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hoodharlow · 4 years

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Going the Distance

Inspired by @aestheticcalhood on ig (bolded is was she tweeted) and this. Some of y’all be mad that our mans cut his hair again. Dejalo if he likes it then he likes it. This was originally going to be about the G’Day USA event, but I rewrote it lol

Summary: Cal somehow convinced Sol’s dad into letting her travel to Australia with him and the boys for the Fire Fight Australia benefit concert. Actions then show, how they’ll go the distance for each other.

Word count: 5.3k words

Warnings: Some smut I wasn’t planning on writing lol

maybe angst??

Enjoy <3

“That was wild. Sandy from Grease hugged me. I can’t believe she just confirmed that me, Sol Mariana Gutierrez-Solano, is cute. I mean obvio, but Olivia fucking Newton-John called me cute.” I blabbed to Cal when we got to the hotel room.

We were going to stay with Cal’s mom, Joy, but since she lives on the other side of Sydney, it would be a waste of time driving back and forth from her house to the main part of Sydney. Cal held the door open for me to enter. Before going in, I held onto his shoulder as I kicked off my boots.. But Cal made sure to wake me up when Alice Cooper was performing, so we can go watch him out with the crowd. He told me to stay down there while they performed, so he can just come back and watch Queen right after.

“When was that? Because you were asleep everytime I would go over and check on you.” He teased without looking at his phone. Earlier today we were at the Fire Fight Australia, FFA, benefit concert. Cal and Joy picked me up from the airport and drove us straight to the stadium where the concert was being held because they had sound check. The second we got to their greenroom I passed out on one of the many couches.

“It’s not my fault I can’t sleep during flights, so I’ve been up for over 16 hours. On top of that I pulled all nighters the past few nights to get my school shit done, so I can enjoy some days in Australia. Because my best friend somehow convinced my overprotective dad to let me cross the Pacific Ocean for a few days just as I settled into spring semester.” I argued while trying to pull off my‒Cal’s jacket off. I sat on the floor and pulled out some sweats, also Cal’s, to change into.

On the drive to the stadium he had me change into their Friends of Friends merch to promote while I walked around. Olivia also thought my t-shirt was cute too so...

After a few seconds of silence, I looked back at Cal, and he was still on his phone. I drowned the pang of jealousy that crossed my heart, thinking that he was talking to someone. Though it’s been months since he talked to someone.

Luke casually mentioned it to me, a few days before they left for Sydney, when Crystal asked us about our, the bands plus me, Valentine’s Day plans.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, scrolling and pausing every three seconds to read whatever he was looking at. I watched his frown deepen. I know that look on his face. It happens when he’s over thinking something, like when he can’t get the right line for a song.

“Hey, you okay?” I asked with concern.

“Do you think I made a mistake?” Cal ran his hand over his freshly cut hair.

“With what?” I asked, sitting next to him.

“Buzz cutting my hair.” He looked up at me. I looked down at his phone. From what I could read, there’s a bunch of fans tweeting that they wanted the curls back and were upset that he cut them. They’re still not over it? They had the same response a few weeks ago at the G’Day USA event.I anonymously went off on a few Tumblr accounts that complained about his hair the day after the event. They cared more about his hair than the fact that he was being selfless and spent his birthday rehearsing his butt off to perform for a benefit concert that hit close to home.

Malagradesidas, they can’t appreciate shit.

“I still can’t believe you keep going to my cousin, so he can cut it.” I said, trying to lighten up his mood.

“You said he’s in barber school.” He replied defensively.

“For three years,” I pointed out to him. He was about to say something, but I continued, “it’s a ten month program. They still have him work with the mannequin heads. I’m surprised your head is still attached.”

“Sol , jokes aside, what do you think of it?” He asked, the question heavy with insecurities.

“Honestly?” I asked. On my knees, I got behind him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he held onto my arms. I try not to think of the heat he’s giving off and how that makes me feel some typa way.

Then I finally say, “ From a fan’s perspective, I think that we should stop worrying about your hair. We should acknowledge the fact that you’re more happy and confident with yourself, which should be all that matters. Personally, I fucking love it. I mean it really suits your current style and vibe. Sure you looked good with curls, can’t deny the facts,the buzz-cut just represents how you’ve matured and grown as an artist.”

“Really?” Cal asked quietly, a little surprised that I told him all of that, but at the same time he sounded relieved that I did.

“Pinky swear.” I held out my pinky to him, so he can interlocked his.

After a few minutes I unwrapped my arms from him and laid down near the nightstand. I reached for the room service menu on the nightstand. Cal followed suit. He tapped my legs, so he can rest in between them as I rubbed his head.

This kinda became our thing. It started when they were touring with the Chainsmokers, and their team asked me to go on tour with them. That summer I interned at their management's studio shadowing one of their music producers that helped produce their CALM album. They wanted me to get a feel of what touring was like and other aspects of the music industry, for the future, and to add to my resume. I agreed, much to my dad’s dismay because it meant taking a semester off.

Anyways, one day while the boys waited until they had to go back on stage and perform ‘Who Do You Love,’ there were no open seats for Cal to sit, so it kinda just happened. Luke had a field day when it first happened. Because I may have accidentally called him drunk, crying about how I have hella feels for Cal, when I meant to call my cousin, Lucas. After that I changed Lucas to Pelucas.

“I’m hungry. What’s a Halal snack box?” I asked. The only thing I recognized on the menu was fish and chips.

“They’re similar to carne asada fries, but Middle Eastern.” He explained. He pushed himself up and rested his head on my nonexistent boobs, pushing my shirt up with him. I try to ignore the heat one of his arms is giving off as he’s resting it on the exposed part of my stomach.

“That sounds good.”

“You’re going to eat that at,” he lifted his head to look at the alarm clock, “2 in the morning?” He asked, looking up at me.

“Yeah, it’s not like I never eat at one am. I am a college student.” I shrugged. I reached over to grab the phone and order it, but half with no meat for Cal.

The lady told me that they will send it up in fifteen. Cal went to get his laptop, so we could finish watching Nailed It! France. We were facetime watching it while I was at the airport yesterday. Today? A few days ago? Honestly, I’m not sure what day it is.

“You actually got it done.” Cal said as he crawled over me.

“What?”

“Your ‘whetu’ tattoo.” He said, rubbing the tattoo over with his thumb. I wonder how his thumb would if he were to rub my cli-

“Yeah, I was in Guadalajara with my cousins. Kenny’s girlfriend’s brother is a tattoo artist. I was like fuck it and got it done. Plus, I’m able to hide it. You know my dad.” I said, pulling down my shirt. I was basically showing him my bralette covered my nonexistent boobs to him.

We both got our nicknames tattooed. On good days I like calling him ‘frutita’ which means little fruit in Spanish because kiwi is a little fruit. Mama Hood was actually the first one to call me ‘whetu,’ which is star in Maori. Then Cal started to call me that just to tease me, but it kinda stuck. The nickname played out well because my name is literally sun in Spanish. I had planned on getting it tattooed on my ankle, but I love wearing rolled up jeans. So it became a big no because my dad would have murdered me, so I went with getting it on my rib like Cal did.

“How did you manage to get it done? You’re the most ticklish person I know.”

“I had like six Palomas in my system and didn’t feel shit. I could get run over again and not feel anything.”

“I still can’t believe you walked to school after getting hit by a car.” Cal said, shaking his head; once again moving my shirt up.

In the beginning of my summer internship Cal made a comment on how I'm always on time to things. I casually brought up that I'm so punctual that I got run over while I was walking to school my senior year, but I quickly got up and continued walking. I made it to my math class before the warning bell rang. In my defense the car had left, and I was doped up on adrenaline.

“I had a test for IB Math HL, and it was critique day in IB Art. I couldn't not go."

"You're insane."

"But you love me." I smiled, rubbing his hair once more.

A few minutes later we heard a knock on the door. Cal went to retrieve our food while I went to the bathroom to change into the sweats I left out earlier.

He came back after a couple of minutes. "Sorry that took a bit. The lady’s daughter was a fan and asked for a picture.”

“Oh that’s sweet of you." I said, reaching over for the tray of food.

We ate in silence, occasionally laughing at the contestants’ misfortunes. I’m not sure how, but I ended up cuddling with Cal. I sat between his legs with my back to his chest. One of his arms was casually wrapped around me. I felt his chest rise and fall every time he laughed when the main judge would make a face at what the contestants were doing. After two episodes, I stopped paying attention to the show. I started to get jittery and moved around trying to get comfortable. I accidentally hit a bump on Cal’s thigh, and he let out a moan in my ear sending shivers down my body. I turned around to look at him. My eyes glanced down at his lips. Then I looked up and met his eyes. I did the unthinkable and kissed him.

I pulled away seconds later.

“What the fuck Sol?” Cal asked, pushing me away. .

Ya me chingue.

I swallowed hard, "I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have um, I’m sorry."

"Yeah, you shouldn’t have. Look, I'm gonna take a shower and go to bed. Let’s just pretend nothing happened." He mumbled past me.

Nomás que chilles, I told myself.

I wanted the bed to swallow me whole. I curled up in a ball on the bed near the edge, but not too close to the edge where I could fall, nor close enough to Cal. I covered myself with my blanket.

Cal came out a few minutes later and got under the covers on his side. A blanket of tension and awkwardness covered us.

In a matter of minutes, Cal was out cold. That was when I let out my silent tears.

I'm an idiot. This shit would happen to me.

I spent the whole night going over every single thing Cal has ever done for me. From defending me when some of his fans called me a clout chaser because I posted a picture with him at the beach after a long night in the studio. To flying my dad out to spend my birthday with me in the middle of their tour. To now, how he somehow convinced me my presence here was crucial for the success of the band. I stupidly let myself catch feelings for him.

Some time in the middle of the night Cal reached over and pulled me to his chest in his sleep. I carefully lifted his arm off me and switched with a pillow.

I couldn't stand being in bed with him and got up. I went over to the couches and started working on my paper for my philosophy class. It wasn't due until a few weeks from now, but I needed to occupy my brain on something other than Cal.

Cal's alarm rang, jostling him awake. From the corner of my eye I watched as he looked confused at the pillow and got up. He grabbed some denim jeans and his infamous sensations t-shirt from his suitcase and went into the bathroom.

I heard a knock on the door and begrudgingly went to see who it was.

"Hey. Why aren't you ready?" Luke greeted.

"I forgot about this extra credit thing that's due before midnight. Because attendance is part of my grade, I need all the points I can get with all these absences."

"Oh, well you better be ready later. We are going to that deli cult later today." He said.

"Yellow Deli is not a cult, cult. It's just a chain of restaurants that play folk music." I defended my favorite place in my home town.

While touring I would wander off to the Yellow Delis if they were close to the arena. After their show in San Diego, Cal and I detoured to the one in my hometown on our way to LA. My goal is to visit every single one around the world.

"Hey." Cal said behind me.

"I should get back to work. Have fun." I replied, avoiding Cal's gaze.

"Bye, Sol."Luke said, waving as Cal pushed him out.

You poor obvious soul, Luke.

I couldn't concentrate on the conclusion for my paper, so I hopped in the shower. I changed into some shorts and a backless tank top.

I quickly called home to check in. I almost lost it when my dad started telling me how proud he was that I’m following my dreams and that I have good friends here to support me.

I really want to go home. I could ask my dad, but I don’t know how to tell him that I made a complete fool of myself and let my feelings get the best of me. He was the one to teach me not to let my feelings get the best of me.

I checked my messages and there's a bunch from Luke asking what happened between Cal and me. He even quoted Shawn Mendes because he 'could cut the tension with a knife.' The last one I read was that they couldn’t do Yellow Deli because they have an interview later today. I tossed my phone on the couch.

Tiredness finally hit me, letting me doze off. When I woke up, I heard Cal in the bathroom talking to someone.

“I’ve missed you too, love… I can’t wait to see you...” He said to whoever he was talking to.

I took a deep breath and got up to where my backpack was. I pulled on my airpods and scrolled through cooking videos on IGTV because I didn’t want to hear the rest when he got out. I pretended not to see Cal when he walked out of the bathroom in just his pants.

I glued my eyes to my phone watching Martha Stewart make some caramelized mustard-marmalade wings. The wings actually looked good. That’s coming from a lemon pepper wings lover. It’s been a minute since I’ve had wings.

“Sol.” Cal patted my leg, startling me and causing me to drop my phone on my face.

“Jesus, Cal.”

“Sorry, I er. Can you help me pick out a shirt?” He asked.

In less than 24 hours this dude really rejects me without having a mature talk about it and now asks me to help him pick out a shirt for his date later.

“Yeah, um, what shoes are you wearing?”

If you were to look up clown in the dictionary, my face would be the picture they provide you with.

The guys came by to get Cal for their interview. Luke had tried to convince me to go with them, but I easily played off that I wasn’t feeling well. It was a believable lie, they know about my sensitive stomach, especially when it comes to flavorless cardboard that’s trying to pass as Tex-Mex food.

I spent a good 30 seconds making a pros and cons list on why I should stay. Couldn’t think of a pro other than I can say that I’ve been to Australia. Everything else I came up with was in the cons part. Then and there I decided to book a flight back to LA.

Was it immature that I was running from my problems? Yes, but I need to clear my head. I also need to start distancing myself from Cal, for the sake of salvaging our friendship.

After spending an hour with Chase, letting them know that it was me in Australia, and that I wanted to buy a plane ticket, they still needed a few days to process and make sure it really is me. I ended up calling my cousin.

“Pelucas, can you do me a favor?” I asked.

“Hey, baby, what’s the matter? How’s the land down under? Have you met any of the Hemsworth brothers?”

“Can you book me a flight? The minute I land, I’ll venmo you the money. I can’t be here anymore.” I said, trying to keep my voice from cracking, but failing miserably.

“Yeah, everything alright?” He asked.

“Um, not really but I’ll tell you about it when I get home.”

I stayed with him until he booked the flight. It leaves tomorrow after 11 in the morning. I started fixing my duffle bag. I stared at the pile of clothes I left neatly folded on the couch. It took everything in me not to put Cal’s clothes, the ones I had collected after he would let me borrow them, in my bag. What I did keep was his Empathy hoodie he lost to me in a bet.

I couldn’t fully leave him all away.

Luke came by to check in with me and told me that Cal was with his cousins and might come home late. That part of me was slightly relieved that he didn’t end up going on a date.

When Cal came back, showered and went to bed while I pretended to sleep.

Around six in the morning, I quickly changed into jeans and slipped on my shoes. I left Cal a note with some bullshit excuse about school.

Fourteen excruciating hours later, I was in LA. After getting my bags, I went to the Chase atm and took out $500 for Lucas. He was waiting for me at the loading zone. I quietly climbed in his car.

“Here, baby,” He said, handing me his Starbucks cup, “from the look on your face, you need it more than me.”

“Thanks.” I mumbled taking a small sip. I almost gagged from how sweet it was.

“So…”

“Oh, here. I’ll give you the rest later. The atm only lets me get out $500 at a time.” I said putting the money in the cup holder.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know, can we talk later? I just want to get some sleep.”

“Okay, baby.”

We got back to our apartment in less than 40 minutes. I silently went into my room. I quickly showered and slipped on my cloud pajamas and Cal’s Empathy hoodie before climbing onto bed.

I haven’t even bothered checking my phone since letting my dad know that I’m coming back early. When I turned it on, I was flooded with twenty missed calls from Cal and a bunch of texts from the guys asking why I left. Turning it back off, I went to sleep.

Hours later a pounding on the door woke me up. If Santos, my neighbor’s ex boyfriend, is drunk again and causing another scene, I won’t hesitate to call the police. I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost two in the afternoon. Oops.

“Sol, open the door. Your cousin just told me you’re here when I saw him in the parking lot.” Cal called from the otherside.

Pinche Lucas.

I walked over and unlocked the door. He let himself in.

“You have some fucking nerve, Sol. After I fly you out-”

“If you’re mad about the money I can Venmo it to you.” I snapped at him.

“I could care less about that. You can’t just leave the country without telling me!”

“Honestly, Cal, if you flew across the Pacific Ocean just you yell at me, get out.”

“You’re acting childish. You kissed me and you ran away, plain and simple, Sol. We agreed to put it behind us.”

“No, you practically demanded that we do. I can’t just put it behind me. I would be lying to myself about how I feel about you if I did.” I said, my voice cracking at the end. I turned away, embarrassed that I’m crying in front of him.

“Luke called me an idiot.” He said after a few minutes passed. “Even called me out on my bullshit. I spent most of the flight thinking about what he said, and I think he’s right.”

“What did he say?” I asked quietly.

“That I’m a coward. Apparently, it’s obvious as fuck to everyone, how I feel about you, but me.” He chuckled to himself, but continued. “I was… am afraid of these feelings I have for you. Not because of you, but because I never felt anything like it. Your kiss caught me off guard, so I did what I always do; push people away. What I didn’t expect was for you to also push me away. When I woke up and saw that you were missing I freaked out. Then I saw my clothes that I gave you on the couch and got angry at myself. For being an idiot.”

“I love you, Cal.” The words escaped my lips, like they had a mind of their own.

"Yeah?” He asked. I slowly nodded. "I love you as well. Can I kiss you properly?"

I grabbed his face and met his lips with mine. This time the kiss was perfect. Cal pushed me against a wall, deepening the kiss. We fought for dominance, but I let him have it. He descended from my jaw down to my neck.

"Bedroom." I panted as he continued kissing all over my neck.

He pulled away and led me to my room. He pushed off all of my things from the bed. I climbed onto the bed. Cal slipped off his shirt before joining me. I reached down to remove his hoodie, but he stopped me.

"Keep it. I want you to ride me with it on." He whispered in my ear before lightly biting it. I moaned before I pulled his lips back to mine. Without breaking the kiss, he spread my legs to fit between them. I felt him harden against my thigh as he grinded himself on to me.

"Do you want me to eat you out or skip all of that and just go for it?" He asked, pulling away from me.

"Um..."

“Yeah?”

All I can do is nod.

I kissed him once more before tugging on his sweats. I desperately want to make a comment on his lack of underwear, but Cal manages to take off my pajamas. I only realized when he pushed aside my panties and two of his fingers teased my entrance before entering me. I let out an embarrassing moan earning a snort from Cal. He tried gripping my hip with his other hand, but his hoodie kept getting in the way.

“This is so fucking annoying.” He mumbled. He pulled off his hoodie while he continued moving his fingers at a delicious pace.

“Holy shit, Sol.” He groaned in my ear. I’m about to come by him just groaning my nickname.

Cal hovered over me. He leaned down again, meeting my lips. His hands sync up with his lips as they wander down my body. Fingers deftly run over my breasts as his lips follow kissing down my breasts. He continued his journey, kissing down to where I wanted him the most.

Cal slowly peeled off my panties and situated himself in between my thighs. He put my thighs over his shoulders and slowly kissed up my thigh.

“Cal, please.” I begged.

“Please what?” He teased as he smirked.

One of his hands wandered to my entrance, and in a teasing manner he rubbed me right where I wanted him to fuck me. Fuck, I need him in me so bad.

“Cal, I fucking swear. Please.” I moaned.

That’s when I felt him taste me; his tongue slowly circled my clit. I lay there frozen. I couldn’t look away. He met my gaze as his ring and middle entered me while he continued to have me with his tongue.

“Cal!” I cried in pleasure as I came undone.

Cal unwrapped my legs from his shoulders. I pushed him off me. I reached down to the little door on my nightstand and grabbed a tampon box where I hid my condoms and tossed him one. He quickly opened it and slid it on.

Cal teased me as he rubbed himself on my folds. I whined, slightly sensitive to what he did to me a minute ago, but ready to have him in me.

If he doesn't do something, I will push him off and get myself off.

Cal grabbed my hips, slowly pushed himself in; he filled me completely. He looked at me, probably gauging my reaction. I nodded and he began to move; it took me a few seconds to adjust to him.

My hands gripped his arms, and I lifted my hips to meet each of his thrusts. Cal’s grip on my hips tightens as he met my thrusts in slower, rougher and deeper movements just how I like it. After a few minutes, I grew tired and let him continue thrusting into me. Cal reaches a spot that sends chills all over my body. Our lips met again, and they have the same urgency as his thrusts. I started to feel my orgasm coming closer. One of his thrusts caught me off guard, and I clenched around him. It caused him to stop his movements and softly groan a curse into my shoulder.

“Cal, I’m-”

“I know, ” He groaned. “I got you, Sol.”

He started thrusting into me again, but this time in fast yet deep strokes. My orgasm took me by

surprise. I yelled out Cal’s name. He lifted his head and smirked.

After my high fades away, he continued to have me like before: slow and rough. A few minutes later, his thrusts grew sloppy, he’s about to come.

“Cal.” I managed to groan as I clenched around him again. He’s really gonna make me come again, and I haven’t recovered from the first one.

“Shit, come for me.” And I did. Cal thrusted a few more times before I felt him release in the condom. He pulled out, and collapsed next to me. Our breathing is loud and heavy, like we just ran a marathon.

“You’re incredible,” he panted, pulling off the condom and throwing it in the bin.

“I know.” I shrugged. He playfully rolled his eyes at me. I gave him a quick peck before I got out of his bed. He rolled over and grabbed my hand, stopping me.

“Where are you going?”

“The bathroom,” I snorted, picking up his hoodie, “I’ll be right back.”

I went into the bathroom and quickly did my business. Before putting on his hoodie, I stared at myself in the mirror. Cal left marks on my hips from where he was grabbing me. He left some hickies around my neck and collarbone. Those are going to be a bitch to cover up. I wonder if I left him any.

I walked out, and he’s just in grey sweatpants. If he asked, I would be ready for round two.

“Are you gonna come to bed or just stare at me?” Cal asked.

I rolled my eyes and walked over. I got in a comfortable spot on the bed as Cal opened my legs so he could rest on my chest. I ran my fingers over his hair.

“I miss this hoodie.” He said after a few minutes of silence. I was so close to falling asleep.

“You lost that fair and square. Who bets that they can out swim a nationally ranked swimmer?” I asked as a matter of fact.

“You cheated.” He accused.

“No, I didn’t. Not my fault that you never asked about my swimming experience.” I countered.

“No wonder you were so confident in betting your dad’s Mustang.”

“Yet you still bet you could win.”

“I love you,” he mumbles sleepily.

“I love you too,” I reply.

“I was talking to my hoodie.”

“Cal?”

“Yeah?”

“Go to sleep.”

Later that day, I woke up to an empty bed. My heart sank when I stupidly reached over to where Cal slept last night. Ugh, he probably regretted it and is trying to figure out a way to not make this awkward between us. Hell, I bet he’s on a plane back to Sydney.

I heard a crash from the kitchen and Cal cursing. I walked out to see what was the commotion.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you. I wanted to make chi-lakes for you and bring them to bed.” Cal said, his cheeks lightly flushed. He was really gonna make me chilaquiles.

“Oh,” I managed to say. Okay, fuck those the thoughts I just had.

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure if you added the tortilla chips before or after the sauce.”

“I’ll make them.” I pushed him away and got another pan. I moved the Costco bag of tortilla chips out of my sight. “Tortilla chips, really? My abuela would have hit you with a wooden spoon if she saw you. Chilaquiles are trash if you make them with tortilla chips.”

“Well, you’re out of tortillas.”

“Nevermind then. What do I have?” I asked.

“We can Postmates something.”

“Fine.” I said.

I could convince him to get Roscoe’s. I’ve been craving it for weeks.

“Roscoe’s? I really want some waffles.” He suggested, showing me his screen.

“Yes, please.” I smiled

Cal quickly ordered our usual, the Big Mama Special and a side of waffles for him and Herb’s

Special with a side of mac and cheese for me.

While we waited, he’d taken us to the couch. At first we were just watching the Kids Baking Championship, but I’m now sitting on his lap, sans hoodie, dealing with his never ending teasing because Cal can’t keep it in his hands to himself.

“Stop that, that shit fucking tickles.” I laughed as he blew raspberries on my ribs.

“Hey… shit, those are Sol’s tits.” I heard Lucas’ boyfriend say, then the door slammed.

“On fucking god, Sol, if you’re both having sex in the couch.” Pelucas yelled from outside. Cal and I couldn’t stop giggling.

