#“holy fuck the misogyny in this book. i am going to go back in time and fight the author”
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sort of miss going to school. it gave me a sense of structure and it was impossible to be glued to my phone bc i was busy learning copious amounts of Interesting Information and completing essays and worksheets.
#it makes a huge difference if your teachers are. actually good at teaching though#what i would do to even be in a class I hate; such as chemistry or calculus#in college i took a class about christianity and their music and it was the most god awful class ever. so maybe not that class.#but every other class. yes. sign me up#txt#also ppl always say: oh you never will apply what you learned in HS to real life... um. I feel like i am constantly#even as a grocery stocker im using simple algebra to figure out the best way to stock stuff#and biology is the most epic class ever HOLY FUCK. love biology#art classes = yessssss#i like english class but the literature they had us focus on? i hated their choices sometimes. i always read the books as a teen andthought#“holy fuck the misogyny in this book. i am going to go back in time and fight the author”#i was going through my old good reads acct frm when i was a teen and i guess. i found a lot things misogynistic in old american literature
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bestie please explain what's going on in the witcher fandom because holy shit??! 👀👀
bestie what ISN’T going on in the witcher fandom. (i’m so sorry this got so long and boring i just started typing and did not stop apparently)
once upon a time in september 2018 henry cavill is cast as geralt of rivia in netflix’s adaptation of the witcher. people are generally surprised but pleased, reddit collectively nuts, mainly bc he's a self-professed 'nerd' and has talked about enjoying the witcher games and books previously
season 1 comes out and is generally well received, most of the negativity was just plain old racism and misogyny with people whinging that casting women and people of colour is 'netflix wokery' and 'inaccurate' because the setting is meant to be based on slavic countries. so according to some folks, henry cavill, as a straight white man who did not completely fuck up his role in s1, is basically the second coming of christ
season 2 comes out and is...not generally well received. by many people for many diverse reasons that i am not going into bc we will be here all day. but basically it becomes quite clear from s2 that the show is not an adaptation of the books, it’s more loosely based on the books. anyway the reddit bros start acting as if henry cavill is the show’s one saving grace and that he’s carrying a shitty show along on his back and that without him things would be even worse because there’d be nobody to overrule the showrunner on stuff like this
this intensifies in late october this year when stuff starts going around about the show writers mocking the books
anyway then henry cavill announces that he is leaving the witcher after s3 (filming had already wrapped at this point) and moving on to pastures new. he also announces that liam hemsworth will be playing geralt from s4. memeworthy stuff, the gift of prophecy strikes again. people tend to fall into one of two vibe camps in response: 1. ‘fucking lol’ 2. ‘i wish i was dead’
rumours swirl and the two main schools of thought about why he left are 1. because he was offered £££££££££ to play superman and 2. because he loves the source material so much he couldn’t bear to continue working on the show. these closely align with the two aforementioned vibe camps.
someone made this very reasonable post and i was grateful for it
THEN today a really objectively funny thing happened in that after all that, james gunn has turned around and said ‘actually the superman movie we’re doing is about a younger superman so none for henry cavill bye’
which is just like. icing on the cake of drama and dials everything up to 11 with the ‘i would kill and die for henry cavill’ gang taking this as proof that there were major creative differences between him and the showrunners (?) and the ‘fucking lol’ gang basically eating popcorn
and on that note i’m just leaving this post and this post here without comment
so yeah that’s that on that sorry for the novel <3
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I’m watching True Detective because I remember how beloved it was when it came out. I am not enjoying it. It’s certainly a well-made show; beautifully shot, great performances. But.
I feel like it doesn’t realize that it hates women as much as the characters themselves do? Looking at thinkpieces I keep seeing “the point is that they are depicting misogyny, flawed characters don’t mean they’re condoned by the writers!” But I’ve seen no talk about the way women are framed by the camera, the kind of women cast in lead roles, the function of women in the narrative. The few recurring roles for women are all very conventionally beautiful women. They barely ever show agency, and the only time they do it’s through sexual manipulation. Men don’t seem to have any agency in the decision to fuck them either, their seduction is just too powerful I guess. Maybe that would be something if the sex scenes showed the male characters’ emotional vulnerability, but they’re barely even in frame. Every sex scene is textbook for male gaze, whether it suits the scenario or not. The way Wife Woman is treated is like. She has sex to get back at her shitty horrible husband, but it’s still framed like what she did is in any way comparable to what he did. Even Daughter 1’s only act of agency to get back at her shitty dad is to go fuck some guys. It goes on and on. None of these women are people. Philosophy Cop is supposed to be alienating people, but the woman he briefly dates doesn’t even get a single line I think? (no wait she has 1, she says something about Philosophy Cop.) They don’t need to show them breaking up or anything but she’s just gone like, the next episode. The women in this show just…don’t exist. Except to be used and thrown away. But at least the writing shows and tells us repeatedly, textually that they are incredible in the sack. Wow, they are just sooo good at the fuck. These ladies, they just can’t resist. Oh but Macho Cop alienates his family so misogyny is bad.
Watching a cop show is always making a compromise for how much copaganda you can stomach, but this one has been so weird. The whole premise of the show seems to be (paraphrased) “we may be bad guys, but you need some bad guys to get the worse guys.” Which is a stupid and embarrassing thesis that I got sick of reading in edgy books when I was 16. I think the show would be more interesting if it concluded with them actually not catching anybody because they suck so bad, but I’m not sure if it would make up for all the times so far they HAVE caught the horrible guys while being super shitty and unethical. So far the show has just shown that they’re right; being shitty does yield results bc at least they caught that one child murderer. You can say the show doesn’t condone Philosophy Cop for coercing confessions out of people, but the woman he tells to kill herself is a complete throwaway who caused the death of 3 babies. She’s just a hurdle to trip him up as he saunters into the darkness, she’s not a character or a person. Even the way they frame that interrogation: it starts sympathetic to the woman, then implies that she’s a stupid rube that hypocritically follows religious doctrine with the “twist” that she actually killed her kids. The impact seems to be that “oh Philosophy Cop is losing it” but the actual beats functionally put him in the right. At best he’s a tortured genius.
And this isn’t even getting into its depiction of Black people because holy shit. Who knew there were only 2 Black people in Louisiana. (Oh no, I forgot about the gangbangers in the ghetto episode.)
oh great just got to this obviously queer coded character who is the only one in the show and they are a survivor of the child sexual abuse ring. and a sex worker. awesome great
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Mayo's Fic Recs
List of my favourite fics below the cut; this list is a WIP and completely personal taste; a mix of fandom classics and lesser knowns
Please remember to leave comments and kudos for the authors and podficcers!
*shows particular favourites
Fandoms currently included: Spn, Merlin, Les Mis, BatFam
Fics That Changed Me Fundamentally
Loaded March*** by Footloose. Merlin | E | 1.26M(Series)/ 35k (First part) | 188k hits (First part)
The reason SAS Captain Arthur Pendragon can’t keep a communications specialist in Team Excalibur because none of them are good enough. And then Lieutenant Merlin Emrys gets assigned to his squad, and Arthur does everything he can to prove that Merlin isn’t good enough, either. Except he is.
You can read all about my thoughts on Loaded March here, here, and here.
Basically this fic series is beautifully written, has absolutely delicious UST, has found family, magic, and high stakes. It’s been part of my life for almost a decade now, I made friends through LM that I still have to this day, and it genuinely changed me as a person.
Plus there are 78k of Extras to itch that I Finished Now What scratch.
Parts 1-5 have been podficced and you can find them in works inspired by this one in each part.
Down to Agincourt*** by Seperis. Supernatural | E | 1.12M(Series)/ 154k (First part) | 73k hits (First part)
The world’s already over and they’re already dead. All they’re doing now is marking time until the end.
S7!Dean is transported back to the aftermath of where 5x04 The End left off.
Much like LM, DtA was one that I avoided for a while. I didn’t think it would be my thing. I’m not usually into End!verse, it sounded so bleak from the summary, and it sounded so long for something I wasn’t sure about. If you’re reading this and nodding along? You are as much a fool as I was. Yes, it’s the end of the world. But it’s not over yet. This is a beautiful journey in what it means to be yourself, how to survive the end of the world, a How-To for Coups, and a study in food as a love language. I only read this fic this year, but like LM, it has genuinely changed me.
Map of the World has been podficced.
Supernatural
Let’s start with the current hyperfixation. All of these are at least passively Dean/Cas unless otherwise stated. I've split into ones from my first time around in the SPN fandom and more recent ones because the vibes are actually really different and it took me some time to adjust (Not in a bad way! In a time has passed they have grown as characters way)
Old-School SPN (AKA the Classics my first time around)
Canon-Compliant or Divergent
Home in Motion* by nomdeplume13 M | 232k | 48k hits
Castiel swore he was done with spur of the moment decisions that permanently changed Dean Winchester's life. A year after the angel's most disastrous, his newest may present the largest challenge of dean's life: Fatherhood.
Did someone say kid!fic in canonverse? This is perfect. Canon divergence from the end of S6. Cas saves a baby from a neglectful mother and gives him to Dean to raise. They all move in with Bobby. Great OCs. Bobby considers Cas his son. Listen everything I say here will not be able to begin to encompass how much I love this fic. Just trust me on this one.
Named* by RC_McLachlan M | 95k | 95k hits
Jesus Christ is dead. Somehow, that isn't the worst part of Dean's week.
With a summary like that, need I say more? No but I'm gonna. This is one of the funniest fics I've ever read, but it doesn't take any emotion from the serious moments, if anything it heightens them. There are so many quotes from this I think about all the time. It was written in 2010 and so there's a bit of misogyny/character assassination of Anna in places.
Second Childhood by CloudyJenn (read by exmanhater) G | 16k (1h30) | 10k hits
"Dude, I can't do this whole thing by myself," Dean said with far more desperation leaking into his tone than he liked. It would just be too much to make it through hell and death and Lucifer only to have Castiel bail on him because of a frigging baby.
They beat the Apocalypse (OG-S5) and then Sam gets de-aged by a spell. I've listened to this so many times I know it by heart, it's an ultimate comfort fic to me.
Defy Any and All Expectation* by Tenoko1 (read by Tenoko1) M | 138k (14hrs) | 37k hits
Chuck's newly released books tell of another war between Heaven and Hell. Team Free Will sets out to try to defy prophecy, only to realize there is a lot more at stake and amiss than the not-quite-accurate words of one Prophet of the Lord.
Along the way, Dean and Cas' relationship continues to evolve into something neither expected or were prepared for, all of their lives transforming in ways no one could have expected.
But with no shortage of cases, monsters, and mayhem, it's going to require the help of new friends and old enemies if they're to have a hope of saving the world one more time.
Alternate Season Six.
So this is a re-written version of Tenoko1's The Path We Choose which I don't think is around anymore. By the time I was reading the re-write as each chapter came out, I knew every single line of TPWC and it wasn't all that much shorter. It's such a perfect canon divergence because they are all 100% in-character. If you're into podfic, you already know what an absolute gift 14 hours is, but if you have never tried podfic before, Tenoko1 is a fantastic place to start. Her voice is soothing and energetic and her Cas sometimes comes to mind when I'm reading fic in Misha's place (sorry Misha)
His Fucking Kids 'Verse by 8sword M | 96k(Series)/ 3k (first part) | 26k hits (first part)
Jesus, the school should just have a parking spot labeled, “Reserved for the Novak-Winchesters,” because Dean’s getting sick of having to cruise around the parking lot looking for a spot every time he gets a call from the principal about Emma.
Emma survives and Dean and Cas are raising her and Claire. This fic series will make you laugh, make you cry, and (nowadays) make you wish Emma had survived to be a part of Wayward Sisters.
One Species Too Many by wallmakerrelict E | 22k | 37k hits
While Dean is laid up for a month after breaking his leg on a hunt, Cas decides that it's a perfect time to adopt a litter of kittens. But even though he's gotten better since Purgatory, Cas still isn't quite the same as he was before fixing Sam's head, and being trapped in a cabin with him for weeks on end is making that all the more obvious to Dean. When Sam takes off on a hunt, Dean has to figure out on his own how to navigate his new relationship with Cas while also helping to raise a bunch of fuzzballs that aren't even cute. Not even a little bit. (Well, maybe a little bit.)
Dean breaks his legs, and honey!Cas brings home some kittens to foster. It's achingly sweet and also painful because you know Dean wants to fix Cas but there's nothing to fix. It is tagged for ableism for this.
Tripping* by Hatteress E | 49k | 78k hits
That time the universe decided Dean belonged with Cas and wasn't afraid to pull out the big guns to make it so. Big guns in this case being obsessive fangirls, archangels turned tricksters and overly enthusiastic cupids. Welcome to Dean's life.
Alt!S5 and it is beautiful. Also any fic with Missouri is an automatic win.
Broadway Musical by Grifitings M | 12k | 79k hits
This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.
The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.
Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.
Jimmy deserves a sainthood and frankly I don't even want to hear about crack if it's not on the level of the Host yelling at Cas not to touch the butt.
Classic AUs (AKA AUs from my first time around)
Try Something Tuesday by almaasi E | 48k | 144k hits
Dean Winchester teaches a third-grade class. He's new to this whole ‘bisexual’ thing - but by pure happenstance, he meets Castiel: a particularly dapper male librarian who moonlights as a substitute teacher. Dean's curious and Castiel is willing, so why the hell not?
