#you know i'm tired all the time

[jarognieva]

Ok so i’m sorry i don’t remember if i already ask about your headcanons on Micolash background story before Byrgenwerth? But if you already answer this, you said a while ago that you hc he studied history right? Could you tell is more?

Noo you didn’t ask:) So

Let me begin from this: I'm not sure how to interpret the game world - whether it is placed in a world similar to ours in which there are the same nations and countries as ours (and Yharnam is in one of them or is a city-state) or maybe it is a completely different world? Anyway, my point is that Micolash is a Czech name (as you probably already know), but anglicized - in Czech (and Slovak) it is Mikoláš or Mikuláš. I think that the game's creators used many Slavic names (and motifs) for a reason (but I will write about that in another post...) So I think he is either Czech, or it is a way to show that he is a foreigner? Or Yharnam is actually based on Prague and Slavs are actually native here? Either way - my headcanon is that in both situations he is either a foreigner or the child of foreigners. Eventually Yharnam became such a cultural melting pot that people gave different names to their children regardless of origin, because different names from different cultures became popular here. Therefore, since childhood, he has an idea of such things as cultural differences, language differences, etc. It was something that made it easier (or even motivated him?) to study history.

Early on when I joined the fandom, I adopted the headcanon that he and Rom were siblings. Well... They had a rough childhood (BUT this is absolutely not an attempt to excuse Micolash - I hate the type of Disney villain who is made into a poor victim, so all the bad things he did were not his fault uwu). They supposedly had both parents, but... both parents severely neglected them. There was often physical and psychological violence between them. All this happened for years in front of Mico and Rom. Emotional neglect always has a strong impact on the child's psyche... And in this case, the younger Rom suffered the most. Mico was the one who had to keep calm and take care of and protect them both. And it was Mico who convinced her to join the university. For them, studying was a chance to escape from this terrible everyday life. Of course, that wasn't the only reason, they were both very intelligent and curious about the world. Yes... VERY curious, especially Mico. But more on that in a moment. And at that moment I had a dilemma - because I couldn't decide whether they were studying history or medicine. Or maybe something else?

Yes, I told you once that Mico studied history (because Byrgenwerth was mainly a place to study history and archeology). The "Byrgenwerth squad" must have had some idea about the Pthumerians, what their history was like, and what their contacts with the Great Ones were like. But he might as well have studied medicine! Whereas there is a theory that the Mensis Scholars were actually kidnapping people to study the corpses. It wouldn't make so much sense if Mico didn't know anything about it, right? And honestly, I REALLY like Katy's theory about Mico's strange "fascination" with women's organs and their ability to give birth in general (I can't find it now, but you probably know what I mean xD). Already in his childhood, he did not have a good example when it comes to treating women as equal (as I already said... a difficult childhood and severe domestic violence). He saw only Rom as his equal. What I'm getting at is that this is where history and medicine come together! A woman's ability to give birth and the possibility of being an "incubator" for the Great Ones was connected to the history of the Pthumerians (Queen Yharnam and Mergo) and Cainhurst (Annalise and the child of blood). Fascination with these two topics led to experiments in Yahar-Gul, the creation of The One Reborn and an attempt to make contact with the Great Ones! Apparently history likes to repeat itself... Did it stop Micolash to do all these things? Absolutely not.

#sorry it took me so long xD #you know i'm tired all the time #but i fckng love asks!!!!! even if I need so much time to answer lol #also my thoughts are so chaotic that after describing some things DURING Byrgenwerth I realised it wasn't the thing u asked me xD #asks

[thekaiserroll]

Hug

It's nearly impossible to have a quiet and peaceful day with the crew, like the strawhats. Nami is mostly used to the noise on Going Merry but one day she gets fed up with Zoro and Sanji arguing. Not only are they extremely loud, but they've also already broken way too many things during their fights.

She decides that If they want to act like brats, then she's going to treat them as such. So she makes them apologize and hug each other in silence for an hour. None of them are happy about this punishment, but Nami threatened to raise Zoro's debt, and Sanji couldn't say no to her. It could be worse.

It's awkward enough for them to not incite any fight for a long time and Nami is quite proud of herself. She knows it won't last forever but at least now she knows how to handle them. It inevitably happens again. And again. And again.

