ikarus-wax-wings

[ikarus-wax-wings]

[ikarus-wax-wings]

[ikarus-wax-wings]

I hate containing multitudes. I want One Vibe that I Perfect and everyone is like " Yes, We Understand " and I'm like a lil cartoon character with my one outfit and gimmick and I'm happy with that and don't have to juggle 50,000 different aesthetics and personalities and ideas and interests

[ikarus-wax-wings]

I didn't ask you for time. I refused to speak. I let things fade back into false normalcy. I stared straight ahead. And I let you forget. Did you delete the evidence? Did you hope my forced silence was admission it had been a mistake? You wouldn't let me skirt words. Feigning ignorance as if you hadn't held the receipts before me months before, A sentence, or a challenge. Thrown gauntlet or gavel's sharp tone. I'd rather you hang me, my corpse a flag of warning. I'd rather you hate me, or punish me in any way other than this.

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[ikarus-wax-wings]

Her hair is darker Than when we were younger When we were kids, I guess It didn't seem like we were kids then It doesn't seem like we're adults now But we're in our own, separate apartments And she's learning how to be herself Now she's out on her own And I'm learning how to stitch my wounds Because I tried being myself all along And she has a boy she wants to kiss Maybe marry And she's set up for the rest of her life With a psychology degree And forever friends Girls to be bridesmaids When she marries some man Who isn't me It never would have been me

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[ikarus-wax-wings]

Freesia

Freesia, Are your eyes still green? Do you still have your crooked tooth?

Freesia, Are you still angry with your mother? Does she still not understand?

Freesia, Do you still get nervous talking to people? Can you breathe easily now?

Freesia, Does the world still feel strange? Do you still feel so out of place?

Freesia, Do you still write stories? Do you share them with someone else now?

Freesia, Do your hands still move when you talk? Do you feel comfortable in your skin?

Freesia, Are you sure you love him?

Freesia, Are you sure you like him at all?

Are you still lonely, Freesia?

Freesia, How can you breathe?

#original poem #original writing #poets on tumblr #poetry #love poem #vent poem #sad poem #prose poem #prose #spilled prose #spilled ink

[ikarus-wax-wings]

Ribbons

Today is thick with memory. Thick in the way I breathe, Air viscous like honey. Thick in how my joints stick This step gummed up with the December 23rd before last, That step caught on every Easter dress I've ever worn. Thick with the cotton I've stuffed in my head, Half lack of rest, Half my removal from my own hands. Boxes filled like 2018, 2014, 2012, 2011, 2010, and backwards since my first year. I left something broken in each place. Holes in walls, Writing under paint, Bits of carpet torn up. There must still be plastic beads Stuck in the insulation behind the wall In the house I almost recovered in. The house that froze me solid. The house I left any dregs of childhood in. I wasn't born an adult. Depending on the day, that was the advantage of me, or my greatest sin. There used to be some use for me When I could be a toy Then my tricks ran out More trouble than I'm worth When I'm not a doll. Dressed up in ribbons on Sunday. Smile like the sun. Until my face changes. And I'm no longer what you want.

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[ikarus-wax-wings]

To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995)

Dir. Beeban Kidron

[ikarus-wax-wings]

All the patience in the world couldn't stand me

All the patience in the world couldn't stand me. I don't like this part of the story: The part I'm actually a villain, But now I understand I don't have the stomach for it; For being known with a finger in all my bruises, And these claws that keep growing back- And I hate the part where I learn to be angry, And how all the blame and all the insignificance in the world, sits on my shoulders like the sky for Atlas- And I put it there- Then cried when I didn't let anyone take it away, And now other's mistakes can't fit in my own hands, And I'll destroy the whole world To prove my innocence- Or my villainy- And I'll bite off my tongue and still end up screaming. I can no longer care, And all the patience in the world Couldn't stand me. And I've lost all of it for myself, And for the webs I've woven to justify and condemn; Let me die a wretch. I'm done being held, And I can't hold you in return.

#original poem #original writing #poets on tumblr #poetry #vent poem #sad poem #prose poem #prose #spilled ink #spilled prose #vent poetry

[ikarus-wax-wings]

Taking my bow

Are you enjoying the show? No, not a falsity, but a performance all the same. Please, take my insides, Study each sorrow and sore- Did you like the part where I set myself aflame? Do you feel close to me? All my wretchedness laid out on your silver platter? Please, intertwine your fingers through my intestines, Pull out my heart, Let me know what other part of me I can tear open for you. Are you entertained by my fallacies? Enthralled by my flaws? Or are you bored already? All this gore is too much a mess- Forgive me, Leave my funeral early, While I keep polishing my own headstone, And take your clean hands with you.

#original poem #original writing #vent poem #prose #spilled words #vent

[ikarus-wax-wings]

I hate that I can see my reflection in your eyes. I'm starting to see why you didn't like me at first.

MMXXIV.III.XVI

[ikarus-wax-wings]

Distance

I've never known a love so big: Big as the sky is to a ladybug, For a person who, Just like the sky, I cannot touch- Not yet- Only admire from afar; Memorizing each shifting hue of time and being; All so painfully beautiful, So beautifully painful- What else is there in loving so deeply?

I want nothing more than what I can have of her, Share with her, Be with her- I ache to be able to reach out and touch her, I am overwhelmed with feeling, Overwhelmed just by the sight of her- Because it's the sight of her- Yet also overwhelmed by not having more: More sense of her: The texture of her hair between my fingers, The shape of her face in my hands, The taste of her skin on my lips- Will I die to have any more of you, when even this is so much? Or will I die without more? More, more, Any More of you?

Kiss me, And let me Break apart-

But you're still A sky's reach away; I'll stay here looking, Keeping an explosion of love Somehow within me; Whole, Because I am not burst open, But still not quite whole: Without you here, And me there.

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[ikarus-wax-wings]

-Endymion on Mount Latmus-

[ikarus-wax-wings]

last night I had a dream that I met Bill and Ted, and I complimented Bills crop top and said something about how I would wear crop tops if my body was less bogus and he put a hand on my shoulder and said “what’s truly bogus is the way you think about yourself” and Ted nodded solemnly and then I woke up

[ikarus-wax-wings]

-A Birch Grove-

[ikarus-wax-wings]

No no you don't understand! I want to watch this show/movie, read this book, listen to this podcast, etc.! But I must be in the right mindset and the exact head space to begin, or I just can't!

[ikarus-wax-wings]

Remus: very seriously You need to stop doing weird things to cope with the stress. Going outside might help. James: I went to the park today. Remus: There you go! I hope you got something from that. James: opening his coat This duck.