Except, fate never intended it to be one-time-only...
This was one of the first spn fics to really really stay with me and it never really left.
Rock 'n' Roll Queer Bar by ChasingRabbits E | 127k(Series)/ 8k (Part1) | 29k hits (Part1)
Ellen and Jo Harvelle run Harvelle's Roadhouse, a bar that unintentionally becomes a beacon for wayward queer souls.
Her employees: Dean, the smartass runaway with a big heart and bigger mouth; Castiel, the college drop-out turned hippie; his (surprisingly heterosexual) trouble-making brother Gabriel; and Charlie, who has been told several times that the back room is not to be used for after-hours Dungeons & Dragons games.
But there's a lot of love in this place, and a new family for anyone who may otherwise be without.
This series. If you've ever felt unsure or out of place or anxious or just really felt like no-one understood you, this fic is for you. I first found this series when I was coming to terms with my queerness and I genuinely think it was invaluable. Also I am a sucker for the go for a dinner at Cas's family and end up storming out trope.
Play It All Night Long by janie_tangerine (read by Tenoko1) NC17 | 43k (4hrs)
The rom-com-ish one where Dean hosts a late night radio show, Castiel is a regular listener of his who starts calling one day and ends up calling more often than not and Dean finds himself liking it. This, until one day Castiel calls for not exactly petty reasons (just before Dean's brother Sam is visiting with his girlfriend for spring break) and things get very, very crowdy at his place. He also doesn't know it's just the beginning of it. Also features Gabriel, Chuck, Andy, the Roadhouse crew and a huge amount of music quoted. Especially Bob Dylan.
Again, this podfic has got me through many a night of insomnia. Cas calls in after a particularly shitty day and it all goes from there.
New-School SPN (AKA post-2014)
Canon-Compliant or Divergent
Tall Grass by aeli_kindara E | 57k | 28k hits
“I think we should have a garden,” Cas says.
Dean looks up from his beer. He hasn’t had that much to drink, but Cas still has a vague look of unreality about him, a splash of living color that doesn’t fit in the bunker’s echoing stillness. Dean didn’t hear him coming. A lot of the time, Cas is so unobtrusive it feels like Dean has the bunker to himself, with Sam away.
Dean shakes his head to clear it. “A — garden?” he repeats.
There is a reason you will see this recced time and time again. It healed parts of me I didn't know needed healing.
So Says the Sword* by komodobits E | 85k | 73k hits
The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’
Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected
I saw ssts mentioned in like every single If you're getting back into the fandom READ THIS rec list. For good reason. It's described as "canon-adjacent in that seasons one to three happened exactly the same, but when Dean goes to Hell, he is not raised by Castiel".
It's one of the most interesting concepts I've read and it's one of those fics where the writing style will stick with you. Castiel POV in a way you've never read before.
Aching in the Absence of You* by sobsicles E | 95k | 9k hits (in 5 days)
Brittle and battle-worn, Cas looks at him over coffee one morning and says, "I need to go," and Dean instantly knows that he's not coming back.
He's not really sure how he knows it, but he does. It settles into the pit of his stomach, curling hot and tight like something he instinctively wants to tear out with his bare hands. He takes a breath, and it gets stuck in his throat, hitching there. It hurts, hurts, hurts when he finally exhales.
"Yeah," Dean says, "of course you do," and he nods jerkily as he looks down at his phone. He doesn't say goodbye. He doesn't look up from the screen when Cas gets up and leaves the room. He doesn't finish his coffee, or move for a long time.
By nightfall, Cas is gone.
If you don't already know sobsicles, I am delighted to introduce you to the person who will smash you to pieces with a hammer to put you back together Kintsugi-style. This one is post-finale but without 15x18 (it'll make sense as it goes). Cas says he's going to leave again and again Dean doesn't ask him to stay. Full of lines so beautiful they'd make Shakespeare weep, Sobsicles has this way of writing that is so evocative and paints such a clear picture. Fair warning, if you're Dean-coded, this might be A Lot.
dumbassery, denial, doing (the three d's to the destination)** by sobsicles E | 108k | 25k hits
Freedom is just one adjustment after the next.
~~~
Cas hums again. "I think you already have. It's been months since everything settled. All that's left to do is...get used to it, and perhaps—" His voice stalls out, uncharacteristically, and his gaze roams Dean's face with intensity. When he speaks next, his tone is a little raw. "Perhaps what one does with peace is...whatever they want."
"What if I don't even know what that is?" Dean grumbles, arching an eyebrow in challenge. "'Cause I know damn well you don't just mean good food and a good bed and time in Baby, not simple wants like that. You mean—ya know, the big things, the wants we didn't get to have before."
"Yes," Cas agrees. "If you're not sure, figure it out."
"Easier said than done."
Yes, two sobsicles recs back to back. This one I read first and it still holds such a special place in my heart. A sign of a good fic is being able to picture it perfectly. The sign of an amazing fic is that when reading this I was so in Dean's shoes I could feel a pool cue between my hands and Baby behind my back. And I sobbed like a baby in this. It has probably my favourite ending ever. It's genuinely beautiful. If you don't read another on this list, read this one.
Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara M | 52k | 14k hits
In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean.
(A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)
The ultimate Cas character study and interwoven with poetry.
So There It Is, I've Said It All by PorcupineGirl (read by Ceewelsh) G | 4k | 13k hits
"Why, do you have something you need to say to me that you don't think I'll like?"
I think I'm in love with you.
"Yeah. I guess so."
Dean figures out he's in love with Cas then can't stop thinking it. This is genuinely beautiful and if you've ever had trouble actually saying the thing you're thinking, you'll relate to Dean here. I recently did the podfic for this.
you won't find this place alone by amidsizedfrog G | 9.5k |
When Claire said she was dropping out of college to pursue hunting full time, Dean said, “right,” and left the room.
Or, the cross-generation conversation about formal education, choosing your own path and figuring out what it looks like to find a family.
Or, in other words: "But what I do have is a GED and a give-'em-hell-attitude, and I'll figure it out." - Dean Winchester
This is a beautiful look at education in the hunter world, and I love anything that looks at Dean and Bobby's relationship and this does it perfectly. Also best cameo ever.
Seek to Know You Better by ahurston E | 33k | 23k hits
Dean and Cas, a long stretch of highway, and 36 questions empirically designed to make two people fall in love.
As if they weren't already.
This is perfect. It has a lovely slow pace like it has the vibes of an indie film if that makes sense? Like it's two guys going from place to place talking. It was an instant favourite.
Newer AUs (AKA more recent AUs)
And This, Your Living Kiss* by opal_bullets M | 57k | 69k hits
Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen.
Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen.
When I asked which fics were absolute must-reads for someone who'd been out of the fandom a few years, this was said repeatedly. But what really got me to read it was everyone actually told me more about what it meant to them than just the summary. It's a study in poetry, a study in learning who you are and who you used to be, and a reminder that it's never too late.
The Graveyard Shift* by riseofthefallenone, PurgatoryJar E | 620k | 175k hits
Dean’s favourite coffee shop, The Graveyard Shift, is only open after the sun goes down. Which is perfect for him, because that’s exactly when he craves coffee the most while doing the overnight at the fire hall. The coffee shop’s owner is pretty perfect too, but it’s kind of a bummer that Dean never gets to see Cas during the day. In a world where the supernatural live more or less in peace with the rest of humanity, it’s a little impolite to ask Cas just what he really is - or what his dark past entails.
A fantastic magical realism fic - magical creatures live and work with humans. Gabe and Cas run a coffee shop, Dean is a fireman, and the burn is slow and delicious and the intrigue kept me reading for like a week every single spare minute.
Painted Angels by WinJennster E | 106k | 162k hits
Author Castiel Novak has finally hit the big time, with a book based on his failed college relationship with a brilliant painter. He's put all his pain behind him, but at a book signing, he comes face to face with Dean Winchester for the first time in twelve years, and the reunion doesn't go like Cas hoped. Dean's a broken man, with a lot of scars and secrets, shoulders weighed down by his demons and self loathing.
Cas sees a second chance with the man he's never stopped loving, but Dean's moved on, and is about to get married. Sam launches a "brilliant" plan to reunite his brother and his best friend, but Cas is worried it will all blow up in their faces, and he'll go through the agony of losing Dean a second time.
The first part of this I actually saved back when I was first in the fandom but I never got around to reading it (I had a To Read folder of 100+ fics that I absolutely dove into when I got back into spn) and the rest of the series finished in 2016 so I'm counting it in this section not the other.
On the one hand, I wish I'd read this when it first came out. It's beautiful and heartbreaking, and so visual. On the other hand, I think I appreciated it a lot more now than I would have seven years ago. The parallel of me coming back to the old fandom that I loved dearly with Cas coming back to see someone and places he loved so much really hit. (Although coming back to the spn fandom was much easier and much less heartbreak!)
Finale Fix-Its (yeah fuck you Dabb that this has to be a whole category)
The Goldenrod Revisions by aethylas M | 66k | 15k hits
A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.
Script format re-write of 15x19 and 15x20 into a 5-episode finale fix-it. As far as I'm concerned, this and chocolatecakecas's American Pie fanvid are the Supernatural finale.
break the skin (to break the barriers)* by sobsicles M | 30k | 9k hits
The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment.
~~~
Dean is silent for a long, tense moment, then he gruffly says, "It's not for banishing the angels. It's to summon them. So, it doesn't—it's not to get rid of 'em, but to draw 'em in."
Mitzi can't help but glance up at him at that. His voice is so heavy with so much unexplained pain, and she doesn't understand why, or what angels have to do with it. She knows religion can impact people. She's very aware that it can get complicated, and that it can be a huge source of pain for someone, but Dean sounds grievously wronged, somehow, as if it's a truly personal thing.
She pushes through, focusing back on her job, clearing her throat before murmuring, "Well, I guess we all want angels to visit us sometimes."
"Just the one," Dean mumbles.
"Your guardian angel?" Mitzi asks.
Dean breathes out, "Something like that. As close to one as an angel will ever get."
Therapy through getting tattoos and telling your life story to someone who obviously doesn't think it's real. Outsider!POV not just done well, but done literally the best.
Kingdom Come by ahurston E | 17k | 10k hits
Cas wakes up on the coast of Maine. He makes his way home.
I don't know if this counts as finale fix-it as it's more fuck the finale we're ignoring that. There's just so much love and care in this fic.
The Family Business by chai_lattes M | 16k | 5.5k hits
It's all over. It's been weeks since Chuck's defeat and Cas' return from the Empty. There are no threats on the horizon, no apocalypses to stop, but there's something that keeps the Winchesters from being happy. Something that's maybe always been there.
On their way back from a hunt, they find John Winchester, back from the dead.
If you're anything like me, you start rubbing your grubby little hands together at the tag John Winchester's A+ Parenting like yes let's address this! This is one of the best examples of John coming back and how it jars with the life that they have built. Also Claire and Jack getting to share screentime!
Merlin
If I have a forever fandom, it's Merlin. I've always kept one foot in this fandom, and it introduced me to fandom, and most importantly to podfic which kinda had an impact. All Merthur unless stated.
Canon-Verse
Seven Magpies by syllic (read by lunchee) E | 33k (3hr15) | 58k hits
Arthur opened his eyes a minute later to the sight of seven magpies streaking across the top of the clearing, their shapes dark against the white clouds and the muted grey of the sky. He tried to remember what it was that seven magpies meant—he'd had a nurse who had sung the rhyme to him as a child—but couldn't.
Arthur wakes up somewhere he doesn't recognise, but where he clearly belongs.
Okay so this is an AU but it's Canon-AU so it's going here. Fantastic role reversal fic that you will be thinking about for weeks.
and from your grace, i fell by TheDragon (read by Ceewelsh) T | 4.6k (41mins) | 13k hits
“Where’s Merlin?” he asks the maid. “Where’s that idiot of a Court Sorcerer?!”
“Begging your pardon, Your Majesty. I thought you knew,” the maid replies, not daring to look him in the eyes. “He’s taken ill.”
“And he couldn’t be bothered to tell me himself that he would be unable to attend today’s council meeting?” Arthur questions, voice full of acid.
“He hasn’t woken since he collapsed two days ago, Sire,” the maidservant says, blissfully unaware that what she’s saying the power to stop Arthur’s heart in its tracks.
When I first read this, it had me completely transfixed. I could not stop reading. It was so raw and so full of emotion. I was then lucky enough to get TheDragon in our exchange, so I did a podfic for it and it's probably the most proud I've been of one.
Modern AU
The Student Prince* by FayJay (read by FayJay) M | 145k (15hrs) | 696k hits
A Modern day Merlin AU set at the University of St Andrews, featuring teetotal kickboxers, secret wizards, magnificent bodyguards of various genders, irate fairies, imprisoned dragons, crumbling gothic architecture, arrogant princes, adorable engineering students, stolen gold, magical doorways, attempted assassination, drunken students, shaving foam fights, embarrassing mornings after, The Hammer Dance, duty, responsibility, friendship and true love...
A classic is a classic for a reason. I'm also pretty sure this introduced me to podfics so like special place in my heart x2. Did you know if you filter AO3 by hits on Merlin, this has 426k more hits than the second result? Now that is a Fandom Classic.
Drastically Redefining Protocol* by rageprufrock (read by lunchee) E | 46k (5hr30) | 269k hits
In which Prince Arthur meets Merlin and all hell promptly breaks loose.
