#AND ALSO WARREN IS SO OLD HE IS A FULL GROWN MAN WHAT THE HELL | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

qqueenofhades · 5 years

Note

Re: the post you reblogged about Bush. I'm 21 and tbh feel like I can only vote for Bernie, can you explain if/why I shouldn't? Thanks and sorry if this is dumb or anything.

Oh boy. Okay, I’ll do my best here. Note that a) this will get long, and b) I’m old, Tired, and I‘m pretty sure my brain tried to kill me last night. Since by nature I am sure I will say something Controversial ™, if anyone reads this and feels a deep urge to inform me that I am Wrong, just… mark it down as me being Wrong and move on with your life. But also, really, you should read this and hopefully think about it. Because while I’m glad you asked this question, it feels like there’s a lot in your cohort who won’t, and that worries me. A lot.

First, not to sound utterly old-woman-in-a-rocking-chair ancient, people who came of age/are only old enough to have Obama be the first president that they really remember have no idea how good they had it. The world was falling the fuck apart in 2008 (not coincidentally, after 8 years of Bush). We came within a flicker of the permanent collapse of the global economy. The War on Terror was in full roar, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were at their height, we had Dick Cheney as the cartoon supervillain before we had any of Trump’s cohort, and this was before Chelsea Manning or Edward Snowden had exposed the extent of NSA/CIA intelligence-gathering/American excesses or there was any kind of public debate around the fact that we were all surveilled all the time. And the fact that a brown guy named Barack Hussein Obama was elected in this climate seems, and still seems tbh, kind of amazing. And Obama was certainly not a Perfect President ™. He had to scale back a lot of planned initiatives, he is notorious for expanding the drone strike/extrajudicial assassination program, he still subscribed to the overall principles of neoliberalism and American exceptionalism, etc etc. There is valid criticism to be made as to how the hopey-changey optimistic rhetoric stacked up against the hard realities of political office. And yet…. at this point, given what we’re seeing from the White House on a daily basis, the depth of the parallel universe/double standards is absurd.

Because here’s the thing. Obama, his entire family, and his entire administration had to be personally/ethically flawless the whole time (and they managed that – not one scandal or arrest in eight years, against the legions of Trumpistas now being convicted) because of the absolute frothing depths of Republican hatred, racial conspiracy theories, and obstruction against him. (Remember Merrick Garland and how Mitch McConnell got away with that, and now we have Gorsuch and Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court? Because I remember that). If Obama had pulled one-tenth of the shit, one-twentieth of the shit that the Trump administration does every day, he would be gone. It also meant that people who only remember Obama think he was typical for an American president, and he wasn’t. Since about… Jimmy Carter, and definitely since Ronald Reagan, the American people have gone for the Trump model a lot more than the Obama model. Whatever your opinion on his politics or character, Obama was a constitutional law professor, a community activist, a neighborhood organizer and brilliant Ivy League intellectual who used to randomly lie awake at night thinking about income inequality. Americans don’t value intellectualism in their politicians; they just don’t. They don’t like thinking that “the elites” are smarter than them. They like the folksy populist who seems fun to have a beer with, and Reagan/Bush Senior/Clinton/Bush Junior sold this persona as hard as they possibly could. As noted in said post, Bush Junior (or Shrub as the late, great Molly Ivins memorably dubbed him) was Trump Lite but from a long-established political family who could operate like an outwardly civilized human.

The point is: when you think Obama was relatively normal (which, again, he wasn’t, for any number of reasons) and not the outlier in a much larger pattern of catastrophic damage that has been accelerated since, again, the 1980s (oh Ronnie Raygun, how you lastingly fucked us!), you miss the overall context in which this, and which Trump, happened. Like most left-wingers, I don’t agree with Obama’s recent and baffling decision to insert himself into the 2020 race and warn the Democratic candidates against being too progressive or whatever he was on about. I think he was giving into the same fear that appears to be motivating the remaining chunk of Joe Biden’s support: that middle/working-class white America won’t go for anything too wild or that might sniff of Socialism, and that Uncle Joe, recalled fondly as said folksy populist and the internet’s favorite meme grandfather from his time as VP, could pick up the votes that went to Trump last time. And that by nature, no one else can.

The underlying belief is that these white voters just can’t support anything too “un-American,” and that by pushing too hard left, Democratic candidates risk handing Trump a second term. Again: I don’t agree and I think he was mistaken in saying it. But I also can’t say that Obama of all people doesn’t know exactly the strength of the political machine operating against the Democratic Party and the progressive agenda as a whole, because he ran headfirst into it for eight years. The fact that he managed to pass any of his legislative agenda, usually before the Tea Party became a thing in 2010, is because Democrats controlled the House and Senate for the first two years of his first term. He was not perfect, but it was clear that he really did care (just look up the pictures of him with kids). He installed smart, efficient, and scandal-free people to do jobs they were qualified for. He gave us Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor to join RBG on the Supreme Court. All of this seems… like a dream.

That said: here we are in a place where Biden, Bernie Sanders, and Elizabeth Warren are the front-runners for the Democratic nomination (and apparently Pete Buttigieg is getting some airplay as a dark horse candidate, which… whatever). The appeal of Biden is discussed above, and he sure as hell is not my favored candidate (frankly, I wish he’d just quit). But Sanders and Warren are 85% - 95% similar in their policy platforms. The fact that Michael “50 Billion Dollar Fortune” Bloomberg started rattling his chains about running for president is because either a Sanders or Warren presidency terrifies the outrageously exploitative billionaire capitalist oligarchy that runs this country and has been allowed to proceed essentially however the fuck they like since… you guessed it, the 1980s, the era of voodoo economics, deregulation, and the free market above all. Warren just happens to be ten years younger than Sanders and female, and Sanders’ age is not insignificant. He’s 80 years old and just had a heart attack, and there’s still a year to go to the election. It’s also more than a little eye-rolling to describe him as the only progressive candidate in the race, when he’s an old white man (however much we like and approve of his policy positions). And here’s the thing, which I think is a big part of the reason why this polarized ideological purity internet leftist culture mistrusts Warren:

She may have changed her mind on things in the past.

Scary, right? I sound like I’m being facetious, but I’m not. An argument I had to read with my own two eyes on this godforsaken hellsite was that since Warren became a Democrat around the time Clinton signed Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, she sekritly hated gay people and might still be a corporate sellout, so on and etcetera. (And don’t even get me STARTED on the fact that DADT, coming a few years after the height of the AIDS crisis which was considered God’s Judgment of the Icky Gays, was the best Clinton could realistically hope to achieve, but this smacks of White Gay Syndrome anyway and that is a whole other kettle of fish.) Bernie has always demonstrably been a democratic socialist, and: good for him. I’m serious. But because there’s the chance that Warren might not have thought exactly as she does now at any point in her life, the hysterical and paranoid left-wing elements don’t trust that she might not still secretly do so. (Zomgz!) It’s the same element that’s feeding cancel culture and “wokeness.” Nobody can be allowed to have shifted or grown in their opinions or, like a functional, thoughtful, non-insane adult, changed their beliefs when presented with compelling evidence to the contrary. To the ideological hordes, any hint of uncertainty or past failure to completely toe the line is tantamount to heresy. Any evidence of any other belief except The Correct One means that this person is functionally as bad as Trump. And frankly, it’s only the Sanders supporters who, just as in 2016, are threatening to withhold their vote in the general election if their preferred candidate doesn’t win the primary, and indeed seem weirdly proud about it.

OK, boomer Bernie or Buster.