#calum hood imagine #calum hood #calum hood blurb #calum hood smut #calum hood fanfic #calum hood fanfiction #aestheticcalhood #yellow deli

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #334

"i dreamed i was missing / you were so scared / but no one would listen, ‘cuz no one else cared”

Sunrise or sunset? Sunset has prettier colors, imo, but I enjoy the pastel nature of sunrises, too. Are you mentally ill? Oh brother. Are you physically ill? I don't have any serious physical health issues, no. Introvert or extrovert? I'm a very strong introvert. What do you think when you look at your body? That it's fucking disgusting. What have others said when they look at your body? When I was healthy, I was complimented every now and again. With the body I have now? I'm glad people keep their months shut. Do you have a particular song that you feel deeply? There's a good 'ole handful or two. Talk about a time in your life where you have felt most alive? It's weird, I'm not a city person at all, but possibly when I was walking the streets of Chicago with Sara and her dad one evening. There was just so much life, so many new sights, that it was impossible not to. Plus, I was at a very happy point in my life, so. I just enjoyed a lot. Are you confident wearing a bikini? FUCK NO. Have you ever been hurt physically or mentally by a family member? Mentally, obviously. Everyone has at some point. I've never been seriously physically hurt by family, but Mom did spank my sisters and me as kids if we did something wrong. Biggest lie you have told? I don't really know. I get really uncomfortable telling even minor lies, so making a big one would be excruciating. I'm not saying I've never said a biggie, I'm sure in 25 years of life I said something stupid at one point, I just don't remember it. Do you believe in the Illuminati? Nah; there's some compelling evidence, but I just think it's way too big of a secret to keep. Regrets in your life? Blaming the breakup entirely on Jason and saying just plain cruel things to him afterwards. Also sending an appallingly hateful letter to Dad to vent after the divorce. Flirting with my then-best friend's boyfriend at the time behind her back. Dating Tyler (it's a small one, but still a regret). There are others, those are just the only ones coming to me right now. Achievements in your life? Lots of academic success and awards (before college, anyway...), artistic accomplishments like having my work put in a museum, surviving a traumatic breakup, (mostly) recovering from massive depression... What did people say about you in school? Nothing, really. I was a quiet student who just did her work and tried hard. Is there something you have never told anyone? Yes. If you had two days to spend one million dollars how would you spend it? First, I'm paying off college debt. Then Mom gets a new car, followed by me getting new glasses and renewing my permit. I'm getting a good terrarium setup for Venus. Then, it's tattoo time, baby, haha. I can't really do the mental math on how much this all would cost, but those are the high-priority things I can think of. Describe your first kiss? Was it how you imagined? Jason and I were playfighting in bed, and he had me pinned. Our faces were close, and I decided to kiss him. It was a fairy tale moment, in my eyes. He looked so bashful for once (he's far from shy) but also really happy, and I was too. Growing up were you in a wealthy, average, or low income household? Low, I think. Or maybe average, when Dad was still around. Have you been raised by a solo parent? When I was around 17, my parents split, so kinda-sorta. Do you know both your parents? Thankfully, yes. Have you abused drugs or alcohol? No. Are you comfortable accepting compliments? Ehhhh, I really appreciate them and they can make my whole day, but I'm very awkward about it. I get shy. Are you comfortable giving compliments? Oh yes. I honestly love giving compliments; I know how happy they can make me, so why not share that with others? Is any mental illness hindering your life? Guess. (: Is any physical illness hindering your life? Well, it's not an "illness," but the muscles in my legs have severely atrophied from leading such a horribly sedentary lifestyle, and that has greatly affected my ability to work without the risk of just collapsing. Walking at all is painful. Are you preparing for an apocalypse? No. I'm not really one to worry about "prepping." If it happens, it happens, man. I'm not spending loads of money on a "maybe." Are you interested in cults? Not really, no. Are your parents good cooks? Mom is fine, but it's hard to really judge Dad's cooking since he barely ever did it, plus I haven't had his cooking in many, many years. I remember he was great at making breakfast, though. That was like a rare treat, him deciding to make breakfast for everyone. Have you ever been to a chiropractor? Did you like it? No. Do you know anyone who is an actor? No. Have your wisdom teeth come through yet? They never did. Have you ever used a public pay phone? No. Have you ever made an item of clothing? No. Have you taken someone's virginity? No. Is confidence cute? "Confidence, yes. But cockiness and arrogance, no. That’s a whole different area that’s definitely not cute." <<<< Nailed it. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Doubt it. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? No; rather, I drink too much of it. I'm trying really hard to lay off of it, and I drink nowhere near as much as I used to (when oddly enough, I was healthy and fit), but I'm still not comfortable drinking a can and a half a day. Listening to? "Castle of Glass" by Linkin Park. Kinda obsessed. Ever used a bow and arrow? No, but archery is cool. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? I don't think this has happened since my senior shot in HS. Take a vitamin daily? Daily, no, but I really should. I take a Vitamin D capsule every Sunday, though. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I only really like "Love Story" and "Picture to Burn." Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yeah. Which are better: black or green olives? I don't like olives period, but I guess black. What’s your 3rd favourite animal? Huh, never thought of #3, just #1 and #2: meerkats and opossums. Maybe snakes? Do you like mushrooms? NO. NO NO NO. What dream do you remember most vividly? One I don't talk about. A childhood nickname? Mom called me "Twinkie" and still sometimes does. ;-; Does anyone in "real life" know that you take surveys? Would you be embarrassed if they found your blog? Just Sara. And yes, regarding some people. Who was the last person you blocked on social media? Did you have an argument that lead to that happening? I'm unsure, but probably. I don't tend to just like... randomly block people. What was the first social media account you remember signing up for? Are you still a member of that particular website, if it even still exists? Of course it was MySpace. It's still floating around somewhere in cyberspace. What website from your childhood/teen years do you wish still existed? I get nostalgic over the Animal Planet forums sometimes. Have you ever met up with anyone in real life that you first met via the internet? Did you get on as well as you thought you would? Yes, Sara. I felt like it would go just fine, but it went even better than I expected - I was oddly very comfortable around her and her family. Have you ever tried any of those meal replacement shakes? Are you a fan of things like that in general? Yeah; I tried many brands until I settled for Equate, surprisingly. Cheap does not equate to bad quality, my friends. We always have the chocolate ones in the house, and they're really not bad at all. Are you the kind of person to enjoy taking naps? I love me my daily nap, man. What's your favourite kind of cheese to have on a pizza? Idk, whatever cheese is normally used, lol. What's a hobby you loved when you were younger but no longer enjoy for whatever reason? I guess video editing. I can't say I'd no longer enjoy it at all, but now the idea sounds far more like a chore than fun. Is there a popular food/drink that you can't stand? What is it and why don't you like it? I could name five dozen, but here's just a few: coffee, pie, tea, fried chicken (or is that just a Southern thing to be obsessed with?), and... of course now that I'm asked this question, I'm blanking on the huge number I know exist. As for "why," that varies, but it's either just simply a taste or even a texture thing. How would your wedding boquet look like? I want a gothic-themed wedding, so imagine a mix of black and maroon roses... whew-wee. You’re at a bar, and you witness a man drugging some girl's drink. What do you do? No hesitation, I'm decking the motherfucker. Fuck my fear of men, he's getting knocked out, and I'm immediately alerting the staff, as well as of course the girl. Kids? How many? Why? Names? Boy or girl? Y'know, loads and loads of scaly and hairy ones. Got plenty of name ideas depending on what they are and how they look. The only baby whose gender matters to me is the tarantula because females live waaaay longer. Fuck them human babies, not for me. Are you an organ donor? Absolutely. I sure as hell ain't usin' 'em once I'm dead, so consider it my last act of selflessness. Whats the most you’ve ever lost gambling? I don't gamble. What is something you can never give up (that's not love or family)? My pebble from my "graduation" from my first partial hospitalization program. It's meant to symbolize how great pain and trials can file you into something beautiful. It was passed around group, everyone holding it in their hands as they wished me well and spoke their piece about me. I'm honestly just fighting back tears remembering it. Have you ever waited in line overnight for something? No, I'm way too impatient for that shit.. Do you think having an expensive phone is a good investment? Hm. I guess it depends on what you use it for. Have you ever witnessed a birth in person? A human birth, no fucking thank you. I've only ever seen pet cats give birth. Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad does, big time. He quit drinking, but never quite managed to stay away from cigarettes. Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? Seeing as I grew up with outdoor cats that we couldn't afford to fix, pretty much all of our tomcats left for roving once they came of a certain age. Do any of your exes know each other? Juan and Jason know each other, Jason and Girt know one another as well, and Sara and Girt have met. What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? I simply cannot fathom the belief that "dinosaurs never existed." Explain the fucking fossils, like come the fuck on. It's absolute denial in the name of religion. What was the very first election you voted in? This one that just passed, actually. What is one random fact about you? I want like 20 tarantulas but Mom says no. :( Do you spend a lot of time outdoors in the summer? Fuck no, I will do anything to stay inside in summer. Do you wear band tees? if yes, which one is your favorite? I love band tees, yeah. My Ninja Sex Party shirt is the most comfortable, but comfort aside, it's hard to pick a favorite. Possibly my Otep one, 'cuz the design is dope. Do you ever re-arrange your room? No. What season do you want to get married in? Fall. What is the highest name-brand thing you own? Oh god, I don't own expensive brand stuff. I guess the only exclusion would be my Cloak shirt, but even that's not like, mad pricey. What color GameBoy did you have as a kid? Red. What was your favorite GameBoy game? Maybe that Catz game? Even though the music was the most fucking obnoxious meowing ever lmao. What was the last compliment you remember someone gave to you? Who was it? It was this guy in my PHP group; my therapist surprised the fuck out of me by sharing with everyone my most recent poem (I trust him a lot, and he urges me to send him my art, so I've done that twice), and I nearly fucking died from cardiac arrest. However, this Nick guy, who's a poetry major, told me it was better than stuff he reads in his Master's program. I almost cried. Have you ever personally been friends with a stripper or prostitute? No, not that I'm opposed though or anything. If you have tattoos, which one that you have was the most painful? The one on my inner forearm. Have you ever actually met and talked to someone who’s famous? No. When was the last time you got a parking ticket for anything at all? I never have. Do you have any pets who will bite anyone else out there, besides you? No; Roman won't even come close enough to a stranger TO bite, haha. It's funny, he's so goofy and you'd guess outgoing, but instead, he's terrified of people he doesn't recognize. What’s your favorite type of sushi? I don't eat sushi. What’s your favorite patriotic song? Don't have one. Have you ever read a book about a character in a psych ward? No, and I'd really prefer not to because it would just drag me back to dark times. Have you ever been in a mental hospital as a patient? ^ Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Do you like soy sauce? omfg no What’s your favorite store to browse around? Morph Market. @_@ It's a hub for reptiles for sale, and I have my days where I just browse the ball python morphs for like an hour or so, haha. What’s the name of the most recent baby a friend had? Christ, half my friends on Facebook are having babies, idr. I don't know who was the most recent. Do people normally say you’re a fast typer, or are you rather slow? I'm very fast. Have you ever been considered the "smartest person in school?" No; that was my friend Hannia. I'm pretty certain she would qualify as a genius. Her GPA was fucking incredible. Were you named after anyone famous or anyone on television? No.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''leave out all the rest'' by linkin park

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noctuascion · 4 years

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Ooh I’ve got a cryptage prompt if you feel like writing c: I really love ur writing btw it’s so freaking good 💖: Mirage wants to try and impress and further understand his bf by learning some Korean, but he’s obviously not the best at it and is embarrassed by how bad he is. Crypto finds his efforts really endearing regardless, and falls even more in love with the old man 🥺

YESSSSS!!!!! This is so cute and reminds me of another one-shot I should write. *i rub my hands together like little fly* However!!! I'll focus on this ask first!!! And tysm!!!! That's so sweet of you!!!

Elliott isn't a linguist. He's never bothered to learn any other languages, despite being around so many people with foreign tongues. Hell, he's barely good at English—why would he want to work on learning an entirely new language?

Well, that was his mindset before he met Tae Joon Park (or, as he's better known, Hyeon Kim), the beautiful, enamoring, absolutely wonderful Korean-speaking man he's devoted every thought to, every moment to adoring and appreciating. Park had spoken a single word to him (well, technically two, but his statement still stands) and he had fallen for the language.

Every word was so effortlessly said, like Park's very tongue was graceful. At times, he'd hesitantly whisper some phrase in his mother tongue (something like "saran kayo," he thinks? He always says that phrase quickly and he can never quite get a read on what's exactly being said) and Elliott would ask him to say it again, receiving a fond roll of the eyes, before he gets a kiss to shut him up.

Park seemed to prefer speaking Korean at times. No one else on the drop ship spoke it, so he could mutter to himself in the language to avoid inquiry. It was where he was more comfortable speaking fondly to Elliott, too (and Elliott had to learn that by picking up the fondness in his voice and the softness in his eyes). Receiving compliments in that soft voice in that beautiful language was enough to brighten the man's day after any nightmarish event.

And now, concerning that pesky language barrier, Elliott was studying the language a bit. He couldn't learn it in a few days, but he'd definitely try to learn as much as he could and totally impress his boyfriend, make him swoon, as he usually does (because Park isn't the easiest to impress with his usual nonsense, but he's learned that showing off that beautiful brain of his was the way to his heart).

Plenty of research was put into this, hours spent on just learning little terms of endearment that could bring out those cute apple cheeks he adores so much.

At the moment, said boyfriend was seated in his lap, working on improving the performance of his drone, the little guy currently in sleep mode and plugged into his laptop. Elliott was scrolling through the page he was currently reading over. The hacker's intent focus on his programming eventually switched over to the trickster's screen, raising a brow as to what he was currently reading.

"Why are you looking up 'terms of endearment'?" he asked, relaxing against the other's chest. A "comfortable pillow," apparently. "I could have sworn you had a endless supply of pet names."

Elliott chuckled, pressing a kiss to the back of Park's head, nose buried in soft hair. "Mm. No reason… ae-in."

Park's eyes widened momentarily, pulling away from where he was resting against his chest and, instead, moving to look at the other incredulously, head tilted. "Did you just… You pronounced it wrong."

"I pronounce English wrong. You can't expect any better." Elliott chuckled, dropping his phone on his bed and arms moving to slip around Park's waist. "I'm trying to learn."

"Why?"

"'Cause I wanna know what you're saying whenever you say that one word—s-saran… saran-something."

"Saranghaeyo," Park corrected in that beautiful voice of his.

"Yeah! That! Reveal your secrets."

"Neoui kkum-e. You'll have to learn it yourself, old man."

"Oh? That so, kid?" Elliott's fingers were dancing along the smaller's hips now, slowly rising, nimble fingers sliding beneath the hoodie he wore. "Must I use other methods?"

And, easily, those hands were slapped away. "Do that and I'll break your hand."

"Mm. Charming." A chuckle left him before his arms returned to lazily wrapping around Park's waist, non-threateningly. "I'm sorry, my sweet, uh… yeo-bo."

Immediately, Park's cheeks colored, and a shy smile curled his lips. "Elliott, do you know what that means exactly?"

"I'd hope 'darling.' I didn't just call you fat, did I?"

Park snorted softly, shaking his head. "No. You're right. But… it's… usually meant for married couples." He paused momentarily, looking away, before smirking. "And you said it wrong."

"Worst. You're the worst. Only you'd drop an embarrassing bombshell and then insult me." Elliott huffed, sporting that famous pout he seemed to be trademarking—and he's not sure he's happy with that. "Uh… Sorry, though, if—if that's overwhelming—or bad."

"It's… nothing bad." Park shrugged, eyes unable to focus on Elliott now, simply browsing the merchandise held in the trickster's room. "I need to teach you how to pronounce it, though. Your attempts offend me."

"Ha ha. Worst boyfriend ever. I want a refund."

"The store I came from has a strict no return policy. Apologies."

"Here, I'll just give you to Renee. She'd like a buddy to bully."

"You're such a jerk."

"That may be so, but I'm also your pabo."

At that, Park snorted, falling into a laughing fit, a seldom occurrence for the other, and Elliott, frankly, nearly fell off the bed.

Park's laugh wasn't exactly the most listened to song Elliott's ever heard. His laughter always starts shy, quiet, and it usually stays that way. Park doesn't throw his head back and let loose, doesn't echo off the walls, and always has a hand covering his mouth, trying to hide that breathtaking smile of his. It was disheartening, seeing him hide something so unmistakably glorious, but he still got to see it, even if it was just harder to.

Everything about him was absolute perfection, smile included.

"You—You just called yourself an idiot," the hacker managed, voice a bit higher in pitch due to the laughter still shaking his frame.

"Oh! No! I didn't mean that! Shit! I take it back!"

"Ah. I think that's my new nickname for you. My dearest pabo."

"I finally get a pet name from you and it's an insult."

"And you still didn't pronounce it right."

"Oh, bite me, Kim."

The smaller released another bit of laughter before he returned to leaning against Elliott, feeling strong hands cup the back of his head and play with his hair. The action always helped relax him, and the smile painted upon his visage only widened.

Frankly, he thought it was sweet that Elliott had made such an effort to understand him when he spoke in his mother tongue. The man never ceased to make him fall in love all over again, make him remember why he called Elliott Witt his love, why he was willing to do everything in his power to keep that smile shining as bright as the sun.

"Thank you for trying, wang-ji-nim."

"Aw. You're welcome, tong-tong-hae."

"… And now you called me fat."

"FUCK!"

#apex legends #crypto #tae joon park #mirage #elliott witt #cryptage #i had to research some of these i hope they aren't messy jfjjsa #this was a fun ask!! ty!!!!#pls send more i'm lonely #lenardo does a write

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obeymefanfics · 4 years

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In Another Life Pt2

Pairing: Simeon x Ester

Pt1 | Pt3

Blinking and looking around the room it looked like a... Meeting room? There were a lot of throne like chairs as above seven of them were big murals of creatures.“H-How did I even get here… W-Where is even here,” I started to ask while I quickly got up off of the floor dusting off my pants. The reddish-brown haired man in a red uniform known as Diavolo explained to me about Devildom and the whole exchange student program as how I was selected as the second human to be picked to attend RAD for the next year. “Samuel could you call your siblings in to meet the exchange student,” Diavolo asked the slightly shorter demon. Samuel had shaggy short white as snow hair and dark gray eyes with a similar uniform, but in black and a tealish-green color along with the red cape draped over his right shoulder.

It didn’t take long as the sound of double doors opening as I turned to see four males walk into the room as each of them looked fairly different as it was almost hair to believe they could all be brothers as they wore the same uniform as Samuel. Each of the demons introduced themselves as this all still felt like some weird dream as when it was time for me to introduce myself, once again the doors opened as I hear a pair heels against the tile floor. Turning around to see who entered it was actually two more people; and that’s when I completely froze when I noticed noticed the female figure with split colored hair and multiple piercings walking in the room while holding a smaller blonde boy who pretty much clung to her like a koala bear.

“You’re late,” I heard Samuel say in a lecture like tone as the girl seem to only roll her cinnamon brown eyes before she took a bite into a… White apple? “Well I’m sorry that I was making sure everyone made it to the meeting,” she seemed to snip back before standing by the four and setting down the younger looking boy as even he felt oddly familiar. “Let’s make this quick, you’re interrupting my nap,” the boy grouchily huffed while rubbing his eyes before hugging his sister’s waist. Blinking a few times realizing they were waiting on me I jumped a little and rubbed the back of my neck in a slightly nervous manner.

“My name is Simon,” I said introducing myself as, while looking at the girl I couldn’t help but think back to the girl in my dream, but there was no way there was no connection between the two, it had to just be a coincidence. “I’m Lucas, hhhhaaahhh.. I’m the avatarr of sloth,” the young looking demon introduced as he yawned a lot as he spoke, which left the seventh and last sibling. She gave a gentle smile causing my heart to skip a beat and I heard her say, “And I’m Berinesh, the avatar of gluttony” then bite into her apple again as the crunch sound lightly echoed throughout the large room.

~~~~ House of Lamentation ~~~~

Walking in the huge house, it was absolutely beautiful, full of decorations and paintings. “During your stay here with us, Berinesh will be responsible for you. She’ll also be showing you around and bringing you to your room, your belongings will already be inside,” Samuel said before turning and going off to who knows where. As the rest of them went off probably do their own thing which only left me alone with Berinesh as she was eating pretzels out of a bag. “Come on, follow me,” she said motioning her head to follow as she started to walk which I quickly went to keep up with her.

This house was definitely huge and was definitely going to take time to be able to remember what was there, but she was very good about explaining the places where I was able to go to, places in the house I wasn’t allowed to go into, and whose room was which. We soon came to a stop in front of a door before she motioned towards the door “And the last stop is your room,” she announced which I nodded walking to the door and turning the door knob and opened the door before walking inside. The walls were covered with book shelves, completely filled with books as I could only imagine just how many were in here. “At least it won’t be too boring, unless don’t like to read,” I heard Berinesh talk in a joking manner as I found myself laughing. “I like a good book now and again,” I said nodding my head as it’d be interesting to read what Devildom literature was like.

“Thanks again Berinesh,” I thanked her as she pushed herself off the door frame and smiled again. “Aside from my pain in the butt brother telling me to do so, I was more than happy to help cuz honestly; the majority of my brothers are complete idiots. Oh and you don’t have to call me by my full name, you can call me Berin or Esh I’m fine with either or,” she said as I was surprised she was allowing me to call her by a nickname, but I smiled as they both were quite cute. Nodding my head she seemed to stretch a bit. “Well I’ll let you get settled in, if you need me you’ll most likely find me in the kitchen or in my room which you know is next to the kitchen,” she said with a small chuckle as I couldn’t help but laugh a bit with her. “Right, I’ll see you at dinner then,” I said before seeing her head off and once she was out of sight I closed the door and turned looking at the whole room as the reality of it all has settled in.

~~~~ Time Skip ~~~~

It’s been a week since I’ve started attending RAD as it hasn’t been all that bad and I guess you could say I was starting to get along with the other demons in the house though it seemed the two I was the closest was with Berinesh and Lucas as I actually have even made a pact with Berinesh. I was hanging out with Berinesh and Lucas in her room. Lucas was napping curled up on her bed as the two of us sat on the floor talking as I watched her handling her pet antilles pinktoe tarantula named Peri. She really was something amazing as though we didn’t know each other long, it felt like I’ve known her my whole life.

“You wanna try holding her,” I heard her ask me causing me to break out of my thoughts seeing the fuzzy creature slowly crawling in her hands. I wasn’t exactly fond of any kind of spider as Berinesh has told me plenty of times that Peri was absolutely docile. Deciding that today would be the day I try I nodded my head before moving closer. Slowly reaching out a flat hand I reminded myself to breath as everything was going to be fine, it was completely safe. With one hand Berinesh transferred the tarantula carefully onto me as I was actually surprised how soft and fluffy like Peri felt, though I also felt Berinesh’s hand brush against my own when moving away as there was this sudden jolting feeling.