As I always say, if this can happen to me and I still love the fic, nothing is going to change that. Arthur hides from his duties in a cupboard and gets stuck in there with a chainsmoking med student.
Fundamental Imperfections by Starlingthefool (read by bravenclawsome) M | 12k (1hr35) | 123k hits
In which an argument about Dickens leads to a Twitter scandal, broken bones, midnight conversations, and transatlantic longing.
(Or, an AU with Arthur and Merlin as moderately famous authors.)
This fic has everything: Charles Dickens, long distance texting, Morgana choking a Sherlock cosplayer with his own scarf. This is the ultimate comfort fic and I compare all fics to this even when they're incomparable. I never read the sequel because it was WIP and I was waiting for it to complete, it hasn't been updated since 2015 and apparently ends on an unhappy note, so if you're going to read the sequel you have been warned.
Les Mis
Modern!AU
Overzealous Oddities by YassHomo e/R, Courf/Cosette/Marius, Comb/Ép | G | 6.4k | 4k hits
Courfeyrac: Remember when I smashed our tv and we laughed about it?
Enjolras: No.
Courfeyrac: Let me rephrase
Courfeyrac: I've smashed our tv, lets laugh about it.
I love me a text fic and this is in my opinion the best one around. Just look at that summary. I have quoted that so many times.
But Paris was a very old city and we were young* by GingerNinjaAbi E/R, Courf/Jehan | M | 99k | 42k hits
Perhaps somewhere in between all the cups of coffee, shots of tequila, sunny March days, terrible lumpy jumpers, love, cigarettes, drunken nights and the desire to change the world they'll all leave Paris with a degree in something. Or not. Grantaire's money is on no. But he's a pessimist who's hopelessly in love, so perhaps his opinion shouldn't count.
The ULTIMATE modern!AU tbh.
Tagged by Salomonderiel E/R, Courf/Jehan | E | 155k | 28k hits
So there's this artist. He could probably be compared to Banksy, but he's a lot more... cynical. He shares rooms with a poet who braids his hair with flowers, in a flat near Covent Garden they rent from a short-tempered shop keeper with a penchant for fans and who'd do anything if you mentioned Poland. Sometimes, the three of them will go and deface public buildings in London whilst completely smashed off their heads.
And then there's this, shall we say, 'revolutionary'. He has a band of other revolutionaries, who all meet at this cafe by Borough Market. He shares rooms with his best mate, a philosophy student, spends too much time with a flirty guy who has a thing for poets, goes boxing with a guy in a red vest, wants to punch the wet sop who drools on the blonde waitress and is getting tired of this guy who keep breaking his laptops through sheer dumb luck. Thank god the hypochondriac's there to keep an (slightly too) attentive eye on their stress levels.
The revolutionary thinks the graffiti artist's work is a waste of space. The artist thinks the revolutionary's campaigns are a waste of time.
And all the while, the poet and the flirt drool over each other in the background...
This is perfect and it's funny and it's beautiful and it rips my heart out multiple times.
Canon
To Be Free by kjack89 (read by Ceewelsh) Gen, Cosette/Marius | T | 3.8k (32mins) | 375 hits
Three blows from a bayonet had transfixed Combeferre’s breast, followed by a fall from the barricade as he rapidly lost first blood and then consciousness. But neither of these, it seemed, was enough to kill him, as much as later he might perhaps wish that they were.
I read this because it was on a list kjack89 did of their favourite fics which don't necessarily have the same hits traffic. It's nothing I would have usually read (canon era, not e/R, MCD) but I am so glad I gave it a go. It's a study on what if Combeferre had survived the barricades too and the guilt. This stayed with me for days afterwards until I eventually messaged kjack89 to get permission to podfic it.
BatFam
Canonish (I don't know differences between canons but these are all they're superheros fics)
Robins United by laceymcbain (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | T | 49k (6h15)/ 19k (2h25) (First part) | 103k hits
Bullets, knives, a three story fall, even a fucking crowbar hadn't managed to keep Jason down permanently, but Dick Grayson (and the rest of his "family") was going to kill him with kindness.
The ultimate batbros series. Also if you haven't heard reena_jenkins' podfics before, you are welcome. Pre-pandemic I took a lot of public transport and reena_jenkins kept me sane.
batcoons by drakefeathers (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | G | 6k (49mins) | 14k hits
Jason and raccoons have a lot in common. (Additionally: his so-called family are much bigger pests than the stray animals hanging around his safehouse.)
This is funny, it's heartwarming, and it's a really good character study.
AU
Here Comes the Sun by batsy_rocks Clark/Bruce | T | 19k | 20k hits
Clark Kent is a kind-hearted reporter working in the big city. Bruce Wayne is a stressed dad of four with no idea of what he's doing.
Then they meet.
Bruce Wayne is a Tired Single Dad™. It's genuinely such a sweet fic.
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The "Tyrion is notably misogynistic" take is extremely common in the fandom. In general, he is judged far more harshly for his moral failings than other (male) characters. It's especially stark when you compare it to how the fans tend to excuse Jaime, a two time would-be child murderer. Why do you think Tyrion earns so much scorn? Is it abelism? Backlash to the show's white washing of his character? Something I'm missing? Or do you disagree with my premise entirely? Any input would be great.
I’m not in anybody else’s head (thank god) so I don’t know why anyone responds to a fictional character as they do, and each person’s reasons are probably as different as the grains of sand on a beach. Reading and relating to fiction is a deeply personal experience. Some people are going to love Tyrion, while others will hate him, and some will judge him harshly while others might let him off easy. It comes down to our own lived experiences and how we translate those into the stories we love.
I disagreed (strongly) with the other anon, but I’m not an authority on any of this. I’m not an authority on ASOIAF. I’m not the final arbiter of misogyny. I answered the other anon based on my own understanding of Tyrion, my own understanding of misogyny, my own reading of the text, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m right and they’re wrong.
I actually don’t think I feel comfortable saying that the people who believe “Tyrion is exceptionally misogynistic” are wrong. Yes, I strongly disagree with that take, I can’t stress that enough, but each person’s opinion on fiction is very personal. For example, if a sex worker said to me that they find Tyrion to be exceptionally misogynistic, who am I to say that they’re wrong? Fiction allows for different, completely contradictory opinions.
I would actually be very interested in reading an unbiased argument by someone who believes that “Tyrion is exceptionally misogynistic compared to the rest of Westeros,” with concrete examples of Tyrion’s specific instances of alleged misogyny, along with thorough explanations of why each instance is misogynistic, citing various feminist scholars and their definitions of misogyny. I would then like the actions of a handful of other major male characters, including Jaime, to be examined for instances of misogyny, and I would like this small sample to be compared to Tyrion.
Because yeah, I do think this take is very common, but I want to see more evidence to back it up. I hope this isn’t being read facetiously because my wish is sincere. Misogyny, IMO, is punishing women who don’t uphold patriarchy, and I would be interested in seeing Tyrion’s actions analyzed with this definition, or at least some authoritative definitions, in mind, because, while some of Tyrion’s thoughts and actions certainly fit this definition, I think the majority do not. But the word misogyny is thrown around so much now, that I think it’s losing meaning, and I think some meaning has to be brought back into the conversation surrounding Tyrion. I vented to a friend recently, “if [redacted female character] came up to Tyrion and randomly punched him in the stomach, and Tyrion called her out on it, Tyrion’s calling her out on it would be considered an example of his misogyny.”
So yeah, I do tend to agree with you. To offer a theory why, I think Tyrion is the antagonist in the stories of a lot of female POV characters, from the perspective of those female POV characters. Not to mention some non-POV female characters that Tyrion has most definitely wronged. Tumblr skews female, and a lot of readers identify with these female characters over Tyrion. I think Tyrion is really at odds with a lot of female POVs in a way that someone like Jaime isn’t. For example, Tyrion and Catelyn are at odds in AGOT. Tyrion is at odds with his sister throughout the books. Tyrion is at odds with Sansa in ASOS. While I find it easy to sympathize with both parties in these conflicts, some people choose to sympathize with only one. Which is also valid. I don’t necessarily think there’s a right or wrong way to respond to literature. But I think this lack of sympathy for Tyrion tends to mean he’s judged very harshly.
I also tend to think that Tyrion is GRRM’s greyest POV hero. Tyrion does some really horrible things. Now, as you say, Jaime does some horrible things too, but I’ve never really thought of Jaime ending as one of the heroes because I believe he is the valonqar. I have never felt that Jaime is going beyond the curtain of light, which I think Tyrion will. And I think we tend to judge our heroes more harshly than … whatever you would like to call the category that includes Jaime and Cersei and Tywin. And let me say, holy fuck is Tywin misogynistic, but somehow Tyrion is the worst misogynist in Westeros??? 👀👀 But Tyrion is on the balance scales of heroism, straddling light and darkness. With someone like Tywin, it’s like, “oh yeah, he’s a villain, that’s to be expected.” But with Tyrion? I don’t think anyone reading AGOT predicted ADWD Tyrion’s dark descent. And it’s that greyness that makes Tyrion interesting to me, complicated, real. Tyrion isn’t like Harry, he’s not like Lucy and Susan and Peter, he’s not like Rand, he’s not like Vimes. Tyrion’s hard to root for sometimes. And Tyrion is definitely misogynistic, even if I don’t think his misogyny is particularly exceptional, as I said in my other post. But I think GRRM has imbued the books with this sense that he is a hero (there is a general consensus that he is one of the three heads of the dragon) but would a hero really strangle Shae? Would a hero marry a 12 year old? And so it’s like WTF GRRM? which translates into a desire to “prove” that Tyrion was “the worst/the villain” all along. Even though I don’t think that’s GRRM’s point. I think GRRM’s point is that we have hero and villain both inside each of us. Even if you’ve done horrible things, you’re still, in this moment, capable of heroism; never doubt humanity’s ability to rise.
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Gormless Ch. 11 – I’m Korma for you, imperialistic dogs
A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.
I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!
The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband. In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.
For the last book check out the brainless tag.
If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?
This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England. Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag. She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon. He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok. Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything. Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government. She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.
Last time on Gormless:
There’s some mysterious force that’s turning the Vampires and werewolves into humans. Alexia is in charge of figuring out that deal, and she is doing a bad job at it. They are at her husband’s old pack castle about it. Are they hiding something?????
Chapter 11 – I’m Korma for you, imperialistic dogs
Okay despite my grumblings on the lack of shit that happened last chapter. This chapter comes in HOT! And by HOT, I mean RACIST!
Basically everybody is taking a leisurely walk in the garden. Ivy asks the military bros about, “how brave they are to fight the ~primitives~ in India.”
HAHA OKAY! LET’S JUST KEEP TRUCKING!
Maccon says it’s just minor pacification at this point, thus implying that he’s done the same sort of business which is super good and great.
Oh but here’s a big old sticking point for me, one of the military bros says the food in India is terrible. I will preface this by saying I have only probably had ~Americanized~ Indian food from restaurants or used generic recipe websites. So we can have a discussion on whether I have had ~authentic~ Indian food and if ~authentic~ food is even a thing.
BUT INDIAN FOOD IS ONE OF THE MOST WELL-RESPECTED CUISINES IN THE WORLD, AND BRITISH PEOPLE, RIGHTLY LOVE IT! WHAT I HAVE HAD HAS BEEN UTTERLY INCREDIBLE AND I WHAT LITTLE I KNOW ABOUT IT MAKES IT IMPRESSIVE AND WONDERFUL AND GO FUCK YOURSELF!
THIS IS A HILL I WILL DIE ON! I don’t delete comments for much but if anybody comments on this chapter with even, “Indian food is just okay” COMMENT DELETED!
In this story’s defense, perhaps they think the food is bad because the Indian individuals preparing food for the exploitative brutes just took a dump on a plate and put a leaf on top.
Okay so while I fantasized about rubbing vindaloo directly into the eyes of these dipshit characters I continued…Alexia gets snippy with these military bros…but not over any of the racist horseshit, she tries to start shit over them describing Egyptian and Indian weather as hot. And maybe the author is trying to take pot-shots at these fuckers, but like why is she making snippy comments about how they describe the FUCKING weather instead of standing up for Indian people? Also Ivy was the one who started by calling them ~primitives~ but she’s not concerned with Ivy at all. Also don’t @ me with whore shit like, “Well Ivy is supposed to be dumb” dumb people aren’t automatically racist fuck off.
We move on to find out that the Kingair pack STOLE ARTIFACTS including ACTUAL FUCKING MUMMIES from Egypt when they passed through. THANKFULLY there is a blip of sanity when Maccon says that’s illegal.
Yet it gets SO MUCH WORSE when Alexia proposes a good old fashioned
MUMMY UNWRAPPING PARTY!
Which everybody gets super excited about. Those by the way were REAL THINGS in Victorian England. JUST IN CASE YOU NEEDED TO KNOW!
Maccon and Alexia go aside a moment where Alexia says the humanization is obviously coming from the artifacts they brought back and that Maccon should have them confiscated since they are illegally gained. They go back and forth about what to DO with them once they’re confiscated, and both agree that destroying them would be a bad idea…but they don’t bring up the fact you could I DON’T KNOW just return them to the country of origin? HAHA okay.
They head back to the castle and LeFoux, in proper dramatic fashion, is racing toward them saying some cliffhanger shit like, “10 dramatic turns this book could take but won’t! #7 will shock you!” But before she’s able post some hilarious reaction memes she gets SHOT in the back! DUN DUN DUN!
