her arms across her chest. "Well that won't do any good will it Lacey?" Dean replied. "However if I shoot him." He said turning his gun to point at Dean. Lacey's bottom lip trembled and she nodded. "Fine." She said and followed them to one of the cabins. Future Dean handcuffed Dean to a ladder and motioned to Lacey. Lacey sighed and sat down on the floor next to Dean and allowed herself to be handcuffed beside him. Future Dean walked across the room and sat down facing them. Lacey glowered at him and waited for Dean to come round. A short while later Dean came to and found himself handcuffed next to Lacey. "You okay?" He asked her. She nodded but continued to glare. Dean looked in the direction she was glaring. "What the hell?" Dean exclaimed. Future dean stared him down. "I should be asking that question don't you think? In fact why don't you give me one good reason why I shouldn't gank you right here and now?" "Because you'd only be hurting yourself?" Dean suggested. "Very funny." Future Dean retorted. "Look man I'm no shape shifter or demon or anything okay?" Dean protested. "Yeah I know. I did the drill while you were out. Silver, salt, holy water, nothing. But you know what was funny was that you had every hidden lock pick, box cutter and switchblade that I carry. Now you want to explain that? Oh and the uh, resemblance while you're at it?" "Zachariah." Dean offered. Future dean stood up and walked towards them. "Come again?" "I'm you from the tail end of 2009." Dean explained. "Zach plucked us from our beds and threw us five years into the future." "Where is he? I want to talk to him." "I don't know." Dean shrugged his shoulders. "Oh you don't know." Future dean started, unconvinced. "No I don't know. Look I just want to get back to my own friggin year OK?" "Okay, if you're me tell me something only I would know." Dean thinks to himself for a moment before smirking. "Rhonda Hurley. We were nineteen. She made us try on her panties. They were pink and satiny. And you know what? We kind of liked it." Future Dean nodded. "Touché. So what Zach zapped you up here to see how bad it gets?" "I guess." Dean shrugged. "Croatoan virus right? That's their end game?" "It's efficient. It's incurable and it's scary as hell. Turns people into monsters. Started hitting the major cities about two years ago. World really went in the crapper after that. "What about Sam?" Dean asked. Future dean stiffened. "Heavyweight showdown in Detroit. From what I understand Sam didn't make it." "You weren't with him?" "No, no me and Sam we haven't talked in, hell five years." "We never tried to find him?" Dean asked sadly. "I got other people to worry about." Future Dean answered gruffly. He glanced at Lacey before quickly looking away again but not before Dean noticed. "How did you manage to cuff Lacey anyway? I'm sure she could kick our asses three ways from Sunday." "Oh yeah I bet she could." Future Dean agreed. Dean looked at Lacey questioningly. She sighed. "He said if I didn't do what he said he was going to shoot you." Dean glared at his future self. "We always were your soft spot eh Lacey?" Future Dean replied as he headed towards the door. Lacey blushed and turned away from them. "Where are you going?" Dean asked. "I got to run an errand." "Whoa you're just gonna leave us here?" "Yes. I got a camp full of twitchy trauma survivors out there with an apocalypse brewing over their heads. The last thing they need to see is a version of the parent trap. So yeah you stay locked down." "All right, Okay fine. But you don't have to cuff us, man. Oh come one don't you trust yourself?" "No. Absolutely not." Future Dean replied before walking out the door. "Dick." Dean muttered. "You want me to get us out?" Lacey offered. "Sure." Dean nodded. Lacey took hold of his hand with her cuffed one and their hands passed through the metal as if it were nothing more than fresh air. Dean let out a low whistle. "Have I told you how amazing you are?" Dean asked offering her a smile. Lacey's face turned beet red. "Uh no, no I don't think so." she stuttered. "Come on." Dean said and to her surprise he took hold of her hand and led them out of the cabin. As soon as they were out into the open they saw Chuck approaching them. "Hey Dean you got a second?" He asked. He peered at Lacey for a moment as if he didn't recognise her. "Oh hey Lacey where did you come from?" "Uh hi Chuck, yeah I guess." Dean replied ignoring Chucks last question. "Hi so uh listen, we're pretty good on canned goods for now but we're down to next to nothing on perishables and hygiene supplies. People are not going to be happy about this. So what do you think we should do?" "I don't know. Maybe, uh share? You know like at a kibbutz?" "Wait a minute aren't you supposed to be out on a mission right now?" Chuck asked confused. "Absolutely. And I will be." "Uh oh." Chuck said as he glanced over Dean's shoulder. Dean turned around and saw a woman stamping towards them. She made a dive at Dean as if to punch him, but he ducked behind Chuck. "Whoa! Jeez! Easy lady!" "Risa." Chuck supplied. "Risa?" Dean asked looking confused. "You spent the night in Jane's cabin last night didn't you?" She accused. "Uh, what? I don't…did I?" He asked Chuck. "I thought we had a connection?" Risa said making quote marks in the air. "Well I'm sure we do." Dean smiled. "Yeah?" Risa asked looking angry. "Hi Risa." Chuck said looking scared. "Screw you." Risa spat at Dean before storming off. "oh jeez I'm getting busted for stuff I haven't even done yet." Dean whined. "What?" Chuck asked confused. "Uh never mind. Hey Chuck is Cas still here?" Dean asked. "Yeah. I don't think Cas is going anywhere." Chuck replied pointing towards one of the cabins. @18crazybutcutealsopsycho
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brawltogethernow · 7 years
Text
Neutral Element - Supply Run
Installment Masterlist
Characters: Tarvek, Anevka, Agatha, Gil, Zeetha; Relationships: Storm cousins, *squints at shape on horizon* can’t tell if OT3 or weird log; Length: 4k
The Princess of Sturmhalten falls from above and lands on the Devil Dog with a dissonant CLANG. Agatha always notices when sounds are dissonant; it makes her teeth itch. Tarveka tries to electrocute it, and just ends up stunning herself when the tiger clank, which is surprisingly cunningly designed, Agatha has to admit, rebounds the charge on her. Her shift is still smoking faintly when Agatha has the Castle save her. She sees Tarveka never replaced her wig.
 *
Hoping she’s not overstepping more than she can get away with, Tarveka takes Agatha’s hand. “I’m sturdier than anyone else who’s going to come help you. You can afford to have me here.  Please?”
