thequestionisalwaysunknown

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

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November 7, 2023

6:16pm

Today was a good day. Nothing much happened but later towards the day I started having a bad mental day. I’m just mainly wanting to feel love from a partner right now. I’m wanting the physical warmth and also them telling me everything will be ok. But not from like family but like a romantic interest. I’m just wishing someone would actually have those types of feelings for me. I mean I know there are some but they aren’t my types. I don’t mean that in just a physical sense I mean in a personality and everything type of sense. I don’t really have high standards set but all the ones that like me don’t even meet the standards. Also my standards are mostly bare minimum. I’m trying to get better at raising them and knowing my worth because lately I’ve let myself get hurt too many times for people that didn’t even meet my standards aka bare minimum. That’s why I started taking a break from dating but I will say it’s hard. I really like having someone there for me but also I’ve been single for like 6 years and that last relationship really wasn’t one. So I don’t know why I have a yearning for this kind of relationship when I’ve never had it. I think that’s why I have the yearning for a relationship since I’ve never really had one where the feelings were mutual. Especially since everyone around me has someone it’s enviable that I would want one as well. I mean I’ve always been the one that has wanted someone to love me and just me. One day I will definitely find it and it will be everything and more than what I imagined. I just gotta remind myself that good things take time. They don’t happen overnight and I will never know when it will come. Hopefully this person treats me well and takes care of me. Sometimes I really would like to be taken care of instead of taking care of others. I’m trying to start only taking care of myself and stop putting time in others. I can’t wait to start traveling as well. I feel like that’s going to bring a new found love in myself. I just really can’t wait for what the future holds for me! I know the universe got my back. They will send the right person for me when both of us are ready. We’re obviously not ready right now and I’m fine with that because this love that I have for my future partner is going to be unbeatable. Everyone around us will see how in love we are and I’ll be glad I waited all this time for him. I know he’s going to be truly amazing and I hope wherever at in life he is right now he’s doing good.

Here’s a short letter to my future partner!

I hope you’re living a good life right now and aren’t going through many hardships. I can’t wait to meet you especially since I can already feel your love for me. It’s so strong that it just warms my whole body up. I hate that I have to wait for you but I will because I know at this moment in our lives we have some other experiences we have to go through before we meet each other. I have a feeling when we actually meet each other it will be love at first sight lol. That’s how strong I feel our love is. It truly feels amazing already I can’t wait until we actually are together because it’s just going to feel 10x better. Well until we meet I love you and just know when we’ll be together soon.

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

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October 17, 2023

7:58 pm

It’s been quite a while since I’ve been on here. I think I want to start writing on here again. There’s been allot of things going on in my life. I currently have only around 15 minutes to write so hopefully I can say everything I want. I got a lot to update y’all on.

First, my love life…. It’s been horrible. Okay maybe not that bad but it’s not been the greatest either. So basically a couple months ago I fell really hard for this one older guy. We just had a lot in common and everything like that but then it just kept dragging on for too long of literally nothing. I was going to try and wait to see him in November but then something happened and it made me really mad so I ended up cutting him off. Especially since I had a lot of mental breakdowns due to him. He was truly one of the first people I really liked. I had never felt that way before. And then here comes something even worse right after I ended up cutting him off. Someone else decided to walk into my life but the problem is I took it all wrong. I thought he was hitting on me and stuff like that but I think he was just trying to be friends. I ended up taking the wrong idea or I think I did. I really can’t tell with him. Sometime he says things that I would say if I liked someone but he never has really showed it. I mean I really have no clue. He gives me very mixed signals. Like we’ve hanged out a couple times and they were really good but I honestly don’t want to get my hopes up at the moment. Like we don’t talk outside of my workplace and he’s not very consistent either. He never gave me his number nor his instagram for us to stay in contact. We’ll just pick a date and time then hope each other shows up. Like we really don’t talk outside of when we plan a meet up or not. The last time we hung out I got his instagram but his account is on private so I have to wait for him to accept my request and it’s been days now. I honestly don’t care at this point if he follows me or not. I just hate that I do now somewhat like him because he’s a great person. I just honestly can’t tell. I know he’s currently dealing with a lot of things though so I can’t really blame him either. I also somewhat hate myself for falling for him but not as hard as the last guy. I just hate that I’m actually sexually attracted to him as well. I’ve never felt sexually attracted to someone before and to be honest it’s very annoying when you can’t have the person. I know I deserve better than this though and I hope we can make everything clear soon so I have some peace of mind. I would be fine if he didn’t like me but it’s just not knowing is what’s making me anxious and uncomfortable. It’s okay it will all work out in the end so I’m not going to try and stress over it.

