helloitsme103

[helloitsme103]

Isolation

I don't understand myself right now

Some part of me wishes I did

On off days I linger on what isnt there,

Let the demons linger on my skin

All the while I give in to their temptations

Tell them to get on with their intentions while I wallow in myself

I wish I knew why I do this to myself

Only time will reveal my intentions

Now I only suffer with myself.

#poetry #alone #sad #depressed even

[helloitsme103]

It’s been a while. And for anyone who is interested in how I’m doing know that I am at the lowest point of my life.

I find this fucker attractive

Wtf is wrong with me

#i wanna kms #why this white man?? #respectfully #but why

[helloitsme103]

I feel sad. Very very sad.

[helloitsme103]

How it feels growing with Pokemon as a kid.

You can check my short which is a hommage to this game by clicking : HERE

[helloitsme103]

I exit a job interview in tears

The sea salt stricken breeze acts in the stead of a friend states away as it hugs me to quell my fury. With tears threatening to fall and my soul rumbling for a hunger I didn’t know if I deserved to quel, I am struck with ease at the realization that he still offered me a position if I sent him my résumé.

The man I met looked like someone I’ve met before. Whether it be in offices, back rooms, store, fronts, or even on the street. He stood tall, although quiet. But when he spoke, his voiced blossomed with them welcomeness that I can only describe as a roaring flame.

In the beginning, he let me take the lead, but as soon as he offered up questions that I normally wouldn’t hear from people that normally would only listen. He left me stricken with surprise While he spun me around, took a bow and said, “checkmate” all the while he continued in the song and dance often participated in.

Even now, as I am layered in my thoughts and bundled in what I can only register as determation and pity. I can help but wonder why this man offered me hope.

[helloitsme103]

Trigger warning in the tags. Please take care of yourselves.

Why is it in my tiredness and lack of motivation, I continue on?

Maybe it’s because I live out of spite to those around me. To the universe even. Maybe I just don’t have the desire to end it just yet. I like to think that in my heart of hearts the will of my family and friends are tethering me to this realm even when the thoughts that linger scream in the dead of night. Whatever it maybe, I’m thankful that I am overall here rather than acting on a whim.

#tw su1cide #idealization #staying when it’s hard #sometimes you just gotta live even though it hurts

[helloitsme103]

I will never understand

Every time I see her there is a sense of ignition as soon as she leaves.

I loved her. She and I both know that. I'm growing out of it with the time she is with her one. But it's hard.

Here is a penny for your thoughts reader. If you are in a situation like I am- where you realised you are deeply in love with someone who is in a committed relationship- do yourself a favor and back off. Remember that your feelings are yours. You can allow them to fuel your actions. You can allow them to ruin your connection with that person as you push for something they don't want. OR, you could be mature and leave it. Only bring it up if they present it to you or if you are in a place where you feel the devastation will ruin you.

There will always be a time and place.

Take this advice as you will.

#romance advice #tradgedy #truth in tradgedy #Heartbreak #heartache #understanding #growing up

[helloitsme103]

I’m coming out

reblog if ur a fish whore

#ima fish whore mom

[helloitsme103]

Dear childhood,

You have been gone for only a few days but it has felt like a lifetime.

[helloitsme103]

I would like to join this relationship

i am an advocate for Big Dumb Man rights and i will not take this blatant erasure by the anime twitter users

[helloitsme103]

There are some things we forget in life. Sometimes completely on accident, other times on purpose, but there is a third scenario that is often overlooked. Blackout drunkenness.

If you were to ask either of these men if anything was between them, the most definitive answer would be flirting. Maybe an unadmitted, untapped attraction that maybe, in the right place and time, could have been more than just a game of teasing. Constant, relentless, teasing. Not only for each other but, in a twisted way, for everyone around them.

The untaped sexual tension is palpable, all anyone would need to do would be to stick out their tongue. Yet the pair in question refuse to give in to the all-encompassing trope known as love.

Hence my suffering.

#widowmauk #CR #voltron #Klance #Revilink #dream smp #overwatch #supernatural #Riverdale #Homestuck #undertale

[helloitsme103]

Sally's song

This is a song set is sally's point of view. She visits the dream SMP and L'manburg every once and a while but after the Manburg war she stays and watched those who participated in secret. She is basically all caught up with the going on on the dream SMP because of this.