Agatha glowers at her. Bags drag at her eyes and she’s covered in dust and cobwebs, and she’s beautiful. Her hair shines under the grime in the rich half-darkness like molten gold. She’s like the sun. She’s clearly begun her day unwilling to give the slightest bit of quarter. Because she’s pragmatic and kind, she’s pushing her allies away as long as she knows she’ll be at the center of danger and destruction.
But that’s unsustainable, Tarveka thinks, if you’re a Heterodyne. And she can help, she knows she can. Agatha’s going to say yes.
 *
Agatha seems to be collecting violent ne’er-do-wells. The Jägers who were with her in Sturmhalten are nowhere to be seen, which isn’t unexpected, given the town’s agreement with Wulfenbach. The rest of the gang basically compensates for three Jägermonsters, however. Which should be an innately ridiculous notion, yet here they are.
Tarveka notes with interest that one of the companions of the Lady Heterodyne, alias Agatha Clay, alias Olga the fortune teller, is a wiry man her own age with a mop of fluffy green hair, two longer strands framing his face. Definitely the boy from Agatha’s story, which means he’s the Baron’s son, and someone her family’s conspiracy intends to have killed to budge a space open for Anevke or one of their cousins.
The man in question introduces himself as “Zag”, and per the story, isn’t even a spark. No wonder the Baron has been trying to make Europa a safer hive of intrigue for nobles without it, has been fighting the tide of history to subvert the political fad of sparky rulers even as he embodies it.
Zagreus Wulfenbach grins nearly constantly, has an appealing svelt figure, and Tarveka is pretty sure he has little fangs. Tarveka is seriously curious about who in blazes his mother is, and not even for political reasons.
In Agatha’s (drug-induced) recollection of how he’d befriended her on Castle Wulfenbach and then joined her when she made her escape from it, the Wulfenbach heir sounded like someone prone to swinging between boisterous cheer and melancholy. Tarveka has only seen the cheer, so far. The Baron’s heir stays cheerful when he’s stabbing things, which along with slicing things seems to rank in his top five problem solving methods. And the Baron is seriously trying to leave his empire to this — this musclehead? It’s enough to make her brother look like a positively stellar candidate.
And then there’s the woman who chased Agatha here. Of the group trailing after Agatha like the train of a kite, she is, for some reason, the most offensive.
Her long hair is tied back in a tail, which has done nothing to keep the shorter bits from poofing wildly around her head. Its sole nod to order seems to be to sweep in a vague circular direction. She’s like a violent, sentient dandelion. (Which sounds similar to the phenomenon that took out that town near Minsk six years ago.) It’s a travesty that makes Tarveka’s hands itch to plait. Unfortunately for the futures of that desire, Tarveka is pretty sure Zengil can’t stand her, either.
It’s largely Tarveka’s own fault, too, she will admit. Silently, in the privacy of her head, because over the course of several hours the idea of conceding defeat to Zengil, Daughter of Chump has become unbearable.
If Tarveka had known just how important she is to Agatha, she would have been more polite to the warrior princess to start off. Instead of immediately insulting her, which is what she actually did. She would not have called her a bawdy barbarian and brushed past her, even though the alliteration was right there.
Yes, Tarveka’s assessment was thoughtlessly uncharitable. But really, did Gil get those clothes from a costume bin?
Instead of vanishing into the background when Tarveka dismissed her existence, Gil immediately responded with her own uncharitable assessment, comprised of a series of creative and vitriolic insults to her chassis and related personhood, and well. Their introductory blowout was horrible. And time-consuming, which is rather ironic considering it transpired because Tarveka started in a hurry.
Gil really took it all to heart, and since then things have been…contentious. But it was also…just a really great argument. Tarveka, who spent a year carefully concealing how strong she had made her puppet clank before discarding the façade that there was anything left to puppet it, has swung the princess of Skifander into a wall three times in one day. She’s picked up by now that Gil enjoys it, and isn’t quite sure what to think of how that makes her want to do it again.
 *
When her Smoke Knight cousin crashes the party with her primary charge in tow, Tarveka is reminded, inanely, of a housecat presenting its owners with a dead bird. Aneveke is, fortunately, not actually dead, merely grievously ill and raving. Whoops.
Tarveka fidgets, fingers clacking together, instead of looking at the almost-lady of this ruined castle. “I know he doesn’t deserve your pity,” she says, “but — he’s my brother. I can’t —”
Agatha cuts her off by hugging her, to her surprise.
“Idiot,” she says. “Of course we’ll help you fix him.”
Help me? I didn’t know if you were going to let me, thinks Tarveka, hesitantly squeezing back.
 *
“Are you sure?” Gil asks Agatha when they’ve agreed to help Anevke but before they’ve started. She eyes the prone prince with distaste.
“He’s the only close family Tarveka has left,” says Agatha, quietly. “I don’t want her to lose him, if she doesn’t have to.”
“Humph. That reasoning relies on the posit that the clank princess has a heart,” says Gil.
Agatha tuts at her. “Be nice.”
 *
“Why did you bring him here?” Tarveka asks Violetta over the slab were they’ve dumped Anevke, lightly sedated. She tries not to sound accusatory. She fails not to sound accusatory. It’s tricky in the face of Violetta’s endless font of petty rage.
Violetta’s pacing is a vehicle that propels her scowl around the lab. She deepens the scowl. “I got him up and moving, and he was trying to get me to drag him somewhere else, but then he started getting worse. And I figured, hey! You two have always been at each other’s throats a little less than the others, maybe you won’t just kill him!”
“…Like anyone else in our family probably would,” says Tarveka, making a sound like a sigh without the associated air and lifting her brother’s hand by the wrist. “Or if they didn’t, word would still get out to ones who want to.”
Violetta gesticulates irritably. (It seems to Tarveka that Violetta does everything irritably.) “I had to choose between a metaphorical death trap, and a literal death trap! You think I like this!?” She illustrates her points by gesturing to one area of air, then another, and then throwing her hands up like she’s tossing away her results. (She looks like a mime tossing a box.)
“Dammit,” Tarveka mutters, regarding her prone sibling with distaste. “Taking him out of commission seemed so reasonable when I thought I would be free to secure where he went.”
“Yeah, well, then you went and got your stupid metal head fried,” says Violetta, eyeing her. “How long have you been wearing that?”
“Wearing wha — oh,” says Tarveka, looking down. Burned barely decent remains of clothing, no wig. She’s been busy.
