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sweettist · 26 days

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Between a Cage and a Breeding: A Hypnotic Scene

I have a hypnotic cage on one of my Calebs, on since Wednesday (this scene was on Sunday), and he is quite frustrated (as he tells me several times a day).

I’ve been doing several scenes with him over the past few days in which I’ve hypnotized him and spun rather intensely submissive fantasies for him.

For instance one fantasy in which we played four matches in a board game and his prize for winning each individual game was a week of being caged and his “punishment” for losing was him cumming once per each game lost.

The fantasy also brought up him being so conditioned that the prize was the cage. And it was disappointing when he lost and had to cum.

But that’s not what this particular post is about.

We occasionally switch. Shock. I know.

And today I asked him “What if I did one of those fantasies with you as the Dom.”

His response was “I’m unsure. But we can try it. Green.”

After twenty minutes of various other teasing, when I was sure he’d forgotten, I had him get water, unbutton his pants (button flys are hot!) and lay on his stomach on his bed.

Once he was comfortable, I froze his arms and hands in place.

“Pause cage.” I ordered. This turned the cage off for a little while, and it would remain off until I turned it back on.

His eyes got big (they are so expressive) and he nodded. “Paused, Miss.”

“Hump the bed, and don’t stop until you edge.”

“Yes, Miss Sweet.” Which caused a moan due to his Yes, Miss Sweet trigger.

And he began to obediently hump the bed, slow at first, but getting more frantic as his eyes rolled up and his mouth started panting.

At one point he locked his mouth around one of his frozen wrists so none of his roommates would hear his moans.

When he edged, his head dropped to the bed and he mouthed “Thank you, Miss” as he tried to catch his breath.

“I’m not done yet. When you back off the edge, start again.”

“Yes, Miss Sweet.” And another moan as his trigger activated.

A moment later, his hips were once again humping the bed again.

Before he started the third one, I told him, “I’d like to challenge you. Would you like a challenge?”

“Yes, Miss Sweet.” Followed by a lovely moan.

“This time, I want you as close as possible to cumming. I want you two humps away. Not three. Definitely not four. Two. And when you are two humps away from cumming, the cage will immediately Unpause. Are you okay with this?”

“Yes, Miss Sweet.” And a biting of the lip accompanied the moan.

“You may begin.”

And he began to hump the bed in earnest, making all those lovely expressions at finally being able to receive more pleasure after being denied for days.

I watched, enjoying him once again biting his frozen wrist until his hips suddenly stilled and his entire body collapsed.

“The cage is back, Miss Sweet.”

“Good. Take a moment to breathe.”

He looked at me, head half buried in the crook of his frozen elbow and nodded at me.

“Good. Breathing. Calming. Unfreeze.”

Unfrozen, he stretched slightly then planted his face in the bed. “Oh my Sweet. I’m so frustrated.”

“That’s not the right thing to say. Try again, Caleb.”

His head popped up immediately and he looked at me with those wide subby eyes of his.

“Um. Thank you for my frustration, Miss Sweet.”

“That’s right. Button up your pants then please have some water for me.”

“Yes, Miss Sweet.” With a lovely moan. Such a useful trigger.

He fixed his pants, stood and drank some water and then excused himself to the restroom.

When he returned, waving at the camera shyly, I was prepared for the next segment of his denial.

Though, I had no intention of dropping him this time.

“Before you lay on the bed, unbutton your pants first, then lay how you were before please.”

“Yes, Miss Sweet.” Standing up, he had to steady himself against his dresser when the pleasure from that one hit.

He carefully unbuttoned his pants and then lay face down on the bed, shifting to give me the best view of both his face and his ass.

“Comfortable?” I asked and received a nod and a look of hopeful expectation.

“Good. Both arms Freeze and that cage Pause. Let me know when you’re ready for me to begin.”

He bit his lip and then nodded at me. “Ready, Miss Sweet.”

“I’d like you to begin to hump the bed slowly for me. Nice and steady, you can do that for me, can’t you?”

His hips were already humping the bed when he answered “Yes, Miss Sweet.” and his eyes closed and his mouth dropped open from the combined pleasure.

Then, while he was denied and obediently performing an extremely subby act for me, I proceeded to spin a tale of him Domming me, while he was all the way awake.

“So, we tapped into my breeding kink earlier today, and that’s what inspired this. Are you okay with this?”

“Yes, Miss Sweet.” Another delightful combined reaction.

“I’d like you to imagine you aren’t humping the bed right now, and instead you’re sliding in and out of me.”

He made a whine and then immediately clamped his mouth around his frozen wrist again.

“Yes, and you’re making me tell you how much I want you, need you, to breed me. If I stop speaking you… stop!”

His hips frozen in place and he shook his head no, eyes begging me.

“You stop fucking me… reminding me you can’t breed me if you don’t fuck me… so I better start speaking soon.”

