#Addams cool so I’m not mad that it’s him

[emprcaesar]

everyone shut up is this laenor ARE YOU MOURINING LUCS DEATH TOGETHER

#BROOOOO #asoiaf #hbo house of the dragon #house of the dragon #hotd season 2 #laenor velaryon #rhaenyra targaryen #lucerys velaryon #most definitely addam but imma pretend it’s laenor :) #i just miss him #addam velaryon #Addams cool so I’m not mad that it’s him

[theemissuniverse]

NOOB SAIBOT AND VILLAIN!FEM!READER HATING ON MORTAL KOMBAT 11 CHARACTERS

SUMMARY : just what the title says. You are a powerful sorcerer from Earthrealm. You’re Bi-Han’s consort

WARNINGS : some is suggestive

MASTERLIST 1 , MASTERLIST 2

(Y/N) VS NOOB SAIBOT

Noob Saibot : You have a strange taste in allies

(Y/N) : Cassie is cool, Bi-Han. I’m not completely stone

Noob Saibot : I will never like a Cage

(Y/N) : People say you changed me

Noob Saibot : I made you stronger

(Y/N) : And for that I am bound to you

Noob Saibot : I’ve always known you were a great warrior

(Y/N) : Was it when I beat you at the tournament?

Noob Saibot : That is when I fell in love with you

Noob Saibot : A shadow feels nothing

(Y/N) : So you say

Noob Saibot : But for you - it is different

(Y/N) : You might have some competition, Bi-Han

Noob Saibot : I am not worried of a failed Empress

(Y/N) : I love a man so assured with himself

(Y/N) : You are the only one to see my potential

Noob Saibot : You were worthy of my teachings

(Y/N) : And I will forever be in debt to you

Noob Saibot : Raiden was a fool for not seeing you excel

(Y/N) : His foolishness led me to you

Noob Saibot : I should thank him

(Y/N) : That demon is getting on my nerves

Noob Saibot : There is no reason for jealousy - I care not for her

(Y/N) : Sareena’s soul will be mine

(Y/N) : Kuai Liang mourns you

Noob Saibot : He is wasting his time

(Y/N) : I agree. I like this you better

Noob Saibot : Shao Kahn refers to me as your concubine

(Y/N) : *laughs* You love it

Noob Saibot : Yes. Very much so

(Y/N) VS MK CHARACTERS

Cassie Cage : You and Bi-Han remind me of Morticia and Gomez Addams

(Y/N) : Who?

Cassie Cage : How do you not know them?!

(Y/N) : I’ll have my lover deal with you

Jax : Didn’t Scorpion toast him?

(Y/N) : Didn’t Ermac rip off your arms?

Raiden : I told you that following in line with Bi-Han was trouble

(Y/N) : You are just mad that I am not a lap dog like Liu Kang

Raiden : It saddens me to see you like this

Johnny Cage : (Y/N) and Bi-Han sitting in a tree-

(Y/N) : I will burn your tree to the ground.

Johnny Cage : Sheesh. Tough crowd.

Liu Kang : You were the best female warrior in Earthrealm

(Y/N) : Such a pity that all the women you know are next to nothing

Liu Kang : It is a shame to see what you’ve become

Kabal : You and Bi-Han freak me out

(Y/N) : I’ll do more than freak you out

Kabal : You two are a match made in hell

(Y/N) : I hate bugs

D’vorah : This one does not care for your hate

(Y/N) : The realms will cheer in pride when I exterminate you

Sub-Zero : You and my brother are not suppose to be together

(Y/N) : You share blood. You are not brothers

Sub-Zero : He made you as cold as ice

(Y/N) : Your ancestors mock you

Kung Lao : I don’t need you of all people telling me that

(Y/N) : They beg me to release them from their pain

Shao Kahn : I am quite surprised to see you turn out like this

(Y/N) : I was not surprised to see Kitana become Kahn

Shao Kahn : All you and Bi-Han do is talk

Sindel : I’ve never been attracted to such power before

(Y/N) : You are not my type, Empress

Sindel : That shadow has you wrapped around its finger

(Y/N) : You murdered my lover

Scorpion : I was deceived by Quan Chi

(Y/N) : You’ll be pleading for your life as your wife did

NOOB SAIBOT VS MK CHARACTERS

Cassie Cage : You and (Y/N) make the cutest freak show

Noob Saibot : I will never understand why (Y/N) likes you

Cassie Cage : Because I am the greatest!

Kano : Where’s your girlfriend?

Noob Saibot : My consort pays no mind to you

Kano : Damn. How’d you know I was thinking bout her?

Johnny Cage : There’s no way (Y/N) chose that

Noob Saibot : I cannot believe you procreate

Johnny Cage : Says you and everyone else, former frosty

Noob Saibot : You crave for (Y/N)’s touch

Sindel : I crave her power

Noob Saibot : Only I hold all her power

Noob Saibot : You never appreciated (Y/N)’s gift

Raiden : I did not want her to become the villain she was destined to be in previous timelines

Noob Saibot : You only pushed her closer to me

Liu Kang : You corrupted (Y/N)s soul!

Noob Saibot : You were not a man and did not confront the feelings you had for her

Liu Kang : Who told you this?!

Noob Saibot : Your mother greets you from beyond the grave

Jacqui Briggs : I’ll finish you. Then your little girlfriend

Noob Saibot : You are no match for (Y/N). Do not embarrass yourself

Scorpion : Your lover wants to avenge you and kill me

Noob Saibot : Such a shame your wife can’t do the same for you

Scorpion : Now, I will kill you

Kabal : So do you and your shadow thing tag team (Y/N) or-

Noob Saibot : I’d worry about your lungs giving out

Kabal : Jeez. It was just a question

Noob Saibot : Challenging (Y/N) is a mistake

Sub-Zero : To get to you, I must get to her

Noob Saibot : She will greet you with death

MK CHARACTERS MENTIONING YOU AND NOOB SAIBOT

Kung Lao : So you really did have feelings for (Y/N)?

Liu Kang : It is a thing of the past

Kung Lao : I don’t know if she downgraded or upgraded

Sonya Blade : (Y/N) is not your friend, Cassie!

Cassie Cage : I know she’s one of the bad guys but she makes great smoothies!

Sonya Blade : Why do I even bother?

Liu Kang : History would be different if you didn’t doubt (Y/N)

Raiden : It is a mistake I think about often

Liu Kang : Not often enough

Scorpion : (Y/N) will stop at nothing to get her revenge

Sub-Zero : Rage is an emotion you two share

Scorpion : Her rage has grown too powerful

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat x reader #mk #mk11 #mk 11 #mortal kombat 11 #mortal kombat 11 x reader #noob saibot #noob saibot x reader #cassie cage #mk jax #mk raiden #johnny cage #liu kang #mk kabal #dvorah #mk sub zero #mk bi han #kung lao #raiden #shao kahn #mk sindel #mk scorpion #mk Kano #Jacqui Briggs #sonya blade #mk x reader #mk11 x reader

[tuesdaywednesdaythursdayaddams]

Alone Time

Wednesday and Enid turn down friends to spend time alone, leading to them facing some difficult conversations about previously taboo topics.

“Wednesday, is it still cool with you to have everybody over for movie night?” Enid called, slipping her favourite, pink sweater over her head and smoothing her hair down in front of the mirror.

Across the dorm, her girlfriend paused her typing, turning around with narrowed eyes.

“You never mentioned such a gathering,” she responded, her voice as emotionless as ever. 

Still, the werewolf could see a glimmer of worry lingering on her face.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I must have forgotten to mention! I invited Bianca, Xavier and Yoko over a week ago. We were gonna watch scary movies.”

Wednesday sighed, standing up.

“I was actually planning on getting my evening writing done,” she said, “and then perhaps spending some alone time with you.”

The blonde’s eyes widened and she brushed her hair behind her ears, evidently flustered. “Oh…”

“But if you don’t want to hang out one on one, I can always withdraw to the library.”

Enid rushed to her girlfriend’s side. “No no, of course I want to hang out one on one. What’ll we do? Dinner and a movie, or maybe we could just, y’know, cuddle?”

Wednesday grimaced.

“We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it. But for now, there’s the matter of preventing your three associates from intruding upon our evening. Will you take care of them, or shall I?” She said, a ghoulish smile ghosting her face.

Her roommate laughed nervously, “I’ve got it. I think they’ll be a little mad, but I’m sure they will come around.”

The brunette turned in her place, marching over to her bed as Enid began lacing her shoes.

“If they are, I’ll burn them alive.”

Surprisingly, their friends were not, in fact, mad.

“It’s cool Enid, we understand,” Bianca quipped, a smirk tugging at the corners of her lips, “Say less. It makes sense that you want some alone time with your new girlfriend.”

Xavier coughed dramatically, whispering something to Bianca and Yoko, who giggled in response. 

The blonde stood in confusion for a second, before the recognition dawned on her face.

“Wait, you guys think I’m asking you not to come so Wednesday and I can have sex?” She whispered exaggeratedly.

“Or you could say, you’re asking us not to come so you can,” Xavier replied, before bursting into uncontrollable laughter.

A dull blush crept up Enid’s neck, slowly spreading across her cheeks. 

“Shh, don’t shame her,” Yoko said, slapping him gently on the arm, “Just remember to be safe and have fun, ok?”

“Guys, I’m serious! Wednesday and I are not-”

But the trio had already started to walk away, leaving a stuttering Enid standing alone in the courtyard.

“Use protection!” Xavier called over his shoulder.

The werewolf huffed.

As soon as she re-entered her dorm room, Enid flopped down onto her bed with a sigh, wriggling onto her stomach and releasing a short burst of a scream into her pillow as her delicately painted fingernails transformed unwillingly into claws.

She stayed in that position for a few minutes, before she heard footsteps behind her, followed by the feeling of her mattress sinking down on one side.

“I assume that your intervention didn’t go as planned?”

Wednesday Addams, as delicate as ever.

“Well they’re not coming, if that’s what you're asking,” she replied.

Enid rolled over to face her girlfriend, whose face she watched visibly relax. But surprisingly, her eyes still bore an emotion that looked shockingly like concern.

“Are they angry?” The brunette deadpanned, her fingers unconsciously fiddling with the fabric of her roommate’s fluffy sweater.

The werewolf sighed, her eyes fixed on the roof.

“No, they’re not angry,” she said in exasperation, “Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m upset about this! Maybe I’m just making a big deal out of nothing, like I always seem to do.”

Wednesday looked down at her girlfriend.

“You’re right. You do tend to unnecessarily dramatise the majority of situations, however if any of those plebeians said so much as one bad word to you, I will personally flay them alive and bury them in a shallow grave by the river.”

Enid wiped her eyes, a dull smile flitting across her face.

“It’s ok. Nobody said anything mean,” she responded, “It’s just… they keep joking about us having S E X. And it’s not that I don’t love you or anything, but I just don’t know if that’s something I want. Like, ever. And I guess that it’s just getting on my nerves?”

From the spot beside her, Wednesday stiffened. Her eyes remained fixed, unblinking on her girlfriend’s for a few moments, before she eventually cleared her throat and averted her gaze. It was the first time Enid had seen her off guard, and that threw her a little.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel-”

Before she could finish her sentence, the brunette cut her off.

“Me neither.” “What?” Enid asked in near disbelief.

“I said, me neither. I also don’t wish to have intercourse. It appears to be invasive and painful- and not the good kind of painful either; the kind that doesn’t even give you nightmares.”

And just like that Enid’s feelings of insecurity began to subside. She wiped her eyes with her sleeve, sitting up and leaning into her girlfriend.

“God Wednesday, I’m just so relieved. I thought I was broken or something!”

“Maybe we are, Enid. But as my uncle Fester always used to tell me, broken things make the best deathtraps,” Wednesday deadpanned, “Now do tell me, approximately how many of our classmates do I have to murder to prevent the spread of false information.”

#i wrote this exploring my feelings surrounding my own potential sapphic asexuality #so please be kind! #wednesday x enid #wednesday addams #wednesday #wednesday netflix #enid sinclair #enid x wednesday #wenclair #wenclair fanfiction #muaficcies #tuesdaywednesdaythursday

[katkafe]

HELLO, IVE JUST FINISHED WATCHING WEDNESDAY

because i am the biggest dumbest nerd when it comes to the addams family: ive made a crappy list of why wednesday is everything i hoped for and more and why it is absolutely fucking perfect. spoilers.

im not entirely sure on how to start slow with this one so im getting right fucking into it. enjoy reading the disaster of my thoughts on this masterpiece:

AMAZING CASTING. jenna is incredible as wednesday, catherine and luiz are the perfect morticia and gomez, i adored seeing christina ricci KICKING ASS. gwendoline christie was amazing as weems, fred armisen as fester???? lost my shit he was so perfect. i don’t think there was a single cast member i wasn’t amazed with.

no genuinely i loved all of the nevermore students

fell in love w enid so fast omg i was rooting for her so hard her arc was so awesome (her and ajax are so cute too)

rip rowan you would’ve loved wenclair

THING!!!: its not the addams family without thing, and its especially not the addams family if thing isn’t being a little shit stirrer the whole time. perfect beautiful i love him A++ 

THE WEDNESDAY/PUGSLEY DYNAMIC WAS SO ON POINT they literally have the actual best sibling dynamic

i now know that you have not lived until you’ve seen wednesday addams stuck in a love triangle. she is not a character that you would expect to have a romantic interest but now in my mind she’s just beautifully a-spec and probably demiromantic. yes obviously i love xavier.

don’t get mad at me but i don’t ship her w enid that much?? at least not romantically but hey i would not complain if we had a polycule or qpr!!!

also it was genuinely so cute to see wednesday making friends like. why was i sobbing so much when she hugged enid. holy fuck.

