#40 years of bullshit

[y-rhywbeth2]

Upon reaching the age of majority (15 years)

I knew I wasn't making it up! I admittedly saw that first in a different source that I still can't find, but there it is again: the age of majority in human society on Toril is 15 years old (or around). Welcome to adulthood; if you're of a traditional Calishite family you now have five years to get a decent job, get your own household, get married and give us grandchildren or you're a stain on the family's reputation.

This is presumably why Ulder was too comfortable kicking Wyll out (17 is totally a responsible adult! Never mind that jumping to conclusions and exiling him without hearing his side of the story would've been terrible at any age and is a reflection on Ulder's shitty personality problems...), why Karlach being hired as a body guard as (presumably) a teen isn't seen as overly weird, and 15-ish is also the age at which Sceleritas would announce his presence to Durge - time for your religious indoctrination, my liege!

#there is some bullshit going on in Faerûn on occasion it must be said #Elves: You're an adult after accumulating a lifetime's worth of perspective at 100+ #Gnomes: You're an adult around 40-ish once you've finished exploring the world and yourself as a person #Humans: You're an adult once you've had about a years' worth of puberty; get a fucking job you lazy freeloader #lore stuff #/wyll #/karlach #/durge

[wosemi-sama]

hellooo ^^ i saw ur requests were open...

could you write a little silly thing with the obey me brothers and a child!mc who swears up and down that they'll marry him? typical funny "child doesnt understand the full meaning of marriage they just think its the ultimate form of love" trope.

ermmm sure ‼️‼️‼️ i gotchu anon. i think child mc is very silly™️

lucifer

Lucifer worked on his paperwork at his desk, as you talked his ear off with all about your day, sitting on one of the chairs of his secret study. As usual, he paid no mind to you minus the usual nod or hum, his attempt at making you feel acknowledged.

That was, until, you somehow brought up the subject of your future wedding. He looked up at you, his attention no longer directed at his papers.

"Excuse me..?" Lucifer's eyes widened as they always do when he's surprised. He was in complete shock.

"Yeah! Our wedding. So we can spend the whole day together!" You seemed to be delighted, already planning your father-child day in your head.

"Dear, if you wanted to spend the day together, you could just ask." He stopped writing and put his pen down.

"Really? But you're always so busy!" You frowned, Lucifer frowned with you at your response.

"Do I really seem busy?" You nodded, confused as you thought he already knew how little he's spent time with you lately.

Lucifer sighed. "I'll see if I can clear my schedule and I'll spend all tomorrow with you. How does that sound?"

You hummed in agreement, already ecstatic for tomorrow.

mammon

To celebrate his recent win at the casino yesterday night (unbeknownst to you), he took you to eat at the fanciest restaurant in the Devildom he knew.

He told you to get dressed in your fanciest clothes and to meet him at HoL's front entrance, covering your eyes as the two of you drew nearer to the restaurant.

Later, you were both sat down at a table near the entrance, eating your meals.

"This is so good! I can't wait until our wedding!" You exclaimed with a mouth full of food.

Mammon's grip on his fork loosened. He dropped it on his plate. "Our huh. Our wha...? Repeat that?" Mammon was stunned.

"Our wedding!"

"Do... do ya know what a wedding is?" Mammon asked you, serious for once.

"Well... no, but-!" Mammon interrupted you. "Aha! Knew it! Don't go sayin' things like that, ya hear?"

You sighed. "Okay...."

leviathan

Huh.

Huh?

HUH?!

"W-what did you just say?!" He put down his controller and turned to you, forgetting all about the Devil Kart game he was playing with you.

"Yeah, when we get married-"

Levi cut you off. "Nooope! Not happening."

"What? Why not!!" You seemed genuinely curious, so he answered. "People get married when they love each other."

"Huh. But I love you!" You seemed very confident with your response.

Levi was stumped, unsure of how to explain it differently.