I pause, saying nothing for a good thirty seconds, watching his eyes close and open and his mouth work his wrist as he got more and more desperate to begin again.

“And finally, out of desperation to be fucked, to be bred, I speak through my blushing and you… begin again!”

His hips started moving again and his mouth pulled off his wrist to say “oh. Thank you, Miss Sweet. Before clamping back down on that wrist once again, as he slowly humped the bed.

“Now that I know the consequences for not answering you, you use that to your advantage. Starting to make me repeat things I want. Until, before I realize it, I’m begging you. Begging you to cum in me. To fill me. To breed me. And soon, I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. Almost incomprehensible words of need falling as I’m lost in you fucking me, lost in the promise.”

“At some point, you’re going to tell me you’re getting closer. You’re going to remind me of how much you cum. How full I’m going to be when you cum. How easy it is to for you to breed me. And how good I’ll look, bred by you.”

His mouth came up off his wrist at this “You’d look amazing, sexy, bred by me.”

It was unexpected but not at all unwelcome.

“I will, won’t I?

This “Yes, Miss Sweet” caused his hips to start humping the bed faster, which I quickly corrected.

“Caleb. Hump slow. Now.”

He whined at me and, rather than clamp his mouth around his wrist again, he chose to bite his bedspread as his hips obeyed returning to their original pace.

“You’re going to start to give me a running tally on how close you are and, even though my words are incomprehensible, my body responds, arching and trembling beneath you more and more as that number gets higher and higher.”

“Just before you cum, you release the begging and bring my attention wholly back to you. Once I focus on your face, you order me to me feel you cum, and to count each shot of cum deep inside me.”

His teeth pulled and released and rebit down on the bedspread several times during this, but his hips kept up their steady pace.

“My eyes are laser focused on your eyes as I do my best to obey, counting each pulse of you cumming in me. If I miss one, you gently correct me.”

“Finally, when there’s no more cum for you to give, you order me to wrap my legs around you, to keep you in longer, to give your seed time to breed me, and to make sure I don’t lose a single drop.”

I pause, watching him bite the bedspread, his eyes clamped shut, and decide to relent.

“You can may stop humping now. Arms unfreeze.”

The poor man collapsed and he took a few minutes to breathe while I pet him.

“Caleb?”

His head came up, eyes so subby and so needy.

“Cage Unpause.”

He pouted at me, but still nodded. “Unpaused, Miss Sweet.”

“Good. Drink some water. We both need some aftercare.”

The End

#br33d1ng #chastity #hypnosis #hypnok1nk #hypno #consensual #consensualhypnofics #hypnokink

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sweettist · 1 month

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“I can’t think a single thought of what I was thinking that session. “

“It’s not my fault I can’t remember. You keep flooding my mind with thoughts of thoughtlessness.”

#hypnosis #hypnokink #hypno k1nk #hypnotist #female hypnotist #out of context quotes #hypno #trance

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sweettist · 1 month

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“The feeling that I had control while also being aware it was illusion was like living in a fantasy for me.”

“It’s not my fault I can’t remember. You keep flooding my mind with thoughts of thoughtlessness.”

#hypno kink #subby boy #mind control #trance #brainwashing #out of context quotes #real hypnosis

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sweettist · 1 month

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Oh gosh. I’ve written so little lately and the above song is brilliant.

At least I don’t have to write in iambic pentameter, so that’s something.

#writing

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sweettist · 1 month

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Hi! I adore your work! how does one go about doing a session with you, if that is even something you are open to?

Hi Anon,

Thank you for Ask!

On my FAQ is a link to my NiteFlirt, and that is where I sell sessions.

You are welcome to message me here and we can message back and forth and plan out a session before you call.

I am not a FinDomme. NiteFlirt is my job and if you decide that buying a session from me is not affordable for you, I completely understand and I still greatly appreciate both the compliment and the interest.

Thank you, again,

~Sweet

#hypnosis #hypnokink #hypnotist #hypno kink #ask #anon response

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sweettist · 2 months

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“We’ve done memory play twice? I don’t remember either time.”

“It’s not my fault I can’t remember. You keep flooding my mind with thoughts of thoughtlessness.”

#Hypno #hypnosis #hypnokink #hypno k1nk #trance #female hypnotist #hypnotist #consent #memory play #out of context quotes

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sweettist · 2 months

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The difference between a fetish and a kink is that a fetish grows down from the ceiling but a kink grows up from the floor

#kink

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sweettist · 2 months

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Caleb: I don’t dance.

Me: Caleb doesn’t dance but I can transform you into Bellydancer Caleb. And you know who dances? Bellydancer Caleb.

Caleb: Puts tinfoil hat on.

