#A3 songs good. This is my last message--

[icharchivist]

You mentioned knowing m!Orologia's seiyuu from A3, who does he voice in that?

oh yeah, he voices Guy! He's the rookie of the Winter Troupe, appearing from act 2 and onward.

He doesn't use the same range at all as Orologia so maybe it's less relevent for you, but if you want:

his first solo song is Defragmentation, (with translations here), and his second song his For Your Journey~The Bar Secret, which will give you an overview of his character i think.

But else on the juicy bits with the duets:

Easily one of my favorite song of all A3!, a Phantom of the Opera song, featuring also Tamaru Atsushi (Tor in gbf). If there's only one song you listen to in this list, let it be this one.

Easily another one of my favorite, Hosts in an Hotel aesthetic, featuring also Kakihara Tetsuya (Elmott in gbf, though he's definitely on another range)

this one isn't really a fav of mine i must admit, but i have to mention it since he's singing it with Takuya Sato (Lu Woh's seiyuu). Two Samurai crossing blades to death.

And i really like this one, even if the seiyuu he's singing with, Masashi Igarashi, isn't in gbf ahah

he has more song but this is a neat start if you're curious ;)

The Winter Troupe is my favorite troupe in a3, all the charas in them make me cry a lot, so that gives you an idea. he's very dear to my heart.

The more you know!

Thanks for asking <3

#the good thing with any seiyuu a3/gbf share is that i can go *slaps on the table* do you want banger songs featuring them. #i'll never mention enough the banger 'gay vampires duet' featuring Elmott and Lu Woh's seiyuu #A3 songs good. This is my last message-- #i'll try to see if i have the energy for the rest of my inbox #ichafantalks gbf #anonymous #ichafantalks a3 #ichareply #wait no i'm being called for relink i gtg DLKFJDLKF replying later o7

[love9620]

Charmed: A New Beginning

CHAPTER FOUR

Meanwhile in another realm....

*The Mills Manor*

Alex Mills is in his bedroom working out.

Alex- Gotta get pumped before the game tonight bro...

Alex said to himself. Meanwhile his brother Asher was getting ready for his gig at A3.

Asher- I can't believe Aaron actually agreed to let my band play at his club tonight. This is going to be so lit bro!

As Asher was getting ready to leave he felt like something wasn't right. So he went into Alex's room.

Asher- Are you ok bro?

Alex- Yeah, never better bro.. why you ask?

Asher- I just had a feeling something was up bro..

Alex- Nothing going on here bro...

Asher- I see that bro.... Good luck on you're game tonight.

Alex- Thanks bro..

Asher- Just make sure you are home before the full moon tonight bro.. We don't need a repeat of what happened last time...

Alex- Relax bro.. I've learned how to control the wolf...

Asher- Have you really bro?

Alex- Yes! No go or you will miss you're gig bro!

Asher- Alright... See you later bro.

*Meanwhile in the Underworld*

Barbie- I don't have much time before the Halliwell sisters figure out my plans... I must act quickly if I want to spread fear through out all of the realms... and there by tipping the balance from good to evil... My father Barbas might not have been able to it but then again he didn't release that the earth's were connected... if it wasnt for Belthazor giving his blood to Nancy the necromancer I would have never found out about the other words... I do wonder if that little girl turned fully Demon by now... She probably has killed her sisters... oh what I wouldn't pay to have seen that!

*Meanwhile Back at A3*

Aaron- Alright how is everyone doing tonight? Good? Alright, Then we have a special treat for you all! My brother Asher and his band will be up shortly to play some songs for you all, this is their first gig so please be nice!

*******

Asher- That was awesome bro!

Aaron- See I told you it would go well...

Asher- Yeah, but you probably already saw what would happen didn't you bro?

Aaron- What can I say it's my power...

Asher- I wish I could swap powers with you bro...

Aaron- Having Premonitions isn't always fun tho... I have to see things that I don't want to see...

Asher- Well at least it's better than Dream Leaping bro.... I can't even control it yet... every time I go to bed I enter someone's dream bro... it's like I don't get any sleep at all and need coffee just to stay awake bro...

Aaron- Well at least you got it better than Alex, I mean poor guy has two powers that he can't control... Hydrokinesis and thanks to his father he's part werewolf...

Asher- I still can't believe mom cheated on dad with a werewolf bro... like wasn't a handsome Warlock good enough for her?

Aaron- Just say Witch...

Asher- Why? We are Warlocks bro...

Aaron- Well I prefer to use Witch as Warlock can be seen in a negative light...

Asher- I get your point but why can't we take back the world Warlock bro?

Aaron- There's so many bad Warlocks out there...

Asher- So? We aren't anything like them bro...

Aaron- I know that it's just tha-

Just then Aaron sees the full moon out the window.

Aaron- Better call Alex...

Asher- Why bro?

Aaron- The moons out! Hurry, we gotta make sure he's home before he starts changing...

Asher- On it bro!

*Alex's Phone*- Hey bro, this is Alex leave a message bro...

Asher- Fuck bro! He's not answering!

Aaron- Well let's go find him before someone else does...

#charmed #charmed cw #charmed mulitvervse #charmed fanfic #charmedseasonfive

[macaronnya]

Fresh(?) Impressions (1)

Other parts: |Trickstar| |UNDEAD| |2wink| |Ra*bits| |Akatsuki| |fine| |Ryuseitai| |Knights| |Valkyrie| |Switch| |MaM/Double Face/Crazy:B| |Eden| |Alkaloid|

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Hello Enstarries~☆ I'm a newbie and wanted to share my kinda-first impressions of our maybe beloved idols bc the fandom (on tumblr) seems pretty 🤏 and so this might....idk serve as another entertaining post or smth. A viewpoint from a newcomer. I'll do each unit per post bc holy moly are there many and we'll start with Trickstar here. For a little structure, I'll begin with an overall impression (vibe, songs etc.) and then continue with indivdual members (appearance, personality etc.).

|Next| <- I'll put the next post here, when I'm done (assuming I'm dedicated and committed enough to really do everyone) See above ⬆️

Before we start, you may wonder why it's a fresh? and kinda-first impression. Well, I've been listening to their songs for about 2 years (Eden & Crazy:B fan here) and so know a bit about them (mainly their banger songs), be it through memes, iceberg explanation, memes and wiki pages. But I only really got into it since the global release. So even if I have all these random out-of-context info, I still basically know nothing. I only read their Episode 1 in the game for this bc want to start with the ! era first before jumping into !!. Now, one last thing...

DISCLAIMER!: Everything said here is for entertainment purposes only and not meant to attack anyone. This is not an accurate description of any characters but my subjective rambling for fun, so please don't take it too seriously. (Just to be safe, I'm kinda scared of elite idol fans) Also, you will hear me mention other games a bunch of times bc I'm that bad and uncreative at explaining and I'm still grieving A3!EN's shutdown. Eng is my 2nd (or 3rd?) language and it's 4am, do with that what you want.

Without further ado....Let's Ensemble!☆

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Typical first unit in idol games. Cheerful, innocent, ambitious and leading a revolution.....? That took me off at first, but, uh, good for them. Ngl their songs are boring. They remind me of Love Live's earliest songs and general idol songs. Pop, cheerful and encouraging messages, it's not bad. I just wouldn't listen to it if could. I do appreciate their preppier approach to the standard military inspired idol uniforms, though. Oh, the VA line-up is also 👁👁, like, damn.

5/10 - average, I don't have a strong opinion of them

Hokuto Hidaka

I love his voice. Tomoaki Maeno's voice is just melting butter~🧈 At first, I thought he'd be the boring, serious, smart blue coded character out of the red-blue duo but I learnt my lesson with Deuce (Twisted Wonderland). He's earnest, honest, responsible and doesn't suffer from trauma with his famous parents, which is pretty good and possibly rare. I haven't heard a lot from him. He actually looks boring🧍‍♂️but this card is really pretty for some reason?? Apparently comes off as cold often as well, which is very relatable 😓

5.5/10 - average guy (the irony)

Subaru Akehoshi

The 6th redhead, who's the poster character for their game. He looks like the standard first boy you meet and help to achive whatever the goal of the game and his dream is as his manager/producer/director/master/etc idk. Cheerful, naive, energetic. I don't really expect a lot from him but Sakuya (A3!), another redhead poster boy, became my most beloved baby sunshine 🥰, so...I'll just wait and see. His smile is pretty cute. And he likes money and sparkling things??? Random but not a bad thing.

6/10 - average but positive, slightly adorable

Makoto Yuuki

Funky guy with glasses 👓 The only other character I reacall rn with colored rims is 707 (Mystic messenger). I haven't seen a lot of blondes with glasses, I think. He's kinda cute. If you haven't noticed yet, glasses are a tiny soft spot of mine. He seems to be the token clumsy dumdum but is self-aware and a bit self-conscious of that. His chibi has :3!!! A worried one even. Also, one of the grey haired ones or so is a really big fan or so of him and chases him? My condolences 😔

6/10 - still a bit boring but glasses and :3, he's trying his best

Mao Isara

Initially, when I first listened to their songs, I thought Subaru's VA was his. It just seemed to fit better. He looks like a chatterbox and a social butterfly. Trendy and always up to date online. Maybe it's due to Cater (Twisted Wonderland), who looks similiar. But he's the student council president??? Looks truly decieve. I like his enthusiasm to have a just and actual working school. Well, he's still pretty friendly and so it seems.

6/10 - big role he carries but he's got the spirit, also cute

Honorary mention:

Anzu

Our dear MC, who has a lot of fans as well despite: 1. being a self-insert, 2. not having any real lines?, and 3. being a girl in a joseimuke game. Through A3!'s Izumi Tachibana, I learnt just how amazing self-insert MCs could be if they weren't self-inserts and had actual personality. I'm looking a bit forward to seeing more of her but I'll stay cautiously optimistic. Girl failed a revolution at her old school and attempts the next one right after her transfer, what an unyielding will. A bit miffed, that everyone seems to have a good relationship with her but is forced to stay ~professional~. Like, what is the use of names if you don't use them?! Let them call her Anzu or so >:( She also overworks quite often? You're not even 20....pls REST!

8/10 - I trust in my fellow Enstarries, maybe there will come a day when she gets her own card (perhaps as an anniversary gift?) (I really wanted one for Izumi (A3!), April fools has every side character except her. The audacity?!)

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Conclusion

It's a bit weird how everyones' individual impression scores higher than the overall one. I suppose, it's like how mixing everything you like won't necessarily make an even better thing.

Now, if you reached the end, first off, congratulations! 🎊🎉 Idk if it's bc I was actually entertaining or bc you're that determined but thanks~♡ As you can see, I write a lot. I don't mean to do that but I always just somehow end up writing way too much bc I want to deliver my thoughts precisely. It's nearing 6am rn and I accidentally deleted my first draft. If there are any grammatical errors or so...have mercy. Feel free to comment whatever. It would give me more motivation to continue, though ofc I want to do everyone anyways. Just keep in mind, it's all just for fun and games and we're all here for a good time.

See you in my next impression post! (Hopefully)

#ensemble stars #enstars #macaron rambles #why is structuring texts on tumblr so hard #I want to have more space between sections #trickstar

[mazojo]

Winter 2021 Anime Opinions

As always its that time of the year I pretend to be an anime connoisseur and leave my review on this seasons anime so take it with a grain of salt asdfgh from the one I enjoyed the least to the most.

Wave!!: Surfing Yappe!! (TV)

You are seeing currently the only probably best thing about Wave asdfghj Tanaka bby I am SO sorry you got stuck here,,,,, Its bad because I had so many expectations for Wave but it just...... isn’t very good? The characters feel 2 dimensional, animation is veeeery average and the plot is all over the place? Dont even get me started on the Shou situation plot device that they just brushed over and went on with and,,,,,big sigh

Urasekai Picnic

To be honest is not very fair to compare this one to the rest as ive only watched the first 2 eps but ill catch up eventually asdfghj its not bad just that the plot didnt capture me as much as I hoped but the two main characters cutiess the plot just confuses me asdfgh but I don't have much to say about it

Yakusoku no Neverland 2nd Season

So uh anyways Chile I don't wanna talk about it the only reason this is not dead last is because RayEmma cute moments but yeah don't watch this clown show go read the manga for self care ✨

Jaku-Chara Tomozaki-kun

The only reason this is here is because she. The main girl I cant remember the name of sucks and main dude is very normal asdfgh the plot is basically “Want people to like you? change everything about yourself and become a normie robot!!!” ASDFGHJ Like its so over the top and cringe at times it becomes very confusing but hey I am not caught up either so I may change opinions (x doubt tho)

2.43: Seiin Koukou Danshi Volley-bu

From this point onwards I basically like everything. 2.43 Started suuuuper strong for me, definitely thought it would be one of my favs this season but as the eps went by I just.... kinda lost interest asdfgh? Like its not bad, but its a sort of mix between Stars Align and Haikyuu where I would have loved a more character based story with dark subplots like Stars Align but got the parts I always criticize about Haikyuu were there was a point I didn't really knew any of the characters? ASDFGH like the enemy team is super cool and Love their designs but if you ask me to tell you anything about them I already forgot rip. Its still cute and the animation is cool but yeah it kind of disappointed me in the end a bit ;w;

Shingeki no Kyojin: The Final Season

AOT Is so sexci because it keeps on hurting me and I come back every-time for it ASDFGHJ Not much to say that hasn't been said, characters are super interesting, plot is a bit confusing at times for me to follow but amazing and I just :))) could go on about certain characters :))))) but I wont :))))

Wonder Egg Priority

Wonder egg priority is very talked about right now so I wont get too much into it other than definitely give it a watch if you like the more philosophical and “makes you reflect on your life choices” sort of anime ASDFGHJ the visuals are stunning and the characters very well build, although I am very confused at times I am still enjoying it tons ^^ Trigger warning however for some heavy topics I recommend checking the warnings before watching it <3

Kemono Jihen

I LOVE THEM OKaY? asdfghjk Kemono Jihen gives me the found family topes and I eat them all right up, I love the characters , their designs, the plot, everything. To be fair tho, I did enjoy the manga more than the anime but maybe its a pacing thing? idk but I definitely recommend 100% taking on the manga and maybe after watch the anime but I am enjoying it tons!!

Kai Byoui Ramune

This one may come as a surprise lol?? Like I haven't seen a single soul talk about Ramune but like??? I am actually enjoying it a lot?? and look forward every week for the ep? asdfghj Like yes I will be the first to admit the animation isn't really the beeeeest out there but the plot is funny while also being serious, the characters are quirky and interesting to keep the flow going and I am liking the undertone heavy messages? the soundtrack also slaps imo and yeah I would definitely say to watch the first ep and if you like that sort of dynamic take it up on the rest!

I★Chu: Halfway Through the Idol

Okay I will be the first one to admit this is just me being trash for the idol shows but like?? its my list so I get to decide which found family I am screaming about next ASDFGHJ. As an avid A3 stan this gave me serious vibes of my boys (plus they were made form the same company so like not very surprised there loll) and like I think the characters are cute with adorable relationships and cute songs and its just a lighthearted show I sit down every Wednesday and smile through the 25 minutes so yes I Chu deserves a high spot and yes I recommend it even if it has like a 6.3 on myanimelist sksksks

Dr. Stone: Stone Wars

Look at Gen!!!! enough reasons to watch dr stone!!!! ASDFGH but in all seriousness I....... love them okAy? The plot is amazing and the characters are super entertaining (hiiii Ukyo Gen Senku and Chrome muak) and although it may seem a bit slower paced than first season the arc is gonna get better and better and the finale is gonna be great if they stick to the manga. Only sad that I dont get to see my pirate fuckboy but we better be getting a third season

Bungou Stray Dogs Wan!

when I say this is the happiness of all my Tuesdays I ain’t even exaggerating ASDFGHJ Does this have an important plot? no. Is it transcending to animation? not really. Is it BSD content I've been starving for? absolutely!!! Tbh I see my favorite anime characters in chibi version and I go feral, go watch BSD pogg!!

Horimiya

Me?? searching for that one gif of the side ship scene am obsessed over?? more likely than you think ASDFGH Horimiya holds a special place in my heart because it was the first manga I ever read and the nostalgia is stroNG,,,,,, The plot isn't anything really transcending but the way the characters are captured the feelings just,,,,,, stan!! Also Yuki x Tooru supremacy !

Skate-Leading☆Stars

Okaaaaay this is also me being a bitch for sports anime but like, again, are we surprised?? ASDFGHJ It may be my love for Hayato speaking but ive absolutely loves Skate Leading Stars, I love the group, the main characters, the ships, the routines and its so pretty and they are in love and like the competition and asdfgh its gOoD OKaY??? Watch it if anything for Hayato 👉🏻 👈🏻 My bastard bitch I love the gremlin.

Beastars 2nd Season

I think we are all sleeping on Beastars brushing it off as a furry show. I don’t speak enough about it and I am not one to go about poetic cinemaness on main but beastars is a very poetic cinema show and yall sleeping on it. Coming from someone who was uncomfortable at first with the whole animal relationships part at first, just know beastars is so much more than that, it has a complicated plot with critics about the society within the show with amazing characters, great soundtrack and animation plus banger plot. Pina, Jack, Juno and Legoshi best characters and every week I look forward for the next eps so I hope yall go give it some love.

SK8 The Infinity

If it wasnt clear from my spam every Saturday that I am absolutely in love with this show I dont know what to tell you ASDFGHJ. Sk8 has an amazing range of characters I find fascinating, specially Reki, very much so everything Reki asdfgh but yeah!! Its super entertaining with an interesting plot and its definetely becoming one of my favorite animes because the amount of times ive rewatched the episodes to cope is kind of embarrassing lmaooo, definetely give it a try although I understand its not for everyone but like,,,,, do it for Reki? 🤧👉🏻👈🏻

#wow I..... need to get new hobbies apart from being a weeb ASDFGHJ #I enjoy doing this asdfghj goodnight spoilers #long post #spoilers #i am not tagging all of it only the top ones because I dont wanna get shitted on for the lower ones ASDFGHJ #sk8 the infinity #beastars #skate leading stars #i chu halfway through the idol #horimiya #bungo stray dogs wan #Kai Byoui Ramune #dr stone

[uwua3]

Hello! Sunflowers hold a really special meaning for me so when i read the "sunflower dreams" My heart was so happy!! I havent felt this happy in a long time since quarantine started so thank you for taking the time to write it! It really made my day. If i could request a kazunari x reader where they're both artists that would be amazing. Maybe the reader can be a famous anonymous art influencer? Its up to you! Again thank you so much for writing "sunflower dreams" 💜

i’m so happy i could make you smile ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) it’s messages like these that absolutely make my day! thank you so much for taking your time to even read it, i’m glad to know it touched your heart ♡ i hope you have a good rest of your day—please know all of a3! love you vvv much!!! ｀･ω･)9 i hope this makes your heart happy just like before! thank you, anon, for everything

summary: every time you fell in love, you made a new art piece

author’s note: please smile from this absolutely soft and endearing kazunari fluff! in times like these where negativity is all around us, it’s good to take a break and purposely give yourself happiness. i hope this is a light in your day and makes you experience all the goodness of love! ♡ — concept based on “to all the boys i’ve loved before”

word count: 3,389

music: i like me better – lauv

to everyone i’ve loved before.