Here’s the thing, the thing, the thing: there is never going to be an American president free of the deeply toxic elements of American ideology. There just won’t be. This country has been built how it has for 250 years, and it’s not gonna change. You are never going to have, at least not in the current system, some dream candidate who gets up there and parrots the left-wing talking points and attacks American imperialism, exceptionalism, ravaging global capitalism, military and oil addiction, etc. They want to be elected as leader of a country that has deeply internalized and taken these things to heart for its entire existence, and most of them believe it to some degree themselves. So this groupthink white liberal mentality where the only acceptable candidate is this Perfect Non-Problematic robot who has only ever had one belief their entire lives and has never ever wavered in their devotion to doctrine has really gotten bad. The Democratic Party would be considered… maybe center/mild left in most other developed countries. It’s not even really left-wing by general standards, and Sanders and Warren are the only two candidates for the nomination who are even willing to go there and explicitly put out policy proposals that challenge the systematic structure of power, oppression, and exploitation of the late-stage capitalist 21st century. Warren has the billionaires fussed, and instead of backing down, she’s doubling down. That’s part of why they’re so scared of her. (And also misogyny, because the world is depressing like that.) She is going head-on after picking a fight with some of the worst people on the planet, who are actively killing the rest of us, and I don’t know about you, but I like that.

Of course: none of this will mean squat if she (or the eventual Democratic winner, who I will vote for regardless of who it is, but as you can probably tell, she’s my ride or die) don’t a) win the White House and then do as they promised on the campaign trail, and b) don’t have a Democratic House and Senate willing to have a backbone and pass the laws. Even Nancy Pelosi, much as she’s otherwise a badass, held off on opening a formal impeachment inquiry into Trump for months out of fear it would benefit him, until the Ukraine thing fell into everyone’s laps. The Democrats are really horrible at sticking together and voting the party line the way Republicans do consistently, because Democrats are big-tent people who like to think of themselves as accepting and tolerant of other views and unwilling to force their members’ hands. The Republicans have no such qualms (and indeed, judging by their enabling of Trump, have no qualms at all).

The modern American Republican party has become a vehicle for no-holds-barred power for rich white men at the expense of absolutely everything and everyone else, and if your rationale is that you can’t vote for the person opposing Donald Goddamn Trump is that you’re just not vibing with them on the language of that one policy proposal… well, I’m glad that you, White Middle Class Liberal, feel relatively safe that the consequences of that decision won’t affect you personally. Even if we’re due to be out of the Paris Climate Accords one day after the 2020 election, and the issue of climate change now has the most visibility it’s ever had after years of big-business, Republican-led efforts to deny and discredit the science, hey, Secret Corporate Shill, am I right? Can’t trust ‘er. Let’s go have a craft beer.

As has been said before: vote as far left as you want in the primary. Vote your ideology, vote whatever candidate you want, because the only way to make actual, real-world change is to do that. The huge, embedded, all-consuming and horrible system in which we operate is not just going to suddenly be run by fairy dust and happy thoughts overnight. Select candidates that reflect your values exactly, be as picky and ideologically militant as you want. That’s the time to do that! Then when it comes to the general election:

America is a two-party system. It sucks, but that’s the case. Third-party votes, or refraining from voting because “it doesn’t matter” are functionally useless at best and actively harmful at worst.

Either the Democratic candidate or Donald Trump will win the 2020 election.

There is absolutely no length that the Republican/GOP machine, and its malevolent allies elsewhere, will not go to in order to secure a Trump victory. None.

Any talk whatsoever about “progressive values” or any kind of liberal activism, coupled with a course of action that increases the possibility of a Trump victory, is hypocritical at best and actively malicious at worst.

This is why I found the Democratic response to Obama’s “don’t go too wild” comments interesting. Bernie doubled down on the fact that his plans have widespread public support, and he’s right. (Frankly, the fact that Sanders and Warren are polling at the top, and the fact that they’re politicians and would not be crafting these campaign messages if they didn’t know that they were being positively received, says plenty on its own). Warren cleverly highlighted and praised Obama’s accomplishments in office (i.e. the Affordable Care Act) and didn’t say squat about whether she agreed or disagreed with him, then went right back to campaigning about why billionaires suck. And some guy named Julian Castro basically blew Obama off and claimed that “any Democrat” could beat Trump in 2020, just by nature of existing and being non-insane.

This is very dangerous! Do not be Julian Castro!

As I said in my tags on the Bush post: everyone assumed that sensible people would vote for Kerry in 2004. Guess what happened? Yeah, he got Swift Boated. The race between Obama and McCain in 2008, even after those said nightmare years of Bush, was very close until the global crash broke it open in Obama’s favor, and Sarah Palin was an actual disqualifier for a politician being brazenly incompetent and unprepared. (Then again, she was a woman from a remote backwater state, not a billionaire businessman.) In 2012, we thought Corporate MormonBot Mitt Fuggin’ Romney was somehow the worst and most dangerous candidate the Republicans could offer. In 2016, up until Election Day itself, everyone assumed that HRC was a badly flawed candidate but would win anyway. And… we saw how that worked out. Complacency is literally deadly.

I was born when Reagan was still president. I’m just old enough to remember the efforts to impeach Clinton over forcing an intern to give him a BJ in the Oval Office (This led by the same Republicans making Donald Trump into a darling of the evangelical Christian right wing.) I’m definitely old enough to remember 9/11 and how America lost its mind after that, and I remember the Bush years. And, obviously, the contrast with Obama, the swing back toward Trump, and everything that has happened since. We can’t afford to do this again. We’re hanging by a thread as it is, and not just America, but the entire planet.

So yes. By all means, vote for Sanders in the primary. Then when November 3, 2020 rolls around, if you care about literally any of this at all, hold your nose if necessary and vote straight-ticket Democrat, from the president, to the House and Senate, to the state and local offices. I cannot put it more strongly than that.

#politics for ts #long post #anonymous #ask

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violent-optimism · 4 years

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Ranking the Uncharted Villains

Hey Everyone!

I know this post is kind of out of the blue. The truth is I’ve been working on it for about a month or two. It’s taken me a long time to make but it’s finally done and I am ready to share it with you all!

Please enjoy this ranking of all the villains in the Uncharted game series. The order of characters is from worst to best. These are just my personal opinions, and I don’t mean to change anyone’s minds!

Also, please excuse the poor quality of some of these images, I struggled to find high quality ones!

(Note: I will not be including minor/side villains like Ramses, Orca, etc.)

Gabriel Roman – Simon Templeman

So let’s start off with, in my opinion, the worst of the bunch, and not in a good way. Roman is not a horribly written villain at all, but compared to some of the other Uncharted baddies, he’s pretty boring. There’s not much about him that is interesting or unique. He’s just an old British guy hell-bent on finding the treasure before our heroes do. Never seen that before! Although I will give him props for being the only Uncharted villain to actually “kill” one of the heroes…for a limited time that is.

Atoq Navarro – Robin Atkin Downes

Much like his boss, Navarro ain’t that special either. He doesn’t even have that many lines or screen time until the later chapters of the game. One could easily forget about his existence, especially during the more intense areas of the campaign. However, Navarro is slightly better than Roman in one specific way, in that he is revealed to have been pulling the strings all along; and is in fact the main baddie whom you fight in the final showdown. He appears to be far more intelligent than originally shown, which makes for an interesting twist when he betrays Roman and ultimately kills him.

Asav – Usman Ally

For those of you who have had the pleasure to experience the amazing game that is Uncharted: The Lost Legacy, you are probably very familiar with this villain. To put it plainly, Asav is a delusional yet intelligent psychopath who will stop at nothing to get what he wants. While seemingly very intimidating at first, Asav’s plan starts to fall apart towards the end of the game thanks to the insane stubbornness of Chloe and Nadine. In truth, Asav is actually nothing more than a madman who struggles to see beyond his own vision. He is definitely well written (and acted) but he fails to hold up against some of the franchise’s more iconic villains.

Eddy Raja – James Sie

Speaking of iconic villains, it doesn’t get any more iconic than this hilarious baddie from the original game. While he doesn’t have a terrible amount of screen time, Eddy completely steals the show whenever he’s around thanks to the brilliant comedic timing of James Sie. Eddy is an interesting character as he somehow manages to be intimidating and pathetic at the same time. Hot-headed and completely full of himself, the Indonesian crime lord is a classic villain with only one true motivation: treasure (lots of it!). I do acknowledge that Nate and Eddy teamed up before his rather gruesome death, but let’s be honest…he’s definitely a bad guy, no question about it.

