#{ I've also been slow because I am sewing a lot }

[brilla-brilla-estrellita]

MOCKUP COMPLETE???? (Mostly).

Last time, I was in a tizzy because the pattern for the fingers didn't seem to fit the mockup, but it did fit the wing pattern, and the mockup fit the wing pattern, so...????

I still don't know what that's about, but I persisted! The next thing I did was pin down the pattern and trace it with a yellow Frixion pen so that the line would hopefully be visible, but not obvious if it didn't fully go away. Apparently, I didn't take pics of this step. Oops.

Then I pinned along the traced lines to hold the fabric together but also because the lines were a little too hard to see (should've used the pink marker!). See below my pinned nonsense.

Next, I just had to sew along the lines! These are probably some of the best seams I've ever sewn, tbh. I t was hard to see the traced line sometimes, but I took it slow and checked that I was still on track pretty often and it paid off!

I did have a brief period where I couldn't stop thinking about the apple danish sitting behind me. I had fallen into the trap of promising myself I could have it as a reward when I finished sewing all the finger channels, but that just made me obsess over it and start to rush. I could actually feel the anxiety building up as it went on and I realized how much sewing I still had to do.

I've been attributing this kind of behavior to ADHD, but maybe that's just because I only noticed the pattern after I was diagnosed with ADHD. Maybe someone here can tell me if it's an ADHD thing. Anyway, my brain does NOT work that way. Reward must come before or during activity, not after, if I want the work to be done well. So I took a bite of the danish after I finished each line, and that worked out a lot better.

And with that, I have a wing!!!

I had to hold the un-sleeved wing because adding this fabric added enough weight to make them very crooked. The wings are held in closed position via magnets, and this fabric is so heavy that the wing doesn't stay closed! It opens when I lean over!

This means I'm probably going to have to scrap my original idea for the fabric, which was going to be something suede-like for the "lambs ear" touch on the inside and something a little more leather-like for the outside. I'll need something heckin light for these magnets to hold, and that's probably the only downside to this setup so far.

I didn't put wire in the finger channels because I don't have any yet, and I want to figure out what to do about the spike on top because I want it to be black in the final product, like Simon's. But for all intents and purposes, the mockup is done and I am ready to buy fabric and start on the real deal!

#chimera wings #simon snow #dragon wings #articulated wings #sewing #cosplay #wing update

[acaseforpencils]

Jane Mattimoe (aka A Case for Pencils).

I've been interviewing mainly New Yorker cartoonists on here for close to nine (!) years, which is wild to think about! A lot has changed since I started this blog in 2014— back then, I had a broken wrist from a fall I had while working in a restaurant, and I didn't have the money for a laptop for months, so I would go to the New York Public Library to use their public use computers to work on Case during the daily half hour increments that were allowed at the time. I currently have a mostly working laptop and a fairly healthy wrist, which is a great improvement!

Here I am at my desk, repping the NYPL on my mug. I know it looks messy under my desk, but I promise all of those art supplies are neatly stacked!

I started this blog as a young baby artist who wanted to open up a world to people who might not otherwise have a chance to learn from some of the greatest living artists of all time. I never went to art school (I found it unaffordable), and knew there were plenty of folks out there like me who might not be able to go to classes, but who certainly deserved to hear from some of the top professionals in their field. Since I had known many New Yorker cartoonists for a couple of years at that point, I figured why not see if they will help me out? And, well... they did!

Doing this blog is a LOT of work, but it has been thrilling to hear many many young people (several of which that I have interviewed on here!) say that they learned a lot from reading it.

I don't put myself on here very often, so I thought I might take the time to talk about some of my more recent art projects. Above are some of my watercolor portraits. I have been working hard on trying to achieve more luminosity in skin and watercolors are a beautiful tool for achieving that. The key is lots of layers and lots of patience!

To the left is a recent painting I did of some ruins. Again, my goal is create light. The painting to the right is a pet portrait that I did a couple months back.

I've been learning lots of new crafts. To the left is a bird house that I painted using the cheapest acrylics possible. Usually with art supplies, cheaping out is disastrous, but for some reason, 80 cent acrylics seem to be working out for me? If you are an acrylics artist, please feel free to tell me why I'm wrong to use them. I also have been having fun with decoupage (photo on the right), which is basically using special tools to glue fancy tissue paper etc. onto various objects (I've slowed down on this a bit because I've run out of things to cover in decorative paper).

I've been having a lot of fun making decorative objects—I feel that it is important to make beautiful things for yourself when you're an artist. Having pretty things doesn't have to be expensive if you make them yourself, and they become keepsake items. I made this little gingerbread garland pictured above by cutting out felt and frosting it with fabric paint.

I've also been having lots of fun with sewing. This is a two piece set that I made recently. It's really fun to be able to think of something I would like to wear, and make it! Sewing is a different kind of art for me—with painting, I am in a strange incoherent state. But with sewing, I am following all sorts of instructions, and thinking about it in a far less abstract way. It's definitely a different usage of my brain, which has made it a fun challenge.

I hope you all are doing well, and learning new ways to make art! I appreciate all of the support over the years, and hope to continue this blog for quite a while longer. Thanks for reading!

You can find my Instagram here, my website here, and Twitter here!

------

If you enjoy this blog, and would like to contribute to labor and maintenance costs, there is a Patreon, and if you’d like to buy me a cup of coffee, there is a Ko-Fi  account as well! I do this blog for free because accessible arts education is important to me, and your support helps a lot! You can also find more posts about art supplies on Case’s Instagram and Twitter! Thank you!

#jane mattimoe #artists on tumblr #art process

[notwhelmedyet]

2023 Craft Roundup

I did this last year and I'm gonna do it again! Mostly because I have a terrible memory and if I don't make lists I end up going "dunno, did I make anything in 2023?" I did, in fact, make several things. Even if the writing muses did not return to me this year, RIP.

January: Mitten Repair Project (aka Shitty Faux Leather Can Go Die Actually)

patched my warmest mittens with new leather palms and thumbs after the cheap faux leather they came with completely disintegrated

February: finished the mushroom slippers!

I'd done about 85% of the needle felt decorations on these mushroom slippers years ago and then never finished them. BUT NOW THEY'RE FINISHED

April - May: The SNAILMP

July: Reusable grocery bags and butch grocery bag holster

Definitely the craft I've made this year that I've gotten the most use out of. I love my bag holster, no more shoving bags in my pockets or wishing i had a purse with me

September: A Stick (an adapter for brass heated foiling tools so I can use them without the awkward electric heat pen)

very awkward amateur woodworking project but gosh darn it, it works and I managed to buy the perfect adapter to fit those screw fittings

December: Miscellaneous gifts

I made a few space-themed sewing supplies for a friend who's been thinking of getting into quilting (of which I am most proud of the wearable needle minder and the marbled paper mache handled seam ripper) as well as a few single section notebooks for another friend for our winter gift exchange.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Only Sorta a Craft Project:

In January-February I made a whole host of braille practice flashcards (and then fell off the braille practice wagon, I'll get back to it)

In June-September I did a bunch of sketching as well as doing hundreds of drawing warmups. I didn't do any finished pieces but I did sketch a bunch of cute cats. also need to get back to this (it's a trend in my life)

In September-November I did a lot of uncial calligraphy practice for my bookbinding project. I've also done miscellaneous things in uncial for fun since then (including a "Please stop watering my plants" sign for work since some helpful soul keeps trying to drown them).

Not Finished:

September-Now I have been working on binding Ealcynn's A Fire Shall Be Woken fanfic series. It is taking me 10,000 years, because I am very slow and keep experimenting with new techniques. It'll get done. Eventually! Hopefully.

#year in review #crafts

[magicalrocketships]

I'm in awe of the amount of books you read this year.. i'm kinda jealous because my number is like less then 10, and all books that i have already read.. i would *love* to read more (i used to read so much when i was younger) but since reading fanfiction, is really difficult for me to find something to read.. it's depressing, i know, but browsing for a book is not enough for me to understand if is the right one or not to purchase.. also, the mood i'm in 'dictate' what i want to read and with fanfic is so easy to find something in a matter of minutes.. what genre do you usually read (in books)? anything you would like to recommend? Have a great day/ night!

It IS difficult to find a way back in to reading if you've been away from it for a while, and your tastes might have changed, and you've only got limited funds and don't want to waste them.

