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suntrastar · 4 years

Text

abstract: chapter 2

chapter 1!! chapter 3!! you can also find this fic on ao3 :)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Artist!Reader

Summary: Wait- Bucky Barnes attends your art class? And you didn’t even recognize him?

Word Count: 7500 exactly. i am so lame.

Author’s note: hello!! when i was uploading ch 1 on here it never once crossed my mind that i should probably add ch 2 as well ... but oh well! it’s here now. hope u all like it. reblogs and likes and whatever else are very much appreciated. also i forgot to say last time- i paint a little but i am NOT a professional artist! i’m making all of this up as i go! if i’m wrong with something do NOT tell me. shh. but ok now enjoy!!

A blank canvas stands before you, as big as your torso and propped up on an easel. White, unmarked, clean- pristine and teeming with potential.

You hate it.

In your lap sits your sketchbook. Pages upon pages of rough, half-baked ideas, each more mediocre than the last. You thought that maybe you could churn something decent out if you came to your studio, soaked in enough of the atmosphere to coax out some sort of productivity.

Well, you were wrong. It’s the opposite- the empty canvas is slowing your thoughts down, muddling them together, disorienting you.

You stare at it for the better part of an hour, white searing into your vision, shoulders sagging with each passing minute.

There’s something there. You have something, a rough chunk of an idea in the back of your mind that could be great, but you can’t figure out what it is. And it’s not something you can just google- you can’t search up how to think a thought you haven’t had yet- so you sit on your own, unproductivity festering, oozing out like the orange from the skylights.

You’re not doing too well. The sun sets before it’s five, it’s Monday, you have a fifth adult class to teach, yesterday you only got to a third of your chores. It sucks- you should be better than this! Put-together, neat, confident, creative, actually able to do something.

You wallow freely, feeling no satisfaction when you reach forward and push the side of the canvas with one finger, tipping it off the easel and sending it clattering to the floor.

The warmth of the sun burns into your back. You don’t like wasting time like this, never have. Maybe you needed to, though, to help get you back on track.

You heave out a sigh and crack too many joints as you stand up, folding up your easel, picking up the dreaded canvas, shoving your sketchbook into your purse. The drawing pencils you set out on the table are neatly lined back up into their metal tin, the kneadable eraser kneaded for a few frustrating seconds before it’s put back as well.

You zip your coat all the way up to your chin. It’s still freezing outside, and the walk from your studio to the subway, from the subway to the other studio, is always a cold one.

***

At least you can move on from the watercolors.

Oil pastels! Still not a very desirable medium, but for today, you’ll take it. At least it’s saturated, at least you don’t have to worry about the whole thing coming apart with a spare drop of water. The way it stains your fingers and blends unpredictably is kind of charming, too.

You run through your demonstrations. You gesture to where the paper is located. You make a few suggestions for what people could draw: trees, landscapes, birds. Then you remember a box of handheld mirrors the studio owner keeps in one of the storage closets, and run over to get it.

“You can use them for self portraits,” you say, and then a particular man in the back scowls, and then you add that it’s optional.

But Steve takes two mirrors.

You don’t have time to analyze all of that. You walk around, offer a few words of advice. Shonna lays the preliminary sketch for a heron, and you’ve never seen grey and yellow look so nice together. Your favorite couple, Marcie and Ahmed, draw each other, but neither of them can draw. They laugh at themselves as they misshape each other’s noses, miscalculate the distance between each other’s eyes.

It’s cute. You stop at them and laugh a little, before continuing your round to the back of the room, to Steve and Bucky.

“Everything working out okay?” You say, while Steve frowns into a mirror.

“I feel kind of stuck-up doing this,” Steve says, and brings the mirror even closer to his face, right up to his eyes.

You laugh a little. “Don’t worry,” you say, and peer down at his sketch, which is already looking uncannily like him. “It looks just like you! You even got the nose right.”

Steve nods, still bothered by the apparent narcissism of this activity. He pulls a peach pastel from the set. “I guess,” he says, unconvinced, and streaks the pastel over the side of his drawn face, and you quietly marvel over how well he understands shadow. “Are you okay?”

The question catches you off guard.

“What?”

Steve sets his mirror down.

Next to him, Bucky glowers at you, like he wasn’t smiling at your bad jokes in the cafe, like, two days ago. He’s so vehement- you’re starting to think that you dreamt up the entire encounter.

“You look kind of stressed,” Steve says, and then winces. “Sorry. I didn't mean it like that.”

“It’s okay,” you say quickly, and hesitate for a second, before thinking what the hell, and deciding to just let it out. “I am stressed. I’m so stressed- Steve, I’m, like, this close to losing it.”

Steve’s eyebrows knit together. “What’s wrong?”

He’s so sincere. Always so nice, and you don't even care that Bucky’s glare deepens when you pull out the seat and sit down in it, because you are dying to tell someone.

“I have this show in the summer,” you say, and clench your hands, because just the thought of the show makes you want to wring your own neck, “but I still have no idea what to do. I mean, I do, but it’s like, I have point A and point B, but I don’t have the line connecting it. Does that make sense?”

“What are the points?” Steve asks, and takes up the mirror again, to analyze the lower portion of his face.

“Okay,” you say, and lean back in your seat, and maybe it’s a little unprofessional, but you’re cool enough that it really isn’t, “Point A is that I want everything to be busy. Lots of patterns and fabric and plants. Like, I don’t want there to be any resting space for your eyes, because that’s boring. And point B is that I want to use people- and this is where the problem comes in, because I don’t know what people to use.”

You’re talking kind of fast, but Steve seems to still be understanding what you’re saying. “Why not?”

“Because I want it to be personal. For my previous stuff, I would just post ads on Instagram whenever I needed models, and take pictures of random people and paint them. But I don’t want to do that again, but I don’t know what I want to do. I want people to look at the people and say ‘wow, that’s personal,’ but I don't want them to be able to tell how personal it is. Like, personal at an arm’s length.

Steve stares at you like you have definitely lost it.

You pointedly don’t look at Bucky.

Then he reconsiders, and gives you a supportive little smile, and you can feel your stomach sinking further and further down.

“I don’t fully understand that,” he says, and reaches not for the orange or red pastel, but the pale blue one. “But I’m sure you’ll get it. Just give it some time.”

You watch him outline his chin, the left side of his nose, little strokes of his eyebrows. Blue and leaving little smears and flakes of color, and creating this swirling pattern with one of the streaks of peach, like ocean and sand upon each other, so pretty and bold.

“Thanks, Steve,” you say, and he grins into his mirror, still adding blue. It looks amazing. “Also, would you ever consider switching careers? The art world is missing out on you.”

He blushes.

“Use people you know.”

You and Steve turn fast to look at Bucky, still glaring. His red oil pastel, held tight in his gloved hand, looks ready to snap.

At least you’re sitting diagonally from him, instead of directly across. At least you don’t back down from looking him in the eye.

“For what?” you say, like you aren’t following, even though you are- you just have a feeling that he won’t tell you what he’s thinking unless you ask for it.

“For your painting thing,” he says. “Because it’s personal. To you.”

You stare at him like he’s crazy for a second or two, and he looks into his own mirror, set flat on the tabletop, without peering at his face. You glance over at his paper, at half a page full of perfectly identical red boxes, and realize that he’s drawing the ceiling panels.

Okay- lame.

But also, like, funny.

Then it starts to click.

“Wait,” you say, and you feel bashful, because he’s been listening to you this whole time, and in his silence he must have been thinking of you, and the thought of that is just too satisfying for you to let go of. He’s been thinking of you.

Or maybe he just wants you to leave.

“That works,” you say, and then you suddenly have the connecting line. “That works perfectly. It’s, like, not personal, but…”

“Familiar,” Bucky says, and you are half a red box away from leaning over the table and throwing yourself into his arms.

That’s exactly it.

“Thank you,” you say, and your brain is running a mile a minute, and he’s just staring at you. “Thank you so much. That’s exactly it, oh my god.”

You don’t even realize how far you’ve leaned over, hands balanced on the table, craning your head towards him. And you don’t even care- pieces are shifting and everything makes sense, and the weather outside isn’t cold, it’s beautiful! And this class is wonderful. Bucky himself is wonderful.

You float through the rest of the class. The clarity of your thoughts is jarring, the way you understand what you’re trying to do now. Flowers, fabric, and then you have an idea with a pair of earrings. You ache for a pen and sheet of paper to write it all down, but if you started doing it now, you don’t think you would be able to get up once the class ends.

Once, you smile at Bucky. He doesn’t return it- and you’re too in over your head to care.

***

He’s not genuinely interested.

This is a precaution. Bucky takes lots of precautions- he sleeps with weapons at his bedside, goes out with knives strapped to his body, always sweeps unfamiliar rooms before sitting, doesn’t tell anyone anything. This is just another thing thrown on top of his already exhausted routine, necessary to his safety and sanity and-

To his basic peace of mind.

He’s not a very good typer, so he asks JARVIS to look it all up instead, and transfer it to his overpriced, Stark-issued laptop.

There’s relief in that action itself- he tells JARVIS the wrong name twice, because that’s how personally disinterested he is. So disinterested that even something as simple as a name eludes him.

He doesn’t care.

The information gets transferred to his laptop. Bucky takes his time, carefully scanning the screen, preparing to tuck away anything concerning, for future reference.

There is a lot of information.

Articles- too many articles. Editorials, interviews, reviews. And pictures, and even videos, and he wonders if Steve ever brought this up to him, this level of renown that apparently you possess, and Bucky just wasn’t paying attention. But no, that couldn’t have been true- he’s been genetically enhanced to always be paying attention.

He’s a slow reader, and whenever the fonts are too small it gives him a headache, so rather than reading an article, he goes to the pictures tab.

Your art shows up first. He clicks on the picture to enlarge it, and it takes a long while for him to fully comprehend what he’s seeing.

A woman dancing with a cow in the background, a woman with butterflies on her eyelashes. Two men wearing crowns of pearls, but when he zooms in closer, they’re birds. A figure in a dress, wearing sleeves that resemble fish, with a halo of koi fish circling her head. Everything has to do with animals, and there’s so much movement, and he doesn’t like art, but he does have to admit that it’s all so pretty.

And there’s lots of yellow.

And as he scrolls further down, there’s pictures of you. In some, you stand with people who look ridiculously pretentious, with weird hair and odd clothes and thick-framed glasses. Other artists, he guesses, who have to let everyone know that they’re artists before they even open their mouths.

Then there’s pictures of just yourself. You, unsmiling next to a half-finished canvas, in the middle of twirling a paintbrush between your fingers. You, unsmiling in a white-walled photography studio. You, smiling while wearing a ridiculous sequined dress, which confuses him until he reads the description, and learns that the dress itself is an art installation.

It makes his head hurt.

He looks some more, even though he’s not really learning anything. Or maybe he is learning, just nothing concerning like he was hoping for. Something that would justify this search in the first place, but all he’s found is that you have pretentious colleagues and wear ridiculous dresses and deserve Steve’s admiration the way you’ve been receiving it.

Eventually, he coaxes himself into clicking a link. An article with a big publication, too big for just an art instructor- but you’re not just an art instructor. you’re, like, good. The article is an interview, which could have just been recorded and uploaded, but for some reason, it was transcribed and written in article format anyway.

The twenty-first century is stupid like that.

When it was written, you had just had your first solo exhibition, and it was more successful than anybody ever anticipated. The interview is meant to be a little off-the-wall, charmingly eccentric, asking about favorite foods and then your future aspirations in the same sequence, and then debating different colors and some political situation within the same question.

Bucky stumbles through a paragraph or two, not really comprehending anything but getting the gist, and his head hurts more, but he’s blissfully relieved of it all when Steve barges into his room without knocking.

He shuts his laptop screen so hard that the screen nearly cracks.

“Woah,” Steve says, and puts a hand up, but doesn’t take any steps back. “What was that?”

“Nothing,” Bucky says, and stares at the laptop with fury, as if he’ll be able to close the tab that was still open through telekinesis alone.

“O-kay,” Steve says, totally unconvinced. He hoists the bag on his shoulder- his gear bag, with his supplies. He’s headed out for an indefinite period of time, anywhere between three days and two weeks. In the bag is his suit, in its patriotic spandex glory, his other supplies, bandages and a gun and a sketchbook.

To pass the time, if he gets bored on the flight.

“Are you leaving now?” Bucky asks.

Steve nods his head. “Yeah. Just came to say bye.”

“You mean see you later,” Bucky corrects, because those two things mean different things, and the difference is enough to matter to him.

“See you later,” Steve says, and he shifts, one massive wall of muscle leaning from one foot to the other. He’s uncertain of something- like Bucky can’t handle himself on his own.

He can handle himself.

Bucky lifts one silver hand and waves.

***

He doesn’t need to go.

Steve hasn’t returned, still somewhere in South America, away on a mission. It’s not like anyone is going to check, either, if he attends or not. It’s not like this is required, like he has some sort of moral or contractual obligation to show up.

Still, it’s become part of his routine, and deviating from routine makes his skin itch. As Monday strikes again, he slides into his seat in the art studio. At least he’s not too early; he doesn't know how he would be able to handle any pre-class conversation without Steve being there to do the actual conversating.

You start right on time. Always so prompt.

“We’re going to be working with oil pastels again,” you say, and make a big gesture with your hands. You wear chunky gold earrings that wink under the lights. “But I’m going to let you do whatever you want. Draw whatever. I’ve got out a few different types of paper, and some different tools for creating textures- I’ll show you all how to use them really quick.”

You scrape a sheet of paper hastily colored purple with something that looks like a plastic knife. Then you use something that looks like a plastic-toothed comb, and then some other pointy plastic objects to make lines and whirls on the paper. Texture. He watches the paper, some, but mostly you.

You look over at him two times. No more than you do at anyone else, but he still notices- as a precaution.

“Okay, I'm done. You all can get to work,” you say, and set the purple sheet down on your own table, at the front. “Have fun. Get crazy with it.”

Bucky looks down at the paper he’s set on the table, yellow-white and slightly textured. He looks at the oil pastels, sitting so dejectedly in their little cardboard dish, a product of low budget and disuse.

He takes the yellow one.

You come over to his table some time later, after getting to everyone else. He’s always last, he’s noticed- because he sits at the back, and because you like to take your time talking with Steve. But Steve isn’t here today, which means you won’t linger, which means he can continue on sitting in peace.

“How’s it going?” You ask. One of your hands comes to rest on top of the chair across from him.

“Your shoe is untied.”

Your smile falters as you look down, at your red sneaker- you wear hot red sneakers- but reaffirms itself a second later as you slide the chair out, and prop your foot up on it.

Bucky suddenly feels off. Your knee rests slightly above his head, and your head is tucked down but still looming high over him, cast in shadow. He’s beneath- under. And you’re double-knotting the laces of your shoe.

“Thanks,” you say, and it’s awkward to thank someone for something so little, but you don’t say it like it’s awkward. “I probably would’ve tripped on the laces. Anyways, again, how’s it going?”

He considers the question. “Fine.”

“Fine,” you repeat. You take your foot off the chair and tuck it back in, and then lean- loom even more- over him, looking over at his piece of paper.

He glares at you, even though you’re not looking at him.

“Wow,” you say, and your eyebrows are creasing, and he thinks that you’re struggling to come up with something to say, and after seeing those paintings online, he can’t even take offense at it. “Those lines are so… straight. How are they so straight?”

Because his metal hand has an internal stabilizer.

“They just are,” he says.

You look at him. Everything suddenly feels stuttered and slow, drenched in honey. He’s expecting some type of joke, and praying for the ground to open and swallow him up, bury him under six feet of tile. Has silence always been this unbearable?

“Awesome,” you say.

Then you look away and he’s able to breathe again, and you’re turning away, ready to flounce back over to someone else. He looks back down at his paper and picks up the pastel again, fingers pressing over the paper wrapper, so that he doesn’t get anything on his glove. He draws another straight line.

“Wait, one more thing.”

You turn around and his head snaps up, fully alarmed.

You take in his expression and look like you’re about to laugh. But you stifle it back, bite on your lip as you pull the chair back out again and sit down, across from him. Steve isn’t even here- Steve isn’t even your motivation for being here, today, and all he’s thinking about is you in that ridiculous art installation of a dress.

Floor-length. V-neck.

“So,” you say, and Bucky can’t look at you. In his peripheral vision he sees you curl your hands together, resting on top of the table. The glass on the watch flashes. “So, you know the idea that you gave me last week? With painting people I know? I started this painting of my mom- and all of these ideas in my head make sense to me now- wait. Let me show you, first.”

He keeps his eyes dutifully trained on his paper. Still, he can hear the smile in your voice as you pull your phone out of your back pocket, tapping away at something before turning the screen around for him to see.

Your arm is stretched all the way across the table. Bucky leans in a little bit, to see the picture you’ve pulled up.

A partially painted image of a woman that looks like you but not you, with almost the same face as you, but with hands mottled with age and a mouth starting to droop at the corners. Your mom, apparently, sitting with her hands clasped the way you’re clasping yours. She wears earrings that look like huge flowers, lilies, or something, and in a white dress that looks halfway like a swirled illusion.

“Nice,” he says, grudgingly, and you keep your hand outstretched. He wonders if you want him to take the phone from you, if you’re waiting for him to say more. “I like the dress.”

You beam at him. He’s been looking at you without realizing. “Thank you. I actually got the idea or the pattern from Steve- I’m just stealing ideas, aren’t I- but did you see the thing he did with his self-portrait last week? The swirls? It was so pretty- I couldn’t help myself. Anyways, where is he today?”

“Out of town.”

Dread curls at the pit of his stomach.

Bucky doesn’t know why, but he has the heavy, stone-cold realization that he does not want to be talking about Steve right now.

It must show, because you’re in the middle of opening your mouth to say something, and then abruptly close it.

“Oh,” you say, and you shift. He realizes that he doesn’t want you to leave yet, either. “Nice.”

You’re getting out of your seat. You must be feeling it too, the heaviness, the atmosphere so overwrought with polite dislike, because he still doesn’t like you, even though he knows your name now, but-

“What’s your next painting going to be?” he asks, so quickly that it comes off as a little frantic.

Your eyes widen and you’re carried back down, drifting back into your seat.

“I’m so glad you asked that,” you say, as you settle in. For a second, you’re frighteningly put together, shoulders straight, hands neatly folded, earrings glinting. “I’ve been wanting to tell someone about it so bad.”

You want your next painting to be of your dad. A portrait of just his face, close enough to add little, inconsequential details. You have this idea where you create patterns that look like flowers out of his wrinkles. He has teeth that are always yellow, because he drinks so much coffee, you say, a habit you’ve picked up, but you want to paint them almost neon, bring as much attention to it as you can. His hair is thinning and you want to make it all blue, like a receding tide.

It devolves, and his grip on the pastel loosens as you fall into something more and more jumbled, divulging other ideas you have, about things that aren’t directly related. You want to go big- much larger than life. A canvas as big as your body, just to paint a head. You make your own canvases, too, and you show him your palms, skin beneath your fingers raised and bumpy, with a ropy pink scar on your right hand. It’s from an incident with a saw, you say, even though you know your way around a saw. He almost wants to touch it.

Bucky thinks of his own right hand, with as many scars as it has lines. What does that mean, in terms of fate? He knows his way around a saw, too, and many other bigger, dangerous things, but you don’t know or don’t care about it. It devolves further, you sink lower in your seat, shoulders curving forward, and you’re telling him something else about nothing, and you aren’t minding that he’s mostly focused on just listening.

You’re laughing when someone behind you clears their throat.

You turn back, to see Shonna, looking uncomfortable as she fiddles with the strap of her purse.

“I’ve got to go,” she says, and, for whatever reason, gives you a look. “I finished my drawing, so I’m taking it with me. See you next week.”

“Have a good night!” You say, and cast a spare glance at your watch, to see how early she’s leaving.

She’s not leaving early.

You’re running nearly twelve minutes over.

“Oh my god,” you say, quietly, and pull away from Bucky. You have to pull this back together, quickly, you stand up and clear your throat.

“Hey, everybody,” you say, and so many people older than you turn to look at you, but the situation you’ve put yourself in doesn’t let you appreciate the thrill of it. “I wasn’t paying attention- we’re running past time. You all can go ahead and head out. I’ll clean up today. I’m sorry.”

Bucky is ignored, and it’s funny how quickly you’re able to slip away from him, him and unrelenting blue eyes and a stoic silence to bounce all of your thoughts off of. You keep your back to him and head back to the front of the room, standing and exchanging pleasantries as everyone heads out, apologizing with smiles and chastising yourself for being so careless.

Nobody berates you, though. You keep on expecting them to. There’s a sudden, sharp pain in the back of your neck. They all leave, and then it’s just you, standing by the entrance and staring at all the tables you have to clean, all the unfinished art projects you have to slide on the art racks, alongside the sticky poster-painted houses and clouds and corner-suns drawn by the kids in your Wednesday and Thursday classes.

All by yourself.

Or not.

Bucky lingers, putting his pastels back in the tray. He’s so silent that you missed him the first time, even though he was standing right there. Isn’t he some type of spy?

“Bucky, I got it,” you call. Without anyone in the room, it's like everything you just said to him didn’t happen. There’s no buffer and it’s just you and just him, and it's so empty. “You don’t have to clean up.”

Something in his gorgeous face shifts. You wish he was a little more expressive. His eyes hang dark underneath the brim of his dorky hat.

“I can help you,” he says, and adds, after an impossibly long second of hesitation, “I’ll make sure you don’t break any jars.”

You laugh out loud, but you’re confused. First listening to you talk on and on, now offering to help you and trying to make a joke- he doesn’t like you enough to be doing any of it.

You know you like him, or at least find him intriguing enough to disregard his douchiness, but, like, still. Something’s off.

But then again, how do you deny him after that joke?