Katherine Marlowe – Rosalind Ayres

Looks can be deceiving, and while Marlowe might look like a sweet old lady, she is anything but. Cold, manipulative and incredibly smart; Marlowe is the only Uncharted villain to have literally been at odds with Nate for most of his treasure hunting life. Granted, she needs help from her loyal bodyguards in order to fully enact her wicked deeds, but Marlowe is a very imposing woman nonetheless. Preferring psychological warfare and controlling her enemies through fear, Marlowe is one of Nathan Drake’s greatest adversaries, and rightfully so!

Talbot - Robin Atkin Downes

Probably the most terrifying thing about this Uncharted baddie is just how little we actually know about him. Wherever Marlowe goes, Talbot is never far behind. Throughout his appearances in Uncharted 3, the secondary villain appears to do things that should be impossible. He’s like a magician, a secret service agent and a sadist rolled into one terrifying man. While seeming prim and proper on the outside, Talbot houses an evil streak and shares his superior’s goal of dominating opponents through fear and pain. Oh, and definitely don’t accept any drugs he offers…

Rafe Adler – Warren Kole

Rafe has got to be the worst example of what happens when you spoil your kids. What do all men with money want? More money. With big dreams of finding Henry Avery’s treasure and the bank account to pull it off, Rafe will stop at nothing to prove he is more than just another rich white guy (which he totally is). However, money isn’t the only thing that Rafe has going for him. He does an exceptional job at pretending to act like a sane individual. In truth, he’s a psychotic monster with a temper that’s always bubbling just below the surface. Rafe doesn’t care about being nice and never will, he just wants one thing and I’m pretty sure you know what that is (psst…treasure).

Nadine Ross - Laura Bailey

To be honest, I sort of struggled on whether or not to actually include Nadine on this list. Yes, she is one of the main villains in Uncharted 4, but as we know from The Lost Legacy, she isn’t all bad, and isn’t nearly as loathsome as some of the other characters on this list.

That being said, Nadine is not to be messed with. She literally packs a punch! Capable of fighting two grown men at once, the leader of Shoreline will make you think twice about the phrase: “hits like a girl”. Straightforward, blunt and not one to mince words, Nadine is as strategic as she is lethal. She also has the unique experience of being the only Uncharted villain to avoid death. In the end, she’s all the better for it.

Harry Flynn – Steve Valentine

It’s impossible to overstate just how entertaining this character is. Flynn is a villain that you love to hate. While not quite as witty as Drake, Flynn does possess a wicked sense of humor; ultimately dishing out some of the most hilarious dialogue in the entire Uncharted series. What is interesting about Flynn is that he honestly just seems like an ordinary guy who made some very wrong choices. His lack of intelligence and pathetic tendencies don’t make him very threatening; especially in comparison to his villain counterpart.

On the other hand, Flynn does seem to get a kick out of fooling Drake and even lands a rather devastating gunshot wound on our hero. Although he tries his best to impress Lazarevic, his efforts aren’t up to snuff, and the villain dies in what is probably one of the most tragic and unexpected deaths of the series.

Zoran Lazarevic – Graham McTavish

Come on, who else could earn the number one spot on this list? In my opinion, Lazarevic is by far the scariest and most dangerous villain in Uncharted. Described as a “psychopathic war criminal” by Elena, the main baddie from Uncharted 2 has no issue with killing his own men if he believes it will help him reach his goal. There is a certain philosophy to him, as he is inspired by the “great men” of history (i.e. Hitler) and wishes to go down in history as a similar figure. He’s a complete sadist and enjoys taunting people with games that put lives at risk. Lazarevic (allegedly) becomes invincible, so much so that even Nathan Drake can’t defeat him. He is utterly insane and if given the opportunity, will snap a few necks and take great pleasure in doing so. Lazarevic is the best Uncharted villain, hands down.

I hope you guys enjoyed my list! Let me know what you think!

#Uncharted #Uncharted Villains #my ranking

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rainythefox · 5 years

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Oh, Brother (RDR2 Fanfic Ch.1)

Summary: 1885, Illinois. A young Dutch, Hosea, and Arthur wander into a country town following a lead to swindle a wealthy homestead and break their control over the town. But while scoping it out, Arthur encounters a young John Marston, setting fate in motion that will eventually become a rocky, yet loyal brotherhood. A short multi-chapter fic revolving around how Dutch, Hosea, and Arthur met John, further developing what would eventually become the Van der Linde gang. Rated T for language, some violence, drinking/drugs and mischief. It will mostly be Frienship/Family and Humor, but there will be Action/Adventure with some violence!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Red Dead Redemption franchise, Rockstar, or its characters, etc. This is just for fun.

Chapter 1

"I did no such thing."

Hosea's tone was playful as he rubbed a hand through his light-blond hair before placing a hat upon his head. Dutch made a sound nearby, a mix between a chuckle and a snort as he spurred his horse to canter alongside them.

"Oh, dear brother, don't play sly with me. Even Arthur can see straight through your façade. That much is painfully clear."

"His what?" Arthur drawled, shaking his head, already impatient. "Are we lost or not?"

"I may have slightly got us off course."

"Hosea, you said it was due southeast of the camp."

"Southeast?" Arthur grunted, glaring at Dutch. "Bessie said southwest."

"Did she?" Hosea asked, glancing over his shoulder at the path behind them. "Huh, that explains a lot."

They halted their horses on the road, Arthur voicing his displeasure with a groan. Dutch wheezed a laugh beside him. A gust of wind brushed by, plains surrounding them. The same, dull prairie had been their only scenery for the couple hour ride they've done.

"My friend the master con artist, horrible with directions."

Hosea waved them off. "I haven't been down this way in ten goddamn years. What do you expect? And every blade of grass looks the same."

"Next time maybe you should stay behind, old man, an' we can bring Bessie instead," Arthur said.

"Very funny, my boy."

"Jus' sayin'."

"Now come on, son, where is the fun in that? We couldn't get into quite as much trouble with 'ol Bessie and Susan around."

"That's the point!" Arthur looked around. "Can we move? I feel exposed here."

"We're exposed everywhere," Dutch replied. "What, you missing Chicago?"

"Hell no!"

"Okay then."

"We got company," Hosea announced.

A wagon pulled by two draft horses met them on the road, coming from behind them. The wagon was full of produce, skins, and other materials. Two men rode in the front while two sat in the back, and all four were armed. Arthur was quick to notice the men's suspicious glares as they rode up on them.

Dutch cleared his throat. "Let me handle this." And directed his horse over to the wagon. The men got their repeaters ready, but Arthur knew Dutch's charm would pacify them easily.

"Hello, gentlemen! My dear friend, his nephew, and I are sight seeing 'round these parts. Decided to get away from Chicago for a bit, and got a little lost. They're as stubborn as mules asking for directions. We're trying to find the town of Andell, could you so kindly point us in the right direction?"

"Andell?" the older man echoed, eyebrows furrowing. He scratched at his full beard. "That's across the river. You a ways off, pal. Ya'll have to head back yonder to Canker Point and take the trail to the river and find the 'ol run down station before headin' west into Andell."

Dutch smiled, a hand to his chest as he dipped his head. "Thank you, friend. You may have saved our necks."

"Not sure why ya boys would wanna go to Andell though," the older man continued. "Fire took out most of it 'bout a year ago or so. It's not near as populated as it was."

Arthur sighed. Well, there went their chance at poking around for jobs. The young man slouched atop his horse, but Hosea didn't break his "hello, I'm a polite gentleman and harmless" expression. Dutch didn't show any falter to the news.

"Is that right? That's quite a shame. I was hoping to surprise an 'ol friend down this way. He's from Chicago too. Had ambitions to start up a livery stable in these parts, if I remember correctly."

One of the younger men in the back of the wagon perked up. He looked to be in his early twenties just like Arthur, only wasn't near as large and sturdy as he was. "Oh, we know that feller. You talkin' 'bout a Mister Galligan right?"

A sly smirk eased on Dutch's face. "Why yes, that's him. I hope he is well?"

"He moved over to the town of Hickory, which is where we're headin'."

Dutch glanced back at his older partner-in-crime, their subtle exchange something only the two of them understood. Dutch turned back to the travelers.

