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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

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Never Have I Ever - Harry Styles (part 4)

i hope yall enjoyed the last part, we took a sudden and quite dirty turn ther,e but we are heading down romantic street and its all sweet and cute with a little hotness. let me know what you thought about the part!

pairing: Harry x actress!reader

word count: 4.7k

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

Harry Styles managed to leave quite the impression in you following his late night visit after the Emmys. He surely surprised you with not only the unbelievable orgasm he gave you with his talented fingers, but also with how big of a gentleman he really was, so keen on taking you out on a date first before he would kiss you. The timeline got a little messed up and he did apologize before he left at two in the morning for getting too carried away, but you assured him he didn’t do anything you didn’t want him to. To be honest, you wouldn’t have had a word against him kissing you right away, but you liked the respect he had for you, not something you’ve had plenty of lately. The men you dealt with in the past year were eager to get into your pants without the respect part, only hungry to earn fame through you, trying to blind you with sex so you wouldn’t realize their ugly motives.

This was not a threat when it came to Harry, he was just as famous as you, maybe even more. He had his own career, his own money, his own life apart from yours and he clearly wasn’t trying to use you and it was quite a refreshing change for you.

He stayed and the two of you talked so much, just sharing crazy stories from your life before and after fame, enjoying that you had someone who shared more or less the same background as you. Apart from Florence, you pretty much kept your old friends when your career took off, afraid to make new ones, always feeling a little paranoid that new people would have unholy motives when they try to befriend you.

Though you truly love your friends, they don’t really see behind the life you are living, while Harry completely does. His company is the best you’ve had in a long time, he is able to make you completely forget about everything outside the room you two are in.

You tried your best to hide your disappointment when he left that night. After offering him to stay in one of your guest bedrooms, he politely turned it down, and even though you could tell he wanted to stay, the urge to be a gentleman was greater in him, something you admire him for.

He left with the promise to see you soon on a real date and he got you as excited as a little school girl on the day of a fieldtrip.

However, given the lifestyles you two were living, finding a suitable evening for the both of you turns out to be a bigger struggle than you expected. Harry reaches out right the next day after his little visit. A good morning text waits for you by the time you open your eyes in the noon and by the evening he asks you out, however you have to realize the date has to wait a little.

You have two trip outside the city upcoming in the next two weeks and he is also planning to fly back to London for a while, the trips totally crashing in the timeline, not even having just the smallest window that would fit the both of you.

Accepting the fact that it would have to wait a little longer, you keep in close touch, eager to find the date that would finally be suitable for you and him as well. Endless texts, sweet calls and sneaky FaceTimes scatter through the days you spend apart and you find it hard to think of a time when he wasn’t hitting you up all the time.

On a Thursday evening, after a long day of fittings for upcoming events, you find yourself sitting on your couch with a sweet glass of wine, scrolling through your social media feeds when something catches your eyes.

Harry has been away in Los Angeles in the past few days and he mentioned having an interview the other day, but you didn’t think it would be out so soon, but here it was, a short video clip cut out by some random page that had a rather interesting title.

“Harry Styles talks about next album and mystery girl in his life.”

Your curiosity is way too strong not to click on it and have a look at it, so taking a sip from your wine you tap on the link and let the video load.

“It’s been some time since your last album came out, have you been working on new music lately?” the interviewer asked from behind the camera as Harry sat on a lilac sofa, wearing black high-waisted pants with a pink and white floral printed shirt tugged into it, his suspenders topping the look perfectly. His green eyes are fixed on the person asking him as he nods.

“Yeah, I think I never really stop making new music. I do have sessions when I’m trying to put a new album together, but I also write in the meantime as well, whenever I have an idea or inspiration. I don’t hold back,” he adds with a cheeky smile.

“Have you found any inspiration lately?” the question is heard and Harry nods once again.

“I have, actually,” he answers shortly, but his smirk gives it away that there’s a lot more behind his words and you feel your heart flutter in your chest. Is he talking about you?

“Has it been a person?” the reporter inquires, making Harry’s smile grow wider.

“A lot of things and people inspire me.”

“Alright, and is your latest inspiration something or someone new in your life?” the guy tries again, even though it’s well known that Harry likes to give vague answers instead of straight yeses and nos.

“Kind of new,” he simply answers and the reporter realizes he won’t be sharing more about the topic so he moves on with the next question and the video cuts out right there.

Though it wasn’t mentioned that he was talking about someone in particular, his fans drew the assumption that he is definitely seeing someone who has been his inspiration behind his new music. Feeling bold and a little flirty, you open up your messages and send him a quick text.

“A kind of new inspiration, huh?”

His reply comes almost right away, as always.

“Have you been stalking fanpages about me?”

“Would it be weird?”

“From you? It’s flattering. Little scary, but in a good way.”

You can’t help but chuckle reading his words. He never fails to make you laugh, you find his humor your favorite kind, never hurtful, but a little spicy, if you could say that, a lot of irony laced into it.

“Back to the topic: what’s your inspiration? Or should I ask… who is your inspiration?”

“Not gonna beat around the bush and just admit it…”

You wait and wait… and wait, but nothing comes afterwards and you are dying to have him admit that it’s been you, but not even the three dots appear at the bottom, so you take the lead again.

“Well, do it. Admit it, Styles!”

The fucker likes your message right away, meaning he has been in the thread all along, waiting for you to write something.

“Alright, but don’t tell anyone, because she is kinda famous and I don’t want the media to find out about it.”

“You have my silence.”

You watch the three dots dance at the bottom, holding your breath while you sink your teeth into your bottom lip, trying to contain your wide grin that’s been plastered across your face this whole time.

When the text finally arrives you snort loudly, almost spilling your wine, laughing so hard you are happy you don’t like in a tiny apartment anymore with paper walls, because your neighbor would have definitely heard your laughter all the way down the hallway.

“It’s Betty White. Fuck, she is all I can think about.”

You need a minute to stop the laughter and type your reply.

“She is hot, gotta give you that.”

“Right?? I hope she is not afraid to date younger guys though.”

“I’m sure she would make an exception for you.”

“I hope so too.”

There’s a short pause, where you just read back his lines, chuckling to yourself some more. He always has a witty comment or comeback, no matter what you’re talking about and not once has he made you laugh madly on a set, at a meeting or just lying in bed before going to sleep.

“Joke aside, would it scare you away if I said I have definitely written about you?”

“Is this another theoretical question? Like the one you asked me on Ellen?”

