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#[ariah <3]
solaaresque · 1 year
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7 and 46 for th e weird ask game!!!!!!
7. hair-ties or scrunchies?
hair ties !!
46. favorite holiday film?
uhhh the nightmare before christmas… and does corpse bride count? if so those two :)
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tearsasmascara · 2 years
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19, 20, 21&24
if this is for that one rate me thing, thank you for 19, 20 ( i think,,, what IS 20 ), and 21 and 24 made me go 😟 BUT SURE!!!
ALSO HI HELLO FIRST ASK FROM YOU; LOVE SEEING YOU HERE<3
whatever this is
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elaho · 2 months
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Last year, the creators of Ridgeside Village [RSV] were kind enough to reach out to me to do some commission work for their latest Mod instalment: RSV Spirit's Eve Costumes.
I'm both honoured and flattered to have worked with such wonderful people throughout the process and challenged to hone my pixel art skills even more.
Here is the list of characters and costumes I created for RSV below:
1. Anton as Han Solo [Star Wars]
2. Ariah as Amelia Earhart
3. Bryle as a football player [Zuzu City Tunnlers]
4. Faye as Ahri from League of Legends
5. Ian as Kristof from Frozen
6. Jio as Buddy the Elf [Elf]
7. Jio as Link [Breath of the Wild]
8. Kenneth as Sauron [Lord of the Rings]
9. Maddie as Kady Heron from Mean Girls [Zombie Ex-Wife]
10. Yzabelle as Odette from Barbie Swan Lake
Check out the RSV Mod for Stardew Valley on Nexus and my pixel art Commission Website.
Enjoy the Spirit's Eve Festival at Ridgeside! :)
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wiltking · 4 months
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(same person here) I would actually love a "starter fantasy list" or something similar, if you have anything like that! I've been trying to get back into fantasy lit as an adult, but i've admittedly had kind of a rough go of it.. :/ I like my fantasy best when it's weird and sincere, and that seems strangely harder to find now than it did when i was 8 and spending every second of my free time in the library. But maybe I'm just more jaded now, IDK. i'd appreciate any recs you've got, though! i haven't had much energy for reading recently, but i really, really want to get back to it this year. fingers crossed
also i feel like i should say that i don't...necessarily hate urban fantasy, under the right conditions it can be fun, I'm pretty sure I just got exposed to wayyyy too much of it when i was a high schooler and now i've built up some kind of resistance to it. it was completely inescapable (in my circles) in the 2010s and now it's like i can smell the genre conventions from a mile away. so if you have urban fantasy recs i wouldn't turn them down! it's just not suuuper high on my preference list
secret ending note: I know your main thing is drawing, but I'm pretty sure you like to write too - I remember you saying something a long time ago about how one of the main things that motivates you to write gay fiction is spite that there isn't better stuff out there already. and, tbh? my writing muscles are REALLY rusty, but if it turns out the only way to get the fantasy i want is that i have to write it my god damned self, then i /will/ pick up the pen again, faustian bargain though that may be
luckily for you i like to think 'weird and sincere' is my driving force. here's 5 titles in ascending order of density/difficulty, with each being either a single novel or duology: 1. Lord of the While Hell by ginn hale 2. The Fire's Stone by tanya huff 3. Obsidian Island by arden powell (*horror fantasy, but whimsical) 4. The Still by David Feintuch 5. Ariah by B.R. Sanders
If you're ready for weirder books or longer series, you can check out these lists:
M/M Fantasy Rec lists - my favorite m/m fantasies, no YA, though i'm very much a series guy and these recs might be a little overwhelming!
Old(er) LGBT Book recs - as it says on the tin, pre-2010 adult books with queer characters. some overlap with the m/m list but also contains scifi, and other types of queer fantasies
and yes, i still write! i've been throwing my head at the keyboard with spite and sincerity in my veins for a few years now. most of what i have available is fanfiction (a great way to get back into writing, imo) but i have originals in the works too. it definitely helps keep me sane, and writing for the sake of making the stories you want to read is one of the best reasons to go for it. best of luck!!
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Got another question that might result in another novel-long response:
I learned "the truth" about Torts from RSV recently. How would the RSV townies react to walking in on the Farmer casually having a full-on conversation with Torts? Like they're talking about some deep, profound shit and playing with the water in his pond all the while treating him as if he actually understands what they're saying. He does, of course, but they don't know that, lol.
