#yeah this gets an epimetheus tag

[ticklikeabomb]

Epimetheus : Not so discreet (part 2)

Pairing : Avengers x Plus Size Reader ; Steve x Plus size Reader (potential)

Warnings : Language, Pubic hair mentioned

Word Count : 1.6k

You reached out to your anti-stress roll on, your phone and entry card before exiting your new quarters. Since your room was on the same level as the living room and right next to the elevators, you hoped no one was chilling in the common room. You were on the end of the corridor when lucky you, all the Avengers were in the living room. You face palmed yourself and thought about another excuse to leave the compound. You look at the floor like you didn't see them but Sam called you out. "Where are you sneaking to?" You let out a slow breath and turned around discovering all of them looking your way. "Oh hi, I didn't notice you guys", you lied and saw their not so convinced expressions. "Hmm I call bullshit", commented Tony and the others agreed. "So, where you going to?", asked Natasha. "Oh just going for a drink with a friend, talk about life, bitch about everyone, you know the usual." 

"And we're not invited? I'm hurt", exclaimed Wanda. You nervously scratched the back of your head and said, "Yeah well it's been a long time since I saw the friend in question, soooo", "That sounds like an excuse to go on a date", replied Bucky with a smug smile, his comment making Steve clench his fists. The elevator doors opened at the perfect timing and you entered inside quickly. "BYEEEE", you shouted. The team locked eyes with each other and after a long silence, "Anyone wants to join me and figure out where she's been wandering around?", asked Tony who stood up. "We can't do that", replied Steve in his Captain voice. 

"You telling me, you're not curious where she's been spending a good part of her nights to?", smirked Nat. "Of course he is. Look at him, he's clenching the armrests so tight that I'm afraid it might break", exclaimed Sam amused. Steve gave him a knowing look who made some of them laugh. "I'm in", chanted Wanda. The other members stood up except for Steve that was still figuring out if he should. "Come on man, I know you're dying inside to know", told Bucky. Convinced the First Avenger joined them and followed you. "You put a tracker on her?", Steve turned towards Tony. "Duhh. I put a tracker on everyone", he answered proudly, ignoring the looks of the others. 

They entered the bar, trying to find a place to sit when the room applauded the next stand up comedian. They saw you enter the stage with a bright smile on your face. 

"Hi everyone, you're having fun?", you asked and heard the audience affirm they were. "Awesome, I'm so happy to be here. All having a good time, except for this guy", you pointed at a man in the front row. "He saw me enter and immediately thought 'Oh no another fat bitch with her fat jokes'." The guy in question and some other people laughed. "Don't worry I won't. Ok maybe just one joke that will last…hmmmm… 20min", and pointed at yourself. You laughed with them until your 'laugh' turned sour. "No just kidding. I'm actually going to talk about pubic hair"

You looked at the man you pointed earlier and declared "Now you're like 'No please just tell us fat jokes. No pubic hairs, nooooo pubwic hayrsss please'. Haha, once you go hair, you won't go bear". You let the magic do its course and began. "Yeah, so I believe in the ecosystem and that's way I mostly let nature do its purpose and don't shave. It doesn't mean I never shave, no but like it's not my first priority in life, you know. The last time I decided to do the great fall cleaning…*laughs* was not so long ago, which means if you see my hand go down there, I'm not a pervert I swear, it just my hair that is growing back and it tickles." You let your hand slowly travel down and checked the people's reaction but stoped when they hollowed. "You bunch of pervs you really out here waiting for me to go for the fupa's baby hairs." 

"Yeah so like I was saying, I shaved not so long ago because I had a date with a guy. I went full hardcore and was like 'Ok I'm gonna try waxing'. It was the very first time I would wax down there, that's why I prepared my testament in advance. *Laughs* I left the guy I had the date with all my debts. That's right, what comes around goes back around baby."

"I challenged all my courage and called to the beauty institue to make an appointment. I called and then the usual : Hello, I would like an appointment for waxing, bla bla bla, and then she asked the million dollar question : Alright, Miss on which areas?" You let the room laugh it out before replying, "Well … all of them." "Alright, in your opinion how long is your hair?" You let another moment before replying, blinking your eyes frantically. "9 inches?", you joked. "I swear to good, she must have been taking a gulp of water or something because I heard here cough her lungs out through the phone. I went immediately 'Are you alright Miss? I'm joking, they're not really 9 inches.  But like baby monkey kinda hairy, not much not much." You saw the audience cracking up and smiled smugly. 