“Thank you,” you say, so formally, and you want to grimace. “That’s really nice of you.”

He blinks slowly, and you think that he’s going to smile, catch a ghost of it in his eyes.

It vanishes too fast, as he slides the cover back on the tray of sad oil pastels. You’re about to make some cynical comment about the lack of funding for the arts, just so there’s something to occupy all this new space between you and him, so you don’t accidentally lessen the space by doing something dumb, like moving closer to him.

“Where do I put these?” He asks, holding the sad tray up.

***

Steve returns for the seventh Monday class! You’re so happy when he walks in through the doors, abandoning your stacks of paper and speed-walking toward with a smile and a bouquet of paintbrushes.

“Hey, Steve!” you say, and he spooks, a little, but relaxes when he sees it’s you. No Rina today- she’s been leaving early lately. Maybe there’s some residual fear in her, just from that stare she was subjected to, all those weeks ago. “It’s good to see you.”

You get those stares every week, multiple times an hour, are getting one right this second- she needs to get over it.

He smiles and comes further into the classroom, meeting you over one of the tables. “It’s good to see you, too. Sorry I missed class last week.”

You wave him off. “Don’t worry about it. Here, take these for a second.”

In his massive hands, the paintbrushes look silly. Like dandelion stems, but it’s Steve, so he holds them gingerly, at a distance, like the wood might snap if he applies even the tiniest bit of pressure.

It’s not a good thought that you have next- it’s a deplorable thought- but you wonder if all super-soldiers have hands like that.

Behind Steve, there’s Bucky, standing in his usual black ensemble and glower. You know, now, that if you asked him to help, he would, but your mouth suddenly goes gummy and you trail off to the shelves instead, talking yourself up as you try to find a container for the brushes.

There, on the top shelf. How did it get all the way up there? You swipe it off and turn around, cheery and hopefully composed enough to not let any of your deplorable thoughts slip, and-

He’s there.

Not there, not all up in your face the way you would not want him to be, but closer, next to Steve instead of behind. His cheeks are rosy. You look out the window, to see if it looks cold. His face is pink, but he looks cold. Winter Soldier. You’re running hot, hot, hot.

“Hey,” You say, and politely smile, like while cleaning up last week, you didn’t spend an extra twenty minutes just talking to him.

“Hey,” he says, and does nothing, like the impassive brick he always is.

God.

You can’t be like this. This isn’t… it’s not cute. It’s embarrassing.

“Help me find the palettes,” you tell him, and place the container on the table for Steve. “I’ve been looking for them, for, like, ten minutes, and I can’t find them. And we’re painting today, so we need palettes.”

Steve dumps the brushes into the container. Bucky nods. He understands the importance of the palettes.

“Okay,” he says, and in the time it takes you to turn back to the shelves, he’s already standing behind you, surveying the shelves with you. Steve is probably giving you a look- he and Bucky seem like the kind of friends that tell each other all of their feelings, paint each other’s nails and read each other's diaries- he probably knows what’s going on.

If he does, you would like for him to tell you. All you know is that you’re really liking this.

Bucky finds the box of palettes wedged in the back of one of the shelves, in between thick pads of watercolor paper and glass cases of craft knives.

“Thank you,” you say, as he hands the box to you, as his fingertips just barely brush against yours. “Thank you so much.”

You catch another ghost-smile. “You’re so welcome,” he says.

Behind Bucky’s back, Steve gawks at you in disbelief.

Acrylic paint- the love of your life.

“It’s best for me to just let you guys loose,” you say, in your spot at the front of the room. Even now, your hands are itching, humming with energy, humming for a paintbrush. “If you need help, ask me, of course, but it’s more fun to just try and see what you can do.”

That’s part of why you love it- for its ease. Quick-drying, not water-soluble once dried, saturated. What is there even to explain? That you apply it with a brush? That you can blend with it? All of that is, like, obvious. All of it can be learned from trial, and any error can just be painted over.

Expression is so simple, with acrylic paint.

It’s messier, too, but nobody’s perfect.

You walk around. Shonna sketches out more birds- finches, yellow and mid-flight. Marcie and Ahmed start by painting without sketching first- one going for a sunset, the other palm trees. Classic. You catch a few others, silhouettes, some flowers, some abstract paint splatters.

Then, of course, you head to the back.

Steve is something out. You can’t tell what it is, yet, but you know that it's going to be beautiful. It’s already beautiful. He looks up and gives you a wordless smile, then gets right back to work. One of his hands is splayed over the sheet of chipboard, the other drawing quick, light lines with his pencil.

You wish that you could give them canvas. But canvas is expensive, and again- funding is bad, and you want to save the few you’ve scrounged up for one of the later classes, when everyone is more confident in their abilities.

Bucky mixes paint on his palette. Red and… black.

“That’s a pretty color,” you say, nodding down at the sad maroon. He looks up at you and you ball your hands into fists, placing them on your hips, not because you put your hands on your hips, but because you feel like you should be doing that right now, with how he’s looking at you. Gutting you.

He acknowledges you with a nod, and goes back to mixing the colors.

Good grief, how much more is he going to mix?

You’re suddenly searching your mind for something interesting to say.

It’s awkward, and you’re even more mad at yourself- how can you be awkward in your own class? You’re so off today. Even Steve is solely focused on his canvas, and you’re happy for it- he’s drawing and really getting into it, but now you have no reason to linger!

You stay, for another awkward, insufferable second, before moving on to somewhere else.

It’s whatever. You want to think about it, but you push it out because there’s so many more important things to consider- like the painting of your mom nearly finished in your studio, the sketched-out canvas of your father, the dozens of other little ideas pushing up through the cracks in your thoughts, like delightful weeds.

You want to paint Rina. If her hair is still red when you see her, you’ll draw her upside down with poppies, wearing whatever crazy outfit she wants. You want to paint another friend, who’s constantly travelling but might be in New York next month, draped in gold jewelry and marigolds. You might even- you might even draw a few people you don’t talk to anymore, or people you don’t talk to enough, draw them with pansies and chrysanthemums.

Flowers. First, you were fixated on animals, but now it’s flowers- but it’s wholly unsymbolic, because symbolism gets trite, and you just want to make something that looks pretty.

Nobody asks you for help. Acrylic is fun like that- it’s a medium where you can help yourself. The class gets loud- lively, even, and you just sit in your chair at your table and take it all in.

Bucky, in the far back, works on his painting with concentration that rivals Steve’s. You look for too long.

He can probably feel your eyes on him. You wonder if you should look him up, but that’s weird. Really weird, and what would you even search for? A Wikipedia article? Pictures? An interview?

Maybe you should, but you like the hot-and-cold mystery just how it is.

The class ends on time. You’re extra vigilant today, showing people how to lay their paintings on the drying racks, showing them where to dump their paint water.

You say that you’ll wash the brushes. Bucky can tell that you don’t trust anyone else to do it properly. You say that you’ll wipe down the tables, too, and you’ll move all the supplies back to the shelves. All you want is for everyone to put their paintings away and wash their palettes.

The work is done, and everyone files out, spurred by you wishing them all a good week. Steve lingers, as usual, and Bucky follows behind him.

You didn’t talk to him that much, today.

“Did you figure out your painting yet?” Steve asks.

“I did,” you say, and tell him exactly what you told Bucky, but more clearly, more well-articulated.

And less… elaborate. No talking about the idea for the second painting, no mentions of the canvases you make yourself. You don’t show him your palm.

Steve chats with you for a few minutes, until the conversation fizzles out. He shifts his shoulders and tells you he’s going to go.

“Have a good week,” you say, smiling, looking back at Bucky.

Steve gets to the doorway, and Bucky stays right where he is, and his stomach does a flip, because he can’t believe that he’s really going to be doing this.

“You coming, Buck?” Steve says.

“I’m going to stay back for a minute,” Bucky says, while looking at you.

He’s not a confident person, but he’s also not not confident. He just does what he has to do, without thinking, without sitting on it long enough for it to morph into anxiety, because when you've been impassive for seventy years, it’s hard to turn the faucet back on.

Right now, though, he might be getting what they call butterflies.

“Why, is there something you-”

Steve cuts himself off. He understands.

“Nevermind,” he says, backtracking. “Okay. See you later.”

He leaves.

“What’s up?” You ask, as you head over to the sink. You’re so nonchalant, and he doesn’t know if he’s resenting it or grateful for it, so he just watches you pull cleaning supplies from the cabinet underneath. “Are you here to help me clean up?”

No, but he’ll do it, if...

“Yeah.”

You reach out and rip a wad of paper towels from the dispenser.

“Great,” you say, and he’s just thinking, No, this is not great. You hand him a spray bottle and the paper towels. “Wipe down the tables, please. I’m going to get started with these brushes.”

He starts to wipe down the tables.

You get the sink running.

The streaks of paint on the tables haven't dried yet, so it all comes off with no effort. He gets through it all pretty quickly, one table after another.

Then he’s at your shoulder, tossing the wad of paper towels in the trash, setting the spray bottle precariously on the sink’s edge, since your legs are in front of the cabinet.

What else could he do? Sweep? Turn off the lights? He doesn’t know if you would trust him to do either of those things. He could close the blinds, but the sky is in transition, from grey to blue to ink, and he likes the way the dark seeps into the room.

It sets up the atmosphere.

You give him a quick smile, rub your thumb over the bristles of another brush. “That was fast.”

He shrugs.

It’s a dead conversation- he’s not used to this. Maybe he should be chatting you up, but he doesn’t chat people up, ever. You’re supposed to be the one that talks first, says something for him to go off of. He’s not good at this, but he suddenly wishes that he was.

“Cleaning brushes is such a painful process,” you say eventually, trying to sound exasperated, even though you’re clearly not. “Takes forever- oh, wait. Not painful, paint-ful. Get it? ”

He gets it.

“You’re funny,” he says, and it’s not much, but it’s something. He wants to laugh but doesn't.

You add another brush to the growing pile of clean ones, laying on a bed of paper towels. The sink water drains slowly, dirty grey-brown.

“I know,” you say. “But anyways, I have a question.”

“What is it?”

“Is Bucky your real name?”

The fuck?

You’re genuinely asking, brows drawn close together. He wants to reach out and smoothen it. And also tug the strings of your apron loose, and hook a finger inside the hoop of your earring. He’s wanting to do lots of things- all crazy, irrational things.

“No,” he says, and he sounds weird saying it, when all that’s weird is you having asked in the first place. Your frame of reference for him is so poor- which is better for him, better for everything. It’s almost flattering. “It’s a nickname.”

You open your mouth for the next question, but he beats you to it.

“My real name is James.”

You abruptly look over at him in disbelief. “No way. Really?”

“Really.”

You’re on the last brush. You run it under the tap and the bristles send streams of purplish paint water over your fingers, and turn your head, looking over at him. He meets you back, glare icy, even though inside, he’s burning up.

“You don’t look like a James,” you say, and grin at him, and keep yourself looking at him as you finally shut off the sink.

He knows he doesn’t- that’s why he doesn’t go by it. But he’s going to indulge you, because he wants to.

“Don’t look much like a Bucky, either.”

“It’s a cute nickname, though,” you say suddenly.

His heart leaps to his throat.

“You think it’s cute,” he says, and he shifts over and leans, against the wall, crossing his arms. He’s been standing too close, feels so unnaturally light. He can’t even pretend to dislike you anymore, not when you use the word cute to describe him, not when he likes it. Not when your name is rattling through his head over and over, a mile a minute.

“It’s so cute” you start, nodding along to yourself, “It’s like… nevermind. I don’t even remember what I was about to tell you. Can I get your number?”

That was not smooth.

At all.

But it still works, doesn’t it? You’re not trying too hard, so he doesn’t have to try too hard, either.

“Yeah,” he says, and smiles at you- and takes extra satisfaction in the way you light up. Yellow and radiant.

“Okay.” You wipe your hands down on your apron before pulling out your phone. Its case is glittery pink. The tips of your fingers have pruned.

Before, this would have all been so easy. Bucky could have you beside him the day he met you, turned you over in a whirlwind, in a flurry of milkshakes and dancing to music nobody listens to anymore. He wonders if he should miss you- and then tries to imagine you in a red lip, peroxided curls and a modest day dress, and gets the answer for himself.

He doesn’t miss it.

“Here,” you say, and hand him your phone, and he takes it immediately, he’s so over in his head.

He types his number in with his right hand. When he hands the phone back, the question is already burning in his mind.

“When will I hear from you?”

He shouldn't ask. But he needs to know, always needs to know things. Things can only be so irrational, it has to start making sense sometime- and anyways, it doesn’t seem to bother you. You stare at his number, type something in and put your phone away, and the whole time you’re grinning, and he realizes.

You’re pretty.

“Sometime.” you say, and you reach behind your back to untie the strings of your apron. As you bring the neck of it over your head, you wink.

Sometimes, parts of him still feel frozen, trapped in ice, like he wants to smile but can’t remember how, like he’s forever moving too slow, falling too far behind and below.

Right now, he’s all thawed out.

“You’re gonna keep me waiting like that?” He says, and he takes a daunting step forward, cocks his head to the side. He’s on autopilot, reacting on muscle memory alone- this is flirting, this is charming like it’s ‘38.

You nod, adopt a mock seriousness. “I am,” you say. “I like to keep a little bit of mystery.”

“Mystery girl.”

“You know it.”

His heartstrings loop over themselves, tying into in a double-knotted bow.

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kannibal-kink · 4 years

Text

Ok so y’all, I’m writing a fanfic with Rosie in a pretty significant role and I was like “damn, we hardly know anything about her!” So I thought, you know what, imma get my grubby little hands on google and do some research. So here’s whats I got on Rosie:

Time period: Def 1800s… narrower? About late 1830s - 1880s is my range. Age at death? Age expectancy was like 40 back then so??? (To compare, 75 is life expectancy in the US today). Most of our Hazbin friends died pretty early, but I suspect Rosie is on the older end (mostly because she gives me big mom vibes, but she does seem more mature and poised than other characters so far). Anyhow, I did my work under the assumption that most characters tend to gravitate towards the styles of their topside life.

First, when did people even use the word “emporium”??? Well, according to our lovely friend Google (because all the Nice Official Dictionary sites told me “well it was used first around like 1500s!” Neat! But irrelevant) it’s usage peaked in about 1837. And then did a nosedive in 1870. So I started there, and went onto her Style.

Let’s dip our toes in first and start with the top! Hats! Her hat is Super Distinctive, and, lucky for us, only started becoming common and popular in a Super Specific time: 1850s and 60s. They were replacing bonnets, and were, would ya look at that: wide-brimmed, pretty flat crowns, and, a few short years later, feathers and flowers were common decorations. Sound familiar? Oh yeah. Crowns got higher from here on out (we see a high-crowned hat on her reference sheet actually!) because of hairstyles (our next topic!). (Source: https://vintagedancer.com/victorian/victorian-hat-history/ )

We see in the show and every single official and reference artwork of Rosie with a hat on. So… we don’t really know what’s under the hat (tentacles? A chipmunk? A second face?). Probably more hair. A lot more hair, actually. Having your hair down was considered ~intimate~ and Respectable Women Don’t Do That (not that anybody in Hell necessarily functioned under respectable society). But up-dos hidden under your hat, with wavy bits framing your face? Super popular. So, fair chance she actually has lots of pretty hair hidden under that hat. In hindsight, this actually told us nothing about where in the 1800s she probably lived whoops. (Hair Source: Same as hat source and http://www.whizzpast.com/victorian-hairstyles-a-short-history-in-photos/)

Since we’re going top-down, let’s get into make-up. Now her make-up style changed quite a bit between her reference sheet and her appearance in the show, so I’m gonna go by her pilot cameo since that’s more recent. Notice something she doesn’t have that almost every other character does? Eyeshadow. (And a nose, but that’s none of my business). Eyeshadow was … not a thing back then. You just put oil on your eyelids to make them… catch the light??? Anyway, natural beauty was a big thing, and lots of make-up was apparently largely (and incorrectly) associated with prostitutes and “immoral women”. Mostly make-up was white powder (applied with rabbit’s feet sometimes???? Heavens sake people), rouge, and *le gasp* lipstick (very controversial). Having rosy (ha) cheeks was a Really Good Thing. (If you look closely on the pilot image you can actually see she has very pale pink cheeks like Charlie’s!!!) Also, big lashes were good. Which she has! On the other hand lipstick was, if you wanted to avoid controversy, just a bit of beeswax. (Source: https://vintagedancer.com/victorian/victorian-makeup-beauty-guide/ )

Now, last and certainly not least, my favorite part… Dresses! I found a lovely source that summed up each decade quite neatly! Let’s start with the first possible connection to Rosie:

in the 20s, wide shoulders! That’s about it.

In the 30s, that shoulder moved down to the sleeves and the waistline was, well, at the waist. Also, ankle length skirts with lots of petticoat support.

40s get closer, as sleeves became more tight-fitted, and the fabrics tended to be solid, darker colors. In the pictures included, we see a waistline much closer to Rosie’s. Also the neckline was high during the day and wide during the evening, which, looking at Rosie’s reference sheet on the wikia, looks to be fitting. This decade has our first pretty solid Rosie-looking dress.

The 50s (unfortunately) introduces hoop skirts which were, preferable to 20 petticoats, I guess, but like. Doorways. Gotta weigh the pros and cons there guys.

But! In the 60s we see the first bustles! Which, I’m gonna guess is going on in Rosie’s dress. Also, the wrists are fitted, something in most of Rosie’s dresses, minus the one from the pilot.

In the 70s, specifically later on, the high and low necklines are still the same and fitted sleeves are still in. Bustles weren’t as extreme, going down to wearing a small hoop, but skirts were looooong. Like, drag on the floor behind you long. Pretty. Impractical, but pretty. Also synthetic dyes had just been invented, so garishly bright color were now in fashion.

The 80s just got ridiculous: bustle’s back, dresses weigh more than a newborn baby, and corsets.

(Sources: Over decades: https://vintagefashionguild.org/1800s/ 70s: https://fashionhistory.fitnyc.edu/1870-1879/ )

So yeah! Wow, that was a lot. Anyway, takeaway? Hats suggests she was part of the young in-crowd during the 50s-60s. Same with make-up, though it didn’t specify much of a time period, people got more open as time went, but even in the 80s and 90s that… wasn’t much. Dresses, best fit is in the 40s, with a little similarity in the 30s, but not much. The 50s defining feature is hoop skirts, but in the 60s we get to bustles, and we’re looking closer to Rosie again. By the 70s, we’re not changing a ton, mostly alterations of the 50s and 60s. So, assuming she died on the later end of her expected lifespan (late 30s), I’d say it’s pretty safe to assume that she was born in the early 40s, teens in the 50s, 20s in the 60s, and died later in the 70s.

(If anyone has anything to add, please do so!!! Want more fun tidbits for Rosie? Look up the hat pin scare of the 1900s, those long hat pins came into production during the 1830s so chances are it was happening earlier too! Also Boston marriages, but I’m still looking into that myself.)

#hazbin hotel #hazbin rosie #rosie #vivziepop #hazbin headcanons #this was actually super fun #you cant tell me rosie didnt kill somebody with a hatpin #and i wonder why im a theatre major #long post

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steve0discusses · 5 years

Text

Yugioh S4 Episode 2: Rebecca...She’s back, I guess?

So I got hella sick this week so it’s...just one update this weekend. The rest of the next update has the caps done but then the copy I was putting together got very distracted about which Founding Father was the hottest and I think that was the Dayquil? I barely know what day of the week it is rn. I think it’s Saturday, is it Saturday?

Anyway, we’re battling that Monocle guy. Gurimo? Yeah his name is Gurimo. I honestly can’t remember him saying his name even once, so thanks Google for the help.

It’s a new season so not only did we suck all the power out of God Cards but now you can’t use them anymore with the new glowing green mechanic. The writers really did just...a lot to make it so God Cards are no longer relevant. Like they buried them so far.

This guy repeats himself quite a lot about being soul hungry? Yeah I watched all of Sailor Moon so like, I’m super up to date on my soul energy anime. I’ve walked this path before I know it well.

(read more under the cut)

Such a shame we can’t read those stats which may just be Hebrew letters in lorem ipsum (note that when Pegasus makes you a card, you don’t get to have stats) but it’s nice to know that, if you wanted to, you could play Rex and Weevil in universe of the show and something would happen.

Anyway, Gurimo lost, his eyes went all glowy red at some point, and decided to go out throwing stuff because it’s Yugioh and you have to throw cards at least 3 times a season, its in the contract.

Don’t think about physics guys, just trust that cards can do this on a roof where there’s no wind for some reason.

And then he went up in a green ball of glory. It was nice of the green beam of soul energy to wait until the impossible card toss was over.

Lol this show and how it just kills people on screen just...all the time. All the freakin time. Can’t show a gun, but murder as many people as you like. It’s OK, his soul is in a paper card so he’s not *really* dead. That won’t terrify children under the age of 10.

So Pharaoh decides to do the tactic of telling a bunch of motorcycle gang edgy kids (adults? not sure about those three) that stealing is Wrong.

They also, youknow, are implicit in murdering Rex and Weevil but youknow, stealing is wrong and the God Cards don’t belong to them and Pharaoh is shook that these kids won’t keep their end of their bargain that whoever wins the card fight keeps the cards.

So basically Gurimo died for freakin nothing.

Welcome back to the fold, Rex and Weevil, apparently this show isn’t done with you yet. I was pretty much done with both of you 3 seasons ago but alas, you will be back, with your raspy as hell voice acting, at the beginning of S5. I am sure of it.

(PS I just noticed I spelled resurrect wrong and I know I should go back into photoshop but like...I’m too sick to care at this moment so maybe I’ll change it in the next week or so I dunno, I’m just gonna post this thing so I can feel like I did something productive today.)