Much to her surprise, those fights became more and more frequent. And what's even weirder is that she could see the way both Zoro and Sanji occasionally glanced at her to make sure she was nearby. It's almost as if they wanted someone to make them hug each other. As if they needed an excuse.... these idiots.

Soon, they don't even need Nami's help. When they aren't busy training, cooking or fighting, they cuddle together. Sometimes Luffy or Chopper would join them, but most of the crew knew it was their time.

After two years spent separately, they became extremely clingy. It's no surprise when they start sleeping in the same bed. What is surprising is that despite them behaving like a lovey-dovey couple, those oblivious idiots are STILL unaware of each other's feelings.

#It's almost 3 am and I'm a little tired #I really hope that what I wrote here is somewhat coherent #It's another idea that's been stuck in my head #I wanted to make a comic about this but I never have the time #so for now all I can give you are these notes and a quick sketch #and as always if there's already a fic like that please let me know I would love to check it out #sanji x zoro #sanji #roronoa zoro #zosan #one piece

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

i vote that next year instead of reading Dracula we do a Jeeves & Wooster Book Club. those two never got the rabid tumblr shipping fandom they deserved (disqualified for the sheer technicality of being published a century too soon). we must correct this injustice

#jeeves and wooster #i want to watch tumblr go rabid i want to watch ao3 overflow with jeeves/wooster fanfiction #yes obviously the fandom EXISTS but it's a cozy little neighborhood #a handful of talented artists and writers doing their best to keep their charming little village going #but i'm tired of cozy i want this fandom TRENDING #I WANT TO SEE THIS ON MY DASHBOARD PEOPLE #i swear to you if they made a shiny new tv series tumblr would absolutely obsess over these characters. good omens levels of obsession #it's just such a great dynamic! the good-natured overly-trusting bumbling idiot in constant need of rescuing! #the stoic all-knowing genius who quietly masterminds mayhem in order to protect this one moron he's devoted himself to for some reason #jeeves as a morosexual is just such a beautiful interpretation of the original text #wooster as a happy-go-lucky himbo who stumbles his way into a relationship with a protective caring and supremely competent mastermind #the angst and social complexities of a same-sex cross-class relationship in turn-of-the century london! #oh AND half the stories are about jeeves helping wooster get out of engagements/desperately avoid marriage #two men who live together constantly scheming to maintain their bachelorhood. this is quite literally the main plot point #the gay subtext is there! the gay subtext is there and very ripe for picking!!! #this thing is LOCKED AND LOADED we can pounce literally any time

[thottybrucewayne]

I think what I want to get into with the "Anyone can do harm." thing that I keep beating yall over the head with is that literally anyone, anyone at all can do harm it's not "in your DNA" to be an abuser or written in the stars that you'll be a predator. Whatever image you have of an abuser in your head, drop it and replace it with your favorite person in the world and you'll probably be closer to the truth than you realize. It's easy to address harm when it's coming from someone you already hate. I see it happen all the time. Someone you couldn't stand for no real reason does something heinous then all of a sudden here comes the avalanche of "I always knew they were a fucked up individual." No, you didn't. There is no possible way you could have known, you just already didn't fuck with them before they started doing something you could use to justify your hatred of them. I'm guilty of it too! I'm petty, mean, vindictive, and yes! I'm way quicker to believe something bad about someone I hate versus someone I love because I'm human. Still, y all gotta learn to move past that initial "Well, they were always nice to me!" gut feeling and understand that nobody truly knows anyone and anyone can be capable of anything. Even victims. Even you.

#thotty speaks #thotty rants #I was thinking about that Christine chan post and its like yeah yall really don't know how bad it got for her before she did what she did #It reminded me of that thing on tiktok where people take 'cringy' cosplayers videos (most of whom are literal children) and put racist or #bigoted text over it then reupload it to call them out then the og creator gets a flood of harassment mostly from people who hated them for #the crime of being weird on the internet but now they can use 'oh but they're a bigot!' as an excuse to tear them down until they come out #and say 'hey i didn't say this someone stole my shit' and nobody takes their vids down nor apologizes because they didn't fuck with them #anyway so wash rinse repeat #idk I just wish that people had the same smoke for people they actually like #mostly cause I'm tired of being accused of 'switching up' every time I cut people off or stop fuckin with an artist #like this is what we should be doing!!!! ACG ANYBODY CAN GET IT! #It should be smoke for ANYONE who does harm every your fave people! #otherwise you create this world where taking people to task for the harm they've done is less about the harm #and more about justifying our own actions #anyway keep that same energy across the board that's all I'm saying #cause if it comes out tomorrow that somebody close to me did some fucked up shit I'm out of there period #aint no talkin bout shit and that's on me growing up as a child told that certain grown folks can't be alone with me #but they allowed in my house... #Idk about yall but i'm ending that generational curse with me