"Flash-forward the day of the sacrifice. I go there and saw her look at me up and down, trying to take the temperature. 'Ohhh bitch you about to take it honey', I thought to myself. I told her a joke again but really it was to calm myself down and asked her if she was a real pro she would manage to finish by 6pm. It was 9am ladies and gents." "Anyway, I lay down totally not feeling uncomfortable", you sarcastically. "Can you believe she saw me and went back shouting 'I'm gonna need more wax'. Like bitch, you thought this was Jaws or something…. Out-fucking-rageous." 

You saw a woman on the front row nod and pointed at her "Sis you know what's about to come right?" "I do, I do", she pissed herself. "For the fellas that have no clue let me explain the process : The beauty lady warms the wax, you lay there and begin praying and then she comes back, looks at you like the worshiper of Satan and says 'Alright here we go mwahahahah' ". "And you be there like * nervous laugh* "Oh Lord have mercy." "And then…the moment has arrived where you see that bright light and your life flash in front of your eyes, the Holy Motherfucking Grail, the first rip. *Moooooommmmmaaaa just killleddd a mannnnn*. Guys if you think I'm exaggerating, ask any woman in your life and you'll see WE ARE NOT. It feels like your soul is getting sucked out of your body." 

"It hurts", you whined and jumped on the spot like a three year old. "All what I kept thinking was 'WHYYYYYY'. I know why… for that dude. Honestly guys you don't realize how dedicated we are even if it's a first date because we too expect some D by the end of the night, especially if the date is going great. 

I think most of the guys are scared of pubic hairs", you said and made big eyes to the first guy. "You think I forgot about you, didn't you?" *Laughs* "They be like 'I'm so strong, who's the boss, call me daddy, arghhhhh wuarghhh' but then they see a hairy pussy and be all suddenly like 'ewwwww omg nastyyyy'. Come on man! You really think men, I don't know how long ago, I'm not a mathematician ok, would not hit that just because of hair. Hmmmm I don't think so José." 

"It's crazy going through so much pain for that. Of course, there are other reasons to do it : hygiene, esthetic, self-love, etc but still. I came up with a solution. I think that…wait for it… *Laughs* I think that we should test them. I mean if he can handle me with the bush I might reconsider waxing. Because going through so much trouble to get bad dick, nope I'm out. You can handle me I'll open the smooth heavenly doors for ya, if you can't…then…Welcome to the Jungle pal. Thank you so much and have a nice night", you finished your number and bowed in front of the applauding audience. 

Backstage, you let out a deep breath, happy to have made so many people laugh. The manager found you and congratulated you. "There are some customers that are dying to meet you", he told you. "Really?", you replied shocked. He nodded and told you which table. You made your way to the table when mid-way, you recognized them. You felt the heat creep up all over your body and it didn't help seeing them smirk in amusement. Your gaze landed on Steve who was timidly switching his eyes between you and his drink. His attitude told you, they heard your number. 

"Well well well if it's not our new Avenger member / secretly stand-up comedian", joked Sam. "Hmmiii, what are you doing here?", you mumbled incoherently. "We were curious were you'd go and that led us here", replied Bruce. "Great", sarcasm lacing your voice. "Why didn't you tell us?", asked Rhodes. You sighed and told them the truth, "I just wanted to have something independently from the whole Avenging thing. I love my job but sometimes it gets real hard, always being emotionally invested, risking our lives every single time and doing stand-up helps alleviate those feelings." 

They nodded in understanding and affirmed you that you shouldn't be afraid to talk to them whenever there was the need to. "Thank you guys for understanding, I appreciate it." Your eyes landed once more on Steve who looked elsewhere. The thing that the others didn't know was that the guy you had a date with was Steve. And let's say that it didn't went as expected. 

* gifs not mine, credit to owners*

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[the--blackdahlia]

Legends of Yesterday Final Chapter (Dean x Reader)

Title: Legends of Yesterday Final Chapter

Summary:  Dean and (Y/n) are in love. But when a mysterious stranger shows up out of nowhere, making claims to the both of them, can they keep their happiness?

Warnings: Not that I can think of

AN: Thank you for everyone who read this! I do have some ideas for more if you want more...

“Stop this!” (Y/n) called out as a fireball flew past her head. Sam quickly snagged her hand and pulled her down under the table while Dean fired a full clip at Prometheus. Cas launched himself at the Titan, only to be tossed into the wall like he was nothing. He crashed against a bookcase, burying himself in books. “Guys!”

“I’m not stopping anything until this human is dead.” Prometheus hissed.

“Apparently you’re exactly like your brother.” Dean taunted, which really wasn’t a good idea.

