#^not that that’s the only or worst thing terfs do

[fifthlydoyoudream]

I hate terfs I hate terfs I hate terfs

#If I have to hear ONE MORE person acting like being a woman is the only axis of oppression in the world ever #I will start BITING #^not that that’s the only or worst thing terfs do #it’s just what’s tipped me over the edge today

[vintage-bentley]

It’s so hard for me to not feel devastated about the state of LGB acceptance.

I’m gen Z, so I was lucky to be raised with a positive attitude towards same sex attraction. I distinctly remember seeing those posters about how gay isn’t an insult, before I even knew what gay was. So by the time I was old enough to understand what sexuality was, I kind of just knew I was gay and was fine with it. I was supposed to be the lucky generation—the first to be raised in a world that generally felt positively towards same sex attraction.

And then in comes gender ideology and all of its rampant homophobia. And in a way, it feels like the world I was promised was ripped away from me. I used to think I’d be out and proud as a lesbian, but now I’m scared to even mention it to anybody because I know that I don’t have to just worry about the people who think same sex attraction = sin, but now I also have to worry about the people who hear “lesbian” and translate it to “evil terf bitch”. And the people who hear “I’m only attracted to women” and translate it to “transphobic and closed-minded”. And people who say “I’m gay too!” But actually aren’t.

I used to dream of going to pride events, but now I know it’s not for me. It’s for people who have built up entire identities that would crumble without their homophobic and misogynistic foundation. Every time pride month comes up, I feel almost a sense of grief. Because that was supposed to be my time to be with people like me. Now it’s for the people who’ve always hated us, and found a way to take over all of the minimal things we had just for us.

It’s lonely enough to be gay, especially a lesbian. And it’s just gotten worse. And it keeps getting worse as more people grow to at the best not give a shit about us, and at the worst hate us passionately and do everything they can to let it be known.

It really feels like the LGB positive future I thought I’d been born into was stolen. And the worst part of it all is that I can’t even talk about this without being dismissed as a bad person.

#my ramblings #non fandom

[decolonize-the-left]

I've noticed a rise in radfems/TERFs in feminism tags and more specifically trying to rebrand as The Real Feminism or True Feminism since it's "for the girlies" or whatever.

I am begging you all to help me bury them.

Because as a teen who grew up during the peak of exclusionary "bi/pan/aces aren't vaild" and "kill all men" era where the concept of misandry THRIVED I'm telling you this feels extremely similar.

And radfem/terf ideology got mainstream from those sentiments being so popular and so easy to tap into. It was framed as being righteous since men were oppressors.

"Women are good and men are just mean oppressors! Look at everything they've done!" is such a common sentiment in those circles.

It also completely lacks critical feminist thought.

And we're STILL dealing with the affects of it over a decade later.

.....So let's talk about JKR since she's currently the Figurehead and favorite of the movement that's trying to rewrite feminist history.

It's 2023. It's a year before a US election where Project 2025 and Trump would happily create a road for trans and queer folks to be imprisoned if not worse.

Which is I'm sure why JKR has been photographed and interacting with multiple members from The Heritage Foundation, people whove spoken for them, and people who attended theyre meetings. She even enjoyed watching Magdalen, who who she credits for becoming a TERF.

But do you know who Magdalen is? Or what else she was saying? What about any of the other people in the photo? Do you know the scope of what JKR was internalizing and how bad it was? Do you know she has ties to conservative anti-abortion groups?

Do you know what The Heritage Foundation? Probably not and they're the worst so let me tell you why it's such a huge red flag for her and other so-called TERFs and radfems to be associated with them.

Because I can tell you right now she heard a lot of things from those people and there is no fucking way in hell that it was just about queer people or just some sex-specific concerns. And it wasn't just passive bigotry.

Anyone who doesn't conform to the idea of a white, straight nuclear family (re: single mothers, leftists, immigrants, gay couples, etc) is made out to be an enemy of the state.

Anyone they can justify as a "national threat." Yes, they call us all a national threat on their site, their book, and the pamphlets they pass out to politicians. The details are listed on their website including the Mandate For Leadership which is their instruction guide for the next president.

I'm not exaggerating when I say it calls for genocide, prison camps, and eugenic cleansing.

Several people in that photo don't even support abortion, a basic women's rights that JKR claims to care about deeply.

JKR was consuming white supremacist dogma under the guise of feminism.