“I’ll go find you something; there’s got to be stuff in here,” says Violetta, looking around at the sentient, broken death trap they’re standing in with the air of someone planning a shopping expedition.
The outfit Violetta comes back with is actually pretty nice. High-waisted taupe jodhpurs and a smart shirt in a pale spring green that probably would have flattered her complexion when she had one. “No wig, sorry,” she says as she tosses them to her.
“If you found one in here it would probably be made of scalped enemy hair or live gerbils or something,” says Tarveka.
•Oh,• the Castle chimes in, •you could always try the —•
“No,” the cousins cut it off simultaneously.
Agatha brushes back into the room at this point and deposits a box of bottles and jars on the table with a thud that sets glass jangling. “These are the freshest supplies we can find,” she says. She sighs gustily and shoves her bangs back, which conveys pretty clearly just how fresh the freshest supplies are.
 *
At some point, another figure drifts into the room where they’ve stashed Anevke in the glorified tomb Violetta dragged them both into. They might have stored him out of the way to die as quietly as is manageable. That would make the most sense. Except it’s probably not that, because people keep coming in to check on him, or provide slightly tedious company that’s…rich with the color of the lower classes.
The appearance of this person is even more surreal and befuddling than the general feverish situation he’s found himself in.
“…Holzfäller?” says Anevke, bemused and bleary, squinting at the vaguely familiar individual. “What on earth are you doing here?”
Maybe Anevke is hallucinating him. That would explain his hair color. Wait, no, it’s always been like that. Hasn’t it?
Tarveka, who has been hovering, makes a disbelieving scoffing sound with her voicebox — she’s retuned it back to her simulation of her own voice, so it’s light and somewhat nasal — and points elaborately at Zag’s green head.
Why does his bizarre hair color matter. What is she — oh. “Oh, no,” says Anevke. “You’re not.”
“Oh, but I am, says Zag, grinning wolfishly and actually doing jazz hands.
The girl’s story, the Baron’s son. Well, now that it’s been pointed out to him, Anevke feels kind of stupid.
 *
Zagreus, Tarveka, and Zengil go on a quick supply run, figuring that at this point a little redundant backup might equate less time wasted navigating booby traps. Zengil pauses at a wall festooned with a 40x40 mural of real skulls. “Lovely décor,” she comments sarcastically. “Reminds me of home.”
“Really? It mostly reminds me of a particularly burny acquaintance of mine,” says Zag, stopping to contemplate an enormous nonhuman specimen on the wall.
“Oh, yes!” says Tarveka, reminded. “That pirate woman. I’ve been wondering, Zengil. How do you know her? She seemed very set on killing you back at Sturmhalten.” Quietly, she adds, “Not that I can say I find the impulse surprising….”
“Oh, DuPree!” says Gil with all evident cheerfulness. “Well, that’s a funny story really.”
“A funny story,” says Tarveka dubiously. “A funny story about why a homicidal pirate wants you dead.”
“Don’t people try to kill you all the time?” asks Gil, apparently just conversationally. “You’re not seriously telling me you still take it personally.”
Tarveka stares at her. “What is wrong with you?”
Gil pouts at her. Why?!
 *
What happened, as Gil tells it, was apparently this. Gil was sent by the queen of the matriarchal warrior society from which she hails — which Tarveka has never encountered so much as a single mention of in any account, field journal, or story — to to take the opportunity offered by the presence of travelers from far abroad to see foreign parts and represent said queen.
“And you know, ‘educate the heathens,’” Gil says with an eyeroll. Then she adds, beaming at Tarveka, “That’s you!”
This was going well, until partway along the journey the group she was traveling with was attacked by air pirates. Gil, at this point, was apparently significantly handicapped by illness.
“You know how basic immunities differ by population?” says Gil.
“Oh,” says Tarveka.
“Yeah,” says Gil. “Seems pretty obvious, in hindsight. Should’ve prepared more. Some of the Europan crew had gotten sick too, so it was a pretty poor showing all around.”
The pirates killed the rest of the crew, but made the (monumentally stupid, if you ask Tarveka) decision to take Zengil with them instead. To sell, or something.
“I don’t particularly care,” says Gil, glower dark and unforthcoming.
Having mostly recovered by the time the unsuspecting pirates finished transporting an actual monster straight to their inner keep, Gil apparently retaliated by removing all evidence their fleets had ever graced the earth —
“In retrospect, that was overkill,” she says.
— then felt bad about it and stuck around to wait for the pirates who’d been away when they got back.
“A decision which made sense at the time!” says Gil. “Honest!”
“Because you were still feverish?” snipes Tarveka.
“I swear that it made sense at the time.”
The pirate queen who returned tried to kill her, obviously. This would be obvious to people other than Tarveka, right? The pirate failed, because Gil has some sort of terrifying ability to survive anything, which may be related to her mysterious foreign origin, or may be a quality unique to Gil. Since then, Gil and Bangladesh DuPree have apparently been scurrying around Europa in a game of chase-and-evasion, like something out of a slapstick puppet show. Gil states directly that she’s a homicidal maniac and condemns her attempts to kill random innocents, but often sounds either frustratedly tolerant or plain fond when describing her elaborate and violent attempts to kill Gil herself. Tarveka supposes it does seem like none of them were very effective. In some of the recollections which blend without rhyme or reason into the other ones, it sounds like Gil and the pirate are working together. Clearly, Gil is quite insane.
Partway through this tattered explanation, Zag lights up. “So you’re the one who destroyed DuPree’s fleet?!” he exclaims. He then smacks her jovially on the back, his grin manic. “I’ve always wanted to meet you! Hey, you know, up on Castle Wulfenbach you’re practically a celebrity!”
“Why, is the Empire trying to catch this DuPree character as well?” asks Tarveka.
“Oh, nah,” says Zag. “She works for us! She’s alright, really. Absolutely batty, of course.”
“Uh,” says Tarveka.
“But other than that,” says Zag, “she’s really alright! She’s fun.”
Tarveka’s face demonstrates that, despite being mechanical, it can spasm.
“You don’t meet a lot of people like that, even working for the Empire!” says Zag like that’s a reason.
“…The mad pirate works for you,” repeats Tarveka disbelievingly.
“My father always says it’s better to have people like that where you can keep an eye on them,” Zag says nonchalantly, grinning at her lazily.