🌻🎨 miyoshi kazunari

you created art every time you had a crush so intense, you didn’t know what else to do

no matter how big or small it was, or how long or short it lasted, love is love. even if it was a random stranger you’d never see again or someone you knew for a lifetime, love is love

therefore, there was no exact total. because even if you didn’t remember every single person you’ve made art for, you clearly remembered what it was like experiencing the euphoria of love. the phenomenon of your heart selflessly beating for someone else. the attack of getting hit by cupid’s arrow out of no where. the rush of emotions unlike any other

love was everywhere and you made sure to create something that was a memory of it. that was when you decided to practice art after being unable to recall a person’s face a moment too long

it was your form of a love letter. a picture spoke a thousand words you couldn’t write, and art was the perfect way to convey that. online for everyone to see were your love letters in art form: portraits of everyone you’ve loved

you fell in love again and again, a new art piece posted soon over the years of your life. under the username, to-everyone-ive-loved, a lifelong project was in the works for all of social media to see

unknown to the rest of the world, you were the artist behind the blog “to-everyone-ive-loved” who created portraits from memory

but, you didn’t mean to fall in love with another artist as well

all it took was one comment and you were theirs

it was one of your most recent posts, a finished piece on a stranger you saw. you found yourself in veludo way, the ideal street to find people you’d never forget. after witnessing a sudden street act, only one actor caught your eye that day

you didn’t know his name, but you didn’t need to. you were in love

you immediately rushed home without a second thought, the inspiration and creativity infectious after watching him perform. something about his energy was wildly entertaining and bizarre, like a modern pop song as a person. he was effortlessly trendy, popular, and charismatic just from the few minutes you saw him

the moment he stood up on that street corner like it was a stage, all eyes were on him and he knew it. as you sketched into the day, you remembered the small details clearly. dirty blonde hair with no dark roots in sight, glittering green eyes, wide welcoming smile. he had the face of an actor, that’s for sure

when you posted it right after finishing, you didn’t expect any major attention. on average, your posts got 100 likes or so. while it was an impressive feat, nothing could’ve prepared you for that one comment

kaz-PIKO: i’m in love with your art ♡

as your popularity and fame grew before your very eyes, you clicked on his profile and realized it was him. the actor you had seen earlier at veludo way

you didn’t know what happened, but all you knew was you couldn’t forget this one person, miyoshi kazunari, no matter how hard you tried

no matter where you went, you couldn’t draw anyone else except that boy named kazunari. after scrolling through his entire instablam account, you found out he was an actor for mankai company’s summer troupe. he was a star in his own right, with a stage presence like the spotlight was constantly on him and a heart of gold

this was the first time you ever got so caught up on someone that they didn’t leave your mind. hours became days, and days began becoming a week before you let yourself follow him back

everyone you had ever drawn had never recognized themselves before. it was all because a follower connected the visual similarities between your art and kazunari’s unique traits that kazunari knew you had seen him before

if only he wasn’t a social media influencer with followers reaching the hundreds of thousands. at least, his popularity attracted attention to your profile...

this was a problem, however. because if you couldn’t draw anyone else, what could you do? once again, you stalked kazunari’s blog once again like it was a habit

it was never really a rule to make one love letter per person, but you never had wanted to make another for the same person. until, now

video after video. picture after picture. story after story. you could see kazunari’s face even when you closed your eyes. what about him made you daydream about him constantly? was it his charming voice that could make anyone stop and stare? his intricate piercings that were different every day? his ability to make you feel at home? whatever it was (or maybe it was an accumulation of everything and more), you had to draw kazunari again

when you posted it, you typically didn’t add more to the caption than the date and time. except this time, you felt like all your rules were being broken over someone who had no idea who you were

to-everyone-ive-loved-before: XX/XX/20 (3:33 A.M.) — social butterfly

you watched it upload. it was a piece you had never done before. glowing butterflies of all colors surrounded the center of the masterpiece, a smiling kazunari

hopefully, this would solve whatever feelings you were having and the world would go back to normal. you’d move on, fall in love with someone else, and repeat

it didn’t work, because some time later, you woke up to a comment that made you feel the butterflies in your stomach

kaz-PIKO: like a butterfly, i’ll fly to you, wherever you are~ ☆

and for some reason, you wanted kazunari to find you

you had never felt so motivated to draw before. however, your muse was the same. a beautiful boy named miyoshi kazunari who was slowly capturing your heart without even knowing it. you watched the pages in your sketchbook lessen and lessen. the corners of assignments and napkins and anything in between was covered in doodles. if there was a writing instrument in your hand, something related to kazunari would come out of it

it was a fascination. a fixiation, even. you had only seen one performance before falling in love. was it because kazunari responded that it made you feel like you had a chance?

you wouldn’t admit it, but it was becoming embarrassing with how much you were staring at the few unread messages from kazunari in your dm box. they came in right after you had followed him back, and more arrived when you posted the “social butterfly” piece

what was stopping you from talking to your muse? you knew the answer without thinking: what if these feelings were real?

obsessions and crushes come and go, but... love, love stayed. there wasn’t any possibility you could love someone from afar without knowing anything about them, right?

but, then again... you did know some things about kazunari. you knew kazunari was the best actor of all time, with expressions and gestures the equivalent of art. kazunari was art—in every single way possible. everything about him made you want to draw and draw and draw

you only drew kazunari for a certain time, no matter which stranger crossed your path. people you knew you would’ve sketched simply became passer-bys, and it was all because of kazunari’s sunny smile that you were in love. or, what you thought was love

the more you thought about kazunari’s unread dms, the more you wondered what this was. why did kazunari make you so happy? was this truly the first time you were experiencing... a crush?!

for the first time since that street act, you found yourself in veludo way. while half of you was hoping you’d randomly bump into summer troupe’s moodmaker, the other half was petrified about how kazunari was a real person. a very much popular, recognizable person

it was the weekend, and the burden of university projects was telling you to go back and focus. yet, with a sketchbook in one hand and a pencil tucked behind your ear, you were very much prepared to draw to your heart’s content

as you tried to flip to a clean page, you heard something that made your heart flutter. despite the noise and busy atmosphere of veludo, a distinct laugh was audible above the crowd. when you looked up, your eyes barely registered a deep blue jacket before walking straight into the person

you nearly tumbled to the ground before two hands steadied you, a surprised “whoa!” leaving their mouth before being followed by a gentle laugh. the usual embarrassment didn’t set in until you went to go thank the person, only to stop

oh my god. you had just bumped into miyoshi kazunari, your muse for the past month or so

kazunari grinned, even though it faltered slightly at your wide-eyed expression and awkward silence. he didn’t seem to mind as he adjusted his black top hat, pocketing his phone and confidently meeting your gaze

“i’m so sorry~! i hope you’re okay, i’m kazunari!” kazunari introduced and you realized he didn’t know you were behind to-everyone-ive-loved-before. you quickly adjusted yourself, pretending as if this wasn’t the highlight of your entire week

when you introduced yourself, kazunari’s eyes sparkled with interest as he easily led you into conversation. despite being a bit of a socially awkward artist who preferred being alone over anything else, kazunari was... comfortable. you didn’t feel self-conscious of how you acted, because he readily accepted how you were with a smile

was he like this was everyone or... did he find you to be a work of art, too?

standing off to the side, you finally noticed several members of mankai were advertising their latest play. bright, aesthetically pleasing flyers were being handed out to everyone walking by, and you seemed to look a moment too long before kazunari followed your gaze and suddenly snapped his fingers

“oh! are you interested in theatre?” you really weren’t, but you nodded anyways just to see kazunari’s excitement. he pardoned himself for a moment just to snatch a flyer, returning to show it off with a proud smile

“please come to mankai company’s summer performance!” kazunari’s smile sparkled and before he looked around to see if anyone was watching, he winked. kazunari covered the side of his face that was facing his troupe members, pretending as if you two were sharing some big secret

“plus, i’ll be there. if you come, i’ll make sure to do my very best~” kazunari bargained, even though you already knew he was already planning on wowing the audience with his charisma. you took in his genuine want to impress you and the butterflies came back

“i’ll come.” you agreed without even checking the date or reading anything. now all of you just wanted more & more opportunities as the person kazunari was surprisingly interested in, not as the artist who was basically in love with him

agreeing right away was worth it when kazunari shot you a grateful, blinding smile in return. you stumbled over your words with how taken back you were, but asked anyways, “do you like flowers?”

kazunari’s eyes softened for a moment, his usual energy suddenly gone before returning. he seemed genuinely moved by your question, and you wondered how many flowers it’d take to see him smile again like that

“i do, especially if they’re from you.”

“what kind?”

someone called kazunari’s name, insisting they were going to be late for practice. kazunari shouted back an agreement by telling them to go ahead first, before putting all his attention on you once again

“hibiscus.” meaning delicate beauty

before kazunari could ask for your socials, with his hand already reaching for his phone, you cut him off, hoping your voice wasn’t off

“next week. 7 P.M., mankai theatre. i’ll be there, front row.” you promised and took off, rushing off with a wave as kazunari stared after you for a second before waving back enthusiastically

as you left, kazunari was about to leave before he noticed something on the ground. it was a plain sketchbook, unassuming at first but it was nearly bursting at the binding with how many pages there were

when kazunari picked it up, he was about to flip to the first page before mankai called his name again, impatient this time. kazunari held onto the book and sent one last glance towards your direction before disappearing, hurrying to make sure the director wouldn’t penalize him for being the reason everyone was late

when you arrived home, you instinctually reached for the pencil behind your ear. at the same time, you put your hand in your bag, attempting to feel the familiar edges of your sketchbook

then, after turning your bag inside out and finding nothing, you collapsed onto your desk chair with shock and disbelief

you lost your sketchbook in veludo way the moment you met kazunari. what if he had it?

you drew another piece and stared at your screen, wondering if you should post it. it was kazunari once again with a yellow hibiscus flower behind his ear, the same gentle smile you couldn’t perfectly capture gracing his lips

you typed the caption and backspaced before settling on something that only you and him would know

to-everyone-ive-loved-before: XX/XX/20 (8:01 P.M.) — delicate beauty

you hesitated before deleting the post a second after. maybe, you’d keep some artwork to yourself

kazunari had the sketchbook open next to his bedside, his phone in his hands and your profile open. he could recognize your art style a mile away, and the moment he saw the first sketch after practice, he couldn’t believe it

did this explain why he felt such a natural attraction to you? when you bumped into him, kazunari swore he could see the sparks flying. you made him feel like he was falling in love and you only proved him right when you two talked earlier. he wanted to know everything about you, he wanted to see you again

was this what love at first sight felt like? kazunari giddily typed a message over and over again, the unread messages of his filling his screen

kaz-PIKO: heya!! ★>d(,,･ε´-,,)⌒☆ just wanted to say i LOVE your art fr!!! we should totes collab, you know???

kaz-PIKO: thanks for drawing me btw :0 does this mean you live near veludo? let’s meet up!!!

kaz-PIKO: ,,, i don’t usually say this but, that social butterfly piece was breathtaking. you must really like me, huh? (･ω<)☆ jk haha

kaz-PIKO: no but really, it’s beautiful. thank you, honestly. it made my day, you make me happy ♡

kaz-PIKO: you must be really beautiful, too. i would want to draw you as well. lmk if ur up for that haha

kazunari read back his previous messages, all of them delivered but unopened. he realized how... how open he already was with the anonymous faceless artist, despite never interacting with them

now that he knew what you looked like, it only reassured his intuition that he was rightfully head over heels for you

kazunari typed something before deleting it, closing out of instablam and throwing his phone somewhere on his bed

kaz-PIKO: i was right, you are beautiful. i may have fallen in love, too

some things were better left unsaid. after all, you two had until next week to figure everything out

for the rest of the week, all you and kazunari did were think about the other person. a small part of you was afraid kazunari wasn’t the dream boy you imagined, but he was much more. you noticed he started posting more often and turned his notifications, wanting to be one of the first to see his practice videos and university selfies

you didn’t post any of the art you made of kazunari, making it the longest you hadn’t posted ever. kazunari couldn’t help but refresh your account every now and then, hoping he’d see his face again, as selfish as it was. kazunari wouldn’t know how’d he feel if he saw someone else had your heart

the longer time went on, the more you were certain. every fascination you had with someone was temporary, and you remembered the feeling rather than the person. but, with kazunari, you liked him for who he was. everything kazunari made you feel was new and exciting, but even when that went away, you still liked him

kazunari was your first crush, for real

kazunari liked making people like him. so, your online confession through art wasn’t exactly a surprise. but, yours was different. it was earnest, honest, and everything he didn’t know he was needing

kazunari looked through your sketchbook again and again, tracing over the notes you wrote in the margins and admiring your skill

kazunari liked you, and he was certain he would’ve still liked you even if you weren’t to-everyone-ive-loved-before

when showtime arrived, kazunari was oddly nervous. peeking from behind the red curtain, kazunari could already see you were one of the first sitting front row, just like you said. he had practiced his lines a thousand times and summer was fully prepared, why was he nervous?

before he went on, kazunari ignored the urgency of the mankai staff and quickly texted a message to your profile, hoping you’d at least see the notification this time

kaz-PIKO: i like you, too

(when you felt your phone buzz, you quickly silenced it)

the show moved you to a standing ovation, just like everyone else in the audience. as summer walked out to bow and express their gratitude, you watched kazunari’s eyes search for yours as he tilted his head towards backstage. you nodded, knowing you’d do anything to see this kazunari. actor kazunari, who was on cloud 9 with his performance and glowing from praise

you wanted to see, to experience, to draw, all versions of kazunari

after the applause, you looked around backstage before feeling a hand on your arm, the feeling reminiscent of the first time you bumped into kazunari

“you came.” kazunari breathlessly stated, as if he was surprised. before he could say anything else, you presented him with a bouquet of hibiscus flowers. the same shade of yellow you drew him with

“of course, i wanted to see you again.” you honestly admitted, knowing it made you flustered. kazunari carefully took the flowers before grinning, gently placing then beneath his chin. he looked like a vision, you wish you could’ve asked him to stand still so you could capture this moment forever

“i wanted to see you, too.” kazunari softly said, all the energy of being on stage gone. it was tranquil and peaceful, like you two were the only people in the entire theatre

kazunari took a moment to admire you before realizing something, taking something from behind him and presenting it to you. it was your sketchbook on the bottom, but a smaller version was on top of it, signed in silver sharpie. kazunari’s signature was glittering like his eyes as you took it

“next time, let’s draw together.”

kazunari’s sketchbook was filled with you. anything from small doodles to encouraging messages was found inside, with tens of post-it notes of just thoughts about you. kazunari’s art was colorful and extremely out of the box compared to his usual traditional style. it made you smile

kazunari watched you flip through it, already knowing this was the greatest act of love he could’ve declared this early on. he anticipated for you to reach the end

when you landed on the last page, you saw a note

do you want go on a date with me?

“next time, respond to my dms! that way i don’t have to write everything~!” kazunari teased and you two shared a laugh, knowing everything was going to be okay

“yes.”

“yes...?”

“yes, i’ll respond to your dms. and yes, i’ll go on a date with you.”

eventually, you ended up closing your blog for good. your last post was a picture of you and kazunari, with one caption

to-everyone-ive-loved-before: XX/XX/20 (3:33 P.M.) — to the one boy i love now, i love you

kaz-PIKO: i love you, too ♡

#miyoshi kazunari #kazunari miyoshi #a3! act! addict! actors! #a3! #act! addict! actors! #a3! actor training game #a3! headcanons #act! addict! actors! headcanons #mankai a3! #mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #kazunari x reader #a3! kazunari #a3 kazunari

[dropsofletters]

if it is written in the stars

title: if it is written in the stars pairing: liu yangyang/reader genre: best friends!au/college!au/soulmate!au (ish) summary: another text, another laugh, another break-up in the line. the knowledge she has of her best friend, yangyang, is palpable in the deep connection that they have with each other. however, college is the start of their end, ripping at the rugged edges of their friendship. suddenly, they become too much for each other, much too separated to ever come back together, only to turn their backs and long after their past. some people are soulmates, some people you pick, some people are just meant to be. type: fluff/angst/romance word count: 9,860 ⚠️ disclaimer: this is part of the love diaries, my valentine’s day project with wayv, if you want to read the rest of the members’ stories, you can click here and find the masterlist for it.

Interesting is the concept of a déjà vu, for people are too ignorant to stop for a moment and think that life is telling them to pay attention to the details of that moment. To this day, she still wondered what she had to learn again—what the lesson was in that damned day of September, but the repetition of events from the past, back when she was in high school, never reached her brain as a bigger mass of knowledge.

One of the numerous things she would never want to live again, even if a sword was pressed to her chest and the only choice would be to re-live a part of her life, is to go back to high school. Everything feels far too cramped, awkward, like one word from her teenage years will come haunt her for the rest of her life; cringe-worthy, hypothetically speaking her worst mindset in her life, and that is such a big statement. Everyone told her she’d miss the youthful years, the days in which pimples would pop up on her face out of nowhere thanks to the simplistic touch of sweat, or the ones in which she had to go to a new school because, once again, she is unable to stay in the last one. She would definitely miss having to introduce herself to every person that crosses path with her and of course, she’d miss the pretentious stares of the teachers when hearing that she comes from a public school, and not a private one like the rest of the population in that classroom.

She’d miss the pre-period stress that accumulates with frustration and anger, her mind praying that no one would dare to get close to her to establish a conversation. Damn her, because the first class included the overly charismatic people that wanted to talk to her as if they had known each other for years.

Would she regret this in the future, too? She wondered at the time, far too entranced in spending the one free period after a teacher said they would be going to a reunion and left the class alone to see it turn to an utmost disaster.