Me: laughs her head off

#hypnosis #consent #Hypno #hypnotic suggestions #hypnokink #hypnok1nk #funny #hypnotist #out of context quotes

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sweettist · 2 months

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Caleb, leans on doorframe, looking Dommy and sexy.

Me: Damn, you look incredibly sexy.

Caleb, blushy: Fuck off.

Me: Don’t tell me to fuck off, I’ll bring you to your knees.

Caleb, stumbles away from the door frame, losing all sense of Domminess. “Phew. I think I need a smoke after that comment.”

#k1nk #k1nk blog #Dommy #switches

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sweettist · 2 months

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I waited until I could talk to my original Tist and could discuss things with him.

I hate to keep bringing up that I’m a fat woman but it is my lived experience.

Before I found hypnosis, I wasn’t treated well, and it absolutely had an effect on my hypnosis journey. And is probably the number one reason I hit Frenzy so hard.

When I first was being hypnotized, I was experiencing all these lovely feelings, of not only being wanted but being wanted in a sexual way, and they were brand new feelings.

Tonight I discussed those early times with my first Tist and we figured out that while my feelings weren’t inauthentic, my interpretation of them were incorrect.

I took all of those lovely feelings and applied them to him and his relationship with me. That’s where I went wrong.

~*~

However, as to the “stigma that relationships that stem from kink are inauthentic” I would like to bring up my last boyfriend.

I met him at NEEHU 2018. We were play partners for 10 months before we started acknowledging feelings for each other.

I refused to move forward into boyfriend and girlfriend until we had been play partners for a year, because I wanted to make sure he understood I was Poly and what he was getting into.

Our relationship started with kink and slowly took a shift towards more (but not all) vanilla.

We were together for as boyfriend/girlfriend for 4 years. And we had a lot of feelings in those 4 years.

None of which were inauthentic.

Yes, it did eventually end, but that happens in vanilla relationships, too. It does not invalidate the 4 years we had together.

People come together in a million chance ways. My sister met her husband on the city bus because someone stole her bike, and his car was in the shop.

Kink is just one more way people can meet and create something together.

Hi! I'm not the original anon, but I have a follow up question if that's okay. Sometimes I struggle with my concerns about (what I now understand is called) hypnoamory and the fact that I think there's enough stigma around kink that romantic relationships stemming from kink are viewed as inauthentic or suspicious. How do you handle those two ideas if at all? They seem contradictory to me

Hi new anon! Thank you for the follow up question!

So- my point of view is that no emotion we experience is inauthentic. The reasoning behind an emotion may be flawed (ex. "I'm scared because the pope is spying on me"), it might be masking another emotion (feeling angry instead of sad), it might be temporary and fleeting, but what you feel is always "real". If you say you're angry, I can't run a blood test on you and determine you're not, you know? The only test we HAVE for emotions is that we feel them internally and subjectively. If you say you're in love, then who am I to say that isn't true?

We could say that hypnoamory is artificially created love because of the neurotransmitters and behavioral cues - but then ALL love tends to involve neurotransmitters and behavioral cues. Who we ARE is a big ole pile of neurotransmitters and behavioral cues (and gut bacteria) (and ancient, wonky survival systems). Even in situations where love feelings go away quickly after someone stops hypnoplay (@sweettist wrote a great reply to my initial post with a story like this), I personally* couldn't say those love feelings were fake, just that they were ephemeral.

If I'm viewing hypnoamory (or frenzy or infatuation or nre or any of these related ideas) cautiously, it's not because I think that what people are experiencing isn't "real". It's because I know people in those states are a little bit altered and may have a harder time setting good boundaries for themselves. It's kind of like seeing a friend move in with a romantic partner who they've known for a month. The move could work out great for them! But, I'm aware that often it won't- that my friend probably feels love but doesn't know yet about deeper compatability with their new partner/roommate. If I were giving my friend advice, I wouldn't say to break up with their partner because I'm concerned, but I might caution them to wait a few more months before moving in.

As far as how I personally balance feeling and caution:

If I'm playing with an inexperienced bottom, for example, I may be very slow and deliberate about negotiation (because I'm extra mindful not to cross boundaries). My own boundaries might be stronger- for example, I may not want to do intense play with them for a while. If they tell me I'm the best hypnotist in the world, I'll thank them but also take that compliment with a grain of salt. If they seem extra devoted, I might talk to them about it and possibly slow things down. I won't make long term plans for us yet based on how they're feeling right now because I'm aware that those feelings might change. (Or they may not! But in time we'll know better and be able to plan better).

If I realize hypnoamory or nre is happening to me (and it does!), I'll double check my own boundaries and try to think critically about my own impulses. I may consciously slow play or communication down for a bit so I feel like I'm making good choices. I might check in with others about my partner's reputation because I know I can't see their blind spots right now as well as I might want to.