Then they’re getting shot at and hiding behind the umbrella cause THAT’S FOOL-PROOF but eventually are able to get everybody inside the castle.
And here they just forget anything interesting was going to happen.
Nobody seems concerned with combing the castle to find the gunman in one of these towers. I have done a few active shooter drills at my place of work, and you know what’s a big part of that? If the shooter isn’t found just literally forget about them. What could be the harm?
Instead they fuss over LeFoux with Alexia wondering, “Was she really shot? Is she faking? Is she behind all of this?” And it’s like YOU LEGIT JUST WATCHED HER GET SHOT AND WHILE SHE WAS ON THE GROUND MORE BULLETS WERE WHIZZING BY YOU! EVEN IF SHE IS, IT SEEMS LIKELY THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE INVOLVED! By the way when I say fussed over there is no description of them bandaging any wounds or anything. They don’t state outright here but in next chapter they talk about how it’s all tranquilizer bullets. It’d be nice if they mentioned it...you know this chapter. It honestly felt like they had just propped a woman bleeding out in a chair and talked about how she’s probably behind her own impending death.
This would have been a great moment dramatic moment for them to expose LeFoux’s neck for Maccon to see the Hypocras tattoo. Imagine Maccon losing his shit that they let a Hypocras Crony in their mist, and when he finds out Alexia had seen the tattoo before, gets even loonier. Alexia is ashamed that the intimacy she shared with LeFoux was perhaps cheating mixed with the shame of same-sex attraction, and kept her around in hopes that she could learn something more about her deceased father from her but instead just endangered everyone.
WASTED OPPORTUNITY!
Alexia then sneaks off to chat with Sidheag. When Alexia first met Sidheag she made a mental note of instantly liking her. This conversation starts with Alexia mentally stating that she’s ~decided to hate her.~ BITCH OVER WHAT? You’re being treated well in this castle, and she’s been polite despite you insulting her castle at every fucking turn. Alexia just hasn’t been hitting that self-misogyny quota!
Let’s start with the good part of this conversation. Alexia asks Sidheag about how she feels about what her great granddad did to the clan. Sidheag says she was 16 and off at school when it happened. (Though at one point Alexia says that Sidheag is not holding a tea cup right and thus implies she never went to finishing school at all…and it’s like…are you trying to throw a seed of doubt that she’s lying about everything? I mean that’s cool but like I think it’s kinda a big jump from ~holds tea cup in different way.~)
Anyway while Sidheag agrees with his politics, she thinks he could have handled it better. She suggests he should have killed/kicked out more of the top members involved in the attempted murder instead of just skipping town entirely. I was surprised to see the author give this situation more depth than just, “MACCON IS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING CAUSE HE IS BEST MAN!” So that’s the good part.
It seems odd that Maccon only punished 1 person despite it being a clan-wide problem. When Sidheag got back from school he put her and her boyfriend (whom was not part of the clan) in charge and everything just went peachy after that. REALLY? Seems to me the bitter leftovers from that dispute would really fucking resent a teenage human grandchild of the big bad ex-leader who hadn’t been spending much time there and her no-name boyfriend showing up to run things. If they were going to kill a queen, it doesn’t seem below them to murder the two of them, especially with nobody there to protect them.
BUT THE FUCK DO I KNOW?
Most of the conversation is more of the “I WANT GRANDADDY TO TURN ME INTO A WEREWOLF!” Which…we had that conversation before, but at least Alexia decides she wants to support her in this. Maccon is cranky when brought up but understands. Their room is ransacked, but her bag is safe. Alexia thinks that what LeFoux wanted to tell her probably involved the Aethongrapher, but she decides NOT to check it out cause ??????????? Maccon says that Tunstell brought him a special gun and they get ready for dinner. The chapter ends with Alexia making the super clever deduction that Maccon has had the ulterior motive of trying to ~fix~ his old pack.
And wow holy shit there Alexia
Sooooooo smart! This is something that really needed to be pointed out too! Greaaaaaaaaaat.
This is especially infuriating due to how it’s written Full quote:
“…You must agree I have a point.”
He turned to frown up at her. “I hate it when you come over all correct.”
Alexia trotted down the staircase until they were nose to nose. She had to stand one step up from him for it to be so. She kissed him softly. “I know. But I am so very good at it.”
She’s praised for the deduction that didn’t even need to be stated, smugs up the place, and the fucking line, “Come over all correct.” MAYBE IT’S JUST ME BUT THESE SAD ATTEMPTS OF TRYING TO SOUND PERIOD APPROPRIATE MAKE ME WANT TO YARF!
Also let me point out that Maccon has only started drama, gotten into a fist-fight, and try to or have sex with his wife the entire time he’s been there. Alexia has actually done more than he has for the clan and she hasn’t even been trying.
OH YEAH AND WE JUST GONNA FORGET SOMEONE GOT SHOT AND THE SHOOTER IS HANGING OUT IN THE CASTLE WITH YOU ALL RIGHT NOW? OKAY SURE?
Say something nice Faps:
At least something fucking happened this chapter.
I do genuinely like how Sidheag disagrees with how her great grandfather did things and she’s not demonized for it…at least not yet. I will dunk myself in boiling oil if it’s revealed that SIDHEAG IS BIG BAD CAUSE OF NOT HOLDING A TEA CUP RIGHT.
Sidheag is cool, can we not pick on her ever again?
Super looking forward to do aggressive racism of the mummy unwrapping party y’all!
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We were not dating, you were not my boyfriend, we were beyond those sorts of commitments, we were so woke, we could transcend all those prickly, binding words. Our generation does not like definitions, we do not like to be restrained, you were not my boyfriend. We were not dating.
We were not dating, we were friends, just friends, my guy, so it meant you did not have to return my phone calls and you did anyway, so that meant I was special. We were post-modern friends engaging in post-mortem love, except you’d think dystopian love would be more impactful because it’s all you get in a world full of poisoned water and dying bees. You’d think nihilist millennial love would make you dig your fingers in and hold on because you cannot know when anything will be gone. We cannot even afford to be alive, you’d think we would know how precious it is to intertwine fingers and fall asleep feeling wanted. You’d think we would learn to want the last good things left.
Maybe that’s the problem. We don’t trust that anything is real anymore.
We were not dating, and you woke me up night after night for months at a time, crawling into my bed and telling me you missed the way my hair smelled, you loved me, you loved me, you loved me.
We were not dating, and you pressed your forehead against mine and told me you had loved me since you met me, you had loved me for a year. We were not dating, and I began leaving my ringer on when I went to bed at night, in case you called, because you usually did.
We were not dating, we just sat naked wrapped in each other at the window with the lights off smoking cigarettes, spilling our guts and our dreams in each other’s laps again and again. We were not dating, and you pulled me into you, not one time, many times, saying, Get closer. We were not dating and you did not want to share me with other lovers but you could not ask for that because we were not dating. We were not dating and neither of us had other lovers.
We were not dating and we wept in each other’s arms and you told me I was the moon. We were not dating and when I got scared of the fallout, you rushed to my house, you told me a part of you said, I am off the hook, and the rest of you said, You love that girl, something is wrong, go be with her.
We were not dating and my body never felt safer with any man before or after you, we were not dating but you looked into my eyes while you were cumming and told me I was holy, we were not dating and I told everyone we were trying on friendship again after Everything That Had Happened. We were not dating and you told me, After a year, I still long for your touch.
We were not dating so you didn’t have to show up if you didn’t want to, we were not dating, so you didn’t have to say why or when you’d be back. We were not dating and we discussed politics and feminism in bed and I wrote poems about fucking you and we talked about the misogyny of the Cool Girl Trope, and then I was the Cool Girl for you. We were not dating and I could have done it like this forever, but every time you stopped showing up I was afraid to call, because when you needed space it meant you needed to pretend I was no longer a person you knew, and this was okay because we were not dating. We were not dating and I could only be cool when it felt like this love wasn’t going anywhere. We were not dating and if I could just be cool, then you wouldn’t tell stories later about how I was crazy.
We were not dating and you blamed me when people thought we were, and you also told me you didn’t want to be anyone’s secret. We were not dating and you wanted to make sure everyone knew we were not dating, but you also wanted them to know we were fucking when it suited you. We were not dating and we had long conversations about how we always ended up coming back to each other’s arms, and we did so while holding each other close in my bed, wrapped in my blankets. We were not dating and we said things to each other like, I want to wake up with your skin against my skin. We were not dating but we loved each other so it didn’t matter.
We were not dating and I started getting real high at night to offset the suddenness of your absence, to try and stop myself from waking up at 3 am expecting you. We were not dating and I missed you but I was only allowed to miss you at times when you missed me back because missing you at the wrong times meant I was clingy.
We were not dating and you left books and items of clothing and liquor at my house, so much that I am still drinking your whiskey even now.
We were not dating and my dog stopped barking at the sound of you climbing the stairs. We were not dating and you took my scarf and wore it all winter. We were not dating and each time you returned you told me what I meant to you, how you would be kinder to me this time.
We were not dating so I have nothing to call you by now, it is as though you were never here, except you were. You put your hands everywhere and everything you touched is now rotting and half-collapsed. We were not dating and I got used to you being here, so wanting you here was my fault and my problem. We were not dating so none of this has to be on you. We were not dating and I am crazy.
We were not dating and you are not my ex, you are a year’s worth of poems. A collection of things you left in my apartment, now packed in a Rubbermaid bin at the back of my closet that I cannot bear to part with. The reason the smell of American Spirits and whiskey combined makes me comforted and wet at the same time, and I wonder if, in your home, there is still a trail of bobby pins telling my story. I bet they are there, stuck in the carpet and on the bathroom sink, amid all the clutter. We were not dating and you never threw anything away but people. We were not dating, we were never dating, there was nothing to throw away, nothing to dismiss, nothing to sever. We were not dating, this cannot hurt, neither of us was ever here.
— Nina Szarka
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VnC Liveblog - Chapter 7
.All chapter liveblogs are linked HERE.
Hey, note for people following along: the last two chapters (5 and 6) didn’t show up on the main Vanitas no Carte tags because Tumblr filters out any posts that have outside links in them. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But they’re done and the links for them are right up there. ^
Now, on to chapter 7!
Methinks MochiJun is running out of art for the chapter covers. That’s okay, I like this guy’s face.
OH MY GOD ARE WE GETTING WORLDBUILDING I AM EXCITED
So. Paracelsus. Famed physician and alchemist, called the Luther of medicine. He’s got a wikipedia page that I’m not gonna link to here *shakes tiny fist at tumblr* but probably the most interesting thing about him (if not the most important, in this context) is that ‘Paracelsus’ was his pen name. His real name?
Theophrastus von Hohenheim. Yeah. That von Hohenheim. Or at least the original one he was named after.
More pertinent, I think, is the fact that Paracelsus was a doctor, like our main character. He had a reputation for disdaining conventional medical thought (as this was the 1500s, this was not unwarranted) and for prioritizing practical experience over unproven theories preached by people with silly titles. Going by Vanitas’ fight with Orlok, I think he would have liked Paracelsus.
With Paracelsus involved, we now have a timeline for Babel -- it occurred sometime during the first half of the 1500s, creating vampires, astermite, the border, and, apparently, a number of disasters.
(the sudden appearance of vampires among the human population might have been disastrous enough, but I wonder if there were other things that were thrown out of wack.)
I don’t...quite get this formula business yet, so I’m gonna wait to comment on that until it’s more clear.
Nice job breaking it, Hohenheim.
This is like the tenth time the church has been mentioned, when are they gonna show up?
Hello, Creepy Teacher. Still without eyes, I see.
But not all coal and not all humans were altered.
And what is that on Teacher’s lapel, a clock with wings --
...time flies. You think you’re clever, don’t you.
...he’s planning on using Noé, the last Archiviste. Noé is key to something. What are you planning, Creepy Teacher.
Memoire 7 Bal Masque
Night of Sneering Masks
Lord Ruthven has a real swanky place, don’t he.
On the one hand, I want to go to a ball like this. On the other, it is full of vampires. Who, admittedly, seem like fairly decent people on average -- when they’re not losing their minds and going on murderous rampages.
Kinda looks like the Charlatan parade, though, no?
Hm, Domi is a bit shorter than Noé than I thought she was.
...wait, wait, wait, hold up. let’s zoom in here.
that’s Domi??? that looks like Unnerving Boy. crap, is she Unnerving Boy? i was joking about that before.
Glad I’m not the only one making that connection. The narrative wants this decadence to remind us of Charlatan. re: we shouldn’t trust it.
Domi: That guy’s gonna keep a low profile, right?
Vanitas: *seducing ALL the ladies at the ball*
Y’all knew he was an unrepentant grandstander. What did you expect.
(note: Vanitas knows sleight of hand)
(note: vampires can smell humans)
Hahahahaha, “I don’t understand how vampires define ‘friend’“ is my new favorite line, right along with “several different kinds of unfortunate”.
So my question is, can he only see the memories while he’s drinking? Or can he revisit them whenever he wants?
Vanitas adapted to the usefulness of that collar real quick.
I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN, I KNEW THAT DUM-DUM WOULD LEAVE THESE TWO ALONE AND SHIT WOULD HIT THE FAN
this is gonna be good
So spoketh Dominique de Sade. Never has a character been more aptly named.