“I am nothing like my brother!” Prometheus roared. He launched more fireballs at Dean, who dropped to the ground and hid by (Y/n).

“Of course, the one time that we need the Colt.” (Y/n) looked over at Dean.

“Dean, bullets obviously aren’t working and he has fire. We need to stop.” She said. Dean shook his head.

“He’s trying to take you away from me.” Dean said, cupping her cheek. Sam cleared his throat.

“As much as I love hiding under this table, we can’t stay here.” Sam said. “We have to get to the garage or something.” Dean and (Y/n) nodded, trying to think of their escape plan. But as they thought of what their next move was, the table they were hiding under was lifted and thrown away from them. (Y/n) looked at the pair of boots that stood right in front of them as she heard Prometheus groan in pain.

“Epimetheus.” (Y/n) whispered as she looked up at him. He grabbed her arm and pulled her up, making her squeal.

“Let go of her Epimetheus.” Prometheus groaned as he got to his feet, holding onto the wall for support. Epimetheus laughed.

“You speak like she’s your betrothed.” He said, holding (Y/n) close to him. “I’m taking her away and helping her remember what she has forgotten.” Cas appeared behind him then, grabbing him back the back of his neck and throwing him away from (Y/n).

“Cas, get her out of here!” Dean called out. Cas headed towards (Y/n), ready to teleport her out of danger, but Prometheus and Epimetheus both were not going to let that happen.

“I don’t have time for you, pathetic angel.” Epimetheus hissed punching Cas in the face and causing him to stagger away from (Y/n). “You’re interfering in everything, just like your kind always does.” He kept punching Cas, who was dodging as much as he could.

“Stop!” (Y/n) cried out at everything going on around her. It was all becoming way too much. Epimetheus dropped Cas and went to her, cupping her face.

“Don’t worry my darling Pandora. We’ll get out of here and go someplace safe so you can heal.” He said with gentleness in his voice.

“My name is (Y/n).” She said, tears streaming down her face. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Because you’re my wife and I love you.” He said, leaning in and kissing her, hoping that it would do something. And it did. It pissed Dean Winchester off to no end. He ran at Epimetheus, hoping to get him away from (Y/n), but the Titan was ready. Mumbling some words of Greek, a gust of wind filled the bunker, knocking Dean, Sam, Prometheus, and Cas to the ground.

“Just let me go.” (Y/n) whispered.

“I’ve lost you too many times. I won’t lose you again.” He said, holding her arms. Something changed then. Her eyes darkened some and she looked straight into Epimetheus’s eyes.

“You lost me the moment you agreed with Zeus and made me marry you.” She growled. She swung her arm, knocking Epimetheus away from her. He landed on the table that he had thrown not long before. The others stood there, watching her. She turned to looked at Prometheus, tears on the brim of falling. “Why couldn’t you just leave me alone? I was happy here.”

“Pandora…”

“Don’t.” She said, raising her hand. “Don’t you dare say my name every again.” She held the side of her head then. The memories she had created for herself were starting to collide with her real ones. She wasn’t sure what to do next, so she did the only thing she could think of.

She ran.

“(Y/n)!” Dean called out as she disappeared in front of them. He turned around, looking at the destroyed room. “(Y/n)!”

****

Mary set back in her chair, taking in all the information that Mick had told her. Everything he had on the Greek gods that his father had spent years chasing. She thought he was crazy at first, but after everything that she had seen in her lifetime, she had to believe him.

“So, you think that these gods are after Dean’s girlfriend?” Mary asked. Mick nodded. “But why did your father care so much about this?” Mick went to his safe and unlocked it, pulling out what looked like an old Greek vase to Mary. “What’s that?”

“This, my dear, is Pandora’s box.” Mick explained. Mary was about to say something, but he stopped her. “I know, it’s a jar, but translations and such labeled it as a box.”

“I remember reading about Pandora’s Box.” Mary told Mick. “She opened it and released the evil inside on the world, but left hope inside.”

“Exactly.” Mick said, setting the jar on his desk. “She’s the only one who can open it. If we follow these gods, we can find her. If we can find her, we can get her to open it.”

“And release hope onto the Earth.” Mary finished. Mick smiled.

“Exactly.” He set down. “Maybe a little hope is what we need to rid the world of monsters.” Mary nodded. That was a pretty good plan. And if these gods thought Dean’s girlfriend was this Pandora, it was a good place to start.

“So, what do you need from me?” Mary asked.

“Take Ketch. There’s a girl in Garden City that will be hard to miss. She might be able to help you lure some of these gods out, and soon, we’ll be able to find Pandora.”