“She WORKS for you!?”
“I’m not entirely pleased by it either,” says Gil. “Could you stop giving her airships? And weapons? She blew up my last proper dirigible, you know.”
“Then that just means she’s the reason you met Agatha!” says Zag. “And she once electrocuted me with a handheld device she says she got from you, so I think we’re even.”
“Wait, what?!” says Tarveka.
“I thought she needed it!” defends Gil. “You know, at that particular moment! And then she just never gave it back! That was supposed to be a medical device.”
“Didn’t feel very medical,” mutters Zag, rolling his shoulders in a memory of old muscle lock.
“Oh, dear god,” says Tarveka, distraught. “You’re both just as bad as each other. That pirate can’t possibly be any worse than the both of you.”
“Well, that’s not very fair,” says Zag.
“Cold, Sturmvoraus,” says Gil, face smiling, eyes a-twinkle.
“So what about you, metal girl?” Zag says to Tarveka, tone rough and friendly. “How’dja get like that? Bet there’s a story there.”
“I was dying,” Tarveka summarizes. “Now I’m not.” No need to get into the nasty family obsession business.
“…Yeah,” says Gil. Tarveka wonders what she means by that, but then she adds, “I haven’t known you for very long, Sturmvoraus. But getting involved with saving your own life sounds exactly like you.”
Tarveka declines to point out that the life-saving had been done by that point, and that the extent of her changes was not on purpose. “You would, too,” she says instead.
Gil blinks. “Well, I — Okay, yeah.”
Ha, gotcha.
Pleased, Tarveka looks away, smiling, starts to roll her shoulders but then remembers the action is pointless. The truth of it is that Tarveka wasn’t going to just give up the results she’d achieved honing her body in secret just because that body was betraying and falling apart on her. She’d refused to think of it as all having been moot, instead focusing on making something to puppet that was just as good, better even. Why, who hasn’t desired to rail against the limits of mere mortal flesh, seeking to surpass them and enter the realms of the very gods?! MU HA HA!
Etc.
And she wasn’t very interested in becoming one of her brother’s twisted experiments. Building just isn’t. In him. It’s a wonder she’s alive at all. For a given value of alive.
Tarveka rolls electricity around her palm as she lets Gil and Zag draw ahead, debating the advantages of different types of grips for swords. She’s certainly alive enough for most purposes, she thinks. She can help Agatha, which is a better task than she expected to fulfill in the years before she lost her body of flesh. And, maybe, she can still make the conspiracy work. Somehow. And for that, it really would be better if her brother were alive. So she’s completely justified in encouraging this.
 *
When they get back, Anevke is barely conscious and a rich shade of Tyrian. He looks like an exotic aquatic creature in an illicitly acquired ruffled shirt.
Violetta, long back from her own trip and perched on a lab bench strewn with expired powders, is glaring at him, like he’s taken sick to spite her, or possibly like she’s thinking of giving his condition a piece of her mind. She’s crossed one leg over the other and is jiggling it irritatedly.
Moloch enters from a side door and rolls his eyes when he sees the new arrivals gawping. “Well, it’s definitely not gangrene,” he says. Anevke’s skin has now faded to a lovely shade of coral which just does not suit the family hair.
“Sweet saints of Barek,” says Gil. “Are my tests done?”
 *
Gil finishes an unprofessional but competent examination and pushes her ridiculous hair out of her face, sighing. “I don’t know if he picked it up in the hospital or just around here,” she says, “but it looks like someone tried to poison him.”
It’s not a result of being shot at all. Tarveka cycles air through her vocal projection system, a breath of relief at not being responsible. It’s foolish, because she could have been.
It’s not much of a breath, either, as they go. The system she uses to speak bypasses her chest to leave room for a gyroscope system to keep her balanced, and dodges her face because that’s where her brain is. Sound, comparatively, does not take up much space, so the apparatus to fetch and release air is confined entirely to the neck. It seemed efficient at the time of its construction, but it’s unsettling sometimes, now that she entirely embodies the clank.
Of course, if she ever had a free few days, she could make her body be however she wants. Maybe Agatha and Gil would help. Agatha could put her hands all over her and — okay, that’s enough of that.
 *
Anevke rises shakily back to consciousness. That’s been happening to him a lot lately. It takes a moment for the sounds happening around him to register as speech, and a little longer for the meaning of the words to start filtering through. He lies there for a bit, exhausted at the effort of being conscious. A voice is saying: “We could rig the blood-to-brass thing into some sort of filter…”
Anevke has always been good at messy, biological things. “Blooming fire, no,” he grits out, forcing the words to take shape. “None of you touch me. No — Get me up for just long enough, and I’ll do it myself.” The Heterodyne Girl, by her own account, is only a maltreated student, so — “You, barbarian girl. I will require your assistance.”
Gil doesn’t move, except to cross her arms, making her look like a wall of a person in stupid clothes and a sword harness. “You can’t possibly be referring to me,” she says.
I am in too much pain to be polite right now. “Please help me out, young lady,” he demures raspily.
Gil cuts her eyes to the side to exchange a look with Agatha. “Eh,” she says, “close enough — I’ll take it.” She may be taking mercy at the sandpaper sound of his voice. Although Anevke suspects it doesn’t sound like it hurts to talk as much as it actually does. And then she’s darting over and initiating a whirlwind of medical checkups with the ease of an expert. Agatha hovers, offering tools and occasional insight — which is really something considering that Gil seems to be most familiar with the medical terms of another language — and half the time, Gil has one eye on the Heterodyne. Not very reassuring, as a patient whose body is shutting down in a death trap. It’s not pleasing as a proprietary big brother cognizant of his little sister’s crush, either.
In the end they skip the fancy stuff and decide he’s up for a shot of Movit 7, which Violetta begrudgingly admits exists. (“What do they go up to?” “Ten, obviously,” she says, canting her hip and flicking her eyes to the side.) And then Anevke goes to work. He has some experience with keeping dying people going now.
Begrudgingly, Anevke is forced to admit that Zengil and the Heterodyne are quite nice to collaborate with. They guide his hands away from mutilating himself too badly, which he supposes he owes them for. He might lose his inheritance if he looks like so much chopped meat, just for giving the vultures a reasonable case to make. His sister’s tweaks to the machines have also kept him alive several times. Really, the whole situation is quite a turnaround. Ironic. Like when the final act of an opera mirrors events in the first.
