#you have nothing to ‘cope’ about

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Embrace the truth

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#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan jingyi #lan sizhui #lan xichen #lan wangji #wei wuxian #WWX uses NMJ's abs as part of his evidence for identification. LXC is allowed to use his familiar embrace as his evidence. #We are now entering the slow burn arc of 'Lan Xichen continues to lose everything he cared about'. #He has his love of fishing + his good friendship with JGY + his brother. I hope nothing happens to any of those things #Not that its in character for *anyone* present to have the emotional intelligence for it - but man LXC is having a very hard time #Trying to pin his sworn brother as a murderer *right* after identifying the mystery body as his other sworn brother? #of *course* he's defensive! You gave him no time to process! #He's gonna need a lot of time by the pond to cope #The original joke had LXC copping a feel on those glutes and recognizing him that way. Which now looking back *was* funnier #sigh...I need to trust my gut a bit more #Next time on PD-MDZS: They just show up in Jinlin Tai because I want to plot to keep moving

[legend-had-it]

4ever yearning for a fic where zoro and sanji are in-canon childhood friends and theyre like, exactly the same, but small

i want zoro to show up to the baratie [kuina and koushirou took him] and Instantly pick a fight with sanji, and this just Keeps on going forever.

and everything is the same but they pull up embarassing childhood memories whenever they start losing

#“well at least i didnt SHAVE OFF MY WHOLE EYEBROW WHILE TRYING TO USE ZEFFS RAZOR” #idk i want them to be silly #silly kids #they wouldnt like see eachother often but it would be the type of friend you see once every couple months and its like nothings changed #zoro leaves his village and doesnt find his way to the baratie until joining the strawhats #and sanjis just like. man i kinda mis- OH THERE HE IS I NEED TO KILL HIM #zoro watches luffy blow a hole into the baratie and Knows HE is going to get the Talking to of his life #and then promptly gets kicked into the ocean by sanji #let them be childhood friends #oh man these tags got long #zosan #sanzo #black leg sanji #sanji #roronoa zoro #zoro #one piece #op #one piece thoughts #.. . . . #childhood friends au #i think about this a lot yall r gonna have to cope

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i use dissociation more than anything i’ve ever learned in my 10yrs of therapy

#actually bpd #bpd problems #bpd vent #actually borderline #actually mentally ill #bpd fp #bpd #bpd shitposting #bpd favorite person #bpd mood #dissociation is my favorite coping mechanism #that and avoidance #i love avoiding my problems until i can’t take it anymore and have a full blown breakdown about it #it’s easier to go through life ignoring everything that’s bothering you until it all just explodes one day #idk maybe that’s just me tho #right after every breakdown i feel like shit tho cuz i usually freak out everyone around me but i don’t know how else to cope #even tho i’ve had 10yrs of therapy nothing else worked for me #so dissociation it is babyyyy

[tomurakii]

I kind of hate all the comparisons between kipperlily and like. Those fuckass "affirmative action fucks me over I wish I was [minority] so it would be easier" people because none of that. Is what she said. She said the bad kids already had more experience with adventuring before they got to augefort and it meant they had an advantage. Which is true. Yeah Riz was lower-class but his mum was a COP. Riz, Kristen and Fig had parents who were heroes (Sandra-Lynn is an active ranger, Kristen's parents are paladins, Sklonda is a rogue), Adaine's family was super rich and politically influential, Fabian had both. Gorgug's the only one who wasn't actively at an advantage [IN THE CONTEXT OF HAVING PRIOR KNOWLEDGE ABOUT HEROISM] and she didn't have shit to say about him. Kipperlily was the first person in her family to try heroism, the bad kids are largely legacy admissions.

Additionally to the people comparing it to the "anti-affirmative action" crowd: do you know what affirmative action is. The bad kids didn't receive special consideration on their admissions to aguefort or scholarships or additional financial support or extended assessment times or anything. How could she be mad about affirmative action if none of these people received affirmative action. What they DID have was knowledge about their classes that started much earlier than high school, which is what Kipperlily said in her file that she thought grading should be adjusted for because she did not have that.

To me it's less like affirmative action and more like augefort is like an IQ test. They pretend that it's fair and objective, but you can be taught how to do those things from a younger age, and if your parents took the time to teach you pattern recognition and shit then you'll do better on an IQ test than someone who wasn't trained for it and everyone will act like that makes you innately smarter when it doesn't. It just means someone taught you how to do that earlier.