Hearing a small gasp come from her I looked up at her as she seemed to of inhaled sharply, her eyes wide in shock and she seemed to stay like that as I wasn’t completely sure what happened. I started to grow concerned when suddenly I witness a single tear fall. “E-Esh, what’s wrong? You’re crying,” I asked as could I have hurt her from that small jolt, no that couldn’t be it. Soon her eyes dilated seeming to snap out of whatever was going on, but her eyes looked… Sad. “Are you okay,” I asked again softly as seeing her in such a manner made my chest ache. “Y-Yeah sorry, I think something got something in my eye is all,” she replied rubbing her one eye with the back of her hand.

~~~~ The Retreat ~~~~

We were in Diavolo’s castle for the retreat as the first day was very… Interest, but nonetheless I got to learn a lot as I pretty much stuck with Berinesh and Lucas. Today was day two as it went over fairly well without any problems so far. Dinner went well as the food one of the angels cooked was really good. Currently everyone was getting ready for the dance just fixing up my suit before starting to tie my tie. Once completely ready we all headed out to the ballroom and when we got there the sound of music was already playing.

Looking around my gaze stopped when it spotted Berinesh though I had to take a double take to make sure it was really her since she looked quite different in her demon form. Her usually long wavy pink and gray hair was now this almost black raspberry and black color, she had horns that curved down into her face along with a tail of a scorpion, and her outfit was surprisingly revealing though she had a gray jacket lined with fur that hung off her shoulders. “Keep looking at my sister like that and you can say goodbye to your kneecaps,” I looked over to see it was Lucas who reminded me of a sheep now getting to see the avatar of sloth in his demon form. Feeling my face becoming hot I was embarrassed to be seen probably looking like an idiot. “S-Sorry, I was just… Admiring her,” I said slowly as looking over I saw that she was now out on the dance floor dancing with someone.

#swd obey me #shall we date obey me #obey mc oc #obey me fanfic #ester bibi bareli #reincarnation au #simeon #luke #solomon #diavolo #barbatos

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keepyourpantsongohan · 5 years

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Ayesha Liveblogs Naruto Shippuden S21

What a tender intro omg also why is this filler so well animated

The introduction of modern technology will never not be funny to me. Kakashi on a laptop. Gaara sending emails. What has the ninja world come to

I know it’s just superfluous background motion but that angry little cat design was amazing. Takes me tf out

Hello again New English Iruka Voice time to feel slightly uncomfortable

Doesn’t Inuyasha have a monopoly on this baby with a red ball imagery

Why! Is! No one! Making sure! Naruto is fed! He’s a baby!!!!!!

Naruto and Sasuke were such adorable children my heart

SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THE FAMILY WHERE ONE OF THE CHILDREN IS JUST A FROG? WHO IS DOING THESE BACKGROUND ANIMATIONS?????

In case you thought I wasn’t being literal:

[Accompanying dialogue to this image: “Did you hear the rumours that Lord Fourth died because of him?” WHO IS THIS FROG CHILD WITH A VENDETTA AGAINST MINATO]

This ninja cowboy music seems slightly misplaced but okay

Hiruzen. U r the literal ninja president. Naruto is foraging in the forest for food bc no one is taking care of him! How r u like ‘Hahah I’m hungry too :D’

“The things that we inconsequential humans worry about are often very petty indeed” “You’re right” It’s Philosophy Hours ft. Pre-Schoolers

“Are you sure these mushrooms are safe to eat? “Won’t know ‘til we eat ‘em” HIRUZEN PICK UP THE PHONE

SCREAMS FIVE YEAR OLD NARUTO JUST JUMPED OFF THE HOKAGE MONUMENT AHHHHHH

I miss Neji :((((((((((((((((

“Please make sure that you look after Neji” show us Neji’s mum you cowards!!!

“You have to be more positive, and confident!” Nejiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii my boy

“I wish that I could switch places with you, big brother” There’s a lot to unpack here and I’m wildly concerned about all of it. This episode ought to be titled Konoha Desperately Requires Child Welfare Programs

Making an mini-episode which largely depicts Neji’s tragic backstory and centring its ending on Hinata seems like an odd angle to take

“I’m alone. I don’t have anyone, but I never cry” NARUTOOOOO

KJHFKJHG THIS NINJA BASEBALL OUTRO I LOVE IT

SASUKE USING HIS SHARINGAN TO CHEAT AT BASEBALL I WHEEZE

Also not that I don’t like Genma but why is he a central figure in this ending. Has he had more than a single conversation with Naruto in his life

Lmao @ Sasuke and Itachi’s child versions going back to having their adult voices. Pick a lane SP!!!

“Things in season are always cheap and tasty” “Oh, is that so, Sasuke? Hahaha” Sasuke learning about the ninja economy

“We’re going to visit your mother’s family” Two questions: 1) Aren’t your families the same family (eep) and 2) Don’t they all live in the same part of the village

90% of this dialogue is recycled from prior episodes except delivered more slowly and it’s a little confusing

Itachi sure knows a lot about cooking for an eleven-year-old

Sasuke being a clumsy child is such a cute character detail ahhhh I love him so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“[Confused laughter] You want to be like me?” What a Mood Itachi

Sakura’s hideout in the woods is so sweet yes 2 semi-normal childhoods

Poor little Sakura already concerned about her appearance they never let girls live do they

“You’re really cute Sakura, don’t hide it” Ino and Sakura are the most adorable children in the WORLD I love their relationship 4ever

“If she’s cute like you say, then I would love to meet her” who will stop all men

“But Ino, aren’t you good friends with Sakura?” “No, not really” Okay not to project but. I have a lot of thoughts on this narrative

GASP Inner Sakura’s first appearance!!

Tiny Team 7 is all I need in the world honestly I would watch a whole show that was just those three growing up

I have only just now noticed Suigetsu as third baseman. This ninja baseball game and season in general raise so many questions

Noooo Gaara don’t cry you are gonna be so loved in the future

Rasa, can I just say, from the bottom of my heart, I’m going to yeet you into the sun

“When I look up at the sky, the pain inside my heart feels a little bit better” He’s like 4!!!!!!! >:(

“Instead of a mother, you get to have me, Lord Gaara” Yashamaru: Self-Diagnosed Mumncle

Ngl baby Gaara’s recollection of Karura is nothing like she looked like

I really don’t care for this new Iruka voice I just keep listening to him like ‘that’s not the sound of Naruto’s dad!!’

I will admit him spooking the sleeping children was cute I don’t know why I always find that so funny kjhgkjhg

“Let me buy into this fight” who taught seven-year-old Naruto to gamble

Christ alive the implication that Naruto has been doing the sexy jutsu since he was seven who will put this boy in ninja therapy

If Orochimaru had just continued to be Jiraiya’s long-suffering friend he might be half-endearing but alas he is fecal matter personified

“Come on out, I made plenty, so you might as well stay and eat” Hjgjfjgfgffg I’m not sure what’s funnier about this scene the implication that Obito and Rin both independently followed Kakashi home without noticing each other, or that Kakashi did notice and rather than question this turn of events was just like “Guess I should make more fish”

“When you’re older, do you think you’ll become a chef” I would pay to see the AU where Kakashi becomes a professional chef why couldn’t that have been his Road to Ninja persona

Ngl I spent the first half of Kakashi’s minisode wondering if Sakumo was dead or simply too depressed to take care of Kakashi and I think dead is the less upsetting outcome

“It’s no fun when you’re not around, Kakashi” Obitooooooooooooooo

I’m not saying it’s suspicious that Sakumo is given two different depictions of his grave site in the anime but Sakumo fucked an alien and I stand by that statement

All I remember from Sasuke Shinden is that a character called Sasuke “Sassy” as a nickname and if they do that in the Eng dub I won’t survive

“[Deep sigh] Alright Sakura, what is it?” Fhfjhfkjh what’s your damage Kakashi can’t your kids come to visit when people start exploding

God Sakura and Ino’s relationship is the realest.... she went to the Hokage bc her gal was worried abt her family friend and then comforted her from her loss... the looooooooove

Hinata not to devalue your work in any way but why did u collapse after poking one (1) man in the chakra point isn’t gentle fist based in taijutsu

Fhjfhkjhf I’ve seen that gif before of Kakashi knowing that Sakura was thinking about Sasuke but it’s still funny

Sasuke just hanging in the woods with kittycats what kinda redemption journey is this lmao

Ehehehe I’m still not over the fact that Sasuke recognizes Sai’s jutsu and Kakashi uses it to communicate like there are six members of team 7 and this arc PROVES IT HELL YEAH

I can’t believe I forgot the circus ninja oh my god

“There’s good money to be found for performers like us” MOVE OVER EXPLODING HUMANS WHERE’S MY EPISODE ABOUT THE NINJA CIRCUS

Everyone always commenting on the pupils and sclera of the Hyuga and Uchiha but nobody caring about Old Man Demon Eyes from the Bamboo Village:

You’d think at this point no amount of genjutsu could traumatize Sasuke

They’re leaning wholeheartedly into the ninja cowboy music

That is not how I thought they would pronounce “Sassy” this show is full of twists and turns

“What about reviving the Uchiha clan? You’re the lone survivor right?” said Chino, inquiring about when Sasuke was planning to have vaginal sex

“You really think you’re going to find him inside that seriously scary looking cave?” GASP IT’S TENZO TIME

AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE IT’S MY BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

“You’re Sasuke, right?” asked Yamato, as if Sasuke had not provided the memorable introduction of stabbing a seasoned ANBU in the shoulder as a sixteen-year-old during a dramatic reunion with his team

“It would be easier for us to keep things coordinated, if you sent us progress reports as you went...” Okay not to be that gal but I love that Tenzo and Kakashi are an “us” in this mini-lecture about how Sasuke should call his father (Kakashi) more often

P sure that’s Yamato’s last speaking role goodbye sweet man we knew ye well

“So does this mean that you trust me?” GO TO JAIL OROCHIMARU

Every time that Orochimaru touches Sasuke I want to leap through the screen you leave that boy alone!!! Go! To! Jail!

Sasuke having to explain his social life to Taka is a dynamic I never knew I needed. What more do I want from Naruto than frames like this:

"By showing everyone that Sasuke isn’t in the Hidden Leaf Village and that he’s still out journeying around the world, it reduces the possibility that the village will be harmed” “So are you saying that Sasuke has to keep travelling forever” “That might be so” I can’t believe the entirety of Taka came up with a better explanation for Sasuke staying outside Konoha than Kishimoto himself

“Compared to me, the likelihood that Kabuto will return to evil is extremely low”

He still helped kill......... 40,000 people????? Okay dude

I CAN’T BELIEVE OROCHIMARU IS ACKNOWLEDGING HE IS STILL EVIL!!!! GO TO JAIL!!

I’m gonna pretend I don’t see Tenzo following Stranger Danger and he’s on vacation on a beach where he belongs

Fhjkhfkjhfkj what’s the meaning of this Orochimaru you’ve looked the same since you were 25:

Sasuke: No. She’s older than I am

Orochimaru: [Soft gasp] What?

Man I remember vaguely Sasuke being involved in this fight based on the Tenzo novel scene later on but hoo boy I do not like this

SCREAMMMM TENZO TRYING TO PROTECT PPL IN THE AREA HE’S HELPING

“I can’t make direct contact with him, so I better go now” I hope it is because you filed a restraining order, Yamato

“To increase the rarity, what I’ve even done is, had all but one person in a clan killed” at this point En Oyashiro is just trying to bait Sasuke

God I love how righteous Sasuke is being rn like this is the kind of dismantling of oppression I wanted for him instead of sad murder times

This battle is bonkers:

Villain: Looks like you brought a sword to a dodgeball fight

Sasuke: Looks like you brought a dodgeball to a magic eyes fight!!

Well I certainly breezed past this part of Sasuke Shinden hello Fushin

I find it hard to believe that anyone but Naruto could best Sasuke rn

I keep joking that those eyes in the sky look like Tenzo but I’m right and I should say it

What a long, drawn-out and slightly suspicious backstory for Chino (looking at you, Fushin of two personality types)

“But now you’re still able to travel freely... and that is all because you have people who love and protect you” Team 7 cutaway with closeups of Sakura and Naruto, Narusasusaku game strong

“For the Leaf’s nourishment, your entire clan was absorbed by your village’s Roots” wow what a shitty time for such an excellent pun

Unbelievable kkhkjhfk and by this I mean completely believable:

Chino: Please explain your change of heart re: village corruption

Sasuke: I got a boyfriend

Unbelievable x2:

Chino: KILL ME

Sasuke: Consider this.... you have.... boy who is friend. Good enough

Chino: Wow Sasuke, you’re right

Lmao @ Kakashi proudly announcing that Sasuke is about to enter an unsanctioned jutsu fight in a bet to free enslaved people how did this letter go “Dear Hokage-dad-Kakashi, I am writing to inform you...”

Even funnier: If Tenzo wrote the letter bc Sasuke is shite at contacting people: “Dear Kakashi-senpai, Brace yourself to be worried and proud—”

“Are you Sasuke’s...” yes Chino, whatever the end of that sentence is, you’re correct

Huh I could’ve sworn at least a good chunk of these freed people go to the Leaf. I didn’t make that conversation up. I have discussed it many times!!! My poor Tenzo cut out for more logical story lines I guess

Omggggggg the Raikage is telling Sasuke about Naruto’s most vulnerable Sasuke moment..... the love!!! Is this the only reason they invited A lmao

En Oyashiro joining Rasa and Hiashi in the Bad Dad Club

I’ve said this before but Naruto and Sakura going on a date to talk about Sasuke is the most legit representation for their relationship I’ve ever seen that’s it that’s what them dating would be like

“You’re just like a one man police force” lol @ them cutting out the fact that Sakura said this bc Sakura’s not allowed to have individual connections to Sasuke and also just like....... how much Sasuke still wants to be a cop kjhgkjhgk baby stop

I’ve belatedly realized that Kakashi types to the beat of the intro music and it makes me giggle

“The adult world can be complicated” is that ur way of saying ‘nepotism’ Kakashi

“I’m startin’ to get a belly” “I don’t want to hear about all that” PLS

“You two are really the only ones who are special to me” aw Shikamaru

That slap was A Lot, Temari, surely there are better ways to tell Shikamaru you want him to be your boyfriend

“You don’t really think that Sai has—” “Well, he is very innocent.”

Kakashi about Sai: He’s the baby of the family

Sai: I’m the oldest and most experienced of all the youth???

Kakashi: I mark ur ages by when I got you xoxo ur legal age is 3

I’m not sure that that’s the intonation I expected for Hinoko but I guess that’s on me for stereotyping teen girls hahah

“That’s my ninja way” “Our ninja way” I feel like this is shinobi flirtation

The outro with Little Team 7 fading to Big Team 7... I have but one heart

Also the implication that they took a photo immediately post war jhgkjhgkj. Kakashi still has a barely healed stab wound and twenty years of trauma. Sasuke and Naruto both just lost an arm. Also who brought a camera to the battlefield. Who took this picture. (Tenzo waking up from a 224 episode coma: We gotta take a family photo)

“You might consider yourself a member of Team 7, but I wonder if they think the same of you” [Naruto voice] Believe it!!!!!!

“If we just kill the lookouts, it’ll be like easy to get past the checkpoint” okay calm down Soku

Lmao Shikamaru struggling to deal with rebellious teens jhghjkg why are the anime episodes I watch so fitting to my own life

Man not to get 2 real it’s fucked up that Soku fears peace wyd militarism

I don’t really believe that Soku is deserting the village but it’s a good tactic

[Panning to the bird scene at the beginning of this arc] We call that foreshadowing

Komori’s judgement seems to be clouded by his lowkey crush on Soku

“I’ve just been having these really bizarre dreams lately” that’s PTSD Shikamaru

“Feudal lords are always [tyrants] no matter where you go” then why.... do you have.... feudalism.......... [Tobirama screams in the afterlife]

Not to judge these guys so much but like.... ur ANBU and a veteran ninja surely you should have a disguise after faking your death??????? Kakashi, Iruka, what shinobi standards are you teaching exactly?? U didn’t even change ur hairstyles???

“Something similar happened to me as well” what are you... are you talking about when you pretended to be asleep during the Chunin exams because that’s not the same thing as sleeping under a pile of corpses Shikamaru

NOOOOOOOOOO SAI WHY ARE THEY HANGING MY ANGEL FROM A CRUCIFIX

AHHHHHHH I don’t like seeing Sai like this, Kakashi’s right he’s a baby!!

“Let’s just say I’ve found the place where I belong” Fhdjskhfksjhf this is definitely Root Code for something because Kakashi uses this line on Tenzo in his Tsukuyomi dream

“Then why didn’t Naruto come to get me? You and I have never been particularly close, so why were you the one who came here?” LMAO SAI ‘you’re not on my list of eligible rescuers Shikamaru 😒😒😒😒’

“Fret not, to me this is but a trifle” said Ro, lying prostrate on the ground in between groans of pain (same)

I mean... Gengo makes some pretty compelling arguments abt the shinobi system

“The alliance of nations that the Leaf is currently a part of... is only going to maintain a dark, tenuous peace” I mean... Gengo’s right even if he is a dick

“Lord Hokage told me everything... and I had a hell of a time getting it out of him too” “I don’t want to know what you did... I don’t even want to imagine it” JHGKJHGKJHG I WANNA SEE TEMARI INTERROGATING A FORMER ANBU, KAGE-LEVEL NINJA I LOVE IT

Wait are these last twelve outros dedicated to each of the rookie teams + Team Guy bc that would be adorable

JHGJHGGHGJHG DO WE ACTUALLY GET TO SEE TEMARI YELL AT KAKASHI

Update from 3 seconds later: We don’t but Kakashi’s “Euh?” sound as she knocks down his door is still very funny

“Friendship is useless” “If that’s true, then why are you crying right now” he’s been taking Sasuke lessons in his spare time

“Do you know of a man named ‘Zabuza Momochi’” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“These are my only friends” said Sai, about two giant cartoon lions

Sai’s genjutsu scene was actually much sweeter in the book bc Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi and Yamato’s chakra were all protecting him inside his own mind but I don’t mind my boy getting a hug

HAHAHAHAHA WHAT IS THIS CUTAWAY TO NARUTO BATHED IN GOLDEN LIGHT ANNOUNCING “RAMEN” LIKE IT’S A WHOLE SENTENCE OKAY STUDIO PIERROT U NEED A BREAK I GET IT

“What in the hell was that?” that was also my question Shikamaru

Shikamaru with full conviction: To be lazy.... that is my dream

Hahahaha it’s Ninja Teen Romance Hours I guess

“Oh, you don’t want to [go out on a date]?” No that’s not what I’m saying” [walks away] TEMARI PLS

“Going on a date without a strategy, would be like trying to fight a tailed beast unarmed” [Nodding] “You have zero chance of winning, that way” I suddenly understand Kakashi’s dating life a lot more

They really rely on you being aware of Naruto the Last huh gjkhgkjhgk there’s been no mention in any of this filler of Naruto and Hinata even being in a relationship to this point as far as I remember

Fhjkfhkjhfkfh poor Iruka none of the kids know he’s President of the Naruto’s Dad Society

“I know I’m supposed to be striving to get ahead in my career, but there’s also a part of me that really wants to just continue teaching kids, one on one” Irukaaaaa <3333333

Looool even as Hokage, Kakashi just drops out of nowhere to give cryptic life advice and then leaves

Smash the statue, Tsukune, don’t let the establishment tell u what to do!!

“Eating ramen everyday isn’t healthy you know” am I to believe that Kakashi, the man who told Naruto, ‘if you're going to be a ninja, you need to eat your vegetables’ is on a ramen-only diet?? Falsehoods

“And it’s all thanks to you Iruka” khjhgkjhgjhg alright.... you win this round KKIR shippers

WHO IS ANIMATING THIS SCENE IT IS BUCKWILD??? There is no character model to speak of, most of the kids don’t have noses, everyone’s upside down or spinning around, and Iruka is... hiding in a frog sign???

There is no English translation of this caption???? EXPLAIN JAPAN. TELL ME YOUR FROG SECRETS YOU KNOW I LOVE FROGS [INSERT PICTURE OF TENZO HERE]

(Update I looked it up in the sub and the caption offers no more insight. “IRUKA UMINO, AROUND 30 YEARS OLD. STEALTHILY”)

“This is for Hinata, so let’s all try our hardest” Kiba loves Hinata MOST

You know how if you pause in the middle of an animated action, you sometimes linger on an in-between image that looks goofy because it was meant to add to the motion rather than be focused on? This whole episode is animated like one of those images

It’s okay Lee the only dumbbell Naruto is fixated on is Sasuke Uchiha

I know don’t usually post so many images in these liveblogs, but I really need anyone reading this to see the Leaf Village’s semi-canonical Unofficial Mascot Konorin:

He is??? The love of my life???

“I don’t even have a boyfriend and train every day from morning til night” yes you do. His name is Neji Hyuga and he’s very alive and he’s a jonin sensei and he will buy you all the knives you want after he takes all of Hiashi’s money and redistributes it. In this essay I will—

You see what I mean??? Neji wants to be there for Tenten (and Lee)!!!

Tenten: What would Neji do if he were here now

Neji: [starts manifesting]

“It’s you since you’re a taijutsu specialist, but Naruto and Hinata aren’t” yes????? Hinata is???? She doesn’t use weapons but Gentle Fist is entirely taijutsu??? Why does everyone keep forgetting

KHKGJHKJHGKFHKJHFKJ I CAN’T GET OVER NEJI JUST. MANIFESTING ABOVE LEE’S BED TO GIVE HIM SHITTY WEDDING GIFT IDEAS

“And don’t forget: Hyuga” Neji........ what.... does this mean!!!!!!!!

Why say “Neji” like that Orochimaru and in fact why say anything at all [Konan voice] I’m the Hokage now, the entire criminal justice system is on its way you are going to jail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really can’t believe that the Naruto writers looked at Tenzo’s role in Naruto SD and decided “let’s do that.... but worse”

They animated?????????? A smaller Lee??????????? Into Lee’s mouth???????????? As if the animation style wasn’t enough. I need a minute

They are really going full Naruto SD huh??? Cut away skit like a ‘genjutsu’ scne. Lee and Guy playing a married couple and Tenten a baby. Neji in drag. This is a choice

“How can you misunderstand Neji so much” “Even if it’s only as a ghost, I’m sure that Neji would appear” I need. Several minutes

Fhjkhfkjfh Shikamaru’s vision of Gaara, Bee, Kakashi and Tsunade hanging out at this fancy restaurant. Is this who he thinks Kakashi’s social circle is these days (he might be right)

“Okay, I’ll hear you out!” Is this implication of this scene that Temari thinks Shikamaru’s idea of a first date is marriage... and she’s WILLING TO GO ALONG WITH THAT. TEMARI PLS

“Hey Ino, why would you go out of your way to make something I love? Bc she looooves you Sakura

“Sakura, I thought the same thing” GOD JUST GET MARRIED

“It’ll be too late once we go in, I could get all caught up in the mood or something like that” wait........ does Temari think Shikamaru wants to get married or fuck???? Or both??? OH MY GOD

Gaara: Naruto’s getting married.... without meeeeeeeeeee

God I love Gaara’s Blank Period hair it is truly careless and happy hair

“His ramen’s extravagent?” JKGHKHKJH everyone in the Leaf Village trying to convince Gaara that Naruto’s taste is incredibly obnoxious which is true but not in the way being described

Kankuro what’s your damage let Gaara buy a nice and personal present for the love of his life

Every time I think this arc can’t get more ridiculous it exceeds my expectations:

[Vaguely horrified accompanying dialogue: “The Raikage—” “—Will do the Hidden Cloud Dance?”]

“Well then, Gaara is just going to have to do the Hidden Sand Samba” Ah. Of course. The Hidden Sand Samba. Why didn’t anyone think of this plan before

Gaara is blushing because his new dream is just to samba dance with Naruto into the night

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh Teuchi giving Naruto an “all you can eat forever” coupon that’s cute our sweet boy is so loved

Gaara: My wedding gift to you, Naruto... is me :)

“I’m just disappointed that we aren’t going to get to see you dance, Gaara” you know what that’s fair Kankuro me too

Hahahaha Shino dissing Kiba’s plight for becoming Hokage to these random kids

I can’t pay attention to anything this ninja cat is saying because they’ve got Naruto’s voice and it is very distracting

There’s something to be curious about how it would be if Kiba married into a family that has a contract with the Uchiha lmao

Literally the girl who Kiba is supposed to be in love with is given Hinata’s voice #kibahinarights

“Oh, just take it. Money means nothing to me” the Beekeeper is truly one of the strangest characters in the Naruto universe just conceptually. Why are they wearing a giant bee stinger on their butt?

LMAO @ Kiba having absolutely no self-doubt whatsoever. Goals!!

Shino becoming a teacher after the war is actually one of the post-699 futures I like, good for him!

Iruka sweet man Naruto has compared you to a father like 1500 times have you not overheard him one (1) time

Kakashi is such a dumb stubborn bitch trying to find a way for Naruto to have a happy wedding... I love him

“This is my fault, I never taught him how to treat women! Not that I even really know about that kind of thing of course” Iruka Umino confirmed canonically gay

“I just have to bow my head a little” KKIR: 2; Me: 0

I love this tradition of Hokage boys bowing their heads for cooperation between villages yesssssssssssss

Outro for the whole OG Team 7.... I’m fine everything’s fine I’m good cool cool cool cool cool

The implication that they just sell Kakashi wigs in the village... amazing

I know this is about to be an emotionally poignant moment but what Naruto’s presence is reminding is that the only word he has said in the past 6 episodes is “ramen” LMAO

“I’m going to have to apologize to her for raising you as a such a thoughtless, inconsiderate man” raising you... RAISING YOU..................... TRULY PRESIDENT OF THE NARUTO’S DAD SOCIETY GOD BLESS IRUKA UMINO

LOOK AT THIS CRYBABY NINJA THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT ONE OF MY FAVOURITE PARTS OF KONOHA HIDEN WAS HOW IRUKA KEPT BURSTING INTO TEARS OVER NARUTO EVERY OTHER MINUTE THIS IS WHAT BONDS LOOK LIKE

God..................... the Team 7 lover in me just despairs of this final episode bc they’re all separated and also Tenzo needs justice 4 being Kakashi’s co-wedding planner it’s in the book I read it!!!!

I will set aside my feelings to recognize that Kakashi looks very handsome

Goodbye Naruto you were certainly an experience and I mean that in every possible intonation

#decided to watch the last animated season i'm truly done!!!#ayesha talks anime #ayesha liveblogs nahruto shipduden #liveblogging #naruto series #long post

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lokislytherin · 5 years

Text

나 너를 사랑해 // namjin

pairing: kim namjoon x kim seokjin, slight mentions of jikook and yoonseok

summary: a fic in which namjoon has heart cancer and seokjin’s summer job is to spend time with him

word count: 6076

a/n: this was a monster to write jfc i lowkey regret writing it in a notebook before transferring it here also i planned this to have a sad ending at first but i couldn’t bring myself to write it lol i lowkey don’t wanna break my own heart. sorry if it’s bad? i’m not exactly the best fanfic/romance writer, but i’m learning tho (i’m better at crack fics haha) also i didn’t edit this because the tumblr words on computer are so thin and hard to read

kim seokjin was bored.

it wasn’t like he had nothing to do, per se- he had to look after his younger brother taehyung, as well as work in the restaurant his parents had left him after they’d passed away within months of each other- it was that he felt like he’d lost his purpose.

“maybe you should try volunteering at the local hospital,"his friend and flatmate park jimin suggested one day, "who knows, you might even meet someone.” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

seokjin groaned, but agreed. it wasn’t like he had much else to do with his life anyway.

a few days later, seokjin found himself standing at the front desk of the hospital. "hello?“ he peered down at the beady-eyed woman sitting behind the desk. "i volunteered for the volunteer program here, do you know where i should go…?”

the receptionist glanced up at him, uncaring eyes behind thick-rimmed glasses. "name?“

"seokjin,” he said quickly, “kim seokjin.”

the receptionist turned back to her table, rifling through one of the many stacks of paper on her desk. "kim seokjin…“ she scribbled something on a post-it note and slapped it on the space in front of him. "follow the red line on the floor, and stop when you reach the room with this number,” she instructed him curtly, “you’ll be assigned a patient. or you could just ask nurse jung.”

a brief feeling of horror swept over seokjin as the fact that patients were assigned registered in his mind, but he pushed it down, thanking the receptionist instead. jimin hadn’t told him that! or maybe he’d done it on purpose, seokjin thought bitterly to himself.

he wandered down the corridors until-

“oof!”

he barely had the time to react before he was falling backwards, landing on his ass.

“sorry!” yelped a voice. "are you okay?“

seokjin groaned, staggering to his feet. "i’m fine,” he wheezed, “my ass would say otherwise, but otherwise i’m fine. besides, it’s mostly my fault fo not really looking where i was going.”

there was a loud “haha!” from the voice, which as seokjin saw, belonged to a tall young man around his age, maybe a little younger. "maybe you should use your eyes,“ the young man teased as he pushed his glasses up his nose, "they’re there for a reason, you know.”

seokjin put a hand on his chest, mockingly insulted. "shut up,“ he told the other man, "i don’t even know your name!”

the man standing in front of seokjin grinned. "i’m namjoon, kim namjoon. now you know my name!“

seokjin couldn’t help but laugh.

namjoon stared at him for a few seconds before beginning to laugh himself. "you sound like a windshield wiper!” he gasped out between snickers.

seokjin grunted, trying to reign in his blush. "yah, i know, i get that a lot.“

namjoon opened his mouth to say something else, but he was interrupted by a man in a white doctor’s coat running towards him and shouting his name. "namjoon!” the man yelled. "stop running away from your room! do you have a death wish?“

namjoon shrugged playfully. "nah, i was just bored.”

the man rolled his eyes. "you’re becoming a bad influence on jeongguk,“ he said, rubbing his temples, "he may be paralyzed from the waist down and possibly bound to a wheelchair for the rest of his life, but he’s learning to just disappear like you. i have no idea how he does it.”

namjoon laughed again, and for a brief second, seokjin felt like capturing the sound in a jar and keeping it with him forever. "i’ve taught him well, then.“

the man, who was probably namjoon’s nurse, started to lead him away. "come on, we need to get you hooked back up, you need your meds-”