****

(Y/n) set at a bar, staring at her phone. She had tried calling people of her family, but all the numbers were dead end or the people had never heard of her before. Had could she be so stupid? She thought this had been her life and she was wrong. She had more questions than answers and her head hurt. But right then, she just wanted to drink it all away. She just hoped that she could get a little drunk before anyone showed up to take her back to the bunker, but so far, nothing was working. That’s when a woman set down next to her.

“It’s been a long time Pandora.” The woman said. (Y/n) looked over at the woman and flashes of memories sped through her head. She groaned. “That happens when your memories try to come back, especially after so many years.”

“Hera.” (Y/n) said. “How did you find me?”

“A god coming out of hiding is a pretty big beacon.” She explained. “Just be glad I’m the one who found you.” (Y/n) looked away from her. “I bet you’re going through a rough patch right now. I can just offer you a little advice.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?” (Y/n) asked.

“Amsterdam is beautiful this time of year.” Hera said, a smile spreading on her face. (Y/n) turned to look at her.

“Then let’s go.” She said. Hera nodded and touched her shoulder.

When the bartender turned around to give (Y/n) her drink, the stool was empty with a pile of coins laying there, to pay for what she had already drunk.

To Be Continued in Legends of Today

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[the--blackdahlia]

Legends of Yesterday Chapter 2 (Dean x Reader)

Title: Legends of Yesterday Chapter 2

Summary:  Dean and (Y/n) are in love. But when a mysterious stranger shows up out of nowhere, making claims to the both of them, can they keep their happiness?

Warnings: None that I can think of. Maybe spoilers for season 12 if you haven’t seen it yet.

“Sam!” Dean called out as they walked into the bunker. Sam was in the kitchen, fixing himself something to eat. “Sammy!”

“What?” Sam asked, a  yogurt cup in hand. He looked at (Y/n) and Dean. “Oh come on, I don’t wanna get kicked out for the night.” (Y/n) had to laugh a bit, despite everything that was happening.

“No one is getting kicked out for the night.” Dean explained. He laid the knife down on one of the tables and slid it towards Sam. Sam sat down his yogurt and picked up the knife.

“Uh, thanks?” Sam said. “This is exactly what I...wanted?”

“Some guy just attacked us at the restaurant with this knife.” Dean explained. He glanced over at (Y/n). “He was after her.”

“Wait, really?” Sam asked, examining the knife. “Let me go grab the knife index.” Sam quickly headed towards the library. Dean turned his attention back to (Y/n).

“Are you okay?” He asked her again.

“Yeah.” She said. “I’m just trying to catch up with everything.” Dean nodded, understanding how that went. He pulled her close to his side and rubbed her back gently. Cas excused himself to the kitchen and returned with a glass of water for (Y/n). “Thanks Cas.”

“Here.” Sam said, laying the heavy book on the table.

“Damn, we really need to make this all electronic.” Dean said. “Make it a lot easier to search.” Sam didn’t respond though. Once you got Sam in research mode, very little could pull him away from it. He looked at the markings on the blade and handle, defining features and anything that could help him figure out where this knife came from.

“I think I got it.” Sam finally said after a few minutes of scanning. It was early in the file, which meant it had to be old. “Looks like it’s...ancient Greek?”

“You’re kidding.” (Y/n) said.

“Like how ancient is ancient?” Dean asked.

“It’s hard to tell, but it’s definitely this.” Sam turned the file to show a picture that had been taken by a former Man of Letters. “This was found back in the early 1900’s in the Yucatán Peninsula.”

“This is a lot.” (Y/n) said, finally sitting down. She hadn’t even realized she had been standing this whole time, waiting with baited breath to hear what Sam had to say.

“What exactly did he say to you two?” Cas asked.

“I dunno. Some random Greek junk and how he wasn’t leaving there without her.” Dean explained. (Y/n) stared down at her hands.

“Faínesai ómorfi se aftí ti zoí ópos sto parelthón.” (Y/n) said in perfect Greek, making all three of the guys look at her. She looked up at them. “I don’t know how I could remember that.”

“There’s something going on here and I don’t like it.” Dean grumbled. He put a hand on her shoulder. “But we’re going to figure it out, okay?” She nodded slowly.

“He thinks my name is Pandora.” She said then, figuring that Cas and Sam needed all the details.

“Like Pandora’s Box?” Sam asked.

“No, this guy probably thinks she’s an online radio provider.” Dean smarted back. He turned his attention back to (Y/n). “Had you seen him at the restaurant before? Or the off chance you’ve ever been to Greece?”