You smile to yourself thinking back at the conversation the two of you had on the show when he was trying to figure out if you’d be up to give him your number.

“Maybe. So theoretically, would that be weird to you?”

“No,” you write, but quickly send another text. “But you know, it’s just theory. You’d have to tell me for real to find out.”

“Should have saw that coming…”

“Yeah, you really should have,” you muse to yourself, finishing up your glass and you carefully put it to your coffee table before sliding further down on the couch to get back to the conversation with Harry. You see that he hasn’t sent anything after his last one, so you decide to actually answer his question.

“Joke aside from my part, I wouldn’t find it weird. I think it’s flattering.”

“Okay, because I was ready to burn all my notes if you said it would be too much.”

“What if you’d be burning a Grammy worthy song though?”

“Would be a shame. But I would still burn it for you.”

“You are such a flirt…”

“Can’t help it! Or should I not be?”

“I like it. So don’t change.”

“Noted.”

Your little conversation has to come to an end since he is about to go into a meeting, but when you say your goodbyes and decide it’s time to head to bed, you already know a text will be waiting for you when you wake up in the morning.

Days and even weeks go by and you start to have a little too much on your plate. No matter how much you love your job and that it has always been your dream, sometimes you just need a breather. In the past week you’ve been in and out of auditions for a movie they keep top secret, you didn’t even get a script, just a few pages you had to memorize and they’ve been asking for more and more tapes from you with kind of absurd requests, but your agent told you it’s something major, that’s why they are so secretive. However, when they ask you to come in for another reading for the fifth time in seven days and you still don’t know what you are really auditioning for, you are kind of starting to have enough with all your other projects running at the same time. Your days start at six in the morning and rarely end before eleven in the night.

An entire month after the night Harry came over to your place, you kind of lose patience. The frustration that’s been building up inside you just simply bursts when your agent texts you on your way home that you’d have to go in for another casting in the morning for the same mystery movie.

“Have they not seen my face enough?” you snap, hands meeting the wheel as you keep your eyes on the road ahead of you.

“I’m sorry, Hun. I know it’s annoying, but they requested you, that means you are still an option for them.” Mona’s voice comes through the speakers of the car since your phone is connected to it.

“Do they need me to read the whole fucking Bible in front of a camera or what?” you growl.

“I have a good feeling about this last one, alright? And if they still can’t decide after that, we can always just say that we want out.”

“Then I would be labelled as the problematic little princess,” you sigh, knowing well how this industry works. Just one mistake and you can easily end up in a theoretical ditch.

“Just hold on a little longer, okay? I’ll send you the details in email and we’ll talk more tomorrow.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Bye, girl.”

Mona is an angel. She’s been your agent for about five years now, she is the one who gets you into castings, well, at least that’s what she was doing before you managed to reach your breakthrough. She got your name on lists you couldn’t even dare to dream of and she is the reason why you are here today. Now she mostly handles requests for you to go in for castings, creators started to reach out to you a while ago, though Mona still works her magic sometimes to get you into castings that are still out of your league.

By the time you get home, you are desperate to do something. Anything. You’ve been nonstop working these past weeks and you just need to get out of this loop that sucked you in. Before you could even think through what you’re doing, you dial Harry’s number.

He is back in the city, that you know of because he texted even before he got home. You both ditched the idea of having your date today, because you just knew it would be a long day for you, and it’s the truth, it’s past ten, so not quite ideal for a date, but you ran out of fucks to give.

“Y/N? Everything alright?” he asks, noticing that you called, which is not what you usually do, or at least not without checking in if he is free to talk.

“Yeah, sorry I called so randomly. Are you busy?” you ask, feeling a little out of breath, even though you definitely didn’t do anything physically hard. You just can’t help but feel anxious since you are about to ask him out on a spontaneous date.

“No, just… packing and all that. What’s up?”

“So you don’t have anything to do right now?” you clear up.

“No,” he chuckles.

“Alright, so then… what do you say we have that date now?”

Even with him always being so blunt and open about how interested he is in you, it still makes you perfect to ask him out. The silence that comes from his side doesn’t necessarily help either and you are already preparing yourself to get rejected.

“You know it’s ten pm, right?” he then asks, a little unsure if you really thought it through.

“I am aware, yes.”

“Don’t you have work in the morning? I know you always start your days so early, I don’t want to be the reason why yo—“

“Harry,” you stop him midsentence. “I do not give a fuck about what I’m doing in the morning,” you bluntly tell him and you can tell he is smiling on the other end of the call. “So the question is still the same. Do you want to have that date now?”

He doesn’t ask anything else, just simply say the following: “I’ll pick you up in thirty.”

“Make it twenty,” you tell him and end the call before he could protest.

Ignoring the adrenaline rush you that just washed over your body you quickly make your way to the bathroom to take the quickest cold shower before putting on some clean clothes. You really don’t want to overdo it, knowing well since it’s so abrupt he wouldn’t be taking you anywhere that would require you look spotless. You choose not to put on any makeup, not just because you don’t have the time, but also because you feel a weird urge to just be bare, be yourself around him. The same goes for your outfit. You put aside all designer clothes and opt for a simple pair of jeans, a black tank top and a bright yellow knitted jumper over it, looking awfully casual, but feeling rather comfortable.

It takes Harry 22 minutes to get to your place, but you choose not to comment on those two extra minutes when you get into his car. Luckily, he isn’t dressed to impress either, wearing a simple pair of jeans with some kind of washed out, vintage printed tee shirt with his Bode Jacket he has worn in his famous SNL episode. His hair looks a little mess and even wet, making you wonder if your call caught him in the middle of a shower or he showered after you agreed to meet up.

“Long time no see,” he smiles at you, his boyish smirk making your heart flutter so easily as he eyes you while you buckle yourself up.

“You had plenty of paparazzi photos to look at in the meantime, Mr. Styles,” you smirk at him teasingly as he starts the car and leaves from in front of your complex.

“My favorite was the ones of you where you were walking out of a restaurant wearing that silk dress and the coat.”

“So you did see pap pictures?” you ask chuckling, you didn’t mean it entirely, but you find it funny that he actually saw pictures of you.

“You know, it’s been hard to avoid you online, especially because I keep liking all your posts so my phone thinks I’m interested in you. Which is true, and I’m not complaining about the content I’ve been seeing about you lately,” he admits chuckling and your eyes wander down to his ring clad fingers on the wheel. Your thoughts take you back to when they were touching you at places you haven’t been touched in a while. How they felt inside you and how desperate he could make you with just his hands.