The past she recalled perfectly; the nervousness she portrayed in her gaze when she looked around the room and the quickness she had to look down at her notebook once again, scribbling down the lyrics of a song she could not get out of her head. It relaxed her in the middle of the noise, grounded her in the reality of life—that this, too, shall be knowledge for the future her, and it was. One day, she would earn something important from such a hard time in her life, going from one school to the other, but now, in the place she sat down, distress took over her. For now, all her body desired was to sit through some classes, get back home and forget about the pompous people in that classroom—not all, but she felt like generalizing, for she was young and far too judgmental at the time, scared of a new friend getting too close—.

It did not felt like she would ever fit in, with seats too tiny or too big, with too much knowledge on a subject or none at all, either too raw in her words or completely silent. It did not felt like this moment she had lived a handful of times before would ever teach her something new. These people she will forget in the future, she was certain of at that moment, merged in the masses of people she already got to know.

Her day was changed that morning of September when she felt his patella digging to her back, thanks to the slightly open seats of this high school. Someone with rather harsh bones leaned over her seat, spying eyes scanning the handwriting in her notebook and when she heard the sound of this guy’s voice, she felt at ease—strangely enough, he sounded so relaxed, so youthful in his approach that she felt like he was one of the people she wouldn’t mind talking to.

“You like that band, too?” When she turned around, she was met with the smiling face of Liu Yangyang—at the time, she did not even know if that was his name, so she avoided saying it at any coast until she heard someone else calling him such—. After all, she did not pay attention when everyone introduced themselves.

His black hair was messy, something some teacher would probably end up complaining about in the long run, a little bit too long for the protocol. His smile was bright, mischievous, framing his straight nose nicely. His eyes did not hold the stars, they were rather void for her at the time—black and pointless, nothing to be too interested about, but his conversation starter captured her attention immediately. “I do. I have always wanted to go to a concert of theirs.”

“Dude, so do I!” His elbows rested upon his desk. “What’s your favorite song?”

At the time, she did not realize Yangyang was supposed to teach her something, and he was her little gift after a déjà vu.

🌌

Some people make a home out of you, and some you make a home out of. Yangyang’s home, her best friend’s soul, could only be described as a mess—he babblers a lot, always rambling when a moment of silence settles in between them, always laughing with his heart’s content, it is so disorganized like his train of thought, sometimes in one point and then in the other, something that she realized long before their high school graduation, before he started college, heck, she may have even known it the moment they started to talk. But, he is her home. The house she has decorated with all her secrets, the only person who has the key of her brain, knows her ideas like the palm of his hand—the guy who introduced her to his group of friends and welcomed her as if she had never been a newbie in their pretentious school.

But they are not there. The last time she saw Yangyang was three weeks ago, a complete blasphemy compared to their daily encounters when they were in high school. At the time, she thought that seeing Yangyang’s sleepy face every morning was a curse, or that sitting beside him during lunchtime to see him have the blandest sandwich in the world was surely not what she wanted to do for the rest of her life, but the comfort of it is missed when she steps inside his college campus. In a place like this, she is alone, a dot in the middle of the alphabet, incomparable in every given way and not for a good reason. People like the ones here have enough money to fulfill education or are so outstanding in a part of their lives that they can manage the benefit of college. They carry their books like an armor, smell thickly like cheap perfume and too much caffeine, they talk too loudly and seem too sluggish, like different people from her world of failed college applications, miserable jobs and of course, the lost feeling of not knowing what to do next.

Yangyang would not understand—one of the stage kids in theatre, far more interesting in essence with the musical part of him that gained him a spot in that college, much less would their other two friends capture the essence of her nervousness. Elena is one of them, missing in the stereotype of being unique, too much of a party-goer to even understand the importance of the tests that lay on her desk whenever she goes to class, and of course, how could she forget of the jokester journalism student that is her friend? Cheng is his name, pride to the family of rich individuals, all in love with his immaculate words that hide the small size of his brain. Though funny, those two people could never mimic the warmth that Yangyang brings to her with simple conversation.

There is a difference: Elena and Cheng talked to her because Yangyang basically pushed her inside their lives, bringing her to the table at every given lunchtime, and while she is used to them and knows a handful of facts about the two of them, she can only see how much they have changed. Once the misfits in school, they are thriving with the equality system of college.

The real question would be if she is friends with Elena and Cheng now, as the pompous jokesters that take their words a little too far, because she naturally enjoys the fun side of life they bring to her, completely different to her point of view or because she is doing it because she is scared of being alone, of losing Yangyang and the duo simply because she doesn’t want anyone to point out her failed attempt at adulating.

Taking one second glance at the guy whose body is leaning against the wall near classroom A3, she realizes the culprit she had been looking for in the entire campus is right in front of her. Texting Yangyang’s roommate, Dejun, would have been an easier option if she had done it sooner and the ache of her legs wouldn’t be half as intolerable if she had thought about this decision twice. God forbid him from discovering clothing layering, because the heat of the day is enough to have her sweating in her t-shirt, but he has layered a red long sleeved shirt underneath his t-shirt, following those trends he sees on social media. His dark hair moves slightly with the wind, though his fingers come up to fix it every once in a while, concentrating on his phone, her own vibrating with new messages in their friends’ group-chat.

That is how she came to visit him, given that his professor was not coming to class.

Physical touch is not easy for her, repulsed by the idea of trusting someone enough of nearing her, more often than not denying the hugs that anyone would offer her, but with Yangyang…it comes as easy as finishing a glass of lemonade in a warm day. The swift motion she does brings her arms to wrap around his tiny waist, the fabrics over his body folding slightly at the action. Her chin rests on his back, feeling his body jump under her touch, turning around to look at the supposed stranger that had hugged him out of the sudden. Surprised is his expression when he realizes who it is, caging her in a hug and lifting her up the ground slightly, his habit ever since the first year of their friendships. A lot of time later, he still does it, like it is his habit to make her feel like he would never let her go.

“Dude, what are you doing here?”

Expanding her hands on his back, ribs becoming one in the touch, a smile on her face erasing every thought of worry. The battery inside her seems to be filled with energy, electrifying bits coming from his mere touch when she pulls away to look at him. “I was reading your texts and I happened to be around.” A shrug is delivered after the statement, looking up and down his body before smiling. “Aren’t you hot?”

The extends of his lungs release a big sigh. “So hot. I thought looking cool would not make me feel bad, but I am sweating buckets underneath this shirt. These shirts, actually, they are two.” Plucking the fabric on his body with two fingers, his index and thumb to be exact, she scrunches up her nose at his words. Grossed out she should be about her best friend, but she knows Yangyang is naturally appealing—an extrovert, charismatic, talkative and overall, very interesting, as well as mischievous and youthful. “But my ex’s new boyfriend is in this class and I need to show the world I’m the best choice.”

“Are we talking about that church girl you dated like…a year ago?” She remembers the days in between Yangyang’s senior year of high school and summer break before college, when Yangyang used to be absolutely in love with the cutest, smallest black haired girl. Much to his fearful ways, though, the girl asked for a forever after the first month of dating and added a diamond emoticon in every description in her social media, along with his name, which was enough to have Yangyang fleeting away like the breeze. “You’re talking as if you really liked her that much.”

His fingers reach up to pinch her cheeks, his relaxation method as well as his way of teasing her. “I did like her—”

“Yangyang, you broke up with her in the first place.”

Widening his eyes comically, enough to make him look like he is taken out of a TV show, he pinches on her skin a little bit too hard to hear her hiss. “You’re, like, always outing me with that kind of stuff.” He starts. “What was I supposed to do? I was eighteen! Eighteen.” Repeating the word, he tries to emphasize the meaning of youth. Marriage is one of his biggest fears, if not the biggest, always a reminder of how weird it is to grow older and to have set expectations from society. “And she was already introducing me to her mom as her future husband. Like, I freaked out.”

She takes her backpack off, unzipping it to take out a bag of chips she had bought for herself, but maybe, the tired-looking college student that is a little bit out of his mind needed it the most. Yangyang takes it in his hands, opening it and plopping one of the salty treats inside his mouth. “In typical Yangyang nature. You date people that are so different from you, it’s like you’re in a game of NEXT.”

“As in the MTV show?”

“You’re saying ‘next’ to all of them because none of them are…your type.” Attraction is very difficult to differentiate from love when you are young, and Yangyang is the epitome of a try-hard, the ride or die type of guy that would do anything and everything to live a new experience. “I told you church girl wasn’t right for you. She was far too into you and you were just attracted to her.” What he does next is surprising, his fingers dusting off the salt and chip crumbs on her hair. “Yangyang—!”

“Don’t tell me what I already know.” His thumb plops inside his mouth, a popping sound coming after he sucks the remaining salt on the digit. Utterly disgusting. “Like, I just don’t know how you do it. You are in, like, this meditation state of mind whenever someone talks to you about dating. You’re truly picky or just really patient.”

A smile tugs at the edges of her mouth as she speaks. “Look at all the people in our high school and you’ll realize why I never dated.”

He laughs loudly, closing his eyes before giving half of the small bag of chips to her, which she declines with a polite hand-motion. “Wow, roasted.”

“It’s true!”

“I can’t argue with that.” Their conversation is briefly cut short when Yangyang hears the sound of someone shouting his name, coming from the tables near the classroom. A group of guys sit there, one taking the time to exclaim something along the lines of ‘is that your new girl?’ to which the young man can only shake his head, denying all allegations. This is the reality of youth, though presented in a freer manner nowadays, there are still idiots with closed-down mindsets. They think youth is about dating or about getting a degree, dismissing anyone who dares not to drink or smoke. What has youth turned into if a person has to choose sides between both extremes? “I don’t get it. People always think we’re dating.”

The recurring ‘guy-and-girl-friendship’ syndrome, she likes to call it, in which people simply can’t see two people having that connection or bond of friendship without disregarding it as love. Sometimes, she finds herself thinking if they are the exception of the rule—her agenda includes thinking of Yangyang as her annoyingly comforting best friend, the one guy she would talk to for hours to no end, whose smile beams and shines and clings to her the nights or days they are together. Clearly not blind to Yangyang’s charms, she knows falling for him would almost never be possible.

Though, she does admit it is very difficult she could have this level of comfort with anyone else.

“Sorry?” She utters, tugging on his arm before biting down on her bottom lip. “Show me around the campus. I want to live the college fantasy for once.”

Yangyang silently understands her, hooking his arm with hers before starting to walk. Most people seemed like poison to her, but Yangyang was the sweetest of juices—maybe orange, with a hint of a wake-up call if you have it after a night out drinking or early in the mornings before your schedule. Whenever she gets another mail telling her that yet another college does not want to have her, Yangyang always sees the positive. To him, there is an even bigger fate for her, a lesson to be learned, memories to make in the blur of the moment to live and recall when she is older. Instead of letting her bask in her disappointment, he takes her in a ride of indulging conversation. Inside her mind, Yangyang screams to have fun.

And fun is approachable with him.

“Let me lead the way,” He giggles, exactly what he does when he has an idea for a joke inside his head. “Forty for the college tour.”

“What a scam.” She retorts, voice earning a heartfelt laugh from Yangyang, who tosses the now empty bag of chips in the nearest trashcan before shrugging.

“I had to try.”

That is exactly like him. His mind is ripped and divided in millions of hobbies, thoughts and ideas needing to make the best out of every situation. Is it a curse or is it a blessing? She probably would ask herself, but everything about Yangyang was a blessing to her. The only best friend she had in her life, the one person that had seen her heart inside and out, torn and back together.

🌌

There are parallels in life. In October of the previous year, she had found herself inside Yangyang’s old room, coating his face in some cheap foundation three times lighter than his face—or even more, sincerely—and looking up Joker makeup tutorials on the internet, trying to keep the man from moving too much in his seat or from speaking when she was supposed to master the craft of the smiley red lipstick. Either way, the hair was the worst part at the time; Yangyang had claimed that he could just get it dyed, but the thought of bleaching his hair and dying it green simply to go to a Halloween party was too farfetched. Instead, some green hairspray had to do the trick, leaving a pout on Yangyang’s face until he saw the results. That day was a nightmare for her, tremendously harsh on her back thanks to her never-ending standing state, but seeing the smile on his face was enough.

Now, in the movie theater, with his hands clutching on to the tickets enough to make the tips of his fingers a little white, she envies that childlike excitement he owns. There was not a single wave that would ever be enough to wipe the smile off his face and if it ever were to happen, she would shelter him with her arms, afraid of Yangyang losing that spark that makes him so strongly himself. Natural, spontaneous, just her best friend.

Though, they are not alone. Lately, she can barely see him around people, let alone when he’s in solitude.

“What if we divide our money and pay for the biggest popcorn box?” Absolutely unexcused, she is thinking with her stomach in this getaway. The lights of the golden and red movie theater cast down on Yangyang’s golden skin, adorably and naturally outlined lips licked at the idea of the biggest, buttery box of popcorn, with its red and white stripes barely seen when their hands wrap around it. Yangyang reads her mind and maybe, he had thought of this, too, because he is taking out his wallet by the time she finishes the sentence, turning to her whilst grinning.

“I take your popcorn box and I double it with two big sodas because…it’s needed.” He contributes, typical of Yangyang to say something outrageous like that. His motto in life is to live in the moment and if stuffing their stomachs with popcorn and soda is what he wants to do, he will. He doesn’t care if later in the night, the guttural sounds of his stomach match the ache inside it, intestines and organs working hard to process the amount of food he ate, small in size and too little for his appetite.

Taking her money out, she smiles. “You’re right,” She says, moving forward in the line for the food in the Joker premiere at their local movie theater. “I can’t believe we’re watching this movie together.”

“I should be studying right now but like, I wouldn’t watch this without you.” Yangyang concludes, fumbling with his feet and balancing back and forth, too hyperactive to ever stay still.

“Don’t sugarcoat me—”

“I mean it! My roommate, Dejun, told me to watch it with his friends but I said no!” Moving one step ahead, he continues speaking. “You were the one that pushed through with my Joker addiction throughout high school.”

“You were…not cool as the Joker, let me tell you.” She tells him, raising her eyebrows to wiggle them in a teasing manner. “You looked like those kids that get their mom’s lipsticks all over their faces when they first try makeup.”

“…Blame the makeup artist, not the canvas.”

“What do you mean? I did what the YouTube tutorial told me to!”

“You didn’t do it justice, though!”

The feeling of a pair of arms hooking around their shoulders weighted their words down, someone’s strong arms pushing her body down slightly, sharing a glance with Yangyang who is in the same position. Elena is the one to hug them, tan skin gorgeous even with the thin layer of sweat over it, a big smile on her face when she ruffles their hairs. Cheng is somewhere, speaking to his own group of friends, college sweethearts that didn’t even spare her much of their times—a person who couldn’t even get in college is not of their interest, as it seems. The amount of people accompanying them is impressive, though extremely uncomfortable, leaving her silent unless Yangyang approached her. Charismatic enough he is to talk to the new people in their group of friends, but he opts to stay by her side, like a fish that never leaves the pond that watched him grow.

“Buy us some, will you? You’re the only one who works out of us, you should be the one inviting tonight.” Elena laughs, because in her words being borderline mean is what is considered to be a joking manner. Nonetheless, Yangyang spares her a glance, looks at her way her face hardens when she speaks.

“Elena, I need to save some money for rent. I’m not sure I am able to buy food for all of us—” She argues, something that has Elena sighing.

“Don’t be such a sap. You can earn that money back.”

Yangyang is the first one to move away from the grasp, shaking his head with a faint smile on his features. “We’ll be buying popcorn for us. I think it’s better if each of us pairs up with someone and buys popcorn for the two.” Not that their friend pays much attention, far different from the person she had met in high school, who used to hide in fear of being rejected by others. Elena had been once helpful, innocent, somewhat lost in the world, and her newfound popularity in college came out to be a surprise for everyone. Her eyes are fixated on the people behind her, Cheng talking excitedly to the rest of youthful individuals.

“Yeah, whatever. I’ll ask Cheng.” She finishes, giving her friend a smile behind her bitten lip. “I have one friend I want to introduce to you, though.”

She points at her chest, in awe of the flirty undertone in Elena’s voice. “…Introduce someone to me?”

“He’s so your type.” Elena, always touchy even when someone is just simply not having it, wraps her arm around her shoulder even tighter before turning her away from Yangyang, pointing at the tallest of the group. “He has a beard and goes to the gym. He’s an engineering student, too, like, he goes to one of my classes and he’s just so hot. Yangyang knows him, too!”

She turns to her friend, questioning him in his spot, but he simply gives her an innocent look. “I didn’t know he was coming today, I swear.”

“I don’t want you to pair me up with someone, I’ve told you already.” The conversation always comes afloat whenever she reunites with her old high school group of friends. Relationships in the bloom of youth, when everyone is simply looking to have fun, necessary for the growth of a person—until it wasn’t. It isn’t, in any way, shape or form, the first thing on her mind. Growth as an individual, in the shape of intelligence and wisdom, is far more important than any connection with another person. “Much less with Viking guy over there.”

Yangyang muffles his laughter, though it comes out in high spurts before he takes her by the arm, dragging her away from Elena’s prying ways. “We’re going to buy some popcorn, just let her be. Not everyone has to have someone.”

Though, sitting beside Yangyang during the movie they had awaited the most as a group of friends is not equally as enjoyable when she has two of her oldest friends constantly having the ‘Viking Guy’, as she likes to call him, try to spark conversation up with her. It’s awkward, clearly noticeable in the way they end up in silence that neither of them are interested, simply trying to get by that movie and leave. At some point, she finds herself more tranced in the cinematography of the film, the raw and heavy storyline, the scrupulous acting. Honorable, really, and way more desirable to watch when Yangyang is constantly talking about the infamous laugh of the character to her, proactive in every single way.

In some point of her life, she went back to stage one—the part of her knowing that she is stuck in the past, in the days when Yangyang would take up most of her time and Elena would be much more of a supportive friend than she is now, thankful and giving her the bracelet that hangs around her wrist, reminder of Elena’s first guitar gig when she was younger. Cheng, though silent, was the first person whom had ever contacted her through the phone, back at the time of high school practically glued to Yangyang’s hip, twins in heart and soul until they grew to be different. What had changed, if she had not at all? It feels wrong to be the type of person that sits in between a group of people who has individuals she swore to know, only to hear them speak differently, holding inside jokes with others, simply leaving her out as the one that has never moved on. The Peter Pan, who never grows up, who starts to sound childish in her task of never moving towards college and simply, never living that youthful love affair that everyone talks about.

The soda inside her system turns bitter, the constant looks from Cheng pointing at her to talk to someone, but she simply shrugs it off, finding whatever excuse there is—like putting her phone up her ear and pretending to get a call, to get out of there.

