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esperwatchesfilms · 18 days
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Dune (1984)
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This is my father's favorite movie. Every time I walk into my parents' house, I see the Baron floating around laughing maniacally. I have never watched it in its entirety, and with the new ones out, I wanted to watch this before I moved on to Dune: Part One. I spent an hour of the film being SO confused about what was happening and why. But about an hour in (I know, that's a long time), I realized how super into it I was, and the more I started to understand what was up, the more I enjoyed it. Ultimately, a really good film, and I hope I enjoy the new one as much as I liked this one! And I can't express enough how much I love the pug that made it through the whole damn film. ESE: 150/100 50 +2 for the brown spot in Princess Irulan's otherwise greenish eyes +3 for her soothing voice +5 for 9 bulldogs +10 for Patrick Stewart -10 for the laughably horrible effects they used for the shields -2 for the wild eyebrows on Thufir -3 for marching with Barbie hands +10 for the Duke telling his son that people need new experiences to grow +5 for the Atreides family pug -10 for the gross-ass fucking pain box +10 for Brad Dourif -10 for needles in eyes -10 for super nasty Baron pustules +5 for Sting -5 for the nastiest juice box ever +10 for Lady Jessica's hair +5 for Paul ticking off prophecy boxes +5 for how proud the Duke looks that his son knows how the suit should be worn +10 for Duke Atreides saving the miners and saying "Damn the spice!" showing he cares more for his people than the spice -10 for the Reverend Mother jumpscare +5 for Paul saving Shadout Mapes +10 for Shadout Mapes informing Paul of the traitor in his midst -10 for Yueh being a major shitterton +5 for the pug making a getaway +10 for Gurney saving the pug -10 for Yueh being all sookie-la-la after betraying people who were so good to him -5 for the death of Duncan Idaho +10 for Yueh's death because seriously, what a shitterton -10 for the Harkonnen Mentat guy trying to feel up Lady Jessica +10 for Paul using the Voice -10 for the Duke's death -10 for the Baron being alive -5 for the death of Doctor Kynes +10 for Paul's waking dream +5 for the second thumper +10 for the Fremen +5 for Paul Muad'Dib -5 for eating the cow tongue +5 for Feyd's goofy undies +5 for Thufir's new cat -5 for the weird advancement of Usul and Chani's relationship +5 for the weirding way +5 for worm-riding -10 for the fast-forwarding through Alia's growth and Usul and Chani's love story +10 for Gurney still being alive! +5 for Paul's blue eyes +5 for Chani trusting Paul's judgment and giving him the Water of Life despite being scared to +5 for the Emperor calling the Baron "that floating fat man" +10 for Alia +5 for the pug making it to the end of the film +10 for rain on Arrakis
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esperwatchesfilms · 18 days
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Miss Meadows (2014)
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Miss Meadows. The first film I'm posting about after literal years. I wanted to get back into doing this for the fun. The original goal may not have been met, but I like this method of watching movies. It helps me focus on what's happening... That said, this movie started interesting and fun and slooowly went downhill. Her entire relationship with the Sheriff? Awkward. So painfully awkward. The writing was not great. Not taking points off for the writing was extremely generous of me. But I had fun watching it, to be fair... that said... ESE: -10/100
50 +2 for immediately CGI squirrel +5 for living your best tap dancing life -10 for creepy-ass dudes harassing women +5 for Miss Meadows attempting politeness in the face of grossness +2 for tiny purse gun +10 for "Toodaloo" post-murder +5 for post-murder tap dance +3 for the quick return of CGI squirrel +3 for Mother Meadows giving bloodstain cleaning advice -10 for only God knowing our destiny +5 for the exception of no one knowing their destiny being best-selling authors +5 for "The truth is relative." +5 for Ava Kolker +5 for Heather thinking corpses look like string cheese -10 for the principal's shitty attitude -5 for new neighbors trying to hook you up with dentist friends +5 for having "no intentions to start domestication training" +10 for saving a toad