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ohblackdiamond · 4 years

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careening (bruce/paul, pg-13)

"There’s no—casting couch for a bunch of has-beens. No magic bullet. You can push and promote however you wanna, but if they don’t play it, it doesn’t fucking matter.” Struggling with Gene's indifference towards the band, Paul takes Bruce out to dinner after a recording session.

Notes: For @lillianastras who I believe requested Bruce/Paul a long, long time ago. My only wish is that it was cuter.

“careening”

by Ruriruri

we measure our gains out in luck and coincidence lanterns to turn back the night and put our defeats down to chance or experience and try once again for the light –al stewart, “a man for all seasons”

“What do you mean, you’re not coming?”

Bruce looked at Eric, who shook his head dully, but didn’t say a word. As soon as Paul’s back was turned, he ran his finger in front of his neck. Bruce nodded.

“We can’t just cancel for today. We paid for the studio space already. We—I don’t fucking care, Gene. I don’t. No. You’re not—you’re not listening to me.” An exhale. Paul had the phone cord wrapped around his fist, was pacing back and forth. “The hell does that matter? You still think you’re gonna be some big star?”

Bruce had thought things were improving between them. That long break after the last tour should’ve done them some good. He’d mentioned it to Eric a few months back, after a shoot. Eric, weirdly cynical, had just shrugged.

“Gene wants to get a finger in a bunch of pies at once.” He’d looked off somewhere, past Bruce and past the room itself, not really wistful, and not really condemning, and took a swig of water. “Paul doesn’t like taking chances. Which is kinda funny, I mean, music’s such a… such a big risk in the first place. But I guess it’s the only chance he ever took.”

“What about you?” Bruce had asked, and Eric had laughed, a little.

“Well, my chance didn’t get me there half as fast, but maybe I’m better off for it.” He’d paused, pulling something out of his hair. A rhinestone that must’ve fallen off his outfit during the photoshoot earlier. He squinted at it, then he flicked it to the floor. “I don’t want anything bigger than I have. The fame bit, the glamor bit… it’s crap, Bruce, you know it, I know it—but they—they don’t know it. And they’re not gonna ever figure it out.”

It was a hell of a thing to say while drinking a bottle of Evian. It was also a hell of thing to tell a guy who’d known both of them, in the periphery, before KISS was even a band. But Bruce knew Eric was sincere. He couldn’t help himself. That it-factor, star power, whatever, that could spin pretense into reality for two hours at a time—it wasn’t in Eric any more than it was in Bruce. And that was fine, that was fine, except that it meant they never had any leverage. It forced them both into hours spent sitting through Paul and Gene’s arguments, paid to spectate, paid to shut up and do their jobs. Like right now. Paul was in particularly bitter form this afternoon, Queens accent getting stronger with every sentence. Bruce could picture Gene on the other line, unemotional at first, all-business, gradually devolving into defensive protests as Paul kept on.

“Oh, don’t start. Don’t start. I don’t wanna hear it. Personal? No, it’s not personal, it’s just my fucking livelihood and our fucking band—why the hell would I be upset? Yeah. Yeah, why the hell not. You didn’t even write the shit you mailed in—” and Paul cut himself off. Bruce could feel his gaze on him. It made him stop—despite Eric shaking his head earlier, he’d been trying to leave the room.

Something in Paul’s gaze seemed like it faltered. Maybe some residual piece of shame. He took the phone from his ear, cupping the receiver in his palm.

“I’m almost done, Bruce. Don’t leave yet.” And then, quieter still, without raising the receiver to listen in again, he hung up. Not with the slam Bruce had heard at least five times just during their time in this studio. Just set it down almost timidly, as if it were a piece of crystal instead of plastic. As if he were giving up. It was another few tense seconds before he spoke again. “Three-fourths of the band, that’s seventy-five percent. That’s still a passing grade, right?”

Eric nodded. Bruce repeated the gesture, added a quick “yeah” that didn’t seem to bolster Paul any. Paul still managed a faint twitch of a smile.

“C’mon.”

It wasn’t much of a recording session. Paul messed around on the guitar a bit, going back and forth on some lyrics. Eric was too enthusiastic on the drum fills, trying to make up for the tension in the studio, still heavy as L.A. smog in the air. It seemed like it just pissed off Paul further, but for once, he kept all snippy comments to himself.

Bruce just played when he was told, the chords as easy and rote as folding clothes. He knew Paul was looking for that sound—that one melody to bring it all back. That confidence behind a sure-fire hit. Bruce didn’t know what that feeling was like, but it must have been something else, or Paul wouldn’t still be chasing it ten years later. Gold record sales and MTV video rotations didn’t matter like Billboard bullets. Proof of success wasn’t in the tape deck—just in sold-out stadiums and constant radio play.

And Bruce couldn’t kid himself, really. There was no way this album would even get a top-40 single, no matter the press or the songs or the guitar work. No amount of effort could court a burnt-out audience. The old KISS Army had long since devolved into a bunch of twenty-somethings more interested in the stock market than heavy metal. Gene understood that. Paul didn’t.

Paul cut the session about half an hour short. Eric ducked out quickly, just a fluffy mess of curls rushing out the door, and after awhile, Bruce found himself nearly alone in the studio, with just Paul standing there, watching him pack up his guitar. Bruce raised his head, expecting a goodbye and getting a question, sudden and a little edgy, instead.

“How long’ve you been in KISS now?”

He didn’t have to think about it.

“Three years.”

“Three years? Three years and I haven’t ever taken you out to dinner. Jesus. Well. We’ll fix that.” Paul got up, putting his own guitar, one of them, back in its case. “I haven’t had a bite all day. What do you like, Bruce?”

“I’m not picky.”

“Then I’ll be picky. There’s a sushi place a couple miles from here. I’ll drive us over.”

And that was it. Ten minutes later, he was in the passenger’s seat of Paul’s car. Paul fidgeted, stuck in a CD (“the damn things skip as bad as a record, I should’ve got the tape player”). For all his interview claims of not listening to other bands, Bruce knew better. He had Slippery When Wet in there, was tapping his fingers against the wheel to the beat. Always on the lookout for a hook to riff off of, or a turn of phrase to peel away. Something dirty and distinctive. Emulating the other bands wasn’t getting them any airplay, but God, were they all trying.

“They say Mick Jagger’s putting out another solo album this year.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Paul nodded, turning up the volume. He was always doing that. When Bruce had first joined KISS, Gene had pulled him to the side one day, told him, quietly, that Paul needed to stand or sit beside him during interviews and T.V. appearances. Bruce had thought that was the oddest bit of micromanaging he’d ever heard of, telling him where to stand, or where not to stand. It had taken him awhile—probably half that tour—to really figure out why. Paul’s hearing wasn’t great, and it made his nerves worse. Particularly when there was more than one interviewer, more than one voice he had to focus on. He depended on Gene’s oddly gentle conspiracy, Gene’s automatic willingness to stand next to him and repeat any question for him, to even get out there, as if Bruce or Eric couldn’t have done the same.

“If it does well enough, he might cut out.” Paul said it almost like a dare. Still on about Jagger. Bruce raised his head.

“Of the Stones? I don’t think he would.”

“No, out of the Commodores. Of course the Stones.”

Bruce flinched slightly. He felt Paul’s glance on him, brief and almost softer, heard him clear his throat.

“Sorry. You don’t think he’d leave? Why not?”

“Because he can’t. There’s the money, but… he couldn’t cut out of being one of the Stones, not even if he wanted to.”

“You’re real naïve, Bruce. It’s cute.” Paul skipped the next song on the CD, then, once he’d surveyed the deck, he pushed another button. The CD swapped out with a humming sound, and after a second, Bob Seger came rasping through the speakers. Paul went silent then, except for that slight rap of his fingers against the steering wheel.

Bruce didn’t push for more conversation. Something mild about the weather, maybe, but that was about it. Paul was an oddly adept driver; Bruce had known that beforehand, but being in the car with him cemented it. He threaded through the traffic as adroitly as the cabbie he hadn’t been in fifteen years. Pulled in to the restaurant, a restaurant that didn’t look as luxurious as Bruce had expected.

He knew, three years in, that the flush of fame was more than half a put-on, that pretense was the name of the game, but he was still surprised. Paul and Gene kept a tight fist on KISS’ image, made sure the Playboy playmates and the rented mansions were all the public got a glimpse at. Even tried to keep him and Eric from really seeing what was behind the scenes. The money situation, the tour situation, like the two of them couldn’t count the empty seats from their vantage points onstage. But the put-ons had continued anyway. When they’d had sit-down dinners as a band, depending on the area, Paul and Gene would do their best to go somewhere classy, somewhere the right people would be. Not someplace like this.

He was surprised when Paul stepped out ahead of him and opened the restaurant door for him. Less surprised at the flash of recognition from the hostess, and the hasty way she led them both to a table.

“You come here often, Paul?”

“I’m just a good tipper.”

They sat down. The waitress awkwardly tried to pull back their chairs for them. Bruce cocked his head at that, but let her. She passed out the menus, rattling off the evening’s specials as if she wasn’t used to giving them, taking furtive glances at Bruce that Paul didn’t seem to notice, handing back the menu after barely looking at it.

“I’ll have a Long Island iced tea,” he said, “and he’ll take—Bruce, what do you want?”

“Coke is fine.”

“Are you sure?” Paul paused. “I probably won’t have half of it, if you’re worried about my driving—"

“I’m sure.”

“All right. … Go ahead and start me off on the spicy yellowtail roll, I think.” Paul said it so conversationally that Bruce thought he was still talking to him and not the waitress, at first. It didn’t help that he wasn’t quite looking her in the face, just turned vaguely in her direction. Antsy. The busboy darted over, passed out their glasses of water and a small saucer of lemon slices—Paul must’ve come down here more than once or twice.

It felt odd. The whole thing felt a little off-kilter, as if the tenseness from the studio had lingered like a shot of novocaine in his system. As if there was something—something everyone else was expecting. Bruce gave the waitress a second to scribble the order down before adding his.

“I’ll have a California roll.”

“Damn, you’re really breaking the bank here,” Paul said dryly.

“Nah, just kosher.” It was the first joke he’d even tried to go for since getting in the car, but Paul seemed to appreciate it. Enough to smile.

“I won’t tell. In fact, I might have one myself.” Paul took one of the lemon slices, squeezing it into his glass of water before dropping it in, shoving it down to the bottom with his straw. “Can’t get any farther from yeshiva than Hollywood, can you?”

“There’s always San Francisco.”

“You’re pretty funny when you try, Bruce.” Paul sipped at his water. “Did you go?”

“Go where?”

“To yeshiva.”

Bruce peeled the paper off his straw, shaking his head.

“Nah. Bob did. I wasn’t that interested.”

“Me, either. Hell, I didn’t even have my bar mitzvah. How’s Bob doing these days?”

Bob wasn’t a topic Bruce expected Paul to broach on his own. He blinked, then nodded, answering after a swallow of water.

“He’s good. Still touring with Meat Loaf.”

“Good.” Paul toyed with his straw. “If… if he gets a break, tell me. I’d like to catch up.”

Bob probably didn’t want to catch up. With him, the resentment simmered deep under the surface, probing its way up at regular intervals that only Bruce ever had to deal with. Fifteen years of it. Awhile back, Bruce had gone on a tour of Mount Kilauea, over in Hawaii. The guides had let them walk nearer to the lava flows than Bruce ever thought they would, and one guy almost lost his shoe from taking a second to step on the stuff. That was how Bob was. Volatility that seemed harmless right up until it set you on fire.

“Well, he’s on that world tour now, he’s pretty busy.”

“Yeah.” The corner of Paul’s mouth quirked up faintly as the waitress returned with their drinks. He was looking at her now—he kept looking at her past when she left their table—a wry expression on his face that Bruce couldn’t quite figure out. It wasn’t interest. She wasn’t Paul’s type; not blonde and not beautiful. Just a regular girl with an irregular patron. “I know.”

“I think he’s got a month off in July,” Bruce finally offered.

“Cool. Let me know?”

“Sure.”

Not a whole lot they could talk about that Bruce could see. Bob hadn’t ghosted a track for KISS in five years or so, and with Bruce around, he wouldn’t need to. Maybe Paul was just feeling sentimental, wanting to visit somebody that had been his friend. He didn’t exactly have a surplus of those.

Bruce sipped at his Coke, but Paul was already downing his drink like it was water after a marathon. Strange to watch. Bruce had never seen Paul take more than a single glass of wine at a party. New Year’s saw him more sober than most nursing home residents. Another absence out of Gene shouldn’t have been enough to change that.

“You probably think I’m a prick,” Paul said out of nowhere, waving his hand before Bruce could respond. “It’s fine, everybody does.”

“I don’t.”

“Jesus, Bruce, we’re having dinner, not discussing your contract. You can say I’m a prick if you want to. It won’t hurt my feelings.”

“I think you’re under a lot of pressure right now.”

“Is that what Eric told you to say?”

“No, I’m just—things seem like they’re getting to you.”

“Then it’s that obvious.” Paul laughed. “It’s so obvious you’re calling me out on it.”

“Paul, I’m not calling you out—”

“You are. That’s fine.” The Long Island iced tea was already halfway gone. Bruce hadn’t had more than three swallows of his soda. Paul shifted. “Hell, it’s kind of refreshing. I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“I’m not trying to—” Bruce started, but Paul continued before he could even finish the thought.

“I like it, all right, Bruce? Nobody but Gene’ll even try to tell me off anymore. And he doesn’t care enough to bother.” Paul only paused to take a long gulp of his drink. “Tell me what I should do. Tell me how to calm down.”

Bruce hesitated. His palm felt like wood against the side of his glass of Coke. He’d seen this before out of Paul. Not particularly often, and almost never toward him. That weird, calculated lashing out. It made him feel like a frog in the hands of a biology major. The amount of evisceration didn’t matter; he’d be dead no matter what.

“I don’t know. Look, man, your business is your business.”

Surprisingly, Paul went silent at that. His brow was furrowed, but he didn’t look angry or put-out. He didn’t look much of anything. The waitress came by with their sushi rolls, but Bruce only took the chopsticks in his hand and broke them apart, waiting for Paul to answer, or change the subject, watching him drain the last of his drink and order another without much of a pause.

“My business is your business, there’s the problem. Yours and Eric’s and Gene’s and—and Peter’s, isn’t that a laugh? His share of KISS hasn’t expired yet. God. I’ve been paying his rent for seven fucking years. Serve him right if the new album didn’t sell one copy.”

That was news to Bruce. He tried not to react visibly.

“You don’t mean that.”

“You sure I don’t? A quarter of zero’s still zero.”

“You want the album to do well. So do I. So does everybody involved.”

“It’s not gonna do well. Y’know what me and Gene did? We fucked ourselves over. We threw out everybody that we thought was trying to—to steer the ship out from under us. We stacked the deck so full of yes-men that we couldn’t see past our own asses.” Paul exhaled. “You… you’re never gonna tell me my lyrics are shit. You’re never gonna tell me I’m making a goddamn fool of myself out there onstage. I wish you would. I wish for one minute somebody would tell me exactly—”

“Do you really want someone to hurt you that bad?” Bruce said it softly. His throat felt like wet cardboard. Paul’s gaze—vaguely on his face, nowhere near his eyes, ever— dropped straight down to his drink, his fingers twitching before grasping his empty glass again, as if to steady himself.

“I’d beg them for it. If it’d get KISS back on top again, I-I’d let anyone do whatever they wanted.” Paul finally seemed to notice his plate of sushi. He picked one of the rolls up, slipping it into his mouth. He didn’t speak again until he’d finished swallowing. “Course, that’s not how the music industry works. There’s no—casting couch for a bunch of has-beens. No magic bullet. You can push and promote however you wanna, but if they don’t play it, it doesn’t fucking matter.”

Bruce didn’t know how to answer that. The silence spread like the cigarette smoke from a few tables over. He took in the scent, thinking of barrooms and ballrooms, thinking of KKB’s sad little shows when he was a teenager. The way the three of him would go out there for a handful of people, certain it’d work out, because it was working out for his older brother’s buddies. Because they were on tour, only Bruce didn’t know back then that tour was full of pubic lice and moldy boots, only Bruce didn’t know back then that tour nearly ended only a couple months in. He’d only scratched the surface. He hadn’t understood.

Paul’s second drink was set on the table, the drained glass disappearing like a magician’s feeblest trick. The waitress shot both of them a questioning look, one Paul ignored, taking his first swallow. Three shots worth of alcohol in a single glass of that shit. Three shots on an almost empty stomach. Bruce didn’t want to look at Paul right now. Instead, he looked over at the girl, wanting, strangely, to speak to her, to ask her what her expression was for, what she knew that he didn’t. It seemed—it seemed, strangely, like he ought to know, like everyone else knew—but she was back to the other patrons once she’d refilled Bruce’s glass.

“It isn’t even just about being on top anymore. It isn’t about the—the ego trip the way it used to be. I don’t give a damn these days if anybody recognizes me on the street or not.”

Bruce doubted that. He doubted that intensely. He’d seen Paul peering out the tour bus windows after they were in the hotel parking lots too many times. He knew he was always hoping for the old throng of autograph seekers and groupies. Gene, too. Even Eric, in scattered, abashed moments, would talk about the Australian and European tours back in ’80, the utter insanity of it (“so many girls I could’ve made it with, but I didn’t know any better—I thought they couldn’t want me, man, they had to be wanting somebody else”). Paul could still pick any girl he wanted out of the crowd, have a roadie bring her backstage. He still did it most nights. But the adulation had disappeared before Bruce ever arrived at the scene.

“If I could get a hit… if KISS could fill a couple stadiums, just a couple… then it’d be all right. I’d feel okay. God, who knows, maybe Gene would even show up to record again, you think?”

“He’ll be back anyway, Paul.”

“He won’t. He thinks we’re finished.” He was working on that second glass, almost as enthusiastically as the first. “Ace was mailing in his guitar parts just before he quit. But at least they were his. Gene’s throwing me songs he bought off the nearest wannabe writer on the street. And I sucked it up like an idiot at first because I thought he was gonna come back anytime, say he was sorry, get back to how it was. Instead he lets me handle everything, album after album. He gets credit for the successes like he even showed up. And he blows off the failures ’cause he’s got plenty of other bands he’s managing. Never mind his own.” An exhale. “He doesn’t give a damn anymore.”

