#you can understand how I feel right now

[ao3-crack]

(x)

#archive of our own #ao3 stuff #ao3 quotes #archive of our own quotes #fanfic #fanfic quotes #funny #ao3 #ao3 tags #ive never written romance before #or a kiss #and im writing it for a NICHOLAS CAGE MOVIE #you can understand how I feel right now #nicholas cage #but as the next tags say on the fic #this movie? so good

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Daddy, don't go.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #jiang fengmian #Scenes that are tragic but still made me laugh: JFM wrapping the boys *right back up* after finding out it was YZY who tied them up. #I know he did it because he understands the severity of what's going on in lotus pier & the need to protect his children. #But it also comes off as 'Oh your mother said so? Yeah I'm not overruling her. Listen to your mother kids. I gotta go.' #You guys ever think about how the last time Jiang Cheng saw his parents alive it was them both pushing him away one last time? #I do!!! I sure do!!! Now you can too! Welcome to my sad little club. The refreshments are all saltwater. #And the subtle difference in who the parting is intended for. YZY meant to leave WWX with JC as a protector. JFM wants them both safe. #The reveal that Zidian responds to JFM aches so badly. #The fact the weapon she literally lashes out with also reveals her heart is so poetic. #I sure hope they can reconcile their feelings. I hope it all works out. #This is the last of the math boat jokes. Back to labeling the boats properly after this.

[uncanny-tranny]

Yet another crochet and knit hack: the patterns are a mild suggestion. You can do what you want forever, you have free will 💛💛💛

#art #fiber art #crochet #knit #i want to write a variation of the blanket pattern i'm making right now because i don't know how i feel about it still #i like the pattern like it looks cool. but i kind of want more variety #i'll show a picture once i'm done - i frogged a huge portion again because i'm like. almost toxically and paradoxically a perfectionist #i tend to read patterns to understand what i like about it then if i have other ideas i'll incorporate them in #it's important to be able to read and understand patterns so you can see where your inspiration leads you #you don't necessarily *need* a pattern in order to achieve something you will like #and you don't HAVE to follow the pattern to the *exact* specifications #like i think i'm liking my blanket because i sozed down the hook size to an 8.00mm instead of the recommended 10.00mm #there is no WAY i would care for using that big of a hook especially because the pattern will leave holes due to the design

[gobstoppr]

hey guys am i allowed to say on main that i dont like metadad . am i gonna get beaten up for saying this.

guys i think we all took the term found family too literally and now everythings flattened into a boring nuclear family. guys can we stop. hello . is anybody there

#text #it was kinda charming at first but it feels like everytime i try to look at the mk tag its always the same shit . guys. guys. #we can do so much more w/ their dynamics than just dad and son ugh its so . ughhh. #every since i realized i was like . really really aroace. ive started to grow a bit of a distaste for shipping culture #this is relavant i swear. iwanna talk about metadede #like ok in fandoms right. theres often #the enforcement of specific roles onto characters for a simplified understanding of them for memes and drawing ideas #we want gay rep but we dont quite have it canonically so we make our queer headcanons seem more legit #by giving a char a same sex partner. ok easy we did it. gay people are real now #and we get awesome art and its wonderful bc people are wonderful #but its like . the relationships themselves feel flat a lot of the times. #metadede never seems to be about dedede. its about mk having a boyfriend. bc we need him to date someone. #and im not like . mad at anyone about this. i participated in it back in the day. but like. #ok so. gay hcs are the most popular in most fandom things bc its easy; hot; and sweet #but things like aro or ace hcs? its just. they. how can you depict that in a single framed drawing of a char?so theres none at all. #its not even that i actively hc chars aroace its jsut this is my world view; how i default to reading chars #maybe this rant in the tags is unrelated after all. #but idk. ive got lots of thoughts about things. #anyways as ceo of meta knigth im right about everything #i can talk more about metadad stuff specifically if people want