on the road -10 for constant tap shoes +5 for Heather's healthy skepticism +5 for admitting being wrong -10 for being far too young to hate the world so much +5 for a child being smart enough to see the world for what it is -5 for not finishing her answer to the teachers who invited her for Happy Hour -5 for incredibly awkward exchange with the Sheriff -10 for using your position to find a woman's workplace to ask her on a date +10 for Miss Meadows pointing out that that behavior is illegal -5 for not allowing the Sheriff a turn to ask questions, turning the conversation into an interrogation +5 for not promising not to laugh +5 for wanting to play accordion -5 for tap dancing on grass +5 for the Sheriff's rhythmically challenged dance -10 for awkward post-kiss silence +5 for not living in fear -10 for church service +10 for Katie Holmes's singing +10 for not being Catholic, but enjoying singing in choirs +5 for James Badge Dale -10 for the most awkward sex scene I have ever watched -10 because no... seriously... MOST awkward sex scene due to cackling during the entire event -10 for even worse pillow talk -10 for releasing helium balloons into the sky on purpose +10 for the speech given to the murderer before murdering him +5 for Frank -10 for creepy owner of Frank -5 for another awkward kiss -5 for not exercising safe sex +5 for hopscotch -10 for creepy owner of Frank being a child abuser -10 for marrying Miss Meadows simply because they neglected to have safe sex and now she's pregnant +10 for Jean Smart -10 for creepy owner of Frank having photos he took of Miss Meadows without her knowledge +5 for not veiling her threat +10 for creepy owner of Frank (Skylar) being unexpectedly right -10 for Skylar still being incredibly creepy +5 for telling kids in Sunday school that Jesus wasn't white -20 for DISGUSTING child sexual abuse from a priest +10 for murdering the priest -10 for being sloppy and being caught by Heather -5 for Heather being scary chill about it and keeping Miss Meadows' secret +10 for Mother Meadows having been dead the whole time -10 for the Sheriff being so casual about figuring out Miss Meadows is the vigilante -10 for the dumbest Sheriff -10 for yelling at Miss Meadows when he was so chill about figuring out the truth -20 for Heather being taken by Skylar +10 for Miss Meadows saving Heather +10 for Sheriff saving Miss Meadows +5 for pinning the vigilante shit on Skylar +5 for accordion playing +5 for the hawk at the end -10 for the Katie Holmes cover of "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'"
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esperwatchesfilms · 1 year
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The Master List
I’m thinking about taking another crack at this blogging thing. I enjoyed rating movies like this, and I’d love to get back to it. Here, I will keep the master list of films I’ve watched and blogged about in case anyone’s interested. 
I’ll update as often as possible.
Under a spoiler only because this list is heckin’ long.
AND A REMINDER: https://www.tumblr.com/esperwatchesfilms/644528769561935872/a-reminder-that-ill-have-to-pin?source=share That post explains my rating system. You WILL not agree with most of it, and that’s TOTALLY okay. It’s a personal self-made and silly rating system. Please check that out <3
New Year’s Evil
New Year’s Eve (2011)
Entrapment (1999)
Radio Days (1987)
Trading Places (1983)
About a Boy (2002)
Rushmore (1998)
Boogie Nights (1997)
Blue Velvet (1986)
Sunset Boulevard (1950)
The Sandlot (1993)
Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010)
Vertigo (1958)
The Fifth Element (1997)
The Seventh Seal (1957)
Memento (2000)
National Lampoon’s Animal House (1978)
Trainspotting (1996)
Blade Runner (1982)
Taxi Driver (1976)
Mr. Nobody (2009)
Tomboy (2011)
The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
Heavenly Creatures (1994)
Scarface (1983)
This is Spinal Tap (1984)
Eraserhead (1977)
Big Nothing (2006)
Sound of My Voice (2012)
Welcome to the Dollhouse (1995)
Cabaret (1972)
The Graduate (1967)
My Little Eye (2002)
The Fall (2006)
Videodrome (1983)
Kids (1995)
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)
Moonrise Kingdom (2012)
The Prestige (2006)
Madagascar (2005)
Army of Darkness (1992)
Casablanca (1942)
Crank (2006)
Flightplan (2005)
Almost Famous (2000)
All That Jazz (1979)
My Favorite Year (1982)
Singin’ in the Rain (1952)
All About Eve (1950)
The Women (1939)
The Iron Giant (1999)
