#( also please do NOT fucking read this as shippy... it's not suppose to be shippy at all... )

[olderthannetfic]

Been getting back into Star Trek after binge-watching it with my dad as a kid, and stumbled across the - ahem - "encounter" between Data and the Borg queen in Star Trek: First Contact. (I really didn't remember those scenes like this lmao.)

Soo, being a Data fan who does find him very aesthetically pleasing, I went to look for shippy fanfics involving those characters, and I gotta say, I was really surprised to find a total of 3 fanfics on AO3 that have their tag, and also just a few on FFnet, and none on a fanfic site in my language (then again searching stuff there is a fucking nightmare because people really aren't too great at tagging stuff accurately).

I hope this doesn't come across as whiny and complain-y, I will probably write about them at some point, once I'm past starting a new semester at university and have more time.

Basically just came here to say that I am quite surprised that there are such few fanfics about them (or that I'm just too stupid to find more, which is very likely lol), since they're technically temporarily canon, and I wonder if it's just because of the context and its kinda sorta dubious consent or if it just happens to not be on that many people's minds and there not being too many people who like the ship enough to write about it. (I am guessing the latter, since I also don't write about stuff that I don't think about heh.)

(Then again, I do tend to ship rarepairs and often pairs that are considered problematic for whatever reason, and where shippers get shit for shipping and writing fanfics. Though I don't know if this particular pairing is considered terribly problematic or not. Have read youtube comments on their scenes, and many people there absolutely despised their scenes and found it disgusting that there weren't more comments saying the scenes were disgusting lol. Also, kinda unrelated, but one of my favourite ships is Hotch/Reid from Criminal Minds, and I just recently read that there are quite some people on reddit who hate that ship because "bla healthy father figure bla - he's his dad not his daddy - bla" and use nasty words to describe shippers, but I am very glad that there are lots of fun fanfics for these two nonetheless, ha! :D)

Sorry for babbling for so long, it's half past one, and I should stop rambling at your inbox and get some sleep. Have a nice day/night!

--

Ahahaha. No, it being problematic is not why.

It's far, far more likely there's none (or none that's easily findable) because the bulk of the fandom activity around TNG was around later seasons of the show. Maybe the Riker/Troi and Crusher/Picard shippers were more into early seasons, IDK. But a sequel movie that lots of people didn't even like or didn't even see is not going to be the source of the big ships in a TV fandom.

On top of that, a lot of the shipping patterns get set relatively early in a fandom. Sometimes, a character shows up later and changes the fandom a lot (Methos, Castiel), but often, many fans stick with how they saw things towards the beginning of canon.

Adding to that is the fact that the number of fic writers in 1996 was vastly smaller than now. Spaces also weren't always set up to accommodate rarepairs or rare fandoms. A lot of archives and lists were topic-specific, and that topic could be one single juggernaut ship.

If there was fic, I suppose it was probably on Usenet or a mailing list. The great era of fannish archives was in the 00s. This movie came out in 1996. Perhaps we even grabbed a relevant list in our attempts to save yahoo groups' data, but it's definitely not going to still be up with an easily googleable set of contents.

[basuralindo]

Chapter 10 of You'll Have Me Rise, You'll Have Me Fall is up!!

You can read it right here:

And there's some commentary in the notes but I have so many more thoughts and am gonna go on about them under the cut. Please read the chapter before looking through my commentary, but you're all welcome to interact about it on here

Okay, so, in roughly chronological order:

-Idk if the Jamil and Kalim stuff is coming off shippy, but that's not the intention. What I'm tryna present is the fact that they have no concept of boundaries with each other. Jamil was basically instructed, as a child, to look after this whole ass other child with way too little actual adult supervision, and it didn't go well.

-Jamil has a Very loose understanding of free will as is, considering his situation, and Snake Whisper has always been kinda just another tool used to desperately try to get through situations. The idea that forcing someone to not have nightmares without their knowledge or consent might be fucked up doesn't really cross his mind, because he's been doing it since they were little and Kalim always seems happier than when he's left to just deal with his own bad dreams.

-People tend to get stuck with the aftereffects of an intense trigger for quite a while after, and Jamil's behavior is definitely gonna be influenced more heavily by ptsd in the next few chapters.

-Yes, Jamil really is out here basically poledancing on that broom. Why? Because athletes are literally the least self aware people when it comes to doing weird shit with their bodies and I know this from so much personal experience. I also imagine that the brooms operate a lot based on the rider's clarity of intention. So Jamil being already very comfortable with heights because of playing on the carpet with Kalim as kids, and having pretty good focus with multitasking in general, he has very little issues with getting the broom to do what he wants. Meanwhile, Azul would be able to fly just fine, but he's so scared of heights he loses all sense of intention once he gets a couple feet off the ground

-✨Guess who never learnt what dyslexia is because royalty aren't supposed to have learning disorders!✨ Just wait till those two find out about adhd. (Also, major headcanon that Kalim self medicates with caffeine)

-Anyway THE TEXTING!! This is the part that I had no plans to write until going "wait, they should exchange numbers because duh" Then wrote the actual scene and went "wait omfg the teins would totally find that!" Anyway I'm glad I did because it was a lot of fun to write and finally breaks the ice between them all a little more. It ended up taking a lot longer than I'd expected to depict the sheer chaos of texting three people in the same room at the same time.

-I actually thought a lot about the texting patterns on this. Floyd writes in a hurry because his thoughts come and go so fast he just spits them out as they come, which results in spamming with a million short messages when he's actually in the mood to talk. He also canonly has this tendency to just say shit that makes sense in his head, where he has context, and doesn't get it when other people don't understand, so with texting that kinda comes out as not bothering with much punctuation to indicate tone because he knows what tone he's using and forgets that nobody else does. Azul on the other hand is suuuper neurotic about how he presents himself, and texting is no exception. Perfect diction, punctuation, etc. Uses autocorrect and then doublechecks the outocorrect. Jade figures Azul already put all the effort into establishing how to present himself flawlessly, and just imitates his style. (They're both wrong. Azul comes off like a car salesman, and Jade comes off like an alien impersonating a car salesman). I have a reason for this dynamic and I'm gonna go into it eventually in the fic. Jamil is just trying to spell things correctly and uses punctuation as normally as he can. He uses contractions and slangs even less over text because he's not confident in being able to spell less familiar words and doesn't wanna risk it. (He also uses contractions less in general around Azul because, while he tries to come off like he's mastered English around all his potentially hostile peers, Azul never mocks him for his speech so he's more comfortable about wording things awkwardly. Jamil hasn't noticed this consciously yet.)

-Jadeeeeee. This fic is slow burn in general, but it's definitely burning at different speeds for each of them, and Jamil/Jade is definitely the slowest. Neither of them are the kind to openly pursue someone without the other party initiating A Lot, and they're much more emotionally distant than Floyd or Azul. Also, Jade is territorial and Jamil is paranoid and it's gonna take a long time before they get anywhere near trusting each other. Despite that, they're finally starting to notice that they have some shit in common and actually enjoy talking to each other in all the convoluted mincy bullshit ways that nobody else wants to engage in.

-Yes, Jamil feels the need to conceal laughter and smiles even when he's alone in his room. No, he's not okay, but that's kind of the whole plot.

-Again, I just really enjoyed getting to write Jamil having a nice time?? Finally starting to think about the fact that he actually WANTS these guys in his life, for non-strategic purposes, just because they make him happier! I'm finally getting somewhere in this mess of my own making lmao

Anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk. I have a lot of feelings about these guys and I'm tempted to do more posts like this about previous chapters just so I can get myself to babble less in the fic notes

#banging on my own head from the inside like ''LET THEM FUCKING KISS'' #chapter babble #twst fic #octaviper #ashenviper #I'm realizing I don't actually know any ship names for jamil and either eel #if anyone knows some lemme know #octatrio

[hgduo]

GOD- c!Quackity in marnberg- Quackity in Manberg-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You don't get it!!!!! It's that he was in love- head over heels for L'manburg and infatuated with his husband- but he wasn't just some naïve lovestruck dummy he was resentful- he was vice president- and so when those harsh eyes weren't on him he'd go behind his back and do those little rebellions and curse out his name- but fuck the second they were back on him- it melted away and he'd go from spitting threats to cheering promises that he can make it better- he can make this better- because god when it's good it's so nice and giving up means losing that- all of it- his love, his job, his home, his future- and the good always makes all the bad feel so worth it in the moment- but it didn't matter how much he cared because it got worse and worse right in front of him- and as much as he wanted so desperately too he was never given a chance to fix it- not with those eyes on him- and love mixed with fear- and GOD- JUST ALL OF IT- THE RESENT AND THE LOVE AND THE FEAR-

It all lead up to that moment in the White House... love, fear, and resentment... and resentment won and thank fucking god it did... but-

Even when he had enough he still thought about going back- if it wasn't for c!Tommy he would've gone back- because he was scared, both of c!Schlatt but also being alone- because he didn't want to give up and run away- because he still loved it despite all the bad- he would've gone back-

#okay all of this is to say that- when it comes to portraying c!Quackity in Manberg #you have to remember he was both so in love but also so annoyed- and that's so fucking important- #he'd go from being so heated and furious at his husband to joking around with him the next day- like nothing had happened- #its the fucking mixture of being so fucking done and knowing you deserve better but god... all the nice moments... #it makes you forget how bad it is and how painful it is #and it eats away at you... god- you don't see it immediately but- #c!Quackity post Manberg...... he's never gonna be that optimistic 19 year old jokester ever again #he lives through it but god... it rots you... #c!Quackity in Manberg just fucking breaks me... #yes I am aware I am talking about c!Q back when he was mostly a goofy little man who'd take off his clothes all the time BUT LIKE- #like..... honest to fucking god the lighthearted moments- the 'silly jokes' that get under his skin (because they're suppose to)... #how casual it is... thats what made it feel so real #( also please do NOT fucking read this as shippy... it's not suppose to be shippy at all... ) #( this isn't romance it's tragedy ) #theres just so much about c!Q in manberg- how it reflects him as a character and the way it captures the situation so much- #emotional and verbal abuse rot you inside out and you dont even notice it until you leave

[arshipweek]

AR Ship Week - Fanwork Recs

Banner credit

This is the fourth and last weekly post in the lead up to Alex Rider Ship Week. Only 1 week to go!

This week we’ve got a selection of shippy fanwork recs submitted by members of the AR fandom. Enjoy and hope to see you next week!

**Please note that I haven’t listed all the details for the fics so take care to read the tags on AO3 before diving in!

Yassen/Alex

Our Endless Numbered Days by Galimau Just your run of the mill heartwarming look at the quiet beats of Alex and Yassen's relationship...after the apocalypse.  Soft and sweet this fic focuses on the very still and quiet moments of two men at the end times trying to hold onto the things that bring them joy. It's an intimate view of what Alex and Yassen's life could be like of all their cares were quite literally wiped away - excellent  world building and writing make this a must read.

Yalex art by Ireliss Alex and Yassen in a lake! Everything about this picture is perfect - the light, the colours, the feeling of stillness... Probably the most beautiful picture of Alex and Yassen I've ever seen.

Sun Poisoning by fElBiTeR Angsty, beautiful, slowburn soulmate fic with a twist on the usual tropes and gorgeous imagery

Twisting, Turning, Tumbling by ShiruyTheSecond A glacially slow burn, road trip au, and sick fic all mashed into one fic, in non-chronological order based on 100 themes. I'd say this was one of the gateway fics into Yalex for me; there's nothing like reading a longfic you thought was gen and wishing it were slash, only for the realization to hit you in the face like a brick 50 something chapters later. Alex is on the run for a variety of reasons after a mission for MI6 goes spectacularly wrong, so he surprisingly finds himself leaning on Yassen for help, experincing whumpage along the way. Absolutely delicious.

Specific Performance by BurntWhisper Alex is a good spy, good enough that SCORPIA has tasked Yassen with killing him. Yassen can't do that but he can give Alex a very...enthusiastic going away present even Alex hasn't been a very good boy. It's a fun look at Alex and Yassen's first fling with callbacks to the original gen fic. That hits every perfect note and hits a few other things too.

Interlude by Suzie_Shooter Incredibly soft and fluffly Yalex that ends with an unexpected top!Alex and bath sex. Will absolutely warm your heart the way it does mine every time I read this fic.

Medicine by Suzie_Shooter The other fic in response to the prompt of "Alex is given a serum that makes him feel good when he tells the truth" except this one is praise kink while the other is humiliation kink! Specifically focused on a smoking hot blowjob and Alex's reluctance turned enthusiam, plus, there's a second chapter, just in case one dose of the antidote isn't enough.

One Year by BurntWhisper The slowest of slow burns featuring Alex and Yassen on the run from MI6, SCORPIA and their own feelings. Covering 3 months of their life on the run this fic features action as well as the slow, quiet moments where the budding relationship can truly shine through and behind it all the intelligence world continues to grind on threatening to take their happiness with it. It's a beautiful fic with strong, detailed writing and the emotional weight that it deserves.

Midnight Smoke by Hijja If you're in the mood for darker fics with plenty of Yassen hurting Alex complete with violence and heavy dubcon, Hijja has you covered. This particular fic features a mission-type premise with Alex being sent to investigate a spate of teen abductions only to be captured. Yassen is there, and he has his own goals...

Hello Alex by anonymous Fanart: a reunion hug between Yassen and Alex.

Face The Truth by capeofstorm Alex is given a serum that makes him feel good when he tells the truth. Yassen is absolutely a man to take advantage. Recced by Suzie_Shooter

Lights Out by Suzie_Shooter Yassen and Alex left tradecraft behind for a new life in the Greek islands. Ten years on, their relationship is still going strong and they've become island locals, the proprietors of a sailing club and a windsurfing business. Their idyllic life is disrupted by a new threat that wants them dead. I just love the premise of Yalex riding off into the sunset and not looking back. This fic not only has suspense, action, hot sex, and the intimacy borne of ten years...but once you're done, there are two excellent sequels and a prequel to lap up!

Villa in the Sun by BoldAsBrass A multi-chapter story within a story as Yassen and Alex keep in touch over the phone through a tale of a Russian bodyguard's encounters with a young English man. This is so cleverly done and beautifully written; I could re-read it and re-read it (in fact, that's exactly what I've done).

Sting in the Tail by Suzie_Shooter With the world hanging in the balance, MI6 presses an imprisoned Yassen into service. They use Alex to convince him, but also a nasty "sting in the tail" incentive to guarantee results. A thrilling Yalex mission!fic where Yassen and Alex forge their trust in each other by facing mortal danger and saving the world together. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time, eating up the slow burn and wondering how on earth they were going to succeed with all the obstacles Scorpia and MI6 threw in their way.

Rarely Pure And Never Simple by fElBiTeR Non-con > dub-con > fuck-yes-con speedrun. Recced by Suzie_Shooter

Just Say I Do by Nanimok I'm possibly biased because this was written for me, but 'woke up married' is a great trope and this is both snarky and adorable. Recced by Suzie_Shooter

Open Invitation by Suzie_Shooter After Ian's death in TV 'verse, fifteen-year-old Alex is living alone in a depressive, self-destructive spiral. He realizes someone is watching him at home...and decides to give them something more compelling to watch. I am squicked out by creepers, but the characterizations tackle the thorny elements head-on: Yassen's mixed feelings and understated pursuit tactics are 100% believable, as is Alex's volatility; he's alternately confused, provocative, and defiant. Exhibit A:“Does that make you a victim, or a slut?” The question came casually, but it had the unexpected sting of a slap. Alex blinked. “What, I can’t be both?” he countered after a second. Plot ensues, because how can a relationship possibly form from such a premise? Mind the tags (you might trip into your next kink because the sex is mind-blowingly hot).

Flirting with Danger by BoldAsBrass Basically THE gateway fic into Yalex for me - short and sweet, snappy narration and dialogue, a sleekly dangerous Yassen and Alex who might be a skilled, pragmatic adult but quickly realises he's in over his head. Sprinkle in a bit of dubcon and scorching hot writing and you get this perfect fic.

Burning a Dead Man's Fingertips by GreenQueenofClubs Multichapter slow burn, MI6!Yassen AU - an excellent premise done extremely well and feels fresh and new, balancing mission-style fic with character development! The dynamic between Yassen and Alex is somewhat different here compared to most Yalex fics as they don't meet until Alex is an adult; a really intriguing glimpse into what could have been...