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again #the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys #saw #well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand #know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows #your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman. #there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn #thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down #something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness #the transformation of a man into a monster #and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption #sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this #do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind. #the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore #it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating #fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn #i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him #until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else #well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God #where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium #anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus #maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man #i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed #if only he hadn't been weaponized first #god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already #but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there #rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts #ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly #cat chat

[brucewaynehomeforangrychildren]

post-patrol sugar rush

#cassandra cain #damian wayne #I know he's big on last names a lot of the time but idk I feel like the vibe was 'jason' for this one #cass is just vibin letting the boy get his rage out #damian is sick and tired of being the only serious vigilante in gotham #cmon dad learn how to wrangle your kids -damian #I'm so tired so the hashtags may reflect that state of mind #batman #robin #batgirl #orphan #comics #dc comics #art #my art #I love this cass ngl #damian's face took me so fucking long idk if I like it but idc at this point #hope you all enjoy :-)

[queerstudiesnatural]

commenting "what if i'm broke" under a post about donations to help people evacuate gaza literally won't accomplish anything. no one is forcing you to donate if you absolutely can't. as i've said before, giving just $5 helps, but if you don't even have $5 to spare, which is fair and a reality for too many people, especially young people, then you can still help by sharing campaign posts, to tumblr and any other social media platform you use. your voice is just as impactful as your wallet. using your voice to place yourself in a victim position on a post discussing the victims of an active genocide really isn't the punchline you think it is. "but what if i'm broke :(" then you can still push buttons on your phone. there is no excuse to be passive.

we need to stop waiting for the people with the really big wallets to help, because they've made it abundantly clear that they're not going to. politicians and celebrities won't do anything, but we still have to.

donate, share, speak up 🗣️🍉

#i'm tired and in a bad mood #don't comment on my posts saying that you're broke with a sad smiley face #the time you took to comment that is time you could have used to reblog and share to other platforms #or reading up on what's happening #or reaching out with kind words to someone who needs to know they're being heard and they're not alone #there's ​literally so much to do apart from just donating money #donating money is actually the easiest part #rain posts #palestine #free palestine #all eyes on rafah #gofundme #go fund them

[psalmsofpsychosis]

not gonna lie homos and homies, there's something incredibly, incredibly depressing about Batmanverse and the concept of Batjokes in particular, and it's not the murder murder stab stab death plots.

It's the collective unmentioned canon agreement around these characters never being able to escape the confinements of their narrative.

they get pushed to the very edges of their predefined thresholds, they toe the lines of their stories, they poke it and probe it and sometimes even flirt with the possibility of crossing the bounds of their narratives, but they never break throught the structure. they never go over the line, always sorta of wiggling in place; batjokes in particular is the most enticing and intriguing stagnant 85+ years story i have ever seen.

There are unspoken rules around who Batman is, what he will and will not do, and those rules are rarely questioned, if ever. No matter what he does, he cannot be in love with a man, and he cannot ever love Joker in particular. He cannot experience mental and emotional peace. he cannot kill and he cannot show sincere emotional vulnurability, he cannot experience his love in an open and unashamed way. His narrative thresholds confine him to a socially sanctioned image that is meant to be familiar and tangible to the average straight dude, and it's quite frankly exhausting to witness. Whatever happens to Batman's story, he never arrives at physical emotional or mental peace and on a foundational level his tale never changes, not really. You can almost feel it when he constantly bumps into this unspoken narrative rules and stops in his tracks, each and every goddamn time, for 85+ years. It's like a keyed up nutcracker toy soldier bumping into a wall, stumble back two steps, bump into the walls, stumble back two steps, bumpt into the wall,

As someone who loves stories that love to question their own narrative points and break through them and do something different, staring at Batmanverse comics for too long at a time lowkey feels heartbreaking, nothing ever truly changes in this bitch.