Barring Gorgug, every one of the bad kids had access to information about heroism and their class at a younger age than Kipperlily did, which primed them for success in their classes. Every one of them got additional information about mysteries from their families (and even direct battle-tactics training from Bill), Riz especially with getting classified info out of his mum. Kipperlily does not have hero relatives. She's the first in her family line to attend a hero school. She knew nothing about it before her first day, meanwhile Kristen was already the chosen of Helio, Adaine had already been attending the best wizard school in the country, Fabian had already spent his whole life training with his father, and Riz was already involved in solving mysteries using info and tactics he got from his parents.

They aren't necessarily "privileged" (except Fabian and Adaine), but Kipperlily didn't say they were, she said that in the specific context of attending a hero school they had a prior-knowledge advantage. Saying they didn't is like comparing the grades of a kid who's academic career started with preschool with a kid who didn't attend until middle school and acting like one of them wasn't better prepared.

#like cmon people. you already hated her so you're reaching to justify it more #is it reason to be as hateful as she is? no. but she was 14 when she said the shit about riz's dad and. CRUCIALLY. kids from healthy homes #dont wish death on their parents lol. like objectively #shes not poor but neither is fabian. neither was season 1 adaine. and yet we wouldn't say their home lives were GREAT now would we #or that they had nothing to complain about just because they were economically advantaged #she thinks its unfair because she came into augefort blind meanwhile riz had been doing investigator shit for years already #and she has not learned healthy coping mechanisms. like brennan calls her anger childish and its because shes a CHILD #and she only became this cruel because she's possessed by literally the god of rage. because it was that or death #ive even seen people waxing tragic about every other rat grinder's “deal” with ankarna but acting like kipperlily was just fine with that #because she was angry already. she DIED. and having anger issues/emotional regulation issues doesnt mean you WANT TO DESTROY THE WORLD #she probably wanted to live just as much as any of the others did. and this was the sacrifice. she was 16 #d20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high #kipperlily copperkettle

[hecksupremechips]

Come back home when you have some sense

You can throw your life away just not at my expense

You’re not the son I raised

#jhariah #this one just rawrrfrrr #and then uh another line thats like ‘tell me did you raise a man?’ #nice #im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it #god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like #hnnnghhh #hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot #the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM #sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like ‘i just want you to know im so so...’ #like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke #but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me #and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards #the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome #the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear #its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe #but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill #and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill #you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit #and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it #and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was #very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me #which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me #yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend 👍

[ganondoodle]

is it too much of a reach to say that zelda being reduced to basically an object to farm items from in totk just kinda adds more salt to the wound of how badly shes treated?

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #totk #i know im nitpicking #but i have talked about the big problems alot already #and now i start to see the smaller thingy that dont feel good #i guess you could see it as well if she wasnt farmable for items it would be weird compared to the other dragons #or that you are supposed to realize that you have been farming items from your best friend the whole time is to mean something #or maybe its just a game mechanic #i knew super early that the dragon was zelda #and when i saw i need items from her to upgrade my armor i was like .... im not gonna shoot out heR TEETH WTF #good thing she remembers nothing i guess #so she doesnt have to cope with the fact that link kept shooting off her scales - claws - teeth and horns #god i just want to see her have agency for once #and no i dont count begging unnamed faceless champion mcguffin guys to do a swear or dragonfying herself when she had no other option #thats not a character moving the plot but the plot shoving around a character imo #i want to see her go around HER hyrule and talk to people- solve mysteries- get more competent at defending herself- actively doing anythin #gnawing on wood as we speak

[starcurtain]

Another Haikaveh Fanfic I Want to Read

The Deshret reincarnation one, but the twist is that Alhaitham has known he's Deshret from the time he was tiny. The story isn't about how he regains his tragic lost memories of being the desert king--it's about how he does everything he possibly can to avoid having to do that job again. Forming some grand ambition to achieve power? Nope, not doing that. Seeking the means to overthrow Celestia via forbidden knowledge? I'll pass. Becoming a main character? Absolutely not. Al-Ahmar Al-haitham is going to live a peaceful life this time, thank you. He's going to study a basic subject (his own language), get a basic desk job, find himself a basic little house, and somehow convince the perfect perfectly-mortal guy he went to school with to marry him--

Destiny, of course, finds him anyway. (Really, Rukkha, really?) The Akasha is turned on the people, the sages seize control, and does this upstart baby deity ("Shouki no kami," pffft, like who even are you, kid?) think he actually has a snowball's chance in the Mare Javari with the minds of two of Sumeru's real god-kings set against him?

At least at the end of all this, with the nation of wisdom saved and Kusanali in charge as she is very welcome to be, Alhaitham can still go home and be normal with his Very Normal™ roommate!