THE DANCE SCENE. SHES AN ICON SHES A LEGEND AND SHE IS THE MOMENT

i am referring to both her actual dancing and ofc “they couldn’t even spring for real pigs blood. its only paint.” so real.

cant even stop myself from mentioning that jenna ortega looks very hot covered in blood which happens a lot in this series. like almost every episode. jesus fucking christ i am so in love with her.

i am a huge edgar allen poe nerd so i fucking adored every little reference to his works. also the idea that he was an outcast is so real to me.

speaking of outcasts: ngl definitely could’ve come up with a better name, “outcasts” just made it sound weirdly like some awkward teen high school drama but you get used to it

wednesday’s visions were so cool??? i loved the whole goody addams thing their interactions were really cool and god i just was not expecting that at all.

ok tbh it was really weird that her name was goody, since “goody” is the puritan equivalent of “mrs.” (its short for goodwife) so idk why they did that but ok i’m still here for it

honestly in general they do a really good job of keeping you guessing. i was suspicious about almost every single character throughout the whole series. 

in retrospect i should’ve known tyler was gonna be an asshole from the start cause. i mean. his name is tyler. no offense to my tylers, but be real when have you ever seen a tv show character named tyler that wasn’t a douche. i’ll wait.

i’ve typed tyler too many times and it no longer looks like a real name

episodes are nice and long but i obviously wish the series was longer, but it was super bingable and i’m probably gonna rewatch it 3 million times until the next season inevitably comes out.

not to be dorky but i loved how every episode title was a pun w the word “woe” 

i have really horrible media literacy in the sense that i overthink EVERYTHING so to me like almost everything in that was beautifully executed symbolism and maybe it was but when i say i lost my shit when i noticed wednesday stand on enid’s side of the room and fsr thats the only example i can think of rn BUT STILL

overall 5 stars 10/10 show i cant wait for more i love the plot i love the characters i love the cast i will be recommending it to everyone ik and more

#wednesday #wednesday netflix #wednesday addams #jenna ortega #the addams family

[brxkxnhxxrtsclxb]

with the addams family skuklector release getting closer, i’m excited !!

i decided to do my personal ranking (from faves to least faves) of the skullector dolls :3 (this is solely my opinion so it makes sense if others don’t agree)

1. greta

- i think greta is great and so beautiful !! i love what they did with her and she definitely fits the monster high verse !! plus i adore her little three fingered hands >.<

(hoping to one day be able to get her for a reasonable price. i was aware of the skullectors since the first releases but didn’t think they’d be worth it so that’s my fault T_T)

2. bride of chucky (chucky and tiffany)

- the first set of skullectors i got because i adore chucky and tiffany. i think they’re cute and great :3 i also love how they yassified them to look more monster high. my personal favorite of the two is tiffany. i just love her dress and the pattern of blood splattered hearts is too cute to me♡ also love her black nails. i do wish her beauty mark were a tad bigger. chucky is cute too but i won’t lie, would’ve been nice if he was a manster cuz we need more >.< but overall i’m happy with her too

3. nightmare before christmas (jack and sally)

- like many, i love this movie and anything tim burton. its always spoken to me for some odd reason. jack and sally are too cute imo. i love love sally’s face !! i think the monster high look works well with her♡ also love how long her hair is !! jack is amazing. i love the new mold and i feel he also fits right in the monster high world. he’s a skeleton with a round head. he looks odd and i think that’s what helps him fit in :3 love that they incorporated the spiral hill on his heels

4. addams family (morticia and wednesday)

- oh, the addams family. i’ve been obsessed with the addams family since fifth grade. i won’t lie, i was at first a little bummed out we weren’t getting a couple set with gomez and morticia, but after seeing the reveal of wednesday and morticia, i can’t be mad. they’re really cute imo. love love morticia (her shoes are great imo) and wednesday is a cutie (cousin itt and thing on her heels is a cute detail as well) :3

(maybe it was for the best they didn’t include gomez since mansters barely get any love. i’m afraid they wouldn’t have put as much effort into him >.<)

5. annabelle

- i think annabelle came out really cute. also think they did the same as with the bride of chucky set. they yassified her to fit the monster high verse and i think it works :3 i love her dress, especially the blood drip pattern on the bust area

6. bride of frankenstein (the monster and bride)

- i think this set is really cute despite the bride not actually liking the monster. they look great together and although simple, they match the vibe of the original and monster high to me. love the little ballerina in a beaker detail on the bride’s shoes and the monster being our first manster is great !! just would’ve been nice if he were taller and had some actual hair instead of it being molded since he’s a collector doll. i do love his shoes !!

7. pennywise

- i think she looks good. definitely captured the character well in terms of look, but i do wish she had a more crazed look on her face but overall she’s great for what we got :3 i love her little red ballon and paper boat accessories♡

8. elvira

- she’s cool as a doll, but i have no attachment to the character sadly since she’s such an icon and heard she’s also hilarious (show’s on my watch list). overall. i think she’s really pretty to look at and i think she looks so good in the monster high style. her face just suits it so well !! also love her little dagger belt and think they did her hair so well :3

9. dracula

- love the vibe and black and white with pops of red aspect she has going on, but she’s definitely lower on the list because she’s kind of boring to me. i know the bride of frankenstein set are also more on the plain side, but for some reason dracula wasn’t able to get me T_T her shoes are cool though !! i adore the little detail of opening the coffin heels to reveal a mini bela lugosi inside♡

10. the shining (grady twins)

- not my fave. they’re twins so it’s technically two of the same doll and much like the source material… they’re just there. they’re cute but do not captivate me. i do like that one looks more serious than the other and their shoes are also cute

11. beetlejuice (beetlejuice and lydia)

- not a fan. never liked the way they did beetlejuice. it just doesn’t look right imo and my least favorite of the set is lydia. i don’t like her face, much less her bangs. the shoes on both dolls are cool though. just didn’t like how this set turned out T_T

12. creature from the black lagoon

- the gill-man definitely removed dracula from my least favorites list and bumped up the beetlejuice set in terms of liking them better. wasn’t a fan of the gill-man as soon as i saw her. just doesn’t go well with the rest of the universal monsters skullector line up. while the other three have the distinct black and white with a pop of color aspect to them, the creature is way too saturated (makes less sense since the movie is black and white so it was cool they kept the black and white elements in the previous dolls). head sculpt is cool and i do think it’s creative she got the arm accessories and boots to look like the gill-man’s traits but overall, i do not vibe with her, making her my least favorite

that’s it for me regarding the skullectors !! can’t wait to see the sanderson sisters coming out in september :3 i’m not attached to the characters, they’re cool and funny but i will be skipping the three pack !!

i can’t wait to hear the next rumors of what next year’s skullectors will be >:3

#monster high #monster high skullector #my tier list #my opinion #just for fun

[bohemian-nights]

Tbh I’m kinda glad nettles isn’t in this season.. hear me out, this season of House of the dragon is going to very depressing with everyone. The real shit starts once the dragon seeds come together, we see Jace starting to act like an actual leader instead of a little kid trying to prove himself. I feel like nettle’s storyline will be a bit darker like yeah addam claiming Seasmoke is cool and all but I feel like Nettles and Sheepstealer have a interesting relationship and bond kinda like Daenerys and Drogon. They won’t need words to ‘claim’ each other. In the book they say Sheepstealer is an ugly skinny brown wild dragon with nettles being a skinny brown wild girl which is kinda racist, but there are judge on appearance before even getting to know them. While in reality I think Sheepstealer is very gentle and genuine with Nettles he can feel that’s she not some mad girl who wants power but rather she’s like an equal to him. A nettles headcanon that I like is that she likes to read or sing to sheepstealer and he listens. While most people think she used magic or voodoo I think nettles took a chance with him. Imagine their first Flight sheepstealer isn’t wild of trying to buck her off rather he’s letting her take the lead so that’s she’s comfortable. Another reason why I’m okay with her not being in this season is because even if Addam claims Seasmoke it could be Laenor because stupidly they let him live and run away without his Dragon and if im correct you can’t claim an already claimed dragon, only way you can is if the rider is dead take their son Joffrey he tries to claim and mount Syrax but ends up being bucked off and fell to his death. I say this all the time it’s great Rhaenyra loved Laenor like a friend but letting him live and run away will come back to haunt them. Let Dumbyra shippers and House of the dragon racist fans and etc have there little moment because as soon as nettles is casted and is there it’s over for them.

I understand and respect your point anon, but my main issue with potentially pushing Nettles back is that it feels like she’s being purposefully being excluded. Yes this might be a dark season, but she still should be included.

They still should make time for her. You shouldn’t include every last dragonseed and be like oh we don’t have time for her/time to properly flesh out her character because they obviously have time to flesh out others even with the shorter episode count.

And we have to keep in mind what kind of show this is.

This is HOTD/GOT. This is about a war. It’s always going to be somewhat depressing. The show won’t stop magically becoming depressing in s3, s4, or s5(if they). The train is just going to keep moving and building on itself. Nettles shouldn’t miss out on that train.

It’s not like s3 is going to be any less jammed packed. We have the Battle of the Gullet in the first part of s3 and the Blacks taking Kings. Maidenpool could happen towards the end of the season. That doesn’t leave a lot of room to flush out Nettles claiming Sheepstealer. She’s going to need to be battle ready within a few episodes.

Which is my main problem with them making such a big deal about Addam claiming Seasmoke.* It seems like that storyline will be dragged out for 4-5(he’s rumored to be coming in at episode 2 or 3) episodes which is the kind of treatment Nettles deserves.

*Laenor allegedly will die off screen which is why Seasmoke starts following him around. Seasmoke won’t be having two riders at the same time. There is nothing special about Addam who is half-Valyrian despite his looks claiming his dead brother’s dragon.

Her claiming was much more interesting and shocking than his in the novel since she was the only dragonseed to claim a wild dragon. A wild dragon that almost killed countless dragonseeds and almost cooked Alyn Velaryon.

I’d like to see them show Nettles claiming Sheepstelaer was different, but time is precious.

I can’t see this show getting more than four or five seasons so they have a lot of ground to cover.

Nettles shouldn’t be a one or two season character. Shes always going to share the screen with other people cause she’s a secondary character, but she’s much more important than being reduced.

This goes past shipping drama, or Addam, or anyone else. She should be there now with everyone else.

#bnasks #bnask #nettles #hotd critical #you don’t sideline her

[theveryworstthing]

So over on patreon Trevor asked for my take on the Addams Family and I grew up LOVING the Addams family movies so here we are. Instead of doing a straight up style interpretation, I decided to do a full on design challenge, using the characters as bases to make a black southern gothic Addams au. I actually drew the kids first, using the character bases of Wednesday and Pugsley to create some delightful kiddos I'm calling Sunday and Blanche. I of course then redesigned Gomez and Morticia into Carlisle and Mortesha.

The Addams have a very specific high aristocratic goth aesthetic (they've got a butler and nobody really works among other things) so in this re-imagining I wanted to go with vibes that run a little more middle class/upper middle class.  I thought it would be interesting to think about what would be considered weird and off-putting in an entirely different culture, and how being a big ol' goth is way less controversial than it used to be.

I tried to keep this short (HAHAHAHAHAHA) so I didn't spin off into an essay about villain coded families, black people in the horror genre, and normalcy as it pertains to social survival, but just...bits of that are in these designs and lore. Keep that in mind.

Also I made the kids twins because they've flip flopped in age so much in different media and also twins run in my family (i'm the daughter of one). And let's face it, I'm pulling a lot of their southern gothic traits from living as a southern goth so *shrug*.

10 thousand pounds of lore incoming loooooooooool.

The Parents

From the moment he saw her he knew that there was a 50/50 chance of him either never making it out of that swamp alive or marrying the figure that was creeping out from under the distant willow tree in a black cocktail dress. The third time she found him trussed up in one of her traps, he complimented her rope work and asked if she'd like to go out sometime after his head wound stopped bleeding.

Or while it was still bleeding.

If she was into that.

Some kids and a mysteriously burnt down Piggly Wiggly later, their love is still as strong and inescapable as a bear trap in a sink hole.

Carlisle Guillermo (now Addams through marriage but I wanted to give him two first names for a name since Gomez has two last names) makes a vaguely described living practicing ‘law’ around town. A loophole king, people come to him from miles around with contracts signed in blood, fights over chunks of hair buried in their rivals’ yard, dehydrated primate hands, memories that seemed like dreams until the evidence of their happenings became too real, and other regular Legal Items asking for counsel which he is all too happy to give. For a price. Sometimes that price is a homemade pie and sometimes it’s a million dollars, depends on who you are. Whatever you’re asked to pay it’s worth that price, and if you try to scam him out of work or he just plain doesn’t like you? Well. He knows how to twist a contract better than anything at the crossroads.

And he always gets his due.

He doesn’t just serve the local (living)humans though, there are many things that need proper legal representation in this day and age. You wouldn’t believe how many city councils try to build on sacred burial grounds even after he lets them know that his ghostly clients are totally gonna haunt the FUCK out of the ensuing shitty condos and curse their families for all eternity. At least 50% of his energy goes towards dealing with real estate bullshit.

Carl is an excitable and good natured(?) man who loves his family, cigars, dancing, and his many knife-based hobbies. People find him very charming once they get past the feeling that they’re talking to a sultry gator badly disguising itself as a human. I didn’t put a ton of deep thought into designing him, mostly I wanted to make a middle aged dude who looked like he would have been voted ‘most likely to smooch the literal devil’ in high school. Tbh he probably has, but no demonic ex’s can compare to his lovely wife~

Mortesha Addams(her name was already perfect so I just tweaked it)is a woman of many talents. A self proclaimed homemaker, she prides herself on a greenhouse full of Concerning Foliage, a beautiful wasp apiary, and a coop full of what are probably chickens that she keeps for what are probably eggs. She’s also an avid creator of the outsider art that can be seen around the estate. She has taken on the family business of selling her homemade goods in a little stall by the road just outside the swamp with her mom, and makes pretty good money doing so. A surprising amount of poison gets bought in quaint southern towns.

