#( doug fucking jones obviously: )

[ghostnebula]

i think guillermo del toro just has doug jones on retainer and every time he's planning a new project he calls him up like "hey dougie how does playing 5 different characters this time sound?"

#ghost gabs #im watching hellboy 2 and just thinking about how many characters are probably doug jones #obviously abe and chamberlain #but like #who else #he'll wear anything #he could be literally any of these characters #fuck dude he could be hellboy #whos to say really

[unproduciblesmackdown]

a decade later sure i'll put it into Text Post "tumblr user claims: plausibly may feasibly" form, starting with these classic screenshots i still have saved

this being dialogue from 2015's always watching: a marble hornets story, which is like hey this is a pretty well produced indie venture & you can sure like sit through it even if you then never watch it again b/c it's still kind of overly on the beaten path & "i'm not sure this choice is justified in much of anything" (see: bizarrely omnipresent thread of a love triangle just to be There; typical Mental Patient(tm) Harbinger; several real marked More Is Less instances arguably) that is still a better time than other random horror material i've seen & hated vs. only mostly been underwhelmed by but in an Overall Shrug way alone. yeah imdb's 4.7 out of 10 seems fair enough if you consider like 5 stars truly middle of the road solid if forgettable vs that anything < 7 stars is for [Bad!] or whatever

anyways the main character is named milo & indeed the creator(s) / actors / writers troy joseph & tim were involved in the production at all: tim at least by being the first step in doug jones's casting by reaching out directly (online), but troy & joseph also via Some writing, like in that slender game sequel also: not the Primary creators / writers, but still officially involved in the creative process at all. & i knew of them & they knew of me by this time & in a [source: dude just trust me] style of way, i, a tumblr user, am like "i think milo alwayswatching Could be named after me, milo unproduciblesmackdown. lol." b/c also like yeah i can take it on the chin if it's a coincidence, which is also likely. great name & it's just not being used enough in fictional & nonfictional people's names. you might also be aware that some role in tribetweIve is named milo (maybe the main guy. i never watched it) so you might also speculate it's named after that guy, which seems plausible also, But: afaik there are no other similar plausible shoutouts at all, to that series or to emh which was just as majorly like One Of Those 3 Biggest Online Series. may or may not add a grain of salt to take it with. like my own "of course, there's a grain of salt in 'milo just like me milo, and Uncoincidentally?' b/c how wouldn't there be. a name people have"

the dude just trust me argument: distilling it down to "i went to their first convention & then the same one the next year, & in these experiences i Know they knew of me from that + also online, where people knew my name was milo as well" and "it seems feasible enough it's an easter egg Not Coincidence that i first knew this character's name happened to also be milo b/c someone who experienced a clip sent me an ask about it, so they assumed it was a possible actual connection too lol." and, of course, it might be a fun coincidence after all. but i'm still like "yeah no it Could be a funny little shoutout to me specifically for real" and mean it and, again, i can endure it if i'm completely wrong. b/c who could care, and also b/c it's so funny that the character is a guy who basically just is like "i am going to have a bad attitude. b/c of the insistent tiresome love triangle thing. well now I'm insistently tiresome" and fucking everything up but like, sure. exasperating epic fail protagonists

the only relevance i think it has besides "to me, b/c i can go haha yeah. that might be like: just like me!!" is that it's Also plausible b/c yeah marble hornets Is the kind of series that might go "this could be an easter egg about some queer autistic tumblr user we know about" lmao, its Inherent Queerness both re: the material and in the creators' knowledge like yep that's how our Appreciators skew! like it's low stakes to be like [lol, Me. perhaps] b/c it's obviously of zero importance like it adds no info, i'm just some rando queer fan from back in the day, but it's this potential Fun Fact that's funny to know & it's about "yeah like they knew i was trans back then too & that it was like, amidst the MH Fans, like nobody's cishet man (shaggy rogers voice)" Gay Rights!

#marble hornets #It's Possible And Someone Should Say It #and like fr i'm saying it with a swagful humility b/c yeah ofc it feels like an overreach to be like ME Milo???? but it could be fr #and ofc it's just a funny little detail If So so it's also really not that much of a reach b/c nobody else could care one way or another #the only possible Reactions beyond ''main character named milo? this has zero extra meaning for me'' #is Me; Specifically going [gasp!] (which i did anyways b/c Pointing! & b/c yeah thee whole time it's like It Could Be Just Like Me Fr) #and tribetwelveheads going ''like as in tribetweIve?'' which like still maybe but gotta keep it real with you chief: Less Likely #it's funny if i'm right And it's funny if i'm wrong so like yeah ofc i'll Just Say It. i can endure in good humour if Knowing no it's not #and like i could just ask. but in my prior chitchatting with [Yeah We Know Of Each Other] quadruple A status #(amicable and/or allied acquaintance) like it just hasn't ever been much or really At All abt marble hornets or anything else ''official'' #yeah i Could barge into tim's dms like HEY do you MAYBE KNOW this trivia?? about MEEE??? but like. i'm not gonna lmao #i'm gonna be like: post more new kittycat pics worstie!!!! if anything. #or be like ''you're So right. recommend skinamarink to all past present future marble hornets fans'' hell yeah king #(as someone who Hypothetically enjoys horror; thus in actual practice virtually always hates horror. That Fr! sm good fckg food) #anyways like it can't possibly matter. sure just as plausibly a ''haha no it Is coincidental'' situation like & so i can endure that though #it's most plausible thanks to the [i did manage to make it to their first convention! a lot of fun. & i bought their mask] #like this fact was 99% irrelevant to Anyone Else; e.g. anyone online then or now #but it did boost making me a specific person the main creative / production trio guys Knew Of lol. being a queer autistic fan can do that #i also never use these screenshots lol but i did save them & still like just now stumble across them like oh yeah that guy! that Mystery! #we can keep it up for that mystique & ambiguity. & b/c again i have no cause to barge in at an A.A.A.A. like Answer My Trivia Boy!! #this would Also be funny but for the sake of any actual 4A rapport i will not be attempting it for Detached Jests #(conveniently this prevents me from bravely enduring taking it on the chin anyways! hence casually posting a Fun Fact. we'll never know) #also remembering i don't even have my name being milo on my blog header. But It Is

