dankreject

[dankreject]

You smash through walls like the kool aid dude

Doesnt even phase you and I really hope you stay too.

[dankreject]

I just want to absorb every word

and pick apart every letter with tweezers

[dankreject]

All you want

is to find out

how to fucking hurt me.

I have to believe that.

[dankreject]

I can’t believe she put me on this planet

And then just left me on it. Fuck this shit

[dankreject]

Should I write something back?

Should I let it go?

I never know what the right choice to make is.

I don’t know so much,

that I’m the reason this is all fucked up

to begin with

[dankreject]

I chase the high from drugs

Because I’m stuck in a rut

There’s no high to be caught

In the society we’re taught

There’s nothing of substance

Chasing unsustainable garbage

My purpose is not this which feels worthless

That I need to sell my labor to justify my existence,

I will always fight for better than this.

[dankreject]

Life doesn't make sense except I am nothing lasting or of permanence. My heart is broken, I'm a fucked up person. Here it comes, the great plunge, the ceasing of my lungs. I can't breathe with this inner turmoil please just bury me in the soil. you don't understand. I just can't. everyone is so calm. I'm just not.

This present tense is a prison sentence

#anxiety #life doesn't make sense #life is worth it #suicide notes

[dankreject]

[dankreject]

[dankreject]

My dad was never really great mental or emotional support for me. Whenever I tried to be honest with him, he would buy me things/give me money and not to say it isn’t nice but that’s really not helping me get through what I needed. I realize this actually became a part of me, where I always offered my money or material things to make people like me or feel better. Do I process other people’s needs enough? Or am I giving my money away thinking it will fill a void?

When he found out I was self harming, he got mad at me. He was angry. He asked “what the fuck is that” when he saw my cut. Was he hurt to see it and that’s how he showed his emotion? I was a kid, in a catholic school, and finding out I was gay, why did he put his own feelings first in front of mine, his daughter? Like bruh, clearly, I was hurting, why are you inflicting even MORE hurt?

When he found out I started smoking weed, he was also angry with me. I had to, as a kid, let him know that weed isn’t heroin. He had absolutely smoked weed plenty of times before. His anger was COMPLETE hypocrisy. Then years later when I come to visit from Ohio, he smoked it with me.

Ugh whatever I just wanted to air out some thoughts. Lsd keeps me wired

[dankreject]

Everything We See Is A Work Of Mystery

At the break of dawn,

I wake up, wondering where you've wandered on to.

I wake up, from a dream of you and all our friends.

Time well spent, great moments, like it's always been.

I hope you know somehow it's true -

No one will ever forget you.

I wonder if you're just around the corner

to give a sign it's not all really over.

Your physical body died, but your energy is forever.

We lived a lifetime so many nights.

I know you're over all our shoulders.

We'll all party together again someday in heaven.

#fuck heroin #heroin killed my friend #heroin kills #grief poem #heroin poem #life is short

[dankreject]

Don’t Dare Say It Was All Going To Happen Anyway

Last night i had a dream i did heroin. When i woke up, i felt like vomiting. I should force myself everyday to write something or i might just die from choking.

Sometimes when i think about you, i still believe there's something i could do but then i remember where you are. You're too far in the stars.

Why did my friend have to die? I feel like punching a wall. She was so young, full of life. I'm so pissed off.

Maybe it was the NY state of mind, did it make you want to be fucked up all the time? Heartless and full of darkness, now you're a part of this.

You've left behind so much, you must be aware of. I wish i knew, wish i had a chance to help you.. you're forever twenty two.

#fuck heroin #heroin killed my friend #heroin kills #heroin poetry #NY state of mind #gone so young #gone too soon #heroin poem #need narcan #narcan

[dankreject]

I watch how all the light in the clouds goes away...

as the sun goes down, (darkness) it embraces.. its shameless.

and I wonder if you can tell I’m not okay

Beer and weed, it’s a nightly thing

I can’t make the memories go away.

[dankreject]

I’m typing up my next book

and I was typing up this poem I wrote after my mom died. It is such a physical memory, just re-reading it had me miserable all over again for days.

“I’m always remembering when she was in the hospital, especially that last day. When I first walked in the room and saw her knocked out and all hooked up to shit.. it was too much at once to take in. So I turned around, already bawling, it was so unreal. Now it’s over a year. I don’t want to imagine her body turning to bones, at least her soul can’t decompose. But it’s always going to make me cry, it’s always going to sting for the rest of my life, I’m empty and broken.

[dankreject]

how to have fun without getting fucked up

i wish i could find some uppers to take why do i constantly seek an altered state why can't i just have fun in my prime sobriety can i just like, not think about it for one week? the waterfall of alcohol mixed with these rapid moving smoke clouds is drowning and fogging all emotions out. i need to allow myself to think more, to explore more to properly in a clear frame dwell on myself or even just let my brain cells grow back yeah, just think about that.

#sobriety #sober #uppers #downers #emotions #feeling emotions #drugs #alcohol #stoner poetry #alcoholic poem #how to have fun #think thoughts #healing #mental health #taking a break #self care #self love

[dankreject]

#grief poetry #loss #grief #loss of a parent #poems about death #life and death #death #sad poem

[dankreject]

A submission by Dankreject.tumblr.com