atertiary-culture-is

[atertiary-culture-is]

no matter what type it is, the feeling of love or attraction towards anyone is not what makes us human. romantic, sexual, platonic, familial- whatever. none of that is what makes us human. which means the lack of any of those forms of love or attraction does not make one less human.

[atertiary-culture-is]

its okay to not use the split attraction model to figure yourself out btw. if you even care

[atertiary-culture-is]

atertiary demiromantic allosexual culture is just KNOWING that allotertiary aros and aces will see you as "basically allo" because they think aspec just means aro and ace and they think whats basically similar to being atertiary (not caring much about family or friends etc.) is an "unfortunate allo trait", even if you're literally aspec in more ways than them due to being completely atertiary lol

[atertiary-culture-is]

Aplatonic Swag Bracket Round 3 Masterpost

Links to:

Round 1

Round 2

(both are now closed)

Round 3 Polls:

Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog) Vs. Caduceus Clay (Critical Role)

Blaze the Cat (Sonic the Hedgehog) Vs. Squidward Tentacles (Spongebob Squarepants)

L Lawliet (Death Note) Vs. Murderbot/SecUnit (The Murderbot Diaries)

Luster Dawn (My Little Pony : Friendship is Magic) Vs. Saiki K (The Disastrous Life of Saiki K / Saiki No Psi Nan)

[atertiary-culture-is]

Aplatonic Swag Bracket Round 2 Masterpost

Round 1 links (polls closed)

Bracket:

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Shadow The Hedgehog (Sonic The Hedgehog) [vs.] Lain Iwakura (Serial Experiments Lain)

Caduceus Clay (Critical Role) Vs. Entrapta (She-ra and the Princesses of Power)

Daimon (AFK Arena) Vs. Blaze The Cat (Sonic The Hedgehog)

Squidward Tentacles (Spongebob Squarepants) Vs. Sunset Shimmer (My Little Pony : Friendship is Magic - Equestria Girls)

Gogo Tomago (Big Hero 6) Vs. L Lawliet (Death Note)

Double Trouble (She-ra and the Princesses of Power) Vs. Murderbot (The Murderbot Diaries)

Luster Dawn (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) Vs. Logan/Logic (Sanders Sides)

Yotasuke Takahashi (Blue Period) Vs. Saiki Kusuo (The Disastrous Life of Saiki K)

[atertiary-culture-is]

shoutout to aplatonics. you absolutely count as queer regardless of your other identities and I will defend that until the end of time

[atertiary-culture-is]

Aqp-platonic culture is being distressed by people saying that qprs are friendships, or similar to being someone’s best friend.

(anon probably means aqueerplatonic and alloplatonic? if you meant something else you can send another ask to clarify this)

#aspec #atertiary #atertiary culture is #aterspec #atertiary-culture-is #atertiary spectrum #a spectrum #aneriattractional #aqp #aqueerplatonic #aqpspec #alloplatonic aqueerplatonic #aqp allopl #allopl aqp #qpr mention #friendship mention #aqueerplatonic culture is #aqueerplatonic alloplatonic culture is #aquaplatonic #aquaplatonic culture is #anyways. yeah the two are different things... I dont know why ppl act like theyre inherently the same #anon asks #anon submissions #anon ask

[atertiary-culture-is]

Because not many people are talking about it, I'm making a post on what constitutes platonormativity!

Platonormativity here refers to the idealisation of friendship and viewing friendship as essential and mandatory.

Im putting this under the cut as this is a long post

[If this personally offends you or you're an exclus or think I am not aware of how friendship is also deprioritised, etc. honestly this post is not really for you lol]

Things that can be platonormative:

-Assuming that everyone has friends, and viewing it as a red flag or a sign of mental illness if someone doesn't have friends, and/or expecting them to be actively looking for friends

-Claiming that one must be 'friends first' before a romantic or sexual or other relationship in order for it to work out

-Treating friendship as inherently more stable and long-lasting than other relationship types

-Using the term friend for people without considering whether they actually are okay with that term or whether they actually want to be your friend, or otherwise considering someone your friend when they are not explicitly okay with that

-Claiming that aros and aces must "at least have friends" or experience platonic love or platonic attraction because of their 'lack'

-Claiming that everyone should have friends

-Profiling people who don't seem to have friends as a "suicide liability"