“wait!” seokjin blurted. "i signed up for your volunteer thing, and i have no idea who my assigned patient is! do you happen to know where i can ask or something?“ he looked at the post-it from the receptionist. "the receptionist said go to room 314, or ask ‘nurse jung’, but i have no idea where room 314 is, or who 'nurse jung’ is.”

the nurse grinned. "well, you’re in luck! i’m jung hoseok.“ the man plucked a sheet of paper from his coat. "what’s your name?”

“kim seokjin.”

the man scanned the piece of paper for seokjin’s name! “oh! what a coincidence!” he smiled broadly. "you’re paired with namjoon! lucky me, i have to do less work, since you two are already acquainted.“ he shot namjoon an obnoxious wink. "i’ll head off now. i’m a busy man, i’ve got things to do.” he dashed off, this time yelling for jeongguk.

namjoon snorted to himself. "yoongi- whoops, dr min- he means.“

seokjin frowned. "huh?”

“hobi-hyung- aish, i keep forgetting he’s a nurse now, and not just my next door neighbor- has a crush on one of the doctors here. one of the best heart surgeons in korea, actually. dr min likes him too, but neither of them realize it. i don’t quite know what they see in each other- hoseok-hyung is always so warm and happy, but dr min is so cold and cranky.”

seokjin laughed, effortlessly keeping up with namjoon’s long strides as he led them back to his hospital room. "well then, i guess you could say they’re polar opposites.“

seokjin cackled as his own pun, earning a few judgmental glares from the nurses, doctors, patients and visitors scuttling along the corridors. one doctor gave him a particularly harsh scowl as he swished by in his white surgical coat. "what?” seokjin wheezed out between bouts of windshield wiper laughter. "that was a good pun!“

even namjoon couldn’t help but laugh. "that’s min yoongi for you.” he pushed the door of his room open. "after you, jin-hyung.“ he paused for a second. "may i call you jin-hyung, actually? it just slipped out of my mouth. i mean, it sounds nice, but i wasn’t sure if you’d mind being called jin. after all, i barely know you, we just met-”

seokjin decided to cut off namjoon’s rambling. "jin is completely fine, by the way. nobody’s ever called me that, but i like it.“ he gestured towards the door. "after you. you’re the patient, i’m just in charge of watching your back.”

namjoon shook his head. "no, you first. i’m already holding the door open for you, don’t make my efforts go to waste.“

seokjin wedged his leg between namjoon ad the door, attempting to subtly nudge the other man through the door frame. "no, after you.”

“after you!”

“no, after you!”

there was a loud “ahem!” as a young man in a wheel chair smoothly wheeled himself into the room. "after me, before joon-hyung manages to break the door handle again.“

seokjin cocked his head curiously. "how’d you manage to break a door handle?”

namjoon blushed, flustered. "it’s a long story.“

seokjin heard a familiar high pitched voice screech for jeongguk. he turned around, spotting-

"jiminnie? what are you doing here?”

namjoon turned to seokjin, a look of confusion on his face. "wait, how do you know jimin?“

"he’s my roommate!” jimin piped in, he was dripping with sweat, but seemingly unfazed by the workout he just had from chasing jeongguk around the hospital. "i told you about him, didn’t i?“

realization dawned on namjoon. "you’re that seokjin?”

seokjin, however, had a completely different response. “you talk about me behind my back? this is betrayal, jimin! betrayal!”

jimin deliberately ignored the melodramatic older man, instead focusing on helping jeongguk haul himself from his wheelchair onto his bed. seokjin realized that jeongguk was the 'cute patient’ jimin kept talking about. for a rather small guy and another guy who’d lost function of his loweer body after a car crash, they made a pretty strong couple. seokjin subtly nudged namjoon into the room, before heading in himself.

“and yes, namjoon, i am that seokjin.”

namjoon laughed, plopping himself down on one of the beds. "yeah, jin-hyung, i figured as much.“ he patted the empty space next to him. "come on, sit! i’m not a bed hogger like gukkie.”

true to namjoon’s word, jeongguk lay starfished across the bed, arms crossed under his head, long legs splayed over jimin’s lap. "it’s not my fault, hyung,“ jeongguk grumbled, "you know i can’t move my feet.” namjoon only laughed in response.

in a blink of an eye, hours had passed. jimin jumped up from his position next to jeongguk, shoulders oddly stiff. "seokjin-hyung and i have to go now. our shift is over.“

seokjin glanced at jimin, faintly alarmed. they had shifts? even if they did, he wasn’t sure if he could leave- namjoon was leaning on his shoulder, and seokjin had lost feeling in it completely.

jeongguk frowned, as if he too sensed jimin’s sudden tenseness. "alright. i’ll see you soon, jiminie-hyung.”

jimin smiled, a faint blush on his cheeks. "see you tomorrow, gukkie.“

namjoon turned to seokjin, a hopeful expression on his face. "will i see you tomorrow, seokjinnie-hyung?”

seokjin hummed thoughtfully, eyebrows creasing as he thought about it. should he? he’d had a nice time with namjoon (who was cute too, as a bonus), but would tomorrow be the same? he felt jimin, namjoon and jeongguk’s expectant gazes on him. "yes,“ he decided spontaneously, "why the hell not?”

namjoon broke into a grin so wide it almost split his face in half, deep dimples carving themselves onto his cheeks. "i knew you’d say yes.“

jimin cleared his throat. "seokjin, we have to go, remember?”

feeling bold, seokjin blew namjoon a kiss. "bye, namjoonie.“

namjoon had called him 'seokjinnie’, so 'namjoonie’ was a fitting nickname, was it not?

jimin pushed seokjin out the door, promptly pulling the door shut behind them.

as soon as they were out of earshot, jimin turned to seokjin, a wide grin on his face. "now, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

seokjin shrugged, trying to hide his frantic heartbeat. "namjoon’s pretty nice to hang around.“ namjoon was pretty, too.

jimin whooped loudly, and the receptionist glared at him as the two young men passed her. "has he told you about his condition yet?” he asked, lowering his voice.

seokjin shook his head. "no, why?“ seokjin waved goodbye to hoseok, and the nurse saluted him in response.

jimin shrugged, walking a little faster in order to keep up with seokjin. "he’ll tell you in his own time, i guess.”

“do you know his condition?” seokjin asked curiously. jimin probably did- he’d been doing this for far longer than seokjin had, and jimin and jeongguk were so close, namjoon probably trusted jimin too.

the shorter man nodded. "he’s kinda sensitive about it though, and now that you two are friends, i don’t want you to think differently about him because of it.“

seokjin left the conversation alone, making a mental note to ask namjoon about it the next day.

a little over half a day later, seokjin was at the hospital again, casually chatting to jimin as they made their way to namjoon and jeongguk’s room. he wondered if he’d even be there if not for a certain kim namjoon, and apparently, so was jimin.

"so, seokjin-hyung,” the younger began with a sly grin, “are you looking forward to today? you get to spend more time with namjoon-hyung.”

hoseok hurried past, complaining to jimin that jeongguk had ran off- or rather, wheeled off- again. jimin just laughed, telling hoseok it was okay, he was used to it.

seokjin glared at jimin, shoving him away. "watch your mouth,“ he warned, threat as empty as his stomach, "and watch your boy crush.”

jimin spluttered, cheeks growing red. "i do not- jeongguk is not-“

seokjin smirked. "yah, jiminie, karma’s a b*tch, but so am i.”

jimin flipped him the bird before running off in search of jeongguk. "hey! ungrateful brat!“ he shouted at jimin over dr min’s head. "you should learn to respect your hyungs!

there was a laugh from behind, and seokjin jumped a mile high. he whirled around, clutching his chest melodramatically. "aish, joonie! you’re going to give me a heart attack!”

namjoon laughed loudly, covering his mouth afterwards. namjoon blushed, looking a little flustered. "sorry, i have a habit of doing that. before, dr min told me off for laughing too loudly, and i’m still kinda scared of him.“

seokjin awkwardly patted his arm. "it’s okay!” he smiled. "i like your laugh.“

namjoon cleared his throat, a professional looking expression on his face. "yeah, about that…”

“hmm?”

“i need to tell you something.” he lowered his voice. "in private.“

seokjin agreed. he had to ask namjoon why he was in the hospital anyway- from an outsider like seokjin’s perspective, there was absolutely nothing wrong with him.

they made their way to namjoon and jeongguk’s hospital room, namjoon making himself at home on the bed before asking seokjin to join him like the day before. hoseok strolled in, exchanging a few words with namjoon, occasionally glancing at seokjin while attaching wires and tubes to namjoon’s skin.

hoseok gave seokjin a few instructions, pointing at a bag and telling seokjin to fill it up with the transparent liquid next to it. seokjin followed dutifully, only looking up at namjoon when he winced.

hoseok left a few moments later, instructing seokjin to keep an eye on namjoon’s vitals and to press the help button on the heart monitor machine if anything happened.

the awkward silence seemed to stretch between them, the quiet beepbeepbeep of namjoon’s heart monitor the only sound in the room.

"so, joonie, mind telling me about what you dragged me all the way here for?” seokjin asked, breaking the pregnant pause.

namjoon made a wounded sound at the back of his throat. "i didn’t drag you, you came willingly!“

airily, seokjin waved a hand. "there’s not much of a difference-”

“not much meaning there is!” namjoon interjected triumphantly.

seokjin grunted, trying not to smile. "i still wanna know what you have to tell me so desperately.“

namjoon took a deep breath. "are you sure you want to hear it?”

seokjin nodded firmly.

“i have a cardiac myxoma.”

seokjin blinked. "a what?“

"a malign heart tumor,” namjoon explained, “and according to the doctors i only have around half a year, give or take, left to live.”

“i’m sorry.” seokjin didn’t know how else to respond.

namjoon breathed out sharply. "no, i’m sorry. i’ve always been too much of a romantic, and jeongguk keeps teasing me for it, and you’ll probably hate me for this, or think that i’m weird, but i- i think i like you.“ he confessed.

seokjin fell over backwards, lying across namjoon’s long legs. "damn. okay.”

namjoon cursed under his breath. "i’m sorry, that was such a dumb thing to say. forget what i just said. i can’t believe i just said that, oh my god-“

seokjin laughed, reaching up and flicking namjoon’s nose. namjoon blinked, a small look of surprise coming over his face. "what can i say? i’m a very likable person. only dr min seems to hate me, but again, he seems to hate everyone.”

namjoon breathed a sigh of relief. "you took that remarkably well. i mean, a guy who’s about to die just told you he liked you, and you just responded with 'okay’. i would’ve freaked out, big time.“

namjoon sat back up. "i mean, you seem like a nice person. for 'a guy who’s about to die’, as you so eloquently put it, you seem pretty upbeat. if i was about to die, i’d be pretty depressed about it.”

namjoon frowned thoughtfully. "for a while, i was, actually. i mean, i don’t want to die, you know, i’m only twenty four.“

seokjin’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. namjoon was younger than him!

"i don’t want you pity or anything, i just want to make the most out of what little time i have left.” namjoon smiled wistfully. "speaking of which, have you ever been to america? it seems like a nice place. i’d like to go there one day.“

seokjin nodded, unable to help but feel bad for the man with a faulty heart, the man with so many dreams and aspirations, the man who deserved so much more than a life snatched away by the cruel hands of fate.

"i studied there for a few years,” seokjin replied quietly, “performing arts. i used to want to be a singer, or an actor, but after mom and dad passed away, i put that dream aside so i could raise taehyung. i quit school to manage our family restaurant. taetae’s my little brother, and i love him so much. he deserves so much more than what i could ever give him.”

namjoon sniffled, and seokjin looked at him in alarm. “sorry,” he sniffed, “i just think taehyung should be grateful to have such a great hyung like you.”

seokjin smiled, flushed with pride. "thanks, joonie. you should meet tae one day, i think you’d like him.“

namjoon hummed thoughtfully. "jin-hyung?”

“yah?”

seokjin looked up. namjoon was blushing so hard, even the tips of his ears were pink. "could- could you sing for me?“ he asked shyly.

now, it was seokjin’s turn to blush. "ah, i haven’t sung in years…”

“please, hyung?”

namjoon pouted, and whatever resolve seokjin had melted away at the sheer cuteness of it. "are there any songs in particular that you’d like me to sing?“

"i don’t really mind…” namjoon trailed off, looking at him hopefully. "have you written any?“

seokjin nodded guiltily. he’d written quite a few, but he’d never sang them to an audience. sure, taehyung and jimin had heard his first song, awake, but he’d never sang them epiphany.

"i’ll sing you epiphany,” seokjin decided. namjoon could listen to awake another day. he’d written epiphany not long ago, as a sort of follow up to awake. seokjin had written awake when he’d dropped out of performing arts, pouring all the heartache, all the pain, all the loneliness into the song. epiphany was about him moving on, with the knowledge that taehyung would support him, no matter what.

seokjijn opened his mouth and began to sing.

and by god, it was beautiful- his voice was hauntingly melodious, notes of pure power escaping his lips, the strength of the vibrato enough to bring tears to anyone’s eyes. even though the melody was simple, it was as if seokjin had put his heart on his sleeve, bared his soul for those who were willing to listen. namjoon closed his eyes, unable to resist the temptation to tune out the sounds of the outside world, drowning himself in the beauty of seokjin’s voice. for a while, it was like seokjin had swept namjoon away from the dreary hospital he was stuck in until his imminent demise, a welcome distraction from the pain that plagued his heart.

but as soon as it began, it was over.

seokjin was blushing, cheeks tinted rose. "was… was that okay? it’s the first time i’ve sang that to anyone.“

namjoon was too busy gawking at seokjin with wide eyes and an open mouth to respond. "wow.” kim namjoon was rarely ever rendered speechless, but seokjin…

kim seokjin was something else entirely.

“wow.” namjoon repeated as intelligently as he could. "you- wow. just wow.“

seokjin smiled shyly. "i’ll take that as an 'it was okay’?”

namjoon nodded, still looking a little starstruck. "that was more that okay, that was just… wow. i have no words.“

seokjin laughed, relief visible on his face. "thank god.”

suddenly, the door was kicked open, and jeongguk rolled in on his wheelchair, jimin pushing him in with an annoyed expression on his face. jeongguk gave namjoon a subtle thumbs up, mouthing you chose well, hyung!

namjoon smacked jeongguk hard on the head as he rolled over. "shut up, guk!“ he hissed.

"seokjin-ssi, your singing is so good!” jeongguk gushed, a devious grin on his face.

seokjin’s mouth popped open in an 'o’ before he collected himself. "thanks, jeongguk, and hyung is fine.“ he laughed a little. "i wasn’t even aware i was singing that loudly!”

jeongguk burst out laughing. "did namjoon-hyung tell you that he used to be an underground rapper?“ he asked, eyes gleaming with mischief.

behind seokjin, namjoon shook his head rapidly, mouthing at jeongguk to just shut up already and stop ruining his life.

"no,” seokjin replied, “he didn’t, actually. i wonder who would bury such a good looking wrapper, though. maybe they thought the wrapper looked too precious.”

it took namjoon a few seconds to understand what seokjin had said. "did you just use a pick up line disguised as a pun on me?“

seokjin let out another one of his infamous windshield wiper laughs, throwing his head back. "it’s not a pick up line, it’s a fact,” he told namjoon with an obnoxious wink.

namjoon groaned, burying his head in his hands. he didn’t even know he could get this flustered in a day.

“jiiiin!” he wailed.

“i bet you five hundred won seokjin-hyung is a top,” seokjin heard jeongguk whisper to jimin.

the kid really thought seokjin couldn’t hear him, huh.

“thanks for your faith in me, but i’m not a shirt,” seokjin said with a grin, unleashing another bout of windshield wiper laughs.

the door burst open, revealing a panicked looking hoseok. "what’s happening? namjoon’s heart rate is dangerously high.“ he turned to seokjin. "didn’t i tell you to press the alarm if anything suspicious happened?”

namjoon slammed a pillow onto his face, groaning into it. "if i have a heart attack right now and i die, jinnie-hyung, you’re paying for my funeral.“

hoseok sighed, grabbing seokjin by the shoulders and frogmarching him away from namjoon. "please try not to accidentally kill joonie. his heart is fragile enough as it is.” hoseok leaned closer. "if you break his heart,“ he whispered dangerously, "i’ll make sure yours stops beating and make it look like a convenient accident.”

seokjin gulped, barely hiding the squeak that came out of his throat. "are you allowed to do that?“

hoseok smirked. "who knows?”

seokjin swallowed. he didn’t want to cross the nurse. "it’s not like i have any intentions of breaking joonie’s heart anyway.“ he muttered under his breath.

namjoon looked at the older duo curiously. ”hyungs? what’s wrong?“

"nothing!” seokjin yelped as hoseok subtly stomped on his foot. "just got something lodged in my throat, that’s all.“ he said in his normal voice. "i’m fine now.”

hoseok gave him one last warning look before slipping out the door again. jeongguk snorted. "hyung, your lies are as bad as joon-hyung’s old haircut, and your excuses are as cringey as runch randa.“

namjoon gasped, visibly offended. "excuse you, gukkie, but runch randa is great!”

seokjin nodded in agreement. "taehyung forced me to come along to one of runch randa’s shows. i don’t regret it one bit, though. the guy seemed pretty cool.“

jimin grinned slyly. "seokjin-hyung, namjoon-hyung is runch randa.”

seokjin’s eyes went wide before he composed himself. "well, i regret watching that show even less now.“ he turned to namjoon, who buried his head in his hands. "your rapping’s pretty good.”

but not as good as your looks, seokjin added in his head.

“thanks.” namjoon mumbled, voice muffled by his palms.

they spent the rest of the morning like that- the two maknaes bringing up old memories to embarrass their hyungs, namjoon being a flustered mess and seokjin heroically defending namjoon with dad jokes and embarrassing jimin and jeongguk instead.

seokjin had struck up a conversation, both of them giggling like teenage schoolgirls whenever seokjin made a pun, laughing when they both lapsed into awkward silence and the heart monitor beepbeepbeeped in the background.

at one point, namjoon had fallen asleep, exhaustion taking over after laughing too hard. seokjin had stayed awake, staring down at him with loving eyes, fondly stroking his hair, fingers brushing against his skin. for a second, seokjin wondered how it would feel to wake up to that beautiful sight every morning.

he felt his cheeks grow hot, and he forced the thought away. he’d always been too much of a romantic.

namjoon’s eyes suddenly snapped open. "jin-hyung?“ his voice was uncharacteristically weak.

"yah, namjoon-ah?” seokjin asked, concerned for the younger man. "what’s wrong?“

namjoon whimpered. "hyung, my chest hurts.” his voice was growing weaker, even the beeping from the heart monitor seemed a little quieter. "i- i- think i’m dying.“

seokjin’s eyes went wide. "no. joon-ah, stay with me.” he slammed the 'help’ button several times, hoping that hoseok would arrive quickly.

“but hyung, it hurts…”

“kim namjoon, you are not dying on me.” seokjin demanded. namjoon was not going to die, not on his watch.

“jin-hyung…” namjoon’s eyes fluttered shut.

seokjin nearly screamed.

“no! namjoon, stay with me. namjoon, please. hoseok-ssi is coming, and dr min-ssi too. you’re going to be okay. joonie, goddammit, stay with me.”

the heart monitor flat-lined, and this time, seokjin screamed for real. "namjoon!“ he could feel hot tears of dread pooling in his eyes against his will. "namjoon, please don’t go.”

hoseok kicked the door open, dr min behind him. "what did you do?“

"i didn’t do anything!” seokjin wailed. "he just said his chest hurt, and then-“ he waved his arms wildly, unable to put the whole experience into words. he turned to the surgeon, desperation written all over his face. "dr min-ssi, please, you have to help him!” hoseok and another nurse started loading namjoon’s unconscious body onto a trolley, ready to wheel him off elsewhere.

“please, you have to help him,” seokjin croaked, voice cracking with emotion he didn’t know he had. "i- i think i’m in love with him.“

dr min smirked. "i’m not the best heart surgeon in korea for nothing, you know. i try my best to save my patients” he put on a pair of surgical gloves, latex snapping against his wrists. "you can count on me, seokjin-ssi.“

seokjin collapsed in relief.

"someone get him out,” commanded the surgeon, “i don’t want to risk him freaking out and getting a heart attack too.”

one of the nurses dragged seokjin out, sitting him down on a bench and warning him to stay there. seokjin just prayed that namjoon would be alright.

***

namjoon woke up alone in a hospital room. he sat up curiously, looking around. beside him, the heart monitor beeped, reassuring namjoon that he was still alive. he glanced down. his chest was covered with bandages, but it didn’t hurt anymore. he just felt numb.

hoseok walked in, sat down beside him. "so, namjoon, how are you feeling?“

"like i just died,” namjoon rasped out as dr min pushed the door open with a concerned but proud expression on his face. "what happened? i can’t remember what happened. did i pass out? where’s jin-hyung?“

questions, questions, so many questions.

"namjoon-hyung!” jeongguk shouted as he wheeled himself in, almost rolling right over jimin who was holding the door open for him. "you’re alive!“ he yelled gleefully.

namjoon shook his head. jeongguk was being too loud. everything hurt, but at the same time nothing did.

"what happened?”

jimin stepped in, another young man in tow, looking at them curiously. jimin whispered something to the young man, whose gaze focused on namjoon for a few seconds before he made the 'i’m keeping my eye on you’ gesture at namjoon.

“guys? why is nobody answering my question?”

hoseok took a deep breath. "namjoon, you were-“

”-clinically dead for almost a minute,“ dr min finished for him. "your heart stopped beating-”

“so we gave you a heart transplant.” namjoon raised an eyebrow. since when were the surgeon and the nurse so close to each other that they could finish each other’s sentences? "luckily, we had a willing donor.“

"you were out for two days afterwards, but thankfully the surgery went successfully.” dr min added, rubbing his eyes. now, namjoon could see the dark circles and the eye bags- one of the cons of working as an er surgeon.

“we still have to run a few tests to make sure you’re completely fine, and that the tumor won’t reappear elsewhere, but if everything goes alright, you’ll be discharged in a few days.” hoseok told him happily.

namjoon nodded, glad that he’d be able to see the outside world again. but there was still one question at the forefront of his mind- where was seokjin?

the young man namjoon didn’t recognize gave him a sad look. "who do you think gave you his heart?“

namjoon choked on his breath, and hoseok immediately came dashing over to his aid. "what?” namjoon could barely hear himself over the thumpthumpthump of his new beating heart. "no. no. no-“

the young man passed namjoon a card with a grim look on his face. it was red, with black spots, folded up to look like a ladybug. "he wanted you to have this.”

namjoon nodded his thanks, swallowing the lump in his throat and unfolding the card with shaky hands. with his luck and destructive tendencies, he accidentally ripped a corner. he read the neatly written words: go out the door, and look for all the ladybugs.

namjoon blinked. ladybugs? why would seokjin want him to look for ladybugs?

“what does it say?” the young man asked namjoon with a look of childish curiosity. "hyungie wouldn’t tell me,“ he said with a pout.

so this is taehyung, namjoon realized, seokjinnie’s beloved baby brother. he wasn’t quite sure when exactly he’d started calling seokjin nicknames in his head, and he couldn’t hide the blush sweeping across his cheeks at the realization. "he told me to find the ladybugs.”

jimin raised an eyebrow. "ladybugs?“

jeongguk shrugged, wheeling himself behind jimin and pulling the shorter man onto his lap. "i’m sure he did it for a reason. seokjin-hyung doesn’t look like the type to do random things, and i’m pretty sure he wouldn’t send namjoon-hyung on a wild goose chase, not in this state.”

“i think you mean wild card chase,” namjoon said with a small grin.

jimin groaned, leaning back against jeongguk. "oh god, you’ve been spending too much time with seokjin-hyung.“

"either way, i’ll do it.” if nobody would tell namjoon where seokjin was, he’d find jin himself. maybe it was payback for all those times seokjin had to hunt namjoon down after another one of namjoon’s hospital room escapades.

“you have to be careful, though,” warned the surgeon, “your body is still weak.”

namjoon nodded. "i will, dr min.“

the surgeon gave namjoon a rare but genuine smile. "please, just call me yoongi.”

namjoon agreed, eyeing hoseok, who blushed a dark red and dismissed himself. "alright, yoongi-hyung. i’ll get going now, and you can go find hobi-hyung.“

yoongi shot him a familiarly terrifying scowl, stomping off to find the nurse he was denying his obvious love for.

now, it was time for namjoon to find his love. it was all a bit strange, really- namjoon had never believed in all that 'love at first sight’ stuff jimin loved to spout, but embarrassing as it was, seokjin had changed all that.

gingerly, namjoon pulled on a shirt, stepped off the bed and almost fell flat on his face. it seemed like he’d forgotten how to use his legs. jeongguk snickered. "now you feel my pain, hyung.” namjoon chose to flip the boy the bird, taking another cautious step forward. he’d do this. for seokjin.

slowly but surely, namjoon made his way through the hospital. it was strangely quiet, for midday. but that didn’t matter- he kept walking, left foot after right, guided by the ladybug cards plastered to the wall, steps powered by his love for the man who’d stuck them. he’d opened up a few of the cards, which were filled with puns, each one more ridiculous than the last. namjoon couldn’t help but smile as he read them.

“oof!”

he stumbled forward as somebody bumped into him. he reached out for something, anything, to stop himself from falling. he latched onto something hard and warm, and a pair of muscular arms wrapped around his waist. he looked up, spotting an angel with broad shoulders and twinkling brown eyes.

“wow, namjoon, you should be careful.” the angel 'reprimanded’ him. "can’t have you falling for me already, eh?“

namjoon gawked up at him. "jin-hyung?” the older man looked gorgeous as ever, even with messy hair and a hint of dark eye circles. like always, he looked too beautiful to be real. "are you really here?“

seokjin grinned, smile lines appearing on his face. "i’m real, i promise. i do like hearing that i’m beautiful, though.” he handed namjoon a small red box with black spots on it.

namjoon snorted. "you’re so vain.“

"hey! respect your hyungs!”

namjoon choked out an apology between snickers, unable to help but smile. "but really, jinnie-hyung? ladybugs?“

seokjin helped him to his feet. "what can i say?” he said with a mischievous wink. "i guess i’m your lucky charm.“

namjoon laughed. "another pun? i should’ve known.” he thought he was used to seokjin’s love for puns, but apparently not, it seemed.

“open it, namjoon-ssi!” an excited voice cried. "hyung’s been waiting for this moment since-“

seokjin all but shoved taehyung out of namjoon’s line of sight. "ignore taetae.” taehyung stood beside seokjin, bouncing up and down like an excited child. seokjin pushed him a little further. namjoon glanced around, seeing jeongguk, with jimin sitting on his lap. even hoseok and yoongi were there! jeongguk made a small ripping motion, waiting for namjoon to open the box.

seokjin cleared his throat, yelling at everyone to piss off because they were making him nervous. nobody responded. “open the box, joon-ah.” he told namjoon softly, a stark contrast to him mere seconds ago.

gently, namjoon opened the ladybug box, gaping when he saw the heart bracelet inside, 'knj + ksj’ carved on the back. "what-“

he looked back up. seokjin was kneeling on me. "kim namjoon, i gave you my metaphorical heart. now will you be my boyfriend?”

namjoon’s brain spun. now it all made sense- another donor had given namjoon their literal heart, and when taehyung asked 'who do you think gave you his heart’, he’d meant seokjin had given namjoon his figurative heart. impossible as it seemed, namjoon’s love for seokjin- and seokjin’s love for him- had kept namjoon alive.

“thank god,” said namjoon, stalling for time, “i thought you were proposing.”

“say yes anyway!” jeongguk shouted impatiently, only for jimin to turn and smash his palm on jeongguk’s mouth.

“marrying me wouldn’t be that bad,” seokjin protested, “i’m just a little high maintenance-”

“stand up,” namjoon told him demandingly, using the voice hoseok had playfully nicknamed him 'president’ for.

seokjin did exactly that. "it’s okay if you reject me, i just-“

namjoon smashed his lips to seokjin’s. "shut up,” he whispered with a small smile.

seokjin had a goofy grin on his face. "make me.“

namjoon kissed him again.

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peaches-of-1 · 5 years

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Peachtober | Day 19: Childhood

Summary: As one of the members of a very popular performing arts middle school in Seoul, you have long decided not to try to be anything above average. The middle of the back was your home and you had never felt like moving until now. In your 12th year of life, your very popular

Reader Gender: N/A

Now you were a shy human. Not just an introvert, but you did your best to stay under the radar at all costs. Maybe you were the smartest in a certain subject, but you didn’t want to get that academic recognition. You just wanted to get through middle school as quickly as possible, then get through high school, and then go to a college in a different country. Some people wanted to make an impact in the world. Become a legend. Leave their mark.

All you wanted to do was survive.

And maybe get asked to the Costume Dance by Park Kangdae. His name really made sense as not only was he the cutest and most smart and kind boy in school, but his father was Park Jimin, a former idol. You stared as you changed your shoes to the school issued ones since he passed by. However he himself was nothing like his father, not super bubbly and cute but the complete opposite. A Bad Boy of sorts.

Infamous. Often got in trouble for not wearing a belt or not tucking in his shirt, but you adored him still. His hair was longer than most too. He was different. He stood out. He was beautiful and smart, a hard worker, but also way out of your league. Kangdae swore like a sailor no matter if teachers were around or not, but never ever in front of his father. All respect was to be earned with him.

“You know he’s not that big of a deal.” Said Chwe Sanghee, the daughter of Yoo Jeongyeon and Chwe Vernon.

It was no surprise that famous children were going to this school as it was a middle school designed to create future idols and actors. Generation after generation of idol families went here in the hope to recreate the success their parents had or even surpass them. There were a few exceptions, like you. However, you were glad that you didn’t come from a famous family because it made it easier to blend in to be average.