A Little Pat Down by Nanimok Airport security can be frustrating at the best of times but couple it with being edged like none other by an assassin turned security guard and it can really be a pain in the ass. A filthy but extremely well written premise. Crack taken seriously is this author's strong suit so not a single one of their works will steer you wrong.

Yalex Ballet AU by anonymous Yalex ballet AU with absolutely gorgeous imagery and slow burn. Fluid prose and in the background, the shadows of past histories and things unsaid.

Gentleman's Agreement by Valaks Yassen and Alex have a "gentleman's agreement" for handling their business in the field. No one ever said anything about parent-teacher conferences. Claims to be gen, but deserves a place on this list for subtle genius alone, because with lines like "Like a fine wine, Alex Rider was improving with age" and "How interesting that Alex Rider would be that interested in his hands", what are we supposed to think....? UST in all caps is the best description.

Salty the Sweat on my Fingertips by Galimau A fun little romp of Alex visiting Tom and having to call his overly protective boyfriend? because he's pregnant and everything hurts. Beautifully written, this fic explores the ending of Oceanbreeze7's Moonfish and follows the extremely creative monster biology to its logical conclusion of Alex getting knocked up.

Slipping Through My Fingers by Nanimok This kink meme fill hits in all the right places as we watch through the eyes of a very jealous Julius as Yassen gives Alex all the attention he needs. The writing is, as always, on point and the characterization of Julius gets absolutely nailed (almost as much as Alex). Julius/Alex, Yassen/Alex

Other

Miss Julia by DantesThird Very creepy and traumatic noncon but really believable with Julia Rothman's obsession with John Rider. Alex/Julia Rothman

gone loose inside the shell by cyanides Fantastic messed-up fic where Julius keeps fantasising about killing Alex, but then the fantasies take a different turn. The possessive 'If I can't have you no-one can' dynamic really encapsulates the ship for me, and the fic stuck in my mind afterwards. Alex/Julius

smoke haze by Ireliss Dubcon, gun kink. A really intriguing and quite dark exploration of a young Yassen's situation with Scorpia and his very complex relationship with Hunter. John/Yassen

Our Settling Bones by Galimau A multi-chapter slow burn focused on a former assassin who has lost everything...and Yassen Gregorovich. The tension is off the charts and the characerization is on point. Everything you could want from the rarest of pairs. John Wick/Yassen

Lemniscate by Ireliss A look at what awaits Yassen when he arrives back at Scorpia after killing Vladimir Sharkovsky. This is deliciously dark as well as being entirely plausible. The sensory descriptions are fantastic. Yassen/Julia Rothman

#alex rider #ARshipweek #yalex #.... #..... #mod posts #recs

[zenosungs]

laughable/lachrymose

Danganronpa V3 | Kokichi/Shuichi | Rated T

Toast is easy to make, right? Easy to make. You put the bread in the toaster and you wait and you spread honey on it when it’s done. Shuichi likes toast with honey. It’s easy. Kokichi needs easy. He can do this.

Ignoring the voices that have started screaming at him again he fumbles with the bag of bread, barely managing to fish a slice out, hands latching onto it in a seizing grasp so tight it almost crumbles in his hand. Flashes of hot and cold ravaging his body, he practically shoves it in the toaster, aching, hurting, shattering.

(OR: a fragmented road to recovery)

note:

drv3 spoilers!!

tw // suicidal thoughts tw // kokichi's death, miu's death, gonta's death (not directly stated but vague details) tw // unhealthy coping mechanisms

this entire thing is a bit heavy in general so please proceed with caution. it's not so shippy because my goal isn't to romanticize any of this, shuichi isn't a magical being who can heal kokichi with his words and touch, and he's also on the path of recovery as well

this was all written as a word vomit vent thing in one sitting so just lmk if you spot mistakes

i care about you, please reach out to someone when you need to

READ ON AO3! 

--

He should be asleep.

Kokichi should, but then again, there are a lot of things he should be doing—healing, resting, blocking all memories out—though night terrors and bubbling trepidation and the inability to close his eyes without feeling the cold metal beneath him has proved to be a hindrance. He stays awake more often than he doesn’t, which is something entirely beyond his control; no matter the soothing words Shuichi mumbles in the dead of night, or the way he always keeps Kokichi close by in a loose yet comforting hold, he can’t sleep.

He doesn’t anymore. He’s stopped trying, anyway.

(It goes deeper beyond the label he hides behind as just insomnia. If insomnia can be defined as “persistent problems falling and/or staying asleep,” can it really be just insomnia if he’s the one who’s forcing himself to stay awake? If he only faces more sickening memories when his eyes are closed, what’s the point? Or maybe, just maybe, he’s lying to himself again, something like youdon’twantanyofthoseoptionsyouwanttodisappear—but as he always does, he lets the lie bleed into him until it is him. Until there’s nothing left to call a lie.)

He could be a zombie now, he’s sure of it. With the way he’s roaming around the apartment at—a glance at the clock—4 in the morning, and the way he certainly feels undead, calling himself a zombie doesn’t seem too far off. Shuichi’s grip on him, however loose it may have been, was getting too suffocating anyway.

He sits on the couch. Stares at a TV that’s playing nothing.

Deep breath in—

(...shut up, you asshole! the whizzing of an arrow through heavy air—kaito, can you hear me, please drink this antidote sorry, but i can’t die here… since i’m the mastermind of this killing game—redwhitehotsearingmetalcold—)

He scrambles to turn the TV on.

It’s so funny. The way they never stop fucking talking like a mixtape of voices ringing in his head even though everything is over and done with, oh god, he shouldn’t be dragging this out like he is, because none of it even happened. If none of it happened, why does he always feel the phantom pain of arrows digging into his flesh, or the descension of metal onto someone so petite—it all certainly felt so real, still feels so real—

—It’s not, and he knows that. He woke up from the simulation. Fought until there was no fight in him left. Until his lungs turned to ashes and pretty amethyst hair was yanked out of his scalp (by his doing, everything bad is always by his doing, so it seems) and so many eyes came to check in on him each day he spent recovering slowly in the hospital.

Is he supposed to feel relieved?

Happy? Glad that he’s awake from all of that? It’s alarming, really, that he feels nothing of the sort. What is he supposed to feel? Even if Saihara-chan had told him that any of his feelings were valid—anger, bitterness, resentment and horror—why does he still feel like nothing? Not numbness, but akin to it, certainly, because numbness is where you feel nothing, but simultaneously he feels like nothing. Like everything. Like death. Like life he doesn’t want breathed into him.

The TV drones on, white noise in the back of his head. He could make this work. That’s right. He’s adapted before. He can make himself feel okay again, or lie himself into thinking so, because that’s how it always ends, doesn’t it?

On shaky legs, he blocks out the voices; abhorrent Maki’s, strained Kaito’s, harsh Shuichi’s, tearful Gonta’s, desperate Miu’s, all of them cherry-picked from every single corner of his mind that he can’t ever find a way to escape anymore.

He stumbles, wandering without a purpose over to the bathroom, a trembling hand pushing open the door and flicking on the light. Headache-inducing fluorescent light flickers overhead, until it floods the capacity of the room, bearing enough light for him to be able to survey himself in the mirror.

He looks dead. Or, more so, like he could die. Right now, and maybe put an end to everything. An end to nothing. How does he fucking escape? How can he live like this? Or with this, the knowledge of everything he did in the killing game, his sacrifice, the hatred in everyone’s voices that he doubtlessly deserved?

Kokichi giggles, low and empty, as he turns the faucet on with a squeak and splashes cold water on his face. He could totally die right now. The way that brings more relief to him than anything else ever since the simulation is so laughable.

I could die. Right now. It’s as simple as using the sink or smashing my head against the bathtub. How hilarious.

Giving one final splash of frigid water onto a pale face, he turns the sink off, and allows himself a small moment of breathing. He’s been so bad at that lately, both him and Saihara. Everyone, really. No one is near being the textbook definition of okay, but they all didn’t expect to be either, although the one stark difference between them and him is that they’ve accepted that they’re going to recover slowly and reach okayness once again.

So why does he feel so stuck? Whenever he runs away from the echoing whirr of the hydraulic press it clutches him in its grasp again, and whenever he embraces it it makes him relive the entire scene over and over and over again in ways so sickening he feels like he just gets worse with each damn passing night—gasping for air even when he doesn’t sleep, awakening in cold sweat if he does manage to doze—maybe there’s nothing for him left here, fuck, why didn’t they just let him stay dead—

5, 4, 3, 2, 1. He could do the anxiety coping technique, or he could listen to music as a distraction, or he could go back to bed and pretend none of this is happening, or he could do the breathing method (in for four, hold for seven, out for eight), anything.

He could eat something. He could do that.

Shuichi’s been reprimanding him for his neglect of food anyway (even though the bluenette isn’t all that better at it) so in a way, this could serve as an apology for his inability to be a good person, boyfriend, living human being, all of that. For causing him so much trouble. For interfering with Shuichi’s own recovery process, even though it’s the last thing Kokichi wants to do. Unfortunately, the universe has a lovely addiction to just screwing him over.

Swallowing past a gag, because all of this thinking is so overwhelmingly nauseating, Kokichi stumbles out of the bathroom, not bothering to turn the light off. Everything is always so loud at night, everything is doused in so much more clarity, to the point where he can see them clearly. Miu’s face, terrified and contorted, even though it was just her avatar he still recalls so clearly the look of utter anguish on her actual corpse. Gonta’s baffled and horrified look when Kokichi wouldn’t stop yelling and yelling and yelling (“I’m sick of hearing you say you don’t know! God, why are you so dumb?”). They haunt him in ways unexplainable, although both of them had already made clear they’re on the path of forgiving him, but why does he need to be given undeserved forgiveness—

He finds himself in the kitchen, hands so shaky and cold he’s barely able to even turn on the light, panic emanating for no fucking reason, because he’s all messed up and gross and mutilated in ways that can’t be seen with the naked eye. He can’t cope. Everything fails when he tries. He laughs again, choked and nervous, opening the pantry and letting his eyes mindlessly glance over the food on the shelves; he reaches with invisibly scarred arms and takes out the glass jar of honey.

Toast is easy to make, right? Easy to make. You put the bread in the toaster and you wait and you spread honey on it when it’s done. Shuichi likes toast with honey. It’s easy. Kokichi needs easy. He can do this.

Ignoring the voices that have started screaming at him again he fumbles with the bag of bread, barely managing to fish a slice out, hands latching onto it in a seizing grasp so tight it almost crumbles in his hand. Flashes of hot and cold ravaging his body, he practically shoves it in the toaster, aching, hurting, shattering.

why are you like this it’s so easy to live why are you having so much trouble with it? is it because you can’t stop hearing iruma’s pleas or maki’s harsh words or kaito’s yells or saihara-chan’s confusion whenever you hung out and played games? is it because it would’ve been easier to stay dead, easier to be crushed and leave it at that, all cracked bones under unforgiving metal? or maybe it’s because—

Stop, fuck, just—

He’s crying—why is he crying?—by the time the toast pops out, golden and hot but he picks it up anyway, he’s been burned worse before, by words and by poison, so he holds it and puts it on a plate on the counter that they must have forgotten to put away.

With a strangled sob he clumsily takes the jar of honey again, tremulous fingers barely letting him even keep his hands on it, glass smooth and cold against calloused skin, worn and too ruined and bitten to be attached to someone as youthful as he is. He can do this, he has to do this, because he doesn’t feel like he’s getting anywhere near better but if he sticks to routine and does everyday things he should be doing easily—he could trick his mind into thinking so. It works, it always works, please work this time…

(Why is something as simple as this so goddamn hard, why is it all so hard, why was dying easier than all of this, why is existing so easy but settling down so difficult, why is waking up so simple but finding reasons to let it stay that way so unbearable, why, why why why—)

He bites his tongue and curses brokenly when the glass jar slips from his hands, falling to the floor without an ounce of grace, fracturing into uncountable glass shards at his feet.

Immediately he steps back, before sinking to his knees with a pathetic sob, the same sinful hands reaching out, hovering and unsure of what to do. Broom—yeah, the broom, he can sweep this up, he can fix it, he can fix all of this, he can fix himself, he can live, he can make himself feel okay, he can exist, he can do this, he can breathe, he can—

In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. His lungs quiver and shrivel up and cease to work whenever he tries sucking in air, body failing him, mind overrun as his vision blurs. If he could just get up and get a broom or something, he could get this all over and done with, or he could stop thinking of the worst possible ways to end this, end him.

Arms wrap around him gently before he can even try to stand up. Kokichi trembles, clawing at the hands of the person as he blubbers and cries and bows his head, unraveling again just as he always does, sick to his stomach and wondering why he’s subjected to this form of torture that he’s incapable of enduring for any longer.

The person gently turns him around in their arms, cups his cheek. The hand is cold. Shaking, too.

He wants to laugh again, but all that leaves him is another mangled cry, idly pressing his forehead against Shuichi’s chest, ringing in his ears so loud he can’t hear whatever the other boy is trying to tell him. Kokichi’s fingers dig into his back, into his soft sleeping shirt, moments away from tearing the fabric. He could throw up. He could die.

A kiss is pressed to the top of his head, and Shuichi is too nice for someone who had found his very pathetic boyfriend sobbing on the kitchen floor with forgotten toast on the counter and a shattered glass jar with honey pooling at his feet. This time, Kokichi does laugh, the noise interrupted by hiccuping sobs but near-hysterical at the exact same time, the sound oddly resembling the way he had laughed in the killing game, though lacking the malice it had at the time. Tired this time around.

He laughs until it gives way to screaming sobs, Shuichi trying his best to stop his own disturbed trembling, merely speaking softly and low into the shell of Kokichi’s ear, no doubt trying to reassure him. Or get him to cope (and fail). Or help him breathe.

why is this happening why am i like this why are you doing this to me, shuichi, it just hurts more whenever you try and i’m trying so hard to feel okay again and make things easier but it just gets harder every single day and—

—Kokichi giggles softly.

Shuichi shushes him gently, but Kokichi basks in the ridiculousness of this all. He switches between laughing and crying, screaming and chuckling, breaking down. Perhaps he’ll never get back from this. Shuichi had told him that all his emotions are valid, but how can he describe how he’s feeling into words? Crying is supposed to help. How amusing.

(Is he supposed to feel better? Relieved? He stifles a noise halfway between a sob and a chortle. It’s uproarious, he decides, that he feels anything but.)

#danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #danganronpa fandom #danganronpa fic #danganronpa fanfic #saiouma #oumasai #danganronpa angst #trigger warning #triggering content #saihara shuichi #ouma kokichi #kokichi ouma #shuichi saihara

[b-rainlet]

Gotham for the fandom ask thingy.

(I ran here so fuckin fast you have no clue)

Hello anon! :D I will answer this now, so you don't have to wait any longer but also....this would be very nice to answer through gifsets...(maybe when I am feeling up for it).

For now, have this:

(It's not proof read because I just sat at this for several hours and I don't wanna look at it anymore).

Favourite Male Character

You mean...besides the obvious answers?? :D

Ngl, it's S2 Jerome. I love that little twink with his parental issues and his tragic backstory and I wanna see him happy. There's a reason I have a bunch of AUs where he ends up having a family (mostly in the form of Lee as his Mother) and gets some actual help instead of being ostracized for being a mentally ill person snapping after years of abuse.

(This also ties into my very strong feelings regarding the fact that nobody actually helps the people at Arkham. And I don't mean the main villains there, I mean all the inmates who get treated like shit and are left behind on the regurlar (remember in S2 when Arkham was about to explode and nobody was talking about evacuating the inmates???? I do).

Other than that, one of my faves is also Jonathan. Which may be a little surprising because I barely talk about him but he was my favourite character throughout the show and he had way too little scenes.

(Kinda telling that the characters I latched onto are both helpless teens who were fucked over by the people who were supposed to protect them and can both trace their villain origin story back to Jim Gordon not caring enough about them lmao).

But the cast is big and varied enough that I actually like everyone? Butch, Zsazs, Penguin, S1 and 2 Ed, Jervis, Harvey, Jim......I like them all!!

(Special shoutout to 514A too, he was soft and baby and I wanted to keep him safe and sound really desperately).

(Another special shoutout to Barnes!! I didn't expect to like him when I first saw him, given he looked like he was gonna be mean and stoic and all, but I ended up really liking him and his story!)