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

help im getting emotional over satoru gojo again

#may or may not be crying #thinking about him and his found family #thinking about how he views his time with suguru as the blue spring of his life #a place he cant return to — only in dreams… #but he can regain that sense of happiness even now and i think that’s something he might not realize #because he’s silly and stupid and he doesn’t understand how loved he is #by his students and by shoko and by yaga and by everyone he’s helped and saved #he’s soooo loved and the idea of him feeling that love through his precious students — feeling even a smidge of that blue spring again… #it just gets to me :((((( your life isn’t over gojo!! the blue spring you miss is still right in front of you!!!!!!! #the shinjuku fight will always be so special to me… all of them slapping his back while he puts his infinity down and grins happily #wanting to show off in front of those beloved students when he fights sukuna…. #sobbing crying throwing up he loves them so much he cherishes them he wants them to be happy he wants them to be proud of him :(((((( #the papa of all time. the only Father ever #canon gojo will always be my favorite at the end of the day. no fandom variant comes even close to being Him u just cant copy that …… #feeling very sniffly tonight :(( very vulnerable trying to avoid leaks and worrying abt what’ll happen #ari noises ✩

[mishapen-dear]

thinking about 4halo again and dying

they just. they used to be so sweet together. and then the election arc managed to genuinely turn them against each other (and bad is still affected by being caged in the museum) and i would NOT have been surprised if a rebellion had started within the next few weeks after their last fight and. they used to be friends and then they almost destroyed each other

and then the eggs went missing

and there are so many parallels between them, but one of the biggest parallels is how they're both protectors. they both protected the eggs (and, when he became president, forever extended that protection to the other islanders) but the eggs went missing and they had to put all of that aside. Forever was quicker to put it down than Bad was (it felt like only a very temporary truce, from Bad's end), but they put their problems on hold, because their eggs. were gone.

and another parallel. the destruction. both of them with their plans to cause ruin because then, maybe, theyll get their kids back. bad caused most of the grieving arc damage directly, and got aypierre and antoine to help him. he dug holes in the ground. he placed mines everywhere and leapt into them. he started the lavacasting process of the fed building (and was interrupted by admins, so he stopped, but philza and fit were still right to laugh at him lmaoo). he drilled a hole through the side of the federation office from a huge distance away. he has chosen to hurt his friends and himself to get the eggs back. whatever the cost.

forever destroyed the island. or he planned to destroy the island. or he was interrupted just before he destroyed the island or or or. I don't know. but it was big, and it was bad. bad enough that the feds had to step in and forcefully drug him, and kickstart the happy pills arc.

and the happy pills arc..... oughghghgh as fucking awful as it was for their characters to experience i genuinely truly think that it saved them from each other. when he was first told about forever being fucked up bad was still in the "i need to kick his butt" mindset, and was all ready for an excuse to kill forever. and then he saw forever. and the first proposal happened. and bad was angry and he was sad and upset and he was careful. forever tried to kill him. bad decided to save him. forever kept trying to marry him. forever kept taking the pills. forever was so scared of his own anger and all of the damage he could and would have caused to his family that he kept taking drugs that kept him so out of his mind he hallucinated his son was just sleeping safely at his house.

and they both tried to kill each other. and they both failed.

and bad showed phil and cellbit (and tubbo) the item scanner that dapper discovered, which could destroy him, because nothing else was working. because they needed to save forever. because bad was reminded by then that forever was a victim of the federation instead of just a mouthpiece for it. and then when forever woke up he saw bad, suffering, and so excited to see him awake.

and now they're here on opposite sides again with forever projecting his protection urges onto the fed worker in bad's basement and bad frustrated that he isn't being believed and his evil plans of giving ron lemons apology brownies is being interrupted and. look at them. soft "i hate you" and the appreciation room and bad's quiet heartbreak when he learned about forever being missing and the "i miss you" book bad got mad at because it asked him not to torture fed workers. does anyone hear me im so ill about them. do you understand they care about each other so much and the happy pills arc reminded them of that. forever realized bad is colourblind and bad assumed forever was poisoning him and then forever helped bad cheat on another colourblindness test and forever was giving bad flowers and bad was accepting them and accepted that he was colourblind despite his previously constant denial and! i don't know if im being comprehensible and i dont really care i will be honest i just need you to know i am frothing at the mouth like a rabid little beast. they are a TRAGEDY of miscommunication and external pressure but they love so so much. platonic or romantic or qpp they CARE and it tears me to shreds

