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sister-dear · 3 years

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Okay, so you mentioned that Wild was another favorite... Headcanons please? [Watch me just keep doing this until I see every single boy get headcanons XD]

Yeah so I'm just gonna keep doing these lol. Let's see if I can get through all the boys by the end of the weekend.

Wild Headcanons!

As before, here’s the giant mis-mash of canon/LU canon/fanon/headcanon that I use for writing Wild.

Genderfluid. Defaulted to ‘he’ after waking up because it’s what everyone around him assumed, got slapped in the face in Gerudo Town with how good it felt to be called ‘she.’ Zelda knows to use ‘she’ when Wild is dressed a certain way, but it’s Hyrule who brings up the idea of being gender neutral and Warriors who introduces them both to the term ‘genderfluid’ and to using ‘they’ as a pronoun. Basically, Wild is slowly collecting pronouns like candy and it’s very exciting. They can’t wait to share the new things they’ve discovered on the topic and how they think it applies to them with Zelda; she’ll be just as happy about it as they are. Still mostly defaults to ‘he’ out of a combination of habit and continuing to figure out good signals for when their pronouns change, but that is shifting as time goes on.

Functionally aro/ace, at least for now. He’s focusing on rediscovering who he is and establishing familial and platonic relationships. Will probably hit one hell of an experimental phase before too much longer.

Wild’s journey/story arc is largely one of experimentation and self discovery. Curiosity is the driving force behind most of the decisions he makes. (Along with just having fun. Wild loves to have fun.)

Adventure buddies with Hyrule. They pretty much bonded instantly over their shared love of exploration and nature.

Has lots of similarities with Wind even though they don’t see eye to eye on certain topics. (Kings of Hyrule, anyone?) When Wild is feeling their silliest or just needs to have some fun to let off steam, Wind is the one they turn to.

Slightly intimidated by Warriors and Sky. Warriors seems a model knight, something Wild feels he failed to be and maybe even slightly resents. Sky also talks about being in the Knight Academy, and of course there was the whole thing with the Master Sword. Wild very much does not want Sky to get mad at him again. Nobody likes it when Sky is mad at them.

Obviously has strong familial feelings towards Twilight, and by extension Time

Has sass, generally more positive than Legend but not afraid to throw hands

Occasionally has depressive episodes and the memory-flashbacks

Wild doesn’t actually cook all the groups’ meals. He’s not the only one who is competent around a cook pot, he’s just the most passionate about it. And also the one who keeps most of the group’s food, given the slate’s ability to keep food fresh.

Wild is in fact very frustrated and somewhat humiliated by the shitty quality of his weapons, now that he’s seen enough of the others to know that none of them have the same issues with stuff just breaking as he does. Knowledge of how to care for and maintain weapons was not one of the things that carried over from his previous life, plus he keeps doing things like hitting frigging rocks with his blades. The others are slowly teaching him better.

Adrenaline. Junkie.

Thinks of their past self as a stranger who happened to inhabit their body. Had anxiety-induced muteness pre-calamity, began talking again after they woke up. They did retain sign language. Will occasionally default to it if their throat is paining them.

Has a bit of a rasp due to vocal chord damage that the shrine didn’t quite fix all the way; his voice starts to get tired if he does a lot of talking. The scars sometimes cause him mobility issues. The masseuse in gerudo town gave him oil for them and taught him how to massage the tissue to help, but he tends to forget to do it.

Hair is constantly tangled. He takes a stab at brushing it most days but not nearly thoroughly or often enough to keep it from turning into a horrible rats nest.

Is it gonna be fun? Great it’s a good idea let’s go.

Considers basically everybody in his Hyrule to be his family. Has adopted family in pretty much every race, village, and stable. His Hyrule loves him and he loves them back. Kass and Teba are like dads. Riju is his BFF and fellow pun enthusiast. The villagers of Hateno are especially protective of both him and Zelda once she comes to live with him there. There’s Impa and Dorian in Kakariko. Sidon and Paya are both potential Significant Other material if he ever becomes interested in that stuff. He gets fussed over in all the stables, greeted with enthusiasm in Tarrey Town and with the Gorons… Most of the citizens of his Hyrule don’t have any association between him and what happened 100 years ago, they just know him as the person who made things better this time.

Falls into a sibling relationship with their Zelda post-adventure. Neither of them have any interest in restoring the system that failed both of them so badly, especially after all the time that has elapsed. Zelda is quite happy with the opportunity to just be herself, exploring and experimenting and re-establishing relationships of her own.

One of the more religious of the group. He prays and leaves offerings at every statue, in every temple. Wild’s Hyrule has very active spirits and a large variety of religions, both ancient and current. (Hylia, the little ancestor statues all over the place, the dragons, the Gerudo seven, Malanya…) Wild’s personal experience has been that paying basic respects leads to good things (finding Koroks, increases in health and stamina, someone watching out for his horses…)

Wild takes lots of pictures, not just of people but of places and plants and animals. He’s recording his travels to show Zelda when he gets home. He knows she would kill him if he didn’t.

The others: Four | Sky | Legend | Hyrule | Warriors

#taking requests on whoever y'all want to see next #headcanons #lu wild #linkeduniverse

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shouta-aizawow · 4 years

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1) Hope u are ok, i will let you this one here. Bakugou coming out as asexual-aromanitc, and having to explain to everyone what is it. (And if you want angst, people not believing him, that he's not grown enough to know, all that bullshit) Sorry is a little bit of proyection.

I’m doing well, thank you!!! And dw, I project HARDCORE and I also LOVE aroace Katsuki so it’s all good!! (i’m actually gonna project a bit in this one lol)

OKAY!!!

When the other kids were busy talking about crushes and who they were dating, Katsuki was focused on becoming a hero.

He had no time for romance, especially that sappy type he always sees on tv.

No, Katsuki was gonna become the greatest hero, and he would do that alone.

He never thought much of it. It didn’t seem unusual to him that he never had an interest in anyone else, that he couldn’t join in on conversations where the topic was romantic love or sexual attraction.

In fact, he felt smug when all the other extras were held down by girlfriends and boyfriends and datemates while he was forging on ahead. Seeing the confusion and awe on their faces when he told them that he had never been attracted to anyone was enough to erase the slight embarrassment he felt at not being able to relate to them.

Katsuki was invincible, unaffected by the curse that is romantic and sexual attraction, and he needs to let everybody know it.

(A few years later, at the tender age of 13, Katsuki finds he isn’t a superior being, he’s just aroace...

Well... okay then.)

He is aroace and still unaffected by the curse that is romantic and sexual attraction!

He didn’t really have friends to share his epiphany with, and the extras that followed him around were too dense to know what he was talking about to care. Besides, they’d probably just hear that he wasn’t attracted to girls and throw a fit.

Anyway, it’s not like he really wants to share this. No, this information is for Katsuki and Katsuki only.

But when he gets into UA, starts building a, admittedly reluctant at first, relationship with his classmates, the desire to tell them something he’s kept locked away grows.

It all comes to a head one night at the dorms. It’s a rare night of him hanging out in the common room with most of his other classmates.

Katsuki doesn’t know how the conversation steers this way, but the topic is now crushes. Some people are coming out, some people are just observing. Katsuki is becoming bored, and just as he gets up to leave, he’s noticed and asked, “Who do you have a crush on?”

He’s tempted to ignore the question, but surrounded by this open group of people that showed their support whenever someone revealed themself to be gay or bisexual or pan, he has the urge to let them know this part of him as well.

So he replies. “I don’t have one.”

“So who did you have a crush on?”

“Never had one either, Earjacks.”

Everyone becomes interested now.

Jirou looks skeptical, “It’s not weak to have a crush, yknow. If you don’t wanna tell us, fine, but to lie—”

“I ain’t lying, I’m aroace.”

There’s silent confusion, and Katsuki’s heartbeat thunders in his chest.

Someone asks what that is and, huffing, Katsuki tells them, “It means I don’t experience romantic, aro, or sexual, ace, attraction.”

They ignore his muttered “dumbasses” in favor of questioning him with a “You don’t, or you haven’t?”

“I just said I don’t. What are you on about?”

Kaminari then decides to speak up. “Dude, just give it time! You don’t know who you’re gonna meet that’ll knock you right off those stubborn feet of yours.” And he punctuates it with a wink.

Katsuki is getting annoyed.

“Okay, whatever. If that happens, that happens, but right now, it hasn’t. Therefore, I’m choosing the label aroace.”

Momo, with a finger on her chin and a contemplative expression on her face decides to voice, “But aren’t you acting a little hasty, Bakugou-kun? You shouldn’t use such a definitive label when you’re so young.”

Some people are voicing their agreement, and Katsuki feels like screaming, but he’s too busy being frozen in shock, looking at Momo with with the most incredulous look he could muster.

“What the actual fuck? How is me calling myself aroace any more ‘definitive’ than y’all calling yourself gay?” He can’t help the crack in his voice as he continues, “I’m genuinely confused.”

Before they could reply, Katsuki asks his own question with the most deadpan look he could offer:

“Do you ever wanna date a cat?”

There are exclamations of “No” and looks of bewilderment, but Katsuki continues, crossing his arms.

“Well I don’t think you should act so certain. I mean, maybe you haven’t met the right cat, yet.”

They’re telling him that that’s different, shouldn’t be used as an argument.

But then Kirishima perks up, and Katsuki feels dread consume him.

“Love, or don’t love I guess, who you... don’t... love, bro!”

And Katsuki feels hope bloom in his chest.

Only to have it crushed with his best friend’s next words.

“But we’re just trying to help you! We don’t want you to feel like you’re moving too fa—“

“Not only did I not ask for any help, but how is any of this helping me?!” Katsuki throws his arms in the air. “I came out to you guys, something we’ve been doing all evening, and you have the audacity to tell me I’m wrong?!”

He’s pacing now.

“Why the hell are you acting like I’m signing a death wish with my identity! You guys are the biggest fucking hypocrites, holy hell.”

Katsuki shakes his head and storms off, unwilling to be in that toxic situation any longer.

The next few days are met with guilt-ridden eyes from his classmates and the cold shoulder from him.

They don’t try to approach him, and for that, Katsuki is grateful, because he doesn’t know what he’d do if the people that rejected who he is tried to act like they did nothing wrong.

Yeah, maybe they weren’t being malicious, maybe it was just ignorance, but Katsuki is by no means obligated to forgive nor teach them. Until they pull their heads out of their asses and realize there’s a plus after LGBTQ for a reason, he’s perfectly fine with the distance.

OKAY SO TWO ENDINGS

1) The class that was there does their research and apologizes and are forgiven and whatnot (happy ending)

2) The class doesn’t do their research and just assumes that Katsuki doesn’t want to have sex or kiss anyone. They apologize, but the relationship is still tense with their ignorant comments and jokes. Katsuki is still hurt, especially when they start dating each other or other students, and he’s left to be the only one that values a strong friendship over romance. He feels left behind. (Angsty ending)

OR WAIT!!! ANOTHER ENDING!!!