[intoxicatinginsanity]

Y’all

I just saw Doug freaking Jones at my local Ralph’s at 10pm and I legit had to stop myself from squealing in line. Idk if he realized I recognized him, cause my ass legit kept glancing back at him every chance I could. Cause, ya know, I legitimately could not believe I was in the same space as him! Like I was walking in to grab a can of wet food for my cat cause we ran out and I was on my way home from doing delivery runs. I walked in with my little basket and saw this man with his cart and I was like that guy looks like Doug Jones. Nah there’s no way. Did a double take, oh fuck wait. No way. That’s fucking Doug Jones!!! My partner was up a few aisles from me, because I went to the pet section first when we came in and I legit stopped what I was doing and fast walked to my partner. And I was like “Did you see this guy?”, and he was like “No what are you taking about”. And I’m like there’s a guy here that I’m pretty sure is Doug Jones. And he was like “What no, why would he be here? You’re probably wrong”. He legit not fucking two minutes after saying that walks by us and I point at him discreetly and go “That’s him! You can’t tell me it’s not”. And my partner looks, squints and just stares and then goes “Okay yeah that’s fucking Doug Jones”. And we proceed to fucking try not to be super obviously star struck in line the whole time haha. But yeah. Probably one of the coolest nights I’ve had in awhile. Wish I could have said hi but I was not about to bother this man who clearly just wanted to get groceries and go the fuck home. It totally made my whole week. He’s so freaking tall, like I knew he was tall, but goddamn he’s tall.

#screeeeee #yall have no idea #like as someone who was trying to do SFX Makeup as a career at one point this was like such a fucking amazing chance meeting #I have so much love and respect for this man #also now having to wonder if he lives in my town or if he’s just here filming something #like my area is always filming stuff it’s a huge film location in my state #i can’t believe it

[yikesharringrove]

YES! OH👏MY👏GOD👏 YES! DOUG JONES WOULD'VE BEEN PERFECT FOR VECNA! HOLY FUCK! Also, if stancy happens, i will goddamn riot! & honestly, the ONLY REASON I'm ok with them telling Eddie so quickly is that I'm hoping they all feel guilty as fuck for not doing more for Billy & are trying to compensate.

THATS BECAUSE THERES NO PROSTHETIC CHARACTER THAT DOUG JONES CANT DO

I genuinely think stancy would be worse than Steve straight up dying. Like I said, moving on from one another showed a lot of growth for both characters and going back to one another regresses all of that. Steve is not what Nancy wants and Nancy is not what Steve wants. It’s sooo fucking dumb.

And that’s gonna be what I headcanon. I mean, obviously max is SUPER guilty, Vecna wouldn’t have targeted her otherwise, it just stings that billy literally died scared, thinking he was alone and that everyone hated him and the one fucking time someone shows him kindness and recognizes his humanity, he regained control of himself. Like, duffers, I’m sorry that y’all created a character that was too complex for your clumsy writing skills.

#yikes talks #st4 #stranger things spoiler #strangerthingsspoilers

[esperwatchesfilms]

The VelociPastor (2018)

This one holds an especially special place in my heart. I’m always proud of classmates and teachers and other folks from my hometown who go on to do amazing things. I knew he was a force to be reckoned with when he played Orin Scrivello, D.D.S. in our high school production of Little Shop of Horrors, and I’m so glad to see his talent and determination produced this fucking gem. Yes, I did just shamelessly brag about having been acquainted with the writer/director/producer/editor in high school. But in all honesty, I’m extremely happy to have known him and to be able to include this absolute MASTERPIECE in my world record attempt.

Father Stewart: So your parents died, Doug. It's what parents do. They die on you.

I love that Doug tells the homeless man he took a vow of poverty and then runs off, no change to give the downtrodden. Then Carol comes by, telling Doug off for being inconsiderate as he runs into her and then she digs some coins out of her purse to hand to the homeless man. I can only speculate, but that definitely feels like some pointed commentary. I love it.

Frankie Mermaid: Now, what’s my name? Carol: Frankie Mermaid. Frankie Mermaid: And why is my name Frankie Mermaid? [Carol mumbles] Frankie Mermaid: Speak up girl, or else I’m gonna give you the fucking boot! Carol: [raises voice] ‘Cause you’re swimmin’ in bitches! Frankie Mermaid: You’re goddamn right!

Frankie Mermaid: Yo, Cherry! If you stuffed dicks in your mouth like you’re doing that sandwich, I’d be a fucking millionaire by now!

Doug Jones: I don't believe you. Dinosaurs never existed, and even if they did, I don't transform into one.

Doug Jones: You're a hooker? Carol: And premed/law, but people aren't surprised as much by that one.

Carol: You think I like turning tricks to pay for college? There’s surprisingly little demand for hooker-doctor-lawyers.

Doug Jones: What is it that you'd like to confess? Frankie Mermaid: Oh, geez, I guess we could cover the last... four days? Stole candy from this baby, then I threw the baby in the river - so it couldn't snitch, obviously - then, ah, well, I pimp bitches; I do drugs, sell drugs, murder people - really, you name it, I've done it, padre.

