smileydork

[smileydork]

The thing about romance is, it makes a good story.

As soon as Neil described season 2 as "quiet, gentle, romantic" I figured we'd be in for it, because as he's the first to point out, writers are liars. And the best way to deceive is with truth.

Season 2 is romantic. The trappings of romance are everywhere. Crowley tries to set up Nina and Maggie by trapping them under an awning during a rainstorm, a classic cinematic bonding technique. Aziraphale's chosen method comes from his beloved books: the ball, the dancing, appearing as a pair in public, hands held as you twirl gracefully with your heart thrilled and racing. If they can set up a sensational kiss that will unlock the happy ever after. They've lived on earth, they've studied the tropes, they know how romance works.

The problem is a story is only a story.

Nina and Maggie had the classic romantic setup completely by accident before Aziraphale and Crowley ever began trying to interfere with them. They get locked in Nina's coffeeshop. They can't escape or communicate with anyone else, they end up talking by candlelight because there's no electricity, Nina offers wine. Maggie mentions how she'd hoped for a chance to talk to Nina, and now here they are. It's every bit as much a standard as what Aziraphale and Crowley attempt to arrange. Blanket scenarios galore exist because of that starting point. We love that story. And there's nothing wrong with that.

But it's still only a story, it's not enough. Because once that moment of connection is over, however lovely it was, all the rest of the world comes flooding back in in the form of dozens of angry text messages. Nina's messy entrapping relationship hasn't magically gone away just because she and Maggie shared a romantic encounter.

And it's so tempting think oh well, that's easy. We'll just give them more romantic encounters and eventually those will overwhelm the rest of the baggage. Must do, because it'll make them fall in love, and once they realize they're in love that trumps all other considerations, right? So it'll be fine. Love Conquers All.

Neil also mentioned Pride and Prejudice.

Darcy knows he's in love early on and makes a disasterous proposal that shows that he has no understanding of Elizabeth's perspective, possibly hasn't even thought about it. They've been meeting in forest lanes for walks, conversing, had tete-a-tetes in the sitting room, danced at a ball. And while his turn of phrase isn't as flattering as he thinks, he's still offering her everything he thinks she wants and needs: affection, security, his good name, wealth, an escape from the embarrassments of her situation, the world. How can there be anything to object to? Why would anyone ever refuse so much of value?

Elizabeth quite rightly cuts him to pieces. He lashes back with a few hard truths of his own and they separate. During that separation, he thinks and he learns. He takes to heart the criticisms she offered, re-examines his assumptions, opens his eyes. Thinks about her perspective and how sometimes the only difference between pride and arrogance is where you're standing. He does the work. When they meet again he tries to demonstrate that he's learned--not in order to court her again (yet), but because the only real apology he can offer, the only one that would have weight, is to show that he's grown, he listened to her. He changed.

Elizabeth of course has her own journey, accepting that many of her own conclusions about Darcy were erroneous because they were formed without her having the full picture to hand, and once she's done that she has to apply it to her own situation as well. She loves her family, but they do place her at a disadvantage on a number of levels, leading eventually to full-out disaster as her younger sister carelessly ruins all of their reputations. It's hard to admit, it's mortifying, but Darcy was offering her a great deal she needs. His offer did have worth for all that she dismissed it as an insult. And as she learns to value his own character more highly, and then as she sees that he did listen to her even though she insulted him so thoroughly...well, she grows too. And when they do eventually come together it's not because of courting and balls. There's a big romantic gesture in his rescue of her sister but even that isn't why they'll get their happy ever after. It was just the catalyst for the conversation. They win because they've learned how to understand each other and how to communicate for the future. How they can strengthen and support each other, how to balance their strengths and weaknesses. The films leave them at the wedding, but the book shows a bit of their marriage too, and during it they keep learning from each other. Their relationship is held up as a superior love story for good reasons.