#i guess what i'm saying is; there a tree in this garden and every season it sheds its leaves and the leaves change color etc etc etc #and when i talk about getting bored of tales told of this tree peeps are like ''but look at all the colors in the leaves! it even sheds the #what more variety would you want?!'' #and i'm like. you know there's more to a tree than its fucking leaves right. RIGHT. #you know a tree changed in its entire trunk and branches and root reach and the way it communicates with other trees RIGHT #like. a tree naturally undergoes so many subtly substantial changes during the seasons #and i'm tired of being given colorful leaves and being told that i should be satisfied with the supposed artstyle and plot trinket variety #in Batman stories. #this shit is substantially stagnant *YEET* #jokes aside though; this is why i can only consume a little bit of Batman media at a time before i get bored out of my mind. #every other story is the same thing. #Batman #Batman meta #Batjokes #Batjokes meta

[ingravinoveritas]

A couple of thoughts on today’s events in the GO fandom:

- OMG

- I did see it, but in the interest of keeping things under wraps until July 28th, I will not share any leaks or spoilers publicly, but at the same time...

- How did that even happen?!

- Amazon Prime is to blame for the leak, not the fans. There is no faction of “good” GO fans who haven’t shared the spoiler vs. “bad” GO fans who did because they were genuinely excited and saw something shared by an official source. People have the right to be excited after months (years, even) of no content of any kind, just as much as people have the right to be disappointed or not want spoilers.

- ...But Neil reblogging and agreeing with this post is almost certain to create division and once again sets up fans as targets. The coddling of Neil is also disconcerting to witness, as if he is a child rather than a grown adult man. There was no context for the spoiler and nothing else to give us clues for what was happening and while yes, it’s understandable that he feels frustrated/upset, that does not give him the right to further punch down on the fans (who are undoubtedly easier targets than his boss(es) at Amazon).

- We absolutely must have promo interviews with Michael and David in the weeks leading up to July 28th because they will be the stuff of legend and if we do not get any interviews, I will simply perish.

- In conclusion, Michael Sheen’s face in this picture:

#good omens #good omens 2 #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #neil gaiman #michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #david tennant #soft scottish hipster gigolo #i will be analyzing every second of every frame when the time comes though #also i require photos and/or video of the table read #for science #if you really want to know the spoiler DM me #not going to link to it publicly but yeah #i've been traveling for work again all day and i'm tired damn it #fandom woes #discourse

[lyxchen]

Something I also love about Heartbreak High is how the main character is just so silly <33 Like Amerie doesn't try to be cool or fit in or anything. She's silly and weird and she knows that and she's confident in that and that makes her such a lovely and amazing main character <333

#like seriously #often the main character is kinda boring #because they always have to be this misunderstood outcast who just wants to have friends #but not amerie #she cares and she loves and she protects with all her heart and she is so fun and silly goofy and sometimes she fucks up and she's amazing #i love her so so dang much!!!! #heartbreak high #amerie wadia #lea's random thoughts #i also love how heartbreak high comes much closer to actual social relationships between sudents than a lot of other highschool shows do #like nit everybody hates everybody actually #and sometimes people become accidentally and unexpectedly close friends #like amerie with darren and quinni #that happens #and things pass #like you won't actually be forever knows for that one embarassing thing you did one time #nobody calls amerie map bitch anymore #because people move on #anyways #i'm too tired to write more about this but maybe some other time

[silverskye13]

He is a creature to me do you understand?

@lindentree @helsknight-daily

#spazzcat doodles #lindentree #helsknight-daily #helsknight #hermitcraft #helsmets #dragon!helsknight #i am tired and sore and i am coping with my new favorite wing-man #i was thinking really hard last night about how tired i am and it got me thinking about how sometimes you get so tired all you wanna do #is sit down and then i thought about how that would apply to wings and suddenly people with wings sounds like an olympic sport to me #could you imagine the energy it would take to hover #sure gliding on wind currents conserves energy but it's still the equivalent of holding your arms outstretched for a long time right? #anyway take all the scary what if you got tired stuff and flip it you know how after you get out of a pool and you've been swimming all day #you're just absolutely ravenous #what i'm getting at here is i bet you he descends on unsuspecting gas stations and makes off with all their snacks #the hermits wake up see helsknight and grian have broken in just to steal their high calorie chips and fuck off #that's it that's my vision

[cerise-on-top]

hi<3 if you can, can you do valeria and laswell with a gothic s/o? like someone who likes darker/morbid things and things like that! love your blog by the way! it’s definitely my favorite blog to come look at after a long ass day <333