Well I didn’t get everything out but I have to go to dance rehearsal now so byeeee

Love, Wolf 💕

#Spotify

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

June 26, 2021

10:30am

I hate depending on people. It seems like they always end up disappointing me. I hate it. Right now I’m just upset. It’s like I always really want to do something and I tell them months or weeks ahead and they still forget. Like I say I want to go to this one thing more than anything else if I can’t go to any others this month. I literally didn’t go to any other this month and then it’s just frustrating. Like I just want to cry. Like my mom told me we would talk once she got back but we haven’t. I literally broke down over the phone and we still haven’t talked about any of it. Then also I found out not to long ago. That my stepdad, before T moved in messaged her about how sexy she is. Like wtf. And how they covered for him when freaking that one girl tried talking to him on Facebook. She ended up messaging the wrong person but he still asked for her Facebook and stuff. I hate not being able to tell my mom that. I can’t stand it. Like whyyyy. Ugh it’s so annoying. I’m just annoyed about everything right now. I don’t even know what to write anymore.

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

June 23 / 24

11:54pm

Sometimes I hate myself. I hate to put it so bluntly but I’m just upset. Like why did I have to go on Omegle why did I have to give out my snap and Instagram. Just so freaking boys can freaking jerk off. Like ughhh. I’m happy I didn’t send anything but still. This just makes me not want to have sex anymore. Like how am I gonna do it. I literally won’t be able to. I’ll be too scared. I just can’t do it. I hate that people don’t understand that. I don’t freaking wanna do it. I’m fine without it. Ugh I guess this just taught me a lesson.

Love wolf

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

June 9, 2021

5:47pm

Hello today, I’m gonna be using the voice filter. Right now my emotions are just kind of high. It’s just weird. I have like very strange feelings right now. I really don’t know. I kind of hate it to be honest. I just heard somethings about someone that really made me shocked. I don’t know what to think. I’m just super annoyed now. Like seriously annoyed. I mean it doesn’t directly affect me but at the same time it does. It has something to do with my mom. I want to tell her but I can’t. That’s not my story to tell her it’s someone else’s story. I mean I don’t know how to take it in. Then I think my mom is just frustrated with me or something. I don’t know. I’m not sure. I can’t freaking think. My head just feels weird. I feel freaking drained. Welpppp that’s all for now I guess. Imma go watch ep 8 of Fish Upon The Sky. I could have a another rant about just this show but not today.

Love wolf

#daily life #dear diary #diary #journal #my diary #my journal #online diary #personal diary #tumblr diary #my life #real life #life

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

June 6, 2021

3:49pm

So I just randomly started crying while singing. I can’t even write right now.

I ended up making a video. So watch it lol.

Love wolf

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

You know what I really want to write about this. To be honest sometimes I hate that I can’t have sex with others. I mean I’ve never felt that kind of attraction towards anyone. It’s frustrating because I want to feel it. I want to have someone there for me. To take care of me. To hug me when I need one. It’s like I have all my hormones going everywhere. I want to have someone I can do it with but at the same time I’m scared. I don’t want to have it at the same time. I’ve never felt it before so I’m scared. It’s like just now I masterbated but I seriously need aftercare. And it’s hard when it’s only yourself. Well I’m literally falling asleep while writing this so bye.

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

May 31, 2021

7:47pm

Welp so today I quit my job. So I emailed the boss earlier today to tell him I will no longer be working for you. Ohhh I was so scared. It’s my first time quitting so yeah. I mean I already quit so I can’t go back. I mean so it’s just frustrating because we don’t get mandatory breaks and the management is just poor. Yesterday at work we were all talking about how bad it is. They all quit and I would’ve been the only one there. I wouldn’t be able to handle that. Also because I would mainly be working with Aaron. I didn’t feel comfortable. So yeah. He just tried to call me about 30 minutes ago but I’m not going to answer. I already said what I need to. Ughhh my stomach is turning knots. Right now I’m applying for other places. Hopefully I can get another job. Wow I can’t believe I did it. Okay well that’s it I don’t feel like writing anymore. My stomach is all messed up now.