3) The class doesn’t apologize or do their research, because they think Katsuki was making a big deal out of nothing. After those few weeks of the silent treatment, they try to approach him and act like everything is great.

Katsuki is angry and hurt, but eventually he finds comfort and very close friendships with Todoroki, Tokoyami, Shinsou, and Shoji. Not all of them are aroace, but they’re on the spectrum for one or both (bittersweet ending)

IM DONE!!! This honestly didn’t go the way I was thinking it would go, but I ain’t upset so it’s all good.

So ofc I projected with the being annoyed when people act like my sexuality isn’t a real thing (which is lots of ppl online and the classmates I told when they asked)

Also, that part about telling people that you’ve never had a crush and being smug when they’re like :0? Yeah, I used to do that until I was 13 when my older sib was like “yeah, you’re aroace” and I was like :0 “i saw that term in one fanfiction years back but i genuinely didn’t think abt it when i looked up to see what ‘ace’ meant but it fits perfectly”

So anyway, my sib also told me that what I was is Agender (which I knew abt but thought “that’s not me,,, right?” wrong) and I realized when they asked me if they could tell their friend my gender identity. I was confused like sure?? and then they said i was agender and their friend asked for my pronouns and i said i didn’t care

like,, i thought i was nb, but i wasn’t sure exactly what “type”(?) idk, but after that, i looked at the definition for agender that i didn’t understand before and was like :0 yep that’s me

ANYWAY YOU PROBABLY DIDNT WANT ALL OF THAT PERSONAL MUMBO JUMBO BUT THIS HC RELATES TO ME A LOT SO

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS 💖💗💕💞💝

#wow! asks!#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #bakugou katsuki #bakugo katsuki #bakugou #aroace #aromantism #asexual #tw aphobia #but it’s due to ignorance #bakugou headcanons #bnha headcanons

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ayy-spec · 3 years

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Arospec Awareness Week Ask

1. Where are you on the aromantic spectrum?

I identify as demiromantic, but I also use the term gray aromantic and sometimes aromantic.

2. What are some other labels you have tried out?

I used to think my romantic and sexual orientation worked exactly the same so I identified as abroromantic for a while and at one point identified as only liking girls. I don’t clarify the gender of my attraction with labels, but I have been romantically attracted to 3 people in my life and they were 2 guys and a girl, so I think I could be attracted to people of any gender.

3. How long have you identified as aro-spec?

I definitely identified as alloromantic ace-spec for a while before questioning being aro-spec, so that was probably when I was 19 or 20? So 3 or 4 years.

4. How old were you when you first heard the term?

I heard about the term aromantic when I was in high school, probably 14 or 15. I heard about the terms aromantic spectrum, demiromantic, and gray aromantic later than that but not by much.

5. Are you sam or non-sam?

I use the split-attraction model (SAM) because I feel like my romantic orientation works differently than my sexual orientation. I am demiromantic and abrosexual gray asexual.

6. Do you wear a white ring?

No, but I do usually wear a black ace ring! I haven’t been wearing rings since the pandemic however because it’s just another thing to clean. I’ve been considering getting a white aro ring.

7. Are you out?

I don’t have a straightforward answer for that. It doesn’t come up a lot, but I’m definitely not in the closet and I do talk about it sometimes. A big reason it doesn’t come up is because I don’t think about romance that much lol.

8. What are some aro headcanons you have?

I’m going to make a post about this later this week when I’ve had more time to think about it, but my 2 biggest aro-spec headcanons are Amethyst from Steven Universe being aromantic (and asexual) and Fitzroy Maplecourt from The Adventure Zone: Graduation being demiromantic (he’s canonically asexual).

9. Are you romance favorable, indifferent, adverse, or repulsed?

I would like to try out a romantic relationship! I don’t know how I’ll feel about it until I’ve actually tried it, but like I said I don’t think about romance very much, I had a boyfriend in high school for a few months and I wasn’t very into it, but I also didn’t like him like that anyway.

10. Are you in a qpr? Do you want one?

I’ve never been in a queerplatonic/quasiplatonic relationship but I’m not averse to the idea! If I met someone and felt like that would be a good fit for us I think I would go for it, but I’m not actively seeking one out.

11. Are you in a romantic relationship? Do you want one?

I’m not currently in a relationship. I’ve tried dating apps a few times but nothing ever came from it, plus it’s hard when I rarely feel attracted to people based on a quick look at a picture and bio. I don’t have a lot of opportunities to meet people my age either. I would like to be in a romantic relationship, I think. I’m also open to polyamory so I could see myself being in more than one romantic relationship.

12. Tag at least one aro-spec blogger on tumblr to help grow connections

I’m going to tag @acespectips and @arospectips ! acespectips is a blog run by arospecs who experience sexual attraction helping out questioning ace-specs, and arospectips is its sister blog which is run by acespecs who experience romantic attraction helping out questioning arospecs!

13. Do you know any facts about aro history?

Unfortunately, not very much! I believe that the word aromantic was added to the Merriam Webster English Dictionary in 2020 (might have been 2019?) and I know that quite a few aromantic terms were coined on the AVEN forums.

14. What piece of media that you like has a canon aro-spec character?

Unfortunately I don’t have a lot of arospec representation in stuff that I like. I loved Steven Universe when it was running and Peridot was word-of-god canonized as aroace, but imo her aro-ness was not really explored. I use the Choices app a lot and there’s an aroace character named Zephyr in the Elementalist series. Jughead from Archie comics seems fun, but I’ve never read the comics.

15. What’s your ideal friendship?

I don’t have any specifics in mind. As long as we get each other and can communicate, there’s a lot of ways I have friendships with people!

16. Did you have a good discount chocolate day? (the day after Valentine’s Day)

I did not partake because I only go to stores when I really need to right now, and I didn’t really need anything that day.

17. What are some issues you have faced from being aro-spec? (if you’re comfortable answering)

I have trouble understanding romantic relationships a lot of the time, and the rules relating to them. I don’t understand why people decide to stay in relationships where they’re not happy or fight a lot (this is not about abusive relationships, just ones that don’t seem to be working) so I have had a lot of trouble trying to help out friends who are having problems related to that.

It’s also been very frustrating when I was actively looking for a relationship on apps, because it seems clear that most people are able to determine whether or not they would be open to dating somebody very quickly in a way that I can’t. I honestly wish that I wasn’t a-spec, but I don’t dwell on it and I’m not ashamed to be the way I am.

18. What are some positive experiences you have had from being aro-spec?

I like the online community I’ve found! I love that I’ve been exposed to so many different lifestyles and kinds of relationships that I likely wouldn’t have known about if I didn’t engage with the a-spec community. I’m glad that I never went through a phase of being super preoccupied with dating when I was a teen. There’s a lot of problems and drama that comes along with romantic relationships that I’ve been able to avoid as well lol.

Questions Source: @swords-and-aros

#asaw2021 #ask game #long post #og text

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fire-fira · 4 years

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Nonbinary Awareness Week Day 6: Nonbinarity in Relation to the World

What is my sexuality and how do I relate to the terminology around sexuality?:

I’m asexual and aromantic, which probably simplifies things for me by a lot.

More specifically, I’m a sex-repulsed ace and a romance-neutral aro-- but I am in a mixed queerplatonic/romantic committed relationship and am engaged. (It’s queerplatonic on my end and romantic on hers, and I love her to pieces and want to explode anytime someone implies our relationship ‘isn’t real’ because of my being an aroace. She’s the single-most important person to me and anyone who dares to say I don’t love her can fuck right off.)

My fiance is a lesbian, but her being primarily attracted to women has no bearing on me. She loves me and wants to spend her life with me, and to me that’s all that really matters (as in I have absolutely zero feelings of inadequacy over the fact that I’m not a woman when she’s generally attracted to women).

Even if I weren’t aroace, I don’t think I’d ever call myself ‘straight’ or ‘gay’. 1) Because (nonsensical as it is) I still have it ingrained from when I was a kid that me being the type of enby I am makes it impossible for me to be straight, and 2) to my mind in order to be gay I’d have to be attracted to someone of the same gender (and considering how specific my gender is, that’s kind of a difficult possibility). And yes, I know that’s me taking said terms in way too narrow a definition (tbh I don’t apply said terms so narrowly to others and interpret them as far more broad in that context), but that’s just kind of how it works out in my head specifically in relation to me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Does my nonbinarity influence my relationship with my body and the terminology around it?:

Unquestionably, yes. I have an educational background that has made me comfortable with saying accurate terms for specific body parts without any cutesy or crude colloquialisms, but I find that applying some of those terms (regardless of how accurate another person may view them to be) is dysphoria-inducing and uncomfortable as hell. A breast is a breast on a woman, man, or enby regardless of tissue and fat placement, but I can only ever bring myself to refer to my chest as my chest. The same is true for other parts of my body, and I think a large part of it is due to how ridiculously over-gendered some body parts are. That, and it took me a long damn time to be able to look at my body and see it just as a nonbinary body.

And seeing my body as just a nonbinary body? That has helped immensely with some of the dysphoria I have (and had). (And thank gods for having gotten past some really unpleasant dysphoria-based impulses, because those thoughts were HELL.)

What’s my relationship with gender roles? Do I fulfill a more traditionally feminine or masculine role, both, or something else completely?:

I’d have to say it’s something else completely for me. I know there are things I do and ways I behave that could be interpreted as either feminine or masculine, but I honestly don’t think of myself or my behavior in those terms.

Then again, I’ve spent a large chunk of my life picking apart internalized unnecessarily gendered crap and throwing gendered ideologies to the side. I know how to sew, crochet, and do embroidery (I’m not the best out there, but I do passably well) and when I’m in the mood for any of those things it’s enjoyable, but I don’t see those things as inherently feminine. Just like how I know how to throw a punch, can generally figure out how something is put together if I have to take it apart, and am a giant freaking nerd who isn’t above cackling over impressive explosions on tv or in movies-- none of which are things I interpret as inherently masculine (though I know a lot of people might).

Ultimately the concepts of femininity and masculinity are really weird to me. I just am how I am, do what I do, and enjoy what I enjoy regardless of any concept of whether it’s feminine or masculine. That said, there are some things that feel ‘too’ feminine or masculine for my tastes as something I’d want to do (or wear since it’s usually in relation to clothes), but those are usually cases of something just not being for me and that’s okay.

I will say that for my perspective on my ‘gender role’ I feel like a big part of it is in educating, mediating, and being helpful. Me helping others understand things around my areas of knowledge is as much a part of it as me knowing more first aid than most and being able to use it when needed. Which may sound a little strange, but it’s the way I feel and it is what it is. (Plus green and nature. Those tie in really strongly for me as well, in that same sort of association of pink and blue to binary genders.)