You could try your local library, because then you can get a selection and you're not financially out if you don't like them. But I get it! It can be daunting to just walk into a room full of books and not know where to start. My current library doesn't separate out its queer fiction and I 100% get why they might not want to Other it, but it does mean that it's really hard to find books with queer themes in rows upon rows of fiction. Most libraries allow you to get ebooks out - mine I can only read on my iPad, which I hate reading on, but again, you can have a selection of books and see if any catch you.

(Most) librarians love to recommend books, and the same with booksellers if there's a book you used to really like and you want to try something similar. But I get it! None of us are who we were the last time we picked up a book. We've all changed! Sometimes it can seem like too much energy to expend to get back into something we used to like.

I read a variety of stuff and it goes in phases but at the moment it's mostly queer romance. I have a BIG pile of queer history and queer non fiction I'm gently working through. Sometimes it's just a lot of books about spies (non fiction and fiction), or regency romance novels, or old children's fantasy or books about medieval history.

I'm pretty sure we can find some romances based on tropes you like in fic, though. Here are five books I've read or re-read this year that I've loved:

Heated Rivalry by Rachel Reid - enemies to lovers, secret relationship, falling in love, hockey boys. I know fuck all about hockey and have read this about six times.

Battle Royal by Lucy Parker - sort-of-enemies/rivals-to-lovers, great british bake off au, imagine Paul Hollywood played by Patrick from Sewing Bee, rival cake shop owners, bake off judges, uptight dude and quirky girl. I've read this at least twice this year.

Wolfsong by TJ Klune - werewolves, chosen family, queer. I don't care about werewolves in general but I did really like this one, and I LOVE TJ Klune in general for writing queer comfort blanket stories. My favourite of his is definitely The House by the Cerulean Sea, though.

The Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard (and its sequel At the Feet of the Sun, which I am reading oh-so slowly because I don't want it to end). These are LONG books, extreme slow burn, power of friendship, changing the world, wooooh admin

The Kingdoms by Natasha Pulley - time shifts, queer, apparently one of the main characters is based on Toby Stephens in Black Sails if this is an incentive, napoleonic wars.

#waffling on about books

[em-sars]

My 2013 Hipster soul would die that I'm admitting this, but I have realised that I am a Standard Issue Bisexual Woman.* I will progress with some facts about myself that I deem relevant to proving this point.

Physical appearance:

Nose ring(s) - I have a nostril hoop and a septum ring (and too many ear piercings).

Coloured hair - presently, my hair is my natural blonde because I needed a break from dying my hair, BUT usually, my hair is a fun color (I like pink and purple on myself the most).

Tattoos - while tattoos are very common now (perhaps like the above two bullet points), my current tattoos are a saguaro cactus, the goddess Athena, a celestial snake, and a sword which I've been told is extraordinarily Bisexual™️.

Clothes - I generally wear either waisted mom jeans / jorts with a Hawaiian shirt OR I dress like a '70s witch (think Stevie Nicks but in '70s orange / rust as well as black).

Interests:

I'm a historian specialising in women's history, in particular during Ancient Greece, the Tudor Period, and the Regency Era. Need I say more?

I sew historical costumes (but recreationally and paid for a theatre), and I used to be on cast at a Renaissance Festival until I moved for college.

I both write and read avidly; presently, I've been gouging myself on Dramione fanfiction (both writing and reading).

This one might be a little out there, but hear me out. Rock climbing, specifically bouldering. This community is (in my experience as a climber in California) filled with hippie, granola bisexuals of all genders and (unfortunately) toxic straight men.

Additional Facts:

My partner is also bisexual.

We (I) have a cat.

Favourite (Romance) Tropes:

Enemies to Lovers - I feel that the majority of female readership looking for this dynamic is probably queer. I think a lot of us are Austen-lovers at heart, so who can resist a good old Lizzy / Darcy romance?

Idiots in Love - aren't we, the chronically indecisive and burned-out ex-Gifted Kids who are natural people pleasers, unable to recognise the difference between 'just being nice' and flirting?

Basically to sum up the previous two, Slow Burn.

Basically, I wish I could say I'm Quirky and Unique, but unfortunately, I picked the Basic Package when I got my membership papers for the Bisexual Club.

*My pronouns are She/They. Calling myself a woman is the easiest thing, though that doesn't fully represent how I feel about my gender.

#bisexual #lgbtqplus #bookworm #history #austen #lgbt #classical mythology #historical costuming #harry potter #dramione #writing #cliche

[shaebertooth]

I want to go ahead and apologize now to anyone who is still waiting on a commission from me. I know of like two off the top of my head, but please keep in mind I do suffer from memory loss problems so I may need a reminder if you're unsure if I recall you or not.

My life this year had started off in a not-so-great way, and while it's no excuse, it has greatly affected my mental and physical health in ways I'm actually pretty afraid of, given my recent bout with a hospital stay and surgery.

My current home is owned by someone I thought was a friend of mine. He bought the house back in 2019 with the full intention of us moving in together: his sister, Cori, myself, and him of course. This was all great until his sister turned into an absolute nightmare of a roommate, moved out (and ran off to florida with some online friend) and left us high and dry.

So we found another roommate, and things were decent from there.. until towards the end of last year.

Main roommate in question took a trip to chicago to be with some friends, and ended up falling in love with the place, and planned to move there eventually - okay, not so bad, we were all okay with this, we knew it was happening.

Then my surgery happened. Along with being unable to work until January 1st when I was finally cleared, and now trying to scramble to find a job, and throwing out anywhere between 5-10 applications a day. In the meantime it's fallen on my poor girlfriend to pay my portion of the bills, which I am eternally grateful for, but also dreading and ashamed of. I owe her the fucking world.

All of a sudden, my roommate has put his foot down saying he's selling the house by the end of March. April is as long as he's giving us to figure out things out and find a place to go. girlfriend's mom's apartment is way too small, and doesn't allow for the 3 cats we have, and my mom sold her house shortly after we moved into the new house, and lives in a senior apartment complex. Neither places are places we can go to.

When we tried to plead our case, stating to him that my bank needs *60 days* of work history to help me with a house loan.. he simply shrugged his shoulders and walked out. In his exact words on discord, he stated "As the owner of the property this is my decision and it is non-negotiable." AKA he doesn't care what happens to us, he's dead-set on going to chicago, with those rose-tinted glasses glued to his face. This was what he sent to us yesterday. Saturday the 14th.

Needless to say.. my emotional state is a wreck. I'm worried I won't find a job in time, worried we'll have to move way far away from where we've settled, flip everything around to start somewhere else.. and before anyone tries to suggest apartment hunting: we can't. My girlfriend is self-employed making iron-on patches, which involves a LOT of noise running constantly. Embroidery machines and sewing machines all times of the night/day.

We would either need to specifically be placed in a corner lot where we can't disturb anyone, or luck out and have some deaf neighbors. It would also need to accept 3 cats, as these cats are *not* going anywhere else but with us.

I'm so fucking stressed to the point of headaches, and my body thinking it's time for my monthly flow.. all month long. It's scaring me that all of this is happening, and I'm dreading another hospital stay, especially because my surgery site still bleeds from time to time.

So, I apologize if I've been slow with activity or you're waiting on something from me. My life is being quite literally ripped out from under my feet, and there's not much I can really do about it except to pray for a job and grind myself into dust trying to make a living. In this fuckin american economy.

I wish I could get a fucking break.

#Vent

[queer-cosette]

Ooooh 15 and 17 for the fic writer asks!