Carol: I don’t know much about God...

Doug Jones: Father Stewart, what if I told you that I was different? Father Stewart: You're not that different. There are plenty of men like that in the church.

Doug Jones: I might be on a mission from God himself! Father Stewart: That's insane, Doug! God does not want people dead! Doug Jones: Oh, I think God wants a lot of people dead.

Father Stewart: War is war, and war is hell, and hell never changes.

HOW DIDN’T I NOTICE THAT ALTAIR IS PLAYED BY MUSICIAN VOLTAIRE!? I LISTENED TO SO MUCH OF HIS MUSIC AS A TEENAGER!!! WTF!?!?!?! THIS IS CURRENTLY MY NEW FAVORITE THING ABOUT THIS FILM!!! How am I this stupid? How did I not notice this sooner!? I’m a dum-dum. Oh my gods, that makes this movie a thousand times more perfect.

Oh my god... another sort of subtle joke that I’m not sure whether or not it was intentional (It fucking has to be... it just has to) -- there is a ninja called Choi-Min who doesn’t say a word except in a voiceover while he’s ignoring a ninja who’s talking strategy. The ninja talking strategy has Australian accent. When he says “Choi-Min” it sounds like he’s saying “Chime in”, making the name Choi-Min super punny... and I know that’s a small thing, but it made me ridiculously happy that I noticed another thing I hadn’t noticed in this film before.

Doug Jones: Your ancestors are my ancestors!

I love that Carol was dying, but she ends up in a general doctor’s office-looking place rather than a hospital. It cracks me up more than it’s probably meant to.

ESE: 98/100

50 +5 for “Rated X by an all-christian jury” -10 for blowing up Doug’s parents +10 for VFX: Car on fire +10 for the “what parents do” line +5 for the subtle Jurassic Park riff at the end of the opening credits -5 for China looking a lot like the woods behind my house +3 for mannequin head +5 for hooker-doctor-lawyers +5 for Frankie Mermaid’s confession +2 for the high-five +5 for prolonged goofy ninja laughter -5 for Vietnam also looking a lot like the woods behind my house -5 for Ali’s death +7 for Ali continuing to puff on his cigarette after death -5 for poor, sweet Adeline’s demise +5 for Altair -5 for ripping out Father Stewart’s eye +8 for the way the sex scene is edited +5 for kicking ass in their undies -5 for stabbing Father Stewart +5 for prolonged ninja laughter again -5 for neglecting poor Sam -5 for cutting Carol +5 for the ninjas crying for Carol +10 for hilarious AF dino costume +3 for re-use of the mannequin head -5 for smoking in a hospital +5 for the Chevelle

#The VelociPastor #Brendan Steere #Greg Cohan #Daniel Steere #George Schewnzer #Janice Young #Alyssa Kempinski #Fernando Pacheco De Castro #Jesse Turits #Jiechang Yang #Aurelio Voltaire #David Sokol #Kathleen Steere #action #adventure #comedy #fantasy #horror #sci-fi #thriller #movies #films #review #world record

[discotreque]

Disco 4.02: Anomaly

Me, about halfway through last season:

It’s been a pleasant, if occasionally heart-wrenching, surprise to feel something about this show besides “whoa, cool CGI!” or bone-chilling dread—but hopefully Season 4 won’t feel quite so much like it’s being aired directly at me.

I know we’re only two episodes in, but I feel like that hope is already doomed. (And a big welcome back to bone-chilling dread!)

Listen, I hear you: “Amy, don’t you want a show that resonates with you thematically?” Yeah, but… not like this. I literally don’t know if I can deal with an entire season of TV about processing unimaginable grief and loss through the deeply difficult but equally rewarding work of connecting with other people. That’s just… my day-to-day life right now. And it’s not like I’m special: is anybody not perpetually processing a shitload of grief anymore?

Maybe the frankly hilarious lack of subtlety in the writing will carry me through. Let’s see.

⚠️ #disco spoilers beyond this point ⚠️

The trick to writing an effective teenage character—and Adira is excellent—is to have them alternate between being unexpectedly immature and unexpectedly mature, because: teenagers! The scene where they let their bruised ego essentially get slapped back into place by Tilly was absolutely perfect; I had so much respect for Adira in that moment—and for Tilly too! I will take as many “Tilly is Adira’s big sister now” moments as the Disco writers want to give us.

Every scene with Book almost made me wish David Ajala were like… 20% less good of an actor, as stupid as that sounds. Going into this episode, I wasn’t sure how anyone could sell “my whole planet and everyone who lived on it just fucking DIED” levels of despair… and then he did… and then I kind of wished he hadn’t. 💔️

Also I have a nephew Leto’s age, so fuck this show for that in particular.

When they introduced Lt. Christopher last week, I assumed he was there to replace Bryce because Ronnie Rowe was busy filming another project… but this episode we get Bryce and no Christopher? And boy do we ever get Bryce—he practically leaps in from off-camera in this, his THIRTY-FIFTH EPISODE, to save the day with the one and only thing we’ve ever learned about his character. And I’m not complaining! I’ve been begging for this for three seasons! They finally delivered! I’m fucking celebrating! 🎉🎆🎊✨ (Now give Nilsson a first name, ffs…) I hope we still get more Lt. Christopher, though; I liked his energy.

I’m not going to pretend to understand why they shuffled Saru off the ship at the end of last season only to shuffle him back on 1.5 episodes later, and also I don’t really care? His relationship with Michael is one of my favourites on the show. They’ve been through so much together, as colleagues and rivals and friends and found family. Burnham belongs as captain of Discovery, but I still like Saru as a captain, and it would make sense to give him his own separate command; on the other hand, that would mean losing Doug Jones, so I don’t care if it makes sense—First Officer Captain Mr. Saru is fine with me.