 *
The prince passes in and out of sensibility. They work until their eyesight goes blurry, then slug down stimulants, and in the haze Agatha and Gil and Tarveka find moments of beautiful synchronicity. If Agatha weren’t so busy she’d want to take time and pin it down and see if it’s replicable. They stutter back out of synch just as frequently, but…she has an inkling.
One she intends to deal with later.
 *
Anevke has finally shut up, for the first time in ages. Agatha, whose attention was drifting off, flies back into a panic. “Oh my god, is he —?!”
“Calm down, Lady,” says Moloch. “He’s asleep. I’m not surprised, you lot have been up for going on twenty hours.”
Agatha stares at him, disbelievingly “Really?”
Moloch scoffs and waves his hands. “Do you want to double-check me against the Castle?!”
•Nineteen-point-four hours,• the disembodied voice chimes in. •Don’t worry, some of your ancestors pulled much longer.•
No wonder she’s having trouble concentrating. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean I have to top them tonight.” She examines Anevke, cursorily. “At this point I think he just needs to sleep this off.” Addressing the ceiling, she says, “Could you put him somewhere safe?”
•Of course, my lady!•
“Not in the Seraglio, if at all possible,” Agatha says.
•Aww,• says the Castle.
“Chase-and-evasion”: When you really want to say “like Bugs Bunny and Roadrunner”, but can’t, and halfway through adjusting for era by referencing Punch and Judy shows you remember why that’s also unworkable.
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f4liveblogarchives · 4 years
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Fantastic Four Vol. 1 Annual 1979
Thu Sep 12 2019 [09:09 PM] Wack'd: That's right, 1979, even though it's 1980 [09:09 PM] Umbramatic: THE 80S [09:09 PM] Wack'd: Marvel Wiki kinda has to cram these things back into canon whenever there's a break in the action [09:10 PM] maxwellelvis: Which there wasn't really for any of 1979, it seems [09:10 PM] Wack'd: Yeah [09:10 PM] Umbramatic: i would make an 80s joke but that was before my time [09:10 PM] maxwellelvis: Was that the longest arc they've had so far? The space adventure [09:11 PM] Wack'd: I don't know why this couldn't have happened before that but whatever. The alternative is that I create my own timeline and the team is excruciating [09:11 PM] Wack'd: The space adventure was pretty hecking long, yeah [09:12 PM] Wack'd: So we open in media res, with a Sandman fight. Resolved by Sue force-fielding him and Johnny using his fire to freeze him into crystal [09:12 PM] Wack'd: Which I'm pretty sure should kill him but whatever [09:13 PM] Wack'd: He'll be fine [09:13 PM] Umbramatic: sandman: "this is fine" [09:13 PM] maxwellelvis: Really shows the differing level of threat Sandman provokes between Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four [09:14 PM] Wack'd: The president of the bank Sandman was robbing gives the Four a reward: [09:14 PM] Wack'd: A cat calendar [09:14 PM] Umbramatic: cats [09:15 PM] Wack'd: This is canon forever now
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[09:15 PM] Umbramatic: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW [09:15 PM] maxwellelvis: It's priceless! Literally worthless! [09:15 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh, Ben likes it. I can't make fun of it anymore. [09:16 PM] Umbramatic: i love ben [09:16 PM] Wack'd: Also: Franklin wants to join the Four! Reed says maybe when he's older, as though that's a real thing that will someday really happens [09:16 PM] maxwellelvis: lmao [09:17 PM] Umbramatic: don't worry it'll happen once ash ketchum turns 11 [09:17 PM] Wack'd: Agatha has come up from Whisper Hill to invite the Four and Franklin to vacation with her to New Salem! I'm sure this can only go well [09:18 PM] maxwellelvis: We're only going on vacation to the haunted town we barely got out of last time with our skins, in a double-length issue. [09:18 PM] maxwellelvis: What could possibly go wrong? [09:19 PM] Wack'd: An interesting device that's been happening over the past four pages is that at the bottom of each page there's been a horizontal-one-panel cutaway to an occult ritual happening. [09:19 PM] Wack'd: I can't really screenshot that but it's really neat [09:20 PM] Umbramatic: oooooh [09:20 PM] Wack'd: Hahahhaahaa
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[09:21 PM] Umbramatic: rip ben [09:21 PM] Umbramatic: he just wants to go to disney world [09:22 PM] Wack'd: So they land at the airport, rent a car, and drive to New Salem. But Ben has trouble finding it, naturally [09:23 PM] Wack'd: Oh look, I found Waldo
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[09:23 PM] Umbramatic: but did you find his girlfriend carmen sandiego [09:25 PM] maxwellelvis: Dear lord, we've stumbled into a Renaissance faire! Everyone run! [09:25 PM] Wack'd: Some real good layouts here. George Pérez: great at his job
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[09:25 PM] Wack'd: Also: Johnny nearly gets his soul sucked out [09:26 PM] Bocaj: It Happens [09:26 PM] maxwellelvis: Gordon and Susan from Sesame Street have joined Agatha's coven, apparently. [09:26 PM] Wack'd: Well, they're the baddies [09:26 PM] Wack'd: So that stinks [09:26 PM] maxwellelvis: Never trust people who hang out with puppets. [09:27 PM] maxwellelvis: Who know what all the people in your neighborhood do. [09:27 PM] Wack'd: Also if you notice from the two-page spread, apparently the only black people in town 😬 [09:28 PM] Umbramatic: oh [09:28 PM] Bocaj: Bad show, comic [09:29 PM] Wack'd: So the Ceremony of Renewal happens. And what is supposed to be a remembrance ceremony for people killed in the witch hunts and a way to re-energize all of the townsfolks gets hijacked by those guys from the blue panels, who steal all the magical energies to bring back...this dingus.