These answers got... way out of hand lmao

15. How do you come up with titles for your fics/chapters?

Okay, so most of my one-shot fics I tend to go for a song lyric that fits and more often than not it's a Rilo Kiley lyric because they honestly have a song for every angsty emotion in the world 😂although I've also used lyrics by First Aid Kit, Allison Iraheta, John Rzeznik, and Taylor Swift (they just vibe right, y'know?). I always think of that post that's like "what are you writing about?" "ah, it's just silly fanfiction -" "no, I mean, what are you writing about?" Because yeah, my blorbos are kissing and being angsty and whatever, but also...

these are times that can't be weathered (and we have never been back there since) focusses on unfamiliar feelings of helplessness and grief

The world is still sleeping, while I keep on dreaming is about not letting other people control the rate you heal at

you say i choose sadness (that it never once has chosen me) is about making an effort to be more forgiving to yourself

roses are dry, violets are black is about letting yourself move on from the painful end of an unhealthy relationship

see it fall, child of all (lend a mending hand) is about the regret of realising that someone else's effort to protect you wound up hurting them even worse

just say when (and we'll say goodnight) is about wanting to help without knowing how and acknowledging that sometimes just choosing to care and to love and to stay can be enough

the very first page (not where the storyline ends) is about taking things slow during the happy new beginning you never thought you'd want or need

let's not forget ourselves, good friend (I am flawed if I'm not free) is about the painful realisation that you were wrong, and that you've taken things way too far to ever properly make amends

For multichapter fics my naming methods tend to vary because I always want something that fits the AU and puts out the vibe for the fic. I kind of like it to sound like it could be a book title 😂

mArinette is based on the plot of the movie easy A, and in the trailer for easy A the As in the actors' names are stylised as the red A Olive begins sewing onto her clothes. "Dear Diary..." is the first line of Dear Diary..., and often the first line of the chapters. I wanted my series On Se Sent Comme Par Magie to feel like a fantasy adventure novel series, so the names of each 'instalment' reflect that. And The Mystery Solvers of Derry just felt right. I mean, they're mystery solvers, and they live in Derry. The rest of the fic is a mystery, so the title felt like it needed to be straight to the point.

17. What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic?

what kind of impact injury would cause blindness (direct hit to the occipital lobe at the back of the head)

when Nando's opened a location in Ireland (2008)

a lot of 1980s-accurate technology (tvs, phones, cameras etc.)

where a Parisian teenager who likes making her own clothes would probably buy fabric (Marché Saint Pierre)

American Catholics are very different to Scottish Catholics and not in a good way. I read one (1) article on an American Catholic website as research and. you know how sometimes you feel like you need something wholesome to cancel out the horrible thing you just experienced? It was like the opposite of that. I felt like I had to go and do some sinning in order to rebalance the universe.

Thank you so much for sending me this, Elise <333 This is probably way longer an answer than you expected but talking about fic make brain go brrr <3333

Send me numbers to ask questions about my fanfic!

#coco speaks #coco writes #beloved mutuals #ask coco #love is stored in the ask game #fanfic ask game #just-french-me-up

[pahtoosh]

Alright so I saw how Inthe last ask you said you liked the longer space because it felt like letters which I also love now that I see it that way. Big fan of snail mail and making letter, I recently learned to make Victorian puzzle letter and I do little else frankly. Anyways i got a lil distracted and it's been almost a month lol.

Also my memory is terrible too I keep having to go back to the old ask to see where we left off lol.

I love Anastasia too she's one of my favourite princesses, I really want to make her pink pyjamas when she's with her grandma. I also want to make Rapunzel's dress cus she's my all time favourites. Whos your favourite princess?

I'm so glad you're doing well (I hope this is still the case a month on). I find that when I have stuff going on I'm also quite happy. I'm on Easter break ATM and working which is long shifts but I really like where I work but after Easter exam season starts.

But I've been trending open days and stuff for universities and that has me very motivated. What are you studying ?

hello!!!!! yess I love snail mail hehe🤭(in all honesty, I never meant for my reply to this to be SO slow but school and work have been kicking my butt!!)

I just looked up Victorian puzzle letters and gosh these are so cool!! I’ll have to learn how to make some and give them to my friends!! aaa I think that would be so fun😁

Anastasia’s pajamas and Rapunzel’s dress!!! those sound like such fun sewing projects! Ariel and Tiana were my favorites growing up, but right now my favorite might be Mulan hehe🤭 I just think she’s so independent and cool.

I’m glad to hear that you were doing well at the time of writing this! I hope your Easter exams went well😁

I’m still doing great! I’m just trying to finish all of my schoolwork before the end of the semester! I also have lots of fun plans for summer vacation that I am very excited for!! these plans have definitely been motivating me to get moving🏋️ I’m also thinking of looking for a new job😭 I love my current job, but it has one MAJOR drawback where I don’t get back home until 11pm or 12am😭

I’m at community college right now! I have the option to transfer to a university next semester, but honestly I still have no idea what I want to do. I’m looking into certificate programs or perhaps apprenticeships for the art forms that I like in the meantime! I’m hoping that I’ll have a better idea of what I want to study in the next five years(and the money to pay for it!) what do you study?

I hope you’re doing well🫶🫶🫶

#toosh talks #asks answered #wonderlandhatter

[mystic-evangeline]

Dear God, Today, I really need You. Badly. Please slow down my heart because it's racing. I've felt so lost and disconnected from You today and I lost my mind since I was so anxious and dysfunctional. After yesterday, I don't ever want to go back to the church I've been attending for years. I'm way too distressed by it. I've also been so stressed lately that I have been overeating and likely gaining weight. I turn to food whenever I feel bad about who I am or whenever work irks me. My job is not one that I want to be at forever. I feel very disturbed by some of the customers. Actually, a lot of them. I can't function correctly at work. I really don't like working so directly with others. I would rather be independent and have something I do like sewing or design on the job. It's my dream.

[kafkaoftherubble]

哇啊啊啊干你娘干我娘干姐妹兄弟的娘，我终于干完这个星期的稿了, 他妈的复活了! 手要残了，屁股要变方形了

I finally finished this week's quota! On a fucking weekend! God fucking damn it I hate working on weekends!

I was so worried that I wouldn't have time tonight to watch my Jujutsu Kaisen! And then maybe I can finish the last two episodes of Pluto? Nah. You're right. We can only handle one episode in a day. And we're near the end, too, so I bet there's gonna be a lot of heart-wringing for you, and way too much information and tangential thoughts for me.

Oh! I can finally reply to some of the messages on Discord (or Discordo..? I don't know. That start-up sound in my sister's laptop for Discord sings it like that). I know I'll talk whole fucking paragraphs again because I can't help it whenever I'm chatting with people, and I have only a few minutes left before I have to do The Chores. And also my eyes hurt. And also my hands hurt. I should find some other time.

Bummer that I lost my diary time to this weekend grind, though. I also lost my study hours, too. It's my fault. I'm just always so slow. Slow in understanding; slow in writing; slow in thinking. Lyi was right; the real reason why I have way fewer books than everyone expected is because I take such a long time to finish one book. Because I don't just read them, I also always make notes. I just have to remember shits, or I can't even say I learned anything at all. Oh, it reminds me of that Junji Ito story! The one about a guy who memorizes every book in his library because he thinks it's the only way to keep them from disappearing to a strange lady. He went pretty mad from it, and his girlfriend kept trying to stop him. But he couldn't! He was compelled to! That story was so hard to swallow! I wonder if Junji Ito realized he had written the perfect allegory to...

Yes! Because I lost my diary time, I'll write here!

I'm glad our Sunday plan for Dollmaking remains because I finished work today. It has been so long! My incomplete Fushi doll has basically started to look un-pristine now, being a felt doll. All that friction causes spotty lint-thingy on their face. I still adore them, but I felt bad that the only time they looked really nice was when their skin had just been done and they were naked. If I were to show pictures of them, I would have to show some of those naked pictures.

Until now, Fushi hasn't gotten his inner shirt right right yet. I've made two by this point, and he's wearing the second trial, but it looks so bad. I have to do it again.

This is so like us, isn't it? Because we like things we aren't actually talented or good at, we keep wasting resources on prototypes. And then because we suck at understanding YouTube videos, or a teacher, or a book, yaddi-yadda, we have to experiment shits and waste even more resources.

I don't even know how to use a sewing machine! Remember that time one of our past selves accidentally made the one at Levi's come up with this burning smell? That was just a practice round! And then Veronica immediately ordered that I shall never perform alterations on any jeans. Hahaha, less work for me! Less responsibility!

Anyway, the original plan the Lyndis of last year had was to finish the doll before That December Convention—ya know the one—so we can bring Fushi along. But I don't know... It's mid-November now and I'm gonna have to remake his inner shirt for the third time. How the hell am I supposed to do the shoes, the parka, the gloves on time... when all of those will definitely need trial-and-error again?

Gah. It's frustrating being slow and talentless.

I know, I know. We came from a long line of talentless Lyndises. Still manage to be useful enough for people despite that; being slow and talentless is not that big of a deal. Could have saved a lot of time and resources though.

But again, in the end, the Fushi doll is for us. And we're definitely talented at excusing our work as "a representation of wabi-sabi" whenever it falls under everyone's expectations!