(maybe include vanilla SDV, and SVE characters, if you so choose :3)
I have to admit, I was pleasantly surprised by this turn of events with Torts :D
Got a lot of residents, so hopefully you won't mind if it's exclusively Ridgeside Village characters here. I also decided not to add Ray and Belinda because (⚠️ spoilers!), they have a special event where they learn the truth about Torts, hee hee... Anyway, thanks again for the question! Enjoy 🫰💕
The people of Ridgeside Village react to the Farmer talking to Torts:
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This is no surprise to Keahi, Trinnie and Yuuma - the children themselves often talk to Torts when they are caring for or playing with him. And even if it's just ordinary chatting like "do you like these leaves, Torts?" or "how are you doing, Torts?" rather than philosophical conversations, most of the words of which the trio doesn't know yet, it's not strange for them. Even the opposite, the same Yuuma will thank Farmer for keeping the turtle company while he and the others were busy. Keahi and Trinnie will jump on the spot with joy, because yay, Torts has another friend!
"Yo, are you talking to a turtle? If you want, I can keep you company, hee hee!" Oh, here comes Blair. The curious girl couldn't pass up the opportunity to find out why Farmer was talking to Torts like that. Huh, that's a little silly. Especially since Farmer might enjoy talking philosophy with her, their future wife.... Okay, she's just kidding! Doesn't really pay much attention to Farmer's weirdness, except as an opportunity to tease them a bit.
The Amethyne family, accompanied by servants, happen to catch Farmer with Torts discussing about philosophical matters, and everyone's reaction is... different. Maive, for example, will be annoyed that the current youngsters are wasting their time, Louie will start muttering about how strange and idiot Farmer is, Irene and Zayne will be slightly concerned about Farmer's mental state. Sonny will remain unemotional, but deep down will be glad that the young farmer respects fauna (albeit a bit strange), and Ariah will find Farmer's conversation interesting and would like to discuss the complex topics of sociology, epistemology and ontology (it's a pity she is completely immersed in her studies tho).
The situation was so unusual that even Daia didn't tease Farmer, and only listened interestedly to what Farmer was telling the ordinary turtle. Questions about life and death, the flow of time.... Hmm, strange. The girl's gut tells her that something is not right. She's dying to find out what's going on... But after she does tease the Farmer a bit! *giggle*
The weird and annoying Farmer does weird and annoying things, and as long as it doesn't involve Dr. Aguar - he doesn't care at all. However, if he knows that the Farmer has an innate magical gift, he might be a little interested in it. Maybe they have the gift of talking to all animals? Aguar wouldn't mind using such an ability in his next experiments...
Aguar's assistant, Maddie, would just roll her eyes and snort at the stupidity of the situation. Talking to a turtle - they must have a lot of free time to spend on such absurdity... Don't you dare, Farmer, to even think about distracting her from work!
Hah, Jeric had never thought of talking to animals as something out of the ordinary, because the young man often cooed with his hens on the farm, but discussing questions about immortality and universal power was something new even for him. And it's as if the Farmer is waiting for the turtle to answer. A little confused, but leaves Farmer and Torts alone without giving it much attention.
"Um... Everything okay, Farmer?" Walking together, Paula and Anton worriedly glanced at each other, not knowing how to react to this. It just looked to them as if Farmer, unable to bear being alone, had started talking to the turtle. Taking a seat next to Farmer, Anton will awkwardly start a conversation, trying to see if Farmer is okay while Paula, sitting on the other side, observes Farmer's behaviour and reactions. Both convinced that Farmer is okay, they reminded lastly that they can always talk to them.
"Oh, it's a... little weird, but we won't bother you..." Shanice, Richard, Pika, Malaya, and Rorenzo were trying to be as polite as possible to Farmer, who is talking directly to the turtle. At the same time, Ezekiel, Burt, Olga, and Bryle will sincerely make a WTF face and ask what's wrong with Farmer. A group of residents that were trying to be polite, slightly shush the other group so they don't hurt Farmer's feelings. Well, they talk to the turtle, so what? That's no reason to be mean to them.
