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404leafclover · 10 months

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I'll follow you

#making this gave me so much brain damage #I went back and played The Hex and... wow. the six pint inn dialouge between them is just so bitter and sad #if mr. mullins won't write them a happy ending THEN I WILL!!!!!!!!!#*insert 1000 word essay about how they were made to be codependent on each other which ultimately resulted in their separate destruction*#anyhow....#the hex game #the hex fanart #stormbleeze #lazarus bleeze #chandrelle stormblaze #my art #oh yeah irving is there too of course #does anyone still care enough about this game for me to add spoiler tags 💀#the hex spoilers

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okitanoniisan · 2 months

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new rgg fans will never know what they missed back in ye olden days of the fandom (like, 2019), doubly so now that scott strichart's deleted his twitter and jon riesenbach's privated. twitter was so fucking fun and then whatever-the-hell at sega of america happened and caused a fucking snowball effect and now we have shitass localization and resulting discourse that makes every release nigh unbearable, misinformation, confusion, people complaining about "bad writing/mischaracterization" not realizing it's because of the shitass english loc, i'm sitting here like jesus christ these loc bitches massacred saejima's character voice, people will never see him as he was intended, as original yakuza 5 localization Correctly painted him, and now they're coming for kiryu. god help us. we used to be a proper fandom. before everyone was subjected to the remastered localizations and shaky eng characterization. no one had even played yakuza 3-5, people still called morning glory "sunshine" orphanage, kiryu was our only protagonist and people still called him "boring", it was beautiful...

anyway gaiden uses affective instead of effective because the current localization team is full of careless dumbasses who don't give a fuck about ensuring they're using correct english grammar and this is not an isolated incident

#ada speaks #ive been playing through the series again from 0-5 and. yeesh #it goes from LIFE IS GOOD. LOC IS GOOD. to. oh.#yakuza 5's original localization is near perfect and they couldve made it better but instead #they opted for the cost cutting approach and decided NOT to retranslate and instead #just fucking. re-localized the localization and SO much is wrong. so much.#im playing simultaneously with a friend (myself on ps3 them on pc) and seeing the differences #and it happens in y3r and y4r too where #the original line is localized > the remastered line takes it and runs with it bc they have no original translation context #ie. in 3 rikiya says he likes 'wild' dancers. (re: strip club) it gets localized to be him liking 'aggressive' dancers.#in 3 remastered he says he likes AGGRESSIVE DOMINEERING WOMEN and that gets his Gears Turning #or. in 5 shinada says that uno is 'a little sad up top' re: his hair. and 5 remastered he says 'kinda mopey'#because they misunderstood the original english loc and so. completely fucked up the line to mean something else entirely #its like broken telephone #the same is SOMEHOW also happening in 8... i dont know HOW but somehow it fucking is #meanwhile im revisiting zero and going OH YEAH GOOD CHOICE. THAT MAKES SENSE. GREAT WRITING. WOW THAT'S AN A+ INTERPRETATION OF THAT LINE.#i miss the old loc team so bad. bring me back.#its mostly frustrating because i can see the shitass eng writing and still enjoy the game beneath it (unless it's not voiced.) but #i feel so bad for everyone flying blind and forced to take the loc at face value #its been like this since lost judgment but the main story was Fine (if a bit rushed) because. scott was still doing his thing #the substories in lost judgment also felt like they were of the same calibre (shit.) as remastered and. idk.#it seems like its been a shitshow at SoA behind the scenes for Years #and it shows.

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novadorks · 8 months

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finally finished orv after two years . . . what do i do with my life now

#started in junior year hs dropped it for a while then started reading again at the start of this semester and now im finally done !#dont know whether to cheer or just crumple up and start crying bc wow that was a ride #i thought the ending was tragic but then i moved on to the epilogue and oh my godd #the way kdj was crying and miserable bc he missed his companions and he wanted to be with them so Badly #but when kimcom finally Finally chase him down and come back to him theyre too late and hes already disspitated into other world lines #and after that like. whenever kdj pulls some shit and dies the next chapter always starts with an ‘i’#and hes back and alive and kicking and Thinking but after that epilogue chapter there isnt a chapter in his pov theres no more ‘i’s and.#it just made me incredibly sad bc we dont get to see his pov ever again bc hes truly gone unless we as a reader can imagine him alive again #anyways sad things aside it is Incredibly funny that lee hyunsung just became a wanted man in the 1865th round lmaoo #+ uriel sun wukong and black flame dragon forming a band together ??? truly the most randomest thing in the epilogue #++ yoohankim need to stop beating the shit out of e/o and learn to talk their feelings out Please #+++ sooyoung’s love for dokja has me miserable o-|-< she would wait for him an eternity write for him an eternity im so sad #three times she endlessly wrote a novel for him to read three times she waited to see him for so long <//3 #you bet im imagining the happiest conclusion i can for them #they WILL live happily ever after in that big house together as long as i have something to say about it!#orv

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charmac · 1 year

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Just watched Fool’s Paradise!