I still have minutes or so to rest before I do The Chores. But here lies the quandary—what good can minutes do? What is the perfect thing to do in minutes? Getting straight into The Chores is taxing, ya know? It recharges the mind, sure, but it tires the body. The Chores lasts for hours. 3 hours 30 minutes at least. That's longer than... uh... the time it takes for 3pm to become 6pm. That's late afternoon transitioning into the evening. That's long!

I can't take a nap. I'm not sleepy. And a nap risks making you feel too lazy to get up, and then I'll do The Chores too late, and then I'll finish late, and then I'll have dinner late, and then I'll bathe late, and then how am I supposed to watch both JJK and Pluto at night and sleep before 12am?

Oh no. Fionn, I know what you're suggesting, but really?! You know it will take at least 20 minutes! I mean, sure, it relaxes both the brain and the body, but for me, it's 20 minutes at least! Really, I don't know how some people can just do meditation for a measly 5 to 10 minutes. Just the first part of Anapannasatti alone takes 5 minutes for me, if I'm concentrating well that is. And it's just watching my breaths! It's the Tutorial level! It's also both tough and genuinely so booooooring. Until the dreams and the thoughts start to arise, and it becomes training. A boring training.

But if I go over 25 minutes it becomes disproportionately harder to concentrate. The dreams and thoughts become more and more vivid. Optic neurons begin to try bombard themselves with self-made stimuli to prevent other neurons from trying to poach them into their domain, like listening and feeling. I tried opening my eyes and lowering them instead of closing, but that ended up making my brian and I mistake that we're trying to go to sleep.

I high-key think the whole "Maya, King of Illusions, trying to distract the Buddha from Nibbanna" part of the legend is just someone being overdramatic with the way his brain was distracted by his own thoughts and daydreams and stuff when he was trying to focus on his quest for liberation. Heh!

I don't know how some people can meditate for 1 hour or 2 or 3 hours. Why the length? What's there to be occupied about that you can sit there long enough that it's comparable to me doing The Chores?

I should ask you, Fionn! It's much easier for you to go for long sessions because you're not the one who's in charge of the body and the brain. Not like me. And yet you get distracted, too. Differently than I do, but you do. And you feel pain.

Oh no! The minutes are up! I have to do The Chores now! Hahahhah what was the debate even for? In the end, time left me anyway. Time is so impermanent and here I was, fooling myself into thinking it is permanent as I wonder what to do next.

For the Lyndises so ahead in the future they have forgotten, The Chores is the chores done every Saturday late afternoon to evening! Remember? Vacuum the whole house? Mop the whole house? Dust some of the places? And if no one's helping, wash the bathrooms? That's why our room is always kept tidy. Because it saves a lot of time when I have to do The Chores!

#a piece to the rubble

[sunrisesthings]

Quiescence

July 12, 2022

Life has been quiet lately. I usually have these slow mornings where I get up and make some breakfast without having coffee. I guess I just really need a break from caffeine because I've been noticing that my hand shakes a lot these past few days and it's giving me the anxiety. In fact I do wanted to switch on having hot choco as an alternative, that taste good tho. It's funny, I've been thinking of going vegan for just 2 weeks. The reason why? There's this account on TikTok that I've been following and it makes such delicious recipes using vegetables but mostly tofu which has been my favorite food right at the moment. I mean if you come to think of it, it's healthy.

I've been eating a lot these days and I'm glad that some of my friends notice that I've been gaining weight. I've built these habit that I won't skip any of my meals. It's funny I didn't even know if I really did gain weight because I didn't know what's my initial weight before I started to eat a lot and the only thing to know that I'm making a progress is that my arms get a little bit bigger and my pants become more fitted to me.

I've got no hobbies lately and that makes my life dull these past few weeks. I tried doing some crochets but I ran out of yarns and mainly motivation to do so. I badly wanted to learn how to used a sewing machine and make some basic clothes but my Lola doesn't have time to teach me. Should I start studying? I don't know and the only thing that I do right know is watch some series and movies.

I'm drawn a lot to cottagecore genre of films. One of it was entitled Little Women and it was the version of 1994. Gosh the things I would do to watch it all over again for the very first time. I honestly want these version rather than the 2019 version. Don't get me wrong, the cast of 2019 version was a catch, Timothee Chalamet as Laurie? And Sarsoise Ronan as Jo? It was the perfect cast only that 1994 version was less confusing and the story line was so good together with conversations and scenes that are more emphasized. I really hope I could find some films/ movies that vibes something like that.

Sometimes movies such like that was like a comfort, a bed to lay down with after a tiring day. It's like putting you to another dimension, another version of life that you would want for yourself. It makes me imagine that someday when I'm old I'd want to live in a farm have my own chickens, ducks, goats and more farm animals. I like to imagine having trees of fruits and watermelons together with cucumbers that I can pick up whenever I wanted some fresh fruits. I also wanted to have a flower garden and a small coffee shop or a bakery. I'd ride with my old bike that looks like one of those in Japan and go to the nearest pond or river. I'd spent my remaining days in those peaceful scenery and reminisce all of the good memories that I've gathered along the way and tell the world that I've made these beautiful life for my self and I've live it very well.

These days I've become addicted to silence. People ask me what's wrong why am I quiet and they tend to assume that I'm not comfortable when the fact is I do it's just that being silent makes me life more easier and peaceful. The truth is when you're silent you tend to notice everything around the circle. I started to realize that sometimes all I wanted to do was just listen and make them feel heard. Of course I was the talker with chosen people such as those close friends of mine that I'm genuinely comfortable to share thoughts with but sometimes it is limited to someone not because I'm not comfortable with them but because sometimes I wanted just to became the listener.

However sometimes I wanted to talk to someone new, someone who didn't know me and someone that I didn't know well. But that's just on nights when I feel lonely. Most of the day I spend my time occupying these thought of mine so I wouldn't feel lonely.

Right now, It was pretty raining outside and the aircon inside our room was getting cold so I'm feeling really sleepy. I guess I should put down my phone and put myself to sleep already.

Goodnight, world! 🌎✨

[tj-crochets]

Warnings: mentions of food and fire. Unrelated to each other. Bad news: house is still smoky

Good news: the low histamine diet* may be a bit of a learning curve, and I may deeply resent the absence of chocolate and be actively scheming how to reintroduce it to my diet, but it is working!! I haven’t had any asthma attacks, even with all this smoke, and I’ve barely coughed at all. This is like a ridiculous improvement to my previous asthma levels, which were “smell someone having a BBQ blocks away and immediately start wheezing”. I also haven’t had any migraines in like a month. I had been frustrated with continually finding new foods that trigger allergies and the constant like “allergy black eyes” so it’s really really good to know that this diet change really is making a difference *I am on a low histamine diet for suspected mast cell issues. I very much do not recommend it if you don’t have a specific medical reason to be on it. I’m also not following it as strictly as I could be; I am limiting myself (usually) to one new food a day, and if I react to it I don’t try a new food the next day. If the reaction was fairly minor, I try again another day to see if it was the food or something else. 

#the person behind the yarn #all crafting is slowed by lack of clean air #my clean air bubble is my friend but isn't conducive to sewing #been playing a lot of sims and reading a lot of fanfic #going to rewatch Haven and see if I get past season 3 #I've tried like three separate times to watch it and stall out in season 3 every time #Duke is my favorite. Though I think I thought Dwight was an interesting character? idk it's been a while #as for diets: I kind of hate the concept of dieting #I am not on this plan to lose weight. I am only watching my diet because otherwise I can have major allergic reactions #weirdly managing the MCAS issues also made the POTS less bad? and I'm now off of my POTS meds

[fakeloveaskblog]

Hey Remy, none of the others can hear me rn, just checking in :) Virgil is okay, we've been checking in on him so he's not lonely. Also g i r l was that hand holding I saw??? That's awesome!!

"Thanks gal! I've been like so worried about my babe!!! I thought he was gonna be like mad or something. My phone is out of battery so I can't like check in on him. You're like tots so nice!!"

None of the others could hear Remy's answer either. They were on a romcom marathon. On their second movie. Rowan had draped herself over most of the couch after changing into the her night robe, putting on her face mask and stuffing her hair into her sleeping bonnet.

Remus was sitting in front of the sofa. He was sketching out how he thought the romcom should end (in murder) because he was grumpy that his suggestion to watch the Saw movies had been voted no to.