And so these kids decide the police are never going to freakin show up to the rooftop brawl where a guy super died and several children were endangered and a huge beam of light you can see from space went out like a bat signal to the rest of the city of “ps, something bad is happening over here, if any of you adults feel like helping out these four high school drop outs? Nobody?”

First, they decide to keep this horrible thing:

(which second thought is not SO surprising, because Yugi clearly loves hoarding dead people)

And then this other horrible thing:

Why would you keep these? Why would you do this?

I mean Yugi’s got such specific dark tastes that I wouldn’t be half surprised if his closet is filled with dozens and dozens of rat skulls he collected from the subway station.

And then the next day, Yugi decided to just like watch Joey and Tristan dangle Rex and Weevil like puppets. It just seemed super unnecessary.

Like Yugi isn’t even Pharaoh right now but he’s absolutely fine with these guys getting shook around. Yugi is all sorts of gray area in this show and I’m glad that’s never changed although sometimes it’s like “Is Yugi slowly turning into a mob boss? Because I’m down, but also somewhat concerned?”

Anyway, the God Cards aren’t even here anymore so we say farewell to Rex and Weevil who seem just as confused at how the hell you can steal a God Card as we are.

*not entirely sure where Rex and Weevil are from. I’ve been assuming the UK or the US but like...maybe they live here? I don’t even know.

And then Chibiusa--I mean Rebecca showed up.

Ah, remember this plot point from S1? What if she shows up and (according to Bro) Just never leaves?

I’m coming to terms with this. Anyway, Rebecca’s only purpose seems to be as a part of a (love????) triangle (square????) between Yugi and Tea but like...

And maybe this is the Dayquil speaking but...

Is this even weird?

Seriously, they’re family friends, why is this weird? Maybe it’s because one of Rebecca’s core traits is that she’s American and I’m also an American so I don’t even see a problem with Rebecca and how she acts (since she’s a freakin child with a crush on a card-famous person) but like what small child see her friend she hasn’t seen in 2 years and is not going to hug him?

Anyway, Yugi was the worst to not remember this chick. Maybe his brain looks like a box of loose packing peanuts (I say as a metaphor remembering that his brain literally looks like an Escher painting screensaver), but he can’t remember this chick from just 2 years ago that he gave his rarest card to? The chick who’s grandfather had that blue-eyes he gave to Yugi’s Grandfather? The chick who’s grandfather helped his grandfather get that necklace around Yugi’s neck? The necklace he wears every single day and is super cursed by?

How do you forget the Hawkins when they are part of the reason everyone thinks you’re losing your mind?

But I guess she looks older now and got a pair of glasses (bifocals????). She No longer has her hair in pigtails but, I dunno, she looks basically the same to me since she’s still about the same size as Yugi but wtv.

And then Yugioh was like “Listen everyone, we’re very tired of all of your angry reviews, and I see y’all are saying we never do romance, well get ready, we know how to do romance really well, get ready for it, we can make things move faster than a snail in wet cement, just watch.”

Because somehow, after Yugi was the biggest asshole ever to Rebeca, I guess she figured like “well, at least you’re still card famous”

You know what? I have several girlfriends who I am not dating, but, if it’s been a couple weeks since they’ve seen me last, will give me a huge as drunk hug on my arm and go “MY LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND MARRY ME” and like...Again I’m American so maybe this is just my culture here in California?

I’d like to believe that Rebecca is just messing with these people because she can.

Ps I’m pretty sure this girl was 6 last time we saw her but they decided...we better age her up if it’s gonna be a romance but they only made her 12. OK show. Yugi’s pushing 17 at this point so like...barely even logical. I’d say legal but I’m thinking more of just logic at this point because the last time we saw this girl she was holding a teddy bear (which we can guarantee is probably still shoved into her luggage)

...OK, show...

Now listen listen listen. All ships are fine here. I’m not gonna go after shipping because like, c’mon, it’s 2019. If you stan Rebecca and Yugi, go for it, why not? I’ve said it before, and my feelings haven’t really changed, I’m immune to shipping, so I feel absolutely no different with Rebecca and Yugi than I do with Tea and Yugi. I think Tea makes more sense, but that’s not saying very much because literally anyone else on this cast who isn’t related to him could probably work. Go ahead and bring back Mako Tsunami. There’d be a fun pair.

Bro got very excited when I mentioned a MakoxYugi pairing just now ps.

But it really does feel like this ship has the dynamic of the Usagi/Chibiusa/Mamaru ship from Sailor Moon where Usagi was always jealous of small little Chibiusa spending time with Mamaru who was her OWN DAD. Why would you EVER be jealous of a 12 year old girl hanging with your boy...friend? Tea is a 17ish year old ballerina who never, ever wears full pants. She’d have this in the bag if she ever decided to like...do anything with...this. And I don’t blame Tea for never doing anything with “this” because like...look at “this.”

I just don’t think the writing team knows how to write a competent love triangle (square) but...this exists now. They even had Rebecca decide to dress nearly identically to Tea as a demonstration of her devotion but like...it honestly comes off more that this small child just admires Tea. Because she’s 12.

Yugi is just babysitting this girl for his Grandfather and it feels like the writing team just had to have the girls be all catty at eachother. Because it’s a kids show. Gotta have those girls all catty. Can’t let them be friends.

Anyway, back at this museum that these kids visit so freakin often, you’d think they’d change their home address, we meet up with the granddads in question.

Ah, now Ishizu is no longer with us, Exposition Grandpa is here to take the torch. Can’t wait for that.

And I made his font gray because I freakin give up. Grandpa Hawkins might change his font color every episode. I...I’m figuring it out.

And then, every helicopter in Domino shed a single tear.

Wow. I’ve been so mad for so many seasons that they never use a freakin seaplane to cross the ocean that when they actually do I’m like...kind of disappointed?

I mean it’s not shaped like a dragon, but I will take this perfectly acceptable seaplane.

I can’t believe they drew a normal ass plane. on this show.

*Waits patiently for it to turn into a blimp next episode*

Anyway, if you just got here, this is a link to read all the caps in chrono order. There’s over 3 seasons of this. Y’all I’ve done over 100 episodes.

#Yugioh #Ygo #episode recap #photo recap #Yugi Muto #Rebecca Hawkins #Tea Gardner #Joey Wheeler #Gurimo #The biker guys I think one is called valon or something #tristan taylor #grandpa muto #grandpa hawkins #so I found out only the first 5 tags are searchable so I don't know why Im bothering writing so many tags other than it's fun #S4 #Ep2

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taygra5shaon · 5 years

Text

21 questions tag

rules:: answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people to do the same that you’d like to know better

(i don’t know 21 people in tumblr, and sure as hell i dont whant to look like a weirdo if i tag people who i never talk with, so, i will tag the ones i know, then 2 i like they blog. sorry ;_; )

i got tagged by @brian-maybe-not, thanks you soo much!

i was never tagged by someone in what, 4-5 years in tumblr, (i dont post that much of things, and i’m akward when i try to make friends in internet, so it was ‘normal’ to be a ‘ghost in tumblr’) but you did, and i will never stop thanks you enough! love you!

nicknames::

so, of nicknames I have had many, even if they have not remained: - in elementary school they called me Jaws, because I intimidated the school boys (I was very 'masculine' when I was little, and sometimes they mistaken me for a boy because I fought with them) -some friends called me shaon, because ‘it sound good with your personality!' (I never understood what they meant by this) -some are names that have taken the place of my real name, that sometimes people could not say well, like Carina, Marina, Helina, etc .. one, however, remained since my childhood, given by my parents, Costy.

(at the beginning I didn't like it, but as the years went by, I got used to it)

zodiac sign:: the zodiac sign of pisces :)

height:: I’m 5′0-1 (ish)......i’m short

hogwarts house:: I think I would be among the Gryffindors, because despite my being socially anxious, I am enough brave and loyal, and I like helping people (even if my hard-working nature can make one think of hufflepuff)

last thing i googled:: ......goggle traduction..... this is self explanatory

fav musicians:: hum ... so, my favorite band is Queen, (I need to explain why?) since I was little, my mother made me hear their classics, being a big fan too :) and is difficult to explain what I like about them ... their music is spectacular, and gives you an incomparable feeling of love (at least for me) their style, each of them artists with their different and unique personalities, they manage to put it together and create legendary music, together they formed a harmony, like the notes form a music. together they formed a family that few people have the privilege of knowing its warmth and love. (I could go on for hours, so let's talk about something else) I like the Beatles, as I said before, it was my mother who introduced them to me, and their music is iconic, wonderful, and every time I hear them on the radio it's hard not to start singing with them. for the more recent bands, I like Panic at the Disco, with interesting and very beautiful music, and incredible music videos (I like the art deign). then I like Linkin Park, even if sometimes their music is a little depressive, it's incredible and the feeling they give is beautiful. then, as individual artists, I like Ed Sheeran for his incredible music that it's impossible not to sing them. then there is Melanie Martinez, with her iconic WTF (as always, i love the artistic side) video, with music full of amazing messages and feelings (a bit sad, but still beautiful) I could go on for centuries to list which musics artists I like, but I don't want to make peole bored, so it's all for now

fav books:: then, my favorite books ... the lord of the rings, the hobbit and the silmarillion, then there is the saga of Eragorn (although the last book is not as beautiful as the others), Harry potter, and Narnia ( classic) as less classic books: the Medicus, Graceling, the tree of life, the saga of Inkheart, terese requin, la mort c'est mon metirer, my name is nobody, Sette volte gatto.

song stuck in your head:: there are many music or pieces of text of the music that remain in my head, and ultimately they are Queen ... damn. now i have 'somebody to love' and 'i whant to break free' in my head, and who knows what I'll have tomorrow ....

following:: 152

followers:: 175! wow, I never thought I'd go that far, and I thank you with all my heart for having the patience to follow me until now! I adore you (even if I don't know you ^^') after I finish the exams, I will open a small request space, and you can ask me any kind of drawing (no sexual ones. I'm not very comfortable with them)

do you get asks:: no. even if I'm open to talking. talk to me :)

amount of sleep:: hum .... after hours of art work, I can usually fall asleep around 1/2 at night, and I wake up at 4 am. at that moment I'm like a zombie and I try to go back to sleep, but I can't do that much any more, so, I'm in a kind of sleep-wake. at 6-7 in the morning, I have enough conscience, but not wanting to get out of bed, I take the phone and scroll tumblr or youtube. at 8 am I’m out of bed (this during the holidays, because when I'm under university, I wake up at 5 and get up at that time to study) i’m quite a morning person

lucky number:: 5 or 6, like the numbers of the people of my family :)

what are you wearing:: a black and white striped tank top and denim shorts with tights

dream job:: work in the production of animation, video games or cinema as art and design style :) or work with writers to get a decent movie script. or as an actress, even though I am nervous and akward, I have always enjoyed acting (and apparently I was also good, since my mother make me joined many times the theater)

I would like to inspire people, and make them feel with my works, make them happy and amazed :)

dream trip:: hum .... I don't have a precise destination, I'd like to go around the world and see the historical wonders of man and nature. I'd like to do it with someone, maybe a loved one with i would love to share the wonders of the earth. I am a hopeless romantic

instruments:: no. I tried different instruments, like piano and guitar, but I am denied playing them ... but I can sing, if this can be counted as an instrument

languages:: I know Italian because I am Italian, lol. but jokes aside, I speak fluent French and some English, (although I am fluent in writing in English, but not so much in writing French) then I would like to speak Spanish or German, I still have time :)

favorite songs::auch, I have a billion favorite music:

- Caravan Palace: Lone Digger. I'm crazy about the style of music similar to the 20s and 30s -Gorillaz: feel good inc. I love the singer's voice and the guitar of the central piece -Linkin Park: iridescent. I'm sorry, sad as it is, and one of my favorites -Katy Perry: Roar: the tiger and my sign in the Chinese zodiac, and my favorite animal (explains itself) -Eminem: Venom. that song is one of the coolest things in the world -Roberto Benigni: how much I loved you. I can not put this beautiful Italian song. it makes me full of love and it breaks my heart every time I listen - Melanie Martinez: baby i'm mad. christ, this song is fantastic. -Deiver Us from the - prince of Egypt -. omg, this music is spectacular. -QUEEN: Somebody to love, Killer Queen, I was born to love you, who wants to live forever, etc ... DO I NEED TO SAY WHY I LIKE? NO? WELL!

random fact:: hum ....

I have a love-hate relationship with my bicycle, because I had all my accidents on the road with it. (I was hit by a car twice, and crashed on a wall because the brakes didn't work)

I end up at the hospital so many times that I needed another pair of hands to count it. (I'm clumsy)

and lastly, although I am clumsy in the civilized world, I adore survival in the forests, and fight sword against sword with my cousin.

aesthetic:: ok ..... i don't have a precise style, maybe casual? with some 70s touches. maybe even a little hipster or nerd

ok ...... i will just tag some people I love and follow, ok?

@bowieandqueen11 , @avaloncelsus , @akhmenawkward , @innueendo , @ghostie-stories , @brian-maybe-not

(they are few people, but I like talking to them and follow they blog, so forgive me if you never talked to me, I'm just a poor girl)

#tag #i'm a poor girl #a lonely girl #forgive me

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muslimsonic · 6 years

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ADHD: Executive Dysfunction

Alright, so I’ve been seeing a lot of stuff about how people struggle with understanding what ADHD is, how it operates, and how it differs from the experiences of the middle 50% [25%-75%] considered the average. And I didn’t research ADHD for 9 hours straight not to dump all of this here.

Note: I have ADHD, I’ve researched this, but I am not a medical professional blah blah blah ok now onto the fun interesting stuff!!!!

I put this under a cut bc its,,,, longish.

What is executive functioning?

Executive functioning is what carries you from day to day tasks. It’s like the constantly active personal assistant in the back of your head. Let’s call them Effie. Effie constantly makes lists and breaks down tasks for you! I don’t mean large projects, I mean the simple stuff!

Like doing your laundry.

If you have ADHD, or anything with executive dysfunction as an issue, then you probably already know that the simple stuff hardly ever feels simple.

Doing your laundry requires many motions, most of which you omit in listing what you must do to complete this task.

Someone with executive functions in working order, probably

1. Take the laundry basket/bin/thing to the washing machine

2. Put the laundry in the washing machine

3. Put the detergent in the machine

4. Turn on the machine

5. When it is ready, put the clothes in the dryer

6. Collect the clothes when finished

7. Take them back to your room

8. Fold and put away

Tada! All done. There are quite a few steps omitted that you would consider givens. However, try and apply this precise list to someone with executive dysfunction, and you will most likely not have the same success, because of the number of places where steps conflict, being thrown out in favor of what is done immediately. Here’s a small idea of how many cracks are in this plan, even at step one:

1. Take the laundry basket/bin/thing to the washing machine

When?> I’ll do it after I finish what I’m doing > Oh no I just remembered something else > What did I forget to do? > Oh no now I have no clothes for work/school/whatever > MISSION FAILED

When?> Someone else is using the washing machine now, i’ll do it later > What did I forget to do? > Oh no now I have no clothes :( > MISSION FAILED

Why? > I have enough clothes right now, I’ll be fine > Oh no I ran out of clean socks + underwear > MISSION FAILED

What?> There’s no detergent so I can’t do this > (at the grocery store) I think i have everything! > Oh no i forgot detergent > I have no clean clothes :( > MISSION FAILED

When?> I have too much free time so I’ll do it after I take care of this other thing that’s equally important > Oh no I forgot to do my laundry I don’t have anything to wear > MISSION FAILED

In what order? > There’s too much to do and they are all registered in my head as permanently equal priority so I have to do them all at the same time, but I can’t do them all at the same time, so I physically am unable to proceed until this loop/error is resolved.

What extra steps are involved?> Huh i know i have to take my laundry to the washing machine, but there’s also stuff in the washing machine area/on the way there that needs to be moved in order to do it, but I haven’t thought of that, instead seeing metaphorically an indistinct looming mass of extra equal priority work around taking my laundry to the washing machine > I don’t do it > MISSION FAILED

And that’s only a few of the cracks in step one.

See the problem?

Let’s take a closer look at how deep it goes. Do you know how much you rely on executive functioning in your day to day life? Yes? No? How did you get out of bed this morning? How did you open your eyes? Everything you do, even running away from something chasing you, is dependent on executive functioning. Memory. Recall. Starting anything, and I mean anything. Breaking down what needs to be done. You’re so used to it, you see a lot of the steps as givens not needed to be stated. When do you do this? What priority level is this? Every success you’ve had in your life, you would not have had without your executive functioning.

It’s the messenger, sending signals from the hub, recall this, you have to do this, this task is more important than this, this is what you’re going to do. It translates thought into action, idea into concept into reality. It’s the Director, streamlining things, going into crisis management when you make a major mistake or fail to do something, or have something due, or or or. Granted, executive functions aren’t the be all end all of human success, but they are to you as a foundation is to a building.

Scary to think what would happen if it just

stopped.

You could think all you want, of course. You need to do this. You want to do that. You scream and rail and fight against a prison of your own unresponsive limbs.

There’s nothing physically wrong with your limbs. They are in perfect working order. Or at least as working as they had been before. There’s no reason for you to feel like this. You feel like your brain is setting itself on fire in its attempts to send it messages to get a response any kind of fucking response. You feel hopeless. You gain no mental traction. You gain nothing but your own hatred and frustration and gain the same of others too.

Because they think you’re faking it. That you just don’t want to do it hard enough. That you just need to apply yourself.

The thing is, you’ve been trying. Your mind is a car in a swamp, uselessly running its wheels to no avail, sinking deeper and deeper into the muck. You are straining as hard as you possibly can. There’s no more gas in the tank. You have nothing left to give.

And you have nothing to show for it.

In this hell, you’ve accomplished nothing. You’ve succeeded at nothing. Nothing you do, nothing you say, and nothing you want can ever happen in this moment.

You almost feel like dying. But you can’t. You can’t, not because of will to live, not because of hope, and not because of love, but because you cannot get your limbs to remember what motion is, your brain to remember the past, and your heart to remember restraint. Frustration, anger, hatred, all of the ugliest emotions the soul has to offer spill over. You feel like you can never be happy again. That you’ve never felt happy before. That this awful feeling crawling into the crevices of your lungs and trachea and curling its way around your stomach and spleen is what you will feel like for the rest of your life.

And then you forget. You forget everything that got you to that point. the wave recedes. you feel nothing. you remember only blurs of what occurred at best. only to experience the same fucking thing again, and again, and again and its always as raw and drowning as the first time you felt it, you never grow used to it, and it will never stop, it will never cease, and no one believes you when you say you are trying. You are a soul inside a vessel that doesn’t want to be yours.

anyways! while this may seem like an extreme, the last few paragraphs are a pretty solid descriptor of how living with executive dysfunction feels like! this is also a solid reason why people with ADHD are more likely to have anxiety and depression! the same thing is characteristic of people with disorders that have executive dysfunction as a symptom!

so TL;DR: Executive Dysfunction is not the same as laziness; it is a fundamental difference in the brain structure and wiring or a deficiency in neurotransmitter production.

speaking of that, moving onto the physiological side of executive dysfunction! Yes! There’s actually a physiological side to ADHD! Pretty sure that’s a characteristic of all brain disorders illnesses and the like but people still say its fake! :D

ok i’m getting tired so heres the rundown:

lower catecholamine levels: catecholamine is a class of neurotransmitter that includes fun stuff like

Dopamine: the motivation sauce

Seratonin: Happy Happy Happy

Adrenaline: you put this in epipens. fight or flight

Noradrenaline: also fight or flight. includes attention as well. at higher levels, anxiety. Thanks, God.

Its bad. bc the body’s natural reward system (dopamine) isn’t at normal levels, the nice little feel good kick after you make your bed or brush your teeth?? nope!!!!!!! Thus there is little internal motivation to do anything. WOW!!! How did adhd get passed down in the gene pool???? is it recessive?? bc im rly at a loss. idk someone with a medical degree in brain science dm me abt it. I rly need to understand.

Also the frontal lobe, y’know the thing controlling judgment, morals, impulses, emotions, all of that fun stuff???? it’s usually behind in development, typically evening out mid to late twenties, but its still,,,,, not Great. Wow!!

White matter abnormalities are apparently a thing too?? White matter is the brains messaging system so when that’s messed up I’m pretty sure thats not a good thing.

anyways, i’m tired now, its been 2 hrs since i’ve started writing this and I have a metric ton of things that I needed to start but didn’t, so

TL;DR: ADHD (and by further extent, executive dysfunction)has a basis in science and has physiological stuff associated with it that (i think since MRIs aren’t being used to diagnose adhd) is just being studied recently, and uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh google exists use it b4 getting into arguments abt the existence of disorders and such. plz. im begging you.

#actuallyadhd #executive functioning #executive dysfunction #adhd #ramadan says things

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evenstevensranked · 6 years

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#11: Season 3, Episode 11 - “Hardly Famous”

An off-brand Harry Connick Jr. comes to town and holds auditions at LJH for a new performing arts school! Seeking change in her life, Tawny decides to audition and kills it! Louis’ world crumbles around him at the thought of her transferring -- to the point where he’d do anything to get into that school. ANYTHING...

This one opens with a handsome and famous guy by the name of Barry Hudson Jr. (who’s definitely supposed to be a “Great Value” Harry Connick Jr.), arriving at LJH in a freaking chopper lol. Of course, Ren is right there alongside Principal Wexler to welcome him! We learn that he’s there in search of talented recruits for a new performing arts school dubbed the Sacramento Arts Conservatory for Creative Youth a.k.a. “SACCY” (pronounced “sassy,” of course.) This is a very important moment because Barry asks Ren if she’ll be auditioning and she says “Um, no. I wish I could, but auditions are only for 7th and 8th graders,” yet Ren is still a student at Lawrence. This is subtly confirming once again that LJH does, in fact, include grades 7th-9th! Meaning Louis and his friends have moved up to 8th grade. I wonder why they never made a big deal about that or acknowledged it clearly? I feel like it would’ve been a good plot point for an episode or at least a passing comment like “We’re EIGHTH GRADERS NOW, guys! We’re no longer the Scrubs of the school. We’ve got the fancy bathroom with assorted toiletries!” I could totally see Louis saying something like that as a callback to Easy Crier, lol. Oh well. The common misconception that they stay in 7th grade for the whole series lives on...