Speaking of poison, people who come out to the edge of the swamp to buy it are usually carrying a lot of secrets around, and Mortesha knows most of them. It’s not like she pries the truth out of people, it just so happens that many nervous hellos eventually turn into the tragic backstory power hour if she’s alone with a client for long enough. She supposes that’s just how people are. Despite the fact that the Addams are very active in the community (whether the community likes it or not) she especially, as a direct descendant of the first Addams matriarch, is seen as…Well not an outsider because the community feels A Certain Way about outsiders and despite it all the Addams are their people, but maybe something like an exception. They feel like whatever weirdness they’re hiding can’t be weirder than any given Addams, so they get a little loose with their words.

This is amusing to her, since Addams’ don’t naturally keep the kind dramatic secrets that their surface level prim and proper neighbors do. It’s much more fun to openly talk about those things.

Do they have a sadly decrepit yet terrifying grandma up in the attic? Yeah, like three. They got a tv, all the creepy porcelain dolls they could want, and they’re close to family. Where do you keep your gram-grams?

Any bodies buried on the property? Yeah some, but most are thrown to the gators.

Any creeping through the balmy summer night with ill intentions? Yeah dude, everyone loves a nice family stroll.

What about dangerous forbidden love? If an adult Addams isn’t incorporeal then they’re either queer or in a torrid romance with some person/thing mysteriously drawn to that awful swamp. Sometimes both at the same time. Most times actually.

Mortesha would know.

The current head of the Addams family is just as outgoing as her husband but a lot quieter and harder to read. She never really seems to get mad about much and always has a genteel smile for everyone whether they deserve it or not. A seven foot tall human shaped “Oh, bless your heart”. A perfectly composed Lady even when she’s, oh I dunno, burning down a Piggly Wiggly. You know. A regular southern mom. Chat her up at the hair salon for 50% off a jar of wasp honey with your next purchase of a mysterious but foreboding packet of herbs.

Designing her was pretty easy because I just drew a lankier Grace Jones and called it a day. I had some problems with her outfit simply because if we were going HARD southern gothic then she’d probably be wearing a white/cream dress with a fuller skirt but I thought keeping the silhouette and the black was more important. She’s supposed to be an anti southern gothic southern gothic character anyway. A woman who looks like she has a million secrets who is actually the most open person you could meet. For better or worse. The red hair came from a coloring error that I really ended up liking (my mom had red hair her whole childhood that only darkened up in high school so I can buy that an Addams can be naturally fire engine red) and the veil was to get more of that classic Morticia silhouette in there.

The Children

Sunday and Blanche are the twin children of Carlisle and Mortesha Addams. Some say the Addams clan got their cursed homestead when a wealthy local businessman made a deal with the devil and lost, leaving his grand mansion to his least favorite maid and cutting his losses once he realized that the swamp would do everything it could to drag the house into the water and take what was owed with its horrible curse. Others say that the family has just always squatted there and no one really cares because man, fuck that particular swamp. Have you been in there? Absolute horror show.

Anyway.

Blanche is the more outgoing sibling and quite the engineer/mad scientist in the making. He started going grey at 2 weeks old but considering he was also rocking some extra fingers, toes, and a tiny tail (he takes after his dad), his parents just put it on the 'not life threatening' pile and decided not to worry about it. He's the kind of smart that teachers find utterly infuriating, less a dog eagerly learning and obeying commands and more a hyena who keeps teaching itself how to pick locks. He has a few friends in his school's robotics club (which they honestly allowed him to make so the school could contain his... creations) but mostly hangs out with his sister exploring the swamp. They find all sorts of neat things in there! wedding rings, suspiciously lumpy garbage bags, cloaked cultists who can't read private property signs, it's an adventure every day!

Blanche is all about experimentation with his creations, his look, and his tether to this mortal coil. Is lipstick a cool thing to try? Let's find out. Can he get out of a strait jacket fast enough after being pushed into the depths of the swamp by his sister? let's find out. He's not dead yet and confused local doctors can attest to the fact that he's rarely attained more than a bad bruise so he's pretty set on continuing to kiss rattlesnakes on their cute little heads and have his sister practice her knife throwing at him until that fact changes.

Blanche is very much a country goth. Cowboy boots (customized by his mom), knife, and lighter are daily accessories. He likes to wear the crusty swamp jewelry they find (the rust adds a splash of color!) and despite appearances he does try to keep himself neat. He's just got  natural Grunge Colors and a tendency to wear clothes he likes until they fall apart. Pugsley always seemed the most modernly styled to me (which might just be because little boys clothes have been the same for a long time) so I wanted Blanche to be the most purposely fashionable Addams. Everyone else is goth by nature, but he's the only one truly familiar with goth as an alternative fashion.

I got really into designing Blanche because honestly, I find Pugsley to be the most boring member of the family. And he was hard to design! I had to mess with his vibe a lot to get him looking how I wanted. I know he's supposed to evoke an " 'evil' little boy next door who's parents never reign him in", but that's just goth Dennis The Menace.  I's 2020. We can at least go queer goth Calvin.

Sunday was much easier to design. Wednesday was my favorite as a child (of course) and I really wanted to keep the spirit of her look while adding things like billowy sleeves (it gets HOT down here), big poofy twists instead of braids, and a nice tie. She's a professional after all, been running the local pet cemetery since she was 6 and the previous groundskeeper met with an unfortunate accident after telling her that tarantulas don't have souls. Her specialty is creating beautiful naturalistic animal funerals similar to those that Maquenda (https://linktr.ee/artofmaquenda) makes, and she takes pride in creating miniature dioramas of her subjects after each burial which she uses as a kind of 3D catalog for future clients.

She really wants to try out her skills on humans one day. Well. Publicly try out her skills. Lotta random bodies float into the swamp. None of them have turned down her requests for diorama models so far. Most seem downright flattered. Plus, she usually figures out which graveyard/crime scene they floated over from and gets her parents to give them a lift back. She'll even help enact terrifying revenge from beyond the grave on whoever put them there if she's not, y'know, busy.

Besides arts, crafts, and pet based funerary arrangements, Sunday is an avid lover of archery (any ranged weapon really), books where little fantasy adventure animals die dramatic deaths, and history. She is That Kid who eagerly raises her hand when asked who Christopher Columbus was and ends up being sent out of class after 15 minutes for making 'a scene'. Her favorite party trick is just picking an item in the room and talking about how it relates to either some obscure historical figure with a buck wild life or a horrible disaster. At least one charity pancake breakfast ended with children in tears after her vivid description of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919.

Social-wise, while Wednesday is the girl that people ask to smile because they think she'd, "look so pretty", Sunday is rarely asked anything at all. People just kind of assume from her quiet nature (in between horrible history facts) that she's angry all the time and that she hates everyone. This is untrue. She hates some people but she's ambivalent to most everyone else and even downright friendly if you bother to talk to her like a person instead of a terrifying cryptid. Like, she IS a terrifying cryptid but she's also a little girl.  

That’s about it for now. One day I might do the other family members but for now I’m happy with the four I’ve redesigned. Making an au! Lurch in a family that doesn’t do butlers could be interesting. Over on patreon I put forth that he could just be Motesha’s mute little brother (similar bone structure) but Amy Crook had the nice idea of quote: “ a mysterious "cousin" that "helps around the house" whose origins are both long in the past and faintly unsettling. He's good for lifting heavy things, like that tank of propane you're about to throw into the burning Piggly Wiggly... “ which i now consider canon. Who's kid is he? How old is he? Not important. Anyone willing to commit arson with you is family.

Annnnyway.  This challenge was a lot of fun! I love indulging in AU’s.

#long post #the addams family #Character Design #au #design challenge #i am incapable of doing a design challenge like a normal person #oh god i forgot the cut lol

[theteddylupinexperience]

The Concert | Dio Morrissey x f!reader

AN: not a lot to say about this one, aside from the fact that I’m actually really happy with how it turned out. I always love the “best friend’s younger sister” trope, and who better to do it with than our goth king himself. Thanks as always to @pascalpanic for hyping me up and listening to me rant about mosh pits. Enjoy!

Warnings: swearing, kissing, super mild punk show related violence, brief anxiety mention, Dio is a little cringey but you like it

“Kiddo, you’re not even gonna have fun,” your brother swears, “this band is harsh no doubt, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“As sweet as your over protection is, you’re not ditching me tonight,” you roll your eyes. Your brother is sitting on your bathroom counter watching you get ready for the concert he promised a month ago he’d take you to. You know his concern comes from a genuine place, you’d only gotten into the goth scene fairly recently, and long time fans can be really intense with “virgins.”

“Hey, uh, is Shane gonna be there?” you ask, casually as you can manage. You attempt to continue with your black eyeshadow to avoid eye contact with your brother, but he sees right through you anyways.

“First of all, you have to call him Dio while we’re in public. You are not killing the vibe on your induction night. Second of all, gross. I’m sitting right here. Drool over my best friend on your own time.” Your brother pokes your forehead with one of your makeup brushes in a scolding manor.

“Okay well first of all,” you start, “this is my time because this is my bathroom. And second of all… do YOU have any weird nickname I should be aware of before I, and I quote, kill the vibe?”

Your brother flushes slightly, looking at the ground before answering, “Uh, it’s Ghost, actually.”

You narrow your eyes at him, biting back a laugh at how ridiculous he looks, bright red ears contrasting the Doc Martens currently kicking against the floor.

“Dio and… Ghost?” He just nods, looking up at you finally.

“Well alright, my knights in dirty ass Tripp pants.” The comment earns you a laugh, and you feel a small swell of pride rise in your chest. For as insufferable as you found each other a lot of the time, your older brother really was like your best friend. His group of friends had stuck together since middle school, and had absolutely taken you under their wing when you’d let yourself really fall into your darker side. Tonight was your first real night out with everyone, and you couldn’t pretend to be more nervous. You had known your brother’s best friend Shane, Dio, since you were in third grade and had always found him fascinating. You can’t deny that he’s gorgeous, tall and lean, always wearing a leather trench coat that accentuates those features. Full, plush lips, and deep brown eyes that you want to get lost in. Just as you find yourself actually getting lost in the thought of Dio, you’re startled back to reality when your brother turns your hair dryer on and blows it in your face.

“Yo, kid, did I lose you? We gotta go,” in your trance he’s managed to get his hair done and a subtly cool amount of eyeliner. You can only hope not to look like a child, or god forbid a drone, next to him and his friends. “Don’t be nervous, just get your shoes on.”

When you get your boots laced up, you give yourself one last glance in the mirror, fluffing your hair to make it look less obviously styled, and run out the door.

When you arrive at the venue, if you could call it that, it looks more like a rundown warehouse, the music is already in full swing. “The openers always fuckin’ suck, kid,” your brother had told you, “we always show up at least an hour late.”

You’re rocking nervously on your heels, stuck to the ground where your brother had told you to wait while he found the group and brought them over to you. You smile widely when you see them approaching you, but are quick to cover it with what you hope is a cool smirk. Out of place doesn’t even begin to describe how you feel, it would be more accurate to say you’re on a different plane of existence. You’ve managed to transcend discomfort and now have settled into a calmer state.

“Well, well, if it isn’t Wednesday Addams herself,” a deep voice calls out from the head of the pack.

“Hey Sh- uh, Dio,” you stammer as the king himself puts his hands on your shoulders to inspect your outfit. Your stomach drops when he brushes some hair from your face. “You look good. Like you put some thought into how you look, unlike the rest of these drones.” Your face lights up at his praise, and flushes quickly when he winks at you.

Your group makes their way towards the front of the stage when you hear the headlining band announced. The first few songs go off without a hitch, the crowd moves in a seething, pulsing way to the music, and you find yourself moving along with them. You catch Dio’s eyes a couple times to find him already looking at you, his expression relaxed and amused, but his eyes dark as he takes in everything around him. You’re about to walk over and ask him to dance with you when you hear from the stage, “Alright everybody, let’s open this fucking pit!”

Your eyes widen briefly, but you try your best to stay cool in front of your brother and his friends. You can only imagine how lame Dio would find you if you lost your cool because of some moshing. Unfortunately, in your attempt to save face, you’ve distracted yourself to the people around you and find yourself getting shoved, almost to the ground. Your brother hurries over and helps you up, and you assure him you’re fine. It’s nothing you can’t handle. He keeps his grip on you a moment longer, and ruffles your hair before jumping into the circle pit himself. You do your best to keep dancing around, staying away from everyone jumping and shoving each other as much as you can, and for a few minutes you’re surprisingly successful.

The next song that plays is even more intense than the last, and you find yourself crowded against the stage trying to stay away from everything. Your heart rate quickens, and you can feel an anxiety attack trying to creep its way up your spine. You look around desperately, searching for your brother so you can beg him to take you home, when a hand on your shoulder startles you.

Warm brown eyes search your own, “Didn’t mean to scare you, darling, but do you want to get out of here?”

You nod up at Dio, and he takes your hand, guiding you in front of him towards a side door. One of his hands rests protectively against the small of your back, and you shudder at the warmth. You’re outside, the air is cool against the sweat on your skin, and yet Dio’s hand never leaves yours.

“D’you wanna sit?” He gestures to a bench resting against the side of the building.

“I-” your voice cracks, and you clear your throat to find some volume, “Sure, that sounds nice.”