"Y-you know what, nevermind." He decided that you'd understand what marriage is and how it works when you're older. Probably. Hopefully.

satan

You sat there patiently, listening to the bedtime story Satan was reading to you. It was a story from the human world, one you've heard a dozen times, yet you don't get tired of stories as long as Satan's reading them to you.

Everything was going normally until Satan got to the end of the book, the part where the prince marries the princess. "Satan, I'm gonna marry you one day!" You sat up from your comfy spot on your bed.

"I'm sorry, you're going to what?" Satan was speechless, unsure of what to do or say. Does he keep reading? Does he explain to you what you just said?

"Well, it says the princess and the prince love each other." You pointed to the page picturing the princess and prince's wedding. Satan nodded and you continued. "When you get married, it's because you love each other, right?"

"Well, not familiarly. You get married to someone you're romantically attached to." Satan explained.

"Oh. Okay!" You had no idea what either of those words meant, but you laid back down anyway, ready for Satan to continue reading.

Satan looked at the clock on your nightstand. "It's getting past your bedtime, little one." He began to close the book. You put your hand on the page that was open to stop him. "Please, just five more minutes! The story's almost over, anyway!"

Satan sighed. "Alright, five more minutes."

asmodeus

"Hmm? Our wedding?" Asmodeus was confused, to say the least.

Asmo brushed your hair, fixing it up in time before breakfast. You sat on the edge of his bed as he talked to you about all the new hair products he got you yesterday while shopping. Well, until you began talking about your future wedding together.

You nodded, he stopped brushing your hair, the brush still in his hands as he held it in the air. "Yeah, our wedding!"

"Why would we have a wedding, hon?" Asmodeus questioned you. He watched as you sputtered, trying to come up with an answer. He just giggled at you and smiled. "That's just not possible, dear." He continued to brush your hair.

"Huh? Why not?!" You seemed hell bent on marrying him, for familiar reasons of course, but nobody knew how to explain that to you.

"Hmm, I'm not sure how to explain it..." Asmodeus looked for an answer, hoping it would suddenly pop up in his brain.

Unfortunately, that light bulb in his head didn't light up, so Asmo stayed quiet and continued to brush your hair.

beelzebub

Even though it was a Saturday, everyone (mostly Lucifer) was still on about how you had woken up late. Everyone except Beelzebub, of course. He had even saved you a plate at breakfast! How kind and caring!

As you sat down at the dining table, he handed you the plate of food. You thanked him. It wasn't often the glutton would save someone food, unless it was you.

"Thanks, dad! I'm gonna marry you!" You hugged him tight, exciting for him to save you food every morning once you got married.

Beelzebub was... confused, to say the least. He continued to munch on his food, not sure how to act next.

He swallowed before speaking. "That's not how that works..." He looked around the room, looking for an answer. "Maybe you'll get married one day, just not to me." He finally decided on his answer, looking at you now.

"Okayyy..." You didn't understand, but who were you to ever argue with him?

belphegor

Belphie crouched and peaked his head under the blanket roof of the pillow fort you carefully constructed with him. "I got you something." He was hiding something behind his back. He took it out from behind, and there was a soft cow plushie in his hands. He smiled upon seeing your excitement towards it.

He gently put the cow plushie in your hands. You held it tight as you lay against the pillows, on top of the blanket flooring."Thank you, Belphie!" He hummed. "Heck, I might even marry you!"

The Avatar of Sloth raised an eyebrow.

"What...?" He questioned you quietly. You nodded. He knew it was just a saying, but he was slightly concerned. Asmodeus said that a lot. Was he finally rubbing of on you?

He finally went inside the pillow fort and got cozy. He took a pink blanket and covered you with it. It was silent for a bit.

"Where'd you learn that from?" He finally spoke, breaking the silence. "Asmo!" You exclaimed, holding the cow plushie even tighter.

"Ah." He knew it. He took the yellow blanket next to him and covered his legs, as he didn't feel like tucking in his upper half. The blanket had white stars scattered on the fabric.