-Being ableist towards people whose ability to make or keep friends or want friends or otherwise engage in social bonds is diminished by their (physical or mental) disability and/or neurodivergence

-Assuming that everyone is alloplatonic and friending and plato-favorable

-Assuming that no one is monogamous for friendship

-Considering it inherently "unhealthy" or "increasing risk of abuse" if someone has a partner(s) but not friends

-Forcing friendship as something mandatory even when people are toddlers or very young children

-Assuming a couple/other partners are solely "friends" due to them being polyamorous, queer, or other reasons

-Assuming that people who interact in certain ways must be friends

-Treating friendship as something inherently more "wholesome" or as something that can never be used for harm unless it was a pretence

-Blaming a lack of friendship rather than the harmful behaviour itself when it comes to 'pickup artists' and other people who act entitled to sex, romance, or other things

-Calling aplatonics with a connection to romance "amatonormative" for existing

-Treating the dismantling of amatonormativity, relationship anarchy, and aro activism as an excuse to enforce friendship as something that is mandatory

-Claiming that 'aro culture' is basically (insert alloplatonic and/or plato favorable experience)

-Assuming that ALL demiromantic and/or demisexual people must require friendship as the bond after which it is a possibility for them to experience attraction

-Assuming that every alloaro must want a 'friends with benefits' type of relationship

-Assuming that anything thats nonromantic and/or nonsexual has to be platonic(friendship)

-Reinforcing a platonic-romantic binary

-Claiming that friendship cannot involve sex or romance ever

-Assuming that queerplatonic relationships are friendship or always involve friendship

-Looking down on others for not giving priority to friendship or not engaging in friendship

-Media being saturated with friendship and not many media existing without having friendship in it

-Not understanding that people can be repulsed by friendship and/or platonicism

[atertiary-culture-is]

Hello again! So I'm the anon here, I made a small list of the questions I wanted to ask! (Feel free to skip any of them if they trigger repulsion though, since I wasn't sure on some of them)

1 - Is it possible to be aplatonic but alloqueerplatonic?

2 - Can one be apl but still want close bonds with people? (Best example I could think of is close acquaintances or "unlabeled bonds", if those are even things?)

3 - Would it be apl(spec) to have plato attraction but have it be very rare, weak, or only when specific criteria is met?

4 - Is it possible to suddenly/gradually lose plato attraction (in general, not to a specific person)?

5 - Is it a possible indicator of being apl to not really feel anything "special" towards friends? (Like enjoying their company/personality but being otherwise indifferent towards them)

5.5 - With the above: Is it a possible indicator of being apl to view plato attraction/relationships as being a performance/metaphor, not actual "feelings" towards someone?

1- yeah, there are people who are aplatonic and alloqueerplatonic ! (some may assume there arent just bc the old definition of aplatonic claimed it means 'does not want qprs' - but thats not what aplatonic means. People are welcome to use the outdated definition for themself if they want but literally even the coiner of aplatonic (mr shuttershy on AVEN) never even made that definition of apl. )

2- yeah, and some apls are allo- for other attractions, and/or favorable to one or more types of close bond or relationship. (I for example have close bonds with my sexual and romantic-sexual partners bc Im demiro and allosexual, but dont want acquaintances or friends or qprs etc. bc Im repulsed by those)

3- yeah, that would be aplspec as aplatonic can also include little bit of platonic attraction, rare attraction, conditional attraction, etc. same as w how it works for aro and ace, etc.

4- yeah, it is possible. some people experience this. I dont know if there is an umbrella term for when this occurs, but if it occurred due to trauma its called caedplatonic (if one has ptsd or cptsd) and erasplatonic (if one does not have those disorders)

5- it could be, I felt like that back when I thought I wanted friends, and Ive heard other apls talk about finding friendship to be like this as well

5.5- it can be, since some of us arent familiar with how it feels to feel platonic attraction and/or truly like friendship and desire it, we may see it as 'not real' or assume everyone else is exaggerating how much they like friendship. Even if it is in fact real to people who experience it (and I don't believe its correct to actually call it, or any other attraction or relationship actually fake bc that invalidates peoples experiences)

And from my experience, unlike what some people assume, its really not just alloplatonic aros who are obsessed with friendship (some people, especially those who try to gatekeep the apl label as being only for aros, they claim there is 'no expectation to care about friendship outside of the aro community', and thus often assume this). Ive seen plenty of alloromantic people be incredibly invested in friendship and its also been very confusing to me that they even feel that much about friends and friendship as a whole, as a nonfriending apl who has never felt that.