The pair of you sit in silence for a moment while you catch your breath, you can feel Dio’s eyes boring into you, but can’t bear to look at him. “God, I’m so sorry, Shane,” you whisper, “Er, Dio, fuck, sorry again.”

“Don’t apologize, darling, it’s just you and me out here.” You finally dare to look up, and he’s smiling gently at you, holding both of your hands in one of his, and rubbing the other soothingly up your back. “I know the first time can be intense, to say the least. It’s a madhouse in there, and those fucking drones don’t know any better than to push everyone around. It should be a crime to scare or shove anyone as perfect as you.”

You huff out a strangled laugh at his words, and move your hands to fiddle with the rings on his fingers. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because you’re my best friend’s little sister,” he starts, and his grip on your back tightens when disappointment crosses your features, “and because you are the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on. If someone as ethereal as you will even allow me in your presence, I have done something right.”

You turn your body towards him completely, searching his face. The strong, confident, devil may care Dio from inside is nothing compared to the patient, sweet, borderline insecure Shane you’re talking to out here. You reach your hand up to caress his face, smoothing down his dyed black curls, tracing your thumb against his full bottom lip. Shane melts into your touch, a content sigh leaving his lips at the contact, the heat of your skin against his feels more powerful than the sun at this moment. When you run your thumb nail against the sensitive skin behind his ear, his eyes snap open.

“Can I- would you… would you be mad if I kissed you?” He asks, his voice shy, but his eyes full of want.

‘I’ll be mad if you don’t,” you laugh incredulously. Shane places one hand against your jaw, and the other one slides up your back to rest in your hair. The cool metal of his rings feels electric, but nothing could compare to the jolt you feel when his lips meet yours. He’s soft, so much gentler than you imagined he’d be, and he takes his time losing himself in the feeling of your lips moving against his. He pulls away too soon, and you grab the front of his jacket to pull him back to you.

This kiss is not as gentle, but it is equally as sweet and intoxicating. His hand tightens on your scalp, and his tongue presses against the seam of your lips. You gasp, and he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue against yours. He tastes like clove cigarettes and Jaeger, and it’s fucking incredible. He’s more perfect than your wildest dreams of him, and the low moan he lets out when you scratch your nails up his back makes you reconsider everything you’ve ever thought about heaven.

Eventually you have to breathe, so you pull back just a bit and rest your forehead against his. “Wow,” you manage to get out. Shane laughs, the sound is more musical than anything you’ve heard tonight.

“Wow is correct, my darling, you are truly more ethereal than I could have fathomed.” He kisses you again, softly on the lips, and then places another on your cheek. “Do you think I could take you out for real sometime soon?”

You bite your lip to prevent a giddy smile from breaking across your face, and nod quickly. “I actually found this record store with its own coffee shop a couple towns over, we could check that out, maybe? I mean, I’ve liked you since freshman year, so anything you want to do would be perfect. You’re perfect, Dio.”

His ears flush an adorable pink, and he smiles almost shyly up at you. “Shane,” he says, “Call me Shane.”

You beam up at him, “Shane.”

He stands up, takes your hand, and leads you back into the concert venue. Walking arm in arm with the king, you feel like you could jump right in the middle of that mosh pit and come out on top. Shane guides you back to your friends, and you try not to get overwhelmed by the stares and whispers when people see you together. Your brother catches a glimpse of you, his eyes drop down to where your hand is connected with Shane’s, and you brace yourself for an obnoxious or over protective comment.

“It’s about goddamn time.”

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal imagine #shane dio morrissey #dio morrissey #dio morrissey imagine #dio morrissey x reader

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 10/1/21: VENOM: LET THERE BE CARNAGE, THE ADDAMS FAMILY II, THE MANY SAINTS OF NEWARK, TITANE, MAYDAY, THE JESUS MUSIC

Yeah, so I haven’t had the time over the past couple weeks to write a column, and I kind of hate that fact, especially since I’m coming up on a pretty major milestone for me writing a weekly box office column and reviewing movies. In fact, that milestone comes next week! And once again, I’m struggling to get through the movies I was hoping to watch and write about this week, because I’ve been out of town and once again, very busy over the weekend. Let’s see how far I get...

Before we get to this week’s wide releases, I’m excited to say that my local arthouse movie theater, The Metrograph, is finally reopening for in-person screenings, and they’re kicking things off with a 4k restoration of Andrez Zulawski’s 1981 thriller, Possession, starring Sam Neill and Isabell Adjani, who won a Best Actress prize at Cannes for her performance in the film. I actually saw this at the Metrograph a few years back, and Metrograph Pictures, the distribution arm of the company is now distributing the 4k restoration. There’s a lot of exciting things ahead at Metrograph, including an upcoming four-film Clint Eastwood retrospective, including White Hunter, Black Heart (1990) and A Perfect World (1991) this Friday. Also, Lingua Franca director Isabel Sandoval will be showing her fantastic film from 2020 (a rare chance to see it in a theater and I’ll be there!) as well as program a number of other favorites of hers. Sunday will have screenings of Ingmar Berman’s Scenes from a Marriage (1973) in its full four plus hour glory, Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic Park (1993) and John Carpenter’s In the Mouth of Madness (1994).. In other words, the Metrograph is back!

Moving over to the weekend’s three wide releases, the first one up being Sony’s VENOM: LET THERE BE CARNAGE (Sony Pictures) with Tom Hardy returning as Eddie Brock aka Venom, joined by Woody Harrelson as the psychotic symbiote, Carnage. Taking over the directing reins is Andy Serkis, who has only directed two other movies, Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle and Breathe, but as an actor, he’s been heavily involved with the CG VFX (and performance capture) needed to bring the characters in this Marvel anti-hero movie to life.

Venom has been one of Spider-Man’s most popular villains and sometimes allies for quite a few decades now, starting out life as a cool black costume Spider-Man found on a strange planet during the first “Secret Wars,” which turned out to be an alien symbiote that had malicious intentions. Spider-Man got the costume off of him but it then linked up with Eddie Brock, a sad-sack journalist whose emotions drove the alien symbiote to become the Venom we known and (mostly) love, thanks to one Todd McFarlane. Venom continued to play a large part in the Spider-Man books before getting his own comics, and not before a super-villain was created for him in Cletus Kasady, a vicious serial killer whose infection by the symbiote turns him into Carnage. And that’s who Harrelson is playing.

Being a sequel, we do have some basis to go on, although the original Venom movie, released in early October 2018, also arrived at a time when it was only the second time the character of Venom was brought to the big screen -- the first time being Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 3, in which the character was received without much love as Ryan Reynold’s Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. And yet, Venom did great, opening with $80.2 million and grossing $213 million domestically, which is more than enough to greenlight a sequel. (It made over double that amount overseas, too.) For comparison, the Wolverine prequel opened with $85 million but at the beginning of summer, so it quickly tailed away with other movies coming out after it. Venom: Let There Be Carnage has to worry about the new James Bond opening a week later, so it very likely could be a one-and-done, opening decently but quickly dropping down as other big movies are released in October (basically one a week).

I’ve already seen the movie, and by the time you read this, reviews will already be up --including my own at Below the Line. Social media reactions seem to not be so bad though, so maybe it’ll get better reviews than its predecessor, which was trashed by critics, receiving only a 30% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. But if you look at the fan ratings, they’re higher with 81%, although it’s hard not to be

I’m thinking that bearing COVID in mind and the law of depreciation since the previous movie, Venom: Let There Be Carnage will probably be good for around $50 million this weekend, maybe a little more, but however it’s received, I expect it to drop significantly next week, though a total domestic gross of $135 to 140 million seems reasonable.

Another strong sequel to kick off October is the animated THE ADDAMS FAMILY II (MGM), which is following up the 2019 hit for MGM/UA Releasing with most of the voice cast returning, including Oscar Isaac, Charlize Theron, Chloe Grace Moretz, and Finn Wolfhard, as well as Nick Kroll, Snoop Dogg, Martin Short, Catherine O’Hara, and Bette Midler voicing the popular characters from the New Yorker cartoons, a popular ‘60s TV series, and two Barry Sonnenfeld movies from the ‘90s.

The 2019 animated film was a pretty solid hit for the newly-launched UA Releasing, grossing $100 million domestic after a $30.3 million opening, making it one of MGM’s biggest hits since it was restructured under UA and became its own distributor again. Who knows what’s going to happen with Amazon’s plans on buying MGM and whether the latter will remain a distribution wing, but MGM still has a number of movies out this year that likely will be awards contenders. But that doesn’t mean much for The Addams Family II, which will try to get some of those people who paid to see the original movie in theaters back to see the sequel… and if they’re not going to theaters, MGM is once again offering the movie day-and-date on VOD much like they did with last year’s Bill and Ted Face the Music, which opened much earlier in the pandemic (late august, 2020), so it far fewer options to see it in theaters compared to this animated sequel.

It’s highly doubtful that The Addams Family II was going to open anywhere near to $30 million even if there wasn’t a pandemic, and it wasn’t on VOD just because MGM just doesn’t seem to be marketing the movie as well as its predecessor. You can blame COVID if you want, but it’s also the fact they’re distributing the company’s first James Bond movie in six years, No Time To Die, on their own vs. through another distributor, ala the last few Daniel Craig Bonds. But we’ll talk more about that next week, since that’s going to be an important movie to help cover MGM’s expenses for the rest of 2021. (I haven’t had a chance to see this yet, but it’s embargoed until Friday, so wouldn’t be able to get a review into the column regardless.)

We’ve seen quite a few family hits over the past few months even when the movies were already on streaming/VOD, but parents are probably being a bit more careful with kids back in school, many younger kids still not vaccinated, and the Delta variant still not quite under control. Because of those factors, I think The Addams Family II is more likely to do somewhere between $15 and 18 million its opening weekend, maybe more on the lower side.

Third up is THE MANY SAINTS OF NEWARK (New Line/WB), David Chase’s prequel to his hit HBO series, The Sopranos, which went off the air in 2004 but still finds fans on the new HBO Max streamer. Ironically, this prequel will air on the streamer at the same time as it's getting a theatrical release, which probably won't be a very tough choice for fans.

Chase has reunited with director Alan Taylor, who won a Primetime Emmy for his work on the show in 2007 before moving onto other popular shows like HBO's Game of Thrones. Taylor has had a bit of a rough career in film, though, having directed Marvel Studios’ sequel, Thor: The Dark World, a movie that wasn't received very well although there were rumors that Taylor butted heads with the producers and maybe didn't even finish the movie. He went on to direct Terminator Genesys, which honestly, I can't remember if it was the worst Terminator movie, but it was pretty bad.

What's interesting is that because this is a prequel set in the '70s and '80s, none of the actors from the show appear on it, but it does star Alessandro Nivola, a great actor in one of his meatiest roles for a studio movie. It also introduces Michael Gandolfini, son of the late James Gandolfini (who played Tony Soprano, if you didn't know), playing the teenage Tony, plus it has great roles for the likes of Jon Bernthal (as Tony's father), Vera Farmiga (playing Tony's mother), Corey Stoll (playing the younger "Junior” Soprano), and Lesile Odom Jr, as the Sopranos key adversary, even though he ends up coming across like the good guy of the movie. It also stars Billy Magnussen, who oddly, also has a key role in next week's No Time to Die.

I'm sure there's quite a bit of interest in seeing where Tony came from and to learn more about his family, many who were dead long before the events of the HBO show, but will that be enough to get them into theaters when they already have HBO? I already reviewed the movie for Below the Line, and reviews are generally positive, which might get people more interested in this prequel.

As with most of Warner Bros’ movies this year, Many Saints will also debut on HBO Max and unlike some of the studio’s other 2021 offerings, it will actually make more sense to watch this one on the streamer since that’s how most people watched The Sopranos. That seems like a killer for Many Saints, and it’s likely to keep it opening under $10 million, where it might have done better on a different weekend (like sometime over the last two weeks).

This is what I have this weekend’s top 10 looking like:

1. Venom: Let There Be Carnage (Sony) - $50.4 million N/A

2. The Addams Family II (MGM/UA Releasing) - $16.5 million N/A

3. The Many Saints of Newark (New Line/WB) - $9 million N/A

4. Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (Marvel/Disney) - $7.5 million -44%

5. Dear Evan Hansen (Universal) - $4.1 million -45%

6. Free Guy (20th Century/Disney) - $3.3 million -30%

7. Jungle Cruise (Disney) - $1.1 million -35%

8. Candyman (Universal) - $1.3 million -48%

9. Cry Macho (Warner Bros.) - $1 million -52%

10. Malignant (Warner Bros.) - .7 million -53%

Opening in select cities is French filmmaker Julia (Raw) Ducournau’s TITANE (Neon), the genre thriller that won this year’s coveted Palme D’Or at the Cannes Film Festival. It stars Agathe Rouselle as a young woman who has an interesting relationship with automobiles, but she also has psychotic tendencies that leaves a trail of bodies behind her. On the run, she decides to pretend she’s the missing son of a fireman (Vincent Lindon), who has been missing for 10 years, and things just get weirder from there.

I honestly wasen’t sure what to expect from this although I do remember walking out of Ducournau’s cannibal movie, Raw, just because it was so gross, even though so many of my colleagues and friends swear by the movie, and this one, for that matter. Sure, there’s a certain “prove it” factor to me watching a movie that wins the Palme D’Or, because it’s very rare that I like the movies that do win that benchmark cinema award.

After a flashback to Agathe’s character Alexia when she was an obstinate young girl kicking the back seat of her father as he’s driving. They crash and she’s forced to get surgery that puts an odd looking piece of metal in her head. Decades later, she seems to be a pseudo-stripper at weird punk rock car show -- I guess they do those things different in France -- and hooking up with a fellow “model” afterwards. Agathe is actually a very popular model/dancer but when one fan gets too grabby, she pulls a knitting needle out of her hair and stabs it through his ear, killing him. Oh, yeah, she then has sex with a car and seemingly gets pregnant, but that only happens later. First, she goes on a bit of a killing spree and then goes on a run and decides that by strapping up her breasts and breaking her nose, she can pass off this fire captain’s son… and it works!