"Oh and about the hand holding!!"

Since Rowan was taking up so much of the sofa Janus and Remy had had to cram together in the little space left. The enby was pressed against their crush' side while he had his arm around them. Their thighs were rubbing against each other. Janus was focusing all his attention on the movie because he knew if he thought about Remy being this close for even a second he might just pass out from excitement.

"Well ehhhh a lot like that is happening"

"She literally has an entire walk in closet ONly for shoes!!! WHY is she obsessed with getting that guy! She's already living the dream!!! Ugh!" Rowan exclaimed while dunking babka bread into her mouth. (the only valid film food except for popcorn in her opinion)

"He does have very nice eyebrows. Perhaps he has hypnotic eyebrows?" Janus replied while stealing some of her bread.

Remus held up a drawing of the main character stabbing the guy in the eye with the heel of 5 of her shoes at the same time.

Janus nodded back "Innovative solution. I am sure his corpse would be good decoration for her second walk in closet"

Remy finished out the last stitch on the trans flag. They bit the remaining thread off with their bare teeth. They heard Janus take a very sharp inhale just as they did. They had sharp teeth. He was thinking of vampires again.

"Tada!" They motioned for the finished flag.

None of the fabric look like the matched. It was like someone had randomly taken 5 different trans like colors and pasted them together in the dark. It gave perfect Remus vibes!

Remus' eyes went huge and he made grabby hands for it. Remy detached themself from their crush to move down on the floor and carefully drape the flag around his shoulders like it was a blanket.

"You can choose where to hang it later dukey. Not in the kitchen though. You'll set it on fire" Rowan added.

There was a huge smile on his lips and a glimmer in his eyes and traced his fingers over the edge of the flag. His cheeks went rosy as he looked back to Remy. His movement wasn't as hasty and neurotic as usual. It was gentle and slow like he was thinking more than he had in a while.

Remus reached out and took their hand in his. Remy's breathe hitched a little. He hadn't touched anyone except for Rowan since his breakdown.

His hand moved away just as quickly but his warmth stayed on their skin. He moved the flag closer around himself as he went back to looking at his drawings.

Remy entangled themself with Janus again. They pretended to fix their skirt as a reason to look away so no one would see how much they were blushing. They never blushed this much! Oh god had they gotten the plague???

"Your uh hands or I mean wrists- wrists they-" Janus began. He took a second to get back into his usual suave manners "Your wrists must be quite sore after sewing all that. I don't want you to be in pain and I know that warmth usually helps against pain so should I perhaps ehm warm your wrists?"

They turned their head so suddenly they nearly slammed their forehead into his face "Oh sure gal! Do whatever! Or I mean don't like stick them up your ass. Please. We're in public"

Janus took their wrists between his palms, like a wrist sandwich, and rubbed his hands to generate warmth. Before casually gliding his left hand up so their hands were connected. Remy intertwined their fingers.

They looked away from each other, towards the screen. Janus got a goofily big smile on his face. He could explode into happy stims. Remy felt a flutter of giggles that they forced back into their throat. They hadn't felt like since Virgil took them out to a restaurant for the first time.

"Yeah giiirl so about that hand holding" They looked between you and Janus' hand as it sat closely held by theirs and then back to you again. Their whole body was vibrating from happiness.

#ask #thanks for the ask (: #desleep #remy sanders #janus sanders #sanders sides #remus sanders #remsleep #resleep #rem^2 #why the fuck does it have so many shipnames

[skittles1229]

THE EVER CHANGING STORY OF LUNARIS (reader insert romance)

SOME OF THESE CHARACTERS AND PLACES ECT. DO NOT BELONG TO ME, THEY WERE MADE BY LUNARIS GAMES FOR THE INTERACTIVE VISUAL NOVEL "WHEN THE NIGHT COMES" AVAILABLE EITHER FROM THIER WEBSITE OR ON ITCH. THE COVER IS ALSO FROM LUNARIS GAMES (ITS THIER PIN SET FOR SALE ON THIER SITE)

https://www.wtncgame.com/collections/pins-charms/products/wtnc-holo-sparkle-charms

This is a project I started to maintain my boredom so ill be using the characters from a really great visual novel called when the night comes written by lunaris. go check it out! ill be writing about all the characters including you being the x reader. after I've introduced the plot and characters and if i have enough readers, ill let you guys pick who I right the first romance ending with, the endings will probably have a bit of smut so if your just wanting to know the story you don't have to read the romantic endings

____________________________________

Chapter One: Unwelcome Start

        My feet are killing me and its hot and dark, I'm walking through unfamiliar woods. All I can smell is tree leaves decaying and pine. To fill you in without telling you my life story and having a pity party, I'm one of the few shifting Dire Wolves left. We are a dying breed since people and monsters were coexisting now, I'm over joyed about the mixing of the populations but as the wolves breed with humans our ability to shift is slowing leaving as the generations grow. I on the other hand wasn't liked by much of anyone. I grew up around old town human folk. Both parents had been killed by townsfolk and luckily the little who girl found me as a puppy was nice enough to bring me to her home. That little girl became my life. Her blonde hair reminded me of wheat in the fall and she smelled of old moth balls and freshly cooked bacon. Kasey was a lonely child born a bastard and then left alone when her mom left into town one day. She didn't come home that night. She had the kindest eyes. They say eyes are the window to the soul and hers was broken and glued back together so many times that you couldn't recognize her original beauty. She brought me to a little cabin back in the woods where I stayed with her and her grandmother.  I stayed out of school because at the time freaks weren't exactly normal. I learned everything through Kasey and her homework as I grew up. We played in the old field through the woods and down an old forgotten gravel road. She would always tease me about my ears but she loved my big bushy tail. Kasey was a pure soul and sometimes id have to remind her how special she was especially during the times to come. She became ill in late fall, losing her ability to walk and becoming more and more pale from the lack of sunlight. We were told she had an immune issue that couldn't be fix with the medicine we had then and magic was a cure but was also out of the question since anyone who was seen as a witch was seen as a harm to the community and burned at the stake. It wasn't that way in the big towns with lots of people coming and going bustling about, but down here in the boon dock of the forgotten swamp everyone had the same opinion. anything new and different was and and therefore had to be destroyed.

         When I was around six Kasey succumb to her unfortunate circumstances in her sleep and she took her welcome with her. I think that maybe it was one of the few mercies I've ever seen god do for someone. After she died the grandmother, already being on her last years, passed not long after that. With nothing holding me to that little shack in the woods I moved on. I was never given a name and so along the way I've figured out who and what I am. Remind me to tell you that one later on, I've been walking for a few days with my satchel made from rabbit fur with old shoe laces holding it together, Kasey in her better days stayed bored in her old pink bedroom reading the same book she had on the old bookcase in the living room. Her grandmother went to the market in town most days to sell her vegetables. she would bring us home sweets and toys. For Kasey's birthday she bought her a bag of fabric rabbit fur and some thread and needles to teach her to sew hoping that would cure her boredom. A few months before she passed, she hurriedly finished off the synch bag with one of her shoelaces from her boots. That bag is the one I have with me now. My clothes and few days worth of food is in it as well. I had been shifted into my wolf form going on 48 hours now and my (F/C favorite color ) fur was now stained with mud and leaves from the nights sleep in a dug out hole. The last sign of civilization was back in my home town. it was now night time again and had seen no sign of a town any where close. It was getting dark and my joints were burning from the pain of walking. I quickly found a soft spot in the ground digging up a little hole to lay in for the night. The woods around me creaked with shifting wood and wind rustling the foliage. Harry had become the governor a while back suddenly disappeared recently in his home base in Lunaris. That's where Kasey's grandmother went for hours everyday to be a part of the market so I decided to see if there was anywhere I could stay and maybe get a job and start a life for myself. All this time I had no real name, Kasey never named me. She wanted me to be able to choose it for myself and I'm now 20 in human years. Our bodies aged in human instead of dog years another kind of pro with the watering down of the generations. I had gone through all of Kasey's family and school friends, even people she heard the name of by passing by in church, I'd heard all the names and thought about them and said them all out loud the see how they role off the tongue and I finally settled on (Y/N) tonight. 