You force yourself to look away from his hands and focus on the present time before your arousal becomes way too evident.

“Sorry I’m everywhere,” you smirk at him, enjoying the situation maybe a little too much.

“Don’t be,” he chuckles, glancing in your way for a moment, his green eyes meeting your gaze. “I don’t mind it,” he adds and those damn butterflies as quick to act up again in your stomach.

You don’t try to get him to tell where you are headed, wanting it to be a surprise yourself, so you just stare out at the night city as it runs past you, still quite a lot of people walking on the streets even though it’s now nearing eleven.

What you know is that you’re still in Manhattan and it seems like you won’t leave it either. Harry navigates his way through the city easily, he is not even using GPS, something you could never do. No matter how long you’ve been living here, you’ll always get lost in this jungle some call New York City. About fifteen minutes after leaving your complex, Harry parks the car down in a spot he found along the road, and looking out the window you’re trying to figure out where you are, but it doesn’t ring a bell. Seems just like a usual part of the Upper West Side, so now he has you curious about his plans.

“Where did you bring me, Mr. Styles?” you ask him as the two of you meet on the sidewalk and he glances at your with a sly smirk.

“Since you gave me such a short notice about our date, I thought I would show you one of my favorite places in the city and I hope you haven’t it.” “Well, I can assure you I don’t know it, because I have no idea what could be here,” you admit.

Harry nods at you to follow him and you walk side by side until the next corner.

“I think you already know that I’m English,” he starts off, making you chuckle.

“Yeah, it’s pretty evident,” you nod.

“So, in the past decade I haven’t spent as much time in the UK as I wanted, and a few years ago I discovered a little piece of my home in the city.”

Trying to figure out what he meant by that you don’t even realize where you just took a turn to. Harry stops and you snap out of your thoughts, looking up and seeing a charming little street ahead you, looking totally out of place in the city’s fashion. The townhouses all the way down look like they’ve been placed here straight from England, the Tudor style complex is a refreshing change in the fast paced, busy streets of Manhattan.

You can’t help but gasp at the sight in front of you, taking in every tiny detail with your eager eyes as the feeling of being in a fairytale takes over your mind. If only it weren’t for the busy noises of the streets around the micro-neighborhood, you would completely believe that you’ve been magically teleported to England.

“It’s called the Pomander Walk. Always makes me feel like I’m home away from home whenever I miss my family and my hometown.”

Harry starts walking down the narrow pavement that runs between the houses, lined with quite some greenery, something you noticed right away. There are just so many plants and flowers down the street, it’s pretty clear the residents keep them in good care.

You catch up with Harry, eyes still taking in the pleasant contrast Pomander Walk has to offer for any visitors.

“I feel like we are invaders,” you tell him. It looks so secluded, makes you feel like you weren’t even supposed to be here.

“Don’t worry, it’s totally public. The people who live here are pretty nice too. Love it when someone comes around.”

“How did you find this place?”

“A friend told me about it and just came to see it for myself one day,” he tells you as the two of you slowly make your way down the street, slow enough so you could see everything. “There are 61 units and they were built in 1921 by Thomas J. Healy. He originally wanted to build a hotel here, but didn’t have the money to just yet, so he built these instead to make some cash for the hotel. He never got to do that though, died a few years later, so Pomander Walk stayed.” You listen to him, soaking in every word that leaves his lips, finding his oddly specific knowledge about this place quite exciting and… kinda hot. You could listen to him talk about historical facts for days without getting bored.

“The whole complex was renovated in 2009, they restored a bunch of architectural details that lost through the years.”

“Looks fantastic. I wonder what they look like on the inside,” you muse, your eyes wandering over the colorfully painted old school window blinds on most of the townhouses.

Walking down the pavement you realize there’s not a single soul around here, something you don’t get to experience too often in the city.

“It’s not too well-known, right? I don’t see any tourists and all that.”

Harry shakes his head, eyes ahead of him as he hides his hands in his pockets.

“No, ‘s quite hidden, not often listed in sights to be seen in the city. That’s why I like to come here so much.”

“Easy to stay unnoticed,” you add with a smile as your eyes meet his gaze and he nods, returning the smile.

You walk back and forth on the street at least five times, just talking and sharing and laughing, finally falling out of the misery of your everydays. He still amazes you with how good of a company he is, with his broad view of life and many experiences, you can truly connect with him on a level you haven’t been able to reach with anyone in a long time.

It’s way over midnight when you head back to his car, holding hands that happened at a point earlier, but you can’t tell who reached for who. It was kind of mutual, but now you didn’t want to let go of him… ever. You let your fingers play with his S ring on his pinky while he keeps running his thumb over the back of your hand whenever he has the chance. It’s a little disappointing when you have to let go of each other when you climb back into his car and head back home.

“I know this date wasn’t much, but I hope you liked it,” he smiles at you shyly before his eyes snap back at the road ahead of him.

“Shut up, this was literally the best date I’ve had,” you tell him making him chuckle. “Thank you for showing it to me.”

“Now it’s your secret place too. Maybe we’ll run into each other here one day.”

“I’ll definitely come back,” you admit smirking.

The city lights pass by you faster than you want them to, and you arrive to your complex way too early. Well, not according to the time, because it’s way past half past midnight now, but you just don’t want the night to end. However, you know Harry would not come up if you asked. He is way too big of a gentleman and he wouldn’t want to make you miss your appointment in the morning, but you are definitely collecting that kiss he promised a month or so ago.

“Walk me up, will you?” you ask him softly when he parks down in front of your building. He nods and follows you inside without a second thought.

You both know it’s about to happen, the air thickens between you two in the elevator and neither of you can hold back the small smiles on your lips. Harry walks next to you until you reach your front door and you turn to face him, his green eyes already examining your every move.

“I’m happy we finally got to do this,” you tell him, feeling a blush warming your cheeks from the way he looks at you now.

“I’m glad you called. Was starting to think we would never meet again,” he chuckles making you laugh as well. It really did feel like the universe was plotting against you, but you bet it didn’t expect your sudden move tonight.

There’s a longer pause where neither of you knows what to say or do next and your patience is running low, especially when you see him run his tongue over his pink lips. You just can’t wait any longer to taste them.

“Harry,” you breathe out, the frustration and desire at an all-time high now in your system. Never in your life did it take this long for you to get to a kiss with a guy you were clearly interested in and who returned the feeling as well.

“Yeah?”