So the second half deals with acting great Vincent Lindon’s absolutely bonkers steroid-addicted man who seems to be sexually attracted to his own son, and most of his fellow firefighters knows that he’s gay but in the closet, but I’m honestly not sure what that matters. He’s a pretty disgusting character whose 70-year-old ass we see way too much of, and even those who might find Rouselle to be quite fetching, there’s a certain point where her nudity is not alluring but quite horrifying.

Oh, and at this time, Alexia (or Adrien, as she’s now going) has also gotten significantly pregnant, but it’s not a normal pregnancy because what should be milk from her breasts seems to some sort of motor oil. That’s because she FUCKED A CAR earlier in the movie!!! What do you expect when you fuck a car and don’t use protection, girlie? The fact Alexia/Adrien is trying to hide the fact she’s a pregnant woman from a station full of men isn’t even particularly disturbing. The part that really got me was when she broke her own nose to pass off as this guy’s son -- I actually had to look away for that part.

Listen I’m no prude, and I think I can handle most things in terms of horror and gore, but Titane just annoyed me, because it felt like Ms Ducournau was doing a lot of what we see more for shock value than to actually drive the story forward. There just doesn’t seem to be much point to any of it, and once the movie gets to the firehouse, and we see her interaction (as a young man) with her “father” and his colleagues, it just gets more grueling.

It’s as if Ducournau had watched a lot of movies by the likes of Cronenberg or David Lynch, or more likely Nicolas Refn or Lars von Trier, and thought, “I could be just as strange and horrific as those men… let’s see what people think of this.” And way too many people fell for it, including the Cannes jury. While I normally would approve of any good body horror movie, especially one with cinematography, score and musical selections as good as this one, I doubt I’d ever want to watch this movie again. And therefore, I don’t think I can recommend this movie to anyone either, at least no one I want to remain my friend.

As far as the movie’s box office, NEON is opening the movie in 562 theaters to build on buzz from various film festivals, including the New York Film Festival earlier this week. I think it should be good for half a million this weekend, although maybe it'll surprise me like NEON's release of Parasite a few years back. I just don't see this getting into the top 10 but maybe just outside it.

And then we have a few more movies that I got screeners for but just couldn’t find the time to watch, but might do so once I finish this verdammt column.

The faith-based doc THE JESUS MUSIC (Lionsgate) by the Erwin Brothers (I Can Only Imagine, I Still Believe) takes a look at the rise of Christian Contemporary Music through artists like Amy Grant and Stryper and everything in between, featuring lots of interviews of the artists’ trials and triumphs. Even though there isn’t much CCM I ever listen to, I’m still kind of curious about this one, since I generally like music docs and this is guaranteed not to be the sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll of most of them. I have no idea how wide Lionsgate intends to release this but it certainly can be fairly wide, because the Erwins have delivered at least one giant hit for Lionsgate, and I Still Believe may have been another one if not for the pandemic. It actually opened on March 13, just days before movie theaters shut down across the country, so it's little surprise it only made $7 million domestic. That said, the acts in this one have a lot of fans, and if Lionsgate does release The Jesus Music into 1,000 theaters or so (which is very doable), then I would expect it would make between $1 and 2 million, which would be enough to break into the Top 10.

I haven't seen any of the movies based on Anna Todd's YA romance novels but the third of them, AFTER WE FELL, will play in about 1,311 theaters on Thursday i.e. tonight through Fathom Events, and may or may not continue through the weekend. These movies just kind of show up, and again, having not seen any of them, I'm not sure what kind of audience they have, but this one stars Josephine Langford and Hero Fiennes, as well as Stephen Moyer, Mira Sorvino and Arielle Kebbel with Castille Landon directing.

Grace Van Patten (Under the Silver Lake) stars in Karen Cinorre’s action-fantasy film MAYDAY (Magnolia), playing Ana, a young woman who is transported to a “dreamlike and dangerous” coastline where she joins a female army in a never-ending war where women lure men to their deaths. It also stars Mia Goth, Havana Rose Liu, Soko, Théodore Pellerin and Juliette Lewis. It will be in theaters and On Demand this Friday.

The great Tim Blake Nelson stars in Potsy Ponciroli’s action-Western OLD HENRY (Shout! Studios/Hideout) about a widowed farmer and son who take in an injured man with a satchel full of cash only to have to fend off a posse who come after the man, claiming to be the law. Not sure who to trust, the farmer has to use his gun skills to defend his home and the stranger.

The romantic-comedy FALLING FOR FIGARO (IFC Films) is the new movie from Australian filmmaker Ben Lewin (The Sessions), who I’ve interviewed a few times, and he’s a really nice chap. This one stars Danielle Macdonald, Hugh Skinner, and Joanna Lumley, and it will be in theaters and On Demand this Friday. This rom-com is set in the world of opera singing competitions with Macdonald playing Millie, a brilliant young fund manager who decides to chase her dream of being an opera singer in the Scottish Highlands. She begins vocal training lessons with a former opera diva, played by Lumley, where she meets Max, a young man also training for that competition. Could love blossom? This actually sounds like my kind of movie, so I’ll definitely try to watch soon.

The second season of “Welcome to Blumhouse” the horror movie anthology kicks off on Amazon Prime Video on Friday with the first two movies, Maritte Lee Go’s Black as Night (which I’ve seen) and Gigi Saul Guerrero’s Bingo Night (which I haven’t), and actually I’ll have an interview with Ms. Go over at Below the Line possibly later this week. The former stars Ashja Cooper as a teen girl living in Louisiana who has a bad experience with homeless vampires, along with her best friend (Fabrizio Guido).

Also, Antoine Fuqua and Jake Gyllenhaal’s remake of the Danish film THE GUILTY will begin streaming on Netflix starting Friday after premiering at TIFF a few weeks back. I never got around to reviewing it, but it’s pretty good, maybe a little better than the original movie but essentially the same. I’d definitely recommend it if you like Jake, because he’s definitely terrific in it.

Also hitting Netflix this week is Juana Macias' SOUNDS LIKE LOVE (Netflix), a Spanish language romance movie that (guess) I haven't seen!

A few other movies I didn’t get to this week, include:

STOP AND GO (Decal) VAL (Dread) BLUSH (UA Releasing) RUNT (1091 Pictures)

Next week, it’s not time for James Bond, it’s time for James Bond to die… no, wait… there is NO TIME TO DIE! Also, a very, very special anniversary for the Weekend Warrior….

#The Weekend Warrior #Venom: Let There Be Carnage #Many Saints of Newark #Addams Family II #movies #review #box office #reviews #The Jesus Music #Titane

[the-fiction-witch]

Black and white

REAL LIFE

COUPLE TBS X READER

RATING ADORABLE

I sat in bed, my back against the headboard, the lamp on the bedside table illuminating the room as I sat on my phone scrolling through looking at pictures. Thomas sat beside me deep in his laptop barely looking up except to sip his cup of tea as our little kitten Sally Ann got cosy cuddled up on top of the covers between the cover bulges of my leg and the one of Thomas'. 

I glanced at him smiling widely seeing him sat there his blonde and brown hair fluffy and fuzzy where he had a bath the slight pink grapefruit smell emanating from his head where he stole my shampoo, his skin glowing in the lamplight his chocolate eyes reflecting his computer screen slightly, his fingers pressed to his lips slightly biting on his nail I wanted to stop him but he wasn't like chewing on it or anything just holding it in his teeth as he was thinking, the tiny sharp spikes of stubble jetting out from his chin and the corners of his upper mouth where he hasn't shaved all week due to us forgetting razors when we went shopping. His blue faded motorbike shirt hanging off his skinny body but hugging his upper arms where the has been lifting lately to try and in his own words 'look less like a victorian present boy' I was surprised in all honesty to see him still in a shirt but it was rather chilly of an evening now, his stretchy grey boxer shorts clinging to him only making a slight appearance above the covers his laptop sat in his lap with the covers between him and the laptop. I smiled moving my head into his shoulder even if his bones slightly poked me 

"Hi" I smiled looking up at him seeing a smile creep onto his lips 

"Hi" he smiled back kissing my head "I have a question actually for you"

"Ohh?"

"Do we need… a kitchen box that says cheese?" He asks showing the tab with said item

"No.."

"It has a mouse on it"

"Do you think we need one Thomas?"

"I don't know that's why I asked"

"What are you even doing?"

"Looking at the registry site. I'm like twenty pages deep some of this stuff is weird" he explained

"Ooohh… I like the vintage style standing mixer" I pointed out

"It's like four hundred pounds"

"So? It's our wedding registry, for gifts. Other people will buy us this stuff" I explain

"Why can't I just use Amazon?"

"Because then it will be all motorbike parts and industrial candy. I know you" I laughed giving his cheek a kiss and going back to my own phone 

"Most of it is like...home goods. Which we do not need"

"We don't, that's the thing because wedding gifts are traditionally like things for the home to build a life. The issue is we already live together, and have done for many years. Any homegoods we needed we bought"

"Exactly, however I did find plates with bunnies on"

"Are they on the list?"

"Are they on the list?" He laughs "my beautiful little flower, I saw a set of plates with bunny rabbits on. Of course they are in our wedding registry. Do you think I'm an idiot?" 

"How did you know I'd want bunny plates?'

"I love you enough to marry you y/n. I know you well enough to know you will want plates with bunnies on" he laughs "that and some of ours are looking kinda…"

"Shitty"

"Yeah a little bit"

"One of them is your fault."

"Is it?"

"I made you a sandwich on it while you were working on your bike, you spilt something on it when the plate was empty and now it won't come off. I have tried everything I even pressure washed that plate it doesn't come off"

"Oohh… that may have been chemical metal"

"See this is why we don't have fancy stuff in our house"

"True"

"We should put like pans and cookware in it ours is falling apart, and if people buy us fancy ones then we won't have to replace them forever"

"Ahh yep, good call" he says "shit!"

"What?"

"They make like a lock for your motorbike that goes over the brake and accelerator so it can't get nicked!"

"Ooohhh"

"May I add that to the list my flower?"

"Yes" I giggled

"Yes! Ummm I love you" he smiled hugging me closely 

"Awww I love you too babe" I laughed giving him a kiss 

"What are you up to anyway?" He asks trying to see my phone

"None of your business" 

"Hey come on let me see"

"Nope! Bad luck"

He sighed and stole my phone 

"Ooohh" he says as he looked "awww somebodies looking forward to her first fitting"

"I'm curious" I said taking my phone back

"Any ideas?"

"Yes but you don't get to know"

"I'm not trying to find out what the dress looks like. I just am curious what you're considering, because you know your dress decision affects… most of our wedding planning"

"No it doesn't"

"If you suddenly Change your mind on the theme because of your dress it's going to affect things" he says "also the style will affect whatever you make the girls wear, and what I have to make the boys wear, also what I have to make my mum wear. And Flowers"

"I'm thinking" I answered

"Nothing you wanna ask? Before tomorrow?'

"Will you cry?'

"I imagine I will"

"Even if I look bad?" I asked leaning in him again

"You won't look bad"

"What if I just turn up in your sweatpants and a white shirt?' 

"I'll still cry, no matter what you wear my flower" he says kissing my head "am I allowed to cry or will you punch me if I start crying at our wedding?'

"I may punch you"

"Noted"

".... Thomas?"

"Ummmm?"

"How would you feel about me in… a black wedding dress?" I asked 

There was silence "w-what?'

"A black wedding dress"

"Uuuuuhhh… how black?'

"Like black, black"

"Like ashy, grey tones?"

"Like morticia addams"

"Ooh. Uuuhh. I don't know, never really thought about it I guess."

"Well think about it"

"Never imagined you in a black dress"

"Why not?"

"Because wedding dresses tend to be… white"

"I'm not a Virgin. We all know this." 

"Is that the reason you don't want a white dress?"

"No, I just...I don't know feel like that could be cool for me" 

"Your mother is never going to let you have a black wedding dress"

"It ain't her wedding"

"Okay. Y/n, I love you. you can wear whatever you want to our wedding whatever you walk down the aisle in will make me cry, you can be a little Gothic black flower at our wedding if you want" he says giving my lips a kiss holding my hand slightly fiddling with my engagement ring and giving my hand a kiss 

"I'm thinking about just have a huge black wedding dress, and black heels," I smiled 

"Ooohh… that could be cool. Like a massive ball gown?" 

"Yeah, maybe. But you'll not know until our wedding. Bad luck"

"You and your Goddamn superstition"

"You're marrying me you know this" I laughed 'maybe if I have a black wedding dress maybe as like a fun idea you could have a white suit?"

"I do like hot in a white suit" he says "in fact I do have a white suit already… so. Saving money?"

"And you could wear a black shirt instead of a white one?"

"I'm mad because I like that"

"It would be a cool thing wouldn't it? For wedding pictures? Me in black you in white"

".... I am open to this idea. Do whatever you want with your dress but I need to think now"

"Why?"

"I kinda just assumed I had no choice in my suit. And now I do… I need to think"

"You can wear whatever you want Thomas I'll still be happy" I smiled.

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Good morning! Whats your favorite show/movie? Who are your favorite characters? Why do you like them so much? Also!! Did you have a good sleep?

Okay so I was a film major for a while, and I have opinions. 

