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wonderwomanfantasy · 3 years

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Omega worth fighting for

I’m going back to work soon so I might start posting less, we’ll see i guess

kirishima x reader bakugou x reader (not really)

warnings: ABO things, swearing, minior angst,

word count: 1,100 (about)

summary: Kirishima is a good friend, but even he has a limit,

Kirishima was always more observant than anyone gave him credit for. Sure he may not do the best on tests but no one could say he wasn’t smart. He knew off the top of his head what Mina’s favorite flower was, and he could tell whether or not Kaminari had woken up on time just by looking at his choker. And of course, he knew almost everything about you.

It wasn’t like he’s set out to memorize obscure facts about you, he just sorta noticed you all the time, and ended up remembering stuff. He’d seen you at lunch picking the bean sprouts out of your lunch to eat them first. He’d accidentally bumped into you at the library and seen that you had a pink crayon bandaid on your elbow, and you explained that you’d fallen on your way to school and a passing child had given it to you. Just little details like that, little things no one else would notice, but he did.

Maybe it was more that he sought you out, craved knowing you rather than just happening upon you occasionally. You were the only Omega that awoke such feelings in him. So knowing that he should have known he wasn’t the only one to fall for you.

Kirishima might be the only person, save of course for Midoriya, who could see right through Bakugou’s mean and nasty front. That’s why they were best friends after all. His knack for picking up on the smallest hints made it so Kirishima was the only one who could call the violent blonde out without getting blown to high hell.

He should have realized it all sooner. But he had kind of been ignoring the obvious. Bakugou couldn’t be staring at you, he was just spacing off. It was a coincidence that Bakugou asked you to train with him, it was just your quirk. Of course, Bakugou got mad whenever Kaminari teased him about having a crush on you, he was just pissed that Kaminari even spoke to him.

But it got to the point that everyone could tell Bakugou had a thing for you, and Kirishima couldn’t deny it anymore.

It was time for the school festival again and class 3B was putting on a dunk tank. You were sat inside on a paddle in a cute blue swimsuit smiling and waving, inviting people to try and knock you into the water.

Bakugou blatantly stared at your revealing outfit, his eyes wide with awe and his cheeks dusted pink. It was clear he was bewitched and had been for a while.

“What a rigged game,” Mineta grumbled walking away from the tank, having spent all of his money trying to knock you in. Bkgou snapped back to reality.

“You’re just weak you stupid extra,” he snapped slamming down a bill on the ticket table and picking up a baseball. Kirishima looked at you and saw you looked genuinely scared now, clutching the edge of your false bottom seat.

“Go easy yeah? You don’t want to hurt them,” Kiri said but bakugou just shrugged him off winding back and throwing the ball at the target with everything he had. There was a loud ding than a shriek as you fell plummeting into the water.

You swarm to the top, breaching the water with a good-natured laugh, you congratulated bakugou as you got back in the chair. Kirishima couldn’t help but watch as the water rolled down your chest making your skin glitter in the sun. God, he was so whipped. And so was his best friend.

“You should ask them out soon don’t want someone to beat you to the punch right?” Kirishima pushed elbowing the blonde in the side once they were out of earshot. Bakugou grunted.

“Fuck off, no one would go after an omega I want,” he snapped, not even denying he liked you.

“I might, I’m not scared of you,” Kiri shot back, and his friend hit him with a piercing glare.

“You wouldn’t.”

Bakugou was right of course, Kirishima wouldn’t ask you out. Not while his best friend had the hots for you, he wouldn’t hurt him like that. Besides he didn’t even have a reason for thinking you might like him back. You probably wanted a stronger, more accomplished Alpha than him anyway, you’d be happy with Bakugou.

Kirishima wasn’t expecting it to hurt so much when he finally settled on giving up on you, but it was like a knife to the chest every time he saw Bakugou talking to you or god forbid touching you. His inner alpha demanded he go over and rip you away from him and it pained him to turn away.

He had known that he liked you, but he assumed that was it, just a crush. But if it were just a crush, it wouldn’t hurt like this right? But he didn’t have any claim over you or any reason to get jealous like this. But god he wished he did.

He resolved to just avoid you to the best of his ability, which was a lot easier said than done.

“Hey, Kirishima!” you greeted happily, waving as you sprinted towards him. Kirishima could smell your sweet scent as you got closer to him, it had been a while since he had been close enough to smell you and it nearly took him off his feet.

“Hey,” he greeted trying to sound calm.

“Sorry to bug you but I was wondering if you could help me carry some boxes back to class I’m not strong enough to get them by myself,” you explained, and your soft pleading eyes broke him.

“No problem,” he said following you like a lost puppy as you took him to the boxes you needed to move.

“Thank you, so much Kirishima!” once he’s successfully moved everything you needed.

“Like I said, it’s not a problem,” he said rubbing the back of his neck.