Favourite Female Character

Let's just pretend Ecco doesn't exist for this answer ajdkaskaslj.

I fell in love immediately upon seeing Ecco but all! the women! are so!!! good!!!!

I especially have a soft spot for the side characters. I mean, upon first watching I got attached to Alice (even though she only features in two episodes lmao), and also Kristen Kringle - who isn't talked about much within Fandom, but she was pretty and her and Ed were actually quite cute but then she had to die for him to become the Riddler which was...pretty much telling us from the beginnning 'The woman here die to advance the men's plots'.

Barbara was also a big surprise to me because I figured she'd be the female love interest and nothing more but!! her and Jerome were the best thing in S2 and also the most entertaining thing about the Maniax Plot. (In several ways, I think I had the most fun watching this show during S2 , it was just. Good).

Also upon being in this Fandom and thinking about certain characters a bit longer I also really like Vicky Vale. And Montoya. And I wish they had kept both around for longer.

(I also wish they wouldn't have made Vicky a love interest for Jim. Or Sofia. No love interests for Jim except Lee and Barbara please).

Also Selina!! I love both Selina and Tabitha with all my heart - which may also be surprising because I barely ever talk about Tabby but I contain multitudes aklskddsm, and while I like sharing my horny thoughts about Ecco, I also love to think about Tabby and daydream about her being happy and exploring her (and Selina's) issues with showing weakness and affection and their strong loyalty regarding people that they trust.

I just.....women. Women good.

(Women also deserve to have more character than just being somebody's love interests and I have enough wips that completely sideline the guys to focus on the woman instead lmao).

Least Favourite Character

I don't have many characters that I hate??

I generally tend to instantly love everybody unless they are specifically made to be unlikeable. (I also spite-like characters who are hated for petty reasons, I just have a lot of love in my heart and not much energy for hate lmao).

But there were characters who annoyed me while I was watching.

For one, I think Gotham has a variety of super entertaining villains, but the main villains of each season tend to be....boring.

Safe for Strange they all kinda fell flat for me. Theo. Kathryn. Ra's Al Ghul. His Daughter. Mostly because their plotlines were less exciting than stuff like Jerome's carnival or Mother and Orphan's Hotel of Horrors.

Or their motives seemed a lot less understandable than the ones of the other Batman villains who pretty much always come from a place of suffering and abuse and break/snap under the pressure that's put on them (continuing this take of Gotham creating its own villains by leaving behind - mentally ill - people that need help, which I think is very true to most - if not all - Batman villains).

And then you have some characters that simply suffer from the fact that the show was cut short - which is pretty much any and every S5 character that had way too little screentime, but in this specific case means Jeremiah.

Because I disliked Jeremiah a lot while watching.

Without wanting to step on anybody's toes, him and Nygma are probably the two characters on this show I ended up disliking the most.

Mostly because Miah felt like a very cheap copy of Jerome and to this day I think it was a bad idea to replace Jerome with him, since Jeremiah - to me - seems like a super flat character.

Maybe if we had gotten him without meeting Jerome first, just having a Joker character introduced in S4, maybe I would've adored him, who knows.

But in comparison to Jerome...no. Just no.

(I will spare you from any longer rambles, but I think if you follow me, I talked about the ways Miah is lacking for me before).

My made up version of Miah though? I love him.

With Nygma it's even worse because I adored him. I instantly liked him. I was 100% behind him right up until the godawful Isabella plot happened and then it just all went to shit so quickly, I couldn't stand seeing him on screen anymore.

It's surprising that I didn't stop liking Oswald but to me, Oswald pretty much stayed the same while Ed became all bitter and hard and I just miss dorky S2 Ed you know?

It actually got so bad, I completely turned my back on Nygm/obblepot as a ship because I was so severly disappointed and I barely talk about Ed because I just can't stand what they did with him.

(Another victim of bad writing).

Favourite Ship

I'm just gonna stick to canon ships because I don't ever shut up about my Fanon ships so you probably know which ones I love the most :D

There isn't much romance going on within Gotham if I think about it - apart from Jim - which I definitely prefer. You wouldnt guess it from my blog, but I am not a fan of too shippy stuff because in most cases it just means sex scenes and I can live without those. I want action! Blood! Dead People! Not a two minute make-out session between two bland characters!

I gotta admit that Ed and Lee have some cute scenes and I would definitely ship them if I didn't dislike S4 Ed so much (S2 EdLee tho?? Yes).

Also I thought Jim and Lee was okay and Baby Batcat was quite cute at times but mostly I don't care about the canon ships.

I do ship Barbara and Jim though :D

I remember right before they hooked up in S5 I was like: 'I wouldn't mind if they got back together' and then went 'yay!' when they did and I wouldn't have minded a little more 'Will they?? Won't they??' between those two and them just having the mother of unhealthy relationships on this show.

(Also Jim/Barbara/Lee poly relationship but we can't have everything).

Favourite Friendship

So many good relationships on this show!

I need to rewatch the show soon because I probably already forgot about most of them but from the top of my head: Oswald/Butch and Oswald/Zsazs

Which were both then done dirty lmao. One by having Oswald be overly petty (one of the few times I was like...Pengy...wtf...) and the other by passing up the obvious opportunity to have Zsazs find out who really killed Falcone and just...letting Oswald and Victor never interact again. 

Then of course Ivy and Selina which also gloriously fell apart. Just like Ivy and Oswald. 

(Gotham isn’t the best when it comes to maintaining friendships). 

And the biggest and most grandious friendship of them all: J Squad. 

(Who have too little scenes together honestly and then also simply fell apart after Jerome died. Consistency who?)

Favourite Quote

I don’t know, I don’t have many quotes in my head from the show. Me and my niece mostly reference: “Yeah, that’s a spoon.” - “IT IS ALSO A FORK!!1!!!”

Also: “Gotta Go! Gotta Go! They’re after me and the Scarecrow!”

(There are some dialogue blurps I have written down somewhere because they are inspriration for gifsets but in order to be able to just recite some of them from Memory, I would have to watch this show way more obsessively). 

Worst Character Death

I don’t even gotta say anything do I? :D

But I think the character death that actually made me cry was Jerome’s first death. I clearly remember crying because...he just wanted recognition! And praise! And instead he was used as a pawn and betrayed by someone he idolized and he was only 18! My poor little meow-meow!

Seriously, the only things that make me cry on this show: Jerome’s first death, any and all mention of Bruce as a baby - told by an emotional Alfred, any and all Bruce/Alfred interaction at all and Solomon Grundy. 

This made me so happy you have no idea Moment

I seriously need to rewatch this show, it’s been so long :D

But I remember being pretty excited for the J Squad Team Up - because I was like ‘If I were Jerome I would definitely work with Tetch and Scarecrow since they’re also in Arkham atm’ and then he did!!

And I also distinctly remember in S3 that I was close to falling asleep right when they scene came on where Oswald realizes his feelings for Nygma and let me tell you - it caught me so off guard, I was awake instantly lmao. 

(I knew that people shipped them but I was so used to mlm ships being popular when they only have a handful of scenes and are platonic friends that I didn’t expect them to actually have a possibility of being canon). 

From then on I was super pumped for them to deliver on that ship but well....we all knew what happened asnksnndk. 

Saddest Moment

Aside from the already mentioned scenes in the character death column, the scene where Bruce leaves and Selina runs to the airport. I always liked Selina but she wasn’t a priority character of mine (much like Bruce isn’t) but then that scene happened and in an instant, I felt super protective over her. 

She is now my baby. My daughter. My beloved wife. She deserves everything and most importantly she deserves better than Bruce Wayne. 

(Coincidentally that was also the scene where I decided I don’t care much about Bruce asldjkjlj. I absolutely adore early seasons Bruce though). 

Favourite Location

There are so many different locations, I don’t think I can adequately answer this with my spotty memory :D

But I always loved the few episodes where Alice features, because I love how her scenes are shot so probably the little carnival Jervis prepares for her.

Also!! Jeremiah's church!

Or Commissioner Loeb's secret house (Especially the Attic).

There are a lot of cool locations, I gotta gif some of them soon :D

#Long Post #To do

[pebblysand]

of tyres that blow (extended author’s note of chapter v. of castles)

- - TO READ THE CHAPTER ITSELF, CLICK HERE. - -

Oh, what a month it has been. Well, a month and two days - I’m a bit late updating. I’ve had two good things happen, writing wise. 1) I got my first original short story published (!!!!) (you can read it here) and 2) I put out a little one-shot about Fleur Delacour that I’m super happy about and gave me an idea about a new series (more on that later this week, I hope. I might need help with prompts!). Regardless, this latest Irish lockdown is fucking endless and I sometimes wonder if this fic isn’t just an outlet for my feelings of lockdown-induced loneliness, apathy, but also a constant argument that I have with myself thinking: for the love of god, just pull yourself up, will you? You’re a Gryffindor, goddamn it. I certainly wish my fucked up sleeping patterns on no one, although I may or may have Mary-Sued that onto Harry, lol. (Spoiler alert: he’s scheduled to get some real sleep in next chapter. All bets are off regarding whether I will.)

This chapter was surprisingly easy to write (I basically vomited out chapters iv, v, and vi over the span of a week in December) but incredibly difficult to edit. For days, I just couldn’t concentrate, wrote and re-wrote and felt like everything was shite. Then, I realised it’d become this 19,000-words long monster so I had to cut a lot of shit out. We ended up with 15,898 words which I suppose is better? 

I do wonder: do people mind long chapters? Like, I know as fanfic reader, I personally prefer longer formats and rarely gravitate towards works that are less than 3,000 words. I love just getting buried into a story, into plots rather than single scenes. This being said, every time I write something that I deem too long (i.e. above 10k) I have these excruciating struggles where I wonder: should I cut it in half? should I leave it as is? I decided to split the last one. Then, I decided not to split this one because (you may notice this or not, I’m not sure) it’s kind of built a certain way, geared towards basically getting to the last two paragraphs. Like, when you get there, it’s a bit of an ah-ha moment, but I couldn’t get to that ah-ha moment without all the build up before it. It’s the accumulation of all of these little details that feel like they don’t matter. And as Harry says in the end, they don’t, in the grand scheme of things, but also they do. Like, everyday life doesn’t matter until you lose it. Then, it does, if that makes sense.

In terms of next update... I’ve decided to get my law licence transferred to France and the EU (it’s a long story), which means that I need to bloody, fucking study. The exams are at the end of March so my current plan is: hardcore study until the end of february. Mix study/writing in early march and hopefully get chapter vi out mid-March, then hardcore study until the end of March. Please, if you see me posting then, tell me off in the comments cause god, I really need to pass. Now, I will go have my traditional i-ve-put-a-chapter-out shot of limoncello and let you read the below :).

...spoilers for castles, chap v. under the cut -

I’ve done a lot of thinking about what this chapter is meant to be about. Obviously (I hope), every chapter has a point, in this story. Chapter 1 is about time (the way it passes and blurs when your mind’s a complete mess), chapter 2 is about hope, chapter 3 is about inevitability and the consequences of trauma, chapter 4 is about becoming an adult and growing into your own skin, etc. I think this one is about fear. How you feel it, and how you overcome it. Like, Harry takes a decision to stand up, fight, do the interview, regardless of the fact that he is scared (for his life, for that of the people he loves), and finds buried inside him a lot of the courage that he (felt) he lost, after the war. He learns to control his fear of the world by figuring out how apprehend it, through the training Giulia gives him, through learning how to kill, too. 

But, it’s also about fear in society. How the attack on Robards sets everyone on edge and how they keep going regardless. I initially wrote this chapter with the idea that it was going to be about speaking out and being brave, but obviously, fear and fighting against it is a huge part of that, too. 

Then, there’s Mia. Obviously, this fic is Harry/Ginny endgame but I do like the idea of Harry (and possibly Ginny as well) dating at least one other person, before officially tying the knot. Like, yes, Ginny is obviously coming back next chapter. She’ll probably own the second half of next chapter, if I’m honest, considering they’re obviously going to the burrow for christmas. I love Ginny, I’ve missed her and honestly, I can’t wait to bring her back. This being said, to be fair, I’ve kind of realised that this fic may actually be the first I ever write that isn’t strictly “shippy.” Like, yes, their relationship is a huge part of it (it’s a huge part of his life) and it will and was always going to be a huge part of this story but I think this fic is larger than that. It’s a result of my years-long obsession over: but what happens next? Over what “all was well” really means, in a general sense. How do they get to “nineteen years later” and beyond. But yeah, I’ve missed Ginny and I’m glad she’s on her way back to us now. 

Now, obviously. Giulia. I’m sorry. This was always going to happen. Well, almost always. I remember when I first wrote her in, she was a bit of a filler character. At the time, the thing with Mia was supposed to happen in last chapter and I actually had (have) much more backstory around her, than around Giulia. She and Harry were going to have proper conversations (will they ever, who knows?), really get to know each other. But then, Giulia came first narratively and shone through the page. I started writing her and she had this personality and life of her own and I couldn’t bring myself to curtail her. 

Now, we all know how it is: fanfics can only tolerate so many OCs. So, I had to choose between putting Mia at the forefront, or Giulia. I chose Jules. 

Then, in chapter 4, I wrote this: 

Her first lesson is to teach him how to drive the patrol car. ‘I don’t know why we use them,’ she explains, honest, and Harry vaguely wonders if he should be taking notes. ‘Reckon the Ministry saw them being used by Muggles, had to prove they could do better. They like making noise, the Ministry, don’t they? Lots of sirens and shite.’

Politely, Harry hides a chuckle behind a cough. He clearly doesn’t know yet that he doesn’t need to, that Giulia’s sarcastic sense of humour is one of the things that he’ll come to appreciate the most in this world, over the next few months. That the sound of her voice is one he’ll try to never, ever forget. That in the speech that he’ll give when he makes Head Auror, over a decade later, he’ll think of her and say: ‘Okay, let’s try to not just be sirens and shite, all right?’

This kind of tumbled out without me really thinking about it until I really looked at it and thought: fuck, why is he talking about her past tense, like that. Like “the sound of her voice is one he’ll try to never, ever forget.” Why would he forget it, though? And so, just like that, came her death sentence. For that, I apologise. It killed me too, and I cried when I wrote it in (especially when I wrote next chapter, actually, first time I ever made myself cry writing, if I’m honest) but it just needed to happen. It’s how Ginny and he get back together (I mean, obviously - is that even a spoil) because he’s grieving but she’s grown stronger and steady and she’s able to be there in a way that she wasn’t last summer. It did occur to me that god, all his mentors/father figures come to die, don’t they? But honestly, I kind of thing that his real mentor will be Robards, at the end of the day. She was just the one who allowed him to get back on his feet. 

One last note: I’ve been meaning to put this into the fic for ages but have never found the right moment to write it in. In the meantime, I’ll just say it here, because I don’t know if this has frustrated some of yous - I know it might have driven me mad. There is a logic to the Muggle/Wizard swearing/exclamations in the fic. Obviously, this is an adult fic so they swear normally, like eighteen-year-olds would in this (I decided that very early on), but also there’s “God”-s and “Merlin”-s and things like that. 

Now, I think that throughout this fic, although Harry hasn’t mentioned it yet (cause it never fucking fits anywhere) Hermione’s been having a sort of Muggle reckoning. She - in conscience - decides to start swearing/exclaiming “like a Muggle” after the war. If you notice, she only ever says “god”, never “Merlin.” Harry uses both interchangeably although he tends to use Merlin more when he thinks about wizard stuff, but God when he thinks about Muggle stuff (like when he’s with Mia). Ron only swears in “wizard” but I think he might start using Muggle expletives as well in the later chapters because of Hermione rubbing off on him. 

The fact that I even think about all that stuff is pathetic and I need to get a life. But that’s for another post, altogether. 

Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope you liked it :). 

#hp fanfic #hinny #Harry Potter fic #i have not proofread this rambling mess so read at your own risk #writing #blah #new chapter is up

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

Fandom meme: Star Trek DS9 (or another Trek if you'd prefer!)

@portraitofemmy please also accept this as my general Star Trek Opinion offering, because I like many Treks, but this is the one I love.

the first character i ever fell in love with:  Okay, bearing in mind that I started watching this show in 1993 and memory is a Strange Beast, I'm going to guess it was probably Sisko.  I tend to gauge Treks by the quality of the captain first and foremost, so I was probably more focused on him than on the other characters when I was getting a feel for the show, and I'm definitely sure there was no point at which I wasn't All In On Ben.