And she's not willing to admit or correct it which is where the problem lies. She won't even admit to herself that she was fooled or that it's bad or hypocritical.

My concern is that she is not the only person who's fallen for it and there are more everyday.

So it's very important to me y'all learn how to filter out what Actual Feminism is in this age where literal fascism is attempting to take its place.

Firstly,

Real, actual feminism will be welcoming to EVERYONE

Because the patriarchy doesn't only affect women or cis people or white women and it's an insult to every previous feminist icon to say otherwise.

Feminists have been fighting for decades to unite people under the concept that Patriarchy is a system that will be brought down with allyship and solidarity.

They've been fighting so hard and so long to prove that everyone deserves the same rights as men.

That women are just as capable as men and shouldn't be stopped from entering fields of study and sports dominated by men. They've been fighting to prove that women are just as capable and smart as any man is, that men would benefit from it dismantling patriarchy too.

Women fought side by side with the queer community to get Roe v Wade passed in 1973. You know why? Because despite what radfems and TERFs will tell you trans women benefit from protecting and standing up for bodily autonomy.

Do not let bigots tear drive a wedge between two groups that experience gender based oppression and would benefit from the same exact rights.

We have changed history together and they're terrified we'll do it again.

A screenshot from the largest feminist organization active right now, The National Organization of Women.

Notice how the T is included. They even posted this video two years ago when LGBT and specifically trans rights started really coming under attack in 2022.

Trans women are women.

Trans men are men.

ALL women deserve rights.

Every gender deserves equality and fairness.

And feminism is for all of us or it is for none of us.

Because nobody deserves to be treated the way patriarchy treats us.

#feminism #feminist #equality #gender #trans rights are womens rights are human rights #trans rights #womens rights #human rights #intersectional feminism #solidarity #leftist

[punkitt-is-here]

The worst/funniest thing with the radfems and terfs calling you straight is that you're openly bi.

Almost like a requirement to be a radfem and/or terf is being extremely and disturbingly bigoted

and also incredibly stupid! some of the people sending me weird hate asks haven't even done da bare minimum of research. if ur sending hatemail you gotta realize its only effective if you're hitting me where it hurts and everyone's doing one-handed blindfolded archery with what i've seen so far

#my posts #asks #anon #queer discourse

[gendiebrainrotreceipts]

Gender believers are so silly when they claim they can spot "TERFs."

Many of us are crypto. We don't conform to a single aesthetic. We can be any age, ethnicity, sexuality. We are the boogiewomen created by TRAs' intolerance towards ideological criticism.

We could be anyone. A stranger, a relative, your best friend. That fandom blogger you follow. Your own child could grow up to be gender critical. You could be talking to a TERF at any moment (does this rhetoric sound familiar, TRAs? Good.).

The TQ+ doesn't see us because we are better at coexisting. So the next time you genderist lurkers start crying "genocide," think about this.

Fr I’ve got a fandom side blog and so many of my followers have ‘fuck terfs’ etc in their bio…like if they only knew lmao. But the thing is, I don’t have an issue with them, I’ll reblog from and have friendly conversations with them, and they with me. Whereas they’d probably assume any cryptoterfs would send endless anonymous death threats and completely shun them…like no… most of us are just normal people who know that the worst will be assumed of us if we ever let anything slip. I do think there are countless numbers of us ‘in hiding’, in real life and online

#radfem safe #gender critical

[genderkoolaid]

Do you still believe HRT, which unless you have a messed up endocrine system doesn't hurt or sterilize anyone , and SRS, which often calls for reduction or addition of things and doesn't have to entail the removal of any genitals, gonads etc, are in the same vein as being trans abled, and wanting things like debilitating illness, removed limbs, and to use mobility aids etc when physically and mentally abled? /genq

It could've been a trollpost, but I saw someone posting about something that supposedly came from you about how it's the same as removing healthy gonads or to sterilize oneself intentionally to want a limb removed to disable oneself /g

Uh, yeah, at the very least I believe it doesn't make sense to support people's ability to choose one but not the other. [Also as a necessary disclaimer: I am physically disabled and I use both a cane and a wheelchair. It has had a major impact on my life. This is my opinion as a cripple who suffers on a daily basis from both my disabilities and systemic ableism.]