That being said, I have long-lasting love for some people in my life that seems to have started with hypnoamory. I'm really glad I didn't give up on those relationships just because of strong feelings! I also have relationships that started this way and just petered out- or ones that were always one sided crushes. That's how love goes- especially when that love is early and intense. And all of that is fine! Those are things that happen in all sorts of relationships, kinky or not.

So, all of that being said- I don't see the contradiction, anon. This isn't an either/or, it's a both/and. Hypnoamory can be great and it can cause issues. Relationships stemming from kink can be healthy and they can be dangerous. Frenzy can exhaust you and it can give you a lot of cool new experiences. Infatuation can burn out quick and it can lead to lasting, healthy love. It's all in the nuances.

*@sweettist might have a different point of view on that, though! I think it comes down to how people would define "real" or "inauthentic" here.

#kink #k1nk #people #love #relationships

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sweettist · 2 months

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This is amazing! I read every bit of it and agree with all of it.

I had hypnoamory for my first Tist, the one who started teaching me about hypnosis.

When I mentioned it, he shut me down immediately and explained that hypnoamory was mimicking the same chemicals of love.

We took a week break and when we came back, I was fine, no “love”.

I do, however, want to add something.

Frenzy is more than just sub frenzy.

When I first got into hypnosis I had Tist Frenzy.

I was feeling wanted and sought out by so many people. It’s a feeling, as a fat woman, I was not used to.

I dove in and I was hypnotizing as many people as possible.

I woke up did hypno. I did hypno before work and after work. I gave up sleep to do hypno. It took over my life.

There were days where I had 6 sessions in a day and, at one point, I had 29 subs in a month.

It took Fiona Clearwater popping into a Voice Chat where I was simultaneously trancing 4 subs and asking me how many subs I had and making a disapproving sound at my answer to make me be like “Am I doing something wrong?”.

Only then, after I asked, did someone, who had seen what I was doing for months, tell me about Frenzy.

I immediately started calming down, pairing down my subs, and being more selective and cautious about who I play with.

I just wish someone, who knew about it and had seen the problem, had warned me before it became so extreme.

Hello, I have a new sub (he’s new to all kink, including hypnosis) who is definitely experiencing hypnoamory.

I keep trying to explain to him that hypnoamory is not safe but I don’t fully understand the risks myself so it’s difficult to explain them to him.

I can’t find much online and you have amazing insights and I’m hoping you can help explain it to me, so I can explain it to him?

Thank you, in advance.

-A

Reader's follow up message for context:

"A here, I asked about the hypnoamory. It seems almost like he’s falling in love, and it’s been obscenely fast.

He keeps mentioning (undefined) feelings, and is expressing them strongly. Wanting to constantly be with me, even if it means breaking his own rules of not being on a Zoom call while his sister (his roommate) is around. (I nipped that in the bud and said I didn’t consent to that.)

When I suggest caution, and bring up, hypnoamory, it’s quite hard to explain to him why it’s risky when I don’t fully know myself.

(I’ll admit, some of these (undefined) feelings are reciprocated, and that also worries me, because how can I take care of him, if I’m also dealing with it.)”

Answer:

Hi anon!

Thank you so much for this question! I'm really excited to answer it. Not only do I (apparently) have lots of thoughts here, I'm really excited to hear about what others have to say on this topic. Hopefully we’ll create some good discussion about hypnosis and love and consent/safety- I know I’m really curious what people with different experiences have to say about this!

ON HYPNOSIS AND LOVE

For this response, I’m going to assume “hypnoamory” means love or attachment that is created primarily or largely through hypnosis play. I know someone on one of my Discords defined “hypnoamory” as a “speed run to intimacy”- another definition that can really be fitting. It makes sense to be concerned about a partner who seems to be feeling too much or moving too fast. How do you manage a relationship with someone who seems to feel so much so fast?

So- to back WAY up: We tend to think of love as this magical, enigmatic thing that just happens to us, but there's actually a fair amount of research on variables that may lead to greater connection and even love. There’s no one formula that applies to all people, but there are some actions that seem to make love more likely. Sex is one- a good orgasm involves dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin and these are all neurochemicals linked with attachment. Of course, people often HAVE sex to express their love so the attachment is already there but it's also seemingly common for people having casual sex to fall for one another.

Emotional intimacy is another common precursor to love. You may have seen this list of 36 "questions that lead to love" floating around (https://www.verywellmind.com/unpacking-the-36-questions-that-lead-to-love-8559179) . This list of questions works (when it works) because it speeds up the natural process by which people build intimacy. It invites sharing and listening and vulnerability and trust. Those same things will happen naturally over time in a healthy relationship, using the questions is just designed to speed that process up.