To be honest, the first thing Philip wanted to do when he saw such an unusual situation was to check on Farmer's condition. Because it's very hot today, and wonder if Farmer might be a little sick..... No offense to him, the doctor's instincts in him kicked it harder, so he decided to check on Farmer's health just in case. Well, as long as all is well, then Phillip won't keep Farmer from socializing with the, uh, turtle.
Lenny is sure to get a laugh out of this situation. "I see you've decided to befriend absolutely everyone here, ha ha!" Even though she is teasing the youth, deep down she is happy to see that the newly arrived farmer, whom Lewis had earlier praised, treats not only people but animals as well with kindness and respect.
Interesting, but Flor, Kiarra and June will ask permission to join Farmer to talk about different topics. Their dialogue with the turtle seemed quite interesting, and they would like to answer Farmer's questions directed towards Torts (which the turtle won't answer, naturally). Who would have thought such an interesting discussion could happen near a small turtle pond. Weird? Oh no, they don't think Farmer is weird.
"Don't even try to offer fish. He's quite fussy about food I gave him... Aye, did give this turtle some nice pollock - I could eat that fish myself!" Carmen will only smile radiantly at the Farmer, who will sit next to the turtle pond and play with the water. In the eyes of the industrious fisherman, the Farmer is exactly like her hija, not averse to playing, and therefore not at all surprised at the Farmer playing with Torts.
Man, Sean would have loved to stay with Farmer and ask why they were chatting and hanging out with a turtle.... Except Ian grabbed his coworker by the collar of the shirt, urging Sean back to their office. So much work and packages to do - and Sean's picking on the Farmer and the turtle! Ian doesn't have time to find out what Farmer is doing, and no, Sean, you don't have time either.
"Maybe he's... hungry? We've already had some fruit ripening." Kimpoi is still making attempts to learn how to communicate with people again without worry, but the situation where Farmer is discussing the meaning of life with the turtle caught him off guard. Well, he's trying at least...
"Good day to you, young adventurer." Given that Lola and Freddie had seen a lot of strange things in their line of work, a farmer talking to a turtle was not unusual for them. Though they themselves were assassins in their youth, the couple has seen all sorts of adventurers wielding magic: the elements of nature, the invisible, talking to animals and trees.... So Freddie and Lola just smile at the farmer politely.
"Farmer, I think your friend has left you." Shiro thought that Farmer was talking to one of the residents, and didn't even notice the person they were talking to was no longer with Farmer. Recognizing that it was the turtle they were talking to, Shiro let out a quiet "ok" and walked away.
"What are you doing, Farmer?" Faye, Ysabelle, Corine, and Alissa were discussing what dresses they would wear to the next party as Corine noticed Farmer sitting near a small pond. The girls literally take an interest in Farmer and Torts for a couple minutes, and then immediately leave Farmer alone and move on to more important matters. Except that Alissa will offer some fresh fruit or berries from the farm for the cute turtle, and Corine will offer some lettuce leaves that were definitely left at Pika's restaurant.
"Kiwi tried to climb on the turtle's back. Kiwi wanted to go for a ride! The turtle got angry and threw Kiwi off..... Kiwi will get revenge! Got knives!" Kiwi keeps her distance, watching Farmer and the Torts, but doesn't dare come any closer. After the 'Torts Rodeo' ended in failure, Kiwi still holds a grudge against the turtle. And will now keep an eye on Farmer: what if they and turtle are evil duo?
Depending on how well Jio knows Farmer, his reaction will be different : if they barely know each other and Spirit's Realm is still under Gabriella's control, Jio will just think Farmer is an idiot. But, after all the events... Hmm, there's a reason Farmer would be talking to a random turtle.... He need to follow up on that.
Kenneth remembers how he too used to mumble about his inventions to his dog, Buddy. Buddy always barked happily at all the stories his master told him. Kenneth misses him so much..... Farmer's philosophical discussion with the turtle reminded the electrician for these times. He felt a little sad at the memory. And no, it wasn't strange to him that the new Farmer was chatting with the turtle.
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bluerasbunny · 3 months
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you know what. fuck it im getting autistic on main
C!DREAM AS JH/ARIAH SONGS. (read under the cut!!)
starting with THE MOST fitting one!!
who's eye is it anyway is so him it is insane. it's so post-vault dream in the imprisoned sam era. 'an eye for an eye'. literally. like literally an eye for an eye i need everyone to hear how much this fits c!dream.
i'd have to paste all the lyrics in i'm not doing that. all of them fit. listen to it you'll see what i mean
THSI ONE. FITS SO WELL.