If you get healthy gonads or sex organs removed, you are essentially reproductively disabled. When it comes to phalloplasty, especially RFF, your arm can experience some nerve issues (which for most people is not serious, there are therapies you do to help recover) but you could, potentially, experience some kind of disability. None of this is a value statement about any kind of medical transition because disability is morally neutral. In fact for many people being reproductively disabled is an entirely positive thing! Even though for another person it could be deeply upsetting!

I've fought for a long time against TERF fearmongering about transmasculine transition, specifically HRT, and their warnings that "it will make your good pure body DISABLED!!!!!" which is both ableist and transphobic. It comes from the assumption that a disabled body is inherently lesser and tragic and a place of suffering, and that no trans person would ever take disability for the ability to experience euphoria and relieve their dysphoria. Many of us would rather be disabled and happy than abled and suffering. So why do we only get to apply this to medical transitioning for trans people?

Yes, obviously getting a limb removed or paralyzed or losing a sense is going to change how you live and you will have to deal with a lot of ableism. But it's not up to me to tell someone else that they shouldn't pursue happiness and relieve because oh no! They might be a DISABLED PERSON! The worst thing to be in the whole wide world!!!!!!!! Like disabled people already have to constantly hear "wow if I was you I'd kill myself." And while you shouldn't comment your feelings on someone else's condition unprovoked, I think it's way better to see people getting excited to live a happy and active disabled life instead of constant traumaporn. So yeah I think people should have the ability to pursue voluntary disability & I also think it would be cool to see people with BIID reclaim the label of transabled, since it was coined by a BIID activist to create a less medicalized and suffering-focused way of talking about BIID.

(Also, my stance as a mobility user has always been that the only criteria you need to fill to get a mobility aid is thinking it could help you. People already suffer unnecessarily because they are worried they aren't "disabled enough" to deserve an aid. So if someone w BIID feels better when walking with crutches I don't care! Especially if they actively fight against systemic ableism and inaccessibility! I am wayyyyy more concerned with all the buildings in my hometown with no goddamn elevator + crosswalks with no button or speaker than I am with someone using a wheelchair because it helps their dysphoria.)

#m. #ask box

[molsno]

hii so im kind of confused about the general inner workings of transmisogyny as an extension of transphobia and was hoping you could clarify. basically, transphobes & terfs in particular say that trans women are men, however they treat trans women differently than men, dehumanizing them on the basis of their gender. i always interpreted this as a form of gender discrimination that aims to define trans women as a lower or subhuman class, a third gender of “not quite men but undeserving of the title of woman”. does this conflict with the concept of bioessentialism, i.e. that trans women are fundamentally men? i see people say that “transphobes see trans women as men” but from experience that’s not quite true. men receive privilege and rewards for being men that trans women don’t. sorry if this is incoherent im just trying to get a better understanding of it

your understanding is pretty good to be honest. trans women are a separate gender class - an underclass to be specific - and transmisogynists are aware of this, even if they claim to see us as men. does this conflict with bioessentialism? not necessarily, but in some ways it does.

the thing is, though, logical consistency doesn't particularly matter to bigots. that's why basically all of the laws designed to oppress trans women, despite all of the fearmongering about how some technicality in how they're worded will result in them targeting cis women and other tme people, are ultimately only going to be enforced to the fullest extent against trans women. for example, tme people would rightfully be furious if a teenage cis girl was subjected to a genital examination due to the suspicion that she's trans and playing in a high school girls' sport. this would unambiguously be sexual assault, after all. but ultimately, she would be allowed to continue playing (not that she'd likely want to after something so traumatizing, but I digress), and she would probably (not certainly though) have some kind of recourse available to her due to the backlash this incident would cause. if this happened to a teenage trans girl, though, would anyone care? would there be outrage about this? she would have gone through the exact same kind of sexual assault, but the law in that scenario would be functioning exactly as intended. no form of recourse would be available to her. sure, you could make the case that a cis girl might not be able to sue the school district due to financial or other barriers, but a trans girl would have no ground to stand on, legally speaking; she would have broken the law, no matter how unjust and discriminatory the law is.