How is my presentation (e.g. clothes, makeup, (body/facial) hair, mannerisms) related to my nonbinarity?:

Whoo boy. This is probably going to get longer than I want it to. idk.

Clothes-- it’s a complicated mix of trying to be read as nonbinary and not-white as possible, which means for a long time it was a lot of just t-shirts and pants. It still mostly is that (it’s changed a little and gotten a little more sophisticated as I’ve gotten older, but it’s still pretty relaxed), and most people can pick up pretty quickly that I’m not what they’d consider feminine.

Makeup-- I generally hate having anything on my face, especially anything I would have to concern myself about smudging, but when it comes to cosplay or Halloween (or acting, or drag shows, etc) then I’m all in. (And I am so freaking grateful that my fiance may as well be a makeup artist, because while I can avoid looking like a clown, my skills aren’t anywhere near her level.)

(Body/facial) hair: - Body hair I generally leave alone aside from my pits and minor landscaping to keep things from getting out of hand; otherwise I don’t care. - In terms of facial hair I have a very light fuzz pretty much all over my face (though you wouldn’t know it unless I decided to take mascara to all of it, and if I did I’d have a pretty obvious-- though thin-- mustache), which I’m completely comfortable with and leave as is. - As for the hair on my head, it’s long (down to about my mid-back currently, though I have had it down to just past my butt plenty of times before) and the most I do with it is basic upkeep (washing, brushing, occasionally pulling it back when warranted, and braiding when I feel like it). I don’t see my long hair as feminine-- I see it as the most obvious external signal I can give that I’m Native, so that’s what I do.

Mannerisms-- Uhhhh... I’m unintentionally too aggressive and intense to be read as remotely feminine. But at the same time I make a genuine effort to be as gentle, comforting, educationally informative, and understanding as possible and I’m ‘too’ comfortable (no such thing in my book) with expressing my emotions, so I’m also unlikely to get read as masculine. I also have a subconscious habit of speaking in a short and clipped manner verbally (which unfortunately can make me come off angry when I’m not), and most of the time my body language is strong, confident, and I allow myself to take up space. I’m sort of a mixed bag of loud and impossible to miss, and yet also quiet and able to retreat and disappear into the background. A lot of people find me intimidating in person before they get to know me, though I try not to intimidate anyone. (Also doesn’t help that when I’m reading or concentrating on something my eyebrows subconsciously pull together, which makes me look-- in my fiance’s words-- like I’m about to murder someone.) So yeah, I’m all over the place.

How often do I think about my gender?:

I would say not all that often these days, but I do think about it when it gets brought up or when I get misgendered. Basically when it’s relevant I think about it, but when it’s not I don’t.

---

[Day 1] [Day 2]

[Day 3] [Day 4]

[Day 5]

#NBWeek #Nonbinary Awareness Week #NonbinaryAwarenessWeek #nonbinary #non-binary #my life #long post

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bluekayanite · 4 years

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Comments/theories: In Dreams - Homeworld Bound

So I kind of missed the SU:F updates for a bit. ^_^; That said, I'm caught up now, and have some misc. comments that I figured I'd share... before the next eps or two comes out. XD;

...That said, I was actually working on this when I'd heard that Homeworld Bound was out already. -.-; It's on XFinity Stream, at least - and I suspect other streaming services - so I consider it "officially released." I've since adjusted to implement the new info. However, I'm making the comments in an ep-by-ep structure, so if you want to avoid spoilers, you can easily stop once you get here. =3

I'd also like to note that this one's more rambly than usual, so prepare yourself for rambles. XD

EDIT: Some adjustments, mostly additions. EDIT2: Couple more little deets. EDIT3: Few more MAJOR deets. XD;

Just a quick note: my current, primary theory is that, even with everything that seems to be glaringly obvious, White also has the power to alter Gems' memories and such, and Rose was not truly Pink Diamond (or at least, in a sense, not THE Pink Diamond). Lately, I basically think that she may be a sort of a hybrid, or at least that Pink put a lot of herself into Rose... lately I've even suspected that it might be even more literal than I've previously noted... as in, Pink may have prepped some healing tears and broken off a shard of herself... or something. ._.;;;

But yeah, I figured I'd note this in advance because, well... I realize it sounds crazy. It's going to be mentioned, so I ask for a bit of open-mindedness - or at least a willingness to entertain the idea, even if you think it's wrong (and I don't blame you if you do). Frankly, I wouldn't be surprized if a lot of people would have already closed this post before getting to this sentence. (That said, if you're still here, thank you!)

With that out of the way, let's get going!

In Dreams

Okay, so Crewniverse was definitely being self-aware, and using meta-humor. XD

I've commented here before that previous eps had a building feeling of listlessness and whatnot. My sister also has commented (not in a place I can link XD; ) that the opening theme gets more and more jarring with each episode. The both of us think that odds are pretty good that they'll switch to using something the reprise version of the theme. XD; ("Here we are in the future, and it's wrooooong!")

...That said, while things have been getting intense (not to mention REAL!), I do appreciate that we seem to be moving out of "boredom" eps. XD;

The dreams-being-broadcast thing is more-than-likely a bit of setup for later story points. I'm thinking "Emergency broadcast."

On an entirely different note, I like the confirmation that Peridot has green eyes. =3

Been sort of a headcanon of mine for awhile now. ^_^

Also, is it just me, or is Peridot getting taller? 83

Anyway, it's nice to have a bit of lighthearted funtimes in the midst of all the seriousness that has been going on. =3

Bismuth Casual

So... those toilet paper jokes certainly ended up being at an ironic time, right? XD;

Anyway, one of the things that stuck out to me is how increasingly obvious Pearl's obliviousness is.

One of my long-standing theories is that Rose saw Pearl more like a daughter, if anything... and didn't realize - or even have a clue that Pearl had a thing for her.

And I mean, really, if Pearl can't tell whether any human - or Gem - is into her, then how could she know for sure whether or not Rose did (or didn't)? Odds are she's just going by her memories... which I strongly believe to be unreliable, what with how many contradictions they have. ^_^;

Together Forever

(...Does anyone else keep hearing the old Pokémon song by the same name in their head? ^_^; )

...Okay, I'm gonna confess: it actually didn't occur to me that either Steven or Ruby was supposed to be "cute" until it was mentioned in Hit the Diamond and Sadie Killer. (I didn't count Andy saying it in Gem Harvest because I figured he had a family bias. ^_^; I mean, he did make a complete and abrupt 180 about the parts of his plane being recycled, once it was Steven who started using them.)

...Cuteness is in the eye of the beholder, I guess. XD;

I guess I can see how Crewniverse was going for "cute" with Steven... Still, about the only time I've considered "Steven" to be cute - visually or otherwise - was after that last bout of Ultimate Steven tag.

...Yeah, I think that the Gems did the puppy-dog eyes better than Steven did. ^_^; I mean, I would call Steven "sweet," "silly," and a number of other things. Just... "cute" isn't typically one of them for me. ^_^;

That said, there are moments when I think that Ruby is being cute. =3 One of them is when she RAEGING.

Another one is when she's being happy... especially when she's super-excited.

So yeah. =3 For me, it was pretty nice to see Ruby spazzing like that. It's also kind of nice to see Steven eating sweets again... even if it's for unfortunate reasons.

...yeah.

It's also nice to see R+S's new forms. =3

The headband is back! 83

(...Why hasn't there been a mention of Sapphire being cute? She seems like the most obvious choice. XD; )

On another topic... So it’s not just Pearls that can store stuff in their gems? o.O

Anyway, part of my theory is that [Pink is really trapped in the moon base's observation orb], which she can use to see some of what's going on. When Pink is watching, the moon might show up, and/or the sky might turn pink (usually around dawn/dusk) - the more intense either of these things are, the more intensely she's watching.

Looking back at when either of these happen, I've noticed that:

She seems to be a 'shipper

She particularly 'ships Steven + Connie

This ep certainly continues with that pattern. 83 Heck, I think that the extra lights on the horizon might even be from Pink - maybe even intentional on her part.

Even after the turn-down, the moon still showed, BRIGHTLY - at least until Garnet got there.

I also noticed the moon at the end of Little Graduation - in general, I'm getting an impression that Pink has been wanting to help Steven... but obviously, she wouldn't be able to.

However, that said, with the way things are looking, I think that she's going to get her chance, shortly... more on that farther down. =3

Side note: The glowstick-bracelet “ring” is a nice touch. =3

Other side note: JAM BUDS REFERENCE! 83

Also: Strawberry. =3

Also-also: it seems like Garnet actually does tend to give some pretty good love advice.

"Your soulmate is your compliment, not your missing piece. [...] Whatever hole there is in your life, Steven, I want you to understand that Connie - Stevonnie - won't be able to fill it." - Garnet, Together Forever

...Also-also, my suspicions about Garnet sorta being three people keep growing. XD;

...Incidentally, I’ve mentioned before that I think that Connie is probably ace and/or aro (though I didn’t know the latter term at the time).

Growing Pains

On the funny (at least to me) side, I noticed that Dr. Maheswaren checked for Steven’s heartbeat on his right side (which, ironically, would be the wrong side XD).

There actually is a genetic condition that can flip the positioning of the internal organs, though I’m pretty sure that it’s simply an oversight in this case. For one, Dr. Maheswaren shouldn’t think to check there unless she’d checked the usual positioning, first. For another... it’s actually not the only slip up in that shot; Steven’s gem has a hexagonal crown instead of the usual pentagonal one. (This happens a lot, especially on Quartzes.) The biggest thing, however, is that Steven actually does grab the left side of his chest later on.

But yeah, just some stuff that I thought maybe some other people might consider interesting. =3

Anyway...

So it's FINALLY established that Steven has PTSD... and appears to be having panic attacks. Frankly, for a long time, I was under the impression that nothing like this would ever come up. XD;;; Call me crazy, but in a weird way, this is kind of a relief for me. It makes things feel more genuine to me.

...Hmm... I wonder if part of why we haven't seen panic in other characters is because they're hiding their own PTSD? Maybe the reason why so many are just carrying on is as a sort of coping mechanism. Maybe the also don't want anyone to worry.

...Or maybe this is an effect of this being a cartoon. >.>; I mean, as much as I can see that Crewniverse is trying to touch on a lot of hard topics (and I appreciate that), we can only expect it to be so realistic. Plus, a good story needs a bit of balance to it - as nice as it is to see the worrying stuff, it needs a good balance, or else it tends to be overwhelming.

