Mass-market Monday | Arkadi & Boris Strugatski's Hard to Be a God
Hard to Be a God, Arkadi & Boris Strugatski. Translation by Wendayne Ackerman. Daw Books, first edition, first printing (1973). Cover art by Kelly Freas. 205 pages.
Like many anglophones, I first sought out the Brothers Strugatsky–which I will continue to spell with a final –y here, in line with the spelling variation I’ve used on this blog for years now, while also above conceding this 1973…
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48. Walk Away — James Gang
43. The Boys Are Back in Town — Thin Lizzy
42. American Idiot — Green Day
39. Message In A Bottle — The Police
38. Sweet Child O’ Mine — Guns N’ Roses
34. Rebel Rebel — David Bowie
33. Oh Well (Pt. 1) — Fleetwood Mac
26. Smells Like Teen Spirit — Nirvana
25. Johnny B. Goode — Chuck Berry
21. Barracuda — Heart
19. Runnin’ Down A Dream — Tom Petty
18. Day Tripper — The Beatles
16. Are You Gonna Go My Way — Lenny Kravitz
11. Highway To Hell — AC/DC
9. What Is Life — George Harrison
8. Layla — Derek & The Dominos
3. All Day and All of the Night — The Kinks
2. Heartbreaker — Led Zeppelin
1. (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction — Rolling Stones
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Hello all,
As you all have noticed this tumblr has been posted on less and less and with less and less effort put into the posts. While I still personally enjoy queer media, my interest in reviewing, critiquing, and writing about it has dwindled significantly.
I will no longer be posting here, however I have created a google drive of a lot of the material that I had created since the start. This will include some reviews, an episode of the parody OVA of Okane ga nai, the Papa to kiss my ass parody, and some of the comic riffs I have created.
You will notice that it is far from a complete collection of the riffs I have done. At this time I have decided NOT to include any of the webcomics I have riffed. It is possible I may change my mind or include some of my favorites but looking back at the early blog is well, embarrassing for me. While I think that some of the points I had back then were valid and worth discussing, how I went about it was immature and sometimes cruel to small creators. I was a troll. I was a bully.
While it is probably worth very little at this point, I am sorry for the way I behaved at the start of this blog.
I will write a more thorough retrospective of my time with this blog and what it’s meant for me below.
I started this blog back in March of 2011. I am not going to get into specifics, but that was very fraught time for me. This caused me a great deal of anger, bitterness, and frustration. The way I used to cope with these feelings was find easy targets. What appealed to me about mlm, queer, and BL media was how badly I wanted these things to be a respite from my life. However a lot of the content at the time was highly problematic and it made me feel angry and unsafe. Yet I was also quite young and other things had compounded it. There was a lot of internalized misogyny, taking media too seriously, and a kind of a misunderstanding and repulsion of non-con and kink fantasies.
A part of me is very ashamed of the way I had behaved. A part of me looks back and sees a sad an isolated child failing to cope in healthy ways, and it makes me sad to look at them. What I am trying to do is forgive myself. It is a reminder that I am capable of cruelty and the only one capable of stopping myself from going down that dark path again.
Now TO BE CLEAR I am not using this as an excuse for my behavior. Because there is no excuse.
Also I may be being MELODRAMATIC about a time where I made juvenile mean-spirited jokes about amateur gay porn comics. But hell, I don’t think it is unusual for emotions to be brought up looking back at almost any time in your life, especially a decade long blog that I poured countless hours into.
I learned very harsh lessons but there was more during that time. I learned a lot about comics, story-writing, media analysis, Japanese culture, queer culture, gender, sexuality, and probably a bunch of other stuff.
It is also illuminating to remember that time and how similar it is to what we see online.
When I look at social media now, I can’t help but see my younger self full of misplaced rage, reflected in the tweets of antis, and in the bad-faith combative way many twitters users behave. I was most certainly not some kind of forerunner, but I was on a wave that would bleed into the online culture we see today. My mismanagement of my anger was not unique to me, and forms of it persist in toxic ways.
Now it is possible that some of these bile spewing people on twitter are not all young people with horrible personal situations. But I can’t help but see glimpses of that sometimes.
I remember Natalie Wynn on JK Rowling talking about while the trans young people who vomit hateful threats at her all day are wrong full stop. That so many of them have nothing…absolutely nothing.
I guess if there was one thing I would truly like to see come out of my blog is for people to see my story and perhaps reflect on themselves like I have.
The early times on this blog were not about a scrappy little queer standing up against heterosexuals trying to milk gay male sexual exploitation for profit and personal sexual titillation. That’s so absurd that it makes me cringe to type it but it was a part of how I felt at the time.
What it was, was a disempowered person bullying other disempowered people. I was picking at wounds, which in the moment feels good, feels powerful. But in the end it only makes a bigger wound.
I guess what I’m trying to say a lot of what you can do with social media can bleed into mental self-harm. Please be aware of this and I wish you all a very good mental health. <3
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Have a weird Xmas (Blog about books acquired in Dec. 2023)
Maybe an hour ago, browsing in a used bookstore, I opened a worn and some might say dirty copy of Iain Banks’s 1985 novel Walking on Glass. The very first page of this old book was inscribed with the following:
Have a weird Xmas ’90
John
This copy of Iain Banks’s 1985 novel Walking on Glass—a 1990 Abacus trade paperback printed in London, the embossing on its cover yellowed by…
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