This is her callout post to her Ex.

This was inspired by No Children (by the Mountain Goats)

a part of me wished you were better

a part of me wished the worst

the worst come wasnt what i thought it was

and now i know you when out in a burst.

I am dying

at the sound of drum

I am wrething

from the sting of what you sung

You said that it was you're L'manburg

and god damn you couldn't have been more wrong

You say now that it was a ploy for power

but hunny it was more than a song

Wil i am dying

at you self proclaimed truth

I am grasping

for Tommy to get away from you

I will always love you for the boy you where

but boys eventually turn into men

But ill become a lesbian

so that i wont have to see you again

Cant you see the damage you cause to them

To tommy, to tubbo, to your song

but i guess that dosent matter to you

since the first war has long since been done

I am drowing

in my own tears

I am wailing

at those kids, forced to overcome their own fears

and even if they dont know me

i will always be at their side

even if they dont like it

I will always cry when they die

and even if you outlive them

It wont be long for i

will come out of the water ive been watching from for your years

and kill you as you cry

Yes, that is what i will do!

I will kill you as you cry.

#dream smp #lmanburg #wilbur dream smp #wilbur soot #sally the salmon #tommy and tubbo #tommy mcyt #tubbo myct #fundy mcyt

[helloitsme103]

“Don’t take it personally! He tends to be like that.” I smile and open my eyes once again to see my favorite mother fucker. “It’s you!” He smiles back, wider even, “It’s me!” I run to him, tackling him to the floor in a hug greater than myself. “Oh my god did I miss you!” I huff into his chest. He laughs heartily at my antics. “Right back at you sunshine!” He welcomes in between his bright laughter. “How have you been?” I perk my head so we were eye to eye with each other. My lighter meeting his darker blues. I let the quiet take us in the moment, but after a minute Mirio sighs. “Is it the writer’s block again? I told you sunshine, you don’t have to write about me.” Again my face falls to his chest. “It’s not that.” My voice is muffled by his loud heartbeat. “Cmon beautiful, I can’t hear you.” I feel him pat my head. With a heavy heart, I lift my head. “It’s not that. I love writing about you, you doofus.” I playfully huff. He pouts along with me. “Oh really? Then what in the world is on your mind?”

Another puff leaves me. I try to lift myself off the golden retriever of a boy but he keeps me down with locked arms. “H-hey!” I shout. A blush dusts my cheeks. “What do you think you’re doing?” He smirks through a blush of his own. “Keeping you from avoiding the conversation.” He says smugly. “I wasnt gonna run. Only bitches run.” He chuckles. “Then what the hell where you doing?”

“Fool. I was tactfully retreating!” He puffs his cheeks to try and hide his smile. "You ass-"

"Dont you mean your ass!'

#mirio togata #mirio drabble

[helloitsme103]

“I’m so fucking tired man.” His hand makes its way to my forehead, but it glides back to my hairline. Where he rakes his fingers through the red mess on my head. “I know you are. Honestly, you look just as bad as me.” We share a dry chuckle. “I really need to check back in on you. When was the last time I did? Like, I think I’m still on season 1?” I tilt my head far enough back to see him. His blue bandana is gone, discarded to the corner along with his katana’s. “I remember the farthest you got with us was when we were at April’s farmhouse.” I groaned. Waves of memories thrust me back to a time I don’t want to remember. “Fuck you’re right. The staff on your show went wild with all the mutants y’all had to fight.” He nods. “It feels so long ago now.”

“God damn it was... Fuck man things have changed so much.” I feel the floor around us for my glasses. “It was such a different time. One without Wattpad or reality poking its ugly head in my life.” A bittersweet smile makes its way to my face. “Back when all your attention was on me..” I deny the fact that my face heated up and focus more on the issue at hand. “Can you help me find my glasses?” He rolls his eyes but keeps his smile. “Calm down princess they’re right here.” He takes his hand out of my locks to get my glasses from behind him. “You really should come back here more y’know. The others miss you a lot.” I snort a little while looking through my smudged lenses. “It has been a bit since I visited the hotel. Has it grown?” Silence follows my question. “Leo?” I turn back to him but there is nothing there.