Possibly the most on-the-nose scene—in an episode that took place essentially inside my left nostril—was the one where Tilly makes a therapy appointment with Dr. Culber. That was a Very Special Episode® About Taking Care of Your Mental Health™ and you know what? There’s a time and a place for subtlety—maybe the year 2021 just isn’t it. Maybe we literally need to see “the relatable one” struggling with vaguely-defined malaise and being unconditionally supported by “the caretaking one.” No metaphors, no subtext, no sci-fi abstractions: just “here is how we should be with ourselves and each other.” Which is, for the record, vulnerable and compassionate and sometimes making silly voices to break the tension. Can’t really argue with that, tbh.

Speaking of Tilly, can I be a shallow lesbian for one minute and talk about how good she looks in this uniform? Mary Wiseman is fucking gorgeous, obviously, and that new tunic makes her look like a badass, and the blue in particular makes her eyes pop in the most incredible way 🥺️🙈️😍 OKAY I’M DONE

(The new uniforms are actually super flattering on everybody; this is an obscenely attractive cast, even by TV standards.)

This episode and 4.01 were done in the same production block, and I think the stunt scenes for both were shot more or less concurrently—which means, as per last week’s interview with Wil Wheaton on The Ready Room, Sonequa Martin-Green was doing that “gravity failure” wire work just TWELVE WEEKS after giving birth. What a legend.

Prop of the week: Dr. Culber’s little dermal regenerator, which seems to 3D-print new skin onto your face (!) and, at least to me, vaguely evoked the new touchscreen hand phasers from Prodigy.

Other scenes that had exactly as much subtlety as they needed, i.e. none, included the one where they fine-tuned Gray’s eventual Soong-type (!) body—and how glad am I, btw, that it’s just “yeah, we can solve that” and not a whole-ass quest for him—and basically everything with Stamets and Book bonding on the worst road trip ever.

Speaking of that, we kept seeing shots of them inside Book’s (infuriatingly-still-unnamed) ship from outside the ship, and if you’ve been following this blog for a minute, you know that kind of thing is like crack to me.

Mmmmm... that’s the stuff.

Now that I’m thinking about it, if the theme this season is actually “people dealing with horrible circumstances in emotionally healthy ways,” like… it might not be the easiest thing to get through? But I’m probably going to be glad I did.

#star trek #star trek discovery #star trek discovery spoilers #disco spoilers #amy's episode notes

[weaselbeaselpants]

Brad Jones is the greatest example of someone who both COMPLAINS about “Cancel Culture” (aka throwing a fit when your fanbase insists you take fucking responsibility for supporting predators/abusers)

as well as someone who ABUSES “Cancel Culture” (aka weaponizes their lies and vendettas with genuine causes as a ‘whatabout’ism against scrutiny  -and ALL for their own ego!)

He truly is a ‘centrist’ in the meanest and harshest sense of that word: he’s two faced.

1) The man’s obviously an awful friend to Allison Pregler, Lewis Lovhaug, and the rest of the ChangetheChannel folk; He very clearly had his own qualms with Channel Awesome, but also clearly did see the publishing of the NotSoAwesome.doc as a “choosing friends” situation. It wasn’t. Lots of people at the time and even now still have amicable feelings about Doug and Rob as people - but evidently he saw them as the victims of the situation in which they were being called out for being shitty employers and friends. He chose them because he thought complaining wasn’t worth ‘anything’. In his own words

“Apologize, even if you don’t mean it!”

“Logan Paul filmed a dead body and he still has a career.”

“I’m SOOO sorry some people didn’t get to go to dinner after the anniversary special meetings”

- acting like an entitled 2nd grader about doing the bare minimum of responsibility to the public - 100% confirming you don’t care what you’ve been caught doing as long as you still have views for your projects - completely trivializing the complaints made in the NotSoAwesome.doc to JUST petty shit as though the reason people were complaining about Doug, Mike, and CA was cuz they were sad about not being treated to dinner. You know that wasn’t the reason, Brad.

Oh yeah there was also that time in 2019 where he tried to blame every former Channel Awesome employee/friend of his for a SWAT on his house that didn’t happen - nor were the hoards of haters he said were amassing on Facebook against him. That’s some pathological lying right thar.

2) Honestly, Brad’s a pretty awful friend of Doug, Mike, and Rob as well. Tamara and Malcolm - basically all the Demo Reel folks - they’re under contract and not really involved in anything BUT Doug Walker’s projects so they have the excuse of staying loyal. Brad doesn’t. If he were really a good friend he would never agree to be Doug’s demands and tell him how truly awful his visions are. But again, he didn’t. He saw the document as just a blatant attack and totally chose ‘sides’ on his own terms. And now, like Doug, while he isn’t responsible for everything the man’s done - he refuses to denounce or even agree that Channel Awesome did anything wrong and is thus carrying on the cycle of abuse.

Brad prioritized his relationships and all for his own gain. The man doesn’t care about anyone he’s hurt or the issues he claims to fight for and against. He’ll nod and smile with a bigot then later loosen up and wax virtue with his liberal pals. He’s the kind of ally who ALSO allies with the people who blantantly hurt you, and then will blame YOU for being too uptight and not forgiving your abuser. Brad’s ability to be friends with Doug Walker as well as Phelan and Allison was sooper inspirational to me back in the day cuz I KNEW the latter two did NOT like Doug after what he did (or, I guess, failed to do, in the case of Allison). To a sad little autistic twit like me, it seemed like the kind of person who could make friends with everyone and keeps friends even when others have split up !