He felt his eyes fluttering. He was about to fall asleep, but he still had something he wanted to say to you.

The pillow fort was quiet. You grabbed the book that was in between you and Belphie to begin reading where you left off. Before you could, Belphegor broke the silence once again.

"Hey..." He began. You looked up at him from your book. "Don't go around saying stuff like that, okay?" You flashed him a smile and gave him a thumbs up. That was the last thing he saw before falling asleep.

#dw i hate the header i used for lucifer too #literally the one i wanted to use wouldve been angled weirdly if i cropped it so.... #also no heart dividers under chara dividers this time (fuck you tumblr image limit D:) #i was gonna rewrite mammons but then i forgot and now its too late for that now lmao (+i am LAZY!!!!) #beels was short sorry chat‼️‼️‼️ #child mc calls beel dad. in my HEART. right in here *points at miniature resin apple pie in my comically large heart* #ok enough bullshit sorry guys :( #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me mammon x reader #obey me leviathan x reader #obey me satan x reader #obey me asmodeus x reader #obey me beelzebub x reader #obey me belphegor x reader #obey me x reader #screaming crying PRAYING thetes no typos i speny 40 years on this i will explode if there are

[bumblingbabooshka]

Do you think Kes' ability to pick up on things so quickly is linked to her being an Ocampa? Like, since she's 2~ years old in canon (and has distinct memories of her father) I imagine her species doesn't spend much time as children and I wouldn't imagine they'd have formal schools (like entire buildings for schooling) and would instead learn from like, primarily parents or other elders. In that case learning things very quickly would be extremely beneficial for their survival. Kes: Oh yes, childhood...what a lovely few days~ Kes was a baby like for a day and then the next day she was up and ready to learn. Kes meets Naomi and every day that passes she becomes more and more amazed that she's still a baby. Wow! It's been like two months and she still can't do anything?? The doctor told her it was normal but wow. What I'm saying is they should have had Kes as a jack-of-all-trades character who could slide into pretty much any of the teams on Voyager. The Doc misses her when she's not in sickbay though!

#Kes: Doctor I'm sorry this is just the sort of wisdom you have when you get older v_v #Doctor: You're only 2 years old. / Kes: You're 'only' a few months old. #Can you imagine Kes learning that Tuvok's like a hundred? That'd be like someone saying they're over a million years old in Human aging #I'd imagine even Janeway's 40~ years is like a hundred to her #Kes gives Samantha Wildman a very difficult biology book and is like 'for When Naomi's.....(trying to guess)....4?' #'Kes is a child because she's 2 years old' boo - engage with the unused horror and hilarity of a humanoid species that is fully matured #before they are a year old. #I just think Kes is a very interesting character who had a lot of WASTED potential (like seriously she was SO squandered) and I wish she #wasn't only mentioned to like dunk on Neelix - she's a fun character in her own right even if the writers don't think so!! #Kes #st voyager #I wish Kes had stayed so we could see the makeup department try to make her look old or the writing team bullshit ways to keep her young #It would also have been emotionally devastating to see her die of old age (in the version of Voyager where she bonded with the crew and had #more episodes devoted to her personality etc etc) #Doc: What're you learning today?? / Kes: Lieutenant Torres is teaching me rocket science :)

[spirkbitch]

someone said they might be trying to establish a basis to claim that Spock and Chapel were actually in a secret relationship all throughout TOS and that’s actually the most monumentally terrible idea i’ve ever heard

i hate you (whoever you are) for bringing that up in my tags and i also hate myself for never considering that possibility and now i can’t stop thinking about how terrible of an idea that would be if that’s where they’re actually planning on going with this

(even though i don’t think it would actually make any sense for that to be what they’re going for since they would still, presumably, have to break up for long enough for Christine to get engaged to Roger Korby but hey SNW has never let canon get in the way of their bad ideas before)