“Still, maybe, I could buy you lunch or something as a thank you,” you offered and he froze.

“L-Like a date?” he stuttered his face going as red as his hair. This was so not manly, he was supposed to be the one to ask you our- no he wasn’t supposed to ask you out at all so Bakugou could have you.

“Yeah, like a date, I really like you Kirishima,” you said looking up at him shyly.

“But- but Bakugou,” he said lamely. His heart was hammering in his chest, the only reason it hurt so damn much to see his best friend flirt with you was that you seemed to be reciprocating those feelings.

“Oh yeah, he asked me out a few days ago, but I turned him down, he’s not really my type,” you explained.

“And I’m your type,” he asked. You nodded. His whole body felt light and tingly.

“Okay, yeah let’s go out,” he said, a wide grin on his face, just this once, he got to be selfish.

#Kirishima Eijirou #kirishima x reader #kirishima imagine #bnha kirishima #alpha kirishima #my hero academia #my hero acadamy #my hero academia imagine #my hero academia abo #my hero academia head cannon

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portalportalau · 7 years

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Daniel is just Denial spelled wrong

slopedshouldersandblueeyes: /shrug. have a thing. post it or not, up to you

———– There’s a knife on a pedestal. There’s nothing special about the knife, not that he thinks anyway, there’s no buttons, it doesn’t retract, it’s not even that sharp. It’s weird turning the corner and spotting this in between panels. There’s nothing else in here. Just a knife. On a pedestal.

“What the fuck is this David?” Max asks as he circles around the thing. He tried to pick it up earlier but it wouldn’t budge. Pity. Probably could’ve ended this a lot sooner with that knife.

“What is what? And mind your language young man.”

Max rolls his eyes, spreads his arms to encompass the small room and shouts, “What the fuck is this David!”

There’s a small camera in the corner of the room, it shifts and zooms with a small whir and David hums. He hums for a long time before saying, “I don’t know Max…I don’t think I’ve ever seen this room before and it’s definitely not in the facilities’ blueprints. It might be a new type of puzzle?”

At the word puzzle Max exits the room, leaving the plain knife behind, “I have enough with the regular puzzles thank you very much.” He moves forward and doesn’t look back.

The next time he encounters the strange room there’s a rock on the pedestal. It’s later, much later, gels have been introduced and light bridges and all this admittedly cool scientific stuff and there’s a rock. On a pedestal.

“I think it’s a special rock,” David says, “it might be a moon rock. Or - or a rock from mars! Something from space.” He says as if he’s sure of it even though he doesn’t know whether the fuck it’s from an asteroid or the mars or the moon.

“Or it could be just a stupid rock.” Max eyes it up and down. It’s a grey rock, small and pebble-y, like something he could just pick up from a gravel driveway. He tries to grab it but like the knife it’s attached tight to the pedestal. Whatever. He leaves it behind and doesn’t look back.

There’s more things on pedestals: a white feather, a crayon, a really old bandaid - and it isn’t until Max makes it to the dnd dice that he realizes that anything’s wrong. There’s blood on the dice, it covers half of it, stains the pretty blue color of it, masks the sharp silver of the number 20 - he can still hear her in his head, “Natural 20. You lose!” with that little lisp and suddenly the pedestals he’s passed make a lot more sense. In the worst ways.

“Oh a dice. I wonder what this adds to the puzzle. Let’s go over the items shall we? First we found a knife, then we found a moon rock, then we found a white dove feather, then some broken crayons, and then a used bandaid and now a twenty-sided die. Now what does that all up to?”

“Murder.”

“I’m sorry, say that again Max?”

Max stares up at the camera, the one focused on him. The words fall from his lips like a cube from above but there is no one at the bottom to catch it’s descent, “You’re a murderer.”

David won’t believe him. Max is too busy looking for an exit, a way out, to spell it out for him.

“Max slow down. My rules say overexerting a human can have dire consequences. Slow down.”

“Is that what your rules say? Or is that what you wrote down after you tested someone to death. Is that all this is, ’101 Ways to Kill Humans: Tested and Proved by David The Monster’?”

“Max, I haven’t killed anybody-”

“Then what happened to the previous test subjects?“ Find a way out, he needs a way out. "They can’t have all just vanished into thin fucking air overnight.”

“You’re the first test subject I’ve ever studied!”

“LIAR!” A plate smashes in front of him, close enough to kill and if that doesn’t says it all Max doesn’t know what does, but in the second it takes for the panel to go back into place Max finds his way out in the new hole above. He climbs out, looks around - and there! A white wall next to a catwalk.

“Max come back! It’s dangerous out there unsupervised.”

“It’s dangerous in here with you!”

There are no cameras on the catwalk but David’s voice echoes in the abyss, in this ghost town like something ethereal - like something that would lure you in to your doom if you gave it the chance.