Love wolf

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

May 24, 2021

8:09pm

I literally called it. I knew it was going to be a good day. I mean basically the whole day I did nothing. I mean I did end up coming with an idea about starting a business or running my own cup sleeve event. I spent most of the day researching about it but I randomly wanted to go onto Instagram to go look at heirbyhim now know as heirbyherr. That’s beside the point. It’s because I want to get a cute short wig install. And I opened the app seeing I had 5 new messages. 3 were from my friends but 2 was by one of a person from the event I went to Saturday. I was so confused but I ended up winning the Shinee album. I’m so happy!!! I can’t believe I won. Also I finally get to have a Shinee album and it’s their newest one, Atlantis. I’m sooooo excited to get it. Tomorrow me and poppa smurf will go get it. Yayyyy okay well now I’m going to sleep.

Love wolf

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

May 24, 2021

8:51am

I don’t know. I feel like today will be a good day. I’m kind of happy. Even though I woke up with a sore throat. I’m just going to focus on myself today. I might go to goodwill today but I kinda want to go Wednesday. I’m not sure yet. I know I’m going to finish my poster wall. I started hanging up my posters two days ago. I’m happy because it’s almost all my favorite groups. I have Stray Kids, Oneus, Seventeen, Cix, and Verivery. So I’m super happy. It’s looking very good so far. Even though the sad thing is my Xbox started not working. I mean I’ve had it for like 5 or 6 years but now I have to get a new one. I don’t want to ask my mom. So I’m just going to save up for it but at the same time. I really want a camera. Well I’ll tell y’all once I decide what I want.

Love wolf

#daily life #dear diary #diary #journal #my diary #my journal #online diary #personal diary #tumblr diary #life #my life #today is good #today is a great day #today is gonna be a great day #im happy

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

May 23

7:04pm

Why am I feeling so alone? Why am I feeling so empty? I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. I know what I want to do but I have to do more preparing. I can’t wait till I go to Thailand. I know it’s not just going to be easy but I’m ready. I’ve been ready for 4 years now. I don’t even know what I want to do with my life. All I know is that I want to go to Thailand.

#daily life #dear diary #diary #journal #my diary #my journal #online diary #personal diary #tumblr diary #life is strange #life #idk what to do #idk

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

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May 23, 2021

6:47am

I’m not sure why I’m even up right now. I went to bed around 11 or 12 last night. I’m just feeling a lot of emotions right now. I’m not sure how to deal with it. It’s like I’m upset, sad, mad, happy, and confused all in one. To be honest I hate it. I don’t even feel like eating. I don’t want to do anything anymore. I just want to lay in bed for the rest of the day. I’m also tired and I hate I keep worrying about money. I don’t need to worry about that. I’m fine with money. It’s just I’m sooo cautious to use it. I don’t even like spending money on myself. I feel like I’m not worth it. I feel like it could go to better things. Ugh I really hate it. I hope it gets better throughout the day. I think I’m going to finish Word Of Honor today. I only have 3 episodes left. Also that could be another contributing factor in my emotions too. So I don’t know. I guess that’s all.

Love wolf

#daily life #dear diary #diary #journal #my diary #my journal #online diary #personal diary #spotify #tumblr diary #real life #my life #life #life is strange #i hate this #im upset #im just upset #im confused #advice would be appreciated #advice wanted #advice #young adult #emotions #emotional #depression #anxitey #anxious #anxeity

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

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May 18, 2021

6:43pm

I’m really doing bad at updating this. I mean a lot of things have happened though. I did my first full shift on Sunday and it was hectic. Then also today I graduated! I’m so happy I can start going to nail school now. Then I can head to college. It’s amazing. I’m so happy but recently I’ve been hooked on this show. It’s called Word Of Honor. It’s sooooo good. Right now I’m in the middle of the 20th episode but I’m so tired I can’t finish it yet. I’ve been watching it like alllll day. It’s just so freaking amazing. It has me hooked in all the way. At least I only have 16 more episodes after this. I also have to go into work tomorrow. At least it’s only for 4 hours. So it’s not bad. Also there usually isn’t too many people when we open. Well that’s all for now. I’m tired so imma log off.

Love wolf

#daily life #dear diary #diary #journal #my diary #my journal #online diary #personal diary #spotify #tumblr diary #my life #real life #life #graduate school #graduated #graduate student

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

May 15, 2021

12:20pm

I’m not even putting a song for this right now. I just need to let out some feelings. I’m upset right now. So me, Hannah, and my mom were just talking outside. And then I just bought up how I’m going to be tired tomorrow since it’s my first full shift at work. I’m not used to it and then she has to go bring up what she used to work okay? Like I don’t care if you used to work from 9am to 2am. I’m not used to it. Like what am I supposed to say to that. It’s just frustrating because she does this a lot. I hate being compared. I already try to stop comparing myself to other people. So I’m wanting to find out why I’m really upset. Cause right now I’m on the brink of tears. It’s just I feel like they are disappointed in me. I hate it I don’t even want to be here right now. I think I’m going to go take a bath then maybe take a walk or study for my test Tuesday. I don’t have time to be upset about things that don’t benefit me or that mean anything to me. Right now I’m just trying to focus on myself and be a good person. I’m not perfect and I don’t try to be so I should forgive people for there mistakes. Well I’m going now I just needed to get things off my chest.