Hello, Not Harry Connick Jr. Nice to meet you!

Ren is scheduled to be Barry’s “coordinator” for the duration of his stay, I mean... who else?! Actually, I’ll tell ya who else... State Senator Eileen Stevens shows up outta nowhere and gushes over Barry, claiming to be his biggest fan. Ren claims to be a big fan too, which is kinda weird? If he is based on Harry, he would’ve been around 36 at this point in his career and Ren is like... 15. But then again, Wexler mentioned that Barry is a Broadway star and we know that Ren is into opera and theater. So, maybe that makes sense. Anyway, Eileen mentions that she sponsored the bill that funded SACCY which is pretty cool imo, but she ends up fangirling and offers to give Barry a tour of the school as an excuse to spend time with him because she’s State Senator Eileen Stevens and can do whatever she wants.

It cuts to Tawny and Tom in the hallway chatting about SACCY. Tom’s planning on auditioning with a tap dance routine, but Tawny says he should sing instead because that’s really his “strength.” We’ll get to THAT later, lol. Tom is excited about the idea of going to school with ~sophistated artistic~ kids. Tawny tries to argue that there are kids like that at Lawrence, but right about then is when Louis and Twitty come walking over holding a “gum blob” made up of used gum they’ve collected from every nook and cranny around the school. Very sophisticated, indeed. Needless to say, Tawny and Tom are disgusted.

Tawny and Tom both tossed the blob into the air after realizing how many diseases it might be carrying and Louis is about to have a heart attack. Also this screenshot makes it look like Shia doesn’t have legs below the knee? I’m perplexed.

At lunch that day, Louis is taunting Tom about wanting to go to SACCY and how embarrassing it would be. Twitty agrees and says “Everyone in that school is gonna be walking around in tights and feathered caps! Does that sound like fun?!” Tom slowly replies “Well..... What color’s the feather?” which cracks me up. There’s an immediate collective groan from Louis and Twitty which is great. Tawny defends Tom’s desire to attend a school where people “appreciate the beautiful things in life,” which... being talented and going to an arts school isn’t a prerequisite to appreciating the beautiful things in life but ok. Louis says that he finds used gum beautiful and Tawny has had enough.

It cuts to the audition room where everyone is setting up. Eileen returns with Barry after giving him that school tour which ran overtime because she didn’t know where anything was. Wow! Eileen also took this opportunity to invite Barry to dinner. Yikes!

The auditions start up and we get a montage. Louis and Twitty are sitting in to support Tom, but spend their time making fun of the other auditioners while they wait. You might’ve seen these gifs floating around the interwebz:

As you can see in the first one, Tawny is so over their antics. I love how they’re not even discreet about it tho?! Like, what the heck that’s so obnoxious to do while someone’s auditioning -- especially in a small classroom. I would’a kicked them outta there so fast!

It’s finally Tom’s turn to audition and Doris (who is played by Fred Meyers’ real-life mom, btw!!) is there to accompany him on piano lol. He performs “Dear Old Dad” which is about wanting to marry a girl who is just like your mom. Oh, my lord. Tom’s relationship with Doris is such a strange one. I can’t tell if it’s innocent or a ridiculously inappropriate obvious in-joke like Miranda Sings and Uncle Jim. Either way, he completely butchers the song and it’s fantastic. Part of me always assumed it was a song written for the show and the other part of me always hoped it was a real song. I never bothered to google it until today and I’m oddly happy to discover that it’s legit. After the audition, Tom casually says “So long, suckers!” as he walks off arrogant as all heck arm n’ arm with Doris. He thinks he’s got it in the bag. I can’t. Remember how Tawny said that singing is what Tom is best at? Imagine being so untalented that singing horribly is your strong suit.

It had to be gif’d because Tom is always quality content.

Louis and Twitty are about to peace out now that Tom’s audition is over, when suddenly... Tawny’s name is called as the next auditioner. AWWWWW, SNAP!!!! The slopski’s hit the fanski now, guys. The juicy drama has arrived. Tawny’s auditioning for the theater department and explains that her reasoning for doing so is because she’s “ready for a change.” Twitty is all “Dude, I think she’s serious,” and Louis retorts “OH, YA THINK SO?!” I love sarcastic Louis, man.

Tawny proceeds to perform the most melodramatic monologue from fictional production “Fried Green Magnolias” HAHA. (An obvious humorous combination of the films Fried Green Tomatoes and Steel Magnolias.) I have no idea how Margo Harshman kept a straight face when she hits the reveal “...he wasn’t just a turtle. He was my best friend” line. To be honest though, this scene is a great example of the stark contrast between the talent Disney Channel was churning out back then in comparison to now. Margo is playing a character within a character who’s also playing a character in this scene and she is selling the hell out of it. Whereas newer Disney actors can’t even pull off a regular ‘ol crying scene without looking like they’re laughing. So, yeah. Tawny kills the audition and everyone’s raving about her performance. Louis is immediately torn up about Tawny wanting to leave LJH and the fact that she’s pretty much a lock to get into the school.

My heart.

Louis approaches Tawny later that day and congratulates her on a great audition, but he’s clearly itching to know why the heck she wants to leave when Louis ~the love of her life~ Stevens is right in front of her, damn it! But of course, he’s not gonna come right out and ask that. Tawny is pretty dead set on transferring if she gets in. Louis beats around the bush saying things like “You realize what you’ll be leaving behind, right....? Like... Pizza Stick Thursday! And, ya know that water fountain on the 2nd floor? The water isn’t even brown anymore, IT’S JUST TAN!” Tawny is unimpressed and says that it’s gonna take a little more than “almost clear water” to make her stay. I always got a kick outta this, lol. She explains that she wants to be around people who care about things. So, basically, her decision was motivated by being fed up with Louis’ immaturity. You can tell that Louis is crushed about this. I love it. We’ve seen time and time again that Tawny’s opinion means the world to him.

It cuts to dinner that night at the Stevens house where Barry Hudson Jr. makes his grand appearance. Eileen and Ren are dressed to the nines and continuing to fawn over Barry. The best part of this bit is when Steve finishes preparing cheese and crackers and announces “I just cut some cheese in the kitchen. Why don’t we all go in there!” I love Tom Virtue. The tables eventually turn though when Barry recognizes Steve as Steve “Stiffy” Stevens (which is definitely another innuendo) from his football days when he played for Michigan State. Apparently, that’s Barry’s alma mater and now he’s the one totally fanboying.

The dinner turns into a nostalgic football sesh between Barry and Steve, leaving Ren and Eileen totally ostracized lol. Louis interrupts and pulls Ren aside to talk. This is really where the episode starts tugging at the heartstrings. Louis pretty much begs for her to help him get an audition for SACCY. Ren immediately knows that the real reason he wants to audition is because of Tawny, she thinks it’s sweet of him -- but all of the slots are already taken. Louis will not take no for an answer and we get one of the greatest moments that foreshadowed Shia LaBeouf’s future. He shouts “JUST DO IT, REN! If ya say ya can, ya can!!!” I made a Vine about this and it was my Vine claim to fame with nearly 1M loops. *takes a bow.*

Ren ends up working some magic and gets Louis an audition the next day. Oh, man. This is so great. Louis drags Twitty into it and the two do a totally improvised interpretive dance narrated by Tom. Tom also has an incredible line before they start the audition: “I’d just like to take this opportunity to say that although I was not selected to attend SACCY, I bear no ill will towards Barry Hudson Jr. or any member of his family.” He says it in the most menacing and creepy voice. TOM IS THE BEST. Louis and Twitty begin their audition and, well... It’s one for the books...

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I’ve flip-flopped over how I feel about this scene. I used to be in absolute stitches, then I thought it was cringy for a while, but now I’m back to dying laughing. This is definitely one of the best moments ever, lol. Doris rocked that banjo solo.

Tawny is me when she witnesses the audition and accepts the fact that she’s unconditionally in love with Louis and the great lengths he’ll go to in order to stay close to her. She kinda melts there for a sec. Same.

Later that day, Louis comes to terms with Tawny possibly leaving and decides to be mature about it and wish her good luck. But Tawny lies and says she didn’t get in. “It’s okay. I don’t mind staying here with.... my friends. :)” she coos, and the emotional piano kicks in as Tawny heads outside to catch her ride home. I’d like to point out that Tawny has a goofy picture of Louis in her locker here. Precious. She also has a photo of her and Popular Mute Tad Taylor from the Sadie Hawkins Dance too! As well as a photo of the first show The Twitty-Stevens Connection played together. Ahh. I love these tiny details. Again, it makes the show’s universe feel more authentic.

Just then, Louis runs into Ren and rants to her about Barry Hudson Jr. not knowing what talent is! (“Uhhh... You really stunk up there,” / “No, no, no. Not me! Tawny!”) hahahahaha. He’s so confused as to why she didn’t get in because “her audition was awesome.” Ren agrees and discloses “yeah, that’s why she got accepted. But she told me she wasn’t going...” Louis puts two and two together and runs after Tawny in true rom-com fashion. I’m a sucker for this. He catches her right as she’s getting into her mom’s car and the lil lovebirds share an ~emotional~ glance across the parking lot.

THE MOST UNDERRATED DISNEY CHANNEL PAIRING OF ALL TIME RIGHT HERE!!!! What a love story, tbh.

And that’s it!

The final minute bit is Louis deciding to give up the gum blob and pass it down to Beans. Undoubtedly because owning a gum blob is immature and Tawny makes Louis wanna be a better man basically. Gotta love dat development.

Note the sad clown painting on Louis’ wall! He painted that back in Season 2′s “Ren-Gate.” Such a small detail I never noticed before. Love it!

This was always one of my favorites. I love this episode. Mainly because of the Louis/Tawny storyline, of course. I thoroughly enjoy seeing hopeless and confused Louis here doing everything in his power to stay close to Tawny and ultimately grow up a bit in the end. The dinner with Barry is probably the lowest point, but it doesn’t go on for too long so I’m not bothered by it. This is just a solid episode all around. It’s got character development, ace comedy, emotional weight, and a few great quotes!

Thanks for reading! We’re officially hitting the Top 10 now and I cannot believe it. Wow.

Don’t forget about the Disqus comment section below ;)

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fromtheground39-blog · 5 years

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The Best OLED on the Market! - Sony A9G Review

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wait. Did we edit the restream? No, but it streaming on YouTube, so someone must have done it. Maybe AJ did it. I don't know I just will find out if we are alive hi. Everyone, hey welcome to the wine, show we're off to a fantastic start. Today, we've got a lot of great topics for you. We just finished filming scrapyard wars. So in the comic moments we are gonna be giving you all the spoilers. I'M totally doing it's gonna be like two months before everything's out, but we had a lot of fun. That'S what we were shooting all we know I'll, give you the details. I know fun. I actually didn't have any fun. Maybe we'll talk a little bit. What else we got going on? Oh, yes, AMD's prices are rising, Intel's prices are getting it slashed, it turns out, competition works, doesn't it what else we got going on? There'S some Google's getting sued for like a whole ton of money and a whole ton of people are gonna, be getting like 750 pounds or 925 u.s. dollars each. What really? Oh yeah! It'S it's huge, we'll talk about that later, also jiu-jitsu into Microsoft. Dual screen devices they recently had a product launch or not product launch yeah, an announcement ignite and there's some actually genuinely pretty interesting devices. Commandeth there's some really cool. Looking stuff, Microsoft has been a fun company for a while. First, let's look at the intro whoa Wow. So good Wow, amazing, graphics, [, Music, ], not that big Wow, okay, I'd be lying. If I said, there's not a little bit of salt from this season of scrapyard. Worse that do you think it's fair to say salty. This is the most dramatic we've had, and I mean drama in like a salty sense, salty drama. No, you don't think so, for which one was for Oh with Paulin Kyle. No, no, no, those! Five! That'S five! There was a fair bit there. Where was Bob and Ron? Ah, because that was the only time there's been aesthetic, so there was a lot of chirping because the aesthetic yeah, I guess, there's that you know what I don't think it was like genuine drama, though we'll, let you guys we'll, let you guys be the judge. I don't know you guys were kind of dicks, so were you guys? So maybe there was some genuine drunk? Why don't we jump right into our title topic to start with, just because people seem to like that for some reason s imagine why? Yes, so the source here is from Anandtech intel has slashed the pricing of their high-end h, EDT processors. That'S not to say that the pricing of the CPUs that were already on the market are going anywhere. It'S just that great post to read in much the same way that they used to do like back in the day when they kind of just released new chips that were faster just for the lulz of it, a lot of the time it seems yeah. They have come in and they're giving you kind of. You know something similar for less money or something better for the same amount of money and joie. Here it comes so here's the summary the astonishingly stupidly named core, I 9 10 9 8 exe woof. Now, that's a that's a name, it's something! I don't think it's a name because there are actually more numbers than there are letters in there. That'S a number. Are there hold on a second, we got six numbers, we got. Oh, we got seven letters never mind. It is technically more name than number or more number now than man twisted me. So we get a small base clock or we excuse me. We get no base clock boost hold on a second here. Yes, we do hold on no right. Here'S the spares! We get an all core boost of 3.8 gigahertz. We get turbo boost 2 of 4.6 and turbo boost 3 of 4 point 8, and this is a 165 watt part, but none of that's exceptional that is very similar to the 99 8 exc. We already had what is exceptional is that it is now half the price. It is 980 dollars instead of a cool 2 grand - and I remember talking about this back when Intel launched their 18 core flagship, I was like hold on a second. You guys didn't launch, like you guys, didn't launch a new generation. This is not a new like it is a new flagship. How do I explain this? You guys didn't replace. You know the previous flagship you guys just shut up. I was loud yeah. Sorry, you guys didn't replace the previous flagship you just like added a new flagship on top of it. Cuz thousand dollars was basically the Extreme Edition price for the longest time and we were like oh well. Here'S one for 2, grand and somes. Looking at this going, you guys have you guys. You clearly have an innovative you've different categories. Yeah, you just you went, took a server product. That was like super super scarce hard to make, and you made it a desktop product and you just charged way more for it. Ok, I guess that's a strategy. If you know all of a sudden AMD has thread rip renew like oh so anyway, now that AMD has and nothing against, first gen, Rison or first gen thread Ripper or any of that stuff, nothing against those chips, but they they were competitive, but they weren't a Class-Leading, except at the at the lower end where, yes, they were a class-leading, but only in certain workloads. Now second gen, then, is class-leading in many workloads and then very close in one of those, some of the ones that intel has traditionally been very dominant in so Intel for the first times. I'M trying to remember the last time because Intel's one of those companies where a lot of the way they sell product - and you can interpret this. However, you want frankly, I don't care, but a lot of the way that they sell product is not by the specs and the price, and any mature company wants to get to that point. That is, that is a comfortable position to be in where, instead of having to scrap it out, like you know, you look at. You know entry-level Android phones, instead of having to scrap it out over who has two more pixels per inch on their display and who has you know, eight more megapixels on their rear camera or whatever the case may be. You want people to buy your phone because you made it not because it's like slightly better more spec here you want that that trust yeah and that I bought this thing three times in the past. It'S worked well for me every time I'm gonna. Do it again, so a lot of intel's sales strategy is not around just like having the highest gigahertz, it's marketing, it's building, partnerships, it's building infrastructure and like logistics to actually be able to distribute chips all over the world. I mean it's all fine and good to have a great CPU, but if no one in Europe can get their hands on it at a reasonable price and that doesn't do you any good. So so it's all those more business, see corporate II, things that they've that they're well established and that they're very good at you know forecasting making sure they have enough chips. Although it's been a bit of a rough year as far as that goes for both of them, apparently, generally speaking, those are things that Intel's been very good at and they tend to be quite aloof. To you know a particular SKU that you know performs quite well and is selling quite well like even back when I was at NCIX, you know, AMD would have chips that moves really well, like. I remember the Phenom 720 black or something like that. This was an unlocked triple core. If I recall correctly, please don't quote me on that, but that thing moved like billy-o, because AMD had lots of cheap motherboard options out there. So you could get a. I mean, not amazing, but you could get a feature complete. Like a good enough motherboard for like 70 bucks, I remember like 72 73 dollars like somewhere in that range. You throw one of these triple cores on there and all of a sudden. You'Ve got something that games well enough and it's got like one more core than you were gonna have if you went Intel - and it's like a this - is this - is a pretty good time at this price point yeah yeah at that price point it was outstanding And Intel took forever to counter it because they were just like we're not gonna we're, not gonna, like trade potshots on ask you by SKU basis, we're just gonna have a stack and we're going to. You know market ourselves as a solution provider, blah blah blah, etc, etc, etc. So, the last time that I can remember them, responding this directly to a competitive threat has to be Athlon 64, I mean, and even then even then Intel went to market when AMD launched. The Athlon FX 51 okay Intel responded with an Extreme Edition chip. I think, was like a galatin core Pentium 4 with hyper threading. Like three point: four six gigahertz like furnace of a chip - and it was it - was based on their server, something something like it was. Actually kind of a similar response, but get this it was slower, it wasn't as good, but they priced it on par with AMD's, offering as if to make a statement that, like it's Intel, it's our bestest bestest thing. Therefore, you know it cost that much and people will buy it and you know what people did buy it. I remember I used to I used to spend so much time on online forums just like helping people configure systems because it was a hobby for me. You still spend oh not doing that, but you still spend a fair amount. Well, yeah, okay, specifically yeah the kind of person who hung out in what was the venn equivalent of our slash, build a PC and just waited for people to. I was sitting there waiting for people to post what they wanted to do with their system and I'd put together a recommended spec list, and then I'd get. So I would argue with people about their configurations. Cuz people would come in and they'd be like I'm gonna, buy this extreme edition, TM thing and I'm like that's dumb and they're like yeah, but I want until I like Intel like. No, no you don't like Intel Intel is not theirs, they're, not emotional. They don't reciprocate your love. They they they're out and to be clear AMD is no different. Don'T kid yourself? They don't reciprocate your love. You are a customer, that's that's the relationship here yeah, and so you should not be buying what is objectively worse for the same price and they go well. It doesn't make that much of a difference. You know it's like 5 % different in this game and 10 % different in that game. You'D never noticed, and I go. Who cares? Why would you ever knowingly get less for your money like that is offensive to me on such a such a deep level to go in and like knowingly eyes wide open be like here is more of my money. Please give me less of something worse. Thank you. This has been a tremendous transaction, but even at even at the darkest times. Okay, there's some stuff, if you were trying to evaluate based off of this, has never really been that big of a problem for CPUs but yeah. If you're trying to evaluate based off of like okay, I've had experience with their customer support or I've had its transient reliability. That'S I know, and I know that's not what you're commenting on they're all pretty darn, reliable, both AMD and Intel. Yes, it's kind of irrelevant here, I'm just saying in general. Some of those arguments can have some validity to it, but usually no, I just always used to get so mad, because Intel would do these things and they would just get away with it. I mean the number of people, so I was working PC advisor at NCI X when I'm changing. I'M changing gears a little bit here when Nvidia launched the GTX 480, which was a steaming pile of hot garbage, literally hot, maybe not literally garbage, but given how many of them probably burned themselves into a crisp yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure quite a few them ended Up in the electronic scrap heat for, like you, know, scrap gold recovery, and I - and I would just like - I would just hate that people are like no. No I'm needy force likes. People would have legitimate reasons. Like look, I'm a kuda developer, I'm like sure. Okay. Well, then, you should probably buy four GTX 480 s and cram your PCI Express slots full of GTX 480 s lot of fun. But you know people who are like yeah, I'm playing this game or that game. It always made me so mad. It was actually because of my insistence that my position is PC Advisor was a non-commissioned position, because that way I could be free to tell people whatever they actually needed to know yeah and when they asked me, are you on Commission, which many did many people asked Me if I was it's a valid question, I would always say: no, because I wasn't, I did get a monthly bonus for being the PC advisor, but it was a flat monthly bonus. I just got like $ 300 a month or something like that for monitoring that email address. What else was I gonna talk about yeah? Oh just fan, fanboys really make me mad. I remember this one time I was doing yeah I freaked out on stream, not that long ago, like it actually had close to a breakdown, because there was this giant war going on on the stream about Linux versus windows, yeah, and I just I was trying to Get it to just stop for so long and it just wouldn't stop, and then I just kind of spaz Dal ittle bit and it was like shut up. It'S whatever's proper for that situation. It'S what it they both have positives of benefits, and it was funny because not that long after I released that video people were so mad about, like the funny thing is, I would love to see the numbers for what percentage of the people who were mad about That video daily drive windows and to be clear, I know, Windows, isn't perfect. Yeah, there's problems with Microsoft's data collection, there's problems with basic functionality, not we're gonna. Do you remember how long it took them to get the Start menu working its? You know the same issues. In my opinion, it still has some issues but remember when it just actually didn't work at all yeah yeah I mean the search is so bad yeah. It is shockingly bad, like I search, is so much better than Windows. 7 holy cow. I am far from an expert programmer. Let'S, let's get that out of the way, but I am pretty sure I am pretty sure that it would be fairly straightforward for Microsoft to create some kind of demon that runs and just indexes every file name of every and like sorts it by okay. These are executables, these are probably the most important ones. These are batch files. These are probably less important and just searches against that. It would be your instantaneous and if you can't do it, and so even when it does turn up the right result, you'll type, something in it for seconds later it comes up. The result. You'Ve got your. It comes up with some like stupid result and you're about to click the right thing and it like it moves and you clicked the wrong thing. You'Re like what are you actually doing? I had to know very recently on my work PC, which is the only computer. I work on that is running. What is 10? I even the apt Windows 10 off my laptop, which now it doesn't even like some of the Razr stuff, is all derped. Oh because that, but whatever I typed in Mouse yeah, because I wanted to check to fit with my mouse and it showed the actual like Mouse settings thing yeah for a second and then it disappeared entirely and just nothing was there. Yes, I deleted the word and retyped yeah Mouse and then it showed up properly and I was like okay yeah. Where did it go? Do you want to search the web for mouse yeah? No, why did it leave if I wanted to search the web for mouse? I would have opened my Chrome browser and searched the web for Mouse. It'S just probably already open because that's how like people use computers now yeah so Wow yeah, browsers, remember that now, like I remember, I used to get really annoyed with my mom because, like back in the Windows, 3.1 Windows 95 days, she didn't understand the difference between Minimize and exit, so I would always get onto the computer and it would be super chuggy because everything she had minimized, absolutely everything she was doing. I was like yo, like my program, can't run because you are using literally all the computer's memory. She'D be like. I closed it all anyway, where I was going with the fanboy thing is I remember one of the most frustrating systems I ever had to build was on this motherboard. This was like a super niche. Where is it where's the pictures on Tom's? How are we going really throwing this video all over the place, though ya know this is really annoying. It was this super niche platform socket 1207 socket F. This was my god. The ads grow up a little bit just pause right there. This is all ads Wow. All this all this all this all this and all this Oh cow - I just I just I didn't see that for a second that is actually it's almost admirable at a certain like they have they have put. They have crammed more ad in there than I would have thought possible. Yeah you congratulated for that. I guess here it is so this was that, like the stupidest motherboard ever been, visit this site right here can I can I find a picture this thing so AMD adapted their server platform, which wasn't completely dead at the time, even though their desktop was like dying, a fast death in terms Of competitiveness and was like okay, we're gonna go after Intel on core count and they built this platform called four by four. So I don't know why they called it four by four: maybe it was four PCI Express slots for cores times two sockets. I don't know anyway, you can put two quad core 2 quad core processors in it. If I recall correctly - and I remember - building this system and just like it driving me absolutely nuts, because the thing was so oversized - it's 24 pin like mid yeah. The design of the board is terrible because I'm sure they rushed this thing because no one like they knew that's wrong, like a few hundred people were gonna buy it like nobody was gonna buy this stupid thing. The performance was terrible. The power consumption was terrible and I was just like looking at it going why? Why would anybody buy this and it was? It was like not. It was not a great board because what tends to happen at the very high end, you can buy a six seven. Eight hundred dollar motherboard and get a very, very poor experience, because the thing is the BIOS development that goes into a board is kind of not quite but kind of the same, regardless of whether you sell 500 of them, five thousand 50 thousand five hundred thousand of Them, and so it's like okay - well, where do we sink the the little bit of extra polish into the one? That'S going to turn into five hundred annoyed customers on the asus forum or the one? That'S gonna turn into five hundred thousand annoyed customers on the issues forum da, like it's usually better, to buy the mainstream thing than the super halo niche things. From my experience, we've had experience yeah I was just gonna say. We'Ve had experiences had experience with that many times. Actually. Here we go especially back in the house. I remember that quite a few times, AMD's quad FX, technically quad core. Oh wait no hold on each physical nevermind. It was. It was dual course and then two sockets. So that you had a total of four course, of course, you're dealing with Numa nodes and like let's go ahead and have a look at what the performance looked like compared to here's gaming performance. So this was a gaming machine. I was building like it's just so I'd have people say: well, it's not that far behind Conroe, it's like, so what it is behind and it's a terrible value. Where'S the power consumption numbers is like just this thing was just such