Perhaps, there really are people like that; not so much “a friend TO ALL”, but someone who wants reason and be fair for everyone, even the blatantly at fault, in the face of controversy.

I think people like that do exist  - that person just isn’t Brad Jones/Cinema Snob.

#doug walker #Nostalgia Critic #channel awesome #TGWTG

[alterstadt]

amnesia: the dark descent ( frictional games, 2010 )

#🝪 — ‘ THAT IS NOT TRADITIONAL FIRE ’ ( crack. ) #( me: ill never find an fc for alexander ) #( doug fucking jones obviously: ) #( anyway afanas?? i love him. i am Predictable )

[symphonyofmars]

It’s a little stupid that Octavia Spencer is such an amazing actress, but because she’s black for some reason she’s always a side character and never the lead. But my personal irony is that this woman is my Sci-Fi QUEEN, and I will watch any Sci-Fi movie if she’s in it (fortunately for me she tends to have good taste in the movies she chooses to be in).

But like, I would love to see her be the heroine in a movie and be the lead. 

I love her so much.

#her and doug jones #if I find out either of them are in anything #I need to see it #so yeah #this was obviously about the new Abe Sapien movie #I don't even know the lead actress' name #but I saw Octavia and Doug and was like #AHH! AHH! #OCTAVIA SPENCER! #DOUG JONES! #IS THIS A FUCKING ABE SAPIEN MOVIE WITH OCTAVIA SPENCER?? #AHHHH! #I NEED TO SEE THIS!! #I would know that man anywhere #no matter how much sfx makeup he's wearing #and I would watch anything she's in #but I like her scifi stuff so much better #she's so good at scifi

[worstfruit]

Okay this is gonna be a long one! DARK ELVES

Winona and I discussed goblins earlier so I wanna jot this down:

Goblins don’t know much about the empire races but they do know about a very specific culture of humans that they reside near (the aforementioned Nori) and dwarves.

They fear and loathe dwarves, but know that they are strong, fearless, very temperamental and territorial, and loyal to their own (a dangerous trait when attacking dwarves). They know that they are short, hairy, greedy about their mining territory and the goods within, and have the tech and craftsmanship to create strong armor and explosions. As far as they know, they are not adept in magic OR RATHER they rely on seemingly magic weaponry that only utilized uncanny strength and heat/fire/bangs/loud noises. Goblins hate loud noises, despite being quite loud themselves. They can’t differentiate them well aside from hair color and height, and understand that they seem to have young that take a long time to grow.

They like the nori! They are a tall, strong, warlike people who wear leather hides and furs and like to make swords from stones (they event taught the goblins how to do this and often trade weapons for the ores they provide), they tame wolves and live outside the mountain and love to fight and eat meat. Their young grow slow as well, but not as slow, and their men and women are much easier to identify and tell apart from one another. They use mostly storm magic, though like the goblins, the nori do dabble with all forms of elemental shamanism and even other, more mysterious forces that elude many a goblin elder. They share about the same level of magick fortitude and what we would call technology as the goblin folk— blacksmithing and forging are not foreign arts but these people aren’t quite at a level of the empire due to their smaller numbers, less resources, and different cultures— as well as just flat out not knowing how the fuck to make the shit that dwarves make.

They don’t know anything of elves or halflings or gnomes, but they do know of a tall, skinny, dark skinned, people even further north than the orcs. They aren’t pinkskins obviously, and are very elusive and very scary. Reports of them tend to involve flashing lights and magic of unknown origins, so not a lot of information is available on these strange folk.

These are my version of dark elves! I don’t wanna call them drow because I’m not too sure they live underground, but like the High Elves I talked about earlier, they are highly psychic and magical beings that live in the swamps that extend north beyond the fen that the goblins and nori inhabit. The orcs being more nomadic have more interactions with the dark elves but seem to avoid them mostly. The mountain range that kinda borders this (where the goblins frequent and the dwarves live) are sort of like Scottish highland mountains like such;

The form a C, the empire below the curve (with a wall built around it) and the end of the C sloping into the fen land, the straighten out and continue north for a long ways, but the moors area extend alongside it and goes from a peaty forest and grassland (the empire is basically where the coniferous forest ends at a five and at the mountains’ bottom C curve, succumbing to the wetter bog beyond) to a more literal marsh (I want to call it a swamp and I do mean swamp in terms of the ecological detention but since swamps tend to have more forest, bare with me and imagine a fresh water marsh) this land extends away from the mountains and this is where the dark elves live!

It’s chilly here, like Scotland’s north, eternally foggy, and hard for the nomadic orcs to traverse, the mammoth they hunt to penetrate, and just too wet for the goblins or nori. This area does eventually end in the top C of the mountains where glaciers and fjords begin, the ground hard enough with frost in the winter that its pretty much just a very harsh and barren flood plane.

The elves who live here are photosensitive and wear cloaks made from sheep’s wool and goat fur that they collect from the souther most reaches of their vague territory. They travel by a sort of very flat canoe and use incredibly long poles to propel these forward if they sit in them. Often they just pull them along to transport goods. Some are solitary and live in caves, but there are small communities the elves establish made of petrified, drift, and dry rotted wooded huts built on stilts, sorta like this!

They make interlocking boardwalks and travel using stilts and poles to jump/swing long distances, though they’re not averse to swimming or wading and are extremely adept at doing so (more on their anatomy later but just know that they’re very lanky and flexible, sorta like Doug Jones LOL but to the extreme!)