so violence against trans women broadly isn't recognized as violence against women because we aren't viewed as women. but we're not viewed as men, either. for another example, let's work through the lens of sexual assault again. if a tme person of any gender accuses a trans woman of sexual assault, there is little to no doubt that she will be viewed as guilty automatically, both by other tme people and by the law (the trans panic defense is still legally admissible in many places). in the best case, this will lead to her ostracization and isolation, putting her at higher risk for instability and suicide. in the worst case, this will lead to her imprisonment or death - REGARDLESS of if the accusation is actually true or not. the justification for this is that trans women are secretly perverted men who are trying to prey on innocent cishet people, but the basic idea underlying that premise isn't even something tme people truly believe! if they actually viewed trans women as men, then her guilt wouldn't be quite so certain. men can commit sexual assault every day and face no consequences for it, even when brought to trial with clear and damning evidence, because patriarchy ensures that men won't be held accountable for their actions. of course, this isn't always the case, marginalized men often do face intense scrutiny, many times involving violence. but even adjusting this analysis to account for additional factors such as racism, trans women still receive absolutely none of the same solidarity, leniency, or respect that men of the same demographics as them do.

fundamentally, trans women aren't treated like women or men in society. we're treated as a disposable and undesirable underclass of women that everyone else is free to abuse without consequence. any claims by transmisogynists about what gender they see us as is posturing. we are treated in unique ways as a result of our status as transfeminine. that's exactly what we mean when we talk about how transmisogyny is a unique form of oppression. bioessentialism certainly plays a part, but its contradictions are so obvious that it can only be understood as one piece of a much larger puzzle.

#ask #acelez #I know this post is absolutely gonna get backlash but at this point I'll take whatever they throw at me #thank you for being willing to listen I appreciate it #transmisogyny #my writing

[blackbackedjackal]

Hey Jackal, you guys have my full support in this situation, and feel free to not answer if you don't have the time and mental bandwidth for it. I remember you mentioned that Dog got weird after realizing June was trans (WEAK, trans women are AMAZING). Do you mind talking a little more about that? I always got a weird terfy vibe from her too, but kinda wondered about if she ever went mask off

So it's funny because in her little "manifesto," (<- this word will come up in a later post) she left on her tumblr blog @thatdogmagic, she outed herself as a terf because her transphobic comments were one of the few things I only had on the verbal record.

I know the absolute worst thing she said was "the things I like about transmen are things they wouldn't like about themselves" which honestly shocked me so badly when I heard her say that I can hardly remember that convo other than her and Ependa talking about their weird ass relationships with genitalia, WITH PICTURES THAT EPENDA DREW AHAHAHAH I WANTED TO DIE. I'd have to chat with Rex to refresh my memory. She was there for the end of the conversation and saw the photos Ependa posted in the chat but wasn't there for the full thing.

As far as June, we were discussing NSFW content with our OCs, and literally any time I brought up June, Dog was super weird about it after she found out she's trans. I found out why later through her very terfy archive on VLC, but basically DogBlud's scared of dicks for [insert reasons I'm still not fully comfortable discussing]. Either way, it made her and Ependa stealing June FAR more fucked up because Lacey is cis. They made a cis Latina Guard Dog stereotype out of an Afro-Latina transwoman OC, and tried to cover it up and an "aha uh-ho whoopsie" (which was also part of DogBlud's kink and tactic to try and test boundaries with me).

Again, I just need more spoons to gather my thoughts properly on the whole thing, but Rex can likely provide more context when we compare notes. Most of my reaction to this was just:

[disaccoiates into the fucking ether]

#putting it under a read more because it's some vile shit #ask #dogblud #<- I'll try to keep tagging stuff with her name incase anyone wants to block these posts btw #her whole existence is one giant trigger and I'm not in the best headspace to properly tag stuff

[cisthoughtcrime]

I also heard the game has antisemitism stuff in it too? Is that true?

all I've seen is long posts decrying terfs for being Nazis because the game that jkr wasn't involved in making has goblins as the red herring villains and a battle horn relic. I'm Jewish and haven't seen anything that makes me think it's intentional antisemitic dogwhistles so much as the reality that goblins as fantasy/folklore stock characters already have a 400+yr history of absorbing European antisemitism, though I did hear that some people fired from the game in early development were found to hold neofasc ideals or something.

The thing is I fundamentally don't care about the game: I don't game and, sure I loved harry potter as a kid, but I was never a superfan or even read/watched any of the sequel/spinoff stuff, and jkr wasn't involved with the game anyway. The only reason I know the amount I know about it is because I'm invested in jkr and the witchhunt against her, not in the neverending cashcow franchise that is HP. To say the least, I'm distressed that even when I'm only looking at jkr I can't avoid seeing 20 people a day cry nazi at anyone who plays a highly anticipated mainstream game on the basis that they're ideologically underwriting a woman they paint as a warlord despite her worst crime against them being an essay.