The end of season one was romantic too. Crowley stopped time rather than face a world where Aziraphale would never speak to him again, Aziraphale walked into hell to protect Crowley, they dined at the Ritz and toasted the world. But then they stopped. Sure they spent time together, talked, enjoyed each other's company. But if they were talking about important things would Crowley still be living in his car? They had a bit of respite but all that real world baggage that exists outside of the romantic moment hasn't been faced, none of it. Four or five years sounds like a long while but for beings who are quite literally older than the earth? That's just an intermission.

Nina's relationship ends, leaving her with a tangled mess; Maggie realises the sweet dream of love she's been longing for isn't as important as the real Nina. They talk. They plan. Nina will sort through her life, get closure, figure out what went wrong with Lindsay and what she wants from a relationship, learn how to ask for respect instead of just bending under her partner's demands. Maggie will support Nina the way Nina needs, which sometimes means helping her get oat milk for the shop and sometimes means giving her processing space. They're on the same page; they're going to do the work. That's why most likely they'll succeed. To quote one of my favourite fanfics: it's not happily ever after, but it's a chance. It's all going to be okay. (The Profane Comedy by Mussimm, who absolutely nailed this theme)

The romance is nice, it's lovely. We need it to keep ourselves going. To give ourselves the dreams that help us get through the days and nights. But it's not the relationship. It's not enough on its own. The wedding can be the grandest most beautiful ceremony ever with doves flying and sweeping music and bells ringing, but that doesn't guarantee the marriage will last.

Crowley and Aziraphale have had their romantic gestures, oodles of them. One wing raised to protect the other from falling stars, another to from rain. Shared ground, shared interests, hands offered in friendship and held on a bus. They've tried to get to the same page, they really have. They just aren't there yet. The biggest most important things still haven't been talked about, and season 2 showed there are even more of those big important things than we'd realised.

The show paints Maggie as Aziraphale's foil and Nina as Crowley's, even to the point of Nina casually calling Maggie 'angel'. But Aziraphale's baggage is Nina's. The toxic relationship has to be processed and understood and closed, and it hasn't been, despite season one. Lindsay never really liked Nina very much, for all that they tried to keep her trapped; Heaven never really liked Aziraphale very much for all that he believed in it. They both let themselves be used. But Lindsay left Nina and went to their sister's, whereas now the head of Heaven has reached out to Aziraphale and said here, we can fix this, you can fix this, don't you want to fix this? Others are already writing about that and maybe I'll add to it later, not sure. And Crowley, like Maggie, has had a sweet dream that he has to set aside. Maybe he'll be able to pick it up again eventually, maybe not. But sometimes you offer support by buying oat milk or rescuing your beloved from the legions of hell, and sometimes you do it by standing back while they sort through their shit.

Quiet, gentle, romantic. It was.

But that's only part of the story. Now they have to do the work. They thought they had, but they were wrong, because there's so much they just hadn't touched yet and tried to cover over with relief and sleight of hand and alcohol and forgiveness. The apology dance doesn't mean much without showing that you listened and learned. They've faced so much trauma already and that should have been enough, we wanted it to be enough and so did they and it's such a blow for it to turn out that there's still more to do, that the baggage hasn't just gone away and can't be hidden under blankets or soothed with cocoa. The texts are still coming in and demanding answers.

But it'll be okay. It will. It's still a chance. And one that in the long run makes them better, builds something real that lasts.

The best stories, the ones that last longest and become classics, are the ones that don't end with the kiss under the awning or the blanket scenario or the wedding. They're the ones that heal us while the characters heal themselves. It's hard to accept that there's still more to do. Harder to imagine how it can possibly work out. And yes, bloody frustrating to wait and see.

And we'll get through that interim by telling even more stories. Because the story is never just a story. It's how we get through the work, it's what we tell ourselves so we can do the damn work. Stories are what we cling to and how we remind ourselves we're human and connect. A book is a person you can carry with you. We're not alone, none of us, stories connect us because we love them and see ourselves in them, which means we see each other.