I have a lot to say about them but just realized I was supposed to make this post about what goblins think of pinkskin tech and magic. I will elaborate more on these elves later but I just want to stage that they are dark skinned ranting in color from brown to black and even, rarely, grey! They have the typical elvish look of being guant and having traditionally beautiful and symmetrical features, long ears and fingers and limbs. They’re graceful but pretty uncanny in how they move and have milky eyes with no pupils and less sexual dimorphism than high elves. Females have very small breasts and I’m not gonna like spend any tome talking about elf dick LOL but I think their genitals would be very similar in ways I don’t think care to explain more than this! Ok weird way to end post, siri send tweet.

[ziggory]

Riverdale Liveblog 3x06, Manhunter

Will I be sending Archie a fruit basket after this episode? We’ll see!

I’m feeling the Sandra D vibes a lot right now

Another gang that looks more fun than the Serpents! 

RIVW? Riverdale...Investigative...Ventricular...Worldcast

Dilton died so that all of his peers who ignored and belittled him his whole short life could have sex in his secret bunker

Look at Fangs laughing at his attempted murderer’s joke. Acceptance

That was a really cool camera angle though. Hats off to Rachel Talalay

Poor Josie :( 

Warden Norton was the RROTC instructor eh? And Keller and Major Mason were in RROTC together...I’m just going to randomly say that Mason’s the Gargoyle King. IDGAF that he’s not in the Midnight Club

Archie’s a Serpent now? Mmmmm, sounds fake.

I’m just soaking up all the background Keller. Mmmm, that flannel. Lol, fuck you, Marty. 

Casey’s name appearing while Martin is onscreen is beautiful

Semi living for Penelope/Daryl in place of Cheryl/Dilton. And wow, Dilton had this whole tragic backstory that we never got to know about! Also, this in violation of Issue 7 of the Riverdale comic!

“The Last Resort” youth hostel? Love it

I love this Doug Jones lookalike

So three people (including Archie’s own mother) poured over all this footage and files for a whole summer and never noticed that edit? Mmmm, okay. Sure.

Hiram’s painting of himself is beautiful

Don’t take this out on Kevin! And I noticed that change in phones! Breakup with Samsung, eh? Where’s the clickbait article about THAT? And while I don’t have an iPhone, I think I’d punch someone who tossed that overly expensive piece of hardware at me like it was an old school Nokia

I’m living for this Hardy Boys vibe though. It’s everything that I’ve ever wanted for Kevin

OH MY GOD. GO EASY ON JOAQUIN. SHEESH. But also Joaquin being bound and gagged and restrained is....thanks, RAS. I never thought I’d get to see him interacting with other Serpents so this is a strange boon. Now he just needs to get cleaned up and back into their ranks or something. I dunno. I don’t take any betrayals on this show that seriously. Because the show doesn’t

KEEP. MY. DILF’S. NAME. OUT. YOUR. MOUTH, HIRAM. Homicidal. Sheesh. Yes, RIP Svenson, but that was a fuck yeah moment at the time

I swear if this precious Doug Jones lookalike dies because of this investigation, I’ll throw a table. He’s too pure and creepy

Oooo, fuck, yeah, I’m here for this Keller scene. Goddamn, those fucking arms. Did he get a new tattoo since that iconic shirtless scene? His arms are just...entrancing. “Son of a gun” lol, well that’s where Kevin gets it from. So proud of Keller remembering investigative things.

Oh, jesus. I take back the things I said about Keller and Minetta being similar. At first yeah, and then there were things here and there distancing them. But this is finally the biggest step

Kevin! How dare you hesitate to save someone! I’m disappointed in you!

...

...

...

I’M FUCKING DELETING MY FUCKING BLOG

What a fun parallel. Archie/Kevin and Tom/Fred teamups! I’m soaking up these concerned dad feels

RIP Cassidy’s friend. You’ll live on in IMDB Shadow Lake Boy #2!

Kevin has such a weird bias against “criminals”. And yet who accepted money to go vandalize another part of town? Which is a CRIMINAL ACT. I do not like this side of Kevin. I was hoping the classism would be worked on instead of just growing more

This Scream homage is the best thing this show has ever done

A KELLER HUG. THE RAREST OF TREATS! This episode is back in my good graces. Barely. THAT NECK GRIP! Why did my home computer have to fucking blitz out on me. And damn, those blood spots. Hard to get out of denim

ALICE. WHAT?!?! I’m fucking laughing because this is such an obviously bad decision. I love that they just fucking appeared.

The Jarchie roadtrip is finally happening! Fulfilling the broken promises of pre-season 1

“Looked down on” is a funny way of rephrasing “blackmail”

SMH that this whole episode was named Manhunter, and they never did a Hannibal scene

ANYWAYS, RAS can catch my hands and my shoes and whatever else I pelt at him.

#Tom Keller #Riverdale liveblog #Riverdale #long post #Kevin Keller

[clownsgobeepbeep]

I need to know your clowns favorite Disney characters and why for reasons of science.

Ooooh okay! I dunno how many/which ones you want but have these for now :3

Cosmos

Baloo 

Fun character, lazy, cool, chill, and most importantly: it's a fucking bear, he loves bears

He also happens to like Sulley

That would be because he feels like he relates because ya know, Sulley and Boo(Cosmos and Jelly)

Jelly

Obviously she loves Davy Jones, but also Oswald the Lucky Rabbit

She thinks he's awesome and better than Mickey Mouse, not that she dislikes Mickey. She just thinks Oswald is cool, and he's cute with Ortensia and their shit ton of kids

Pepper

Don't tell, but Tigger 

For starters, it's a tiger. And Tigger is just such a nice character, he related to him in his opinion and he's best friends with Winnie the Pooh!(Don't tell, but he loved those movies when he was a baby and still does)

Cuckoo

Mary Poppins

They love her songs, her character, her umbrella, JULIE ANDREWS!