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kaesaaurelia · 7 years

Note

oh hey how about Alphys and Sans' chat in your "When Life Hands You Enantiomers" fic for that fic meta ask?

OH MAN so this was my first Undertale fic ever! I originally started noodling around with writing Sans and Alphys genfic for Yuletide, the small fandom exchange that happens every Christmas – at the time of nominations, Undertale was still a small fandom! and I got into it during the writing period, so I hadn’t thought to ask for or offer it.

I’d wanted to write a treat, but I ended up looking at all the Undertale requests and none of them quite were what I wanted to write, which was mostly chemistry puns and friendship. So I wrote it, figured I might gift it to someone if it happened to suit their letter, and… it didn’t, really? I figured I’d just post it.

Anyway, that’s the fic background. Onward!

“You look like you need a break,” he said, decisively, going past her into the lab. He paused at her desk, evidently looking for somewhere to put the box of donuts and finding nothing but her vast mountains of clutter. "I like what you’ve done with the place,“ he said finally.

Basically this was my dad’s reaction to my first apartment every time I tried to show him how clever I’d been making furniture out of cardboard boxes. Eventually I got sick of responding with “oh fuck off” and made him drive me to Ikea to get a desk.

“It’s, uh. S-sorry, it’s kind of a mess. I’m just really busy with – with Royal Scientist stuff?” she finished hopefully. "You – you know how it is, I g-guess.“

"Yeah,” he said, tonelessly.

and this is the start of me not being able to decide whether or not Alphys remembers that Sans used to work with Gaster in some capacity in this fic! I think I eventually decided it comes and it goes. I like to keep things ambiguous on the topic of What The Fuck Is Even Up With Sans??? in my non-AU Undertale fics – I find the ambiguity interesting, I like that everyone has their own theories, and other people have covered that ground better and more thoroughly than I will.

“Anyway,” he said, a lot more brightly, “let’s relax and have some donuts.” He pulled a picnic blanket from literally nowhere and spread it out on the floor of the lab.

So one of the things I appreciate about writing from Alphys’ POV is that it feels completely tonally appropriate to have her say she facepalmed, or use the phrase “literally nowhere,” and other diction I guess I associate more with informal internet communication.

“Does, uh. Does Muffet know you made off with all her donuts?” Alphys asked.

“Eh,” said Sans, waving a hand dismissively.

Again, I really like leaving Sans’ bullshit ambiguous, and kind of shady.

“So. You still working on that horrible tile puzzle?”

“It’s. …yeah! It’s going really well. It's….” She sighed.

“You’re stuck, aren’t you?” Sans asked.

“Yeah,” she admitted.

“You know you don’t have to do it, right?” he said. "I mean… Papyrus knows you must be really busy, he’s not gonna be upset. Plus, I have to say, I’m not real excited about fishing him out of the middle of it if he gets stuck on a puzzle.“

I like how Sans assumes Alphys’ real concern is letting Papyrus down.

"Ha,” she said, joylessly. "F-funny you should mention the, uh, fishing.“

To her horror, he took this entirely the wrong way. "Aw, come on, Undyne’s not gonna hold it against you either,” he said.

“N-no, that’s, that’s n-n-not what I –” Words failed her and she just buried her face in her hands for a moment.

“Although, now that I mention it, Undyne did seem kinda worried about you,” he said. "You’re not answering your phone, or something? She said maybe you were mad at her.“

"Oh no,” said Alphys, diving for her phone. Those four texts. "Augh, I am the worst kind of trash, I’m a terrible friend, I c-can’t do anything right!“ she moaned.

Oh god. Please tell me I’m not the only person who leaves texts unread because what if I forget to respond to them when the notification is gone? and then don’t ever look at them out of crushing guilt and anxiety, until people start to worry. Please.

(Another note on diction: I actually really, really don’t like it when people call themselves “trash.” I grew up unironically – and really shittily – using the phrase “white trash” to describe certain cousins of mine, and it’s too loaded down with those classist connotations for me to read it as just harmless self-deprecation. This may just be because I am An Old, though. Anyway, Alphys uses it – and it’s definitely how she actually thinks of herself – so I kind of gritted my teeth and used it too.)

Sans was managing to make a perma-grin look dismayed.

I have to say, I was impressed with the unhappy-smiling Sans sprites in the game! I try not to ever describe Sans as frowning, but probably something’s slipped through at some point in the vrillion words of fic I’ve written.

She brought up the texts, ignoring him for the moment.

hey, was wondering if you wanna do a human history movie night with me and Pap tomorrow???

Then the next day:

super last minute, sorry. watched Cooking w/Killer Robot marathon. maybe next week? something w/giant swords??? YEAH!!!!!

And then:

Is everything ok? Miss you.

And finally:

Did I do something wrong?

"Oh no,” she moaned.

“That bad, huh,” he said, sympathetically.

“Oh nooo,” she repeated. "Oh no, oh no, now she probably thinks I’m terrible and –“

"Alphys. Wow. Relax,” said Sans. "I came over to check on you and make sure you hadn’t been, I don’t know, eaten by lab rats or something.“

Sometime I really need to write the companion piece to this, where Papyrus and Undyne come up with this terrible idea for a puzzle. And I have to work in a scene where Undyne is worried about Alphys and goes from dashing off carefully carefree-seeming texts to VERY CAREFULLY PUNCTUATED TEXTS BECAUSE WHAT IF ALPHYS THINKS SHE’S A BIG DUMB LUNK??? but it never occurs to her that Alphys might be anxious about replying to her.

"Eaten?!?” she asked. Did he… did he know? Augh, when had she last fed the amalgamates, anyway? Two days ago, maybe? Ugh, that was too long, they were going to be all grumpy when she went downstairs next. She tried to keep breathing and not panic.

He held up his hands to pacify her. "Hey. Hey. I don’t know why but everything I say’s making you panic.“ He nudged the box towards her. "Look, have a donut. Everything’s better with donuts. It’ll make you feel hole again.”

Hole puns are the hole reason I included donuts in this fic.

Alphys winced despite herself, then sighed. "Okay, yeah. Sorry. I’m. It’s – it’s been a hard few days.“

"Yeah?” he asked.

She nibbled at the donut half-heartedly. "So uh. You mentioned the tile puzzle thing? I’m having trouble with the piranhas.“

Sans snorted. "I’m sorry, just – there are piranhas? Why are there piranhas?”

“They were in the specs Undyne gave me!” Alphys said, trying not to get defensive.

“Sounds very fishy to me,” said Sans. "Anyway, why not just make robot piranhas? I mean, that’s your forte, isn’t it?“

man, Alphys hasn’t told Sans about anything in this fic, and he apparently doesn’t tell her about anything either. I like how they’re friends who lie their faces off to each other on the regular.

Oh god, robot piranhas would be about ten times worse. "It’s not making the actual piranhas, as such,” said Alphys. "It’s getting them to distinguish between lemon scent and orange scent. Because, see, the request was to make sure they go after anyone who smells like oranges but be repelled by anyone who smells like lemons.“

Sans stared for a moment, and then, to her dismay, started laughing. "What? What? You’re serious. Oh man, I bet Papyrus came up with that one. He’s – he’s pretty picky about his cleaning products, I guess that little difference is important to him.” His grin widened a little. "Papyrus is so great at those little details, you know?“

He’s laughing, but this praise of his brother is totally in earnest. Sans may be the one who pays the bills, but I’m pretty sure Papyrus is the only reason their house isn’t disgusting.

"Sans, this isn’t f-funny!” said Alphys. "Have you ever tried to train killer fish to distinguish between d-limonene and l-limonene when all they care about is smelling blood?!? Because I have!“

"Yeah, that sounds like one l of a problem,” said Sans. "A terrible knot you have to d-tangle. Orange you glad I stopped by?“

"Sans,” said Alphys, beginning to lose patience.

There are several naming conventions for enantiomers, and originally this was S-limonine and R-limonine, with corresponding puns (I forget what they were, I just remember it was a pain in the ass coming up with new puns) but I think I googled and the d- and l- notation was more popular for limonene.

Like I’ve said elsewhere, this whole fic was largely an excuse for chemistry puns.

“It sounds like you need this problem like a fish needs a by… cyclohexane! Lemon know if you think of anything I can do to help.”

“Sans,” she said. It was starting to become more of a whine.

“Citrus me, I got this. I don’t rind helping you at all,” he said, because he was a merciless bag of bones.

She glowered at him. Then she took the box of donuts away from him.

CAN YOU BLAME HER THOUGH.

“Hey! I was eating those!” he protested.

“Tough,” she said. When he leaned over to try and reach them, she harrumphed and stood up. Getting to his feet was apparently too much for Sans, because after one last halfhearted sitting lunge, he gave up and sat serenely on the picnic blanket.

Alphys carefully balanced the box of donuts on top of a stack of papers on her desk, then slid an empty mug underneath it for added support.

If you have never done this with a stack of papers, ….I envy your tidiness. And if you’ve never done that dumbass thing where you try to lunge for a thing just out of your reach and then try to spontaneously develop telekinesis to bring it over to you… you’re fucking lying.

With a few keystrokes, she brought her computer out of sleep mode and was drawing up her data on the piranhas. "I’m not really sure h-how you can help?“ she said. "I-I mean, if you can it’d be great, obviously, b-but… don’t you do, uh, physics?” Her memories were kind of fuzzy on this. Why did she know Sans again? When had she met him? It wasn’t that important, was it? Everyone knew Sans.

AND AGAIN, I can’t decide what Alphys knows about Sans in this fic.

“Yeah, but, everything’s physics in the end, right?” Sans said, a shrug in his voice.

She finished her donut before saying, wryly, “That’s what physicists tell themselves. I g-guess if it helps you sleep at night…”

For whatever reason I was fortunate not to hear this much from the physics majors in school. (The math majors, on the other hand….) But I’ve seen them do it a lot on the internet and so I have to admit I’m kind of fond of writing chemists and biologists being dismissive about it.

“I sleep all the time,” Sans said cheerfully. She wondered if he was ever going to get up and come over here eventually.

“Undyne has mentioned,” she said. "So, uh, w-what exactly do you think is so physics-y here?“

"Well. It’s not so much the physics, I guess,” he said. "It’s just that I’m really good at cheating.“

She reached absently for another donut, opening the box without looking at it and reaching inside. Her claws closed on something rubbery, and before she could stop, it was making a ridiculous farting noise.

She pulled the whoopee cushion out of the box, and turned to look at Sans. He hadn’t moved an inch from where she’d left him, and was snacking on a donut he definitely hadn’t had before.

She sighed. "Y-yeah, I can see that.”

I think at this point I’d seen a lot of Sans-being-badass art, and kind of wanted someone to react to him with an eyeroll. Not that I don’t think Sans isn’t badass! Just, you gotta have that one friend who will call you on your bullshit.

She turned back to her computer screen and skimmed the data she had on her attempts at training the piranhas. Ugh. No statistically significant difference between any of the training methods she’d attempted and the control groups.

Sometimes she wished science worked more like it was presented in fiction: less waiting around for something to happen, more moments of genius and day-saving. On the other hand, as it turned out, horrific abominations of science were a real thing. Who knew?

notice how I carefully avoid references to specific anime! because I’d pretty much only watched Ouran High School Host Club in full! I think I remember double-checking with @thinkatoryprocess that horrific abominations of science was a thing in anime?

I have since learned many things about Fullmetal Alchemist, and in particular why I wasn’t supposed to watch it just after my dog had died.

“So, h-how exactly were you thinking of cheating?” Her mind wandered to some of those weird diagrams she’d come across deep in the lab files, presumably belonging to the previous Royal Scientist. "Are you thinking, um, t-time travel? Because if I could find some way to breed selectively for citrus recognition they could evolve to–“

MY THIRD INSTANCE of “what the fuck does Alphys even know? why bother making it consistent?”

"No,” said Sans, and she leaped back with a squeak of shock, because suddenly he was standing right next to her and he was speaking in a freaky hollow voice, and also the light in his eyes had gone totally dark and, and, what the fuck, Sans?!? "…Heh, sorry,“ he said, and the little glowing dots returned, and the grin looked more natural. "Just. Trust me. Time travel, not a good idea.”

She knew she shouldn’t ask, but she kind of had to. "…Why?“

"Time flies,” said Sans. When she frowned at him, he added, “They’re even more annoying than fruit flies. And they get stuck in your teeth if you go faster than light. It’s a real problem.”

Okay, yeah, she wasn’t gonna get a straight answer out of a guy who wore bedroom slippers everywhere he teleported. Fair enough.

This last sentence is still one of my favorite summations of Sans as a character.

“Out of curiosity,” he said, “why didn’t you make robot piranhas?”

“Ugh,” she said. "You know, I thought about it? B-but then I’d have to invent the scent organs and I’m n-not sure I’m up to it.“ She wasn’t up to a lot of things, honestly. She wasn’t sure why Asgore hadn’t noticed. Or Undyne. She was really surprised Sans hadn’t noticed, though. He was weirdly observant.

So I did like no research on robots for this. IIRC machines that do something similar to smelling are a thing, but I have no idea how they work.

"Nah,” said Sans. "Just think lazy!“

A favorite motto of my boss, weirdly enough.

"But I don’t want to leave the piranhas out! Then Undyne and your b-brother will be d-disappointed and I won’t be the ‘g-great Dr. Alphys’ anymore, I’ll just be a f-fraud. They s-specifically requested piranhas!”

“So give ‘em piranhas,” said Sans. "But play to your strengths.“

"I d-don’t know that I have any strengths,” she pointed out.

“Sure you do. I mean, right now you’ve only been using biology. Maybe you wanna get down to the nuts and bolts of the matter. You made Mettaton, right?” he said. She tried not to wince. "And if you can make that guy a star, you’ve gotta be good. Plus, I can’t help but notice you’re, uh, pretty good with optics.“

She blushed. "The c-cameras? They’re for – uh, for scientific observation?” she said.

“Riiight,” said Sans. "I know what you’re up to. You just wanna steal all my best knock-knock jokes, don’t you?“

"There’s no s-sound!” she insisted, but Sans was chuckling. "…is that what you do at the door all day?“ she asked, frowning. "I just thought you were, uh. T-testing the structural integrity of the door. And… talking to someone?”

“Nah,” said Sans. "Who would I be talking to?“

"On the other side of the d-door?” she suggested.

both of these people, liars. I’m not sure Sans will be wholly surprised to find out Alphys didn’t make Mettaton, but the robot body’s still pretty damn impressive. And in the true pacifist ending Alphys didn’t seem real surprised there was someone behind that door.

He shrugged. "Anyway. Just some suggestions. But if you wanna give up… hey, I can’t blame ya. Papyrus will recover from his disappointment. Undyne probably knew it was a crazy idea in the first place.“ He reached around her to grab another donut. "Anyway, I gotta go on my lunch break before she finds out I’m slacking off here. Text her back, though, she seemed pretty worried. And try to do it before she and my bro burn the house down with her stress-spaghetti-ing?”

And obviously when all else fails, Sans’ go-to solutions are 1. taking a break, and 2. giving up. Not always in that order.

“Thanks,” said Alphys, half-heartedly. She turned to ask another question, but found she was sitting in an empty room. "…I think. …well, hey, at least I have donuts.“

Having donuts means she’s definitely better off than where she was at the beginning of the fic! Also I appreciate Sans having the ability to just vanish, because for whatever reason describing people walking to the door and saying “goodbye” is really boring to me and always trips me up.

#electricitytrick #so yes this one got long too #i probably should've just done the whole fic #but i don't know that i had much else to say?#idk hopefully this one wasn't disappointing #dvd commentary meme #undertale #alphys #sans #toby fox games

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erraticfairy · 5 years

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Podcast: Bad Habits and Vices Related to Mental Illness

Everyone has bad habits. Even your sainted Granny who seems perfect to you has some bad habit that only your grandfather knows about. Bad habits, like everything, exist on a spectrum, from biting your nails to snorting cocaine – and everything in between.

In this episode, our hosts discuss bad habits that many people with mental illness seem to have – from smoking, to alcoholism, to drug use and, you guessed it, everything in between.

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

“90% of people with schizophrenia smoke.” – Michelle Hammer

Highlights From ‘Bad Habits Mental Illness’’ Episode

[0:30] Talking vices and bad habits: What are they?

[3:00] Gabe’s vice is something people don’t expect.

[8:00] Are vices okay?

[9:00] Michelle and her worst habit.

[12:30] How do bad habits help people?

[16:30] Michelle’s other vice that people hate.

[17:45] Vices, like everything, exist on a spectrum.

[18:30] How can you overcome a bad habit?

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Bad Habits and Vices Related to Mental Illness’ Show

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: For reasons that utterly escape everyone involved, you’re listening to A Bipolar, A Schizophrenic, and A Podcast. Here are your hosts, Gabe Howard and Michelle Hammer.

Gabe: It’s now time for A Bipolar, A Schizophrenic, and A Podcast with your host, Michelle Hammer, schizophrenic.

Michelle: And Gabe Howard, bipolar.

Gabe: Today’s episode is all about vices.

Michelle: Vices.

Gabe: It’s about vices as they relate to mental illness. So Michelle’s vice of just being mean and cranky, that’s not because she’s schizophrenic. It’s because she’s mean and cranky. So we’re not talking.

Michelle: Is that a vice? Is mean and cranky even a vice?

Gabe: I mean, it’s very New York.

Michelle: A vice, though?

Gabe: I don’t know. What’s the definition of a vice.

Michelle: I don’t know. Maybe we should have looked that up?

Gabe: You know, with the magic of editing, people will think that we looked it up right –

Gabe: Now!

Michelle: Now!

Michelle: The definition of a vice is a weakness or character or behavior. A bad habit.

Gabe: Wait. So the definition of a vice is a bad habit? We had to Google that?

Michelle: Well, there’s many different definitions of vice’s here. Or an immoral or wicked personal characteristic.

Gabe: Basically, vices are bad habits. Smoking, drinking, promiscuous sex, over eating. These are the kind of vices that we’re talking about, right?

