thatkarleesidraws - Tumblr blog

thatkarleesidraws · 2 days

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He looks like a bird lol

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thatkarleesidraws · 3 days

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Stormbringer.

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thatkarleesidraws · 9 days

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Oof I was in an art block kinda phase lol

Anyways, this is for a dtiys on Instagram hosted by @/hvneydazaii :)

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thatkarleesidraws · 10 days

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Honestly I am so done lol been to a doctor to get an ADHD test done, I get there, they tell me they don’t to testing but then continued to do some random tests and questionnaires??? Help???? I don’t know what’s going on, I’m confused

#at least I got mc donalds #and imma get high bye #mental health #adhd #rambles

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thatkarleesidraws · 18 days

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you there. selfship. make an oc for it, or just be yourself. just do it. try it. trust me. you deserve it. be free.

#THIS #I love oc x canon so much ahhh

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thatkarleesidraws · 20 days

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You wanna know why I like Dazai so much?

It’s because he resonates with me. When I was 18 and severely depressed, I went to the club every weekend. Friday, Saturday and sometimes even Thursday til 5 in the morning, blackout drunk, smoking one cigarette after another, waking up with a massive hangover, just to fill that void in my chest.

Of course it didn’t help. I’ve known it back then, and I know it now. But slipping into those self-destructive behaviours was better than not feeling anything at all.

I don’t know when it started. Maybe I was just born with it. All I knew was that I don’t feel like I belong here and that I want to go home.

I’ve been the golden child, the smart kid that got good grades without studying much. But where did it get me now? I’m 25, working through my second therapy, taking antidepressants again and I have no idea what to do with my life. I have no desire in earning a whole lot of money, no desire to contribute anything to society, no desire to exist.

It’s odd, really. Contradicting even. I find a lot of things beautiful. Music, art, nature, sometimes even people. Always seeing the world through the eyes of a child. Though somehow I’m always at war with myself, trying to bend and force my mind to function properly.

I’m not even sad. I just don’t know what to do or say anymore. I’m so tired of explaining myself, tired of being the “funny friend”, tired of always listening to others. I don’t even want anything anymore.

But there he is. A fictional man, with a dark past who pretends to be silly and carefree even though he’s dying inside, who puts my thoughts into better words than I ever could. That is why I love Dazai so much. Because there is this one character that gives me the feeling that I’m not alone in my suffering. Is it delusional? Yeah, maybe. But I can’t be bothered. He gives me a sense of belonging in this world of pure chaos and for that I cannot thank him enough.