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sporkstadium · 11 months
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Am I Allowed To Love?
My lips drip with honey
My lungs pour out summer wind
My heart gushes with tenderness
My tongue has a thousand songs
sat right there on the tip
They will never be sung
I am overflowing, over saturated with love
Is it selfish that I will never give it away?
Am I a monstrous thing to keep it?
I hope someday I will no longer cage my love like a bird with a broken wing
Until then it will sit
I will compress it in my body
Box it away to be covered in dust
Like I have all my childhood toys
-M.B
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sporkstadium · 1 year
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Cars
I miss you in the back seats of cars
Driving past all the trees
Your voice enters my head
And I’m seven years old again
Singing along to cheesy songs
Grinning with my gapped teeth
Holdin your hand
When the world was lighter
When god was kinder
-M.B
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sporkstadium · 1 year
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Someday
Someday I will be happy
With this lot I’ve been given
Someday I’ll be glad
For all the hate I’ve forgiven
Someday I will smile again
When I think about you
Someday, someday
I will be brand new
But today I am not smiling
Today I am not brand new
Today I am bruised
I am burned and cracked open and used
Today there is a hole in my chest
Where my beating, bleeding heart should be
Tucked under my breast
Today is not someday
Maybe tomorrow I will be better
Maybe tomorrow my skin will clear and my stomach will unturn
Tomorrow might be warm
Tomorrow I might know joy
But tomorrow is not today
And tomorrow is not someday
-M.B
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sporkstadium · 1 year
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I remember
I remember wooden pews
Hymns
I remember wafers
Wine
I remember God loves
Unconditionally
I also remember sickness
I remember starvation
I remember watching my father waste away
I remember praying
I do not remember god answering
So do not talk to me about god
An all knowing all powerful being
If he is all knowing and all powerful
If he is the creator and master of the universe
Then he too saw my gentle father wasting away
And turned a blind eye
No benevolent being turns his cheek to suffering
God does not love me
Love does not allow pain to fester
-M.B
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sporkstadium · 1 year
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I Wish
I wish I were a starving wolf
Carving out flesh with my teeth
I wish I could fuel my hunger through violence
And not be remorseful
Because I was simply filling my stomach
I wish I were a roaring wave
Drowning ships in my wake
Pulling buildings into my keep
Destroying cities with my dying screams
And not feel sorrowful
Because I was simply following my nature
I wish I was anything but a woman
Carrying keys between my knuckles
Guarding my heart with cloth upon cloth
Hoping that polyester and cotton will keep the demons at bay
Knowing that one day it won’t
Knowing that when violence comes
I won’t be the one causing it
Knowing that when I scream it won’t be in triumph
-M.B
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sporkstadium · 1 year
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Safe
If I hold you too closely you might break
If I keep you too far I will be the one breaking
So what distance should I keep you at
To keep you safe
To keep you whole
Is it me?
Am I the one breaking
You
Or are you the one breaking
Me
Every time you turn your back
I am 6 years old again
And you are walking away
-M.B.
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sporkstadium · 1 year
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Mine and Yours
Darling, if your skin is made of glass
I will shred my hands pressing warmth into you
Love, if you can’t breathe
Pull from my lips the essence of life
And if you can not see
Look through my eyes and understand your beauty
-M.B.
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sporkstadium · 1 year
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Joy
The grasp of joy is not something I have know
Her hands are unfamiliar to me
Like a hand-me down shirt
Once worn by someone else
Broken in but unused
It is ill fitting on me
-M.B.
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sporkstadium · 1 year
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Threads
I am not safe. I am hanging by a thread, and I will continue to hang by that thread until it snaps my neck.
-M.B.
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sporkstadium · 1 year
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I love you.
I would shout it from the rooftops. I love you. I love you. I love you. But loving you hurts me. And it’s not supposed to hurt. So I will keep my love inside my chest. I will force it down until it is compressed into a ball of hatred. I will be forcing it down forever.
-M.B.
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sporkstadium · 1 year
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Tonight
Tonight I am angry
Tonight I feel my mother’s anger
And her mother’s anger before her
Tonight I scream at the moon
With sounds too jagged for my soft lungs
With pain too big for my small heart
Tonight I will rip open my chest
And expose that under my soft exterior
I am softer still
Tonight I will show them that I too
Bleed the same
Tonight the stars will see my flame
And burn with me
Tonight God will hear my cries
My cries
And he will cry with me
Tonight it rains
-M.B.
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sporkstadium · 1 year
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there is something so darkly comical about tumblr potentially outliving twitter
tumblr, which is held together with duct tape and madness, run by three raccoons in blood stained Yahoo! hats and a handful of crabs, its only discernible source of income the sale of shoelaces from an inside joke so inside no one knows the original source anymore and fake blue checkmarks... that website still lives on
truly the cockroach of social media and I love it for that
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sporkstadium · 1 year
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I live in the margins. Spaces in between words. Bat-like in my quiet hanging. Cavernous darkness beckons me home. The night hours embrace me. But what they don’t tell you about being nocturnal is that 9 o’clock thoughts are just thoughts. Viscous in their drowning out of light.
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sporkstadium · 1 year
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I have lived my life in “what ifs”. what if I’d held her closer? what if I’d fought harder? what if I’d seen that damn text? what if I’d started screaming sooner? I no longer know how to live in the present.
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sporkstadium · 1 year
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Honestly fuck everyone who pressured Kit Connor into coming out. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. I’m so enraged. This was none of your business. The idea that you are entitled to someone’s personal business, especially something like their sexuality is atrocious. I will never forgive anyone who feels they need to know someone’s sexuality before they are ready to tell it. If you feel that way absolutely fucking block me. I am sick to my stomach.
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sporkstadium · 1 year
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i wish everyone who made kit connor feel he had to come out a very merry FUCK YOU. you forced an eighteen year old into coming out publicly, before he was ready, when he stated many many times he wanted to keep it private. how many more times does this shit have to fucking happen before some of you fucking clock that YOU CANNOT QUEERBAIT IN REAL LIFE. this is the natural end to the discourse of ‘if somebody is in the public eye playing a queer person they owe us their sexuality’, and it’s DEEPLY FUCKED UP, they do NOT owe you an answer, and this mindset JUST FORCED AN EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD TO OUT HIMSELF BEFORE HE WAS READY TO
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sporkstadium · 2 years
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would I still be mentally ill if I were a worm?
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