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[09:30 PM] Wack'd: Of all of the things you could've possibly done with unlimited magic energy, really? This guy? [09:30 PM] Umbramatic: dingus [09:30 PM] Wack'd: Oh right the blue panel guys were his henchmen. His impossibly dumb-looking henchmen
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[09:31 PM] Wack'd: Was the one third from the right always so...Marge Simpson? [09:31 PM] maxwellelvis: FEED ME EGGS, HOMER [09:32 PM] Bocaj: oh hey i recognize some of these dinguses from the scarlet witch vision miniseries [09:32 PM] Bocaj: When Vision dryhumped babies into Wanda [09:32 PM] maxwellelvis: Somebody brought them back again?! [09:32 PM] Bocaj: 'pparently [09:33 PM] Wack'd: Fight fight fight [09:34 PM] Wack'd: Marv Wolfman: A Man Who Knows A Lot About Gazelles
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[09:37 PM] Wack'd: Reed, shattering or otherwise bypassing force fields is a fucking gimme power for your villains. You say you want to fight the Fantastic Four and you get "ignoring force fields" in your complimentary gift bag
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[09:37 PM] Bocaj: Reed is dumb [09:38 PM] Wack'd: So the Four get their asses thoroughly kicked [09:39 PM] Wack'd: Normally this would be the part where we cut away, and they all wake up in a prison cell which they break out of, and the plot proceeds [09:39 PM] Wack'd: But this time is different [09:39 PM] Wack'd: And Marv Wolfman is not going to just ignore the fact that this small child has just seen his entire family get beat unconscious [09:40 PM] Wack'd:
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[09:42 PM] Wack'd: Franklin uses the power of inconsolable sadness and fear [09:42 PM] Wack'd: It's...*sniff*...it's super-effective [09:43 PM] Bocaj: huh [09:43 PM] Wack'd: Seriously. I like this scene a lot [09:43 PM] Umbramatic: awwwwww [09:44 PM] Wack'd: I like that we're being forced to reckon with the danger Franklin is regularly in. And the fact that he's just a kid. And that for him to use powers he doesn't know he has--for him to be the deus ex machina we routinely mock--he has to be in a real dark place [09:44 PM] Wack'd: And I like Agatha acknowledging that this is hard for him and comforting him [09:46 PM] Wack'd: So uh. Meanwhile. The Salem Seven are conducting a ritual on the roof of the Baxter Building to destroy the Four and give Nick Scratch corporeal form [09:47 PM] Wack'd: This for some reason involves generating a massive force field, gradually pushing all the people of Manhattan back as it encompasses the city [09:48 PM] Wack'd: Spider-Man, the Avengers, and the Defenders all try to break through, but fail [09:49 PM] Wack'd: Only Agatha and Franklin can break through--after all, Agatha's more powerful than her son. (The comic takes this as a given, despite Franklin's existence. Maybe it's a magic thing) [09:49 PM] maxwellelvis: It's gotta be the combined power of the entire Salem Seven that's locked Dr. Strange and Silver Surfer out of the bubble. [09:50 PM] maxwellelvis: Fewer than that and either of them could have broken through no prob, assuming that's the Defenders line-up we're talking about [09:50 PM] maxwellelvis: the Dr. Strange, Silver Surfer, Hulk, and Namor team [09:50 PM] Wack'd: It's not. [09:50 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh [09:51 PM] Wack'd: There's whoever the fuck this is
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[09:52 PM] maxwellelvis: I know that guy but I can't remember his name. [09:52 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh, it says right there, Nighthawk [09:52 PM] Wack'd: So forgettable I forgot his name moments after reading it [09:53 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, the Salem Seven's spells are easily deflected. So are the ghostly Nick's attempts to stop her with hail, fire, and lightning [09:53 PM] Bocaj: Nighthawk: strong as two strong guys at night. Owns a jetpack. Is Batman but Somehow Worse. [09:54 PM] Wack'd:
Nick: Why won't you die, blast you?! Agatha: Because I am your mother, Nicholas.
[09:54 PM] Bocaj: Hah [09:54 PM] Mousa The 14: Damn [09:55 PM] Mousa The 14: Someone call the cops, I’d like to report a familicide [09:55 PM] Umbramatic: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh [09:55 PM] Mousa The 14: This woman completely obliterated her son [09:55 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh snap [09:55 PM] Mousa The 14: Yes he deserved it, just figured you’d all wanna know [09:55 PM] Wack'd: Agatha and Franklin make their way into the Baxter Building where a brainwashed Fantastic Four are waiting. [09:56 PM] Wack'd: Franklin 🥺
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[09:57 PM] Mousa The 14: This is legitimately genuinely terrifying [09:57 PM] Mousa The 14: Like, jesus christ that's horrifying [09:57 PM] Umbramatic: y i p e [09:57 PM] Mousa The 14: Like this big friendly ol' teddy bear unle Ben Grimm crushing a child to death [09:57 PM] maxwellelvis: "Thank you, Nicholas Scratch, I feel much better now" [09:57 PM] Mousa The 14: has to be one of the most horryfing ideas in my mind right now [09:58 PM] Wack'd: Fortunately, Franklin manages to break their mind control with the power of love. Also being a god [09:58 PM] Umbramatic: Jesus Christ, how horrifying! [09:58 PM] Bocaj: Unleash your annihilation of love [09:59 PM] Wack'd: And Agatha sets right what has once gone wrong
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[10:01 PM] Wack'd: And so the story ends with...Ben complaining there's no reward? I guess?