Is it really a complex or just lacking context? Why would someone go so far to be a walking lie? Yeah, that don't sound like me I don't think I'm that guy (enter beginner's guide)
c!dream being severely misunderstood, lacking in context, a walking lie that he went as far as he possibly could for. you see it right
That I would lose (needed a change of pace) Oh, I would lose Between my left and right, one day I'd have to choose (gone without a chance) He found the man before him had died
first of all these are lyrics from BAD LUCK!! which is the most discduo song ever. second only to want you gone from portal 2.
second of all 'gone without a chance' 'he found the man before him had died' do i even.
the abandonment of himself in the haste of his mission.
Slow down Those words mean nothing My brain just revs up faster Pressure bomb in a goddamn knife fight Ecstatic pathways runaway flood my mind Overstimulation makes me feel like I'm alive
Static that's keeping me up It drives me forward every moment Makes sure I don't stop too long to Smell the flowers I been here too long I might Burn up and explode
I get in the way of myself And it hurts to admit That sometimes I'm unequipped To handle It all on my own But why do it alone It's cause I know I'll never slow down
I'm at the end of my means From idolizing a made-up man Who one day could be me But does version sleep at night Or ever take a minute to just breathe Or Just to be
honestly i can't even. explain this one properly?? like with any evidence for it?? i just think it resembles his psyche and 'guy that is always running around doing SOMETHING' thing
this one is SO discduo. holy shit it is so fucking discduo it is insane how discduo this is.
"You're not like me, I'm not like you I'm not who these things happen to" And that's exactly what you say before they do
tommy. tommy with the 'You're not like me, i'm not like you, i'm not who these things happen to' and the responding line. its so them it is so them OGH
Hand in hand come human error and plain bad luck It seems the timing's always wrong For the ones who wait too long You'll never catch a break you'll have to make your own
'Hand in hand come human error and plain bad luck.' i am. INSANE about corellating this to discduo. tommy is human error dream is plain bad luck. by the way. or it could be the other way around it works either way
That I would lose Oh I would lose Between my left and right, I'd one day have to choose You're not like me, I'm not like you. I'm not who these things happen to And that's exactly what you say before it catches up to you Before you play with knives and find yourself in two You, you, you, you
first point except with the new lines fitting discduo even more. like
I finally climbed to heights I No matter how I try Can't descend Still, somehow they're looking down on me Laughing cause I got what I deserved (You got what you deserved)
And I would do it again I'm not sorry but thank you For enduring me As long as you did That's more than I'd ever ask of you
LIKE. DO I EVEN. HELLO? HELLO. HELLO??? YOU SEE THIS RIGHT.
that final part is LITERALYL the discduo finale like. it is insane. it is insane
okay. hear me out. manhunt energy, yes, but ALSO.
Before I knew I'd live to Savor this day I'm taking off To my own grave I'm running away
So watch me disappear before your eyes And catch me if you can
Catch me, catch me, misplace and mismatch me Tie your shoes in knots but you’ll never harass me Find me, find me, I dare you to try I’ll bet on my survival But now you’re gonna die out there
Where could I be? Walking among you or inside your own homes? Or perhaps there's a part of me in all of you. (Hahaha!)
i cant even explain my thought process with this one i just need you guys to match my brainwaves honestly. like you get me (probably)
So catch me if you can Catch me if you dare Venture through the foul and you'll see what's fair Catch me if you can Catch me if you dare You'll find me through the fog and the filthy air
'Venture through the foul and you'll see what's fair' SNAKES DON'T JUST BITE.
Another grave for the digger with the crimson blade I ain't a saint or a sinner I'm the ghost you made
I fucking dare you, You wouldn't know a good hook if it impaled you That chorus isn't yours, eighty-five is for the label So are you able to take the blame, As a pawn to the winner of a losing game?