Heh, to be average in a school of born celebrities. This was reflected in every aspect of the school as nothing was broken for too long and the technology inside was nothing but top of the line, state of the art. All the programs on it also very expensive and paid for by the school. The building itself was also very nice. Always clean and spotless because it had janitors unlike most schools where the students were in charge of keeping it clean.

Not to mention the uniforms. Royal purple and the blazers were made out of silk. They were very genderfluid and the rules didn’t dictate who could and could not wear a skirt or pants which meant you wore pants all the time unless they started to chafe or annoy you. Also, the freedom of a skirt was fun. Of course, the shorts underneath were up to the students but had to be black. The socks that went into your school loafers had to be white, mostly white, or black.

Sanghee bent this rule to her will by wearing white socks with ribbons built into the design while you opted for regular white ankle high socks. Average. Kangdae always wore black socks.

“I heard he sticks gum underneath his desk.”

“He would never!” You said. “He’s way too nice for that.” you said as you threw your backpack over your shoulder.

“Well, it’s what I heard.” She replied.

You rolled your eyes, “Sanghee, you should be more careful about saying stuff like that. It could ruin his career before it’s even started. He could start being known for not caring about the property of others and then people will label him a delinquent and no one wants to work with a delinquent.”

Your long time friend pinched your cheek, “Cute little worry wort.”

At lunch, you sat with the brown haired beauty and couldn’t help but stare at the boy who had recently dyed his hair blue to play “Flounder” in the My Little Mermaid Jr. musical we were doing soon. He wanted to be an actor like his uncles Taehyung and Jin even though they weren’t his uncles by blood. A foreign girl with curly hair had gotten red braids put into her hair in order to play Ariel. She sat next to him, blocking your view of him.

You leaned over and nearly fell out of your chair, but Sanghee held you up, “I swear, Y/N. You should just ask him to the Halloween Dance since your crush on him is so big!”

“What? No? I...I couldn’t dare ask him to go with a nobody like me.” You said. “Anyways, he’s too popular. I can’t hang out with too many popular people or I might actually get noticed by people.”

“Do you honestly want to play a background character for the rest of your life?” The asked.

You nodded as if the answer obvious, “Yeah. I don’t have any too high expectations, and I make everything feel complete. That’s good enough for me.”

She sighed, “I don’t understand you, Bean Paste.” your friend called you the affectionate nickname because you had chosen it as a group name in elementary school for a sports competition. “But I respect ya.”

Then she ate the pizza crust you didn’t like because it was always too burnt. You asked how she did on the recent test and of course she landed in the top ten. As predicted, you had gotten 50th spot but were so close in getting 48 because of Lee Yun not doing as well as usual. Middle of the pack was the perfect place for you. However, you couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to spend one day with Kangdae.

Because of a bet you lost with your friend Sunghee, you would be going to the Costume Dance with her. Couple costumes but you got to choose what the two of you would be dressing up as. Because you had been into indie games as of late, you chose to be Sans from Undertale with Sunghee being Frisk. There was one thing that would make your outfit different than what you were hoping because of the theme this year was ‘Formal’

So, you simply wore your school dress shirt since it was white and a blue blazer with black shorts. White shoes and socks and then you painted a skeleton upon your face with your father’s help. Sunghee showed up in a blue and purple striped long sleeve dress with a layered skirt, blue tights and brown heels on. Her already brown hair was made short with the use of bobby pins and hair gel. You have her the locket from the game you had gotten after months of searching.

Because the person you were dressing up as had no hair, you simply slicked and pulled your hair back to make it smooth and flat. It’d be quite a bit of trouble to get it out later, but that was later. Your other father took your pictures and then sent you off with Sunghee’s butler. She was a nice 30 year old that had worked for her family for some time now because her parents were so busy.

When they were home, they did their best to spend time with their little girl. They would build collections to make sure they never felt too far away. Every once in a while, she’d get a seashell or a leaf from whatever country her parents were in at the time. Paris, New York, Vietnam, Egypt. They were all labelled in her bedroom too, type and year.

Soon enough, you were at the dance and sitting on the bleachers. Sunghee was talking with her other friends somewhere. This was the only downfall of not being known by many people and only having one friend, you felt rather lonely. Part of you wanted to go out and dance with someone, grab them by the hand and have a bit of fun. However, you were afraid.

“Hey, Sans?” Someone called.

You looked up and it was a young man dressed in a formal white suit with a red cape and matching boots. There was a blue and yellow cummerbund around his waist. Red gloves. Whoever it was, they were dressed as Papyrus!

“Can we take a picture together? Sunghee said this was your idea.” You knew that voice anywhere. Even in the dark room with blinding lights that rotated and the music being way too loud, you knew that it was Park Kangdae.

You just nodded and he sat next to you, taking his phone out. The both of you smiled and he took a few pics in succession. Then he asked if you wanted to dance. You nodded and he brought you to the middle of the dancefloor. Your heart couldn’t believe it. Actually getting to dance with your crush to mediocre pop music.

“Hey, by the way, what’s your name. Sunghee just said you were her friend.” He said brashly but that was just his way of talking.

“It’s Y/N.” You replied.

He moved his face closer to your’s, “WHAT?”

“Y/N!” You said louder. “Y/F/N, we have acting together.”

“Right, you play singing coral in the musical, don’t you?”

“Y-yeah, that’s me.”

Kangdae smiled and chuckled, “You’re really good at dancing in that dumb costume they have you in. I thought you were really cute during dress rehearsal on Wednesday when you rolled your eyes when Kim Heechul’s grandson messed up his line.”

He thought you were cute when you rolled your eyes!

“Oh, um. Th-thank you.” You replied, blushing. “I think you should have gotten the part of Prince Eric.”

You felt like you were standing out too much, but you wanted to talk to him since he was here dancing with you.

“Me too, but my cousin is more popular than I am. It’s no surprise that he got that part.” He replied.

His cousin was of course the child of Kim Namjoon’s first wife. She was like me, not a fan of the spotlight but in love with someone who lived in it. What was I thinking? I was only 12. Twelve year olds couldn’t be in love, could we? I just really really REALLY like Kangdae. He seemed to not hate me since we talked and danced for a few more songs together.

He even talked to me the days after the Dance. Although he knew I didn’t like being known, I told him the truth. It wasn’t so bad if he was the one who got to know me. He was really kind despite what everyone seemed to think Kangdae didn’t make me interact with others if I didn’t want to. His friends were nice too.

Maybe, just maybe if it was just a few people who knew me, it would be ok. I used to be scared to be known by anyone. Then Sunghee happened. Now Kangdae happened. Two other friends happened too. Right before Kangdae’s dad came to pick him up in person after the last play rehearsal before tomorrow’s show, he handed me a folded up note.

I opened it in the back of my dad’s car.

He liked me?

#Reader Insert #Child!AU #Parent!AU #Park Jimin #Yoo Jeongyeon #Chwe Vernon #Choi Vernon #Vernon Choi #Vernon Chwe

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iv-kplpt · 7 years

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it feels like we’re pulling teeth [grandmaster au]

~21k words (yes i do realize). rated m. charlie and oswald are two streamers. they don’t exactly like each other. they are both going pro. they are going pro on the same team. whoops?

some notes before we begin: - this was supposed to be short and silly. it’s not. apparently i can’t be casual about anything ever. - there will be a follow-up, because i got SO invested. - i have no idea about the inner workings of programing and i firmly refused to google anything. suspension of disbelief, man. *naruto voice* BELIEVE IT. - charlie’s problems were written from experience, so jot that down.

They started out as anything but friends, really.

The year was 2017 and they were both famous for embarrassing themselves online publicly - even though the proper term for that activity is streaming.

They were both famous for playing games, basically. Sure, Charlie also had a vlog channel and Oswald was a well known foodie - but it was their gaming related shenanigans that drew people to them. They were rivals of sorts - mostly because Overwatch matchmaking system somehow always put them in opposing teams.

Also, she mained Mercy, while Oswald mained… Literally every good counter to Mercy. Roadhog. Reaper. Doomfist.

(The truth is, every character is a good Mercy counter, as long as their player can aim - and Oswald’s aim was impeccable. He was accused of cheating many times; and every times the accusations were proven to be false.)

The problem was - she was a good Mercy. She knew when to switch between healing and damage boosting, seemed to always be one step ahead of her opponents and tracked the locations of airborne Pharah and safely nested Bastion with surgical precision, always ready to fly to safety, always ready to undo enemy team’s careful planning - all while being impossibly optimistic and nice, spamming hearts on match channel and always informing the enemy team they were worthy opponents.

(Lack of capitalizations and abundance of exclamation points were a good indicator of her messages being genuine, rather than generated by game’s anti-ggez bot.)

She was absolutely unbearable and insufferable with her rezes and optimism. Every time Oswald saw CherryPop on the enemy team - he knew he just lost. No matter how long he chased her - in the end she’d always escape his flanking attempts.

At first, he hated her guts.

The feeling was mutual - seeing birdmaskguy would cause a sudden surge of anxiety to travel down her spine, making her realize she’ll have to double her efforts. He was persistent. Relentless. Calculating.

And obnoxious as hell. His quirk - a thing making him stand out, making him different from a legion of other competitive-focused streamers - was being faceless. His nickname didn’t come out of nowhere - and good grief his mask was obnoxious. Shaped after a penguin skull and so completely, absolutely pointless. He never showed his face on stream - even though he introduced himself by name more than once. Finding out what he looks like was just a simple Google search away; he was the only heir to one of the wealthiest families in his hometown. His father was a well-known businessman, and Oswald as expected to take over the family money and name one day; so naturally his face was all over Gotham news.

Except Charlie wasn’t from Gotham, and Gotham news were never big enough to make it matter on a national scale. And she was never curious enough about her nemezis to actually spend her precious time Googling him; why would she? It was only a game.

They first met during placements for season four - and they were in the opposing teams. By that time, Oswald was already a relatively well-known streamer; Charlie was just taking her baby steps, and most important of all - didn’t know anyone in the scene. No one was her inspiration - she was simply being told she’s good by strangers.

NightKnight: mercy NightKnight: do u stream

CherryPop: nope, should i? mikey1111: yeah. you’re good. CherryPop: aww :P thanks!! free rezzes for everyone!!

They met in Hanamura, under the blossoming cherry trees. Her team started out on defense, his - on attack. They had a defense McCree; and he was very persistent. In fact, he and Mercy worked like a well-greased machinery, understanding each other without a word; she always knew where is he and he always knew when she’s in trouble.

birdmaskguy’s first interaction with CherryPop was hooking her away, with intention of killing her in one shot, as Roadhogs tend to do to fragile supports; but as soon as she was hooked that damn McCree flashbanged him, effectively saving her life.

Thank you! he heard the Mercy spam, as McCree reloaded and Mercy pulled out her gun.

She spilled his first blood that match, all while spamming the I’m not a miracle worker… line and jumping around like crazy.

On her first stream, CherryPop killed the birdmaskguy; and thousands of people were watching on his end.

A lot of people lost their shit at his pathetic failure; she killed him few more times with the assistance of the mysterious McCree who seemed to prefer the crouching position. He lost the match and was very close to typing out fuck you mercy in the match channel; but he didn’t. He was better than that-

CherryPop: hey hog CherryPop: OINK OINK

birdmaskguy: >.> birdmaskguy: get fucked, mercy. CherryPop: sheesh, at least buy me a dinner first! pork maybe? :P

They kept meeting like this, and she kept getting more and more popular - first as a Mercy who destroyed birdmaskguy, then as her own - rather skilled and enjoyable to watch - person.

PLAY OF THE MATCH: CherryPop as Mercy. [5 people rez, singlehandedly undoing his quad, accompanied by Hanzo quietly taking care of their Junkrat. Or: 3 people rez immediately followed by a double kill and three last second assists while boosting Hanzo just as he was launching his dragons of destructions. Or: accidentally getting nanoboosted and promptly becoming the legendary harmacist.]

They were bitter rivals all through seasons four and five, always in the opposing teams, always bickering on match chat, her always undoing all his efforts and him fruitlessly trying to hunt her down and corner her in a dead end on King’s Row or give her a choice between an environmental death or an execution in Dorado and so on and so on. They never watch each other’s streams; partially because they usually were doing them at the same time, and partially because they didn’t want to. It didn’t matter anyway; all until one day they ended up on the same team.

They crossed paths many times earlier this week; and Oswald was as persistent as always in tracking her down and distracting her from her team. He hooked her away, he gunned her down, he didn’t let her out of his sight every time they were on the same battlefield; he pissed her off more than once that week.

(Some people on his streams were watching them both at the same time, promptly informing them what does the other one have to say; she called him an insufferable prick more than once. And a dick. And a complete and utter asshole, good lord, fuck him and his obsession with ME and FRESH TOMATOES-)

They were both very high ranking in competitive; and in that tier cooperation relied mostly on precise, clear voice communication. Built-in lines were only helpful to a certain degree, and typing was taking away precious time; but he was still a bit surprised when he heard her voice for the first time.

“Well, well, well.” she said as they were picking their characters. “That’s a new.”

Her voice was sweet and melodious and Oswald tried to imagine her spurting out series of invectives fueled by his persistence.

“So unfortunate.” she continued, picking - of course - Mercy. “It’s such a shame there’s so much bad blood between us, right, Birdie?”

“Oh come on.” he muttered, picking Reaper. “You are going to heal me, right?”

“I don’t know.” she said nonchalantly. “I was thinking about pocketing our Rein. Hey, Rein, want a pocket Mercy?”

“JAAA!” their Rein replied, doing their best Reinhardt impression and she giggled and Oswald groaned.

“You heard the big guy!”

“Come on, don’t be like that.” he pleaded as she emoted; he decided the Devil skin she had equipped was very fitting. “I’m dps! I can’t distract them if I’m dead.”

“You are pain in the ass, Oswald.” she said and his name rolling out of her mouth sounded disturbingly right and he hated, he absolutely hated this fact. “A prick. You gotta ask nicely if you want something from me.”

“Seriously?” he asked with disbelief as commenters on his stream were starting to whip out memes. “You want me to beg for heals?”

“It does sound weird when you put it this way, but yeah!” she said cheerfully as the match was starting and their team was leaving the spawn. “Beg for mercy, you pretentious jerk.”

“Oh, fuck you!” he groaned and she only laughed, flying away to take care of Rein and Zarya as he was decimated by Torb’s turret.

Finally - eight deaths later - he cracked.

“Fine!” he said, Shadow Stepping away from the payload, as she was high above the streets of Dorado, flying the friendly skies with Pharah. “Please, Mercy.”

“What was that?” she asked innocently and he groaned. “I didn’t hear ya!”

“Please!” he said desperately. “Pretty please! With cherry on top!”

“Aw, you sound so cute when you beg.” she said mockingly, flying down to him. “Got you. Now go, fuck someone up. Preferably not their Zen. He’s trying his best.”

“Thanks, I guess.” he muttered, getting back into battle.

“Aaaa!” she squealed few minutes later, frantically spamming the group up! command. “Their Harambe is after me now!”

“Their WHAT?” their Rein asked.

“The monkey guy!”

“His name is Winston, you uncultured swine.” Oswald said, getting in her line of sight. “Come on.”

“Hey, don’t be an ass to me, I’m the one thing standing between you and death!” she said, flying to him; persistent monkey followed, promptly getting stuck in Junkrat’s trap.

“And I’m the one thing standing between you and death.” Oswald said firmly as she flew away. “So you too should stop being an ass.”

“Get a room, you two!” Junkrat yelled out, 1v1ing a very foolish Widowmaker. “We have a payload to escort and a match to win.”

“Shut up!” Oswald and CherryPop said at the same time and their entire team laughed.

They won, and he got play of the match; a perfect, sextuple kill, only ruined by her tag in the corner of the screen, as she was boosting him.

(He very begrudgingly voted for her and her astounding 30k points of healing, only slightly spoiled by “40% of team damage taken”. The last number could be lower, if he spent more time protecting her feathery ass and less time being snarky.)

“Well, that wasn’t too bad!” she said cheerfully. “Thanks for the saves!”

“You have my hammer!” Rein chimed in. “No, seriously, hit me up if you ever want to queue in a group. You’re an angel.”

She giggled and the match concluded and Oswald was returned to the main screen, left with a weird, burning feeling in his chest. Heartburn? He decided it probably was a heartburn, first in years.

(He was very careful about what he ate. Not like he avoided junk food; but he was generally careful with what he was putting inside him. And thus he managed to go years without heartburn and indigestion.)

An hour later, he ended the stream; it was early Thursday afternoon and he didn’t have any plans, so he just stretched and began to mindlessly browse the web.

Eventually he found himself on her channel and clicked a random video - and for the first time he saw her face and he sighed, not knowing what was he expecting. Her smile was as beautiful as her voice and when she laughed - and he still could hear the sound of her laughter ringing in his ears - she tilted her head and her red hair would brush her long, pale neck.

She was infuriating to play against and very nice to look at.

“Well, fuck.” he muttered, watching her wink. “Fuck me, I guess.”

*** Streaming was a pleasant distraction, and so was vlogging; and she needed all the distractions she could get, to get away from the overwhelming apathy and numbness that would creep in the second she wasn’t doing something. And playing that dumb game? It turned out to be surprisingly easy, very intuitive. It was an easy sense of accomplishment, seeing gold medals and votes and SR points roll in; and people seemed to enjoy watching how effortless this seemed when she was doing it, how easy. She was only partially paying attention to the game, and yet she was winning, and yet she was doing great; it felt nice, It felt… It felt.

And then there was that one fucking guy. That asshole. That tool.

No, not her ex boyfriend; when she thought of Harry she wasn’t angry. Sad? Probably. Ashamed? Maybe. But she wasn’t angry at him; if anything, she was angry at herself for trusting so easily, for not seeing right through him.

(To be fair, he did deceive everything, her parents included. So it’s not like she was a fool among the wise men; they were all blind idiots.)

That one person able to piss her off went by the name of birdmaskguy. The name was very telling - he wore a mask when streaming, and he often joked he’s doing it to not distract people with his very handsome face.

He played like an asshole. He sounded like an asshole on those short clips she watched on tumblr. He probably simply was an asshole; and they had a bone to pick. Her initial career online was built on her killing him; sure, with time she did get a reputation for her actual skills, rather than firing some bullets into a remarkably large target, but at first she was simply a Mercy who killed birdmaskguy; and his deaths from that match made their way into a lot of “Overwatch worst fails” compilations. For a week or so he was a laughing stock; and boy oh boy was he resentful.

And people liked hearing her call him names as she was running away from him. She called him many things - insufferable prick. Fucking asshole. Unholy offspring of the monster from It Follows and Michael Myers.

(Not in his face though. On match chats she was playful and mockingly friendly; but her viewers heard her. And enjoyed every second.)

People would never guess she’s severely depressed; she was good at hiding it. On her vlogs - about fashion and food and makeup - she was bubbly and cheerful; and messy flats and poor eating habits weren’t exactly a red flag, they made her seem quirky and relatable. No one knew about hours spent in complete silence, just staring at the ceiling. No one knew about her insomnia. And about how she simply couldn’t be bothered to cook, when throwing shit into microwave was so much easier. On the surface level, she appeared perfectly fine; and no one really felt the need to get any deeper.

And that guy - that Oswald Cobblepot from Gotham, that pretentious asshat in a ridiculous mask - was one of the very few people who were capable of making her feel something. Sure, that seething bloodlust wasn’t anything good - but it was a good start. Baby steps.

At some point, she started to come across him outside the game. She was embarrassingly active on shittyfoodporn subreddit; she felt some sort of ridiculous bond with those other losers, who mostly ate junk and microwaved shit and horrifying combinations of ingredients and half-burnt food. It was comforting, knowing her dietary habits are not, in fact, an isolated case.

He, on the other hand - was active on that part of reddit dedicated to good food. Normal food. Actually edible food. birdmaskguy was a well known foodie; he often talked about his meticulously composed diet - or so her viewers were telling her in the comments.

god, i switched to birdie for a second and he’s talking about garlic bread AGAIN.

“Again?” she asked, groaning when she spotted him materializing behind her team. “That sounds intriguing.”

he never shuts up about food!! he was talking about garlic bread yesterday as well. i think he’s obsessed. what a loser.

“Well, that one thing I have in common with that asshole.” she said casually, shooting him in the face. “I also love garlic bread. It’s delicious. And cheesy garlic bread? Heaven!”

yeah, but your whole personality doesn’t revolve around you liking to eat. :p

“More like one third.” she said jokingly. “I’ll take it as a compliment.”

She knew he’s a foodie - but she never saw him in her part of reddit, reserved for loosers very optimistic about their mediocrity and disgruntled people who paid for a chicken sandwich and got a very sad chicken sandwich.

He once commented on her post; it was obvious he’s trying to pick a fight with her. Spats between streamers and high-ranking players weren’t nothing new; just last month she saw another Mercy end her friendship with another player she often queued with. He was toxic; also streamers often talked shit about each other. A fight between CherryPop and birdmaskguy wouldn’t be anything shocking, hell, it’d be something a lot of people wanted.

(According to her meticulously curated tumblr dashboard - some people shipped them. There were fanarts. She only saw one piece of art, relatively mild, reblogged by her mutual, who only did it to yell at the artist for drawing real, actual people fucking. “THOSE ARE NOT FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, YOU FUCKING CREEP” they said and Charlie couldn’t be more grateful.)

Granted, what birdmaskguy said was a harmless joke; he said her dinner looks worse than his pride did after their struggle in Hanamura.

hey, it can’t look THAT bad. :P

Oh, it does. I can’t believe you put this into your body. How are you even alive?

through sheer willpower and the knowledge i have to live to annoy you!!

He never replied and she felt something akin to disappointment; she liked teasing him. It was a fine way of working through her weird urge to strangle him.

(That one time when she made him beg? She wasn’t really feeling great that day, and she was almost glad he initially refused to play along.)

And so they lived - bitter rivals, a depressed Mercy and her food-obsessed tormentor. She’d always make him say please if the ended up on the same team; and afterwards he’d be even more determined to hunt her down - and with each attempt to put her back in her place she’d take even greater pleasure in ruining the match for him.

When season six began they were both famous, and their creepy tag on tumblr was booming.

(She sometimes wondered what does he think of all those fanarts where he was ~getting his revenge~; personally she found them creepy, those random strangers drawing her genitals in great detail.)

Their little feud was still alive and well and her depression was getting worse with each passing day; World Cup was coming up and she kept distracting herself in any way possible.

Eventually… She made her way to the American team - effortlessly. Absentmindedly.

She kinda forgot she even tried when she got the email, informing her of her success.

*** When was the moment he realized he’s in deep, deep shit? Ah, it was during a deathmatch, about two months after he ended up on her YouTube channel and saw her face.

He was taking a short break from comp and wanted to have some dumb fun; so did she, apparently.

This time he heard her insults.

“That’s for making me beg in Dorado!” he hummed. “That’s for Nepal! That’s for Eichenwalde!”

“Hey!” she said as he killed her for the fifth time. “I never made you beg in Nepal, you said please all by yourself!”

“Yeah, well, ever heard of Ivan Pavlov and his dogs?”

“What, you automatically beg as you see me?” she giggled as he was skulking around Chateau Guillard, looking for her, completely ignoring everyone else… For now. “That’s kinda sad.”

“Your life is sad.” he muttered, as he spotted her, turned with her back to him, enjoying the view as Sombra.

“That too, but yours is still sadder.” she said in an upbeat tone as he took the shot. “Oh, you prick.”

“That’s me.” he said proudly. “Prick and an asshole.”

“God, I hate you.” she said, respawning. “Alright. You want war? You get war. It’s on.”

“Alright, doll, you asked for it.” he said. “I’m going to make you regret everything. Your ass? It’s mine now.”

“In your dreams, you fucking furry.”

They engaged in a heated fight in which other players unwillingly took the role of collateral damage and innocent bystanders; and Oswald realized he’s in deep shit when he - without thinking - yelled out “IS THIS A GAME TO YOU?!” to which she for a moment stopped running away and after a brief moment said “...yeah, actually. That’s what we’re doing. We’re playing a game. Did you forget?”

She then proceeded to call him a dumb loser and he sat there, completely mortified, very glad for his mask that was hiding his face and expressions, because in that moment he realized he actually has a massive fucking crush on Charlie aka CherryPop, his bitter rival, always one step behind his quintuple kills, always one step ahead his sextuple ones.

She had a beautiful voice and a beautiful face and her personality was driving him crazy, that way she mocked and taunted him, all while being bubbly and peppy. He had a massive crush on her; and that revelation left him so distraught he accidentally let her win.

“Blow me, you furry!” she said cheerfully, after scoring the last point. “Kiss my ass!”

“I’m twelve.” they suddenly heard a very serious voice, belonging to another player. “And you two are being very sexual. Stop that.”

“You’re not twelve, you’re six.” someone said in the background and Charlie laughed and his heart skipped a beat, because he could see her laughing, he could see her tilt her head as her hair brushed her neck.

(Her neck was beautiful, as if made for kisses and bitemarks.)

“In your dreams… That is, if your diet doesn’t kill you before I get to you.” he said playfully and she laughed again.

That’s when he realized he’s in deep shit; and then he was informed he’s now a part of the American team for the upcoming World Cup.

He wasn’t too shocked when he found out she’s been accepted as well. Of course - she was skilled and driven and it was high time she really let it shine. Their team was in a good hands.

Some website reporting the latest news from the gaming world reached out to him for a comment regarding the fact he’s now going to be on same team as CherryPop; he said he’s “very pleased” and that “he believes they’ll be able to put their differences aside to reach a bigger goal”.

He wondered what does she has to say about it.

*** “I’m not happy about it, but what’cha gonna do? He did well. He deserves the spot.”

Her comment on the situation sounded harsh, but she simply couldn’t be bothered to dress the thing up in pretty words. It didn’t matter; they hated each other anyway, even if she found herself looking forward to crossing paths and deaths with him. The bickering, the taunting, the mockery - it made her feel stings of something. And it sure as hell was better than nothing.

Being on the team required her to temporarily move from New York to Gotham; by pure coincidence she was the only member who didn’t live there. Practicing with actual people on hand made a lot more sense, than just yelling at each other on voice channel.

birdmaskguy reached out to her in that matter; actually he shot her an email, asking if they can talk on discord. His email didn’t mention her harsh comment; but it did sound stiff and official.

They talked later that day; his icon was an aggravated penguin, because of course.

(Hers was her own picture; she was blowing a balloon out of pink bubblegum. It was a bit trashy and definitely sugary; she liked it. It reminded her of being actually, genuinely happy.)

“Hey.” she said with a yawn. “What did you want to talk about? Are you going to, like, threaten me with a lawsuit?”

“...no?” he said hesitantly; that was the first time she heard his actual voice, not muffled by his mask. It was pleasant; melodious, just a tiny bit raspy, energetic. Nice to listen to. “Why would I do that?”

“Assholes always find a reason to sue someone, I guess.”