Penny Dreadful 

I love this show. Like, so much. I adore it. I can not get enough of that show. Just all of the imagery, and the fantastic writing and acting. The episode intro alone is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Eva Green is a goddess and I love everything she’s been in. The take on classic horror stories is So Good, and it actually became the inspiration for my Gay Frankenstein story! (Started as a stitch AU, and then went completely OC after I had Ideas) but the show itself is so intimate? I think it’s largely that the period they’re in, everything was so repressed and restricted. So when the characters break out of those moments, it’s more meaningful. And the love-hate relationship between Ms. Ives and Malcolm in season one? Exquisite.  I could literally write essay’s about this show, but I’ll restrain myself and just say: it’s the best ensemble show I’ve ever seen. The characters come together, but they also each have their own distinct lives that sometimes intersect, but in s2 especially, are quite separate. They are constant with one another like ensemble shows usually portray. Also gothic horror and romance? My absolute favorite. 

Anything by Guillermo del Toro

This man Owns My Entire Soul. I’m not even joking, everything he writes and directs is perfection. Crimson Peak is probably my favorite (I have a stitch AU for this too ;) ) because again, Gothic horror and romance. I’m a slut for that shit. Also Tom Hiddleston and Jessica Chastain? Delightful casting. I think it’s obvious by now that I love tragic relationships, so their dynamic is *chef’s kiss* amazing. they’re so damaged. And this quote right here is one of the BEST things I’ve ever read: 

“But the horror... The horror was for love. The things we do for love like this are ugly, mad, full of sweat and regret. This love burns you and maims you and twists you inside out. It is a monstrous love and it makes monsters of us all.”

Engrave that on my headstone, please?? I’ve got a sort-of Dorian Gray AU (it’s delightful) that’s basically built on this entire premise. Mitch makes the mistake of falling in love with Stiles, and does many terrible things because of it. Mostly to himself, at least. 

I think my love of Crimson Peak is very closely tied with The Shape of Water. another beautiful movie, I could wax poetic about this forever. it was beautifully written, and such an artistic movie. I love the way it was filmed, and the set design, and all of the subtle imagery. Such as Elisa’s apartment being cast in cooler tones, it always felt very damp and had evidence of water damage, compared to Giles’, a mirror image of her own, in more warm tones. This is another one I could (and have) write essays about. There is so much packed into this movie, from the themes on toxic masculinity and entitlement, to the conversation on queerness and race and disability, and how all the various relationships are portrayed. Like. there is so much to pick apart in this movie. 

Aside from that, ofc Hell Boy deserves an honorable mention because i grew up on those movies. I’m pretty sure the Golden Army especially is responsible for who I am today, given all the lore on the fae in that universe. Wow, that explains so much about me... Also one of my first WoW characters was an elf named Nuala xD I still have her, too, and it’s been like 12 years lol

Near-Future Sci-Fi

Sci-fi is one of my favorite genres, I am a huge nerd for theoretical and astrophysics. But my favorite kind of sci-fi is the stuff that still takes place on Earth, rather than epic battles in space. Ex Machina and Annihilation are at the top of that list. Alex Garland is another writer/director that I love. He has the same kind of approach as del Toro, where he puts a lot of fine details into his work. And I love that it’s very cerebral; there are so many layers to Ex Machina. My English 101 prof actually refused to analyze it in class when I suggested it to him, because he didn’t think my class could. Basically handle? Dissecting that movie? Because a lot of it comes across as very surface level, but in some cases when you look deeper, it’s actually suggesting the opposite of what you might think at first glance. (And he was right, my fellow students were awful. I miss that class though, it was one of my favorites T_T Mr. Ryder was an awesome dude and super chill.) 

Morgan is another good example. As you can see, I fucking love androids lol. Which brings me to another of my all time favorite movies: Cloud Atlas. I could literally watch this movie endlessly, I love it so much. The acting, the writing, the filming, all of it is top notch. And one thing they did in the movie that didn’t come across in the book, was reusing the same actors through the different eras in the book. That was just so neat, because it really encapsulates how connected these souls are, as we follow the threads of their story throughout time. If you haven’t seen the movie, I can’t recommend it enough.  

Another one I always think of alongside Cloud Atlas, even though they aren’t related at all, is Predestination. It’s a great movie that explores the idea of fate and free will in a really clever way, utilizes time travel in a very organized way that I think was neat (think Umbrella Academy. They even use briefcases! As you can see, I love sci-fi bureaucracy, it’s fun. In fact The Bureau is another movie I enjoyed) and the main character is actually, explicitly trans, which was cool. You basically get to see the entire story of their life, and I don’t want to spoil anything, but it’s just. So good. Mindfuckery galore. 

Shoot, and I almost forgot! Arrival! That is one of the best movies, and another one I could watch nonstop. It focuses on mathematics and linguistics and I swear to god, I almost altered my entire college course because of this movie. Amy Addams is brilliant, Jeremy Renner is so soft and nerdy, and again, it has an amazing take on time travel. I am very particular about how time is handled in Sci-fi, and this portrayal was one of my favorite. (Most of my physics studies have been dedicated to the theory of time, so like. Strong Opinions.) 

Fantasy

Stardust! It wasn’t until Good Omens can out that I realized Neil Gaiman is responsible for most of the stories I loved as a kid lol, and I had no idea he wrote stardust! But that is such a beautiful movie (I have a Stardust AU lol) and it’s definitely one of my comfort movies. Captain Shakespeare is one of the best characters ever, bless Robert de Niro. I would die for him. Fun fact, i had no idea Ipswitch was a real place until like. 2019. I 100% thought it was made up for the movie 😂

Alongside Stardust, I’ve always loved The Golden Compass. It’s fantasy, but also with that old-timey steampunk science feel, which is so fun and surprisingly difficult to find! 

Mortal Engines also has the same kind of feel, and it was such an epic movie in every sense of the word. I’m a little sad that after all the work that went into it, it didn’t get a dedicated following or fan base, because I feel there’s so much potential in it. But at the same time, fandom tends to gather around media that has plenty of flaws for us to repair with gold, and there wasn’t much room for that in Mortal Engines. 

I’m going to put Jupiter Ascending here even though it technically fits with the sci-fi, because that section is long as fuck and also this movie has such a fantastic feel. Mila Kunis? beautiful. The CGI? beautiful. Eddy Redmayne? One of the best villain portrayals i’ve ever seen. The whole oedipal vibe he had was immaculate, as was their portrayal of reincarnation, and just. The world building. GOD. I get so weak for through world building. Also the fkn intergalactic bureaucracy when they’re basically at the space DMV? One of my all time favorite scenes in movie history. 

Horror

I have very little room in my life for horror. As I said, I have strong movie opinions, especially when it comes to horror movies. I don’t like how most of them rely on cheap jump scares and overused gore and gratuitous rape scenes, instead of, y'know, actual good writing. 

Which is EXACTLY why I adore It: Chapter 1 & 2. It has none of those things, but still manages to be so terrifying. They are my favorite horror movies, and I’m saying this as someone who has genuine childhood trauma bc of the novel. Like. I couldn’t shower/take baths alone until I was almost 10 T_T When I was 6-7 and saw kids play by storm drains, I would run over screaming about how Pennywise was going to get them. Like, I had issues man. I was terrified to see the first one, and wouldn’t go until I could go with my best friend after she had already seen it, so she could warn me when something scary was about to happen 😂

And, one of my favorite aspects of the movie, and the thing that gave me Mad Respect for Any Muschietti? The way he filmed Bev and her father. They have a character who is literally being molested, but they never once have to show it. And yet their interactions are still so viscerally upsetting to watch. Sexploitation puts me off of most horror, and the fact that Muschietti doesn’t use it here, even when it would be actually somewhat justified? *chef’s kiss*. I love him. 

I love horror as a concept, I’m just really picky about it because I expect the writing to be good. I don’t like short cuts. But in a lot of cases, even if I don’t enjoy the movie itself, I love to watch analysis videos on youtube! I love to see the philosophy and symbolism in different horror movies, even if i don’t like to watch the movies themselves. It’s a fun hobby. 

Misc. 

Then in general, some other stuff I love in no particular order:

The Internship (Bless Dylan, Stuart is such a bitch and I love him) 

American Assassin (ofc. The writing itself is eh, but Mitch is my man) 

Dylan’s episode of Weird City. (I actually have a lot of feelings about this one. Jordan Peele is another amazing writer/director, I really need to catch up on his works.) 

Dorian Gray (*chef’s kiss*)

Rogue One (Makes me cry every time) 

WARCRAFT (Obviously this is a fav. It made me so happy, words cannot express.) 

Coraline and most other stop motion animation. I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for that. 

Literally anything associated with Tim Burton. Fun fact, when I was 12 and in middle school, I planned to decorate my future house inspired by tim burton. Like, i had Plans. 

Most adaptations of Alice in Wonderland!

So! this got long as fuck! But you said you like that kind of thing lol 😂 I had kinda Eh sleep since I was up so late lmao, and I kept waking up (as usual, rip). And I’m so mad I go up for nothing! The dude I was supposed to show my listing to never showed, and is refusing to answer my calls >_> It’s been 2 hours now, and I still haven’t heard from him. But whatever, I already have a full price cash offer on the house so who cares. And that means I can play WoW all day, now! 

[smokeybrandreviews]

Shock to the Heart

I wanted to come through and give my impression of that Cruella trailer that dropped yesterday but then WB hit us with that Mortal Kombat action today and then just a teeny bit more of that good Goji shine a few hours later. i am just kind of overwhelmed. I didn’t realize so much of this first quarter would be full dope, new, cinema for which to partake. There’s no way I'm going near a theater yet, shots or not, but i have faith that the industry won’ collapse before the year is out. That said, here re my thought and impressions of the trailers dropped in, like, that last week or so.

Zack Snyder’s Justice League

I already talked about this at length. You can just search for the full take but, in short, the trailer is cut real nice but Snyder has a background in commercials so dude knows how to make a great trailer. I’m real sus about the content of the narrative but am totally willing to give it a four hour shot, mostly because of the high potential for rubbernecking a train wreck. Joker looks cool, though.

Cruella

This one surprised me. I was already on board for this villain re-imaging strictly based on the cast but, after seeing it in action, i must say, i am quite intrigued. Maleficent will always be my favorite Disney villain but Cruella De Vil was a very close second. Of all the assholes in these Disney fairy tales, Cruella was objectively vile. She wasn’t cartoonish in nature or some sort of caricature, chick was just ruthless and a straight up psychopath. He was motivated by skinning puppies to make a f*cking coat! Cruella wasn’t trying to usurp a throne or kill a monster with a heart of gold, or anything like that. She was an irredeemable monster and i am curious how Disney makes people identify with something like that. I think that’s why the trailer is giving of mad crazy Joker vibes. I trust Emma Stone to be brilliant in anything she does but I dunno. Joaquin was dope as Joker but everything else around him was kind of a wet fart. I’m inclined to think, from what we’ve seen so far, that is how Cruella might end up. That said, 2021 is overwhelming me with hot, crazy, chicks. First, they gift me Tall Vampire Mommy, then i get the news that there is a Wednesday Addams show directed by Tim Burton in the works, and now this Emma Stone’d Cruella is giving me the vapors. I am overwhelmed by the swoon, man. The swoon!

Mortal Kombat

Man, my boy Scorpion looks good, don't he? I don’t talk about this enough but i f*cking love Mortal Kombat. I was an MK guy back when Street Fighter II was destroying arcades and never looked back. Yes, i was alive during the arcade heyday, I'm old as dirt. I was even there, opening night, for the original, Paul Anderson flick and i loved every second of it. To me, it’s one of the best video game adaptions to ever hit the big screen. Suffice it to say, I am a massive fan of this franchise. I love the lore and how it's reinterpreted every time the story is retold. Later attempts were not so kind to that narrative, f*ck all of MK: Annihilation,  but we eventually got that web series which was actually quite excellent. Mortal Kombat: Legacy was only two seasons, i don’t think it ever properly concluded, but this new MK flick feels a lot like that show and i am loving it! The fights look epic, the violence has impact, and the gore is palpable. You don't see a lot of it but, those last few seconds where Sub-Zero totally destroys a team of Special Ops goons with a knife made out of frozen blood? Bro, you can’t tell me that sh*t wasn’t hype! I don't know how good of a narrative they crafted from the bones of that MK canon but that doesn't matter. I like what I saw and I'm definitely going to check this thing out in April when it drops.

#Zack Snyder's Justice League #Cruella #Mortal Kombat

[darling-i-read-it]

The Addams

Danny Torrance x reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: none

Author’s Note: I love Danny and I love the Addams so I put that here and I swear I MISS HALLOWEEN SO MUCH screw every other holiday and day in general

Requested: by @mikefaistonbroadway Hey!Could you maybe write something about how the reader loves Halloween and so does Abra but Danny hates it because of his past experiences.Danny and the Reader like each other but ya know they’re duMb, anywho then maybe Abra and the Reader think up a plan and eventually the reader surprises Danny with matching costumes and just idk helps him feel more comfortable about Halloween and then the trio go out and about while Abra trick or treats just something cute maybe?I miss Halloween 😂❤️

Summary: the request!

Genre: fluff!

Song:

(not my gif)

“What do..wait..wait you don’t like halloween?” Your mind was currently being blown and you were kind of everywhere about it. You and Dan Torrance met each other during the November Thanksgiving craze the year before and this was your first proper Halloween with him as a friend. You had just learned that he hated the holiday and you to be honest you kind of looked like you were going to throw hands.

Halloween was kind of your thing. Everyone knew it as it wasn’t hard to tell with you watching the horror movies year round and constantly wearing black that made you look like a witch. Somehow though you had never asked Danny how he felt about the holiday which you supposed was your mistake. But right now you just needed to know how your best friend and crush didn't like Halloween.