#star trek #star trek tos #tos #star trek snw #snw #that’s even worse than when i saw someone suggesting that it would be ‘on again off again’ throughout tos #and then he’s gonna go back to her after the movies #yeah or maybe she has her own life #maybe she isn’t still obsessed with him what 30-40 years later #like why does anyone think that seems like a fun and romantic idea #why would that possibly be the storyline you want to happen #even if i shipped them that would just seem sad to me #that they don’t mention her or talk about her hardly at all but he’s gonna go back to her? #seems like bullshit to me #like they really think mr vulcan propriety was cheating on his fiancée all throughout tos

[your-local-hyperfixater]

Reasons why people would get the ick from ac mirage characters according to twitter and tiktok ick lists:

#IM BACK ON MY BULLSHIT <33 #ali isnt the toxic masculinity type of aplha male he just Is the alpha of any group hes in. self proclaimed too #the banu musa brothers have the same personality to me they r just the same person #looking at so many ick lists took 40 years off my life #i swear 99% of these i found on an actual ick list somewhere #some of them i couldnt find good ones for so i just went based off vibes. u know Nur would paint his nails #im very sorry if any of these make you insecure but i tried to find the most outlandish ones #some of them r valid but others i chose bc theyre silly and some are just straight up jokes im pretty sure #ac #ac mirage #assassins creed mirage #assassin's creed #beshi #ali #basim #tabid #rebekah #rayhan #roshan #fuladh #nur #dervis #banu musa brothers #kong #nehal #god damn i did not expect to b gone this long lol !!! whoops !! i was doing human things. if u even care #i will b in everyones notes soon 🫡

[shu-bullshit]

These covers of Mo Yan killed me... Oh my god. Is this the only way they can envision China?

#I cannot believe these exist now. feel like something from 30 40 years ago #it's screaming nothing but hey this is a Chinese novel. like nothing else in the book is more important than that #my bullshits

[alwaysneedyforsir]

i’m cramping real bad n craving sugar n breaking out n my back’s killing me n i’ve not even started yet ffs

#me #my thoughts #this month’s gonna be bad i think #they’ve actually been better recently! #but not this time around considering i feel like i’m on day two or three and like i said #i haven’t fuckin started yet #ridiculous that i have to deal w this shit once a month for the next 30-40+ years #and the only reprieve i get is if i get pregnant! which is a whole other ridiculously painful and life- & body-changing process #i have lots of thoughts on women’s biology #it’s bullshit #if you want me to rant to you i will gladly!! #but for now i’ll shut up 🤷‍♀️

[notalostcausejustyet]

More poetry. Cause I’m working through shit and it’s good for me.

Kintsugi

Graceful degradation

The beautiful usefulness of all the broken parts of me

Shards as sharp as knives

Shattered and glittering

Broken like these hands

This heart, this body, this soul

The malunion of what was created and what I have become

Catastrophic functionality

The incorporeal and mangled teeth of magnanimity

Viscous like blood

Warm and sharp as iron

A tacky, tattered tapestry

It spills from the cavity that once held the heart of me

#poetsandwriters #poetry #spilled poetry #words words words #religious trauma #relationships #relationship trauma #witers on tumblr #writing as therapy #writing as a coping mechanism #come along with me as I work through 40 years of bullshit abuse and expectations #buckle up buttercups it’s time to start healing

[rosicheeks]

😶

#no emoji accurately shows what I’m feeling right now #today has got to be one of the worst days I’ve had in years #not going to go into detail #cause ever since that fucking anon I haven’t felt comfortable ranting in the tags #but seriously fuck me #NOTHING is going right today #shit started at 10am…. it’s 2:40 and I’ve been dealing with shit ever since #major thing happened and then ever since more and more small bullshit things keep happening #I just want to fucking scream #ok ok I’m fine #(hopefully) #delete soon #shut up rosie