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: I'm in general more likely to soften up toward characters than get over them.  I would say possibly Kira Nerys? Not that I dislike her now, especially, but I think at the time I was more excited just by the existence of a female Trek character who wasn't defined by her femininity, and looking back I find her...fine, but less interesting than most of the other characters.

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: Yeah, usually ride-or-die on ships, too, but I will say that if you'd told me early on that they'd be doing kind of shippy O'Brien/Bashir by the end of the series, I would have found that pretty exicting, except that when it actually happened, they'd already done a very embarrassing-to-watch Gay Panic, and they managed to use the idea of O'Brien/Bashir in the dumbest, most misogynistic way possible, so the reality of it was a Super Nope With a Side of Yikes.

my ultimate favorite character™: Oh, Garak, for sure.  Garak – unless it's Jadzia, but it's probably Garak.  But also maybe Jadzia. ...No, Garak. (Jadzia.)

prettiest character: Jadzia Dax.  Like, Bashir tries, he really does, and he is a pretty dude.  But this one is Jadzia for sure.

my most hated character: I'm a soft touch and I don't usually hate characters (except, like, in the way you're supposed to hate people like Gul Dukat, who are marvelously hateable), but I will say I prooooobably never gave Ezri Dax a fair chance, and I'm kind of not sorry about it and do not plan to revisit that decision.

my OTP: Garak/Bashir.  Honestly, Trek is traditionally pretty shitty at romantic arcs, and it's not surprising that the most compelling one they ever wrote was entirely accidental.  Bless their hearts.

my NOTP: Ezri/Bashir.  A lot is wrong with this pairing, starting with the fact that I Just Don't Like Her, but primarily the fact that while I know she's not Jadzia, she also absolutely is Jadzia, and Bashir's thing for Jadzia was always uncomfortable as hell, and it's weird to reward it in any way.  Also I don't like her, and also Julian should've been gay.

favorite episode: God, well, it's probably The Wire, but also it's hard not to pick Trials and Tribbilations or The Visitor, both of which just knock my socks off every time, obviously for completely different reasons.  I don't know, I keep thinking of other episodes that completely deserve it, but – The Wire is my heart-of-hearts favorite.

saddest death: Jadzia, right?  Who would pick anyone else, I will fight them!

favorite season: Honestly, probaby 6, which is wild because very few shows are not starting to run out of creative steam by season 6.  But I love the whole Time to Stand arc, and I love You Are Cordially Invited, and there's so much good Julian stuff, Far Beyond the Stars, In the Pale Moonlight – like, just pound-for-pound, season 6 was so damn good.

least favorite season: I don't think 7 really holds up, but I'm not sure if that's because it's really weak, or just because I never rebounded from Jadzia's death, or because it looks weaker than it is because of its proximity to 6.  I just feel like it never came together.  Maybe the writing was on the wall about the ending, and the writers had kind of checked out by then?  I don't know, there are definitely good episodes, but it feels sloppy.

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: Again, I wouldn't say hate by any means, but I think I'm not as into Kira as most fans are.  I don't love Visitor as an actor, and I think Kira's stories always felt very – external to me, like she's the lens through which we view Bajor and Cardassia and the occupation and all the political issues, but her reactions to that always feel like she's there to give The Bajoran Opinion, you know what I mean?  Like, I don't feel like she's so much an individual person with individual story drives, so much as she's emblematic of Bajor, which is fine as a story device, but I think I don't connect with her as a person in quite the way I would've liked to.  She's fine.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: I mean – Garak, I guess? He's a piece of trash but he's also a fucking hero, and that's my catnip, that's  what I look for.  It's not like “*but* he's still a fave,” that's why he's my fave.

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: Nog.  Like, objectively, the answer is Nog, right?  What a dearheart.  But also I think Julian counts; he's not uniquely picked on by the narrative or anything, but he is a true Cinnamon Roll, and he deserves better in, you know, the way that living in a tv show is always low-key a karmic punishment.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: I don't believe in guilt, but can I use this moment to plug a fic called A Light In the Mirror by Seraphtrevs, which is on the short list of fanfic I've read that is so compelling it transcends canon and genre and everything else and just becomes like a life-altering reading experience.  It's relevant here because I probably should feel incredible guilt about how deeply I wanted MirrorUniverse!Garak and Enslaved!Julian to just, like, work things out, man....  That's bad, that's a wrong impulse, and the story is way too good to indulge my bad impulses, so it's definitely not a romance, but.  I don't know, dude.  I was into them, and the whole thing is brutal and gorgeous, as are the sequels.  I think people should read it even if they aren't Star Trek people, because I think it holds up on its own! Read it, it's so, so bleak but also profound and good and compelling!

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: I don't know if it counts because it's canon, but I do dig Jadzia/Worf.  I'm happy they made it!  I would've been, like, fine if they hadn't, but it felt really satisfying that they made this sweet odd-couple Klingon-adjacent romance work.

#ds9

[galvanizedfriend]

Your five-part anon is here to rave about your latest TW2 update! I'm sorry for being late to the party but real life is kicking my ass right now (so on that note, please bring us #28 asap). While things being crazy on my end meant that I didn't read the chapter right away as I usually do, I'd like to point out that you are also to blame for my delayed review. Your chapter was so beautifully written and so heavy on the emotions and I had to stop in between reading and take breaks. I just

couldn't handle it all at once. To be fair, I also did some of that last chapter as well but this one somehow felt more intense. Of course, the entire story has been an emotional roller-coaster but I'm really ready for more Klaroline (and baby Eve) moments and more fun moments. Chapter 28 could not come soon enough! As usual, you are amazing and your writing is so wonderful! I love how both Klaus and Caroline had to spill about the kiss and it was hilarious to watch these two idiots in love

question each other's intentions as if they're not madly in love with one another. Of course Klaus coming to Elijah was more fun to read about since Elijah also didn't shy away from showing Klaus just how unusual his behavior is. Thank you for giving Klaus and Elijah the spotlight that was originally given to the Salvatore brothers even though neither of them deserved the play such significant roles in this Caroline-centric episode. Elijah being extra smooth in Elena's presence was a nice bonus

& continuation from the last chapter. And that last scene was so beautiful! Caroline does not deserve to be alone and starting her day with the sight of baby Eve and the Mikaelson brothers is exactly what she needed to say in order to start her day and the healing process. I hope there are a lot more cute family moments coming our way very soon. I feel like we've earned them and I hope you'd agree. So once again, 100 times YES for an early update and thank you for everything you do for us! <3 

Hello, 5-parts anon! 💖😍 It’s so good to see you! Hope you’re doing well! :) I always wait for your messages now. 🤣

I’m so glad you enjoyed the last update! 💖  Yeeeah, it was a heavy chapter. Heavier than 26, I think. But I hope I did it in a way that felt organic and right for the moment, and the ending was also really supposed to give you an uplifiting feeling. 😊 I take it as a huge compliment that you had to take breaks and that it provoked a lot of feelings on you! That’s truly amazing!

And yeah, Klaus and Elijah >>>>> Salvabros. lol I also hated how they made Liz’s death about THEM and not about Liz or even Caroline. It was all supposed to come down to Caroline, who’s the most important character in the situation. Instead, it was about Damon and his mother and Stefan caving in like he was doing Caroline a solid favor by giving her a chance. Fuck them, tbh. I hated that whole thing. So I really hope I did a better job there. Klaus knows everything about everything, but 21st century relationships are not his forte, for sure. lol He’s struggling a little, but he’ll get there.

Don’t worry, there will be some family moments. And friendly moments. And shippy moments. 🤣  I just posted a schedule that I want to take to heart, and I want the next chapter to come out next weekend. Let’s see how true to my word I’ll be.

Thank you sooooooo much for reading and for always stopping by to chat, anon! You’re awesome! Have a great week! :) 💖

#yokan answers #five-parts anon

[cassatine]

TROS rambles under cut. Spoilers ahead.

There’s a lot I didn’t particularly like in TROS, but I expected that, so I’m mostly disappointed by the execution. It feels extremely messy, stuffed full of things supposed to please the audience but without that much thought given to the overall effect or the underlying message.

It’s small things like a cute new droid whose function in the narrative is to deliver one hint for the high-stakes treasure hunt, and also be cute and sell merch. At least the droid has a function; I’m still wondering why the giant slug on the Falcon at the beginning of the movie. Isn’t the cast big enough. Aren’t there enough new characters as is. Did we need the slug. I’m aware it sounds like nitpicking, it’s just that I feel it’s representative of the film making unnecessary detours for cool factor while moving at breakneck speed, which makes the whole story suffer.

But there’s other, bigger things. Leia’s training, her having a saber, even if she put it down – it was such a big deal that Luke was the Last Jedi, the only one who could train Rey, and although we’ve seen Leia use the Force, there was absolutely nothing in the previous two movies to let us think she’d trained under Luke. I feel the main reason Leia has a saber is simply the need to replace the one yeeted by Ben so that he’d have a weapon in the final fight, and having another family saber handed to Rey was yet another way to confirm Rey as the chosen heir of the Jedi and the Skywalkers, something TROS really tried to hammer in imo; Leia’s saber and training, the pep talk with Force Ghost Luke (who doesn’t have anything to say to his nephew), everything about how the Jedi live in her in the final fight, plus the voices of Anakin, Obi-Wan, etc (who, like Luke, don’t have anything to say to Kylo/Ben), and the Force Ghosts of Luke and Leia appearing to her at the end. They didn’t do that when their nephew and son died. I don’t really mind that Rey takes the Skywalker name, because I’m not big on the blood lineage fixation to start with, and the film doesn’t make her reasons explicit so I can find a way to make it work for me, but it’s the culmination of the pattern framing her as the one heir.

Even her ending up in Luke’s childhood home fits within it, but I have other issues with her ending up alone on Tatooine; mainly what the fuck am I supposed to do with it? Like if there was something about how she was, idk, starting a Jedi school AT LEAST that’d make sense for the story I think Abrams is trying to tell because right now… how are the Jedi not going to end if she’s basically in exile?? Wasn’t it such a big deal to see the Jedi continue? How did we end up pretty much back to square one, with the last of the Jedi self-exiled on an out-of-the-way planet for not-so-clear reasons? For that matter, how is Rey choosing exile in the grand tradition of Jedi who failed – Obi-Wan, Yoda, and later Luke – supposed to be read? We’re given no insight in what goes on in her head after Exegol; her reaction to Ben’s death I’m 100% certain is meant to be heartbreaking, and it’s filmed that way. But after that she’s just… it’s not clear *what* she is, because there’s some happiness on her part, yes, but it’s part of the over-the-top ROTJ-like happiness expressed by all the Resistance peeps at the end, like they’re all so glad the Empire, First and Final Order are gone that they’re high on it. But as far as characterization goes it’s hard to say whether Rey’s going through the motions, if she’s sad but content that at least Ben turned or smthg, or if she’s totally fine and dandy. There’s nothing about why she choses to go to Tatooine, why she chooses to use the Skywalker name, why she buries the sabers, or how the fuck she feels about anything. I don’t think everything in an ending needs to be made explicit and explained in details, but it all kinda feels like a cop-out.

Speaking of cop-outs, I could mention The Pit, but also... I know a lot of people wanted Finn to have the Force; I’ve always been on the fence, because I feared his having the Force would end up being the reason he defected, and I didn’t want that decision to boil down to the magic force field told him so. Well, he had A Feeling, which implies he’s Force sensitive at least? Him and a whole other bunch of ex-troopers? I don’t know what to make of this. I mean, sure, the FO indoctrinates kids, but apparently once the Force gives them A Feeling they just break out of it? But also, how much does the Force meddles in events, because it kind of feels like those Feelings are moving people to where they need to be for Plot to happen (Leia’s saber premonition doesn’t really help the thus it was written vibe).  

Neither Finn nor Poe had any personal arc to speak of; they don’t grow or learn or do shit beyond being Rey’s sidekicks on her speedrun to the big boss (literally it’s a treasure hunt to open the final dungeon and beat the big boss; that’s it that the plot). They do Cool Action Stuff, and once Leia dies become Generals in her stead, which has about zero impact on anything. Poe’s revealed to be a spice smuggler because I guess a real Star Wars trio™ needs an ex-spice smuggler, just like a real Star WarsTM needs training scenes and a family reveal and a planet-destroying weapon (not spherical this time woohoo) and some Palpatine sprinkled on top. The trio’s interactions were… Idk what’s going on there. Sure there’s lots of banter and one-liners, but it left me with the impression that the film tried to have something for every ship (minus, very glaringly, Finnrose) – Finn seems to be trying to declare something to Rey, which seems to piss off Poe, but it’s hard to say if it’s because Poe’s into Rey as well, or into Finn, who also seems to be into Poe, but less than into Rey. And then there’s almost no interaction between Finn and Rose, who’s side-lined for the whole fucking movie, but there’s Jannah, who has either shippy or sibling vibes with Finn, I have no idea honestly, and Zorii, because I guess every ex-spice smuggler needs a Leia analogue.

Speaking of Leia, I have more to be displeased about – her death was fucking underwhelming, and not given much impact. Having Kylo/Ben haunted by Han (Ghost? Memory? Hallucination?), while not something I dislike in itself – Han had his big moment in TFA, and here he completely overshadows Leia’s. She doesn’t even get to have actual dialogue with Kylo/Ben, and the yeeting his saber should have happened after Leia reached him imo; switching that would have given a lot more impact to her death. The dialogue with Han doesn’t even need to change, but if Leia had contacted Kylo/Ben after the “I know what I have to do” repeat, it’d have been a more effective scene (and again, Han already had his big moment in TFA). The aftermath wasn’t particularly well-done either; characters are sad she died, of course, but it’s like perfunctory five minutes sadness and then she’s barely mentioned again, and her body just lies there in the background of some scenes while people talk.

I’m running out of steam, so in conclusion –

TROS I think mostly fails because it takes no risks; it’s trying to have something in it for everyone, and goes about it messily, without that much care for the big picture, which is how it ends pretending to have a happy end when we’ve just seen the final act of three generations of Skywalker tragedy. It doesn’t commit to anything, excepted leaving room for fun trio adventures sequels, because if there’s one thing we know, it’s that self-exiled Jedi are always found by some bright-eyed tentative student, if not a call for help from old friends.

#star wars #rise of skywalker #spoilers #meta #i have more when that comes from but i think i need to to parse it out #i don't really feel like being fair right now so this is pretty negative

[janiedean]

Tarot prompts - the fool for stannis. Any ship/non-shippy gen stuff will do, I'm mostly sending this because i imagined stannis grinding his teeth at being forced to sit at a card reading and then getting the fool lol

.... >_> WELL WELL WELL

madness, cliffs, gambling, innocence, recklessness

Stannis loves his daugher.

He really does.

But maybe he should have drawn the line at actually going in for a tarot reading because she decided it was cool.

Stannis already has issues describing anything as cool, but that’s not - the point. The point is that he brought her for her birthday to this new amusement park they just opened where her mother absolutely refused to set foot when she was at her place because his ex-wife has apparently resentment for anything of the kind, and to think that people say he is no fun. Well, he might not be and he doesn’t get the point of amusement parks but if Shireen wanted to go what was the deal?

So, he brought her. And while they were checking the place out she saw this stand with bright red curtains named madame Melisandre’s where tarot readings were offered and she said it sounded cool and could she go in, and Stannis just shrugged and gave her the ten quid that were requested. He had planned to wait outside and done just that, and then Shireen had come out saying that it was so cool and this Melisandre person was so interesting and he should totally go and get a reading, and then she blinked up at him, his own blue eyes staring up at him, and - fine. Whatever. He told her to not move, she swore she would wait for him in the entrance and so now here he is, sitting in front of this Melisandre, hoping this is over soon.

Seriously, the entire place smells like incense, everything is red with maybe a few gold ornaments here and there but it’s a stretch, the woman in question has a bright red robe and red nails and red hair and honestly, Stannis wouldn’t be surprised if she had red eye contacts.

Which she hasn’t, thank fuck, but still.

“So,” he says, sliding her the ten, “should we get over this?”

“Tarot readings shouldn’t be hurried, sir,” she grins, taking the money, and then starts shuffling a bunch of well-used cards.

“Well, it’s not like I buy it and I’m here because I thought it could be an experience.”

“I appreciate sincere clients,” she repeats without missing a beat. “Please do shuffle the deck.”

“... Do I have to do it?”