To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
Spirited Away (2001)
My Neighbor Totoro (1988)
Amélie (2001)
Sin City (2005)
Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)
Rise of the Guardians (2012)
That Thing You Do! (1996)
Ghost World (2001)
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014)
Stargate (1994)
A League of Their Own (1992)
The Apartment (1960)
Horton Hears a Who! (2008)
Bee Movie (2007)
Meet Me in St. Louis (1944)
This is Where I Leave You (2014)
Crocodile Dundee (1986)
Breaking Away (1979)
Escape from New York (1981)
Jennifer’s Body (2009)
Rebel Without a Cause (1955)
A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)
Rope (1948)
Monsters (2010)
The Squid and the Whale (2005)
Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (1996)
Alive (1993)
American Gigolo (1980)
My Girl (1991)
The Orphanage (2007)
The Harvey Girls (1946)
An Affair to Remember (1957)
All the President’s Men (1976)
Cool World (1992)
Anything Goes (1956)
The Loved Ones (2009)
Planet Terror (2007)
His Girl Friday (1940)
Amistad (1997)
The VelociPastor (2018)
Exit Through the Gift Shop (2010)
Arthur (1981)
Funny Games (2007)
Dredd (2012)
The King and I (1956)
Autumn in New York (2000)
Dog Day Afternoon (1975)
The Banger Sisters (2002)
An American in Paris (1951)
Pee-wee’s Big Adventure (1985)
Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)
Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001)
An American Tail (1986)
Apocalypse Now (1979)
Hostel (2005)
Basic Instinct (1992)
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (1997)
Benji (1974)
Hellraiser (1987)
A Beautiful Mind (2001)
Bell, Book, and Candle (1958)
Some Like it Hot (1959)
Go (1999)
Billy Jack (1971)
Flash Gordon (1980)
Legend (1985)
Parenthood (1989)
Blades of Glory (2007)
28 Days (2000)
It Happened One Night (1934)
The Blue Lagoon (1980)
Caddyshack (1980)
The Initiation of Sarah (2006)
Velvet Goldmine (1998)
The Witches of Eastwick (1987)
There’s Something About Mary (1998)
Blue Crush (2002)
Natural Born Killers (1994)
American Graffiti (1973)
Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice (1969)
Center Stage (2000)
Earth Girls Are Easy (1988)
Deathtrap (1982)
Flashdance (1983)
What Dreams May Come (1998)
Clue (1985)
Oldboy (2013)
Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
Love Potion No. 9 (1992)
Brigadoon (1954)
Dead Poets Society (1989)
How to Deal (2003)
The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
Miss Potter (2006)
The Illusionist (2010)
Cujo (1983)
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
Acolytes (2008)
Birds of Prey: And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn (2020)
Studio 54: The Documentary (2018)
Black Water (2007)
Hunt for the Wilderpeople (2016)
Mary and Max (2009)
The Illusionist (2006)
Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia (1974)
A Dangerous Method (2011)
Mayhem (2017)
Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
Thelma & Louise (1991)
Stay (2205)
The Hours (2002)
Bringing Up Baby (1938)
Big (1988)
Witness for the Prosecution (1957)
Newsies (1992)
Harvey (1950)
Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Can’t Buy Me Love (1987)
Happythankyoumoreplease (2010)
A Single Man (2009)
Cabin Boy (1994)
Liberal Arts (2012)
Brick (2005)
In the Loop (2009)
Gosford Park (2001)
Hugo (2011)
Lost in Translation (2003)
Bugsy Malone (1976)
This Island Earth (1955)
Bull Durham (1988)
Dig! (2004)
California Suite (1978)
Lucas (1986)
Being John Malkovich (1999)
Gold Diggers: The Secret of Bear Mountain (1995)
Step Brothers (2008)
Lake Placid (1999)
Safety Not Guaranteed (2012)
Phone Booth (2002)
Darkness Falls (2003)
BOO! (2019)
Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)
Bad Taste (1987)
Shaft (2019)
Cocktail (1988)
Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)
The Fly (1986)
Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)
Stand By Me (1986)
Moxie! (2021)
What If (2013)
Dazed and Confused (1993)
Cool Hand Luke (1967)
Hard Candy (2005)
Dirty Teacher (2013)
Sex Ed (2014)
The Last Blockbuster (2020)
Pet Sematary (1989)
Warlock (1989)
Pet Sematary (2019)
Killer Sofa (2019)
Promising Young Woman (2020)
Knock Knock (2015)
Devil (2010)
Heavy Metal (1981)
IT: Chapter One (2017)
School Ties (1992)
The Faculty (1998)
Sleeping Beauty (2011)
Mortal Kombat (1995)
Gattaca (1997)
Mortal Kombat 2: Annihilation (1997)
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
Looper (2012)
Dick Tracy (1990)
Harold and Maude (1971)