“Swear to my lost Emmy Award if you don’t kiss me right now I’ll—“

You don’t get to finish, you don’t even know what you’d have said, but it’s all forgotten when Harry kisses you hard, hands cupping your jaw on both sides, angling your head to grant him the best access to your lips. You return the kiss without a second thought, hungrily tugging and pulling on his lips, your tongues meeting in the middle and fuck! He really knows how to make your toes curl with just a kiss. You grab a fistful of his t-shirt at his stomach, pulling him close and the cold touch of his rings on your skin makes you shudder. Everything about him makes your legs turn into jelly and you are willingly offering yourself to him without a doubt.

He pushes you against your front door, one of his hands wanders down to your waist and he gives it a gentle squeeze that makes you open your mouth more for him. You are a mess and so is he. You have no idea how long you make out, but when you eventually pull back, your chest is heaving and your lips feel swollen. Harry pecks your lips two more times before forcing himself to let go of you.

“Good night, Y/N,” he murmurs in a low voice as he starts to back towards the elevator.

“Good night, Harry,” you say a little out of breath. He smirks at you one last time before walking into the elevator and the doors close, officially ending your first date.

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themfchase · 6 years

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negotiation (m) pt II

Jeon Jungkook x reader

negotiation. (m) ✎ [6k words] genre: smut, NSFW, boss!au warnings: dirty talk, explicit sex, oral (receiving), dom jungkook? dirtbag jungkook. just be prepared. part 3

description: Jeon Jungkook was the worst boss you could ask for. But what happens when you two bump into each other at a fundraiser your very wealthy family - who you don’t want people to know about - is throwing?

A/N: Part two is finally here yall, sorry it took so long. Lemme know what you guys think and please, if there are any mistakes too. K? k. Kisses, bye.

masterlist.