“I think he does.”

Paul’s expression changed at that. The cynical cast to his features, the tight way he was holding his jaw, all that shifted, flickered, and for a bare, odd second Bruce could almost see the twenty-year-old Bob had brought over to their parents’ apartment and introduced as Gene’s friend. Then Paul shook his head and the moment disappeared.

“You don’t need to prop me up like that. It’s okay. I can’t give him what he wants, I need to cut my losses and quit trying.”

“Paul, listen, you’re not looking at this right. Gene’s not—”

“You don’t know how Gene is. I could be as understanding as Mother Theresa and he’d still be blowing me off.” Paul paused, drink midway to his lips. “I’m sorry. Am I ever gonna let you talk, Bruce? I can’t afford two therapy bills.”

Bruce shrugged.

“I don’t mind.”

“You’ve got a lot to say and I don’t ever let you say it. Not on MTV or the interviews… God, I act like we don’t all sleep in the same crappy hotels.”

“I don’t really like interviews, it’s fine.”

“Bruce, I’m trying to apologize.”

Bruce’s free hand went to the back of his neck, rubbing awkwardly, before resting back on the table.

“I know what you hired me to do. I’m not expecting anything else.”

“Maybe you deserve it.” Paul’s hand was on the table, fingers curled inches from Bruce’s own. “I like writing songs with you. I never… I didn’t write any with Ace, and Vinnie, well…” He shrugged. “It feels good. It feels real good.”

“I like it, too. It’s fun.”

“It makes me think it’s ’76. Like I’ll turn around and find Bob Ezrin snorting a mountain of coke in the office. And—and Ace and Peter, too, looking like they used to. I can fucking see Ace’s card deck. And Gene’d be right there, leaning up against the music stand—I can fool myself pretty good, when I want.”

“Look,” Bruce said, rubbing his chopsticks together with his finger and thumb, the sound soft, dry, “look, I honestly think things might be turning around.”

“They won’t turn eleven years around. I can’t fool myself that much.” Paul’s expression darkened back up, and he reached for his drink again. More than half of it was gone now. The side of his boot brushed against Bruce’s ankle for a brief moment before pulling back. “My accountant told me to stop sending my parents so much money. Like I was a kid spending all his allowance. I’ve cut so many expenses I’m down to a fucking one-bedroom apartment.”

Bruce’s gaze dropped to the untouched California roll on his plate, and the chopsticks in his hand. Paul laughed again.

“Go for it. It’s fine.”

“I wasn’t really that hungry.”

“Your check’s gonna clear with or without the sushi. Trust me.”

“Paul—”

“In fact…” Paul trailed, pulling his own plate forward, “that’s not how you eat sushi, anyway. When we went to Japan in ’77… we went out to this real authentic restaurant, supposedly. The sushi chef came out there and our guide, she’d translate everything he said… he said you don’t eat it with chopsticks, you eat it with your hands. ’Cause it was fast food, before Americans turned it into something it wasn’t.” Paul paused, picking up the second roll on his plate. “This used to be their version of a fucking hamburger, can you believe that?”

“That’s interesting,” Bruce said, and he meant it, but Paul’s expression got a little deflated.

“It’s not interesting, it’s awful. Like the hula girls in Hawaii. Every-everything turned into a commodity. You gonna eat that roll, Bruce?”

“Yeah, I’ll—”

“One bite.” Paul popped his own into his mouth to demonstrate. A few seconds of chewing, a swallow, and then he continued. “Course, you didn’t get the real stuff, so maybe it doesn’t matter, but…” He waved the waitress back over, absently. “Get him a rainbow roll, would you? Thanks.”

“Paul, c’mon—”

“If you don’t eat it, I will.” Paul said. His eyes looked a little sharper now, a little more intent. Bruce set down his chopsticks, picked up one of the small California rolls on his plate. The rice was sticky and cold against his fingers. He stuck it in his mouth, not bothering with the smear of soy sauce on the dish. The taste of surimi and cream cheese burst onto his tongue, neither excellent nor terrible, just there, competently mediocre. He reached for the next one, almost mechanically, but Paul’s hand was there already, closing over the roll before he could.

“Not real crab, I know,” he said, quietly, “but maybe it’ll taste better this way.” And then Paul had the roll in his palm, extended towards his face like an offering.

“Paul—”

“Go on, Bruce.”

Bruce reached for the roll. He meant to pick it up out of Paul’s hand, but something stopped him. Not Paul, not exactly. Paul didn’t curl up his hand or push it out further or say another word. Maybe it was pity, that bastard child of all emotions, that made Bruce just tip the sushi a little closer with his fingers as he ate it from Paul’s palm. One bite. His tongue didn’t get anywhere near Paul’s skin. But Paul seemed to relax at that. He was starting to smile again, mouth wavering like wind-tossed stalks of wheat in a field. The pads of his fingers brushed up against Bruce’s almost delicately, before he withdrew his hand.

“How was it?”

“Good. It was good.”

“Good.” Paul took another piece of his own sushi, dipping it lightly into the soy sauce. “Want to try some of mine?”

“I—no, that’s fine.”

“You don’t have to worry. Nobody here is gonna bother us.” Paul started in again, conversationally. “Are you shy, Bruce?”

“No. I’ll just finish what I’ve got.” Two pieces left. The waitress hadn’t returned with the rainbow roll yet. Bruce hesitated; for an insane moment he felt like he should add a thank you, but he cut himself off with another swallow of sushi. Across from him, Paul just shrugged and popped his own piece in his mouth, following it up by downing a little more of his drink.

“You are shy. That’s all right. I am, too.”

“Paul—”

“It’s cool.” Paul reached his hand across the table, resting it on top of Bruce’s, running his fingers up and down his wrist. His face was faintly flushed. “I mean, to be honest, it sucks, being shy in a rock band, but—it’s cool, I get it, if you’d rather in private—”

Bruce drew his hand back belatedly. Slowly, not wanting to startle Paul, whose expression barely faltered at all.

“I don’t think so.”

“Bruce—”

“You’ve had too much to make an offer like that.”

“I’d make it sober,” Paul said. Deprived of Bruce’s hand, he shifted forward. A second and Bruce felt the side of Paul’s boot against his ankle again. “You’re a good guy, I always liked you.”

“Paul, no.”

“I did. I always did. You…you’re reliable, you listen, you’re easy on the eyes—Bruce, it’s not—if you’re worried about your job, don’t be, this doesn’t need to—be anything, it’s just—”

“No.”

“Bruce, please.”

“No.” The wet cardboard feeling in his throat was back again. He could feel Paul’s eyes on him, not sharp anymore but suddenly desperate instead, his mouth tight as a steel trap. He should’ve stopped him. Shouldn’t have let him keep on and on. He’d never have gotten to this point then. He’d never peel back this much of himself, like the soft insides of a crab, weak and exposed. Bruce never should have let him do it.

He shifted his foot and stood up.

“Give me your keys. I’ll take you to the hotel.”

“I’m not—”

The waitress arrived with that second plate of sushi. This time she wasn’t looking at them at all. Something caught deep in Bruce’s throat then, something dark that he didn’t want to place or name for sure.

“Bruce, please.” Now Paul was standing, leaning one hand heavily against the table. A step, hand sliding to the edge of the table, and he was in front of Bruce, his other hand clamping around his shirt. Bruce could smell the cologne in his hair, the alcohol on his breath. “It—if you’d just stay with me—"

“Paul, let me have your keys.”

Paul pulled them out. Fumbled with his wallet. Bruce shook his head, taking the keys but nothing else, putting a couple bills from his pocket on the table before Paul could try to argue. He felt Paul press in against him, push his mouth sloppily against his neck, but that was all. No other come-ons or protests. Nothing. He shifted easily after, let Bruce walk him to the car, to the hotel, to his room, even. Bruce didn’t give the keys back until after that hotel door was unlocked and Paul was inside. He was tempted to hold onto them, even then—but Paul’s expression was faltering so badly that he didn’t want to strip any last piece of pride from him. He’d had sense enough to let Bruce drive. Surely he’d have sense enough to stay in his room.

Paul’s fingers closed around the keys for only a few seconds. Bruce watched as he dropped them on the dresser and stumbled to the bed, peeling off his boots, head bent and turned away from him.

“Go on. Would you go on, Bruce? I got it from here.”

Bruce hesitated at the door.

“Go on.”

Every reassurance he could make sounded hollow even in his brain. Even the ones from that afternoon. He couldn’t ease a burden he didn’t have the means to lift.

He turned the knob and left without a word.

He didn’t see Paul again until their next recording session. He’d left an apology on Bruce’s hotel answering machine, and a written one under his door, his cursive cramped and uneven, but he didn’t say a word. Bruce didn’t expect him to.

Gene was there at the studio, surprisingly, indifferent, with a copy of Variety open on his lap and a Pepsi in hand instead of his bass most of the session. Paul looked more sunken in than ever, vying for his attention, fooling around and playing riffs nearly twenty years old (“that’s how it goes, Gene, right, do you remember—‘My Uncle is a Raft,’ that’s the first song you ever—“) instead of laying down tracks.

It’s crap, Bruce. They don’t know it. They’re never gonna figure it out. That was what Eric had said, and maybe it was true, but maybe it wasn’t. And maybe he could do something, now that he’d seen past the last desperate bits of glamor Paul had left to offer.

Paul left before he did. Bruce watched him crank his car from where he stood outside the recording studio, the taillights glinting to life, and then the faint sound of the radio before he sped away. Mick Jagger blaring out “Just Another Night.”

Eric ducked out soon after, his ’79 Porsche like an artifact backing out of the parking lot. Gene’s chauffeur was already waiting, engine idling. Gene had the magazine under his arm. Bruce reached over on impulse, briefly grasping his forearm.

“Hey, Gene.”

“Bruce?” Gene looked up at him. “You need anything?”

“Could you do something for me?”

“You need a lift? You don’t have to ask—”

“I don’t need a lift.” His taxi had pulled up. He could picture the meter running, numbers spinning up like years, the inverse of the Billboard charts. “It’s not really for me, anyway. It’s for Paul.”

“What about him?”

“Be kinder to him. That’s all.”

Bruce expected Gene to protest. Give out the old lines he trotted out every interview, we’re like brothers and it’s like a marriage, tired and overplayed even five years ago. Instead, Gene hesitated.

“Bruce, you don’t understand.”

“No, but I’ve got a good idea.” The cab driver was looking at him, staring impatiently. Just a five-mile ride back to the hotel, a five-mile ride that’d take forty-five minutes, easy, this time of day. “You keep on hurting somebody and they’re never going to forget it. Whether this album’s a hit or not. Whether KISS ends up back in stadiums or back in ballrooms. That’s it. That’s all, Gene.”

He didn’t wait on an answer, just walked over to the cab. Gene clapped his shoulder on the way, and for a second, Bruce almost thought he’d say something, or follow him to the cab, something. But he just saw the brief shift of Gene’s expression the second before he shut the passenger door, the faint tightening of Gene’s mouth as he walked past the cab and to his own car, dropping the magazine to the pavement as he stepped inside. Bruce watched the car’s back wheels run it over, and then the cab’s, the pages fluttering on the pavement, nothing but vapid gloss against concrete.

#kiss the band #kiss fanfiction #paul stanley #bruce kulick #paul stanley x bruce kulick

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ithacamoma · 5 years

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20 QUESTIONS FOR: TAMMY SALZL

image courtesy of the artist and DC3 Art Projects

1.Name:

Tammy Salzl

2.Occupation(s):

Artist, Sessional Teacher in Senior Level Painting at the University of Alberta.

3.Where are you from and what is your education?

I was born in Edmonton, AB, into a gigantic dysfunctional family with 18 aunts and uncles, 42 first cousins and barely one parent. I spent my summers being tortured as an English speaking city slicker in French speaking prairie farm communities. Retreating into art and stories and animals was the salvation I didn’t find in the fundamentalist religion I was periodically thrown into. For my undergrad I did 2 years at ACAD (Now called AUArts), and finished my BFA at the University of Alberta. I received my Masters in Studio Arts (Painting) at Concordia University in Montreal 2014 and have been expanding my practice to include video and multimedia installation since graduation.

4.Where do you live/work (neighbourhood/city/country)?

For the past 3 yrs I’ve been splitting my year between the Southside of Edmonton, AB. and Parc Ex in Montreal QC. I have family in both places, which makes this both possible and necessary.

5.Does your location affect your practice?

Definitely! Emotionally, psychologically and logistically. I’m lucky to be able to spend time in both eastern and western Canada. Sometimes they seem like entirely different worlds and it’s a privilege to be able to step into both. It broadens my field of vision.

6.What is your favourite tool in the studio?

I have two favourite things. My glue gun, because I love glueing stuff, it makes me feel like a little kid again! I also love it when I have a fresh, unused brush in hand.

7.Where do you look for your source material?

Everywhere! Movies, books, (I love sci-fi books, and I just finished 2 books by Yuval Noah Harari - Sapiens and 21 Lessons for the 21st Century - so gooood!) mythology, ecology, weird/wondrous animals (like the barrel eye fish or the Aye-aye), bus stops, Edmonton’s River valley, back alleys in Montreal, weird stop motion animations, the fresh sights, sounds and smells that come with travel, looking at art and, occasionally, the bottom of my wine glass.

8.What is you daily art world read?

I email subscribe to a bunch of art blogs (like Hyperallergic and artdaily.org etc), and I also try to read Border Crossings and Canadian Art magazines, but honestly a lot of my art world reads come from instagram. Cuz you know… pictures.

9.What is your daily non-art-world read?

I love science and nature blogs. I really enjoy nature.com, naturecanada.ca, futurism.com/, and for quick global news stuff I like Quartz Daily Brief. It’s hard…you don’t want to be ill informed yet it’s so bleak out there…I think overexposure to media can be harmful. I try to find a balance.

10.What role does writing play in your practice?

Sadly, not much. It’s an inescapable task for every artist, and one I dearly wish I could escape. That said, aside from the necessary evil of artist statement/proposal/grant type of writing, I sometimes play at creative writing. I make little one page tales that turn into paintings, or I write a short narratives based on something I’ve made. I’ll often have automatic writing embedded in my underpaintings, and if you look hard enough you can sometimes find traces of a word here and there.

11.What role does research play in your practice?

Because I peddle in tales, I research the history, culture, psychology, pop culture, philosophy of whatever traditional tale or mythology I’m referencing, and how others have interpreted those tales over time - even if I’m referencing something like Dr. Seuss. I often tie that into the research I do out of my interest in ecology and nature. For me, working representationally means there is intension in everything. I try to have layers of meaning and make work that engenders multiple interpretations. I research the symbolism and history of objects, places, animals, colours , etc. With my installations there is a lot of material research involved as well.

12.What role does collaboration play in your practice?

Since expanding my painting practice into intermedia work, I’ve done quite a bit of collaborating in the form of “I don’t know how to do this technical thing so I need to find someone who does”. It’s taught me a lot in terms of learning to communicate and work with others. As a solitary person, it’s a challenge for me, but I also find it incredibly rewarding and enriching. Also, a couple of years ago 4 female artist friends and I began an art collective called IFPP (incubator for phantom pregnancies) We’ve staged a couple exhibitions and have some upcoming shows, and it’s been really great. You learn a lot about yourself in a collaborative process, and it’s exhilarating ending up with this thing you helped create, but in a mind hive kind of way.

13.How does success affect your practice?

Ideas of success are pretty subjective, no? Speaking in terms of non-commercial success, I would say it helps drives my practice forward. It gives you the incentive and confidence to keep going, to make more, to take risks and think bigger. Sometimes commercial/monetary success can do the opposite because you’re expected to make more of the same, sellable stuff - to keep the formula and not colour outside those lines.

14.How does failure affect your practice?

Failure is an opportunity to learn, and can lead to amazing things. I suck at it. I can be super stubborn and fight with a painting that’s not working for days and days. I’m often my own worst enemy. I’m learning to walk away, to turn the bloody thing facing the wall and only come back to it when I can be more objective - when I’m in a better place to paint over the 100 hours invested and start over.

15.What do you identify as the biggest challenge in your artistic process?

My own stubbornness! My own rules and obsessiveness and need for control. I can get restrained by fear of making something ‘bad,' and I struggle to let myself play more, to let myself ‘fail’. I can get too caught up in my own head. I struggle with a lot of self doubt. A dear friend of mine recently sent me a beautiful quote by Robert Hughes in an attempt to assuage my doubt:

“The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize.”

I’m not so sure this is the case, but it’s nice to hear!

Also, like so many of us, I struggle socially and will hide in my studio rather than go to an art opening when I know I should be trying to make “connections”. Wine helps tremendously in all my struggles.

16.Who are some historical artists you are thinking about?

This fluctuates a great deal. I often find myself interested in artists I thought I didn’t like years ago, and will lose interest in artists I thought I loved. Art crushes come and go. I just bought a Frida Kahlo book and am rediscovering my fascination with her.

17.Who are some contemporary artists you are thinking about?

Everyone and no one in particular. I was in LA last January and saw an amazing Outsider Art show at LACMA. There was a piece by Greer Lankton titled, “Candy Darling” depicting a transgender actress who was featured in several of Andy Warhol’s films and was one of Lankton’s icons she looked up to as a trans woman. It’s exquisite with an edgy sexuality - totally blew my mind. I also saw some Mark Bradford works at The Broad that really surprised me. You have to be in front of them to understand how profound, beautiful, raw and sophisticated they are.

18.How do you describe what you are making now?

Right now I’m bouncing all over the place with various mediums. I’m working on a new series of oils, sort of taking the piss out of patriarchal old fables and the misogynistic way they portrayed women by retelling them through a contemporary lens. I’m also making a series of small, intricate “naughty fairies” made out of Sculpey (imagine tinker bell-like creatures going down on each other), some larger installation pieces that incorporate a variety of materials - video, sound, found and crafted objects, and I just completed my first short narrative video with footage shot on an artist residency I did in Norway last year.

Sometimes I feel like I’m spreading myself too thin and there’s an invisible pressure to focus on one thing, but I’m a storyteller and I use whatever mediums best suites the tale. I think everything I do remains distinctly me, it all has connective threads. Generally I paint in the morning and move onto video and sculpture in the afternoon/evening. Painting is mentally challenging in a very singular way; it’s super humbling and I need a fresh, rested brain to do it.