FUCKING. DISC DUO. IT'S DISC DUO MAN. I MEAN COME ON THAT LAST LYRIC. I AM DERANGED
im going to gain a reputation as the guy that tags c!dream to songs and then does the worlds worst attempts at analysis posts on them and well maybe im okay with that
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wiltkingart · 1 year
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hi, i’m here from your art blog (good stuff 👍) and could i please know the name of the poly elves book you were obsessed with
ariah by b.r. sanders! i dont want my fanart to give the idea that its super smutty or anything because its not. its super emotional and heavily focused on character development and like. ~finding oneself~ and i really, really love it for that. its about how ariah makes mistake after mistake in his life and the people he finds along the way who stay with him through it all. its about the risks we all take to be who we need to be in order to live freely and joyously and its about love. its all about love. fumbling, devoted, patient love. and elves of course <3
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caelwynn · 2 months
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Yeah, so sorry for spamming with my word vomit about my different cohorts of Choices. This is the last post on it.
*and the crowd sighed with relief*  
Anyways, here are more random thoughts on Gen 5 (under 18) from this post here. Let's see what I can crank out before pizza arrives and I zone out for the night.
—Alright, I know this has to have bugged somebody, so let’s get this out of the way. Why is Maru only 17-18 in Choices? Two reasons: 1) Maru has always read as the youngest of the bachelors/bachelorettes in Stardew Valley to me, particularly with the way both Demetrius and Dr. Harvey treat her, and 2) at the beginning of Choices, there would be no valleyfolk between the ages of 13-17. Ariah and Oliver are both 15-16, but I have the Amethynes on a world tour, and Oliver doesn’t move to the valley until winter.
—This brings me to a side note: in the world of Choices, the bus is treated more like a charter than regular public transit. The valley contracts with Pam to drive the kids to school and back, and others can book her to take groups to special events. However, the summer before the fic begins, the bus breaks down, and no one has both the funds and the desire to fix it. Maru ends up doing her final year via virtual learning, as it allows her more time to do side projects/work at the clinic.
More under the cut:
—I put Trinnie and Keahi into that awkward preteen phase. Just enough older than Ellie/Jas/Vinny to be starting to deal with crushes.
—Eloise is actually closer to Trinnie and Keahi in age, but she prefers hanging out with Jas and Vincent.
—Yuuma is the youngest in Choices, but due to his need to take care of Shiro, often acts even older than Trinnie or Keahi.
—Lavril doesn’t appear in Choices, but I have her on the list anyways. Regardless of her actual age, the way she acts and is perceived is as a young girl, probably 6-7 years old.
—Why are there no babies? Mostly, it’s because Gen 3 is neglecting to procreate due to… *gestures towards the world at large* Were Tristan and Mona still around, we’d probably have at least one younger sibling for Jas. Also, due to the sorry state of Stardew Valley’s infrastructure and school system, I think families with young children who might have moved there to serve as a doctor, open a store/business, pursue graduate work, etc. instead look elsewhere. The only people willing to move into the valley and take on those jobs are ones who only really have themselves to worry about, hence why people like Harvey, Elliott, Leah, Philip, Aideen, or Flor move to the valley.
—Why haven’t I assigned ages to those kiddos or a rough dozen other characters from East Scarp or Castle Village? Mostly because I haven’t had a need to consider it just yet.
Now to go gorge myself on pizza and finally sleep for a bit.
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Books I’ve Read In 2022
This year I read the average amount of books I usually do. I was so touched to read my first book with a LGBTQ+ protagonist. It's embarrassing that it took my library so long to provide access to characters/books connected to the LGBTQ+ community.
But yeah this year was amazing for inclusivity. Most of the books had main characters from the Black community and the LGBTQ+ community.
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1. Ariah - B. R. Sanders
A touching LGBTQ+ fantasy that reflects our real life society issues and fantastical issues while displaying a collection of identities.
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2. Black Leopard, Red Wolf - Marlon James
This is an amazing Afrocentric fantasy book. Never before have I read a fantasy that focused on Africa instead of the typical European medieval setting with a LGBTQ+ protagonist.
It's written well but a lot of parts were tough to read because they were so disturbing but if you have the guts to read past those parts then its an amazing read that I couldn't put down.
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3. Hollow Kingdom - Kira Jane Buxton
Fun! Couldn't put this book down. Love reading books with animal protagonist.
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4. The Good Luck Girls - Charlotte Nicole Davis
Thrilling fantasy book with a Black female lead and LGBTQ+ representation.