When you woke up the next morning to the sound of your alarm, you immediately felt your body hurt. Your head started pounding and you lifted your hand to massage your temple, you moved a little and felt a weird ache in your core and your eyes shot open. ‘Oh my God.’ You thought as you remembered your encounter with your boss at your parent's fundraiser. ‘OH MY GOD’. You felt panic start to flood you as you covered your face with both hands. You couldn’t believe yourself. You had fucked your disgusting, evil, rude, fucker of a boss. And worse, it had been so fucking good. ‘Stupid, stupid, stupid’ you cursed yourself over and over again, as you got out of bed and into the shower. You thought about what you would say, or how you would act. He would be professional, wouldn’t he? Or he’ll just be more of a dick and use it against you. You shook your head, wanting anything else than to go to work on Monday. But then again, he had said you’d be taking his place. Was he lying? Did you still have your job? You were so confused and sore. When you got out of the shower, you checked your phone. 4 missed calls. You called the unknown number and as soon as they answered you regretted calling. ‘Where the fuck are you? I have to announce your new position, you’re late!’ Late? It was Sunday, how were you late? Jungkook spat on the other side of the phone. ‘Come quickly, I’ll have a driver pick you up, oh... were something nice and easy to take off.’ You could hear his smirk through the phone. You were speechless, you’re mouth open in surprise. ‘Wait, what?’ You asked as soon as you realized what he had said about what you should wear. ‘Fuck, Y/N, you’re taking my place, remember? Do you even want this promotion? You’re not just working from Monday to Friday if you want this.’ He asked, annoyance flooding his words. ‘No, not that... you want me to wear something easy to take off? Are you serious?’ You asked. He couldn’t be serious about the whole ‘fuck you when I please’ thing, that was just dirty talk, wasn’t it? ‘Yes. Please, pay attention. I don’t like repeating myself.’ He sounded so arrogant you wanted to hit your phone. ‘Jungkook, we’re not fucking again, you can’t be serious.’ You said firmly. Your towel hanging on your body. ‘Yes, I am. And we are... In my new office, over the table, so please, do as I say.’ And he hung up. Your eyes were wide open, as you stared at your phone. He was delusional if he thought you’d be sleeping with him again. Not in a million years. Not now that you were sober, and thinking straight. As you chose what to wear, you couldn’t help but scoff at the idea of doing what Jungkook had asked of you. You selected a black Chanel dress, stockings, and stilettos. A part of you wondered if you chose a dress to make it easier for him, but the other reassured, you had chosen stockings so it wouldn’t be. You shook off the thought of doing whatever he thought you two would do and dried your hair, applying makeup next. When you’re intercom buzzed you looked trough the little screen that showed the front door and you saw a man in a suit with black glasses on. It was the driver Jungkook had said he would send you. You got your bag and made you’re way down to the entrance of your luxury loft building. As you greeted the driver that had a stern face, you smiled weakly, and he opened the door for you, you didn’t even look inside and as soon as he closed the door you jumped out of surprise. ‘For someone as rich as I imagine you are, you sure live in a simple place.’ Jungkook said without looking away from his phone as he was surely working. You scoffed and regained your composure as you looked away from him. ‘If I wanted people to know I was filthy rich, I would live with my parents in that 13 room Mansion.’ You argued and he finally looked away from his phone to look back at you. ‘Ah... It refreshes me to see you aren't wearing one of those hideous pantsuits.’ He stated as he looked you up and down. ‘Well, I never knew I had to dress up like a Victoria Secret model to work at an office.’ He annoyed you so much. Of course, he was amazing in sex, very good looking and yes... You couldn’t deny his dedication to work even if most of the time he made you do fifty percent of it. ‘I tried to understand why you omitted who you were, but somehow that does not make sense to me.’ He changed subjects yet again looking out the window. He sounded so formal, so different from yesterday, from this morning on the phone. ‘I wanted to do something for myself, get somewhere by my own efforts and not because my father is someone important... well, too late for that now.’ You looked down at your hand on your lap, clearly uncomfortable, there was no need to lie to him, not with the fact he knew who you were. ‘If it makes you feel any better... There is a slight percentage of my decision that was based on your capacity, but then again... If I didn’t find out yesterday, I wouldn’t have looked at you twice for the position.’ He admitted with no shame or unease in his voice. You rolled your eyes at his pettiness, he was just like the rest of them, just the interest and no passion at all. ‘Carter, you can pick us up in about an hour and take us to the office.’ Jungkook said to his driver, the man in the front just nodded and in two minutes the car stopped in front of a Hotel. Carter went all the way around to open the door for you, and as a good rich kid raised with all these little privileges, you waited as he did so. When you got out, Jungkook came right after as you walked inside the lobby of the expensive hotel and was greeted by two bus boys in gold, red and white uniforms. ‘Mr. Jeon, it’s very nice to see you again, the council is already waiting in the usual conference room.’ Said one of the bus boys and Jungkook just nodded, not even looking at the boy. You smiled at them and thanked them as you followed inside and made your way to the elevators. Inside, Jungkook presses the top floor and you waited as the elevator made its way. It suddenly hit you, you were being announced as the new CEO of Youth Winder Inc. The butterflies in your stomach started flapping their wings insistingly and you felt nervous. You didn’t even notice Jungkook was eyeing you. ‘I thought I told you to wear something easy to take off.’ He said with irritation in his voice. You looked up at him. ‘And I said we are not fucking, Jungkook... Forget it.’ You straightened your dress and tried to look confident as the elevator approached the floor. ‘You keep saying that, but I’ll be taking those clothes off very soon.’ There was a hint of fun in his voice that made a spark hit your core, you shook it off, this was all a chase for him and that made you even more irritated. ‘Well, good thing I’m wearing stockings.’ You said, trying to win the whole bickering war. ‘Oh... Don’t worry, they’re very easy to rip off.’ Jungkook looked at you with fire in his eyes that made your whole body shiver and you heard the ring of the elevator announcing you had reached the top floor. Jungkook got out as soon as the doors opened and you lingered for a while, trying to hide the absolute irritation that flooded your body. As Jungkook opened the door to the conformance room you took in the beautiful view of the city as part of the room was made of glass that went from the ceiling to the floor. ‘Gentlemen, Ladies...’ Junkook started and you acknowledged the 3 people inside the very large room, seated on the couches and one standing with a glass of expensive bourbon in his hands. ‘I am very sorry we are late, our hard working Y/N was at the office still trying to fix some problems we had this month.’ He lied. Why was he doing that? Was he trying to convince them that choosing you was a good idea? Was he not sure you were fit for the job and in the end... This was all out of interest? You knew you were good, you knew how hard you had worked despite the way he treated you, you would not let him lie to convince the council this was a good idea as they waited for you to fail. ‘Are you fucking her?’ Said a younger gentleman, one that was standing behind the couch with bourbon in his hand. Your eyes widened a little at the very rude and straightforward comment. Jungkook laughed and shook his head, pinching the space between his nose and taking in a deep breath. ‘Namjoon, there is no need for pettiness.’ Said the other one that was seated with his legs crossed. ‘Well, Jin, you can’t blame me, when has Jungkook tried to sell an idea with little lies like the one he just told us?’ He argued then looked back at me. ‘Don’t worry sweetheart, you can go back to being a receptionist after this, we won't blame you.’ You swallowed the burning rage that started building up inside you as they spoke of and at you with such disrespect, you took a deep breath and you saw Jungkook open his mouth to speak, but you were faster than him. ‘Well, Mr. Kim, I’m sorry you think of me that way, but as a matter of fact, I am keen to inform the members of the council that as of Thursday, we have found that we can decrease the price of the land we want to bye in India Ferrero, giving that it used to be taken by a toxic wast company by at least 19%, and I know for a fact that we are down by 7% in market Stocks, and turning that land into a clean energy sight, our market value will increase significantly, if my calculations are right, about 9%, the only problem we had as of right now was convincing the owner of the land to sell it to us, and that will no longer be a problem.’ You finished your speech and Jungkook shot a look at you. ‘It won't?’ He asked with surprise in his voice. ‘No, it won't, and if you paid attention to any of the files and contracts I asked Emma to bring to you, you would have known that.’ You glanced at him. It was silent for a moment and Namjoon spoke again. ‘I change my mind, I like her.’ He laughed shortly, taking another sip of his drink. Jungkook exhaled in annoyance and looked back at the group of people. ‘As you can see, I’m pretty sure I made a good choice.’ He said and you couldn’t help but feel proud of yourself. ‘If anyone has the courage to speak to you like that, then I’m pretty sure they’re fit for the job.’ Said the woman who you identified by Sun, she was one of the oldest in the council. ‘Yes, and to top it all off, Mr. Y/L/N...’ You knew what he was doing, he was exposing you and you knew that the council now aware of your family it wasn’t a matter of you being good at your job or not, but what you would offer. ‘Is keen to help us with investors, being her father one of them.’ Everyone in the room straightened their bodies, it wasn’t just the fact that your father was rich enough to buy the whole company, but that he was important, someone with influence, and by investing and having a percentage of the company, that would open enough doors that would make it skyrocket it’s way in the market of clean energy, becoming the biggest. ‘Is he interested?’ Asked Jin calmly. ‘I’m sure he will be, with the proper presentation of what income he would make of it, of course.’ You said truly. Your father loved you, of course, and he would do it just for you, but you didn’t want that, you wanted him to see potential in the company, and now that the council knew there was an opportunity for him to invest, you would have to do everything in your efforts to make it happen. Everyone nodded, all lost in the idea of having someone like your father as a partner, you decided to say something about it. ‘But... Do not get the wrong idea. He is my father, but I will not use my influence as his daughter to get him to participate in the shares, I will do my job as CEO and as I know I am completely capable of it, he will surely accept.’ Everyone looked at you, including Jungkook, a nervous look on his face. ‘That is very admirable of you, Y/N.’ Said Jin again. And with handshakes and a signed contract after another fifteen minutes off small talk and a very playful apology from Namjoon, you were out of the door in no time, irritation and anger building up inside you. This was what you wanted, you wanted this job, the trouble of it, the headache, but you also wanted it differently. But the way they had treated you before was simply a turnoff, and you just needed to go home. You didn’t even notice Jungkook walking beside you until he spoke. ‘Very impressive.’ He said with a low voice. Almost as if he were irritated as well. You were mad at him, mad at the council, mad at yourself. ‘Fuck off, Jungkook.’ You said pressing the button of the elevator several times as if that would make it come faster. ‘I will...’ He said with malice in his voice. You looked at him with disbelief, is he still thinking you two were gonna fuck? ‘Why do you keep thinking that I am going to fuck you again, Jungkook? Can’t you take a hint?’ You were panting now. ‘Because we made a deal, my end has just happened.’ He answered, leaning against the wall next to the elevator and putting his hands in his pocket. ‘Deal?! What deal, Jungkook? You were fucking me and I was drunk, I would have agreed to anything at that moment.’ You said crossing your arms and waiting for the elevator. ‘I should have taken advantage of that then, maybe make you bring me coffee too.’ He said. That was it, you had it, just like the moment in the office on Friday, you were done with him. ‘Listen close... I hate you with every fiber of me, I dislike you to a point where if you were to die I wouldn’t even care, so leave me alone, don’t speak to me unless it is about work and work only.’ You spat at him and he looked as if that was only serving as fuel to his fire. ‘Baby, don’t get me wrong, I hate your spoiled ass just as much... But I can’t deny you turn me on, while you were giving that little speech of yours, all I wanted to do was throw you against one of those couches and fuck you harder than before.’ You couldn’t help but feel the heat the was concentrating in the middle of your body from his words and the pet name, you couldn’t take your eyes off his lustful ones, he eyed your body, licking his lips when they came back to yours. ‘You’re fucking crazy.’ You managed to say as your heart raced. ‘Tell me you didn’t like it.’ He asked with dare in his eyes. You looked back at the elevator, unable to lie to him since you knew he would see right through it. You didn’t notice when he moved, standing behind you. ‘Tell me you didn’t like my hands on you.’ Your body jumped at the surprise of his voice so close behind you. ‘Even better tell me you hated them on you.” His voice was full of lust, full of want. ‘N-No, I’m not answering that.’ You said, clearly affected by his proximity. You would not amuse him. You felt his breath against your neck and you felt your body shiver, all the hairs sticking out. ‘Say you hated the way I felt inside you, say it.’ He said, his hand brushing your arm slightly. Your body was on fire, you could feel the ache in your core, the memory of how good he felt, how fast he made you cum, how intense and absolutely delicious it felt. ‘No.’ Your voice was but a whisper. You wanted him, even though you hated him, your body was begging for him, and you just couldn’t deny it. ‘Why?’ He asked, pushing your hair to the side, his lips brushing your skin. You just couldn’t move and you melted into him. ‘I can’t.’ You said, he finally pushed your body to his, his bulge already hard against you. It amused you how you turned him on, the feeling of his erection making you extremely hot. ‘Can’t what?’ His voice was so low and sexy, it made you feel the humidity start to take place between your legs. ‘I-I can’t lie.’ You felt his smirk against your neck and you bucked your hips backwards, pressing against his erection, he let out a groan that felt like music to your ears. ‘I loved it.’ You said and that was the turning point. In a second you were being pulled with him into one of the many conference rooms on that floor, and there was a part of you that was excited, completely blocking out your better judgment. He closed the door and looked at you, you stood, turned to him, inside the room, your chest rising and falling. He looked so dangerous, eyeing your whole body as if you were prey. As if you were hunt. His hands went up to meet his tie. ‘You know, I wanted to do this in my new office, but.. I guess that will have to wait.’ His voice was controlled, low and sinful as he started taking the peace of fabric off. You didn’t dare to speak, it seemed like something changes inside him when he was turned on. He walked so slowly towards you and you took a few steps back, you didn’t know why, and you felt the edge of a table. Jungkook stopped mare inched from you his eyes glued to yours. ‘Give me your hands.’ You hesitated then remembered how that made him mad. You put them in front of you and Jungkook put the fabric around them, tying them together. ‘You see, Y/N, I was very serious about this part of our little negotiation, and you denying me what you agreed on just makes me so...’ He pulled on the fabric making sure it was tight and your body came forward with the force. ‘Mad.’ You bit your lower lip, the desire now filling the room and making the air feel heavy. You saw a spark in his eyes while he watched your teeth release your lip, leaving it a little swollen. He turned you around and pushed your body against the table, you couldn’t help but let a small squeak of surprise leave your lips as you laid on top of your tied hands. He raised your dress above your ass, you couldn’t see him, but you could just tell he was savoring the view, and then all of a sudden you felt the force and sound of him ripping your stockings, leaving you only in your black lace underwear as it hung from the other parts it wasn’t ripped off. ‘I’m going to do everything I please with you right now, Y/N, and I want you to keep quiet, do you understand?’ He said, you could hear he was panting, completely immersed in desire. ‘We don’t want Namjoon to prove his theory right, do we?’ He asked. You felt him caress your ass, his touch so warm. And you were so wet at this point you knew he could see it. ‘Y-yes Sir.’ You said remembering what he wanted to go by. You knew that would do something to him, and when you felt his hands caress over your underwear your body jolted out of pleasure and surprise. ‘You learn so fast, baby girl.’ He used the pet name, making you clench around nothing. His hands were softly brushing your core over the fabric, and it felt so good you thought you could cum with only that. When he stopped over your clit and pressed his fingers on it, stimulating in a circular motion, you let out a moan, the feeling so good and overwhelming. ‘Do you like that, baby?’ He asked and you swallowed, feeling your mouth so dry. ‘Y-Yes, Sir.’ You managed to say, your voice hoarse and weak. He stopped and slid your underwear aside, rubbing his fingers over your core and spreading your arousal. He resumed his motions with his humid fingers over your clit making it even harder for you to hold back your moans. ‘Shhh, baby, don’t make any noise.’ He said so low, you almost didn’t hear him. ‘Fuck... Look at how wet you are, such a mess.’ He said completely taken by your wet pussy. ‘Tell me who this is for.’ He asked and your mouth opened, as you started to move your hips slightly in sync with his motion. ‘Y-you.’ He slipped his thumb inside you and you moaned loud then bit your lip to hold back. ‘I’-It’s for you... J-Just for you.’ You said with an airy voice. You wished you could see his face, you wished you could just look at him and that all the distaste you had for him would come rushing back like a could shower making you less into him like this. ‘You want to cum, baby?’ He asked as he pumped his thumb in and out of you slowly. He was torturing you. You let out little moans, feeling that very same feeling from the day at the party, if he went on like this, you were going to cum with his hands. ‘N-no... I want more.’ You said but the build up was already happening, and the rush that was coming to meet your core felt so strong that even if he stopped, as soon as he touched you again, you would cum, even so, you didn’t want to cum yet. ‘J-Jungkook, stop... I’m gonna... I’m g-gonna c-cum if you don’t stop.’ You said and expected him to do so, but he just went on without saying anything. When It got too hard to hold you felt every muscle in your body clench, you laid your forehead on the table and your toes curled inside your heels as you felt your body convulse with the power of your orgasm. Trying to hold back your moans were impossible and the clenching of your core felt so strong he didn’t take his thumb from inside you, feeling every single contraction. He didn’t let you came down from it, instead just lifting you and turning you around. The look of pure lust on his face as he looked at your fucked out form just made you clench again and he laid you back down, back against the table, he lifted your legs so you were completely lying on it and with a fast and strong motion, you saw one of your favorite underwear get torn from you, he looked so animalistic, and that turned you on very, very much. You thought he would fuck you now, get his own release, but he latched his mouth over your core and the sensibility came crashing into you, making you shake and try to get him off of you, but he held your hips in place, burrying his face deep within you. ‘Jungkook!’ You yelled, and he opened his eyes and looked straight into yours, that was enough to shut you up. ‘Oh my god!’ You screamed again and the second high came so fast and so intense you didn’t know it was possible. You screwed your eyes shut, it was almost painful, but your body was shaking so hard immersed in pleasure that it was inviting. Your walls clenched uncontrollably over nothing and you couldn’t help a whiny moan escape your lips as you saw white. Jungkook stood straight up his mouth glistening with your cum and you observed that beautiful scene as if it were a painting. ‘Jungkook...’ You called at him, your voice so weak. He looked back at you. ‘Please... Please fuck me.’ You begged him with a whiny voice that had him flooded with desire. You could see his hard erection through his pants. ‘How could I deny you anything when you ask me like that?’ He said and started unbuckling his pants, it fell to the floor as soon as he unbuttoned it and all was left was his dark gray boxers that had a wet spot where his pre-cum had stained. He pulled them down, letting his cock swing free and your mouth watered at the sight, you were so anxious to feel him inside you, to have that feeling of fulfillment you had the day before and Jungkook could tell. ‘Tell me how much you want it.’ He asked and you bit your lip as he approached his cock to your entrance. ‘I want it so much... So, so much.’ You said, completely taken over by your own lust. ‘I want it inside me, Sir... Please... Show me how much of a slut I am with your cock, please.’ You didn’t even know you had it in you. But as soon as the words came out, they sounded so natural, so dirty, but competently natural. And it sounded like exactly what he wanted to head, cause the next moment he was slammed inside you with one movement making him groan. ‘Fuck, you feel so tight.’ He cursed when you clenched around him. The stretch of his cock inside you stung a little, but It still felt amazing. Jungkook didn’t waste any time in rocking his hips in and out of you ever so gently for you to adjust, but as soon as you relaxed he held one of your legs up and slammed into you making you body buck. ‘Fuck!’ You cursed. And that was nothing more than an incentive for him to go on. With each thrust of his hips, you felt his cock hit the back of your core, panting and moaning his name, it was all so overwhelming. ‘Look at you... All ready to cum for me again, such a dirty, dirty little girl.’ He said between gritted teeth and you could tell he was holding back his release. You clenched around him and moved you hips. He held them tight and stopped. ‘Don’t.’ He said with authority in his voice. ‘Your gonna cum one more time for me.’ And he resumed his movements only slamming harder inside you. You could barely speak with how hard he was fucking you. ‘I-I don’t t-think I c-can...’ You said while your voice was failing. ‘Yes you can, now cum for me... That’s a fucking order.’ He said while he pounded, his hips probably bruising you. You started feeling the heat build up in your core, and you knew that coming again would probably feel painful, but you didn’t dare go against his word. Jungkook’s thumb came to your clit, and even though it was still a little sensitive, it was enough to take you over the edge. You came undone the third time with curses filling the room, Jungkook’s as well. And when you clenched so hard over him, he groaned and tried to continue moving, but it was hard. The pain mixed with the immense pleasure took over your whole body, and you moved your hips without noticing just riding off your high and that was enough to bring Jungkook to his release, with a hard thrust he let his head drop back and came inside you with a guttural moan that sounded so freaking hot. You felt as his cock twitched inside you, his release filling you up ever so pleasurable. When he came forward, his forehead against your chest, the room was left filled with the sound of your breathes and panting as they were ragged and loud. You felt your body numb, you were so tired you felt your eyes starting to shut and you could barely feel when he pulled out of you, but not moving away from your body. The intensity of what had just happened had drained you of all energy and you felt yourself doze off.