Michelle: Synonyms are shortcomings. Failing, flaw, fault, defect, weakness, weak point. Deficiency. Limitation. Imperfection. Blemish. Foible. Fallibility. Frailty, infirmity.

Gabe: I feel like this show is just you reading the definition of vice from wikipedia.

Michelle: Do you know that I know how to Google and when I Google things I know how to read? That’s right, guys. I know how to read. You might think I don’t know how to read.

Gabe: Nobody would accuse you of being illiterate.

Michelle: I’m glad because I am not illiterate and I know how to read.

Gabe: I read our show’s, emails, and they have called you a lot of things. Illiterate is not among them.

Michelle: No. But, I’ve gotten emails and I they’ve said, why did you pick that guy, Gabe? He must be very organized or something.

Gabe: I do remember that e-mail.

Michelle: That was a good e-mail. That was hilarious.

Gabe: I was so confused. Like, I’m listening to your show and I can’t decide why you partnered with Gabe. But I suspect maybe it’s because he’s organized.

Michelle: Yeah.

Gabe: Does my organization come through on the show?

Michelle: Apparently, somebody thinks that that’s the only reason why I picked you.

Gabe: I wonder why I picked you. Because you’re not organized.

Michelle: I picked you?

Gabe: I picked you?

Michelle: Who’s who? Who are you?

Gabe: I don’t know.

Michelle: I pick Peppy.

Gabe: Remember when we tried to get Peppy on the podcast and now he’s afraid of the microphone?

Michelle: Yeah.

Gabe: Aww.

Michelle: Poor Peppy.

Gabe: Let’s get, we gotta get. Let’s get to the point here. Put your phone down. Okay, so.

Michelle: Okay. So I’m done. Gabe, you have a vice that I bug you about constantly. Constantly. You do not stop drinking Diet Coke. You can’t. Everywhere we go, of course we go where there’s free refills. You drink at least seven Diet Cokes. Am I exaggerating?

Gabe: You’re not.

Michelle: Exactly.

Gabe: I’m glad that we started with this one, because so many people think that vices have to be like something big. Alcoholism or smoking or drug use is a vice. But the reality is, almost anything done to extreme can become a vice. To put it a little perspective for those playing at home, I drink the equivalent of about 50 cans of Diet Coke a day. So I’m running through two twenty four packs a day.

Michelle: Do you believe Diet Coke is actually healthier than regular Coke? Because it’s not.

Gabe: You know, the data is wildly out on that. You know, that’s an awful lot of sweet and low I’m ingesting. But to say the drinking 50 cans of regular coke, all of that sugar, not to mention the thousands of calories that would be. That sounds healthier to you?

Michelle: It doesn’t sound healthy. But I do know that soda is bad for you. And I know I saw a commercial recently where they held up a pack of cigarettes and they held up a bottle of coke and they said cigarettes are just as bad as Coke. And they both both cause heart disease.

Gabe: Come on. You saw an ad, you know, where’s the research? Where’s the backing? But you don’t need to convince me that drinking this much Diet Coke is bad.

Michelle: Because it is something you use to cope.

Gabe: It is. That’s where I want people to focus, because somebody would say the dude drinks Diet Coke. Who cares? That’s a readily available commercial product. That can’t be a vice, but a-ha! It can be if it’s done to extremes. All things in moderation, of course, but I’m not moderate.

Michelle: Also, you used to weigh five hundred and fifty pounds. Wouldn’t you consider all the food you used to eat quite a vice?

Gabe: Yes. Even still to this day. Now that I’m at a reasonable, normal, mostly healthy weight.

Michelle: Through surgery, though.

Gabe: Yes. But people say through surgery, like I went in five hundred and fifty pounds and I got a magic surgery and then I came out. You know that the surgery was a tool that helped. That’s like saying that the only reason that you’re living well with schizophrenia is because of the medication. That you did no work on your own. Does the magic pill just save you?

Michelle: But I don’t see you exercise, ever.

Gabe: Well, no, but 10 years later, I still have the weight off. The average success rate of a gastric bypass at ten years is not high.

Michelle: Oh, really?

Gabe: It’s one of the reasons why it kind of fell out of favor. People would lose the weight initially, but then they’d gain most of it back within a decade. I still have my weight off.

Michelle: That I did not know. That’s very interesting.

Gabe: And while you may not see me exercise, have you ever seen me, and be honest, have you ever seen me eat an entire sheet cake?

Michelle: Good point. But have you done that in the past before gastric bypass?

Gabe: I ate an entire sheet cake routinely.

Michelle: Wow.

Gabe: I used to buy icing in a can and just eat it out of the can.

Michelle: You know, I have friends who’ve done that, but they wouldn’t eat the entire thing of icing. You would sit there and eat it all in one sitting?

Gabe: Well, not only would I eat it all in one sitting, this wasn’t like a rogue thing. This wasn’t like I mean, my girlfriend broke up with me. I’m gonna eat icing today. No. I would go shopping at the grocery store and I’d buy 10 cans and that would be my icing quota for the week. It’s not about drinking the Diet Coke. It’s not even about eating the cake or the icing. You really have to put like a hard look at it. Are you turning something innocuous into a pain point? For example, the amount of Diet Coke that I drink has become a vice. It’s not about the thing that you’re doing. It’s about the amount of time and energy you spend doing it. And if I can’t have it, I have withdrawal symptoms.

Michelle: Really?

Gabe: I freak out. You’ve been with me. How many times have I been like, I’ve got to get a Diet Coke. You’re like, look, let’s just do half an hour more work and then go. I’m like, I can’t. I’ve got to go now. I’ve got to go now. I’ve got to go now.

Michelle: I never really realized that. I guess I just didn’t notice the need for the Diet Coke. I thought you were just thirsty, I guess. Could be like the dry mouth. Right?

Gabe: And that’s how it started. That’s really the biggest connection to mental illness that I have. I didn’t always drink this much soda. I didn’t drink this much anything. But my mouth is constantly dry.

Michelle: Why not water?

Gabe: That’s clearly why it’s a vice. Because a better option is available. I could drink more water.

Michelle: Ok.

Gabe: And I don’t.

Michelle: Just, I was just curious, you know, if you have dry mouth, you’re choosing Diet Coke over water. That’s your preference. That’s what you use as your coping mechanism of some sort. Do your thing. I think whatever you really need to do to help yourself cope with your illness and it makes you feel better, I think that’s OK. The Diet Coke, it isn’t really the healthiest thing for you, but you could be doing much worse things. I mean, you’re not smoking crack.

Gabe: That really is the thing that I think about. I know that I drink too much Diet Coke. But you know, before the Diet Coke, it was drugs, alcohol, women, staying out all night Long time listeners of the show, they’re like Gabe’s life wasn’t so great. Now Gabe’s life is pretty good, but he drinks too much Diet Coke. That might be a worthwhile trade. So a vice is not inherently bad. People do have to make choices. And, you know, it’s really tough. People are like no, a vice is inherently bad. It’s a bad habit. But sometimes it really is the lesser of two evils. It makes me happy and it keeps me focused. It gives me something to look forward to. I like the rituals surrounding getting the drink. I like putting my shoes on. I like going out in public. I like people watching. I like all of it. I like knowing that in a couple of hours, I’m going to go have something to do. And I’m describing almost to a tee the life of a smoker.

Michelle: You really, really are. Because there’s so much around that for a smoker. It’s more about taking a break from work, going outside, bonding with the other smokers, coming back inside, knowing that in a few hours you get to take another break. Otherwise, you’re just stuck at your desk all day long. People will go outside in 30 degree weather to smoke a cigarette when people don’t want to go outside in 30 degree weather. But they do it because that’s what they’re used to. That’s what they do to take a break. That’s their thing. That’s what they do. It just keeps you occupied, keeps you busy, lets you people watch, helps you make friends. Things like that.

Gabe: You’re an ex smoker, Michelle.

Michelle: Yes, I am.

Gabe: Let’s divide this conversation up real quick. First, let’s talk about your days as a smoker and you described all of the rituals around it. But what I want to specifically talk about is why did you start?

Michelle: I started because I had some bad influences.

Gabe: Was it Blanche? Please tell me it was Blanche.

Michelle: No, God, it wasn’t Blanche.

Gabe: Did Blanche make you smoke?

Michelle: No, no, no. And it’s just like I was struggling with schizophrenia and I was struggling with relaxing. I had a lot of anxiety. I wasn’t fully medicated as of yet. And I didn’t quite have my schizophrenia diagnosis. So I started smoking. I wasn’t loving it. I kind of stopped smoking. And then I lost my first job and I was like, I’m going to go get a pack of cigarettes. And then it just never ended.

Gabe: Well, it did end, though.

Michelle: Well, it ended. And then I started the vape pen. And you hate the vape pen. And everybody hates, hates that I’m always on the vape pen, it’s always in my hand. But that’s just how it is. And when I was looking up some information about like schizophrenia and smoking, I found this very interesting study that nearly 90 percent of people with schizophrenia smoke and most of them being heavy smokers. Interestingly enough, it said 60 to 70 percent of people with bipolar disorder also smoke. You don’t smoke. You do the Diet Coke?

Gabe: I never smoked because the anti-smoking message in the 80s was so good. It was so good. My parents talked to me about smoking. I never saw anybody smoke. And anytime my parents, saw somebody smoke, they would like, oh, that’s disgusting. Like good people don’t do that.

Michelle: My parents did the same thing to me.

Gabe: But it’s fascinating for me because that message took so much in me that I did heroin. I did cocaine. I did every drug that was handed to me. But one time somebody offered me a cigarette and I said, what the fuck? Are you crazy?

Michelle: That’s hilarious.

Gabe: And I’m pretty sure that I shot heroin. Sincerely, looking back on it, I don’t know what the cognitive dissonance was that smoking bad drugs good. But that’s what I believed.

Michelle: But a lot of people do believe that. They think drugs are OK, but cigarettes are bad.

Gabe: Right. Because we’ve got a whole drugs are natural. You realize that cigarettes are tobacco, right? They’re natural, too.

Michelle: They’re full of chemicals.

Gabe: Of course.

Michelle: There are full of things like formaldehyde.

Gabe: And so are drugs. How do you think drugs are cut? You honestly believe that your local area drug dealer has purity standards?

Michelle: That’s a very good point. There’s a very good point.

Gabe: Your dealer is doing all of this, like above board and making sure that it’s organic? Are you kidding? If they can make an extra nickel, they would make us drink their cat’s piss.

Michelle: Hang on one second. We’re going to take a break.

Announcer: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com. Secure, convenient, and affordable online counselling. All counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist, whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face to face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counselling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Gabe: Want us to answer your questions on the show? Head over to PsychCentral.com/BSP questions and fill out the form.

Michelle: And we’re back talking about vices. But the thing is, 90 percent of people with schizophrenia smoke. That is incredibly interesting.

Gabe: It really is. And it tells you the way that these things impact our bodies, because clearly the reason that so many people with schizophrenia are smokers is because they are getting something out of it. It’s relieving something. It’s helping them in some way. It might not be the best thing for them to do. It might not be a good idea. But clearly they’re getting something positive out of it. Right?

Michelle: It’s a coping mechanism.

Gabe: Exactly.

Michelle: It is a coping mechanism.

Gabe: And nobody is saying that it’s a good coping mechanism.

Michelle: It’s not a good. No, no. But I might, I used to be a cutter. Would you would you rather me be a cutter or use my vape pen? And use that as my vice? Or can I smoke my vape pen?

Gabe: Well, I mean

Michelle: I’m just saying, weigh the options.

Gabe: Of course with those two options. That’s a no brainer.

Michelle: I know it. And then I would, what really bothers me is that I was smoking cigarettes and then I turned onto the vape pen and I’m thinking, you know, this is healthier. And then people say, oh, you know, the vape pens, not healthy at all. It’s worse for you. I’m like, let me have my thing. I stopped smoking. I turned to the vape pen. It’s not smoke anymore. I’m trying to be healthier. People had to go, that’s not even healthy for you. Leave me alone, I’m trying. OK, I’m trying. Why do people always have to put in their two cents?

Gabe: Oh, you know what I love the most? I used to weigh 550 pounds. Food was a vice for me. In many ways, food is still a vice for me. I still abuse food. I want to be the first to admit it. I’m so much better. But I don’t want anybody to think that I have a healthy relationship with food. I struggle constantly. But what I always used to love when I weighed five hundred and fifty pounds is the number of smokers that would tell me I need to lose weight.

Michelle: Oh, yeah?

Gabe: You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re literally sucking smoke into your lungs and you’re telling me about health?

Michelle: Have you ever seen a doctor smoke? Yes. Isn’t that hilarious?

Gabe: A vice overcomes our knowledge base. We understand that a lot of this stuff is bad. There is nobody in the world eating a Big Mac that thinks it’s a health food. But we love Big Macs.

Michelle: Yeah.

Gabe: You know, splurging is OK. It is OK to have cake, but it’s not okay to have a sheet cake and it’s not OK to have a sheet cake every day. It’s OK to have a Big Mac and fries. No, nobody’s saying that you can’t. But if you’re doing that three times a day, every single day and many people with mental illness turn food into a vice. A lot of us aren’t eating healthy because of depression. When you’re depressed, you’re not grilling chicken breasts and steaming broccoli. I would say you’re eating Doritos out of a bag and ordering pizza.

Michelle: Every single time I lost the job, I went to the grocery store and bought chocolate gelato. Yeah, that was my thing. Every time I lost a job, it’s chocolate gelato time. We’re eating a pint. There we are.

Gabe: And it became a vice.

Michelle: One time I came home crying and said to my roommate Ben I lost my job. He goes, You want me to go to the grocery store for you? And I go, Yes, please.

Gabe: But see, the problem there is if you would have lost your job three times in your lifetime, who cares? Nobody would have called it a vice. You lost nine jobs in a year.

Michelle: No! Asshole, it wasn’t nine in a year. It was from age twenty two to 27.

Gabe: Really?

Michelle: Really.

Gabe: That? That’s deserving of you calling me an asshole?

Michelle: Shut up.

Gabe: Yeah.

Michelle: It wasn’t one year.

Gabe: Oh, I’m sorry, my bad. It was enough that your roommate developed the pattern. I mean, seriously, he like Sherlock Holmesed that shit. He’s like, oh, my God, every time she gets fired, she wants gelato. He figured it out. This isn’t like your romantic partner. He’s just some guy that shares space with you in New York City. Because he doesn’t make enough money to have his own place.

Michelle: Listen, don’t make fun of wannabe be actors.

Gabe: Oh, why are you making fun of wannabee actors? Why didn’t you just say actor?

Michelle: He because he never had a principal role.

Gabe: A principal role? Now we’re judging the types of roles.

Michelle: That’s what he would say to me, OK? He would say to me that he wants to get principal roles. He was on an episode of Law & Order one time.

Gabe: He played the corpse, right?

Michelle: Yes.

Gabe: Did you buy him gelato?

Michelle: I’m just saying he was trying. Do you feel that I have any other devices that you’ve noticed? Like, I bite my nails, I pick my fingers. I’m like a skin picker, though. Would you consider that a vice?

Gabe: Yes, I would.

Michelle: My nails are disgusting. I cannot stop biting them. I cannot stop picking at my cuticles. I cannot stop picking at my scabs. I can’t stop picking at it. I just can’t stop. I’m a skin picker. Anything like that when I pick something, it gives me satisfaction. The people around me look at me disgusted when I start biting my nails or picking my skin and like, what are you doing? It’s gross because only little kids bite their nails and stuff like that. And yet I’m 30 and I do these things.

Gabe: I really like how you said that, that it’s not good for you, but it gives you satisfaction.

Michelle: It does.

Gabe: That might be the best definition of vice that we’ve come up with. It’s not good, but it makes me happy.

Michelle: Yeah.

Gabe: Drinking this much Diet Coke is not good, but it makes me happy. Picking your skin is not good when it makes you happy. Smoking is not good, but it makes you happy. You know, we talk about things existing on a spectrum on this show. Vices are also something that exists on a spectrum. Somebody overeating could be on the lower end of the spectrum. If they’re a little bit overweight, maybe they indulge in sweets too much. Or it could be on the higher end of the spectrum, like when I weighed five hundred and fifty pounds. And you know, Michelle, you and I are really illustrate that. Well, you had gelato when you were fired, but you never weighed four times your natural body weight. I think that people don’t understand that anything can be a vice. We’ve got to get this idea out of our head that certain things are inherently bad and other things are inherently good. Things don’t have a moral value. For example, knives, knives are good. We use them to cut meat. That’s very valuable. We use them to cut our food like bread and eat them. But you can also use a knife to stab people. So is a knife good or is a knife bad? Well, depends on how you use it. It’s the same thing for vices. Picking on your nails isn’t an inherently bad thing. What if you have a hangnail and you’re trying to get it off? I do that too. I wouldn’t say that I have a vice. But you go further.

Michelle: My nails bleed.

Gabe: Right? So clearly in the realm of vice.

Michelle: Yes.

Gabe: What do you do to get rid of these vices?

Michelle: People yell at me to stop me, but I don’t.

Gabe: Everybody with mental illness has people yelling at them all the time. I wish this worked. You know, look at our show. We reach thousands upon thousands of people every month. So if we started yelling at people to stop doing stuff, we could just solve this whole problem. So clearly yelling doesn’t do shit.

Michelle: Nobody write in and tell me, use that bad taste stuff. Because I’ve used the bad taste stuff. And you know what happens? I just get the bad taste stuff in my mouth as I’m biting my nails.

Gabe: You realize there’s somebody out there halfway through that e-mail that’s like click, click.

Michelle: And then you just get used to the bad taste and you start liking the bad taste. I’ve done it. It’s happened. I’ve tried it. It doesn’t work for me. Maybe I need to have hypnosis or something.

Gabe: No, no. Oh, no.

Michelle: It doesn’t work?

Gabe: Hypnosis is just straight up fraud.

Michelle: Why are you saying that hypnosis is fraud? Now we’re going to get letters, Gabe.

Gabe: I’m OK with that.

Michelle: Can somebody please hypnotize Gabe to not be a ginger anymore?

Gabe: How would that even work?

Michelle: I’m just saying.

Gabe: Let’s say the hypnotism was even real. How would it change my hair color?

Michelle: I’m just making things up, Gabe.

Gabe: Literally, there is an example of something that could also be a vice, chronic lying. Chronic exaggeration. People with mental illness, they can get pegged with things and maybe fall into roles that they don’t realize. Maybe the reason that you’re lying or exaggerating was because of a defense mechanism before you were treated or when you were younger. Maybe you had to make stuff up to get your parents to pay attention to you. But now you’re a 30 year old adult and you’re still one upping or making stuff up etc. This would be a vice to bring up in therapy. Vices tend to exist for a reason, and maybe the reason that the vice started was pure. There is no doubt in my mind that the reason that I started overeating was to comfort myself.

Michelle: Yeah.

Gabe: Food is readily available and it was comforting.

Michelle: I you know, it’s really interesting. My psychiatrist allows me to smoke the vape pen in his office and he said it’s great because people used to smoke in their therapy sessions all the time.

Gabe: I do think that vaping is much healthier for you than smoking cigarettes. The research so far is confirming that, it also doesn’t smell as bad because cigarette smoke just smells awful.

Michelle: Yes. What I find interesting is that when I used to walk by people smoking and it smelled like secondhand smoke, I’d want a cigarette. Oh, I want a cigarette so badly. But now when I walk by and I smell secondhand smoke, I’m like, oh, that’s just not good. That’s disgusting.

Gabe: But it took you a while to get there, right? Rome wasn’t built the day. You didn’t decide on Monday, you’re gonna stop smoking on Tuesday. The problem is licked, right?

Michelle: It is more just people around me kind of like, don’t smoke. It’s gross. And then every time I saw my family I had to sneak out to sneak off for, then I would smell like smoke. And then every time my mom would hug me, she would sniff me ridiculously. Sniff me. Blanche died of lung cancer and she was never a smoker. Her husband was, my grandfather.

Gabe: So you feel this second hand smoke really contributed? And that’s something that vape doesn’t have, second hand smoke.

Michelle: And my other grandmother had emphysema. You know, my mom was like, you remember your grandmother? She couldn’t walk 100 yards. And like, really, that wasn’t the biggest problem she had.

Gabe: Even though, you know, I can tell you you’re irritated with your mother for trying to make you a better person, the horror. But your mother’s reasoning is because of people that she loved were in harm’s way.

Michelle: Right, no.

Gabe: You realize she keeps bringing it up because she is worried about you?

Michelle: But I hated that I was smoking, but I couldn’t stop. I hated that I was doing it. But it was my vice. I hated it. I wanted to stop, but it was too hard.

Gabe: But how did you? How did you?

Michelle: I found, I just, I got on the vape pen. I just transitioned to the pen.

Gabe: Because the research shows that the best way to defeat a habit is to replace the time with another one. Just quitting cold turkey and just having that free time, you’re just going to ruminate on what you used to be doing.

Michelle: It’s true. And people, they just don’t like smokers unless you’re friends with smokers. They like look down on you so badly. It’s not just smoking.

Gabe: People look down on vices that they don’t understand. And as somebody who lives with bipolar disorder, I know that many of the people in our community have developed various vices, smoking being a big one. 90 percent, 60 percent, 90 percent of schizophrenic smoke rate, 60 to 70 percent bipolar smoke rate. We’ve developed this as a coping mechanism to try to get help. So it makes it hard to look down on people who smoke when I know that their vice comes out of a place of trying to save themselves. Nevertheless, I don’t want people in our community to all die of lung cancer at 50 and I don’t want you to die, which is awkward because you’re just a pain.

Michelle: Oh, shut up. You’re a pain.

Gabe: You think I’m gonna die of like Diet Coke poisoning?

Michelle: Everyone’s gonna die. Eventually.