“I’ve never left the US.” (Y/n) explained. “I’ve been back and forth across the country several times and maybe I’ve eaten at a Greek restaurant or been to Little Greece somewhere, but I’ve never been to the country.” Dean nodded.

“Hey Dean, can I talk to you for a second?” Sam asked. Dean was about to tell him no, when (Y/n) interrupted.

“Go on.” She said. “I’m a big girl and I know you and Sam have things that you want to talk about without me getting all worked up.”

“I’ll be right back.” Dean kissed the top of her forehead then followed Sam out of the library towards the war room. “So?”

“I think we should call them.” Sam said. Dean’s eyes darkened some. He knew exactly who the “them” in this situation was.

“No, no way. Absolutely not.” Dean growled.

“Dean, they might have more information about whoever this is.” Sam knew that the information might be in the bunker, but if no Men of Letters had been in here since Abbadon, what was the likelihood that it was easy to find, if it was even here.

“They tortured you Sam. Tortured you.”

“Mom didn’t.” Sam pointed out.

“Yeah well Mom abandoned us.” Dean snapped. “I don’t care if she said she loves (Y/n) and she’s happy to be back. If she shows back up suddenly and wants to help on her own, fine. But until then, we can handle this ourselves. We have Cas. We can call Crowley. We don’t need them.”

“Okay, fine.” Sam sighed. “I was just exploring our options.”

“That was never an option.” Dean turned around and left Sam standing there. He went back to (Y/n) and Cas. (Y/n) was holding the knife in her hand, examining it some more. She looked up when Dean came back in.

“Everything okay?” She asked, even though she knew that she probably wouldn’t get the truth. She had just come to accept that the Winchester’s were going to have secrets.

“As okay as anything can be right now.” He patted her shoulder. “You must be tired after everything today. Why don’t we head to bed?”

“I’m fine.” (Y/n) lied, trying to hold back a yawn. Dean couldn’t help but smirk a little at her.

“Yeah, sure you are. Come on.” He took her hands and gently pulled her to her feet. “If you guys figure anything out, just let me know. I’m taking her to bed.” Sam and Cas nodded and started to work on some research. Cas watched to make sure that (Y/n) and Dean would be out of earshot.

“Did you talk to him about contacting the British Men of Letters?” Cas asked. Sam sighed.

“Yeah, and he gave me the response I thought he would.” Sam explained. Cas nodded.

“Well, I guess I’ll pool my resources and see what I can figure out.” Cas told Sam.

“Maybe call Crowley?” Sam suggested, trying to hide the smile on his face.

“Oh goody. I can hardly wait.” Cas couldn’t even mask the sass that was seeping into his words, it was so thick. “You just stay here and study the books. I’m going to go do my own research.” With that, Cas disappeared, leaving Sam alone with a table of books.

****

The halls were quiet except for the echoing of Oxford’s against the cold tile floor. A man in a very nicely tailored suit knocked on the heavy door, waiting for access.

“Enter.” Mick said. Working the midnight shift like always.

“Sir.” The man said, stepping into Mick’s temporary office. “I have something you might want to see.” He placed a black and white surveillance photo on the desk. Mick leaned forward and examined it. It was the man from the restaurant. This was a photo of him going in, captured by a CCTV camera across the street.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Mick laughed. “My father told me stories about this, but I didn’t believe him.” He looked up at the man. “Owen, how familiar are you on Greek mythology?”

“I believe I took a course on it at the academy…” Owen said. “Why?”

“This man,” He pointed at the picture. “According to my father, has lived several lifetimes with the same face. And it all ties back to Ancient Greece.” Mick couldn’t help but smile. “And I’m finally going to catch him. Contact Mary.”

“But sir, she was a little...upset the last time we were in contact with her.” Owen pointed out.

“Where was this photo taken?” Mick asked, sidestepping the comment.

“Lebanon, Kansas sir.” Owen informed him.

“If he is in Lebanon, then Mary will most likely want to help with this. Because her sons might very well be in danger.” Mick set up straight. “Wherever this man goes, there is usually another man and a woman not far away. And they cause so much havoc. I think Mary would just hate it if her boys were caught in the crossfire.”

“Okay sir. I will get in contact with Mary.” With that, Owen left. Mick picked up the photo from his desk.

“Up until his death, my father was obsessed with finding you.” Mick spoke to no one but the photo. “After your encounter with him in Berlin, he was never the same. He was a man on a mission.” A smile spread across Mick’s face. “And now, I can finally bring him the closure that he craved for so long, Epimetheus.”

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