#qsmp #4halo #i feel like ive talked about this exact thing like three separate times but #its one of those things that really Kills Me #and its CRUCIAL to understanding them and their relationship #they were fighting and now have found peace in hell #and forever using his care for bad as a distraction to not focus on his Own woes #and the way he's so sure bad needs help the way he was helped that at heart bad is a good person who doesnt want to be hurting people #and in a Way he's right. bad doesn't want to hurt his loved ones. everyone else? yeah. in a heartbeat. but his family... #but he's still makign the choice to do it. it's not lashign out in desperation the way forever destroying the island was #bad is hurting people with Purpose. he's putting thought into it. he's testing people and their knowledge and their motivations and he will #use them all as tools that can be bent and broken if it means they get the eggs back. he'll do it to himself too #especially to himself #ghhhgrhrgh the way theyre both self sacrificial and self destructive the Parallels the fucking parallels #i can best examine their relationship from a bbh pov and it agonizes me because i can't get all the nuance of forever's pov #because i dont speak portuguese yet :c #so best i can do is talk crazy about them like a Lure for other analyst shippers #pspspssps dont you see my ship. dont you see how canon 4halo is !!! in 8 acts #dont you want to examine them and their parallels and the way they are both so strange about relationships but they're finding a way to car #in a way that works for them #pspspsps #like me talking about qbbh vacation arc got the fandom acknowledging his sillies and directly got me a friend to talk about him to (hi kia! #maybe it will work here also #come to the dark side we have complex relationship dynamics that are frequently misunderstood and mislabelled #YOU can help change the world

[anastacialy]

i do not know how to explain to people that "transmisogyny" is the specific transphobia that trans women + transfems face (often but not exclusively at the hands of cis people), and "transandrophobia" is the specific transphobia that trans men + mascs face (often but not exclusively at the hands of cis people), and that they all come together under the umbrella of "transphobia." these are not opposing concepts nor are they mutually exclusive, to believe in one does not mean non-belief in the other. is there a simpler way of phrasing this. can i be clearer.

#i can't handle that post that's going around accusing everyone who acknowledges the existence of transadrophobia of being a transmisogynist #i want to scream i want to peel my skin off thats not how this works that's not how any of this works #in fact one might imagine that understanding the nuances of all different types of transphobia might make you a better ally to trans women! #what a shock! #to understand that bioessentialism can harm trans women and trans men and nonbinary people and and and #im so tired. the hate campaigns are horrifying and the blatant and aggressive removal of trans women + transfems blogs is AWFUL and specifi #this falls under transmisogyny! we can acknowledge and understand that #right? right! #but that in no way just makes it trans men + mascs fault?? they are NOT the (only - there are cruel people in every demographic) people #who are mass reporting innocent transfem's blogs #it's TERFs and transmisogynists #if we have the nuance to understand that not every transmisogynist is a TERF then we can understand that not everyone who #acknowledges that transandrophobia is real is. a transmisogynist?! hello?? am i alive right now. am i currently living and breathing?? #genuinely reading that post doesn't feel real. that is so far from reality i'm nauseated. #txtly #i genuinely don't know how this can be made any clearer. #i'm tired. idk

[goldentigerfestival]

So. I love this. The way Yuri snickers at Flynn showing his real self. The way he, without hesitation, says "yeah" to the idea that he would die in Flynn's place.

But the most important part of this entire thing, which was changed in the dub, is how Yuri specifically jokes that Flynn is trying to abandon him, and Flynn returns and tells Don he had no intention of abandoning Yuri.

Yuri does not hear this. Flynn knows that. But Flynn uses the exact same term Yuri used earlier, as if it's his answer to Yuri and saying no, I would never abandon you.

For reference:

Personally I just... love the weight of it. How Flynn will say something about Yuri that Yuri won't hear, but he still speaks it out into existence because it's how he really feels.

Just because Yuri won't hear it doesn't mean he won't say it, and in a way that's even more powerful. He's not looking for the credit of saying it. He's not looking to be recognized for saying it. He's not only expressing how he feels about Yuri somewhere that Yuri himself will hear him.