19.Who is an artist that you think deserves more attention?

Oh man. Too many to count. Seems to me art world trends often translate into amazing artists not getting their due. I think Canadian artists in general deserve more of the international spot light. There’s so much talent here.

20.How can we find out more about you (relevant links etc)?

I keep my website pretty up to date, including upcoming shows and press links etc.

www.tammysalzl.com

#20 questions #art #Artist Interview #tammysalzl #canada #ithaca moma

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krixwell-liveblogs · 6 years

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Check out this post. Wildbow talks about his life on reddit. This explains so much about Taylor’s school experience. No Worm spoilers

This sounds interesting. I’ve frequently wondered about how Wildbow’s life shaped this story.

Let’s take a look.

Redditors who have opted out of a standard approach to life (study then full time work, mortgage etc), please share your stories. What are the best and worst things about your lifestyle, and do you have any regrets?

Well, the title is already intriguing.

Hermit writer here.

Born hard of hearing, went to a regular school. Struggled in middle school. Struggled in high school. Kids who were in my class in kindergarten were in my classes all the way through to grade ten, with the elementary/middle school and high school being a stone's throw from one another.

I kind of knew about the hard of hearing bit already. I can’t find the ask that told me about it, though (it was probably before I stopped using screenshots for asks).

So far this sounds relatively normal, except for that part. But I’m guessing he’s going to elaborate a bit on the struggles surrounding his school life and hearing problems?

In grade 10, after years of bullying and a peer group that had established who was 'in' and who was 'out' when I was knee-high, tired of struggling, I was walking down the halls and I found myself wondering when the last time I'd even opened my mouth in school was.

Oh wow.

I stopped dead in my tracks, just paralyzed by loneliness. I asked myself what the point was, couldn't come up with an answer, resumed walking, went out the side door of the school and went home.

This clearly parallels a few of the last times we saw Taylor at Winslow High.

The start of me just not going to school for that entire year. Nobody noticed.

Damn. He really did write all that from experience. It took a while for Taylor’s absence to get noted, too.

Taylor’s absence getting noted at all actually seems like a fantasy compared to this.

I got caught at the end of the year, did the same thing the next year, got caught only at the end.

What the hell sort of attendance routines did this school have? Clearly not good ones.

Ended up going to an Alternative school (Self study), proved to myself that I had it in me when I got 3 years of studying done in 8 months, won two awards... and then had to go back to my old school for what was essentially grade 13, where I struggled.

Huh. Well done.

People learn in very different ways. Some people can do this much more effectively than learning in a group. Some people are like me and can’t make themselves keep up the effort required to self study, or learn better from lectures than reading.

Some people learn by observing their surroundings while flying.

I worked retail and found it fine. But family wanted me to go to University and figure myself out.

I’m currently working retail, taking a break from the educational system and buying time to figure out what to study.

I went to University and I struggled.

Guys, I’m sensing a theme here.

I spent a long, long time trying to figure out why I struggled, why I was tired all the time, and it took a kind of confluence of events before I realized what should've been obvious. I found the social stuff hard and I was exhausted after a day of listening because I'm severely to profoundly deaf.

Oh yeah, that makes a ton of sense. It’s like how focusing is exhausting when you have trouble doing that, how reading without glasses you need tires out your eyes and brain, etc.

Honestly, it’s a little surprising that I haven’t (explicitly) met a hard of hearing character in Worm yet. Maybe later? Oh wait, there was that deaf waitress at the villain pub in Hive.

Beyond that, the 'path' just isn't for me. The systems and institutions just grind me down. The idea of a 9 to 5 is death to me. These things are built and streamlined for the average person, and between disability and a fairly extreme degree of introversion, I'm far from that average.

That is very fair. There’s definitely a brand of ableism in that system.

In the end, I stepped off the path. I'd been writing a thing online as a side project and the reception was good, so I decided to leave school earlier than planned, use the savings I had, stretch things as far as I could, and work when I could (with a family friend when he needed the help and had the cash to spare, doing some landscaping, drywall installation, house painting, all prepping houses for sale in a boom market) to stretch things further.

This would be too early for that thing online to be Worm, right?

It just occurred to me that I have no idea how old Wildbow is.

And I wrote as seriously as I could while people close to me told me that I didn't deserve to 'get lucky' and have the writing work out because I hadn't seen University all the way through, or openly expressed doubts and disappointments.

Yikes.

Fuck that noise. Writing is tons of effort!

But you know, it worked out in the end. I wrote the equivalent of 20 books in 2.4 years, wrote another 10 for my next series in the ensuing 1.2 years, and I've kept up a similar pace over the last 7 years and two months.

Especially when you’re this coddamn productive!

That’s 8.33 books a year!

I started writing mid- 2011, left school at the start of 2012, went full-time-paying-the-bills in 2014 with an income around minimum wage. I moved to a small town (no car, nothing fancy) that same year. I'm now closer to the average Canadian wage. It's been two chapters a week (2.5 if crowdfunding money is enough) since the beginning.

Oh, I suppose that means it would be Worm after all.

When was this written... huh, yesterday? Well, that explains why this hasn’t been sent to me before.

Writing being Wildbow’s only/main income makes me feel even more right about my decision to set things up so that some of the money from my Patreon goes to Wildbow. It’s not that big a portion of his income (apparently average Canadian wage is 986 CAD or 755 USD per week, and I chip in with about 3.26 CAD or 2.50 USD per week), but it’s something.

My reality: I can go a week or two without really talking to anyone that isn't a cashier.

Sounds a bit lonely in the long run, but as a fellow introvert (or maybe I’m an ambivert, in the systems where that’s actually a thing), I get it - it also does sound pretty good. Especially if you’ve got internet people to casually interact with at your own leisure.

Every two months or so I go to a relative's to dogsit while they're on vacation or to see someone for their birthday, and that gives me most of my fill of socialization and companionship.

Nice!

I don't have a car, so it's usually walking or taking the train to another city, and using public transpo there. I subsisted on a rice and beans diet for a good stretch, one $15 video game bought in a year, and my level of expenses hasn't really risen that much from that point. I eat better and buy a couple more things, but nothing major.

So I guess this would be somewhere between average and reserved?

I don’t know. Being Norwegian spoils me on these things.

60%+ of what I earn goes to savings, which gives me security when my income could fluctuate or disappear at any time.

Oh, that’s smart. I suppose writing would be a bit of a risky business, what with writer’s block, audience fluctuations, sudden drops in popularity because something you wrote didn’t go over as well as you thought it would, etc.

My schedule is entirely my own, which usually amounts to 2.5 15+ hour workdays a week and another 5-10 hours a week spent managing community, finances, and exchanging emails with tv/movie studios, publishers or startups.

I was going to talk about the long but few workdays, but tv/movie studios excuse me what

Is a TV series version of something Wildbow wrote (Worm or otherwise) a serious possibility right now?? :o

Best things - I love what I do. I love creating, I love my reader's tears, I love my readers being horrified.

This is really important. You gotta enjoy what you do.

I get to make monsters and be surprised by what my characters do. Many of my fans are just the absolute coolest people - people I'm now insanely glad to have met and include in my life. There's amazing fanart of my work out there, music, people have gotten tattoos. Tattoos. That's insane.

People have permanently, painfully painted their appreciation of your work into their bodies, Wildbow!

The bad- I'm an online content creator, and it's impossible to convey just how toxic the toxic elements of a fandom can get and how negative the negative aspects can get, and how much it can affect you.

That is true. There will always be a toxic side, and I can imagine works like Worm would attract a lot of the edgy sort.

I've seen 20 online content creators either break down or remark on the effect it has, and it's wholly accurate- and my audience isn't even ~that~ large.

Yeah, it doesn’t take that many people to start brewing fandom sides like this.

This is multiplied by the fact that writing is lonely as a profession (I know too many writers who can't even talk to their life partners about their work) and it can be hard to find perspective or balance as you take it all in, when you don't have people to communicate with.

Robert Jordan used his wife as a beta reader or editor of sorts. She was there to tell him when something he wrote didn’t quite come across, to make up for the fact that he couldn’t tell. After all, he knew what he meant by that one line.

On a similar note, some casual dating would be nice, and living in a small town for economical reasons doesn't leave me with a large dating pool, and at this point I'm not even sure if I could or should inflict myself on someone.

Oof.

There are way too many people who think like that. I hope you find happiness with someone who sees you for the good bean you are, Wildbow.

I'm healthy, groomed, I can hold a conversation, I'm just pretty set in my introverted ways.

...relatable, though.

But still, I’m pretty sure there are people out there for us, who not only tolerate but appreciate the introvert lifestyle.

Hell, both of my crushes have been very introverted, even compared to myself, so I know those people exist because I’m among them.

On another, less social note, there is the fact that as an online content creator, you can't really take breaks. Or you can, but it costs. Consistency and frequency of updates are god, and a hiatus is a death knell.

No wonder he criticized me on this that one time. In his situation, it matters a lot.

I don't even know what an effective vacation would entail, because I feel like finding my stride again would cost more than I gained from having the break. So it's been seven years and two months without a vacation, writing a short book every month.

Damn.

You deserve so many props, Wildbow.

...at some point here I started talking to Wildbow, just like I do to Taylor and other Worm characters. Well, at least this time there’s actually a chance he’s going to read this sometime, if he hasn’t dropped my blog.

I just hope he doesn’t think it’s weird that I’m liveblogging his life story.

It makes for a very strange sort of burnout, when I love it so much, I can still regularly put out some great work to acclaim and praise, but am nonetheless worn down around the edges.

That does not sound healthy.

No regrets. This is me. This is what I'm built for.

As long as you feel it’s right for you, this is good. :)

I could do with less negativity from some fans and getting regular good nights of sleep (the deafness comes with insomnia by way of terminal tinnitus), but both of those just come with the territory.

Ouch.

I feel you on the sleep front (ADD has its ways of messing with your ability to fall asleep too), but tinnitus sounds like a particularly annoying way to be inflicted with it.

I've been telling family for the last year that I'll move to a city with more going on than (as my elderly neighbor phrased it) drinking and meth, where there's classes to take, a possible dating pool, and/or activities that could break me out of my hermit shell... but my current apartment is amazing and cheap, with the nicest landlords ever. It's just in a do-nothing town. I haven't found anything remotely competitive, even taking 'cheap' off the table.

I’ve lived in small-ish towns all my life. It’s pretty nice, especially as an introvert.

So that's where I'm at.

Thank you, Wildbow. This was an interesting read. I feel like I know you a bit better now. :)

(Again, if you’re reading this, I hope it wasn’t too weird to see me liveblogging this.)

#Worm #krixwell liveblogs #Arc 14 #chapter 14.11 #14.11 bet #asks #wildbow's life #mlp:fim #i tried to keep references and jokes out of this

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aikainkauna · 6 years

Text

Movie meeeehm

Thanks to @nitrateglow for these!

1: A movie you enjoyed as a kid that you don't now

-Probs some comedy I'd find awfully sexist/racist/homophobic etc. now. But of course, I can't recall a specific one, probs because the experience is so deeply squicky and traumatic. Oh, wait, I know. I adored The Great Mouse Detective as a kid, but have heard so many "bleh" comments about it later that I don't want to ruin it by rewatching it as an adult. Why take a happy, cherished, pure and joyous memory away, especially as there are so few of those in my life anyway in proportion to the bad memories?

2: A movie you disliked as a kid that you like/love now

-Not a movie, but I was literally too fucking terrified to watch Doctor Who as a kid on cable, because the Tom Baker repeats they were showing terrified me with the title sequence alone. That empty stare and howling, diddly-duming music were enough to give me nightmares. So I only got into Who in my late teens!

3: Your favorite movie as a kid

-Define "kid." I went through several. I loved the Disney Robin Hood, of course, and at puberty, Wayne's World (yes) and The Princess Bride were my own cult movies, before I had anyone to fangirl them with. Ah, the pre-Internet era.

4: An actor/actress it took you time to warm up to

I remember being weirdly terrified and disturbed by Jeremy Brett as a kid, but then I felt the same about Bowie, and... well. Clearly it was my baby self not knowing WTF to do with all this stirring, restless energy that later turned out to be my skinnyandrogynousbisexualguy orientation thingy. And while I'd first seen Caligari and Casablanca as a teen in the early 90s, I wasn't ready for Connie until he pounced me in 2012. I would not have "got" him the same way and as hard until I was a grown-up, with a wide variety of experiences from many areas of life and a boatload of books/learning behind me. Just... no way.

5: A director it took you time to warm up to

-If anything, I've cooled off various directors I was impressed by when younger. So much of the auteur stuff gets wanky and self-imposing, in this Arrogant Artist Guy "look at my GENIUS big VISION and also insecurity about my penis size" kind of way. I like directors who can be warm and have fun and who show some real humanity (not wanky anvilly/kitchen sink-y sort of "humanity" either). Maybe Branagh? I found him a bit annoying as a kid, but now fap all over his stuff because now I'm old enough to Get It. He is the best kind of fanboy director; his geekiness is catching. Listening to his Thor commentary was a real eye-opener into my realising just how massive a nerd he is, and in a good, "one of us" kind of way.

6: Top five favorite soundtracks of your favorite movie composer

-There isn't just one! But Clint Mansell and Debbie Wiseman turn to gold everything they touch. Debbie especially is hugely unknown still, but she has this most amazing, swellingly Romantic music full of sweeping emotion that I just can't rec her enough. Do check her out; she'll give you goosebumps.

7: Three movies that defined your teen/childhood years

-I think I mentioned those already! But as a teenager, Bram Stoker's Dracula, La Reine Margot and Heavenly Creatures were formative. There were others I obsessed about way more than those, but they weren't as influential--it's more like they were massaging buttons I already had.

8: Sci-fi or westerns?

-Blake's 7! AKA "The Dirty Dozen in Space."

9: Are there any movies you own more than one copy of?

-Ahhahaha. AAAHHAHAHAHA! Of The Thief of Bagdad, I own: The Criterion clusterfuck with the awful clumsy cover someone had their 5-year-old draw, the Nordic DVD, the German Blu-Ray because I live on the edge (what with those Veidt Eye Closeups in HD being a hazard to any uterus) and at least three different digital copies. Because I'm me. I also own two digital copies and one DVD of Casablanca, three digital and one DVD of A Woman's Face and don't get me started on the British telefantasy I have on both DVD and VHS. I have spare copies of both the Caligari Masters of Cinema release and the ITV DVD of The Spy In Black, so I guess I should throw them at somebody.

10: Physical media or streaming?

-Neither. Video files firmly saved onto and run from my hard drive. Fuck streaming with its choppiness (ruins the viewing experience for me) and physical media are usually beyond my budget (unless I save up for a Connie DVD). Besides, I rip my favourite movie discs onto my HD anyway. I want to be able to gif that shit, dammit!

11: Are there any movies you watch on special occasions every year (Christmas, Halloween, birthdays, your mother's aunt's wedding anniversary, etc.)

-Used to do Nightmare Before Christmas on Halloween, but not any more. I still attempt ToB every Christmas. And I used to do All Through The Night with wine on my birthday, but as I can't tolerate alcohol anymore, the experience of Watching ATTN Drunk is no more. Someone start a Halloween tradition with me where we watch either The Student of Prague or Eerie Tales (or both) every year?

12: What movie do you most associate with your best friend(s)?

-Gosh, so few have stayed, so it's more like "movie that reminds you of a broken friendship," yay...?! I've learned to try and not associate movies with people that way any more, because it's more painful than it's worth. Connie is my best friend. He's like Krishna that way.

13: Name a movie adaptation you thought was better than or equal to its source material.

-LOTR put in more facial features and characterisation than Tolkien ever did, and did the tales far less fucking tediously. Imagine if you'd had to sit and watch hobbits walking through the countryside for 6 hours with barely anything happening?! Yeah...

14: What genres do your favorite movies tend to be?

-Historical, fantasy, Gothic Romantic, just Romantic stuff on the whole. More old than new movies these days. Why watch shitty modern chick flicks when I have far better characterisation and far less narrowly defined female lives in old-timey "women's pictures?" And guys who actually fucking shaved, dressed in clothes that were tailored for them instead of rented and saggy, whose bodily expressions weren't frozen for fear of "fagginess," and who weren't pumped full of 'roids.

15: Are you a fan of period dramas and if so, what era do you enjoy best?

-Yes. I love me some costume dramas, but I am seriously picky about them--most post-90s ones have been fucking awful and tend to feature shitty costumes and unkempt hair that would've sent real historical people to Bedlam, wobblycam from hell, vomit-inducingly excessive modernisation to be "edgy", and that one painfully skeletal bint they shove into every period drama ever these days, so it's... slim pickings for a history nerd, these days. There aren't many good ones set in the 17th century/Baroque era, which I love the most: the two Baroque dramas I wholeheartedly love are both series. (The Devil's Whore and By The Sword Divided.) The Angeliques and Musketeer adaptations are riddled with flaws, but there are some glowing bits within. As for The Golden Age of Islam... bloody hell, there really aren't that many good ones out there, are there?! ToB and Jodhaa Akbar and Disney's Aladdin, obviously. La Reine Margot isn't "my" period but it's great, as is Dangerous Liaisons (also not my period)--those are so fucking perfect. And the Connie period dramas, well... I think of them as primarily "silent movies" or "old movies," actually. Of those, The Student of Prague, ToB and The Wandering Jew are the best "costume" ones, IMHO. (I'd probs enjoy Lucrezia Borgia and Carlos and Elisabeth way more, were the copies we have not so smudgy.)

16: Name a movie you love that you would recommend to just about everyone.

-Ah, but we know there are always cynical cunts out there who'd give even Casablanca two stars, so what's the point? I'd still recommend it, though. And The Lion King, I guess.

17: Name a movie you love that you consider an acquired taste.

-Honestly, I'm thinking of telly rather than movies again. You will pry my cherished copy of The Time Monster from my cold, dead hands. Does The Devil of Winterborne count as a movie or TV? That's how far back my love for Mark Gatiss goes. Um... Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood makes me fucking cry with laughter (the comedic timing is what does it. *beat* "Ain't dat some shit!"). Of Connie's oeuvre, yes, I know Bella Donna is rubbish, but Connie and Mary are SIZZLING and horny and juicy and it's Valid as a BDSM porn movie. And the novel is actually good.