      I had fallen asleep at some point and shifted back into human form curling around my bag to protect it from the outside. Suddenly the ground around me started to shake and the foliage covering the entrance to the den started to shake loose and fall in. At this point I'm wide awake and have my back to the wall and head in a snarl towards the entrance not knowing why or what had shaken the ground so harshly. I smell a fowl smell that reeks of something I've never smelled before. It began to burn my nose like alcohol or whatever grandma had in the wash rooms for spring cleaning. I heard twigs breaking and a long groan that howled with the wind. My heart was racing not knowing what to expect to come through the entrance and that's when I saw the light from the moon blocked by a large shadow. I braced for a fight when suddenly it let out a yelp of pain as I see two or three other shadows chase it to the right of the hole. Lots of yelling from men and women can be heard along with lots of new smells. All of them had hints of sweat and fear but some of them were odd. One was carried in on a breath of lavender and honey and the other of burnt wood like a fire place. One also smelled like chocolate and for a split second I smelled the familiar canine sent, Another wolf or maybe a half breed Lykan. I laid there and listened as the group seemed to quickly dominate whatever that creature was and if there's a group of hunters then there has to be a town. I wait for the noise to die out before I stick my head out of the hole to check my area. I look at the position of the moon and start to get a better idea of how long I was asleep. I think it must have been at least 3 in the morning. I grabbed my bag and pulled myself out of the hole, shaking off loose dirt and changing myself back into that big furry wolf I've become used to and walk towards where I heard the commotion to catch the scent of where they had gone. The creature they fought was dead on the ground covered in its black oozing blood. It looked like a genetic mutation of some kind gone very wrong and the smell almost could knock you out, if your a dog that is. I heard a snap of a twig in the distance and that's when I caught the scent of a dying summer, decaying flowers and dying memories. 

      I see a blue glow coming from an object a few feet in front of me hidden in the darkness of the trees, whatever it was it made it very clear that I was unwelcome and that I was seen as a threat. I bent neck down feeling the hair along my spine start to stand on end as I snarled my teeth in the direction of the ominous blue glow. Suddenly the tense feeling in the air dropped, you could feel the tension melt away and in that second the strange creature pushes forward into the moonlight. A man with golden eyes and a mechanical arm moves forward looking with his hands raised. "My names Finnegan and I know you wont hurt me because your not just any wolf am I right?" The sudden question brushes me as weird and out of place but regardless it only makes me all the more persistent that he not come any closer. He stops in his tracks and sits in the tall grass he had been previously standing in. We sat there like that for what seems like forever and he seemed to feel talkative because he asked question after question. I looked around to think of what direction I wanted to go in order to get away from here .

     "You know it would be easier to go to Lunaris." he said picking at something under his nails. I look at him tilting my head, can he hear my thoughts? I didn't think humans could do such things but he didn't look like a human. Not with the fangs like that and those pointed ears. "No I'm not human I'm a vampire, I live in Lunaris with my friends. I actually have a Lykan friend as well so you wont be alone." I bent my ears back in annoyance, tired of the vamp imposing on my thoughts. I decided I would speak with him but not in this form. As a Lykan I could still stay able to protect myself and be able to speak to this other freak of nature in front of me. In order to do so I'd have to get away from this vampire long enough to cover myself. Almost instantly the vamp got up causing me to jump. "There's a graveyard a little ways from here, you can shift and change in the maintenance shed. As I'm sure you heard earlier there are some odd creatures in these woods so ill walk you to town myself. Then I can take you to Ezra and have him give you a once over." he began to walk and turned around about five feet away to ask if I was going to follow, I decide that this town might be a start to a weird series of events. We made our way through the woods to a small path of cleared trees and some sand, we followed that to the graveyard behind a large church like building and that's when I saw the small shed. "I'll stand behind the shed towards the woods I'm sure nobody is awake so you shouldn't have to worry about townsfolk." I shifted back into my Lykan form and hurry into the shed. My (hair length) (H/Color) hair fell over my face as I shoved myself into my tight jeans and put my long sleeve white shirt on. my ears still sat on the top of my head and my tail is swishing back and forth in anticipation of how this town was going to accept a new comer and a freak at that. I threw on the hoodie I had found hanging on a tree on my way out of my old town, probably left by one of the boys in the old town. I smoothed my fur down and walked out of the shed with my bag in my hands, I peaked my head around the corner and caught the golden eyes of the man called Finnegan as he's leaned against the shack with his arms crossed. 

      I walk up to him with my arm wrapped around my bag and offered him the other. "My names (y/n), sorry about the weird introduction but I really just have no clue where I am or where I'm going." he grinned and studied me before opening up and talking again. "You cleanup really well don't you (y/n)." I simply lowered my head as a response and shrugged my shoulders. " It would suck to have to stay as wolf all the time because I'm just to ugly to look at as a Lykan." he laughs flashing his fangs and approaching me and taking my hand pulling me closer to him to where we were inches apart. "Ugly is one thing you aren't, if your this pretty as a Lykan then I cant wait to see you in human form" he then snuck his arm around my waist turning me around as he began to walk to the town. "How did you know I could do that?" I stopped him and I could see his grin form as he turned around to meet my eyes. "I've been alive a long time (y/n).  when the old man who sired me was alive he'd tell us stories of the dire wolves that lived in the forest in the mountains. He would tell us stories of how they had almost repopulated in a town not far from here, completely unannounced to the world growing among the town folk." he looked away suddenly his essence changed from one of wisdom and confidence to one of remorse and sadness. He began to walk once again motioning for me to follow. "That is until the townsfolk caught wind  of such rumors. He banded together the higher ups and went through exposing half the town to be," he grimaces as if saying the name leaves a sour taste in his mouth, "werewolves as the humans put it."  We had just made it through a small alley leading too a large stone road. This is the first time I've heard the real story aloud of what happened to my parents that day. Suddenly I  didn't feel much like talking anymore and the vampire noticed this as we made it to the closed up and dark market side of town. Large tents and shacks were on both sides of the road, I'm sure it looks much nicer when its open and bustling with people. "I'll have to show it to you." he says suddenly again answering my thoughts as if id said them aloud. "You know Finn I love your interest in me but I think its kind of of rude to read others thoughts right?" His eyes suddenly dart away and clears his throat, "Not if the person has particularly loud thoughts but I do see what you mean. Nasty habit it is, been aiming to fix that." We both laugh for a bit and then he heads for a door on the right side of the road raising his metal arm to touch the door. When his hand makes contact, Finn says a few words in another language and his arm burst to  life flowing with blue lights. The door makes a noise and a shield seams to lower into Finn's hand as he opens the door. He pulls me in and I'm immediately overwhelmed at the smells around me, some fragrant like perfumes and others dirty like burning wood. He had shelves of boxes and books, homemade spells and food with jars of candy lining the shelves.

     Finn puts the wards back up and leads me to the kitchen where he sits me down at the wooden table across from the couch and the wall covered in art work, "Wait here while I run upstairs and get the witch you just relax and think if anything hurts or needs to be looked at." with Finns vampy speed skills he vanishes up the stairs to get this so called witch, I certainly do hope I don't meet the same fate as my parents once did in this town years ago. I here rustling and movement up the stairs as a dark skinned man comes running to me with worried eyes and open arms. he cups my face in his hands and scans me over for any sign of blood or wounds. "Finnegan she looks alright, you made her out to be as if she'd been attacked." He looks back at Finn letting go of my face in order to hit him in the head just enough to scuffle his hair. He then turns around to me and straightens up his robe and his curly mop of hair, I hold out my hand to introduce myself and he grabs it with both hands pulling me in with a smile. "I'm Ezra and this my little spells and Knick knack shop." he has a strange contagious happiness that causes my worries and doubts to slip away. He rubs his hand through my hair making his way to my ears checking for ticks and mites since my ears are much different  from human ears. "Are you ok," He says we a worry filled smile and motions me to sit down, I obey as my feet have become numb after so many days of walking. He reaches into his shelves and pulls  out a kettle and a metal box of herbs and tea bags for homemade blends. "Go on love what happen? Why are you out in the woods at this hour?" I yawned in response of all their questions and simply said, "No disrespect Ezra but I'm exhausted and my feet are throbbing, I think the walking has caught up to me." He nods knowing what I mean. Ezra hands me a cup of tea and some cookies from a jar up in the cabinet. "Right I'm sorry. Let me help Finn out and I'll come back and run you a bath with herbs and salts to get you well rested and ready for tomorrow." He and Finn stepped to a hatch underneath the rug in Ezra's common quarters.  I took a few cookies sneaking them into my bag so that I can eat them later as well, they were ( favorite kind ) cookies and i couldn't resist the temptation to stuff my face. 