In particular, I've been reminded that SU:F does have a number of much-younger viewers - I think we need to bear in mind that they probably aren't likely to handle this stuff as well as the older audiences. ^_^;

But yeah, I'm definitely glad that at least there's something, and the reaction seems fairly realistic (at least as far as having a half-Gem character goes). Even the fact that there was a delay is fairly realistic... maybe a bit more of a delay than usual, but... I guess Steven is half-Gem?

Also: cartoon. XD;

And of course, it's really fascinating to see the medical aspect of Gems (or a lack thereof).

And of course, the sneaking in of an Amethyst-behavior joke. X3

Also: you can see Steven's chart in two of the transitions. 83

(Assuming Dr. Maheswaren got his height right... I’m actually admittedly jealous that he’s actually taller than me - especially since it looks to me like he should be shorter. XD; )

Also-also: I noticed that a lot of things that had nothing to do with Steven's life being in danger got referenced. ^_^; Granted, I'm sure they're still important to him, but I thought I'd still bring it up.

I also couldn't help but notice there being a direct reference to Adverse Childhood Experiences, which is an actual term. I suppose Steven's are unusual... but whatever the form, ACEs can still be pretty impactful. =/

...I do wonder if Crewniverse knows anything about Childhood Emotional Neglect. It's supposedly an even bigger impact than abuse and whether one recovers from it. That said, AFAIK it's lesser-known - even the term was coined less than a decade ago (2012, if I've got my dates right). It's mentioned on the list of ACEs... I think? But it's not very well defined there, so... it's hard to know.

At any rate, it definitely seems like a thing that could be a factor... more on that farther down.

Mr. Universe

It was nice to see Steven and Greg getting some bonding time in... even if it was short-lived. ^_^;

Can't help but wonder whether or not Steven's eating a veggie burger. XD;

Steven drooling in his sleep... it's been a headcanon/theory of mine that maybe Pink does that. X3

Okay, so maybe this is a cute picture of Steven... now that he's more grown-up. X3

Anyway, It's nice to learn some more about Greg's side of the family. Especially since - aside from the strictness - they really do seem like they're probably nice people.

I mean, for one, they still kept reminders of Greg - his stuff, pictures of the whole fam, and even his letters... even if they never opened them.

(...Is it just me, or does Greg's mom look an awful lot like Connie's?)

And based on their stuff, I think it's pretty likely that they at least have a gentle side... even if maybe they didn't know how to properly use it with Greg. XD; (Or maybe they're simply an appearance-conscious family. ^_^; ...Which is apparently considered a gaslighting type of parenting-style. =/)

In any case, I hope we meet them, later. =3 Maybe they've mellowed out... or maybe they will as soon as they meet Steven. X3

My sis pointed out that Dear Old Dad plays - as in, the song from the last ep Steven and Greg fought in. Only this time, it didn't end out well. ^_^; Quoth her, "That's some next-generation foreshadowing!"

But yeah, I can see why Greg might be so frustrated at his parents that he would want to change his surname. ^_^; ...And I can also see why Steven would be upset at Greg going as far as he did. =/ Pendulum effect: being so upset by one extreme that you go just as far into the other extreme, and it sounds like Steven paid for it. -.-;

This is part of what I mean by Childhood Emotional Neglect potentially being a factor... though in general, Greg's hands-off parenting style could very well fit in as a form of emotional neglect - parents who are just kind of buddies and try to give comfort on everything kind of avoid a lot of the issues, instead of teaching their kids how to deal with them, including on an emotional level. ^_^;

But yeah, the fact that Greg apparently didn't consider whether Steven might still want some of the usual aspects of childhood seems like it could also count. ^_^; At the very least, it's common for Well-Meaning-But-Emotionally-Neglected-Themselves parents to give their kids what they wish they had in childhood, without actually considering whether it's what the children themselves want.

It's also common for emotional neglect to be passed on through families in ways such as this, so... seems like it could be a thing.

Oh, and you know how Steven also had to be "the adult" for the Gems a lot? That also counts as CEN. XD; Heck, that link even mentions the need to care for others that Steven continues to struggle with.

The parts about Steven trying to hide his struggles would also fit in with CEN, though his knowledge of emotions - and vocabulary thereof - does seem to be pretty big. I can't help but wonder if CEN is something that's being inserted in more as a retcon, but wasn't planned at the beginning. I mean... CEN was just being figured out around the time that the original SU series came out, so it seems pretty unlikely that it was the original plan. I could see Crewniverse trying to work it in now, though.

...It's also possible that it's not really what they're going for and that it's sort of included by accident. XD; I mean, there's often more than one way to arrive at the same conclusion, even coming from the same set of information, at times.

But yeah, CEN is important to me, and it's nice to see that it might be a part of the show. =3

Fragments

Okay, so that first convo was chock-full of examples on what NOT to say to someone who’s panicking. ^_^;

And those are just a few of them. ^_^;

I think that this is probably foreshadowing, and/or a setup for something coming shortly. More on this farther down.

Anyway, I'm sure I'm not the only one who was thinking back to Why So Blue? XD;

(Or, belatedly, Strong in the Real Way.)

I do think Jasper has kind of a point about learning to control anger by using it. All-in-all, though, I think she's only about half-right. ^_^; The parts about using it solely in violence... yeah

I see Steven’s eating fish, again. =3

It’s also neat to see him chopping wood with his hands. X3

...Not to mention Jasper’s new helmet. 83

It looks to me like Pink might have noticed some training, or at least may have been looking around the area.

...I suspect that she doesn't know about all the details, though. ^_^;

Homeworld Bound

Okay, first off, I think that Garnet may have said the family thing for Future Vision reasons - probably related to what the Diamonds said, even if she doesn't know that.

And now that that's out of the way, I was really glad to see Spinel again. =3

It does seem a bit weird that she's around as tall as Steven when she was shorter than him in the movie.

And I'm pretty sure that Steven's gotten even taller since the movie. XD; Though maybe Yellow made Spinel taller...?

EDIT: I remembered that she probably wouldn’t be the first. Could be a pattern.

Anyway, I also like the confirmation that Yellow's and Blue's powers seem to be about affecting the forms of Gems, and their emotions, in general - I've made a little spreadsheet (vaguely) touching on stuff like that, before.

Also, Blue getting a full song of her own. Plus, the implications that Blue's powers are probably water-related. =3

(Who wants to try one of Blue's happy clouds? *raises hand* =D)

Not to mention Spinel doing the hammock hair thing. X3

*ahem* However... this is the second time one of the eps has felt like it's been full of Gems that are more-or-less hypnotised (the first one being Familiar). A little too happy and/or nonchalant, and a little too conclusion-jump-ish. =/ (Especially Yellow for that last one. XD; ) Steven's even pointed stuff like this this out.

Which... White acted also that way. If she really does have mind control powers, I think that this might be a sign that she's still using them, even on Blue and Yellow. ^_^;

Another thing that I think is odd is that the Diamonds were all taking initiative in doing good stuff. In the movie, it seemed pretty clearly like they were only doing good things in order to try and please Steven and get him to stay with them.

White in particular was still disgusted at the idea of thinking of others as “equal.” XD;

They were even willing to move to Earth, leaving all those hurt Gems behind, instead of trying to do anything for them. =/

And yet, despite all that, Spinel in particular felt a little too weird to me (somehow XD; ). A little too unconcerned about Steven's feelings, a little too relaxed and... blissful? ^_^; She actually handwaved the "embarrassing" issue of having tried to kill Steven.

This is the second time we've seen something like this. =/

In a way, maybe Spinel's a little too close to her original personality, in general - as in, maybe less "healed" and more "reverted." =/

I mean, it's only been... a few months? If I understand correctly? Difficult thoughts and such do not just evaporate like that - ESPECIALLY if they're more-or-less intrusive ones. =/

And a lot of the time, it seems like her voice and intonation is closer to what she had with her original personality. ...It does seem kind ambiguous, though I suspect that that’s on purpose. XD;

Here's what I think to be the kicker, though: you know the song she started singing when Steven asked how she stopped having vengeful thoughts?

It's the same song that Spinel said had said would NOT make everything better. XD;

"Just can it, won't ya?! You can't just make everything better by singing some STUPID SONG!" - Spinel, SU Movie

(Incidentally, I noticed that the moon actually did show up - rather obviously - during said song. Whoops. ^_^; It looks like Pink has probably seen Spinel’s “evil” form, after all.)

Also... Quite honestly, the way Spinel mentions not getting vengeful thoughts anymore makes her seem... "drugged" to me. ^_^;

Possibly-similarly... this line seems odd to me.

For Spinel to tell Steven that White's powers work in reverse, she'd have to know:

How White's powers worked in the first place

That Steven knows how White's powers worked in the first place

I mean, I guess it's not impossible that White's powers are/were common knowledge, but... I dunno. XD; It would have to mean letting Gems know that White could control them outright... and that White had used her powers on Steven's friends. ^_^; I guess it's also possible that this was told to Spinel as a way of trying to bond over/help with the "tried to kill Steven" thing but... yeah, again, I dunno. ^_^; If that were the case, it's possible that Spinel would mention it, rather than bursting out into song.

At any rate, I'm not ruling out mind-affecting as a possible reason for her knowledge.

So... yeah. I suspected that White acted the way she did when seeing Spinel because Spinel knew (or otherwise had) something that White wanted to be kept hidden. I kind of suspected that poor Spinel would get hit by White's powers pretty much right away, and to me, it looks like she did, and was placated a la mind-control. =(

Speaking of White... I'm guessing that the "pink-colored White" in the intro was actually Steven controlling her, or something. ^_^;

If so, then that's interesting twist on what's considered a "danger"...

...though that said, it looks like White managed to shed the pinkish tinge she had in the movie.

Now it seems to depend on the lighting, and is a fair bit fainter.

(Upper pic: purple. Lower pic: brown.)

So... that said, I wouldn't rule out that maybe she found a way to keep the pink from getting worse - heck, maybe that's even one of the reasons why she's letting Gems control her, briefly. Maybe it somehow keeps the pink from growing more saturated, or something.

So... yeah, while I think there's a good chance that the foreshadowed "Pink White" is already touched on, I'm not entirely ruling out that it might still be coming. I mean, the theory that I was going with was that [Rose's gemstone had a virus in it], that Pink made specifically for White. Possible circumstances to trigger the virus include:

Removing Rose's gemstone from whoever Rose’s child would be

Touching Rose's gemstone, in general

Trying to remove Rose from her gemstone - especially if from her child

Mind- and memory-manipulation on Rose's gemstone, in general

It's also possible that more than one trigger was programmed in.

Possible reasons for a virus include:

Trying to force White to learn empathy

Exposing White

In case the worst more-or-less happened

Prankage

Though yeah, if Rose's/Steven's gemstone really does have a virus in it, or something, I think odds are that White letting Steven control her is going to accelerate it. XD;

Also thought I'd note: while Spinel!White accurately reflects the colors of Spinel, Steven!White seems to better resemble Pink Steven than Pink Diamond, or Rose.