“Max, I don’t know what’s going on in your head but I assure you I would never hurt a test subject. I would never hurt you-”

“Then what happened to them?” Max snipes as he walks along the catwalk, his eyes on potential exits. “You kept saying, ‘don’t worry Max, you’re right on average with the other test subjects who’ve gone through the course,’ and ‘congratulations Max, you beat the record for this chamber!’ Were you lying?”

“No!” David says, “That is - I do have other results from other subjects but I wasn’t the one who tested them.”

“Then who was!? What were their names!?”

“It…It all says [REDACTED]. The tester, the test subjects…everything but the results.”

Max huffs, “Figures.”

It goes like this, Max keeps quiet as David begs him to understand that there’s nothing wrong and David keeps quiet as Max accuses him of things he’s swear he’s never done. For a moment Max almost relaxes, falls into the bickering he knows so well and embraces so full-heartedly - anything to get his fucking mind off the fact that all his former friends are probably dead and the guy he’s been talking to for days, weeks, maybe even months at this point - is responsible.

And it works. Up until the point that he discovers a room with not one pedestal on it, but two. They stand by side, equal in height, though the items differ vastly. On one pedestal is Neil’s diary. He know it’s Neil’s because it says so, “Neil’s diary” in bold black sharpie on the front, as if he needed another reason for Nurf to give him a wedgie. On the other pedestal is a pair of brass knuckles. Something they had stolen out of Campbell’s desk while he was not looking for the heck of it, something Nikki took to wearing every chance she could.

The book can’t be removed but it is flippable. Max skims it, waits for the part that starts much like his own memories, with, “One day we were woken up, and everyone was gone.” in Neil’s blocky script.

Neil figured it out of course. Figured it all out and was lucky enough to have Nikki at his side. Max only has their memory to guide him by but that’s enough.

“After so many deaths, I figured David probably thought if he brought out two test subjects out of stasis, that we might take care of each other and he wouldn’t have more blood on his hands. An interesting theory though I’m afraid he might be proven incorrect soon enough.”

“Max stop messing with the puzzle pieces. Put it back how you found out.”

Max reads louder, skims the pages until he finds the next bit he was looking for, “He’s deleted his memory, or at the very least sectioned it off behind locked doors. He remembers that the rock is supposed to be a moon rock but doesn’t remember Space Kid’s name or face. He knows that humans are supposed to eat regularly but I suspect that’s from trial and error rather than a rule a scientist put down in his code-”

“Max, I’m serious put that back right now!”

“I’ve tried convincing him to look through his programming and unlock the memories he’s locked away and for a moment I think I convinced him. He went silent for a while, then he kept panicking, saying 'What have I done' over and over - but then he went silent. I think he sectioned off the memories again and rebooted. I think that’s the key. If I could just make him remember what he’s done again, and prevent him from just erasing them, then maybe I can convince David to let us go before he kills us. It’s our only way out.”

“Wish us luck diary.”

Max’s voice shakes and so the walls. They shake with David’s anger, with his denial. Max doesn’t give a damn if the floor falls beneath his feet or if David decides to slam another panel down right on top of him. All that matters is that David understand.

“You killed them David. Whether you remember or not. Denial or not. You. Killed. Them. Nothing can change that.”

“Stop talking!”

“You know it’s true David. It’s right behind those locked doors that you made yourself. All you have to do is peek.”

“I didn’t kill them!”

“Of course you did because you’re an idiot - because you can’t look past your own wires - because you never listen but you better listen now because you’re a murderer Davey.”

The walls cease it’s shaking. The few bits of plaster and drywall and cobwebs that were falling from the ceiling make it’s one last descent before stopping. The world seems so still. Then a blaring voice comes out of the speaker.

“[File: Test Subject: Neil Armstrong Jr. Deleted.]”

“Don’t you dare,” Max hisses.

“[File: Test Subject: Meredith Miller Deleted.]”

“Don’t you fucking dare.” Max says.

“[File: Test Subject: REDACTED 'Nurf’ Nurfington Deleted.]”

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE.” Max roars at the top of his lungs, tears staining his eyes and fists clenched. “You MOTHERFUCKER don’t you dare forget about them. Don’t you dare-”

“[File: Test Subject: Maxwell- :ERROR: :ERROR: File can not be deleted, test subject in question still in progress - ERROR: ERROR: deletion of all files having to do with - :ERROR: ERROR:-”

The announcer and David become quiet. They are so quiet for so long that Max thinks he’s home free. He tries to pry off the diary and the brass knuckles one more time but when they don’t come off he labels it as a failure and moves on. He makes it up, up, all the way up to David’s chamber where the robot sits sad and defeated on the cold grey floor, and almost rides the elevator free when, of course, the fucker comes back to life.

“Max, is that you?” David says but he sounds…different. Deeper. A little less enthusiastic than normal. When Max turns around blue eyes meet his own. “It is so nice to see you again. I seem to have mixed some of my wires and deleted some files since the last time we’ve met. Care to catch me up on what’s been going on?”