18: Name a film you like directed by/starring a filmmaker/actor you normally don't care for.

-Not so much actor/director, but I did *not* expect to love Thor as much as I did, because I expected a dumb popcorn movie but got great adventure cinema with a touch of Shakespeare instead. I really am not the right audience for regular Marvel features at all, before or after. Fuck Marvel up its dumb macho Republican ass. But Thor is fucking beautiful and operatic and poetic and majestic and Pagan and shit. Branagh knows what I like.

19: Name a movie that blew your mind.

-A Woman's Face (1941). Because. Holy. Fuck. How can I keep on finding yet more details in it six years after first watching it, having watched it countless times by now?! And obvs all the other stuff, like the shockingly good female POV, amazing and complex woman protagonist, amazing writing, amazing ensemble cast, amazing direction, amazing lighting, amazing evil Torsten Slinkypussy Barring and The. Goddamn. Attic. Scene.

20: What genre mash-up would you most love to see that either hasn't been done yet or hasn't been done enough?

-Feminist-savvy historical romance with fantasy elements and hot explicit sex that's not shit. Basically, like the stuff you see in my fics, but better paced and woven into coherent adventure movies.

21: The coolest movie you've ever seen

-Too, too many. But Bogie was the coolest. And Claude Rains had the best acting skills. And Conrad Veidt was Conrad motherfucking Veidt. So what with those three mountains of coolness all converging under the Moroccan sky, I'm sure it's safe to say "Casablanca."

#movies #personal #meme #i am leaving out tons i know #but i must attempt sleep nao #i was quoting don't be a menace to myself just yesterday ffs #every time there's an anvilly Point in a movie #i keep screaming 'mmESSAGE!'

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zypdx · 7 years

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My Impressions of the Types

These are based solely on my experiences. They turned out a little more negative than I intended, since I’m not great at expanding on the positives. I love all the types, so focus on the good parts please lol. Also included: advice for each type.

ENTP

We’ll start here, because this is me. I don’t actually know a whole lot of other ENTPs, at least not very closely right now in my life. The ones I do know I get along very well with. They’re funny and it’s always great getting into discussions about random things. Tbh tho ENTPs are kind of 50/50 hit or miss with their Fe. Ones that have healthy Fe are all around wonderful to be around; they’re fun, engaging, and nice. Ones that lack healthy Fe sometimes act weird just to get attention or will say some pretty insensitive things. Most are pretty awkward though, in one way or another. It’s hard to break past the acquaintance barrier unless they’re actively trying to befriend you. My advice: work on socializing and figuring out what to say and also not sucking at being organized (I’m working on these too lol)

INTP

INTPs are really similar to ENTPs, just quieter and awkward in a different way. I love them to death though. The ones I’ve met are really great people and always have some funny remark or interesting insight on anything. The one I’m closest with right now is a little bit dependent socially, so I feel kind of tied to them at social gatherings. Oh wait there was this one other one I knew a while ago who’s a huge jerk, and rejected anything good about others. My advice: open up a little more. You’re great, people will love you if you give them the chance (unless you’re an edgy jerk, then work on being a decent person, then open up, but that’s probably not you).

ESTP

I love ESTPs they’re so fun. As an Ne-dom though, it’s sometimes hard to relate to them, as abstract discussion is much more interesting for me than for them. Also, I find that every single ESTP is into some combination of sports, cameras, and cars (or for the 1% that don't fit any of those, try music or video games). As long as you know something about each of those, you’ll be able to have some sort of conversation/hang out with any ESTP. Many are prone to doing really stupid things though (at least the male ones I know) and will probably die someday in a silly stunt. Overall, super chill people. My advice: Don’t do anything too stupid. Always calculate your risks.

ISTP

I don’t know too many ISTPs very well. But the ones I do know, I very much enjoy hanging out with. As an ENTP, I love their strong Ti. It’s so fun to dissect things in conversation with them. They sometimes will also suffer from Edgy Jerk Syndrome like INTPs, but if not, they’re very likeable. They’re also really chill, like ESTPs, but in an even more laid-back way. Unless you’re annoying, then they will not be chill at you at all. My advice: Be nice to people, and keep doing you.

ENFP

Oh dear where do I begin? My 13 y/o brother and my dad are ENFPs and as far as I can remember I’ve had an ENFP best friend/sidekick. My current best friend is an ENFP and he’s great and I love him but also I hate him. My dad is such an incredibly extraverted person if we’re outside the house. He will talk to literally anyone about basically anything. Now that I think about it, my brother is the most exaggerated form I can think of of each of his function (except inf Si). His Ne is literally insane. Ne: For the past few weeks he’s been singing/screaming about “chickensquids” to the tune of any song he can think of (and he loves memes). Fi: Ohhh boy has this kid got some not-so-healthy-Fi. He always has to have his way or he starts yelling. He doesn’t care much for what others want and will make some selfish decisions like all the time. (But when he’s not he is a really fun person to be around). Te: When he wants something, he will create a specific plan for how he wants it and he will Execute. I need $60 for this new game? If mom and dad pay me $10 an hour for doing chores, I need to do exactly six hours of dishes, vacuuming, etc. and I can have this game by 4:00 today. But other than that he will not lift a finger of work. My best friend though, I love him, we’re very similar people. Our Ne is always in-sync. He knows about MBTI in-depth too, so he's worked on polishing up his Te and making sure his Fi thinks about other people. And he just keeps better too. I'm real grateful to have him around because I'd be so bored without him. He’s a lil dramatic sometimes but that’s okay. So... overall ENFPs are real social and fun but can be a pain in the butt if they don't get their way. My advice: Remember that there's more to life than just you having fun.

INFP

I've mistyped a good (ISTJ) friend of mine as an INFP for a long time and it's been a while since I've actually interacted with INFPs regularly so writing this one might require a little more thought and digging through my inf-Si haha. In my experience INFPs are pretty 50/50 too: they'll either be super sweet and quiet, or very strongly-opinionated individuals with a bit of a wild side, which will especially come out once you get close to them. The latter are truthfully a prime example of my (not-to-be-taken-very-seriously) saying of "Feelers have no chill." My advice: Idek you probably wouldn't follow it anyway

ESFP

I have a love/hate relationship with ESFPs. Two of my good friends in my recent high school years were ESFPs and they were quite different but with significant similarities. Let's start with similarities: Probably the most fun people you will ever meet. They love dancing and are always fun to be around. Unless they're in a bad mood. Differences: ESFP 1: Probably the most outgoing person I've ever met (even more than my aforementioned ENFP Dad). He was a huge mess with girls tho. Everyone was in love with him and he'd be absolutely in love with a girl one week, and then drop her and be into another the next week. He hurt a lot of people's feelings and was kind of a huge inconsiderate jerk. Also, a bit of a pathological liar and would find out people's secrets and then broadcast them to the world. Idek why we hung out with him so much. It's kinda weird how he managed to be so charming yet so inconsiderate. When in a bad mood, he wouldn't say anything or look at anyone, but you could see the fire in his eyes. ESFP 2: Very opinionated social activist and lead actor in like all of our productions. He's much less outgoing, but was still really fun to hang out with. He disliked a lot of people and would get annoyed by little things. I wasn't around him too much outside of school, but I know he partied hard, but wasn't openly a huge stoner like some people are. My advice: CHILL.

ISFP

I'm not too familiar with many ISFPs, but they're all pretty quiet. Basically the same as the second kind of INFP but typically have some specific thing they're really into: theater, drawing, sports, music. They tend to not like most people as well. My advice: tbh same as INFP.

ENTJ

I don't know any ENTJs. Where are they? Advice: Show yourself

INTJ

Are NTJs even real? Are they a myth? Are we human? Or are we dancer? (Sorry idk I'm a meme). I see tons of people typed as INTJs online but I suspect a lot of them are not what they think they are. They're rare types, we can't all be INxJs. (So rare that I know none.) Advice: Read up on functions in-depth, if you're not suuuuper well acquainted. Make sure you're 100% an INTJ. (Inb4 people offended I'm questioning their type)

ESTJ

ESTJs have a pretty wide spectrum from pretty chill to pretty stereotypically Te. My main ESTJ is literally Dwight from The Office sometimes. The most stereotypical ESTJ you can think of. He ran track and Cross Country (not that it's stereotypical but an interesting detail) and was always leading Boy Scouts projects and events. Very quick to direct people and give orders. He was really into superheroes though. He also memorized thousands of bad jokes, one-liners, and puns that I heard so many times over again over the eight years of knowing him. Prone to getting slightly physical when angry. His dad is a huge ESTJ too, who knew every practical skill you can think of. He was a church/scouts leader of ours and has a lot of knowledge in so many different topics. He was in the navy and is now an ironworker. Such a great storyteller and always the center of attention. He's actually a very funny person and puts up a bit of a mean facade, but really has a heart of gold under it all and everyone knows it (but he does intimidate younger kids occasionally when he comes across too strong). Another ESTJ church/scouts leader I know is super chill and hangs out like one of us kids a lot of the time at events. Also a great storyteller. My advice: No you give me advice. How are you so organized and straightforward? Real advice: Let other people be themselves and handle their own life.

ISTJ

Most of my ISTJs I had previously mistyped as other things, so this one will take some thought like INFP. ISTJs are mostly all really nice people that I love to be around. A good friend of mine in high school was so much of that that I was positive she was an ESFJ. Another I thought was an INFP for a long time. ISTJs will always put the group first, and almost seem like they have Fe most of the time, with exceptions of course. One ISTJ I know was THE MOST STEREOTYPICAL STJ POSSIBLE. He was a 50-60 year old Boy Scout leader and EVERYTHING has to be by the book and by the rules with no exceptions. There will be no fooling around when he is there. One time at a Fourth of July social event he gathered up a bunch of kids and told a very boring, ridiculously long story about something in American history. (I just walked away after two minutes. I'm there to have fun, not hear a boring story.) My ENFP best friend's parents are both ISTJs so that makes for an interesting family dynamic. Si-doms will also talk and talk and talk. The one I thought was an INFP, my closest ISTJ friend, will go on forever about computers. He loves computer programming and suggests to anyone that they study it because "it's a growing field and it's very secure with lots of options. And it's a very useful skill" (not an exact quote, but he says things like it very often). My advice: Make sure people are interested when you talk about the same thing for long periods of time. Give them space to also give responses of a decent length. And not everything needs to be fully planned out. Go with the flow.

ENFJ

I don't know too many people of this type very well (he says for the the thirtieth time), but those who I suspect to be ENFJs are all very likeable people. They're social and kind, but not overbearingly so. Just the right amount that they know what to say but they typically don't talk too much. My advice: Keep doin you.

INFJ

What's an INFJ?... Actually when I was writing the ENFJ section I realized someone I previously typed as one is probs an INFJ so... Yeah same as ENFJ, really. But also see INTJs above. My advice: see INTJ and/or ENFJ

ESFJ

I know so many ESFJs. Honestly, I bet everyone does. This section doesn't really feel needed because you could just go literally anywhere with people and find twelve. I love ESFJs though, they're one of my favorite types on average because they always make you feel welcome (unless they hate you). ESFJs are either really nice and sweet or need to chug a bottle of chill pills (figuratively. I'm not advocating drug use) or both, depending on the day. Also, kinda unrelated but I love how mom ESFJs increase their mom-mess by about 300% whenever there are people over. There is about a 70% chance that the house will be clean and a 100% chance food will be offered, much higher than the average levels. ESFJs are also very susceptible to Feelers Have No Chill™. My advice: Chill. Keep doin you tho, just don't stress so much. And stop gossiping, for the love of all that is good in this world. ESFJs will always, without fail, say "ugh I hate drama/gossip" and then proceed to gossip for three hours and cause drama. (ExFPs do this too).

ISFJ

I love ISFJs (again I've said this for like every type lol). My little brother is one, as well as a number of other friends and some church/scout leaders. They are so considerate and kind. Sometimes too considerate though, for example, an ISFJ friend of mine worries about offending someone or saying something rude at every turn when they weren’t doing anything of the sort. Apologizing too much. One ISFJ I know will end up sharing a lot of their feelings or whatever and then say to themselves “Okay, (ISFJ), it’s time to stop oversharing. Nobody wants to hear about your issues” and give a nervous laugh. ISFJs are really smart too like a lot of the ones I know have some rock-solid tert-Ti (not to say that Ti is a measure of intelligence or that Ti=smart, but like… You get what I’m saying). Honestly, I feel like some ISFJ stereotypes are the most accurate of any MBTI stereotypes. The first time I met one ISFJ I know was at a pool party and they just made brownies to bring and share and I’m pretty sure that was the only food there. My advice: Don’t worry so much (about anything, i mean this in every sense of the word). See also ISTJ.

#mbti #entp #intp #estp #istp #enfp #infp #esfp #isfp #entj #intj #estj #istj #enfj #infj #esfj #isfj #mbti descriptions #ne #ni #te #ti #fe #fi #se #si #cognitive functions #myers briggs #advice #mbti advice

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aidoru-ojisan · 7 years

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Hey, now that majority of the Anime of Summer 2017 have been released I guess it’s finally time for me to give all of you my thoughts on the Anime that I have watched this season, I will also be giving an overall rating based on the first episodes and if it’s worth watching or not! Now let’s start!

MB Oji-san’s thoughts on Summer 2017 Anime

1. Action Heroine Cheer Fruits: So apparently this series focuses on a group of... I believe middle school students, try gaining more visitors to their small home town by creating their own action hero group, which is a popular trend in their year... The series does have quite a simple concept and the character designs are quite nice, a cute girls doing cute things show that has actual goals, kinda reminds me of Sakura Quest with the concept of bringing visitors to a small town in the country but lacks the all the amazing things it has, it’s something easy to watch but nothing fantastic, 6/10 (Try at least 3 episodes if you want to give it a shot) *Update: Dropped, I have better things to do rather than watch a sub-par show about a group of girls becoming a live action hero group. Would have probably enjoyed this if I was still a kid

2. Ballroom e Youkoso: I’ve seen this series jokingly called, “The Straight Yuri on Ice!!” that got a bit of a chuckle from me, but knowing that I was never a big fan of any form of dancing I knew that this series would have to do a lot to get me invested to keep watching it, and surprisingly it did, aside from the designs of Haikyuu! the soundtrack and animation of this show is pretty great and I find it quite amazing that our MC who was questioning himself about his future managed to gain such a great passion of ballroom dancing just from watching his now current tutor doing the art himself during a competition, not to mention all the girls in this show seem really cute (especially the one voice by Sakura Ayane) 8/10 (I highly recommend this show, one of the best of this season but do the three episode rule also if you find yourself losing interest afterwards)

3. Battle Girl High School - Apparently this is a mix of idol and cute girls fight monsters to save the planet series? Well this show has plenty of cute girls, yet the designs are kinda weak (that one girl that looks like Miria from Cinderella Girls always bugs me tbh) the plot is nothing too special, would be something you can get from some random Anime phone game, which this Anime originated from, but tbh some scenes are cute and I did follow this series closely because one of the girls are voiced by Ozora Akari’s seiyuu so... this show might not be for everyone but watch if it if you want to watch cute girls doing cute things while saving the world 6/10 (3 episode rule) *Want to drop, but cannot due to Akari’s VA voicing one of the girls

4. Centaur no Nayami - Here we have this season’s monster girl series... and honestly I find it a bit lacking compared to Winter’s Demi-chan... sure this series may have some Yuri undertones and cute girls but I find this world’s underlining politics and evolution system a bit unsettling... which is apparently connected to the story of our main cast later on but it seems just so oppressive despite the series’ cute SOL look, it’s good though and if you like cute monster girls go ahead and watch it 7/10 (3 episode rule at best)

5. Fate/Apocrypha - Astolfo, Modred, and Jeanne D’Arc, that should be enough for you to watch this Fate series 8.5/10 (Go ahead and watch it, no need to watch all the Fate series, you still should but this is set in an alternate universe) *Update, Changing the score to a 7, not even Astolfo can save this series

6. Hajimete no Gal - the goddamn MC of this series does not deserve Yukana... despite the stereotypes of gyarus, she’s a sweet girl who’s way out of the dude’s league and you almost want to punch him for all the stupid things he does later in the series 6.7/10 (3 episode rule, or watch if you’re a harem ecchi fan) *Want to drop but can’t, I want to see if Yukana dumps the MC’s sorry idiotic ass

7. Hina Logi ~from Luck & Logic~ - This spin-off of the Lock & Logic series has got to be one of the Animes of Summer 2017 that has impressed me the most, despite having a much more moe style compared to the original series, Hina Logi’s OP animated with paper cut-outs was honestly SUPER IMPRESSIVE, it has got to be my fave OP animation of this season. Not to mention the action scenes are impressive as well, the character designs are nothing to write home and this show does have it’s own share of fan service but it’s honestly pretty fun! 7.5/10 (Watch the original Luck & Logic if you wish to view this one, the original is pretty good would rate it the same score as Hina Logi)

8. Isekai Shokudou - honestly one of the best looking shows this season, despite not having too much of a fantasic plot, you can call this series “the fantasy version of Shokugeki no Soma without foodgasms” well sexual ones at least, but just a simple laid back series about a regular restaurant owner serving customers from another world with his cute fantasy world coworkers 8/10 (highly recommend, watch if you want a nice looking laid back series)

9. Kakegurui - man the ugly facial expressions... the stakes of the gambling games... the GREAT OP but s**tty ED... the fan service... this is actually a really good series tbh 7.8/10 (I recommend it, watch it if you want a well animated series with some nice psychological moments and high stakes)

10. Katsugeki Touken Ranbu - Ufotable + Samurais??????.... it’s OK 7.5/10 (3 episode rule at best)

11. Knight's & Magic - Honestly I feel like this series is being over hyped, I don’t know if it’s because the main character that was formerly just a working programmer mecha otaku who is reincarnated as a pretty boy voiced by Megumin’s seiyuu or good ol’ Chu Chu Yeah! fhana singing the OP (tbh I kinda feel the opening to be one of her weaker songs but eh that’s me) but I can hand it to this series for having well animated robot fight scenes and monsters, I’m kind of a hipster so I hate over hyped series but as a reviewer I will not let this effect the score I’ll be giving it 7.5/10 (I recommend it to people who want a pretty good looking isekai series with some badass looking mechas)