You opened your eyes the first time and you saw the ceiling of the hallway of the hotel, you were being carried, and then you shut them again to taken by your exhaustion. The second time you opened your eyes it was dark outside and you felt your body ache, you were in a very comfortable bed, you got up on your hands and looked around, not recognizing the place you were in, you searched for your phone and you found it beside you, on a nightstand. It was eight o’clock. It was eight o’clock at night. With a fast motion, you took off the covers. Where the hell were you? ‘Good morning.’ You heard Jungkook’ voice and immediately turn in his direction. He was seated at an armchair, a very dim light illuminating his face. He observed you, up and down. ‘Did you sleep well?’ He asked, a very cold tone in his voice. ‘Where am I?’ You asked looking at him, uneasy. ‘We’re still at the hotel...’ He said and got up. ‘After you.. Well, basically fainted, I called and asked them to arrange a room for you.’ He stopped a couple of feet from you and crossed his arms. ‘Who got me here? I don’t remember walking.’ You said as you looked around for your things. ‘I carried you here.’ He said. You shot a look back at him, you would have thought he’d ask Carter, a Hotel employee to do that, that would sound exactly like what someone as horrible as him would do. ‘Did you stay here?’ You asked wondering why he was still around. ‘Yes, I wanted to make sure you were fine.’ He said and put his hands is his pockets looking away from you. There was an awkward silence and you straightened your dress. You were no longer wearing the ripped pantyhose or your shoes and you assumed he must have taken them off. ‘Well... Uhm.. Thank you, I guess. I-I’m fine.’ You said without looking at him, you were clearly embarrassed. ‘Good, take a shower, I asked Carter you buy you new underwear, it’s right over there, and please, don’t be long, my reservation is due in forty minutes.’ He said looking at his watch. ‘You can go, you don’t need to wait for me, I can take a cab.’ You said walking over to the bag of what looked like Bordelle lingerie. Of course, he would want you to wear that brand. You thought. ‘You’re coming with me.’ He said in a very stern voice. You looked back at him, confused. ‘What? Jungkook..’ He wanted to take you out for dinner? This was going too far. ‘You’re not taking me out for dinner, this is not a relationship.’ You fired back with annoyance in your voice. ‘Please,’ he scoffed. ‘Don’t flatter yourself, we have a meeting.’ He also sounded annoyed. ‘With who?’ You asked clearly not wanting to spend another minute with him. ‘With your Daddy, princess.’

