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Draco: Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot

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Harry: I found a note in one of my old potions notes that said "Note to self: Get revenge on Malfoy"...Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for Harry: But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it Draco: Hmm... I don't know what you were supposed to get revenge for, either Harry: I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though Draco: Well, whatever I did, I guess I deserved it Harry: Let that possibly be a lesson to you

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Draco: I’d kill someone if you asked me to Harry: I’m pretty sure you’d kill someone even if I didn’t ask you to...

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Harry: Are you a cuddler? Draco: I'm a machine of death and destruction Harry: Draco:  Draco: ...Yeah, fine, I'm a cuddler

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Pansy: Draco, I know you love Harry Potter. I mean, we all know you do, and he's a very nice person and I respect him immensely...But I think he might be a fucking idiot Draco: Draco: Funny how you think I don't know that

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Draco: So what’s for dinner? Harry: I can’t tell you, it’s a soup-prise! Draco: Draco: Is it soup? Harry, winking: I soup-pose it could be! Draco: Please, enough with the soup puns! Harry: Wow, you’re soup-per mean! Draco: STOP! *one hour later* Draco: It’s fucking tacos?!

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Harry, on the phone: Hey Draco, do you know my blood type? Draco: Of course, it's B- Harry: Oh, I guessed wrong. Excuse me, healer-!

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Harry: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out! Draco: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way? Harry: I don't know, surprise me!

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Harry: My head hurts Draco: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity

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Harry, to Voldemort: Underestimate me. That'll be fun

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Draco: Compliment me Harry: You have nice eyes Draco:  Draco: Yeah, that works for now, but we'll work on that

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Lucius: OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?! TIME OUT! GET ON TOP OF THE CHINA CABINET! GET UP THERE! Draco, climbing: THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE! Narcisa: Lucius...I don't think that- Lucius: YOU TOO! TIME OUT! GET ON TOP OF THE CHINA CABINET WITH DRACO! Narcisa, climbing: DRACO IS RIGHT, THIS HOUSE IS FUCKING NIGHTMARE! Draco: Mother, you don't need to follow father's orders. You can just threaten him Narcisa, shrugging: I know, but I did it so we both can plan a good revenge on him

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James, to Lily: I just heard Moony call Padfoot a “fucking liar” because he barked like someone was at the door and no one was there

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Harry: *cooking* Draco: *kicks down door* Draco: *grabs knife from Harry's hand* Draco: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR? Harry: Harry: What. Pansy: He's trying to tell you he wants to cook Harry: But...Draco, you don't know how to cook! Draco: It doesn't matter! You sit and Pansy will help me figure something out!

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Harry: I never tell people off the bat that I'm bi. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and I'm like "you know I'm bi right?" and watch the look of terror on their faces Draco: Draco: Please marry me

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Draco: You know what’s funny about Harry? He's my husband, and anyone who'd hurt him is someone I’d murder, probably

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*5th year* Hermione: Good morning! Harry: Bold statement

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