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Tragedy Girls (2017)
The Special (2020)
After Darkness (2018)
Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)
Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)
Erin Brockovich (2000)
The Strangers (2008)
Brightburn (2019)
Predator (1987)
The Babysitter (2017)
The Sweetest Thing (2002)
The Full Monty (1997)
Color Out of Space (2019)
IT: Chapter Two (2019)
Dante’s Peak (1997)
You’re Next (2011)
Hit and Run (2009)
Glory (1989)
The Cabin in the Woods (2012)
Waitress (2007)
Children of the Corn (1984)
The Village (2004)
The Adventures of Huck Finn (1993)
The Possession (2012)
Rewind (2019)
The Family I Had (2017)
Hail Satan? (2019)
Trixie Mattel: Moving Parts (2019)
Freaky Friday (1976)
A Haunting at Silver Falls (2013)
Cube (1997)
White Boy (2017)
Mean Girls 2 (2011)
The Boy Band Con: The Lou Pearlman Story (2019)
Spellbound (2002)
Silent Hill (2006)
Terror Toons (2002)
Prom Night (1980)
Silent Hill: Revelation (2012)
The Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005)
Cry_Wolf (2005)
Candyman (1992)
Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988)
Ten Inch Hero (2007)
Fever Pitch (2005)
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
Eighth Grade (2018)
Don Jon (2013)
Dick (1999)
Chopping Mall (1986)
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
Prom Night (2008)
Creep (2014)
Funny Face (1957)
Uncle Frank (2020)
Summer of ‘84 (2018)
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978)
Spontaneous (2020)
Soul Survivors (2001)
Creep 2 (2017)
Riot Girls (2019)
Why Did You Kill Me? (2021)
The Final Girls (2015)
House (1986)
Hoosiers (1986)
Fyre: The Greatest Party That Never Happened (2019)
Thunder Force (2021)
Hell Fest (2018)
Feminists: What Were They Thinking? (2018)
The Fourth Kind (2009)
Cloverfield (2008)
10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)
Anna (2014)
The Outsiders (1983)
Hackers (1995)
Evil Bong (2006)
Hunted (2020)
Heidi (1937)
L.A. Story (1991)
The Kentucky Fried Movie (1977)
Good Night, and Good Luck (2005)
Austenland (2013)
Hudson Hawk (1991)
Men in Black (1997)
The First Wives Club (1996)
Resident Evil (2002)
Event Horizon (1997)
Basic (2003)
Zero Days (2016)
Joe Versus the Volcano (1990)
Hollow Man (2000)
Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical (2005)
Uncanny Annie (2019)
Mystery Men (1999)
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
Seven Psychopaths (2012)
The Elephant in the Living Room (2010)
Brain Dead (1990)
Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh (1995)
Candyman 3: Day of the Dead (1999)
The Happening (2008)
Tamara (2005)
Chef (2014)
Burt’s Buzz (2013)
Serial Killer Culture (2014)
In Dreams (1999)
12 Angry Men (1957)
Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)
Bad Kids of Crestview Academy (2017)
Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
Captain Marvel (2019)
Junior (1994)
Oculus (2014)
Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)
Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)
Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2017)
Saw (2004)
Critters (1986)
Saw II (2005)
Saw III (2006)
Saw IV (2007)
Saw V (2008)
Saw VI (2009)
Whiplash (2014)
Babysitter Wanted (2008)
Saw: The Final Chapter (2010)
Jigsaw (2017)
Dragonheart (1996)
Happy Death Day (2017)
Happy Death Day 2U (2019)
Big Ass Spider! (2013)
Word Wars (2004)
Going to Pieces: The Rise and Fall of the Slasher Film (2006)
Zombeavers (2014)
Leprechaun (1993)
Spiral (2021)
Iron Man (2008)
Iron Man 2 (2010)
Thor (2011)
The Avengers (2012)
Batman (1966)
For a Good Time, Call... (2012)
Child’s Play (1988)
Child’s Play 2 (1990)
Child’s Play 3 (1991)
Bride of Chucky (1998)
Borderland (2007)
The Black Cauldron (1985)
Tuck Everlasting (2002)
Seed of Chucky (2004)
Thor: The Dark World (2013)
Iron Man 3 (2013)
Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
The Secret of Moonacre (2008)
Nanny McPhee (2006)
The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018)
Miss Meadows (2014)
Dune (1984) 
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esperwatchesfilms · 3 years
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The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018)
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ESE: 70/100