("Alhaitham, listen... I know this isn't the best of times, but there's something I've been meaning to tell you. I'm not exactly... who you think I am...")

#genshin impact #alhaitham #kaveh #haikaveh #kavetham #fanfic ideas #listen #I respect all the Deshret and Malikata reincarnation angst #but have you considered #COMEDY #of course Alhaitham wants to do nothing all the time #he's seen the alternative and it was no bueno #things I think about to cope #with the exceeding amount of work stress in my life #RIP

[pansear-doodles]

imposter syndrome is a bitch

it can happen to artists you think are already enough or are skilled and great in your eyes

as much as it motivates us to improve ourselves and do better, its still not a pleasant feeling at all

its a persistent cycle of admiring someone who doubts themselves and i dont think its selfish to think that "you're not good enough"

because life has been cruel to us and for most of our lives we've been taught to "suck it up" or that we fear that our outputs are invalid in some way or mean nothing to anyone- the outputs that have parts of ourselves in it, even if it isn't meant to take a part of ourselves- it still came from us nonetheless

posts can easily say that you should be kind to yourself more but when it comes to trauma and something that's been with you since childhood, it's not as simple to shake off

it can take years and years- varies for every individual- and even then the people around you, the world and even yourself will change

as much as its awkward or a downer to see, be kind to artists who are hard on themselves. its not your obligation to give them attention. no, i dont think every single person who sees a vent post should come up to the person and be there for them to cry on their shoulder.

i just think at the very least we should understand that every single person you meet and the artists you admire are imperfect, and they will continue to think crappy thoughts about themselves- unlike in fantasies where its some simple character arc that is a story obstacle that can be overcome and forgotten about- fantasy is meant to be a fulfillment- a desire.

we are real human beings, but we can learn and grow and live.

#this is unfortunately why some of my friendships ended. this insecurity has controlled a lot of my life but im trying to break from it #often id see people with the bigger numbers and i tell myself to be better or if im not good enough. i cant help but feel that #“trauma isnt an excuse” for shitty behavior towards others? yes. but for people thinking crap about themselves and cant help it? not really #do you think i can be not sad at the flick of a switch? you assume i can emotionally cope well as much as everyone else simply? why? #anyway to all of my mutuals who think harshly of themselves. youre all alright. we are all here to have a good time. take things slow. #this might just me being silly neurodivergent again but there's nothing wrong with being careful like this. it *may* just be me after all #but who knows but me #thoughts

[deoidesign]

.

#ok finally making a post about meds #I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without' #I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk. #can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset #so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but #it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways #so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone #like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work... #for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well! #it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus #my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night #sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired #it was more something that I just did because I had to. #but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end... #I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too. #but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted #but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk. #anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too #but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared #so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow #anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING #that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up #I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world #and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better. #but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on #and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much. #and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so... #I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better. #and I'm just crying because of all this combined. #I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!

[clawfootcoffin]

regarding the "I haven't seen anyone die since..." line in protocol 16: iirc wasn't another "dyer" listed on the magnus institute doc that Wasnt alice or her brother?..................... what if (assuming it isn't just alice's deadname), she watched them die // kill her parents somehow?

so far, Everyone in the oiar is here looking for something, be it power (gwen) or answers (sam/celia/colin). with her Heavy parallels to tim, i refuse to believe alice is there Only for a paycheck.

#that line sent me spiraling i cant lie #“since...” #since what girl? #you can trust me #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #tmagp theory #the magnus protocol #alice dyer #talking lots and saying nothing #not art #i dont have the receipts rn #not super invested in the arg #if someone does tho pls send em over!! #btw dont ask me about lena. she does not want to be there. she is simply coping with a reality she cannot control #i am of the opinion that she is Bound to the office #tmagp 16

[blackberry-jam]

That post about cannibalism becoming too mainstream and destigmatized by certain sections of the internet and therefore losing its weight and horror and visceral nature just has me thinking about how HABIT ate a baby and everyone was like oh lmao he’s just an edgy cool guy!!!! He’s just like me fr!! Haha!!! Which. I think not enough people are freaked out by the fact that he forced Evan to eat his own child raw and possibly alive. He mentions “the bones” and implies that it took awhile. Like that wasn’t Hannibal-style Brioche With Baby Pâté and Shredded Zucchini in a Plum Vinaigrette, he just opened Evan’s mouth and bit down until the job was done, and I think that says a lot more about Habit than people want to examine. Idk it just. has me thinking. The number of times hurting children comes up in entries and supplementary materials about HABIT is kind of overwhelming, really. I’ve seen people talk about how they think he’d draw the line at hurting children, but the source material goes out of its way to state otherwise- just about every time he’s in contact with children they die. Or worse. He’s the summation of the worst of humanity, the combined aggregate of all of our flaws and crimes, and one of those crimes is cannibalism, so honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if he made a habit (ha) of it.