Once again I am alone.

#Tmnt 2012 #teenage mutant ninja turtle imagine #comfort character #leonardo #leonardo tmnt #drabble #mind junk #comfort in characters #why cant they be real #i just want to hug him #let me man cmon

[helloitsme103]

In This House

Part 1?

“I don’t think I’ve seen you before.” I mumble under my breath. It’s been years since someone has entered his house. Longer since they were pretty like this one was. “Who are you?” He barked from the love seat. He was bleeding pretty badly. The remains of his shirt were pathetic for him but entertaining for me. I swear to god, or whichever one made this man, they were gracious to this guy for sculpting him into a model of a being. “Oh calm down hun. You ain’t gonna die on me. Not today. No sir.” I call from the retro kitchen I call my lab. It was cute for what it was. Black and white tiles for floor and complentary back splash with accents in the form of of yellow painted cabinets and silver appliences that were seemingly updated every few years. Or.. what counts as years in a place like this. From the doorway I hear a very much irritated and painful groan. “Okay-Okay-! Hold on now!” I call as I turn off the sink. I quickly get the bucket of water from the sink- carefully though since we don’t want that baby to spill- and a med kit from my side cabinet. “On my way hunny!” I scurry into the more modern living room. The floors a dark brown and the furniture being a contrasting white. Light, sky blue walls make a more cheerful welcome than that of the hot mess of the man bleeding out on my favorite love seat. “I swear, you need to take a chill pill sometimes y’know that?” I remind him ask I make my way towards him. “W-who?” He asks through his grogginess. “Great. Left you out too long. Hold on.” I pop open my kit and take out a jar of powder I wish I could keep. With a few twists the top of the jar comes off with a satisfying pop. “God this is my favorite part.” I say just loud enough to get his attention. “Wha-” I smirk as I shover this under his nose. Direct hit. He inhales and goes into a coughing fit. Thank god I’ve done this for as long as I have. “Oh calm down hun, it wont kill ya.” I look through my bag, all the while ignoring his curses and comments. “Calm down why don’tcha. Take a seat, have a load off.” I tease while looking up and down at him while I still have a chance. Again, what a looker we have. Blonde hair, nice blood red eyes, wonder who gave him all these slashes. Again, rest in pieces his..? Is this a suite? I reach out for his chest, eyes locking his. “Whatcha doin?” He snarls. “Im going to remove your shirt.Is that alright?” For a moment he glares at me. “Not gonna drug me or some shit?” His shoulders tense a little. “Okay for one, the thing you just smelt was supposed to keep you awake and numb you up. Can have you falling asleep on me right now.” I hear him growl but his muscles loosen up. “As for everything else after this, which I don’t think I’d need to give you, I’ll always ask for your consent first. Got it?” I turn back to my kit and pull out another jar. When I turn back to him, his gaze is else were. “Hello?” He makes a noise resembling “Fine and “Hurrmph.” I rolled my eyes. “Okay then mr. I don’t give a damn.” I place the jar down on the floor. swiftly, I poke on of his wounds. “OW! The HELL!?” I smirk and bat my eyes. “Oh I’m so sorry-! How reckless of me!” 

“Is this how you take care of people witch?!” He howls. Oh we’re playing this game huh? I go though my case and pull out a letter opener. “Is this how you talk to people asshole!?” I yell. His eyes go wide and his hands begin to pop from the arms of the chair. That’s a new one.. His hands go for my head. That’s not a new one. “The hell are you-?” I don’t hesitate to tear open his shirt and throw the opener into the wall behind me. I get the jar I had and pop it open. “’Not gonna kill ya here. I don’t think anyone can truly die here. But damn do wounds hurt.” I recount dryly. “And don’t test that theory. I’m living proof of it.” I chuckle. I see him shuffle in the now copper chair as I get the the salve on my fingers. “Stay still. I know it feels weird but calm down.” He flinches when I get close to him but I keep my eyes on my work. Eventually I cover all of his wounds with the salve, him hissing and biting his lip. “Y’know its okay to scream. Most of the most masculine of people i’ve seen have screamed when encountering this.” He only glares at me and bites his lip harder. Shrugging, I let him keep this up. “Okay then. You aren’t really proving anything but fine.” I reach for a towel nearby and dunk it into my bucket. “You are very stubborn.” A glance makes its way towards me. I laugh at his attempt to be scary. “You must hear that a lot.” After a few minutes of staring at his struggling, I wring out the towel. “Now this is gonna sting. No judgement if you pass out or scream. This isn’t a challenge. It’s a fact.” He turns his head away from me and closes his eyes. Can we get an F in chat for what this man is gonna go through? 