Gabe: We really should address our vices. I mean, you agree with that, right?

Michelle: Yes.

Gabe: We want to have the best quality of life that we can. We don’t want to annoy the people that we care about. Even you, Michelle, who is the most curmudgeonly, cranky person I know. You want the people around you to be happy and you want to be happy.

Michelle: I am not curmudgeonly, cranky, but I do want everyone to be happy.

Gabe: That’s something that a curmudgeonly, cranky person would say.

Michelle: I don’t think I’m curmudgeonly cranky. I’m a New Yorker.

Gabe: And what is the definition of the behavior of a New Yorker?

Michelle: Oh, they were always angry?

Gabe: Yes.

Michelle: Because tourists don’t get out of the goddamn way.

Gabe: I love how it’s our fault.

Michelle: You stay to the right. Stay to the right. Do not walk in a line on the sidewalk. I’m rolling my bag down the street. And these people are blocking the dip. So I can’t get my suitcase on the dip. And I just say, hi, guys. Can I use that? Use what? The sidewalk, please. Oh, well, we’ll move. don’t take up the sidewalk. I’m gonna be an asshole if you’re taking out the sidewalk. The sidewalk is for walking, not side stand. Sidewalk. Not.

Gabe: That sounds like a curmudgeonly, cranky person, ladies and gentlemen, that is a very reasonable thing to say. She’s not even in New York right now and she’s pissed at people that aren’t here. That is very emotionally healthy. My name is Gabe Howard. With me, as always, is Michelle Hammer. And we will see you next week on A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast.

Announcer: You’ve been listening to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. If you love this episode, don’t keep it to yourself head over to iTunes or your preferred podcast app to subscribe, rate, and review. To work with Gabe go to GabeHoward.com. To work with Michelle, go to Schizophrenic.NYC. For free mental health resources and online support groups, head over to PsychCentral.com. This show’s official web site is PsychCentral.com/BSP. You can e-mail us at [email protected]. Thank you for listening, and share widely.

Meet Your Bipolar and Schizophrenic Hosts

GABE HOWARD was formally diagnosed with bipolar and anxiety disorders after being committed to a psychiatric hospital in 2003. Now in recovery, Gabe is a prominent mental health activist and host of the award-winning Psych Central Show podcast. He is also an award-winning writer and speaker, traveling nationally to share the humorous, yet educational, story of his bipolar life. To work with Gabe, visit gabehoward.com.

MICHELLE HAMMER was officially diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 22, but incorrectly diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18. Michelle is an award-winning mental health advocate who has been featured in press all over the world. In May 2015, Michelle founded the company Schizophrenic.NYC, a mental health clothing line, with the mission of reducing stigma by starting conversations about mental health. She is a firm believer that confidence can get you anywhere. To work with Michelle, visit Schizophrenic.NYC.

from World of Psychology http://bit.ly/2KBqYP7 via theshiningmind.com

#World of Psychology #child psychology

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positivepsychologyinterventions · 5 years

Text

Podcast: Bad Habits and Vices Related to Mental Illness

In this episode, our hosts discuss bad habits that many people with mental illness seem to have – from smoking, to alcoholism, to drug use and, you guessed it, everything in between.

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

“90% of people with schizophrenia smoke.” – Michelle Hammer

Highlights From ‘Bad Habits Mental Illness’’ Episode

[0:30] Talking vices and bad habits: What are they?

[3:00] Gabe’s vice is something people don’t expect.

[8:00] Are vices okay?

[9:00] Michelle and her worst habit.

[12:30] How do bad habits help people?

[16:30] Michelle’s other vice that people hate.

[17:45] Vices, like everything, exist on a spectrum.

[18:30] How can you overcome a bad habit?

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Bad Habits and Vices Related to Mental Illness’ Show

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: For reasons that utterly escape everyone involved, you’re listening to A Bipolar, A Schizophrenic, and A Podcast. Here are your hosts, Gabe Howard and Michelle Hammer.

Gabe: It’s now time for A Bipolar, A Schizophrenic, and A Podcast with your host, Michelle Hammer, schizophrenic.

Michelle: And Gabe Howard, bipolar.

Gabe: Today’s episode is all about vices.

Michelle: Vices.

Michelle: Is that a vice? Is mean and cranky even a vice?

Gabe: I mean, it’s very New York.

Michelle: A vice, though?

Gabe: I don’t know. What’s the definition of a vice.

Michelle: I don’t know. Maybe we should have looked that up?

Gabe: You know, with the magic of editing, people will think that we looked it up right –

Gabe: Now!

Michelle: Now!

Michelle: The definition of a vice is a weakness or character or behavior. A bad habit.

Gabe: Wait. So the definition of a vice is a bad habit? We had to Google that?

Michelle: Well, there’s many different definitions of vice’s here. Or an immoral or wicked personal characteristic.

Gabe: Basically, vices are bad habits. Smoking, drinking, promiscuous sex, over eating. These are the kind of vices that we’re talking about, right?

Michelle: Synonyms are shortcomings. Failing, flaw, fault, defect, weakness, weak point. Deficiency. Limitation. Imperfection. Blemish. Foible. Fallibility. Frailty, infirmity.

Gabe: I feel like this show is just you reading the definition of vice from wikipedia.

Michelle: Do you know that I know how to Google and when I Google things I know how to read? That’s right, guys. I know how to read. You might think I don’t know how to read.

Gabe: Nobody would accuse you of being illiterate.

Michelle: I’m glad because I am not illiterate and I know how to read.

Gabe: I read our show’s, emails, and they have called you a lot of things. Illiterate is not among them.

Michelle: No. But, I’ve gotten emails and I they’ve said, why did you pick that guy, Gabe? He must be very organized or something.

Gabe: I do remember that e-mail.

Michelle: That was a good e-mail. That was hilarious.

Gabe: I was so confused. Like, I’m listening to your show and I can’t decide why you partnered with Gabe. But I suspect maybe it’s because he’s organized.

Michelle: Yeah.

Gabe: Does my organization come through on the show?

Michelle: Apparently, somebody thinks that that’s the only reason why I picked you.

Gabe: I wonder why I picked you. Because you’re not organized.

Michelle: I picked you?

Gabe: I picked you?

Michelle: Who’s who? Who are you?

Gabe: I don’t know.

Michelle: I pick Peppy.

Gabe: Remember when we tried to get Peppy on the podcast and now he’s afraid of the microphone?

Michelle: Yeah.

Gabe: Aww.

Michelle: Poor Peppy.

Gabe: Let’s get, we gotta get. Let’s get to the point here. Put your phone down. Okay, so.

Gabe: You’re not.

Michelle: Exactly.

Michelle: Do you believe Diet Coke is actually healthier than regular Coke? Because it’s not.

Gabe: Come on. You saw an ad, you know, where’s the research? Where’s the backing? But you don’t need to convince me that drinking this much Diet Coke is bad.

Michelle: Because it is something you use to cope.

Michelle: Also, you used to weigh five hundred and fifty pounds. Wouldn’t you consider all the food you used to eat quite a vice?

Gabe: Yes. Even still to this day. Now that I’m at a reasonable, normal, mostly healthy weight.

Michelle: Through surgery, though.

Michelle: But I don’t see you exercise, ever.

Gabe: Well, no, but 10 years later, I still have the weight off. The average success rate of a gastric bypass at ten years is not high.

Michelle: Oh, really?

Gabe: It’s one of the reasons why it kind of fell out of favor. People would lose the weight initially, but then they’d gain most of it back within a decade. I still have my weight off.

Michelle: That I did not know. That’s very interesting.

Gabe: And while you may not see me exercise, have you ever seen me, and be honest, have you ever seen me eat an entire sheet cake?

Michelle: Good point. But have you done that in the past before gastric bypass?

Gabe: I ate an entire sheet cake routinely.

Michelle: Wow.

Gabe: I used to buy icing in a can and just eat it out of the can.

Michelle: You know, I have friends who’ve done that, but they wouldn’t eat the entire thing of icing. You would sit there and eat it all in one sitting?

Michelle: Really?

Michelle: I never really realized that. I guess I just didn’t notice the need for the Diet Coke. I thought you were just thirsty, I guess. Could be like the dry mouth. Right?

Michelle: Why not water?

Gabe: That’s clearly why it’s a vice. Because a better option is available. I could drink more water.

Michelle: Ok.

Gabe: And I don’t.

Gabe: You’re an ex smoker, Michelle.

Michelle: Yes, I am.

Michelle: I started because I had some bad influences.

Gabe: Was it Blanche? Please tell me it was Blanche.

Michelle: No, God, it wasn’t Blanche.

Gabe: Did Blanche make you smoke?

Gabe: Well, it did end, though.

Michelle: My parents did the same thing to me.

Michelle: That’s hilarious.

Gabe: And I’m pretty sure that I shot heroin. Sincerely, looking back on it, I don’t know what the cognitive dissonance was that smoking bad drugs good. But that’s what I believed.

Michelle: But a lot of people do believe that. They think drugs are OK, but cigarettes are bad.

Gabe: Right. Because we’ve got a whole drugs are natural. You realize that cigarettes are tobacco, right? They’re natural, too.

Michelle: They’re full of chemicals.

Gabe: Of course.

Michelle: There are full of things like formaldehyde.

Gabe: And so are drugs. How do you think drugs are cut? You honestly believe that your local area drug dealer has purity standards?

Michelle: That’s a very good point. There’s a very good point.

Gabe: Your dealer is doing all of this, like above board and making sure that it’s organic? Are you kidding? If they can make an extra nickel, they would make us drink their cat’s piss.

Michelle: Hang on one second. We’re going to take a break.

Gabe: Want us to answer your questions on the show? Head over to PsychCentral.com/BSP questions and fill out the form.

Michelle: And we’re back talking about vices. But the thing is, 90 percent of people with schizophrenia smoke. That is incredibly interesting.

Michelle: It’s a coping mechanism.

Gabe: Exactly.

Michelle: It is a coping mechanism.

Gabe: And nobody is saying that it’s a good coping mechanism.

Michelle: It’s not a good. No, no. But I might, I used to be a cutter. Would you would you rather me be a cutter or use my vape pen? And use that as my vice? Or can I smoke my vape pen?

Gabe: Well, I mean

Michelle: I’m just saying, weigh the options.

Gabe: Of course with those two options. That’s a no brainer.

Michelle: Oh, yeah?

Gabe: You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re literally sucking smoke into your lungs and you’re telling me about health?

Michelle: Have you ever seen a doctor smoke? Yes. Isn’t that hilarious?

Gabe: A vice overcomes our knowledge base. We understand that a lot of this stuff is bad. There is nobody in the world eating a Big Mac that thinks it’s a health food. But we love Big Macs.

Michelle: Yeah.

Gabe: And it became a vice.

Michelle: One time I came home crying and said to my roommate Ben I lost my job. He goes, You want me to go to the grocery store for you? And I go, Yes, please.

Gabe: But see, the problem there is if you would have lost your job three times in your lifetime, who cares? Nobody would have called it a vice. You lost nine jobs in a year.

Michelle: No! Asshole, it wasn’t nine in a year. It was from age twenty two to 27.

Gabe: Really?

Michelle: Really.

Gabe: That? That’s deserving of you calling me an asshole?

Michelle: Shut up.

Gabe: Yeah.

Michelle: It wasn’t one year.

Michelle: Listen, don’t make fun of wannabe be actors.

Gabe: Oh, why are you making fun of wannabee actors? Why didn’t you just say actor?

Michelle: He because he never had a principal role.

Gabe: A principal role? Now we’re judging the types of roles.

Michelle: That’s what he would say to me, OK? He would say to me that he wants to get principal roles. He was on an episode of Law & Order one time.

Gabe: He played the corpse, right?

Michelle: Yes.

Gabe: Did you buy him gelato?

Gabe: Yes, I would.

Gabe: I really like how you said that, that it’s not good for you, but it gives you satisfaction.

Michelle: It does.

Gabe: That might be the best definition of vice that we’ve come up with. It’s not good, but it makes me happy.

Michelle: Yeah.

Michelle: My nails bleed.

Gabe: Right? So clearly in the realm of vice.

Michelle: Yes.

Gabe: What do you do to get rid of these vices?

Michelle: People yell at me to stop me, but I don’t.

Gabe: You realize there’s somebody out there halfway through that e-mail that’s like click, click.

Gabe: No, no. Oh, no.

Michelle: It doesn’t work?

Gabe: Hypnosis is just straight up fraud.

Michelle: Why are you saying that hypnosis is fraud? Now we’re going to get letters, Gabe.

Gabe: I’m OK with that.

Michelle: Can somebody please hypnotize Gabe to not be a ginger anymore?

Gabe: How would that even work?

Michelle: I’m just saying.

Gabe: Let’s say the hypnotism was even real. How would it change my hair color?

Michelle: I’m just making things up, Gabe.

Michelle: Yeah.

Gabe: Food is readily available and it was comforting.

Gabe: I do think that vaping is much healthier for you than smoking cigarettes. The research so far is confirming that, it also doesn’t smell as bad because cigarette smoke just smells awful.

Gabe: But it took you a while to get there, right? Rome wasn’t built the day. You didn’t decide on Monday, you’re gonna stop smoking on Tuesday. The problem is licked, right?

Gabe: So you feel this second hand smoke really contributed? And that’s something that vape doesn’t have, second hand smoke.

Michelle: And my other grandmother had emphysema. You know, my mom was like, you remember your grandmother? She couldn’t walk 100 yards. And like, really, that wasn’t the biggest problem she had.

Michelle: Right, no.

Gabe: You realize she keeps bringing it up because she is worried about you?

Michelle: But I hated that I was smoking, but I couldn’t stop. I hated that I was doing it. But it was my vice. I hated it. I wanted to stop, but it was too hard.

Gabe: But how did you? How did you?

Michelle: I found, I just, I got on the vape pen. I just transitioned to the pen.

Michelle: It’s true. And people, they just don’t like smokers unless you’re friends with smokers. They like look down on you so badly. It’s not just smoking.

Michelle: Oh, shut up. You’re a pain.

Gabe: You think I’m gonna die of like Diet Coke poisoning?

Michelle: Everyone’s gonna die. Eventually.

Gabe: We really should address our vices. I mean, you agree with that, right?

Michelle: Yes.

Michelle: I am not curmudgeonly, cranky, but I do want everyone to be happy.

Gabe: That’s something that a curmudgeonly, cranky person would say.

Michelle: I don’t think I’m curmudgeonly cranky. I’m a New Yorker.

Gabe: And what is the definition of the behavior of a New Yorker?

Michelle: Oh, they were always angry?

Gabe: Yes.

Michelle: Because tourists don’t get out of the goddamn way.

Gabe: I love how it’s our fault.

Meet Your Bipolar and Schizophrenic Hosts

from World of Psychology http://bit.ly/2KBqYP7 via IFTTT

#IFTTT #World of Psychology

0 notes

psychotherapyconsultants · 5 years

Text

Podcast: Bad Habits and Vices Related to Mental Illness

In this episode, our hosts discuss bad habits that many people with mental illness seem to have – from smoking, to alcoholism, to drug use and, you guessed it, everything in between.

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

“90% of people with schizophrenia smoke.” – Michelle Hammer

Highlights From ‘Bad Habits Mental Illness’’ Episode

[0:30] Talking vices and bad habits: What are they?

[3:00] Gabe’s vice is something people don’t expect.

[8:00] Are vices okay?

[9:00] Michelle and her worst habit.

[12:30] How do bad habits help people?

[16:30] Michelle’s other vice that people hate.

[17:45] Vices, like everything, exist on a spectrum.

[18:30] How can you overcome a bad habit?

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Bad Habits and Vices Related to Mental Illness’ Show

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: For reasons that utterly escape everyone involved, you’re listening to A Bipolar, A Schizophrenic, and A Podcast. Here are your hosts, Gabe Howard and Michelle Hammer.

Gabe: It’s now time for A Bipolar, A Schizophrenic, and A Podcast with your host, Michelle Hammer, schizophrenic.

Michelle: And Gabe Howard, bipolar.

Gabe: Today’s episode is all about vices.

Michelle: Vices.

Michelle: Is that a vice? Is mean and cranky even a vice?

Gabe: I mean, it’s very New York.

Michelle: A vice, though?

Gabe: I don’t know. What’s the definition of a vice.

Michelle: I don’t know. Maybe we should have looked that up?

Gabe: You know, with the magic of editing, people will think that we looked it up right –

Gabe: Now!

Michelle: Now!

Michelle: The definition of a vice is a weakness or character or behavior. A bad habit.

Gabe: Wait. So the definition of a vice is a bad habit? We had to Google that?

Michelle: Well, there’s many different definitions of vice’s here. Or an immoral or wicked personal characteristic.

Gabe: Basically, vices are bad habits. Smoking, drinking, promiscuous sex, over eating. These are the kind of vices that we’re talking about, right?

Michelle: Synonyms are shortcomings. Failing, flaw, fault, defect, weakness, weak point. Deficiency. Limitation. Imperfection. Blemish. Foible. Fallibility. Frailty, infirmity.

Gabe: I feel like this show is just you reading the definition of vice from wikipedia.

Michelle: Do you know that I know how to Google and when I Google things I know how to read? That’s right, guys. I know how to read. You might think I don’t know how to read.

Gabe: Nobody would accuse you of being illiterate.

Michelle: I’m glad because I am not illiterate and I know how to read.

Gabe: I read our show’s, emails, and they have called you a lot of things. Illiterate is not among them.

Michelle: No. But, I’ve gotten emails and I they’ve said, why did you pick that guy, Gabe? He must be very organized or something.

Gabe: I do remember that e-mail.

Michelle: That was a good e-mail. That was hilarious.

Gabe: I was so confused. Like, I’m listening to your show and I can’t decide why you partnered with Gabe. But I suspect maybe it’s because he’s organized.

Michelle: Yeah.

Gabe: Does my organization come through on the show?

Michelle: Apparently, somebody thinks that that’s the only reason why I picked you.

Gabe: I wonder why I picked you. Because you’re not organized.

Michelle: I picked you?

Gabe: I picked you?

Michelle: Who’s who? Who are you?

Gabe: I don’t know.

Michelle: I pick Peppy.

Gabe: Remember when we tried to get Peppy on the podcast and now he’s afraid of the microphone?

Michelle: Yeah.

Gabe: Aww.

Michelle: Poor Peppy.

Gabe: Let’s get, we gotta get. Let’s get to the point here. Put your phone down. Okay, so.

Gabe: You’re not.

Michelle: Exactly.

Michelle: Do you believe Diet Coke is actually healthier than regular Coke? Because it’s not.

Gabe: Come on. You saw an ad, you know, where’s the research? Where’s the backing? But you don’t need to convince me that drinking this much Diet Coke is bad.

Michelle: Because it is something you use to cope.

Michelle: Also, you used to weigh five hundred and fifty pounds. Wouldn’t you consider all the food you used to eat quite a vice?

Gabe: Yes. Even still to this day. Now that I’m at a reasonable, normal, mostly healthy weight.

Michelle: Through surgery, though.

Michelle: But I don’t see you exercise, ever.

Gabe: Well, no, but 10 years later, I still have the weight off. The average success rate of a gastric bypass at ten years is not high.

Michelle: Oh, really?

Gabe: It’s one of the reasons why it kind of fell out of favor. People would lose the weight initially, but then they’d gain most of it back within a decade. I still have my weight off.

Michelle: That I did not know. That’s very interesting.

Gabe: And while you may not see me exercise, have you ever seen me, and be honest, have you ever seen me eat an entire sheet cake?

Michelle: Good point. But have you done that in the past before gastric bypass?

Gabe: I ate an entire sheet cake routinely.

Michelle: Wow.

Gabe: I used to buy icing in a can and just eat it out of the can.

Michelle: You know, I have friends who’ve done that, but they wouldn’t eat the entire thing of icing. You would sit there and eat it all in one sitting?

Michelle: Really?

Michelle: I never really realized that. I guess I just didn’t notice the need for the Diet Coke. I thought you were just thirsty, I guess. Could be like the dry mouth. Right?

Michelle: Why not water?

Gabe: That’s clearly why it’s a vice. Because a better option is available. I could drink more water.

Michelle: Ok.

Gabe: And I don’t.

Gabe: You’re an ex smoker, Michelle.

Michelle: Yes, I am.

Michelle: I started because I had some bad influences.

Gabe: Was it Blanche? Please tell me it was Blanche.

Michelle: No, God, it wasn’t Blanche.

Gabe: Did Blanche make you smoke?

Gabe: Well, it did end, though.

Michelle: My parents did the same thing to me.

Michelle: That’s hilarious.

Gabe: And I’m pretty sure that I shot heroin. Sincerely, looking back on it, I don’t know what the cognitive dissonance was that smoking bad drugs good. But that’s what I believed.

Michelle: But a lot of people do believe that. They think drugs are OK, but cigarettes are bad.

Gabe: Right. Because we’ve got a whole drugs are natural. You realize that cigarettes are tobacco, right? They’re natural, too.

Michelle: They’re full of chemicals.

Gabe: Of course.

Michelle: There are full of things like formaldehyde.

Gabe: And so are drugs. How do you think drugs are cut? You honestly believe that your local area drug dealer has purity standards?

Michelle: That’s a very good point. There’s a very good point.

Gabe: Your dealer is doing all of this, like above board and making sure that it’s organic? Are you kidding? If they can make an extra nickel, they would make us drink their cat’s piss.

Michelle: Hang on one second. We’re going to take a break.

Gabe: Want us to answer your questions on the show? Head over to PsychCentral.com/BSP questions and fill out the form.

Michelle: And we’re back talking about vices. But the thing is, 90 percent of people with schizophrenia smoke. That is incredibly interesting.

Michelle: It’s a coping mechanism.

Gabe: Exactly.

Michelle: It is a coping mechanism.

