gentlekindofhorror

[gentlekindofhorror]

Darling, you're allowed to break, to fall to pieces, to lower your sword, to step away from the battlefield.

You allow everyone to break, you hold them as they put their pieces together. You lift up their swords and protect them in the battlefield.

Why won't you allow yourself the same?

Because I've been their shoulder to cry on for so long that I drown in my own tears. Because I've help them pick up their pieces for so long, I forgot to pick up my own. Because I'm so battle weary that death would be a relief.

#Pain #Lonely #Hurt #Depression #Love #mental breakdown #Alone #don't let me drown #Save me #stand strong #be strong #mental health #words #quotes #its okay #falling apart #battlefield #keep fighting

[gentlekindofhorror]

“Please tell me I’m not as forgettable As your silence Is making me feel.”

— M.S.

[gentlekindofhorror]

“If you really do want to write, and you’re struggling to get started, you’re afraid of something. What is that fear?”

— Margaret Atwood

[gentlekindofhorror]

A confession:

"I pretend that the guy (who thinks he is playing me) is the best sex I've ever had. Like I hype them up give them that confidence boost. When in reality they were really terrible.

Why, you ask? Because two can play this game. When he sleeps with another girl two things might happen. One, he will get his ego burst when the girl lets him know just how terrible he is, and two, he'll be thinking about me whether he wants to or not. Wondering whether I was faking it or missing the ego boost I gave him.

Either way, you fucked with me so I'm fucking with you. "

~Libby~

#love #heartbreak #confession #hate you #pain #player #onenightstand #egoism #words #two can play this game

[gentlekindofhorror]

Poison

You spoke such sickly sweet words, they dripped with honey. I tasted the sweetness, savored the words but you hid your poison so well. The poison acted slow, first it was a simple flower that drooped and fell, then it was another but two flower dead in my meadow was hardly a worry.

Then it came, the crushing darkness of your poison. It crawled and slithered around in my meadow destroying everything it touched.

My meadow! My soul's reflection, destroyed because your honey was so sweet and your poison so deadly.

My meadown is growing slowly, there are new flowers growing and they're untouched by you, and so wild and free. The best part of my new flowers... they're a poison of their own and will remain untouched by another poison like yours.

#heartbreak quotes #love #pain #writing #pick your poison #healing #self love #self care #mentalhealthisimportant #Words

[gentlekindofhorror]

You know what...

FUCK YOU!

Fuck you for using me to fill an emptiness you had inside you. Fuck you for leading me on and keeping me guessing cause you needed a backup plan. Fuck you for fucking around with me and making me think I'm not enough or worth it. Fuck you for being so heartless.

I'm fucking worth it, and you'll come to regret it cause I don't break. I'll show you just how wrong you were and by then I'll be out of your league.

#fuck you #heartbreak #hate you #Heartbreak quotes #pain #words #quotes

[gentlekindofhorror]

Honey, you need to let go and walk away. He is tightening the noose around your neck and you're allowing him each day. Stop bending and breaking to his every need.

When you asked him how his day was, did he ever ask it back? When you had a bad day, did he ever ask why? Did he even listen at all? Why are you pouring your cup into his plate? You're overflowing him with what he doesn't want.

So stop.

Let go. Walk away. Choose yourself. Free yourself.

Just please don't stay. Don't let him break your heart when he breaks your neck.

#heartbreak #love #quotes #words

[gentlekindofhorror]

"Why are you leaving? We were having fun, weren't we?" He asked, so oblivious to her pain, to the torment he had put her through.

"The problem is there never was a 'we'", she said with a deep sigh. She opened herself completely, broke down her wall so he could see the raw, sharp edges of who she truly is.

"I don't want someone who just wants to cause ripples in my ocean by touching the surface. I need someone who wants to dive into my dark ocean and learn everything about me, see the darkness that lies so deep and be fascinated by it. I need someone who will see my soul and want to learn more, not someone who just wants to explore my skin."

His face paled, he knew what he had been doing with her was wrong, leading her on and making her believe she was more than just a pleasure of the skin. He wanted to beg her to stay, promise that he will treat her right, that he would dive into her ocean. He couldn't.

He knew, even if he didn't want to admit it, he knew that he would never be what she needed. He can't swim and she's an ocean. He'd drown in her, get lost within her and it still wouldn't be what she needed, what she deserves.

So he let her walk out, watched her leave while he remained silent.

He should have jumped in when she was just a pond, learnt to swim so that when her ocean came he could swim and dive into all that she is.

[An excerpt from a book I might one day write]

#writing #heartbreak #love #pain #broken

[gentlekindofhorror]

I need you to rip open my chest and pull out my heart. Because falling for you was the easiest and deadliest thing I could have ever done.

I need you to rip out my heart and shatter it, so that when I put the pieces back together, my heart would have forgotten you.