[atertiary-culture-is]

queerplatonic repulsed culture is feeling excluded from the aro / ace community because of how queerplatonic attraction / relationships seem to be expected

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(just adding that the aro and ace community are not the same community or identity, they are distinct - and that even people who are neither aro or ace can be queerplatonic-repulsed in case other ppl misinterpret anon's wording) (and aqueerplatonic is still under aspec bc aspec is not just aro and ace, but anon does not mention orientation here only repulsion)

#qp repulsed #queerplatonic repulsed #atertiary culture is #tertiary repulsed #tertiary repulsed culture is #aterspec #atertiary #aqp #aqueerplatonic #aqpspec #qpr repulsed #queerplatonormativity #<-word I came up w just now #platonormativity #aspec #aro #aromantic #ace #asexual #aspec community

[atertiary-culture-is]

Sorry to bother you, but could I ask what it's like to be afam? I'm realizing some of my behaviours seem kind of afam (openly not loving most* of my family, confusion and almost repulsion to my friend's "online mother", being uncomfortable with being compared to/jokingly called my pet's and my friend's family) but I don't actually know much about afam people and I'm not sure if this is caused by just having a weird (derogatory) family

*I like my aunt and my younger family and I guess my dad but even that feels different to how others seem to feel, aside from younger family. I'm not sure anymore, I guess it's better to ask and be wrong than to not and be right

.

Thanks for sending in this ask !

It is possible that you may find the afamilial label useful in describing your experiences, but you may also not find it a useful label.

Some of what you describe sounds like familial repulsion (which I also experience, but allofamilials may also experience and not all afamilials experience), and not feeling familial love. Afamilial includes disconnect from familial attraction / no familial attraction etc.

Both afamilial and allofamilial people may have familial trauma, or other bad experiences with family. Some may have perfectly normal or even good experiences with family. And some people may be afamilial due to trauma (labels like caedfamilial if one lost familial attraction due to trauma and have ptsd/cptsd, or erasfamilial for the same if they dont have ptsd/cptsd, are for that).

People describe familial attraction as wanting to be family with people, I don't know how it works myself though as Ive never felt it and I personally actively don't want to have any interaction w the bodys biological family or find found family, even if Im around them for financial dependence reasons rn.

Different afamilial people have different experiences, but I will talk about some things I experience related to my afamilial orientation:

-I don't wish to form familial bonds. I don't even want to consider my partners (Im allosexual and demiromantic, and atertiary) family even if I marry any of them at some point. I also don't want found family, and dislike that I live with the bodys biological family right now.

-I have never thought 'I want this person to be my family' or seen anyone 'as a parent/sibling/etc. figure', in fact even people who were that to me biologically I never actually wanted them to be that to me

-My orientation may be influenced by familial abuse - Im sick of how people get away with abusing me just bc theyre legally considered family

-It makes me very upset that, if I don't get married to another body, the bodys family will be given things like visitation rights or the right to make medical decisions for me if I am unable to, by law

-I never felt love towards the bodys family. When I was younger I felt really guilty for it, especially bc I didn't realise the bodys parenrs were abusive and I was constantly blaming myself for them abusing me

-For a while I thought that I only disliked the bodys family due to the abuse, but I realised I didn't want found family either

-The only way the 'found family' trope popular in queer media appealed to me was the idea of knowing other queer people, not being abused (though I am aware found family can be abusive too), and potentially having partners (back when I didn't have partners) - basically the family part itself did not appeal to me in the slightest

-I'm uncomfortable with being referred to as a sibling/sister/brother/parent/child etc. even jokingly - I also don't want to be a parent

-I genuinely don't understand how a spouse is automatically seen as family legally and socially. I view marriage as sexual and romantic, not familial, and if I were to marry someone I certainly don't want to 'start a family' with them

-I don't want to have pets either - both due to the way people assume pets become family, and due to being unable to take care of one (I know I can't handle that much responsibility for another life - like how I don't want to raise kids)

-I don't like being compared to people in the body's biological family - or made to feel like I cannot be anything more than who they are

My experiences are mainly of the no familial attraction, familial repulsed afamilial type so would not be reflective of all afamilial people

#afamilial #atertiary #aterspec #afam #afamspec #afamilial experiences #-Rift #anon ask #anon asks #afamilial questioning #questioning #aterspec questioning #aspec #abuse mention #familial abuse mention #parental abuse mention #family mention

[atertiary-culture-is]

"i love complex queer identities" you guys can't even handle aroallos.