[ofcowardiceandkings]

everything just happens so much i need a break from ... yeah lol

#so im gonna be assessed on my apprenticeship soon (stress) #some drama is happening at work re: people getting away with bullshit (yay) #also the site we're on right now is super depressing because the contractor sucks #my granddad is ill and they might also be priced out of their home of 40 years #tumblr is a disaster zone with fuckos and ai and all and i feel very displaced #our landlord is selling our place so we MIGHT be evicted by the new owner #our upstairs neighbour is persisting with her petty war with our nice neighbour #and now THE CAR IS PROBABLY DEAD #i couldnt get home until 2.5 hours after i finished and a replacement part or CAR is gonna HURT #im also gonna have to get the train to work WAY earlier next week !!!!!! #and trains are SO EXPENSIVE it costs me £10 to go 15 minutes away #its ONE STOP #i was already a bit weepy yesterday but immmmmm HmHmMMm #time to get pizza and cry into the garlic bread i guess because its way too late to cook dinner #and draw blorbos maybe .. or play genshin idk im so so sooo done #rory's ramblings

[exghul]

Why did the author kill you off?

SOMEBODY HAD TO DIE. sorry, kid. really, honestly, i'm sorry. someone had to die, for one reason or another, and you drew the short straw this time around. this wasn't a matter of surprise. no, your death wasn't meant to be a shock, wasn't meant to rattle the audience to their core. your life was a debt, an obligation. somebody had to go, because the story needed weight, needed sacrifice, needed the conflict to have consequences. maybe you had the perfect balance of "emotional impact" and "lack of loose ends", or maybe the author just didn't know what else to do with you. regardless... you deserved better. another writer could have given you more time and a better death, if even a death at all. at least your fans will never forget- at least they will forge their own stories, tales in which you live to see another day.

absolutely yoinked off @hexsreality ♥ yoink it from me if u please :3

#⊰ ℜ ⊱ ┊ i see the truth through crimson eyes. ┊ DAMIAN WAYNE: CORE. #i knew the result before i even finished it #didnt know what the results COULD be but i knew it would immediately point the finger at m.orrison's bULLSHIT #literally a quote from the man: “[m]y plan was to kill d.amian at the end of the four-part story where he was introduced!” #then goes on to explain the only reason behind it was to “keep away from accusations” that he “made batman too old” #bman has been around since the 40s #in the 90s we had bman beyond. where bruce's an old man. #its ok! to have plots where hes older! and has children! #you dont have to kill off his son bc ur afraid of the fans #hell j.ason died because of a POLL to kill him off #dami was killed bc m.orrison was too selfish to let anyone else write his character #that HE BUTCHERED! BY HIMSELF! #his last words were 'we were the best r.ichard' & the last thing he sees is d.ick's face #which is. the best part of his characterization in the entire run #thanks to g.leason (iirc) for reviving my son a fucking /year/ later #tl;dr bman inc is the worst timeline but unfortunately its the basis for all of his current continuity #i forgot what else i had to sayt #if u read this rant ty & m.orrison doesnt deserve to write dami ever again or touch al ghul lore WHATSOEVER

[ssaalexblake]

my dilemma is idk if i should get my brother in law a birthday gift or not. On one hand, i do not have the mental wellbeing to deal with them getting bitchy if i don’t, but on the other hand, I don’t want them thinking me buying him one is a sign of peace or whatever, i think him and my sister can, to be Very mild to what i’m feeling, can take a long walk off the shortest pier around here (we have a lot of piers). If not that, I have a plan with a cactus. My ideals do not include spending my money on him. 

and i’m the only person in the family they’ve not Yet personally attacked, just peripherally. But i’d really rather Not have them make me anxious to carry my phone around bc of what bs they might send me at any hour of the day, you know? 

but also i’d rather they not get me a gift for My birthday bc they so very maturely ruined my last one in the process of delivering my gift and acting like 4 year olds and i figure a good way to achieve that is to not buy them gifts sooooo yeah

why can’t they just act like normal functioning people???? Jumping to the worst conclusions and then digging your feet is bc u can’t stand to be wrong to the point you burn all bridges in your life is not a good ideaaaaaa