These ideas may be a good framework to start thinking about hypnoamory. Hypnokink play is often full of things that are known "love triggers" for many people- things that would naturally make them more likely to bond or even fall in love. Hypnosis itself seems to release some of the same neurotransmitters associated with love- dopamine, GABA, serotonin.* There's often sexual arousal and sex/orgasms that make people feel good. Happy calm feelings. Happy safe/cared for feelings. There's novelty and learning. There's communication and trust. There's engaging in an activity both people enjoy. There can be feelings of danger, leading to physical arousal and then emotional/sexual arousal. There's dependence. There’s intimacy. In fact, the whole process of hypnotizing someone is giving them the illusion that you're in their brain. What could be more intimate than that?

Then there's the kink aspect. Pretend someone has gone through their life with this secret, hidden desire. It’s something they dare not talk to anyone about for fear that they’ll be mocked or shamed. No one else in the world seems to get their kink. They don't even know if the thing they want is POSSIBLE.

Then, one day they meet a person who DOES get it. Not only does this person get it, they seem to want the same things. And, better yet, not only does this person have similar fantasies, they actually want to DO the thing. With YOU.

How could you not fall in love?

Here's a personal anecdote:

When I fell in love with my wife, it happened slowly and gently. We dated, we got to know each other, we hung out more and more, and then I turned around about a year later and I was in love. I was like a dropped feather- slowly drifting downwards until I gently landed on the ground. Happily and safely eased into love.

I fell for my first hypnokink partner like a rock falls from a cliff. It FELT like those teenage romances from books and movies- Romeo and Juliet, Buffy, Titanic- landing with a big "thump" of feeling and obsession. I was well into adulthood when it happened, fortunately, so I didn't do anything too disruptive or embarrassing with it. I was in a situation where I could talk it through. But- I remember being able to finally understand how people in love could do crazy things. It DID feel a bit like an addiction. I was going about my life and then- completely knocked on my ass. Nothing I had done before prepared me.

All of this is to say- hypnoamory definitely exists. It doesn't happen all the time** but in my experience it happens frequently. And, just like love "caused" by sex or answering the 36 questions or, say, surviving a disaster together, I wouldn't say hypnoamory love is inauthentic. In fact, I don’t think love CAN be inauthentic. We feel what we feel. What I WOULD say, though, is that most people caught up in that initial high are experiencing a particular stage of love called "infatuation". (Around the community you may also hear the term “new relationship energy” or “nre”- it's basically infatuation but make it poly). The infatuation is fun but can also be a cause for caution.

People contrast infatuation*** with "real love" but IMHO that’s short sighted. For many people, infatuation is actually the first stage OF being in love. When someone’s infatuated, attraction feels almost overwhelming. Your whole neurochemistry (dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylephrine) is driving you to spend more and more time with the person you love. You think obsessively about the other person. You feel bad when they're not around. It feels a bit like an addiction.

Strong infatuation actually resembles being high in some ways. Like when you’re high, your amygdala isn't quite working right and thus your judgment can be impaired. This is the phase where people can sometimes feel extra compelled towards bad decisions. They may do things like move in with someone they just met, leave a long-established relationship for someone new and hot, or stop doing things to take care of themselves****. They may neglect other important parts of their life and people in their life. In kink, someone who is infatuated may push for strong attachment play (brainwash me!), push for constant contact/play, or disregard boundaries that were pretty firm before. They may want to jump into the most intense kinky play more quickly.

For most people, infatuation is a phase. It can last from days to weeks to years depending on the person (and the research you're looking at) but- ideally infatuation will settle down into a more stable relationship in time. It’s not the strong impairment of being drunk (or being hypnotized)- it’s still pretty accepted in the hypnokink community (and in general) that someone who is infatuated can give reasonable, legitimate consent. That consent may just take a bit more discussion and thoughtfulness.******

Also- on the positive side, infatuation can be really fun! And being in love feels great! Being infatuated doesn't automatically mean someone is immature or unintelligent or incapable of having a kink relationship. Infatuation is just a possible side effect of hypnokinky play (and kink play)(and having a relationship)(and life).

A NOTE ON SUB FRENZY

In addition to “nre”, another term you might here around the community is “sub frenzy”. Sub frenzy is the tendency for new subs to want to do ALL of the things (and often play with all of the people) when they first get started in a kink. It's like infatuation, but for an activity instead of a person. My friend @daja-the-hypnokitten (who suggested and really helped out with this part of this answer) described it for me as being like someone who always thirsted and never got water- but now that they HAVE water they might gulp it down and drink so much that they make themselves sick. Someone who is in sub frenzy may push for tons of play in a way that harms them/where they neglect other things and may push for the most intense play ASAP.

A lot of the suggestions I talk about below might help with both sub frenzy and regular infatuation for a person. My friend suggested that what's often most helpful for her is having logistical conversations about her stronger desires- (ex. “Hey, if I give you a fetish for the color red, how might that work practically? What problems may come up? What safeties might we need in place?”) That way, she knows an idea is being worked on (which can soothe that craving for more more more now) but is also thinking about it in a practical way instead of just as a hot fantasy.