        Finn calls my name waving as he disappears into the hole and Ezra closes it back up and covers it again. "Alright now to get you all set, come with me up stairs." I follow behind slowly hating every step up those stairs but it was well worth it when I made it. He had a big circle tub surrounded in stone, it looked to be able to fit two people and the water come up pretty high. The twinkling lights hanging from the ceiling were different shades of blue purple and pink with a magical blue flamed candle hanging on the wall in a glass case. The tub was filled with steaming water and flower petals, the room smelled of pine and mint with citrus chopped up into slices and dropped into the water. Bubbles had covered the top of the water like snow and smelled like lavender and honey. His bathroom was pure happiness and love expressed in his home. "Now this bath should help your muscles not be sore in the morning and it should help you fall asleep tonight, I hate to ask but should I check you for ticks or scratch's anywhere on you?" I shrugged as my body was still covered in fur and it could be hiding anything but I was so self conscious about my body that I wouldn't dare ask for his help with this task. I point my head down and hugged myself as if to comfort myself. Ezra looked at me with kind eyes and hands me a towel, "Its ok if you aren't comfortable with it, just promise me you'll come and let me take any off for you. They carry lime disease and other things that can harm you!" as he goes to grab the handle to leave I grab his arm. I muster up all the courage I can and whispered, "Can you stay and help me Ezra?" He smiles and blushes slightly, wrapping me in a hug, "of course!" He closes the door and stays turned around as I take my clothes that I have on now off and grab the robe from the wall and cover myself. "Alright your ok to look now." I say in a small voice. "Alright I'm gonna start with your legs and work my way up and after your done you can use my cats flea shampoo to make sure everything is clean and gone. I nod my head agreeing and let him begin, he rubs his soft hands over my paw pads massaging as he goes looking for any bumps or imperfections. He comes across a tick that had made itself at home on my inner thigh , he poked and prodded at it for a few minutes but it was resistant to all his attempts. "You know fur is great but I just don't think I could do a full body of it." He laughs and I return his joke with a giggle of my own. "Would it be easier if there was no fur?" I ask searching his face for his reaction.  At first he looks confused and he seemed to be racking his brain for what I could be saying. "Well I'm certainly not going to shave you if that's what your asking." he smiles and we both laugh. I trusted Ezra I didn't sense any type of misjudgment or threat coming from this simple witch. 

     I began to shift into my human form and my leg grew smaller in his hand and the once thick course fur is now bare soft human skin. The robe that was a perfect fit before, is now hanging down off my shoulders. It draped around me like a sheet and Ezra had stayed quiet so far, only staring wide eyed and enchanted at the sight. My hair falls in front of my face as I smile at him, "Is that any better?" He's still not said a word so far, just staring at my face and rubbing my legs searching for the fur that was no longer there. "Now how did you do that? spell? hallucinations? Are you even a wolf?" He seems stunned and unsure of what to say, he did however have lots of questions some of which I could answer and others was searching for myself. We talked while taking the ticks that had made themselves at home on me off finally, burning them as he went. his hands glided over me like soap and his hands felt like heaven against my skin.  "I'm honestly stunned I didn't think of it before you told me, I remember in school they use to mention small things about dire wolves but they never dove into that chapter which I guess was because you guys were believed to have died out long ago. but behold!" he places some bubbles on my he'd and smiles so wide that his eyes look squinty. "your here1 So obviously the world didn't lose all of its beautiful one of a kind dire wolves." What a sweet happy minded guy, he seemed to only be able to see the silver lining and if he could see the other side of things then he hides his emotions very well. It didn't take much for the mud and dirt that was previously there to fall away into the soapy water. Ezra had gone to make himself a cup of tea and was waiting in his room for when I was done. My hair had been shampooed and I washed my body with the bar of soap sitting on the side of the tub. It was green and purple but see through, there was a small flower in the middle and there seemed to be small beads in the soap that came out as you washed. It smelled like roses and vanilla, the smell reminded me of Ezra. Soon I got out and dried myself off with the lavender towel Ezra had left behind, throwing the robe on and heading to where Ezra had said his room was. He had laid out a large t-shirt and a pair of women's shorts? I hadn't seen a women in here before and no-one had said anything about a wife or girlfriend ... maybe they were a friend of his, at least that's what I'm hoping. As soon as my head hit the soft feather pillow I drifted off into a deep sleep, filled with dreams of of cookies, flowers, and Ezra? oh, Finnigan as well. Seems I simply cant escape the happenings of tonight or the past. My memories slowly drift back to that little blonde haired girl I had loved once before.

(A/N) The picture at the top is of the characters mentioned in this from the game when the night comes. if you haven't read it You should defiantly take a look before you dive into this so that you can fall in love with the characters before reading other peoples interpretations of their personalities. I personally feel like I couldn't dream of reaching the level of dedication that the creator of the game had for their characters.

I also have a second chapter out on wattpad you can find it here.

https://my.w.tt/i2iNayX8mbb

#fanfictions #fanfic #finn x reader #ezra x reader #August x reader #Piper x reader #Alkar x reader #omen x reader #self insert #romance #witchcraft #Demons #humans #monsters #shapeshifting #female reader #ongoing #request #request open

[renee-writer]

Guardians of the Stones Chapter 4 Past, Present, and Future

Back in 1946, Mother Ruth is working to get Frank out of Inverness. She knows from being in his room to get the supplies for Claire, that he had been offered a job in Oxford. She knows from a letter from another Sister, a Guardian of the Stones from the future, that he will meet his next wife there.

She was the Sister currently on assignment at the Stones. Keeping an eye on Frank was taking her away from her main job. He was bugging the local constables to find his wife, claiming a Highlander he saw looking up at her was involved. He wasn’t, not in her disappearance. Finally Ruth had enough. She has a friend, a mate from school how was the Mother Superior in St Aloysius. Mother Gene was happy to help, knowing the dean of the university that Frank was destined to serve at. She understood the situation and, a few phone calls later, Frank is off to Oxford where it is harder for him to try to find his wife.

Meanwhile in 1740, Jamie and Murtagh arrive at Lallybroch. They, especially Jamie, are greeted with enthusiastic hugs.

“It is happy we are to have you home Jamie. We wish you could stay longer. But, your Uncle Column needs you to help set up the horse breeding program. You will help him out for a few months and then return here. We need your help with the expansion of Lallybroch.” His da tells him after enthusiastic greetings from his mam and sister.

“Da, I pray this doesn’t mean marriage. I really wish to not have a lass thrust on me. I had enough of them throwing themselves at me in Paris.” Brain laughs.

“Nae son. We will have you choose your bride.”

At the Castle

Hamish becomes a shadow under his healer's feet. Where she is, you can usually find the young lad. He helps carry her supplies, accompanies her to the garden to collect herbs and other medicinal plants, even leaves his da's side to dine with her.

“I am sorry he is so attached to me.” She tells Column one day when she is massaging him to give him some relief from his leg and back pain.

“Dinna fash Mistress. Since the death of his mam,” The both cross themselves,” He has hungered for a lass to give his child's heart too. You are a good influence on him. I dinna mind.”

Lallybroch

The month passes quickly as Jamie catches up with his family. He is soon heading to Castle Leoch to serve his uncle. He will miss Lallybroch but at least he is still on Scottish soil.

First sight

His Uncle Column introduced them at the hall at dinner the first night he was there.

“Jamie lad, there is someone I would like you to meet. “ He stands and then almost falls back when he sees her. Her brown curls, as out of control as his own, frame a beautiful face with the most esquist eyes. “James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser meet Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp, a widow from near York and London. She is the castle's healer. Claire, my nephew Jamie.”

He bows low before her. “Your servant ma'am.”

“Sir,” she curtsies.

“Miss Claire, come. Our dinner is getting cold.” Her escort stands and her arm. She is usually thankful for his presence. The Laird's son keep all but the most enthusiastic suitors away. But, there is something about this Jamie.

“Hamish, where are your manners. You aren't even going to say hello to your own cousin, Jamie, before you jerk Mistress Beauchamp’s arm off.” His da scolds him.

“Hello cousin Jamie. How was Paris?”

“Hello Hamish. It was good but I am glad to be home on Scottish soil. You have grown quite a lot in the last three years.”

