bananababyfood

[bananababyfood]

[bananababyfood]

[bananababyfood]

https://instagram.com/p/Bb2GSMintSu/

[bananababyfood]

[bananababyfood]

[bananababyfood]

Sunny daze 🕶🌞🎶

[bananababyfood]

UPDATE (the first in a long ass time): I’ve been away from this blog for quite awhile, simply because I felt it was a good thing to distant myself due to there being certain negativity and this heart-breaking “meanspo” shit in the community… Anyway, getting to the actual update, I chose not to weigh myself for over a month and a half. I finally got back on the scale yesterday, scared as hell… but to my surprise, I have literally not even gained 1 lb & I’m so proud of myself that I’m able to keep my weight low without knowing the numbers, by always eating in moderation.

I also have a big lifestyle/diet change coming up this week, which is my beginning into vegetarianism, then eventually veganism.

I’ll have a TON of updated meal plans that I’ll share once I get into the groove of the vegetarian lifestyle. Also, speaking of updates, I’ll be posting new body log photos soon! BUT in the meantime, message me for my main blog & IG (as its where I post most often)! I hope all you beautiful little flowers have been doing so wonderful!!!

#personal #tw: ed #healthy eating #tw: eating problems #weightloss #lose weight #skinny #thin #dieting #thinspo #thinspiration #anorexia #ana #ed #vegetarian #vegan #pro ana #pro ed

[bananababyfood]

[bananababyfood]

[bananababyfood]

I'm eating a lot less lately.... and my weight is dropping again, although I feel this "high" returning... it's all caused by depression, it's all caused by anxiety... and if it's not, it's because I'm numbed by pills. I ask myself, "at what cost?" I ask myself, "why not?"

#tw: mental illness #tw: ed #tw: depression #tw: ana #anorexia #Ana #tw: weight #weight #weight loss #thinspo #thin #thinspiration

[bananababyfood]

💐

[bananababyfood]

My Tips to Not Binge ☆

~Hungry? Take a long bath and pamper yourself. Can’t eat if you’re soaking in the tub. ~Do your lipstick perfectly. You don’t wanna mess it up, do you? ~Chug a glass of water and do 10 squats. ~Have some lettuce with a drizzle of olive oil and some black pepper. Delicious! ~Paint your nails! You can’t eat if your nails are wet. ~Over season your food with salt, pepper, cayenne, or garlic powder so you won’t want to eat as much of it. ~Don’t starve yourself. You need nutrients, my dear. ~Whiten your teeth! ~Craving something salty? Take a beef bouillon cube and put it in a cup of hot water and let it dissolve. Only 5 calories! But beware. Too much sodium will make you bloat. ~Find a thinspo buddy to help keep you motivated! ~Set goals, and reward yourself when you achieve them! ~Green tea, lemon, honey, peppermint, cinnamon, and cucumbers are all good hunger suppressants and speed up your metabolism. ~Try new things! ~Know messing up is only human. You can do it! Take it one day at a time.

[bananababyfood]

[bananababyfood]

I don’t know how to feel towards myself…. I wanted so badly to get back down to my lowest weight, but forgot some of the horrible misery that’s gotten me there before. Lately I’ve just been obsessing over at least maintaining in the higher 90s until I get back to my low weight, then to my goal weight.

One of the things that actually encouraged my weight loss down to 95 lbs were a development of ulcers from such copious amounts of stress in my life that my body had to literally begin expressing it physically to gain the attention it needed .

Since I gained a few pounds back, I have thought of nothing but days without food, I have thought of nothing but the food I eat - the numbers, all the numbers… not the numbers I want to know but the calories I’ve known from all the years that I drilled them into my head, happily… looking for validation, longing to be wanted; loved

I have nothing else to “test” my value, even after all these years Nothing else feels real to me, Nothing feels real at all, to be honest. I keep thinking about dreams within dreams

People say I can find value elsewhere, but I can’t I have been taken by something far greater than me The only power I have to change my body; A task only seemingly simple of affecting numbers on a scale…. and for every number, I subtract away from myself. I’ve been in debt for years

Life has left me conflicted and confused, for none of it makes any sense - no damned sense at all, I think about Alice and what a humanistic… condition she represented… this disorientation, confusion…. it doesn’t have to happen inside the physical wonderland…

You can follow down the dark rabbit hole of your mind But there is no coming back, no never Please heed this when you read my Tiresome & contradictory words

I need something to feel real in this place I am Stranded, maybe if I can morph into something I am not, I will become it

Suffering every waking minute, just so you can be the face of the perfect specimen… and you think you’ll be happy. God sits back and laughs.

My ulcers are back.

#personal #tw: mental illness #tw: ed #tw: depression #tw: calorie counting #tw: calories #tw: weight mention #tw: weight #writing #or a very sorry excuse for it #mental health #ana #pro ana #anorexia #major depressive disorder #depression #anxiety #derealization #depersonalization #dissociation

[bananababyfood]

[bananababyfood]

cara delevingne backstage at chanel.

[bananababyfood]

🌸Thinspiration🌸