Hey there! Sorry, but I couldn't really find too much on what counts as dark and morbid in the goth scene, so I wrote more general HCs, I hope that's alright still ^^;

Valeria and Laswell with a Gothic!S/O

Valeria: She’d most definitely be intrigued, but not too much. In all honesty, she doesn’t know too much about the subculture, she’s never really met a goth who was clearly one. However, if it makes you happy, that’s all that matters to her. While she won’t really know too many bands, or any at all, she’d be more than happy to listen to a few if you want her to. Yes, she won’t always have the time, but when she isn’t too busy she could put on some songs by Joy Division or The Cure, she really doesn’t mind. She can vibe to that sort of music, even if it isn’t her favorite. You’re more than welcome to discuss the literature with her, though. She’s probably never read a single gothic literature book, but she can buy you some. Anything from poetry to a regular novel, it’s quite alright. While she won’t be the best person to go to when it comes to discussing those, she’ll support you either way. However, something she could definitely enjoy would be going clothes shopping with you. The fashion is kind of nice, she has to admit, so she’d be more than happy to buy you whatever garments you desire. Will go out of her way to find something you might like as well. I can’t see her being too much into the history of goth culture, though. It’s nice that you are a goth, if you want to tell her about it, then you can and she’ll listen to you, but she likely doesn’t have the time to research everything by herself. Tell her about its roots and she can definitely appreciate you going against what’s mainstream and how it all came to be. She’s a very defiant and rebellious woman herself, so she definitely gets it.

Laswell: She knows so many people, I wouldn’t be surprised if she has worked with goths before. And even if she hasn’t directly, she’s likely seen quite a few walking around the city. She usually grows worried for them in summer since their attire is black, which makes it quite hot. However, she’d be very intrigued by you and your subculture. It’s something very near and dear to you, so she would put in the effort to learn about your history. Will give some classic bands a listen as well. She just really wants to have something to talk about with you. Besides, she gets to learn more about you. While she may not be the biggest fan of your interest in death, considering she’s surrounded by it more often than not, she’d be more than happy to indulge anything else it has to offer. Laswell spent a good chunk of life left alone with her thoughts, so she definitely knows a thing or two about melancholy, the state of the world and introspection. Maybe not in the same way you do, but she can definitely keep up in a conversation. She’s likely also unintentionally read some of the more popular gothic novels out there and liked them, so she’d make for a good discussion partner as well. While she doesn’t particularly understand the need to make your face completely white, she doesn’t mind. In fact, she thinks it looks quite cool, even if it’s not for her. However, the fashion in and of itself looks really good to her. Again, she wouldn’t want to wear it, but something about Victorian and Edwardian fashion has a certain something to it that she can’t quite place. Like Valeria, she’ll definitely buy you things she thinks you might like. Anything from a suit or a corset to a book about poetry. Beware, though, she will read the books before you can.

#cod #cod x reader #valeria garza #valeria garza x reader #kate laswell #kate laswell x reader #I am so incredibly tired so I'm sorry if this is bad #the day I'm writing this is Monday and I worked for nine hours today which wasn't very fun #I'll be working for nine hours tomorrow again and I'm not looking forward to that but I need that overtime #I've never met a goth before so I don't even know anyone I could ask about it #I know an emo or two but that's not the same #still I gave the music a listen and I gotta say it sounds pretty good #I can see Valeria indulging you in your morbid things though. if you collect animal bones she can definitely acquire some #whether it be through roadkill or ethically killed animals #Laswell wouldn't be too big of a fan of having bones at home but she won't stop you either #she'll just tell you to keep them somewhere she won't necessarily have to see them all the time #she's not squeamish but she prefers to not think about death too much outside of work. she gets enough of it on the daily #Laswell would be more media literate than Valeria though. she's definitely analyzed some poems for fun when she was younger #Valeria doesn't have the time to read too much into something. or read a book at all. a poem maybe but that's it she won't read into it

[priceofreedom]

funny how everyone seemed to adore Zack until he started having more screentime...