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[10:02 PM] Wack'd: Probably should've ended on a more Franklin centered note [10:02 PM] Wack'd: But overall I like this one a lot [10:02 PM] maxwellelvis: Agatha erased the cat poster from his memory, I assume [10:02 PM] Mousa The 14: I can’t believe we let this woman fall into lost history, she should be in every F4 adaptation [10:03 PM] Wack'd: She's great, yeah
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Fantastic Four Vol 1 #117
Thur Jul 25 2019 [07:22 PM] Wack'd: Previously on the Fantastic Four [07:22 PM] Wack'd: Diablo: After 100 years I'm free! Time to conquer Earth! [07:22 PM] Wack'd: Ben: Fuck off *punches him so hard he's trapped again, then drops a castle on him* [07:22 PM] Wack'd: Diablo: After five issues I'm free! Time to conquer Ea--*falls through a frozen lake, presumably drowning* [07:22 PM] Wack'd: Diablo: After a heartfelt engagement and eight issues I'm free! Time to fuck a weddin--*gets fucked up off-panel* [07:23 PM] Bocaj: He also showed up in an Avengers story that was pretty meh [07:23 PM] Wack'd: Good to know [07:23 PM] maxwellelvis: It gave us Hank's new identity as Goliath, though. [07:23 PM] MousaThe14: Diablo, that’s the F4 villain that does magic potions, right [07:23 PM] maxwellelvis: Yeah [07:23 PM] Wack'd: He's an alchemist and also has a dragon robot [07:23 PM] maxwellelvis: He's the guy who turned Ben into a really creepy halfway version of himself [07:24 PM] MousaThe14: It’s been a time since I listened to the Fantasticast so memory isn’t the best [07:24 PM] Wack'd: We now return you to your comic book, already in progress [07:25 PM] Wack'd: Johnny has decided to go to the Inhuman City to recenter himself [07:25 PM] Wack'd: I'm sure everyone will be thrilled to see him [07:25 PM] Wack'd: *cough* [07:25 PM] maxwellelvis: "How's it going douchebag?" [07:26 PM] Bocaj: The most notable thing I think about the Avengers Diablo story is that Diablo tried to create AN ARMY OF DRAGONS MEN and also that Hank studying Dragon Man was the start of his Ultron program which thoroughly shits his life down the shitter [07:26 PM] MousaThe14: Johnny only brings good things with him [07:27 PM] MousaThe14: He’s a dummy [07:28 PM] Wack'd: PREVIOUSLY ON FANTASTIC FOUR [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Crystal: I need to go home, Johnny [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Johnny: No you don't! You're being brainwashed! [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Crystal: No I'm not [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Johnny: I'm gonna fight your family! [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Medusa: Good fuckin' luck! [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Johnny: I'm gonna burn this entire city to the ground! [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Crystal: I'M HERE BECAUSE BLACK BOLT IS DYING [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Johnny: Haha my bad. We cool? [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Crystal: We cool [07:28 PM] MousaThe14: That is so dumb [07:28 PM] maxwellelvis: He threatened to go supernova inside the city. [07:28 PM] Wack'd: I'm...not really exaggerating [07:28 PM] Wack'd: That's basically what happened [07:29 PM] Wack'd: Right down to Johnny making the conscious decision to destroy an inhabited city [07:29 PM] MousaThe14: Comics write high drama back then [07:29 PM] MousaThe14: You know how it is [07:29 PM] MousaThe14: Teen hormones run high [07:29 PM] MousaThe14: Soap opera emotions are intense [07:30 PM] MousaThe14: Sometimes you just gotta blow up a city [07:30 PM] Wack'd: Crystal did an about-face and came back with them [07:30 PM] Wack'd: She later returned to Inhuman City anyway because air pollution was killing her [07:31 PM] MousaThe14: Makes about as much sense as anything, complete with environmental message [07:32 PM] maxwellelvis: Crystal only ever seems to serve on the FF for short periods of time, probably because being the Avatar, Master of the Four Elements makes her a bit hard to write drama around. [07:32 PM] MousaThe14: They never had her be as powerful as she was [07:32 PM] Bocaj: As I said, consequences are for people without superpowers or money [07:32 PM] Bocaj: Which is a superpower [07:32 PM] Wack'd: Yeah they did! A couple of times! [07:33 PM] MousaThe14: Did they? Well that’s good. I guess they didn’t Sue her, huh [07:33 PM] Wack'd: She had the highest kill count when Mad Thinker and Puppet Master sent an army of robots after them for the 100th! [07:33 PM] MousaThe14: I thought they had [07:33 PM] Bocaj: Crystal will fuck you up [07:33 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh, it was the 100th that they had to run that gauntlet? [07:33 PM] Wack'd: She got seven named dudes on top of an entire hoard of robot Atlantans [07:33 PM] Bocaj: Crystal: "I'M THE AVATAR, YOU GOTTA DEAL WITH IT" [07:34 PM] Wack'd: So anyway Johnny arrives and immediately gets shot out of the sky, which as we've established is probably a reasonable and proportionate response [07:34 PM] MousaThe14: Indeed [07:34 PM] Wack'd: But it turns out it's because Maximus has conquered the Inhumans [07:34 PM] Wack'd: Again [07:34 PM] Bocaj: He's always up to that [07:34 PM] maxwellelvis: How typical [07:35 PM] MousaThe14: He has no other powers besides persuasion, right? [07:35 PM] maxwellelvis: Try to blow off steam by crashing at your girlfriend's place and family drama's going on over there, too [07:35 PM] Wack'd: Johnny is unimpressed by this plot twist
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[07:36 PM] maxwellelvis: Does Maximus still have his Schmott Guy hat? [07:36 PM] Wack'd: We've yet to find out [07:36 PM] MousaThe14: I mean, how do they allow that to happen [07:36 PM] MousaThe14: I think at this point, the royal family deserve to be conquered [07:37 PM] Wack'd: He typically has an army of loyalists with shitty powers like "being a centaur" who provide armed backup [07:37 PM] Wack'd: But as Johnny quickly proves they're not very impressive [07:37 PM] maxwellelvis: He has a very trustworthy face https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/452938861807403018/604094860819169281/clean.png [07:37 PM] maxwellelvis: They don't even warrant names most of the time. [07:37 PM] MousaThe14: I mean, when you keep getting beaten by 1 dollar store Master, you deserve to stay conquered [07:38 PM] maxwellelvis: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/452938861807403018/604095064200839170/maximus-is-pleased.png [07:38 PM] Wack'd: So it turns out, Crystal never came back to the Inhuman City