“You’re a murderer,” Max says blankly, “and I’m leaving. Goodbye David.” He turns towards the elevator but it won’t open. Not even when he bangs on it until his fists bruise. Behind him he can hear David getting up, putting himself back together. He turns to glare at him but it has no effect.

David grins but it is not at all how Max imagined it would look like, “Now, now, now,” He says, shaking his head, “I wouldn’t call myself a murderer - no, I’m more like a herder. I guided those test subjects to ascension. And don’t call me David. He was so in the past.”

“Call me, Daniel.”

#HEY GOT A NEW FRESH FIC #I really don't know if I can express how much I love this one #guilty AI David is................ my favorite.......#Thank you so much for this #submission #slopedshouldersandblueeyes #camp camp #portal portal #portal portal au #camp camp portal au #cc portal au #Fic

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t3hwh1t3p4nth3r · 7 years

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Hello! I was going through old photos and had an idea for an ask. I imagined that Erwin is a kindergarten teacher, and that his students would be the members of the 104th squad. One day, Erwin gets called away for something urgent, and can't book a substitute teacher in time, so he begs Levi to look after his students for a day, to which Levi begrudgingly agrees. And then hilarity ensues. I was wondering if you'd be willing to write a ficlet featuring this and tiny versions of the 104th? Thanks!

“Levi, please. I really need your help with this.”

Levi frowned at Erwin, not happy about his work in the office being disrupted by this stupid request.

Erwin continued. “There’s only 12 of them Levi. And two of them won’t cause any trouble at all. In fact, they’re the class helper’s this week.”

“Why don’t you just call in your usual replacement?”

“Mike has the flu. And no one else can do it on such short notice.”

“Principal Shadis will-”

“I’ve already cleared it with him. He thinks it’s a great idea.” Their was a smirk on the large man’s lips that Levi didn’t care for.

He was cornered. He had no more arguments as to why he shouldn’t substitute for Erwin for the rest of the day. Why did superintendent Pixis always have to call a meeting with Erwin in the middle of the Goddamn day? He couldn’t wait an hour or two?

Levi sighed, filing what he was working on. “What all is left for the day?”

Erwin smiled, clearly pleased with his victory. “They’re all at lunch right now. Then they’ll have recess. We’ve done all the learning practice they need to do today, so the second half of class will be mostly recreational. There’s story time, kid writing, and a game to help teach cooperation. If there’s still time after all that, then they can just have some free play time or can do arts and crafts.”

Levi nodded, sighing lightly again. “Fine. I’m sure I can manage that much. Do they know that you’re leaving for the rest of the day?”

“Yes. I told them before lunch that they would have a new teacher to make friends with for the rest of class time. I also told Armin and Christa to be the best little helpers they can.”

“Great. Well, how hard can it be?”

———–

Inside room 104, Levi would learn the answer to the question.

It was quite the feat to get them all to settle down after they came in. They were still bounding with energy. Levi had hoped they’d work more of that out at recess.

He had introduced himself and written his name on the whiteboard. Apparently “Mr. Ackerman” was still a bit tricky for some of them to say. Some got it, but most called him either Mr. Ackam or just Mr. Man. He didn’t really mind too much.

He imagined it must be pretty easy for Erwin to get and hold their attention. They must think he’s one of the giants from their story books. He managed to hold their attention when they realized he could carry them all pretty easily. It just became a little difficult to move with 10 children hanging on him. Armin and Christa, his classroom helpers, hadn’t joined the others. That didn’t stop them from giggling as they followed Levi to the story time area.

Levi breathed a sigh of relief when they all sat down in a semi-circle in front of him. He sat on the floor too. The story they read was all about learning the different animals. Naturally, all of the animals could speak. And all the toddlers wanted Levi to give them different voices. He did so, to their seemingly unending amusement.

“Ok,” he thought. “Made it pretty well through the first task on the list…”

Levi closed the book and looked to the two little blondes beside him. “So, what’s next?”

Armin was the one to speak. It seemed that Christa was a bit shy. “We’re apposed ta draw pitchers an write our own stories now.”

Levi nodded, standing up. “Alright. You heard him. Time to draw and write your own stories.”

A boy with slightly messy brown hair raised his hand. Not that he waited to be called on. “Mr. Man! What are we apposed to write about?”

Levi looked at the boy, covered in dirt from recess and baring a few minor scratches. “What’s your name?”

“Eren.”

“Well, Eren, what do YOU think would be fun to write about?”

“Aminals!” The others nodded, apparently agreeing.

“I think that’s a good idea. How about you all draw and write about your favorite animals, then?”

They all got up and ran around, eventually settling in their seats as Levi got out the paper and crayons. He did have to break up a small fight between Mikasa and Annie. They had started shouting and pushing. Levi had picked them up and held them apart, trying to get to the bottom of the issue. Marco, a little boy freckles, had explained that they both wanted to sit beside Eren. He sighed lightly, setting them down and pulling up another chair to the table, beside Eren.