COPING WITH INFATUATION

So- infatuation is common in what we do, especially if you are someone’s first kinky partner. That being said, I definitely understand your caution with it. You're looking out for your sub and not wanting to influence them unduly. You don't want to continue a relationship dynamic that may be unhealthy for them. It speaks well of you as a dominant that you are paying careful attention to how your sub is doing and what may be influencing them/their consent.

Here's how not to handle it:

1. DON'T go for a magic cure. For some people, it would be tempting to want to cure this by hypnosis itself- to hypnotize your partner and give them a suggestion to not feel love for you anymore. That would be a BIG mistake. Repression tends to cause more problems than it answers and trying something like this could lead to really bad consequences. Also, especially if you tried this without your sub's conscious consent, it would be a big violation of their personal autonomy and their trust in you.

2. DON'T go radio silent or start backing away from your sub without talking about it. If you felt responsible for your sub’s feelings or actions, you might be tempted to limit your contact with them to not do any more "damage" to them. Shame or regret may make you want to back off. If that’s happening, I urge you to reconsider it. You can have kind intentions, but if you just disappear one day, your sub will likely blame himself and that would create problems in future relationships. He might think about you MORE after being ghosted or feel more in love with you in unhealthy ways. For some people, that sudden drop can keep them ruminating about the relationship for YEARS. You'd also lose everything that YOU have invested in this relationship, as well as the chance of it being healthy and rewarding relationship for you. Your sub being in love with you isn’t something you’re doing TO him, it’s just the situation you find yourselves in. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad one.

(This isn't to say you shouldn't be able to set boundaries for your mental health and even safety- I’ll talk about this more below. There might even come to a time when going radio silent is the best option! Hopefully, though, disconnecting without speaking would be a last resort if other attempts at boundary setting didn’t work .)

Here are some things to consider instead:

-DO have a big ole conversation with your sub. Several conversations. MANY conversations. ONGOING conversations. It sounds like you've already started having these. Great! It's totally fair to express your concern about his feelings using some of the language and explanations in the first section. That being said, ultimately neither you nor he are going to be able to control what he feels. Being infatuated is usually not something someone can just decide to stop doing. That’s not how feelings work. "I'm worried you're in love with me because of our hypnosis play" may be a good place to start a conversation but- it doesn't give him a lot to respond to. He can't just choose to not be in love with you any more- just like he can't choose to make you not worried. It may be helpful to think more about WHY you’re worried- what do you think might happen? Do you want him to change his behavior towards you right now? Are things OK now but you’re worried how this may affect things in the future?

A lot of times, starting from concrete observations might help start a conversation. Ex: "I know you've been talking more about how much you care for me. You've seemed more willing to push your own boundaries- like having your sister in the room when we talk." From there, you can move in to what you're worried about. (ex. "I'm worried you're getting so caught up in our play that you aren't studying", "I'm worried you seem to be neglecting your other relationships", "I'm worried that you're ignoring your boundaries and that you'll end up either regretting it or getting hurt.")

After you state your concerns, give him time to talk and listen to what he says. Ideally, you'll be able to both express your point of view and understand each other's by the end of the conversation. From here, you may be able to work out a plan together to address what’s going on. Or, you might be in a place where the plan is to keep touching base about your feelings- or even in a place where the hypnoamory doesn’t feel so worrisome. I know for me and my sub, we'll have frequent "hey, am I influencing you too much?" check ins. At this point, those check-ins seem to function primarily to provide reassurance to me as the domme- but that’s ok! They're also good chances for both of us to discuss how our D/s is going, what we’re feeling, if we have any new boundaries we need to set, etc. Even if I’m initially nervous about bringing something up, I usually feel really reassured when a conversation is over.

HEY, ARE YOU INFLUENCING YOUR SUB TOO MUCH?

I didn't say this above but I'll say this here- I doubt your sub's strong feelings are due to the way you're doing hypnosis or hypnokink. A lot of things probably have more influence on how he is feeling and responding than your play together. After all, people naturally get closer and have looser boundaries and pick up each other's preferences/habits/mannerisms the more time they spend together even without kink. In hypnokink we sometimes romanticize some of these natural responses as part of “brainwashing” but- in actuality, they’re normal parts of many longer term relationships. However, I don’t want to ignore the role hypnosis and kink play may have in influence. Here are some things to consider if you are worried that you are influencing your sub too much in play:

- How ARE you wording your suggestions to him? Are you telling him that he's enraptured, helpless against you, worshipful, obsessed with you, etc? Are you implying or saying you're the only one that can make him feel this way? There's a lot of language that people regularly use in hypnokink that wouldn’t be out of place in a particularly saucy Victorian love poem. I doubt these words alone are creating love whole-cloth, but this kind of flowery kink talk is also packed with suggestions and suggestions can have effects. Even the harsher-sounding kink talk- things like "You are my property" or "You're worthless without me" can create dependence and feelings of love. Flowery sexy hypnotalk suggestions can linger sometimes even if you are "just" role-playing or if you give suggestions to “cancel” those previous suggestions at the end of a session. They also might not! It really depends on the person! (Example- Think of a sad movie you've seen. You can often still feel the sadness now even though you KNOW the movie itself wasn't real.)