Let me rebuild my heart, piece by piece so that when all the misshappen piece are put together, that my heart will be new, different, untouched by you.

Shatter me. For if you don't, I'm afraid that the love I have for you will drown me in its oceans, and I won't be able to swim back to the life before you, before I had come to love you.

#love #heartbreak

[gentlekindofhorror]

There's a secret crudely ripping apart my heart and soul.

I'm not okay, I'm really not okay...

But I can't show it, can't say the words. Because who will believe me.

Who will believe a girl who always laughs and jokes and never complains... that she's not okay.

Do you know what they would say? It's just a bad day, you're just being a bit dramatic today.

NO! It's fucking NOT!

To sit with my thoughts is like standing at the edge of a cliff and seeing utter peace below while a war is raging behind me.

It would be so easy stepping off, but inside that war are people and things I still feel like I should be fighting for. Not for me but for them.

Please don't disregard my internal war as nothing more than a bad day, cause a bad day doesn't make a person stare into the dark abyss of death and feel peace.

Just let me have some semblance of peace to fight this war within me...

#Pain #mentalhealthisimportant #mental illness #keep fighting #dontquit #staystrong #dontgiveup

[gentlekindofhorror]

STOP!

Just stop!

Stop emptying your cup. Stop pouring yourself into their cups when they won't spill a drop into your cup! Stop giving so much of yourself when it will only go wasted.

Know when to pour yourself into someone's cup and when to keep your cup steady so you won't drop a single drop into their greedy cups.

#loveyourself #knowyourworth #Don'temptyyourcup #Mentalhealthisimportant

[gentlekindofhorror]

Ever been so terrified of your own capabilities?

I mean the non-violent ones.

Like I'm capable of adapting and teaching myself whatever I need to succeed in my current situation. Like how I'm a Creative Writing graduate but I've worked at a bank and got promoted within a few months, I've been a hunting lodge manager, and now I'm a full time nanny to two toddlers(thanks to covid) while going back to Uni to study Computer Science. (P. S. I've never been good at math so this is a HUGE step)

Also please tell me I'm not the only one so adaptable in my capabilities...

#jackofalltrades #Might-be-mentally-ill #Let's hope I survive this #Also I'm losing my mind looking after toddlers #Nanny work cures baby fever forever #Kinda miss the boring paper work of a normal job - diapers are my new paper work #Need a pill that makes you math smart

[gentlekindofhorror]

"You bullied me into loving you. You nearly killed me by stealing the little love I had and emptying me completely. You left me for dead while you drowned in the love you so easily stole."

#love quotes #words #quotes #heartbreak #love #mental instability #toxic relationship

[gentlekindofhorror]

Sisterly love is her killing my ex first during a game of Among Us so I could listen without hearing his annoying voice.

#among us #gaming #sisterly love

[gentlekindofhorror]

My mom was in the hospital and you were the person I wanted to call, the person I wanted to talk to.

You. You were the person that was suppose to be my safe place, where I could break down into a thousand pieces and you would help me pick up the pieces.

You were suppose to be the one holding my hand.

But you never existed.

The 'you' I wanted wasn't the 'you' you were. Cause you walked away, you started playing the victim after breaking my heart.

[gentlekindofhorror]

I miss being held. But not by you cause you stopped holding me long before we ended.

I miss feeling safe. But I stopped feeling safe around you, right around the time you started the mental abuse.

I miss having someone that felt like they were just mine. But that ended when you started feeling proud about "just" flirting with girls that weren't me.

I missed being me. But I got myself back the moment you were gone.

Cause the moment you were gone, all the things you did out of "love" shed their skin and I saw them for what they truly were...

[gentlekindofhorror]

My Unspoken Truths:

I have never been in love. I said the words thinking what I felt was love or that saying the words would make me feel it. I have never been in love...

My depression has never gone away, it just got easier to pretend I was fine and happy when I was having bad days. Fake it till you make it, right?

I miss cutting because I felt in control. I don't have control anymore. Someone took that from me and I don't know how to get it back.

I have been mentally abused. Didn't know I was until a therapist made me realise that the things I have gone through weren't normal and that it was abuse. WHY did they never teach us mental abuse? Emotional abuse? Why ONLY physical abuse!!? The right Education could have saved me!

My happy place is swimming out as far as I can in the ocean, floating on my back and listening to the endless silence of the rumbling ocean. But when asked... It is a cabin in the woods. I don't want them invading my happy place by knowing about it.

I'm secretly thankful for the life I have lived because everything that is wrong with me has taught me to be adaptable, to learn as much as possible. I have worked in the retail industry, finance industry and even the hospitality industry all without prior experience and purely due to being so adaptive and willing to learn everything possible to be good enough.

I think I'm going to be okay... :) I'm still a chaotic mess but I'm going to be alright.