Ace

Simba

One thing is that he kind of relates to him

But he likes him because he just thinks Simba is cute, maybe a bit annoying, but hey, gets to be king and bring good

Ula

You would think Alice, but it's actually Stitch

She loves how he is as a character in every single way cute and fluffy, but also destructive. Secretly wishes she could have a friend/pet like that

Jeff+Bubbles

Both adore Peter Pan

Never grows up, magic, adventures, flying, fairies, mermaids, need I say more?

Ferry

She can't really decide on one single character because she loves Mr. F, Russell and Doug from Up

[sluts4johnnyknoxville]

Just some thoughts on The Shape of Water

LET ME JUST SAY:

Yes she 100% fucks the fish man, yes there is quite a bit of sex (Lots of masturbation too) AND IT DOES PLAY A PART IN WHAT DEL TORO WAS TRYING TO MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT, BUT THAT IS NOT AT ALL WHAT THE WHOLE MOVIE IS OR IS ABOUT!!! It’s an adult fairy tale that was strangely familiar and yet incredibly original.

Neither of the main characters can speak and they honestly didn’t need to? The way Del Toro wrote everything is great! The humanity both of them have is weirdly irresistible.

Also the fish-man is like… the handsomest fish-man??? He’s a beautiful character that I love to death now. I get why this girl was all on board. He’s also expressive and was soulful and human and absolutely stunning, the team who worked on that makeup should be so proud. (Also props to Doug Jones for making this monster so expressive and human)

THE SCENE WHERE HE’S WAITING IN THE BATHTUB FOR HER IS SO SWEET AND ROMANTIC I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND THESE TWO CHARACTERS ARE GENUINELY HAPPY TOGETHER, GUILLERMO DEL TORO HAS CREATED AN INCREDIBLE LOVE STORY THAT MADE ME STRAIGHT UP CRY AT THE END. AND THERE’S A SCENE WHERE THEY DANCE WHICH IS GREAT.

The way Guillermo Del Toro made the characters fall in love was… natural and pure, it wasn’t creepy??? If there were ever a couple I would use the word “lovers” to describe it’s 100% these two. It was a love beyond words.

The music was great, the atmosphere and just all around artistry was incredible as with every movie Guillermo Del Toro touches. It was cinematic magic, an ode to classical cinema and gothic romance, and an amazing fantasy romance. (Magical realism)

(Also if you watch this movie and don’t expect some weird shit then I mean you have obviously never seen anything else by Guillermo Del Toro a.k.a. King of Strange-yet-beautiful-and-poetic cinema.)

#the shape of water #guillermo del toro #random thoughts #doug jones

[sfdfmoviereviews]

The Shape of Water (2017)

Director Guillermo del Toro gives us Elisa (Sally Hawkins) a mute cleaner working at a secret government facility. When horrible government agent Strickland (Michael Shannon) brings an amphibious man (Doug Jones) to the facility, Elisa quickly finds herself both in love and scheming to save her lover. SPOILERS AHEAD.

Drenched in post-war gaslight and brimming with whimsey, The Shape of Water looks very much like a simple fantasy romance, suitable for killing time and not much to chew on. But as in del Toro’s earlier works- particularly Pan’s Labyrinth- The Shape of Water is far more adult and much darker than might be expected. This is at once an unlikely love story, a madcap caper, and a deeply political statement. Our uniformly marginalised heroes triumph over the villain not simply by outwitting him, although they do, or being better than him, although they are that as well, but by living better than he. Where Strickland immerses himself in the American dream, our heroes- a mute lady, a black lady, an old gay man, and a Soviet scientist- seek a truer life, in a world of love and fucking.

Should you find yourself at the movies on a Sunday afternoon, and simply wish to watch a fun adventure, The Shape of Water offers that as well. del Toro knows that in this the 21st century we will already know the premise of the film, and are savvy enough to figure out it’s mechanics, and so doesn’t spend much time establishing things. By doing so he manages to cram a few extra threads of subplot in in order to flesh things out, and also to properly pace a fantastic heist sequence.

Having said that, there are a few issues. Chief amongst them are an abundance of Chekov’s guns, the obviousness of which robs the climax of any unpredictability. However, by such time such things matter you are likely to be invested anyway, and so not care much if you can see things coming.

Design is fantastic, encompassing every shade of green imaginable in order to feel at once nostalgic and alien.

It’s easy to find excellence in Sally Hawkins’ performance, but in truth every single cast member is uniformly wonderful. I loved Octavia Spencer and Richard Jenkins in particular, but there isn’t a dud among them. Incidentally, this film has made me realise that Michael Shannon has the perfect chin to play Judge Dredd. Look out for Rodney McKay (David Hewlett) from Stargate: Atlantis and Alvis Akari (Morgan Kelly) from Killjoys.

If you want to watch a good movie, see The Shape of Water.

Tim

#The shape of water #Guillermo Del Toro #sally hawkins #Doug Jones #richard jenkins #octavia spencer #michael shannon #michael stuhlbarg #david hewlett #morgan kelly #tim

[aliveandfullofjoy]

Over the last 18 hours I saw both The Shape of Water and Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri and I have thoughts on both! Thanks MoviePass! Spoilers below of course. 

So first, The Shape of Water:

Sally Hawkins, y’all. She’s been one of my favorite actors for several years now after delivering one of my favorite performances (maybe ever?) in Happy-Go-Lucky, and her steadily great work continues in basically everything she’s in, whether it’s bit roles in Submarine or An Education or Never Let Me Go or Paddington or the role that she finally got her Oscar nomination for in Blue Jasmine. She’s superb in everything. It’s too soon for me to really say if this is career best or not (Happy-Go-Lucky is an absurdly high water mark for me) but she’s fucking phenomenal. This is the kind of performance actors dream of giving and every single soul who watches this movie will fall in love with her Elisa. 