Idk if the game is antisemitic. I hope it's not, but if it is that sure sucks and is scary. not sure why I'm supposed to have a stronger opinion about it than about any of the other many games that allow you to simulate ww2 while playing as the literal nazis, and I'm not sure why or how the content of this fantasy computer game should impact me or my opinion of jkr when neither of us have shit to do with the game.

amazing how, in the midst of all these accusations of jkr's bigotry, I haven't even seen any names of the people who were actually responsible for the game's content.

#asks #anon

[cupcraft]

I couldnt find my original post on it but it bares repeating that TERFs and Misogynists at large win when you reduce critique of the patriarchy as a social system as "hating men terf talking points."

First of all, you don't understand how dangerous TERFs really are if you think the worst thing and only thing that makes a terf a terf is "hating men". TERFs may claim to "hate men" but their propaganda is a lot deeper than that. TERFs are a subset of anti-feminists that position themselves within the system of the patriarchy and white supremacy in order to subjugate women, disproportionately marginalized women. TERFs don't "hate men" they have a strict sense of what it means to be "a real woman" that fits under the white supremacist patriarchal framework, plus their bioessentialism links towards eugenics and abelism. This is just a summary but you really need to understand how much deeper TERF bigotry goes if you're going to define them.

Secondly, if you're going to tackle misogyny, transmisogyny, and other frameworks of gender violence you need to be comfortable critiquing the patriarchy and you need to be comfortable discussing who exactly benefits from the patriarchy and you need to be comfortable talking about how people are socialized under the patriarchy. You need to be able to say these things. If saying "someone is socialized under the system of the patriarchy to say/be/do X" is terf rhetoric to you, you again A don't understand the danger of TERFs and B are complicit in dismissing critique of the system you claim you want dismantled.

There's a lot of nuance in this discussion of course, but at baseline you need to be more vigilant in separating terf talking points and misogynist talking points from feminism if you're ever going to contribute meaningfully to liberation. And for the record incase it needs to be said, I am trans myself, transmasc to be clear with you. Thanks & feel free to add on with more nuance.

#discourse #misogyny

[decolonize-the-left]

calling lesbians who aren't okay with "trans men lesbians" radfems is weird as hell when "trans men are just confused lesbians" IS a widespread radfem stance. if you support them whatever but it's disingenuous to act like lesbians who don't want to date trans men are radfems for that

I think policing relationships and gender and such in the queer community is genuinely one of the worst things that's happened to us in the last 20 years.

I think if you're attracted to someone or not then ok? That's it. Period.

Who cares how they identify or the words they use?

"lesbophobia"

Give me a fucking break. Show me the trans man killing lesbians. Trying to get lesbian relationships to be criminalized? To have them removed from the queer community?

You can't. Because it's not trans men doing that. It's TERFs.

"they're invading our spaces!"

Oh like a hypothetical evil cis man would invade a bathroom by pretending to be a woman?

I said radfem-lite lite for a reason ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

We made up a bunch of rules for how the Other person you're attracted to identifies and then moralized it and made DNIs and started calling queer people"-phobic" based on Your own ideas of gender/relationships (good job creating a more inclusive shitty binary with rules btw) and acting like everyone who doesn't agree with Your rules and ideas is some queerphobic enemy is fucking wild.

The whole point of queerness is simply that we aren't allo cishets. That we're different. And it's something we ALL experience so we're supposed to be understanding. That sometimes people WONT have the same concept of gender as you, the same rules and that's okay. We are a community because understand each other on that. We agree and have that solidarity because we ALL experience this from people who believe that binary can NOT allow for trans people or queer relationships.

I will literally Never ever agree with anyone who disagrees any of this. They're no ally of mine or the queer community. You are wildly accepting of your siblings or you have some queerphobia to work on.

Believe whatever the hell you want but to say Specific queer people are "invading" your space is also just fucking ahistorical. For a long time lesbian was the only word even used if you presented as a woman and liked people who presented as women. Did you know that? Who cares if you were a man or woman or trans or a gender?

If you feel like how someone ELSE identifies undermines your own identity then welcome to the Same Exact reason that homophobic and transphobic straights are homophobic and transphobic!!