Aziraphale's back up in Heaven to deal with his unfinished baggage; Crowley left his behind long ago and it's clearly going to come back and bite him in the arse however much he tries to go his own way. And they can't help each other with that. Not yet.

But they'll get there. So will we.

[smileydork]

Maybe you made one already but i wanted to request a web on mary oliver's quote "mostly i want to be kind"

Thank you💫🌸

S. Bear Bergman, Your Faithful Servant, from Butch Is A Noun

Kaveh Akbar, Against Hell

Mary Oliver, Dogfish

@seravph, I THINK I AM GOING TO CUT MY HAIR

Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) dirs. Daniels

Billie Letts, Where the Heart Is

@chaoticsandstorm​, we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it

Maria Popova, ‘Naomi Shihab Nye’s Beloved Ode to Kindness, Animated’ for The Marginalian

Susan Sontag, Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963

Patti Smith, Woolgathering

Danusha Laméris, Small Kindnesses

[smileydork]

🔮👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏽🕯⏳🥰😍🥺❤️🥺😍🥰⏳🕯👩🏻‍🤝‍👩🏽🔮

🔮👫🕯⏳🥰😍🥺❤️🥺😍🥰⏳🕯👫🔮

I manifest my soulmate

[smileydork]

Trying to read more gender and women’s studies books, and I’ve started to notice there is a bit of a pattern that trans women and non binary people are kind of left out or pushed to the side. In other words—some of these gender studies and women’s studies books seem to be written with an underlying terf agenda. I know there have to be more inclusive, intersectional women’s and gender studies stuff out there!!! Please drop some recommendations in the comments. At the moment I’m specifically interested in heroines, etymology, history, and stories thru a feminist lens. <3

#gender studies #feminist #intersectionalfeminist #women’s studies #book recommendations #academia

[smileydork]

If you’re thinking of learning tarot and like to use Notion, I have a listing on Etsy just for you! I put all my tarot knowledge into a notion database to make learning tarot quicker and more convenient! I can promise it’s quite detailed and those who have bought it only have good things to say! (Check the reviews!)

There’s also a sale right now! <3

#etsylisting #tarot notes #notion template #learn tarot

[smileydork]

on 6000 years of longing. on love, even in the face of annihilation.

Mitski, "Star" // Amal El-Mohtar, Max Gladstone., This is How You Lose the Time War // Mitski, "I Don't Smoke" // Anne Sexton // Phoebe Bridgers, "Moon Song" // Mina Loy, "Three Moments in Paris" // Mitski, "I'm Your Man" // Emery Allen // Lilith Kerr, from unloving the knife // Hozier, "From Eden" // Sue Zhao // Lilith Kerr, from unloving the knife // Yves Olade, "Belovéd" // Hozier, "NFWMB" // Natalie Wee, "Least of All, Our Bodies & Other Fine Machines // Richard Siken, Crush // Richard Siken, Crush // unknown (I'm sorry, I can't find the original author) // Hozier, "Francesca" // Hozier, "Unknown / Nth" // The National, "Don't Swallow the Cap" // Neil Hilborn, "A Place Where Someone Loves You" // Lucille Clifton, "climbing" // The Crane Wives, "Never Love an Anchor" // Richard Siken, "Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out" // Jane Austen, Emma // Phoebe Bridgers, "Waiting Room" // unknown

[smileydork]

RED, WHITE & ROYAL BLUE (2023)

[smileydork]

It’ll be hard to understand and accept sometimes, but the universe will remove people and things from your life that are holding you back and lowering your quality of life, whether you realize that is what they are doing or not. You have to release in order to gain <3

#universe #witchcraft #manifestation

[smileydork]

I’ve been watching SO MUCH of Maddie Dragsbaek’s content lately. And one of my favorite things she’s said is:

“I know the love I deserve exists because I exist.”

Or something to that measure. She has reignited the hopeful romantic inside me. She’s like the big sister I never had.

#maddie dragsbaek #self love #relationships #single

[smileydork]

It’s so weird seeing stuff I wrote about how I felt 2020 was going to go in 2019 or like January 2020. Little did I know.