The night engulfs her in nostalgia, wishing to go back to the days she could go to sleep knowing when she would see her friends next. Instead, she is left with nothingness, wondering if at the end, she’ll be alone again. Why are the people she adored so insufferable to her now? Is she wrong? All those questions are clouded with the image of Yangyang, bringing her back the type of people that had always welcomed her in. He was one of the exceptions, the young man whom had also never changed. Though, deep in her heart, she knew that one day he would have to cut ties with his high school days…

Seated on the staircase that welcomes the movie theater, she waits for her taxi to pick her up, leggings-cladded legs pushing her knees up her chest, resting her chin in between them. To the people passing by, she must look pathetic, but she can’t bring herself to care when she felt so utterly uncomfortable with anyone else that she had once loved, with the exception of Yangyang, whose friendly ways had brought her back to enjoy the movie.

The sound of footsteps makes her look up, watching a pair of legs before someone sits down beside her, Yangyang’s recently dyed brown hair moving with the wind when he turns to look at her. His eyes are filled with that empathy that he lacks in his youthful ways, the epitome of a summer boy in all its expanse, and she basks in the familiar feeling that they have. “I am sorry Elena mad eyou uncomfortable. I told Cheng and Elena that bringing their college friends is not a good idea.”

She rolls her eyes, puckering up her lips out of disgust. Maybe, towards herself. “I should be able to get accustomed to this.” She starts, voice filled with frustration. “But it’s difficult to be the one left out. Everyone is talking about college and how college sucks and I’m here thinking that wow, everyone at this table just got in and got it over with. Everyone at that table do not think about love as this sacred, eventful thing. They just live their lives and…” Her voice cuts short, biting down on her bottom lip when she pulls her gaze away from him, scared that he will be able to look through her insecurity. “I don’t.”

“Your life should not consist of college and love.” Yangyang says, shrugging his shoulders soon after. He is uncomfortable in these situations, not able to give proper advice. “I’m proud of you. You do very good at your job.”

“I didn’t think I’d be just working at this point. I thought I would get a scholarship and—” She scoffs. “Then, there’s Elena. How many times have I told her that I don’t like her pairing me up with people? It’s annoying.”

“I told her not to bring him over.”

“…Thank you.” She whispers, resting her head against his shoulders to seek that comfort his bony structure brings. Something about him is not exactly warm, but it leaves a fluttering feeling to rest on her heart, as if everything is going to be okay as long as he exists in the same timeline as her. “Why did you come out?”

“It’s dangerous for you to be out this late,” Yangyang starts before pressing his finger down on her cheek. “And the only person I really like teasing is you, so…I came here.”

“You picked me over the frat-people?” She asks, the joke lingering on her voice when she speaks.

“I already get enough frat-dosage in college.” He tells her, holding her shoulder with his hand before sighing. “You asked someone to pick you up?”

“A taxi.”

“Let’s wait and then, I’ll go back.”

Once inside the taxi, a smile on her face practically glued there thanks to Yangyang’s voice, she watches him turn his back and enter the movie theater and it’s so representative in such a way. Even when they are together, he’ll always have to go back to the real world, one in which she feels like she won’t be part of for long. Once he closes the door behind him, she rests her head against the window.

Hopefully, the time to leave her behind doesn’t come soon, like a toy he is too grown up to hold in his arms.

🌌

Sitting on the old, flowery couch of the house of Cheng’s parents, she feels like an outcast, sipping on her glass of water as everyone holds a bottle of beer, enjoying their lives when they don’t have to wake up early to go to work…perhaps, for a class they can skip and they won’t even be kicked out of college for that, something that would happen if she were to do that in her workplace. There, with the sound of the buttons of a PS4 controller being pushed down repeatedly, some match of Germany against Spain being played in the FIFA game, she feels like she truly isn’t cut for this type of life. Everyone seems to be pretending, music loud and yet, everyone is talking about what they have, what they do, what they don’t do and how easy it comes to them. People fight to seem effortless, clothes tight and fashionable and yet, they pretend they didn’t take a few bits of their day to think about it. Some are making out, not afraid of people watching them, others are blowing clouds of smoke into the hair, cigarettes merging with weed, and then, there is one person who simply can’t seem to talk to anyone.

It is not a complex of perfection, much less does she think she is better than anyone else, but she finds herself fidgeting with the edge of her cup, roaming her gaze around the place as she wonders where the eventful nights of talking had gone to when they graduated, if Cheng and Elena were even the same people that she had once known. The thought dries her throat, wanting to leave by the time she takes a sip of her drink, the liquid almost getting out of her lips when she feels someone wrapping their arms around her neck, pressing a kiss to her temple that barely resonates through the music.

“Sorry, I’m late as usual.” As usual, who would have thought a phrase would bring so much joy? She thinks her usual days consist of a text from him or a reminder that somewhere in this world, Yangyang is always there for her. In the small seat, he manages to fit his hips, snugly pressed to the sides of hers while he takes a sip of his soda. “I had to take a bus here because I couldn’t find a taxi and…whatever, I got here, didn’t I?”

“You did.” She utters, fixing the messy strands of soft hair that swipe the air in spikey bits. “Reminds me of the times you would get twenty minutes late to the first period in high school. All day, every day.” The flushed sight of his cheeks marks a memory in her brain, seated at the back of the class beside Cheng and Elena, the latter probably looking over her shoulder to see what homework she had missed out on and Cheng mumbling something behind her ear in the form of a joke. Yangyang sat far away from her, in her line of sight however, looking for yet another excuse when he had none.

“I just love my sleep.”

“You really do.” She comments, pressing her phone back in her pocket before biting down on her bottom lip. “I’m glad you got here, though. Cheng is talking to his girl and Elena is smoking and getting her makeup done.”

Scrunching up his nose, Yangyang continues the conversation. “Elena hates getting makeup on, though.” That goes to show how much their lives had changed in over two years. Makeup is not necessarily the biggest of worries for her, but the sharpness of their texts, the unbearable state of knowing the end is near, that their personalities and lives don’t collide anymore. To certain extent, she feels like she continues to establish this bothersome friendship because she is scared of losing the warmth Yangyang brings her, missing him when he is not there, adoring him when he is by her side. “I won’t ask, though.” His eyes trail over the groups of people before he stands up from his spot, lending her his hand while he speaks. “Let’s go outside. It smells less like I’m about to lose my lungs.”

She chuckles at his words, wrapping her palm around his until she is up her feet. While moving through the seas of people, she gets to look at Yangyang. “I thought you’d be more into the party life.” Yangyang’s hair is moved away from his face, something unusual given to his laziness when treating with self-care. His outfit was fashionable, though, black and white striped shirt tucked inside a pair of black jeans.

“I don’t mind it,” Opening the door of the entrance of Cheng’s house, they are welcomed by his front yard, stars casting down on the beautiful garden, the faux butterflies the adoration of Cheng’s mother, one with nature and peacefulness. Quite the contrary from the explosion Cheng is once someone gets to know him past his quiet exterior. “But…you know, I just like spending time with you better.” He takes the cup from her hands, giving it a sip before humming. His eyes train on the stars, coating his eyes with the dreamiest of glares when she nudges his side with her elbow.

As always, she teases him, eager to bring laughter away from his lips. “You like me.” She sing-songs, something that has Yangyang widening his eyes comically before shaking his head.

“I don’t!”

“Yangyang, really, accept it, bro.” She huffs, looking up at the sky before she remembers this one pick up line battle they used to have in high school, starter of her blushed state in a way for Yangyang to make her more open to speaking. It had worked, just only that they made them even closer. “Ask me which Hogwarts house I want to be in.” She says, something that has Yangyang frowning before turning to look at her.

“What Hogwarts house do you want to be in?” He is amused, given to the tone of his voice, only to grin when he sees the fake smug smirk on her face.

“Not a Hogwarts house, but I would love to be in yours.” The horrid pick up line has him frowning and scrunching up his nose in disgust, pinching her lips with his fingers before swinging her head from side to side.

“Wash your mouth with Clorox, that’s the worst thing you’ve told me—”

But it is a conversation starter, in which she can finally get to hear the news of Yangyang’s week as a college student and she can ramble about this one client that doesn’t understand the importance of collectives, working with collections that are decades and decades old definitely has its fabric to cut and people who are not so glad with her job. The lights of the stars serve to give a hearty feeling, like what is being said in between them is only going to stay there, something that she lacks in her friendships nowadays. The only person that makes her feel like there are still people to trust in this world is Yangyang, and no one could take that spot.

With those faintly and naturally outlined lips of his, those mischievous eyes and that sweet but crazy nature of his, she thinks it would hurt her if he ever takes their friendship for granted, like how Elena and Cheng do, looking at the brighter people, the fun that comes with them. One day, the two of them are going to change…but growing up leaves her fearful, wanting time to stop and give her a break from the worries of tomorrow.

Their conversation is cut short when someone opens the door and asks Yangyang to go dance with them, something that he tries to deny until she tells him that it is okay, that he should go have fun. He looks over his shoulder, pondering if she is even in her right mind, but then he is out of sight, leaving her alone with the stars.

He deserves to grow away from her.

🌌

I saw Sai from high school at the train station today. He kept asking me about my boyfriend and I was so confused. Turns out everyone believes you’re my boyfriend…still.

That text was written earlier in the morning, when her shoulder blades were uncomfortably pressed to the seat of her train, wanting to get to work as soon as possible, but the response was only welcomed when she got her lunch break, back hunched when she checks her phone with one hand and the other takes her food out of the microwave. Wrong decision in the life of an adult, it seems, because the heat seeps through her skin and has her hissing quickly. The plate bumps the table in front of her, making her roll her eyes at her stupid decision before returning her gaze to the answer Yangyang gave over an hour ago.

She remembers the confusion the young and actually innocent version of herself had felt when she realized that people had always thought she was dating Yangyang. Her first real friend, the same guy who spoke about everyone he liked to her, and the person she spent every single moment with. As it turns out, walking beside someone in school is enough to create a rumor and that rumor gets out of hand when Yangyang simply decides to post a picture of his best friend in social media. Granted, sometimes she wondered what could happen if only she held Yangyang’s hand once, or if their little pick-up fight at the time was a way to blow on the tension between themselves—

Their situation is weird when this topic comes to their hands.

Ha-ha, time to confess!

Her eyes widen when she reads those words, the food she had pushed inside her mouth suddenly feeling like it could escape her mouth. She imagines Yangyang’s mocking tone, but the sentence reads weirdly, scrolling down until she sees the rest of the texts:

I may have liked you the first few months of our friendship, but like…I thought it was not mutual and never really did anything. Got over it, though, I realized you’re a dumbass.

The thought of Yangyang crushing on her like he had done on the endless list of girls simply has her dumbfounded. Yangyang, acting like a complete fool to get her attention and using his stupid pick-up lines to get to her heart. The base of the first joke they had as friends was a way for him to flirt with her, and that is nonsensical enough. In reality, she wonders if she would have ever liked Yangyang or if she has liked him, for the matter, if the fluttering inside her stomach is simply a way her body reacts to her feelings for him, if this comfort he brings her and this fear of losing him comes with romantic feelings. Is this why men are never enough…because they are not Yangyang?

This is not how she wants her day to go, though, too confused to even think if Yangyang feels like her real friendship because she had jumbled a crush with such a thing…or simply because this doesn’t feel real. She tries pinching her cheeks, watching the conversation before her and soon after, she replies.

I don’t think I have liked you, dumbass.

The reply is short, but Yangyang’s message comes faster than she expected it to go through.

Come on, I know you liked me the first time we met, too.

Frowning, she tries to think of her first thoughts when she met him…but they were all average. After that, the developmental phase of their friendship is what makes her confused. What had people seen that she had completely missed?

Also, you said I don’t think!

I didn’t like you, Yangyang.

So, you like me now?

You’re asking as if we were really going to end up together.

I don’t think so, but everyone has been wanting us to get together since year nine. I think it’s fair to say…we’re a match.

To think of Yangyang in such a light doesn’t seem impossible and while closing her eyes, she tries to think of kissing him…to see what kind of reaction spurts from her. She imagines the smile he would give her before leaning in, his soft hands holding her neck before he dives in, taking his time to tease her with a few inexperienced bits here and there, those lips that capture her attention suddenly turning into the reason why she opens her eyes and shakes her head. She couldn’t confess that somewhere deep within her she has always wanted this, the romantic reaction she could get out of him.

Thus, she responds:

If we’re alone by the time we’re forty, we need to reproduce and the Earth is about to die if we don’t create a baby, then we’ll be a match.

🌌

One day, the building she had tried to keep together with effort, deep breaths and the hope of getting her friends back tumbles down on her, reminds her of how different things are from the past and leaves her with yet another wound in her heart.

It has been quite a while since someone has hurt her that deep. She may have been thirteen or fourteen the last time it happened, far younger and more naïve, definitely looking to get her heart broken with the way she acted and it was expected, but she had never wished for her friendship with Elena to end. Though their beginning was rough, with her gut telling her there was something wrong with the overly excited young woman that wanted to push herself into every group of friends, she always believed in Elena and she was the person that pushed her to be the best version of herself. The pencil-written notes at the edges of her notebook, short explanations of the subjects she didn’t understand for when she was studying; the person who would write to her in her worst times, telling her that she is never going to be worth what people say about her; the same person who left all her prejudices behind to create something beautiful out of them. Then, came Cheng, an exact copy to Elena once they hung out more with each other, both her friends along with Yangyang.

Somewhere in between, Elena had forgotten about the importance of the lessons she learned with her friend. What had been done to her, she did to everyone else. No longer was she enough for the slightly older woman, barely a few months older than her, poking fun at the most miniscule parts of her, the torn sides of her personality that she got to see after so many years of friendship, taking them as weapons to go through her heart. Pushing her to be someone whom she is not, introducing her to a new man at every chance she gets, giving her number out like hot bread in a bakery, as if her matchmaking skills will save her from turmoil. The opportunity to have education and paid by her single mother at that is enough to make her feel like more.

The person who was once equal to her now feels like she owes her the time they spend together.

Cheng is the same, the conversation they had through the phone as they simply push her to ‘go out on a fucking date for once in her life’ is the last thing she needed after three months of wanting to see them, realizing that everyone had been right all along. Her mind, most of all, knowing they had changed. Perhaps, they are not bad people…but they are not the people for her, wanting a cookie-cutter versions of themselves, pushing their insecurities down in someone who is living her life differently.

It hurts to sit on the floor, head laying on her sofa when she reads over the texts, sees the blocked contacts and realizes how many pictures of them she has in her phone. Pictures of Elena hugging her when they shared their first birthday together. Pictures of Cheng with her during graduation, when he almost fell down the set of stairs out of nervousness. Those people who had been once her soul feel like they are suffocating her and when she looks at a picture of the four of them, Yangyang included by her side, she wonders when the time is that he is going to change and make her leave him, too, for her emotional health is far more important than any friendship.

The level of difficulty elevated after she realized she liked Yangyang.

It wasn’t rocket science to put the pieces together, fantasizing about seeing him and dreaming about him in a romantic light became more and more common for her. She knows she likes Yangyang, but she doesn’t know when the feeling developed. Maybe, after he had pointed it out or perhaps, it had always been there. Nonetheless, seeing his name pop up in the screen almost makes her feel like life is mocking her, pushing the green button on the screen down before bringing the phone up her ear.

“I read the group-chat texts.” He goes straight to the point, voice filled with rage and breath quickened with fear. This is the same voice she heard from Yangyang when he once thought he was going to get robbed, but thankfully nothing had happened. For one of the few times in his life, Yangyang is petrified. “…I was in class, just know I have nothing to do with this. I don’t agree with what they are saying.”

Sighing, she looks up at the ceiling, closing her eyes tightly when she feels the sudden need to cry. “Yangyang, do you think our friendship is going to end, too?”

“What? No, fuck no.”

“Why?” She asks, far too lost in the feeling of loss, grieving the friendships she had loved to bits.

“Because you’re my friend.”

“But you’re bound to grow up, Yangyang. I’m still stuck in the high school days.” The words that had been once told to her engrave in her brain, becoming one with her insecurities, all cause of hanging around with the wrong people in such an important moment of her life. “Well fuck, sorry.” She is defensive by now, frowning when she feels a lump on her throat, trying to battle the tears escaping her eyes. “Sorry you guys think of me as less for not going to college, or for not having enough money to pay for it. Sorry I don’t want to date around or that I never talk about who I like. Sorry I don’t drink or smoke or whatever. I just…I want to be happy, is that something I should be apologizing about? I can’t keep up with their friendship—”

“And you shouldn’t.” Yangyang says, voice filled with the emotions he hides, most often than not speaking in a lively manner. “You shouldn’t be friends with people who want to change you.”

“…They’re your friends, too—”

“They are not my friends if they hurt you.” The confession has her opening her eyes, chest shaking and limbs trembling, gripping on to the nearest cushion when a sob finally leaves her lips, immediately alarming Yangyang, though his voice remains levelled. “I’m picking you, again and again. You’re my best friend and I love you.” She can’t help but shake her head, in disbelief that even when his life had moved so fast and he had found a good set of new friends, he had always remembered his roots, the person whose days had always been filled with him and vice versa. “I love you and I’m coming over, okay? Don’t cry. I’ll be there in…thirty, maybe.”

It feels wrong to drag Yangyang down with her, along with the remaining pieces of the building that had been destroyed, but something she had not realized at the time that bad endings sometimes lead to good beginnings, that the lessons she had learned along with Yangyang could work for their individual lives. Nostalgia could never fight wisdom and it’ll never be more worthy than it, so she waits for the punchline from life when she opens the door to welcome Yangyang in, thirty-five minutes later only to receive a hug from him.

If his hugs could speak, warm and candid with the way his arms wrap around her shoulders securely, they would say it will be alright, that there is nothing that makes her any more or less than the people who have dragged her down.

Life is telling, both Yangyang and her, that the decisions they made that night are the most certain. They only need each other for now.

🌌

Truly, the aftermath a few months later leads her to believe finding friends is even more difficult once you become an adult. Opening up to people is a talent, actually, and younglings take it for granted. A heart can only take so many wounds from someone they love before it fights against the pain…and she learns that rather quickly, takes it and makes it something better.

Birthdays want to be spent alone, same with events that her coworkers invite her to—they seem to be too much hassle, like someone is nearing her to an extent she is fearful of, but as there is always told in every story, there is an exception. The exception of the rule, the positive answer that comes out of two negatives multiplied, and that name goes to Yangyang. The best friend that even though had grown apart from her, had always found a place in the most recondite of his heart to have her in there, that had never forgotten the importance of friendship, had memorized the days they dreamed about being older and the nights they dreaded the day to ever come by.