#it's honestly very surprising. i see hate towards him almost every day since Remake came out and i wish i was kidding #and yeah yeah i know other characters get lots of hate too but the hate towards him has been so sudden and random??? #idk maybe he *was* hated before but i just didn't notice #but at the same time no. i'm 100% sure the hate increased considerably after he was shown to be alive in the Remake #i feel like some people are just weirdly concerned he is gonna overshadow the main characters which is stupid #this story is still about Cloud and the others #we're just gonna explore another reality (allegedly) with Zack it's not that deep bro #(rebirth spoilers) -> even in Zack's timeline Cloud AND Aerith are there #and who knows how many more #like i get shippers being petty because when are they not petty #but i've seen non-shippers/casual players saying they do not want to see more of him and being all bitter bc he's important #he's always been important you all just refuse to acknowledge it!!! #no matter how many times hamaguchi nomura nojima etc say he's super important ppl just keep denying it 💀 #as if y'all know more than the freaking devs i'm getting tired of this bs #my post #i'm glad the devs love him as much as we do. cry about it

[americankimchi]

god i wish they hadn't retconned maul's death. i get wanting to explore more of his character because he was, objectively, one of the coolest star wars characters to ever hit the big screen and didn't get much screentime prior to his death, but also his role was fulfilled perfectly within those constraints so i wasn't too upset by it.

but by retconning it and making it so he never died it's like. okay. what now? the whole point (well, to me, ymmv of course) of the theed generator fight was that it was the first ever fight between the jedi and the sith in thousands of years, and that in the end even though the jedi (obi-wan) won the fight, a jedi (qui-gon) and a sith (maul) still died. a master and an apprentice dying together to herald the start of a new age/the return of the sith. perfectly paralleling the way in rotj a master (palps) and an apprentice (anakin/vader) died together to herald the return of the jedi. in both instances, a father figure (qui-gon/vader) dies in the arms of their son (obi-wan/luke) as a sith (palps/maul) is cast down into the abyss to their deaths. (palps being alive in the ST and retconning his death in rotj is also annoying for this reason)

i mean i like maul. don't get me wrong. he's an incredibly compelling character and i enjoy seeing more of him... but there's always the thought hovering in my mind like "he should be dead though. he should 100% be dead. this wouldn't be happening if he was dead, but i honestly would rather it not if it meant that maul was dead."

like the tpm fight just doesn't hit the same knowing that canonically he's just. going to become a robot octopus at some point. (shoutout to palps becoming sith glados in the ST) it cheapens the moment for me. it was supposed to be a moment of triumph marred by the deep and soul-crushing loss of a loved one and it's just... not, anymore. or at least not to the same extent. AUGH i'm just. frustrated. wish star wars as a whole wasn't constantly reframing/retconning what's been established. just puts a bad taste in my mouth.

#personal #star wars is HUGE #there's a GALAXY'S worth of stories to be told #and we're always for whatever reason focusing on this ONE PARTICULAR TIME PERIOD #it's suffocating #this is partly why i'm so excited to see the acolyte #it's a break from the skywalker saga #i love the skywalkers. i love the skywalker saga. #but that's also why i want them to STOP ADDING TO THEIR STORY #sometimes a story has a beginning middle and an end and that's okay! #that's fantastic! #we don't need to see between the lines! or behind the scenes! what if we just LEFT IT ALONE #AUGH #anyways. i don't know. i'm just frustrated with the state of star wars as a whole #it feels so claustrophobic right now. just because the space is there and undefined doesn't mean it needs to be filled #this constant push to canonize the years leading up to an event with content is so frustrating #negative space in an image isn't a bad thing it just helps guide the eye to what's most important #otherwise it gets too cluttered. too noisy. too DISTRACTING. #this was supposed to be about maul being alive but it's really about my ongoing grievances with how star wars is cannibalizing the movies #i'm tired of it........ tired i tell you #anyways that's all. real old man yells at cloud moment rn lmao

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Trigun Thoughts Vol. 1 Pt. 2

So now that I've finished with volume 1, I just wanted to write down a couple thoughts I've had and neat things to point out so far

When I was watching Stampede, I took note of a few kind of textbook avoidant behaviours Vash engages in, and lo and behold, here he is in the manga displaying even more of them. I'll list out a few here.

In order, we have:

Casually asking for a time limit on the interaction (ie. "How long do I have to keep this up before I can leave?")