“Maybe not today.” he said carefully. “Look, Cherry… Can I call you that?”

“Well, better this than bitch or stupid cunt.”

“Hey, you know I never called you that.” he said almost angrily and she sighed; he was right. He never actually offended her, always sticking to things like you ass or I’m going to kill you, then I’ll resurrect you and THEN I’ll kill you again. That was what kinda made the dynamic entertaining; sure, they disliked each other, but they were never hurtful. Almost as if he respected her.

“Fine, you never called me a bitch, I’ll give you that. Still. What do you want, Birdie?”

“You have to move to Gotham temporarily, right?” he asked; she could hear the typical street sounds in the background. “So I have a proposition for you.”

“I’m all ears.” she muttered, absentmindedly rubbing a dried-out stain on her desk; most likely BBQ sauce or ketchup.

“Come live with me.” he said casually and she froze in place, staring at the stain. “Hey. You there?”

“Are you out of your mind?” she asked with disbelief. “Did your brain turn into lettuce?”

“...pardon?”

“I’m not going to live with you! We’re going to kill each other-”

“My family has a mansion.” he interrupted her. “Chateau Cobblepot.”

“...is that its actual name?”

“...I’m going to kill you myself if you as much as make a joke about it. I’ll poison you. Strangle you. Drop my father’s bust on your pretty little head.” he threatened her tiredly and she laughed at how utterly resigned he sounded, but quickly regained her composure.

“Alright, no jokes about the dumbest name I’ve ever heard. How big exactly is that place?”

“Big enough for us to never see each other face to face.” he said nonchalantly. “Google it. Trust me, it’s better than fucking around with hotels or rental. A token of good will from my side.”

“Where’s the catch?”

“...there’s no catch, Cherry.” he said patiently. “Well, maybe except for the fact you have to take care of transporting yourself and your stuff to Gotham, but other than that… Chateau Cobblepot awaits. Free of charge, just as long as you do your job.”

“Does it mean you’ll charge me if we lose? That’s an extreme version of blame the healer, you know.”

“...let’s worry about getting anywhere first, hm?”

“Ugh. Fine.” she muttered, rubbing her forehead; truth is, the thought of actually taking care of her Gotham stay was a bit overwhelming. That’s why she stayed in NYC for so long - because her parents were taking care of everything. “I’ll take your deal. Anything I should know about?”

“Not really, no.” he said; judging by the sounds, he was crossing a street. “Just email me date and time and someone will pick you up from the airport or train station. Also… Do you have any allergies?”

“Except for you?”

“...except that one, yes.” he said, sounding almost amused. “Well, I better stop taking your time, you have plane tickets to buy. See you soon?”

“You promised I won’t have to see you, you know.”

“It’s a figure of speech, Cherry. See you never. Better?”

“A whole lot better.”

*** It worked! He couldn’t believe it actually worked. He figured he might as well give it a shot, considering his parents were taking a break from Gotham and were leaving the mansion all to himself - but he never expected her to actually accept the proposal. Sure, she didn’t want to see him - which hurt more than he’d like to admit - but the perspective of simply having her around for an unspecified period of time… Was enough. “It worked!” he announced after entering the coffeeshop where his friend - and their fellow teammate - was waiting.

“...what worked?” she asked carefully, looking up from her coffee. “What did you do this time, Cobblepot?”

“I told Cherry she can come live with me during the duration of this thing.” he informed Vicki, sitting down in front of her with his back against the wall and his legs outstretched. “And it worked! Well, partially.”

“Well, which part didn’t work?”

“She sounds very adamant in not wanting to see me.” he said lightly, masking his budding despair with an optimistic smile. “I think she actually hates me.”

“Can’t imagine why.” Vicki muttered and he scoffed. “I can’t imagine why anyone would like you, Cobblepot.”

“You keep saying that, and yet you’re sticking around since forever. I think you like me.”

“I’m programmed to feel sorry for losers.” she said, taking a sip of her coffee. “And you are a loser.”

“I still love you. No hetero though.”

“God, you’re disgusting.” she said, wincing. “But anyway, What’s your plan?”

“I don’t have one, actually.” he said, getting up. “Well, maybe except for getting a caramel latte right now.”

He returned with his coffee and sat back down.

“I guess this is a lost cause.” he said cheerfully and Vicki sighed. “What?”

“I hope it’s not.” she confessed and he blinked. “No, don’t say anything, you get to hear me be nice to you once a month. Don’t ruin it. I hope it’s not a lost cause. Remember, I’m a dick to you as well, and yet here we are.”

“Are you implying… Tough love?” he asked, tilting his head.

Vicki sighed.

“Maybe. Or maybe she really doesn’t like you. You’re… An obnoxious ass. I’d say… Fifty fifty.”

“Those are pretty good odds. And you know what they say… A drowning man clutches at a straw.”

“So you really have a crush on her. Huh.” she said absentmindedly, taking a sip of her coffee. “I guess your taste is one of very few not crappy things about you. She’s cute. Kinda too sweet for me, but… Definitely cute. And funny. Watched her video on calling people by their full name?”

“You know I did.” he muttered, looking away; Vicki snickered.

“Right. I forgot you’re a creep.”

“Those are public, Vicki.”

“I know. Still - you’re pathetic. Need a wingwoman?”

“...are you offering your services?”

“Uh-uh.” she nodded, taking a sip. “You know I have no problem saying nice stuff about you behind your back. Just try to not directly contradict what I’m saying and we’re golden.”

“Well, what are you going to say?”

“Not a word about you being a hopeless sap, that’s for sure.” she said with a smirk and he scoffed, hiding his gratitude; he knew Vicki knows he’s grateful. They knew each other for years, and had each other’s back through thick and thin.

Rest of the day passed peacefully. Charlie sent him an email asking if he can take care of transporting her stuff from the airport; sending it few days before her trip was cheaper.

Of course he’d do that.

Well, if you insist.

i’m not insisting, i can take care of it myself. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That was a figure of speech. Just send me the dates.

It took her an hour to reply; the message simply said thanks.

They crossed paths in the game that evening; but they didn’t talk much, except for the usual please heal me I can drop down on my knees if you want me to banter. Surprisingly, she wasn’t doing great; she sounded distracted, reacting to everything with slight - but noticeable - delay.

“Are you sleep deprived, Pop?” their Mei asked; the deep baritone contrasted with the cutesy character.

“Just tired, that’s all.” she sighed. “I’m going to stay behind this time.”

She was slurring words and Oswald felt a sting of worry.

“S’alright. We will carry, you try to not die.” he said, switching to Reinhardt. “There. One personal shelter… Coming up.”

“Thank you.” she said slowly; she sounded surprised. “Want a free solo rez?”

“So when’s the wedding?” their Bastion asked, yawning. “Rein’s shield this, solo rez that… Where’s the venom? The spite? The-”

“We’re going to compete on the same team, you dummy.” Oswald interrupted them hastily; he knew that player fairly well. They had a reputation of being rather harsh, mostly thanks to their tendency to getting straight to the raw point. “We’re practicing this whole team spirit thing.”

“Uh-uh.” Bastion said; Oswald could hear the distinct sound of crunching. “Sure.”

She went offline immediately after the match, not even waiting for the votes; he considered sending her a message to ask if everything’s alright, but he decided against it. Pushing wouldn’t do him any good; plus it would be suspicious.

*** She had a breakdown that day, between emails. She realized she hadn’t left her flat in weeks; she was relying on food delivery and online grocery shopping. The perspective of leaving and doing stuff and actually interacting with people was… Overwhelming.

But it’s alright. She had pills to take in case of sudden breakdowns; it instilled warm, pleasant fog in her brain and dried her tears up and fought off the anxious, crying-induced convulsions. She was calm again; even if her eyelids were heavy like lead and her vision and thoughts were slightly hazy and speaking clearly required a great deal of effort - but at least she was calm.

She googled birdmaskguy’s family home; it was huge. His family was one of the wealthiest families in that part of country, and it showed; she went for a virtual walk through the gardens, leaving taking a look at people living inside the building for another day.

He seemed to be completely unaffected by her - not really intentional - harshness; she realized she’s going to have to tone it down eventually, but as for now she didn’t have the energy to sugarcoat her words.

She made the mistake of trying to play that evening; but her thoughts were clouded with the pills-induced fog and she was doing bad. Luckily her team was understanding; even birdmaskguy offered his help, without complaining or snarky remarks. It was… Surprising; that small, meaningless gesture left her feeling disturbed. It didn’t fit. It was out of place. It was out of character.

She went to bed early, setting up a series of notifications in her phone - laundry. Packing. Shipping her stuff. Shower. Another shower, just in case. The trip.

She had a sleepless night; she simply lied in fetal position, tightly wrapped in blanket, staring into darkness of her littered, slightly airless bedroom.

She shipped her things to Gotham two days later; three boxes of clothes and personal items. Her precious, stickers-covered laptop would travel with her in her hand luggage, along with her favorite blanket, a teddy bear and her documents. Taking her of her stuff used up nearly all of her energy; she was so mentally exhausted she didn’t even reply when Cobblepot mailed her to inform her her things arrived safely and were waiting for her in his home, untouched.

(She sure hoped so. Depressed or not, she wouldn’t want anyone - especially not him - going through her underwear. She had a wide collection of lace and satin; pretty lingerie made her feel a bit better.)

Finally, day of the trip had came and she sighed, looking around her flat. She threw out things that could rot, and threw the majority of dirty dishes into the dishwasher; she didn’t have plants to water or pets to feed. Once again she checked her bag - everything was there. Her laptop, the accessories, her blanket, her meds, her teddy bear, her wallet. She was ready to go, and the cab to the GCT was waiting outside.

Even though the ride would be short, she booked first class; all she wanted was some peace and quiet. She wasn’t feeling chatty and she felt she’s not going to make it through if someone decides to chat her up.

On the station - alone and tired - she felt so out of place, surrounded by lively people who were talking to each other and laughing and feeling emotions and not feeling like their lives aren’t going anywhere at all. She avoided talking to others and looked at the ground, tightly gripping her bag; and everyone ignored her, as if she was transparent.

(She’d like things to stay this way forever, actually.)

Charlie spent the ride silently looking out of the window, wrapped in her blanket, thinking about how apathetic she is to the thought of living - even if only for some time - with someone…

It wasn’t hatred, that thing she felt. It definitely wasn’t hatred; he annoyed her, sure, but she never actually wished for anything to stop, for him to disappear. It wasn’t harassment; he valued his reputation too much to harass.

Or maybe he simply wasn’t into harassing people.

Finally the train stopped at Gotham Central Station; her ride was over. Breathing in and out, her legs shaking and her fingers trembling, she stepped out of the train, looking around.

Gotham felt… Different. Something was in the air, definitely; it was dripping from the gothic architecture, escaping people’s lungs, reflecting itself in glass surfaces.

“Admiring the architecture?” she heard a familiar voice, and when she looked left - there he was, birdmaskguy, Oswald Cobblepot.

He was tall and lean and handsome, which came as a surprise. Narrow lips and very sharp eyes and nice jawline and slightly messy har; he was wearing a well-tailored suit and looked at her expectantly with a polite smile.

So that was the face of her rival. He was very nice to look at, she decided begrudgingly; and he smelled nice. Someone obviously wasn’t a skinflint when it came to cologne.

“Hey.” she said nervously, brushing her hair away from her face; his gaze felt odd, he looked at her almost tenderly.

(Or maybe it was pity.)

“You’re short.” he said and she scoffed quietly; he snickered. “Watch out, you might get lost.”

“Ha-ha, very original.” she said, looking away. “I thought we established we’re not going to see each other.”

:”A necessary sacrifice.” he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Want me to carry it for you?”

She handed him her bag without a word and he took it with a nod.

“Car’s parked outside.” he said, walking towards the exit and she followed, looking around. “How was your ride?”

“Uneventful.” she said, glancing at his sharp profile. “How’s… Your day?”

(It’s been a while since her last normal, face to face conversation. She felt like playing a half baked test build of a Telltale game, following an unedited script.)

“Quite eventful, actually.” he said, sounding amused by her awkwardness. “Cat got your tongue, Cherry?”

“What?”

“I’m waiting for some snark, you know.” he said as they left the building; even the air smelled different here, less like dead rats and hot dogs and more like gunpowder and herbs. “Needles and pins and harsh words.”

“Sorry to disappoint, you prick.” she muttered. “It’s easier to talk big online, you know. Face to face… It’s harder.”

“Hey.” he said softly and she blinked, not expecting such a gentle tone. “It’s alright. Take your time, get used to me. I’m distractingly handsome. I know.” he said with a smirk and she groaned and nudged him with her elbow.

(He was right - he was handsome. And nice.)

“You’re too self confident.” she said instead, looking around. “Put that mask on, before you scare some children.”

“Ouch.” he said playfully, fishing for car keys in his pocket; apparently he was driving a dark red Maserati, because of course. “Now that’s Cherry I know and… Tolerate.”

The pause before his last word felt weird, and he said it hastily, almost as if he bit his tongue to force his words to change direction at the last second.

They drove through the streets of Gotham, and she kept looking around curiously. The city definitely looked like it’s living up to its reputation of one of the most dangerous places in America; but it was still beautiful, in a dark way.

“That’s my family’s park.” Cobblepot said suddenly, pointing to a nearby place. “My parents funded it.”

The park seemed to be crowded; everywhere Charlie looked she saw people, enjoying the green grass, colorful flowers and sturdy benches.

“It looks nice.” she muttered. “Any ponds?”

The question escaped her before she stopped herself; she actually tried to drown herself in a bathtub once. She wondered if her brain is trying to suggest something.

He looked at her in silence, furrowing his brows.

“Yes.” he said finally. “Don’t get any funny ideas, Cherry.”

“Is that the Wayne Tower?” she asked a few minutes later, looking at an impossibly tall skyscraper.

“Uh-uh.” Cobblepot nodded. “What, wanna meet Bruce Wayne? I’m his friend. They’d let us in.”

“Maybe not today.” she said carefully, not commenting on his sudden eagerness. “Hey, Birdie.”

“Yeah?” “I changed my mind.” she said hesitantly, glancing at him. “About the… Not-seeing-you thing.”

(Gotham felt overwhelming; beautiful, but deadly. And she felt like loneliness might be unbearable this time.)

“Well.” he said after a short silence.

He glanced at her briefly and she looked away, ignoring the cheeky smile his lips were curled in.

“I knew you won’t be able to resist my charm.” he said finally and she scoffed.

“Your what?”

He chuckled as they drove through Crest Hill; a luxurious, suburban neighborhood outside which Chateau Cobblepot was located, not too far away from the legendary Wayne Manor.

“We’re here.” he finally announced, swiftly parking the car in front of the entrance, next to the fountain; Charlie quietly looked at the massive, gothic building that looked like a perfect setting for a Percy Shelley poem.

They got out of the car and he took her bag out from the trunk.

“Come on.” he said, walking towards the door, white gravel quietly clattering under his shoes. “Top floor of the west wing is for your disposal. I’ll show you the way.”

Top floor? She groaned quietly, thinking about climbing the stairs; due to her lifestyle her body wasn’t in the best shape.

“Something’s wrong?” he asked, as they came in; she looked around, slightly impressed with the interior design, relying on wood and marble and lots of light.

“I’m out of shape.” she said hesitantly. “Stairs are… Not my friend.”

“Well, shit.�� he said, sounding concerned. “Should have guessed.”

“Oh, get fucked.” she muttered, knowing he’s referring to her abhorrent diet. “What now?”

“There is a free bedroom in my part of the building.” he said hesitantly, glancing at her. “I wanted to be hospitable and give you the entirety of our guest quarters, but since you can’t climb stairs…”

“One room will do.” she interrupted him. “Back home I don’t leave my bedroom anyway. Just as long as there are no stairs involved… I’ll be fine.”

“Well, okay then.” he said, turning right. “I inhabit the bottom floor of the east wing. I’ll show you the way, and then… I’ll take care of your boxes.”

“Don’t you have like… A butler to take care of this stuff?” she asked him, following him through the corridor; his part of the Chateau had its own small library, well-equipped gym, an office and a state of the art kitchen. The guest bedroom was at the very end of the corridor, tucked between his bedroom and the library; it was spacious, well lit, had a jacuzzi in the bathroom and the bed looked extremely comfortable.

“Our butler left with my parents.” he said, setting her bag down. “And we keep minimal staff. We do most of the things by ourselves. Keeps us grounded.”

“From the people, for the people?” she asked and he smiled.

He did carry her boxes; effortlessly, smoothly, as if they weighed nothing. He was stronger than he looked; and there was something disturbingly nice to the eyes in the way his shoulder muscles moved under the fabric of his shirt.

“There.” he said, setting down the last one. “Still sealed, as you can probably see.”

“I’d sue you if any of them were open.” she said, opening the nearest box and instantly closing it back again, as the first thing she saw was her underwear; and he did not need to see any of that.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it.” he said, walking towards the door. “Unpack, settle down, do whatever. Yell if you need something. Food, for example.”

Her stomach gurgled; she hadn’t eaten that day.

He heard it.

“...hungry?” he asked softly. “I can… Fix that. WIth actual food, instant noodles and frozen tendies have no place in my kitchen.”

“Fine.” she sighed. “I guess I’m at your culinary mercy now. Do your magic, just… No asparagus.”

“Already setting your rules? Feisty.” he said with a smirk and left the room, leaving her sitting on the floor, feeling oddly at peace in this gigantic house.

She quickly threw her clothes into the closet and drawers and got down to business: setting a quick life update stream regarding the upcoming competition. She’s been pretty quiet about it for days; now was the time to tell the world how things were looking.

“Hey, world!” she said to the camera, sitting on her ridiculously fluffy bed. “You’ll never guess where am I.”

She was in the middle of a sentence when he entered the room, carrying a plate of what looked like pasta with tomato sauce; it smelled absolutely divine. It was obvious he used fresh herbs.

He set the plate down on her nightstand without a word and she kept on talking, only pausing once, to thank him.

“So, I’m at birdmaskguy’s home - hey, thanks! - and he just made me food. Shocking, right?”

“I don’t starve my guests, and especially not my teammates.” he said, crossing his arms on his chest. “Hey, Cherry’s viewers, you can’t see me, but you can hear me. Sorry for interrupting, I guess.”

“People on chat are saying hi.” she informed him. “One person is saying fuck you. Someone… Oh, crap.”

“What?”

“Someone warned me to not go into my tags on tumblr.” she muttered, looking at him, slightly flustered. “They say… I’m not gonna like it.”

Without a word he pulled out his phone and opened the app.

***

He never knew there’s porn of him and Cherry; he never thought someone might be fucked up enough to draw detailed depictions of two actual people having sex.

There were fanarts. There were fanfics. And he instantly spotted two most popular trends among those creepy fanworks - her dominating him and him “putting her in her place”.

(He’d lie if he said he never thought about her warm body and quiet gasps escaping her lips, but in his thoughts - it was consensual. He also kept those thoughts to himself, thoughts of her skin under his fingers.)

“Fucking hell.” he said finally, looking at her sitting on the bed in his home. “That’s… Creepy.”

“You heard him.” she said to her viewers. “That’s one thing we both can agree on. Well, okay, that and garlic bread being delicious.”

She shot him a faint smile and he smiled back, unable to take his eyes off her. In real life she seemed… More tired than on her vlogs; a bit awkward. She stuttered from time to time and had a problem with direct eye contact and made a lot of pauses, looking for words.

He thought about her freckles when he was in the kitchen, peeling and chopping tomatoes, and her soft lips and the way she scoffed at him. She seemed so lost in Gotham, so out of place; he felt as if this city might eat her alive.

In person, she seemed and sounded softer; and this softness cemented his massive crush on her, mixed up with concern for her bad shape and dark circles under her eyes and the fact she apparently forgot to eat.

“Fucking hell.” he muttered to himself after leaving her alone with her laptop; he headed to his gym, he had some steam to let out. “This is getting out of hand.”

He called Vicki and started his sit ups as she picked up.

“You’re on speaker, so behave yourself.” he said before she said anything. “Shit’s fucked, Vale.”

“Uh-uh.” she muttered; he could hear the crunching. “Why’s that?”

“A number of reasons.” he said tiredly. “Hey, is your offer still a thing?”

“Well, yeah. Why, did you fuck up so badly you need help?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” he sighed. “Please, Vicki.”

“Fine, fine!” she said. “Remember about tonight.”

“...what’s tonight?”

“Oh my god, I’m not your secretary, you lazy bum. The icebreaker drinks at the Waterfront?”

“Right.” he said, remembering calling Fish Mooney. “Now I remember. Thanks, Vicki.”

“You’re welcome, jackass.” she said nonchalantly. “Dress up nicely. I got your back.”

She ended the call and he was left alone with his thoughts and the burning presence of Charlie on the same floor; through the door, he could hear her voice faintly. She was laughing, and it was a beautiful sound.

After the workout, on his way to take a shower he knocked at her door.

“Come in!” she called out and he entered the room and she looked up from her laptop and raised her eyebrows.

“What happened?” she asked, before he said anything. “You look… Sweaty.”

“I forgot to tell you, we’re going out tonight.” he said, wiping his face with a towel. “I made a reservation at the Waterfront. The team should get to know each other.”

“For a second it sounded really terrifying, you know. Like a date.” she said with a nervous chuckle. “Do I… Have to be there?”

“Oh, come on. It’ll be fun. The Waterfront’s a nice place. The owner is an old friend of mine.”

“Fine.” she said with a sigh. “I’ll come. When are we leaving?”

“In… Two hours, more or less. Sorry. Should have let you know sooner.”

“Yes, you should.” she said, closing her laptop, getting up and walking up to him. “Get out. I have some dolling up to do.”

She pushed him out of the room and her hand almost burned the skin on his chest, even though the fabric of his t-shirt.

He next saw her two hours later; and she wasn’t lying when she said she’s going to doll herself up. She curled her hair and put makeup on, hiding her freckles, much to his carefully hidden dismay. Her red lips were perfectly symmetrical and she was nervously playing with the cuff of her navy blue blouse.

“What?” she asked as he was staring at her “What?!”

“You look different.” he said finally and she rolled her eyes.

“That’s the point of dressing up, you know.” she said, crossing her arms and for a brief moment he saw a faint flash of her bra through the thin fabric of her blouse. “Good different or bad different?”

“Fishing for compliments, Cherry?” he asked, regaining his composure.

“Maybe so.” she said, putting her shoes on; simple, black pumps, that accentuated her legs nicely. “Anyway, I’m good to go.”

“Let’s go then. Ladies first.”

She walked past him and he smelled her perfume; fresh and fruity, with the most noticeable scent being strawberry.

He looked at her red hair and decided that of course she’s a strawberry kind of girl.

*** He was so infuriatingly nice and polite she wanted to strangle him. Almost nothing like his online persona; and his ridiculously handsome face wasn’t making anything easy. Hating him online, as he taunted and tried to kill her was easy; hating him in real life, as he made her pasta and carried her things was nearly impossible. Sure, he was still snarky; but it didn’t change the fact she felt oddly at peace in his home, in his presence, under his eyes.

(He looked almost impressed when he saw her dressed up and with makeup; that was first time in months she actually put some effort into looking nice. She was kind of glad she packed her heels and nice clothes and cosmetics; and kind of annoyed at the fact he didn’t look at her like that when she was bare faced and her hair were messy. Men.)

He looked very… Human when he knocked at her door and - sweaty, out of breath - informed her of the forgotten plan; and he looked at her apologetically and for a moment she found herself lost in his sharp, intelligent eyes.

Things were fuck, as the wise man once said. Things were fuck.

He held the door open for her, that fucking gentleman; and as they drove to the Waterfront - a well-hidden local, ran by his old friend - she was sure they looked like a picture perfect couple. His dark blue tie matched her blouse, as she absentmindedly noticed.

The club was crowded and she got anxious thinking about navigating between all those - drunk, high, chatty, happy - but he put his hand on her arm.

“We have a private room underground.” he told her, leading her towards the stairs. “You’re not the party type, I take it.”

“Not recently, no.” she muttered, wondering how it’d feel if he put his arm around her waist and quickly shaking this ridiculous thought off. “This place is… Something.”

“First of all, it’s safe.” he said, going downstairs and turning around. “Come on, I’ll catch you if you trip.”

“It’s not the first time I’m wearing heels, you know.” she muttered, slowly walking down as well and ignoring his hand he held out for her.

He only shrugged and put his hands in his pockets; finally they reached their private room and he let her in and she shuffled past him, briefly brushing his chest and inhaling his smokey cologne.

The others were already waiting for them, and Charlie recognized Theo - a pale, young man who went by the nickname XFilesTheome - and Louise, who went by RaptureFucker; she was after law school and was known for actually lecturing people about threats and offensive language; she had no idea who the other people are and if she played with them.

“Finally!” said a young woman, who was lounging on the nearby chair; her hair were tied in a ponytail and she was wearing a suit. “Took your sweet, sweet time, eh?”

“Yes, we did.” Oswald replied calmly, as Charlie awkwardly stood next to him. “There was some traffic. Sorry for not mastering bilocation, Vale.”

Vale! That must’ve been Vicki Vale - of victoriousvale - who often grouped up with Cobblepot. She was a journalist by day, and a formidable opponent by night; her Tracer was almost as relentless as Cobblepot’s Reaper.

“And you must be Charlie.” Vicki said, without getting up. “Pleased to meet you. Don’t just stand there, sit down!”

“...sure.” she said quietly as he pulled out a chair for her. “Hello.”

“Hey.” Louise muttered, not looking up from her phone. “Hold on a sec, I have to read this.”

“Fanmail?” Charlie asked and Louise shook her head.

“God, I wish. No, I’m helping a friend out with her problems.” she said, furiously typing. “You know Rocco?”

“I don’t think so, no,” she said hesitantly, looking at the last man; he was thin and had giant, dark, eyes and a soft, warm smile.

“PennyDumb.” he introduced himself and she gasped; he was one of her favorite Reinhardts and absolutely terrifying to play against. “Glad to finally meet you in person, Pop.”

“Likewise!” she said with enthusiasm. “God, we have so many hours together, I remember when we were both bronze!”

“Right?” he said with a smirk and she laughed. “Time flies as experience points come…”

“Time is but a social concept.” Theo said firmly, brushing his dark hair away from his eyes. “It doesn’t exist, but it serves.”

“...that’s a quote from children’s book.” Charlie said after a while. “About alchemy.”

“Well, now we’ve both exposed ourselves as nerds who read books for children.” Theo said with a shrug. “What can I say? It’s a nice read.”

“I’m going to order drinks.” Cobblepot said suddenly. “What do you want?”

She looked down as she remembered her pills don’t mix well with alcohol. Oswald went around, taking orders; some wine for Louise, scotch for him and Vicki, beer for Rocco and Theo-

“I don’t drink.” she said as he looked at her expectantly. “Sorry. And… Neither should you. You’re the driver.”

“One scotch won’t even get me slightly buzzed. Your pretty little head is safe with me.” he dismissed her and she scoffed; that was the second time he said pretty little head in relation to her. “I can get you freshly squeezed orange juice.”

“Alright.” she said, as Vicki was watching her attentively; she leaned in towards her as soon as Oswald left.

“How’s he treating you?” she asked and Louise rolled her eyes. “I know you’re staying with him, and I know you two are… Not on the best terms.”

“He’s decent, actually. I think he realizes people talk a lot of shit in the heat of the moment. He’s… A good host.” she said, sighing. “It’s complicated. You know how it is - you call someone a piece of shit, but it’s not like that, it’s never like that.”

“Oh, I get it.” Vicki assured her. “I call him pretentious dick all the time and he doesn’t mind.”

“I do, actually.” Oswald suddenly said, entering the room with a tray full of glasses. “I’m not pretentious. I’m eloquent.”

“Same difference, you prick.” Vicki said nonchalantly; Louise put her phone down and sighed. “Now give me my liquor. I’ve been good this week, I deserve a treat.”

“You don’t.” Louise said calmly. “You forgot to feed the cat… Again.”

“He’s a predator! He can feed himself. Besides, he’s fat anyway.”

“Keep your marital spats out of this room, please.” Oswald said, setting a wine glass in front of Louise. “I got you a whole bottle.”

“That’s one of ten bottles you owe me, big guy.”

“Give me time.” he said with a wink, turning to Charlie. “Your juice.”

He set her glass down and his hands were slightly sticky; did he squeeze the juice himself?

(It was perfect, tart and sweet at the same time, thick and delicious.)