12. Koi to Uso - Despite the character designs of this series seeming a bit wacky sometimes, the coloring of this series is absolutely beautiful, and can I just say the concept of government arranged marriages to counter Japan’s declining child birth rate and Lilina was enough to get me to read all the released chapters of the Manga? Heads up, Yusuke is best girl 8/10 (highly recommend if you’re into good romance with some drama)

13. Made in Abyss - Such simplistic character designs yet unique... such a wonderful soundtrack that I was only wishing it could be Post-Rock... wonderful world building of a world so beautiful... this show is also apparently super dark so as a Metal fan... beauty within the darkness is greatly appreciated 9/10 (HIGHLY RECOMMEND but warning, the source of this series shows that the Anime can get SUPER DARK in later episodes so I’ll be giving you a heads up just in case you can’t stomach it, one of my fave Animes of 2017 next to Tsuki ga Kirei)

14. New Game!! - OVERRATED but... nice Yuri vibes, fan service, cute characters and scenes eh 7.5/10 (watch if you have seen the 1st season)

15. Princess Principal - I just can’t get over the character design choice of this series... moe despite being a serious edgy steam punk spy series... well edgy moe series like Yuuki Yuuna are masterpieces so I won’t let it bug me too much, the OST and scenery of this series is great 7.8/10 (watch if you want cute girls doing edgy spy stuff)

16. Tenshi no 3P! - lolis and some loner teenage dude make music, the ED is pretty Metal but god... dude gonna go to jail 6.5/10 (eh 3 episode rule unless you like lolis go for it) *Update: Dropped! I don’t care for the “Metal that’s always used in Anime” ED, I’m not watching this obvious as f**k Lolibait

17. Youkai Apartment no Yuuga na Nichijou - this has an old anime vibes, which isn’t a negative statement, it’s positive, simply an Anime about a dude who wants to live in his high school's dorms so that he wouldn’t be a burden to his uncle and his family ever since losing his parents and residing in their house, sadly said dorm is burned down in a fire and he ends up living in a supernatural apartment and finding out he has powers to help others, a really nice laid back series the soundtrack choice can suck at times and the character design and coloring is nothing special but I can feel heart in this series 7.5/10 (3 episode rule at best)

18. Youkoso Jitsuryoku Shijou Shugi no Kyoushitsu e - this series impresses me, not only with the great coloring and each character have unique individual designs, just the usage of quotes from writers of great and the concept of the students in the school these series takes place in with only the superior classes only truly mattering is a bit cliched but interesting 7.8/10 (3 episode rule at best)

19. Aho-Girl - Funny as heck and short, always making for a good laugh and the fan service in this show merely makes me laugh compared to being aroused, love the voice choices for A-Kun and Yoshiko, reminds me of Yusuke and Futaba from P5 8/10 (highly recommend if you want to laugh)

20. Netsuzou Trap -NTR-: Only 10 minutes or less per episode???? DISAPPOINTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well this series already makes me feel conflicted despite being Yuri but damn the Anime ain’t nothing special aside from that 7/10 (uh want Yuri which is super rare, watch it but the NTR element will make you question yourself)

21. Tsurezure Children - Nice, short good romance comedy Anime, makes your heart skip a beat while laughing 8/10 (watch if you want a good short romcom series)

22. Gamers! - I honestly wonder how the studio got all the rights to use all those game refrences, suprisingly is quite a good watch despite the MC being kind of a wimp 7/10 (Watch if you like a different formula to the “club” genre)

23. Teekyu S9 - Time for more wacky Teekyu stuff 6.5/10 (uh you should pretty watch all 8 previous seasons if you want to watch this)

24. Isekai wa Smartphone to Tomo ni. - tbh a decent isekai series, not too much of that generic crap and every action the characters do feels meaningful 7/10 (Watch if you want something that’s a mix of serious and comedy isekai)

THOUGHTS ON CONTINUING SHOWS

Aikatsu Stars - Koharu’s back and that’s all I need 7/10 (honestly I see the writers are pulling a “Love Live!” writers move and might make all the future episodes way too similar to the 1st series, which sucks since Stars! felt pretty OK despite the low ratings)

Re:Creators - Overrated, that’s all, this show is getting boring, the girl from the Eroge is saving this show 7/10

Shingeki no Bamahaut: Virgin Soul - Still good, I’m just wondering if Nina will be OK, cause I don’t want anything bad happening to her 8/10

Boku no Hero Academia - I love Ochako, that is all 8.5/10

Sakura Quest - the new OP and ED are “meh” compared to the first ones but the 2nd cour seems pretty good and it was pleasant to hear fluent Spanish in an Anime of all places 8/10

Sagrada Rest - DROPPED, but it’s OK, JJBA Part 5 will come after this boring ass show too ded for me/10

#I think a few shows have yet to be aired but here you go~#anime #review #list #mb oji-san's rants

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prodigal-sunlight · 7 years

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Definitely Totally Married; Ch. 1

Chapter One

Reaper76 slow-burn shipfic, rated PG. (Some chapters may be rated PG-13; I don’t know yet. Any such chapters will be clearly marked.) Lots of mutual pining. Takes place during the Omnic Crisis.

When a small group of terrorist fans the fires of the Omnic Crisis, Overwatch sends Gabriel Reyes and Jack Morrison undercover to put a stop to it. Going undercover as a married couple isn’t exactly Jack’s first choice, but as the two friends work on the mission together, their love story starts becoming less and less of a show. Falling in love wasn’t in the mission plan.

“Stop grinning like that Morrison, you’re unnerving me,” Gabriel said, snorting as he gave Jack a light shove. “Mind telling me what’s going on?”

Jack snorted, shoving his hands deep into his jacket pockets. “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.” After a death glare from Gabriel, he started to laugh. “Fine, fine. Ana, Reinhardt and I were talking earlier. Apparently there’s an underground terrorist unit that’s been supplying weapons to the enemy omnics. From the sound of things, you and I are might get to have a bit of fun with this one.”

“Fun?” Gabriel raised an eyebrow, grabbing the door to the conference room. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m not really sure, but anything’s better than patrol, right?” Jack said, pushing the door open.

Torbjorn, Ana, and Reinhardt were already seated around the table, reading over a series of screens, each displaying a variety of news reports covering the omnic crisis. Reinhardt lifted his head with a grin, resting one hand on the helmet at his side. “Ah, friends! Glad you decided to finally show up!” Ana leaned back in her chair, leafing through a series of papers printed in thick, black ink. “Take a seat. We need to start discussing our next move.”

Gabriel and Jack sat in the two empty chairs next to each other, trading a quick glance between just them.

“So,” Gabriel asked, folding his arms. “This is about the terrorist unit then? What’s the deal with that?”

“After a bit of weapon tracing, I’ve figured out their general location,” Torbjorn announced, leaning forward in his chair. “They’re using sheet metal from an abandoned factory down in a small town in Idaho, and shipping out from a private hangar less than ten miles away. From what I can tell, their base of operations is undercover somewhere in a quiet neighborhood called Littlevale.”

Gabriel snorted. “Sounds charming.”

“We don’t want to spook them into relocating, so we were discussing the possibility of an undercover ops mission to shut them down,” Ana explained, sliding two manila envelopes across the table. “This is my official proposal that the two of you cover the mission while Torbjorn, Reinhardt and I continue to lead the charge against some of our more frontal threats.”

Gabriel and Jack high–fived, sharing a grin. “I think it goes without saying that we vote in favor,” Jack said, grabbing his own envelope, already digging through the papers inside. Sure special ops was more Gabe’s specialty than his, but he’d kill for a change of pace right about now.

Ana nodded. “Torbjorn? Reinhardt? What are your thoughts?”

“Sounds excellent! Best of luck to you both, my friends!” Reinhardt said eagerly.

Torbjorn nodded. “Aye.

Ana smiled, folding her arms on the table. “It’s unanimous then. The two of you will spend two weeks undercover in ‘Littlevale’. I’ve already taken the liberty of contacting the seller of a home there, as well as preparing cover identities for you both. Everything we know so far is in those files. Remember, as far as anyone there will know, you are Gabe and Jonathan Smith.”

Jack flipped through the pages of the mission file absently. “Why do we have the same last name? Are we supposed to be brothers or something?”

Ana raised an eyebrow. “Of course not. Who’d believe that? You two are married, of course.”

“Cool,” Gabriel said, absently paging through his own files.

“Wait, what?” sputtered Jack, his neck burning as color began to rise in his cheeks. “Why are we married? Who’s going to believe that?”

Torbjorn laughed into his hand, elbowing Reinhardt. “Hah! Can you believe that? Tell them what you told me.”

Reinhardt shrugged, grinning sheepishly. “When I first met you two, I thought you were married. You must admit, you two are rather convincing as a couple!”

Jack dropped his face into his hands, as if he could hide how red his face had turned. “Gabe, can you believe this? We’ve been betrayed! Tricked!”

“Calm down, Jack,” Gabriel said bemusedly, pouring himself a mug of coffee. “I’m not going to screw you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Rolling his eyes, Jack folded his arms. “You’re all ridiculous. What, do we have children too? No, you know what, you wanted us to be married, so now we’re gonna adopt some gay kids.”

“Shut up, Jack,” Ana said, smirking. “You already voted for this mission. Now, you’re going to want to pack.” She paused, regaining her serious composure. “On that note, Torbjorn, can you show Gabriel how to work the transmission codec? If these terrorists send any messages in or out of their base, we need to know.”

As they spoke, Jack leaned back in his chair, staring fixedly at the ceiling. Sure, he and Gabriel flirted sometimes, but it was always as a joke. They’d been friends for so long, it would just be weird if something happened now, right? Well, there was that one time at the SEP when they had to share a bed. It had been pretty nice, actually. Gabe had such soft skin. And he smelled like coffee grounds, and discharged pulse munitions. They had just laid there in the dark, listening to each other breath. So close.

“Hey.” Jack blinked, sitting up as Gabriel cuffed him lightly across the arm. “It’s just a cover. You don’t have to make that face.”

“Face?” Jack said, stifling a smirk. “I wasn’t making a face.”

Gabriel grinned, raising an eyebrow. “No? Not this one?” He stuck out his tongue, dragging down his eyelids with an exaggerated look of exasperation.

“Shut up,” snorted Jack, pushing Gabriel away. “That’s it, I’m divorcing you. We’re getting divorced.”

Gabriel grinned, leaning in close. Really close. Jack paused, trying not to stare. “I guess I’m just too badass for you.”

“Nice try, ‘My Chemical Romance,’ but I’ve seen the little doodles of skulls you draw on your arm with pink highlighter,” Jack teased.

“That was one time,” Gabriel protested, folding his arms moodily. “If you don’t stop bringing it up, I’ll rip off your arm, Morrison.”

Jack laughed. “Funny, you told me that the last ten times.” It felt so good. Right. Constantly teasing each other, bickering over stupid things, always having each other’s back. This was the way things were meant to be. This was perfect.

He picked up the mission papers, skipping ahead to the info on their new identities as Jonathan and Gabe Smith. Couldn’t have chosen a more generic last name, huh? Married four years, just returned from a yearlong work trip in D.C, and looking to settle down for a quiet family life.

Jack glanced up as Gabriel walked away, starting to talk with Torbjorn at the door. He found himself smiling, though he wasn’t really sure why.

Never mind this, he had a mission. Undercover or not, he wanted to make sure they would be armed and ready. Maybe he’d talk to Mercy, see if she could upgrade his biotic field, just in case things went south. Standing, he tucked the mission file under his arm. He paused a second, biting back a grin. As he passed through the door, he firmly smacked Gabe across the butt. “See you in Littlevale, babe.”

. . . . .

“Can you believe this? We’ve got the tech and know how to fabricate completely new civilian identities on a whim, infiltrate the most high security organizations, fight an entire army of super strong, super angry omnics—but SOMEHOW it didn’t occur to anyone that this wallpaper is damn ugly?”

“Oh come on Gabe,” Jack said, leaning his suitcase up against a wall. “You’d probably decorate this room like a poster for some edgy teenage band, or a thirteenth century torture dungeon.”

Gabriel folded his arms, huffing. “You’ve got no taste Jack Morrison. I bet you think that floral print couch just looks great, huh? It looks and smells like crusty old mustard!”

“Calm down, it’s only for two weeks. Plus, we’re only using the house to station the surveillance equipment, it’s not like we’re going to actually grow old together here,” Jack snorted, pulling the living room curtains shut.

“Damn right we aren’t,” Gabriel grumbled. “If you were actually expecting me to live here, I’d divorce your ass in a heartbeat.”

“Not if I divorce you first,” Jack said, throwing one of the onion green pillows at Gabriel’s head.

Gabriel stumbled in shock, giving Jack an exaggerated look of furious betrayal. He lunged forward to grab a pillowy weapon of his own when—

Ding–dong!

The two shared a cautious glance. After a moment, Jack walked over to the door, opening it up. “Um, hello?”

Outside stood a tall, square–shouldered man with curly red hair. He wore a casual sweater vest, carried a small sleeping baby girl, and held a wicker basket under one arm. When the door opened, he split into a wide, white smile. “You must be the new neighbor! It’s really just great to meet you. My name is Andrew Miles. I live in the house next door with the wraparound porch.” He held out the basket, filled to the brim with fresh fruit, and neatly tied down with a red ribbon. “I figured I’d swing by and bring you a little house–warming gift. I grow the fruit in my own backyard, so it’s fresh off the tree. It’s really just my way of welcoming you to the neighborhood!”

Jack quickly smiled, shaking Andrew’s hand as he accepted the huge basket. “I’m, ah, Jonathan Smith. But you can call me Jack.”

Andrew laughed, bouncing the little baby lightly. “It’s really just great to meet you Jack!” he said, smiling. “So, besides being incredible handsome, what do you do for a living?”

Jack blinked. “Excuse me. What?”

“I asked what you do for a living,” Andrew said brightly, brushing a curl out of his eyes. “I coach the kids’ soccer team. It doesn’t pay a lot, but it’s really just fun seeing the kids so excited, you know? You?”

What did he do for a living? He knew it was in the identities they’d planned and the legal papers, but suddenly he couldn’t make himself think.

A warm, strong hand grabbed his shoulder tightly. “My Jackie here is a real estate agent,” Gabriel cut in, leaning in close. “I’m Gabe Smith, his husband. Nice to meet you.”

“Well Gabe, you really just won the lottery, didn’t you?” Andrew chuckled, offering Jack a wink. “I was just welcoming Jack to the neighborhood.”

“Great. Fantastic,” Gabriel said.

There was a long, uncomfortable silence, falling over everything like a thick sheet of snow. Finally managing to grab a hold of his senses, Jack coughed, cutting in quickly. “It’s been nice meeting you, Andrew. Thank you for the fruit basket.”

“The pleasure has been mine, Jack. Hey, there’s a neighborhood barbecue tonight. Would you like to come? You can bring your husband, if you want,” Andrew said.

“We need to unpack,” Gabriel said quickly.

“We’d love to come,” argued Jack, elbowing Gabriel. “Thank you for inviting us, we’ll be sure to come.”

The door was barely closed when he turn to Gabriel, glaring. “Come on Gabe, what was that about? You were being weird!”

“What was that about? I was keeping you alive, you idiot! We don’t know who could be involved in this terrorist group, and now you just want to go partying around to some stranger’s barbecue?”

Jack groaned. “I’m not partying around! I’m trying to find opportunities for us to investigate, Gabe! Plus, it’s not like anyone would shoot me to death right there in plain sight of the entire cul-de-sac!”

“But he was hitting—“

“So what if he was hitting on me! He’s kind of cute, okay? Maybe I liked it! And just because he was flirting doesn’t mean my guard was down. I can protect myself just fine!”

Gabriel let out a frustrated yell, dropping down on the couch. “Look, I don’t care if redheads are your kink, Jack! As far as anyone in this neighborhood is supposed to know, you and I are happily married. We have a cover to keep up! You can’t just—“

“Alright, alright! I’ll try and avoid it next time.” There was a long pause, and Jack sighed, slumping down on the couch next to him. He sat close to Gabriel, nudging him lightly. “It’s not my fault I look the way I do.”

“You’re right,” Gabriel said, sinking into the couch cushion with a small smile. “No one would be so ugly and disgusting if they could help it.”

Jack smiled at the joke, grabbing Gabriel’s hand. The touch was like a spark, and they both fell suddenly silent, not meeting eyes. For a moment, he wasn’t sure whether or not to regret it. No, it was fine. He was doing this to let Gabriel know he cared, because that’s what friends did. Just… friends. “I’m not going to promise I’ll be safe. You know neither of us can.”

Gabriel leaned in close. Jack’s breath caught. He was warm. He smelled like coffee grounds and pulse munitions. He was so, so incredibly close. “I know. But you’ll at least try to be careful, right?

Nodding slightly, Jack worked up the courage to lean in as well. This was nothing special, he reminded himself. They’d held each other before, been this close to each other before. Still, he couldn’t help but feel that this moment was special somehow. “Only if you are too.”

#Overwatch #Reaper76 #R76 #Reaper #Soldier76 #morreyeson #Jack Morrison #Gabriel Reyes #Torbjorn #Reinhardt #Ana Amari #Overwatch Ana #prods-fics

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clownn-townn · 7 years

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Alright, so one of my friends had posted on facebook asking for people’s paranormal experiences and I thought, hey, maybe I should share mine on Tumblr and do something similar. So, here are mine. Feel free to reblog with your paranormal experiences! I’d love to read them. I’ll be keeping up with the notes.

Alright, so I’m going to start with the most recent one and go in no chronological order, just this one happened in my freshman year of college and the rest happened in high school.