We make them question gender and relationships in ways that make them uncomfortable. That make them question their own relationship to gender itself. And nobody is supposed to do that. You're supposed to follow the rules. Girls aren't supposed to kiss girls. And nobody is supposed to want to transition.

And so just like we tell them, I will tell you: if there is no harm being done, then there's no foul. Mind your own business instead of worrying about someone else's.

Some lesbians having the same struggle to accept this as allo cishets do, does not mean that they are being attacked and persecuted by trans man lesbians anymore than cishet women are being persecuted by fake trans people.

Can we please be over this now?

We get enough shit from straight people trying to regulate gender, we truly do not need reinvent the same fucking dynamic in our own community.

#asked #answered #queer #lgbtqia2s

[catgirlforeskin]

One of the most insidious ways people use progressive language to serve reactionary politics is using the idea of intersectionality to shut down any discussion of a vector of oppression, especially if you express it negatively.

It happens with everything on here, oh you can’t say mean things about men because some of them are trans, oh you can’t say mean things about white people because some of them are gay, oh you can’t say mean things about straight people because some of them are marginalized in some other way shut up shut up shut up shut up!

It feels especially prevalent in any discussion of misogyny because progressive language around feminism became prevalent (with no accompanying material changes) and because terfs are the big bogeyman on this website, SO many people on these site feel emboldened to just act like misogyny isn’t real, or even more annoying, act like misandry is.

It genuinely feels like we’ve backslid a decade at least when it comes to feminist politics, people tiptoe around any mention of feminism and always couch it in so many qualifiers of “not all men” shit, and no it’s not any better if you put an asterisk and add “because some men are trans or marginalized in some other way.”

The absolute worst is when people do this and say they’re doing it on behalf of trans women, when the only people it benefits are terfs! It’s because you all secretly just think of trans women as men, believe half of what terfs actually believe any way, and would have a heart attack if you realized how many trans women are man-hating lesbians, and how most terfs are attracted to men and in political alliances with far-right men, because you don’t actually understand terfs at all, because you refuse to acknowledge that the core of their politics is transmisogyny, because that would make you think of trans women as something other than a token you can mention in posts once a month to feel progressive!

Misogyny doesn’t stop being real because some women are privileged in other ways or have bad politics, misandry doesn’t start being real because some men are oppressed in other ways, if you disagree im just unloading a revolver into your chest at this point I’m tired of arguing

#transmisogyny

[cryptotheism]

How much do you know/how much are you involved in queer discourse- in specifics the divide between the general trans community and transmeds/truscums. Because I noticed something interesting.

After asking specifically what these groups believed, after hearing about apparent misinfo surrounding these groups, I realized that some things that are very much stereotypical (not saying without good reason) are in reality divided in terms of beliefs. For example, not everyone in these groups is against enbys, or even have the same beliefs around the core discriminator of these groups- dysphoria. What I found was interesting is that while some people were very hateful towards non-binary people, others shared so many beliefs in common with the general trans community it surprised me that they were even on this side of this almost war between groups. Seems like some people who are hated due to generalization by the mainstream trans community have genuinely almost the same beliefs, and I don’t think these people specifically would warrant such a harsh infighting at all.

I mean, we all have common enemies: transphobes/terfs.

Idk if this makes sense, or is even as interesting as I thought it was. Or if you are even the right person to send this to. But if you have thoughts/input i’d like to hear it.

Transmedicalism is an outdated model of queerness that is useless pseudoscience at best and actively harmful and at worst. It's view of queerness is blunt to the point of violence, a civil war woodsaw amputation where scalpels are readily available. I regard it's adherents the same way I regard flat earthers or dead frogs: incapable of valuable discussion and useful only for scholarly disassembly.

[thydungeongal]

I can't remember what time it was exactly but sometime during the past couple of years I was sent an anon which was like "oh hey one of your followers is actually a bad person" and a link to a call-out post concerning some clique of posters and the way the accusations were framed was like "these people are little hitlers making everyone in the fandom uncomfy" when as far as I could see based on the evidence provided in the post their biggest crimes seemed to be that they were just bad at posting. So yeah, bizarre fandom drama framed in such a way that these people were actually ontologically evil for the way they argued about nerd shit. I deleted that ask because I didn't even want to give it the light of day, whoever sent it clearly wanted me to react to it in some way to grant legitimacy to the accusations. I know I'm already kind of skirting that line by simply acknowledging it, which is why I'm vaguing about the person and the nature of the accusations, but since that's not really the point of this post I would appreciate it if people didn't speculate about who this is about in my mentions thank youuu.