“Sure. The energy will pass from you to the cards.”

Stannis grits his teeth and shuffles the damned deck. Energy passing through the cards. What the hell. He does it for an adequate amount of time, then hands it back to Melisandre.

“Very well,” she says. “Now, what would you like this reading to be about?”

“... What?”

“There are various spreads to choose from. I need to know what you’re interested in learning before choosing one.”

“... Do I want to know what my daughter asked for?”

“I would be a fairly bad person if I told you her business, wouldn’t I?”

At least she’s not a complete charlatan, Stannis decides. He shrugs - it’s not like he cares for her to explain him his issues, so he figures he’ll just go for the obvious question that he doesn’t even care that much for, in the end. Selyse was enough, probably.

“It’s just me and my daughter now, when she’s not with her mother,” Stannis sighs. “I guess I could stand learning if I’m looking at it as a definitive prospect.”

“That was the most roundabout way of being asked about someone’s love life I’ve ever heard,” Melisandre says, not perturbed, “but very well. Please cut the deck. Twice.”

He does.

“Choose one pile.”

He takes the left one.

“Excellent. Now... a star guide spread would be the best choice.”

A star guide spread. Jesus take the wheel.

“Choose six cards, please.”

Stannis does, not even bothering to think about it too much. Melisandre places them in some kind of pentagon with the sixth card in the middle.

“So,” she says, “in order, the first card represents your present situation. The second stands for the causes of conflicts and obstacles in obtaining your goal, while the third concerns the changes needed in order to face your challenges. Number four is your strengths, the fifth is your other challenges, the sixth is your final outcome. Shall we see?”

“Do go ahead,” he says, gritting his teeth some more.

“So...” She turns the card. “Reverse ace of swords. That means that what you hope for concerning this specific situation hasn’t happened yet, and you might have felt like giving up at times. Most times.”

What the fuck. Stannis won’t give credit to this bullshit for a single second, but -

“Fine. It might work,” he sighs.

She smirks. Just a tiny bit . Then she turns the second card. “Reverse four of cups. You’re unsatisfied and you want to change but you don’t know how to go about it and it frustrates you, perhaps?”

He grits his teeth. “Fine.” He doesn’t like how accurate it’s being for now at all.

“Now, number three... reverse five of cups. Now that is interesting.”

“... How so, other than the fact that I only get reverse cards?”

“Oh, it’s one of the few cards with a good reversed meaning. It means moving on, acceptance and recovery, which is what you need to do to face your challenges.”

He grits his teeth some more and says nothing.

“Number four... oh, justice. Upright, for once.”

Stannis decides he likes the sound of this card more than the others. “All right, and?”

“You are fair, acting following your conscience and in good faith.”

“... I suppose,” he admits, figuring that it does fit.”

“Now, number five... upright eight of spears. Rejoice, it means new opportunities. In all senses.”

He rolls his eyes as she tries to sound cheeky - he preferred when she was straight up reading the cards.

“And as for the last one...” She turns it. “Oh, upright fool.”

“Upright fool.”

“Don’t look like that,” she smiles, “it’s actually a very good card.”

“Is it.”

“Of course. It means... well, in this case, following your dreams and taking a chance on something new. All in all,” Melisandre says, “from this reading I’d say that while you don’t like your current situation and you don’t know how to get out of it, which means more frustration and falling prey to your concerns.... the upright cards suggest that there’s a good gamble coming your way when it concerns your happiness and you should try to take it without thinking about it too much. Worrying about things too much means that we lose our chances for something good... which I think is headed your way.”

“Well, thanks for the consulting,” he says dryly, “I’ll make sure to gamble for the first time in my life then.”

“Oh, please do,” she winks, ignoring that he had been obviously using a snarky tone. “You never know!”

Stannis stands up, wondering how mad can people be to actually buy into this stuff, and then tries to pretend it actually was illuminating as Shireen asks him wasn’t it great.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he says, “she... had some points.” Most likely she’s just very good at psychology and read him and had just talked to his daughter before, so there’s an entire rational explanation for how accurate that reading actually was.

They leave the building and he reaches down for his wallet in the outer pocket of his coat -

Which is not there, what the hell, he took the money from it before but he was sure that he had put it back, shit, he has all his credit cards in there, for -

“Wait,” he tells Shireen, “damn, if I lost it -”

“Sir, is this yours?”

He immediately turns and finds himself face to face with what seems like a park security staff members who has to be a few years older than him, maybe - he’s wearing a gray uniform with the place’s name on it and a card reading Davos Seaworth, and he’s handing Stannis his wallet with a gloved hand and a nice, warm smile, with hair that has already started going silver, but it’s mostly still as brown as his eyes - and honestly, Stannis feels like he could faint in relief.

“Yes,” he says, “thank you, it must have slipped out when I took out the coat. If you hadn’t found it -”

“No problem,” the man replies, “it’s my job after all. I hope you two have a good time.”

“Oh, we - we were. Thanks again,” Stannis says as the man nods and turns his back on him, going back to his rounds.

Then Shireen grins way, way too wickedly for his tastes. “You’re checking him out.”

“I am certainly not -”

“You are. It’s obvious. And the lady said you would.”

“She said what?”

“I asked her if you’d be happy again at some point among the rest. She said it might happen before I could suspect.”

“Oh, come on -”

“I’m sure we can come here again for my birthday next week, how about that?”

Stannis, who knows that she will drag him here and that he won’t say no, just pretends to shrug and tells her to move on to the next attraction already.

He’s not going to admit that yes, he was checking the guy out.

He’s also not going to tell her that he won’t protest if she asks.

And he’s still entirely sure the whole readings thing is pure bullshit, but -

But maybe that red lady had a point when she said he should take a risk once in a while.

Maybe.

#stannis baratheon #stavos #my fic #sort of i mean it's not full-on shipping but still #HERE YOU GO ANON #I had other stannis prompts I hope I can get to them today #ch: stannis baratheon #ch: melisandre #spoilers: I can't tarot read for shit but I got the booklet attached to the GOT tarots I got two years ago lmao #Anonymous #ask post

[reconditarmonia]

Dear Rule 63 Author

(It’s finally happening! Thank you so much for signing up!)

I’m reconditarmonia here and on AO3 (and have been since LJ days, but my LJ is locked down and I only have a DW to see locked things). I have anon messaging off, but, er, I can answer any questions you might have about my requests in my mod capacity if you contact the exchange email ;)

Fullmetal Alchemist | History Boys | Pride and Prejudice | Robin Hood | Spinning Silver

General likes:

– Relationships that aren’t built on romance or attraction. They can be romantic or sexual as well, but my favorite ships are all ones where it would still be interesting or compelling if the romantic component never materialized.

– Loyalty kink! Trust, affectionate or loving use of titles, gestures of loyalty, replacing one's situational or ethical judgment with someone else's, risking oneself (physically or otherwise) for someone else, not doing so on their orders. Can be commander-subordinate or comrades-in-arms.

– Heists, or other stories where there’s a lot of planning and then we see how the plan goes.

– Femslash, complicated or intense relationships between women, and female-centric gen. Women doing “male” stuff (possibly while crossdressing).

– Stories whose emotional climax or resolution isn’t the sex scene, if there is one.

– Uniforms/costumes/clothing.

– Stories, history, and performance. What gets told and how, what doesn’t get told or written down, behavior in a society where everyone’s consuming media and aware of its tropes, how people create their personas and script their own lines.

General DNW: rape/dubcon, torture, other creative gore; unrequested AUs, including “same setting, different rules” AUs such as soulmates/soulbonds; PWP; food sex; embarrassment; focus on pregnancy; Christmas/Christian themes; focus on unrequested canon or non-canon ships.

A note: I'm generally fine with "/" ships where the fic doesn't contain a kiss, overt declaration of love, etc. I'll trust that you wrote it with shippy intent and don't expect you to force in something that wouldn't fit the story.

About Rule 63 Exchange specifically: I have no strong preference for character names, with a slight preference for sticking with their canon names; it's up to you whether you want to justify any resulting names that would be unusual for women or just gloss over it. As far as characters' personalities and gender expression are concerned, you can tell from my requests that part of what interests me in most of the characters I requested is the question of what they and/or their relationships would be like in a world where they grew up as women, but I tend to want to see them as similar to their canon selves, just female. I'm probably fine with unrequested characters also being swapped to female, but feel free to check if you're not sure; please don't swap any female characters to male.

For this exchange, I've requested only fanfiction and only Always a 63, and with the exception of FMA, have requested non-smut (for FMA both smut and non-smut are good).

—

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist

Ship(s): F!Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye, F!Roy Mustang/F!Maes Hughes, F!Roy Mustang & Riza Hawkeye & F!Maes Hughes, F!Roy Mustang & F!Maes Hughes

I only recently started watching FMA:Brotherhood and I love it a lot. My fannish interests run towards military contexts, loyalty kink, idealistic/noble characters, and ambitious/pragmatic characters, so I'd love to read more about any of these combinations of people trusting one another to be the best person to do the job, or to know what to do, and risking a lot on that - whether that's on campaign in the war, when trying to get Roy up the chain of command, during the conflict with the homunculi... (I'm not yet up to the bit where Roy tells Riza he trusts her to shoot him in the back if he steps off the path, but it's been mentioned to me and it is my JAM.)

(My requests are fairly unspecific because as I write this I'm only about a quarter of the way through the anime. DO NOT worry about avoiding spoilers in the fic; I'm getting through the canon and can't wait to read whatever you want to write. Although I should specifically say, feel free to either have Hughes continue to be alive or stick to canon in this regard.)

Smut Likes: clothing, sexual tension, breasts, oral sex, grinding, informal d/s elements, intensity

Fandom-Specific DNW: please avoid canon-typical loss of body parts. If writing Roy/Maes in a period when Maes would canonically be married to Gracia, please don’t kill her off or get into either infidelity angst or poly negotiation; an AU where they never married or the assumption of an open relationship are both fine.

—

Fandom: History Boys

Ship(s): F!Stuart Dakin/F!Tom Irwin, F!Entire Class & F!Tom Irwin, F!Entire Class & F!Douglas Hector

I'm dying to know what the cultural touchstones would be if this plot were about lesbians instead of gay men. Auden, for instance, keeps coming up in the play - Hector loves him, Dakin and the other students bring him up to feel out Irwin - Housman, Bette Davis in Now Voyager...so what's acceptable and/or eccentric Culture for lesbians to cling to, or to signal (or flirt, or come-on) with? Who are the writers and the icons? During canon(/pre-, if applicable with Hector) or post-canon Oxbridge-slash-TV-historian life, it's all great. I, like most of the fandom, do like the idea that Dakin and Irwin do make it work at some point, post-canon.

Although I acknowledge that female versions of these characters feeling shut out of the historical and literary Canon is a valid place to go with the concept (I mean, that's Mrs. Lintott's speech), I'm more interested in following through on the way that the canon (little-c) characters relate historical or literary figures and events to their own lives - whether that's using more female figures, or finding things to seize on and relate to in the male figures of the Canon (in a fuck-you women-are-like-this-too way or a gay way rather than a Great-Men-are-universally-relatable way, I suppose).

—

Fandom: Pride and Prejudice

Ship(s): Elizabeth Bennet/F!Fitzwilliam Darcy, Jane Bennet/F!Charles Bingley

I would love to see how the basic narrative of P&P, or scenes from it, could play out, with period setting and some level of period attitudes, if either (or both) of the two main men are women looking for a "companion" or being pursued as a "companion," rather than as a husband. (Yes, I've been watching Gentleman Jack, but I've wanted this sort of thing for longer than that.)

To be clear, period attitudes can be "meh" rather than wall-to-wall homophobia; I'd just prefer to explore the implications of this change rather than supposing that same-sex marriage is accepted and everything about the plot is the same. If Jane, the eldest daughter to marry off, isn't interested in a heterosexual marriage? If Elizabeth turns down Collins without any expectation that a more suitable man could exist? (Having characters be bi rather than lesbian works too, I'm just throwing out some examples.) The significance of dancing, when in a formal dance context you'd encounter another woman in the dance but wouldn't be able to have her as a partner? Jane and Bingley being adorable, or Elizabeth and Darcy coming to revise their initial ill opinions of each other in this new context? Are the men a hot ticket for the women of Hertfordshire in the same way if they're women instead?

—

Fandom: Robin Hood (Traditional)

Ship(s): F!Robin Hood/F!Little John, F!Robin Hood & F!Merry Men, F!Robin Hood & Merry Men, F!Robin Hood & F!Little John, F!Robin Hood & Little John

Tell me about these people! A female outlaw commanding the loyalty of a mixed or male group -- or an all-female group of outlaws, how they live, what might have led them to choose that life. I'm also here for Robin Hood's relationship with her right-hand man/woman specifically, because I love loyalty kink -- people willing to go into danger for one another, the leader knowing how best to use her right hand's skills and strengths, what elements of formality might appear in, well, a very ad-hoc group. (And f!Little John would probably be hot.) If you're writing the Little John pairings, feel free to make the Merry Men either their canon versions or female versions.

I'd totally be into any of the f!characters crossdressing as men vis-à-vis the world at large, although if you go this route I'd rather have them not be in disguise to each other/to their own allies (so no Merry Men thinking they're being led by another man when it's crossdressing Robin, for instance - preferring masculine clothing/appearance even among friends is fine, though).

—

Fandom: Spinning Silver

Ship(s): F!Staryk Lord/Miryem Mandelstam

I love Miryem, and I'm so interested in the ways that making the Staryk Lord a woman would change Miryem's entry into the Staryk world and the romance that eventually develops between them. Maybe same-sex marriage is common among the Staryk, and that's one of the customs that are new and unfamiliar to Miryem in this new world. Would this be a Miryem who had never imagined being attracted to a woman before but comes to fall for the Staryk Lady, or one who simply couldn't have imagined being able to marry one and have that be a normal life? (For values of "normal" that include ice lands and gold magic!) How does the fact of the marriage being same-sex affect Miryem's initial understanding of it as a business arrangement, or for that matter, affect her understanding of the offer of queenship as a marriage at all? What makes them fall for each other?

Canon Miryem wonders what her role as queen is, thinking that she'd know about managing a household and having children and sewing if she were married to a human lord - is it the same if she has a fairy wife instead of a fairy husband, more so because there's not even the hope of a gendered complementarian aspect to fall back on, less so because the Staryk Lady is there as an example of what a female monarch in the Staryk lands does? Does Miryem try to be more like her, or to find her own accounting-powers-and-personal-bonds niche?

It's so important to canon Miryem to have a Jewish wedding with the Staryk Lord - what would that look like here? What happens when she comes back to the human world not only the queen of a magic country, but married to a woman (and in love with her, depending on when you set it)?

#dear author letters #fma #jane austen #spinning silver #robin hood #the history boys

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT Rewatch 4x12 - Darkness on the Edge of Town

I hope my knowlEDGE on this episode will make for an engaging review! XD

...Yeah, this was a hard one to make a pun for. I miss the ice puns already.

Anyway, as I said, just below the cut, there’s an honestly fairly short review by my regular standards. If you feel like checking it out, go below the cut!

So, if you’re at all familiar with my reviews, by now you know that I usually post my main takeaways here, but this time, I don’t really have them and what I do have to say is small enough to not need a ton of elaboration. So instead, we’re gonna skip it this time and just go right to the Stream of Consciousness! With that being said...

Stream of Consciousness

-”Tried to impregnate.” Not even one minute in and we get a hentai joke!!! XD I love this series!

-You know, the music that play in the Storybrooke owner sounds like a somewhat harsher version of what is later the happy endings montage in Season 6, as if to say a lot is right, but not everything.

-I would honestly love more Snow and Bird interactions! XD

-Wait, so is Granny’s just closed, or is she babysitting WHILE running a popular diner! This woman is a freakin’ superhero! Also, where’s David?

-I love how Belle actually thinks to reach out to people outside the fairy tale world.

-”How could I have been so weak?” MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY.  

-”You -- you should’ve been stronger, but you weren’t, and well...neither was I.” No. I love Killian, Belle, but there was a difference between Killian being sort of manipulated (sort of -- the present segment of “The Apprentice” just sucks) and being straight up lied to.

-”I just hope he’s found whatever it is he’s looking for.” Umm, considering when you last saw him, he was looking to kill people and take over the world, you probably shouldn’t hope that! XD

-I repeat what I asked in the last episode: WHY are all of these fairytale creatures living in New York! I love my home state, but it is EXPENSIVE!