The evening was pleasant, and with time Charlie loosened up a bit; after all, those were not complete strangers. Sure, they knew next to nothing about her as a person - but she was fine with people knowing her just on the surface level.

(No one would care about what’s underneath anyway.)

They were all nice; and she found herself glancing at Oswald from time to time, pondering the nature of her feelings for him. Outside the game, he was charming, polite, hospitable, always ready for some petty quarrel; and eventually she came to a simple conclusion - she liked that guy. Sure, it was a weird kind of sympathy, very aggressive and harsh at times; but she definitely liked him. She felt at ease around him - and she only actually knew him for a day.

Things only went downhill from there, from that moment when she briefly glanced at his relaxed, grinning profile and he saw her gaze and nodded lightly in her direction, before returning his attention to Vicki.

*** He couldn’t stop himself from glancing at her from time to time, as they were getting to know their team. At first she was tense and quiet; but after she loosened up a bit… Her natural charm came to surface and Vicki had to kick him under the table a few times to stop him from staring at Cherry.

Because good god he felt he could stare at her forever, at the way she covered her mouth when she laughed and the way she fluttered her lashes; he felt like this is the person who taunted him for months.

(Even though that anxious, quiet Cherry was also delightful. The truth was, he’d consider her a delight no matter the circumstances; he was in too deep.)

Vicki joined him when he was heading upstairs for another beer for Theo and more juice for Cherry; he glanced at her Cheshire Cat-like grin as they were walking up the stairs.

“What?” he asked and her smile grew even wider.

“She doesn’t hate you.” Vicki said finally and Oswald froze in place for a moment. “You heard me. She doesn’t hate you. I have no idea what does she feel for you, but it most definitely isn’t hatred.”

“Well, do you think I have a chance?”

“Who the hell knows?” she said with a shrug. “Maybe. Just because she doesn’t hate you doesn’t mean she’s into you.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” he sighed as they approached the bar; that night Fish herself was behind the counter. “Hey again, Fish.”

“Welcome back, boy. What will it be this time?”

“Just a beer and another juice.” he said, sliding behind the counter. “You still have those sweet oranges, right?”

“Last batch. Just for you… And that pretty little thing.” Fish added with a smirk and Oswald shot her a pale smile. “Sweet like her, eh?”

“That’s the general idea, yes.” he said cutting oranges in half as Vicki sat on a nearby barstool. “Hey Vale, want another scotch?”

“You know I do.”

“Coming up.”

“Oh, I wish I could have you here every night.” Fish sighed, watching his hands. “Why won’t you run away from home and come work for me, boy?”

“Maybe some other day.” he said, setting the glasses down on a tray. “Family business comes first. You know how it is.”

“I do, unfortunately. Anyway. Give that pretty little thing my regards, Oswald. What’s her name again?”

“Cherry.” he replied automatically and Vicki snickered.

“No, it’s Charlie. We call her Pop. You’re the only person to call her Cherry.” she said mockingly as he looked at her heavily. “Come on, Cobblepot. Say her name.”

“Charlie.” he said - softly, tenderly, lovingly. “Her name is Charlie.”

“Pretty name for a pretty little thing.” Fish said with a playful smile. “Good luck, Oswald.”

“Thanks.” he said, lifting the tray. “I’ll need it.”

“Wish I could record it.” Vicki said mockingly, walking next to him. “I bet people on twitch would pay me good money for this one.”

“Oh, fuck off, you sound the same when you’re talking about Lou!” he scoffed, but she only laughed in response.

“Yeah, she’s my girlfriend. Not an unrequited crush.”

“Well, want me to remind you how you were when you didn’t know it’s mutual?”

“You don’t have to, my facebook memories do it on a daily basis.” Vicki said grimly as they were walking down the stairs. “The point is, people in love act and sound pathetic. And as your best friend and wingwoman… I think I have the right to making fun of you.”

“Of course you do.” he sighed as she opened the door for him. “You can do whatever you want, Vale.”

“Ah! Can’t wait to use that one against you.” she laughed out as he was setting Cherry-

Charlie’s juice in front of her. She glanced at him and smiled, rubbing the back of her neck; and he instinctively winked at her, accidentally brushing the back of her other hand with his fingertips.

Finally they had to part ways; their first practice was tomorrow afternoon and they had to get some rest, and in case of Rocco and Theo - sober up a bit.

Oswald didn’t feel tired; and neither did Charlie.

“My family’s park is nearby.” he suggested as they were standing on the sidewalk outside. “We can go for a walk. Some fresh air won’t hurt.”

“Alright.” she said hesitantly, rubbing her arms with her palms and looking away; once they were alone, she got all awkward and tense again. “It’s… Kinda cold though.”

“Ah yes, nights in Gotham can get chilly.” he said, glancing at her. “Want my jacket?” “But what about you?”

“I’ll manage.” he said, already taking it off. “I kinda like cold, to be honest.”

(He lied; he hated cold - but the grateful look in her eyes when she took his jacket was worth it. And so was the sight of her briefly closing her eyes as she covered her shoulders with it.)

That time of day, the park was nearly empty; but it was still clean and well lit.

“It’s nice, I have to give your family that.” she said with a sigh, as they were nearing a pond. “Whoever designed it knew their craft.”

“That’d be my dad.” he said, picking up a perfectly flat pebble. “Hey. Want to play a game?”

“...sure.”

“I’m great at many things, including skipping stones.” he said, glancing at her. “Make a wish. If the stone skips five times… It’ll come true.”

“And if it sinks?”

“Then we’ll try again.” he said nonchalantly and she giggled. “Come on. Make a wish.”

“Alright.” she said eventually. “I made my wish. Do your magic.”

He squinted slightly, bent his wrist and threw the stone. Plop, plop, plop-

It skipped six times before finally sinking. He turned to her, grinning.

“See?” he said proudly. “What did you wish for?”

“Victory.” she said after a short silence, looking him in the eye. “Not very surprising, huh?”

“Wishes don’t have to be surprising.” he said slowly, hearing the faintest note of hesitance in her voice. “But looks like I just cemented our success.”

“Here’s to hoping.” she sighed and suddenly yawned and he turned his head away to hide the fact his lips were curling in a tender smile. “I think now might be a good time to go home.”

“Already feeling at home in Chateau, Cherry?” he asked as they were slowly walking towards the exit.

“I’m trying to.” she said. “But basically, home is where my heart is… And I think I didn’t forget any internal organs.”

“Not even your brain?” he said playfully and she rolled her eyes, but didn’t say anything.

He bumped into her in the kitchen later that night; they were both heading to bed and he walked in as she was pouring herself a glass of water; she was only wearing a washed out tee and a pair of boyshorts and he groaned quietly, looking at her pale legs and ridiculously shapely buttocks - and when she turned around he could see the faint outline of her perky breasts through the fabric.

She nodded in his direction, seemingly unaware of the effect she had on him, briefly glancing at his chest.

“A knife fight?” she asked, looking at a scar running across his ribs.

“Yep.” he said, shuffling past her to get his own glass of water. “You should see the other guy though.”

“Mmm.” she muttered, taking a sip. “Handy with a knife?”

“You could say that. Though I prefer to limit my skills to chopping onions, rather than stabbing people.” he said, briefly glancing at her freckles; she stood in place, staring at him silently. Finally she shook her head.

“I’m going to bed.” she informed him, shuffling past; her hair brushed his skin. “Goodnight.”

“Sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite…” he hummed and she snickered.

“You know, warning me of bedbugs doesn’t show your family in the best light.”

And just like that she disappeared in her bedroom and he was left with an overwhelming need for a very cold shower.

***

That night she did that one thing she never expected to ever do, under any circumstances - she got off to the thought of birdmaskguy.

He bumped into her in the kitchen, as she was trying to decide between water and apple juice; and he looked scandalously hot, with his messy hair and intriguing scars scattered across his body.

(Good boy from a good family. Where did he even get those?)

And he looked at her like he saw her for the first time; it was an awkward, tense moment, with her body slowly betraying her mind, and him slowly coming to terms with the fact she had a physical form.

They went for a walk earlier that night, through the park; it was beautiful and quiet and she felt unreasonably at peace next to him, even though they threatened to kill each other multiple times. He showed off his skill at skipping stones, and she played along.

She wished for happiness. That was her wish - to actually feel happy again. It felt ridiculous, making that wish as he stared at her expectantly, dim light of a nearby lantern illuminating his face.

As he turned around looking at her triumphantly she suddenly felt the urge to kiss him; but she fought it off. It was ridiculous and out of place and would technically count as an assault. She didn’t kiss him, instead limiting herself to simply staring at him, same way she did many times earlier that night.

And there she was, in her bedroom in his family home, the image of him imprinted in her brain, dishevelled, casual, offensively alluring, and the way he looked at her, as if he forgot she has a body.

(He looked at her same way when he first saw her in makeup and nice clothes. It was weird and complicated and she wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.)

He looked beautiful that night; he looked beautiful in a suit and he looked beautiful in his sweatpants and with bare skin of his torso and her body betrayed her with a wave of heat washing over her, finally centering between her bare thighs.

She got off to her imagination, her thoughts wandering freely, trying to figure out what would his scruffy chin feel like against her skin.

He woke her up the next morning, with very persistent knocking at her door.

“What?” she groaned, her eyes still closed, her body still curled up under the blanket. “It’s early, go away!”

“It’s nine.” he said, still knocking. “Can I come in?”

“Sure.” she muttered, grabbing a pillow. “Your house, your rules.”

She threw a pillow at him as soon as he entered and he threw it back.

“You should eat something.” he informed her, crossing his arms. “What do you eat for breakfast?”

“I don’t eat breakfast, so piss off.” she muttered, returning to her previous, fetal position and closing her eyes; but he wasn’t going anywhere. Instead he cleared his throat a few times, until she opened her eyes again and looked at him.

“What?” she asked tearfully and he snickered. “What do you want?!”

“Breakfast is important.” he said, still staring at her. “Come on. Get up.”

“But I don’t want to!”

“But I don’t care!” he replied, mimicking her; he walked up to the bed. “Come on. I’ll count to three. Get up, or… I’ll get you up.”

“Mmm. Good luck with that.” she muttered, closing her eyes and putting her head on a pillow.

He did drag her out of bed; he grabbed her ankle and pulled, forcing her to sit up. Then he grabbed her wrists and forced her to stand up.

“Come on.” he said firmly. “My house, my rules, and my rule for today is you shall eat your breakfast. Cereal? Oatmeal? Eggs? Toast? Pancakes? Fruit salad?”

“Waffles.” she muttered quietly and he snickered, opening the fridge. Of course he’d make his own batter. What an obnoxious ass.

“You should work on your sleep schedule, you know.” he said, setting a plate full of perfect, golden, crispy waffles in front of her. “Did you stay up late?”

“No, I just sleep a lot.” she muttered; she was tired a lot, no matter how much sleep she got. Sometimes she’d sleep for sixteen hours, only getting up to go to the toilet. “Old habits die hard, I guess.”

“Well, some of your habits should die quickly. You have to be in tip top shape.” he said lightly. “What do you drink?”

“I assume you don’t have any cheap energy drinks, do you?”

“No, but I have citrus black tea.” he said, boiling some water. “I have an intrusive question. May I?”

“Your existence is intrusive.” she said and he only smiled and shook his head.

“Are you depressed, Cherry?” he asked, making her tea.

It was a sunny morning in Gotham and she was eating perfect waffles birdmaskguy made her and he was making her tea and they were both in their pajamas, their hair messy and their bodies still warm from the memories of sleep; and he just asked her if she’s depressed.

Weird situation.

“Yeah.” she said, putting her fork down. “I am.”

“We have a very good psychiatrist in Gotham, you know.” he said, adding some honey to her tea. “One of the best. I can get you two in touch if you run out of medication.”

He glanced at her and she sighed, thinking about last night. Did he figure it out when she said she doesn’t drink? Who knows.

“Thanks.” she said, as he set the cup down. “But… Why do you care?”

“Because…” he said after a long silence. “I don’t want your bad mental state to get in a way of our victory. Which means… Me taking care of your sleep schedule and eating habits. Do you exercise?”

“Oh, don’t you dare-” she started, but he interrupted her.

“I’m not going to force you to exercise. What I’m saying is… Some physical activity would probably help.”

He paused for a moment and sent her a provocative grin.

“You wouldn’t keep up with me anyway.”

It worked. It was such a bullshit, obvious bait - but it worked.

“Hey, fuck you.” she said, taking a sip of her tea. “I refuse to believe you can do more than ten pushups. You sit on your ass playing games as well, how fit can you be?!”

Turned out, he is in perfect shape; she gave up after fifteen minutes. He kept on going for over an hour, talking effortlessly, and she sat on the floor of his private gym, trying to not stare at him too much, trying to not dwell on what happened last night too much.

(She was sure it was just a one time thing.)

***

It wasn’t just a one time thing.

As days passed, and he looked after her she found herself thinking about him more and more often. After a week she couldn’t remember what it felt to be angry at him; he was genuinely nice and didn’t seem to mind her occasional meanness; and she didn’t seem to be able to ignore the fact he was attractive. Depressed or not, her body still had its needs - and she had so few actual distractions from her apathy and numbness she didn’t even feel guilty when she’d slip her hand between her legs, thinking about the way his muscles moved under his skin as he was doing pushups.

And as much as she hated to admit it - his efforts in making her feel a bit better by making her sleep at regular hours and feeding her normal food weren’t entirely fruitless. She had more energy, and only had one breakdown; she knew he’d probably stop his efforts if she was firm enough in saying no, but… She didn’t want to. She knew as soon as she returns to New York she’s going to resume her previous, miserable, almost destructive lifestyle; but this thing was nice while it lasted. Kept her grounded.

She kept her thoughts to herself, even though even her viewers - because she sometimes streamed from the comfort of her bedroom in Chateau Cobblepot - noticed there’s something different about her. Her laughter apparently sounded more genuine, and her voice sounded more relaxed; some people made - rather not amusing - jokes about birdmaskguy’s magical dick.

“Ha-ha, very funny.” she said, glancing at the comment. “It’s not like that, you know. Two adult people can spend time together and not fuck.”

tbqph sex is a fun activity, so i don’t think anyone would judge you if you fucked him.

“Yeah, well, I would judge myself.” she said lightly. “He’s not my cup of tea.”

but he sure as hell is MY cup of tea. he’s hot and he cooks!

“He also spends a lot of time on reddit.”

yeah, well, no one’s perfect. okay, except for idris elba. he’s perfect.

“Hm.” Charlie pondered, cheerfully teabagging the floor with the enemy Tracer. “Yeah. That’s true.”

She wondered what’s going on on the other side, during his steams; their audiences overlapped a bit, but his was more… Typical.

She winced, thinking about what kind of jokes probably happen in his comment section.

*** “I’m going to ban you.” Oswald said tiredly, seeing another rape joke. “You know my zero tolerance policy for this stuff.”

People’s reactions to Charlie temporarily living under his roof were… Distasteful. Sure, many people took it well, some people made mildly funny jokes about the grand finale to apparent sexual tension between a Reaper who just scored quintuple kill and a Mercy who scored a quintuple rez, and some people - who didn’t like Charlie for being annoying and squeaky - wished him luck; but some people reacted in… A truly abhorrent way.

“Stop that.” he said firmly, as another person expressed their wish of seeing him put her in her place, whatever it meant. “We’re on the same team. Sure, we have our differences, but it’s normal.”

did she suck your dick at least lol

“I’d say I feel sorry for your partner, but I don’t think you’re going to get one in foreseeable future.” he said with a yawn. “What is with you people and being obsessed with us?”

people are expecting a hatefuck.

“Well, sorry to disappoint.” he said dryly; he was never a fan of what he called antagonistically aggressive sex. It always rubbed him as borderline non-consensual, hurtful; a little bit of pain was a nice addition, but only as long as it was a path to mutual pleasure, not objectification. “But my sex life is still my own.”

are you implying you don’t think she’s hot? are you blind?

“Alright, this is enough.” he said, once again grateful for his mask. “That’s none of your business anyway.”

come on, you told us about your pierced dick! why are you suddenly so coy? hiding something?

“I was drunk!” he said angrily. “Just drop it, ok?”

A knock at the door; as he looked up, she was standing there, in a t-shirt and underwear and she looked sleepy and soft.

“You’re yelling.” she said. “I’m trying to sleep.”

“Sorry.” he said, staring at her from behind the mask. “I’ll be quiet now.”

“Are you streaming?” she asked with a yawn; she walked up to him, and - putting a warm hand that almost burned his skin on his shoulder - looked at the screen; her face was in frame.

“Hello!” she said, watching him die. “Awh. You’re terrible.”

“You’re distracting.” he muttered; he wasn’t lying. The warmth of her body was distracting.

She giggled and he groaned quietly, wondering if she’s doing it on purpose.

“Well, I’m going back to bed.” she said eventually and left and he died again, too busy staring at her ass.

wow, what a bitch.

“I woke her up. She has every right to not be nice.” he said, locking another person out of his channel. “Anyway.”

*** They hooked up between the matches, between USA vs Germany and USA vs New Zealand.

At that point, she already came to terms with a shocking revelation she actually likes him. Sure, she never told him - not after he explicitly stated he only cares about her depression because it’s a potential obstacle - but he was still a pleasant company.

He called her a tease during the match, as she was frantically flying between the teammates, trying to keep everyone alive, especially Rocco, whose shield was the one thing standing between them and certain death.

“Come on, you tease!” he called out. “I’m dying here!”

“I can’t be everywhere at once, you prick!” she yelled in response, as their teammates briefly glanced at each other with a mix of uncertainty and amusement.

But ultimately they won and he decided it calls for a celebration in form of a feast at Chateau, with champagne and everything they liked to eat.

“And you are going to help.” he said and she groaned. “What? I feed you! It’s only fair.”

“So I’m a slave.” she said and he winced.

“No.” he said firmly. “Let’s keep slavery out of this discussion, please.”

She helped him with groceries, which included a long trip to farmer’s market and a huge order at his favorite, expensive-as-fuck deli. Finally, she helped him in the kitchen - but not without loudly voicing her unhappiness.

“Oh, shut up.” he said carelessly, throwing a small onion at her. “If you really don’t want to help, you can go. But I’ll complain about it a lot.”

“I know.” she said, taking a knife and cutting the vegetable up. “Which is why this heroic sacrifice is taking place.”

“Attagirl.” he said, also chopping something; and she briefly paused her own action to shamelessly stare at the way he used the kitchen blade.

(She wondered if he’s as handy with a butterfly knife.)

Finally everything was prepared and was sure she has cumin and nutmeg stuck in her nose; her hands smelled like a variety of herbs and she had lettuce in her hair.

“Take a shower.” he said, wiping his hands in a kitchen towel; he had some yellow curry paste on the bridge of his nose, surely a result of not using a hand blender carefully enough. “And dress up nicely.”

“Yes, sir.” she said sarcastically and he rolled his eyes. “Anything else you need, master?”

She left the kitchen before he said anything, very pleased with how dumbfounded he looked, even though her cheeks were red.

She took a - cold - shower, and put on a knee-length, black pencil dress with sheer neckline and black ankle-strap platforms; Oswald knocked at her door as she was doing her makeup, painting her lips red.

“Mmmm?” she muttered, looking at his reflection in the mirror. “What do you want?”

“Red or blue?” he asked, holding two ties and looking exasperated.

“It doesn’t matter.” she said, reaching for her eyeliner. “Blue, I guess.”

He kept staring at her without a word, so she sighed, put the eyeliner down and turned around, still not getting up from her stool.

“What?” she asked, and he blinked a few times.

“Nothing! Nothing.” he said quickly and left, leaving her puzzled.

The dinner was pleasant; everyone was optimistic and chatty and joked about how the Germans are probably crying themself to sleep or maybe cheering themselves up with Goethe or Schopenhauer.

Vicki told her something surprising as they bumped into each other just outside the toilet. She was slightly buzzed; maybe that’s why she spilled the beans.

“I promised him I’ll be his wingwoman, but sometimes honesty just does the trick, you know.” she said in hushed voice, as Charlie stared at her silently. “He’s an obnoxious ass, isn’t he?”

“He has his moments.” Charlie said carefully. “But he was raised well, I think.”

“Yes, he’s a gentleman.” Vicki giggled. “Which is why he’d never tell you half the stuff he told me.”

“Oh yeah?” Charlie said lightly, crossing her arms. “What did he tell you?”

“That you’re a tease.” Vicki giggled. “And very distracting one. He told me he couldn’t sleep the first time he saw you in your pajamas. He never got into details though.” she added, staring at her. “But honestly, I kinda feel him. You’re a pretty girl. You’re not my type, but… I definitely see the appeal.”

“Thanks.” she said uncertainly, slowly processing what she just heard. “You like… Tall girls, right?”

“Tall and dark haired and sarcastic.” she hummed and Charlie smiled palely; it was admirable how faithfully in love Vicki and Louise were. “Do you like him?”

“Are you going to run straight to him and tell him my answer?”

“You bet!”

“Then I’ll keep the answer to myself.” Charlie said, shuffling past Vicki and disappearing in the toilet.

Inside, she looked at her reflection; she looked nice. She wondered if he complained about it to anyone, if she was a distraction.

*** She was infuriating that day and he couldn’t help but stare at her helplessly, taking all her snark and theatrical complaining. He called her a tease completely mindlessly, but seemingly no one noticed; when they won she looked at him proudly and he wanted to do the most cliche things possible - raise her up and kiss her in front of everyone.

But he didn’t, instead he only winked at her; and he barely looked at her when they were cooking, instead grounding himself by focusing on chopping and measuring and stirring, painfully aware of her warm presence.

He - perhaps foolishly - decided to ask for her opinion on which tie he should wear; and her sight left him dumbfounded. That was the second time he saw her like that, and the sight wasn’t any less breathtaking - the conclusion being she looked beautiful in pajamas and elegant clothes and sweatpants, with and without makeup, with her hair messy and neatly styled.

She looked annoyed by his presence, so he promptly left, tightly grasping at the tie she picked.

She drank some champagne that night - a small,symbolic amount, because she firmly refused to let him buy a bottle of non-alcoholic one for her - and she looked at him sipping it. In fact, from certain point she looked at him a lot - did he have something on his face?

(Vicki avoided his eyes that night and he wondered how badly did she fuck up.)

Finally the people had left, and she helped him clean up, glancing at him from time to time.

“Did I do something?” he asked, taking a mountain of plates from her. “You keep staring.”

“Do I?” she replied, quickly walking away, leaving him puzzled.

(He posted a picture of their team on his social media accounts; tonight we are victorious, champagne pouring over us - one match won, plenty more to go! good job. It gathered quite a lot of attention; people were congratulating them and complimenting their bold strategy. Even busy Bruce Wayne found a moment to write an upbeat comment, congratulating Oswald on his victory and asking when is he going to bring his friend over for dinner.)

He was in the middle of a stream when he heard a knock at the door and a quiet can I come in?

“What is it, Cherry?” he asked, not looking up from his screen. “Am I being too loud again?”

“I just could use some company, that’s all.” she said hesitantly and he looked up; she was wearing the same washed out tee and boyshorts she was wearing the first night, and something about her felt… Different.

“Alright.” he said, returning his attention to the game, as she slowly walked up to him and sat on the surface of his desk, next to his monitor.

“How’s it going?” she asked, crossing her legs and folding her hands and staring at him.

“I’m mostly just fucking around tonight.” he said carefully, ignoring the rapidly popping out comments. “I’ll be wrapping it up soon anyway. It’s late.”

“Mmmm.” she muttered, still staring at him.

Finally he said goodnight to the viewers and turned everything off; she kissed him as soon as he took his mask off.

He dropped it onto the floor as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer; and initially, he gave in, only pushing her away when she pulled his hair,

“Are you drunk?” he asked, even though there was no trace of alcohol in her breath.

“I don’t drink.” she reminded him quietly, looking at him attentively; her cheeks were flushed.

“Then what’s going on?”

“Vicki told me.” she said quietly, nervously playing with her hair. “That you… Are into me.”

“Fuck.” he muttered, running his fingers through his hair.

“That’s my intention, yes.” she said with a smirk, brushing his chest with her fingertips. “What, not in the mood?”

“I’m just… Surprised, that’s all.” he said, trying to not get distracted by her touch. “I didn’t think it’s mutual.”

“Well, it is.” she said, gently nudging his knee with her foot. “So what are you waiting for?”

He kissed her without a word, getting up from his chair and picking her up effortlessly; he carried her to bed and she giggled as he slid one hand under her shirt, reaching between her legs with the other one.

“I guess…” he whispered, gently brushing her neck with his lips, squeezing her breast lightly; her skin was smooth and warm and exactly as he imagined it to be. “I’m waiting for you to say please.”

“Then you’re going to wait for a while.” she panted out as he teased her through the fabric. “I’m a patient gal.”

“Yes, but I’m an insufferable prick.” he said with a smirk and kissed her again.

She was so soft under his touch, so sensitive; she scratched his back and her moans and whimpers were like music to his ears as he kissed her neck and held her hips to keep her from moving and laughed in her face as she called him names, while pulling him closer, closer, closer.

*** She snuck out of his bedroom after he fell asleep; her heart was racing and she felt more alive than she ever did during the past year. He was so gentle; and his fingers on her skin felt right. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep; so peaceful and beautiful.

She wasn’t sure he’d play along when she entered the room; but he did. He gave her what she wanted, and more - and yet when she closed the door to her bedroom behind her she felt… Empty. It was a different kind of empty than the one she felt for months; it was painful and grey, not dull and black.

She cried herself to sleep that night, firmly refusing to take her pills, even though the bottle was there, on her nightstand, within her reach.

The next morning he didn’t wake her up at all; when she opened her eyes and checked the time it was noon. He left her shirt and undies on a chair just outside her door; and when she ventured into kitchen she found some oatmeal on the stove, and tea in thermos; still hot, sweetened with honey, like always.

(She didn’t even like oatmeal; but his was thick and sweet and rich, with freshly grated cinnamon and sauteed apples and brown sugar.)

She sighed quietly, putting some bread in the toaster. She wondered where did he go; without him the house felt cold and impersonal. Suddenly she realized she has no idea how do other parts of the building look; for a moment she considered going through other rooms, but quickly abandoned the idea of violating his family’s privacy like that.

She took a shower and got dressed, washing off the sensation his kisses left on her skin; and as she was drying her hair, she heard a doorbell.

“Shit.” she muttered, torn between pretending no one’s home and acting like a normal person. “Alright. I’m coming!” she called out, hurrying towards the front door.

Outside she bumped into Bruce Wayne himself, who was admiring the view with his hands in his pockets and his back turned to her.

He turned around and raised his eyebrows.

“Well.” he said hesitantly. “You’re not Oz.”

“He’s… Out.” she said, brushing her moist hair away from her face. “And I have no idea when is he going to be back.”

“Alright.” Wayne said carefully, looking at her. “Can I come in and wait for him, or-”

“Oh, sure!” she said quickly, moving aside to let him in. “He didn’t tell me he’s expecting someone today.”

“Probably because it’s a surprise visit.” he said, going inside and glancing at her. “You’re on his team, right?”

“I’m the healer, yes.” she said, following him. “And I’m the parasite who’s living with him.”

“That’s harsh.” Bruce said hesitantly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name-”

“Charlie.” she interrupted him. “I’m Charlie. People online call me Pop. Oswald calls me Cherry.”

“Yes, he always has nicknames for people close to him.” Bruce said and her heart skipped a beat. “He used to call me Zorro… Though he stopped at some point. Now it’s just-”

“Brucie!” she heard Oswald’s voice coming from behind them; when they turned around he was standing in the doorway with a wide smile on his face. “It’s been ages!”

“Work.” Bruce said with a smile, and the two friends embraced; Oswald briefly glanced at Charlie over Bruce’s shoulder and his smile disappeared for a moment. “But I have a free afternoon, so I thought it might a good idea to pay you a visit. Catch up a bit. Check if everything’s alright.”

“Oh, everything’s dandy.” Oswald assured him and Charlie stood there awkwardly, wondering if he regrets last night ever happening. “I see you’ve met my temporary cohabitant”