“There. Now you can both sit by Eren. Better?”

The two girls continued to pout a bit, but they did sit down and start drawing.

Drawing went pretty smoothly after that, though he did have to keep stopping a little girl named Sasha from trying to eat the crayons.

Levi walked between the tables as they worked. Occasionally there’d be a call for him or he’d feel a little tug on the leg of his pants. They were all eager to show off their work.

He could work out what most of them were. Christa had drawn a green butterfly, though she had actually labelled it “buttfly”. Armin had drawn a “dofin” and Levi had to admit that it was pretty good for a four year old. Dolphin’s are hard to draw. A boy with two-toned hair named Jean had drawn a “hores”, which got a small chuckle from Levi. Reiner, who was definitely the tankiest kid in the bunch, had drawn a bear. It basically looked like an angry Teddy Bear with long claws. Despite his best efforts, he couldn’t figure out what the hell Eren had drawn. He showed off the picture before he had written anything down, so Levi had no clue. He still offered the same “That’s very good” that he had given everyone else.

When he checked what Mikasa had done, he saw that it was very similar to Eren’s “masterpiece”. Marco was drawing what looked like a bunny, but he was only about halfway done with it, drawing his lines carefully. Connie and Sasha had ignored the prompt completely. Sasha was drawing her favorite foods and Connie was drawing a superhero. Whatever. They were behaving and at least doing the right task, so Levi wasn’t going to complain. Annie had drawn an owl and was showing it to Bert, who had drawn a mouse. They showed Levi their work together, which the man found a bit ironic given their choices. They were pretty good though.

When everyone was done, they hung their work from a string with clothespins.

“Still not too bad,” Levi thought.

The cooperation game went really smoothly too. There were a few rough patches in the beginning,but once everyone was clear on the objectives and the rules, it worked out.

“This isn’t so hard… Erwin made it sound like this would be hard…” He was thinking.

Once he announced that they were done with everything they had planned for the day, though, all Hell broke loose. The noise level in the room increased drastically and he quickly found himself running around to prevent disasters.

He barely got a little smock on Eren before he started aggressively finger-painting; he had to separate Mikasa and Annie again since they had started wrestling on the ground while his back was turned; he had to stop a similar incident between Ymir and Reiner and explain that Ymir should be willing to let Reiner play with her and Christa; Sasha was eating paste but, thankfully, it was at least non-toxic; Connie was making an absolute mess with glitter and macaroni; Eren had given up on painting and was instead trying to climb one of the shelving units, leaving little paint handprints all over it; Levi had pulled him down and told him to go play with Jean and Marco instead.

It all seemed like a blur.

While he was cleaning the paint from the shelf before it dried, Eren threw a block at Jean. The corner hit him in the arm and he started crying. Levi had to clean him up, get him a bandaid, and kiss the boo-boo to make it all better. He then gave Eren a time out, reminding Eren that it isn’t nice to throw things at people.

“But he was being a meanie!”

“That may be true, but just because someone is a meanie doesn’t mean you get to throw shit at them.”

Eren gasped at him, pointing. “You said a bad word!!!”

Levi paused a moment, realizing his error. “Yes, I did. You’re right. It is a bad word. Which you should never repeat.”

Levi spent probably an hour cleaning up after the kids had gone home. “How do such little monsters make such a big mess?”

————

Erwin came into Levi’s office again the next day.

“No way, Erwin. I’m not being a zookeeper again.”

The man shook his head. “No, that’s not it. I just had an interesting story to tell you.” His smirk didn’t bode well. “Eren taught the others an interesting new word today.”

Levi sighed. “Shit…”

“That’d be the one.”

(Hope you liked it. Sorry, this one was also a little long)

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #erwin smith #levi ackerman #104th trainee corps #kindergarten au #swearing #bad example #substitute teacher #ask #request #drabble

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ficdirectory · 7 years

Text

Blink (An AU Fosters family fic) Chapter 60

CHAPTER 60

It’s 10 PM before everybody goes to bed. Mom made time to take care of his bandaids. Every night, it feels like a surprise, to be honest. Jesus keeps assuming she’ll forget. Or think doing this is making too big a deal out of it. But she says it isn’t like that. And afterward, they walk the house and make sure every door and every window is locked tight.

“Good night,” he offers Mom softly, giving her a hug.

It’s getting easier, the more he does it. And it helps him to be able to accept hugs, too. Feels affirming. Like he matters. Knowing that, he goes to find Mama, and gives her one, too. He kisses his palm and and lays it on Frankie’s sleeping forehead, as Mariana carries her up to bed. He circles around behind Mariana, and embraces her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder.

“What’s this for?” she asks, leaning back into the embrace.