#jungkook #jeon #smut #mature #bts #imagine #fanfic #negotiation #part2 #scenario #btssmutclub #reader

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chroniclelyn · 6 years

Text

Stigma

I think I’ve prolonged this entry long enough. This one is going to be hard for me but I told myself I’d be completely transparent on this journey. So, lets talk about the elephant in the room. A Major stigma in the black community..... my dirty little secret is finally out!!!!

I’ve always been the strong friend, you know the one no one ever checks on, that’s me. The one that seemingly had I️t all together. Until one day, I completely lost I️t. My world imploded. I’ve always felt less than to my counterparts and I’m not completely sure why. I felt like I should be better, doing better, more successful, as far back as I can remember. Constantly comparing myself to others, from middle school, to high school, and into adult hood. I think everyone does this but for me I️t was different. I was worried sick about what people thought about me. About why such and such didn’t want to be my friend anymore. About why my body didn’t look like everyone else’s. Etc. etc. and so on and so on.

My world imploded probably about 5-6 years ago. I️t wasn’t one particular situation. I think I️t was just several situations that I didn’t deal with, and slowly my cup runneth over. I had this feeling of extreme hopelessness. I didn’t care if I lived or died. I even thought my friends and family would be better off if I wasn’t around. I knew I️t was bad when I called out from work (which is something I DON’T DO). I lay in bed for 5 days. I slept for 5 days. I cried for 5 days. I cried hysterically. IDK if I️t had anything to do with being a nurse or not. As a nurse I often had to take on everyone’s emotions and make I️t better, not leaving time to deal with my own shit.

I didn’t really tell anyone. In the beginning I only leaned on my best friend but even then I wasn’t 100% truthful about what/how I was feeling. I had gotten so use to basically lying to everyone. Even my closes family and friends. I was a professional at I️t too. I continued to be the life of the party at every holiday, get together etc. Once I got back home I would sink again. I even had a boyfriend at the time who thought I was “faking”. He’d say one minute your sad, then someone will call and your voice and everything changes. He didn’t understand the STIGMA. He didn’t understand that I was really good at hiding I️t because I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. In the black community the STIGMA is looked down upon as weakness. I was even told I️t was Satan/Devil.

Depression is real. I️t physically hurts. I️t mentally hurts. Your spirit is dying right before your eyes and you can’t control I️t. What’s crazy is the pain I felt. I️t’s like a pain I’d never experienced. I️t was crippling. The thoughts were painful too. I wanted to die. I had thoughts about suicide but I wasn’t brave enough to take a bunch or pills, slit my wrist, didn’t have access to a gun. When I finally reached out to family, my old school mother told me to pray and I️t would go away. I’d been praying for YEARS with no relief so my prayers changed. I started to pray about car accidents that would end my life. I had prayers about running my car into a brick wall. I mean pedal to the metal crash. I was gonna floor I️t. Let’s not forget the 18 wheeler please take me out prayer. It’s sick and twisted but what people who have never experienced I️t don’t understand, I wasn’t Lynsey at this point. I was a person I didnt even know. I was no longer that bright light in several peoples lives. I was a soulless shell. I begged my creator to take this pain away and if that meant me dying I was completely fine with that. I honestly thought I was going to have to live like that forever, for me that wasn’t an option. I️t was exhausting.

One day I got up the strength to go to the doctor. I complained about “chest pain”. I was still lying. I did have chest pain but I knew what I️t was and I knew why I was having them. I had anxiety on top of depression. So initially I was prescribed Xanax 0.25 mg to relieve the anxiety. The chest pain would be so bad that I️t would take my breath away. I would have to stop what I was doing and go to quiet place, a dark place for relief. I’d close my eyes, take deep breaths and muster through. Anyway, that damn Xanax didn’t fix the problem because the problem was depression coupled with anxiety. At my follow up appointment with my doctor I let a little more out. Told him I was really sad and I didnt know why. The next prescribtion came. Celexa 25 mg once a day. I knew I️t would take 4-6 weeks for the medication to take affect, so I tried to be patient and wait. Y’all I still felt like a hopeless blob. I called the doctor for another appointment. The receptionist asked me what was wrong. I blurted out I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING. I DON’T CARE ABOUT LIFE. Got an appointment the next day. Yet another prescription Wellbutrin XR 30 mg for two weeks then increase to 60 mg a day. Waiting another 4-6 weeks.The doctor assured me everything was gonna be fine. That this happens to a lot of people, and I’d feel better. Now looking back I wish my doctor would have done more. I was never referred to anyone. I was kinda rushed out of the door and told to throw pills down my throat. Things could have turned out drastically different for me. Things could have turned out for the worse.

So I took all the medications I was prescribed for about 6 months to a year. THAT SHIT DIDN’T WORK Y’ALL. So I stopped cold turkey and found what little strength I had left to dig myself out. I started to work out. I starting working out twice a day. Challaging work outs. Weight training, Cycle, Bootcamp. Slowly my body started to change, my spirit started to heal. I was surprised at my strength and my will. I put my all into I️t. All the anger, all the grief. No matter how hard my work out was I didnt quit. No matter how heavy the weights were I finished the set. My diet started to change. I went hard in all aspects. Eventually, all the pain I felt went away. All the crazy thought diminished. I felt better. I felt like Lynsey Alyssa Carroll again. I cut people off who weren’t benefiting my life. I changed my thinking. IDGAF about much now. If its not my health, if its not concerning my friends or family I don’t care. I’ve changed jobs several times since then. If I’m not happy with something I let I️t go. I started to become different. The person I was meant to be. I didnt care if I️t wasn’t cookie cutter. I wore my hair how I wanted. I dressed how I wanted. I wore dark lipstick all year round lol. I’ve big chopped my hair 3 times. I didn’t have a problem standing out in a crowd. I was satisfied with not blending in. I enjoyed the simplest things, they seem to bring me the most joy. Flowers, music, painting, laughing until I cried, creating. I started doing things I didnt think I could do and once I accomplished them I felt unstoppable. (You guys, I don’t work out like I use to anymore and I miss I️t so much, saving that for another entry).

What I think really got me through was knowing my family would never be the same with out me. The thoughts of not hearing my niece and nephew scream my name when I come over. The strength that I often gave to others. The laughs would have been different at get togethers, and the conversations would have changed. The thoughts of my mother getting that call that I was gone was too much to bear. That lady is my everything and I couldn’t hurt her like that.

I know I’m not the easiest person to love but loving me is so good lol. I know I’m not a lot of peoples cup of tea. But I am who I am and I wouldn’t change anything about me for the world. I just want to thank my best friends and family for never judging me. For continuing to support me. For encouraging me in my darkest hours. For having my back through thick and thin. I LOVE YALL MORE THAN IMAGINABLE. YALL THE REAL MVP!!!!!!!

I still have my days when I feel a little down but I’m here. I’m alive. I’m living.

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