(yo, is that Ada’s iron maiden. and a tortured stuffed white rabbit in the corner, too. the spirit of Vincent is alive and well.)
Meanwhile...Noé has found a new toy.
precious cinnamon roll, too pure, etc etc
ohoho, I think we know this kid.
HI, LUCA. And Jeanne can’t be that far away.
These guys are bodyguards, or retainers? Dressed like plague doctors, nice touch.
Luca (Lucius?), this is the man who held you hostage, why you lying.
Uh-oh. Something is clearly wrong with Jeanne.
...you might even say, she should probably see a doctor. *baddum-ting* (I think she’d prefer to die of consumption)
But it seems to be something she’s suffered from before? Is it her breathing or her throat?
Likely the same sister who lent Domi the collar and chain. Sister has interesting hobbies.
“I was all excited!” Yeah, this game is gonna be called Ha Ha, Surprise, I’m Kinkier Than You.
Point, Vanitas.
But Domi rallies nicely.
This is where we start getting real; Domi doesn’t fuck around when it comes to Noé. But does she really need to threaten to carve out Vanitas’ eye with a knife??
...throw more knives at him, Domi.
This is why you need to learn to keep your mouth shut, Vanitas. (also check the misogyny, I don’t want you to turn into Vincent, please)
She brings up some very good points.
Ooo, and it looks like something she said hit home. ...or one of the knives stabbed him. Nah, the black border means a brief flashback of some kind.
...Vanitas hates the Vampire of the Blue Moon. Well, well.
So why did he take his name?? And his Book???
(omg, did he steal the Book)
He’s cracked. He’s gonna do something stupid and/or reckless.
HE’S GONNA THROW HIMSELF BACKWARD OFF THE BALCONY.
Well, he did say he was gonna get their attention.
(”you’re worried about Vanitas? you should be worried about me.” “no, wait, i mean, i’m here to save vampires. yes. out of the goodness of my bitter heart.”)
The chandelier’s made of bones, it’s a vampire ball, why wouldn’t it be.
Poor Domi’s like, ‘crap, I pushed the punk too far.’
The cajones on this kid.
Like, seriously, isn’t he supposed to be hiding the fact that he’s human...?
This is revenge for always wandering off and disappearing, Noé.
The gloves are coming off again and this time it’s not a bluff.
Holy crap, that’s a lot more extensive than I thought it’d be. Looks a lot like the moon and spider-webbed sky above Altus Paris, doesn’t it? And this mark is lower on his arm than we saw earlier.
Actually, let’s go back and compare. This is from chapter 4 --
So in chapter 4, we saw marks on his left arm. But...is it the same kind of mark? And how many marks does he have?
Branding is something you do to livestock.
The eyes look like the moon look like the brand. (ha, how much you want to bet the moon over Altus Paris is red and Vanitas’ mark is blue)
And the hourglass is front and center once again. He wears that thing for a reason and that reason is connected to the Vampire of the Blue Moon.
So was he really granted some kind of power, or is this another bluff? Then again, the power could be the ability to use the Book.
I’m starting to think the Vampire of the Blue Moon isn’t the only one who hates vampires...
(”fighting monsters is best left to other monsters”)
I would not trust a doctor who looked at me with a face like that, i’m just saying
And now this crusade to save the vampires makes much more sense.
In doing this, not only will Vanitas get the pleasure of having the vampires he’s curing at his mercy, but with each vampire he saves he sticks it to the Vampire of the Blue Moon.
This was never a charitable cause. This is a fuck you to the entire world, the original Vanitas in particular.
Everyone: “oh shit, this guy’s even crazier than we thought.”
Did he...not mean to say that part out loud...? Or did he see something in the crowd?
Guess we find out next chapter! Which is -- HERE.
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so this turned into Scorpion King: Book of Souls Liveblog Part 1, because I got started late. witness a bunch of people trying to make one man’s considerable hotness singlehandedly carry an entire hour and a half long movie with very limited success under the cut.
I do want to state right up front that there’s only one reason I’m watching this and that reason is that for some reason zach mcgowan is the protagonist, so I’m not really up to date on the whole mummy/scorpion king franchise, the last one I saw was the one with all the jackal dudes and that was a while ago. so I have no idea what’s going on.
oh good they’re just going to town with the exposition, very thoughtful
so if the sword was forged in the fires of hell by anubis then who the heck did they fight when they were taking on the jackal headed dudes because I kinda assumed
are these two series actually related or
holy shit this is so Extra already look at this shit
y’all this is my jam I am living right now
also as people following my art blog may note, I am a huge fan of black and gold aesthetics. this movie is really just ticking off all my boxes right off the bat, it’s terrible, but five stars.
they’re REALLY going to town with the exposition
sword forged in the fires of hell that condemns souls to “the neverending darkness” and must be somehow destroyed... are we talking about anubis or sauron here.
this is just lord of the rings, but bad and with a sword. lord of the sword.
okay prologue is over and some dudes have smashed their way into a tomb. if the last however many mummy movies have taught me anything it’s that this might potentially be a bad idea
I love how they’re just not even setting up any of the characters we’re just diving right in I’m getting strong “yeah you all know the drill by now” vibes here
#squadgoals
really though the gal on the left is pretty badass, she hasn’t done or said a single thing but I respect her and her bootleg Xena vibe
and like shoutout for putting at least one actual black guy in egypt I guess
so I guess the one in the middle is... psychic or something? not that “hey if you plunder this blatantly cursed tomb it might be bad” requires psychic powers to know but
I mean that giant black sarcophagus they found recently in real life turned out fine I’m sure this will be great go nuts dude
uh oh it’s the fang of sauron anubis
oh that doesn’t seem good, but it’s actually the better option since for a second there I thought there were pulling a “black guy dies first” in ancient goddamn egypt
wait we’re still doing exposition okay the narrator is back. hi narrator I missed you.
look I know it’s campy and all but can we take a sec to unironically appreciate how wicked COOL this guy looks with his glowing eyes and crap. this movie is just so satisfying to look at, every single shot has been peak aesthetic
“SEND THE BIRD” and then it’s actually just a regular bird that was anticlimactic
HOLY GREENSCREEN BATMAN
holy FUCK WE’RE ONLY JUST NOW AT THE TITLE SEQUENCE WHAT
okay I guess now we’re going to ACTUALLY start the movie, third time’s a charm
and we’re off to a fantastic start my friends
and judging by the choices of the cameraman in this scene I can tell they’re trying desperately to distract me from the fact that the dialogue sounds like it was generated by a neural network that was fed several dozen mediocre fantasy novels.
it’s working.
I am being personally attacked. god.
oh no some people on horses are coming I assume from the background music that this is a bad thing
OH it’s bootleg Xena and her merry band of deeply mediocre extras okay
I understand the adorable small child’s father must die but must it be at the hands of the worst mediocre extra. seriously he’s been on screen for five seconds and I already hate him.
I guess the protagonist’s name is Matthias, other writers might have let us know that when he was introduced, but these guys know damn well that it literally does not matter what his name is. they could have had her ride up and be like “we’re looking for a man named Jebediah Switchboard McDougal” and anyone who’s voluntarily watching this movie in the first place would just be like “that’s fair”
yeah just in case you weren’t sold after the blacksmithing or the hunting scenes, let’s have him just singlehandedly take down half a dozen ninjas in less than a minute. just fuck me up
oh shit they shot him
oh shit they shot him again
they’re just boromir-ing the hell out of this dude
and yet he’s still going to town on those ninjas
NO NOT THE ADORABLE CHILD WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS
I’ve decided I don’t like bootleg Xena after all
it’s a good thing he’s got three arrows embedded in his torso because that is the worst cage ever. it’s made of like. bamboo and string. have you seen this man’s arms how did they expect that to effectively contain him.
whoa it’s... BOOTLEG XENA 2.0: GOOD GUY EDITION
or not. she didn’t free him or anything she just killed his original captors and then took off with the cage with him in it
no I think she is good she’s... healing him? by... getting scorpions to sting the hell out of him? has the FDA approved this.
I’m sorry I can’t take this scene seriously the background music is way too close to the “ooga chakas” from hooked on a feeling. also the sheer degree to which they’re pulling a reverse male gaze here is kinda overshooting sexy straight into unintentionally funny. I mean I know this is the entire reason I’m watching this insanity but like even I think this is excessive.
“the scorpion king escaped” that is giving him way too much credit he was stolen by the superior bootleg Xena.
and in case NONE of the previous things drew your attention away from the lack of a plot, here’s just straight up nudity because why not.
I thought I had a thing for zach mcgowan but I’ve got nothing on this cameraman.
also there’s some kind of “reluctant chosen one king” thing going on I guess but like they literally couldn’t have put less effort into it
I haven’t heard people this concerned about what the moon is doing since I left evergreen state college
aaand apparently he can see and speak to... ghosts now? ghosts that spit thousands of arrows from the sky? know what why not I’ll accept literally anything at this point.
oh they aren’t ghosts they’re just really sneaky dudes
it’s a shame jebediah switchboard’s one and only weakness is extremely shitty cages because he sure ends up in them a lot
hmmmm we’re getting some uncomfortable racist undertones and misogyny in one go okay. not worse than I would expect from a movie of this.... caliber, but I’m not thrilled, especially since this whole situation has yet to have a single actual point to it.
actually okay it’s veered quickly away from “rudyard kipling-esque Vague Native Tribe Encounter” and into... some kind of weird mad max thing mixed with a D&D campaign that’s gone wildly off the rails. but they’re on thin fucking ice.
I really appreciate that matthias is approaching this situation with exactly the same strategy with which I play skyrim, which is “sneak up on everybody one at a time even though there are a ton of them and that shouldn’t be possible, shoot them all with a bow you looted off one of them”
and now they’re just... suddenly free and back on their horses, then matthias had a vague fake deep exchange with the leader and they rode away. there literally was no reason for that entire interlude. nothing happened, there wasn’t character development or anything. this godforsaken movie could have been ten minutes shorter.
“the plot is down there, just past that greenscreen” is what I heard there.
I’m sorry I’m dying for some reason all I’m getting from this visual is “wait are you saying the panel is all the way on the other side of the convention center” like the costumes are just mediocre enough that in bright light they don’t look like they’re actually actors in a movie.
the moon’s rising. but I can’t for the life of me remember why that’s important. she’s got some kinda egyptian steampunk millennium rod though.
okay the lenses must align with the cipher. did anyone mention a cipher before who knows.
good job matthias you solved the moon puzzle and your prize is a metric ton of blue jello.
all right through the jello portal they go. to find the book of souls, probably.
in this case I actually do need more exposition. are we just not gonna explain ancient egyptian jello narnia. no. okay.
stop forcing zach mcgowan to be quippy I know all the cool movies are doing it but this is neither the time nor the place nor the actor for it.
oh my god they’re being attacked by a rock golem thing and I don’t think a screenshot can fully capture how bad the cgi is. not of the rock monster itself, but trying to integrate it with the real actors and set pieces was... oof.
okay a mostly naked woman has risen out of some nearby water and called off the rock golem with no explanation. why not.
neither of them looks into this so much as confused as hell
honestly, same.
oh god no they’re trying to make the rock golem be the comic relief this movie never needed. please don’t. you can barely handle writing the plot relevant dialogue now’s not the time to get fancy. I take it back, trying to make zach mcgowan be quippy was actually somehow not the worst option.
she IS the book of souls!
okay that’s a pretty cool visual I’ll give them that. digging the iridescent moon tattoo.
and that seems like a reasonable stopping point because I started this kind of late and have to get up for class in the morning. tune in tomorrow for, I assume, more of zach mcgowan running around in various states of undress while absolutely nothing coherent happens around him.
#tearless liveblogs#to be completely honest I'm not even sure what it is about this guy#like as you are all painfully aware I tend to lean way more toward androgyny but like#apparently I'll also take 'the concept of a panther but applied to a human being'#seriously though he cannot do the quippy marvel thing just accept that and don't try to force it
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A CUPPA JOE for SUNDAY 13 MAY 2018
This morning, one of our "brothers" here at Quaker Joe threw this quip into a thread "Christianity is under attack in America." It got me thinking, actually and I wondered:
By whom?
Seriously, I'd love to know. Most #Muricans claim to be "Christian", even if they don't act like they are. It sounds to me, to be perfectly honest, that the ones attacking Christianity are those from within, not from any outside sources.
Bogus "Christians" vote for sexual predators carrying a cross. They INSIST on rampant gun ownership, because that's what Jesus would want, right? They back trump because a thief, adulterer, and con man who sexually assaults women is God's Chosen, right?
For "Christians", here in the US, they're awfully anti-Christ in nature. That's how they present themselves; as bullies and judgmental mega-assholes. Instead of "love they neighbour" or "love they enemy" or "judge not", they openly attack anyone not like them. They've been attacking one another since before we were a nation; one "brand" of Jesus versus another. They've attacked and murdered Jews, Blacks, Muslims, Sikhs, Atheists, the LGBTQ community, have supported Misogyny, were the founding backers of slavery, native American genocide... "Christians" in #Murican history have repeatedly proven, through our entire history as a nation, that the word "Christian" doesn't mean what they say it means.
The religion, like religions before it, is waning, mostly because people of compassion, empathy and reason have caught on that the religion is corrupt, rife with hypocrisy, and should be walked away from and avoided. Nobody's attacking it; people are trying to defend themselves AGAINST it. You don't get to be a bully to everybody and when they stand up to cry about how you're being attacked and play the victim when you {the religion} brought it upon yourselves.