"Why, you fellas are our saving grace today. May we join you on your ride to Hickory?"

The older wagon driver glanced at his passengers then back to Dutch. "Sure. We don't want no trouble though."

Dutch eased their new traveling companions with a gentle laugh, a hand to his chest. "You'll get no such thing from us. Well, except for my brooding friend right there, he's a little grumpy at times."

Arthur gave Dutch a look. He and Hosea trotted alongside the wagon with Dutch as it followed the road to Hickory. Arthur stayed quiet, letting Dutch and Hosea sweet-talk the wagon riders and only talking when spoken to. It wasn't long before Hosea was drawing them in with some humorous story about a faulty fishing trip while portraying one of his many personas.

The wagon riders laughed and after that they were a lot more open and talkative, which is exactly what Dutch and Hosea wanted. Arthur heard the exchange of names, the aliases that his mentors chose this time around. The wagon driver, Hester, and his son, and the other two men were ranch hands for a wealthy homesteader family within the area. They explained how the Warrens were strict and hard to work for, how they used their prosperity to take over the town of Hickory.

Their complaints and frankness drove Dutch and Hosea to exchange knowing smirks with each other. Arthur knew them well enough to know that an idea was hatching. He swore it was like the two men could read each other's thoughts at times. He didn't quite understand it.

After traveling together on the road for an hour, the town of Hickory came into view. It was a bit smaller than what they were used to in scouting for jobs, but it would do. It was average, nothing quite unique stood out to Arthur, and he noticed the typical stores, homes, and dirt roads. The small town seemed to be quite populated, however. Men, women, and children walked the streets, some hollered out to others. Horseback riders and those on wagons kept the roads busy with traffic.

"Now this is quite a town you have here, Mister Foll," Hosea said. "Ya know, I think I've been here years before, and well, seems to have grown considerably."

"I'm sure it ain't nothin' like what you boys are used to in Chicago, but it's an alright town. The Warrens are to thank for its growth, but since they've taken over most stores and businesses, prices have gone up and, well, there're far more poor folk than there should be."

"Such a shame," Dutch said, dark eyes already scanning for opportunities.

"Anyways, this is where we go our separate ways, we gotta get these supplies to Mister Warren. You fellas be careful. Hickory has a thievin’ problem. Ya'll find your friend Mister Galligan on the far side of town at the stables."

Hosea and Dutch waved them off as the wagon turned down a different road. Dutch turned his horse to face Hosea and Arthur as they looked over the town before them. The town was surrounded by more plains, a forest not far to the west. Besides the stores and houses, there were also livestock barns and pens. It looked to be mostly sheep and pigs here.

"Smell that gentlemen?"

"Yeah, smells like shit," Arthur grumbled.

"No, opportunities, Arthur. Did you not pay attention?" Dutch said, shaking his head.

"Aw c'mon, Dutch. There ain't nothin' here. I betchu that Mister Galligan lost all that money. Why else would he leave the city? He gon' have worse men than us after him."

Hosea chuckled. "He left because he has the money, you sulky buffoon. You still upset about what happened?"

"It weren't my fault."

"We never said it was, son."

"Eh, it wasn't that big of a loss anyway. We've been doing this for eight years, Arthur. Some jobs just don't pan out. Best to get over it," Hosea explained.

"Sure."

"Let's hit the saloon. I'm parched. We can discuss some ideas there, get a feel of the town," Dutch ordered, spurring his horse into a trot.

"Okay, Dutch," Hosea answered.

Arthur rode behind his mentors. They hitched their horses outside the small saloon. Inside, several folks drank and laughed away. The voices bounced through the walls, and Arthur scanned the room, the faces, the behaviors. It looked like there would be no trouble.

Dutch got them some drinks and they talked to the side, watching the townsfolk drink and chatter away.

Dutch and Hosea stood out amongst most of the people. They always wore nicer clothes, Dutch especially. Dutch had grown a mustache in the past couple years and kept it trimmed and neat, but Hosea remained clean-shaven as always. Despite Hosea being nearly twelve years older than Dutch, his eyes shown with the same youth, the same passion and ambition.

Arthur himself had grown considerably since they found him eight years ago. No longer a lanky, dirty teenager, he bulked up some and now had some scruff on his face. He wasn't as rowdy or impolite as he was when they first found him, the typical orphan delinquent. Although, he kept Dutch and Hosea on their toes with his sarcastic, often cynical nature.

His clothes weren't near as kept and clean as his mentors', but he often had the dirtier jobs. He finally could wear his father's hat without it swallowing his head. He may have not have liked his blood father too much, but he sure as hell liked his hat.

"Seems like good people here," Dutch said finally. "I'm quite interested about these Warrens our talkative friends spoke of."

"They didn't shut up once you charmed them," Hosea joked. "I'm curious though."

"You thinking what I'm thinking?"

Hosea grinned and Arthur rolled his eyes. "I thought we was here for Mister Galligan, not these Warren folks?"

Dutch patted him on the back. "If you'd paid attention on our humble ride into town, you would've heard the plight of our friends. The Warrens sound like your typical wealthy overlords of the region. Can you imagine what we could take from them?"

Hosea took a shot, letting the bartender give him another. "I'll look into the Warrens, see what I can find. Dutch, you've been wanting a crack at Mister Galligan for three weeks. Maybe you should go check that out?"

Dutch took his own shot, puffing from its bitterness. "Sure. I mean, if you’re confident you can handle some hillbilly homesteaders who think they run this place?"

"You offend me, sir," Hosea mocked.

Dutch laughed. "Well, Arthur. How about you survey the town? See what else there is that we can take advantage of?"

"Sure, Dutch." Arthur raised his glass and gulped it down, hissing at the burn. "Jus' don't leave me here. I'd love to see Miss Grimshaw and Misses Matthews tan both yer hides once this is over."

Dutch lit a cigar as they headed out of the saloon. "Knowing them, they're getting into their own trouble."

Arthur laughed. "No doubt!"

Dutch bowed once they were outside. "I bid you adieu, my dear brothers. See you soon."

"Hey, make sure you drag 'em behind a horse when you're through with 'em!" Arthur hollered.

"Shh," Hosea hissed, a hand going to the younger man's shoulder. "Don't give him any ideas."

"He's the one with the ideas, I'm jus' sayin'! That fool ruined our last job outside Chicago. Nearly broke my goddamn neck."

"We aren't here for revenge. We don't do that. We're here for his money, that's all. The job just didn't go as planned, Arthur. We're outta here once it's done, alright?"

Hosea was always able to settle him with his calm words and caring, wise eyes. "Yeah, sure."

Hosea smiled, patting Arthur's arm. "Alright. Well, get out there, boy, and see what you can find. We'll meet back here later."

Hosea went his own way in town. Arthur heaved a sigh, looking about. Time to get to work, he guessed. Straightening his hat, he stepped away from the saloon over to his horse.

"You be good, fella," Arthur said, patting the bay gelding's neck.

The next few hours, Arthur spent his time going into businesses and stores, getting the feel of the people and the town of Hickory. He eavesdropped on any interesting conversations his ears picked up. Apparently, the Warrens had a livestock auction every Thursday. It was something they could look into.

Later, he overheard the Warrens had some kind of cellar behind one of their barns that they always kept locked up and guarded. This piqued Arthur's interest, and he was excited to tell Dutch and Hosea about it.

While he waited for his father figures to return to him, he leaned on a hitch near their horses smoking a cigarette. He nodded and waved at passersby, just to keep up a friendly appearance. The town of Hickory must've had strangers coming and going a lot, because the townsfolk barely paid him any mind. Arthur liked that.

"Hey, Mister!"

Arthur turned around, only to see the body of a young boy flying through the air. The boy crashed into him, throwing Arthur onto his back, the wind knocked out of him from the kid's legs slamming his gut.

"Oof! What the hell?!" He coughed.

The boy had dark hair, and laughed as he cut his satchel strap, taking it and the hat atop Arthur's head before dashing off. Arthur scrambled to his feet, anger coming over him as he realized he had just been robbed by a damn kid.