Anyway said person who followed me did turn out to be kind of annoying to me and I ended up soft-blocking them, but once again their biggest crime wasn't that they were an evil person trying to do a purge in the fandom, but just kind of being bad at posting and, worst of all, wrong about RPGs, truly the worst of crimes. Nothing worth relitigating or drawing attention to, but I like to have a good time on the internet so I softblock people if they're constantly being annoying or bad at posting in my mentions.

Anyway so that's often, but not always, the mechanism behind call-out posts. People get annoyed by other people in whatever space they have to share, but because "this person is kind of annoying" doesn't carry a lot of weight, so it gets warped into "this person is ontologically evil" and through framing the situation in the most uncharitable way possible and often showing things out of context the person gets painted as the worst and evilest bad person.

The way this relates to recent events: the reason trans women often have it worse when it comes to these things is that due to the way even the wokest of allies can often maintain transmisogynistic ideas, trans women often find themselves having to be really careful in even supposedly trans friendly spaces because should they step out of line for just one second not only are people very quick to look for a reason to explain their annoyance as some moral failing on the trans woman's part, and admittedly this can be even worse in supposedly progressive spaces! Because the person annoyed by a trans woman's behavior can't conceive of them potentially being transmisogynistic, the fact that they're annoyed this specific trans woman has to be a failing on her part, right?

And because society often rewards and reinforces transmisogyny those call-outs often have much graver consequences on trans women. And again, this can actually be amplified in progressive spaces. In addition to receiving garden variety transphobia from TERFs and reactionaries, trans women can often find themselves having a certain warped set of expectations placed upon them by supposed allies. Part of it is having to be a model minority. The other part is sort of a whore/madonna complex but make it woke. Despite the fact that a lot of allies do still maintain a lot of transmisogynistic ideas in they heads, trans women are often elevated (often in an extremely fetishizing way) in progressive spaces but only to such a degree that they behave. Should a trans woman be decreed to have been annoying or cringe the consequences can be very severe because even supposedly progressive people will gladly amplify the message, because trans women are supposed to be perfect angels and this one trans woman being kinda annoying and cringe is a betrayal of that ideal.

And there's no quick and easy way out of this, but at the very least: if you see someone spreading shit about a trans woman on flimsy grounds, call them out. Always assume innocence and be very aware of the fact that even with the most well-documented call-out post you're not seeing the whole story, you're only seeing what's on the surface and even then only what the person making the post has selectively chosen in support of their narrative. And be on the lookout for yourself being willing to accept false narratives out of internalized transmisogyny. There's no need to be hypervigilant, but be willing to second guess your first impulses when a trans woman annoys you: are you annoyed for a reason or because due to internalized transmisogyny you expect trans women to act a certain way? Is your annoyance proportional to the perceived slight or is it once again amplified due to her not conforming to your expectations?

Anyway, trans women rule imo

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Anon because reasons. I've been a transman for over ten years. I never thought I would reach out to a TERF but I'm seeing things in my community that scare me and I literally don't know what to do. The transwomen I follow suddenly started reblogging and making posts about protecting transwomen from rape/pedo allegations but I'm conflicted because I was raped by my uncles when I was little. I feel like I'm going crazy idk why I'm asking you I just feel so dysregulated and distressed. Please don't hurt me or expose me, idk what they would do if they realized I was talking to terfs.

I have no wish or intent to hurt or expose you, so have no fear of that. To be upfront: I am a feminist. I do see sexual assault primarily as a hate crime men commit against women and girls (rape). Women and girls being female humans and men being male ones. But you already knew that. For the purposes of this response, however, I will use gender neutral language where possible.

Honestly, ten years ago I had no idea I'd be where I'm at now. I was considering identifying as agender and was only just starting to become uncomfortable with trans activists. The biggest reason was, even back then, protecting predatory behaviour. Unfortunately, as the years have gone by it's only gotten worse. Maybe it's not something you've come across until now, so I imagine this must be a shock, or maybe the people around you doing it used a lot of weasel words and it hasn't become apparent until now.

Either way it's a terrible thing to realize the people you consider your community just don't think sexual assault is that big a deal, especially when they've said it is, but their actions are showing otherwise.