#he would not respect your pronouns he canonically made a man beat his own dog to death and he made Evan eat his own baby. #like maybe some people are not ready for horror media #maybe some people resort to making silly fun posts to cope but I think not enough people read his blog posts #they are genuinely horrifying and evil and so is he! #and that’s why he’s an insanely good villain! he’s so charismatic despite it all! #but god like. the fact that he was friends with Albert Fish. and Goebbels. #emh #idk ignore me I just think like. not enough people care about the violence done to women and children in emh and nobody wants to give it #the weight and meaning it was intended to have #if you don’t care about Jessa and Jess and Steph and the baby and the kids in the stories and Vinnie from the past it’s like. okay #nothing HABIT does will mean anything to you #because nobody you care about got hurt except Vinnie #it’s pretty telling. to me #everyman hybrid #everymanhybrid #cannibalism tw #I guess???? if you’re on here you probably don’t care but just in case

[humbuns]

i haven't touched obm content in a hot minute but feral and indifferent belphie is running in my mind rn and it's still so sad nb failed to deliver belphie suffering again!

#how do you kill someone you love (lucifer)??? can you even bring yourself to do so?? instead belphie decided to lash out at MC to cope #that hollow glee failed to cover the emptiness and sadness burrowed in belphie's soul (nothing is fixed and doesn't that enrage you?) #it's such a shame bc there's so much potential to explore on his character #he's the most vulnerable out of his brothers (fickle is probably better) and while beel is the one who carries his heart on his sleeve #belphie doesn't know how to express it w/o being a little mean about it #ANYWAY if anyone has recent belphie lore pls share it with me #i refuse to go look rn (i also have a report to do and the due date is fast approaching)

[worstloki]

sigyn that married loki like ages ago so when it comes out he's jotun she's like. 'well it's a bit late to do anything about that'

#''bit sad to find out about this after his death but i suppose i can't blame him for that :/'' #''tell me if he ends up not being dead i think we should sit down and talk about this'' #''totally not cool so hide something like this. im going to dye my hair black as charcoal and not even tell him'' #''lets see how he likes it'' #''the royal family sucks btw. it succ real good.'' #''how does someone find out they are secretly from a different realm. how wouldn't they know. couldn't he tell?'' #''im not saying it's loki's fault but i think it would be less his fault if he was less dramatic about this kind of thing'' #''aaannnndd of course he threw himself off the bifrost by the end of it. do you people know nothing about him?'' #sigyn just decides loki isn't dead to cope btw #it's like thor except she doesn't get depressed about it #''shouldn't she move out of the palace since her husband died?'' nah sorry no one can stand bringing up the topic #she roasts them about it #like have you no shame #there is not even a body #are you trying to kick her out? don't you know who she married? #''he's dead'' alright believe what you want but odin and frigga haven't said anything so she's sticking around #sigyn like i have more important things to do than worry about this kind of thing. like managing the vanaheim exports #she needs to make her money

[kimetsu-chan]

rant teehee 🤭

How are you so entitled that two people whispering to each other irks you to the point that you cannot eat your food.

and every time I say something that effects me in a negative way, you have to follow right after me.

a few days ago, I told dad that I felt sick.

and you just butt in and went “oh yeah, I’ve been feeling sick all day. I feel awful.”

and when I told you that I felt really bad about my body and that I felt way too overweight, you said “yeah, I feel like I’m so fat.”

like, I know you have never been taught differently because dad thinks that there is nothing he can do, but you do not need to be the main focus. Please, let me have my own problems without having to worry about comforting you.

I need you to not get angry the moment something doesn’t go your way or when someone says something you don’t like.

I need you to not blow up at me when I try to call you out on your behavior.

I need you to not scream at me to shut up and leave you alone when I try to talk about your behavior in a calm manner.

I know dad says you just don’t know how to process negative emotions very well, but I really need you to grow up and mature.

because there is only so much of your behavior I can take before I get agitated at you and then I get in trouble for “continuing the argument”

I don’t know how you have gotten away with this for so long. And I don’t understand why you continue to get away with it.

but please stop.

I cannot be around you for extended periods of time.

I feel so guilty for thinking like this.

