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#red delicious
weirdmarioenemies · 3 months
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Name: Red Malicious
Debut: Densetsu no Starfy 4
Happy Festive Friday! It is almost Christmas, and that means there are more colorful baubles hanging from trees in the world than there usually are! But we can't forget the reason for the season. The ORIGINAL colorful bulbous things dangling from tree branches. Their name, is "Fruit". And they are going to take the world by storm!
Specifically, let's talk about the fruit known as Apple. I like this fruit. I eat an apple with peanut butter every day! I love it! I recommend doing it too, if you are not allergic to either ingredient! An apple should not only be delicious, but also firm and crunchy. If it's soft at all, that's just uncomfortable! However, the firmness of an ideal apple means that they can also cause discomfort, if they were to bonk you on the head. Thank goodness apple trees are not sentient and rude, or else they might try to take advantage of that property...
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Oh no. This apple tree DOES seem sentient and rude! Good thing trees are still not capable of rapid movement.
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Eek! I spoke too soon! This tree is sentient, rude, and capable of rapid movement! And what a large apple that is! Thank goodness it isn't dangling from any branches. That is an apple I'm sure glad has no means of falling onto any unsuspecting heads.
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Oh no! Egads! I was so unsuspecting, I did not suspect that this tree would be capable of shooting apples like a cannon! That's WORSE than being bonked by an apple falling from just a few feet above you! Wonderful for seed dispersal, though! This tree could spread its progeny like nobody's business!
Anyway now that you know what this tree does, it's time for the reason I wanted to post about it in the first place: its name! Red Malicious! That's an incredible name! Red Delicious is indeed an apple I would not like to be bonked by, due to its firm, tough skin. Since I have you as my captive audience, I would like to spread the truth about Red Delicious apples, if you did not already know...
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They're terrible! Garbage! And they have the gall to call themselves delicious. Red Delicious WAS once a high quality apple variety, but that was long ago. Before grocery stores, when everyone got their apples straight from the farm. Red Delicious was not a lie! It was a name you could trust.
But then came the need for Marketability. Apples were being transported to grocery stores in large quantities. They had to make sure they wouldn't get damaged during shipment, and people wanted their apples to stand out, and really wow customers. They were selected for thick, tough, shiny red skin. A conventionally sexy apple, but talk to Red Delicious for a moment and you will find there is no substance! All this marketability, and at the cost of TASTE! You bite into the unpleasantly tough skin, and are rewarded with no flavor.
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Now look at, for example, Gala apples! Such beautiful yellow stripes! And it turns out, the genes that control those stripes are linked to genes that control flavor! Red Delicious, with its monochromatic epidermis, is blatantly advertising its blandness.
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But oh, what the heck! It's the season of giving! Red Delicious enjoyers, help yourselves! They're fresh from the branch, shiny and crunchy as can be!
I am just kidding, of course. I don't want you to eat ornaments. If you like Red Delicious, I may not understand you, but I respect you, and am fascinated by you. You are like a rarely studied microorganism!
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jchboom · 9 months
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Red Delicious, Japan
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jiiamp · 7 months
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❦ Redelapplic / Reddeliciousapplic ❦
[ Redelapplic / Reddeliciousapplic ]
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✧ A gender related to the Red Delicious apple species in any way the user sees fit
Re [d] + del [icious] + appl [e] + ic / Red + delicious + appl [e] + ic
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Made by me (as far as I know)
Please credit if you repost, it is greatly appreciated ^w^
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xccentriktigress · 8 months
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Twyla: Absolutely not, you simp.
Me: Ope, time to go explore with Reggie.
Archie: I'm gonna seduce Mrs. Grundy!
Grundy: Absolutely not, you simp.
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evilfairytales · 6 months
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Wow, some 15 years later and this song can still get me.
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punkxpride · 10 months
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A new reference for another of my appledashdust kids! Red Delicious is unsure of her special talent, but she enjoys various activities at the farm
Read more about her here
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reallesbiancorn · 2 years
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🍎 Being a serial killer is bad, but I think it was also very evil that Light only gave Ryuk red delicious apples. That's the worst apple we have in the human world. Shinigami apples are sand, and red deliciouses are just slightly better sand.
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clarklola · 1 month
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Applesauce - Apple-Pear Sauce Adding Asian pears to your homemade applesauce with this quick and simple DIY recipe will give it a little boost.
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theappleist · 1 year
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The Appleist is now AppleRankings.com
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A couple of years ago I decided to take my apple rankings to the rest of the world and created AppleRankings.com. If you want to see tons more apple reviews and the official rankings go check it out. 
Also - I post about apple news and reviews (plus funny cartoons - I am a comedian and animator) on my Instagram. https://instagram.com/brianfrange
Follow me there!
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kindheart525 · 6 months
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Name: Red Charles Ray Delicious  Nicknames: Red, Delly, Doormat Parents: Orchard Blossom and Cherry Jubilee  Siblings: Plum Pastry, Pacific Rose, Rainier, Shamrock Shake, Southern Belle Future Spouse: Aurora Borealis Future Children: Clementine Red, Sparkling Cider Personality: Being the second youngest in a family of six foals has its downsides, and boy does Red Delicious know it. Not exactly the most outspoken colt, when he does have something to say he finds himself being constantly talked over and interrupted. It gets to the point where his siblings joke that he has “no discernible personality” because he never gets to speak up. They mean it as an affectionate sibling inside joke and they don’t mean to be rude, but most of them are too rowdy and caught up in their own lives to notice the impact they make. Despite his self esteem issues, Red Delicious has big dreams for the future, aspiring for a career where he can lead and be listened to for once. Cutie Mark: N/A
Adopted from @glitterfleshgum
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thenoidbag · 9 months
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Apple-Pear Sauce Adding Asian pears to your homemade applesauce with this quick and simple DIY recipe will give it a little boost.
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actually-apple · 1 year
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red delicious apples are the absolute best
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krowjet · 2 years
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I love how there is around 7,500 different varieties of apples, and around 2,500 of those are grown in the US… and yet they still insist on selling the fucking “Red Delicious” mush that makes me regret my life choices and tempts me to actually end up spending money just to bring something that actually tastes remotely like food to avoid.
I can not fucking wait until the Cosmic Crisp variety actually overtakes Red Delicious like it’s anticipated to do so.
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