They're just his real, honest feelings, and he'll admit them even if Yuri's not within earshot.

#GTF Vesperia Clips #Fluri #classic Vesperia dub trying to hide all the more detailed intimacy between them tbh #y'all are gonna see it even more when I get around to post the huge posts I'm doing #going through the entire game with the changes they made #and how HEAVILY most of the drastic changes pertain to Flynn and their relationship #like. there's really no reason to change these matching scenes in the dub unless they're doing it on purpose #meanwhile they're the sweetest thing in the original and I'll never get over these scenes being matching scenes #also bc like. this is so important for their dynamic going forward into arc 2 #also partly why I truly believe they'd choose each other over the world in specific contexts #but that's a story for another time LOL. for now just know Flynn has gone on record #to say he would never abandon Yuri right to Don Whitehorse's face #anyway you ever get that feeling of like. when you find out from a friend that #someone said smth nice abt you? but you didn't know they said it? #like you KNOW they're saying nice/good things abt you to other ppl now? that's the vibe I get from this #that he's not just saying it to Yuri's face. he says the important things /to others/ as well #he's not trying to score extra brownie points by using sweet words where he knows Yuri will hear him #to me that's the most honest form of affection. saying your feelings out loud where they won't hear you #Flynn also proved himself before saying it as if the idea was to show not just tell #I think Yuri understands when not joking that Flynn wouldn't abandon him #but Flynn is making sure that not just Yuri knows through his actions but that others know it too #and ultimately Yuri doesn't need to hear it. he can believe it because he can see it #Yuri doesn't need to hear it bc he understands Flynn's feelings without needing to hear it

[finexbright]

.

#as i said i'm only now catching up on what happened at red rocks and honestly i'm just so confused as to #why people are getting hate mail for being at a show???? like unless you were right there at the show you will NOT know what's going on #you can't just ''leave'' a venue because there's security measures ensuring that people don't run and cause a stampede #i get that the team there sucked and should've been much better equipped for an outdoor venue but why the fuck are we blaming the fans???? #and then being mad at louis??? yeah i get that his tweet wasn't the best but i'd imagine that he was trying to help out as much as he could #ensuring fans were safe and taken care of. pretty sure he is the one paying all hospital bills and stuff as well #yeah i know he's an artist and he has people doing things for him but also it's louis. he might not have been at ground zero #but i bet he was doing everything he could to help get fans to safety and he had to tweet something amidst all that #just to reassure fans a bit more and he did what he could #besides. i'm sorry but instead of being all ''louis/his team should've done more'' can we all just make sure that the fans #who were actually in that hail storm and who actually got horribly injured and who actually went through such a scary situation #are feeling okay? like why are we arguing about trivial things when what matters the most out of this situation is the fans and their safety #i honestly need people who were not at the venue and people who do not understand how traumatic things can be #to just shut up and log off #anyways to everyone present at red rocks i'm sending you so much love and i'm so sorry something so traumatic happened #i hope everyone is safe and is being treated for their injuries 💌

[andthebeanstalk]

One of the things I love about Glass Onion is the way that the camera and music work together to tell nonverbal jokes.

Like when Benoit basically has to hold Miles' hand to get him to the conclusion that someone reset the puzzle box Benoit lies about receiving:

Benoit asks if it's possible that someone reset the box, and Miles then declares that someone must have reset the box like it is this huge reveal - and the camera zooms out while the music subtly swells as though he really has figured out something smart, when actually he literally restated what Benoit just said.