-You know, I just feel really bad for Ursula. We don’t see enough of what she did as a villain to hate her in any way and in this world, apparently all she can afford to eat is RAMEN! That is so fucking sad! This woman does not deserve this!

-”What you do is complain.” And what you do is mooch, Rumple! Don’t bitch at the person who is hosting you, especially when she’s pissed! See, the one thing about being a coward (And I am a big fucking coward) is that we’re not confrontative when we don’t have the power! XD

-I love the implication that Cruella just went around our land AND landed a rich husband with the name “Cruella.” XD

-You know, CAN Cruella kill in a land without magic? Because no one else’s magic works, so maybe she’s been free all along! ...But then again, she probably would’ve killed her husband, so I guess it’s more of a reverse Weaver situation. Actually, to serve my point, at the end of the scene, Cruella drives down and like by all means, should’ve killed this guy but instead gets flung back into a bush! The universe is conspiring against her!

-”Aren’t you tired of feeling ordinary?” Please, even in this world, Cruella’s far from ordinary! Besides, for the wham line that this is, Cruella’s problem wasn’t that she was ordinary -- it’s that she couldn’t kill!

-Okay, so apparently Regina has a weakness for root beer! I hate the stuff, but good to know!

-I love how Killian smiles at Belle as she tells them that she did it! He’s so proud!

-Cruella’s power is so fucking cool! She can not only control animals, BUT she can have her commands spread from one animal to another. Like, how did this woman not at the very least take over a whole town with an army of rhinos?

-How come Mal’s staff absorbed the fire instead of just...Mal? She’s a fire breathing dragon! Give her some extra fire!

-Or...CAN Cruella kill? Because Rumple knows she can’t kill, but is still afraid?

-I know that Blue and Regina are far from friends, but it’s weird how much focus is put on their dynamic in this episode. There’s a lot of hesitation whenever they interact and given how little they interact on a regular basis, it’s odd.

-Why wouldn’t Blue not know or even not think about the possibility of the Author working for The Sorcerer, or vice versa?

-When did Isaac have the time to leave these “hidden clues?” And how come neither Merlin nor The Apprentice had anything to say about them if they were rumors?

-”This isn’t our first monster bash.” I honestly love how freakin’ well oiled this town is at times!

-I’m honestly curious what a 4B where the Queens of Darkness do decide to leave Rumple behind would look like. Because Cruella would’ve at least considered it, let’s be honest. I’m not saying I’d have preferred that, but I would totally read a fic of that universe.

-You know, I like the subtle costume details of just how destitute Rumple’s life has become. Everything from his phone to his cane are of poorer quality and his coat looks like he got it out of Goodwill. It a really good instance of costuming telling a story.

-”The sea bitch.” To my knowledge, you and Ursula have never met! Why are you calling her a bitch?

-”Swallows the heart with the darkest potential.” I’m trying to think about this in regards to Emma, the character we’re supposed to believe fulfills that role. I mean, sort of. I can see her intelligence, ability to detect lies, and connection to her family and friends to have potential to be abused to the detriment of others. It’s an interesting concept. And given how life in Storybrooke, while rewarding in a lot of senses, has made her life complicated as all hell, I can see her having a lot of baggage about it.

-David, welcome to the fucking episode! Seriously, was Josh just sick this week or something?

-”What made you choose yellow?” I love how Regina asks this as a means of not freaking the fuck out that a Chernabog is chasing her! It’s a very Regina thing to comment on and it’s hysterical because of it!

-I like how Emma points out the hypocrisy at play with her parents not trusting these two lower tier villains.

-”Not as horrible as I once was. And if I deserve a second chance, so do they. How can I sit here looking for my happiness and deny two others a chance at theirs?” This is a FANTASTIC Regina speech. It really shows how Regina’s grown to be more self aware and better equipped to help redeem other villains.

-I kind of wish Rumple had more of a scared reaction to the possibility of not being let into Storybrooke. Like, the rest of his life depends on this.

-”Make friends, build relationships.” And NONE of this ever happens! XD

Favorite Dynamic

The Queens of Darkness and Rumple - These guys are the main dynamic and they really do provide the most entertainment value. First, I want to point out how cool it is that Rumple is the one with power (both actual and figurative) in the past segment while the queens are in the present. That’s just interesting storytelling. Second, what I love about them in the present is that they get just as exasperated as we do about how frustratingly vague Rumple often is and that they use their power in the situation to get him to fucking stop to some degree. Their frustration slowly but noticeably builds up in the episode as Rumple continues not really saying anything and finally explodes and that is honestly really cathartic to watch. For as much as I love Rumple for how cryptic he can be, its a quality of his character that can easily be overdone and in a meta-sense, this was pointed out in-universe and almost prevents him from losing his own plan of revenge.

Writer

Adam and Eddy start up our half season with a solid start. Again, there’s not a lot to say here because while these two episodes have stories, they’re not so much rooted in something like theme which can be analyzed. The characters are all in solid form, and Regina’s in particularly great form. I will say though, there is a clunkiness to a lot of the lines. Sometimes, it’s a matter of people giving weird exposition or explaining things in a way that characters shouldn’t be able to understand (Ex. The entire middle of Killian and Belle’s discussion, Rumple telling Ursula and Cruella about being the Oxford professor).

Rating

10/10. I feel like there’s a singular word to describe this episode: Utilitarian. It’s all setup and a bit of tying loose ends up with a really basic ‘working together is good’ storyline in the past and sort of present. That’s not to say that it’s bad -- far from it. It just means that there’s not a lot of story to comment on. But this is a good version of setting up a story and biting off a loose end of two. There’s a lot of fun and interesting dynamics, it’s great to see all of our main heroes working together, and the queens get to show off the bulk of their charisma and intrigue.

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

Captain Swan - I love the bits of domesticity we get with Emma and Killian here. You can see that they’re really gotten the most out of these six weeks and have integrated themselves into each others lives. Like, the sequence at the beginning of the episode implies that this is a normal morning for the people of Storybrooke and Emma and Killian are literally part of each others routines! That shit is just too fucking cute!!! I’mma also plug my fic “Hero,” which is based around this episode. It’s one of my better work in my humble opinion and deals directly with Killian’s doubts in his own heroism that he displays in the hallway scene. Speaking of which, I do like the hallway scene. While I don’t like Emma giving Killian a total free pass, I do think that with the fairies, it’s warranted and deserved given how he very clearly didn’t want to go through with it.

-----

Thank you all for reading this pretty relaxed review. Sorry for all the delays lately, but I’m hoping I can pick up the pace from here.

Also, shoutout to @watchingfairytales and @daensarah. See you all next time!

Season 4 Total (105/230)

Writer Scores: Adam and Eddy: (34/60) Jane Espenson: (20/40) David Goodman and Jerome Schwartz: (30/50) Andrew Chambliss: (14/50) Dana Horgan: (6/30) Kalinda Vazquez: (14/40) Scott Nimerfro: (14/30) Tze Chun (8/20)

Operation Rewatch Archives

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#ouat #once upon a time #watching fairytales #ouat 4x12 #ouat rewatch #jenna watches ouat

[artificialqueens]

Red Delicious, teaser chapter (Jinkx/Dela) - Emerald

Summary: Optimistic and terminally delightful Dela, a first grade teacher, has high hopes when she starts a new job at  R. A. Charles Elementary. It will be a great year! If only it wasn’t for the absolute mess of a colleague she has to suffer. But she won’t let it bring her down, jinkx Monsoon -sober or not- will not ruine this for her.

AN: I have been wanting to get to write something to post here for a while, so I am testing the water. This is a little like teaser chapter to scope out the interest and all. Comments and constructive criticism welcomed.

I wanted to do something where the story’s characters were closer to their drag personas than their out of drag ones, cause I feel like Jinkx and Dela specifically are very much character queens who work hard into crafting a character that is very distinc from Ben and Jerick. Also the title for those who don’t know come from a type of apples. I though apples = teacher and also rred reminds me of Jinkx and Dela for some reason.

This will be a group fic, but mainly focused on Dela and Jinkx, but everyone else mentioned here and that will show up eventually will have their own storylines, so aside from Dela/Jinkx, you should be getting down the line some past Dela/Shangela, some future Biadore, I may put in an Andrew for Courtney cause they cute okay, as well as some plot related apparition by Cracker, Aquaria (but not shippy, they’ll be related here) and even Nick aka Kamikaze Monsoon.

Story:

Call it strange, call it nerdy, but there were very few things Dela enjoyed more than the empty halls on the morning of the first day of a new school year. She could feel her entire body tingling as the heels of her Mary-Jane shoes clicked on the freshly mopped floor, knowing every step brought her closer to this new adventure. She had spent the past week meticulously planning everything. She had all her lessons planned for the next three months, rearranged and decorated the new classroom to her liking and even took the time to buy a handful of new books and toy to make sure her future first graders would have everything they needed to enjoy their very first year in a big school. Ms. Crème was nothing but absolutely ready.

The same couldn’t be said of most of her new colleagues. In her few days of preparation, the brunette hadn’t seen many of them. She knew Shangela already, the PE teacher having been the one who basically helped the other woman get the job (“Hey, it’s the least I can do after you let me basically live rent free at your place for months! You know you’re too nice, right?” the energetic Texan had bluntly explained shortly after Dela had sent her yet another box of chocolate to thank her), and had met the administrators, Ms Visage (“Oh please, call me Michelle, I’m not here to be a dictator” the dark haired woman had repeated at least three times during their encounter) and Ms Del Rio. But, Dela figured, it was only the first day, there would be more than enough time to meet everyone.

The light in the classroom next to hers was turned on when the teacher reached the door, and despite having a lot more work to do before the bell rang… she couldn’t resist her curious side. Surely it was good manners to attempt to meet your work neighbor. Dela had big plans for the years, projects and ideas that needed more manpower than she could offer. Forging right ahead a great relationship with a colleague would only help.

She did the polite thing and knocked on the little window and waited. Maybe she should’ve turned away right then, but when Dela got ahead of herself, it was hard to stop. The door wasn’t locked and she decided to let herself in. At first glance, the room seemed empty, but the new teacher lingered, amazed. Every inch of every wall was covered in posters of various kind, most of them plays and musical theatre, a few funky ones with some of the older grades’ lessons, and at the back of the class a massive section covered in pillows and beanbags and books. It was like stepping straight into the teacher’s brain and whoever that was, Dela was certain they would get along perfectly.

“Who the fuck are you?” the slightly drawled out voice, sudden and surprising coming from the door startled the new teacher who whipped around, coming face to face with who she guessed was her new colleague. Standing quite tall, around six feet, vibrant curled ginger hair in quite a messy state, massive sunglasses perched on her nose hiding half her face and smelling faintly of booze and weed, the newcomer glared down (or at least seemed to, hard to tell behind the glasses) at Dela, hands on her hips. “Oh, hello there!” the brunette plastered on her biggest smile and rushed over holding a hand out to her colleague. “My name’s Dela. Ms Crème if you’re formal. I’m your new neighbor, with the first grade class. I just wanted to come and introduce myself and–” She was silenced by the other one raising her hand in a silent command. “Man you’re bright and early and… loud. Can I have a second here? Jesus fucking Christ.” If Dela was unsure of the state the mystery woman was, it was more and more apparent by the second. The signs of a severe hangover were hard to miss, but before the dark haired beauty had time to express her shock and indignation (teachers were supposed to be role models! What kind of example could this mess be to her student?!) the redhead lazily offered a hand to shake, wrist bend as if she was actually offering her hand for the other woman to kiss. Maybe that’s what she was attempting to do, but Dela still felt compelled to reach out and shake the hand, as polite as ever. “Jinkx. Just Jinkx. We’re not on a last name basis yet. I can see it in your eyes, you’d friend me on facebook within the next 7 minutes and we’re not there yet, cupcake.” It was hard to read the woman. That almost constant lopsided way her deep red lips stretched out gave her a constant malicious air, but she sounded absolutely serious. Hands still grasping each other, definitely after a time much longer than was expected, the two teacher were apraising each other. Friend or foe, it was unclear. It was painfully obvious their styles clashed terribly, yet they were still standing together weren’t they?

The bell rang, and Jinkx groaned again, breaking free  finally. “Well… that was time wasted. Do you mind closing the door on your way out? Your kids will be too noisy.” Without as much as a glance to her new colleague, the redhead moved around, slowly, muttering under her breath, actively trying to ignore the unwanted presence in her space. It took Dela a moment or two to process what just happened. She wasn’t use to it. In her world, people lended a hand when need, people got to know their neighbors, showed some basic human compassion. Was that what the year would be like? Surely it couldn’t be.

On her way out, she waved goodbye to the other teacher, but didn’t get eve an acknowledgment. Well… that was off to a strange start.

#emerald #red delicious #lesbian au #group fic #jinkx monsoon #bendelacreme #bianca del rio #adore delano #courtney act #shangela laquifa wadley #rpdr fanfiction #jela

[aechteaseawb]

I posted 77 times in 2021

45 posts created (58%)

32 posts reblogged (42%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.7 posts.

I added 53 tags in 2021

#dongo bongo - 11 posts

#m!ik - 8 posts

#as a writer - 7 posts

#as a reader - 6 posts

#ficlet - 4 posts

#kamuegi - 4 posts

#other people's posts - 4 posts

#eva - 3 posts

#other people's writing - 3 posts

#you know what fuck this *uncodes your geass* - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#it makes no sense it makes no sense that i love second person pov as much as i do when i hate first person pov with a burning passion

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

it's kind of funny because i sat down thinking about what i would write if i ever wrote the third installment of the emotional purgatory series and this shit happened

literally just iraz angst.

10 notes • Posted 2021-12-03 10:38:01 GMT

#4

Akudama Drive

Satsujinki centric

Red is truly the prettiest color!

There is no color without red!

His life has been an endless monotone droll until the first splashes of red trickles out of his mother’s neck, blossoming into flowers right in front of his eyes.

Oh, he’d been a mere child at that time! But even then he knew that this is all he would be able to think about for the rest of his life!

That is why he chases red his entire life.

Blood, he remarks delightedly, is as red as they come.

So he does all he can do to catch glimpses of red. He thinks it’s a pity that all the pretty red color has to stay hidden under plain, obtrusive human skin. The thought of that makes his heart ache terribly. It’s skin-crawling, it’s disturbing, it’s painful! Painful! Painful! He cuts open skin and frees the red, lets the red flow, because this is how the red is supposed to be perceived!

Sagishi has a beautiful red halo.

Sure he’s seen red halos before, they are truly sights to behold! When he sees them, he can’t help but want to smudge more red to them. What else could match up to the celebration! And each occasion most definitely is a celebration! Nothing else makes his heart soar as much!

Then, he’s seen red halos before, but he’s never seen one as breathtaking as hers. It’s bright and big and captivating and so, so red.

And he wants to harvest it so, so much.

That must be why whenever he looks at Sagishi, his heart races, his mouth dries, he feels happy and dizzy all over. He wants to lift her up high and hear her voice. He wants to be by her side and make her smile. The feeling grows and grows and grows, and it’s so different from anything he’s ever experienced before. Maybe it’s because he’s never let a red halo grow before, and it is, it’s growing growing growing at a horribly rapid speed. He wants to harvest it, but he also wants it to keep growing. He’s never been so conflicted, and so happy at being conflicted.

“Sagishi, what should I do with all of this?” he asks, and it feels like freefalling. “Would you teach me patience, or grant me release?”

She looks at him. She is stunning. There is a cute little odd look on her face. “Satsujinki-san, have you considered therapy?”

10 notes • Posted 2021-01-04 18:28:00 GMT

#3

in which amami & ouma talk about the trolley problem, but not really.

ft. amami’s nail painting side job

because at one point you sort of get tired of picking words and just want to toss something out there to validate your self-proclaimed authorhood so you find a wip and power through it by will alone. yeah.

11 notes • Posted 2021-02-02 17:55:20 GMT

#2

this is *checks notes* vaguely shippy kamuegi. because i had a sudden Craving. (or perhaps because to analyze your eyes made me feel too much for this ship.) (please read it)

writing kamukura is,,, so,,,, tiring,,,,,

he never,,,, cooperates,,,,,

and i never,,, know,,, if i got him,,, right,,,, or not,,,,, hopefully i did,,, but really who knows,,,,,

one thing that is fun though is he speaks in a very short and clipped way and it’s interesting to write.