“Ever since The Overlook I haven’t celebrated,” he admitted. Abra watched from the side, fully aware of your love for the holiday and for Dan. She was also aware of his love for you which sent her going crazy sometimes.

“Okay I understand but we can’t be friends,” you said and Abra would’ve laughed if she wasn’t so unsure that you were joking. You really loved Halloween. Danny did laugh a little however but stopped seeing how you looked pretty serious.

“Listen, I’ll celebrate with you this year how about that?” he gave in a bit. He knew how happy this holiday made you. The decorations, the movies, the costumes. If your face didn’t light up Spirit Halloween he would be sure to call a morgue because you were long dead. You let out a breath and smiled.

“You don’t have to. But I’m going to and you cannot stop me,” you said with a sweet smile. He rolled his eyes and you walked across his little place to grab some food.

You were otherwise busy for the next few days as you planned your Halloween things, putting up decorations and getting things together. It was October first and there was still so many things to do.

When Abra approached you and asked if you wanted to get together with Dan and make him like Halloween you were all too happy to hear her plans. Of course, she had an ulterior motive however you didn’t know about that.

You got some food and candy together for Halloween and asked Dan if he could come to Abras to pass out candy. He has offered to celebrate with you and you figured it would be the easiest way to get him to her house.

He said yes of course and came over when he was called. Abra was already dressed in a cool costume from a show you didn’t watch. She has tried to explain it to you a few times but it went over your head every time.

“Hey! Welcome welcome,” you said, opening the door for Dan. He came in and caught sight of Abra in her costume.

“My girls! You look so good Abba doo,” he said and she smiled.

“I know! Y/N has something for you,” he teased and you gave her a pointed look. Danny turned to you and you shrugged, deciding now was better than never.

“I know you said you don’t do Halloween but you’ve also never done Halloween with me,” you told him carefully. He raised an eyebrow. “And I bought us costumes so that we could take Abra trick or treating but I will by no means make you go. I just figured you may have more fun with us, as an adult then you would as a kid with all that stuff still fresh in your head.”

Abra chewed on a Reese’s cup.

Dan looked between her and your worried face, ready for him to be mad you had bought him a costume.

“What costume?”

“Morticia and Gomez. From the Addams family. Abra helped me pick them out,” you admitted. She smiled devilishly. Couples costumes were her speciality.

He looked between the two of you again and smiled softly at you.

“Sure. Sure, let’s do it.” You squealed and threw your arms over him. He tensed at that and the easily let you melt into his protective grasp. You pulled away too quickly and pulled his arm, going to grab the costumes. You handed it to him in the bathroom and showed him the picture on yours.

“Sorry it’s a couple. Abra was insistent,” you said quietly. He shook his head.

“I like you. I mean-I-I like them. They’re good.” He spit out and then grew tense at his words of an accidental confession. Your eyes went wide and you smiled. There was a beat of silence.

“I like you too Danny. Put on the costume.” He waited a moment to let that sink in and then you kissed him softly, surprising him. Then you were gone, going to put on your costume. He quickly changed, laughing at the size because you had gotten it just right. When he came out you were already talking to Abra, your dress fitting you perfectly and your hair softly put down into curls he hadn’t noticed before.

You turned, a new kind of smile on your face.

“You look amazing!” you told him. He shrugged.

“You look better,” he promised. You blushed and Abra ate another piece of candy.

“Come on, candy awaits you lovebirds,” she teased and you rolled your eyes, grabbing her bag and heading for the door. She raced and grabbed it from you and there was a chorus of laughter as you left the hours.

Following Abra you and Danny walked down the street, hand in hand, the moonlight of Halloween night illuminating your silhouettes.

Ewan: @daphne-fandom-writing, @satanslov3r @records-and-stardust @broodybats @starwarsprequelfangirl

#danny torrance x reader #danny torrance imagines #dan torrance imagines #dan torrance x reader

[bunnyramen]

Shinsou took a long deep breath, a bit nervous for his first day in Class 1a. He had been moved somewhat abruptly when some grape kid was expelled, Kinetic was it?

The lavender headed boy normally didn’t get nervous, it usually only showed on the inside.

But anyone could tell from his stance and his tightened back pack straps that he was mentally sweating bullets.

He decided to just go for it, it’s usually what Pops (Mic) told him to do, or at least that’s what he did when he asked out Dad.

And his brother Todoroki was in here, it shouldn’t be too bad.

He slid open the door to reveal everyone in little spots talking about whatnot, only some turning to look his way.

“Hey Shinsou!” The boy he had gotten to know as Kirishima Eijirou left his small group gathered around a couple desks and started walking towards him.

Was it normal to be squinting in a ordinarily lit room, or was this guy just that bright?

“I’m so glad you got to come to our class, especially with such a cool quirk! I mean when you’re in it, it feels so strange! Like this one...” once again, Kirishima began to ramble about something that Shinsou really wanted to pay attention to but couldn’t.

—-

“It looks like another person has fallen victim to Kirishima’s cuteness.” Kaminari shook his head sadly as he watched Kirishima y’all at Shinsou, remembering the first time he met Kirishima.

Min had been pushing him to be more outgoing during the summer before U. A. and it really paid off when he confidently introduced himself to Kaminari, the blonde was a bit star struck .

He had no choice but to befriend the overly bright boy.

—-

“Sorry, I’m talking too much, aren’t I?” Kirishima stopped himself right in the middle of his story. He looked up questioningly at him, Shinsou noticing their height difference.

“Yeah, but it’s fine. I mean, I’d rather have someone talking to me than being ignored.” He chuckled nervously, putting a hand on his neck.

“Well, I know you know Kaminari but you’re going to love Mina, Sero, and Jirou! I don’t know about Bakugou, ‘cause of the sports festival but we’ll see.” Kirishima grabbed his other hand and started bringing him over to his group of friends.

Shinsou’s cheeks turned pink without his will nor consent.

—-

“It hasn’t even been three minutes and his cheeks are already pink from being in close proximity of Kirishima. That’s gotta be a new record!” Mina pointed out as the lavender boy was brought over to their group.

“I’m surprised Kirishima doesn’t notice every time it happens.” Jirou put her feet on the desk, showing off the new patch she put on her pants. She was pretty proud of it since it was made by Momo herself.

“You know how dense Kirishima is, if the world’s oxygen cut off for five seconds, he’d probably still try and continue breathing.” Sero flicked a paper football through Kaminari’s waiting fingers, hitting the boy in the nose.

Bakugou nodded in agreement, going back to finishing up his English homework.

“Hey guys!” Speak of the angel, Kirishima came into hearing distance with Shinsou in tow, slightly hunched because of how low Kirishima’s hand was.

“Sup Shinsou!” Kaminari turned around in his chair since he was facing Sero.

“Hey, you’re that kid from the sports festival! Welcome to class 1-a!” Mina patted him on the back rather roughly, pushing a cough out of Shinsou.

Bakugou looked him up and down, “Ew.” He mumbled.

“Dude, be more respectful! If it were Minoa or whatever, I would say have at it but Shinsou’s nice!” Kirishima unknowingly held the lavender haired boy’s hand a bit tighter, momentarily forgetting that they were still holding hands.

“Boomer is just mad that Shinsou spit facts before the sports festival.” Kaminari dogged the oncoming pencil with about as much grace as a broken legged gazelle, the pencil clocking him in the side of the head.

“Denks, are you okay?” Kirishima walked over to him quickly, letting go of Shinsou’s hand, who wouldn’t admit to himself that he missed it already.

The redhead checked the side of Denki’s head, sighing when he found nothing wrong.

“Dude, that was so rude! You could’ve seriously hurt Denki!” He hugged the blonde to his chest protectively, Kaminari’s cheeks rapidly turned a bright red fire hydrant color.

He laughed dazedly, seeming to be having the time of his life.

“Well, he should shut the fuck up if he knows what’s good for him!” Bakugou raises another pencil threateningly, Kirishima glares at him.

“You throw that, and you’re history.” Kirishima raised an eyebrow, daring him to do it.

Bakugou stares for a while before putting the pencil down and going back to his work, Kirishima smiling.

The redhead breathed in to say something but Aizawa came in, telling everyone that butts should be in chairs and mouths should be shut.

Aizawa tiredly trudged up to the podium, asking for Shinsou to come up next to him.

Shinsou stood up from his place in the back, walking just as tiredly up to the podium next to his Dad.

“This is Shinsou Hitoshi, he’s moving from the General Departments to Class 1-A. Any questions?” Yellow eyes looked around the room for any signs of hands.

“Is Shinsou your son?” Deku raised his hand from the back of the room, getting his notebook ready for a new page.

“Yes.” Aizawa decided in that moment that there was no hiding anything from the observant boy.

There really wasn’t an uproar like Aizawa expected, just small murmurs of “I knew it.” And “That makes sense.”

“Anyway’s Hitoshi, you can go back to your seat.” He patted the boy on the back.

As Hitoshi walked back, he caught glimpse of Kirishima smiling at him, making the corners upturn a bit.

“Alright class, today....”

——-

As Shinsou sat down with Midoriya and the self proclaimed “DekuSquad” for lunch, Kirishima approached him holding a book in his hands.

“Hope you don’t mind but I drew you, as a welcoming present to class 1-A!” Kirishima flipped his heavily stickered sketchbook to a page and handed it to Shinsou, the boy down his chopsticks and grabbed the book.

Shinsou blinked a few times, expecting a child like doodle of some sort but this was so far from it.

Ochako looked over his shoulder, failing to keep in a small gasp.

It was him, but he was in action, using his capture weapon to tie up bad guys, he looked kind of like spider man with his webbing. The hero outfit he had on was styled with so much detail and finesse that it looked like a photograph at first glance.

He very much liked the design.

“Kirishima, this is amazing. Do you mind if I keep it?” Shinsou said monotone and deep, as he always did, but you could tell something different was behind it.

“Oh! Sure thing!” Kirishima looked surprised that he would even ask, ripping out the page in his book carefully and handing it to him.

“Thank you, Kirishima.” He gave him a small grateful smile.

“Of course! No need to thank me!” He scampered off back to his table.

“Wait, there’s writing on the back!” Ochako flipped over and placed it back in his hands.

“What’s it say?” Midoriya finished up his noodles and pushed the bowl away from himself.

“I am quite curious myself, actually.” Iida looked at him, Todoroki doing the same.

Attached to the picture was a little red post it nots, written in Kirishima’s squiggly, loopy handwriting read “Hey Shinsou! Wanna go out for ice cream after school? My treat! Text me (679-999-8212)-Kirishima”

“Looks like Kirishima-kun likes you, kero.” Shinsou blushed ten-fold at her boldness,

Tsuyu smiling somewhat smugly.

This time Shinsou smiled broadly, Midoriya getting a small shiver down his spine from how uncanny it looked compared to Aizawa- Sensei’s.

He pulled out his phone and typed in the number, replying with a one word answer.

“Yes.”

—-

(Small story to the ice cream shop. Aizawa and Mic also showed us since it was also their date night, and while ordering Mic saw them sitting at a table. Aizawa thinks to himself, “Huh, not blonde like I expected but red is fine too.” And they both go over there and they just all sit together. Kirishima learns that Aizawa Sensei can be really funny in a Wednesday Addams sorta way. Mic says something like “I wish Shouto could’ve been here to see his little brother on his first date!” Shinsou and Kirishima both blush, the other not realizing it did look like a date. And in walks Todoroki, coming in to order his weekly salted caramel ice cream. Mic is loudly waving him over and Aizawa quiets him down. And the 5 of them just eat ice cream together.)

@deepseawave Happy Valentine’s Day!! I love you! I got really inspired by one of your posts (as you can read) and WOW JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH!! YOU ARE SO AWESOME!!

Oh and the backpack! I don’t know if you can see but there are little pins it, Present mic, Eraserhead, Todoroki, Eri, and Midoriya.

#bnha #bnha kirishima #my hero academia #eijirou kirishima #shinsou hitoshi #bakusquad #protective kiri #hell yeah #kamikiri #but its just a crush really #kirishinkami??? #maybe the start?? #but for now its just kirishinsou #shinkiri #kirishin #valentines day #dadmic #dadzawa #bnha denki kaminari #kyoka jirou #bakugou katsuki #tsuyu asui #urakara ochako #shoto todoroki #erasermic family #iida tenya #mina ashido #sero hanta #kiri was about to whoop bakus ass real quick 👀👀 #everybody loves kirishima

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: June 2020

Still staying in as much as I can and reading/watching/playing lots of stuff. Stay safe out there, wear a mask, and maybe check out some of this stuff!

……….FILM……….

Color Out of Space (2019) I didn’t know much about this outside of it being based on a story by Lovecraft and seeing the poster and I’m glad that was the case. It was trippy and tense and a little arty and silly in moments but all great.

……….TELEVISION……….

Mad Men (Episode 3.04 to 4.06) First, this show continues to be fantastic. The season 3 ending would’ve been a great place to end but I’m really digging the change of scenery in season 4. It sets the characters up as underdogs again and that’s fun. Also I can’t believe Don Draper was ever seen as a role model; he’s clearly the worst. Sure he’s charming and comes up with some cool ideas, but I really appreciate that the series isn’t shying away from showing him as a garbage dude. He’s a garbage dude. Peggy driving a motorcycle, that’s what a true role model looks like.

Queer Eye (Episode 5.01 to 5.10) I’m not sure what’s happened but this season felt different for me. Maybe it’s Antoni’s....chaotic energy, or the way it seems to show the class and race divide in Philadelphia, but it’s not landing the same.

……….READING……….

Dracula by Bram Stoker (Page 114/325) The classics often don’t quite click for me but this is really great. Maybe it’s that the horror genre taps into the core of humanity and so ages better than other speculative fiction? I dunno, but that bulletin about the ship’s crew slowly getting picked off by Dracula while it transports him to England is enough to carry its own horror movie. 