Freshman year of college. I'd already had plenty of experience with the paranormal. Done my own ghost hunts, used oujia boards on a regular basis, lived in haunted houses, avid fan of Ghost Adventures and Ghost Hunters, nothing surprised me. Next to our tiny college town is an even tinier town called Gurdon where there's a tiny deserted cemetary next to some railroad tracks. Down those railroad tracks at night you can see a mysterious light called the Gurdon Light (that had long since been debunked as the train light reflecting off of swamp gas, yet remains a strong part of that towns folklore). Some idiot fellow freshmen decided that they we're going to go see the Gurdon Light on the night of a full moon. No way was I going to let these inexperienced idiots go alone, especially after asking "What are you going to do if you piss off a spirit?" And they answered with "There's a baseball bat in the trunk". Like... Friend... Buddy... Pal... The fuck? So I went with. After watching them freak out over every firefly and rustling leaf, I turned toward the car to get a better look around and off in the clearing just past the cemetary I saw a solid black crouched figure. It didn't seem friendly. I turned back toward the three idiots and saw that one of them, let's call him Justin, was staring straight towards that crouched figure. "You see it too, huh?" I asked him and he just nodded. "Look at it..." He said and I turned back towards and the crouched figure was slowly standing up. It was probably about 6' tall, taller than any of us there. "Car, now." I said and Justin immediately started heading to the car. The other two didn't seem to hear me so I repeated myself louder and we all hauled ass to the car. The other two who hadn't seen it saw it as we were leaving toward the dirt road that lead to the main road. They asked me what it was and honestly I have no idea what it was, whatever it was didn't want us in that graveyard.

There was another time, I had just moved into a new house and my best friend since 7th grade, let's call her Ashley, and I had a tradition every time we moved into a new house. We would draw our own Ouija board and we would figure out exactly what's in that house and what we need to watch out for or what we need to expect ect. Because we've both always been pretty sensitive to paranormal stuff. So as we sat in my room with the door open doing this Ouija board we finally contacted a spirit. It was a young girl, native American if the name and year was anything to go off of, and as we we're being led in circles in the answers to the questions, my bedroom door slowly started to close. We both look up at it. I explain to Ashley that my door doesn't do that. The door was heavy enough to where it didn't close because of gravity or anything and it took more than just the house settling to move it. The air conditioner was also off and no windows were open so it's very unlikely that there would've been any draft strong enough to move the door. So we decide to get up and look around. We were home alone because my siblings were visiting my grandparents and my mother was out doing grocery shopping, so the house was eerily quiet. The first room we go to is my siblings room, right across the hallway from my room. We stand in there and listen for a minute cause we're both getting weird vibes from the room and then suddenly the air conditioner bangs loudly, it never is that loud kicking on, and Ashley screams and shoves past me and runs out of the room and out the front door. I quickly follow after to make sure she's okay. I ask her what happened because I figured the air conditioner scared her and she took a moment to catch her breath before responding with "I saw a girl. She had two long, dark braids and a white dress". Very characteristic of a native American girl from the time era of integration, which was the time era that the spirit we were contacting was from. We go back inside, say goodbye on the Ouija board, and apologize for bothering her.

A rather funny one happened in that same house. This ones pretty short. I was practicing for a choir competition, if you're familiar with a competition called All Region then cool if not then really there's not much to know other than it's an audition for a special choir that can get you all sorts of bragging rights and scholarships. So to practice it, I would sing into my crappy laptop microphone, play it back, and see what parts exactly that I needed to work on and what I was good at ect. After a few rounds of singing a particularly difficult part, playing it back, then repeating, something strange popped up on the audio. I listened to that part a couple of times and determined that it wasn't the TV in the living room (my bedroom was the closest to the living room and it was a trailer so the walls weren't the most sound proof) because, well, after going through all the previous recordings, there was not even a hint of sound from the living room on any of them. So I went back to the strange recording and listened to it to try to determine exactly what it sounded like. Upon closer inspection, it was a male voice saying "You're really bad at that". Thanks, Mr. Ghost.

This one is really sad, and comes with a trigger warning of possible child abuse, the ghost being the victim of it. So, as with the past story involving Ashley, this story begins with her moving into a new house. This new house had a strange layout. The first floor was fairly normal; small kitchen, big open living room, and a hallway with the kids bathroom and the three bedrooms, there being a smaller bathroom in the master bedroom. Though, the height of the living room was two floors because above the kitchen there was a large loft type area, the stairs to it by the front door in the living room. That loft area was made into a video game room and basically the kids room, as much of a kids room as you can have for a 13 year old and a 16 year old. In it was a small closet where we stored the Rockstar guitars and drumset along with a ton of board games, the tiny closet had no door, it was just a tiny closet in a very inconvenient space in the middle of the part of the loft that overlooked the living room. Then on the other side where there was the actual wall, there was another door leading to a small room. Was it intended to be an extra bedroom? Strangely placed for that. It had a window on each of the three walls without the main door, one overlooking the driveway and two overlooking the surrounding woods. There was also a ceiling fan in it. The family used it as a storage room for just a bunch of random junk. Everyone dreaded going into that room, even Ashley's younger brother who was a bit too stupid to fear anything. This kid would rather jump off the loft onto the couch (about a 10-15 foot drop) than go into that room and he actually proved it. So, me and Ashley sat outside that room after taking a few months to gather up the courage and debate whether we should or not and we did the Ouija board. Every time you went into that room or even near the door, there was a heavy sense of dread. Dread, fear, nausea, migraines, all of it came from that room. So, we kind of assumed there was a demon in there. We braced ourselves as we started with the 'hello' and waited before I asked the first question. What we had gathered was that this was a kid from when the house was first built sometime in the mid 1900's, his name was Zach and he had died when he was just 15. He spent most, if not all of his time literally locked in the room. His father, maybe step father, we couldn't get a clear answer on that one, was a very not nice man who seemed to hate the boy, very little about his mother was found out because he was very vague and dodgy about questions about his mother. His father basically locked him in that room and barely let him leave, it was questionable as to whether he even went to school or not. His father beat him, starved him, and eventually he ended up dying due to the abuse and neglect. By then the emotions in that room were becoming too much for me and Ashley to bear and I said goodbye suddenly before going into the room, Ashley going to stop me but being too slow (she was still wary of it possibly being a demon who was lying to trick us because, well, us edgy teenagers thought everything was a demon), and I locked the door from the inside to keep her from getting in to stop me. She sighed and waited patiently outside the room. I sat in the middle of the room, cross legged, and honestly felt like I was going to either burst into tears or puke my guts up. I braved through it. I told the boy about my own abuse and neglect when I was not much younger than him, I told him that I understood and that it was okay to let go because the past couldn't keep you dragged down like this. He didn't have to spend his entire life in that room and that his father was no longer there to keep him in there. I told him that the events were in the past, and even if it still hurt, it was okay, because he wasn't alone. After that talk, it took about 15 minutes at the most, there was a metaphorical sigh of relief from the room. All the heaviness, all the dread, all the fear, it just...disappeared. The room was no longer painful, the room was now genuinely empty. I actually helped a spirit move on... Even Ashley felt it because as soon as he was gone, she asked very quietly if it was over and I unlocked the door and came out of the room and started crying. Even though the lighting hadn't changed at all, the room still seemed to glow a bit brighter from the sunlight. That's probably one of my favorite ghost stories to tell.

There was the time that I had a dream that I was by the school and saw a plane go down in the distance, shortly followed by a giant splash of water from where the plain would've landed in the distance. A few days later I watched the news and found out about Flight 370 going down. A similar premonition I had was less of a dream and more of a Final Destination sort of thing. I was sitting in the back seat, my boyfriend at the time (let's call him Gabe) was in the front passenger seat, and his best friend (let's call him Mark) was driving. Next thing I know my forehead was bloody, half of it mine and half of it not quite mine, and Mark was freaking the hell out. Then, just like in the FD movies, I was standing outside the car and we hadn't even left yet. I begged Gabe to sit in the back with me because I didn't wanna be lonely and he said only if the aux cord reached. Luckily it did. So he sat in the middle and I sat behind the passenger seat. We were going about 10 above the speed limit and a truck suddenly stopped in front of us. Mark slammed on his brakes about 30 feet behind the truck and, unfortunately, due to balding tires we skidding right into the back of the truck, causing the front end of Mark's brand new car to go under the back of the truck, push the engine into the car, and the passenger side airbag to deploy. After realizing what happened, we all exited the car. The only injury was Mark breaking his hand because he got so pissed about his brand new car that he punched a nearby stop sign. After taking the car to the mechanic to get it inspected for insurance purposes, it was revealed that I had saved Gabe's life. In the front passenger seat there was a ton of shrapnel that had shredded the front of that seat that would have definitely been at the right angle and height to shred Gabe's vital and vulnerably placed blood vessels.

#horror #paranormal #real experience #paranormal experiences #scary stories #horror stories #ghosts #spirits #premonitions #prophetic dreams #ouija board #hauntings #haunted house #demon #maybe #gurdon light #folklore #flight 370

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askthenewhopespeak · 7 years

Text

Daichi knocked on Natalie’s dorm door. “Hey, Martinez, are you in? I have a proposition for you!”

Natalie groggily stood up, before opening the door. “Hm? What is it? If it involves death, security, or helping Munakata off the lawn, count me out.”

“No, this is actually fun. You mentioned wanting to buy a blazer, right?” Daichi fished around in his pocket for his wallet, before flashing it out. “I have some money and I really feel like going to the mall. Want to come with?”

Natalie grinned. “You’re driving,” she said, stepping out of her room, closing and locking it behind her

Daichi laughed. “Alright, c'mon.” He guides her towards a car before climbing in. “Hope Hijirihara isnt going to need this anytime soon,” he murmured.

“Fuck ‘im,” she said, getting in the passenger side. She buckled up, grinning.

Daichi backed out, driving towards the mall. “You can play whatever you want. My sister used to play all types of music, so I’m basically desensitized to it all.”

Natalie shrugged, plugging her phone into the aux. “Kidzbop it is.”

“Oh… wow, your taste is even worse than hers,” Daichi mumbled, holding back a laugh.

Natalie laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m kidding. I’ll probably just put on my playlist that covers pretty much everything, so sorry if you don’t understand all of it.”

“That’s fine. I find it easier to drive if I listen to something,” Daichi said, sparing a quick glance to natalie.

Natalie nodded, pressing play. The song began playing, clearly metal. She grinned, leaning back in her seat.

Daichi tapped a finger to the beat, but he focused on the road. Even despairs could be safe drivers.

Natalie started singing along when the vocals began, the language sounding vaguely like clearing your throat.

“Huh… what language is that?” Daichi asked, slowing to a stop at the light.

“German,” she said, turning to look at him. “German’s a bit weird to learn to pronounce, but it was probably easier for me because I learned it later down the line.”

“Damn… how many languages do you speak?”

Natalie furrowed her eyebrows, beginning to count on her fingers. She began muttering under her breath, saying, “Let’s see, German, Italian, Russian, Spanish, English, Japanese, Korean, and bits and pieces of Texan. So…7-ish?”

“Texan is a language? I thought it was just an accent in America?” Daichi asked.

“I wish I could agree, but they have a whole other language. You haven’t truly lived until you’ve heard someone say ‘y'all'dn’t’ve unironically,” she said, scrunching up her nose.

“They don’t actually say that right?” Daichi’s face instinctively scrunched when he heard her say that horrible abomination. “Because that’s outrageous.”

“Yall'dn’t’ve and y'aint. Two very real things I heard when I was living in Texas,” she said, sighing.

“How do you delete Texas? I have to save the rest of the world from those word abominations.” Daichi turned. He was pretty sure this was the right way to the mall.

Natalie laughed. “Hey! It’s not all bad. Some good food came from Texas.”

“Yeah? Maybe it can redeem itself yet.” Daichi took another turn.

Natalie nodded, looking out the window. She couldn’t really think of much else to talk about.

Daichi sat in silence as well, letting the music wash over him. Soon enough, they reached the mall.

Natalie smiled, waiting for him to park before getting out. “So, where are we gonna start?”

“I was thinking we get your blazer first, since I have no idea what kind of coat I want yet,” Daichi said. He shrugged. “Or we can scour stores for the perfect coat.”

Natalie shrugged. “I was probably just gonna yank a student one from Naegi. We could just wander.”

“Wandering sounds nice. Relaxing, even,” Daichi said. He started to walk inside, letting the chill of the store sink in.

Natalie followed, glancing around. “Man, I haven’t been to this one yet. This is nice.”

“I don’t think I’ve been to a mall in years. I don’t even know where to begin really,” Daichi said, still walking through the store.

“Well, do you want to showcase just how edgy you are and find the entirety of Harajaku crammed into a single store?” She asked, gently elbowing him.

“Yeah, fuck it, let’s get edgy here. Lead the way, dear edgelady,” Daichi grinned.

Natalie grinned. “Jesus, are you going to get, like, a trench coat?”

“Hey, I might just look great in a trench coat. We don’t know yet, do we?” Daichi snorted. “We’ll just have to see.”

Natalie rolled her eyes, walking to the edgiest store in sight. “God, I feel my 13 year old self nodding in approval.”

“Well, get ready for her to lose her mind. I think we should both find the edgiest things in the store and then try it on,” Daichi said,“See who is the true edge master.”

Natalie narrowed her eyes. “You’re on.” She walked into the store, ignoring anything that wasn’t jet black.

Daichi grabbed a spiked collar. This was a terrible idea. He regretted it already, but he still kept searching through the store.

Natalie found a collar, belt, and combat boots. She put on a black hoodie, snickering.

Daichi put on the black gloves he found, alongside a trench-coat, spiked collar, and matching headband. He found the skinniest jeans he could find before running to the changing room.

Natalie bought some black lipstick, running to the bathroom. She put it on, before putting the rest of her mix-n-match hell outfit on.

Daichi stepped out, feeling his poor decisions much more personality. He bought some nail polish and eyeliner, putting it on as quickly as he could, admittedly not that well.

Natalie headed out of the changing room, waiting for Daichi.

Daichi walked over to Natalie. “What do you think?” His outfit was a bizarre mix of spiked collars and headbands, dark eyeliner, a trench coat, and the tightest skinny jeans in the store. He blew on his still drying nails.

Natalie’s jaw literally dropped. “You look like my 13-year-old self’s wet dream,” she said, covering her mouth in awe.

“How badly do you think the other two on security would react if I started wearing this to work?”

“I would start crying. I would actually, physically, cry,” she said, trying to hold back laughter. “But, in all seriousness, the trench coat doesn’t look bad on you. And, with a little work, you could rock eyeliner.”

“You think so? I might actually buy the trench-coat then. And as for your outfit…”

Natalie shrugged. “I couldn’t find enough fishnet in my size.”

“I dare you to wear that on patrol tomorrow,” Daichi snorted.

“If you wear that spiked collar and wink when someone asks what it’s for, I’ll do it.” “Deal.” Daichi outstretched his hand for a handshake.

Natalie spit in her hand, holding it back out for him as well. “Seal the deal, bucko.”

Daichi spits in his as well, shaking hers. “Let’s do this.”

Natalie grinned, going to buy everything. “I’ll tease my hair if you straighten yours and give yourself emo bangs.”

“Oh easy peasy. This is going to be pure gold.”

Natalie could barely hold back her laughter. “Oh my god, what are they going to say?”

Daichi smirked before mimicking Hijirihara’s voice. “The hell are you two doing?”

Natalie held her stomach, doubling over. “Oh my god. That’s spot on!”

Daichi cleared his throat before attempting to mimic Sly’s. “We’re supposed to be serious. We’re the only security here.”

Natalie followed his lead, mimicking Kirigiri. “You two are on duty. What are the kids going to think when they see their only protection walking around like this?”

“Uh, Maruyama, Martinez… are you sure you can do your job dressed like that?” Daichi said, mimicking Naegi.

“I know I’m not here to judge your life choices, but are you sure this is how you want to look? You two…I’m not sure this is the right way to mourn Nakajima,” Natalie said, moving her hair around to imitate Kyoji.

Daichi bent over laughing. “That one was good. Really good.”

Natalie grinned, cracking up herself. “Oh my god, this is gonna be pure gold.”

“Ten bucks says they threaten to fire us once.”

“Ten bucks says Kirigiri actually fills out the paperwork.”

“Ten bucks says Hijirihara almost signs it too.”

Natalie was crying from laughter at this point. “Oh my god, oh my god-”

“I’m going to lose my job for a joke.” Daichi laughed, tears coming to his eyes.

Natalie grinned. “I’m gonna get arrested because I made an OC named Dark Deathrage when I was 13.”

“Oh god, was that just a thing 13 year olds did?” Daichi took a deep breath before laughing again.

Natalie nodded. “Oh my god, yeah. I had an OC that was a super weeb OC. I regret everything I’ve ever done.”

“I can’t believe this,” Daichi mumbled, wiping at his eyes. “Wow.”

“I’m the problematic one, I admit it. I lived in Texas and had weeb OCs, I’m the worst.”

“Christ, no. This is just a 13 year old thing. I think all of us were terrible.”

“Fair. Anyway, what do you say we keep looking through this dumb mall? Get some food?”

“Sounds great. Lead the way.” He said. Daichi paid quickly after changing and left the store.

Natalie smiled, heading out of the store. “Or do you wanna head back and make homemade slushies?”

“Slushies sounds even better honestly. Let’s do that,” Daichi said, pulling the trench coat on.

Natalie smiled. “Alright. Let’s head back. You’re driving again, and we’re listening to Kidzbop Bring Me To Life.”

“I’m sure it’s a masterpiece. Did 13 year old you like it?” Daichi said, heading back to the car.

“No, I was too hipster for that. I didn’t listen to Evanescence because it was too popular.”

“I see,” Daichi laughed. Once they reached the car, he slid back into the driver’s, flinging his stuff into the back.

Natalie set her stuff beside his, ducking into the passenger’s.

“Alright, hit me with it. I’m ready.” Daichi said, backing out.

Natalie started playing it, trying to hold back laughter.

“Oh fucking hell, I take it back, this is the worst,” Daichi said, trying to keep his eyes on the road.

“How DARE you insult it like this. This is a fucking masterpiece.”

“You’re trying not to laugh. I’m not even sure what they’re saying half the time and I can tell it’s bad.”

“Fuck you, this is great. This is my favorite song.”

“Oh yeah? If it is, you’ll play it everywhere you go tomorrow.”

“I sure as hell will,” she said, grinning ear to ear.

“What have I done,” he mumbled, heading back to the school.

Natalie grinned, turning to him. “You better prepare for tomorrow. Now, gimme a cig and let’s get back.”

Daichi fumbled with the pack before handing it to her. “Take your pick.”