The supporting cast is real solid! Octavia Spencer, God love her, is delightful as always, Richard Jenkins is heartbreakingly lovely in a quiet, refined way, Michael Shannon is loud and white and straight and male, Michael Stuhlbarg is reliably good. It’s Hawkins’ movie through and through. Oh! And Alabama senator-elect (jk) Doug Jones as the fish man is really great too. 

It’s gorgeous to look at, obviously. And the music is really effective. 

The actual plotting of the story is pretty terrific, and it really does play out like a Cold War-era fairytale, and Guillermo del Toro is to be commended for that. The actual dialogue was a little iffy sometimes, but I can look past that. 

Oh that musical sequence was unnecessary. Cute, but wildly unnecessary. The use of “You’ll Never Know” throughout, however, was beautiful. 

My biggest complaint is that for the most part, it sort of felt a bit...familiar? There’s the obvious Creature from the Black Lagoon influences, but Caty was quick to point out Amélie and Pushing Daisies as well. And the sets that looked practically identical to Hidden Figures and Mad Men and that “Settle for Me” song in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. It wasn’t a distraction! And the last fifteen minutes or so are so strong that it made me forget about most of the issues I had with it up to that point. 

Oh, I also felt like the movie was missing a scene in establishing Elisa and the Asset’s relationship early on? It all happened a bit quickly. And maybe it’s my own prejudices, but I wouldn’t be all that quick to jump into a romantic and sexual relationship with a fish man. But Hawkins sold it!

As for Oscar chances, I wouldn’t at all be surprised if it led the nomination count this year. It can get nominated in virtually every non-documentary/non-foreign language/non-animation category except Best Actor and Best Song, lol. I’m wondering how Best Picture and Director will shake out--Del Toro stands a real shot at Director, I think, as does Hawkins. 

Real solid overall!

Now Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. 

So first off: In Bruges is one of my all-time favorite movies. Naturally, I was thrilled that McDonagh had this movie coming out, because I like pretty much everyone in the cast and I’m all for him getting some awards love. 

Basically I’m not sure what to make of this just yet. I feel like maybe it has a lot of great and interesting ideas and doesn’t actually explore them all the way? Like, yeah, in the current political climate I can understand the temptation to praise a movie for merely saying that cops can be very shitty and the jobs lends itself to corruption, toxic masculinity, violence, racism, and homophobia very easily, but the film doesn’t seem to really do much with that other than show (repeatedly) how shitty Sam Rockwell’s Dixon is, until his redemption arc begins.

Frances McDormand is real good. It’s an incredibly powerful and entertaining performance, and a truly fascinating character. 

I can’t tell how I feel about Sam Rockwell’s performance--a lot of his scenes were really great and honest and a lot of others felt really false and mannered. I’m not sure how much my perception is being colored by his character being so aggressively despicable, even with the attempt at a redemption arc. And for a character that was clearly meant to be some kind of comedic relief, I didn’t think he was very funny--probably because he was so despicable. 

Most of the humor really fell flat with my audience unfortunately! I did think parts of it were very, very funny in the McDonagh way. Not all of it though. 

Woody Harrelson was probably my favorite of the supporting actors. His letters were beautifully acted and written, so kudos for that, McD. 

Most of it really feels like what it is: a non-American writer/director creating a story that critiques and comments on contemporary America. The problem with that is that it doesn’t actually feel like the America we live in right now. Which, weirdly, was sort of a positive thing for me since the story is so heightened and frankly unbelievable in the first place. 

John Hawkes, Lucas Hedges, Željko Ivanek, and Peter Dinklage are all great actors and were all waaaaaaaay underused. Samara Weaving as Penelope was fucking hilarious but she was in a completely different movie from everyone else. Abbie Cornish was probably used too much, lol. I’m still not sold on Caleb Landry Jones as an actor but I liked him more here than I did in Get Out. 

Also, what is it with Martin McDonagh and little people?

The makings of a really great, really important movie are here, but I don’t think it delivered all the way.

All that said, watching it, it feels like a Best Picture winner? And not in the way that it’s the best movie of the year, but in the sense that it checks all the boxes of one: just timely enough, enough of a crowd-pleaser, full of actors acting really hard, a VERY writerly script, etc. However, as last year showed, being perceived as an inevitable winner can be a bad thing. And the current voting system favors consensus picks. It’s a long road to the Oscars, and I’d be very surprised if Three Billboards kept up the buzz to actually take it all the way. But of course, I’ve been wrong before. 

#sometimes elliott watches movies #the shape of water #guillermo del toro #three billboards outside ebbing missouri #martin mcdonagh

[wandaluvstacos]

I am very happy for Alabama right now. Never thought I’d fucking say that shit.

Congratulations to the black people of Alabama (and maybe some white people). For once, you’ve got a senator who, at the very least, can successfully prosecute KKK members instead of calling them “good people”. Low bar, I know, but it’s a start.

Also, fuck Roy Moore. Look at this asshole ride this poor horse. Hell, if I didn’t even know who he was, I’d hate him just for that. He’s trying really hard to pretend he’s a cowboy despite obviously never riding a horse outside of publicity stunts. It’s a testament to the patience of that horse that she did not buck him off and kick him in the face.

Need I remind people that this puts the Dems in a position where they could possibly win back majority in the Senate? It’d be a long shot, but so is Doug Jones winning in Alabama...

#politics #AAAAAAAYYYYYYYY #Doug Jones