...Don't wanna dig up comparison pics, but I still thought I'd bring it up. XD;

Anyway, I can't help but wonder if there's some sort of deeper meaning to the scene with giant!Steven controlling little!White - like if there's something from Pink slipping in there, and her frustrations with whatever White did to her in the past.

I mean... Steven mentioned "everything" she did to him, and there were only flashbacks of stuff from Change Your Mind. Which... yeah, sure, a lot happened in a short period of time, but... I still wonder. ^_^;

Aaaand it's becoming pretty evident that whatever traces of Pink are in Steven are coming out pretty strongly.

...On another note, the softer "Pink" hairstyle that Steven is getting might be a hint that the more-solid, five-lump "Steven" style that Pink is sometimes shown with is not her actual style. ;3

(My personal belief is that her appearance in Jungle Moon accurately reflects what she looks like - everything else is probably tainted by memory-alteration a la White.)

...anyway...

My guess(es) on what's next

Okay, I was previously assuming that Steven would first fight the worm-thing (which I thought might have been a mutated Jasper, after getting all that essence-of-Diamond in one dose XD; ). I was also speculating about White having turned a much-more-intense shade of pink, accusing Steven of it, and a fight breaking out between the two (with a note that it might be a good thing that Steven's learned to better control his Diamond powers =D; ).

Now it’s looking like the “Pink White” may have already been covered... or maybe it’s still being foreshadowed. Hard to say at this point.

That said, I think there's still a good chance that White will still try to follow Steven for one reason or another, despite his plea not to. I mean, it looks like she may have genuinely been impacted by what happened with Steven controlling her... or at least terrified. XD;

She still asked him to wait, despite that.

Steven did leave his shoe behind, a la Cinderella. This could be a hint about someone following him and returning it to him. Maybe there'll be something about it fitting after he's calmed down? =3

Though... yeah. Maybe letting Steven puppet her will result in her turning pink and coming after him for it. Or maybe White will still try to follow out of more a compassionate reason - or just to “fix him, like she’s apparently done with so many other Gems XD - and Steven will try to keep her away.

In any case, I’m thinking that odds are that Steven will end up getting in a fight with What, and that it will end up being on Earth, at least at some point during the struggle. If so, I tend to imagine something like this happening:

If Pink observes a fight between the two, it might be enough for the moon + sky thing to trigger in broad daylight. If so, then the fact that there's someone on the moon who can turn the sky pink will be impossible to miss. XD Even if it's not a fight that does it, I think odds are good that something like that will be how Pink being up there would be revealed, as well as working as a quick explanation that the moon + sky color are actually important.

If something like that does happen, then I think that White will finally fess up about messing with Gems' memories + thoughts and imprisoning Pink in the orb. I mean... she'd basically be backed into a corner. It also seems like she's getting to a point where she'd consider telling Steven anyway - just maybe she'd freak out and back out first, and/or the sky would beat her to it. XD;

I've also considered that maybe Steven's powers would get strong enough that he could be contacted by Pink in his dreams, anyway - they're not mutually-exclusive, so maybe both will happen?

But yeah. There's plenty of evidence of a moon prisoner, and plenty of that evidence highly suggests that it's Pink. I know I always say this, but I think it's time - maybe even well-past-time XD; - for Pink to be released.

A few possible roles of Pink (plus rambles)

Think about it: just about everyone that Steven knows - or is close to, at least - has been failing him in one way or another. No one seems to know what's the best way to help him, or even fully understand just what exactly he might be going through - even White said that no one would be able to relate to him... but I don't think that's fully true.

Sure, maybe nobody could easily, and/or fully relate to the half-human thing, but I think there's a chance that, say, Lapis, Peridot and Bismuth could at least help with the "vengeful thoughts" thing.

But Pink, Pink could probably help with the powers, and maybe a few other things. I mean, they're probably her powers - or at least a variation of them. Heck, she may be even more powerful than Steven is. XD If anyone could help Steven get things under control, Pink can.

Heck, maybe Pink even knows how to help calm down somebody who’s having a panic attack - or at least knows how to help Steven with his panic. Given that nobody else seems to know about this, it seems pretty likely that it might be what Crewniverse is going for. =3 And hey... if nothing else, maybe it’s something she picked up just from watching the Earth for so long. (I mean... if she’s really been stuck for 5,000 years, odds are that she’s picked up on a few things. Not like she’d have an awful lot else to do, anyway. XD; )

I admit... it’d be a little extra cool to me since I’ve had the idea that it might be something that Pink would do. 83 Sort of a headcanon/fanfic idea that I never really got to or anything. XD;

But yeah, at this point, I think odds are good that Steven will more-or-less beg Pink to stay with him for awhile. XD

I mean... maybe they could ask Pink Pearl (I really don't like the name "Volleyball," sorry XD; ) about Steven’s powers, but I think she might still have too much trauma of her own over Pink's powers to really be able to help. ^_^;

...Though that said, I've suspected that White placated her, too. If her traumas can still show through... I think odds are good that others' traumas will end up resurfacing - and thus being addressed - too. =3

...But yeah, it seems like White's MO involved making everyone just forget about things, and/or suddenly become happy. ^_^; ...Another form of emotional neglect, I suppose.

I also it's possible that part of the reason why Steven is having trouble is because White did something to him. =/ I mean, if White really did remove whatever was left of Rose, then she may have removed an important part of Steven... and if she added something to him, it might be a big part of why he's so... unstable. -.-;

...Heck, maybe the reason why Steven's been getting white Diamond-pupils is because White did something to him. o.O Maybe that why Steven!White has them, too, despite Spinel!White having black pupils.

At any rate, maybe the real Pink could shed some light on that, too. ...And/or maybe White will fess up. XD; I think the latter is much, much more likely in this case, though.

I do think that, once Pink is released, it's likely to result in a lot of chaos, on account of Gems learning that things aren't how they thought they were - just one of many reasons why I think that White has still left her in there. ^_^; However, that said, maybe Pink could end up being a catalyst in bringing those problems to the surface, so that they can be addressed. XD;

But yeah. Overall, I think one of her roles would be in healing... just like with Rose, Steven, and their powers. I think she'd also be good for helping uncover the truth of what really happened, along with other things.

Could be ironic; it's Steven Universe: Future, but there might end up being a lot of looking at the past. Granted, maybe that's the point: look to the past to better understand the future. =3

#su:f #su:f theories #suf theories #rose quartz wasn't pink diamond #white diamond's mind control #theories

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endlesslovewitch-blog · 6 years

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Busted myths about fictophilia / schediaphilia

Hi! I’d like to get the word out since I’ve seen lots of wrong assumptions circulating about this. Fictophilia is a romantic and/or sexual orientation which covers exclusive attraction to fictional characters in animation and movies (no, not the actors). It’s not a fetish, disorder, or solely a type of attraction, but an orientation one is born with, just as valid as any other*. It has nothing to do with lusting after those characters sexually as a fan. *There are people who are attracted to other people and fictional characters in that way. In that case, their orientation is whatever they identify with. I’d like to help you understand who we are and what we’re not by responding to the most common statements aimed at us. This has gotten pretty long so I put all the answers under a cut.

It’s not real! / You’re kidding, right?

No, it’s very much real. We feel genuine romantic and/or sexual attraction of the same sort that alloromantics/allosexuals experience towards people.

How can you tell if you’ve never been in love with a real person?

We can compare our romantic feelings to others’ and reach a conclusion that way. Furthermore, once you fall really hard for someone, you just know, right?

But they’re not real! How is that possible?

Oh, are they not? I’m so sorry, I totally didn’t re– yes, we know they don’t exist, you don’t have to pretend showing concern for our mental health. They have a personality. Many of them have a voice. Isn’t that enough for falling in love?

If not, you can also say you can’t have a crush on someone you’ve never interacted with. It’s essentially like being in love with a celebrity (although we don’t get why loving a celebrity is far more accepted since all the circumstances are the same, except that those characters don’t exist.)

You’re saying that because no one likes you!

It’s actually the opposite. If someone falls in love with us, we’ll have to reject them because we lack attraction.

You’ve just never been in a real relationship!

This may be true for some of us, but not for all. (Those who haven’t been are better off than the others, trust me.)

However, we don’t contend that we’re fictophiliac for that reason.

We simply lack attraction to other people, so we have no reason to get into a physically intimate relationship in the first place. Just like everyone else with a non-heteronormative orientation, we don’t have any obligation to try all kinds of different things before we can be sure who we are. You’re in no place to decide that. I’m 24 years old, I’ve been in love with the same character for 8 years, I’ve never loved a real person in the same way, but I’ve been in a physically intimate relationship I regret.

You’re exaggerating! / You’ve watched too many cartoons! / You’re taking fiction too seriously!

I suggest you take a look at your own fandoms and all the bashing within before saying that we’re the ones taking fiction too seriously.

You’re delusional.

Guess what, we still reconize the characters as fictional and know that we can never be with them unless we establish something for ourselves. Once that happens, it can be seen as a long-distance relationship. Where’s the problem? That we don’t get a response from their side?

That may be an issue that causes complications for us but it doesn’t make our emotions for them less real. And, surprise, it is entirely up to us how we deal with that. It’s not a problem you have to deal with. On the contrary, we’re not out there to hurt anyone - we’re literally just daydreaming like everyone else in love.

You’re those obsessed people who spend their days holed up in a room full of merchandise and claim to be married to fictional characters.

Again, no. That isn’t us. Many of us are capable of a healthy social life. Some may choose to get married to a character “officially”, but I am personally grossed out by that concept.

I’d never file for a marriage certificate because I’m not forcing anything on the character I love, I’m not disrespecting them, I’m respecting my own feelings, and I’m not into doing something so simple that everyone could do without a connection to them.

As a child, I created OCs to ship with the canon characters I had a crush on, but I never did so openly - only to cheer myself up because I knew from the beginning that it wouldn’t be taken seriously.

Most of us don’t claim the characters to ourselves. If so, chances are that the person is either very young or doesn’t really love them. If someone starts a fight, that’s a problem with the person, not the community.

Here, it’s important to stress the difference to fankids who keep shouting “THEY’RE MINE ALONE!!” (Guys, that’s embarrassing. No wonder no one believes us.)

Some of us forge a connection through dreams or on the spiritual plane in order to cope, but we still have ties to reality - remember that we’re constantly confronted with society’s standards wherever we go, from elementary school days on.

Even if we do collect tons of merchandise, that means we’re supporting the sales of something you enjoy, too.

Also, no real fictophiliac would present themselves in media like the otakus you see on TV. We have self-respect.

As a side note, anyone who uses the terms waifu or husbando to refer to characters unironically is most likely not fictophiliac. Being thrown into the same category as those is offensive to us with actual non-fanbased feelings for those characters. We don’t lust after them like overzealous fans, and it hurts being compared to them.