#original #I love the reveal that he's not even a smart con artist he's just a piece of shit #he's just a shameless copycat that people keep enabling to do bad things bc they assume he knows what he's talking about bc he's rich #like that line in Fiddler on the Roof - 'it won't matter if I'm wrong or if I'm right cuz you're rich they think you really know!' #glass onion #knives out glass onion #benoit blanc #Daniel Craig #ed norton #I hope the YouTuber sideways does a video about this because he does incredible music theory videos about movie scores #and I bet there are a bunch of hidden meanings within the music that I have no idea how to pick out #that man is like a wizard to me I don't understand how someone can understand music that much! #So cool! #I started this movie like 2 hours ago and I'm barely half an hour in cuz I keep stopping to write film theory essays on Tumblr #oh Adderall you cad! #I have no regrets I feel like this is helping me understand film better. i care a lot about the language of Storytelling #and I must say my favorite medium is film. I am writing a graphic novel right now but if I knew I could just skip that part and make it #into a show. I would do that. I don't wanna draw that much! I like drawing! but I want to see it as a show!! #this is too many drawings!!!!! #but for various reasons the film industry is not really a great place for me - or even possible as a physically disabled person #hard to work yourself up to the director's chair when all the entry positions involve standing for 14 hours at a time #I hope that if I ever do manage to make my graphic novel into a TV show that I will maintain enough control over the project to ensure #accessible hiring practices and workplaces #but in the meantime I guess I have to make waaaay too many drawings #no I can't shorten the story I don't have that kind of control it is an epic saga and the world's longest Slow Burn and that is that

[solradguy]

It's fun dressing cartoonishly masculine. I need to put a steel chain on my leather jacket that matches the spikes and compliments the cyborg demon skull painted on the back

#textpost #I need to exercise but I'm tired and my Grumpy Threshold™️ is in the orange so I don't feel like it #Making a stupid post so I stop scrolling and get up to go do literally anything else #Related to the leather jacket: STILL have not found cool fingerless gloves it's been like 6 years where are theyyyyy #Right now I use fingerless kitty paw gloves lol But I wanna find edgy ones #No one understands that I HATE. shit flapping around my hands. Fingerless or nothing at all I don't care how cold it is #I hate sleeves too but I tolerate them if they aren't baggy/loose or if I can roll them up #If the sleeves on my leather jackets could be rolled up you bet your ass I'd have those suckers up by my elbows #Other than like 6 flannel shirts all my shirts are short sleeved or had the sleeves ripped off haha I have 3 denim vests #Anyway I don't know what I'm doing so I'm going to go make spaghetti

[thefiresofpompeii]

done with the snowmen. so so intrigued by her already. her stubbornness, her intelligence, her curiosity, her determination, her wit, her mystery. her fake accent and governess stint, already leading a double life even within the span of a single lifetime. how unphased she is by strange occurences, by vastra, by attacking snow, hell, even the way she reacts to the tardis – her surprise is turned inside out. it's smaller on the outside. the words she chooses. "no, i do the hand grabbing, that's my job, it's always me". born behind the clock of big ben, accounting for her acute sense of time. story spinning fantasy weaving wild woman chasing a ladder to climb . and already a haunting, dead from the beginning, yet somehow not doomed by the narrative, not in the typical way at least

girl, you better believe in yourself !

#such a fresh breath after amy's initial passivity. sorry #'oh but you're biased; her surprise kiss was just as malegazey' you don't understand crazy spontaneous impulsive women like *i* do #AND SHE'S SMART! no offense to amy once again. i just miss martha #but this is really the character i've been waiting for. and i won't let myself be disappointed #because you know how it is with me and ghosts/hauntings. and time weirdness. now if you put the two TOGETHER #also jenna is a great actress right off the bat you can just feel her energy from the screen #jamie catches up #the snowmen #clara oswald #dw #jamie.txt #doctor who

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

okay weird q incoming but what ways do you think speedsters can get sick? Like to my understanding, they can’t really come down with normal virus’ like the flu, right? But they could get things like chronic migraines?

NANOBOTS!!! This is one of the best pieces of canon lore ever. I did a whole post on it but TLDR: normal human metabolisms have so much shit going on that they don't even notice nanobots in their body BUT speedsters have hyper accelerated metabolisms that are the equivalent of the straight A's overachiever in school on meth. So speedster metabolisms do notice nanobots and they attack full force, triggering all of the body's defenses and responses.

But the nanobots are metal so it obviously doesn't do anything. It just leaves the speedster lethargic, feverish, vomiting, dizzy, with a headache, sore muscles and a runny nose, ect. It's basically an allergic reaction.

Now, poisoning them can work depending on what the poison is/what the dosage is. You would need a 100% fatal poison and you would need a fairly high dose. Because speedsters heal fast and they have a hyper accelerated metabolism, so any poison that is based on toxicity (alcohol poisoning for example) would be out of their system faster than it could even take effect.