#idk how to describe them #they're chronically online which. pot kettle. but i am not insufferable or deluded to people offline #i mean i'm def insufferable online but mostly about bullshit and i keep it to my page #so u only see it if u chose to hit follow to me or whoever reblogged it #they just... act like righteous 14 year olds and #that's not a good look for anybody #the only reason it works for 14 year olds is bc soon they will be 15 #and will grow out of it #they never did. #and are both in their 40's #wow. a rare properly personal post. i have not yet gained the button stopping ppl reblogging certain posts so pls don't rb #... actually u just can't do it on desktop. it works on mobile. u need it on both hellsite

[cursedmotleycrueimages]

#another one where he tries to be a highschooler #Tommy you're like 40 years old you're not young anymore #and no don't give me the 'young at heart' bullshit again #tommy lee #mötley crüe #cursed motley crue images

[southislandwren]

I deeply love the freshman but she just called twice to ask if could jump her car at a location 30 minute drive away, I am pajama’d and blind in bed . No I cannot dedicate over an hour of time when it’s already my bedtime because surprise, I wake up at fuckin 4:25 am 🙃

NO FUCKING WAY was I awake typing this godforsaken post and my other friend called me for 30 MINUTES!!!!! You fuckheads I work on a farm do not contact me after 7:30!!!! Arggghhhhhh okay goodnight and anyone else who calls me is NOT getting an answer I am asleep GOODNIGHT !!!!

#and last night I got like 5 hours of sleep and I didn’t take a nap today. I shouldn’t be fucking driving anyway because I’m SLEEPY sleepy #I was like give me 30-40 minutes and she was like uhhh I will call some other people… yeah do that . #like if I do go for a drive this weekend I’ll still invite her but I’m getting a little sick of her antics #diary post #ugh. anyway if you find this E I do deeply love you fr but I told you I wasn’t going to be a good friend this summer #and I didn’t mean like teehee I can only hang out on Saturdays #I meant the likelihood I text back or see you in person more than twice a month is VERY low #and yeah this is on me for picking a stupid fucking job but like. I need to be sick of farming before I head to a city for 5+ years #I am exhausted down to my core. I relapsed in my bad habit on Saturday. I am barely functioning. #I don’t think I’ve eaten anything that’s not fruit or dairy products in the past 3 days. I am desperately waiting for an incident at work. #begging to the universe to let me get kicked in the head or something so I can have a few fucking days off PLEASE #anyway goodnight. now im all wound up and I’ll get another 5 hours of sleep #also ironic the second friend who called me was gossiping abt this guy at work that should just shut up sometimes #and im sitting there on the other side of the phone YAWNING after picking up and answering I am already in bed #and my friend is still rambling on about stupid inane work bullshit that I do not care about. #okay goodnight for real. I hate everything

[unfogged]

anyway, what older woman is gonna take one for the team and f*ck rue?

#OOC ⤷ ALLISON'S BULLSHIT. #she's 26 and she likes women like.................. in their 40s / 50s #which is.... please ma'am #i'm not huge on big age gaps for personal reasons #but i also have a massive crush on my best friend who is 11 years older than me so #i'm full of contradications #anyway............. mommy issues

[therinde-dreams]

My choices in the upcoming presidential elections are "establishment to check establishment", or a fucking clown with apparently an equally 🤡 daughter.

#to be clear I am talking about the Singaporean elections #our president acts as a nonpartisan designated last sane man and guardian of our national reserves #as well as acting as a rallying point and public face for Singapore #their job is to call bullshit on the govt if need be so a non-establishment shitstirrer would be ideal #the sane non-establishment guy can't accountancy right and was never qualified to begin with so he got booted from the race #the clown claims to be non-establishment but he spent 40 years in charge of the national insurance company and is a racist creep #the Boomer kind of not-malicious racist creep #the other two are like yeah I'm establishment but I'm not a lapdog #At least they have dignity jesus god #long add