Love wolf

#daily life #dear diary #diary #journal #my diary #my journal #online diary #personal diary #tumblr diary #my life #real life #life #im just upset #im upset #advice #advice wanted #advice would be appreciated

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

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May 13, 2021

6:33am

Well I haven’t updated y’all in like two days. Well nothing much happened but I’m so happy. So on May 11. I made my mom drive me to go apply at this boba place. It’s right down the road and I thought I would be great. I’ve always wanted to work in like a coffee shop or boba place. Well I got hired and today is my first day. I’m so nervous but excited. Also my boss is so funny but he also made me get the covid vaccine. So I haven’t been feeling to good because of it. Yesterday I spent the whole day resting so I would feel better today. I’m actually feeling a lot better. So later on I’ll tell you how my first job is like. Bye

Love wolf

#spotify #daily life #dear diary #diary #journal #my diary #my journal #online diary #personal diary #tumblr diary #daily #real life #life #first job #i'm excited

[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

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May 10, 2021

6:53pm

Well yesterday and today was very eventful. So like in my last post I stayed at my Nonnys yesterday. It was really nice. Then the whole day me and my mom spent the dad with Nonny. We finally left around 4pm to go to my grandmas. We spent the rest of the evening there. Then me and mommy decided to go back to the hotel for the night. I was just watching tv but then I started itching sooo bad. I got mosquitoes bites from grandmas. So we decided to leave to get some itch cream and some food. We first went to the gas station near the hotel but we didn’t find any. We first went to get me some food before going to look at some other places for itch cream. Next we went to another gas station but no luck. So we decided we would just go to Tom Thumbs. My mom ran in real quick and I just stayed in the car. Well next thing I know my mom was yanking on the door handle yelling. Telling me she ran into Val. I already knew what was about to go down. So right after she got in. I called Poppa Smurf to hurry up and get to Tom Thumbs. Well Val hit the block in her truck but she pulled into a gas station. My mom got out yelling at her. For good reasons too. Then two boys got out before her. I’m pretty sure one of them was her son. Then she got out. Poppa smurf arrived and got out right when we got there. Next thing I know I started video recording her fighting Val. It was a lot. I don’t feel like going into much detail right now. Then everyone started coming up to the gas station. All of Poppa smurfs family. It was crazy. At first my mom was supposed to be going to jail but they released her. So we went back to grandmas house for about 2 hours. Then headed back to the hotel and fell asleep. Today was pretty boring. We finally left my hometown and came back home. It was a long drive but it wasn’t too bad. Now I’m here. I’m so happy I got to see my Yiwha. She was so excited to see her mommy back. Well that’s all for today. Tomorrow I’m going to be putting in an application with Bobatopia. So byeee

Love wolf

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[thequestionisalwaysunknown]

I need to try this!!

Garlic Butter Grilled Steak & Shrimp

Ingredients

6 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided

4 cloves garlic, (or 1 tablespoon minced garlic)

1 tablespoon fresh parsley, chopped

1 tablespoon olive oil

4 New York Steak strip steaks (Porterhouse steaks)

Salt and pepper

8 ounces (250 g) shrimp deveined, tails on or off

Instructions

Mix together butter, garlic and fresh chopped parsley. Refrigerate until ready to use.

Heat a large grill over high heat. Lightly grease grill plates with oil. Pat steaks dry with paper towel. Brush lightly with oil and generously season with salt and pepper.

Grill steaks for 4-5 minutes each side until browned and cooked to desired doneness. Spread half of the butter all over of steaks. Transfer steaks to a warm plate and let rest for 5 minutes.

While steaks are resting, melt remaining butter. Season shrimp with salt and pepper. 

Reduce heat to medium and grill your shrimp for 5-6 minutes, depending not the size and thickness of your shrimp. Flip each one halfway through cook time and continue cooking until they turn nice and pink in colour while white and opaque on the inside.

Toss remaining butter through shrimp and serve with steak!