You can‘t compare yourselves to the LGBT community!

True. We don’t face any of the oppression the LGBT+ community does.

Let’s focus on a different aspect that matters: the self-discovery process in our minds which is similar to anyone else’s with a non-heteronormative orientation. We grow up in society and learn that we’re only supposed to love other people. We’re told our identity is childish and just a phase. In fifth grade, I was certain I’d soon grow out of this and fall in love. When I noticed I didn’t feel attracted to boys, I believed I was a lesbian. So I mistook a strong platonic attraction for romantic attraction and got into a relationship (after all, I was taught that my feelings for those characters were supposedly different from what actual love should feel like). That is very similar to what aromantics and asexuals go through before they realize they’re not broken.

You’re making this up in order to mock LGBT+ individuals who face oppression in daily life!

Wrong. We’re not part of LGBT+. We’re also not asexual or aromantic for being fictophiliac. I’m writing this to let you guys know we exist, not to claim a label that isn’t ours to claim.

Aren’t you aromantic and/or asexual by default?

I don’t consider myself aromantic because a) going by that label would be unfair towards aros who don’t feel romantic attraction at all, and b) I don’t like erasing my own existence by claiming not to feel something that I do.

I’m asexual because I’m asexual, not because I’m fictophiliac. However, some may choose to go with either label to explain our lack of attraction to people without getting demeaned.

How exactly are you struggling?

- being unable to express our feelings to the character in question and getting rejected by them before we start getting too desperate

- dealing with friends and family members who expect us to date and have children (equally to aros and aces who are told “you haven’t met the right person yet” - but joke’s on them, some of us have indeed)

- if we open up about who we like, we’re always going to receive strange looks; dealing with prejudice, ignorance, dehumanization

- our feelings are constantly played down and mocked even by fandoms (I don’t understand - why are our feelings less valid than other people’s? It’s not like we value our platonic or family relationships less than anyone else.)

- even if we managed to establish some sort of relationship, we can’t be open about it like everyone else; there are always going to be others who like the same character; comparing ourselves to those makes us lose confidence in our own qualities

- getting insulted for no reason with ableist language

- being confronted with the importance of “real” romantic / sexual relationships and the fact that we’re never going to have what others call essential for happiness (physical partnership, marriage, children)

- if we achieve happiness without those things, no one believes us

- spending our whole lives feeling broken, hoping to fall in love “normally”, forcibly getting into unfulfilling relationships, betraying our feelings, trying to fix ourselves (plus getting demonized if said relationship doesn’t work out)

- feeling alienated as though we don’t really belong into this world

- if someone like us comes out to media, they are ridiculed and humiliated

- suicidal thoughts, mental illnesses, mental scars, lifelong lovesickness resulting from all the points above

I hope I could provide you with an insight. It’d be nice for our existence to at least be acknowledged instead of trampled on. Please feel free to ask if you have any other questions! What to do with this information is up to you to decide. (But come on, do you really think I’d waste hours on writing this post if I wasn’t serious?)

Thank you for reading!

#schediaphilia #fictophilia #fictional other #fictosexual #fictoromantic #reposting this because I changed blogs

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ask-speedygravitysmash · 6 years

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hi! this is kinda personal so you don't have to answer, but i was wondering how you figured out you were aro? i thought i was bi and i've had a girlfriend for under a week but i just saw her in person for the first time since it happened and i am IN A PANIC and not sure how i feel about her and realizing i've never been able to tell the difference between romance and not and may possibly be aro but i can't TELL. anyway. i'm sorry, this is long and overly personal, but any advice?

[[ Oh jeez, I’m not sure if I can properly answer this, but I’ll try!

Okay, so… I basically found out I was ace when I did some research over sexualities (because I was creating OCs at the time and I wanted to learn about the sexuality spectrum). I happened to stumble upon the term aromantic, and I remember thinking how that was the only thing that I found that matched my orientation. I know stuff like that takes time for people take in, but for me I just had a brief epiphany about the fact that term “aromantic” exists and I quickly accepted it. The only reason it was easy for me to identify with it is for the fact that I never felt any soft of attraction towards anybody. I never experienced that gravitational pull towards a certain someone. That stuff didn’t happen for me. And I legitimately can’t imagine myself being romantic with someone. I just can’t. Plus, the signs grew more apparent as I grew older since the people around me would talk about trying to go after their crush or something along those lines. Sometimes it would bother me because it seemed like the only topic that seemed “important”, in a way.. (I don’t know how to explain it)? Like why can’t we talk about things other than romance, love, and stuff like that. I just never understood the importance of those things. I know for a lot of people, finding that one significant other is something they want to do, and I get it. But for me, it was never a concern. At some point, I couldn’t help but feel quite secluded knowing that I was seemingly the only one that had this phenomenon where I can’t feel attraction towards anyone. The fact that this “phenomenon” was never widely known in the world didn’t make it better. So when you go and tell others in real life that you aren’t attracted to people at all and/or don’t want to look for a relationship ever, you tend to get looks from them. But it’s not their fault I guess. Society tends to put emphasis on romance/relationships in subtle ways really. I don’t know if it’s true though; that’s just the way I see it. It’s whatever I guess; I don’t mind it. But then I finally discovered the term “aromantic”, and I finally found that validation that this “phenomenon” I had is normal too! It’s just not that common! I felt okay ever since then, so… yeah!Okay, enough about me. I’ll try to speak some advice about your case, but I can’t guarantee that it’ll help//Alrighty, it looks like you’re a bit confused about your relationship with your girlfriend. I don’t blame you if you feel that way. Stuff like that is a totally new experience, and it can be hard to navigate through a journey like that. Honestly, I cannot have a say in what romance should feel like because I do not have any experience to vouch for it. It’s different for everybody too. But I think I do have a grasp on what a platonic version of it is. It can come if the form of having this swell of affection towards a person because you want to make them happy and/or care for them, but not in a way where you have to do lovey dovey stuff in order to do that. It can be simple things like going out somewhere, having lunch with each other, doing simple gestures that makes the other person smile, getting into their interests, etc… things like that! I’m not quite sure if you know about this, but there is such a thing called a “squish” which is the platonic version of a crush. (Here’s a definition if you need it.) And alongside that, it’s totally possible to be in a platonic relationship! So if you’re unsure about being romantic, being platonic is a-okay! But if anything, I think you should take things slow with your girlfriend. There’s nothing wrong with experimenting what your boundaries are. It’s pretty much one of the only ways you can find out if you happen to be bi or aro. You have to give yourself a bit of time to experience things. Knowing that you’re romantic or not doesn’t happen in an instant. And that’s okay! I’d recommend talking to your girlfriend about this so that she can help you out with this and understand your situation. If you don’t address this with her, it will be a little tougher for you, so speak up to her about it when you get the chance.But yeah..! That’s all I have to say for the matter. I hope things go well for you! :D ]]

#ooc post #[[ Also sorry for not being active here. College applications are kicking my butt right now. ]]#[[ It'll be a little while before I get back on here. ]]

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danieljgrouse · 6 years

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Gender

I think most trans and nonbinary people have these memories from their childhood that could be completely normal and inconsequential kids stuff or a proof that this is what they have always been. It is difficult to place a definitive value on these memories. Your childhood behaviour could mean anything and the human memory has the nasty habit of being coloured by our present. Still, I suspect we all sometimes sit there and wonder. Whether we have always known or not, we still have these little pieces of the past of inderminent value.

I used to play with dolls occasionally and was fascinated by beauty products. Sometimes strangers would assume I was a girl when they’d meet me. It always made me feel strange. On one hand, I was flattered, they obviously did it because they thought I was cute and pretty and so I had to be a girl. I liked the idea of people thinking I’m cute and pretty. But it also made me angry that being cute and pretty was a girl thing.

My family would tease me for liking red and wanting to wear red clothes. “Red is a girly colour!” (Now, if you’re thinking “Dan, is that a local thing? Is red considered a feminine colour where you live?” … No, not really, I still don’t get it.) Whenever my mum would be fixing anything around the house she would say “you should be doing this, not me, it’s a man’s job”, which would just make me quietly angry. I never understood these weird gender stereotypes men’s job thins, women’s job that, plus I was a child and she was an adult, pretty sure she was more qualified and none of it was a job for an eight-year-old.

Once I reached my teenage years I had begun understanding that I should probably try to fit in. I was worried about people seeing me as more of a weirdo than they already had. I didn’t want “Is he gay?” to be part of their distaste for me. Even though I kept asking that question about myself constantly. So I would start leaning into the masculinity thing. In my weird and misguided way. Not really macho, just… a twitter egg. With all of the self-important cluelessness, just with better intentions. I’m still paying for that part of my life, trying to unlearn all of the bad habits, it’s a fun source of self-loathing.

Then came uni and I slowly started becoming less of a shitty person yet still a totally clueless one. See my whole life, since the moment I knew transgender people existed, quite possibly even before that, I would occasionally stop in my tracks (literally, I would stop in the middle of the street) and think “Am I trans? Am I a woman? Would being a woman make me happier?”. The answer would always be “No, I don’t think I would be any more happy as a woman.” and so I would carry on with my life being totally convinced I was a cis man. There was an essay about our personal identity I had to write for a social psychology course. I wrote about how I was a white European cis straight man and how the cis straight man parts of my identity really never felt like a real and important parts of me probably because thanks to my privilege I never really had to think about them (conveniently totally ignoring the fact there was never a point in my life since my teenage years when I wasn’t questioning my sexuality and my gender).

Not long after I began realising things. My asexuality, being bi/pan, started accepting being aro-spec much later on. It had actually started with pronouns years before. I had realised I was uncomfortable gendering random people, especially non-specific ones. And then I had realised I prefered to think about myself in gender-neutral terms. Somehow not even that managed to tip me off. And then this video came along. And suddenly many things started making sense. I never really cared for my assigned gender, it never really felt like me. But neither did the other binary one. And being “misgendered” never really did much to me. Sure, I probably wouldn’t feel better as a woman but I wasn’t a man either. I didn’t have to be either. My discomfort with gendered terms suddenly started making sense. I realised I was agender. And started following the work of more trans people. And releasing more and more things as I would identify with many of their experiences. Figuring out that some of the feelings I used to connect with my depressive episodes were actually dysphoria.

I identify as nonbinary now. Most of the time I don’t really experience gender. Sometimes I feel dysphoric and wish I could present differently and have a different body. But I know that if I did have a different body I would still feel dysphoric, just in the opposite direction. My experience of my self is way too fluid. Sometimes I feel feminine and my life becomes painful. Sometimes I feel masculine and I question whether I’m just faking it all. Sometimes I feel like something completely different. Most of the time, I don’t get the whole gender thing. Most of my social dysphoria doesn’t come from wanting to do things that would be more me but rather not being allowed to do things and being expected to do others based on gender norms I truly do not comprehend.