It's a betrayal to those of us who have been sexually assaulted and don't want that to happen to anyone else ever again. Especially if the person who sexually assaulted you was someone you trusted. What your uncle did to you was already a horrific betrayal. To know someone you respect would say he should be protected from your allegations if x reason (in this case if he identified as trans, but this can happen in other ways; someone I greatly respected called Julian Assange a friend after he raped two women; that sucked and I stopped keeping up with him after that) is a betrayal on top of that.

I was molested by my stepfather and some fucked up shit happened when my biological father showed me off to his friends when I was a toddler. I know that pain well. "Valid" is a word that's certainly been over-used and misused, but right now I'm going to use in the way it was used at the Sexual Assault Crisis Centre I attended: your feelings on this are valid.

Sexual assault is one of the worst things a person can do to someone. Saying that people who do those things should be protected for any reason, that alleged victims should be doubted, that alleged perpetrators should be given the benefit of the doubt is fucked up. You are not in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable and worse about it. That just shows you have your humanity.

Now, I'm not going to tell you what else you should think, but what I will say is: I'm not afraid of the women here knowing I talk to men. Or trans people for that matter. Even if I was reaching out to vent. At most they might question why I chose a man and not a woman, but ultimately it just wouldn't be an issue. It's not that there are no assholes here--there are quite a few--but most of them are easily ignored and those that aren't typically get pushback for being assholes and eventually end up leaving or ostracized.

Do you think that it's healthy, as a literal trans-identified person yourself, for people in a community to be so afraid of one another that they can't let anyone know if they talk to certain people? Now, I'm sure it's not as simple as just dropping people who act this way. I've known people with shitty friend groups. It's hard. It's hard when all of your peers seem to support certain behaviour. I get it. I am in no way expecting that you're suddenly going to drop your community.

But I'm not talking to them. I'm talking to you, the person who reached out to me. From one survivor of familial sexual assault to another: you don't deserve to be treated this way. You don't deserve to have your pain trivialized, even indirectly, for a cause. So even if you can't talk to any of your peers about it (and maybe you can! maybe there are people you know who feel the exact same way), I want you to know in your heart that this is wrong and you're right to feel that it's wrong.

And when you're ready, whatever that looks like, I hope you can get out of this and find a community where you would never be punished for raising concerns about something like this. You would be upheld and loudly supported because that shit just wouldn't fly.

Take care of yourself, anon. I hope you have a good day/evening. I hope your uncle rots and I hope the transwoman you're following becomes a better person. Or falls down a well. Whichever comes first.

[genderkoolaid]

Compassion and nuance is for everyone, not just the people you like or who have never done anything questionable or in poor taste or stupid or harmful in their lives. The end goal for bigots should be that they see the error in their ways, make amends and become better people, not a power fantasy in which we get to become the exact things we should hate.

Will that always happen? Of course not. Should we stop reacting to bigotry and fascism with violence? No, intimidating fascists into silence is a good thing. But violence should be something we unfortunately have to do to keep ourselves and each other safe. It shouldn't be something we seek out. And we shouldn't make bigots out to be two dimensional, inhuman monsters who commit evil acts for evil's sake. Because that is just distancing ourselves from our own, very human, capacity for violence and bigotry.

And, look. If you personally fantasize about committing acts of violence on your oppressors to vent and deal with the trauma of being oppressed, this isn't really about that. Your personal feelings&thoughts are personal and don't necessarily mean anything for your actions. I don't want to shame individuals for having normal emotions and thoughts in private.

What concerns me is when people start putting that into their activism, and start coming up with dreams of torturing Bad People(tm), dehumanizing people instead of focusing on progressive solutions and restorative justice. When fighting TERFs goes from "I will do what I have to in order to protect trans people, including violence if needed" to "I want to brutally murder every TERF I possibly can in the worst ways possible."

At the end of the day, why do you fight? Is it because you believe that people have a fundamental capacity for good, and everyone deserves respect and justice and happiness? Or is it because you hate certain people and want them to suffer? Because while violence, in my opinion, is inevitable in terms of deep social change, it's only one very complicated part of the puzzle. If it's all you focus on, you'll burn yourself out and maybe take a lot of other people with you.

Dehumanization and the glorification of violence are crucial pieces of bigotry and fascism. As long as you attach yourself to them, you will always be more vulnerable to those ideologies. A truly radical stance against them means also rejecting these parts of our activism as well.

#m.