Natalie took one, pressing the lighter in. She stuck the cig in her mouth, waiting for it to finish heating up.

Once it was done, Daichi lit it quickly. “Can you pass me one, and light it?”

Natalie nodded, handing him one.

“Thank you,” he said, lighting it before driving on. “How pissed do you think Hijirihara will be about the smell?”

Natalie shrugged. “Probably hound us, but the guy’s too soft now. All he’ll do is tell us to fuck off.”

Daichi laughed. “Yeah probably.”

Natalie nodded. “Y'know, maybe we can chill for a while. At least, until I have to deal with whatever bullshit you’re planning. Keep it a bit tame, please? Just this once.”

“No promises. Now to get those slushies?”

Natalie nodded. “Hell yeah.”

#daichi maruyama #danganronpa #submission #taketothesky #natalie martinez #owlwyng

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evenstevensranked · 7 years

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#53: Season 1, Episode 13 - “After Hours”

Ren is late for school and gets detention. Now the world is ending because she��s in desperate need of extra time to finish up a display for LJH’s 75th anniversary. So, with some help from Louis and a new pal from detention.. she sneaks into school at night to get it done.

This episode opens with Louis walking into Ren’s room at night, eating a chocolate bar. He asks Ren (who’s asleep) if he can use her laptop and takes a tired sigh from her as a “yes.” Pretty sure that wouldn’t hold up in court. I’m still not sure why Louis needs Ren’s laptop at 1:27AM but with most things Louis does — I’m not even gonna ask. In the process of unplugging her computer, Louis accidentally unplugs Ren’s alarm clock. Which is literally THE WORST. I hate when my alarm doesn’t go off. It’s sort of a fear of mine. So, basically I’m watching Ren live out one of my nightmares. She’s woken up by the sound of a lawnmower and she clearly suffers a “holy crap I overslept” heart attack. Again… The worst. She sees her laptop is missing and her extension cord is covered in chocolate. Which can only mean one thing… Louis.

She gets ready at the speed of light and rushes to school. When she gets there she bumps into Wexler who reminds her about the display project and she assures him she has organized everything into boxes and only needs a few hours to set it all up. I’m laughing because he mentions he’s been called out of town for “principal business” yet he has a snorkel and goggles in his bag. He quickly covers them and tries to act like it’s a “very important conference” simply because he “has to take a plane and everything!!1!” Again, Ren tells him not to worry while he’s gone. She vows to get the display done in time.

Due to Wexler’s absence, Coach Tugnut is put in charge. Ren asks why Vice Principal Mason isn’t in charge, but in Season 3 their Vice Principal is Mr. Landau. Just something I noticed. Anyway, Tugnut’s the “top dawg” and he’s on a power trip. Ren ends up being late for gym and Tugnut makes her sit the class out next to a girl who’s coloring her toenails with a crayola marker (she makes sure to say it’s “non-toxic.”) She’s obviously supposed to be an ~edgy~ trouble maker. As soon as Ren sits down, the girl introduces herself as Chloe and starts talking to her. And then… *dun, dun, duuuun* Tugnut gives them detention for “illegal use of the mouth.” Um…

Ren approaches the detention room after school that day like she’s walking to her execution. The detention monitor is an old dude who’s apparently been “asleep since 1985” according to Chloe. This guy must be a saint or something because he’s obviously dead and there’s no explanation for why he hasn’t decomposed after 16 years. Of course, the room is full of strange kids and Ren is a fish out of water. Chloe introduces Ren to everyone and suddenly Louis walks in shouting “MY PEOPLE!” and they’re all pumped to see him. Yep. Louis is Detention King. Unsurprisingly.

Louis has this awkward looking scrape on his chin. He plays it off as a “sports injury” but Ren exposes his lies and says he got it from tripping over their TV remote. I feel like they wrote this into the script because Shia actually had a scrape on his chin. It’s so random and I don’t know why they’d decide to give Louis this ugly thing on his face just to casually address it once. Plus, Shia has said before that they would write things into the script all the time (as well as ad-lib.) So, yeah. That’s what I’m betting.

Suddenly a microphone comes down from the ceiling. Louis says “Let the games begin” and within a few seconds they proceed to transform the room into a hamster race arena. I always felt like the surreal element didn’t come in until the second season… but then I remember that stuff like this happened in Season 1. I guess the show always had that element, I just prefer the episodes that don’t. Louis smells french fries which means Tugnut is on the move. They scramble to revert the classroom to the way it was.

Ren tries to show remorse to Tugnut in an attempt to get out of detention early and finish the display. But, a hamster crawls up her pant leg mid-speech and she starts screaming. For some reason, Tugnut gives Ren double detention for it and tells everyone else to leave.

After detention that day, Ren comes busting into Louis’ room and finds him applying crayola marker (that he makes sure to say is “non-toxic”) to his chest to look like hair. Is using crayola markers on your body and explicitly saying it’s non-toxic a thing that detention kids do or something? Why else have Chloe and Louis both do and say that in the same episode? Louis tells Ren that she didn’t “break the code” by telling Tugnut about the hamster race, so he offers to help her out with getting the display done. Wexler calls Ren from his important principal conference (a.k.a - a hot tub party) and is under the impression that Ren has finished the display. Now she has no choice but to go with Louis’ plan — which involves sneaking into the school at night. Couldn’t they just go on Saturday or Sunday, though? No one will be around then either, but.

“Just wanted to see how it’d look...”

Wexler’s important conference.

Louis called on Chloe for backup and she shows up whisper-yelling like “YOOU-WHOO! IS THIS WHERE THE TOP SECRET MISSION IS?!?!” Wow. Everything seems easy enough, but Tugnut is at the school rollerskating in the halls like the strange man he is. So, basically they have to spend the rest of the night making sure he doesn’t catch them. That’s really the rest of the episode. This one was/is hell for me to review for some reason because… not much happens really.

Louis brought Jumbo Size Crinkle Fries to distract Tugnut with. You know where the Faculty Sauna and the Wexlervator once were? Well this week, it’s a closet. They take a fan out from there and try to lure Tugnut to the smell of the fries. All they leave is the empty container so that he’ll have no choice but to go and get fries for himself because he’s a french fry addict apparently. And he does leave but before he goes he makes sure to turn on freaking HEAT, LIGHT, AND MOTION SENSITIVE LASERS, RIGHT IN FRONT OF REN’S DISPLAY CASE. What the heck?! What Junior High school is so important that it needs freaking lasers to keep people away? Well, Ren is storing school artifacts from the last 75 years in boxes underneath the display case. So, maybe they’re trying to protect them?! lol, it’s the only thing I can think of because there’s literally no need for this. Louis says he’s “wispy” and dances his way through the lasers. Aside from the fact that he most definitely hit a few on his way to the other side… he successfully disarms them. This whole sequence is ridiculous but I love Louis too much to care.

The Faculty Sauna, Wexlervator, Storage Closet area... lol.

Ren and Chloe get to work on the project. But, Louis decides to cool off in front of the giant fan and blows all of their materials away. This pisses me off. When Ren tells him to turn the fan off, he cranks it up accidentally. Instead of just turning the fan around, he leaves it and on stands in front of it as if that’s going to help the situation. He finally turns it around and off, but Ren is left in a mess. This gives me so much anxiety. Thankfully, Chloe suggests that they forget about making it “perfect” and just slap together some funky display instead. I can tell you right now, I am positive that it turned out a million times better than whatever Ren had originally planned. So… shout out to Chloe! It all worked out! :D Of course.

They finish and get out of there just before Tugnut returns. Tugnut is standing in the laser area, so Louis decides to sneakily turn them on before they leave. This totally could’ve killed Tugnut but he happened to be standing so that the lasers perfectly frame him. This is awful. He’s left straddling the lasers ALL WEEKEND. There’s no way. The heat and energy would’ve gotten to him and he would’ve died. Oh well.

Barbra Bushwick, a woman from the first graduating glass of LJH, is a guest at the 75th Anniversary on Monday. She compliments the display and says she loves the fact that it’s random and breaks boundaries! Ren, Louis and Chloe are all smugly proud of themselves. And that’s it.

Idk what it is, but it took FOREVER to even attempt to do this entry. I’ve been sitting here wondering why I didn’t rank this one lower… but, I just remembered that I really like seeing Louis and Ren work together. I just wish Louis had a bigger role in this episode and didn’t mess things up, haha. There’s also something I’ve always liked about being at school at night. Is that just me? Back in the day I loved going to functions at my middle school at night or on the weekends. Maybe I’m just weird. This is another episode that doesn’t have a subplot. That probably has something to do with it. I had trouble tackling Duck Soup for that reason, as well. Idk why. But, yeah. It’s a pretty simple episode. I feel like some people might find this one a little boring.

Thank you so much for reading! I desperately want… no, need… to stick to a schedule so that this can be a definite, fun weekly thing for all of us.

Chime in below with your thoughts on the episode!

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#rank #even stevens #season 1 #louis stevens #shia labeouf #ren stevens #christy carlson romano #coach tugnut #louis plot #ren plot #schemin stevens #Disney Channel #review #tv #tv show #nostalgia #old school

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1upmushrooms · 7 years

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The Legend of the Mario Bros Episode 1 (1up Deadfic)

Author’s Note: Warning. This might hurt XD.

Alright, you thought some of the shit I’ve posted here was old, you thought some of it was corny, some of you even thought some of it was embarrassing! But today my friends, you will see the true pinnacle of old embarrassing and corny fan fiction!

This is by far, the oldest piece of writing I’ve posted on this tumblr. You see, this was made in 2010. Yes, even seven years ago I was still writing...and boy have I changed over the years.

This particular story came about because I wanted to tell a reboot origin of the Mario Brothers with a darker edge similar to the Nolan Batman movies (The Dark Knight was only two years old at this point and was very fresh in my mind).

This also came about because of the original Super Mario Brothers movie (a film I quite like). I had the idea that the reason people didn’t like the movie wasn’t necessarily because of all the adaptation changes but because of the Genre shift. I thought that, had the film been a quirky fantasy instead of quirky sci-fi, people would’ve been far more forgiving of elements like the girl being Daisy, the subplot of the rock, etc.

And that’s what I set out to do. Play loose with the source material, get dark, except this time go with the fantasy angle. However, there was an unforeseen problem, this isn’t really a darker look at the Mario origin....It’s what a 13 year old idiot thinks is a darker look at the Mario origin.

So you get lame attempts at edgy storytelling, however there’s something even more egregious. You see, I wasn’t really ready to tackle on the full “Write like it was a professional book” thing so, I wrote in script format! No, I am not shitting you! I did this!

So get ready to cry ladies and gentleman, cuz here we go!

Episode 1: Origin FLASH! FLASH! Many cameras as King Toadstool (wearing a neat robe and crown) walks up to the stage, then many cheers and claps are heard as he sets up the microphone. Person: King Toadstool! King Toadstool! King Toadstool: Uh, yes you there. Person: King Toadstool, what’s your opinion on the ongoing Subcon war? The flash photography keeps going. King Toadstool: Uh, no comment but as you see we seem to have it under control- Person: But sir, Subcon has incredibly gotten stronger and stronger each day! King Toadstool: Well, we’re handling on it, as you can see our new representative is dealing with these issues. And of course, I’m talking about our new representative, uh, ladies and gentlemen, may I present Wart! Then most people roar of applause as Wart the new representative (with a blue cape and business clothes) comes to the stage and acknowledges the cheers. Wart: Uh…thank you. The people still cheer. Wart: Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Uh- The people still cheer. Wart: Thank you people. The people stop cheering. Wart: Now as you see, our new weapons, the Bob-ombs (shows people) of course and the Bullet Bills. People ooh and ah at the Bullet Bills. Wart: Now listen. I know times are tough, and everything may seem bad, but things will always get worse before they get better. More people applaud as Wart then raises his hands to silence the people. Wart: Well, if there aren’t any other questions I guess I’ll leave now. But then one person raises his hand. It’s the same one who asked King Toadstool some questions. Person: Sir, what about the Scared 2? Wart: Well, we haven’t found anything yet, but trust me we’ll find them and take care of them, because god knows……we need them now. Wart then sees a cloaked figure shows a sign that means “Come here.” Wart: Uh, that’s it now. Goodbye. Wart then leaves as some people are puzzled. Then the cloaked disappears as well. King Toadstool then approach’s the stand. King Toadstool: Well, uh…I’ll go follow Wart. King Toadstool leaves suddenly as the people are now totally confused. Then, Toadstool follows Wart and stops him. King Toadstool: Tell me you got it under control! Wart: Trust me Toadstool! Everything’s fine! King Toadstool: Fine?!?!?!?! You call Subcon somehow infiltrating our base and stealing our weapons fine?! It’s a disaster! You said that everything will change for the better! You said my daughter will live in a better world. Wart then stops. Wart: And I meant it. But it’ll take a while! Trust me! Everything will be better soon! Wart then leaves as King Toadstool stands there. King Toadstool: For your sake I hope your right. Then, in an abandoned parking lot, the cloaked figure is standing in the middle, as Wart approaches. The cloaked figure quickly turns around but then sighs in relief. ??? : You know, you ought to say something before you stalk behind something. Wart: You should’ve stayed here where I put you! ??? : There’s been a change of plans. Wart: What?! ??? : We found them. Wart: What?! ??? : Yeah. We have everything their names address every single thing. Wart: Good, then get ready. Part 2 will soon begin. Come on Kamek. Kamek then takes off his hood. Wart: Let’s go. ??? : Oh, so you think that just because you know where these guys are, you can just get rid of them and the prophecy will be over? Wart and Kamek turn around to see another figure in a circle of light. His face is blocked by the darkness surrounding the circle. But his voice seems very familiar to both Wart and Kamek. Wart: Well if it isn’t my asylum freakish brother, Koopa. Bowser: Actually its Bowser moron. Wart: Well, what are you doing here? If you think I’ll agree to partner with you, your nuts. Bowser: Oh, I’m pretty sure you won’t agree with me. Since you think I’m a complete embarrassment to you. Wart: Well you are. Just think of it. Wart, representative of the Mushroom Counsel, the first amphibian ever to have this possession, related to Koopa, a maniac who was locked up in an asylum. I shiver thinking about it! Bowser: Oh yeah, your embarrassed to be around me, when uh Kamek is it? Has done more dangerous and critical crimes than me? Wart: The difference is Kamek can erase all of his records. Something you still to this day have failed at. Bowser: Oh, just because of that, he’s better? Oh bravo Wart, you are so smart! (Fake claps while falsely smiling though they couldn’t see it.) Wart: Don’t insult me you filthy swine! Bowser: Hey, all I’m trying to say is, you can’t possibly stall the prophecy if you’re going to go ahead with your plan. Wart: I’m not going to stall it! I’m going to end it! I’m going to kill them both. That way, the prophecy will die and it’ll take a million years for 2 more to be born but by then, the Mushroom Kingdom will end. Bowser: Your nuts if you think that’s going work. Remember that special “power”? Wart: I’ll take care of it. Bowser: You think that’ll work? Wart: Stop stalling! Kamek! We are leaving now! Bowser: Ok then. Leave. Wart and Kamek then leave as Bowser grunts, meanwhile, at the Mario’s house. Martha and James Mario (Who’s wearing a black suit with a white shirt and black tie) are busy getting ready for a party they’re attending. James: Martha! Are you ready? Martha then comes in looking busy. Her red dress is marvelous and neat looking. Her red high heels are magnificent and elegant. Martha: Yeah, just got to do one more thing. James: What? Martha then looks at James as if she couldn’t believe he said it. Martha: Our kids! James: OH! Sorry! James then heads to the nursery where their suns Mario and Luigi are. Mario and Luigi are playing in their crib as Martha and James come in. Martha then looks at the brothers and holds each one and kisses both of them. James: Uh Martha? (Points at watch) Martha: Hold on! Martha then picks up Mario and looks at Mario first, she smiles, and then she puts Mario down, after that, Martha picks up Luigi and does the same. Then after she puts Luigi down, she turns to James. Martha: Ok, we can go now. James: Look I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be late for this! Martha: Ok, we can go now. Martha and James then leave as Mario and Luigi just sleep there quietly. Meanwhile, at the party, Martha and James arrive to the party in time as they open the door to find a costume party. Martha then gives James that look again. James: What?! Martha: You took me away from my two boys, just to drag me to a costume party?! We don’t even have costumes. James: Actually, (looking at Martha) you’re a rose. Martha: I guess (looks at her dress) but what about you? James: Uh, excuse me. James then unbuttons the rest of his jacket, puts on black sunglasses and a black hat. James: Oh who I am you might ask? Uh, Jake, “Joliet” Jake if you may. Martha then sighs and puts on a little smile as James goes to the snack bar Martha then sits down in a chair. Meanwhile James is sipping some fruit punch as he bumps into someone. James: Oh uh, sorry man. The person turns around to face James. He had a red suit complete with a hood. His pants were blue. And he had a mask, which was white and had 3 holes (2 eyes and a Mouth). James: Uh, what are you anyway? The person then shrugs. ??? : I don’t know. This person was in fact, a Shy-Guy, one of Wart’s minions. James: Then, why are you dressed as it? ??? : I don’t know. James: Ok. James then goes somewhere else as the person draws out a walkie talkie. ??? : Targets are here sir. Meanwhile at that same parking lot, Wart is holding a walkie talkie too. Wart: Great. Now, you know what to do. Now, back at the party, ??? : Of course. The person then grins as he then walks somewhere else. Meanwhile at the parking lot again. Wart: Ok. Now that the Shy-Guys are in check we can kidnap the Mario Bros and kill them at our lair. Kamek: But, why not kill them at their house why wait- Wart: SHUT UP!!!! Kamek: Ok, ok, ok! Jeez. Wart: Now as I was saying- Back at the party, the person is now walking towards Martha. ??? : Sup. Martha: Uh, hi? ??? : Mind if I sit here. The person puts his glass down. Martha: Uh, sort of. My husband might come back, so just to make sure. ??? : Well, ok, I’ll go somewhere else- The person then purposely drops Martha’s glass. ??? : Aw man! I’m sorry! Martha: Oh it’s ok. (Half sarcasm) Just like blowing my kids off just for a costume party. ??? : Oh. Uh, here have mine. The person then hands Martha his. Martha: Ah no thanks. I don’t need it anyway. ??? : Hey come on, it’s the least I can do. Martha: Ok, fine. Martha takes the drink. The person then leaves as Martha then drinks some of the punch. Martha: Ugh! It tastes horrible. Martha puts it down. But then, there’s a sweet aftertaste, as Martha has another drink. It actually tastes better than before. Meanwhile at Toadstool Castle, King Toadstool is sitting at his throne. King Toadstool: “Sigh”, This Kingdom will never be ok will it? King Toadstool waits around to see if an answer will surface, but that never happens. King Toadstool: I need more friends. Later at the party, Martha has entirely drunk the entire glass that person had given her. Now she was feeling very hungry and tired. Martha then gets up and finds James, dancing on the dance floor. Martha: Ugh! James: (stops dancing) you alright? Martha: What does it look like genius?! Of course I’m not. James: Ok, jeez woman. Come on lets go. Martha: Can we get some tacos on the way? James then stops and looks at his wife. James: Ok, seriously, what’s up? Martha: Nothing, I just want some Tacos. James: (looks suspicious) Ok? Martha: Well?! Are you going to stand there or are you going to go to the car and start it! James: (Mumbles) if I got a dime for every time I… Martha: Well MOVE!!!!! James: GRR! James then opens the door and has Martha go through first, though James had no choice because Martha rushed through before James could move any more. Then in the parking lot, Martha waited for James to open the door for her. Martha: AHEM! James: GRR! James then opened the door for her as he got in his own and started. After a long trip at Taco Bell (Martha couldn’t decide if she wanted Burritos or not. Martha decided that she wanted some.) James: Are you good now? Martha: (Eating) Oh yeah. This is good. James: Eat with your mouth closed please? Martha: Hey, I’m hungry here! James: So? Martha: So I need to eat! James: Ugh! Martha: Just keep driving. James: Hey! Can you at least give me my food? Martha: Why do you need to eat? (Big swallow) Just drive! James: Meany. Martha: Just drive. But then Martha gets even hungrier as he begins shoving the food in her mouth. James: Martha! Stop shoveling! Martha: Stop talking! Meanwhile at the parking lot, Wart is then checking a camera installed in the car. Kamek: Nice move there Wart. Wart: I know it was. Kamek: So what was that stuff that girl drank? Wart: Superior Nitro. Kamek: Oh. Wait! Isn’t that the stuff where one-? Wart: Uh-huh. Kamek: Wow. You stoop very low sometimes. Wart: I know. It’s a curse. Back at the car, Martha then starts seeing bright stars everywhere. Martha: Wow. Pretty! Martha puts up this goofy smile and sits there looking funny. James: You ok? Martha: Uh huh! Oh, their now bunnies. James: Honey? Martha then closes her eyes and slumps back. James: Hello? Martha then wakes up and sees a black and damp jungle full of centipedes, and spiders. Martha: AHH! James: Martha! What’s wrong?! Martha turns and looks at James but she instead sees a flies head that’s buzzing. Martha: AAAH! GET AWAY! GET AWAY! GET AWAY! Martha then starts unloosening her seatbelt and gets out of the car. James, horrified, stops the car and gets out trying to find Martha. He finds Martha looking around everywhere. But in her mind, Martha keeps hearing her baby’s squeals of laughter but doesn’t find them. And finally James gets close to her, but all she sees is her husband and kids in a mirror, she tries to get in the mirror but fails. Martha finally falls down and hears something. ??? : Good night! Sleep tight! Martha’s eyes then close as James tries shaking her up. But she doesn’t budge! James then lays her down, and cries uncontrollably as he gets up. James: Good-bye Martha. James then heads for his car until he’s hit in the head. And the last thing he sees before fainting. He sees the same guy from the party. James: You! James then blacks out. Meanwhile at the Mario’s house, the Shy-Guys broke into the house, and kidnapped the Mario Bros. Shy-Guy #1: We got them! Let’s go! The Shy-Guys then run from the Mario house as they head to a place where a giant bird is waiting for them. Shy-Guy #1: Albatoss! We’re here. The Albatoss then sat down, ready for the Shy-Guys to get on. The Shy-Guys with the Mario Bros. and sat on tight. For 10 minutes the Albatoss was just flying. Until they were crossing the mountains, and suddenly, Mario was slipping off. The Shy-Guys tried to catch Mario but instantly he fell off. Mario then (in a bag of course) fell and fell until he landed on Yoshi’s Island. Shy-Guy #2: Aw CRAP! Shy-Guy #4: Wart won’t like this. Shy-Guy #5: Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen ok? Ok. Let’s just go to Subcon already. The Albatoss then continues to fly towards Subcon. (End of Episode 1)