[atertiary-culture-is]

While no action is exclusive of an specific attraction, people should let go of the idea that love can only derive from romatic, platonic and similar attractions.

Love is not exclusive of those attractions deemed as emotional (because no attraction is purely emotional, mental, physical, social, virtudinal, etc), and the love people are making when they make love can be, in fact, sexual in origin.

Sexual love exists.

Sensual love exists.

Love isn't exclusive of romantic and platonic attraction.

P.S: I'm not saying all interaction has to have loving feelings behind. I know they don't, I'm loveless.

[atertiary-culture-is]

hey real quick? shoutout to aplatonics. shoutout to aplspecs. shoutout to grey apls. shoutout to demi apls. shoutout to alloallo apls. shoutout to alloace apls. shoutout to aroallo apls. shoutout to aroace apls. shoutout to loveless apls. shoutout to heartless apls. shoutout to neurodivergent apls. shoutout to persodivergent apls. shoutout to mentally ill apls. shoutout to traumatized apls. shoutout to apls who are apl because of trauma. shoutout to apls who have platonic relationships. shoutout to apls who don't have platonic relationships. shoutout to apls who don't know they're apl. shoutout to questioning apls.

shoutout to all apls.

[atertiary-culture-is]

Greyfamilial culture is feeling awkward when extended family dies bc I don't rlly care??? But if I don't pretend to in gonna get shouted at.

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#greyfamilial #greyfamilial culture is #grayfamilial #afamilial culture is #atertiary culture is #atertiary-culture-is #that sounds like it sucks sorry about that #I remember when I was accused of not caring when I was like 12 and great grandfather died but Im literally afamilial it took me like. 7 #years later to realise though and idk I hate that the bodys mom yelled at me for it and I at least faked more the whole #caring abt deaths thing later on and managed to avoid this but its annoying that I had to #afam culture is #afamspec #death mention #verbal abuse mention #death #verbal abuse #emotional abuse #tags bc if anyone wants to avoid the mentions of how those ppl are acting if someone doesnt care abt a death #theveiledlibrarian #asks #submissions

[atertiary-culture-is]

afamilial trans culture is just not understanding why allofamilial trans people are willingly visiting their transphobic family over the holidays just to put up with being deadnamed and misgendered, is family really that important for them..?

i can personally sympathise with them and i'm definitely not victim blaming or anything, i'm just baffled how people stay so attached to their family especially when they disrespect them like that

(this obviously excludes situations where they're forced into it like having to rely on their family for money or to stay on the will and stuff)

yeah...

#I dont feel an attachment to the bodys family but live w them for financial dependence reasons and theyre transphobic #squishmallowo #afamilial trans #afamilial trans culture is #afamilial #afamilial culture is #atertiary culture is #atertiary-culture-is #misgendering mention #deadnaming mention #we dont really celebrate any holidays I guess except maybe new year but posting this now since it was in our inbox #and the holidays thing mentioned here is meant to refer to this time of year #so I might as well publish this now instead of like two days later when we have more time

[atertiary-culture-is]

what does atertiary and apothitertiary mean? sorry for my ignorance

Here is a link that has more of an explanation but basically atertiary is when you experience little to no tertiary/nonrose attraction (attraction thats not romantic or sexual) (such as alterous, platonic, sensual, queerplatonic, cedural, etc.). I dont like this atertiary flag though so I made my own design of it (thats from main blog). Atertiary spectrum is also sometimes shortened to aterspec.

The apothi- prefix in aspec terms means you are repulsed by that relationship type, so here it means little to no nonrose/tertiary attraction and being repulsed by nonrose/atertiary relationships. There doesnt seem to be a wiki page for it yet but there are pages for other apothi- aspec terms like apothiromantic, apothiplatonic, etc.