"Get back here, you little shit!"

He chased after the boy as he took an alleyway between two stores. He looked to be around eleven or twelve, although Arthur could tell he was scrawny for his age. His hair fell past his chin in greasy dark locks, and his clothes were tattered and dirty.

For being small and thin, the kid could run fast and was nimble, ducking and swerving out of Arthur's grasp each time he went to snatch him. He knew the town well, weaving through people and farm equipment. Arthur barreled his way through folks, keeping the boy in his sights.

The boy climbed up and ran along a fence top before jumping into a pig pen and cutting away. Arthur heaved himself over, kicking and yelling at pigs to get through.

"I'm gonna wring yer neck! Com'ere, boy!"

"Catch me if ya can, ya big oaf!" He had a distinct, raspy voice.

The kid ducked under another wood fence. Arthur vaulted over it seconds later. He kept at the boy's heels, but the slippery little heathen would only veer away, using obstacles and people to stop Arthur. He jumped and grabbed onto a moving wagon as Arthur came back out into the street. Arthur ran after him on foot, the boy laughing.

"Nah nah, ya can't catch me. Why don'tchu give up?"

"Stop that wagon, mister! Ya got a little monster on the back of it!"

The wagon driver turned around at the holler, pulling on the reins to stop the horses. The boy ditched the wagon and darted for another building, Arthur cut him off. He blocked the boy's path, keeping his body as a barrier as he tried to get around him. The boy dove through his legs and got up and scampered off once more.

"Stop, ya little thief!"

As he came around the corner, huffing, the boy was finally caught. Like a little wild animal, he fought Hosea's hold. Hosea tried to calm the boy down. Arthur, jaw clenched, came over and snatched his satchel back. But just as he was about to grab his hat, the boy kicked Hosea in the groin. Hosea yelped, letting the boy go and he escaped.

"Ugh, so much for a polite introduction," Hosea groaned, holding himself.

Arthur, still annoyed, couldn't help but to laugh at the sight. "He got ya too, huh? Little shit was as slippery as the devil." Then Arthur realized the small thief still had his hat. "He got my goddam hat!"

Hosea grabbed him as he started after the boy once more. "Forget it, Arthur. We'll find him. Don't worry."

The boy was probably long gone anyway.

Dutch arrived shortly after. He took in their disheveled appearance, the pained scowl on Hosea's face as he gripped his crotch and Arthur's huffing breaths as he dusted himself off, mumbling a whole range of curses. Arthur reached into his satchel to make sure his journal was still intact. He was relieved to see it was.

Dutch raised his eyebrows. "What the hell did I miss?"

"You don't want to know," Hosea said, finally standing up straight.

"Got robbed by a goddam kid."

Dutch chuckled, earning him a glare from Arthur. "You mean a little bumpkin got the best of you, Arthur? My boy, come now!"

"Not funny, Dutch. He still has my damn hat. And well, damaged Hosea's tallywags."

Hosea wheezed. "I'm fine."

"Come on, we should head back to camp. Got some planning to do," Dutch said.

"But my hat!"

"We'll get it back, Arthur. We're gonna stick around a few days. We will see that brat again, no doubt," Hosea assured.

Arthur groaned. "Fine."

"I leave you both for a few hours and a child wreaks havoc on both your prides. What ever am I going to do with you two?"

"Easy for you to say. You didn't get kicked where it counts," Hosea huffed.

"Low blow, huh Hosea?"

"Hah, you're funny, dear friend."

Dutch feigned innocence, motioning to himself. "It's not my fault you two provide me opportunities for such jokes."

"If I don't get my hat back, I'm siccing Miss Grimshaw on that little heathen."

Hosea chortled. "Dear god, Arthur. The boy doesn't deserve that much torture."

The three of them laughed.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16932513/chapters/39785013

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13143281/1/Oh-Brother

#red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption 2 fanfiction #red dead redemption 2 fanfic #rdr2 #rdr2 fanfiction #rdr2 fanfic #arthur morgan #dutch van der linde #hosea matthews #john marston #fanfiction #fanfic #short story #have some goddamn faith #i have a plan

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megacircuit9universe · 4 years

Text

Resurrection Stone

WED MAR 04 2020

But that plan only works if the other guy drops out and pledges his delegates to me… well before the convention. If both of them… with only half the popular vote that Bernie has… are there contesting the nomination… neither of them has any rational argument for getting it.

Therefore, Bernie wins.

To avoid that, by coalescing around one centrist candidate… there is a timer already ticking. Super Tuesday is already happening, it’s too late to hold Bernie back there!… how bout by the next Super Tuesday on March 10th?

Too soon to give up the dream and back a rival centrist?

-SAT FEB 29

From my lips to God’s ears, apparently.

The above quote is from my last entry, the night Biden won South Carolina by a huge margin... first state he’s ever won in his life, despite running in multiple Presidential primaries... and despite doing terrible in the first three states here in 2020.

My theory was, that even if the lesser centrists, like Buttigieg, and Klobuchar dropped out after Super Tuesday, Bloomberg would remain to split the centrist vote with Biden all the way to the convention.

Sanders was looking to win big just three days later... on Super Tuesday, possibly sweeping ten or more of the fourteen states.

Now... I’ve talked about quantum leaps before in politics... where something extremely unlikely to happen, nonetheless happens and changes everything overnight. And we had one on Super Monday.

Biden did get a nice media bump on Super Sunday, after winning SC on Saturday, and then the seemingly impossible happened on Monday, where both Buttigieg and Klobuchar dropped out, and endorsed Biden.

Seemingly impossible, because it was just one day before the big game, and they both have such huge egos (as do all politicians). But not only did they drop out and endorse Biden... so did Beto O’rourke!

I feel like such an idiot now for thinking about him as a great running mate for Bernie Sanders... I had no idea he was such a huge tool! He dropped out of this primary forever ago now, and nobody was even thinking about him, but he still came out to endorse Biden on the same day as Pete and Klobi.

Then, on Tuesday itself, the unthinkable happened and Biden... kicked total ass and won ten of the fourteen states!

Of the two big prize states, California and Texas, Biden won Texas... though it was a close call there. Bernie did get a comfortable lead in California... but Biden cleaned his clock in other states he was supposed to win handily.

It can’t be overstated, what a blindsiding upset this was to everybody. Even by the mainstream media, Joe Biden’s candidacy was thought to be dead. He’d done terribly. He was out of money. And he’d never campaigned at all in any of these Super Tuesday states beforehand.

Meanwhile, Bloomberg, who had spent half a billion (with a, B) dollars on these fourteen Super Tuesday states... did miserably in all of them, winning nothing but American Samoa.

Bloomberg did so badly, that he dropped out today (Super Wednesday) and gave his endorsement to Biden.

Tom Steyer, another billionaire who’d been in the race also dropped out today, but... nobody was ever worried about him.

Elizabeth Warren, who did so badly that she came in third in her home state, after Biden and Sanders, has, for the moment, elected to stay in the race, despite having almost no delegates and having won nothing.

So, what happened here?

Well... word on the street is that Obama himself made a few phone calls in the hours after Joe’s big win in SC... to Pete and Klobi, and convinced them to drop out immediately, for JB’s sake... and then called Beto, just for good measure.

While the iron was still hot from Joe’s SC win, this very unexpected news kept it red hot long enough to turn out dazzled Biden fans in droves on election day.

And it seems to have flipped a lot of Bloomberg voters who were only backing him because they’d accepted that Biden... their true fave... had no chance.

Meanwhile Bernie voters... especially the young ones, had grown a bit complacent, thinking he had a lock on Super Tuesday, and weren’t paying enough attention over a Saturday and Sunday... because they’re young and have partying to do... and hangovers to nurse on Mondays... to realize there was any significant threat to their expectations.*

This all resulted in the political quantum leap we all witnessed, where Joe Biden essentially rose from the grave to steal front runner status from Bernie, in what is very suddenly, a two man race.

It’s important to note here that... this was not trickery. This was not voter suppression or some kind of evil app designed to massage the numbers. This was not foreign intervention.

This was... straight up political genius... most likely on the part of Obama... and totally by the rules.