My dream is to one day be allowed to be out and do whatever I want. Both because I would be happier as myself but also because I feel bad about being in the closet. I feel like I’m letting down all the people who still have to figure things out and who need the inspiration and encouragement from their fellow queer people who are further along the journey. I feel bad about pretending to be a cis man and being allowed all the privileges that come with that, even if I have to pay with my mental wellbeing for that. I feel like there’s a lot of figuring out I still need to do but can’t as long as I don’t experiment and stay closeted. But the reality is that for as long as I need to rely on work to be able to eat and pay the bills I can’t afford to visibly break out of the expected mould. Already I have people use homophobic slurs when talking about me behind my back when they think I can’t hear them.I can’t really help anyone on their journey of self-discovery by being that queer on the street who has it figured out and is just being themself. But I can at least write a wall of text nobody will read in hopes it might help still someone. And if not, at least it helps me to get all of these thoughts out of my head.

#agender #nonbinary #personal thoughts

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britneyshakespeare · 6 years

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blur, manic street preachers, and elastica

Blur:

Do you like sunny weather?

No? Yes? I don’t care for the weather one way or another I’ve never been even close to resembling an outdoorsy person for even a day in my entire life.

Do a lot of people know about your sexuality?

Also kinda no and yes. I’ve known I was ace *for certain* since I was maybe 16 or so… and it took me a long, long time to realize and come to terms with being bi and aro-spec (even though I felt like I might be bi since I was about 12 or so… but not getting that I was also aroace yet it still didn’t feel like I was like other bi people, you know? If I had had more queer role models in my youth it woulda helped me but I’m going off on a tangent). As long as I didn’t know what I was, I would just kinda tell people I was close to that I “didn’t like labels.” Really I had no fuckin clue but I didn’t feel straight anymore and I didn’t want people who knew me well to like… assume I was, because in high school I made a lot of lgbtq+ friends. As for my family… well except for my sister who’s my closest friend they know nothing but I don’t particularly feel like coming out to them.

Are you a city or country person?

I’ve always lived in the suburbs but oohohoh definitely a city person. I need to live close to civilization because I’m already prone to being a recluse.

Favorite brand of athletic wear?

Ha.

Do you like your smile?

I don’t really know. I try not to think about my appearance too much because I have a reeeeeally long personal history of self image issues but as far as my face goes… Eh. It’s okay. I have an okay smile. Nothing stunning.

Manic Street Preachers:

Do you believe that humans are good?

Not inherently, but I also don’t think things like empathy are 100% forced on us by societal pressures. Humility, affection, those are all as intrinsic to the human condition as jealousy, greed, pick your favorite deadly sin. I used to have a lot of Catholic Guilt™ that steered me away from this belief in my upbringing, but as in the last couple of years I’ve overcome a lot, and I’ve gained perspective. I don’t think humans are inherently neutral, either, though. I think it’s entirely the individual’s personality and about their ratio of self-importance to selflessness.

What’s your signature makeup or fashion statement?

No make-up and wearing one pair of converse for years at a time until they’re falling apart. I also wear a lot of skinny jeans I guess.

Are you a books or a movie person, and what are some of your favorites?

I don’t watch as many movies as I used to but definitely movies. I have ADHD so it can be hard at times to endure either but I think the medium of film is more subtle than literature because you have to be shown visually rather than read outright. But of course certain books and film adaptations can be weighed against each other. Oh, and if we’re talking books of poetry, I’m definitely a book of poetry kind of bitch.

Do you see yourself as an outcast?

Oh definitely. I’ve always kinda had a loner aura even in circles where I’m with people I might like and trust. I didn’t really have a friend growing up who was ever just like me, especially from like, middle school and onward when everyone starts becoming their own person with their own serious hobbies and interests that aren’t forced onto them like when you’re a kid.

Are you nostalgic?

No. I had a pretty shit childhood actually. And a shit adolescence but you know, kind of less shit because I’ve *somewhat* developed a sense of self-worth. I write poetry now. What I’m saying is I know how to write poetry now.

Elastica:

What’s your dream car?

One that I don’t have to drive.

Favorite card game?

Uno I guess? I never played many card games growing up. I was kinda into Pokemon actually if that counts.

Do you consider yourself cool?

…Eh? Sort of? I’d like to think I’m unique, at the very least. My hobbies and special interests are actually a lot cooler than I am. Diana… Diana, she. Is not very smooth. But I mean, I know a lot about James Dean, Anglo-Irish poetry of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, and the 50+ years of publication history of the Amazing Spider-Man, and that’s pretty swanky.

Vinyl, cassettes, CDs, or digital?

I don’t have a preference between these audially, but I’ve collected CDs for a pretty long time. A lot of which I’ve been meaning to sell because I haven’t really liked Selena Gomez & The Scene since 2010, or All Time Low since I left middle school, but, you know. I like having CDs. Also awhile ago I gave my little neighbor who’s 10 years younger than me my copy of What Are You So Scared Of? (2012) by Tonight Alive very eagerly hoping she would get as much enjoyment out of it as I did in seventh grade when I was a little repressed bi in love with Jenna McDougall.

What’s a haircut/style you’ve always wanted to get?

I’ve always kinda wanted to try out being blonde? But my sister & I are the only redheads in my generation of my very large Irish family and if I dyed it I’d be breaking my grandmother’s heart. But I’m kinda fine with the head of hair I’ve got. I’ve always been complimented for it and I really just feel kinda neutral towards it but I mean the fact that I’ve not been made to be insecure about it is definitely a plus in my book.

send me 90s band asks

#long post #thank you nancy i love you #pavlovers #dianswered

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thelightofthingshopedfor · 7 years

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2016 Fanfiction Round-Up

Copied this fanfic round-up from @veliseraptor because I’m always a sucker for this kind of thing and I pretty much always do some kind of fic retrospective. Also I’m only doing this on AO3, not counting FFN.

Total Year-Long Wordcount: The unfortunate thing about my inability to finish stuff in a reasonable time frame means that there’s probably a big difference between how much I wrote last year and how much I actually posted. On the other hand, something like half of “the kindness of strangers” was written prior to this year and I’m still counting everything I posted, so whatever. Adding it all up, I posted 67,504 words on AO3 (minus “adventures of tiny Loki and Thor”), but my dubiously accurate 2016 document contains 97,000 words, so...my actual wordcount for the year is probably around 85,000.

This year I wrote and posted: 16 fics, of which 3 have more than one chapter, and 53 new “adventures of tiny Loki and Thor” posts

Overall Thoughts

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? I didn’t set a word-count goal of any kind, so...I don’t know? I’d say I did okay, although now that I’m looking at it, I feel like I should have finished/posted even more short fics than I did, which is...not a super helpful way to look at things.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Maybe the “I got pissed about Hydra Cap” one, considering I sure didn’t see that asinine “twist” coming. I also didn’t really expect I’d write so many Avengers Academy fics, although maybe I should have. Of course, those are still both Marvel. Probably the only really out-there fic was flailing in the deep, for @markiplier‘s Slime Rancher and Subnautica videos.

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? Overall, I think I’d have to say under bright stars burning--I struggled a lot with that one too, partly because it was so different from anything I’d written before (taking place over a long period of time, with two characters gradually developing a relationship, and a somewhat more meandering plot than normal because of that; plus most of it was set in the past, requiring a lot more research than usual), and I spent a lot of the writing process sure I was producing absolute garbage, but I ended up being really satisfied with it. I think it has a good arc, with vignettes that work well individually, and based on the comments, I think I did a good job writing Steve’s voice, using gradually maturing word/style choices for different life stages, and showing how he and Loki fit well together. I don’t know, I just like it a lot.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Taking the plunge and committing to one of my long-term WIPs (the kindness of strangers) for Marvel Big Bang, I suppose. I learned, uh, that trying to wrestle a story I wrote in disconnected chunks over 2+ years is agonizing but more or less possible?

From my past year of writing, what was….

My most popular story of this year: Not counting the adventures of tiny Loki and Thor, my fic with the most kudos was the state of my head (228), followed by “under bright stars burning” (178), Metal Gear Widow (137), and “the kindness of strangers” (131). By comments, it’s pretty much the same but in a different order: “the kindness of strangers” (58 comment threads), “under bright stars burning” (32), and “the state of my head” (16). If you go by percentage of kudos to hits, it’s “the state of my head” (13%), “the kindness of strangers” (12%), I’m your national anthem (12%), and “under bright stars burning” (10%). Also I’m sure that’s way more than anyone wanted to know.

Most fun story to write: Maybe “the state of my head”; I got inspired by a prompt, it all came together quickly, and I knocked it out in a weekend. Writing from Tony’s POV was fun, too. “flailing in the deep” was another one where I got to be funny.

Story with the single sexiest moment: Literally the only semi-explicit sex scene (by which I mean, I didn’t fade to black but I also didn’t describe specific body parts) I’ve ever written was for let your colors bleed and blend with mine (Crimson Peak, Thomas/Edith) and that was right at the end of 2015 so it doesn’t quite count. Otherwise there’s a kissing scene in “under bright stars burning” but it’s...not very sexy...

Most “Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: uhhhhh. well, “the kindness of strangers” probably has the most/nastiest Loki whump I’ve posted on AO3 thus far, to the point that I think a few readers were surprised, so I suppose there’s that??

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: I hadn’t really written Steve before “under bright stars burning” and that ended up being a reasonably long fic all from his POV, at different points throughout his life, so writing that one definitely gave me a better sense of him as a character.

Hardest story to write: Gonna have to go with “the kindness of strangers,” which should be obvious to anyone who noticed me screaming about Marvel Big Bang for the last several months.

Biggest Disappointment: I’m not great with deadlines, as everyone probably knows, so pretty much every time I sign up for anything with a deadline, I end up causing myself a lot of stress and just barely squeaking in under the wire, often with less of a story than I originally planned, or actually a little bit after the deadline in one way or another. I’ve often been especially bad about this with Yuletide, posting an unfinished placeholder on the deadline and then getting it actually done before reveals; way back in 2011, I never did get it done and they had to send it out for a pinch hit the night before reveals, and I still feel bad about that (and keep intending to go back to the fic I was trying to write). This year I got caught doing it again and although I did end up posting a complete story, I’m definitely not happy with it because it’s like...one third of the story I meant to write. I still intend to finish it, but the fact that I didn’t is frustrating.

Biggest Surprise: Nothing comes to mind.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: I’ve written exactly two Marvel-related fics that aren’t about Loki, and they’re both about Steve, one where he’s progressive and mad at the whole world, and another where Avengers Academy Steve realizes he’s on the aro/ace spectrum. That probably says something.