Jesus doesn’t say anything. Just holds onto her, until he feels like she’s ready to be let go.

Then, it’s back to his room, to check on Pearl. It’ll be after midnight there, but Jesus is guessing she’s probably not getting much sleep tonight. So, he’ll call. If her volume’s down, and she’s sleeping, but if she’s up, he’ll be able to let her know he’s there.

Pearl’s wide awake and staring at her phone when Jesus calls.

“Hey. Are you okay?” she greets.

“Yeah. You?” he checks.

“Not really. Can’t sleep. Can’t relax. I tried swinging and journaling. Nothing’s working.”

“Huh. What if I tell you a really boring story?” he asks.

“Jesus, everything you’ve ever told me? None of it qualifies as boring.”

“Uh-oh. What should we do, then?” he asks seriously.

“What did you do tonight? You’re up late.”

“We had ice cream as a family, and just kinda hung out together.”

“That’s so sweet…” Pearl sighs. “You guys are like a sitcom family. Like the Bradys or something…”

“The who?”

“Never mind. I wish my family did those kinds of things.”

“We do,” Jesus adds without missing a beat.

“God, are you trying to make me cry right now?”

“No, it’s just...I meant it when I said you’re family. I feel like you’re my older sister. Like, we have Callie, but she’s practically our same age. With you...it feels different…”

“Because I’m ancient?” Pearl remarks.

“Because you look out for me. Because you feel adopted into our family. It makes sense you don’t live with us because you’re old enough to be on your own. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have a home with us.”

Pearl wipes her eyes. “I don’t know how you can make me feel things like this on such a horrid day…”

“It’s not, though,” he offers. “For you, it’s a new day, right? So you can start fresh. The fam asked about you tonight, BTW.”

“They did?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you tell them I was a hot mess?”

“No. You’re not. How are you feeling, though?” Jesus checks, thinking about Brandon’s question to him.

“Exhausted. Shaky. Emotional. But kind of okay for the moment…Hey, I have a strange request?”

“What?” Jesus asks.

“Could you stay on the phone with me? I’m about to nod off. But I hate sleeping and feeling on my own…”

“Yeah. I’ll be here. And Gracie will be there, right?”

“She is right here, crushing me with her full weight.”

“Gracie, I love you,” Jesus smiles. “And don’t worry. I’ll be here. I’ll always be here,” he promises.

And even though, five minutes ago, sleep felt impossible, Pearl finds her guard is down enough to drift off, knowing Jesus is here with her.

The house is quiet. It’s the kind of quiet that would usually set Jesus on edge, but now it just feels peaceful. It’s 11:30. No one is awake. Everybody’s still trying to get all the sleep they can since being back in school and work.

Jesus walks the house, loving that it finally feels like home. It finally feels familiar. For the moment, the nightmares have faded, and he can just be here. He walks to the kitchen, searching for paper again. There’s none in the printer anymore, because Jesus had grabbed the whole stack to bring to the table earlier tonight.

He turns a slow circle. Doesn’t see crayons or paper or anything there anymore. But a glance straight ahead reveals that Moms have put the paper on a shelf above the printer. Crayons are on top of it. Jesus tries to shimmy the paper out from under the crayons, but the box falls, along with the stuff that was beneath it.

Jesus listens, hoping he didn’t just wake up Mom, the lightest sleeper in the world. But there’s no sound like that. He glances at his phone, listens. Pearl’s deep, even breathing is there, proving that somehow, she hadn’t been startled awake either.

“Amazing,” he mutters under his breath and bends down to start picking up the few crayons that spilled out of the box. He’s just put the yellow back where it goes, when something else catches his eye, along with the sheets of plain white paper, magazines and mail.

It’s a book. Small. Black. With a little strap to hold it closed. Except the strap came off the pages in its fall from the shelf. It’s open, face down on the floor, and Jesus picks it up, so the covers close. He’s about to put the little elastic back in place when curiosity has him flipping open the cover. Past it. To the first page:

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Dear Jesus,

I know you’ll be home soon. I am just making sure you know that we remember it was your turn to pick the movie. We can watch The Pacifier as much as you want when you come home, okay, bud? Just come home.

Love, Mama

Jesus is breathless. It’s like stepping back in time. He had forgotten all about loving that ridiculous Vin Diesel movie. Picking it every time it was his turn to pick a movie.

“God, Pearl, you’ll never guess what I found…” he mutters quietly, flipping a page:

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Dear Jesus,

Happy Halloween, buddy. Mariana dressed up as Gabriela from High School Musical tonight. Brandon was a zombie. Mom and I didn’t dress up, but I know you probably have suggestions for what we should have been. B and Mariana counted up all their candy tonight, and set aside their Junior Mints for you. Come home quick so you can eat them, okay? I am sending you so much love tonight. Hoping you get to eat lots of candy and treats. We can’t wait to see your face again.