But poisons that can't be cleared out/processed by the body (take cyanide for example, it binds with the chemical receptors in your body making it physically impossible to use oxygen) wouldn't really be affected by their metabolism at all. So while the speedsters could heal the damaged tissues from these poisons fairly quickly (making it seem as though they were only slightly affected) they would ultimately need time to do so, time they would not have if it kills them first. This isn't technically what you are asking because there would be no substance that 'makes them sick', there would only be 'fine', 'not fine for like a minute and then fine again' and 'dead'. (... unless they were hooked up to a steady supply of the toxin)

Likewise, (this is getting more into theoretical territory, less canon) there might be some illnesses that would affect them? Not for long but if you got something super fucking fatal like Rabies, it might make them display mild cold symptoms for a day or something.

I don't know though. They have really fucking good immune systems. And even super fatal diseases can be fought. Take my example of Rabies, while it is commonly thought to be 100% fatal once symptoms show up there actually have been cases of people surviving it. Rabies is a very stealthy and fast disease, so the main problem with treating it is that your body's immune system isn't fast enough to stop it. People have survived by being placed in medically induced comas (slowing their bodily functions and thus the disease) for long enough that the medication can eradicate it. So for a speedster? That's gone in a minute tops. You would need an insane disease that I'm not sure even exists.

There's also like... pregnancy and menstruation. Growing pains, muscle pain from running is a BIG ONE, being dehydrated/starvation, blood loss, ect. Lots of ways to fuck with a speedster in a way they can't immediately fix.

There are also speedster specific ailments. It's basically 50/50 if a natural born speedster gets a weird highly fatal aging disease. Sometimes speedsters can be born without a kinetic energy shield which makes using their powers at all incredibly fatal to them. All speedsters will have connectivity issues at some point that can be fatal. Sometimes Time Gets Bad™ (shout out to when Barry kept chronically stealing time from people/things every time he used his powers). Sometimes they have too much energy and can't maintain human form (shout out to when Wally didn't know what the speedforce was and was accidentally cosplaying Ghost Rider). Velocity 9 is a highly addictive drug that works on speedsters and makes them display typical addiction behavior (and withdrawal). V9 can also cause a speedster to 'overdose' (burst into flames/lightning/energy). They all have the constant urge to yeet themselves into the speedforce. Ect.

#here's the thing: they are made of speedforce but its not a skin deep thing. you feel me? like their CELLS are made of speedforce #so all shit still affects them #i keep saying that they don't need oxygen or food to survive and thats true but its only if they're actively compensating with speedforce #cause they can get energy from the speedforce or they can get energy from oxygen and food or both. they can't do neither #and they don't really *know* or understand that theyd be fine with JUST speedforce energy. they still think they need oxygen and food #so if they were suffocating or something they might instinctively crank up the speedforce to compensate but they're also very stupid #so they might just die. idk it really depends on who it is how much they know and how much SF they're drawing on #cause like... energy beings need energy yo #i hope this makes sense #the muscle pain one is interesting cause Wallys early runs are really big on the whole hitting the wall thing #he would hit a wall that he physically couldn't break through and it caused him a lot of pain. #some of that was not being hooked up properly cause Wally wasn't hooked up properly until he was an ADULT #because he is FUCKING INSANE and he just went 'huh i guess this is my limit and i will stay below it' liKE AN INSANE PERSON #anyway some of it was SF issues and some of it was mental but he actually got really really hurt anytime he got close to the wall #REALLY bad muscle pain. and like... it was potentially extremely fatal. 'breaking down your body into little bits' fatal #he doesn't get that anymore because hes properly hooked up now but jfc that man treated 'entering the death zone' like it was #the high score to beat at his local arcade. he took it as a fucking challenge. absolutely insane dude right there