19 notes • Posted 2021-03-01 14:01:30 GMT

#1

prev.

“So? How did your first business party go?”

Naegi blinks slowly at the face of his very inquisitive best friend. Maizono-san’s eyes are practically bulging out of their sockets, with how wide she’s stretching them.

He sets down his glass of iced tea, and hesitates a little on where to look, before finally settling on the basket of bread loaves in the middle of the table.

He says, “I’m pretty sure I got a hooker’s number.”

“You…what?”

“If it helps, I’m pretty sure he’s not trying to sell me service.”

Actually, thinking about it, it was more like Kamukura-kun wanted to tutor him.

And well, when Naegi agreed to attend the charity event to cover for Togami-kun, he didn’t expect to be coached by a prostitute. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a sex-worker! It’s a perfectly valid profession! He just never imagined himself to look like one!

But he’s getting ahead of himself, so backtracking it is.

//

I have a much bigger social event to handle. You’ll go in my place for this one. The way Togami-kun said it allowed no questions, such was his usual manner of speaking.

Oh. Alright. What other choice did he have? He is being paid to cater to Togami-kun’s every whim. And he’s being paid generously, too, so he’s not in much position to complain.

At least Kirigiri-san would also be there, albeit for different reasons. It’s always good to have some sort of company.

The main problem here, was that Naegi wasn’t used to wearing fancy suits at all, and it should be evident to anyone who looks at him.

Over here! His posture seemed to scream. Look at the goofy commoner that clearly does not belong here.

So he busied himself at the sides. Naegi didn’t have any orders to interact with the crowd anyway. He was there as a dummy representative, to turn down any business offers, or so he’d been told. He didn’t understand why, but he knew better than to question.

Kirigiri-san had already flitted off to who-knew-where. There’d been whispers that there was a young detective among the guests that night, so maybe she was off to chat with them instead. And well, who was Naegi to protest? She probably craved a new set of ears to bounce her ideas of her current case off of, seeing as Naegi was unable to offer any professional insight whatsoever.

And he was left to cower at the refreshments table hoping that he looked old enough for alcohol to the waiters. He was, but he didn’t exactly look it.

That was why when the other man talked to him, actually talked to Naegi, he was so surprised he nearly dropped his drink. He also very certainly choked. Then he proceeded to spend a good while clearing out his windpipes.

“Sorry.” The man said. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Meanwhile, Naegi was trying hard not to look like a fool as he attempted to cough his lungs out. “Ah.” Oh, his voice definitely sounded hoarser than it was. “It’s alright. I was just blanking out, so really it’s on me.”

After finally coming back to himself, he steadied a look at the man. Dressed in a white suit, the man had a tall and sturdy build. His jaw was well-defined, and he had an attractive face. The man also looked confident to be here, unlike Naegi, who was panicking all over.

He did reach out to Naegi though, so maybe he was just a good guy.

Then Naegi introduced himself and smiled, because that was what you did when you wanted to be nice to someone who was nice to you.

“Kamukura Izuru.” the man said back. His grip was solid.

And Naegi pumped his fist internally, to celebrate finding company in this confusing party that was too bright and too loud for him to catch up on. See: somewhere in the other corner of the room, a girl burst into an off-pitch song randomly as a crowd cheered her on. Naegi did not want to know whatever went on over there, but the commotion surrounding them was so loud he was forced to practically drape himself over Kamukura-kun’s shoulder if he didn’t want to scream his throat out like a banshee, and somewhere in his mind, despite the very vocal display literally half a room away, he still thought business parties were supposed to be poised and quiet. So in the softest voice he could manage without the sound being completely drowned, he said, “I actually don’t know much about the whales, seeing as I’m here on someone else’s behalf, but I’d really like to learn!”

In Naegi’s defense, Togami-kun hadn’t informed him of this event until the very last minute, and he didn’t seem all that interested in whales either. Naegi might’ve read up a little about them otherwise, just for the sake of it.

And things were going so far so good, right? Things were normal.

But for some reason, it was like realization dawned on Kamukura-kun all of a sudden. Realization of what? No, but Naegi couldn’t for the life of him piece anything together. Was “whales” secretly code word for something? Why else would Kamukura-kun slap him on the shoulder with an entirely too bright smile and ask him who his target was?

See the full post

44 notes • Posted 2021-02-03 16:38:48 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #fdhaskjfhajk WHAT #fake assassin AU is first??? #hilarious

[agentelmo]

The X-Files MSR Analysis Series: Season 1 Episode 5

“Jersey Devil”

Previous episode analysis - 1x04 Conduit.

Ah yes, Jersey Devil.  The episode about two strange human beings driven by ancient, hereditary traits to survive - one a sexually-territorial male who stays hidden from the world, and his mate, who, guided by reproductive needs, leaves the safety of her ‘tribe’ in an attempt to procreate.  

Oh and there’s a couple neanderthals running around eating people, too.

What?

I love that the first line of my notes for this episode simply says: “Scully rocking the salmon and navy.”

She’s so beautiful in this episode - I mean, she’s beautiful in every episode - but she gets a few great wardrobe changes here and she looks so lovely.  Although the final outfit she dons is a zinger.  

My word. The 90′s, eh?

So we start with Scully arriving at the supposed basement office that clearly isn’t in the basement.  Seriously, watch how they they walk out of the office and straight into the bullpen.  

At first, I genuinely wondered if perhaps I’d not remember that they started in a normal office and get sent to the dungeons basement later (I last watched TXF over a decade ago guys, go easy on me) but a little Google research reveals that nope - this is simply a huge continuity error in this one episode.  Weird!

So anyway, Scully arrives, and to her amusement, finds Mulder catching up on some essential reading, perusing the latest issue of a fine gentleman’s literary publication.

You know... he was reading a dirty titty mag for filthy manslags. “Marty” will definitely be calling that super hot line, later.

Scully can barely contain herself.

I like the way Scully is totally chill with Mulder and his porn; she never gives him a hard time about it.  It’s an amusing aspect of Mulder’s character that’s mostly played for laughs - but the reality is he’s a man; he has needs and no one to satisfy them, (hands down ladies, no volunteers) despite the fact women do find him attractive.

I know, obvious statement is obvious.

But isn’t it true that one of the most unrealistic aspects of the X-Files is how celibate throughout the entire show he is?  I mean, just look at the guy.

....

Uhh... I’m sorry, what were we talking about again?

Oh yeah.

I don’t care who calls him Spooky, if there’s a single guy at my place of work who is witty and intelligent and looks like that, I’m trying my luck.  So where are all the single FBI ladies?  (I swear to God I didn’t Photoshop that picture, by the way.)

I just always found it intriguing that a guy with what appears to be a moderately high sex drive, barely ever has sex even though he quite easily could.  Remember season 6′s Dreamland I, Skinner’s secretary?  Yeah... ‘nuff said.  

I guess he just doesn’t have Morris Fletcher’s way with women?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he doesn’t get laid.  It plays nicely into my theory that while Scully is around, Mulder rarely ever looks at another woman seriously - there are the odd few that he is physically attracted to, like Dr. Bambi Berenbaum from season 3′s War of the Coprophages, but it’s only a perfunctory interest - we never see these characters again.  

The only women who ever pose a genuine threat to the MSR are Mulder’s old flames - so it’s Mulder briefly revisiting old feelings from a time before Scully.  Otherwise, since meeting Scully, he’s never become romantically attached to someone new.  Isn’t that interesting?

So why might he prefer to turn to porn?  Well, all I’ll say is this - do you remember that in Dreamland I, after falling asleep watching porn the night before, Morris Fletcher’s wife tells Mulder he was mumbling something about “Scully” in his sleep.  Yeah.  I’ll leave you to fill in the blanks with that one.

Aaaaaaaaaaanyway...  that was quite a tangent, wasn’t it.  Man, who knew there was so much to analyse in a few seconds of Mulder looking at a copy of Hankypanky?  Which, by the way, is the best name for a porn mag, ever.

It is relevant, I swear.  Mulder’s sexual needs figure into the plot of this episode in a very indirect way.

No, really.   

It’s really surprising to me just how much Scully smiles so far in season 1.  She was so carefree back then, eh?  Had no idea what she was in for.  At this moment in time, she’s just a normal FBI agent working some weird cases with her sexy crackpot partner.  

S1!Scully enjoys simple pleasures, like how in this scene she seems to get a kick out of bringing him a weird case that she knows will pique his interest.  She enjoys holding court - she’s the one with the information and she likes to tantalise him with it. The UST is simmering nicely.

I love the way her face tracks his, begging for his attention.  And he responds with a bit of casual, flirtatious innuendo - she loves this little game they play with each other as much as he does, look a her.  I wish she would get lucky, Mulder.  HINT HINT.

For some reason she seems especially radiant and lovely in this episode.  I already mentioned this, didn’t I.  But seriously, let’s all bask in the glow of how stunning she is - she’s like a cross between Princess Diana and a 50′s pin up.

Don’t you think?  Is it just me?

Ahem... so moving along, they head on over to Atlantic City to see what this weird man-eating case is all about, and run into an immediate roadblock when the local detective gets all territorial with his jurisdiction over the case.  

Put a pin in this scene in your mind - human behaviour is under the microscope in this episode, and this detective guy is demonstrating some classic traits that are discussed in more depth later.

I love that when she means business and wants Mulder to stop what he’s doing and listen to her, she calls him Agent Mulder.  

Oh please, don’t give me fanfic ideas, because I can’t write fanfic for the life of me, but someone, somewhere, must have written a fic where they call each other Agent Mulder and Agent Scully in bed, right?  Someone PM me that shit.

So they leave and Scully is still in flirty tete-a-tete mode as they venture outside.  

Fuck, that man has a beautiful smile.  He really needs to smile like that more often.  It makes me giddy that Scully can make him smile and laugh so easily, especially considering what they just went through together in Conduit.  They’re so good together even at this early stage, it makes my heart hurt that it takes them 7 years to get their shit together.

Also, Scully’s comment about the Jersey Devil is another, more flippant, example of how she low-key reads Mulder’s mind regarding his theories on a case.  She’s joking about the murderer being the Jersey Devil, but that’s exactly what he suspects.  

I really am enjoying watching all of the regular dynamics of their later relationship play out for the first time in season 1.  Its’s so much fun.

Mulder, you realise you’re flirting right now, don’t you?  Come on, now... 

Look at her smiling back at him as he attempts to seduce her with the fantasy of what sounds suspiciously like a date; where they grab a hotel together *insert raised eyebrow here* and then go take in the sights and sounds of Atlantic City.  

He’s messing with her, of course, he just wants to focus on the case, but he enjoys the back and fourth and know she enjoys it too.  They have an unspoken understanding, and, in moments like these, they really do exist in a world of their own together.  

Of course, he doesn’t at all expect what comes next.

I cannot express enough how much I love how Mulder completely deflates when he says “you got a date?”  

I also love that a date is his immediate assumption - he says it so quick it’s out of his mouth before he even thinks.  Is this something he’s been worried about coming between them at some point?  I’d say so. 

He is well aware that she is a beautiful, intelligent woman, so of course she was bound to inevitably do what beautiful, intelligent women do - go on dates - have a personal life.  He probably didn’t want to have to acknowledge, that at some point, their little bubble was going to burst.  His deflated response is probably a reaction to thinking that time is now.

So would it be fair to say that Mulder is a little bit threatened by the idea that Scully wants a life that would take her away from him and their their work together.  Yes, definitely.   But I do think he’s willing to admit that to himself? Definitely not.

Even after learning she’s not going on a date, he remains deflated.  Their sparky, fun, UST-laden tooing and froing has been snuffed out, and Mulder unceremoniously throws the keys over to her in defeat.  He knows it’s not fair of him to punish her for having a life, but he kinda does anyway, since he ditches her to investigate alone.

Poor S1!Scully is just starting to learn here, that Mulder can be an inconsiderate dick sometimes.  Or as she’ll put it later - a jerk.

It’s a flaw of his character, which I guess gives him some depth and makes him more real.  

But mostly, it just makes him a dick.  A beautiful dick, but a dick all the same. 

Wait, hang on... that didn’t come out right. 

Unfortunately for Scully, leaving her to make a 3 hour drive, alone, after he was the one to make her come all the way out here in the first place, is the least of his future transgressions.

So lets enjoy his suffering a bit more, shall we?  Just look at his face when he hears she can’t spend the weekend with him fart-arsing around Atlantic City looking for cannibal cave men.  

Dude… seriously, stop pretending - we know you don’t like it when the real world takes Dana Scully away from you. 

Now we come to a scene that, only with 9 years of hindsight, becomes equal parts devastating, bittersweet and omg-squee-shippy-tastic!

Let’s break it down.

So first, Scully with children.  She’s a natural at it - attentive, loving, affectionate.  The little hug she gives the boy at the end; I can’t even--she would have been such a great mother.

Would have been.  

That’s the kicker, isn’t it.  Poor S1!Scully is completely oblivious to the fate that awaits her.  Our foreknowledge of future events makes these scenes painfully bittersweet now.   Despite the fact she would have been wonderful at it, her one chance at motherhood slips away after only a single year with William.  She never had, and now never will have, the chance to truly be a mother and raise a child of her own.  

I’ll let that sit with you for a while.  

Edit:  Ahem, yeah so... this was written before My Struggle IV, obviously.  As insane and unexpected as it seems, Mulder and Scully do have another child together making this point pretty much moot.  But I’ll leave it in for, you know, historical record? lol! 

Feels like a ton of bricks in the pit of my stomach just writing it.  In my work I have counselled women who have had to come to terms with infertility, and what it means for them to be a childless.  It’s an incredibly harrowing thing to accept for many of them, feeling incomplete; less of a woman; their bodies betraying them; denying them something they feel is rightfully theirs - and sadly what society tells them is the greatest contribution they could ever offer to the world - a body that can create life.  It’s perhaps, with my experience of these women, that I now look at Scully in a way that I didn’t when I was a teenager; watching the X-Files the first time around.

It makes me appreciate her strength, and her selfless, unwavering, devotion to doing what she thinks is right, regardless of the cost to herself, in a whole new way.

But for S1!Scully, all this talk about motherhood amounts to is a distant thought that, one day, she’ll meet Mr. Right and will start a family of her own.  Just like most of us assume, and never question, until it doesn’t happen.

Told you this would be devastating.

All hell is breaking loose at this party with only her and her friend to herd the gorilla-masked kiddies (another oblique reference to primitive human behaviour), but she’s enjoying herself despite it all. 

Doesn’t it feel strange to see Scully with a close friend that isn’t Mulder?  To see that she once had some small semblance of a life outside of him.  It makes me really realise how much she gave up for him and for their work together.  What motivates a person to do something like that?  Just a passion for the work?

It’s also very unfamiliar to see that Scully once contemplated not becoming a mother.  That actually, she felt she wasn’t cut out for it.  Although perhaps this is merely a cover for how she really feels.  We know from season 5′s Christmas Carol, that Scully has a fear of getting close to people, and tells Emily’s adoption officer that she avoided attachments before her cancer because she was scared of the pain of losing those she loved.  We know this changes for her though, as Scully will be forced to painfully acknowledge, in that same episode, that she didn’t realise how much she wanted to be a mother until she couldn’t have it anymore.  

Which makes sense when you realise that this scene here, in Jersey Devil, was probably one of very few times Scully considers, and actually tests out, whether she wants a life outside of her FBI career, before discovering she cannot conceive.

Scully’s friend, El, hitting the nail on the head.  She would be a great mother, but she has to choose it.  She has to decide what’s more important to her - career or family.  It’s not something she’s seriously thought about until now.

Being told she doesn’t have a life definitely affects Scully too, she plays it off as a joke here, but we know her actions after this conversation betray her true feelings.  She starts to wonder if her work with Mulder is overtaking her life, and that she doesn’t have much else outside of her career.  It worries her enough into taking action to change things.

Ah and then it comes to this part of their conversation.  The part that gets our little shipper hearts pumping.

You know what’s funny about this scene now?  The fact they’re basically discussing finding a man to have a child with.  Scully easily dismisses the idea of dating and having children with Mulder, but the irony is that this is now foreshadowing... because that’s exactly what happens.

7 years from now.

That’s some epic retroactive foreshadowing, right there.