Favorite Opening Line(s):

At this point, Tony is running almost entirely on adrenaline and good old-fashioned Stark bravado (patent pending), so he’s pretty much prepared for things to go completely to shit at any second. The particular variety of shit remains to be seen, but honestly, shit is shit and he’s mostly just banking on JARVIS deploying the new suit before Loki switches from talking to shooting. (the state of my head)

“What the fuck is this?” (I’m your national anthem)

Dorian was worried about the Inquisitor. This was hardly unusual, to be fair; in fact it was so far from being a new state of affairs that when Dorian wondered briefly what it would be like to live without at least a vague background worry for Elden, he came up blank. (another year)

For as long as Gamora has known him, Thanos has been a collector, entirely unmatched. He has been so for much longer than that, in fact; Gamora herself and all her siblings are proof. (the kindness of strangers)

Favorite Line(s) from Anywhere:

“I wouldn’t say nervous,” he hedges. Nervously. (the weight of it all)

“I’ve never stood for any of that shit, and I’m sure as hell not going to let anybody pretend Captain America stands for it either. That’s not—I won’t give more power to that kind of hatefulness. If people want to be bigots, fine, that’s on them, but they do not get to use this symbol to spread and validate their hate.” (I’m your national anthem)

There’s about five seconds of resounding silence, during which Loki shivers and barely seems to be breathing and Tony keeps rubbing his shoulder because apparently this is his life now, and then Barton says, “What the fuck, Stark?” (the state of my head)

Loki growls under his breath and makes a sharp gesture that sends another robot flying. “End program,” he snaps, and glowers at Natasha again. “Did you have a point, or did you simply wish to drag me back to the infatuated horde slavering for my brother’s return?” Natasha tilts her head. Whatever else you could say about Loki (and there’s a lot), he sure has a fancier vocabulary than most people she knows. (getting the gang together)

He is a being of countless interwoven myths and stories, the precise intersection of which seems to shift every time he tries to examine it, and eventually he stops trying, because he is no longer sure that it is relevant to what he is doing here. One thing, in all this, is constant: always, he is Loki, and he knows more than almost anyone that identity is malleable, that facts and truth are not always perfectly interchangeable. (we could be heroes)

“I see,” Loki says. He does, actually; he has studied and used enough magic to know that some laws of reality simply are, immutable no matter the power of the one seeking to change them. This knowledge does nothing to make him feel any less weary, and for a moment he thinks the weight of all this really will crush him, that he lacks the strength to do anything but sink into the dust of this barren realm and sleep there forever. (in death’s other kingdom)

haha so it turns out I liked a bunch of lines in this year’s long fics so I’m just gonna...list those separately at the bottom...

Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated:

"under bright stars burning,” Steve and Loki hanging out on Coney Island, especially the bit where they’re sitting on the boardwalk railing watching the beach with the Wonder Wheel behind them

ditto, the kissing scene :3

anything?? those are the only two scenes that really come to mind in a “oh man I wish someone would draw this, it would be super cute” way, but 1) “the kindness of strangers” already has a bunch of awesome art from @neurovicky, which is amazing, and 2) I am thrilled with literally any fanart of my fics

Fic-writing goals for 2017:

continue writing at least a little bit every day

continue to post at least one new short fic to AO3 each month (last year I said “even if it’s a new ‘adventures of tiny Loki and Thor’ or ‘Custom figures’ chapter” but I managed even without that, I think, barely, so I should be able to do it again

continue to try focusing on fucking finishing some of the many, many, many fics languishing on my WIP list, especially the shorter ones that I really should have written and posted months or even years ago

more specific fic goals:

finish “the kindness of strangers” part III

finish the rest of my Yuletide fic haha whoops

New Year’s Resolution fic because my actual Yuletide fic was late, more whoops

that damn Stoki Week fic I started back in June

“Avengers Academy: Friendship Is Magic”

finish the rest of always gold to me

shit, I should get back to winter in our bones

and work on a followup to “under bright stars burning”

I don’t knowwww there are so many others

Favorite lines from “under bright stars burning” because sure why not, please note these are all very spoilery if you want to read the fic and haven’t:

“You would [like Thor],” Loki says, like it’s a law of the universe. “Thor is…bright, and boisterous, and everyone loves him, even when they are displeased with him. He is impossible to ignore. And I am…not him.”

He darts a glance toward Steve and then away, studying the shoreline, and Steve is suddenly struck by how beautiful Loki is. He’s noticed before, but not quite like this, with the breeze ruffling Loki’s hair and the sun highlighting those fine, sharp features Steve is always itching to draw. He doesn’t just want to draw Loki now, though; mostly he’s wondering what it would be like to kiss him.

Steve sighs, shoulders slumping, and gives up on the attempt at a smile. “It’s my mom. She…working in the TB ward finally caught up to her.” He swallows hard around the lump in his throat, which seems to be growing sharp points with every word. “The funeral was today.”

Loki gives him a look that somehow combines concern with profound skepticism.

Steve nods, his gut twisting uneasily as more threads of the nightmare come into focus, connect, begin to compose a larger picture. The golden prince in the red cape, blinding and bright, with a shadow no one ever notices. Cheers and thunderous applause (but not for the shadow, never for the shadow). His hand turning blue and ridged in the monster’s grip, and horror freezing the breath in his lungs more effectively than the glacial cold. A glowing blue box radiates cold and his hands turn blue as he touches it monster monster monster and revulsion is so thick in his throat he thinks he’ll choke on it. Rage and terror, rage and terror, no more than another stolen relic, claimed to love me, tell me tell me tell me, never wanted never loved never real and fear again. A corona of golden light. A spear and a throne and plans plans plans he will do it he will show them he is right, is worthy (is nothing but the monster parents tell their children about at night)—

Desert. Blood on the sand. A bridge. Battle, galaxies hanging suspended overhead. An explosion that sends him flying, his grip on the spear the only thing holding him above the abyss, but he has no reason to hold on and so he lets go and falls falls falls—

Bucky falls and Steve can’t catch him. Schmidt takes off with the Tesseract and Steve can’t stop him. Instead he sits at the Valkyrie’s controls and makes a date with Peggy that they both know he won’t make and tries not to think that even as Captain America, all he can do is fail the people he cares about, over and over again. Tries, fruitlessly, not to spend his last moments wishing he had more time with any of them, and then he sends the Valkyrie into the water.

And then Loki moves, quick as thought, already inside Steve’s guard, and Steve has no time or space to block him (and barely the space of a breath for a rush of horrified betrayal) before the tip of his scepter is pressed to Steve’s heart. Everything else disappears in a blaze of consuming blue light.

He is drowning in pain and anger, and then (no, Loki) despair overwhelms everything else, and he opens his hand, and he falls.

Under other circumstances, Loki thinks he might be impressed with his captors’ efficiency. They are expending no apparent effort and still grinding him down, and he does not want to think what it means, that this all must be in preparation for something—or that perhaps it is not, and he truly does not know which thought is worse.

He knows Thanos is too powerful. To think otherwise comes near to blasphemy.

It is fitting, he supposes, that the monster should destroy everything that was once good in its life, even this. Steve does not deserve this, does not deserve to suffer for unknowingly befriending a monster and finding himself inevitably drawn into the monster’s fate, but he will, and Loki can almost feel his spine bending under the weight of his own despair.

Favorite lines from “the kindness of strangers” because ditto, and ditto on spoilers:

This is truth: Thanos is patient like Death is patient, with the calm surety that the universe will bow to his will in the end no matter how long it takes.

Gamora was never nice except when it suited her, even before; was already hard, and fierce in her defense of anything she considered hers, and so once Thanos had broken and remade her, she had something left of herself, harder even than the shell he made her create.

She is a daughter of Thanos, by necessity and unyielding determination (and by something she refuses to call desperation, even in her own mind), but she is also the last surviving member of the Zehoberei race. This second identity is not one she considers often; at best it is not useful to the life she leads now, and at worst it is dangerous, but it still exists, always, alongside anything else Thanos might make of her—a kind of sacred responsibility, almost, even if she has little time or patience for religion or superstition. And the last survivor of the Zehoberei, in the name of all the unknown dead that she alone carries, burns with quiet rage at the idea of Thanos gaining the power to wipe out another race.

“I would take you for a Valkyrie,” he says, quiet and hoarse, “but if that were so you would not come to me, for I cannot succeed even at dying and I know Valhalla is barred to me.”

Yes, she is afraid of Thanos, afraid down to her marrow, and any thinking being should be as well, and perhaps everything else she tells herself—everything else she holds close as evidence that she does not belong to him—is merely an excuse for her own cowardice.

But the truth that matters the most in this case is simple: her reasons have not changed, and they far outweigh her pity for Loki (and her desire to prove to herself that she is not a coward). Whether they are still good reasons or merely excuses to salve what remains of her conscience is immaterial.

This is another truth: Gamora does not like to think in terms of what she can and cannot do. It is too much like helplessness, to look too long at the choices she is denied, and she learned a long time ago that helplessness is a short step away from death or worse. Instead she assesses situations and finds choices to make, and then she chooses, and she does not regret or look back—even when the choices are impossible or effectively meaningless. There is always, always a choice of some kind to be made, and to choose is to regain some measure of control over the situation, no matter how small. If she chooses, she cannot be forced one way or the other, and therefore she is not helpless.

“Soon,” Thanos tells her, his expression satisfied, and something unpleasant curls in Gamora’s stomach, the same mingling of fear and relief she feels whenever Thanos is pleased.

The titan smiles down at him, something both paternal and predatory in his gaze.

Slowly the blankness in his expression is replaced by something just as sharp and feral as the first time Gamora laid eyes on him, only now it is more wary, more focused, both more and less desperate. ... Every now and then, Thanos tells Loki that he is pleased with his progress, and Loki smiles to hear it, and his smile is like a brittle blade.

And for a long moment that freezes the blood in her veins like shards of ice, all she can think is I have failed. She has not done enough, and Terra is going to fall like her world did so long ago, all because she was so determined to wait for the right moment.

“It’s really not that complicated,” Romanoff says, and then: “I’ve got red in my ledger. I want to wipe it out.” There is…a cadence to it, something he knows, not the words but the sense of…something practiced, repeated, held close…

“Because look, he busted up a town because of a fight with his brother, singlehandedly destroyed a SHIELD installation, took out a guy’s eyeball, and threatened a freaking Holocaust survivor. Even if he doesn’t want to be this Thanos’s tool, he’s still a tool in general.”

“Gentlemen,” Fury snaps, “if you’re going to have a pissing contest, do it on your own time. I’m not asking you to like each other or the God of Crazy, I’m asking if you’ll put on your big boy pants for five seconds, do what’s necessary, and work together.”

#goals #writing #2016 #fanfic #occasionally I write things

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