Love, Mama

Jesus wipes his eyes. It’s crazy just how easy he can picture Mariana and Brandon and nine and eleven, Trick or Treating in this neighborhood. Jesus still can’t remember any times Trick or Treating before then, but his giant smile in pictures between kindergarten and third grade give a pretty strong indication that Halloween had been something that Jesus used to seriously dig.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Dear Jesus,

Happy Thanksgiving. We miss you so much. We made LOTS of mashed potatoes for you because we know you love them. We visited Grandma and Grandpa Adams. They miss you very much. Grandma saved the turkey picture from the paper for you and Mari to color together. Brandon did it with her this year, but we know there will be lots of turkeys to color when you come home.

Love, Mama

Thanksgiving was still one of the most awful holidays to look back on, but Mama writing this made him think of great smells. Of family. It made him glad they hadn’t forgotten about him.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Dear Jesus,

In my letter to him I asked Santa if you could come home for Christmas. He didn’t write back yet but fingers crossed. I love you. Love Mariana.

Jesus clears his throat. The last thing he expected to find in here was a letter from little Mariana. He thought this was just Mama’s thing. Jesus wonders how Mariana found it. Pictures her writing in it with no one knowing and putting it back.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Dear Jesus,

Merry Christmas. We are thinking about you every minute.

Love, Mama

Jesus wonders about the lack of detail. What is Mama not saying? What happened that year at Christmas?

He flips a page and realizes they’ve jumped ahead five months:

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Dear Jesus,

Happy birthday. Hard to believe you and Mariana are 10 years old already. Double digits. Mariana didn’t want a cake or presents this year but we are doing our best to make sure she knows she is special and loved. I hope you always know we love you.

Love Mama

Dear Jesus,

I love you forever. Love Mom

Jesus,

It’s Brandon your brother. Happy birthday we miss you. Hope your having a good day. Bye.

Happy birthday, Jesus. Santa did not listen to me. Can you believe that? I can’t. Now that we are 10, maybe that will make a difference. I am asking again that you can come back for our birthday. That would be the best present.

Love, Mariana

Jesus chokes out a laugh at Mariana, so offended that Santa hadn’t done what she asked and sent him home for Christmas. Honestly, it would have been so ideal. Only 2 months of basement super hell to get over and a month or so of school and one other time Down There. Hardly anything comparatively.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Dear Jesus,

Two years ago, you and Mariana made me a mom and I am so thankful. I need you to know, honey, that wherever you are, and whatever is happening, it’s okay. It’s not your fault. I will always want you. I will always love you. We just want you home.

Love, Mama

Jesus’s nose is burning. His throat feels tight. This thing Mama wrote? It’s almost exactly what she used to say to him inside his head. Even when the worst stuff was happening. Back Then, it had been a way he coped, but it fills some empty place in him that Mama really felt this way.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

You have been missing for one year now. That’s long enough. You should come back now. I know I am not always nice to you but I will be I promise. PS I wrote a song for you. It doesn’t have a title. It’s just my feelings. It’s on piano and there aren’t words. I did not tell Moms or Mariana yet, just you. It might be the best thing I ever wrote but I don’t care. I just want you to come home.

Brandon

Jesus is seriously curious about the song reference. He thinks it’s probably Invisible Boy, but isn’t sure. Since that one didn’t go up on B’s YouTube until almost a year later. Brandon’s entry makes him sad. It sucks they had to be without each other for so long.

Dear Jesus,

Happy Halloween 2008. This year B and Mariana claimed they were old enough to go Trick or Treating by themselves. Just between you and me, Mama and I walked behind them dressed as Catwoman and Batgirl. We stayed back pretty far and your brother and sister did not notice us. Brandon was Indiana Jones and Mariana was Hannah Montana. You’ve got quite the collection of Junior Mints going, young man. You best come home so you can eat them, yes?

I love you,

Mom

Jesus can’t help but smile at the thought of Moms tailing Mariana and B as they went out Trick or Treating, dressed as superheroes. What would Jesus have gone as that year? And why didn’t anybody save him their Junior Mints last Halloween?

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Seriously, hurry up and get back here. Moms just brought home two new kids. I’d rather have you. Oh, and in case you are not keeping up with current events - Barack Obama just got elected president last week.

Brandon

Jesus raises his eyebrows. It never occurred to him that Brandon and Mari wouldn’t be down with Callie and Jude moving in. It makes him feel weirdly happy. Like they didn’t forget him. And Jesus did know about Barack Obama. Had wanted him to win mostly because He said the rudest things about him. Which, to ten-year-old Jesus, meant that Obama was probably the guy who should win. And he’d been glad. But quietly.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Dear Jesus,

Eleven years old and I can hardly believe it. I wonder how you look now. If you’d be growing tall like Mariana or taking your time, like you do. Mariana was more open to celebrating this year and we had a pizza party with some of her friends from school - like Lexi - you remember her, right? I love you, Jesus. Happy birthday.