“Aye. I am twelve now. May we speak later so I may escort Miss Claire to dinner?”

“Aye.” He bows again to her. “It was very nice to meet you Mistress.”

“You too.” As Hamish drags her away, he notices her arse. Ah Dhai!

“Uncle, is the widow Beauchamp being courted?” he asks his uncle over dinner,” By anyone other then your son.”

Column laughs. “ He does have a crush, eh. But, he will outgrow it when a lass closer to his own age catches his eye. As for Mistress Beauchamp, nae. Not for lack of the lads trying. I have had three men come and make serious offers for her hand. She has rejected them all. I haven’t made inquires to the state of her marriage when she became a widow. I fear her late husband wasn’t a good man and it will take the lass time to trust another.”

“Hmm. But, she is a good healer?”

“Oh aye. She saved Mrs. Fitz's nephew, Danny, from poisoning from a plant at the black kirk. Father Bane though him possessed. Was a relief to all when he ended up just sickened by the plant and she was able to bring him back to full health.”

Over the next week, he spend most of his time in the stables separating out the best horses, coos, and sheep, for the breeding program. He is joined by his wee cousin, as his da wishes him to learn the secrets of breeding.

“So Hamish, how is your arm?” he asks him one day when he sees the lad rubbing it.

“Oh it is better. Miss Claire gave me exercises to do to strengthen it.” It is the opening Jamie had been waiting on.

“You like Mistress Claire then?”

“Aye. She is nice to me and not just because I am the heir of Column. I wish her husband hadn't treated her so bad.”

“Bad how?”

“He hit her. When Father Mackenzie first brought her here, she had bruises. And there is a sadness in her eyes sometimes.” Jamie’s hands had fisted up. Men are not to hit women!”

“But he is dead, her husband?”

“Aye. But, she still rejects the lads who wish to court her. Da says it is because she doesn’t trust them. She trusts me though.” He says with some pride. Jamie grins at him. He canna blame the lad. He feels the same.

“What else do you ken about her?”

“She loves to take the horses out and gather strange flowers and herbs. She can heal with them.” His eyes get large in wonder,” she hums songs as she works but they are like no song I have ever heard. She bathes daily.”

“How do you ken that?”

“The maids whisper about bringing up water for her ever night.” He replies with a blush.

“You shouldn't ken that lad.” The blush on the lad's face deepens.

“She has knifes in her surgery.” He tells his cousin to change the subject.

“Does she now?” Before the lad can answer, Donas, one of the more ill tempered horses, runs in from the outside paddock. He heads straight for Hamish. Jamie jumps in front of him and places his hands up.

“Slaodadh sios balach tha a h-uile dad gu math. Chan eil duine airson do ghortachadh. {slow down lad all is well. No one wishes to hurt you.}” he tells the horse. It stops with a snort and then reaches out and bites Jamie's hand. “Iffrin! You wee bastard!” he calls out as blood runs down his arm.

“Cousin Jamie, we must take you to the healer.”

“I will be..” but he doesn’t finish as a wave of dizziness takes him over. Auld Alex and Willy, the other men in the stables also insist. Hamish gets his arm around his waist and helps him to Miss Claire.

“Miss Claire, my cousin has been bitten by a horse!” He calls out as he enters. Claire hurries over.

“Owe!” She helps Hamish lower him down onto her table.

“Tis' just a horse bite. I've had worse.” He says as he looks into her incredible honey whisky eyes.

“This one is bad. Will need stitches. Hamish, run down and fetch some hot water and whisky from Mrs. Fitz.”

“Aye Miss Claire.”

“The alcohol here is not for drinking.” She explains as she carefully presses a clean cloth over the wound to slow the flow of blood. He would ask her what her alcohol was for but, even pressing down hard on his wound, her hands feel so bonny on him, ti' all he can concentrate on.

Hamish brings the requested items back. She pours Jamie a good shot and then another. “Okay, this is going to sting. Quite a lot. I am sorry.” She pours a good bit of the hot water over the wound followed by some of the alcohol. It hurts like the devil and he bites his lip tight not to scream. “Sorry. I am trying to prevent it getting inflamed.” She gives him another shot of whisky. “I am going to close it now. Your hand will have to be in a sling for a bit as it heals.”

“Do as you need.” He is feeling pleasantly buzzed by the whisky and her presence. She tips the needle at thread in more alcohol and starts to sew. She does hum as she works and Jamie is distracted some from the pain by trying to place the song. It is like none his mam had sang to him, like none of the songs he had grown up hearing.

She coats it with honey, wraps a clean cloth around it, and places it in a sling. “Rest here a bit Mr. Fraser.”

“Jamie. I am Jamie.”

“Claire. Rest Jamie.” He closes his eyes and a few of his curls fall forward. She brushes them back and he smiles. She does too.

Fort William

Lt. John Grey enters Captain Randall's office. “You called for me sir?”

“Yes, you recall the lady we found in Inverness two months ago? The one found in just her shift. The one Father Mackenzie came to see?”

“Yes, she died in her cell.”

“So it would seem. But, when we went to bury our latest, they dug near where her body should be. We have only a few women buried here. She isn’t among them.”

“I escorted the grave diggers out myself sir. I saw her buried. Why she isn't there, I truly can not tell you.”

“Fine. You are dismissed.” The Lieutenant leaves with a bow and Black Jack returns to the letter from his wife. She wrote with news of her pregnancy. He wrote her back offering congratulations but reminding her she is to have a son.

It isn’t a love match between them. She had been married to his brother. He had died and, his family not wishing to loss her money, insisted that he marries her. He has the men here and about to play with. If she gives birth to a son, he wouldn’t debase himself to lay with her again. He would much rather lie with Lt. Grey. With a sigh, he returns his mind to the problem of the missing widow.

Lt. Grey has his own story. He had been serving Her Majesty’s army in Afghanistan in 2009. After being injured, he was sent home. He decides to explore around before deciding what he wishes to do. While hiking in Scotland, he ends up touching the same stone Claire had. He woke up close to three hundred years in the past. Thank God for Father Mackenzie and Sister Ruth. Father Mackenzie provided him with papers and a commission. He hurries to his room to write the good Father about Black Jack discovering that Claire's body is missing.

1946

Sister Mary Luke, is the newest Guardian. It is only her second time in this time and she is still a bit nervous if prepared. Frank comes in

“Sister, is the good Father about?”

“I am sorry sir, he isn't. May I help you?”

“I really need to see him. I have found love again, you see. With my first wife gone, I seek the church’s permission to remarry.”

“I see Mr. Randall. He will be back soon. Where can he find you?”

He tells her which B and B he is staying in and leaves. Sister Mary smiles. Twi months. Father Mackenzie will be pleased.

#my writing #outlander fanfic #jamie and claire #cannon divergence #outlander fandom #guardians of the stones #past present future

[pynkhues]

I just finished your latest installment, and it's a masterpiece. It touched so many worlds for me. I've read everything you've written, and have so many thoughts. I'm no writer, so maybe my musings seem odd, but hear me out. You seem to know so much about so many different things, that it's astonishing. You know about cooking, sewing, kids in general and quite specifically, finances, schemes, business, and much more. You must be a very well-rounded and imaginative person. It's just so damn cool.

Oh, gosh, thank you so much, anon! I know you sent this message a few days ago, but I’ve basically been smiling ever since I read it and trying to come up with a response that’s half as kind and thoughtful, and I’m not sure I can! So just  thank you, a hundred times over. 

Because I write both original creative projects as ‘work’ and write professionally as a contract writer too on top of fic, I feel like I’m always writing, and so much of it stays only with me as publishing and screenwriting are such long, slow processes, so it’s so nice to be able to write and post fic and find an audience so quickly and get such wonderful feedback. It really does help me so, so much and keeps me writing when I get a bit exhausted of rejection and the long, slow slog with my original stuff, haha.

And I am a fountain of useless knowledge generally, haha, a lot of which comes from contract writing (this year alone I’ve written product descriptions for furniture, two child safety policies, a manual on machinery use, and a document on infection control in schools)! I also listen to a lot of podcasts and read a lot. Otherwise I just research things when I think a story needs it. :-) 

I will say though that pretty much all the things Beth makes in my fic, I’ve made myself! I really, really love cooking, and because I work from home a lot, I’m very lucky to have the time and capacity to do it.