If themes around romance/dependence/worship are coming up in your scenes, it's a good idea to be mindful about them and how you're using them. Is this something that you both consciously wanted as a theme in play or did it just kind of sneak in because those are typical tropes? How are you both feeling about those themes now? I wouldn't say to stop speaking in ways that are hot to you both, but talking about how and when and why might be a good next step. Sometimes even both consciously and verbally setting intentions about what you want the relationship to look like outside of scenes helps. Know that even in really self-knowledgeable subs, there can be "bleed" of emotions from in the scene to out of it- so it’s good to keep checking in! “Positive” emotions especially may have this tendency to linger.

Putting limiters around a scene may not work perfectly, but it may help prevent some emotional bleedover. Some ways you might do this could include setting up fantasy scenarios/ role play, consciously undoing suggestions at the end of a scene, or "locking" suggestions to limit them to a certain person/certain time/certain place. Doing good check ins after a scene and aftercare can help you discuss lingering effects- especially if the aftercare moves someone out of a submissive headspace and into a more normal one.

- Are you doing long term conditioning? If you're doing any suggestions that linger outside of a scene, those suggestions have the chance of tying the other person to you (even if unintentionally). Here’s an example that seems really innocuous: Pretend that I give someone a suggestion that every time he walks through a doorway, he will touch his nose. This person does this a bunch of times during the week. Fun! Silly! But also- there's a secret sneaky second trigger in here. While this person is touching his nose, he is also likely thinking of me, the hypnotist who gave him that suggestion. Maybe he thinks of how much fun we're having together or how hot it is that I've compelled his behavior. It IS hot and fun! Now he’s thinking of me in hot/fun ways a bunch of times a day -every time he walks through the door, in fact! It might not have been my intention, but I’ve accidentally conditioned my guy to think of me in positive ways all day every day. No wonder he might start feeling attached! And this is just a basic example. Imagine the associations that could happen if he had to ask me before he had an orgasm!

Conditioning happens outside of play too. Are y'all talking all day every day? Are you doing positive things at each other randomly and unpredictably? Those actions are probably making you feel closer. (Those unpredictable rewards are POWERFUL.) None of that has to be malicious or consciously manipulative, it’s just how humans bond.

Again I want to emphasize- Feeling close is not a bad thing! Nor is falling in love! And even if you have been engaging in some of these actions, you aren’t responsible for your sub’s actions or emotions. These are normal things for hypnokinksters to do and normal risks for us to take. The question isn’t one of blame (for yourself or him)- it’s where you both want to go from here.

COOLING THINGS DOWN

Hopefully you will both talk together and come to a mutual decision/conclusion. Let's say that you and your your sub talk and you both decide to cool things off a bit. What might work?

- Coming to a true mutual decision about your goals and strategies for cooling things off. Open, non-judgemental, and ongoing communication about feelings here would be helpful. What does “cooling things off” look like? How will you know when it has happened? It’s ok to modify expectations as you go.

- Setting stronger boundaries. If y'all are playing all day every day, you might instead schedule a time to play once a week. You might limit unpredictable suggestions or times where you're texting during the day. You might table bigger relationship step conversations (collaring, moving in together, exclusivity, heavy brainwashing play) for a period of time to settle into the relationship and how you relate to each other after some of the initial intensity has passed. You may also table types of play for a time (for example, if themes of begging and worship are contributing to his strong feelings maybe you both want to back off those for a while pending further conversation).

-Developing trustworthiness in yourselves and each other- If you're worried about him having impaired consent because of love or hypnosis or kink or any combination of these things, talk about this specifically! Make sure you make a relationship where setting boundaries feels really good and comfortable- and where bringing up those conversations feels safe.. I know I try to be really verbally grateful when a partner sets a boundary or even gives critical feedback- it lets me know that they trust me and I can trust them to be taking care of themselves. You can even frame this as part of submission ("you're my property so you need to take care of what's mine") or your partnership/consent ("I worry when you keep changing boundaries because I would feel guilty if I hurt you/our relationship accidentally"). Trust usually increases bonding, but making fertile ground for boundaries can help you both have the conversations you need to make sure the relationship doesn’t feel like “too much”.