Gabe: And nobody is saying that it’s a good coping mechanism.

Michelle: It’s not a good. No, no. But I might, I used to be a cutter. Would you would you rather me be a cutter or use my vape pen? And use that as my vice? Or can I smoke my vape pen?

Gabe: Well, I mean

Michelle: I’m just saying, weigh the options.

Gabe: Of course with those two options. That’s a no brainer.

Michelle: Oh, yeah?

Gabe: You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re literally sucking smoke into your lungs and you’re telling me about health?

Michelle: Have you ever seen a doctor smoke? Yes. Isn’t that hilarious?

Gabe: A vice overcomes our knowledge base. We understand that a lot of this stuff is bad. There is nobody in the world eating a Big Mac that thinks it’s a health food. But we love Big Macs.

Michelle: Yeah.

Gabe: And it became a vice.

Michelle: One time I came home crying and said to my roommate Ben I lost my job. He goes, You want me to go to the grocery store for you? And I go, Yes, please.

Gabe: But see, the problem there is if you would have lost your job three times in your lifetime, who cares? Nobody would have called it a vice. You lost nine jobs in a year.

Michelle: No! Asshole, it wasn’t nine in a year. It was from age twenty two to 27.

Gabe: Really?

Michelle: Really.

Gabe: That? That’s deserving of you calling me an asshole?

Michelle: Shut up.

Gabe: Yeah.

Michelle: It wasn’t one year.

Michelle: Listen, don’t make fun of wannabe be actors.

Gabe: Oh, why are you making fun of wannabee actors? Why didn’t you just say actor?

Michelle: He because he never had a principal role.

Gabe: A principal role? Now we’re judging the types of roles.

Michelle: That’s what he would say to me, OK? He would say to me that he wants to get principal roles. He was on an episode of Law & Order one time.

Gabe: He played the corpse, right?

Michelle: Yes.

Gabe: Did you buy him gelato?

Gabe: Yes, I would.

Gabe: I really like how you said that, that it’s not good for you, but it gives you satisfaction.

Michelle: It does.

Gabe: That might be the best definition of vice that we’ve come up with. It’s not good, but it makes me happy.

Michelle: Yeah.

Michelle: My nails bleed.

Gabe: Right? So clearly in the realm of vice.

Michelle: Yes.

Gabe: What do you do to get rid of these vices?

Michelle: People yell at me to stop me, but I don’t.

Gabe: You realize there’s somebody out there halfway through that e-mail that’s like click, click.

Gabe: No, no. Oh, no.

Michelle: It doesn’t work?

Gabe: Hypnosis is just straight up fraud.

Michelle: Why are you saying that hypnosis is fraud? Now we’re going to get letters, Gabe.

Gabe: I’m OK with that.

Michelle: Can somebody please hypnotize Gabe to not be a ginger anymore?

Gabe: How would that even work?

Michelle: I’m just saying.

Gabe: Let’s say the hypnotism was even real. How would it change my hair color?

Michelle: I’m just making things up, Gabe.

Michelle: Yeah.

Gabe: Food is readily available and it was comforting.

Gabe: I do think that vaping is much healthier for you than smoking cigarettes. The research so far is confirming that, it also doesn’t smell as bad because cigarette smoke just smells awful.

Gabe: But it took you a while to get there, right? Rome wasn’t built the day. You didn’t decide on Monday, you’re gonna stop smoking on Tuesday. The problem is licked, right?

Gabe: So you feel this second hand smoke really contributed? And that’s something that vape doesn’t have, second hand smoke.

Michelle: And my other grandmother had emphysema. You know, my mom was like, you remember your grandmother? She couldn’t walk 100 yards. And like, really, that wasn’t the biggest problem she had.

Michelle: Right, no.

Gabe: You realize she keeps bringing it up because she is worried about you?

Michelle: But I hated that I was smoking, but I couldn’t stop. I hated that I was doing it. But it was my vice. I hated it. I wanted to stop, but it was too hard.

Gabe: But how did you? How did you?

Michelle: I found, I just, I got on the vape pen. I just transitioned to the pen.

Michelle: It’s true. And people, they just don’t like smokers unless you’re friends with smokers. They like look down on you so badly. It’s not just smoking.

Michelle: Oh, shut up. You’re a pain.

Gabe: You think I’m gonna die of like Diet Coke poisoning?

Michelle: Everyone’s gonna die. Eventually.

Gabe: We really should address our vices. I mean, you agree with that, right?

Michelle: Yes.

Michelle: I am not curmudgeonly, cranky, but I do want everyone to be happy.

Gabe: That’s something that a curmudgeonly, cranky person would say.

Michelle: I don’t think I’m curmudgeonly cranky. I’m a New Yorker.

Gabe: And what is the definition of the behavior of a New Yorker?

Michelle: Oh, they were always angry?

Gabe: Yes.

Michelle: Because tourists don’t get out of the goddamn way.

Gabe: I love how it’s our fault.

Meet Your Bipolar and Schizophrenic Hosts

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/podcast-bad-habits-and-vices-related-to-mental-illness/

#World of Psychology

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youremyonlyhope · 7 years

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Baelor

My brother warned me that everything always goes down in the second to last episode of each season...

The Twins. That’s a new place. And we’re done with the Eyrie. Good, Robin was creeping me out. Yeah... so like... Varys... I really can’t figure him out. Oh hey it’s David Bradley! Oh that poor girl. Awww he’s giving Jon his sword!??!?! Awwwww. Jorah... who’s Jorah again... OH MY GOD JORAH. I didn’t even realize they had the same last name until just now. All of you people are too closely related. Oh god why do you have to bargain Arya’s future happiness come on. And?! There’s more? More than promising one of his sons knighthood and another your daughter?! Oh ok, promising his daughter to your son. Ok. I thought it was gonna be something crazier. Like yeah, this is bad, but it’s on par with the Arya marying his son thing. I don’t know what I expected but I was a little relieved. Jon, I’m sure someone out there knows how it feels. Oh my god this guy is a Targaryen. Yeah so Jon... someone out there... knows how you feel... and is much worse off. This guy. You know what? Last episode I was thinking “I swear if this stupid little cut is the thing that kills Khal Drogo...” but then I didn’t write it down. And now he’s slumping on his horse. Come on. I swear, this lady better not have poisoned him. I wanted to be happy she was helping. And if she’s poisoned him... I like how for the last few episodes, Dany’s stomach was basically flat, and now suddenly she actually has a swollen belly. OK wait is she about to go into early labor or something? But also, no spoilers of this show mention Dany having a baby so the baby’s gonna have to die at some point. Of course she falls and lands on her stomach. Of course the baby is coming now. Yeah... having the witch do a spell that make the “dead dance here tonight” while also delivering a baby is a surefire way to give birth to some kind of... whatever the Dothraki version of an anti-Christ is. This is how you end up with demon babies. Another transition from Dany to a scene involving fire burning skin. Editors... I see you. Ok can all the characters in this show play this game with Tyrion please? I want to know everything. Oooh... this girl is like nobility or something isn’t she? I wanna know her story. But I’m too scared to use Amazon’s “X-Ray” of the actors in the scene in case her character name spoils something. Tyrion was married? WELL FUCK JAIME. YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SAY “JAIME? FIGHTING OFF A GIRL’S ATTACKERS? SOUNDS ALMOST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. MAYBE HE WAS GOOD AT ONE POINT.” BUT NOPE. “A girl who was almost raped doesn’t invite a man into her bed 2 hours later.” OK yeah that seemed weird to me too. I mean... getting knocked out by someone’s mace that’s swinging around as they run and then sleeping through the entire thing is one way to guarantee you survive a battle... I meant to put in the last episode “I bet Robb’s telling them they’re gonna go to Tywin to throw them off his trail as they got to Jaime.” And I just realized that I didn’t put it in. I think it’s because at that point my brother was making me google how far down a tie should go (for those who care: it should apparently just cover the top of your belt buckle) and I guess I just never wrote it in after closing google. But yeah. Looks like Robb was bluffing Tywin. He’s so smart. OK never mind, Tywin knows that there are another 18,000 men. I was hoping he could actually trick him into thinking that this was it. *Jaime Lannister is thrown to the ground* OH, WOW. I literally said “Oh, wow.” out loud when he hit the ground. So the bluff did work. I thought it was just to give Tywin a false sense of security, but it was mostly to blindside Jaime. Cool. ROBB BABY DON’T DO IT DON’T FIGHT JAIME. YOU’LL LOSE. Ok Robb knows it. I was literally just thinking about how we’ve gone 50 minutes and there was no mention of Arya, and now we finally get to see her and how she’s doing. God is Arya lucky she was in her training clothes when she had to flee. I really hope Ned doesn’t let his relief of seeing Arya get the better of him and give away that that’s her... OK WAIT WHERE DID THE ATTEMPT TO MURDER JOFFREY COME INTO THIS!? I mean I get that that’s the only logical explanation for how Stannis or Renly could take the throne without telling the world that Joffrey’s not Robert’s son, but still. “And seize the throne for myself.” UM. THIS STUPID QUEEN PUTTING WORDS IN HIS MOUTH. COULD HAVE AT LEAST GONE WITH THE TRUTH “SEIZE THE THRONE FOR HIS BROTHER” COME ON. “But they have the soft hearts of women.” EXCUSE YOU. Even Cersei’s looking at him like “Ok wait what are you doing?” THIS KID HAS LITERALLY NO SENSE. OK who’s the guy holding Arya? Is it Yoren? I like barely remember Yoren, I just know he’s popped up randomly. If I was Ned, and knew I was gonna die anyway, I’d just be like “JOFFREY IS THE SON OF JAIME. HE IS THE PRODUCT OF INCEST. STANNIS IS THE TRUE HEIR.” and then just let them kill me.

Well I’m mad. And now that secret dies with him (except Baelish and Varys know too, but they’re never gonna tell).

I’m sad. I had hoped that Ned Stark would be alive for most of the show. Not just the first season. This is disappointing. I am really upset.

#hope watches game of thrones #ignore me if you want

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pagedesignhub-blog · 7 years

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How to Update Google Chrome

New Post has been published on https://pagedesignhub.com/how-to-update-google-chrome/

How to Update Google Chrome

Most Chrome customers will possibly never run into troubles updating Google Chrome because the browser is configured to update automatically with the aid of default.

Chrome Download

This is actual for Chrome on Android, iPhone and iPad, Chrome for the computing device operating structures Windows, Linux and Mac OS X, and Chrome on Google Chromebooks.

Sometimes although, you may run into troubles updating Chrome. If you observe that Chrome does now not update automatically anymore, or if you want to replace Chrome due to the fact you recognize there is an update to be had, then you’ll locate the subsequent guide beneficial because it offers solutions that you may locate beneficially.

Google Chrome – Is it Any Different? Do you recognize what’s the happening news in Technology this week? It is Google Chrome. It is GOOGLE’s Product! Anything from Google is information. Google determined to release a brand new internet browser to compete with Firefox and Microsoft IE. Wow! It is massive! Yes. If it is not for Google, Chrome wouldn’t have had 1% browser share within the first day! When I heard this news, as every curious person might do, I downloaded Chrome to check if fits me. Read critiques to aid my ideas. But most of them have been exceptionally technical which lead me to check myself and come out with something a lay man could recognize and help him decide if chrome is pleasant for him.

Why Google commenced Chrome? – The apparent query

May be they have been bored growing only programs and wanted to chance all of it! But while you ask Google this query, they say, “Because we agree with we are able to add value for users and, at the identical time, assist drive innovation on the web”. Of path, Google merits a big applause for attempting out browsers.

– It uses Isolated Tab Process. What is that this besides? Most folks could have confronted this trouble. When opening a number of tabs in a browser increases the reminiscence utilization and additionally if one tab crashes the complete browser crashes and we want to restart to hold working. However, Google’s thoughtful procedure saves us from this distinctly stressful crashes. According to Chrome, if one tab crashes, most effective that tab crashes. You still can work with the others. This feature alone makes me love Google more!

– Easy Installation Process: I downloaded chrome and there are no complications at all. This is one browser which may be downloaded comfortable and you do not require any technical know-how to down load.

-Less CPU utilization: I checked with my task supervisor and I am truly impressed with the CPU utilization that chrome requires. Unlike other browsers which increase the CPU utilization when extra Tabs are opened, Chrome uses less area which ought to receive credit score for.

-Fast: Compared to other browsers it is rapid. But the tech specialists says that it needs to be even quicker. But for me, I am OK with the velocity chrome is giving now.

– The mixed search container and the URL field is absolutely catchy. You can type your searches and the URL bar comes up with related sites and makes the surfing clean.

– When you open a new tab, chrome comes up with your latest regarded web sites, in a size bigger than a thumbnail to make it smooth on the way to visit your normal web sites. Though it is a good characteristic, once in a while it does intimidate you. But, who can say a ‘No’ to visit your favorite web sites simply with 1 click on?

How to Easily Update Google Chrome on Mac or Windows? An internet browser from Google, Google Chrome, is one that gives a mixture of minimum layout and complex technology. It allows in making the web surfing enjoy quicker, more secure and lots less complicated. Google if you want to decorate user enjoy maintains releasing a new or updated version of Chrome on a regular foundation. What maximum users keep away from is updating their browser version to the today’s or most updated one. Just to make it simpler is a simple guide right here, presented in a grade by grade manner.

Updating Google Chrome to its cutting-edge model is crucial which will preserve insecurities and vulnerabilities to the minimal. Also, updating to the latest model gives get entry to the present day and most new features. So, observe the technique that is mentioned underneath to make this feasible. The method is divided into two classes. First is for updating Chrome on Mac, at the same time as the second one is for updating Chrome on Windows.

· Begin by establishing the Chrome net browser. In case an replace is available, a small green arrow can be displayed on the pinnacle of the Chrome menu on the browser toolbar. The Chrome menu is pictured as a field crafted from parallel strains that sit at the proper facet of the hunt bar at the higher a part of the web page. In case the arrow isn’t seen, it method you have already got the contemporary version up to date. But, in case the inexperienced arrow is visible, move to the next step.

· Now, you must click on Update Google Chrome, which is a gift as a 2nd remaining option in the drop-down menu. After clicking, a confirmation can be requested in which you once more need to click, yes.

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type2diabetestreatments-blog · 7 years

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Life Is Like a Box of... Diabetes Goodies? (Giveaway Contest!)

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/life-is-like-a-box-of-diabetes-goodies-giveaway-contest/

Life Is Like a Box of... Diabetes Goodies? (Giveaway Contest!)

The medium-sized priority mail box arrived by mail the day after Thanksgiving, on Black Friday. A label stating "D-Box" was stuck on the top, hinting at the mystery lineup of "diabetes goodies" inside.

And that moment, right before I ripped the box open, was probably the highlight of my experience with HealthEngage's new D-Box offering, that's pitched as a "Diabetes Products of the Month Club." Inside each box is a hodgepodge of D-item samples that can range from food, drinks, topical creams, books, electronics, jewelry, to "anything cool and useful for someone with diabetes."

I was pretty intrigued after talking to the head of the Arlington, VA, company behind this D-Box. It's a new service started this year that you can get for yourself or someone else as a gift - $35 for a single month, $75 for three months, $190 for six months, or $340 for a full year (!).

"We kept hearing from our users that it was difficult to find new and interesting diabetes-related products," HealthEngage president Michael Slage said about how the D-Box came to be. "It was troubling, getting emails from people saying they can't afford supplies and test strips... so we wanted to help them save some money. We decided to try to take the hassle out of finding and trying new products for people who can't spend all day on Google trying to find something."

So my imagination got away with me as I anticipated what might be inside my box: maybe it would be the run-of-the-mill sample packs you get at conference booths, but just maybe it would be something totally new and interesting and useful in ways I'd never thought of before.

Unwrapping the Box

When my D-Box arrived on Black Friday, I found seven sample items inside:

Roasted Seasoned Seaweed from Korea

A 6-oz tin of Bear & Wolf Pink Salmon

Nature's Hollow sugar-free maple syrup

A five-day sample pack of six Nature Made vitamins without any gluten or artificial flavors/preservatives

An 18-oz jar of gluten-free and blueberry-flavored bai antioxidant infusions Superfruit juice

a 1/4-oz sample of Formula II Skin Care Cream

Stick of ultra-hydrating Desert Essence lip rescue with shea butter

As soon as I opened the box and surveyed the contents, I started laughing and OMG-head-shaking, because I was thinking:

"Seaweed... are you freakin' kidding me?! And vitamins? And lip balm?"

My conclusion: What an utter disappointment. I was really hoping for so much more.

Honestly, it wasn't the kind of stuff that's "fun, interesting, exciting, or useful" to me. And it certainly didn't seem worth the price tag of $35 a box.

To me, what was inside was reminiscent of stuff I've seen at every diabetes or health conference I've ever been to (and I've been to a lot in my 28 years with type 1). Sort of neat, but just not stuff I would spend my hard-earned money on.

Opinions can vary, though. And maybe I should step back and give this particular D-Box a fair shake.

I may personally not take "healthy eating" to the level many fellow PWDs do, but there are a growing number of PWDs who make these D-Box items a fixture in their lives. People outside the U.S. eat seaweed and it apparently has some health benefits (so Google searches tell me). Vitamins are good for you and the mix included appears very health-focused for PWDs. And the rest of the package contents surely have their own health benefits and people certainly buy these.

Yet, it just seems to be missing something for me.

Was it the surprise element that let me down? The notion that I'm getting some mystery box of D-Goodies that could potentially surprise me or change my D-Life? Maybe that's it. The box didn't even contain a single one of its pitched "helpful diabetes tools" like medicine organizers, electronics, emergency or heat packs, self-exam mirrors for foot inspections, or USB identification bracelets, books or D-publications. There also weren't any coupons or vouchers as I was expecting.

I had higher hopes, to be sure, but that doesn't mean some folks won't enjoy this monthly grab-bag service.

The Man Behind D-Box

A telemedicine guru, Slage formerly worked with NASA on developing advanced technology for astronauts to manage their health while in space, and on sharing that data with docs and ground control. His focus was on telemedicine, space stations and astronaut health. He left NASA to start a company assisting Pharma companies worldwide with patient applications, doing glucose calculations on handheld and web applications. Slage - who doesn't have diabetes himself - later started his own company, HealthEngage, in 2010 to forge his own path to using technology to help people better manage their health.

Now two years old, HealthEnage offers free online tools for people with diabetes (PWDs) to log blood sugars and other health stats and share info with docs. They offer a free diabetes widget that can be added on Google, Facebook, or mobile phones to log and track BG data.

The D-Box mailing offer has been around for about six months now and is the latest venture of the company that now reaches people in 176 countries speaking 58 languages. Diabetes is just one of the company's main focuses at this time, Slage says. The company works with about 300 diabetes vendors across the globe and proudly notes its support from Pharma's JnJ, NASA, and the Department of Homeland Security.

"We want to focus everything on the patient, to help them feel better and do better in their health. So much of this can get lost on insurance claims and product pitches from Pharma, so we want to make this all a little easier for people," Slage said.

Each D-Box includes five to ten "conference sample" style items (really whatever fits in the box), and Slage says his staff tries to mix it up between small and large vendors and include newer and lesser-known items that might not be available to everyone everywhere.

Curious about the dollar-value of this offering, I turned to Google and did a quick search, that showed the seven-item list might cost somewhere around $25. After paying somewhere around $10 for shipping, we're not too far off from the price actually paid... but it's certainly no discount deal.

And then there's the wait time. I placed my order a few days before the end of October. My D-Box arrived the day after Thanksgiving — just about a full month later. Wow!

According to Slage: Items are pre-selected and then boxed once an order's placed, though sometimes they add a last-minute surprise. Four staff members are specifically assigned to "scouring diabetes vendors around the world to find the coolest items from a wide variety of categories related to diabetes to send to our subscribers." At least one of those individuals has type 2 diabetes and another has a mom with type 1, he said.

So far, Slage says HealthEngage has sent out several hundred boxes already, and interest has gone up with the holidays approaching. They recently did some Black Friday and Cyber Monday promotions and discounts. If you're thinking of gifting, Slage says the deadline is Dec. 14 for orders to be sent and received by Christmas.

The company's planning some holiday-specific items, and in the future also plans to toss in some kid-friendly stuff. Preferences can also be included, Slage said. They also plan to add a review feature to the company website allowing people to add feedback about the included D-Box items they receive.

"We understand people aren't going to like everything in there, but this is an ecosystem we're building that's all centered around a person with a chronic disorder."

OK, I get that. YPMV (your preferences may vary).

Still, I don't find the D-Box is worth the cost or the near-month it takes for delivery. Not by a long shot. However, if a D-Box was offered as a giveaway that I wouldn't have to spend my own money on, that could be different...

A DMProducts Giveaway

And here is your chance to try D-Box! We're giving away one D-Box full of mystery goodies to a lucky winner! Who knows what YOU will get inside yours...?

As always, entering for your chance to win is as easy as leaving a comment.

Here's what to do:

1. Post your comment below and include the codeword "DMProducts" somewhere in the comment (beginning, end, in parenthesis, in bold, whatever). That will let us know that you would like to be entered in the giveaway. You can still leave a comment without entering, but if you want to be considered to win the contest, please remember to include "DMProducts."

2. You have until Friday, Nov. 30, 2012, at 5 p.m. PST to enter. A valid email address is required to win.

3. The winner will be chosen using Random.org.

4. The winner will be announced on Facebook and Twitter on Monday, Dec. 3, so make sure you're following us! We like to feature our winners in upcoming blog posts, too.

This contest is open to anyone in the world who's in search of a D-Box, and willing to share their feedback with us. It could also make a great gift for a fellow PWD too. Best of luck!

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

Type 2 Diabetes Treatment Type 2 Diabetes Diet Diabetes Destroyer Reviews Original Article

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