Attempting to lose people in a crowd

Leaving without saying anything (and as a bonus, dreading being recognized in public)

Over-indulging or over-involving oneself in social events to create a viable excuse to leave suddenly (in this case, he uses alcohol as a reason to "pass out")

Sleeping to avoid unwanted conversation

Escaping to the bathroom to get away for a bit (and also to grumble about it haha)

Playing off sincere reactions by deliberately allowing them to be misinterpreted to avoid personal questions

It's really obvious, even this early in the manga, that Vash is intentionally avoiding prolonged interaction with people, and only involving himself in situations by necessity. He doesn't like attention on himself - the only reason he intentionally draws it is to divert it away from others.

The reason for this is a bit muddy though. It does seem that Vash doesn't particularly enjoy being caught up in drama, and it is also very likely he wishes to get in and out of places as quickly as possible to avoid them getting caught up in his drama too. It may even be that he finds prolonged socializing kind of tiring; that he needs a certain amount of time to himself.

But then there's also this bit, shortly after the celebration, where he pretends to pass out.

This brings in a bit of a guilt aspect to it. It likely has to do with July, or maybe it's due to something else (at this point, we can't say), but I think it's notable that Vash cuts things off shortly before they become intimate. He can play along to make others happy and to share in their joy for a bit, but the second things get too personal or focused on him, he will quietly slip away. Now this is specifically an instance of physical intimacy, but I think it'd probably hold for emotional intimacy as well, given the continuous avoidance and misdirection he does to prevent too many questions.

I made some commentary on Stampede Vash's self-punishing behaviours - specifically, the way he denies himself food. I don't want to get too into it because I don't know if everyone reading this has seen Stampede, but food is framed as something to be shared in the show - so, denying himself food is denying himself the right to share with others, which is denying himself belonging, which is denying himself any semblance of intimacy. (It means other things too, as food-sharing is associated with Rem, but I don't want to get too into it here.)

Vash in the manga doesn't seem to have the same issues with eating, but this is a similar premise - he's denying himself intimacy out of a sense of not being deserving of it.

So, then, there are probably many interwoven reasons for Vash's avoidance - he's sick of the chaos that follows him around, he doesn't want others getting hurt, he gets tired from having to "play it up" all the time, and he seems to also feel that he doesn't deserve that closeness. I'm intrigued to see how Vash's avoidance will be tackled going forward (I'm assuming it will?), and I suspect, more than there being one right reason for it, that all these reasons are actually true to an extent.

On a completely different note, this panel here is the biggest mood. I feel it in my bones.

#me looking at vash's avoidant strategies: ha ha ha. i do that. #me: ...wait. no. that's bad. #meryl says 'vash stop getting into situations' and vash says 'i am trying to get OUT of the situations! i don't want to be here either!!!' #i do think there's a lot of... exhaustion to his character we don't see as much with stampede vash. manga vash looks TIRED man. #it makes sense. we know vash isn't... happy. to say the least. #playing it up all the time when you are not happy - i can tell you any social interaction becomes flat out exhausting #you're always acting. you feel like you have to be so careful with what you say. it's far less draining to just leave the room. #trigun #trigunbookclub #vash the stampede #trigun meta #storyrambles #if i'm just saying what is incredibly obvious or repeating what others have already said i'm sorry. #once i'm caught up i'll follow the book club tag and read what others have written!

[starflungwaddledee]

this is a long shot and i'm sorry to ask, but if you don't mind, can mutuals (or contacts or regulars... just... this community) of mine who aren't jumping ship like... let me know? will any of us still be here? is it over? i'm trying to know if this really is it or what's... even happening. i hate to reassurance seek but i'm feeling pretty miserable and confused.

edit: felt like i was being really pitiful and fragile making this but everybody is being so nice to me and responding so patiently with all your thoughts and i'm in tears of gratitude thank you thank you thank you 💖

#i glanced and thought they brought out a feature so that we could turn off ai access #that seemed... okay? i thought? but now i'm really confused. i don't know. i'm so tired and scared. i just can't... keep doing this #i know this is stupid but this feels like it's my fault. #it happens every time i find something. if i'm happy somewhere. it just.... poof. goes away. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry #on the edit: i would only *ever* think this about myself. double standards that i hold for myself are high. i expect emotional control #& performance from myself only. i would never think badly of anyone else being stressed about this or anything. thank you for your kindness #this community has been so beautiful and kind at every turn. i'm so grateful to get to be here and meet you all #okay... being really sappy now. y'all get to see my anxiety first hand today!! whee!! anyway. i'll get it together. haha! thank you.