#1up deadfic

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serene-serein · 7 years

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Save Yourself, Don’t Watch Death Note

I documented my thoughts while watching the new Death Note movie so...here you go.

1. Music is nice 2. Tf is this opening scene 3. ....the quiz ?????? 4. edgy hair and all 5. Typical misunderstood girl 6. THE CIG?????? 7. what's with the dramatic wind???? did no one else see the book?? (1:37:26) 8. random hard rain???? 9. Bullies wtf 10. the girl 11. light WTF (1:36:34) 12. he sounds like an 8 year old 13. he acts like an 8 year old 14. Mia lied cuz she a ho 15. Light shut up UR SO EDGY!!! (1:35:21) 16. HIS MOM??? SHOULDNT BE DEAD?? 17. okay principal is a dick but tbh it's an edgy movie what did I expect 18. he still likes her why 19. detention?????? 20. he looks so gross 21. HE ACTS GROSS WTH (1:34:12) 22. the book looks gross 23. EW CREEPY TONGUE LICK 24. why r u reading it out loud 25. the book has been used?? why?? what?? 26. also there should be lines 27. RYUK??? BBY?????? he didn't try to scare him in reality unmmmm what 28. "Hello?" @ monster (1:32:55) 29. RYUK LOOKS COOL DUDE 30. screaming omg I'm dead kill me 31. THE SCREAMING (1:32:14) 32. u fuckin child 33. APPLE! 34. cool voice 35. more screaming 36. AND THEN HES FINE????????? 37. "I'm asleep" stereotype 38. I love Ryuk babe 39. but what'd they do to him 40. LIGHT'S FACEEEEE IM DED (1:30:47) 41. bullies aren't like that um 42. so now Ryuk is the bad guy? 43. "I don't have a pen" 44. why does Ryuk have a pen 45. WHY IS LIGHT LISTENING 46. um wtf 47. DECAPITATION??????? 48. "Watch" IM 49. HIS FACE (1:29:02) 50. decapitated by a ladder 51. GORE IS OFF THE CHARTS 52. and then Ryuk is like "k now here lemme accept it" 53. WHAT (1:28:15) 54. apparently his dad is a drunk and they live in a trailer 55. Light is apathetic towards the bully dying and so is the dad 56. "death of someone? meh. cheating? OH DEAR GAWD" 57. edgy kid and so disrespectful (1:26:53) 58. ......what is this family ??? 59. Light is so disrespectful and the dad doesn't even care 60. edgy music 61. A P P L E 62. what, u gonna kill ur daddy? 63. "Don't trust Rie-uk" NOT HOW U SAY IT 64. monster in the closet ;) (1:25:06) 65. let's play with the creature in the closet! 66. human hand 67. fast eating 68. screaming again 69. "Ree-you-k" a so much better 70. casually talking (1:24:13) 71. what is this... 72. "UR FINGERS R HUGE" WHAAAAT [funny line tho cuz that’d be me] 73. "No shark attacks while someone's on the toilet" admittedly funny 74. they act as if this is a casual occurrence 75. IGNORES RULES AND WARNINGS AND DECIDES TO KILL OKAY YEAH SURE (1:22:45) 76. "Gotta get mummy's killer" oh give me a break 77. Of course he's gorging himself 78. *from earlier* light didn't care about the bully dying for more than two seconds 79. that's..such an improbable way to die (1:21:10) 80. bad hiding 81. Light is so bad at hiding 82. "Ur ma was a hippie" oh okay that explains his name 83. UM LIGHT WTF UR SO BAD AT ACTING 84. EVERYONE IS BAD AT ACTING KMS 85. fuckin Ryuk 86. I like his face tho is cool (1:19:43) 87. openly uses book in school 88. "Kenny was a sociopath... i wish id seen it" 89. Mia is a bitch 90. they're awkward 91. she's so weird 92. BAD ACTING ABOUT IT 93. "Can't tell you" "k bye" "U WANNA KNOW?" (1:17:54) 94. she doesn't see Ryuk 95. "Ur poetry sucks" funny 96. HIS FUCKING FACE WHEN SHE SEEs IT 97. "I have a death god" and she S M I L E S and then just stays cuz it's so normal 98. "Lemme kill someone to prove to you" (1:16:27) 99. same school thing okay that's fine 100. why wouldn't the police just shoot him 101. Hit by a truck and that's not how it....I'm..what 102. "I killed him" BITCH RUN 103. he's a sociopath. simple 104. she doesn't care (1:14:55) 105. okay so he has an easy excuse. mommy issues 106. "Think I'm crazy?" "No, not crazy enough. we could change the world" 107. sneaking into the house together what 108. why am I spending time watching this 109. STOP KISSING PLS 110. "YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ASK" Oh okay so no consent? sure fine totally (1:13:40) 111. and they have sex okay sure 112. HIS FACE IS WHAT 113. creepy relationship 114. kissing while killing 115. Asian guy killed 116. laughing at it 117. THEY made up the name? oh hell no (1:12:08) 118. OH MY GOD "killer in Japanese so they'll look on the wrong continent" 119. laughing at it all 120. riots for him????? I can't even tbh 121. Kira is suddenly a good guy for everyone okay sure whatever u ass 122. HEY IS IT L HEY HEY 123. "Tokyo nightclub" YOU ASSES (1:10:00) 124. hey it's my boy L yo 125. he looks stupid snooping around the scene 126. bad acting 127. L is cool ig 128. I'm so confused what is this 129. very very bad acting 130. ....THE SINGING!!!!! 131. and somehow L falls asleep to it (1:07:48) 132. obvious green screen 133. Light is so obvious 134. "Is there a complaint department if I don't like one of Kira's choices" I like the dad he's funny 135. dad ig looks similar in a whitewashed way 136. all the papers on the ground and "eat shit" cuz that's normal 137. the screen wasn't even in a phone call okay 138. Watari never showed his face (1:04:57) 139. why is his dad so rude 140. no voice changer 141. he's so messy what 142. candy obsession 143. thanks for the true to anime sitting that's good 144. HOW DO YOU KNOW SEATTLE? 145. oh first kill? (1:03:49) 146. and now she's manipulative 147. "It's not like that" How do you know?? 148. not bad representation of L 149. you can't tell his age go away 150. ice cream pfft 151. "REST YOUR GLUTES" Funny 152. how did the police miss that (1:01:14) 153. why would you trust Light's dad then 154. speaking with Kira okay that's actually realistic 155. L never, and I mean NEVER, showed his face publicly 156. does light have nothing better to do 157. "He's a coward" Oh yeah do it 158. Ryuk I love you (59:17) 159. Ryuk laughing ily 160. okay so you got it light that sure okay fine 161. "THEN, James, ID BE DEAD" I love him 162. funny scene 163. why is Light sneaking downstairs You're so Obvious 164. SO OBVIOUS WTH 165. ...how is his dad so...oblivious 166. irony 167. ...more obviousness wth (56:53) 168. "A particularly bright kid" no he obviously isn't 169. stalker is obvious 170. and she's the manipulater okay 171. "Care-a" 172. SASSY LIGHT WOOT 173. she's a bitch 174. she's going to write in it isn't she 175. probably took it 176. she's a bitch okay (54:39) 177. *from earlier* why'd they change the if you touch the note thing 178. oh so the heart attack thing is back 179. agent franks is being controlled 180. L is shocked sureeeeeeeee not how he is tbh 181. what's this pop music I like it 182. inappropriate timing tho 183. and they walk off the building I'm screaming okay whatever 184. in Japan? what 185. screaming about the death note in school 186. OBVIOUSLY IT WAS HER 187. Ryuk is so sassy 188. okay so Ryuk’s killing them? Jesus that's not how it works 189. you can't kill a god of death idiot 190. what's with the name thing (51:37) 191. she's so demented 192. his dad already what is going on 193. she's insane and wanting to kill his dad.... 194. SHES TRYING TO GET HIM TO KILL HIS DAD?!?! 195. Mia what the actual fuck 196. L isn't bad 197. his dad is ready to die? (49:22) 198. is he going to kill his dad cuz I feel like he is 199. what's with L's old phone? 200. okay so he's figured out who Kira is 201. what's with the sleeping? 202. I love how Ryuk is in the book Light is reading 203. casual approaching 204. HIS SITTING L I like you 205. confronting him... 206. LIGHT IS SASSY 207. why is Ryuk like this I wonder (46:53) 208. cool lighting tho 209. giving himself away 210. face shown 211. why are they fighting 212. "I dont even carry a gun, it's distracting" best line 213. L is actually cool 214. light is fucking insane 215. no one notices the fighting 216. ew here SHE is again 217. push her into the mud she's ugly 218. "I'm a cheerleader. nothing mattered before you" best excuse 219. "I love you" I'm.. (44:16) 220. ew ew ew ew ew they're so gross 221. you need his full name um 222. not going to kill Watari 223. only 1 name able to be burned okay 224. creepy monk orphan 225. CREEPY MONK ORPHANAGE 226. why is Watari listening 227. Mia go away pls 228. L doesn't think this is weird with Watari? (41:18) 229. the tattoo is cool behind L’s ear but why is it there 230. I like L actually 231. he freaks out? unlike his character 232. top hat 233. casual L 234. so obvious um 235. girl isn't even gone and now they're talking 236. unlike L's character (39:21) 237. she's still there 238. Police brutality UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM 239. CHOKE HOLD?! 240. THREATENING TO KILL L!!! 241. UM LIGHT WHAT THE FUCK 242. WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK 243. AND HIS FUCKING FATHER???? (38:18) 244. pfft Ryuk 245. "Is there anything I need to know" he would 100% support Kira 246. L in the background 247. completely calm after this ???? 248. did they not look into the girl 249. why is Watari singing 250. Light is so obvious 251. THE TOPHATTT 252. Watari is probs going to die (35:41) 253. CREEPY ORPHANAGE 254. ghostly panting???????????? [subtitles] 255. Ryuk can't..I'm ...what 256. this is actually a cult tho 257. secret tunnel okay yes 258. what's with the weird music (34:12) 259. why is L so strung out 260. awkwardly morose 261. homecoming awkwardness 262. TOP HAT 263. middle fingers wouldn't be allowed 264. rat 265. I bet Watari is going to die. Light will probably be too late to/forget to burn the page 266. what happened to the monks? why did they leave the papers? plot hole 267. top hat 268. frosted tips like [ex’s name] 269. "Normal people scare me" the worst thing yet (31:32) 270. called it. Watari is dead 271. I don't get what the page 272. ohh to burn his name 273. she's fucking creepy and weird 274. and Light doesn't really care 275. top hat (29:21) 276. and then hugging 277. she's insane..... 278. "I saved you again" I'm screaming 279. ....what the actually hell is wrong with her. LIGHT FUCKING DUMP HER 280. I absolutely hate her 281. why is she able to write in it 282. ...and of course she killed him 283. she's insane, like actually completely insane (27:35) 284. What's with all the rules thing 285. I ACTUALLY HATE HER WHAT THE HELL 286. Ryuk wouldn't let this happen he isn't a bad guy 287. L is now even more insane and going to kill Light 288. inappropriate music 289. Light's ugly running (26:19) 290. why didn't he burn his own page 291. why didn't he put her in there towards the end so she couldn't see it 292. Plot holes 293. WRITE HER FING NAME (24:50) 294. did he leave the book 295. L is coming for you bitch also he can't drive so 296. inappropriate music and close ups 297. L is cool lol look @ his awesome running 298. ohhhh he's cool (23:22) 299. parkour 300. Light's running is like not pressing the correct buttons on a quick time 301. L's running is awesome 302. nice lighting tbh 303. KILL HIM KILL HIM (21:50) 304. "Lord Kira" kill me 305. is this supposed to be a romantic scene when she wrote his name in the book? 306. he's carrying a gun like literally what 307. he should kill her (20:30) 308. KILL HER KILL HER 309. inappropriate music 310. "Lets run away together" 311. she's insane and still smiling 312. he probs wrote her name (19:28) 313. probs pushes him out 314. oh look @ Ryuk 315. OH YESSSSSS HE KILLED HER OH YES 316. his reasoning 317. "You said you loved me I thought you wouldn't take it" you moron (18:17) 318. why would you take it back 319. did she already burn his page? 320. why is Ryuk involved 321. shouldn't they both die? they're both in it 322. THE MUSIC IS BACK WHAT 323. the book why would you catch it 324. THE MUSIC IS SO INAPPROPRIATE IM SCREAMING (16:51) 325. oh there they go! bye bye b 326. I love Ryuk's smile 327. the slowmo 328. everyone's faces 329. the flowers exploding 330. is Light alive???? 331. is she??? 332. I'm confused tbh (16:02) 333. she's dead 334. L is still alive yay! 335. free death note page 336. omfg it burned no 337. Light is alive probs 🙄 338. who took the random book? (14:45) 339. more killings 340. apparently everyone hates L?? that's not how he was treated 341. Who is this guy that picked up the book 342. why would you give back the book (13:42) 343. such an obvious place to leave it 344. the phone screen isn't on a call 345. is he going to wake up 346. yes 347. oh and he keeps the book you weirdo 348. she was insane why is he sorry 349. his dad is ugly and gross go away (12:10) 350. WAIT PLOT HOLE he was supposed to be in a coma but his dad knocked. his dad wouldn’t know he’s awake? 351. Dad somehow doesn't care it was Light 352. L what are you doing 353. is his dad going to join in... oh no 354. why would you need to write all this down idek man 355. what is L doing..oh nvm wait why did he act surprised by this (9:07) 356. so now L is thrown off course? oh going to write Light's name? 357. do it son, pls do it he's ugly 358. inappropriate music 359. Ryuk laughing (7:30)

#death note #death note movie #netflix #rant #i never actually finished the anime but I #am starting to watch it again #sam says

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