[smileydork]

#mutts comics

[smileydork]

this actually is rewiring my brain as we speak

[smileydork]

I think we need to stop and give our appreciation for the physical items we once yearned for and now have. It can be easy to stop appreciating things once you get used to them, but don’t let yourself forget that there was once a time you only dreamed about having it.

#appreciation #appreciate the little things #positivitiy #manifestation

[smileydork]

Sort of feel like I wrote this to all the s*x bots that started following me over the last month or two 🤔😂

Dear Tumblr,

I’m not even sure what I’m meaning to write here. I doubt anyone will even see this. I really don’t know how tumblr works, even tho I’ve been using it for years now. I’ve always been the reblogging and lurking type. I wasn’t here during Tumblr’s heyday, so I sort of feel like maybe I missed my opportunity. But writing is my passion. I would love to eventually have a career that uses my creativity.

I don’t know if I’m alone in this, but I’m fascinated by how normal people blowup on social media everyday and how their lives just completely change. I don’t think I could ever be an influencer (I’ll admit I’m way too easily influenced) but I would be lying if I said becoming a youtuber hasn’t been tempting me over the years. I really don’t think I have the right presence for a camera. But then again, is there really a “right” presence? It’s interesting to think about how I’ve made YouTube videos and blog posts over the years but never took either completely seriously. Has anyone else experienced this? Is it just something everyone goes through? I truly admire people who have a lot of ambition and a strong sense of what they want and are capable of. I know I’m sort of rambling at this point. This isn’t even really a letter to tumblr or its users. I just needed someone to direct this post to so it doesn’t feel like I’m talking into an empty void. But maybe that’s what social media is.

If you read this, I apologize. But also, thank you. I hope you’re doing ok. It’s tough out there.

Compassionately yours,

Smileydork.

[smileydork]

Dear Tumblr,

I’m not even sure what I’m meaning to write here. I doubt anyone will even see this. I really don’t know how tumblr works, even tho I’ve been using it for years now. I’ve always been the reblogging and lurking type. I wasn’t here during Tumblr’s heyday, so I sort of feel like maybe I missed my opportunity. But writing is my passion. I would love to eventually have a career that uses my creativity.

I don’t know if I’m alone in this, but I’m fascinated by how normal people blowup on social media everyday and how their lives just completely change. I don’t think I could ever be an influencer (I’ll admit I’m way too easily influenced) but I would be lying if I said becoming a youtuber hasn’t been tempting me over the years. I really don’t think I have the right presence for a camera. But then again, is there really a “right” presence? It’s interesting to think about how I’ve made YouTube videos and blog posts over the years but never took either completely seriously. Has anyone else experienced this? Is it just something everyone goes through? I truly admire people who have a lot of ambition and a strong sense of what they want and are capable of. I know I’m sort of rambling at this point. This isn’t even really a letter to tumblr or its users. I just needed someone to direct this post to so it doesn’t feel like I’m talking into an empty void. But maybe that’s what social media is.

If you read this, I apologize. But also, thank you. I hope you’re doing ok. It’s tough out there.

Compassionately yours,

Smileydork.

#blog post #college student #spilled thoughts #rambles #speaking into the void #who is listening #who is out there #random tumblr #daily diary #online diary #chronically online

[smileydork]

I have been writing blog posts since I was 14, and I have made and left at least 4 different blogs. I’m now 23. This is my update on life since I graduated college and my thoughts on what it means to be a college graduate.

I already think there’s a low chance anyone will see the blog itself (since I haven’t updated it since 2019) and I’m not sure anyone on here would be interested either. But if you’re a college graduate and you sort of feel like you lack direction or don’t know what to do next, this one’s for you!

#wordpress #college graduate #english major #post college #college student #career advice #community college

[smileydork]

“Language itself is but a metaphoric expression of human experience.”

- Various Miracles, “The Metaphor is Dead—Pass it On,” Carol Shields

#book quotes #carol shields #literature #language quotes #metaphor