The Pirates! In an Adventure With Scientists by Gideon Defoe (Complete) Wonderfully silly and an excellent pastiche of those classic young reader adventure novels. I admit I’m not sure if kids will get half of the jokes but it’s still fun and full of pirates and a little danger that I think they’d enjoy.

lluminatus! Part 1: The Eye in the Pyramid by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson (Complete) I really wasn’t sure about this. The plot was, and continues to be fun, but it’s so thoroughly interrupted by monologue after monologue on the goals and methods of the illuminati. It’s all fun, but I’m hoping that parts 2 and 3 serve as acts 2 and 3 to the bigger story so that we can move past all the introductions and setup.

The Sheriff of Ynrameer by Michael Rubens  (Abandoned) I really wanted to like this, but I just couldn’t connect with the lead character (a Han Solo-type...and those sorts really work best as compliments to the true lead character). Dissecting humour is a fool’s errand so I’ll just say the jokes didn’t land for me and while I can’t describe why, I will contrast it to say that I lean towards the Terry Pratchett/Douglas Addams-end of the spectrum. So if you want a sci-fi comedy with a roguish scamp as the lead, check it out.

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 8 by Ryoku Kui (Complete) Every volume is consistently strong and it’s just baffling. The new characters are engaging (and having picky eater as a party member is such a logical and interesting pairing) and the world-building is excellent. Each volume really does a great job at blending character development with that world building while still delivering the core concept (making meals using monster parts) and I’m still amazed it all works. Plus it’s funny! Maybe not as funny or silly as earlier volumes, but I feel like it’s been a natural evolution. Ugh it’s just so good!

Hellboy In Hell Library Edition by Mike Mignola (Complete) Oof. What an ending. I’m really glad to have this as a nice capstone to the Hellboy mythos (even if he continues on in the future). It was nice having Mignola illustrate these last handful of adventures and storytelling and it’s absolutely some of his best. The pacing was maybe a little weird at the end, but who am I to push back against such a singular vision?

……….AUDIO……….

Walkin' My Cat Named Dog by Norma Tanega (1966) A song really stood out in one of those “made for you” playlists by Spotify so I went to listen to the album and the first track is the theme song from the What We Do in the Shadows tv series so that’s pretty awesome. This whole album is great and as haunting/fun as you’d expect.

……….GAMING……….

Neverland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) I’ve started posted more in-depth campaign diaries on Reddit (not for my players to read) and right now they’re doing a little regrouping in the Gnome Hamlet before setting off on one of their...3 quests right now. Gotta capture a star, gotta kill some spiders, gotta find the bespoke jacket of a mermaid. So much to do.

D&D Homebrew Adventure (Menace of Merlin) The group is stuck in a daisy chain of quests (kill the yetis so the ents will show the Party the way to the unicorns so they can get some of their hair so that the hermit can make a cure for the town’s stone curse). They’ve spent an entire session avoiding a young dragon but next time it won’t be so easy.

And that’s it! As always, let me know if you have anything to recommend and stay safe out there!

#Monthly Media #Rambles #Kolbisneat #Andrew Kolb

[baby-brightmonster]

Leading Man: Chapter 1

The moment you’ve all been waiting for. Just kidding no one asked for this. On with the show. 

Laughter and smoke, filled the room as they expelled from her mouth like a dragon. Maya’s friends laughed and quipped along with her. Her closest friend, Bridget found the script on an end table.  

“Oh shit you didn’t tell us you have a new job lined up,” she mentioned setting down the bong on the coffee table.

“I don’t,” she told her. “It’s just a reading, they want to hear me sing, I doubt I’ll get it,”

“Positive,” her other friend Skyla mentioned sardonically.

“No, they want me to play Lydia, of all things, I can’t play Lydia I’m too old, I’m 26 for God’s sake. There is no way I get that role,” Maya informed, not mad, not bitter at all, she just did not think she was right for it. “They even told me to just go in and read,”

“When do you go into read?”

“Like next week,”

“Who are you reading with, do you know?” Maya shook her head, and went for another hit.

“I heard it’s going to be the dude from School of Rock,” Skyla quipped looking at her phone, “How cool would that be? I mean, how many times did you see that show?”

“Literally only twice,” Maya said a little too defensively, with people the truth of the matter was that she had watched it another time by herself, she remembered him.

“Crap what was his name again?” Bridget mentioned in a tone that felt like baiting.

“Alex,” Maya and Skyla answered at the same time. Maya from memory, Skyla from her phone. She remembered him, he was magnetic, funny, wonderful voice. He was the perfect lead, she didn't stand a chance.

“...totally fucking gone! It was hilarious!” Skyla giggled while Bridget clapped and guffawed.

“Sorry, I zoned out, what happened?” Maya muttered.

“Yeah you zoned out,” Bridget quipped. “Dreaming about Alex, were you?”

“You’re so stoned right now,” Skyla commented. “I was telling Bridget about how when we see the show, you could not take your eyes off of him, the whole time, and he was on stage, the whole time.”

“Funny how that works with him being the lead.” Maya quipped. “And he was good,”

“Real good.” Skyla said lewdly. “She looked him up through the playbill,”

“Shut up,” Maya growled,

“Followed him on Twitter,”

“Shut up,”

“Wouldn’t shut the fuck up about how he was sooo talented,”

“Fuck off Sky,”

“Downloaded the soundtrack,” Sky mentioned. “After that everything was Alex, so great, so talented, she was like a twelve year old girl around him,”

“Thank you Skyla,” Maya finalized. “Great, I’m totally not nervous, or anything?” They gently ribbed her a while, joking about how she would be doodling “I heart AB” in her algebra book, they continued to drink, and their night went on after they mercifully, moved on from the topics.

A week passed, and then it was time for the reading. Maya came in with her bag, with her sides, her heels clicking on the hard tile, In the mean time, she had signed up to dance in a music video, so despite her aching feet, she still dressed up a little. She liked to look nice wherever she went, blaming the Old Guinea mentality she had grown up with, always look good when you leave the house. Her black lace dress and heels were par for the course, the red lips were just a trademark. She looked more like Morticia Addams than Lydia Deetz. Plus one look at the wispy little teenagers that she walked past showed that she was just there for the reading to show some little girl how it was really done. Nevertheless, she liked the show she thought it was funny, and heartwarming she would have loved to have been a part of it.

“The idea that I want to do here, is I want to convey that it’s manipulative, but still kind of, charming you know?” The director tried to explain using hand gestures. “Think big bad wolf,”

“That’s a great idea yeah,” he responded bent over the script. The directors head perked up at the sound of her heels.

“There she is! Thanks so much for coming Maya,” Timbers greeted as he walked up to her and grinned, she shook his hand, not a hugger.

“Of course, happy to help,” she responded flashing a smile.

“You know, Alex?” Timbers asked good-naturedly, they made eye contact and her stomach did flips. His eyes looked like a glass of whiskey held up to the light, then he smiled at her, and she melted.

“No, I have never had the,” do not say it Maya, “pleasure,” oh god, Alex shook her hand.

“Hey, nice to meet you,” he greeted, And when he said ‘hi’ I forgot my damn name…

“Likewise,” Maya replied brightly.”I’m Maya, I’m here to make you feel tall,”  He chuckled, sending an army of butterflies all over Maya’s body.  

Don’t look at her dress, or her lips,  he chided himself. He did not want to be the asshole in this case, he did not know how old she was, that she was in a few shows, quite a few shoes, as he found out later. She had been on one stage or another since she was ten years old. She cut her teeth with dancing. As shown by her legs. Timbers had told him so, triple threat, and she wrote. The director had told Alex it was between the dancer, Maya, he corrected himself and Sophia who was admittedly younger. He and Sophia had sang together in the first test, and he was rooting for her, Maya sat around with her long, shapely, legs crossed gushing to Leslie about how she loved her in a film she saw a few years back. Stop looking at her legs, he reminded himself, keeping his eyes glued to his notes. Okay, okay, its fine, I’m married not blind, he rationalized. She’s a pretty girl, that’s it. Timbers told them to get started, having Maya go first.  

“Look babes,” he said using this gruff voice that he wanted to do for the show. Maya tensed,  he carried on. “we can help out each other, you don’t like your dad, I don’t like my mom, she doesn't get me,” she was so - taken with him. 'This is A problem' she decided, the other girl's faces were captivated. They could not wait to sing with him, the youngest was bouncing and joking along an endearing way, Mays smiled back, she reminded her of her own little Sister. If the role would not go to Maya, she hoped this kid got it. Maya tried her best not to laugh, it was just a reading.

“You could use a buddy,” he sang in the voice, at that cadence it was less funny, “don’t you want a pal?” He slid over to her, feeding off the laughter in the room. “Yes, I do, yes I do,” sneaking an arm around her. Oh, fuck he smells good, she thought with the utmost dread. She miraculously, got every cue, thanking God that the script was in front of her as she doubted she could remember anything right now.

“Okay, what’s your name?” Maya sang getting into it, Alex, then snapped his eyes up and down her body and walked closer to her.

“What’s my name?” He questioned, never breaking eye contact tilting her face towards him. “I’m the best you’ll ever get, girl,” she cleared her throat stepping away from him.

“B-be a doll and spare the lecture,” she sang back getting herself together.

I am so screwed, Maya thought. If I have to work with this guy it’s going to get real messy, the song went on, with Alex begging her to “free him” dropping to his knee in front of her and grabbing her hips, with a wink to show he was just messing with her. She hoped she was not as obvious as she felt, her hands were trembling and her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest.

“Beetlejuice,” she said, her hand without consulting her brain, ran itself through his hair. He got up to his feet, his hands still on her hips.

“Yes,” he husked, and that growl that he did, got her right where it counts. The heels put her at his eye level which made it easier for him to look at her, with a sneaky little smirk that knocked the wind right out of her.

“Beetlejuice,” she breathed. Great idea, she thought. I’ll play too, she snaked her hand up his neck to his face, brushing her fingertips behind his ear. He squeezed her arm, a cough from one of the girls brought Maya back to reality.

“Yes….” He cocked an eyebrow his smirk going to a grin.

“Beee,” she sang running her hands up his chest smoothing over his shoulders. She then comically, pushed him away. Along with the guilt she felt. He’s taken. “Cause! You’re so smart a stand up role, I’ll think about your offer let you know, but I should take my chances down below.” He straightened up and smiled at her, a genuine smile out of character, Maya fixed her gaze on the book in front of her, she would need a cold shower after this. Just in case he could not push it any further, the grunts he made in the next verse. “Okay, Beetlejuice,” moan, “Beetlejuice,” a whimper. “Being young and female doesn’t mean that I am an easy mark,” the petulant growl he gave her was enough to send her off the edge. As she sang her solo part, Alex stood back with his arms crossed over his chest smiling at her tapping his foot to the piano music. Mercifully, the song ended and Maya thought she would faint.

“Ok let’s take a small break,” Timbers mentioned. “Anyone need some water,”

“Maybe a cigarette,” Rob McClure joked, causing Alex to shoot him a look. “What?”

“Yeah, I, um,” Maya stammered. “Need to make a call.” She all but ran out of the room.  

“Brightman, a word,” his agent said charging towards the door. He was about confront Rob about what the hell he meant by that cigarette comment but followed the other man anyway. The door shut and they sat in the hallway. “What the fuck was that?”

“What? She did great,” he argued. “Good voice, and they said they wanted someone who could dance, so,”

“‘What’ you know damn well ‘what’, half the people in there were expecting you to rip her dress off, when you called her ‘Baby’ I thought she was going to blow you,” he ranted.

“I’m supposed to be creepy,” Alex tried to defend, the truth of the matter is, he did not even know, she just drew him in, and maybe it was because she was older that he thought he could get a little raunchier with the song. Yeah, no one is going to buy that. He was an idiot, her manager had mentioned she was so excited to work with him and he acted like, well, a creepy old guy.

“That wasn’t creepy,” the other man argued. “That was you picking her up, which circles back to my original point - what the fuck dude?!”

“I,” he tried, just dropping any pretense. “I’ll go talk to her.”

“Good talk her out of suing,”

“Were you there?” He barked. “She was into it, I felt how she grabbed my hair, how she touched my chest,”

“She’s an actress that’s her job dumb ass,” he bit back. “Look. I don't care who you do, frankly you can take her doggy style in the bathroom for all it matters to me, just don’t let anyone see you, you can’t get mixed up with that bitch,”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“Don’t defend her honor,” he said sarcastically.  “The next one is fifteen try not to grope her too,”

“Fuck off man,” Alex grumbled as he went to go find Maya. Sure enough she was on the phone, speaking rapidly in what sounded like Spanish? She was laughing, so that was a good sign. When she spoke slower he registered it as Italian. God, it sounded beautiful coming from her. She caught his gaze and smiled, hurrying whomever it was off the phone.

“Hey,” she said brightly. She put her phone away, in her dress as she folded her hands formally in front of him.

“Hi,” he replied. “Oh, your dress, has pockets?” She chuckled.

“Yes, it does,” she answered giving him a kind smile. Get it together, he scolded himself. He must have been silent for too long because she followed it up with, “I can give you the name where I go it,” he chuckled and shook his head.

“I just, I wanted to say sorry, I think I went pretty overboard in there,”

“Oh, no,” she told him, “That back there? Please! I once had to tango with a guy who actually cupped my peesh in front of a live audience, which included my parents,” Alex laughed, oh hell, he thought. she’s funny.  “I would have done something if you had really crossed a line, you’re okay,”  

#there's a lot to unpack here #alex exists and i am forever grateful #Alex Brightman #just strikes me as someone with foot in mouth disease