I feel like I should give you the benefit of the doubt, but I cannot keep doing this to myself

I can’t keep pushing my frustration away because “you don’t know better” but I cannot do anything but bottle my emotions when it comes to you, because you will not allow me to express them.

you should be old enough to let me tell you that this is badly affecting me, but the slightest mention of anything negative that you have done and you yell at me like I’ve lost my mind and I’m suggesting something absurd.

#🌾 #Not me crying as I write this #This is kinda hard on me #It’s making me have bad habits 😚 #womp womp #At this point I have been convinced that I am in the wrong and being unreasonable #Because you are too childish and immature to care about my well-being. #Tw vent #tw rant #Acting like nothing is wrong is the only way for me to cope atp #I don’t know what else to do #Oh yeah #My younger sister is a narcissist if you can’t tell #Not diagnosed by a therapist #But it’s pretty darn clear

[hella1975]

me: yeah i didn't project too badly onto taob haha *sees a quote from taob randomly on a tiktok webweave about girlhood*

#HELLO?????? yeah zuko they girlhooded you. yeah no they transed your gender #idk if this makes sense but ur coping mechanisms are just sooo she/her #like do you have any idea how baffling this was like no tags no search no nothing it was just there by sheer luck #i saw it was a webweave about girlhood and i was like ohoughhee this will be good #got a few slides in. hello i recognise thAT FUCKING QUOTE WHAT IS HAPPENING #like it's such a niche quote and out of context like it was it could have been from ANYTHING #AND it wasn't credited which i'll get to in a second #but honestly i felt like a mother identifying her child through something incredibly niche like a single freckle or some shit #bc i was like 'this is such a nondescript quote and isnt a big enough moment for me to remember vividly and yet somehow i Just Know' #and low and behold i double checked with a cheeky ctrl+f on taob AND I WAS FUCKING RIGHT #WHAT THE FUCK #im a tad fuming there was no credit like the person used like 12 images and only 3 of them are Non-Tumblr Writing Quotes #and NONE got credited #like i get it's hard enough to get art credited but i feel with artists there's still a general conensus that you're SUPPOSED to tag them #but with writing people honestly just treat it like it's free real estate and the thing is it kinda IS especially if it's fanfic #but also..... why would you not just say who wrote that? like you clearly like it enough to put in ur little slideshow #so why not give credit where credit is due. annoying. bc now im like if this happened by pure fucking chance #then how many times has this happened when ive literally been totally unaware of it? #how many times have MY WORDS just been flung about tiktok without any acknowledgement that i wrote them? #idkkkk just how writing especially amongst tiktokers is treated as a lesser or watered down artform #that doesn't require the decency given to 'actual' art. i might just be being cynical bc i dont like tiktok tho lol #like girl (taob) what the hell are you doing at the devil's sacrament #taob

[slugandthorn]

The coolest gender thing in the 2009 Japanese video game persona 3 100% how hard they coded shinjiro as the dead mom

#.txt #i got soooo mad in the car driving home thinking about how his drug addiction is essentially the classic anime heart condition. #in that the only side effect of the suppressants is that they will kill him. like? #i realized for the longest time i had assumed the chest pain and sweating came from the drugs but thats. castor. obviously. #it doesnt affect his mood or his awareness its like a mood stabilizer pain relief pill? #its so odd that hes framed as like. being addicted to illegal street drugs. BY THE NARRATIVE. #when its more like hes on the most insane experimental medication that they wont even test on like. rats. #also im not fact checking any of this before posting. so i might be lying about things. #idk if it was all of strega that had trouble controlling their personas but like. chidori was because of the Experimentation. #and shinjis just like. mentally ill coded. in a bad way 😭 #The inability to regulate a mood/stimuli to the point where he can be unsafe to himself or others. #broad ass symptom of disorders that are not treated well. its also interesting that its not brought on by a specific event. #like the childhood fire is there. but you have akihiko right there to directly compare it to. and hes arguably more effected by it all. #and he seems to be coping well 10+ years on like some coping mechanisms are kind of weird (protein) but nothing super out of the ordinary. #so the problem is really the october 4th incident which was just a pure honest to god accident. #the fact that it gets covered up as a car accident does feel like the best like. emotional equivalent. #because it being shinji being unable to control his persona his true representation of himself and it resulting in death is sooooo bleak #and it weighs on him for 2+ years of being suicidal and unhoused until finally he goes through with his suicide by martyrdom. #i lost the plot a little bit on the gender situation with the vague allusions to fraility when story convenient #acting as dorm den mother and cooking and sewing long hair jacket sillhouette reading like a dress #was referring to that before mental illness took over. woman under the influencing this anime boy. #long way of saying i think he should have a over the shoulder ponytail when hes older. and he should have a mood disorder.