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5. Under the Pendulum Sun : a novel of the Fae - Jeannette Ng
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6. Into the Drowning Deep - Mira Grant
A Tense horror/Sci-Fi book with a LGBTQ+ lead protagonist. I also appreciate the X-Men references that are peppered throughout the book.
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7. A Gathering of Old Men - Ernest J. Gaines
A book similar to "To Kill A Mocking Bird" that brought out so many emotions. Mostly of rage and deep sadness. Excellent book but definitely hard to read sometimes. I loved it so much though and I'm actually planning on watching the movie now.
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8. Lord of the White Hell, Book 1 - Ginn Hale
Another LGBTQ+ lead book in the fantasy genre that takes place at an academy. Loved this book and I'm so excited to read part 2.
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9. X-men Chaos Engine: Doctor Doom
10. X-men Chaos Engine: Magneto
11. X-men Chaos Engine: Red Skull
Steven A. Roman
Psylocke is the main character in this trilogy! Nuff said! Plus, they're one of the best X-Men books I've ever read. I must confess this is my second round of reading them and I don't usually read books more than once in my life.
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ARIAH HI HII ok so i was curious, have u watched keep your hands off eizouken? i feel like u would really like it tbh <3
ive never heard of that??? tell me more 🫡👁👁
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i23kazu · 1 year
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bugga 🤝 me 🤝 annie 🤝 mori 🤝 acco (i think) 🤝 ariah 🤝 mocha
broadway moots <3
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teenmomcentral · 17 days
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Mackenzie and Kayla may have never filmed together, but they did have an exchange in the past that wasn't very friendly.
MTV's Teen Mom: Family Reunion Season 3 is in full swing. The spinoff series features cast members from various Teen Mom seasons as they take some well-deserved time away from their kids and all live together under one roof in a gorgeous villa in Cartagena, Colombia.
During this installment, one Teen Mom alum made an unexpected return, Mackenzie McKee, who brought along her boyfriend, Khesanio Hall. As she reunited with the girls, including Cheyenne Floyd, whom she previously had beef with, she also spotted Kayla Sesser and it took her a second to register who she was. She had met Kayla before, but not in person.
As it turns out, Mackenzie and Kayla had a bit of a Twitter tussle back in 2022.
Kayla, who welcomed her third child, son Zyaire Jaxon Leigh in March 2024, appeared on Seasons 1 through 4 of Teen Mom: Young & Pregnant.
The current esthetician student, who is also a mom to son Izaiah and daughter Ariah, also appeared on the spin-off series Teen Mom: Girls' Night In.
While on Girls' Night In, which followed Kayla and her Young & Pregnant co-stars as they watched old episodes from the franchise, they watched an episode of Teen Mom OG, and Mackenzie was on the screen.
"Of course, we're gonna start with the boring one," Kayla said about Mackenzie to her co-stars during their televised watch party.
When Mackenzie heard about this distasteful remark about her, she took to Twitter to discuss it.
"Idk who or what young and pregnant is. But apparently they be hatin'," the mom-of-three and fitness guru tweeted in November 2022.
Kayla saw the tweet and fired back. "Ma’am calling you 'boring' isn’t hatin', at your age it should be a compliment. At 30, I pray my storyline has calmed down, and I get called boring," she wrote.
The Twitter exchange died down after that, and nothing more escalated, although a few fans did respond to the thread.
Overall, it was a very small interaction. That said, it likely didn't give the women great first impressions of one another.
Hopefully, Mackenzie and Kayla can work on building a more genuine relationship during Teen Mom: Family Reunion Season 3, which airs on Wednesdays at 8 p.m. EST on MTV.
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tearsasmascara · 2 years
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tags post—
just an post so i can keep track of all my tags :p
refer to this post if you want to know what each means !
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isarb · 2 months
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3/20/24
Diamond Dr
7:00
Happy World Behavior Analyst Day!!
