sonderandsoliloquy

[sonderandsoliloquy]

“She was still holding out for something that wasn’t going to happen. She was good at waiting. That seemed like a sad thing to be good at.”

— Ann Brashares, Girls in Pants

[sonderandsoliloquy]

“Someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” ♡

[sonderandsoliloquy]

sometimes I think I can only love like this. flawed, pained, reckless. that somehow I have chosen love as my poison. my self harm of who I pour into feels so good but it is killing me. its so beautiful to hurt. to know i will never hurt them but as they hurt me i grow more attached.

LOVE AS VIOLENCE VS LOVE AS SOFTNESS

Ada Limon, The Good Fight // Mary Oliver, West Wind // Danez Smith, Bare // Sappho, Fragment 58.25-26 // Mitski, I Don’t Smoke // Ashe Vernon // Hozier, Cherry Wine // Shauna Barbosa, GPS // Richard Siken, Little Beast // Chen Chen, Summer [The sunflowers fall…] // Warsan Shire // Ocean Vuong, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous

[sonderandsoliloquy]

grown up kid

I asked my mom what I played with as a kid.

She said my brother played with legos and my sister had her dolls.

I asked my mom what I played with as a kid.

She said I was always busy always fiddling with something.

I asked my mom what I played with as a kid.

She said she didn't play with toys either growing up.

I asked my mom what I played with as a kid.

She said I learned to cook, bake, clean, sort, and think.

Maybe it is our burden to not play as children.

Maybe it is our gift to prepare for motherhood.

I asked my mom what I played with as a kid to learn I never learned to play at all.

#poem #poetry #original #mom #kid #toofast #playtime #motherhood #women #woman #girl #daughter #oldest #takingcare

[sonderandsoliloquy]

“When my nineteen-year-old son turns on the kitchen tap and leans down over the sink and tilts his head sideways to drink directly from the stream of cool water, I think of my older brother, now almost ten years gone, who used to do the same thing at that age; And when he lifts his head back up and, satisfied, wipes the water dripping from his cheek with his shirtsleeve, it’s the same casual gesture my brother used to make; and I don’t tell him to use a glass, the way our father told my brother, because I like remembering my brother when he was young, decades before anything went wrong, and I like the way my son becomes a little more my brother for a moment through this small habit born of a simple need, which, natural and unprompted, ties them together across the bounds of death, and across time … as if the clear stream flowed between two worlds and entered this one through the kitchen faucet, my son and brother drinking the same water.”

— A Drink of Water BY JEFFREY HARRISON

[sonderandsoliloquy]

Ribs

Is it meant to be excruciating?

searing, burning, gaping holes in my ribs

Love pours out of me like I thought it should

Im bleeding out fast but God, it feels so good.

Trying to stop the flow but I just scrape scabs

sharp fingernails clawing at what's within

The blood on my hands stains, but it is mine

Quickly bleaching away the maroon for no one to find

my bandages don't always conceal

people who've never bled attempt a stitch.

#poem #poetry #original #hurt #love #sadness #trying my best #thisfeeling #sad #words #writer

[sonderandsoliloquy]

Glasses

I couldn't find my glasses this morning

the glasses you hated

They're probably somewhere obvious

the bathroom we showered in or the bedside table you spilled on

Maybe someone removed them from my memory

an outside force acting upon my recall

I could have just forgotten, been lazy

set them beside my head on the exorbitant amount of pillows you hated

maybe they're not lost

maybe they're just in an unknown place, not part of you at all

#poem #poetry #original #girl #love #hurt #breakup #sad #feelings #glasses #neverending #woman

[sonderandsoliloquy]

Marina Tsvetaeva, from The Collected Poems; “Poem of the Mountain,” c. 1920

[sonderandsoliloquy]

girls when they remember they have a lot to do today

[sonderandsoliloquy]

Do you ever just go wow I have a lot of repressed anger

[sonderandsoliloquy]

growing up is coffee in the mornings and cold showers and cleaning my own car

everyone in this room will someday be dead- emily austin

[sonderandsoliloquy]

“I feel that I am much more complete when I don’t understand. Not understanding, to my way of thinking, is a gift. It’s an odd blessing, like being insane without being crazy. It’s a gentle disinterest, a sweet silliness.”

— c lispector (via bergmans-ghost)

[sonderandsoliloquy]

where's that quote abt like. being embarrassed abt the thinness of ur life the way ur embarrassed by a threadbare piece of clothing. bc like yeah

[sonderandsoliloquy]

by Anatolych

[sonderandsoliloquy]

Octobers and thursdays revealing a feeling only described as tea with lemon a little too strong

October is about trees revealing colors they've hidden all year. People have an october as well.

-Jm Storm

[sonderandsoliloquy]

Showroom

first car, first job, first boy, first kiss

first boundary pushed, first hand balled into a fist

it was what made me feel woman

to occupy the thoughts of men much older was my divine feminine

I longed to be the apple of their eye until I realized i was reduced to something to consume

to be an object of affection I am now only breasts and perfume

innocence of girlhood gone but not yet woman

being chose to hold the gaze now a heavy burden

revolving door of promising to love me for more

no is never an answer yet it is still screamed from my core

dissociation from never knowing who lives in my costume

playing many parts, just a showroom

the latest model is all the rage

shiny parts, soft interiors make up my cage

second car, new job, nothing amiss

no, nothing of my own, yet awaiting my bliss

#poem #poetry #feminism #woman #rhyme #original

[sonderandsoliloquy]

love should feel good

love should make me feel good

but, what is this goodness?

is it contentment or yearning

passionate fire or soothing waves

should love be adventure or home?

I feel love though.

my stomach, my hands, and feet

consuming, powerful, dangerous

I feel good.

the giving of myself, the pouring out

the slipping into oblivion.

a cathartic emptying feels good, a cleanse

who could hate me if I have nothing

If I am all giving, there is no room for anything else

and that love may feel too good

#poem #poetry #love #selflove #toxic #freeform #original