50 +5 for “Kids in America” +5 for Bailee Madison -10 for terrible script +5 for “hello” window +5 for Greensleeves +5 for “Total Eclipse of the Heart” +10 for the murder pool party +5 for the nod to Scream -10 for not double-checking if the guy was dead -5 for not checking AGAIN +5 for the nod to Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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esperwatchesfilms · 3 years
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Nanny McPhee (2006)
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ESE: 97/100
50 +10 for clever, but very, very, very naughty children +10 for Colin Firth +5 for Thomas Brodie-Sangster -5 for accidentally hurting Evangeline’s feelings +10 for Emma Thompson +5 for knowing their names +10 for Angela Lansbury -10 for Aunt Adelaide’s controlling bullshit +5 for Evangeline going along with Aunt Adelaide -10 for refusing to hear Simon out -10 for Mrs. Quickly being horrible +5 for the bees +10 for marrying Evangeline +5 for snow in August +5 for Nanny McPhee’s progressive glow-up +2 for cute credits
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esperwatchesfilms · 3 years
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The Secret of Moonacre (2008)
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ESE: 100/100
50 +5 for the pretty book +10 for Tim Curry +5 for black lion -5 for reckless buggy driving +5 for Ms. Heliotrope pushing off the bandit-looking dudes +5 for Ioan Gruffudd +5 for Wrolf +10 for a gorgeous bedroom +5 for Ms. Heliotrope’s burping -10 for Maria’s uncle being so cross +5 for Periwinkle +5 for the outfits the bandit-looking dudes wear +5 for Wrolf saving Maria from the bandit-looking dudes +5 for Serena the Moonacre Rabbit -10 for Maria’s uncle not answering simple questions +5 for the Alice in Wonderland vibes +5 for Mr. Scarlet +5 for “Coeur De Noir” being an awesome freakin’ name -10 for being shitty just because Loveday is a De Noir -10 for pride and stubbornness -10 for the bickering of Loveday and Sir Benjamin -10 for trapping Wrolf -10 for killing Wrolf +10 for Robin having a brain +10 for Maria’s bravery and sacrifice +10 for unicorn +5 because Wrolf’s okay after all! +5 for Ms. Heliotrope stopping Dulac
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esperwatchesfilms · 3 years
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Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
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ESE: 153/100
50 +5 for Wyatt Oleff +5 for sticking up for “the little frog that ain’t done nothin’” +10 for Chris Pratt +5 for using the little rat creatures as a microphone +5 for Awesome Mix Vol. 1 +2 for troll doll -5 for forgetting there was a girl on his ship +3 for Garbage Pail Kids +10 for Michael Rooker +5 for Sean Gunn +10 for Lee Pace +10 for Karen Gillan +10 for Zoe Saldana +10 for Stan Lee +10 for Rocket and Groot -5 for kidnapping -5 for hacking Groot’s arms off +5 for John C. Reilly +5 for Glenn Close +5 for Drax -10 for not understanding figurative versus literal +5 for how charming taking everything literally ends up making Drax +5 for Groot just reaching up for the battery -10 for not listening to all of what Rocket said first +5 for “Knowwhere” +5 for “pelvic sorcery” -10 for calling Ronan +5 for “Cherry Bomb” +5 for Groot’s Hulk-like moment -10 for nearly killing Drax +10 for Groot hug -10 for Groot dying +5 for Awesome Mix Vol. 2 +5 for potted Groot dancing +3 for post-credit scene
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esperwatchesfilms · 3 years
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Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
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ESE: 123/100
50 +10 for Chris Evans +5 for introduction to Falcon +10 for Scarlett Johannson +10 for Samuel L. Jackson +5 for the Captain America museum exhibit -10 for car accidents +5 for Nick Fury’s car telling him the AC is not damaged +5 for Bucky’s gulyiner -5 for attacking Captain America in an elevator +5 for the fight in the elevator +5 for Aaron the Apple Store guy +5 for Toby Jones -10 for shooting Renata +5 for Natasha being a smartie with the phone diversion +5 for Nick surviving +10 for Stan Lee +5 for the brave dude who won’t launch the ships -10 for threatening the brave dude who won’t bunch the ships +5 for Natasha’s disguise +10 for Bucky saving Captain America +3 for post-credit scene
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esperwatchesfilms · 3 years
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Iron Man 3 (2013)
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ESE: 138/100