Today I failed the BCBA Exam
I always thought if that happened it would send me into a deep dark depression. I don’t feel that way at all. I was reminded the other day that’s it’s an honor just to become eligible to sit for the exam. I’m proud of myself for coming this far…especially considering the way my life has been the last 4 months. From 2 weeks in the mental hospital from a really terrible manic episode, to adjusting to new meds, to losing my job and being out of work for 2 months, to finding out my spine is still fractured and I have to go to PT 3 times a week, to not making rent, to being forced to doordash, and to finally letting my relationship with Val go, for good… to say the least, the last few months of my life have been extremely difficult. There were truly days that I didn’t even thing I would be here long enough to even reach my exam date. I’m not upset…I am proud. I am proud to finally reach a place in my life where I’m happy. Yes, it’s true, I could’ve worked harder. I should have. The thing is, for once I prioritized my mental health and my happiness over everything else. I truly feel healthier than I ever been and I’m extremely grateful for that. Yes…I failed, but I’ve truly gained so much more. For there to have been so many hardships, so many breakdowns, so many tears, so many nights laying awake in a hospital, so much toxicity w Val, so much financial ruin, so much heartache, so much of swallowing my pride and facing my pain…for me to have experienced all of that and to still be here today (after failing the biggest exam of my life) and be able to smile…that is priceless. I am so grateful.
Also, my friends have been truly so supportive. To my woman, Diamond…and Ariah, Coi, Gina etc., I will forever love yall with all of my heart. I’ve never had anyone stand by my side and pick me up when I fall especially literally at my lowest moments…like I literally cannot ask for more. Like when I got out of my exam, there were flowers on my car and Diamond was outside waiting for me. Like nobody has ever done that for me. Nobody has supported me like that. Nobody has just truly loved me for who I am and not judge me. To have someone rooting for you like that…like wow. Like this is the first time I’ve felt truly loved in a long time.
Yes, it sucks that I failed. This has all been a learning experience for me. I didn’t really know the best way to study and honestly in the midst of everything I’ve been through, I struggled. Now, I’ve seen the exam and I know exactly where to go from here. I know how to recover from this loss and I will obtain the gold soon.
Also, preparing for the exam made me strengthen my relationship with God. I often get so caught up in life that I forget to praise Him and worship Him the way I should. It took me to encounter a Muslim man and learn about Ramadan for me to see like wow Jesus is my savior and through Him is the way to the kingdom.
Today I cry tears of Joy. It was just yesterday that I felt like life just wouldn’t go on…and today I am excited for what’s headed my way. I’m happy and I finally have a little peace. Life is good. 🙏🏾
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wiltking · 4 months
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attempting to rank all my 2023 reads, because i dont really give ratings anymore, but still want to try to make sense of everything i read this year. there were a lot of great books, and this was really hard! this order doesn't speak to the objective quality of the books, but rather my personal enjoyment of them.
(5 stars) 1. Ariah by B.R. Sanders 2. A Book of Tongues by Gemma Files (reread) 3. Leech by Hiron Ennes 4. Point of Dreams by Melissa Scott 5. Point of Hopes by Melissa Scott 6. Ocean's Blood by Thelma Mantey (~4 stars) 7. Point of Sighs by Melissa Scott 8. The Stone Prince by Fiona Patton 9. The First Stone by Mark Anthony 10. Kissing Carrion by Gemma Files 11. Point of Knives by Melissa Scott 12. Fair's Point by Melissa Scott 13. Silent Reading by Priest 14. The Door into Shadow by Diane Duane 15. Aleksey's Kingdom by John Wiltshire 16. Obsidian Island by Arden Powell 17. Bound in Flesh: An Anthology of Trans Body Horror edited by Lor Gislason 18. Spring in Siberia by Artem Mozgovoy (~3 stars) 19. The Freeze-Frame Revolution by Peter Watts 20. Revenant Gun by Yoon Ha Lee 21. The Master of Samar by Melissa Scott 22. Master of One by Dani Bennett and Jaida Jones 23. The Painter Knight by Fiona Patton 24. Chasing Cold by Stephen Graham King 25. Resistance by B.R. Sanders (~2 stars) 26. A Million Quiet Revolutions by Robin Gow 27. The Trans Space Octopus Congregation by Bogi Takács 28. Luck in the Shadows by Lynn Flewelling 29. Dreamer by Steven Harper 30. The Stark Divide by J. Scott Coatsworth 31. Steal the Sky by Megan E. O'Keefe 32. Fiorenzo by Sebastian Nothwell
DNFs: Seven Blades in Black by Sam Sykes The Darkness Outside Us by Eliot Schrefer
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teresabeadle5 · 2 months
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