If you want to be a true, honest Christian, it comes at a price: HONESTY. Most Christians have never read their bible except for select, cherry picked slices of it that back whatever it is they personally wish to believe, and using the Old Testament is simply WRONG.
I could go on all day about this, but I've got other shit to do today. The bottom line is this. Christians in the US have been fighting against themselves since forever, and they openly shit on everybody else not Christian. People are getting sick of it. Standing up to a group of disingenuous, right wing nutjobs who flail about in a pile of hypocritical fecal matter is NOT attacking Christianity, it's calling liars out on their bullshit because they are NOT real Christians. We were warned in the Scriptures that there would be false prophets and that the masses would be blinded by them and follow them. "Christians" in #Murica do nothing about it. Satan, if he's real, could show up, fool them all, and most #Murican Christians would line up in droves to serve because they've been trained to knee-jerk react, get angry and to simply NOT THINK or QUESTION or analyze fuck-all anything. They've turned their backs on the divine, slapped Jesus' teachings in the face and punched them in the balls and then spat on him when he was down because that's how they handle things; not with love, acceptance or peace, but by casting stones even though they are not free from sin themselves.
People are catching on. People are rejecting them. People have had enough of the hypocrisy, the lies, and the bossy, pushy bullying and their infiltration into politics in order to push agendas that promote hate and fear, murder and rape, and a constant division among our fellow citizens and our neighbours. Christians are the only terrorists that anyone with half a brain in the US should worry about, and that is why we're standing up, for ourselves, for our nations, and for those who don't just talk the talk but walk the walk, for the sanctity of Christ's teachings because there are a FEW honest, genuine Christians out there who see this too and they're siding with those who most claim are "attacking Christianity".
Thank you George, for getting the mind going while I was having my morning coffee. I know it was a quip, but I did find it engaging and the answer was probably longer than you'd expected.
I'd like to leave you all with this, since this has turned into a Cuppa Joe for this week instead of the one I'd prepared earlier in the week.
I'd mentioned that the Bible itself mentions false prophets, so, as the former Christian that I am, let me leave you with some samples of what “the good book” had to say on the matter.
Ezekiel 13:9
"My hand will be against the prophets who see false visions and utter lying divinations. They will not belong to the council of my people or be listed in the records of Israel, nor will they enter the land of Israel. Then you will know that I am the Sovereign LORD."
Jeremiah 23:16
"This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you; they fill you with false hopes. They speak visions from their own minds, not from the mouth of the LORD."
Here's one for Little Donny POTUS:
LUKE 6:26
"Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you, for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets."
Here's one I'd like to dedicate to Congress in particular...
Matthew 24:24
"For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect."
Matthew 16:11-12
"How is it you don’t understand that I was not talking to you about bread? But be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” Then they understood that he was not telling them to guard against the yeast used in bread, but against the teaching of the Pharisees and Sadducees.
Matthew 7:15-20
"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them."
2 Timothy 4:3-4
"For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths."
Acts 20:28-30
"Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood. I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them."
2 Peter 3:14-18
"So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him. Bear in mind that our Lord’s patience means salvation, just as our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him. He writes the same way in all his letters, speaking in them of these matters. His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction. Therefore, dear friends, since you have been forewarned, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of the lawless and fall from your secure position. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen."
When talking about false prophets, this is where it gets sketchy, because the "good book" also grants you permission to shit on people not of your religion, be judgmental, and if taken in the right context, allows you to kill the infidels. I give you the book of John, that sketchy, over-the-top nutjob. He was never one of my favourites. He always seemed a bit of a war pig to me. In retrospect, he sounds a lot like trump trying to sell you his brand in a way that demands total belief in what he said and to attack anyone who says otherwise.
1 John 4:1-6
"Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world. You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood."
There are more, if you bother to read the Bible and really look, and the warnings are clear to those with an open heart AND MIND. Sadly, that's too much to ask from 21st century #Muricans who think themselves devout. ~Joe
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We Were Not Dating by Nina Szarka
We were not dating, you were not my boyfriend, we were beyond those sorts of commitments, we were so woke, we could transcend all those prickly, binding words. Our generation does not like definitions, we do not like to be restrained, you were not my boyfriend. We were not dating.
We were not dating, we were friends, just friends, my guy, so it meant you did not have to return my phone calls and you did anyway, so that meant I was special. We were post-modern friends engaging in post-mortem love, except you’d think dystopian love would be more impactful because it’s all you get in a world full of poisoned water and dying bees. You’d think nihilist millennial love would make you dig your fingers in and hold on because you cannot know when anything will be gone. We cannot even afford to be alive, you’d think we would know how precious it is to intertwine fingers and fall asleep feeling wanted. You’d think we would learn to want the last good things left.
Maybe that’s the problem. We don’t trust that anything is real anymore.
We were not dating, and you woke me up night after night for months at a time, crawling into my bed and telling me you missed the way my hair smelled, you loved me, you loved me, you loved me.
We were not dating, and you pressed your forehead against mine and told me you had loved me since you met me, you had loved me for a year. We were not dating, and I began leaving my ringer on when I went to bed at night, in case you called, because you usually did.
We were not dating, we just sat naked wrapped in each other at the window with the lights off smoking cigarettes, spilling our guts and our dreams in each other’s laps again and again. We were not dating, and you pulled me into you, not one time, many times, saying, Get closer. We were not dating and you did not want to share me with other lovers but you could not ask for that because we were not dating. We were not dating and neither of us had other lovers.
We were not dating and we wept in each other’s arms and you told me I was the moon. We were not dating and when I got scared of the fallout, you rushed to my house, you told me a part of you said, I am off the hook, and the rest of you said, You love that girl, something is wrong, go be with her.
We were not dating and my body never felt safer with any man before or after you, we were not dating but you looked into my eyes while you were cumming and told me I was holy, we were not dating and I told everyone we were trying on friendship again after Everything That Had Happened. We were not dating and you told me, After a year, I still long for your touch.
We were not dating so you didn’t have to show up if you didn’t want to, we were not dating, so you didn’t have to say why or when you’d be back. We were not dating and we discussed politics and feminism in bed and I wrote poems about fucking you and we talked about the misogyny of the Cool Girl Trope, and then I was the Cool Girl for you. We were not dating and I could have done it like this forever, but every time you stopped showing up I was afraid to call, because when you needed space it meant you needed to pretend I was no longer a person you knew, and this was okay because we were not dating. We were not dating and I could only be cool when it felt like this love wasn’t going anywhere. We were not dating and if I could just be cool, then you wouldn’t tell stories later about how I was crazy.
We were not dating and you blamed me when people thought we were, and you also told me you didn’t want to be anyone’s secret. We were not dating and you wanted to make sure everyone knew we were not dating, but you also wanted them to know we were fucking when it suited you. We were not dating and we had long conversations about how we always ended up coming back to each other’s arms, and we did so while holding each other close in my bed, wrapped in my blankets. We were not dating and we said things to each other like, I want to wake up with your skin against my skin. We were not dating but we loved each other so it didn’t matter.
We were not dating and I started getting real high at night to offset the suddenness of your absence, to try and stop myself from waking up at 3 am expecting you. We were not dating and I missed you but I was only allowed to miss you at times when you missed me back because missing you at the wrong times meant I was clingy.
We were not dating and you left books and items of clothing and liquor at my house, so much that I am still drinking your whiskey even now.
We were not dating and my dog stopped barking at the sound of you climbing the stairs. We were not dating and you took my scarf and wore it all winter. We were not dating and each time you returned you told me what I meant to you, how you would be kinder to me this time.
We were not dating so I have nothing to call you by now, it is as though you were never here, except you were. You put your hands everywhere and everything you touched is now rotting and half-collapsed. We were not dating and I got used to you being here, so wanting you here was my fault and my problem. We were not dating so none of this has to be on you. We were not dating and I am crazy.
We were not dating and you are not my ex, you are a year’s worth of poems. A collection of things you left in my apartment, now packed in a Rubbermaid bin at the back of my closet that I cannot bear to part with. The reason the smell of American Spirits and whiskey combined makes me comforted and wet at the same time, and I wonder if, in your home, there is still a trail of bobby pins telling my story. I bet they are there, stuck in the carpet and on the bathroom sink, amid all the clutter. We were not dating and you never threw anything away but people. We were not dating, we were never dating, there was nothing to throw away, nothing to dismiss, nothing to sever. We were not dating, this cannot hurt, neither of us was ever here.
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Therapy? In The Final Season of The 100??
It’s more likely then any of us ever thought??????
Spoilers of course for the 100 7.07
Dr. Eric Jackson said “is anyone going to treat Literally Everyone for the trauma we go through” and had to wait seven seasons before giving up and doing it himself. I fucking love him and I Adore that Madi is getting therapy and that they are CONFRONTING WHAT HAPPENED TO A LITERAL CHILD. Jax read one (1) psychology book and decided he was now a licensed therapist and you know what? good for him.
Someone....let me at Madi’s wardrobe. Babe looks like she rolled up fresh out of Amity from the Divergent movies and like...killing it but What was the inspiration. I am So Happy she gets to play soccer and have therapy sessions and just be a regular kid for what is apparently, the first time in her entire life. I Miss her and Clarke and i wish Clarke was here to see Madi starting to flourish because that dynamic has been pushed So Far to the side this season and I just miss them. I Love that they finally addressed how fucked up it was putting the flame in Madi’s head i seriously love love love it. yes it was necessary but it was also extremely traumatic and not something a child should have to go through and I’m so happy they talked about it (for at least a moment anyway)
Lindsey Morgan and her team said You get to deal with trauma, and you get to deal with trauma, and you - . No but for real, I was pleasantly surprised with the things that got addressed this episode- The flame, Octavia beating up Bellamy, the beginning of Becho. Not as good as Bardo lore but we take what we can get.
(Also shout out to Ms. Morgan for an incredible directorial debut, what a talented queen)
I Loved Octavia saying outright how fucked up it was that she beat up her brother It’s been 84 years too many seasons of waiting for it, her growth this season? Incredible. That being said, literally What The Fuck was that comforting scene between her and Echo I’m. “You’re my family too” bitch Where. I understand Octavia trying to comfort someone she knows her brother cares for, and I know that Octavia saw how lost and angry Echo was, and this is just my own thoughts but probably recognized something in Echo that was reminiscent of her when she lost Lincoln, at least in her eyes, but it came out of no where?? These two have Never had a good relationship and while part of it is obviously Octavia’s growth the scene felt a little stilted.
So. Echo. First thing right off the bat (as always, this should literally be the expectation but for the people in the back) THE ACTORS ARE NOT THEIR CHARACTERS, THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE, AND PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GODS LEARN TO SEPARATE THE TWO. I have so much respect for all the actors and crew who are trying their absolute best and making this show something I look forward to watching.
I had Such high hopes for Echo. And honestly the tiny little rat part of my brain that never lets things go still wants to hope for a satisfying end to the spy’s story. I Want her to reach a point where she can look at herself with clear eyes, and come through to the other side. I Want her to have happy ending where she understands that though loyalty is admirable, there has to be more in your life, that you cannot dedicate yourself to one person entirely. The realistic part of my brain that has watched this fucking show for years knows better. Tasya Teles is doing an excellent job of Echo’s continuing downward spiral, 10/10 choices. But all the lighting and framing and crazy intense gaze do Not bode well for Echo’s sanity and her carving the Azgeda marks into her face was I think the point of “no return”. Which makes me sad, to see this end for the character, but it is a path I can see Echo going down, as much as it sucks.
“We got shaved Bellamy but at what cost” makes me cackle but honestly, I liked the Ring flashback. Setting aside how late it is to be Doing ring flashbacks, I think it was a Very interesting look at Becho. Echo on the ring is so cute sorry not sorry, like I Love seeing that girl happy. Her and Bellamy’s little banter reminded me of their earliest dynamic which I enjoyed seeing because I do think those characters have an interesting relationship. Also, Bellamy using his own experiences of the dangers of blind loyalty to try and help Echo, love to see it but her “it’s not real” right before he kissed her...the implications. They knew what they were doing and I think it was a needed perspective into their relationship because we have barely anything except for people saying things about it which is Not The Same Thing.
Moving On! HOLY SHIT Y’ALL HOPE AND DIYOZA I FUCKING LOVE THEM THE ACTRESSES WERE INCREDIBLE, THE DYNAMIC WAS AMAZING, BEST STORYLINE OF THE EPISODE BY FAR. I seriously just Loved watching their scenes, their relationship is So Good and I loved them trying to figure out the new dynamics they have to work through and the way they don’t really know how to act around each other in the beginning but at their core they’re still mother and daughter and Hope’s broken “they took my mommy” almost had me in tears seriously These Two Y’all.
Hope thinks of Dev as her father...I’m soft :’)
I’m tired of Nikki. That’s literally all I want to say about her this episode like I’m so tired of the Sanctum storylines and I just do Not care about her little revenge plot. Nelson joining her side is stupid but he was in a very emotional place at the moment so I Guess.
Emori tried So Hard to make things better on Sanctum and I want to give her all the things it’s what she deserves what a queen. (Luisa d’Oliveira an actual goddess I’m so happy she got a chance to shine this episode). Memori consistently being cute and domestic af love that for them, seriously these two fit so well together “ besides, you’ve been worshiping me for years” when I tell y’all I screamed. Also I’m not like, super convinced about the Emori is pregnant theory and don’t really know how I feel about it but “maybe it’s the palace life giving you that glow” was a...weird choice of words.