50 +10 for Robert Downey Jr. +10 for Jon Favreau +5 for Guy Pearce +5 for Rebecca Hall -10 for Dummy’s DUNCE cap +5 for Jarvis +5 for Ben Kingsley -10 for anxiety attacks +5 for Happy being head of security -5 for being the badge police +10 for Killian’s glow-up +5 for Gwyneth Paltrow +5 for giant bunny -10 for anxiety making sleeping impossible and making showing appreciation of loved ones difficult -10 for dangerous panic problems -5 for Happy getting hurt in the ‘splosion +5 for Happy liking Downton Abbey -10 for sharing your address with a terrorist on television, putting your loved ones in danger +10 for protecting Pepper by putting the suit on her +10 for Ty Simpkins +5 for quick thinking +5 for the bully deterrent +10 for Stan Lee -10 for Maya working with Killian +5 for “the Mandarin” being an actor named Trevor -10 for Killian shooting Maya +5 for fire-breathing +5 for Harley getting the shed open +5 for Linden Ashby +10 for the suits being their backup +10 for Pepper surviving and smacking Killian around +3 for post-credit scenes +5 for brief Mark Ruffalo
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esperwatchesfilms · 3 years
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Thor: The Dark World (2013)
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ESE: 108/100
50 +10 for Anthony Hopkins +10 for Tom Hiddleston +10 for Natalie Portman +10 for Kat Dennings +5 for Stellan Skarsgard +5 for Erik running around Stonehedge naked -10 for scaring the tourists -10 for the intern tossing the keys into the anomaly +5 for Idris Elba -5 for leaving Darcy in the rain +10 for Chris Hemsworth +10 for Frigga’s badassery -5 for Frigga’s death +10 for Stan Lee +10 for brief Chris Evans +5 for slapping Loki for New York +5 for slapping Loki for New York -10  for Loki’s inability to take responsibility -20 for “I don’t trust you”, then getting stabbed +5 for the ruse +5 for the Mew Mew! scene +5 for Loki’s not-dead-ness +3 for post-credit scenes
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esperwatchesfilms · 3 years
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Seed of Chucky (2004)
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ESE: 90/100
50 +5 for the sort of gross opening credits +10 for titties +10 for Billy Boyd +5 for the “Chucky Goes Psycho” movie within the movie +10 for Jennifer Tilly as herself and Tiffany +5 for the sweet family reunion +5 for John Waters -10 for annoying paprazzi +5 for doll titties +10 for Britney Spears -10 for killing Britney Spears +5 for “Oops... I did it again” joke -10 for broken promises +5 for The Shining reference -10 for trying to kill Tiffany +5 for Glen and Glenda splitting into the twins
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esperwatchesfilms · 3 years
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Tuck Everlasting (2002)
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ESE: 95/100
50 +10 for Alexis Bledel +10 for Sissy Spacek +5 for Victor Garber +5 for Winnie playing baseball +5 for wandering outside her fence -10 for kidnapping Winnie +10 for doing things the slow way -10 for absolute cheese writing +5 for Winnie’s forest dance +10 for finally telling Winnie why she’s there +5 for kisses -10 for Miles’s wife being a total jerk +5 for Tuck’s wisdom -10 for the man in the yellow suit’s lies -10 for putting a gun to Winnie’s head +10 for Mae killing the man in the yellow suit -10 for Tuck and Mae being arrested +10 for Jesse, Miles, and Winnie’s ruse +10 for loving Winnie till the day he dies +5 for making wise decisions -5 for not drinking the damn water anyway +5 for Jesse’s 2000s outfit being so simple so he can just blend in
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esperwatchesfilms · 3 years
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The Black Cauldron (1985)
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ESE: 105/100
50 +5 for the piggy, Hen Wen +5 for Hen Wen being a power piggy +5 for Gurgi -10 for not sharing with Gurgi +5 for little goblin dude being cute -5 for little goblin dude being cruel to Hen +10 for Taran’s bravery +5 for Princess Eilonwy’s cheerfulness -5 for assuming assistant pigkeepers can’t be helpful +5 for the bauble having a little personality +5 for swiping the sword +5 for Eilonwy telling Taran off for sexist remarks +5 for the fairfolk +5 for the witches +5 for Eilonwy believing in Taran +5 for being a dark Disney film +5 for Gurgi being alive