“Trust me when i say this is gonna hurt me much more than this is gonna hurt you.” I mumble and press the thing on his chest. A scream unlike any other fills the house. Someone call Guko ‘cus this man takes the cake when it comes to screams. I stand my ground though, and make sure to wash out any wounds that I rubbed salve in. Don’t worry about him. The screaming stopped after about a minute of this. When I got done with him it was an hour later. In that time he was cleaned up, bandaged, band-aided, and set to bed in the guest room. “This one is a fire cracker.” I mumble before setting on a new record. When the player eventually starts a song I don’t reccogise starts. Its poppy, happy in tone, determined even and it gets faster. The same could be said with a feeling of hope in my chest. While I continue to sweep, more songs like this come on. All similar but unique in their own right. In a way it’s refereshing to what I’m used to. Eventually I get done and check the time. Even though it dosent matter in the long run, time keeps me sane here. The phone ends up ringing soon after. I exhale once again and answer one of the many phones this house has to offer. This one is old. It is a land line. Attached to the wall and always on. Gray in color, brick like too. There isn’t much to say with it that is of interest. Even its own ring is boring. I pick up “Hello?” I ask once again. “My hero Academy.” A monotone, computer like voice says. I sigh “Hold on for a moment.” I put the phone down and rush to the kitchen. On the counter is a worn, old, yellow, note pad and a black pen. Scribbled on it is a list going down. 

Batman: The animated series

Harry Potter: Books

The Princess Bride: Movie

Many other titles litter the page. Many that I have come to known and bitterly love. For better or worse. 

When I recover from my own memories I wipe away the tears that threaten to fall. “Cmon now. Let’s get back to work.” I remind myself and make my way back to the hall, this time with my tools. “Yes? Hello I’m back. What did you say again?” I pick up the pen in one hand and hold the phone in my other. “My Hero Academia: anime.” I cock a brow at that. “Onime?” I question. “My Hero Academia: ANIME.” I shake my head at the slower but louder voice. “Yesyesyes, I get it! Calm down.” I roll my eyes and sigh as I write it down. “Can you tell me who you are now?” I try. The line dies on me. What else was I expecting? “Wonderful.” I growled. Thoughtlessly, I slam the phone into its holder. For a moment I question. Random things mostly but I ground myself eventually. I always do somehow. “This is bull crap.” I mumble. My week walk me to the wall. I place my head on it and hide in my hair for a good minute. “Cmon. You can do this. We’ve gotten this far.” One inhale. One exhale. And my feet take me to the living room. The loveseat is gone, but there is always the couch I guess. I jump over the rest and sit on the cushioned seat. As always the remote is by my side. Always the left, never the right. There isn’t a lot of buttons on the remote. No numbers but there is a switch for channels and volume but the channel button dosent work. No information or exiting. There is an on and off though. Along with a pause and play there was fast forward and what have you. I don’t really use those that often though. What I do used however, this the microphone. “Please play My Hero Acedemia?” I say into the head of the mic. from the ceiling, a projector slowly rolls down, covering almost all of the wall. before showing the title of the show. My hero acAdemia. Okay, whatever.” The intro started. “What things are you going to make me feel My Hero?”

#my hero academia #fanfic #story

[helloitsme103]

She interrupted my sleep again. Something about mice in the pantry. Little buggers at it again making my life a living hell. When I fail she hits me with the broom. What is her problem?

#madam #is #very #mean

[helloitsme103]

She found me, in the closet. It was dark and musty in there. Her name was Rose. I’d call her madam on her request. She wasn’t fond of me in public but it seemed when the doors closed I was the only thing she had. Funny.

#one #simple story #one day at a time #this isnt the end #rose #honest #ly did she care?