Sheihedea shut up forever challenge. Seriously why does anyone let him speak?? The bitch is so dramatic when he starts going on his “I can give you want you want” speech just walk away from him?? Like what’s the bitch going to do start yelling after you?? And let everyone know how desperate he is to get people on his side and also that he only has one real strategy of getting people on his side?? I think the fuck not. Honestly though, he has one (1) method of getting people on his side and it’s psychoanalyzing them while they play chess which goes on ForEVER btw (like this post w h o o p s) i’m so tired of him. Murphy calling him on his misogyny was certainly a highlight of the episode though, good for him.
And Finally, that ending though. Wow I’m super shocked that the shepard is Bill Cadogan. What a surprise. Never saw it coming. I thin the ‘plot twist’ still worked ish mostly because everyone fucking forgot about his existence but idk it was what I expected and I just Don’t Care? You have crystal giants outside and you want me to care about some musty ass white man who’s been in the freezer for thousands of years?
I genuinely thought (because I’m a dumbass) for half a second that the old dude in the freezer coffin was Bellamy because I though Anders was going to do some dramatic reveal of where he was stashing our king and the rage I felt in that split second when I thought they really had the audacity to do that. But no it was just Another Plot we get to explore :)))))
ALRIGHT CLOWNS YOU MADE IT TO THE END SO. HOW ABOUT THAT BELLARKE CRUMB WE GOT. Can’t believe I Still can’t retire my clown makeup, please just Give Them A Break. Ms. Morgan really did that though, the framing close up of Clarke, the Bellarke theme in the background, all the other characters looking right at Clarke as she breaks on the inside ( and holy shit kudos to Ms. Eliza Jane for that scene, the sheer heartbreak and almost feral desperation in one expression was Everything). I know I said I love parallel’s and who does parallels better then them but I feel like the “they do this every year” audio, just let them be together for more then Five minutes without some new crisis blease.
Next episode will be a prequel (?) set up (?) which will be...interesting. Going to be real honest I don’t really care about the premise but Becca scenes are always a plus. More of the Diyoza women please, Clarke and Octavia deserve to have a (better) moment grieving over Bellamy together thanks, let Miller say more lines, and p l e a s e let Bellamy and Clarke be on screen together soon I miss them.
Friendship ended with Gabriel now Levitt is my only friend
#The 100#the 100 spoilers#the 100 s7#bellarke#I will continue to clown even after the series ends like just fucking watch me#Me still holding out hope that the ending will just be the remaining delinquents moving back to Earth and living the life they should have#had in s1?#it's more likely then you'd think#send the people we like back to earth#cut off the portal/anomaly/whateverthefuck#and let the others tear each other into pieces idc#Loved the Lexa mention thank you Murphy I miss her
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RTTE S5 HIGHLIGHTS
OKAY GUYS I WAS PLANNING ON WATCHING ONE EPISODE OF RTTE S5 BEFORE BEDTIME BUT INSTEAD I BINGED THE ENTIRE SERIES BECAUSE HOLY THOR-EFFING-CRAP.
This was such a GOOD season of Race to the Edge. As in, I absolutely adored it. Many of the episodes felt very new and original - not to mention that there were a lot of fascinating plot-centric episodes. This wasn’t some repeated attacking of the Edge (though we did get that)... we got all sorts of interesting reveals, twists, and developments. Episodes focused on all the main characters, we got some interesting characterization on Hiccup’s part that leads him to his HTTYD 2 pacifistic self, we got answers for many many many central or side plot points (Alvin’s going-ons, what was happening with Savage, what happened to Oswald, etc. etc. etc.) and it was just... aeo;anwge;goiaen....... it was so good!
SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!
Below are semi-liveblogged highlights I noticed as I was watching all the episodes:
Snotlout ranting about his S being destroyed was hilarious to me… it sounded like he was saying “my ass.” “YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY ASS!”
Hiccup doing more forge work to get the right concentration of Death Song amber for the volcano seals. Oh my goodness, between that and his work on the second Dragon Eye, we saw a LOT of Hiccup at his work. Love seeing smithing Hiccup come to the forefront so much this season.
The twins continuously demonstrated that they simultaneously lack common sense but contain a bizarre wealth of academic knowledge. For instance, Ruffnut and Tuffnut intellectually talking about Mesopotamian nature deities, parasitism, and symbiosis… then chiding Snotlout for not reading enough... love it.
The moment Snotlout put the bones on Hiccup’s stub to replace his leg. He used. a. freaking. skeleton. for. Hiccup’s. leg. I laughed so hard I almost had to pause the show. Best laugh I had the entire season.
AMOS AND BERTHEL ARE BACK!
Hiccup’s sword looks beautiful. The design, the hilt... <3 <3 <3 Dare I say it, but I actually like the design of this sword better than what we see of Inferno in HTTYD 2.
Also Hiccup and Snotlout with crossbows. Actually frankly any time I see the major characters with weapons I just get happy don’t mind me.
Tuffnut Laverne Thorston and Snotlout Gary Jorgenson.
Ruffnut willing to defend Tuffnut and protect him and encourage and comfort him when he’s feeling vulnerable. Tuffnut doing contorted logic but being so selfless he’s willing to “die” for his sister. I will say it for eternity and more: these siblings are amazing.
A dragon that actually hoards treasure! I mean, HTTYD is extremely enjoyable because of its ingenuity regarding dragon species and abilities, but actually watching a dragon have a treasure hoard was… actually really fun.
Snotlout, sarcastically, to Hiccup, “You’re like a ray of light, lighting my way. Super shiny.”
Fishlegs and Astrid moments! These are so great! I didn’t know how much I needed them until I saw them! This episode really felt like the whole team was together. There weren’t factions... they have all come together as friends and were really bouncing off on all sorts of interactions.
Astrid being the hero who saves the day when she figures out the map and comes to Hiccup, Snotlout, (and Amos’) rescue.
Hiccup making a cage of sunlight. That was so freaking clever.
Snotlout is such a badass in this season. First, he snarls and says, “We’re not going anywhere without that guy!” when Amos tries to run to safety when Hiccup is in danger. Then Snotlout shows how courageous and bold he is when he’s working with Gustav on Berserker Island. Snotlout even admits to being nervous but he knows what has to be done. Snotlout shows that he can kick butt and do major damage, and you see it oh-so-beautifully-clearly. And even leaning back off the edge of the cliff when the Wing Maidens were chasing him… and that moment he took initiative when Hiccup and Astrid were absent? Seriously this moment made me realize how good of a leader Snotlout would be. Now I’m imagining an older Snotlout being a leader in battle. AHHHH SNOTLOUT WAS SO GOOD THIS SEASON OH MY GOODNESS!!!!
Snotlout. Snotlip. Dagfart. Gusteranamo. “SNOTKNUCKLES?!! HE WROTE SNOTKNUCKLES???”
Walmarket…… oh my Freja the anachronistic pun was great.
There is a skrill shrubbery. On Berserker Island.
Also Dagur’s throne totally feels like a Game of Throne’s reference.
SAVAGE TAKING CONTROL OF BERSERKER ISLAND. I HAVE SO MANY EMOTIONS ABOUT THIS. I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS. I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS.
Dagur angrily screaming “OMMMMM!”
Team Heather, Ruffnut, and Astrid. Is it just me, or should we have those three together more? Great dynamics.
An episode confronting Snotlout’s misogyny.
The dragon gang getting into a huge food fight.
Bilout is so freaking queer the entire Return to Thor Bonecrusher episode holy crap. He even says “But I loved you” while he’s crying I mean like how more bi can you get.
WE GET TO SEE ALVIN THE TREACHEROUS AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hiccup and Astrid sparring. Hiccup and Astrid sparring. Hiccup and Astrid sparring. Note: look how far we’ve come since Riders of Berk where Astrid could take Hiccup out in a single move.
Really awesome flight scenes (like the start of Ep 8) where we watch shots from the dragon riders’ perspective – so that we can see the dramatic and wild experience that is riding on the back of a dragon.
Tuffnut doing one-armed pushups. We underestimated those arms, yo.
Gobber singing and dancing with a drink in his hand while Spitelout laughs in the background. I could have an entire television on Gobber, Spitelout, and Stoick. I really could.
The tiny girl on Berk loading a crossbow when everyone’s preparing for battle.
Episode 8 is so good with characterizing Hiccup, Stoick, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut into what they are in HTTYD 2. Oh my gosh it’s so good with that.
Viggo saving the dragon hunter from falling in lava is EXACTLY why I dig Viggo so much. He’s not the stereotype of bad guys are heartless, bad guys don’t look out for their allies, bad guys are willing to let their cronies get the bad end of the stick. Viggo isn’t a monster.
The Singetail FARTED FIRE. XD XD XD
Spitelout named the “lazy” and “useless” dragon “Stoick.” And the part where Spitelout breaks into song. I just… I just… I can’t. XD
Draggggooooon batttttlllle!
Do I actually like the Ruffrock ship? I think I actually like Ruffrock.
So Ruffnut said “The Changewing ate my baby brother” That could just be “baby” as a term of affection, but almost always that signifies who’s older when you’re talking about siblings. It looks like Ruff is the older twin!
“One-legged dictator with a weak chin.” I think I have my new favorite insult.
During Ep 12 during the search for Chicken... Snotlout’s mystery book narration with constant camera zooms onto his face. “Shut up, Astrid,” he cleverly responded.
The rooster! Chicken’s chicks!
Snotlout’s tan lines. :) :) :) :) :) And biceps!
I TOTALLY CALLED IT. I TOTALLY FUCKING CALLED IT WITH JOHANN. I NEVER SAID ANYTHING BUT I FIRST GOT SUSPICIOUS WITH HIM IN THE FIRST SEASONS OF RTTE WHEN HICCUP BEGAN QUESTIONING JOHANN FOR INFORMATION. AHHHHHHH. THIS IS SUCH A TWIST WITH JOHANN. WHY DO I LIKE THIS SO MUCH?
#rtte#rtte spoilers#Race to the Edge#DreamWorks Dragons#BOMB ME WITH QUESTIONS YO I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM ABOUT THIS SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I haven't been so stoked with RTTE since S1 I love S5 this much#:D :D :D :D
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Rachel Elizabeth Dare: An Essay
(a.k.a. a discussion of the portrayal of strong female characters and their relationship with fandom, canon, and a whole bunch of other shit i wanted to scream about at 1:50 am)
it really Rattles My Gears that a character as cool as Rachel Elizabeth fucking Dare is constantly thrown under the bus.
“Percy Jackson and Rachel Dare had a really genuine and cool friendship that became obsolete as soon as Rachel was no longer a potential love interest for him” -- @ofswordsandpens
i’m gonna take it a step further and argue that Rachel stopped being a relevant character in the story as soon as she “lost” the role of a potential love interest. not to mention the fact that fandom seemed to collectively h a t e her ass because of that potential love interest. WHY THO?
let’s fucking discuss.
unfortunately, no discussion about Rachel can occur without the mention of the ship of the century. percabeth. i’m going to assume that percabeth shares its origins with the pjo series itself, allllll the way back in 2005. (holy shit).
2005 fandoms were a LOT different than the fandoms we see today. remember, this was before DashCon, the Mishapocalypse, “fandoms grab your weapons”, and everything else that sort of.....gave fandoms a bit of a wakeup call. not that there was anything inherently wrong with it initially, but there was a shift.
2005 was before that shift.
the original pjo series percabeth romance followed a familiar young adult romance trope: boy and girl meet. girl is strong willed. boy is relatable. girl hates boy. they are thrust together through magical/extraneous circumstances. they become friends. then best friends. then hopelessly in love--BUT WAIT THE WORLD IS ENDING OH NO.
but what makes percabeth so popular? what makes it different from the other tropes we’ve seen? i think the answer lies in the characterization. sure, the tropes are there, but the characters sort of rise above them. annabeth and percy exist independently of each other. their relationship is healthy in that they are able to support each other without completely being reliant one another.
but i think the most significant part of all this, especially in concerns to Rachel, is that annabeth and percy grew up alongside the readers. as the characters aged, their actions and thoughts--a.k.a the writing style over time--became more nuanced. the stakes rose, the conflict became complicated. and their relationship progressed relatively slowly, meaning the ship had plenty of time to grow in canon and fandom.
enter Rachel Elizabeth Dare. her character at the very beginning didn’t have any obvious romantic implications. percy runs into her, they chat, there’s a monster, she gives him her number, and BAM. done. she’s gone until the next book.
but within that short amount of time, she is brilliantly characterized. her actions and thoughts are unique from what we’ve seen. she’s funny, demanding, sarcastic, and brave as fuck.
next book comes out and “uh oh, she’s a love interest!!!! KILL HER BURN HER FUCKING ANNABETH AND PERCY ARE FOREVERWELHKWJGBKHWKJEK”
wtf.
let’s talk about annabeth and Rachel. i argue that fandom loves annabeth for the same reasons they hate Rachel.
she doesn’t put up with anyone’s shit
annabeth: she’s tough and kicks ass!