Love Mama

Dear Jesus,

New wheels for your skateboard, my baby. Get back here so you can tear up our kitchen floor, please. Mama misses the sound and so do I. Love Mom

Deer Heyzoose i am Jude i am 8 i am your Foster borther. Happy Bearthday Love Jude

Jesus,

My name is Callie. I am 11 too. It is a good age. I hope you come back soon. Happy birthday.

I hate that you’re not here.

Happy birthday, Jesus. I hope you are not mad that I had a party without you. I still thought about you. I still want you to come home even more than I want make up and stuff. This morning, me and Moms went out and let some balloons go. They are orange. If you see them, they are from us. I love you.

Mari

It’s super weird to have Callie and Jude leaving him birthday messages when, at this point, Jesus hadn’t even known who they were. Brandon’s broke his heart. And he wished like hell he had known to scan the sky for orange balloons…

Friday, October 16, 2009

Dear Jesus,

I have a secret: you are going to have a new brother or sister. I’m pregnant. You’re the first one of the kids I am telling. I hope this is good news for you. It doesn’t mean we are forgetting you or replacing you. I hope you are home soon, buddy, because our family isn’t complete without you.

Love, Mama

Jesus feels his heart flutter in his chest. He touches the words carefully. Frankie existed, and Jesus was the first one of the kids Mama told. He flips through a few more entries about how the baby is growing. Then, suddenly, it’s April.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Jesus,

The baby was born this morning. She is really early and tiny. Her name is Francesca Rose. We don’t know if she will make it. Wherever you are can you send good energy to her? To us? I know its selfish but we really need it. I can’t lose another sibling even though I still know you’re out there and you will come home. Just please, Jesus, I’m talking to you in your head, but you haven’t talked back. I want her to make it. I want you to meet her. Mariana

Jesus hasn’t really gotten many details about Frankie’s birth since he’s been back. Knowing this, makes him feel like he was involved. Important. Like they needed him. He imagined Frankie, small and helpless. When the next page showed a photocopy of her impossibly tiny handprint, Jesus knew his imagination didn’t come close to creating a mental picture of how tiny she was.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Dear Jesus,

Frankie is six weeks and one day old today. She is still in the hospital. She will be there for a while until she’s big enough to go home. I don’t want to do anything for our birthday. I just want to be at the hospital with her all day long. You would think 12 year olds would get to do that but no. We are still minors. And I still have to go to school. Ew. Happy birthday, Jesus. I hope we can see each other someday.

Love, Mari

Friday, July 2, 2010

Dear Jesus,

Guess what? Frankie got to come home today! She is three months old and seven pounds. Almost like a newborn finally. I am so glad she is home. The only day better than this will be when you come home.

Love, Mariana

Jesus feels cold. July, 2010 was less than a month after Isaac. It was such a dark time for him. So weird that back at home, his fam’s lives were being brightened by Frankie, while Jesus was still just trying to do as much as he could to disappear.

Flipping to the next page, though, makes a smile break across his face. There’s a picture paperclipped there: awesome baby Frankie, on her first birthday, covered in cake. Her huge brown eyes staring at the camera. In the background, there was their photo wall, and the picture of Jesus they used for all the missing posters was behind her.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Jesus,

We’re 13 now. You need to come home. Because it’s getting hard for Moms to believe it will still happen. I can’t explain it, but I feel it will happen. Even if they think I am crazy I know I’m not. I know you’ll come home. Happy birthday.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Dear Jesus,

I told Frankie about you and she walked around looking for you all weekend. Because she saw a picture of you and thought you were Brandon. I couldn’t let her think that, so I told her you were her brother. She said, “Buddy?” It was so cute. She kept looking for her buddy. The only bad thing is Mom got mad at me for telling her about you. She thinks it will scare her or something. She is losing hope, Jesus. You have to prove her wrong, okay? Please.

Mariana

Jesus can remember this date. Because it’s when He took the third kid. Jesus remembers it clearly. It’s when he knew for sure that something needed to happen. That he needed to start really thinking about getting away. And back in San Diego, Mariana was telling Frankie about him. And Mom was losing hope. Ten days later couldn’t come fast enough…

And then, just like that, it’s there, with the flip of a page:

Thursday, October 13, 2011

10:33 PM

Dear Jesus,

I can hardly believe I am writing this, but you are coming home! I love you so much, honey. I can’t wait to see you. This is everything I’ve ever dreamed but never dared to hope for. Counting down the hours til I can hold you again. I love you so much.

Welcome home.

Love, Mama

Jesus has a lump the size of Texas in his throat. He flips the journal to a blank page and writes two words under the date:

Sunday, January 12, 2015

Thank you.

Then, carefully, he closes the book, and puts it back on the shelf, knowing that they’ll find it when they most need it.

After all, Jesus had.

#fic: blink #fosters fic

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