He’s still the figurehead of the Democratic Party. He’s allowed to make a few phone calls and use his influence to give his former VP the best shot possible.

And hey! He was President for eight years, so... shouldn’t we assume he knows more about this kind of shit than any of us do? His Plan worked amazingly well, after all.

Can’t we just trust Obama to use this same kind of genius to guide Biden safely through a contest with Trump, and into the White House, ending our national nightmare?

Well?..

Obama may be a master of political calculation in many spheres... but his Achilles heel always was... and still is... his faith that Republicans can see reason, and will do the right thing.

It’s one thing to resurrect Biden in a primary, when only Democrats are voting.

It’s a whole other thing to keep that reanimated zombie alive through a campaign against Trump, who will be ready with a shotgun, hatchet, club, and any other weapon of opportunity to send it back to Hell.

Trump got impeached and acquitted over his plans to destroy Biden by slinging mud about Burisma, but he won’t even need to bother gushing his hands into that goop when Biden is so clearly in the grips of early onset dementia.

Up until now, it’s been easy to brush that under the rug... with Biden being only one of ten or more candidates on a debate stage... his incoherent babble easily drowned out by the nine other assholes vying for the spotlight.

Yes, Trump is also in the early stages of dementia, but nowhere near as far down the road as Biden.

Also, as the incumbent, Trump’s brand of on and off dementia has been incorporated into his branding, and is accepted as normal... and very toxic to his opponents.

Trump will mop the fucking floor with Biden... the way only an extremely spiteful bastard could... to a cognitively disadvantaged, and thus helpless fellow senior.

We all know this is true about Joe Biden at age 77.

Some people do hit dementia in their seventies. Not many. Usually that’s a thing that develops in your 80s or even 90s, but for some, it does arrive early, and for Biden...it’s pretty advanced. That’s down to random chance, but it’s still a fact.

People at his stage of dementia do not just bounce back to full brain function because they got the Democratic nomination for the Presidency... that’s not how cognitive decline works.

This guy can barely string together a sentence.

And when that happens to your grampa, everybody in the family who loves him so much, will kind of be in denial about it, and rally around him, and give him love and hugs, and try to make him as happy as they can.

But... that’s a hell of a thing to trigger a national electorate to do!

Now, Grampa Joe is in a cage match with Bernie Sanders.

This will not be cute!

Of the three... Trump 73, Biden 77, and Sanders 78... in this extremely unfortunate battle to the death now, of very old grandfathers... Sanders is the oldest, but the only one who still has full command of his mental faculties.

Sanders is still sharp as a tack... metnally. He did have a heart attack, but hey! that’s child’s play compared to dementia, when you’re talking about a President in 2020.

Biden, if put on a debate stage with Sanders, will be exposed for his late stage dementia... to the awkward embarrassment of all.

But to try and keep Biden off a debate stage with Sanders, to avoid that, and allow him to coast completely on name recognition, and nostalgia for a pre-Trump era... will only result in putting off that awkward embarrassment until the fall, against Trump... at which point it will be ten thousand times worse.

Obama can smile as eight-bit sunglasses drop over his face, about the Super Tuesday maneuver he so cleverly engineered last minute from his living room, but it’s not a stunt that will work again in the general election against Trump.

For Sanders now... the only hope is that voters do shake off this daze and give him big wins next Tuesday, and the Tuesday after that... solidifying his place as front runner well before the convention.

That’s possible... but at this point I’m not holding my breath about anything.

Still, for argument’s sake, let’s say that the cage match between Biden and Sanders not only gives Sanders the lead back... but also exposes Biden’s dementia to the point where he suspends his campaign.

That’s where Elizabeth Warren comes in.

My going theory is that she is still waiting for Biden to eventually drop out, after racking up a ton of delegates, but ultimately collapsing under the harsh spotlight.

She, then, would swoop in to get Biden’s endorsement, taking all his delegates, and challenge Bernie at the convention, perhaps forcing the super delegates to back her over him... because she’s a little more centrist.

If that happens... she will have won the nomination without having won a single state, and only a handful of delegates under her own steam.

And... Trump would still mop the floor with her because, “Pocahontas.”

She’s a deeply snakey, slimey politician who has proven herself to be so time and again... to the voters who matter in all the states she’s never been able to win even in primaries.

She will lose to Trump.

So... I don’t know where the fuck we go from here, but it’s looking more and more like Trump will get another... fifteen years, because if he wins in 2020, he’s president for life.

I will no longer be surprised if that happens, but... the only thing that can possibly stop it is if Bernie just kills it in every contest from next Tuesday until the Convention.

We’ll see.

I’m going to bed.

*Not to be a young voter apologist, because I’m not. I was young too... partied a lot and had big hangovers. I still voted in every election, primary or general, local, state, and federal, from the age of 18 to present (now 50).

It was infuriating in 2016, to see how badly millennials who were very vocal online about their informed political opinions, failed us at the polls. It’s even more infuriating after three years of Trump, to see them, and now their GenZ counterparts, who are even more vocal online, and more informed... fail us once again at the polls... while in the same breath complaining about how the establishment has destroyed their future.

It’s all fun and games until you’re living under a dictatorship, kids, on a dying planet.

If you don’t get your asses out to vote in the 2020 primaries, you will spend a good sixty years in that hell, cursing yourself every single day that you didn’t vote in that one last little window where we still could, and you were dancing on Tik Tok instead.

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praphit · 5 years

Text

She-Ra Season 3 - the search for her old behind

That's right! A She-Ra review.

I know that I'm not exactly the demographic.

So, let me explain.

How many of you are familiar with the beer "Tropical Bitch"? I know, it sounds made up, but it's a real thing.

It's actually a pretty good beer. If you like IPA's with a lil fruitiness and a lot of attitude, then TB could be the beer for you. This post brought to you by Flying Dog Brewery.

Well, I had more of the TB than I was striving for; I'm an overachiever. I had a host at a party who just kept chucking them at me. As soon as I finished one, another beer was flying towards my face - that's hospitality, ladies and gentlemen... and some damned fine enablement

I got home, went to my room, turned on Netflix, fell out on the bed, and what do I SEE??! - "She-Ra and the princesses of power"! - it was the new joint though, and season 3.

Now, new or old, I normally would have said "What the hell? Netflix, how dare you think that I'd watch this??!" and moved on, but I was bewitched by Tropical Bitches... plus the Sandman was creeping closer and closer to me. I think it was the Sandman (no one really knows what he or SHE looks like, right??), it could have been something paranormal/X-File-worthy... or maybe that homeless guy snuck into my place again.

Regardless, me, TB power, and the cuddling Sandman decided to watch "She-Ra". I didn't make it far, BUT what I remember... Whew!

Yeah, not much... but that won't stop me from reviewing it.

Like I said, She-Ra is new now... and YOUNG! Where did old She-Ra go? I was first introduced to She-Ra back when I was a kid, and I used to watch

He-Man!

He-Man was dope when I was a kid. Then, they brought in She-Ra, and we all thought they were gonna hook up!

But, years later, we remember He-Man, and...

I'm sure he hooked up with people, but not anyone who looked like She-Ra.

Old She-Ra's probably kickin about 60 now, right?? Madonna's 60. Madonna's still got it!

I mean, I’m not always sure what look she’s going for, but

...

But, she’s still got it!

Though Madonna had better be careful with those dance moves that she still does. She could twist the wrong way, and her hip bone could pop out; nothing sexy about that.

Sorry, is that not Madonna in there? My bad.

Regardless, this She-Ra issue is straight up ageism!

They probably said "It's reboot time!"

She-Ra shows up -

"What? No! Getcho old ass outta here! Nobody wants to see you dressed like that no more!" I bet you she put up a fight, and threatened to go to the papers! Now, while they shouldn't have been scared (cuz, c'mon, it's 2019... "THE PAPERS"??) she prob still "disappeared".

Her wardrobe though -

She'd grab the sword powered by feminism, grow to like 10 feet tall, and her skirt would shrink to like 4 inches in length.

C'mon, man! Now, y'all are doing that with a teenager?? Have some decency!