“I’ll leave you two to it.” Charlie said quickly as Bruce turned his attention to her. “It was… Nice to meet you, mister Wayne.”

“It’s Bruce.” he corrected her with a smile. “And likewise.”

She hastily disappeared in her bedroom and opened up her laptop to catch up with the latest drama on tumblr.

Oswald knocked at her door some time later.

“You should eat something.” he said calmly as she looked up from her screen. “I threw some pork into a slow cooker before leaving. Interested?”

“I’m not hungry.” she said, despite actually being hungry. “But I think we should talk.”

“Alright.” he said indifferently, playing with his wristwatch; and his indifference hurt. “Let’s talk.”

“What happened last night…” she said carefully. “I’m… Sorry. I’m not sure what had gotten into me.”

“So it was a one time mistake.” he said, after brief silence. “Right?”

“Right.” she said slowly, trying to look beneath the surface of his calm, trying to find the man who kissed her back.

“Everyone makes mistakes, Cherry.” he said and she felt like she’s suffocating. “It was fun, but it’s not going to happen again. Curiosity sated, and so on.”

“Right.” she muttered. “Well… Well said.”

“You really should eat something.” he said before leaving, looking at her over his shoulder. “I worked hard on your new dietary habits. I’d hate to see my efforts go to waste.”

She flipped him off and he laughed and for a moment it felt like nothing had happened between them, like last night was just a figment of her imagination.

***

When he woke up, she weren’t there; only her clothes on the floor signalized last night really happened, that she really came into his room, that they really… They really…

He lied in bed for a while, trying to process what happened. The warmth of her skin, and the way she reacted to his kisses, and the way she looked at her with her eyes half closed; it was magical.

But - she wasn’t there when he woke up, she snuck out when he was asleep; maybe she regretted it. Maybe she was ashamed.

He got dressed, made breakfast and left the home, without waking her up. He went to Vicki’s place; it was eight in the morning when he knocked at her door.

“Do you know what time it is?!” she asked angrily after unlocking the door, but softened after noticing how miserable he looked. “...what happened?”

“Can I come in?” he asked quietly and she let him in; luckily she was alone that morning.

“Coffee?” she asked, yawning and locking the door behind him; he shook his head, knowing she’s drinking cheap, instant coffee that had nothing on what he had back home.

“You look like a kicked puppy.” she said, making herself a cup of that cheap monstrosity. “What happened?”

“I fucked Cherry.” he said as she was pouring some milk into her cup; she sighed and set the jug down, but didn’t turn around to face him.

She knew.

“She came to my room last night…” he continued, staring at the back of Vicki’s neck. “...and told me you told her I have hots for her.”

“I didn’t think she’d do anything about it!” Vicki said, finally turning around. “What’s the deal anyway? That’s what you wanted, right?”

“You know it’s not!” he blurted out. “You know damn well it was not about getting her to spread her legs for me.”

“...you’re right.” she said after brief silence, avoiding his eyes; he looked at her coldly, remembering the time when he helped her with Louise. He thought he can count on her to repay the favor. “I messed up.”

‘We both messed up.” he said softly, his anger gone. “In fact… I think all three of us messed up.”

“Maybe it’ll clear some air between you.” she said; she was clearly forcing herself to sound optimistic. “How about it?”

“Maybe.” he said, deciding to let it go; there was no point in blaming Vicki for his own actions. “Sorry for waking you up, Vale.”

“You can redeem yourself by going out and getting me bagels.” she yawned. “You know what I like.”

When he returned home some time later, Bruce was there, talking to Charlie; he looked at her as he was hugging his old friend. She looked surprisingly miserable, and excused herself as soon as it was possible; he followed her with his eyes, before returning his attention to Bruce.

“You look good!” he said. “Alfred’s taking good care of you, I presume?”

“Alfred is doing his best.” Bruce said with a smile. “How are your parents?”

“Oh, they’re doing great. Their anniversary is coming up, so they went to Bahamas for two months.” he said with a smile.

“So.” Bruce said after a brief pause. “That girl… Are you two…”

“It’s not like that.” Oswald interrupted him hastily. “She’s a teammate. Just a teammate.”

“A live-in teammate.” Bruce pointed out with a playful grin and Oswald rolled his eyes theatrically.

“Yeah, well, we’re both responsible adults. Tea?”

“Always.”

After Bruce left, he went to her room to talk; in the meantime he made a decision. She snuck out; maybe she wasn’t interested in anything bigger. So be it. He decided to give her all the space she needs; she herself said she has no idea what gotten into her.

When she flipped him off his heart skipped a beat, because it was as if they erased the previous night altogether. Nothing ever happened between them; and nothing would happen ever again.

***

They kept on winning; their team was like an unstoppable force of nature. They knew all of each other’s tricks, after hours spent on playing against each other; they knew all the tricks - and were quick to find ways to assist each other with them. They thought on their feet, abusing slight glitches and the physics engine, and worked like a well-oiled machinery; they won with New Zealand, Australia, Sweden, Japan, Poland.

(Though the last one wasn’t too difficult; a short clip of CherryPop’s Mercy hustling among the corpses of the enemy team with Another One Bites The Dust by Queen playing in the background quickly became a hit.)

And what happened that one night - didn’t happen again. She was sure Vicki knows; Vale looked at her oddly and anxiously. It didn’t seem like the others found out; good. There was no reason for them to know.

(Even though she was sure there’s something going on between Theo and Rocco; but it was none of her business.)

She still got off to her imagination from time to time; but it just didn’t feel good anymore. What she felt during that one time - it was more than just pleasure. She felt at peace, almost like happiness was within reach; almost as if he genuinely cared about her as a person, and not just a teammate. He was so tender, so gentle; a real fucking gentleman.

But it was just a one time thing; even though… Even though she wouldn’t mind it happening again. And again, and again, and again. It was a scary thought; it was not all what she wanted to feel, and she despised herself for it - but the heart wants what it wants and it cannot be reasoned with.

And the internet was buzzing - the word had spread that CherryPop visited birdmaskguy one night and sounded… Weird. The fact some people were bored enough to gossip about streamers was odd and a bit sad; but they did. And she let it slide, not debunking or confirming anything. There was no point in doing so; it simply didn’t matter.

He resumed taking care of her diet and sleeping schedule, and she resumed being unhappy about it; but it felt fake. She was conflicted, more conflicted than ever; lost and confused and yearning for more - but she couldn’t bring herself to talk about it - and nobody knew. Not their teammates, not her parents; and so she had nobody to complain to, nobody to consult.

(Her parents were convinced she’s doing fine, way better than in New York; new diet and regular sleeping hours were actually making wonders. So did the occasional exercise - but she started being sneaky about it, using the gym when he wasn’t around; she simply couldn’t bear looking at him like that.)

She developed a crush on him, on Oswald, on the way he treated her and the way he always rebuked her offenses and the way he once refused to hand her a jar of Maraschino cherries and held it above her head until she promised to pocket him the next match. She developed a crush on him, a crush she most definitely didn’t expect when she first met him on Hanamura, under the cherry blossoms between the objectives. She developed a crush on who he turned out to be under the mask, under his obnoxious quirk; and she wished she could turn back time and refuse his offer. Sure, she could simply pack up and move to one of Gotham’s many hotels - but he’d ask why.

And she wasn’t so sure she has the strength to lie.

***

It was painful, having her so close and not being able to treat her the way he wanted to - with love. When she asked him why he cares about her depression he lied through his teeth, and she accepted his answer; when he gently gave her a way out their bedroom mess - she took it. She wasn’t giving him a chance, she wasn’t giving him false hopes; he held his head high and kept on telling himself it’ll be over soon. Soon she’d be gone, out of his home, out of his sight; and he was sure with time she’d be out of his heart as well. What the eye does not see the heart does not grieve over, and so on.

So he kept on his facade; until everything went crashing down, thanks to his own obtuseness and the Russians.

(The Russians. Of course. In Gotham it’s always either Russians or Italians; almost as if those two nations personally cursed the city. Fuck you, Putin and Berlusconi.)

At first, everything was going well on their part; they were in good moods and well-rested and Charlie was begrudgingly munching on celery sticks he suggested her in place of tortilla chips.

(“...you do have lettuce instead of brain.”

“Ah, but what fresh ideas I have thanks to it! Come on, open up. Eat your veggies… Or else.

“Corn’s a vegetable though. So technically, tortilla chips…”

“...eat your celery or I’ll strangle you in your sleep.”)

The Russians were playing dirty and had no honor - he expected that much. He knew part of their team, he crossed paths with them a few times; and unfortunately - they weren’t exactly on speaking terms.

(He reported some of them for… Distasteful threats.)

Their Mei was constantly on Charlie’s ass, so their attention was divided between making sure she’s making it out alive, and taking care of their Slavic opponents; not an ideal scenario, but they could work with that.

Eventually though, their Mei managed to sneak behind them.

“Fuck! Someone help!” Charlie called out, frantically jumping around, trying to stall the enemy for as long as possible.

“Coming!” he said; he was on his way back to spawn anyway. He had to switch; they had to try something else if they wanted to have any chance at all at winning.

He hooked the Mei away at the last second and killed her in one shot, as Mercy ran to the nearest health pack.

“Thanks!” she said, for a moment looking away from her screen to shoot him a grateful smile; he blew her a kiss in response.

Her face turned pale and she looked away from him, staring at her screen again, even though her eyes seemed… Unfocused.

‘The fuck are you doing?” Vicki muttered to him, gunning down the enemy Zenyatta. “Again?”

“Shut up.” he muttered equally quietly in response, carefully glancing at Charlie; her lips were pursed and her eyes were squinted and she seemed angry.

They managed to score one point. No big deal; they simply had to stop their opponents from scoring any point at all to win. Or they could always get a draw; that’d call for a sudden death. That was a valid option as well.

Charlie disappeared somewhere during the short break between the rounds; and when she came back she was slurring and seemed lubberly. She seemed relaxed - too relaxed.

“Shit.” Oswald muttered as she walked up to him. “Are you alright? Cherry?”

“I had to take my anxiolytic pills…” she muttered, looking him in the eye; she cried. Her eyes were red and puffy and there were traces of tears on her cheeks. “I’m sorry…”

“What’s the problem?” Louise asked, walking up to them; rest of the team followed.

“We have to go on without her for a while.” he said calmly; she shrugged and looked away. “Carry until she wakes up, basically.”

“Maybe an energy drink?” Rocco suggested hesitantly. “I have some Red Bulls in my bag.”

Charlie nodded; but Oswald shook his head.

“Out of question.” he said firmly. “Mixing medicine with whatever’s in that shit… It’s not going to do her any good. I’ll get her some cold water, but that’s it.”

“You’re throwing a match, Cobblepot.” Charlie said calmly, looking at him; her eyes were hazy and she was shaking slightly.

Was she out of her mind? Her health was at stake - and all she could think about was a game?

“We still have a chance.” he said, keeping his concerns to himself; they could wait for another time. “I’m going to get that water. You try to keep her awake.” he said to rest of the team and walked away.

Round two was effectively a 5v6, due to Cherry’s state; they held the Russians off for as long as they could - but they didn’t stop them from getting the first point.

In the meantime, Charlie got better and left her hideout; but it was too late. The Russians got bold; they dealt tons of damage and hurled their abilities carelessly.

It was all over before they knew it; they lost 2:1, Mercy’s rez at 80% as their screens went black.

They lost; they were out.

***

She was doing fine; all until the moment he blew her a kiss in front of everyone, as if that was a normal gesture for them, as if he’d kiss her if he could, as if she wasn’t the one who kissed him first during that night that never happened.

What was he trying to accomplish? She had no idea; probably nothing, she told herself - but it was too late. Seed of a breakdown had already been planted; she excused herself during the break and cried in a bathroom stall, and - without thinking - swallowed a pill, first one in a long time.

It worked… Quickly and powerfully - maybe her organism grew disaccustomed. Maybe her brain was simply too tired to fight it off.

“You’re throwing a match.” she told him, desperately hoping to hear something like you’re more important than any match; but instead she only heard they still have a chance.

(Of course. She wasn’t important as a person, but as a teammate. The surface level was important; no one cared about what’s underneath.)

“Give me that Red Bull.” she muttered to Rocco after Oswald left; but he shook his head.

“He’s right, you know. It’s not wise.” he said and Charlie groaned. Vicki looked at her hesitantly, looking as if she wants to say something; but she didn’t.

(Maybe for the best.)

The ice cold water did wake her up a bit; but it wasn’t enough and it happened too late and they lost and it was all her fault; she knew it, she felt it in her bones.

“We did good.” Theo said optimistically. “We got far. Also, you guys are cool.”

“Right?” Louise said with a sigh. “Shame we mucked it up, but hey, we didn’t go down without a fight. It could be way worse. We could go down same way Poland did.”

Everyone laughed; except for her. Even despite the medication she wanted to cry; and when they weren’t looking - she simply sneaked out, got into a cab and drove to the train station, where she bought a return ticket.

Oswald could take care of sending her stuff back to New York. She was sure he’ll do it gladly, after all that mess that transpired between them.

Few hours later she was back in her stuffy, messy flat; she didn’t even bother to call or text her parents before curling up on the bed and bursting in tears again.

***

“Hey, where’s Pop?”

Theo asked the question - and Oswald realized he doesn’t know the answer. She vanished, plain and simple; and in her state it couldn’t possibly mean anything good.

“Maybe she went home?” Rocco suggested hesitantly. “Your home, I mean.”

“Maybe.” Oswald said, forcing himself to be calm. “I’ll check there. Then I’ll check the train station. Then… I guess I’ll panic. Just a bit.”

On his way home, he checked the Gotham-New York timetable; previous train left fifteen minutes earlier. The next one would leave in thirty minutes.

She wasn’t anywhere in the Chateau; and he checked every single room, even the locked ones. Everything was the way she left it; she didn’t even bother to come back for her laptop.

She wasn’t on the train station either; but when he asked, a woman working at the ticket office - a kind, old woman - told him that yes, indeed, a young woman with hair so red it almost looked fake bought a ticket to New York. The train departed shortly before he got there.

So she went home - and he didn’t have an address. There were many ways of solving this problem - but he decided to settle on the… Most Gotham one.

He called Vicki on his way to the police station.

“She went back to New York.”

“Well, fuck.” Vicki said; he could hear Louise in the background, talking about how McDonald’s french fries are so much better than Burger King ones. “What now?”

“I have to talk to her.” he said. “And Jim Gordon owes my family a favor.”

“I’m not turning the Bat-Signal for you.” the tired commissioner told him. “It’s out of question.”

“Please.” Oswald pleaded, feeling helpless. “It’s a matter of life and death!”

“No, it’s not.” Gordon said impatiently. “Look, kid, I’m sorry, but I can’t help-”

“But I can.” they both heard Bat’s one of a kind, gravely voice; Gotham’s protector stepped out from the shadows in the corner of Gordon’s cluttered office.

“Batsy!” Oswald said with joy, looking at the grim vigilante. “A sight for sore eyes, truly.”

“I heard it’s a matter of life and death, Cobblepot.” Batman said, staring him down. “Stop wasting my time. Cut to the chase.”

“You seem to know everything about everyone, somehow.” Oswald said hastily. “I know you hacked at least four federal databases. I need an address… Of someone not from Gotham.”

“The girl.” Batman said grimly, doing something on the computer built into his gauntlet. “Is she in danger?”

“I don’t know.” Oswald said quietly, as his phone buzzed; the Bat sent him Charlie’s address. “Wow. That was quick.”

“Don’t blow me any kisses.” Batman said as he was leaving. “It never leads to anything good, it seems.”

He didn’t have time to wonder how the hell does Batman know what exactly happened; he had a trip to New York to make.

He only stopped once, to get some gas; he reached her address just before the dawn. She lived in a modern, expensive building; and the receptionist who also doubled as security wasn’t too eager to let him in.

“She said she doesn’t want guests, except for food delivery.” he repeated tiredly. “I can’t let you in.”

“Yes, you can.” Oswald said firmly. “I’ll pay you, alright? It’s a matter of life and death.”

They argued for some time; but then one of the other tenants came home and the receptionist opened the elevator for him and Oswald hopped in, right before the door closed again, leaving the tired man behind.

He rang the doorbell and knocked, over and over again; it took him about fifteen minutes to get a reaction out of her.

“I don’t want to see anyone.” she said faintly and his heart broke a bit; she sounded so tired, so resigned. “Please, go away.”

“Cherry, it’s me.” he said; silence. “I’ve been worried.”

“Why are you here?” she asked tiredly, as if he hadn’t just told her. “We lost. It’s over.”

“I’ve been worried!” he repeated, frustrated. “You disappeared!”

“I went home, because my role was over.” she said. “I fucked up. So I left.”

“Yes, without a word.” he said, resting his forehead against the wooden surface of her door. “So I looked for you.”

“But why?” she asked again and he blinked; he told her already. Was she even listening?

“Because…” he repeated slowly “I’ve been worried. I’m having a deja vu.”

He took a step back as he heard her unlocking the door. Finally she let him in; and he sighed deeply seeing the state she was in. Well, she and her flat.

She was wearing the same exact clothes she wore when he last saw her, and her eyes were red and puffy and the floor was covered in garbage; candy wrappers, empty chips packets, soda cans.

“Good lord.” he muttered to himself, stepping over a small pile of Twix wrappings. “What happened here?”

“Depression.” she replied, wrapping herself in a blanket. “Well, now that you know I’m alive… So you can leave me alone.”

“Fine.” he said after a brief silence. “But only if you look me in the eye and tell me you really want me to leave.”

She raised her head a bit. She looked him in the eye.

“Please don’t go.” she said tearfully. “Leave. Stay? Fuck.” she muttered. “I have no idea what I want.”

“Which is a good reason for me to not leave you alone.” he said softly, carefully sitting down next to her. “I can take you back to Gotham. The others are worried as well.”

“I fucked up.” she muttered. “Big time. I fucked up… Everything. We lost… Because of me.”

“It doesn’t matter.” he said firmly. “Cherry, I lost plenty of times because of you. Doesn’t matter. None of it does. It’s just a fucking game, after all.”

“But-”

“No buts.” he interrupted her. “It’s a game. Period. We can try again next year.”

“Alright.” she said hesitantly. “Take me… Take me back. I won’t run away again.”

“You can run away as much as you want, just let me know beforehand.” he sighed, getting up. “Come on, Cherry.”

“Can you help me up?”

“If you want me to carry you, just say the word.” he said and she smiled faintly.

“I’ll consider it.” she said and he helped her get up and took her outside, to his car.

They were back in Gotham just when the city was starting to wake up.

*** He came; but why?

She couldn’t comprehend why he’d came - which was a bit sad, considering it was one thing she so desperately wanted. Even as she fucked everything up for everyone, even as her role was over - he came. She couldn’t believe her ears when she heard his voice outside; but there he was, looking more determined than ever.

He took her home; his home started to feel a lot like her place, like she belonged there, like she was meant to be there. She felt more at home there than she did in her own flat in New York; especially when she took a shower and put on some clean clothes and went to the kitchen, where he was making pancakes.

“How are you feeling?” he asked as she sat down.

“Weak, but I’ll live.” she said, playing with her hair. “I… Cried a lot.”

“Well, in that case it might be a good idea to take a nap.” he said, setting a plate down in front of her and sitting down with a cup of coffee for himself. “But first you have to eat.”

“Thanks.” she said quietly, picking up a fork. “Maple syrup?”

“Oh, good idea.” he said, getting up and opening a cabinet. “Some sugar might help.”

He handed her a bottle and she gently brushed the back of his hand with her fingertips and he froze in place, staring at her.

“Sorry.” she said, looking away. “I… I’m not trying anything, I swear.”

“No?” he asked, as she was pouring syrup all over her pancakes.

“No.”

He nodded quietly as she finished eating.

“Go to bed.” he said, not moving from his spot. “Get some sleep.”

“And what about you?”

“I just drank a pitch black coffee.” he said, looking up. “I’ll manage.”

“It’s not healthy.” she said and he snickered, shaking his head; and when he looked at her - softly, tenderly - her heart skipped a beat.

“Get some sleep.” he repeated. “You know where to find me if you need anything.”

She fell asleep almost instantly; last thing she heard before drifting off were his footsteps outside.

***

She let him take her home; that was good. She apparently wasn’t able to figure out he had been worried sick; that was… Less good.

His phone was buzzing; others were worried as well.

Got her.

is she alright????? She’s asleep now, but she’s alive.

[praying emoji]

He wondered what’s next; it was obvious she shouldn’t be left to her own devices. It was also obvious he’s still hopelessly infatuated with her; even after a night of crying she looked beautiful, with those red rings around her eyes and matted eyelashes. There was a lot of beauty in her sadness - but it was also painful; both to look at and to bear.

She woke up in the late afternoon, as he was napping in his bedroom; a hesistant knock at the door woke him up.

“Come in, come in…” he muttered, rubbing his eyes. “Hungry?”

“A bit.” she said, shuffling inside. “Oh… Did I wake up?”

“S’alright.” he said, yawning. “I’m a big boy.”

“What now?” she asked, standing in the doorway. “I mean… With us.”

That question awakened him faster than any cold shower ever would.

“What do you mean?” he asked, staring at her. She sighed, crossing her arms.

“Can I be honest?” she asked and he nodded, preparing himself for a figurative kick in the ass-

“I like you.” she said arduously, avoiding his eyes. “I’ve been trying to not, but… I do. I like you. A lot. And I… Know it’s not mutual.”

Had it not been for him being in a state of deep shock - he’d probably throw something at her.

“Wow.” he said eventually. “You are… Not the world’s greatest detective, huh?”

“...what?” she asked faintly, as he started to count on his fingers.

“I offered you a stay here. I took care of your abhorrent habits, I whined to Vicki enough times to finally make her crack, I went to New York just to check if you’re alive, I brought you back to Gotham because I was worried-” he recited, not taking his eyes off her. “And you think it’s one-sided?!”

“But I thought-” she said faintly, but he interrupted her.

“Thought?! Please!” he scoffed, waving his hands angrily. “If anyone here had a reason to think it’s one sided - it’s me!”

“Oh, woe is you!” she replied angrily. “You called that night a mistake!”

“Yes, because you snuck out and locked yourself in your room!”

“I was confused!”

“Newsflash, you asshole!” he shrieked. “I’ve been confused for weeks!”

She laughed, and she laughed so hard she actually snorted - and it was the most endearing sound he had heard in a long time.

“Oh, my god.” she said finally, wiping her tears. “This is incredible. If only we talked like normal people-”

“Drama is more important.” he interrupted her. “Come here. I want to kiss you.”

“And I want to eat something.”

“Ah, alright.” he sighed, getting up. “It’s… Late afternoon. Breakfast food is-”

She threw her arms around his neck as he was walking past, and pulled him in and kissed him; and he gave in, until he heard the sounds her stomach was making.

“Good god.” he muttered. “Do you have a Reaper inside you?”

“Maybe.” she said with a shrug. “Come on. Feed me.”

The Aftermath

Things were going decent, for both of them; even though it took the world some time to get used to the fact they got together. Many claimed it’s just a publicity stunt; some were disgusted and disappointed, some were saying it’s probably going to fall apart in two months.

Charlie decided to actually move to Gotham; she made friends there, and had someone who seemed very determined to keep an eye on her. Not all the time, naturally - just during bad times. Someone to force her out of bed and to take a shower. Someone to keep instant noodles as far away from her as possible.

(Suddenly everything made sense. Suddenly the way he looked at her made sense.)

But first - she had to come back to New York to pack up her stuff. Her parents offered their help; but Oswald was ridiculously disconsolate.

“I’ll be fine!” she said, and he only muttered and kept hugging her, resting his chin atop of her head. “You know you can’t watch over me all the time. I don’t need a nanny.”

“No, I just grew very used to your presence.” he mutered. “I’ll miss you.”

“It’s just a month, Oswald.” she said softly. “Say hi to your parents from me. You sure they don’t mind?”

“The house is huge, you saw it yourself.” he sighed, finally letting her go. “The more the merrier.”

She kissed him one last time and entered the train; she had butterflies in her stomach, the good kind. The kind that came from gestures of tenderness from someone she loved.

*** Without her, his home felt so empty; his family was back, so the rooms were filled with familiar warmth - but he missed her. And it’s only been a few hours.

“Oh, you fucking sap.” Vicki muttered to him over the phone. “Chill out, have some faith, she’s gonna be fine!”

“Yeah.” he sighed, standing in front of her bedroom. “I hope so. Otherwise…”

“There will be no otherwise though. She’s gonna be fine. She spent the majority of her life without you.”

“Yeah, and she developed depression and anxiety.”

“And you are not a cure to her problems.” Vicki said firmly. “Look, Oz, love is a wonderful thing, but it’s not a miracle cure for anything. Her problems are not your fault, neither they are yours to solve. It’s admirable you want to help, but… You gotta let her live.”

“Jesus, Vale, chill out with the preaching.” he muttered. “Would ya?”

“I’ll consider it.”

He saw her online that evening; she posted something on r/shittyfoodporn, for the first time in many weeks.

McDonald’s for dinner. Of course.

Oh come on. he commented.

kfjgjskfjgjdkfgjgjf let me live!!

I’m just joking.

you two are absolutely fucking disgusting. by all means, keep doing whatever you’re doing, but you’re disgusting. keep that relationship shit away from us pathetic lowlifes. ps - fuck, i want a cheeseburger.

Three weeks flew by; she seemed to be doing well - he watched one of her streams and she was bubbly and chatty and a delight to look at.

(She got adorably distracted when a comment from him popped up, and blew him a kiss.)

People seemed to not remember what happened during their last match; or maybe they remembered, but simply didn’t care. There were more important things in the world; life went on, after all.

They crossed paths in game one evening; they ended up on the opposite teams, because of course.

birdmaskguy: hey, mercy.

birdmaskguy: i have a deal.

CherryPop: ?????

birdmaskguy: let my team win, so i’ll be nice when i come over next week.

strawpuff: DUDE, HAVE SOME DIGNITY.

CherryPop: that’s precisely why i won’t let you win. :P i like it when you’re not nice!!

strawpuff: …

Bolero: ……………………….ew

dijkstra: :D omg

(She liked it when he was acting like an asshole; she liked when he was taking advantage of being taller and when he was taking his sweet time with her body. Gave her a reason to call him names; for her it came easier than an I love you - and he understood, after years of being close with Vicki. She’d call him a prick - but then she’d run her fingers through his hair, all while complaining about how infuriating he was.)

*** She missed him more than she thought she would; and eventually she literally provoked him into coming over earlier than planned. It involved internet connection, some boiled - and unsalted - pasta, a jar of Nutella and her phone’s camera.

She posted the photo of noodles mixed with chocolate-hazelnut spread online, implying she’s going to eat it; he texted her few minutes later.

That’s it. I’m coming.

nooooo, she texted back with one hand, pulling out a spare blanket for him with the other one. i was just joking!!

Mm-hm. I don’t believe you. I’ll be there today.

nooooo!!!

hey, i was just joking. come over. i miss you.

<3 <3 <3 <3

He brought a few things with him - clothes, his favorite spatula, a bag of fresh vegetables and a giant jar of tomato sauce he made at home.

“You can’t be serious.” she said, looking at it. “What am I supposed to do with it?”

“Eat it.” he said, setting it down on the kitchen counter. “Better safe than sorry, that photo… Almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Fine.” she said with a theatrical sigh. “But tonight I want pizza.”

“Just as long as it won’t turn out you only ate pizza few days in a row. That didn’t happen, right?”

“And what if it did? You’ll punish me?” she asked playfully.

“No, I’ll look at you sadly.” he said. “Come on. Order up, I’m hungry. Just pick a good place.”

“I know, I know, only highest quality ingredients find their way into your body. The usual spiel. Got it memorized.”

“Mmm, I’m letting it slide tonight. After all, I haven’t seen you in weeks…”

“...are you implying what I think you’re implying?”

“...the inner machinations of your mind are an enigma, but probably yes. Could have worded it better.”

“Asshole.” she muttered as he pulled her closer. “Insufferable prick. Douchebag.”

“I know. I love you too, Charlie.”

“Ndjhfhsjhgjd.” she muttered, as she always did when he called her by her name and he smiled, thinking back to that time he kinda wanted her dead, but not really, because who the fuck would take a game this seriously?

#telltale batman #ff #oc #eng #pinnguin

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