- Playing with other partners. Are you worried that your sub may be more in love with kink/ hypnosis itself than they are with you? Sometimes it takes time and experience for new kinksters to really distinguish for themselves if they’re having strong feelings for a person vs strong feelings for an activity. Encouraging his own introspection may help, but playing with other hypnotist partners can help him figure this out too. If you decide to take this step, y'all would want to do it within your own comfort zones and he would want to be careful about who he played with. Suggesting playing with others should never be a command- more of a helpful idea. There's unfortunately some ill-meaning hypnotists out there- so if he’s interested in playing with others, passing on information about finding safe partners and taking care of his subject agency might help him with branching out.

-Talking to other experienced subs. If your partner talks with other hypnosubs, he is likely to be able to find people who can relate to how he is feeling. Sometimes even hearing from someone else who has had similar experiences may be helpful. He could also potentially get tips on how other subjects manage strong emotions in their kink dynamics. Ditto for you talking to other dominants. This is a known issue within the community- many people have dealt with it and can offer empathy and ideas.

YOUR BOUNDARIES MATTER

I’ve been talking a lot in this response about his boundaries and your mutually agreed upon kink boundaries but- you get your own boundaries too! We sometimes skip talking about dominant/top boundaries in kink but- it’s very important that you are paying attention to your own comfort zone and needs. Boundaries help both of you continue to play in a way that feels fun/safe/enjoyable for everyone involved. This may sound harsh but- just because your sub is in love with you, that doesn't necessarily have to change what YOUR boundaries are (unless you want it to). Similarly, just because your sub is wanting to ignore his earlier boundaries, it doesn’t mean that you have to change your boundaries if that makes you uncomfortable. (In fact, I tend to be the brakes in a relationship more often when I'm topping than bottoming- and I think that's pretty common for a lot of switches.) For example, I'm really glad that you were clear and firm about not having his sister around on calls. If he’s doing things that are dangerous to himself in a way that pushes YOUR boundaries, it’s OK to say that and set conditions. (Ex. “I know you are really invested in our kink play, but if you drop out of school because of it, I won’t want to play with you any more.”)

If you’re worried about managing sudden boundary changes on his part, you can always give yourself pauses to think and decide what’s comfortable for you. For example, let’s say that he contacts you right before a scene and wants something that would push his previous boundaries. It would be OK in that case to say if you’re not comfortable with that- that you’d like to think about it and discuss it later. Or you may even say “no” outright if it's uncomfortable for you. You might even consider a new relationship rule- if he (or either of you) want to do something that pushes previously-held boundaries, you need to have a sober discussion about it first.

Lastly, if he’s pushing your boundaries and KEEPS pushing them after you try to talk, you might have to set stronger boundaries- up to and including breaking up with him. Being in love can explain his intensity, but if he can’t take a “no” then we’re moving into something really unhealthy. (I like this little worksheet about separating a healthy relationship vs an unhealthy one vs an abusive one- it’s not kink specific but has good information in general about what each of these relationships may look like- https://idas.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/Healthy-Relationships-Checklist-2.pdf )

I know this was a lot of information anon! I hope it helps! Please feel free to write me with follow up questions (and that goes for anyone reading). Also- I only know things here from my own experience and life philosophies- I hope other people will read this and add their perspective/knowledge! Between all of us, I hope you find the knowledge you're looking for!

Thank you to @linnybeenaughty , @ultinath ,@dancercoder , @spiralturquoise , and especially @daja-the-hypnokitten for the beta reads!; I appreciate your thoughts and help checking this for me! Any grammar mistakes or spelling mistakes or general wonkiness are my fault, not theirs.

Footnotes (for Nerds)

*I realize I’m leaning a lot on neurotransmitters here so- just to say, MANY activities release these neurotransmitters, not just hypnosis and love. Neurotransmitters are always swimming around in our head- they help our brain through its daily functioning. People especially sometimes talk as though things that trigger dopamine are innately addictive but- brains are much more complicated than that. I probably get a dopamine hit from brushing my teeth. It’s a piece of the puzzle here, not the whole thing.

**Side note- That being said, if you've never experienced intense hypnoamory, that's OK too! There's nothing wrong with you and it doesn't mean you don't care about partners. You just fall in love in a different way.

***Other/similar words and concepts it might be helpful to look up- limerence, nre (new relationship energy), puppy love. It isn't exactly "sub frenzy" but learning about that might be helpful too. :)

****Infatuation can make therapists really nervous sometimes because that’s when people do things like stop treatment, go off medications, relapse on drugs, make huge life decisions, etc. It can be hard to balance being infatuated and still working on yourself!

******Infatuation and being Infatuation-impaired is actually its' own subkink. A lot of pro work is out there on that theme. It's edge play and I'm assuming not what you're writing about, but I wanted to acknowledge down here that it exists.

#hypno #hypnokink #hypnosis #hypnoamory #trance #sub frenzy #hypnok1nk #hypnosis education #erotic hypnosis #frenzy

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