I saw a black dude in there. He was standing next to She-Ra in a band of princesses.

She-Ra did her growth thing, the black dude looked up to talk to her and... well, you can imagine. It was awkward. I want to know what happened to all of the other men, cuz he is the only one that my previously tropical-bitched mind can remember. And what did he have to endure in order to be the one guy left around... getting blamed for everything:)

Being the only guy in a room full of women - I've been there:

(watching Tv - Elizabeth Warren pops-up on the screen):

Woman 1 - "I love her so much!" Woman 2 - "Me too!" Woman 3 - "I'm drunk! I mean, me three!"

Woman 1 - "What do you think, lone guy?"

Lone Guy - "Yeah, I mean, she's aiight. I WAS riding with Hickenlooper. You know, he's name makes me laugh and all. But, yeah, she's ok."

Woman 1 - "Ok?? *shakin her head* Of course you're going to vote for a MAN, even one with a ridiculous last name."

Lone Guy - "No, it's not that."

Woman 1 - "Just wanna keep us down, don't you?"

Lone Guy - "... no?? Hey, why don't we change the channel?"

Woman 2 - "Mmmhmm" (changes channel - stops on a Nicki Minaj video)

Lone Guy - "Aw Yeah! That's my jam!"

Woman 2 - "I bet it is... Psssh, Oh my God, Woman 3, look at her butt. It's SO BIG. Lone Guy, you only like her cuz she looks like a total prostitute."

Woman 3 - "I think it's liberating to dress like that!"

Woman 2 - "Woman 3!"

Woman 3 - "Sorry. I meant I'M DRUNK!"

Woman 2 - "It's SO BIG! I can't believe it's just so round, it's like out there... I mean gross, look... she's just so...

Woman 1 - "Alright, alright, Woman 2. We're changing the station. Apparently, women are good enough to shake their asses in Lone Guy's face, but not good enough to run our country."

Lone Guy - "... *heavy sigh* Let's eat! What do you say??! (Long Guy eats some homemade pie). "Hmm! Woman 1, you made this, right?! It's delicious!"

Woman 1 - ("Hey, rambling Praphit, we DO have names!") Actually, my husband baked it. Ok? He let allowed me to leave the kitchen for a little bit." *glaring at Lone Guy*

Lone Guy - (taking a long gulp of vodka) "Did I mention how good you look in those jeans?"

Tammy (previously Woman 1) - "I know what you're doing... BUT THANK YOU :) *now all smiles*

Gladys (prevously Woman 2) - (thinking to herself - "Wait a minute, he told me that I look good in my jeans. Hmmmmmmm") *glaring at Lone Guy*

Becky (previously Woman 3) - "I'm drunk!" (she passes out)

---------------

This is his whole life.

I remember him raising his voice to the ladies at one point. He was like "She-Ra, we're going the wrong way!"

She-Ra: Are you telling ME what to do? Black Dude: "Well... it's just that you're holding the map upside down." She-Ra: "Oh, I'm a woman holding a map, please send the man to come explain it to me!"

Black Dude: "No, no... "

She-Ra: "You condescending asshole."

Black Dude: "I would never be that way with you... holding such a large, sharp sword.

*dead silence*

She-Ra: "Take him to the room!"

Black Dude: "Please no! Not again! I'll be good!"

She-Ra: "I'll deal with you later." --------------------

I don't know whether I dreamt this or not, but I visualize a room that She-Ra sends people to. We never know what goes on in there, but they hate going in, and they always leave crying and broken.

People, I didn't want to mention it, but there's some race stuff too!

There was a point when She-Ra and the team meet at an abandoned house. They want to sleep there.

Now, there's a Latina character named Catra, and she's drawn as a beast.

PEOPLE I'M JUST TELLIN YA WHAT I SAW. She-Ra and the others decided to rest for the night, but she finds a broom and tells Catra to clean this place up a lil first.

Catra: "What?! By myself?! Why?!"

She-Ra: "Cuz you're so good at it."

Catra: "But I always have to do this kind of thing!"

She-Ra: "So you won't mind doing it again."

Catra: *Growls*

She-Ra: "Now, Catra, no reason to get all uppity. Be quick about it though, we need to get bed early. ... oh, and we seem to be low on beds. You don't mind sleeping on the floor do you.?"

One of the other girls: "Or in the tree, you are a CAT hahahaha."

She-Ra: "... What? She's only joking, Catra. But, I mean, she's right, you are... "

Catra: "THAT IS IT! *strangles She-Ra*

(They help She-Ra)

She-Ra: "*breathing heavily, while holding her throat* You just earned yourself a ticket to the room! Two of you take her back there now. I'll deal with her later."

Wild for a kids cartoon, right?? I know! I couldn't believe it either.

Despite all of this, it's a colorful, action-packed, a lot of positive team building messages, a good girl power cartoon. There are also some monsters, and some thrilling moments. You just have to ignore everything I've said previously :)

And that's not a big deal to do. Kids don't see that type of thing anyway.

Remember Wile E Coyote and the Roadrunner?

The coyote kept getting seriously and continuously injured due to using those damned ACME products! All he was trying to do was feed his family. He never did catch the roadrunner. His family probably starved, and devoured each other. Meanwhile, we're just yucking it up!

Ha! It IS funny though. Wile E Coyote, comedic genius.

All in all I give She-Ra Season 3 an A*

* = drunk on Tropical Bitch

I imagine the end of season 3 being dark. She-Ra goes walks into her basement, and then through a secret path, down a long poorly lit hallway to find... ... OLD She-Ra.

She's chained to a chair. Her clothes and body all dirty and stanky. Her hair mangled. Her body weak from not eating. Her legs have grown hairy. No, you don't understand - like, REALLY REALLY REALLY HAIRY.

Young She-Ra looks down at Old She-Ra -

"I can't believe that you really thought your old ass could be She-Ra.

I’M SHE-RA! You should be thanking me for locking you up, so that you don't embarrass yourself out there. (she gets real close to the former She-Ra) You know they're never going to find you, right? They don't even know that you're alive."

Old She-Ra: "My friends... my friends WILL come for me."

Young She-Ra: "I doubt it... especially since the old friends that you have left keep having accidents."

Old She-Ra: "What?"

Young She-Ra: (Pulls out a bag from behind her back. She opens it and turns it upside down... the head of an old He-Man plops down.) "Hahahahaha"

Old She-Ra: *speechless and horrified*

Young She-Ra: "I know you're upset. But, I'm gonna turn that frown upside down. We're about to have some fun."

Old She-Ra: "Wait, no no! PLEASE! You can't do this! Please!"

Young She-Ra: "Say my name, bitch."

Old She-Ra: "No! She-Ra No! Please! She-Ra plase! (camera turns away)

"SHE-RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

(Cue cheesy coked-up 80's producer voice: "And the princesses of powerrrrrrrrrrrrrr! *echo*"

THE END

Hell yes! I can't wait for season 4.

#she-ra #netflix #john praphit #praphitproductions.com #tv #ageism #feminism #praphit #horror #nicki minaj #madonna #tropical bitch #flying dog brewery #cartoons #kids shows #he-man #girl power

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markxforother · 7 years

Text

20 YEARS OF BUFFY, 10 FEMINIST LESSONS

Buffy The Vampire Slayer turns 20 years of age and as a massive fan who has been watching it since I was 10 years old, here are my top ten feminist lessons and moments from the show.

1. Self Reliance and the Strength Within.

One thing that Buffy as a show tackled well was the importance and downfall of being a self-reliant, independent woman in today’s world. What aided her in her defeat of her abusive vamp ex was also what isolated her from her friends and family. Buffy showed that whilst as a woman it is important to have friends and family but it is vital to draw from the strength within whilst also not being afraid to ask for help.

Angelus: Now that's everything, huh? No weapons... No friends...No hope. Take all that away... and what's left? Buffy: Me.