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esperwatchesfilms · 3 years
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Borderland (2007)
ESE: 35/100
50 +10 for Rider Strong -10 for F-slur -10 for underaged prostitute +5 for shroomy time +10 for Sean Astin -10 for Phil getting kidnapped -10 for fucking a stranger without a condom +10 for neat goat-head lady sacrifice -5 for that being the first interesting bit in over an hour +5 for that booty, though -10 for the goat-head lady sacrifice being the only interesting bit... at all
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esperwatchesfilms · 3 years
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Bride of Chucky (1998)
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ESE: 120/100
50 +10 for Jennifer Tilly +5 for “Well, hello, Dolly!” +10 for “Living Dead Girl” by Rob Zombie +5 for Tiffany restoring Chucky +10 for John Ritter +5 for Katherine Heigl +5 for Voodoo for Dummies -10 for the goth wannabe +5 for Charlotte the tarantula +10 for the exorcist-like head twist -10 for Chief Warren Kincaid -10 for spelling woman “B-I-T-C-H” +5 for punching Chucky for putting her in the bride doll’s body +5 for Tiffany keeping Chucky in check -10 for planting drugs on Jesse’s van +10 for creative nails to the face death +5 for Kincaid dying -10 for Norton hassling Jade and Jesse +5 for “Rude fuckin’ doll” +5 for the waterbed kill +5 for the proposal +10 for the hilarity of the doll sex scene +10 for Kathy Najimy -10 for David getting hit by a truck -10 for Chucky being disgusted by burnt Tiffany +10 for Tiffany stabbing Chucky in the back literally +5 for Tiffany’s baby insta-murdering the cop at the end
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esperwatchesfilms · 3 years
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Child’s Play 3 (1991)
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“You just can’t keep a Good Guy down.”
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ESE: 70/100
50 -10 for the viewpoint that kids are just “consumers in training” +5 for the argument against selling more Good Guys dolls -5 for ignoring the argument +5 for “Don’t fuck with the Chuck.” +10 for teenage Andy -5 for the creepy barber soldier -5 for Good Guys commercial -10 for Shelton +10 for De Silva calling him an asshole and standing up to him -5 for opening other peoples’ packages -10 for “Dolls are for girls.” -5 for the idea of giving the murder doll to your kid sister +10 for Dakin Matthews +10 for scaring Colonel Cochrane to death -10 for Tyler being a total dumbass +10 for capture the flag paintball +5 for scary stories +5 for Andy getting smooched +5 for Tyler stabbing Chucky +5 for Whitehurst’s incredible bravery for a kid +5 for carnival +5 for Tyler hiding -5 for Tyler shouting out his location -5 for De Silva getting shot +5 because this “Devil’s Lair” looks hella awesome +5 for Chucky’s super-dismemberment -5 for the carnival shutting its lights off while the clean-up crew is still working
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esperwatchesfilms · 3 years
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Child’s Play 2
Awesome Composer Fact: This was composer Graeme Revell's first big symphonic Hollywood film score. When asked by the producers if had done such a score before, he bluffed and said "yes". In truth, he had never done a full orchestral score (his break-through score, "Dead Calm", was written for a much smaller ensemble).
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Film Debut: Adam Wylie's first film role.
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ESE: 75/100
50 +5 for Chucky’s restoration -10 for the tooth-scraping sound +5 for Kyle’s  practical thinking -10 for the foster dad yelling at Andy for rules he doesn’t know exist +5 for Chucky’s water gun -5 for breaking the statue -5 for handing a kid a cigarette +10 for lecturing him on how gross and bad for you cigarettes are +10 for checking the batteries +5 for Kyle and Andy bonding +5 for Alex Vincent +5 for Beth Grant -10 for the teacher being a total fucking moron -10 for the foster dad +5 for Kyle’s advice +5 for “How’s it hangin’, Phil?” +5 for Kyle finding the Tommy Good Guy doll under the swing +5 for bringing a weapon +5 for Kyle’s quick thinking -10 for sexism +10 for the chant not working +5 for Andy being brave -5 because why wouldn’t he just spit the hose out?
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