Meeting new people becomes easier with him; slowly, at her pace and how she wants it to happen, though. Yangyang never pushes her to do anything out of the extraordinary, standing by her side and bringing a smile to her face when he takes the time to pick her up from work or when he sees her entering the college grounds, carrying a container with heated food for him to have. The smallest things, tried even through their endless tiredness, keep them together. The fluttering feeling remains there, his arms always finding solace in her shoulders, her nose home in his collarbones, sniffing the cologne that sometimes he forgets to wear. Yangyang, though he continues to grow up and change, still feels like the best person she ever met. Her only friend.

And after a while, she came to the realization that she had grown, as well.

Grown away from bad friendships, became responsible with her job and had started to grow some passion for it. Dreams are dangling from the branches of the tree that is her, picking them up slowly, taking its time in developing herself, taking the gleams of the sun in as a way of growing. She was not the same, but it is okay, she, too, deserved to grow up.

The lung is kicked out of her lungs when she realizes that her little walk back home alongside Yangyang is coming to an end, that feeling she had as a kid of wanting to stay and play clinging to her, her hands deeply placed inside the pockets of his coat, standing behind him and dragging herself with his every movement. This is the closeness they have, the one that makes her heart race more and more with the passage of time—

One day, she’ll be grown enough to tell him she likes him.

“We’re here.” Yangyang announces, a pout on his face when he turns around, blowing on her slightly frozen hands. Her fingers could barely move, having forgotten her gloves somewhere in her apartment. “Take a hot shower once you get there, okay? I don’t want you to become an Elsa.”

“…Of Frozen, you mean?” She asks, earning a sharp nod from Yangyang.

“The blue dress isn’t your style. Neither is it singing.”

“Ah, shut up.” She says, resting both of her hands on each side of his face, hearing him take a short breath in when the cold skin of hers connects to his. “Work on that homework today, Yangyang. You can’t be leaving things for the last minute. You don’t know what could happen and then, you could completely forget about it.”

“I never will.” The confidence that radiates from him, one that only comes with the blank mindset of a young adult, thinking that they are able to do it all, is exactly what keeps bringing her back to him, because on the long run, Yangyang has taught her that she can do it all.

“I like you.” The mumble is only given in between the two and it escapes her like a kiss would in between two lovers that miss each other. Yangyang’s eyes don’t widen, he doesn’t give a surprised reaction, neither does he do anything impressive other than asking her:

“Are you joking?”

“I’m not.” She promises. “You know I never joke around with stuff like this.”

With a sigh of relief, Yangyang clasps her hands together, kissing her knuckles before bringing a big smile on his face. “I know,” He says. “I just…I don’t know; I feel like we were always meant to end up liking each other.”

That must be a positive answer, the one that she expected. She shrugs her shoulders, leaning forward until their chests were pressed together. “Maybe, we’re soulmates.”

“You say ‘maybe’ as if we aren’t already.” The dumb tone of voice he uses to imitate the word has her laughing, shaking her head when her head takes its spot over his collarbone.

“Well, let me correct myself. We are soulmates.”

The soft gush of air that leaves his lips paints in the sky romantically when he finally says something serious, unlike Yangyang in every possible way. “We are.”

And the starts twinkle, indicators that every dot of theirs connected to create their own constellation. If it is written in the stars, it is meant to happen.

#yangyang scenarios #yangyang #wayv scenarios #wayv #nct scenarios #nct #kpop scenarios #cpop scenarios #writing #nct au #wayv au #yangyang au #wayv fluff #nct fluff #yangyang fluff #wayv angst #nct angst #yangyang angst #the love diaries #best friend!yangyang #college!au

[jaehyun-eclipsed]

Before I Met You | Three

Updates: Sundays and Thursdays, 8 PM EST

Pairing: NCT (Jaehyun, Lucas…) X Reader/OC

Genre: Romance, Angst, Coming of Age

Summary: Four. There were four people before I fell in love with you… Here are their stories.

Warnings: Some swearing

Before I Met You Masterlist

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Winter Ball seemed like a dream. In a matter of a few hours, my expectations for how life could occur were shattered. How often is it that you have a fantasy about a guy you like that actually comes true? Lucas inadvertently raised my bar for how my love life was going to go for the rest of my life. He proved to me that the things in the movies really can happen. And unfortunately, I don’t think that’s the best way to go about life because it presents too many opportunities to end up disappointed.

For several days, concentrating in class was difficult, to say the least. My mind was constantly replaying the events from the weekend, trying to decipher whether or not I had a real chance with the guy. My next hope was to go to prom with him. I hadn’t had a date the year before and I really wanted to have that experience for my senior year. But in the back of my mind, I was afraid that I would have to ask him myself. I suppose that wasn’t a horrible idea, but since I had never asked anyone out and, like everyone else, I feared rejection and was terrified to do it. So for the next few weeks, in addition to preparing for May exams and waiting for college acceptances, I tried to increase my interactions with Lucas. I frequently texted him new songs to listen to, spent time in the senior parking lot with him, and talked to him more in our volunteer club.  

Valentine’s Day was on Saturday and various clubs had been advertising their Valentine-gram fundraisers to send to friends, significant others, and crushes. You had the option of sending messages with candy or flowers. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to receive one from Lucas after the dance, but I made sure I didn’t get my hopes up on the Friday before when all of the Valentines were being delivered during my physics class. It was a good thing because I ended up not receiving anything anyway. However, to my surprise, Doyoung texted me with news of a different experience.  

Doyoung [1:25 PM] I think Heejin likes me

My forehead creases in confusion. What is he talking about? I already knew that.

Me [1:26 PM] What do you mean?

A minute later, I receive a picture of the inside of a Valentine’s Day card filled with bubbly writing.  

Doyoung,

So I thought the card was kinda cute, but also kinda creepy but anyway Happy Valentine’s Day!

Thanks for dancing with me at Winter Ball and not letting my clumsy-self fall to my death!

Enjoy (or try to) the rest of senior year! Hope we get to hang out soon, don’t be a stranger. Call me up sometime, like maybe this weekend if you have nothing going on.

♥, Heejin (xxx-xxx-xxxx)

I cover my mouth in an effort to keep myself from laughing out loud. My physics teacher was currently going over a PowerPoint with the lights off. Laughing would have been inappropriate.

I told you!

Me [1:30 PM] I told you she did!

Doyoung [1:30 PM] When?!

Me [1:31 PM] A couple weeks ago, in the car after winter ball because she danced with you!

Doyoung [1:32 PM] No you didn’t!

Me [1:33 PM] Yes, I did! I even told you again when we were sitting in biology the following Monday!

Doyoung [1:34 PM] I don’t remember that

I roll my eyes. No one listens to me. I pause, a realization hitting me. Wait a second… If Heejin pulled Doyoung to dance and she likes Doyoung… Lucas pulled me to dance – does that mean…? That must mean Lucas likes me too!

Right?

Does the transitive property work here?

“Which room are you in?” Doyoung asks me.

“A3, I think. You?”

“Damn, A1.”

This evening, we were required to give a presentation in front of our classmates about the various service and volunteer hours we had been completing over the past two years. I was hoping that I would end up in the same room as Lucas, but students were assigned randomly and Lucas was in the same room as Doyoung.  

“Hey!”

I turn around to see Lucas running up to me.  

“Oh hey, Lucas.”

“What room are you in?” he asks.

“A3. You?”

“A1.”

“Where did you park?” I ask.

“On this side,” he says, pointing towards the back of the building.  

Idiot. Why did I park in the other lot on the opposite side?

“Oh, I parked on the other side.”

“Why did you park over there?” he asks, confusion marking his tone.

“I don’t know…”

I figured you were going to park where you usually park, but I forgot that you’re lazy. So that’s way too far to walk, obviously.

“Hey so, I listened to that song you sent me,” he says, walking along a row of lockers with me towards the other end of the building. “It was good.”

“Oh yeah? Good.” I smile. “Are you going to the reception afterwards?”

“Probably for a little bit. Where is it?”

“Library.”  

“All right, well I’ll see you later,” he says as we arrive at the other side of the building and part ways to our respective rooms.

“See ya.”

The next hour is torture as we sit in a classroom with ten other students and some of their parents, each droning on about their favorite and least favorite volunteer experiences. The interaction prior clouds my thoughts. It was nothing, but he wanted to talk to me. I mentally scold myself as my mind starts on its irrational train of thought, reading into everything that could possibly be another sign. The excitement from my thoughts appears to express itself during my presentation with too many smiles and an extraversion that was normally restricted to my inner circle.  

“I think I sounded more excited than usual, huh?” I whisper to Seungwan after finishing my presentation.

“Yes, you did.”

At least I’m self-aware.

When our presentation session ends, I walk to A1 to see if they had finished. The door is open and it is still filled with students. Seungwan waits with me briefly.

“I’m going to wait for Doyoung,” I lie. “You can go to the reception first; I’ll meet you.”

She walks off as I continue to pace in front of the room.  

Honestly, what are you doing? You are so desperate.

After a few minutes, I look up when I hear shuffling from the room and see Doyoung and another classmate walk out, engrossed in conversation such that he doesn’t he even see me. They quickly exit the building when Lucas walks out and pauses at the entrance when he locks eyes with me.

“Hey,” I greet.

“Hey.”

“You wanna go to the reception?” I ask.

I look over Lucas’s shoulder when Siwoo walks out of A1 and smirks at me. I ignore him and return my gaze to Lucas.

“Uh sure,” he hesitates. “Yeah, I’ll go for a little bit. Let’s go.”

I repress a grin and lead the way out of the building. We exchange brief small talk, but mostly walk to the library in silence. I pull out my phone to see a text from Siwoo.

Siwoo [6:02 PM] Get your prom date now!

I roll my eyes and quickly put my phone back in my pocket.

We enter the library and Lucas quickly walks over to Sicheng, Yang Yang, Seulgi, and several others.  

Well that was short lived.

I make my way over to the refreshments table and fill a cup with some juice and grab a cookie before joining Seungwan at a table with her parents. We chat about school and the presentation, giving an opportunity for Seungwan’s parents to scold her for not having officially submitted any of her volunteer hours.

I glance over at Lucas who is busy with the boys, Seulgi, and Sooyoung. Siwoo walks over to me and asks to discuss a history project. It doesn’t take long for the topic to switch over to Lucas.

“So do you have a prom date?” he asks with a grin.

I glare at him. “Of course not. We didn’t even really talk on our way here.”

“I’m pretty sure he likes you. He used to talk about you a lot in class last year.”

“Yeah, well, that was last year,” I say. “How are you and Mina?”

“Eh, we’re okay. You wanna go chat outside? I need to tell you something.”

I raise an eyebrow, wondering what could be so private that we need to discuss it away from everyone else. I shrug and follow him, stopping just outside the side entrance of the library when he turns to look at me, a concerned expression looming over his face.

“It’s been super awkward with Ara around. I think she’s jealous and it’s been putting a strain on Mina and me.”

Well no shit.

I let him talk, occasionally interjecting with a comment about Ara’s reactions to be expected in this situation. Let’s face it, if I were Ara and my ex started dating my best friend, I wouldn’t be too happy either. Siwoo is an interesting character – he is very loyal to me, but in my personal (and crass) opinion, his moral compass is fucked. How someone could be so careless the way he is, is beyond me, but I digress.

“Anyway, I think Seulgi is jealous of you…”

I grimace. “What does that have to do with Mina and Ara?”

“Nothing – well, not exactly nothing.”

“Now why would you say that?” I ask, incredulously. “She probably thinks she’s prettier than me and she has all of these guys fawning over her for validation of that.”

“But it’s not like you’re not pretty…” he says. “Plus you’re smarter than her. And, I mean, Ara and Mina are jealous of you.”

I think for a moment. I can understand why Ara was jealous – she thought I was trying to steal her boyfriend even though I wasn’t doing that at all and Siwoo was the one who couldn’t keep his feelings to himself. Given that Mina and Ara used to be best friends, Mina is probably aware of that situation and has the same reservations about Siwoo. But these are different issues compared to what we’re talking about.

My face sours. “What? But they’re not like Seulgi… they don’t run in the popular crowd and they don’t… have guys chasing after them left and right.”

“So?!” he exclaims. “You know that Yunji hates you, right?”

Yunji is another one our classmates. I didn’t speak to her much. We had several classes together and I sat next to her in Korean class. She seemed fine, though she was often overdramatic in her relationships.

“I’ll never love again!” she claimed one day, shortly after her boyfriend broke up with her during our second year.

I frown. “What did I do to her?”

“Nothing, I don’t think…” He pauses for a moment before shaking his head, deciding whatever he was thinking is no longer relevant. “She’s very fake. She saw me talking to you one time and after you left, she came up to me and said, ‘You know, I really hate Y/N.’ I asked her why and she said, ‘Because she’s too pretty.’”

I burst into laughter. “Are you serious?!”

“Yeah! I wouldn’t lie to you about that!”

“That’s why she hates me?” I ask in between laughter. “What a stupid reason to hate someone. What did you say?”

“I just said something to try to defend you, but we switched the subject.”

I’ll admit, I was flattered after that confession, but also disappointed. If you’re going to hate me, at least hate me for a legitimate reason.

“So anyway, that’s why I think Seulgi is jealous of you. Yeah, she’s pretty, but you’re pretty and smart; she probably thinks you’re better than she is. So she probably thinks you’re trying to steal Lucas.”

Just like how Ara – and now, probably Mina – think I’m trying to steal you.

How foolish of them.

On the other hand, Seulgi wouldn’t be wrong…

“You know,” he begins, “when Ara and I were dating, she said something weird because she hated you too.” 

I scoff. “Humor me.”

“We were waiting for the bus one day and she was watching you and she said, ‘I bet Y/N is really bad in bed because she’s so callous. Like she just lays there with no expression.’“ 

I start laughing again. “What kind of insults are these?! Weren’t we like fifteen?”

“Yeah.”

“All right.” I bite my lip, fighting a smile of amusement. “Whatever makes them feel better, I guess.” 

A cold breeze makes me shiver. “It’s cold. We should go back inside,” I say.

I turn my head and look through the open door at Lucas and the rest of the boys who are all sitting in chairs next to the entrance. As Siwoo and I walk through the doorway, all of the boys simultaneously turn their heads and stare at me. I momentarily freeze before regaining composure and head directly to a table on the opposite side of the library.  

“Did you see that?” I ask as Siwoo follows slightly behind.

“Yeah, they all looked at you.”

“Okay, just checking.”

The following week, my biology teacher announces a group project; we had to teach the class a chapter in the book. He begins assigning group members by numbering off the class from one to four. Doyoung and I groan in annoyance. Sitting next to each other meant that we would not be placed in a group together and were subjected to luck. I am placed in group three and Doyoung in group four. We turn around in our seats to see the rest of the numbering.  

“Two, three, four…”  

Lucas is assigned to group two.

“Wait, who’s two?” asks Lucas.

“Two,” Mr. Cho says as he points to the boy sitting next to Lucas. “Lucas, you’re three.”

I maintain an outward look of nonchalance. Now what are the odds of that? Internally, I’m surprised at the turn of events, wondering how this arrangement occurred so easily.

Lucas suddenly looks at me. “Y/N, what number are you?”

His face lights up when I hold up three fingers. “Hey we’re in the same group!”

I want to be excited since I now have an excuse to talk to him more, but I can’t help but remember my academic opinion of him: he selectively uses his brain, assuming he uses it at all. He’s not reliable when it comes to school work as he has a tendency to be overconfident in his abilities.  

“Okay, everyone, get into your groups to discuss what you’re going to do.”

Lucas, Seohyun, Kibum, and Sooyoung maneuver over to my side of the room, filling the recently vacated seats. Lucas jumps up to sit on a lab bench next to my desk.

“All right, group, what we need is bitches!” Lucas says jokingly.

He and Kibum chuckle at each other. My forehead creases, unimpressed by his immature joke. I force a small smile in an effort to go along with it, but when I was truly unimpressed, it was hard to mask that emotion. Fortunately, he pays no attention to me, exchanging several more jokes with Kibum.

“So what section does everyone want to do?” I ask, interrupting their conversation.

We were assigned a chapter on the kidney and were instructed to make a PowerPoint presentation.  

“I’ll do the intro,” Lucas chimes.

Of course – the easiest part.

Doyoung and I decide to watch How to Train Your Dragon during math class. My attention is pulled away when a girl walks up to Mr. Lee and hands him a stack of square, gold envelopes.

Prom invitations.

I stare at the envelope as it is placed in front of me, my name written in red capital letters next to a character from The Legend of Zelda on a label stuck to the front. I glance over at Hyojin who is engaged in a conversation with Sooyoung; a previous conversation flashes in my mind.

“Do you know if Doyoung is going with anyone?” Hyojin asked.

“I don’t know.”

“I really want to go with him…” she quietly admitted.

“Why don’t you ask him?”

“No way! Do you think you could ask him to see if he would even be interested?”

“Sure.”

I bite my lip. It’s almost comical at how often I seem to be running into this problem. Of course, I already know that Doyoung isn’t interested in going with Hyojin; but again, I have to play along. To put up the front, I knew he was more likely to go with Taeyeon since they were friends and she knows his secret. But I told Hyojin I’d ask, so I will keep my promise.

“Are you going to ask anyone to go?” I ask Doyoung.

“Probably.”

“Who do you think you’re going to ask?”

“I don’t know – probably Taeyeon.”

“How about Hyojin?” I ask innocently.

He presses his lips together, his facial expression clearly displaying a lack of appeal. “I don’t want to go with Hyojin.”

As expected.

“Yeah, I don’t know who else you could ask. Seungwan?” I suggest, giving additional alternatives to keep things casual.

“Nah.”

Well, I tried. Why do all of these girls like him and come to me asking for help trusting that I’m not going to tell him?

I shake my head in frustration and sigh.

Now the question is: how am I going to get my desired prom date? Speaking of which –  

My mind drifts back to the biology presentation. I pull out my phone to send a text.

Me to Kibum, Sooyoung, Lucas [10:15 AM] Do you guys think we should meet up this weekend?

Sooyoung [10:16 AM] Yeah that sounds like a good idea!

Kibum [10:16 AM] Do we really need to?

Me [10:18 AM] It might be a good idea for doing all of the organization. How about Saturday?  2pm?

Lucas [10:19 AM] Yea! I can do Saturday

Kibum [10:19 AM] Saturday is fine

Sooyoung [10:20 AM] I can do Saturday too

We didn’t really need to be meeting up in person to do a PowerPoint presentation. Quite frankly, I was just trying to create a better opportunity to get Lucas alone. Now that prom invitations had been handed out, I was hoping that he would ask me. But there was a thought lingering in the back of my mind that I might have to ask him myself if I wanted to have him as my date.  