2. Joyce - single mother extraordinaire

Joyce Summer’s was the single mother to Buffy and also Dawn (it’s a whole thing)

She was kind, caring and to a point, pretty understanding. She freaked out about Buffy losing her virginity and being a vampire slayer but throughout it all she was always there for her daughter. She squared off power hungry principals, vampires and even a killer slayer, she defended her child and she did it alone. She vowed to protect and love Dawn especially after finding out she wasn’t really her biological daughter and taught Buffy compassion and responsibility in a way she had never faced, despite saving the world numerous times.

Her death contributed to one of the most heartbreaking tv episodes ever seen (and there’s a lot!) it was real, raw and not like anything television at that time had seen. It was a testament to her character and what she meant to Buffy, her friends and also to the show and its fans.

Joyce: You get the hell away from my daughter!

3. Women and Sexuality

Buffy the Vampire Slayer pushed boundaries in many ways but one of the most important boundaries was that of the first lesbian sex scene on network television in America. Whilst some aren’t fans of using magic as a subtext of their relationship, Tara and Willow’s relationship grew in one of the most well rounded, healthy and honest relationships on the entire show. Willow’s gradual exploration and realisation of her sexuality is also important. Everyone regardless of how they define their sexuality comes to realise it and navigate it in different ways.

The show also tackled straight female sexuality, from Buffy’s loss of virginity to who she thought was the right guy but turned nasty, to Kendra’s shy engagement with boys to Faith’s open and care free attitude, there was always a strong message that sex and sexuality was important and different for each female character in the show and can mean different things at different times in your life. The main message for young women is, as long as your choices are healthy and make you happy, who really cares?!

Willow: ...and I think I’m kinda gay?

4. What it feels like to be just a girl.

Buffy isn’t a natural superhero, from the film and the flashbacks she was a cheerleading prom loving girl who was Chosen and had her destiny forced upon her.

From the episode Prophecy Girl where Buffy finds out she’s going to die, to explaining what being a slayer is to her mother and lamenting on wanting to just paint her nails, Buffy struggles with what it means to have so much responsibility, face all the darkness in the world whilst just wanting to be a normal girl.

Whether its discrimination in the workplace, our right to abortions, sexual assault, maternity rights and all the problems women face, it can feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders and that we are fighting daily battles and making sacrifices just to get by.

But we’re all just girls, we all have dreams, hopes and aspirations. We all have silly things we do to make ourselves feel better and we all want to be loved and respected.

We all want equality for everyone and right now, to do that, we’ve got to keep slaying.

Kid: But you're... you're just a girl. Buffy: ....That's what I keep saying.

5. Male allies

The men in Buffy are definitely second fiddle but are vital. I’m going to start by admitting that re-watching the first couple of season of Buffy, Xander is a bit dick! Right got that out of my system, but just like the women in the show he grew and learnt and became the heart of the group. From his unwavering support of Buffy, his iconic pep talk with Dawn which makes me cry every time, to saving the world by reminding Willow of her humanity. Xander became the best friend you wish you had.

Giles became Buffy’s father figure quite early on in the series and accepted her for all her faults and never judged her for it. He jeopardised his job by standing up to the patriarchal system that made him her Watcher and pretty much tortured her, he was willing to die and kill for her and took all of her friends under his wing as well.

It’s important to remind ourselves that Feminism is about equality so if you’re lucky enough to have male allies around you, appreciate their value and support.Yes, they are doing as they should but whilst they may benefit from it more that us, they are also victims of the Patriachy as well. If they’re fighting to good fight and not intimated by your strength, I say hats off to you sirs!

Buffy: But this is all my fault.

Rupert Giles: No. I don't believe it is. Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did. And I can. I know that you loved him. And he has proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known what would happen. The coming months are gonna be hard. I suspect on all of us, but if it's guilt you're looking for, Buffy, I'm not your man.

All you will get from me is my support. And my respect.

7. The Slayer, The Mother, The Geek, The Prom Queen, The Killer, The Demon, The Witch, The Key

Labels are placed on women all the time and can feel suffocated by the expectations around that, where its mother, career women, whore, virgin, girly or tomboy, society rarely allows to be all these things or none. We have to fall into one group or another and if we try and mix them around we get called up on being contrary or worse - attempting to ‘have it all.’

You can label each one of the main women that make up the Buffyverse but each one defies its stereotype growing into complex and realised people, just like everyday women.

Buffy was a peppy pretty girl with a secret and evolved to a maternal yet isolated warrior who had grown tired of the weight of being a Slayer, to finally embracing her role as a leader a teacher. Willow was a geek and also an all powerful witch, Faith was a killer but was also vulnerable, Anya was a demon who also was a doting girlfriend.

Their stereotypes are fantasy extremes but each character was one thing at the start and something different by the end, they are real, three-dimensional women growing, learning, falling and rising up again.

Buffy: I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming who ever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day, I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies.

8. Misogyny can kill even the strongest of women

In one of the weaker seasons of Buffy, season 6 did however thrive in tackling the subject of misogyny. After Buffy comes back from the dead, she is left feeling lost, alone and seeking sexual solace in Spike, a vampire. When she realises that their relationship isn’t healthy and that she’s been sleeping with him for all the wrong reasons, he doesn’t take it well. He in fact, tries to rape her. This is something that women all over the world face and this theme is furthered by her human nemesis Warren who is particularly sexist and when she asserts her physical strength over him/‘emasculating’ him, he responds by coming into her home, shooting her and killing Tara in the process.

Violence and sexual assault against women is a very real problem in society and no matter how much we tell girls to dress a certain way, to not ‘tease men’ and to ‘cater to their ego’ even the Slayer herself can be victim to a system that perpetuates an idea that women are at fault and men are left blameless. We need to stop this because also we don’t have Willow to turn evil and become a vengeful super witch.

Willow: You never felt you had the power with her, not until you killed her.

Warren: Women. You know, you're just like the rest of them. Mind games.

9. Diversity and Intersectionality are key

One of the downfalls of Buffy is its lack of diversity. Show runners have admitted it and done their best to learn from it with future shows paving the way for awesome characters like Zoe Washburne from Firefly and Melinda May from Agents of Shield who are both similar in characteristics to Buffy but also women of colour.

But one way that the show tackled their shortcomings of diversity with previous characters was when we met The First Slayer.

The First Slayer was an African woman kidnap and imbued her with demonic powers by 3 men who became The Watcher’s Council.

Now she’s far from perfect and how the whole concept and how its portrayed is problematic as hell, one might even go as far to say that its pretty racist.

But they could have easily made The First Slayer white, they could’ve made her ethnically ambiguous etc but by making her black they not only recognized the importance of race and Africa in The Slayer’s origins story but also the in human race itself.

Here presence itself lead to the origins of other Slayers and Potential Slayers to be slightly more diverse and we see it full effect in the seventh and final season of Buffy The Vampire Slayer from dodging accents, varying sexualities, ethnicities, sub-cultures and general characteristics. The Potentials may also be terrible stereotypes but to some people (me in this case) when it comes to early forms of representing intersectional feminism, I’ll take what I can get.

Either way, Buffy as a character and the‘Wheddonverse’ in general are indebted to the First Slayer.

First Slayer via Tara: You think you know what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

10. The Sisterhood

One thing I’ve always loved about Buffy the Vampire Slayer was the sisterhood. They may not all love each other and be best friends but when it came down to it, they had each others back. From Cordelia stepping up to fight the demons and even offering a vulnerable Buffy a ride home to Willow saving Anya’s life even when she had reverted to being a demon to even Faith proudly being by Buffy’s side in the final fight. Buffy’s friendships and female allies taught us that its important to have different types of women from different backgrounds and opinions and that each add value to your life. Female friendships can be challenging and complex in a world when were are constantly pitted against each other but more than ever its important to celebrate and covet what unites us.

In the final episode Buffy decides to give up her title by having Willow make every potential slayer an actual Slayer, it’s final message of the show was using that sisterhood to pass on the power and strength to a new generation may it be potential slayers or our daughters and students because whilst we may have made progress, we still having many demons to fight.

Buffy: From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer, will be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power. Can stand up, will stand up. Slayers, every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?

#buffy the vampire slayer #buffyslays20 #buffy summers #feminism #importantlessonsinfeminism

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