Rachel: she’s mean.
she doesn’t put up with PERCY’S shit
annabeth: she’s so funny lol she’s the yin to his yang
Rachel: she’s mean and wrong for him.
she fights, even when people tell her no
annabeth: (example--not wanting to be given dummy questions from the sphinx) she’s smart and independent, she has her own mind and she uses it
Rachel: (example--flying into a demigod battle to warn the others) omg she’s a MORTAL why is she constantly bursting into this story? she’s annoying!!!
sadly, most of the reasons behind the fandom’s dislike of Rachel lie with her relationship to percy, in that people don’t want her to be in a relationship with percy.
but let’s fucking stop talking about percy FOR JUST ONE SECOND.
Rachel is an awesome character. she can see through the mist, and it’s because of this that she wants to learn more about half-bloods, not some hot guy she ran into once. like she says herself, percy was only such a fascination for her because he opened a door to an amazing world. she didn’t need him to be a part of that world.
(ok now we’re done talking about percy)
Rachel Elizabeth Dare has shown time and time again to go above and beyond what was needed from her. examples include walking into the labryinth to help some kids she barely knew, getting in a fucking helicopter and flying into a monster god battle, and allowing herself to be possessed by an ancient prophet spirit-ghost-thing.
she does all this because she wants to, because that’s who she is. she’s the girl that covered herself in gold paint for an art movement. she’s the girl who demanded to learn more about terrifying monsters and kids with swords. she’s the girl who threw a blue hairbrush at kronos.
not to mention how compelling her story is. a mortal who can lift a curse on an ancient prophet??? WHAT??? as soon as the love triangle is over, she’s gone. and i’m So Mad About That because she was so interesting! she goes off to private school while possessed, and thaT’S ALL WE KNOW????
it pisses me off how a character only seems to exist for a romantic subplot, but i’m used to it.
now, what’s really interesting is how this affects female characters in fandom. i can’t say male characters, because while they can be entirely subjected to this “i exist for the romance” trope--gayle from hunger games, bella’s high-school guy friend from twilight, hermione’s quidditch boyfriend holy shit i’m forgetting his name--when it comes to fandom, the girls are treated worse.
i’m going to cut to the chase and tell you why. internalized misogyny is a tricky thing. it can lead you to see a female character solely through her relationship to the male counterpart. it does not matter if she has wants, aspirations, or independent thoughts outside of that relationship.
when it comes to shipping, she’s not even a character. she’s a threat. female characters are trashed mercilessly in canon and fandom when it comes to this.
look at mary watson’s and irene adler’s treatment in the johnlock fandom.
look at how lavender brown was viewed back in the old harry potter days.
look at all the dead girls from supernatural.
look at martha from dr. who.
skyler from breaking bad.
betty from mad men.
meg from supernatural.
rachel from glee.
guinevere from merlin.
mercedes from glee.
lana lang from smallville.
iris from flash.
terra from young justice.
and on and on and on and on and on
just. Yikes.
from now on, whenever i see a female character hated on because of whatever fucking “threat” she poses, i’m calling it the Rachel Elizabeth Dare Effect.
The Rachel Elizabeth Dare Effect: When a female character is treated poorly in canon and/or fandom, for reasons including any to all of the following:
-- she poses a “threat” to a popular ship
-- hypocrisy for hatred of traits (traits loved in one character but hated in this one)
-- a shallow refusal to see character outside of romantic pull/ties
-- pitting female character against another female character in a bizarre attempt to prove one is superior
not all of the ladies i listed strictly apply to the Rachel Dare Effect, but are worth mentioning because it brings up a topic that needs to be addressed in concerns to storytelling.
look. i love rick riordan’s stories and universe. the pjo characters mean a lot to me. i also love percabeth. do not mistake this post as a way to proclaim my hatred for certain characters and ships. that’s the exact opposite of what i believe. if you don’t like Rachel outside of the reasons i’ve shown above, then by golly, you do you. but this is about more than a personal preference.
Rachel Elizabeth Dare, and characters like her, deserve so much more than what fandom has thrown at them. please, take pride and care in what you write and read. it has a scary effect on young minds.
#my writing#i want to view this critically#but i am also MADE ENTIRELY OF RAGE#pjo#percy jackson#annabeth#rachel elizabeth dare#i just KNOW i'm going to get some people bitching about this#if anyone reads it#long post#rick riordan
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S7 E7
"Maybe it is all cocks in the end."
At first I found that hilarious. Then I realized it was just more typical men thinking their dicks are the center of all happiness in the universe.
It's funny how Grey Worm found happiness without a penis (then later, Theon finds courage without a penis), while Bron and and Jaime are both miserable wretches with penises in tact.
The saddest part is, there are many men just like them in real life, who think life must be awful without a dick. In fact, that line of thinking is the entire basis of misogyny. Us poor women. So "inferior" because we don't have cocks.
I like that Brienne and the Hound had their little conversation. Somehow, it was nice to see that. It was also interesting to realize how each of them view Arya: The Hound knew her when she was a helpless child; Brienne knows her as a fierce assassin.
Bron has gotten really cocky. I never before realized it, but he deeply resents having to get by on whatever gold purses are dangled in his face by various pampered lords. Now he gets to play the role of "lord" and could give less than a shit about Tyrion. Kinda sad and funny at the same time.
I guess he only cares about Pod now, as he removed him from the negotiations to protect him.
"Am I gonna die in this shit city?" Lol.
I also love that the Hound called Tyrion out with "This is all your idea." About time someone said something. How stupid was this plan? And why in FUCK did they agree to it?
So does Brienne return Jaime's feelings? When she saw him, I swear she got flustered and short of breath.
Then that look Cersi gave Jaime and Brienne.LOL.
Cersi didn't even blink when the dragon landed. Lmao. Stone cold.
Cersi has got a court wizard who brings people back from the dead. Why did she believe them? They could have had a more powerful necromancer pull that off just to scare her.
Euron is such a bastard but an entertaining bastard. Lol. I like when Jaime got defensive of baby brother Tyrion.
Then Euron cheks out, to no one's surprise.
Jon Snow makes me miss Alistair, haha. Alistair was based partly on him, but David Gaider is white, so no one accused him of "stealing." See, white people are "inspired" when they copy things and black people are "theives with no imagination or writing skill of their own."
I also realized for the first time tonight that Anora was obviously based on Cersi. No wonder I love her Cersi(again, as an entertaining character, not a person).
And man, that was hard seeing Jaime be mean to Brienne. "And tell her what?" sneered at Brienne, like he'd never felt anything for her. I think it was hard for him to finally accept that Cersi is terrible. Throughout the episode, we can see him struggling to accept the truth, and his dismissal of Brienne is his attempt to battle that. He would rather go on believing Cersi is good and misunderstood than embrace the fact that she is actually quite awful and Brienne is the better woman.
So they went through all that trouble and lost an entire dragon just so Cersi could refuse to call a truce . . . sigh. Dany said the same thing I was thinking. Her dragon died for Jon and he threw its sacrifice away (because he's in love with Dany).
And what REALLY drives me crazy is that after Tyrion's plan failed, everyone turned and looked to him for guidance . . . WHY.
Even Varys, the fucking Spider, doesn't have any ideas? Why does everything always rest on Tyrion? Why do D&D have such a boner for him?
I was kind of . . . angry when Tyrion said the only difference between Cersi and Dany was him. It's ironic coming from me, I know (I used to criticize Show-Dany a lot). But seriously? Dany made mistakes when she was a child. Because the books and the show are a bit different, it's easy to forget that Dany made mistakes out of youthful naivety (she was suppposed to be a teenager in the beginning) and not because she was an awful person.
Meanwhile, Cersi is just an awful person.
The level of arrogance it took for Tyrion to give himself all the credit, to act like Dany was just a horrible, impulsive (irrational wimmenz!) Cersi-with-a-leash . . . it's astounding.
I never thought I'd get to a point where I actually stopped liking Tyrion but really . . . Tyrion is starting to sound like a misogynist. He thinks women are wild, impulsive, irrational creatures to be controled by rational, reasonable men . . . entirely ignoring the existence of Jon Snow, who is the living embodiment of emotional impulses. Hell, the entire reason he had to talk to Cersi one-on-one was because of Jon Snow's lovelorn outburst at the negotiations. Jon might as well have shouted, "I love you, Dany!!!"
In short, Tyrion is a misogynist. He's the lowkey kind. Because I don't mean that he actively hates women -- he just doesn't see women as people. He supports Dany simply because he thinks she can be controlled while Cersi can not. To him, Dany is a tool to make the world a better place. He sees her as a person about as much as Jorah, which means not at all.
Interestingly enough, in the very next scene, Dany talks about how a dragon is not a slave. She talks of how her famliy tried to control their dragons and the dragons wound up wasting away. It's basically the same thing Tyrion and all her (male) advisors are trying to do to her, she just doesn't realize it yet.
Sansa calling Arya "Aria." Sigh.
I loved it when Dany basically said "Shut up, Jorah." HaHAha.
Theon, bout time you tried to save your sister, you piece of shit.
While it was great seeing Theon learn from Jon Snow to do the right thing, it was also annoying that -- yet again -- a great female character was regulated to the role of plot device just to motivate him and carry his story arc.
So in essence, Yara was objectified. She became a goal, an object to be rescued, a damsel in distress, moved off the stage so that little Theon could have his story arc.
Sansa and Arya were working together after all. Holy shit. Awesome!!!
Little Finger on his knees begging Sansa to spare him, tears in his eyes. God yes. Hahaha. This made my week. Seriously.
Now we know why Arya handed Sansa that dagger: she was offering her services.
Ayra. So cold. Little Finger: "P-Please, Sansa -- !" SLICE
So that's why Sansa sent Brienne away.
Um . . . where is Robyn?
Cersi is so racist. Calling the Dothroki "monsters." The real monsters never realize they are the monsters. That's actually the basis of racism: zero introspection. I mean, us black people are amoral monsters and lazy criminals. We don't commit crimes because white people oppress us or anything.
I have to hand it to Cersi, though: if Dany and Jon Snow combined can't stop the undead army, what difference will her pitiful armies make?
So Cersi was working with Euron. Shit.
Cersi almost killed both her brothers in one episode.
So Sam was listening to Gilly after all. And Jon's real name is Aegon. Because it's not like Rheagar already had a son named Aegon or anything.
Jon and Dany got it on, and Tyrion didn't approve. (Seriously, Tyrion. Why are you hanging around outside her door in the middle of the night?) The sex scene was also super awkward.
I was shocked by Little Finger's tears. I think Sansa was too. And she knew him longer than Arya, so she had more pity.
"You're still very strange and annoying." Lmao.
Now the Night King has got his own dragon and the undead have arrived.
Some part of me wishes season 7 was the last season.
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ASOIAF/ GAME OF THRONES SPOILER WARNING Like 2 of the worst differences between book and tv series are sexist and homophob. The sand snakes try to make Myrcella the queen and ruler of whole Westeros, but in the TV series they want to kill her?! And the other thing is about Loras, like he is out conquering castles and member of the kingsguard in the books, but all he gets to do in the show are other guys, show up naked and then play into the "kill your gays" trope.
(GAME OF THRONES CHAT, SKIP THIS POST UNLESS YOU WANNA READ ME BEING REAL MAD ABOUT SEASON 4)
(TW: sexual violence, r*pe mention, general game of thrones bullshit)
yeah i mean they added so much more sexual violence in the show than was ever in the books which is incredible, because the books had lots too. like really. there wasn’t enough? damn son. I quit watching the show after season 4, b/c uhhhhhhhhh everything in episodes 8-10 of season 4 was so fuckin awful I want to scream when I remember it, and I’ve caught bits and pieces of shit that’s happened since and WHOOOOOOO BOI I sure got out at the right time I can’t even list all the problems but like
if I had to go back and pinpoint one definitive moment where I was like, yeah no, I am fucking outtie, it would be one of these 3:
1. jaime actually straight up r*ping cersei in the sept holyyyyyyy fuck holy fuck holy fuck and cersei just not ... reacting to that at all and just ... holy FUCK dude
2. ros being written off the show in one of the most gratuitously unnecessary displays of sexual violence in the entire thing parallel to the meta knowledge that her actress had decided to stop doing nude scenes before that point. the knowledge that esme bianco decided she wanted more a more dynamic role in which she could show off more of her actressing chops rather than being used as for sexual display at all times and the ppl in charge of that awful awful show responded with “welp guess we don’t need you anymore then” and wrote that INSULTING death for her that was TECHNICALLY not a nude scene but so rife with disgusting disgusting implicative sexualized violence that like ahhhh dude I can’t even keep going on this point because I just get so MAD
3. the entire treatment of shae’s character. they made a choice to make the shae character radically different from the spoilt child in the books, they chose to make her a grown ass adult woman with agency and real cunning and actual complex ambition and they then TOOK that completely overhauled incredible complex sympathetic and interesting woman and did her so fucking dirty, they gave show shae the same ending book shae got without any explanation or bridge process for why suddenly her cunning and complexity were abandoned, the entire shae thing is such a SHITSHOW of bad writing and bad decisions and disgusting misogyny and jfalksdf laksjf lk ffj AND there’s also meta knowledge floating around out there about the negative way shae’s actress responded to that script and the way she was treated in the wake of that protest and the way the utter and complete MURDER of shae’s show characterization with that knowledge feels very much like a vindictive “take her down a peg” retaliatory gesture and the sheer disgusting pettiness behind it just takes my BREATH away
anyway sorry about this I can’t believe it’s been years already and this all still makes me just as mad as it did while it was fuckin happening, what a shitshow
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