I walk through the parking lot to my car during my free period at the end of the day to go home. Lucas’s car is parked in the space in front of me to the left; he’s already sitting at the driver’s seat. From my periphery, I can tell that he’s watching me as I open the back door of my car to throw my backpack in and change into a lighter jacket. I check my phone and respond to a text from my dad asking if I can stop by the grocery store before going home. Glancing over my left shoulder, I meet Lucas’s intense gaze as he continues to watch me, becoming increasingly self-conscious of my actions.  

Why is he just sitting there watching me like that? Y/N, it’s fine. He’s probably just thinking about where he wants to go.

But maybe, you can go up and talk to him about prom…

I close the door and turn my head to the right when I hear a car driving by; Lucas’s Honda Accord speeds through the parking lot.  

Dammit, he left. That was a bit odd though.

I sit with my dad in his office and start working on the biology presentation.  

“Do you think I’m going to have to ask Lucas to prom myself?” I ask.

“Probably.”

Crap.

“You could do it on Saturday,” he suggests. “Sort of wait for everyone else to leave and then ask him.”

“I feel like that’s not going to work; he’ll leave at the same time Kibum leaves.”

Maybe I can suggest we get frozen yogurt and then tell Lucas to go with me to the garage when we leave. Then I’ll ask him there.

Yeah, that’s stupid.

Saturday morning, I send a text to everyone to make sure they were coming.

Me to Kibum, Sooyoung, Lucas [11:28 AM] Everyone still good for 2pm today?

Kibum [11:30 AM] Yeah I’ll be there

Sooyoung [11:31 AM] Same

Seohyun was unavailable and had already finished her part of the project. Unlike the rest of the group, I trusted her with group projects.

Kibum and Sooyoung had confirmed they were going to come, but Lucas was taking an awfully long time to respond. It reminded me of my birthday dinner that Hana tried to plan a few months ago. She had asked him if he wanted to attend in person and he agreed, but when she tried to text him to see if he would be going, he said he had to babysit.  

Lucas [12:30 AM] I have to babysit

I stare at the text and sigh.

Of course you do. I like how you don’t explicitly say you can’t come. You just say you have to babysit. How convenient. I guess I don’t have to ask you to prom today either.

Kibum and Sooyoung arrive a short while later. After working for a couple hours, I suggest that we get frozen yogurt. Kibum declines; Sooyoung says she’ll meet me at the yogurt shop.  

As I’m driving, I think about how Lucas and Sooyoung run in the same circle.

Maybe I can somehow ask her about who Lucas is thinking about asking to prom.

Unfortunately, Sooyoung is known for running her mouth so if I were to bring up anything, I had to be ensure that I brought it up casually. Otherwise, everyone would find out and that was the last thing I really needed.

“I’m annoyed that Lucas decided he didn’t want to show up last minute like that,” I say as I eat another spoonful of my strawberry frozen yogurt.

“He tends to do that. It’s really annoying. He usually uses the excuse that he’s babysitting.”

“Does he even have anyone to babysit?”

She shrugs. “He does have two younger half-brothers, but I don’t think they’re that young.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m gonna kill him. I know Mr. Cho doesn’t really care, but we’re still being graded on this. I’m not letting him screw up my grade.”

“I know! I don’t know how Seulgi puts up with him.”

I suddenly recall that Sooyoung has a strong dislike towards Seulgi. This would be a good time to ask about both Lucas and Seulgi since she was “friends” with both of them – on the surface, at least.

“Does Seulgi still like Lucas?” I ask.

“I honestly don’t know. If I had to guess, she probably does,” she says, annoyance in her tone. “She acts like she hates boys, but she actually loves all of the attention she gets.”

“Mm, yeah, I’ve noticed.” I click my tongue and maintain an expression of indifference. “Does Lucas still like her?”

“Probably,” she says, rolling her eyes.

“Is he asking her to prom?”

“No, he already has a date.”

I freeze. What?

“Really? Who?” I ask, trying not to act surprised.

“His friend, Yuna – she doesn’t even go to our school.”

I believe in fate to a certain extent. I believe that some things happen for a reason. Perhaps that’s my optimism speaking for me because if I choose to believe that, then I can choose to believe that I’m supposed to reap some kind of lesson from the things that happen to me – that it’s not just some negative occurrence to set me back. Or maybe it’s to protect me from even more severe negative consequences. I don’t know, but I will say that it has allowed for me to retain my sanity.

I wonder if that was a coincidence that he didn’t come… It prevented me from asking him so I didn’t even have to make the risk of getting rejected because I absolutely would have been rejected.

“How does he know her?”

“I think they’re both into anime or something.” She shrugs. “They go to those anime conventions together.”

“Why on earth would he ask her?”

“I have no idea. I thought he was going to ask Seulgi.”

I hesitate for a moment, thinking back to Winter Ball and deciding I’ll make the risk with Sooyoung.

Maybe I can pass this off as a mere curiosity or confusion.

“So there’s something that I’ve been wondering about…” I begin. “At Winter Ball, Lucas came up to me and grabbed me to slow dance with him.”

“He did?!” She looks at me, wide-eyed and in disbelief. “That’s so weird! Why would he do that?!”

I shrug. “I don’t know. That’s why I’m wondering what in the world is going on with him because I always thought he liked Seulgi. Then he danced with me and now he’s going with whoever this Yuna girl is. Why would he do that?”

I notice Sooyoung’s forehead crease briefly. My heart jumps, realizing that she may have suspected that my curiosity in Lucas is more than just a passing interest.

“Hmm, yeah, I don’t know. His thing with Seulgi is really weird.” Her face becomes bitter. “I hate the way she treats him – it’s like he’s her slave.”

I return home, displeased with my newly learned information.  

“Lucas has a prom date already,” I say to my dad. “Maybe that’s why things didn’t work out today.”

“Maybe…” He tilts his head and shrugs. “Who knows, maybe it would have been worse if you had gone with him. This prevented that from happening.”

“I couldn’t ask him since he didn’t show up, which is good because I would’ve been rejected anyway.”

“Who’s he going with?”

“Some girl named Yuna. She doesn’t even go to our school.”

“How does he know her?”

“Sooyoung said they go to anime conventions together.”

“Do you know who Seulgi is going with?”

“I don’t think she has a date yet…”

“Huh,” he remarks. “I wonder why he wouldn’t ask her then.”  

I had no idea why Lucas didn’t ask Seulgi, but I was also wondering why he went out of his way to ask someone else who didn’t even attend our high school. To me, that’s the easiest way to avoid any kind of potential drama or judgement from anyone. If no one knows Yuna, no one can have any opinion. If he went with Seulgi, people probably wouldn’t be surprised. But on the other hand, if he went with me, that would surely become the subject of some major gossip. We didn’t run in the same circles and I surely wasn’t “popular.” I was just “the smart girl” that rejected “the smart guy” last year and I guess that makes me a bitch. 

Regardless, all I knew was that I wasn’t going to have a prom date, which was fine; I didn’t want to go with anyone else anyway. I also wouldn’t have to work up the courage to ask the boy myself anymore. It was a bit of a disappointment, but it saved me the anxiety.  

I continue working on the presentation and doing other homework until late into the night. Half past midnight, my phone screen lights up.

Lucas [12:30 AM] I’ll do my part tomorrow I was busy today

I roll my eyes.

I’m gonna kill him.

“So did you ask him?” Hana whispers to me during our physics class.

“He didn’t even show up. He said he was babysitting and would do his part of the project yesterday.”

“Babysitting?” She uses her hands to form air quotes. “Or babysitting?”

“My guess would be the latter.”

She frowns. “Did he at least do his part of the project?”

A look of displeasure washes over my face. “What do you think?”

She rolls her eyes and sighs. “Oh, Lucas…”

“We’re supposed to meet in the library today during seventh period to finish it before I have to go to Academic Olympics.”

“Hopefully he finishes the presentation.”

“Honestly, Hana, that’s all I want.”  

I pull out my phone and see that I have a text. Upon checking the single message, my jaw tightens and it takes me a bit of self-control not to throw my phone across the room.

Lucas [1:45 PM] Y/NN I have to go home to meet my mom. Can you text me pics of my topics?

“I’m actually going to kill him,” I say, pushing my phone onto Hana’s desk.

She deadpans. “Are you serious?” She looks at the message again. “What the – he even spelled your name wrong.”

“I’m gonna kill him! He doesn’t even know his topics?” I growl through my teeth as I pick up my phone to type in a quick response.

Me [1:46 PM] *Y/N

Lucas [1:47 PM] Auto correct

A picture follows his response; it’s a screenshot of our message thread, showing me that my name is spelled correctly in his contacts. I scoff and put my phone in my pocket right as the bell rings.  

“I’ll see you at A.O. later,” I say to Hana while tossing my backpack over my shoulder and making my way towards the parking lot to my car.  

I am parked next to Lucas and realize I would likely see him as he “went home to meet his mom.” Opening the trunk of my car to put my backpack in, I hear footsteps coming in my direction.

“Hey! Did you get my picture?”

I roll my eyes before glancing at him. The audacity…

“Yes.”

“It was autocorrect.”

“I know, I got it,” I say curtly.  

I pull out my biology notes to find the list of topics for the presentation. I make a point to slam down my belongings, ensuring that he would be aware of my annoyance.

“You said you needed pictures?” I ask.

“Oh! Yeah!”

I roll my eyes again. I wasn’t thrilled that the project was due in two days and the idiot didn’t even know what he was supposed to be presenting. He should’ve had the list already, but knowing him, he probably misplaced it. I just want him to do his part because I don’t want to do it myself. I’m not here to give him an A.

I point to the list. “It’s these four.”

He pulls out his phone to take several pictures.

“Oh okay. Thanks. But yeah, it was autocorrect.”

Jesus. If you keep saying that, I’m going to punch you.

“I know, I’m just giving you a hard time,” I reply, monotony filling my tone.

I suddenly feel an arm wrap around me and I’m sure that if it were possible, my irises would be replaced with flames.

Are you fucking serious, Lucas? You’re giving me a hug?

“Thanks for the pictures. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Are you trying to kiss up to me?

“Okay,” I grumble.  

“QUIET! You’re just reading off the slides! This isn’t why I assigned the presentation! You guys need to actually learn this stuff because when the test comes in May, you’re not going to know anything! Do you know how many people in this class I’m not worried about!? Three – four of you, maybe!”

Doyoung and I exchange an annoyed glance at each other and sigh. The first group had presented and Mr. Cho was scolding the entire class on the single group’s unsatisfactory performance. Once he was finished, Lucas walks up to Kibum and me.

“Guys, I’m so glad I slacked because now we have to redo the whole presentation.”

What the fuck? No, we don’t.

I am seething. “Uh, no, we don’t. Just don’t read everything you write,” I spit back.

Lucas looks at me, his face expressionless. I feel myself returning a stern look, attempting to temper the fire behind my eyes.  

“I’ll meet you in the library today, Y/N.” Lucas says.

“Okay.”

“Is Lucas meeting you in the library?” Hana asks.

“He better be.”

I pull out my phone to send Lucas a text.

Me [1:30 PM] Are we meeting in the library after 6th?

Lucas [1:30 PM] We can

We can? What do you mean ‘we can’?

Me [1:31 PM] Okay, well, we are

Lucas [1:32 PM] Ok cya then! :3

“What the hell is this?” I growl, showing Hana the text.

She laughs. “He’s just trying to be cute.”

I couldn’t believe myself. Prior to Lucas sitting next to me in biology last year, he was never my favorite person. I always thought he was attractive, but largely thought he was a lazy and arrogant idiot. I changed my mind later on when we would work together, but I was starting to feel that my first impression had been, in fact, correct. Lucas was all talk. No action. No commitment. Yet, I was silly enough to fall for his good looks.  

I walk to the library after class and sit down at one of the computers. I sigh as I pull up the presentation; the only empty slides are Lucas’s. He only had to do the introduction – it should have been easy to complete in a short amount of time.

Glancing at the clock, it was ten minutes past the time class ended. Lucas’s last class was the same distance away from the library as mine was; he should have been here by now.

It’s fine. Calm down. Worst case, you do it yourself.

Suddenly, chatter between two boys can be heard from the main part of the library. I turn my head as Lucas and Yang Yang walk into the computer area.

“Hey, what’s up?” Lucas greets, resting his hand on the back of my chair.

“Hey, so here’s the presentation. You’ve got the first few slides.”

He turns around to reach for a chair at one of the nearby tables.

“You know, why don’t you sit here?” I interject, getting up from the chair in front of the computer.

He remains silent as he sits down. I decide to stand directly behind him, crossing my arms like a supervisor overseeing a terminated employee gather their personal belongings before leaving. I watch him as he slowly uses the biology textbook to copy down information to the slides and add accompanying photos from the internet.

So you were just going to copy and paste from the textbook and you thought we had to redo the whole presentation? And it takes you this long to get it done? Pathetic.

He asks me for my opinion on the miscellaneous photos he uses to supplement the text on his slides – making a point to emphasize how the GIFs he chose were of superior quality.

After forty-five minutes, he finishes his section.

“I think I’m done! It looks good, right?”

I click my tongue. “Yep.”

He stands up, overly pleased with his work and slings his backpack over his shoulder.

“All right, I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N.”

I remain displeased, my tone monotonous. “See ya.”

I sit down in the previously vacated chair and save the presentation, quickly closing out and packing up my things to go home. I am indignant as I make the realization that I practically had to babysit him to get him to do his work. It wasn’t even like he really did any work considering he just copied and pasted from the textbook.

Great, he knows shit about the topic that we have to present on tomorrow. Fantastic.

And since he knew nothing, he was likely going to do exactly what Mr. Cho said not to do – i.e. read directly off the slides – because this is how he does everything else in school.

“Oh I barely studied for this test, but I’m really good at this subject,” Lucas would say right before we began an exam.

When the exam was returned, you could hear from the back of the classroom, “Shit! I got a C!”

I roll my eyes and push those thoughts away. Being angry sapped away my energy and quite frankly, I wanted to conserve it for something worthy.

I walk to the parking lot and see a shadow in my periphery as I near my car.

“Hey! Long time no see!” Lucas calls.

Please just shut up.

I don’t respond and keep my focus straight ahead. He jogs over to me and begins to match the pace of my gait as we walk to our respective cars.

“Are you going home?” he asks.

“Yeah, but I’m going to wait for the traffic to clear out before leaving.”

“Oh, me too.”

We reach our respective cars and put our backpacks in the backseat. He proceeds to sit in the driver’s seat of his car and starts browsing something on his phone, leaving the door open with one leg resting outside the car. It was another facet of his personality – he did always try to act like he was cool.

“Hey, you like scarves, right?” he calls from his car.

I furrow my brows. What a strange question. He keeps his gaze on his phone, continuing to scroll through Instagram when I appear next to him.

“Yeah, why?”

He shrugs and tilts his phone towards me, a picture of a young woman wearing a Burberry cashmere scarf on the screen. “Was just thinking about how you wear them a lot.”

But why?

I attempt to keep my expression neutral. “Oh, well, that one looks nice,” I say. “I have an imitation Burberry scarf.”

He continues to stare at the photo. “Yeah, I remember. It’s nice.”

I blink several times, shifting my gaze around the parking lot in confusion.

“I really like scarves too,” he says.

Uh okay, that’s cool…?

“I think you’d look nice in this one,” he says, tilting his phone towards me again.

The day of our presentation, Lucas is late to class again. Normally, I wouldn’t be concerned because Lucas could just present when it’s his turn, whether he’s late or not, but since he’s supposed to do the introduction, we have a little bit of a problem.

“Do you know if Lucas is coming today?” Kibum asks.

“Nope, but he better be here because he has to speak first.”

“Which group is presenting today?” asks Mr. Cho.

“Ours, but we’re waiting for Lucas.” I reply.

Mr. Cho sighs and walks out of the classroom. I take the opportunity to set up the presentation on his computer. I turn my head towards the door when I see Lucas walk in shortly afterwards. It takes some effort on my part not to roll my eyes into the back of my head when he arrives, announcing to the class that he had trouble finding something to wear that morning to explain his lack of punctuality. I shake my head in disapproval as I head towards the front of the classroom to stand by the projector screen; the rest of the group members follow my lead.  

“You guys ready?” Mr. Cho asks as he walks back into the room.

“Yeah, I think so.”

Lucas sits on a lab stool across from me and begins to describe the basic functions of the kidney. I widen my eyes in surprise.

Holy shit, he actually knows something.

I control the remote to transition to the next slide and Kibum starts explaining his portion of the project. I shift my gaze when I hear Lucas chuckling and making slight hand motions to someone in the class. Following his line of sight, Yang Yang was making faces and hand gestures at Lucas from the back of the classroom.

Typical.

Soon enough, it’s my turn to speak. I explain a diagram of the Loop of Henle, trying to recall the notes I had made the night before. In the midst of turning to make eye contact with the rest of my class, my head stops short when I meet Lucas’s gaze. He carefully watches me as I speak.

He’s probably just watching me because I’m speaking. The best way to assess this is to watch his behavior while everyone else is speaking.

Surprisingly, I’m fairly decent at presenting even if I’m thinking about other things. Every time I turn to look at the audience, I pause on him briefly to check that he’s still looking, quickly turning away every time to make sure the rest of the class doesn’t catch on to my blatant staring. Without fail, he continues to watch me throughout my section of the presentation. As the presentation transitions from me to Sooyoung and Seohyun, Lucas’s eyes wander around the classroom, a look of disinterest on his face. He was no longer making faces with Yang Yang, but he wasn’t paying attention to the presenters anymore either.  

“Congratulations, Y/N!” I look over my shoulder to see Sicheng shouting from across the parking lot.

I raise an eyebrow. What’s he congratulating me for?

“Thank you!” I call back as a formality.

Oh, maybe it’s about –

“Hey!” a voice shouts from behind me.

I pause to let Lucas catch up to me.

“Hey, what’s up?” I greet.

“Congratulations on getting into UCLA!”

Yep, it’s about that…

“Thank you!”

I was surprised both he and Sicheng knew about my acceptance, but realized that Kibum must have told both of them. Kibum, Hana, and Doyoung were the only people I told since I had received the news.  

“Where are you going?” he asks.

“I was going to the other parking lot to go to my car to leave. Why?”

“I wanna show you some music!”

“Oh, sure!”