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

hmmmm having angsty Lights Out thoughts

#i know when i post about it i usually make it Lighthearted if not outright Memey #but oh boy. this au is dark. like - like beyond the literal meaning #imagine being abandoned by your creators without so much as a warning #one day the lights go out and thats it. no answers. no comfort. no friendly faces or explanation #show's over. curtains closed. doors locked. they're all gone #it's just waiting in a pitch black room because surely the lights will turn back on. the next day will come #but it Won't. the next day won't come. it will never come. your friends won't open their eyes again. it's just you now. #you've always had company - friends and the comfort of feeling Watched Over by something beyond your understanding #but you blinked and its gone now. it's just you. no matter what you try or what you do - its. just. you. #days and weeks and moths and years of silence and a complete lack of color #burning matches down to your fingertips just to remember what shade of yellow your fleece is #its still wrong. firelight stains the color. #slowly forgetting the sound of your friends voices and what their smiles looked like and what the memories you made with them were #what was your best friends favorite joke? what was his hotdog order? how did he laugh? he used to pose for your paintings didnt he? #you can't be sure anymore. maybe the neighborhood was always dead. maybe You're dead. how can you tell? #you don't breathe. they don't either. they used to didn't they? you never did but they used to. ...right? you hope their dreams are sweet #one of your friends starts sleepwalking. you're so happy. she hurts you. you know she didnt mean it. you're scared anyway. #you can only see with one eye now. it feels... Wrong. all of your chalk drawings start coming out wrong too. #you keep missing when you reach for things. just one more thing to adjust to #were the lights ever on? or was that your own dream? you thought that was something you couldnt do. #you also thought the lights always come back. you were wrong about that. what else are you wrong about? #wh lights out au #wailing sobbing screaming etc over lights out wally... this poor little 12 apples dude... #aimlessly wandering through the town... walking through the buildings.... #eventually getting so fucking lonely and desperate that you keep your best friend's severed arm for comfort #all you can do is protect your eternally sleeping friends from the Things crawling out of the shadows #mark another tally on the ground for each full circle the town clock's short hand completes #and wait for the day you fall asleep and join your friends dreams. it will happen someday. #you can feel it in the pitch seeping from your eyes and mouth. more with each decade that passes #just a little while longer. some more waiting. just you. in the dark.

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

..

#having some rough days lately friends #break is coming up soon but I'm not sure how to feel in the meantime #I'm really struggling with understanding and handling well my feelings tbh #my main issue right now is that I have LONGED for community for SO long #and I hoped so badly that I would find it here #but now that I'm here and with community at my fingertips it feels like I cannot join in for some reason??? #I'm struggling not to isolate and I'm feeling like I don't belong and I know better than to care about what people think #but I want to know what they think?? I want to know that people like me?? #I want to know that people like me for ME not just in some vaguely spiritual way where they have to keep me from sin??? #but I'm so tired lately and struggling to focus and I don't have people to talk to about it frankly here #and I can't shake the feeling that wanting people to lean on is sinful (because I should lean on God alone right? expecting other people #to fill the spot that I should have reserved for him is sin?) #I don't know anymore. I'm sorry for dumping this on you people here but I need somewhere to put it that isn't just my journal. #pray for me please. I feel like I can barely pray anymore myself. which is a terrible place to be when at a Christian university. #delete later

[hecksupremechips]

Can we talk about mitsuham I think we should talk about mitsuham yes I’d like that very much

Imagine Mitsuru her life has been planned out for her by a bunch of men her choices are not hers to make every move is political she is nothing but a tool forced to fight as a child never allowed to burden anyone with her feelings. Her life isn’t hers, it’s never been hers for a second, she exists to further the careers of the men around her. The first two friends she makes are both boys and she was in charge of leading them, using them just to further the Kirijo agenda. Genuine friendship did blossom between them, but things fell apart pretty quickly. Shinjiro can’t control Castor, something is seriously wrong with him, he kills someone, then he leaves and the Kirijos cover it up. Was it to protect him, or to protect themselves? Mitsuru certainly doesn’t know anymore but she’s lost a friend and can’t reach him again, he’s too traumatized by personas and Akihiko is still there but he’s always so stuck on Shinjiro and Mitsuru feels like she failed both of them. Just more men for her to let down by not being good enough

Then there’s Kotone. Sweet, strong, clumsy, talented Kotone. She’s so bubbly and friendly, but behind those warm smiles is horrible loneliness. Pain. But she’s never ever gonna let anyone see that. She busies herself by taking care of everyone else, listening to their problems and never burdening them with her own feelings. She can just fix everything and make everyone happy if she works herself hard enough. She just has this way about her, so reliable and so kind