But sticking with the present moment, what might Scully’s reason be for calling Mulder a jerk?  Well what did he do to her earlier that day?  The way he flirted with the idea of them spending some off-duty hours together in Atlantic City and then got weird when she said she had plans and ditched her when she couldn’t do what he wanted.  That’s definitely a jerk move.

She quickly corrects herself, acknowledging that his behaviour earlier that day maybe doesn’t wholly represent who he is, but still, I enjoyed the fact she basically admits that his ditching her bothered her more than just being slightly inconvenienced.  Hmm, I wonder why... eh, Scully?

Now, things start to get a bit more interesting.  As I mentioned before, Scully played off the fact she has no life as a joke but she’s clearly conflicted on whether she’s okay with such a skewed work-life balance.  She’s now questioning if she needs to spend more time away from work and start to build a life for herself.  And then...as if the hands of fate reached in themselves...

A WILD DIVORCEE DAD APPEARS! 

DIVORCEE DAD USES “CREEPER SMILE”.

IT’S SUPER EFFECTIVE???!

Seriously, why does she go on a date with this guy, he looks like a total creeper.  The way he’s like, hey, check me out being all fatherly with my I’m-single-and-ready-to-mingle smile.  Ugh.  Dana!

Back to Mulder now, working off a hot tip from a homeless HBO fan, he’s been hanging out like a hobo trying to catch a glimpse of this Jersey Devil.

Uh, I take it all back.  Maybe it was for the best Scully didn’t tag along on this one.  

Scully: What happened to ‘grabbing a hotel’, Mulder? Mulder: FBI cutbacks, Scully.  Wanna share my blanket? Scully: ...  

Can you imagine?  Them sitting together, in the cold, huddled under a tiny blanket...

Hmm... wait, I’m changing my mind again.

Mulder sees a dark, human-like figure in an alleyway, but is blocked from pursing it because he is stopped and arrested by the police, due to their mistaking him for a drunk.

Mulder redefining the meaning of the phrase “hot mess”.

So I’ve seen enough American TV shows to know that when you get arrested you get one call, right?  So Mulder’s one call - the one person he can rely on to help him out is.... *drum roll*

OMG! NO WAI!  Much unexpected! Very shock!

So much sass.  Mulder getting sassed by Scully is my favourite thing.  Like, ever.

Methinks she’s enjoying getting some sweet, sweet, revenge on him for ditching her, too.  Just a lil’ bit.

I love how he just smiles at the end, as if to say “alright, Scully. You win.”

Then, while shovelling his face with food, Mulder tries to convince Scully of what he saw in the alleyway.

Their usual back and forth ensues – Mulder puts forward a fantastic (albeit pretty on the nose) theory about what he saw in the alleyway.  Scully runs the gamut of reasons why it might not be what he thinks it is, making Mulder work for his theory.  Which is good on one hand, since it’s teaching him to be critical rather than willing to believe anything at the drop of a hat. 

But on the other hand, he’s actually right.  I think this dynamic would work better if he didn’t always guess pretty much exactly right all the freakin’ time.  I think Mulder needs to get it wrong a bit more often to 1. humble him a tiny bit and 2. not make it always seem like Scully’s scepticism is just getting in the way.

As it stands, the main purpose Scully’s sceptical, scientific, approach serves is keeping her and Mulder out of danger.  Without her pulling him back from the edge a lot of the time, I think he’d have got himself killed ages ago.  Which we’ll get a live demonstration of later in this episode.

Mulder then extends the invitation once more, for Scully to join the hunt, and for them to investigate the case together.  

Then the conversation turns veeeeeery interesting.

Scully catching Mulder off guard is another one of my favourite things.  His surprised head snap gives me Cheshire Cat face.  

She’s put her personal life above their work together twice now and, again, he does a piss poor job of hiding that he doesn’t like it.  

But notice something here.  When he thinks it’s another birthday party, he isn’t threatened.  He doesn’t ask her to cancel, he’s seemingly unaffected - disappointed no doubt - but notice how quickly his attitude changes when she clarifies that, this time, it is a date.

First up... wow, Mulder.  Can she cancel?  That was bold.

He can definitely sense she’s withdrawing, and he’s beginning to feel territorial about it.  As selfish as it might be, he wants their work and partnership to take precedence in her life, but she’s resisting. 

Although, it only seems to bother him when it’s a date, apparently.  HMMMMMM.  Sooo... a kid’s birthday party is less threatening than a date.  

I WONDER WHY.

Second... Ouch, Scully.

She’s clearly showing, once again, that her friend’s comment about not having a life got under her skin.   Why do I think this?  Well I’ve never thought of Scully as petty, but that below the belt comment about Mulder’s life was kinda petty.  I think in some small part she is resentful towards Mulder for the current state of her social life - she’s allowed herself to get swept up in his hurricane these past few months and is now a tiny bit sensitive to the assumption that she should drop everything to go Jersey Devil hunting with him.  

She’s trying to take back control and get out of this all-consuming bubble they’ve been living in.

Now the next scene is fucking gold.  Here’s where everything should hopefully fall into place.

Scully takes Mulder to meet her old university professor in Maryland.  Mulder is asking the Professor questions about the Jersey Devil and he explains to Mulder that the wild man myth is universal - almost every culture has one.  It represents an apparent symbolic fear of man’s dual nature as creators and destroyers of life.

Look at Mulder... Naww.. tell me more, teach!

The Professor starts to talk about how humans have hereditary traits which make us tribal and aggressively territorial, driven by selfish sexual and reproductive drives which makes cooperation beyond our perceived ‘tribe’ extremely challenging.

Now think about that for a second – what has been going on with Mulder and Scully since the beginning of this episode. 

First Mulder has been territorial with Scully; he wants her to himself – not to share her with the demands of a personal life.  He wants her to be as dedicated to the X-Files as him, but is finding it difficult to accept that she wants to go off and exist outside the bubble of their partnership - outside their “tribe”.  

He is also, on some subconscious level, driven sexually – because why the hell else would he petulantly accuse her of having a date the way he did?  He’s not threatened by her spending time with friends, but he is threatened by her spending time with other men.  Perhaps not consciously, but somewhere deep down, it bothers him that she would go on a date.  Both a kids party and a date result in her spending less time with him, so why does a date, specifically, sting more?

I do feel like I need to reiterate here, that I don’t think Mulder is in love with Scully at this point.  But he’s very attached to her, and seemingly, he doesn’t like to share.

Then we have Scully – who has spent a great deal of time this episode discussing her thoughts on becoming a mother, and deciding if she wants to prioritise finding a man and having a family over her career.  She then accepts a date with a man based on these discussions – so here, Scully is being driven by her reproductive needs.  

She is also driven sexually too though, I mean, we know she thinks of Mulder as being “cute”.  So she has definitely acknowledged a sexual attraction to him - and well, who wouldn’t.  

But also the shy smile she flashes the creeper divorcee dad suggests she finds him attractive too - she’s not wanting to start dating for the singular purpose of getting preggo, of course not.  Like Marty and his Hankypanky mags, she has needs too.

Now, pop your head into Mulder’s kitchen for a sec guys, c’mon just a sec.

FORESHADOWING!

Well, maybe... that damn alien invasion is gonna happen some day. Right, Chris Carter?!  RIGHT?!

The scene then transitions into referring to the Jersey Devil directly rather than a meta commentary on Mulder and Scully themselves, and I love that it was Scully’s intention for her old professor to talk some sense into Mulder, but instead Mulder gets the guy to admit that what he’s suggesting, about the Jersey Devil being a pre-historic human, is feasible in the realm of extreme possibility.  

Scully, ever the scientist, can’t argue with that one.

As much as she wishes she could.

Later that evening, Mulder sits in the basement-not-basement office looking subdued, staring at evidence photos, twiddling his thumbs... bored.  He really is useless without Scully.

Beautiful, beautiful Scully, on the other hand, is on her date looking OH SO NINETIES.  But still, lovely.

And OH MY GOD.  Divorcee dad is boring as fuck.

No one wants to hear how you fantasise about running people over with your car on a first date, Rob.

Now we could get meta-meta, and suggest that I myself, writing this analysis, am getting quite territorial over the MSR relationship and am threatened by this dude, and that’s why I mock him to pieces.  But honestly, there’s just something about him that feels super disingenuous and needy... he screams “please replace my wife and be my son’s surrogate mother” to me.  

I mean, they’re not even 30 minutes into their first date and the guy is asking Scully to go on family days out with his kid to the beach.  Fuck off, mate... how about you woo me a bit first, yeah?  Let me decide if I like you before saddling me with mothering your kid.  Geez.

Then he drops a real clanger... which, well - to be fair - isn’t that big a deal to S1!Scully.  But, knowing what’s to come, this comment is just unforgivable.

What a douche.

So let’s check in on Mulder again, what’s he up to during this torture.

Look at this lost puppy, slumped in his chair, staring at the clock.  I bet he’s checked that clock every five minutes since 7:30.

Mulder... it’s only been 25 minutes.  Get it together, man.

You can’t tell me he isn’t feeling shitty, thinking about her being out on a date.  Why else would he be moping in his office, and staring at the clock on the wall?  GETTING EXACTLY ZERO WORK DONE.  I’m getting Chinga vibes, here.

I don’t think he even really understands why, but he hates this.  He wants her there - he’s used to her presence now and he’s bizarrely at a loss without her there to focus him.

He then gets a call from the Park Ranger who tells him a body, that is possibly the pre-historic human they’ve been looking for, has turned up in the woods, and that it has been sent to the coroner’s office.

This gives Mulder the excuse he didn’t know he was waiting for to call Scully and try, once again, to pull her back into the bubble.

Look at how bored shitless she is.  She’s waiting for you to rescue her.  GO MULDER GO!

#SorryNotSorry

The next day Mulder and Scully go back to Atlantic City to inspect the body, but it’s not there to inspect.  Mulder theorises that the male neanderthal might have had a female mate, and they go back to the location where Mulder spotted her previously to see if they can find her again.

As they search, Mulder muses about what this neanderthal woman might be like.  He questions whether she’s that different from Scully and himself.  

Which is exactly the point of this episode - the fact that the two of them are also driven by ancient hereditary instincts.  The same way the neanderthal woman and her mate were.  Mulder and Scully’s personal life subplot reflect how the modern world has changed how we act on these instincts; but that ultimately we all want the same things.   Mulder wonders out-loud whether she feels emotion, or does she just live on instinct - spending her days looking for food.  To which, Scully replies...

I don’t know why, but I love that Scully knows how to make Mulder laugh.

Then just when we were starting to enjoy their being together, working as one again, Mulder goes and rushes off without Scully.

She calls to him several times, and he ignores her and then parkours his way to freedom.

Mulder and Scully: SYNCHRONISED PARKOUR MASTERS!  Although Scully does it in heels, so she wins.

Mulder is cornered by the neanderthal woman, which he should have seen coming, really, these guys do hunt and eat people, right?

She knocks him down and looms over him.  He basically looks like a 16 year-old boy who has never touched a girl before.  It’s kind of adorable seeing him pinned to the floor by a naked woman with a look of terror on his face.

Be gentle with me, please.

Never mind.

Scully arrives, just in time, to save Mulder.  Get used to that, Scully.

They then head out into the forest, to find neanderthal lady before Detective ThisTownAin’tBigEnoughForBothOfUs hunts her down with his SWAT team and kills her.

Sadly, that’s exactly what happens.  They gun her down before Mulder and Scully are able to intervene.

Mulder is devastated.  In no small part due to the fact that she’s a woman, alone, vulnerable - hunted.  She ticks all the boxes to mess with Mulder’s head and trigger his need to rescue.

Mulder seems quite emotional as he asks the detective why he killed her.  The answer he gets doesn’t give him any relief, in fact, I think it only leads him to despair more.  Searching the detectives eyes, not quite believing what he’s hearing.

Scully can see Mulder is on the edge; becoming too emotionally involved.  So she does what only she can.  

She steps in and speaks to him in their private language - where with just a look and a touch, she can bring him back to himself.  

I love this aspect of their bond.  It’s so subtle, but loaded with a quiet intimacy that’s always just below the surface.  These two work best when they are in this bubble together - just the two of them.  Every now and then, with just a small gesture, they forget everyone else and withdraw into their own private world.  

A week later, back in the FBI not-really-basement, Scully, is telling Mulder about the autopsy results of the neanderthal woman, and gets frustrated as Mulder excitedly prepares to meet a colleague at the Smithsonian - throwing himself further into his work.

Clearly still feeling conflicted about how to balance her work life against her personal life, she tries to convince Mulder that, he too, needs to do some work in that area.  But what she’s not understanding is that this is what Mulder does for himself - his work.  When he said before that he has a life, this is what he meant.  To him, this is living - it’s the life he chose and he’s not ashamed or embarrassed about it.

Mulder is a career non-conformist.  He doesn’t work by the rules and he doesn’t live his life by the rules either.

It’s at this point Scully gets a call from creeper divorcee dad, offering her a night out at a Cirque du Soleil show.  

Her complete and utter lack of interest in taking him up on his offer finally makes it click for her why Mulder would reject her offer of a day off, or to go get a beer.

Mulder has absolutely no interest in doing those things.  They hold no value for him, and no enjoyment, in exactly the same way that she realises she has absolutely no interest in dating this guy, or going to see Cirque du Soleil with him and his freakin’ kid.  Geez, man... stop it with the family days out.  Someone buy this man a copy of Dating for Dummies.

This epiphany affects Scully deeply, as I think she realises in that moment that working with Mulder and being an FBI agent is the life that brings her the most fulfilment and excitement too.  She never did want to date in the first place, it was a comment from her friend that made her question whether or not the way she lived her life was “okay”. 

Now it seems she’s decided it is.  She doesn’t care about conforming to what is expected of her anymore.

Reminds me of something Gibson Praise says about Scully in season 5′s The End.  

I think she reaffirmed for herself, this attitude of not caring what people think, in this very episode.  To be who she is, do what she wants and not give a flying monkey what anyone says.

So rolling it back a bit - when Scully gets the call from her divorcee date, Mulder answers the phone, and I’d say he is definitely aware of who it is by the way he walks out of the office without waiting for Scully.

He assumes she will not be coming with him because, well, she has a life now, right?  She has more going on than just work and he has every reason to believe she would rather be doing other things with her time, especially after that speech she just gave begging him to take some time off.  He thinks he’s got the message loud and clear - that she doesn’t feel the same way about their work as he does, and that this is how things are gonna be from now on.

It’s also a bit petulant of him, isn’t it?  The way he storms off after giving her the phone perfectly illustrates that.  Not to mention his dejected walk over to the requisition desk after he leaves the office.  The way he sounds so defeated as he asks for a car.

So despite trying to be “okay” with it, Mulder is still feeling threatened by this guy encroaching on their partnership – I’m sure of it.  The reason I feel so sure is that when Scully approaches him at the requisition desk, he straight away asks who it was on the phone.  

Why is he interested? If he isn’t bothered then why ask?  Mulder hasn’t shown any interest in her private life before.  For the most part, these two never discuss their personal lives.  At least, not at this stage.

Is the tension in this conversation not entirely palpable?  He really doesn’t like it, does he.  I still don’t think he has even realised why he doesn’t like it.  The guy is an Oxford educated psychologist and profiler – if he looked at himself for 5 seconds he’d know why – which is probably why he doesn’t. 

We don’t see this side to Mulder often, as the series progresses we tend to see this kind of thing more from Scully.  To be fair, it’s usually because women fawning over Mulder just seem to keep popping up all over the place.

But I love seeing this.  More jealous!Mulder, please.  I’m dying to see season 11 for the Mulder vs. Skinner fight that is apparently over Scully.  Not to mention it supposedly involving Skinner’s long harboured feelings for her.  Fuck yes, please.  Can we get some jealous!Mulder up in that, Mr. Carter?   

“You gonna have dinner with him again?”

WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW MULDER? HUH?

You notice how he perks up slightly after hearing she’s not going to see the guy again?  You really need to hear the audio to notice it - but his voice changes. 

Ohhh burn.  Guess he didn’t like being told he doesn’t have a life, either, eh?

Every now and then Mulder lets slip the odd bitter comment, it’s something he’s doing right up until My Struggle I – revealing his true feelings through backhanded, sarcastic comments rather than outright saying what he feels.

You tell him, Scully.

Phew and that’s Jersey Devil done.  Another freakin’ long one!  I’m almost certain the next episode will be far shorter... much less MSR to work with.  This episode was chock full of it. Next up... 1x06  - Shadows.

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