[07:38 PM] maxwellelvis: I'm telling you, it's like looking in a mirror https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/452938861807403018/604095198829477918/gilsnicehat_3200.png [07:38 PM] Wack'd: No one actually knows what happened to her and Lockjaw when they left the Baxter Building for the last time [07:39 PM] Wack'd: So we're probably not actually gonna see Maximus this issue, max, sorry [07:39 PM] maxwellelvis: Alas [07:39 PM] Wack'd: Franklin, Sue, Ben and Alicia, meanwhile, have decided on a relaxing weekend getaway at Agatha's [07:40 PM] MousaThe14: Some say Havok has the worst hat in the Marvel universe [07:40 PM] MousaThe14: And that’s because they haven’t seen this monstrosity [07:41 PM] Wack'd: Reed, Sue, and Franklin play out in the yard, while Ben--reluctantly--hangs out inside so Alicia can feel Agatha's art collection [07:41 PM] maxwellelvis: If there's anything that sums up the Jack Kirby aesthetic of character design in one image, it's Maximus in that armor. [07:42 PM] Wack'd:
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[07:42 PM] Bocaj: In fairness to the Inhumans Maximus mostly gets opportunities to keep conquering them because Black Bolt insists on keeping him around because he's his brother. [07:42 PM] Bocaj: Just goes to show loyalty to family is dumb [07:43 PM] MousaThe14: Oh yeah, that’s right, Ben is terrified of the supernatural [07:43 PM] maxwellelvis: Once again, Agatha's place just makes Ben think about his stories [07:43 PM] Wack'd: For the record this is the last issue of 1971 [07:43 PM] Wack'd: And thus probably our last Dark Shadows namedrop for a good long time [07:44 PM] MousaThe14: Man, Agatha’s just got an amazing design. Gotta love a witch with that face. [07:44 PM] MousaThe14: The face of a witch you can trust with your unreasonably powerful toddler [07:45 PM] MousaThe14: I’m not being sarcastic, I think she looks great [07:45 PM] Wack'd: I love Agatha's whole vibe and will be sad when she eventually becomes more of a Avengers/Strange supporting player [07:45 PM] Wack'd: They don't deserve her [07:45 PM] MousaThe14: Awws [07:45 PM] MousaThe14: Too bad [07:45 PM] Bocaj: she's not really an Avengers supporting player [07:45 PM] Bocaj: She hangs around them briefly but only for Wanda [07:45 PM] Wack'd: She has a whole thing with--yeah [07:45 PM] maxwellelvis: She's more of a Scarlet Witch supporting-yeah [07:45 PM] Bocaj: and then fucks off out of the book when she decides Wanda has probably learned enough [07:46 PM] Wack'd: Scarlet Witch doesn't really have her own book enough for the words "Scarlet Witch supporting player" to sound right [07:46 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Johnny pushes himself to the brink of exhaustion getting back to North America so he can ask Agatha to find Crystal [07:47 PM] Wack'd:
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[07:48 PM] MousaThe14: So, was Lockjaw a person before the Terrigen Mists or a dog, does anyone know? [07:48 PM] Wack'd: Unfortunately the effort is too much for Agatha and all she can give Johnny is a glimpse [07:49 PM] Wack'd: MEANWHILE... [07:49 PM] Bocaj: A dog [07:50 PM] maxwellelvis: I now associate those sorts of big MEANWHILE...'s with Baywatching, so I'm almost expecting David Hasselhoff to show up cooking some sort of meat. [07:50 PM] Bocaj: There was a time when it was claimed that Lockjaw was an Inhuman person who was turned into a dog shape and made unable to talk by the terrigen mists but it was later later revealed that the Inhumans made up that story to fuck with Quicksilver [07:50 PM] Wack'd: "Meanwhile...  a dog" is accidentally correct [07:50 PM] Wack'd: Crys and Lockjaw ended up on some desolate, decimated world, a bombed-out city somewhere in space [07:52 PM] Wack'd: Turns out Doom banished Diablo here in Marvel Super-Heroes #20 so I'm just gonna...check the wiki real quick [07:52 PM] Wack'd: Okay so Diablo tried to blackmail Doom into a partnership by kidnapping Doom's childhood friend [07:52 PM] Wack'd: Doom retaliated by using the time machine to strand Diablo in a post-apocalyptic future [07:53 PM] Wack'd: Turns out Doom's childhood friend isn't suuuuuper thrilled he grew up to be a supervillain and runs off [07:53 PM] Bocaj: Doom has childhood friends he hasn't flayed into skin armor? [07:53 PM] Wack'd: Did [07:54 PM] Wack'd: Past tense [07:54 PM] Wack'd:
...unbeknownst to her, Doom had made a pact with a cabal of nether demons who offered unimaginable mystic power in exchange for the sacrifice of something of irreplaceable value — and Doom had chosen the life of the only woman who had truly loved him. Valeria was killed as the demonic spell unleashed by Doom consumed her body, her flayed skin becoming Doom's new enchanted armor [x]
[07:54 PM] Bocaj: Eesh [07:54 PM] Wack'd: I am now spoiled on a *Fantastic Four* comic from 2003 [07:55 PM] Bocaj: Wait. He named his godchild after the woman he ritualistically slaughtered to make skin armor? [07:55 PM] Bocaj: SUE DON'T LET DOOM BABYSIT ANYMORE [07:55 PM] Wack'd: Okay in fairness [07:56 PM] Wack'd: Valeria Richards was born 13 issues before Valeria Lastnameunknown got flayed [07:56 PM] Bocaj: Hm [07:56 PM] maxwellelvis: Is that right? [07:57 PM] Wack'd: Yeah [07:57 PM] Bocaj: Anyway sorry for spoiling you on a Fantastic Four comic again [07:57 PM] Wack'd: It's fine [07:57 PM] Wack'd: (Honestly I'm pretty sure I read that one and didn't realize it was the same lady from Marvel Super Heroes #20) [07:58 PM] Wack'd: Man Doom isn't even in this one, we're waaaaaaaay down a rabbit hole here [07:59 PM] Wack'd: So Diablo knocks Crystal and Lockjaw out with ALCHEMY until he can figure out how to make Lockjaw take him home, also presumably with ALECHEMY [08:00 PM] Wack'd: Meanwhile, back at the haunted house, turns out Agatha forgot to turn off the globe [08:00 PM] Wack'd: And it shows Crystal, Diablo, and Lockjaw to Johnny [08:01 PM] Wack'd: Aw jeez Diablo Princess Leiaed her!
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[08:03 PM] Wack'd: Now that the three of them are back in the present things are getting positively retrograde up in here
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[08:03 PM] Wack'd: I think we can all see where this is going [08:05 PM] Wack'd: So Diablo wants his own country so he can be Doom's equal [08:05 PM] Wack'd: And go kick his ass [08:06 PM] Wack'd: And Crystal makes the perfect fake god on account of the whole "avatar" thing [08:06 PM] Wack'd: This guy is very punchable
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[08:07 PM] Wack'd: "Central America! You know, all of it, I guess!"
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[08:08 PM] Wack'd: So this is, what, the second consecutive civil war Johnny's refused to get involved in this issue? [08:09 PM] Bocaj: Marvel is very bad at non America [08:10 PM] Wack'd: Yeeeeah [08:10 PM] Wack'd: *sigh* [08:11 PM] Wack'd: I might as well finish this arc so I don't need to look forward to more of this specific racism [08:11 PM] Wack'd: Other racism, maybe [08:11 PM] Wack'd: But not this one
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