It was stupid of me to give in so easily after his clear demonstration of laziness and irresponsibility. But for whatever reason, I never opposed more bonding time with him unless it was over something dumb, like babysitting him while he did his homework. And on the bright side, it appeared that he didn’t take my anger at him too personally if he still wanted to show me music.

He turns around and I follow him to Seulgi’s car where she has her trunk popped open. He sits on the edge of the car trunk next to Seulgi while she talks with some of her friends. I lean against the car next to him.

“So my friends and I are practicing this dance…” he says as he types something into YouTube.

“What for?”

“We’re gonna compete in a K-Pop dance competition.”

You’re gonna what? I didn’t realize you danced…

“Oh really? That’s cool. How’s it coming along?”

“It’s all right; BTS has choreography that’s really complicated.”

“I’m not really into BTS – not a huge fan of rap and hip hop.”

The music video for “Boy in Luv” by BTS began to play. I sit and watch silently. I wasn’t a huge fan of the song, but as always, their choreography was amazing.

“He’s cute,” I remark.

“That’s Jungkook. He’s my favorite too.”

He continued to show me videos for the remainder of the lunch hour and convinced me to stay during my free period instead of going home. We discussed school a bit and my acceptance to UCLA. I thought my prospects with him seemed to be increasing, but I knew it would never last. I was leaving in a few months to go to college in California and Lucas would likely be staying here. Aside from that, the whole presentation issue wasn’t a good sign for long-term commitment. And even though I knew having a crush on Lucas wasn’t really worth my time, I couldn’t help it. But in the back of my mind, I was constantly reminded of the fact that he was going to prom with someone else that didn’t even attend our school. And unless something crazy happened, I probably wouldn’t have my chance for another dance.

Prev | Next

Before I Met You Masterlist Masterlist  

#nct #nct 127 #nct u #jung jaehyun #jaehyun #nct jaehyun #nct lucas #lucas wong #wong yukhei #superm #nct doyoung #kim doyoung #before i met you #wayv #nct x reader

[tuulikkink]

PORTAL - the art expo

Stress... Anxiety... Rush... These were the things I was feeling while trying to draw my piece for the exhibition. My brain felt like a empty plastic bag filled with slime, and it was impossible trying to catch a thread from one thought or another. Portal... What comes to my mind? A room of a teenager? A song that takes you away from where you are? Yes. Something like this. I also tried a little bit more direct approach and sketched a mushroom gatherer, who finds an ancient portal. I really liked the sketch, but the idea seemed... shallow. It needed more work, and I struggled to settle on an idea. I was also getting feedback from my teachers, that my ideas are superficial and there’s no feeling in them. I had to agree, which only annoyed me more. But I had learnt to take in constructive feedback over the summer, so now I was able to let it fuel me.

Now that we had found a venue, the curation team needed to do some shopping... There were many things that needed to be decided, one vital one being how we would hang the work.

On one Tuesday, I was the only person present from my team. I could hear my ears ringing as I realised that I would be the one speaking for the whole team...! I felt pressure building in my head... I can do this, I told myself. Just breath. Confidence. Thank god we have the most amazing person as a lecturer on this module, and she was very supportive. I told everyone, that the size would have to be changed from A4 to A3, as the exhibition space was so large. I took notes on things that still needed to be done, and sent updates to our curation chat. C promised to start looking for frames and other ways to hang the work, and R and H said they’d search for decorations for the space. We had gotten the permission to use tables and sofas from the Jacob’s market, so we didn’t need to worry about those. People from our class were also able to bring in cameras and speakers, so those could be considered done too. I talked about budget from our university, and my lecturer promised to look into it, and help with covering the printing costs. This was amazing news, and I felt elated. She also mentioned, that one person from each group should attend a vinyl cutting workshop held by our university, and naturally since I was the only curation team member there, I put my name down. We would be able to have a smaller exhibition, kind of as a tribute I guess, in the space outside of the classrooms. This would give attention to our actual exhibition happening elsewhere, and it would also bring the artists visibility within our university. Me and a few other people from my class took some measurements of the space, and designed what could go where, and what would need to be moved.

The following week was busy. The location team was buying food and drinks for the opening night, and the curation team was finding decorations and mounting equipment. Then came troubles... I tried contacting the man from the Jacob’s market, but he didn’t reply to any of my emails. I had sent a few, and it had been a few days so I was getting desperate, but thanks to my amazing teammates, we were able to reach then by phone and we settled everything. Then... We had the first big fight. This was regarding the food and drink side of the exhibition, as this girl I have told about before was unhappy with the food and drink arrangements the people who were assigned to it had done. In my opinion, they had done alright, but there had definitely been conversations, that I hadn’t heard of. I didn’t really had anything to say to this except that the bossy girl has to learn to let other people to take responsibility, and she has to learn to let other people decide. I found it unfair she took their job and they were left with nothing to do. Well, on the drawing side, I had made some progress. I wasn’t happy I had done this again: I have a tendency to not listen to others and I’m too stubborn when it comes to certain things. As I wrote in the last post, I was struggling to find a good idea. Well, now I had found it, and it was completely different than what I was going for before, but because I was running out of time I just went with it without even telling about the idea to my lecturers. I know this is a very stupid way to work, but I felt too much stress from being so behind with the drawing process, that it felt like the fastest way forward. I had also learnt to trust myself slightly more during the summer, so I convinced myself, that this was the right way to go.

She is a girl, and when she puts on  the headphones, the music takes her to another world. She’s here, but isn’t. This is my portal.

Beside this, I had prepared some prints to be sold at the exhibition opening night. This was a way to make some extra cash, and I love stalls; meeting people, seeing them buy my art, seeing how it connects us in some unexplained way when it makes them feel something... I didn’t want to turn down the opportunity. 

It was also time to send the exhibition pieces to print in a few days, and a huge load was lifted from my shoulders, when my amazing lecturers told us that they would take care of that for us. I was so happy, as I still had quite a bit to do with the exhibition piece itself. 

The next few days passed in a blur: sending my finished piece for printing, coming up with a name for it, designing placards to go by the artwork for the exhibition, cleaning the exhibition space,... There was so much. I had gotten ill a few days before this all, so I honestly pushed through these events with the power of paracetamol. I don’t have many feelings about it all, because I worked like a robot, from task to another, as quickly as I could with as little rest as possible. There was also problems with promoting, or actually, the lack of it. There wasn’t much publicity and the social media handles were quiet. It was only a few days before the opening night, so we needed more action. Everyone in the class posted the event on Facebook; this way we were hoping to gain more publicity to it. The problem with me is that all of my family and friends live in other countries, so me sharing the event wasn’t much help... But at work, I tried to talk about it with as many people as possible; it was a free event in the end, and if they didn’t have anything to do, they could come see it! It was now two nights to the opening night, and the curation team started prepping the space. This included cleaning the venue, arranging sofas, chairs and tables, decorating the space and testing the mounting technique. I had been shown magnets on ebay by one of my lecturers, and he suggested we could use the magnets and small nails to hang the work. It sounded like a good idea at the time, but when the magnets arrives, they were way too weak to hang the A3 artwork. So, a few of us quickly ran to the nearest artstore and brought plenty of masking tape, which is very strong, but leaves no marks on the walls after peeling it off. This, we tested too. Just in case, because the owner had told us not to damage the walls.

In just two days, everything was ready for the exhibition to open the doors. My fever was running high, and I felt weak and sick, but the pride from having out together something this amazing overrode the nasty feelings. The prints had arrived the previous day, and together with the whole curation team we had hanged them on the walls; colour coded. It was all ready for people to see. It was ours for the weekend; that’s what the old man had told me when I had paid for renting the venue for three days. His friendly smile still made me feel, like this was our space. For three days.

And so came the opening night... And when you looked through my portal with Artvive app, the silence would turn into music and transport you into another universe...

It was over. So much work had gone into just three days of exhibiting art, but it had all been worth it. The experience taught me, how important it is to establish clear roles and a schedule for everyone, and most important thing of all is to be patient, talk to one another and learn to listen. This also showed me, that I still need lots of practise on my time management skills... Working for eight hours straight to finish animating my piece made me shed tears, and the fever didn’t help anything. I think I might have even gotten ill from all the stress I was feeling trying to get everything done and hold it all together. I also had gotten better in communicating what need to be done, if one compares me to the person I was in the summer. The work placements had made me grow thicker skin, and I could better put a border between me as a person and myself, and me as an illustrator and as a worker. All in all, I loved being a part of the Portal exhibition class, and I felt so proud of us all as a class, but also the curation team; we had all done amazing job, and even though I was left on my own a few times, I could still count on my team to have my back. They had done most of the shopping, and I had gathered information and made lists of the things that needed to be taken care of, so it all worked out together. I couldn’t have asked for better team members.

This is the end. That was Portal. Thank you for taking your time to read, and if you will, message me if there’s something you were left puzzled about, or jus tto leave any comments on my writing. Lots of love, Likki

#university #art exhibition #art #artist #illustration

[yazdesigns]

D&AD Google & HMCT- Highlighting brief 

Page 1

I have highlighed the brief to help me focus on the improtance of the brief

D&AD Google & HMCT- Visualising sound

Page 2

My goal was to transform the song into shapes or give it a form which could be easily visualised. This is a powerful concept as it would create an interactive/personal connection between the song and the listener. Through my research I found various programmes that collected sound waves of songs and turned them into these forms. 

Page 3

One of these were Spectroscopes. This programme creates 3D landscapes and visualises music using the signal strength of the frequency in wave forms. I transformed these shapes using Google 3D where I played with textures. Another programme I used was Sonic Visualiser.

D&AD Google & HMCT- Turning wavelengths into type

Page 4

Through my research I found various programmes that collected sound waves of songs and turned them into these forms. One of these were Spectroscopes. This programme creates 3D landscapes and visualises music using the signal strength of the frequency in wave forms. I transformed these shapes using Google 3D where I played with textures. Another programme I used was Sonic Visualiser. This programme allows you to study music recordings closely by displaying various signals I chose a section of the music where I felt there was a good representation of the whole song. This includes the quietest (melancholy) and loudest (hopeful) verses, (e.g. ‘turn yourself around’) to encompass the whole song. The second pattern was using an app called Phonopaper, which records the sound of the environment and creates structural patterns. The last pattern is another signal form from Sonic Visualiser. I thought it was quite different to the other wave forms due to its bold structure. 

Page 5

I decided to experiment with these wave forms and found that the first pattern made it easier to create a typography, due to the broken down vertical song sections. The structures had a range of thicknesses and sizes. I printed the wave form onto A3 paper and traced over these structures to create typography. I chose to print in black and white as it was easier to see through the tracing paper. I used calligraphy pens to create my thick and thin lines. The experiment was unsuccessful due to how difficult it was to create and see. I tried the same method of tracing but in digital form. The outcome did not portray the message of the song.

D&AD Google & HMCT- Wavelengths Into typography

Page 6

After discussing with my tutor, I realised I needed to think about how I could take these forms further. I decided I could transform these digital signals into typography. This was a great way of expanding my project goals, as the typography embodies the nature of the song and portrays its message. 

Page 7

I experimented with different ways of structuring the typography and my designs started to look like they were from the serif family. 

I experimented with different letters. I used pattern 3 to create this typography. 

In order to manage time, I decided to test how the typography would look for the specific letters related to my chosen album, which was for this example, ‘Gorillaz’.

D&AD Google & HMCT- Video Manipulation of typography, Final layer

Page 8

I wanted to further test this new typography so I used Adobe After Effects to overlay and manipulate through video. I overlaid the word ‘Gorillaz’ on top of itself. The effect created by this was providing different textures and conveying the sadness of the album. The abstract and geometric forms created, inspired me to experiment further and develop my ideas.

Page 9

Final video composition

D&AD Google & HMCT- Distroying typing using After effects, Anologue overlaying using acetate

Page 10

I continued the video manipulation experiments to see how both forms of typography (from pattern 1 and 3) would look combined. I also paid attention to how the sound would develop when repeated as much as the typography. 

Page 11

I took the typography from pattern 1 and printed it onto acetate. I wanted to recreate this effect in an analogue form. Through this experimentation I was able to freely create new forms by rearranging the shapes. I decided to scan the acetate sheets and dissect them to create these structural forms made with data. I chose various compositions and cut them into small pieces. These are the scanned shapes I had created. I wanted to see how it would look once combined together.

[elstonsblog]

May – Aug

In my last reflection, I spoke about doing a mix of larger and smaller pieces of work, Childs Alphabet etc. I think those months set me up nicely for what I've created/been part of between May-August. Over these 4 months, there have been dips in creating work due to doing things other than the drawing which has slowed down my progression of skills/experimentation. These dips haven’t impacted my 3x week posting schedule on social media but more the larger personal projects that needed to be chipped away at... haven’t been started. I hope to change this in October, I would say September but we’re already halfway through it so September will be used as a buffer month to get everything back in order before I get going properly again. 

 My goals in my last reflection were: 

Put the work in to ensure a successful exhibition in July 

Spend time working on targets set 

Find and talk to some local creatives 

Put together a PDF Portfolio 

Start putting together a self-promo pack 

 And I've completed the following: 

Put the work in to ensure a successful exhibition in July 

Find and talk to some local creatives 

Put together a PDF Portfolio 

The Land + Sea exhibition took a lot of time and preparation, I spent 7 weeks of evenings on just making the artwork. I ended up with 4 a3 giclee prints and 48 a5 hand-drawn pieces to be displayed along with my mum's paintings. The event was short but well-received. The work I created was purposely made to sell so I drew more common seaside themes (beach huts, fishermen, sea creatures, seaside scenes and boats) to suit the space we were exhibiting and the audience of the village.  

 The making on the a3 scenes was done using my normal process, the pieces had more elements to them than I usually put in and it was interesting to see how that affected the workflow and timescale of making them. I printed them on Giclee so that the colour vibrancy stayed close to what it looked like on the screen. Photo rag paper feels nice too. I’ll print using Giclee again, the downfall is that every print is individual and there isn't a way of doing multiples without spending out a lot of cash in advance.  

 At the start of preparing for the exhibition, I was conscious that I hadn't drawn anything just by hand for quite a while and I felt that it was something I needed to get my confidence back up with so I decided for the a5 images that they would all be hand-drawn. I used rag paper, ink and gouache paint to keep the colours as bright as they would have been digital. I made 12 pieces in each of the 4 topics (beach huts, fishermen, sea creatures & boats). I gave myself a week to complete 12 drawings and repeated that until all 48 were done. It was a quick turnaround which meant I didn’t overthink it but I also would say that they’re not my best work – having 12 of each gave room for variety within the area and it was interesting to see which ones different people liked the most. It’s funny my favourite ones to do were the sea creatures yet the people that came preferred the beach huts and fishermen. Some feedback during the show was that the set looked most impactful when they were shown together, it could be that I create a print with all individual’s on – this would only really work for the beach huts and fishermen as the size of each person/hut is similar. This is something I'm not in a rush to do during the winter months, but I will return to this for the start of spring. 

I think it was a good thing to have done as it helped me to see a physical audience and test what people like and dislike. The process of making for it kept my focus and showed that if I want to, I can chip away at larger pieces/projects rather than always making small fast work.  

 In August I started putting together a portfolio and website which made me take stock of what I'd created during the year. It was good to do this, but I quickly realised that I'd made a lot of images and not many of them had been shaped into projects/outcomes, so it looked sparse compared to my social media accounts. Also, that pretty much everything I've done has been personal projects and competitions as I haven’t reached out and contacted anyone about doing work for them. This needs to change. I need to start putting myself out there. I’m happy with how my portfolio is currently looking in terms of flow/work - I would like to add some basic animation into the pdf document to make it more engaging, once this is done, I will send be sending it out. I need to put the time into researching who and where I could get work - I know that it’s best to start with editorials so in the coming months I will research into art directors. I’m still under the impression that it is best to send out physical things to spark interest rather than be just another email. This is something that I also want to work on, this will take more time as I would expect that the physical work needs to be more specific and personally addressed to them. I know I'm going around in circles and I need to cut the crap and just email people. If that doesn’t work, then try something new rather than thinking I need to do everything at the same time, and it needs to be perfect. I need to see it as a process as currently, I'm getting nowhere. This 'business’ side doesn’t come naturally to me I'd quite happily be in a cave and draw for the rest of time if I could but that’s just not how it works. 

In some parts of May-Aug, my inspiration levels were running dry, so I started looking further afield for inspiration. I realised when drawing an Egyptian god for work that all the documentation of ancient Egypt was people drawn sideways – which is also my favourite angle to draw people. so I took a trip to the British Museum to draw lots of wall carvings. I focussed more on Assyria’s carvings, copying the poses but modernising them with sliders and socks and trying to think about what they’d be saying to each other. I hadn’t mixed in much speech in my drawings for a long while, and.. I think to do it well takes a practice that I haven’t been doing – I don’t make much in terms of comics/narrative pieces. I would like to stretch this muscle a bit more as after going to Hackney Comic and Zine fair I got hyped about comics again so I'm trying not to let the inspiration for it fizzle out before I start doing something. I think the images were successful, but the text/speech was too fragmented for a narrative. This is something I want to work on as zines/comics are great things and I need to start making them so that I can take them to stalls.  

During these 4 months, my process has continued to naturally refine for digital work (adding in illustrator as part of making). I have started to realise a reliance on compositing the images digitally. For example, when I draw by hand, I draw separate elements to then digitally fit together. This has both benefits and disadvantages; it makes pieces more editable and saves the time of me trying to draw it perfect all in one. The downside is that I'm over-relying on this and barely ever now drawing something fully for fear of messing up. I’m going to start combatting this again by making sure I add more work into my flash book. (My flash book is a photo album that I use to hold and store fully drawn pieces of work so that someday I can tattoo them on people). 

 I think since January my work and confidence overall have grown a lot. I’ve found a variety of colours I like using and I'm surer in the work I'm producing. I have seemed to stay very close to my Berol pen, but I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. I have been finding it easier to define my work/ approach:  

I’m an Essex based Illustrator raised on a steady diet of cartoons and loud music; both of those things have influenced my approach to illustration. I like to communicate using block colour and bold lines to express what is being said with confidence.  

In my practice, I try to articulate the workings of my mind in relation to the ‘real’ world with the hope to examine and display my presence. I’ve always been intrigued with different ways of communicating, stories, morals and ideas. I get a lot of inspiration from songs, books and the mundane around me and use this information to help formulate an idea for a piece of work.    