And Mitsuru watches Kotone from above. Trusts her to be the leader, or maybe she just wanted to push a burden onto someone else for a change. Someone who’s able to take on burdens with a smile for fucks sake. And Kotone leads, seemingly effortlessly, and is able to recruit several members in a short time and achieve just so much more than Mitsuru could in her entire lifetime. Just, perfectly. Without even possessing any prior knowledge of the dark hour or personas. And she does this while being so emotional, so social, so weird, so fucking cute, it’s absolutely nauseating. This should be fine, right? It’s what Mitsuru’s always wanted, for someone else to ease her burden. And hell, it’s a woman too, a woman who’s perfectly capable of doing it all without a bunch of men helping her. It’s inspiring, isn’t it?

But there’s the pain. The envy. Kotone is perfect and she doesn’t even have to try. Mitsuru on the other hand has been shaving herself down to nothing just to be allowed a place. She makes the perfect grades and wears the beautiful clothes and applies the fucking makeup and is mature for her age and never speaks out or feels anything that could possibly make her be seen as a human, a filthy fucking human. So why does a woman as unashamed as Kotone get to have it all? And why is Mitsuru still here, still acting as the Kirijo tool, still doing whatever she possibly can to hurt herself to make a man feel better? Why isn’t she useful anywhere? It’s not fair

And then when she actually spends the time with Kotone she’s trying so hard to be that wise and mature figure she’s always been, trying so hard to force herself to smile through the pain, but she’s talking to someone who can see right through that shit cuz Kotone Shiomi invented lying through her teeth to make others feel better. It’s annoying really, how Kotone is supposed to be the childish one, yet it’s Mitsuru who can’t get it together and can’t seem to look into those bright eyes without breaking. And Kotone isn’t disgusted by what she sees, even though Mitsuru is being unreasonable and emotional and talking about wanting to run away and how much she hates her life and how she’s not only eating fast food but enjoying it, letting herself enjoy an indulgence that won’t make her pretty anymore. No, Kotone sees this and listens and encourages it and celebrates it, celebrates how utterly human Mitsuru is. She holds her hand and says "let me take on your burden". And it’s horrible, this kindness, Mitsuru hasn’t even broken all her bones to make Kotone happy, so why is she being so fucking nice? And then something breaks, and Kotone defends her. Stands up for her against a man. Lets herself once again take a hit to protect someone else. And it’s just too familiar, too much to fucking bear, and it pisses Mitsuru the fuck off. And she is able to tell a man to go fuck himself, because no one gets to fucking talk to this girl like she isn’t the most amazing person ever to exist. Not after everything she’s done, everything she still does, not after giving her all and never once asking for anything in return. And in standing up for Kotone, Mitsuru is able to stand up for herself for the first time in her life. And she looks at Kotone and says "let’s take on each other’s burdens"

Oh and also they watch a scary movie together and hold hands and ride a motorcycle and Mitsuru calls Kotone adorable I mean that’s pretty gay man

#persona #persona 3 #mitsuru kirijo #kotone shiomi #mitsuham #girl is that even the ship name thats how fucking obscure this shit feels lol #but noooo you people dont UNDERSTAND you dont GET ITTTTTT they are everything to me your honor #atlus gimme the rights i can do this shit so much better #basically what im getting at here is that mitsuru kirijo is a lesbian and whenever i see her with a man I actually throw up #dont piss me off like that oooh #ive already decided that if i ever post that shinji fic im doing a mitsuru spinoff #cuz like first off her relationship with shinji is really interesting to me and i wanna explore it further but theres not much time in the #shinji fic its more just setting a foundation and i realized i didnt wanna leave them hanging like that #but i also wanna give her a fic cuz ive uh become a bit feral over her and mitsuham in particular #and basically i want her to maybe just uh. leave the kirijo group 🙊 and live her own life make her own choices #and kiss girls kiss a lot of girls and also she gains weight and stops wearing makeup and cuts her hair #she gets to be loved and she loves in return and i spray atlus with a gun shes mine now 👺