I’ve grown to realise that I learn best by doing, so throughout the process of idea to the final piece, it can be revised, shaped and moulded until it looks and feels right. Projects are worked out methodically in terms of the steps that need to be done to create the outcome, what it is I’m trying to achieve and how best to communicate that through the medium used. A lot of the time, projects give me a chance to find new inspirations through researching an area that I’m not familiar with, this along with my existing interests feed into the outcome.  

I would say in my most recent work the overarching theme is a positive retaliation to the current socio/political climate that we’re living in. Within that, there are sub-strands of my work focusing on mental health, politics and societal intangible needs; using what’s around me and trying to draw out something hopeful so that the final pieces communicate positive messages. 

But I am still struggling to understand where and how I fit into illustration work. I hope this will come with time and perseverance. 

Overall, these last few months have been productive. I’ve done work that I wouldn’t usually do and I'm slowly creeping out from under my rock. I think it’s hard to reflect on such a large amount of time properly, so I'll try not to leave so much time between each time, next time. I think a shorter one every month will be more beneficial for me going forward to recap and set my focus for the coming month.  

Going forward my plans for October are: 

To complete Inktober and make it into a zine  

Go to 2 Drink and Draw sessions 

Find 10 suitable art directors/contacts 

Start working on a comic 

Spend time working on targets set 

Plan out Christmas merch plan and start making 

Apply to guardian competition 

[1daybeforethebig13]

Some random omg questions I feel like answering.

Q1: Do you have trust issues?

A1: yes, for many years now. :/

Q2: Favorite part of daily routine?

A2: Feeding my doggy!!💖

Q3: What part of my body am I most uncomfortable with?

A3: stomach??

Q4: What do you do when you wake up?

A4: look around

Q5: Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

A5: no, but I wish it didn’t have acne!!!

Q6: Who are you most comfortable around?

A6: Select friends, family

Q7: Do you ever want to get married?

A7: yes

Q8: What sports do you play, if any?

A8: Travel softball and I’m starting swimming again soon

Q9: Describe you dream s/o.

A9: My S/O would be kind to my friends, family, animals, and strangers. They would have a good sense of humor! Won’t make me do anything I dont want to. Have to like dogs. ??idk

Q10: Are you outgoing or shy?

A10: I’m a shy fry.

Q11: Who are you looking forward to seeing?

A11: My dog when I get home from vacation, and TØP in concert in the fall!!

Q12: What does the most recent text message you sent say?

A12: “No one is going to watch that firework video later on.”

Q13: 5 favorite songs rn?

A13: Blood // Water: grandson (I think that’s the band name)

Cut My Lip: Twenty Øne Piløts

Material Girl: Madonna

Dark Horse: Katy Perry

I Have Friends In Holy Spaces: Panic! At the Disco

Q14: Sexuality?

A14: Man idk v confused

Q15: If you could meet anyone who would it be?

A15: Matthew Daddario

Q16: Any strange phobias?

A16: IM AFRAID OF WET PAPER

Q17: Do you have an OTP?

A17: MY BEAUTIFUL OTP CONSISTS OF SIR MAGNUS HIGH WARLOCK OF F-ING BROOKLYN LIGHTWOOD-BANE AND THE ALMIGHTY INQUISTER MISTER ALEXANDER GIDEON LIGHTWOOD-BANE💖💖💖💖💖

Q18: What would your future kid/s’ name/s and gender be?

A18: I’d want a boy named Alexander (Alec for short) and a girl name Alma.

Q19: What emojis define your aesthetic?

A19: 🤠🐮💖🐶🥧🌺🥮🎪🎈🌈🌙🌟🦋🖤🥐🍒🍑🍓🍭

Last one!

Q20: Dream job?

A20: Definitely a veterinarian! Also a master chef, er doctor, and eye doctor on the side ;)

[moisesblunt720-blog]

Cape From Really good Hope. Supreme Court. Scenarios Chose In The Supreme Court Of The Cape.

There was actually bunch of buzz neighboring LG's eccentric modular G5, yet that really did not last everything long. Instead of end it, Juno makes a decision to deliver the youngster for fostering, picking the Lorings (Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner), a cool-seeming pair who seem to be to become on her wavelength - he particularly, sharing her love from indie rock and also horror flicks (although her tastes are pretty bright even through modern criteria). When it relates to visuals, audio, and physics, Venture CARS has remained to impress individuals throughout advancement whether this's along with a fan-made trailer, gorgeous screenshots the area have actually taken, straight comparison video clips with various other video games, or the regular expectancy and also pleasure on the best noticeable auto racing and pc gaming online forums. At some point, Superstar carried out consider establishing a Grand Burglary Car Tokyo, but the tip was actually surrendered on, along with Asia's stopped up street device being the major defense. Technology companies consisting of Apple, Uber and Google are all cultivating significant teams that think they could beat Detroit in the race to a completely robot cars and truck. The Lomakov family have actually been accumulating vintage cars for much more than 40 years, and has actually generated over 120 motorcycles and also vehicles. There are a couple of explanations for this: poorer-performing cars have very little hold and also there are actually no owning assistances, so it's a downright ordeal to drive out of channel as well as low-speed edges. For those who have just about any queries regarding wherever and how to make use of Read the Full Post, you can e mail us with our own webpage. Obtaining the appropriate advise and also the ideal folks to do deal with your car is important as well as Cardiff damage repair service delivers you the most ideal solutions for your car nick requirements. He offseted it as well as said sorry, yet this stuck to me. Along with the method Really good ended, I'm on the edge standing by to find just what he performs upcoming, if exactly what he claimed he suggests. A certified automobile has actually been examined and supported through that auto's manufacturer with an extension from the manufacturing facility guarantee. You obtain your personal land, creatures and crops to deal with but daily you are actually totally free to carry out whatever you like in the town. One nice way to locate beneficial cars and trucks is through checking with Automobile Lease Rankings for the version year. On Might 6, 2016, the Exchange Diary professed Apple was actually eyeing up a substantial residential or commercial property in California to check out its own deceptive driverless Apple Cars and truck task. The provider is investing over $1 billion over five years in expert system created to create their cars and trucks smarter-and avoid disturbance or irrelevance coming from their well-funded, tech-savvy competitors. Sporting activity's brand new 'Prospects' method - where you may put any sort of number of cars in a set of over 1,000 photos and maneuver lighting, emphasis and also other impacts being actually the most ideal location for this - is the ideal instance of how outstanding the video game can appear, yet moving the activity fails to wow. In 2013 our company talked to Paul Michaels of Hexagon Classics exactly what he thought made a classic car His response - that they must have personality - leaves us not far from where our company started in relations to understanding. The total Android Car experience is set out much better than Apple Carplay, though I wasn't able to use my very own Nexus 6 to toy around with the superior Google.com Maps, messaging and also songs apps. Audi is actually popular for the quality of its own insides, as well as the A3 reveals why given that its dashboard wouldn't keep an eye out of location in a cars and truck that cost twice as much. Mercedes steering wheel mounted touchpad is a superb control interface, yet this doesn't team up with Android Vehicle or Apple CarPlay. The action has actually put Uber in advance of the rest of the automotive business in obtaining such autos out for the public. Those that intensely rely on a smart device everyday will enjoy to listen to that the 2016 Optima sustains Android Auto, which permits your cell phone take control of the in-vehicle display screen with a Google.com Now-esque interface. A good approach to utilize to develop a résumé is actually the four-section (or even quadrant) method. The mood from Auto da Fe is actually somewhat miserable, regardless of that funny circulation, due to the fact that the human circumstances he illustrates is somewhat miserable. Renault's addition in Job CARS AND TRUCKS implies numerous automobiles from their schedule readily available, all over differing classifications and skill amounts: coming from the the 265hp 2014 Mégane RS road auto to the V6 Turbo-powered Towering A442B. There are actually now steering wheel ropes, which always keep errant wheels coming from happening detached coming from your auto during a major wreck. When faced with those large gleaming smiles, it's tough to be agitated at the worrying you could experience at occupied web sites like Angkor Wat; placing that knee-jerk inflammation away quickly lifts your state of mind and also is actually a really good practice to take away. This is at times unwise though, specifically on a very hot time when the sunlight will definitely dry out aspect of your car before you obtain an opportunity in order to get to them. Example: Wenyu meticulously assessed the visa or mastercard offers she had actually received this month.

[jeremyltg129-blog]

The best ways to Keep Your Cardiovascular Health and wellness.

There was lot of buzz surrounding LG's eccentric mobile G5, yet it really did not last everything long. Rather than cancel that, Juno determines to use the little one for adoption, settling on the Lorings (Jason Bateman as well as Jennifer Garner), a cool-seeming pair which seem to be on her wavelength - he especially, discussing her affection from indie rock and also horror films (although her flavors are actually rather bright also through present day criteria). Presence is actually pretty restricted; you occasionally must crane your neck at joints to try to find moving toward traffic, and that could be complicated to evaluate where the back of the car finishes when reversing if you do not possess parking sensors. Switching out pads is a whole lot less costly compared to a full brake repair service as well as this keeps your car off using excessive fuel. Lowering the roofing system, as an example, has simply secs, and also in spite of possessing only a 1.5-litre engine (you can update to 2.0 litres if you're experiencing racy) this seems, thinks and also conducts as a sports car should. Aesthetically, the JBL CP100 appears very plain, but that is actually ok. It is actually a conventional double commotion broadcast, which very most Oriental cars and trucks due to the fact that the 80's and United States or even european cars from the late 90s could accommodate. I perform agree with his opinions considering that Framework performs and also consistently are going to tell me of the outdated TOCA auto racing/ visiting games that Codemasters started with. excellent physics, speed, damage, and also AI as well ... racing and trying to complete properly along with a wrecked car was extreme, as well as this STILL obtains my heart defeating with the brand new NETWORK games. As well as while a team has been actually servicing the on demand content for the 1st game, our company are actually now changing focus to Project AUTOMOBILES 2, when the upcoming Game of the Year Version launches. Being unable to resolve your credit ratings on as a result of times might also lead to you possessing challenge in obtaining auto insurance prices quote at reduced prices. If you beloved this article so you would like to obtain more info pertaining to athenswarriors.info i implore you to visit our web page. There is constantly an odds your auto will be actually harmed during transportation and also you want to be sure you are actually appropriately covered. I'll leave behind the description concerning why it is actually The Telegraph's automobile of the program to Alex Robbins, that wonderfully summarizes our emotions concerning this beautiful huge tourer. As well as this is actually a benefit our company possess Forza 6 to fall back on looking at Project Automobiles on Xbox One is foolishness. Maintain a simple automobile around to steer during that time you are searching for your following vehicle. Steve McQueen's 1968 Horse Fastback is actually one fifty percent from what a lot of feel is the greatest auto pursuit in movie history. In 2013 we asked Paul Michaels from Hexagon Classics what he assumed brought in a classic car His answer - that they must possess individual - leaves our company not far from where we began in terms of understanding. The overall Android Auto adventure is mapped out better than Apple Carplay, though I had not been able to utilize my very own Nexus 6 to plaything around along with the superior Google Maps, messaging and also songs apps. Audi is renowned for the premium from its interiors, as well as the A3 shows why considering that its control panel definitely would not watch out from place in a cars and truck that cost twice as much. Initially - as well as our team are actually discussing the upcoming few years - autonomous vehicles will perhaps go no even more compared to 'vehicle driver assistance', periodically poking you along when in a slow-going web traffic. Regardless of Google's faithfulness to its personal specific layout language, YouTube often tends to be a really good iphone resident, assisting AirPlay. That's enough to press the 2,800 pound (1,270 kilograms) automobile to an academic full throttle from 273 miles per hour, though it only reached 253 mph (439 kph) throughout screening. Our company right now possess a large series of solutions that permit us receive our solution of programmes and also movies at any time and also via a myriad from devices. The steering wheel itself is actually as good as ever before, having said that, along with powerful pressure feedback, an ultra-reliable electric motor mechanism and an excellent, leather-topped tire. Many of the people depicted in Google's advertising videos for the brand-new vehicle explained the encounter as smooth" and also absolutely nothing that experiences the minimum bit threatening". The Bank of England said this could possibly not uncover the degree from the financial unit's visibility to fund subsidiaries of car suppliers for regulative main reasons. As soon as you have completely rinsed out the auto along with deionised water just leave this to dry out.

[felipemosby87-blog]

20 This Creation's Must.

Superstar have discharged one last trailer for Grand Burglary Auto 5's Lowrider improve, and this set exhibits the brand-new Autoshop that the update takes.. However there is actually loads of fiddly little rules and nested behaviours concerning guiding, velocity, just how the commands function in different situations, like if the car is actually removaling ahead or back, changing cars and truck connects around (including the volume of nuisance), relying on exactly how quickly the automobile is actually going, or even which method that is experiencing compared with that's real activity vector. You can easily access the Internets most comprehensive as well as strong bit by bit cars and truck getting quick guide right here: => Cars and truck Buying Quick guide Justin is the producer from - and has almost twelve years knowledge in the cars and truck business. The vehicle is actually called by a smart device for choice up at the consumer's location along with the destination collection. The the main thing I love about Kia's navigation feature is actually the capability to get into handles as well as look for sights when the auto is actually moving, therefore my guest can use that. The automobile performs show a liability precaution each time you start the car, yet you are actually free of charge to perform as you desire when the cars and truck techniques. That is actually the troublesome Cart Complication, and this gets thornier: the major attraction of independent automobiles for city planners is actually the possibility that they'll lower the number of cars and trucks when driving, by modifying the norm coming from personal possession to a sort of driverless Uber. Nevertheless, inning accordance with the majority of vehicle producers, existing sensing unit modern technology is in fact adequate. The technology in the 2015 Infiniti Q80 alerts chauffeurs that they're floating out of streets, and afterwards precisely uses the brakes to details steering wheels to nudge the auto back right into line. They consider 'classic' (generally) any type of cars and truck that deserves ₤ 15,000 or more, as well as is actually aged 15 years or even more mature. If the unit locates that the automobile is stationed along with the child still in its own seat, the gadget's alert feedbacks are actually switched on after 30 few seconds, starting with graphic and also acoustic informs. Should you loved this article and you want to receive details about http://portaleprofit.info/ assure visit the web-page. Self-driving cars have actually long been thought about the district for huge organizations. The initial alternative when you are actually searching for rental vehicle discount rate codes or even promo codes is regular leaflet programs or even hotels and resorts loyalty systems. Acquiring and searching sources such as rocks, sticks and creature skins are made use of in the property of huts within the tribe, and also could likewise be utilized to develop tools and also equipment when out negotiating the wilderness while sponsoring brand new group participants, creating your numbers up as well as resisting the attack from enemy command. Auto images on both consoles likewise utilized the medium ecological chart premium coming from the PC version. When owned for 90 moments on normal streets, a succeeding Department for Transport examination found that 37 top-selling diesel-powered vehicles went over the lawful limitation demanded for lab contamination exams. The automobile is going to reach out to 300 kph (186.4 mph) in a blistering THIRTEEN few seconds, right approximately its own 271.53 miles per hour (437 kph) full blast. Therefore to start with I was fascinated by Good Revolutionary considering that that took a residential scenario I had actually understood, and pushed that to an extreme. If your auto goes through a major or even complicated vehicle damage, it would perhaps be actually ideal that you have this into a car body shop to have it mended properly through experts. Inning accordance with an upgraded web page on the commonly dry out The golden state Team from Motor Vehicles (DMV) web site, the company has actually released a Self-governing Motor vehicle Testing License to Apple, allowing that to administer self-driving auto examinations in the condition. Stencyl 2.1, 2.2 and additional launches are going to touch various other component of the toolset and also create them as superb as they can be. Every time I review a publication by Ms. Street I am actually much more than pleased with the manufacturing, the individuals she presents our company to and also a lot more over she possesses a way of carrying a truth to every and also every publication as well as Cars And Truck CLEAN is no other. There is actually a satisfaction aspect, there is an affection of the automotive element there is a transit aspect. I failed to notice the system at work by means of a lot of my travel until I specially allowed the auto drift out of the street. You might not be able to improve your auto to end up being a Google.com self-driving motor vehicle just yet, or even perhaps ever, however you could be able to create this so you feel a bit like Knightrider. Our team can also hope in the other phases from sleep, however experts don't possess a great idea of just how typically or even what does it cost?. Drink owning fades away over night if our experts wake up tomorrow and also every car is autonomous. The greatest means to do this is actually by examining aesthetically, either by getting as well as ceasing from the automobile, or even monitoring its representation in the automobile in front or even a store home window - when it is actually safe to perform thus, of course. Its outlook, says Otmar Bitsche, supervisor from e-mobility, is actually for one in 4 from its own cars and trucks to become all-electric by 2025. Scrubbing out at your automobile windows as well as windshield is carrying out a lot more damage compared to excellent. In 2013 our team asked Paul Michaels from Hexagon Classics what he assumed made a classic automobile His response - that they must have individual - leaves our team almost where our team started in terms of understanding. The general Android Car expertise is mapped out better in comparison to Apple Carplay, though I had not been able to utilize my very own Nexus 6 to plaything around with the first-rate Google Maps, messaging as well as songs applications. Audi is well known for the quality of its own insides, and the A3 reveals why since its own dash panel would not keep an eye out from area in a car that set you back twice as a lot.

[melvinomusic]

M.O.D. Busted, Broke and American Number of LPs: 1 Label: Megaforce records Release Year on Jacket: 2017 A brief speech opens the album then it jumps into the blistering track “The Final Declaration.” The hate, anger, and angst that M.O.D has been dishing out for 30 years is all here. “Busted, Broke and American” the fourth track is about how dreams are lost for most. It shows how a degree doesn’t make you happy if you never learn to enjoy life to begin with. The fifth song “Fight” is the singalong. The group vocals around the word “Fight” will be shouted out whenever this plays. The last song of Side A “Billy Be Damned” ends with Billy yelling “march” and the music turns into the thrash march before the chaos. A perfect way to end this side. First song of Side B “Shattered Dreams & Broke Glass” had me off my feet slam dancing with my cat. Ok she was sitting there watching me make a fool of myself while judging me but this song was awesome. So full of energy. “Go Go Revolution” is an anti-war protest. It has a strong message about how everyone should have the right to live and if you don’t you should fight the powers keeping you down. The very last track “Kennedy Speaks” is a speech given by Kennedy. It fits as a good ending but it goes on a bit too long. The Good: A3 – You’re A Fucking Dick A5 – Fight A7 – Billy Be Damned B1 – Shattered Dreams & Broken Glass B4 – Go Go Revolution The Bad: B5 – Kennedy Speaks Overall Rating: A Would You Recommend: Yes. If you like angry, aggressive, loud music this is for you. Billy does not apologize for his views or his words. I really enjoyed this.

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