#wow! that was BAD!#im drinking btw #not even drunk but tipsy yes #damn it’s sad but weirdly like #huh…#thinking about how bad this movie was #looking past the fac that it was clearly a lot of satirical inside jokes that don’t click for a general audience #the plot just massively lacked cohesiveness #it made me realise that charlie never writes an ep of sunny alone?#like he’s always with rob or glenn #and obviously we know charlie and rob have their fights and differences #but watching something JUST written by charlie kinda goes to show how Rob is a balance he needs #he can pick up the gaps and the connecting points that are missing throughout #again like weird ass movie it’s hard to believe this man is involved on sunny if i had only seen that movie from him #but yeah…interesting he’s always a COwriter for sunny #they really need to bounce and work off each other huh #need someone to check them a little? let them know what works and what doesn’t #hm.#ugh i’m kinda annoyed i watched it ngl.#it made me worried for sunny16 which is literally definitely irrational #but jesus christttttt dude #what did i just WATCH.

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astrxealis · 15 days

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sorry to ffxivlovepost always anyway Man the way the devs & game did so good in making an mc that is Basically a blank-slate for the players, and there's so many opportunities to make your oc However you like but. the game itself adds so much story and character to that blank-slate guy. amazing

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚#i think abt this a lot. and also a lot of other ffxiv stuff LMFAO #it's amazing ..... drk is a huge example of this i think #bcs it plays into the guilt and whatnot the wol feels and all that. spectacular #endwalker !!!!! shadowbringers!!! the way the game uses the concept of hope is just always so beautiful and fascinating to me #and yeah bunch of games may have like. mc you create & design but not always can you like. ehvejfhsjf idk how to explain LOL #it is 4 pm i woke up 2 hours ago but priorly woke at 7 am after havingn a rlly. weird sleep.#to which my twin told me 'i wont tell u what time it is' as we went to sleep so it def was Really late #bcs we were going thru re2 and she was also playing games on steam i've been telling her to play #(to which i got her fav characters right and knew fr how'd she'd like the game LMFAO. twins amiright.)#actually that is also smth so fascinating to me bcs. i always have had someone w me in my life. i am literally never alone.#to which what i'm getting at here is Wow... it's like having a sleepover every single day. and i was a kid always sad never to have #sleepovers bcs my parents were strict (they r cool tho!) but i was a kid who wanted to experience all the kid things #but i didn't rlly but that's fine :P i am a grateful person LOL anyway back on track back on black #ffxiv... the game that u are.....#it's the 1st game that rlly actually made me invested in the ocs of others and also make a fully fledged oc that wasn't just originally mine #but for a fandom or something. and also it got me back into writing and Into making poetry and prose so. yeah.#it's amazing how much. oc x canon ???? yeah. ffxiv is so Wow #like eveyrhhting w themis or graha and how u can AAGGGHHH shit w your oc . so many possibilities #and that character. those possibilities. are already in game but also expanded by the player and the fanbade and #idk it's so beautiful to me WHAGHSGDJDH. and yes me saying themis or graha up there is self-indukgent bcs #both of them are so Insane it's so. insane!!!!! i will never forget what happened in abyssos in particular that Broke me #and anabaseios... :)) i cried so much it is almost embarrassing. and wow. asphodelos. wverything w themis just. yeah #anyway graha... self-explanatory if u know..... idk he's the character of all time to me. simply said. but themis is crazy bcs going thru ab #yssos made me think for a bit 'hey themis might be my fav character in ffxiv now' but No but also Wow. wow #kinda cute bcs me and my twin have a thing where she has a certain type of chara she likes and me too #so sometimes. most times. all times. we have our own characters we like anyway but sometimes they overlap but either the case we kinda #lowkey 'segregate???' idk if that is a good word but we do that w our fav characters. so like emet is her fav elidibus is mine.#and that was all the way in arrr alr and we barely knew spoilers so that's kinda crazy! anyway

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petrichorium · 9 months

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Happy anniversary of the time I wrote 20k words in a week and got ghosted by the artist who was supposed to make art for the fic lol

#it’s been a year I can be bitter now right #for a SINGLE DAD BAKUGO FIC r u kidding I should have had artists lining up to make the art and instead I get shafted #I don’t fully blame the Big Bang staff. I think it could’ve been handled better but it’s mostly on the artist #but wow that rlly happened huh LMFAOOOOOO #shoutout to Shay for being the most supportive friend through all that truly #I got to live vicariously through her assigned artist who was amazing && also she drew me some stuff that was adorable 🥺#if anyone wants to know why sleeping is taking so long to write it’s bc I was fueled by spite and a deadline for the first chapter and now #I am just. kinda bitter and sad abt the rest #which sucks bc I love the fic I rlly do #hopefully I can get over it bc it’s silly to let something like that ruin the fic entirely #SO insane tho. the way I was the only one who made the cut and didn’t get art too #not even bc I didn’t get picked but bc my artist was a sham. nice. love that truly #the staff was okay. I’m not gonna pretend I felt supported but I get that it’s a complicated and stressful event #and it was a difficult situation bc my artist insisted they were working on stuff. never got an official ‘sorry I’m dropping out’ message #so I get it. but I’m also still pissed :) abt the whole situation not. at any singular member or staff or anything #mostly at the artist #but again could have been handled better fr

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introspectivememories · 4 months

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For your mess is mine who are the people Bernard is close with? Is it people who were in the cult and are now out? Is it the groups of guys we saw in one panel? And what do they know more about than Tim?

okay first of all, thank you so much for the ask!!! i'm always sooo fucking excited to talk about these fics even if haven't written a sentence in like a month.

who are the people Bernard is close with? Is it people who were in the cult and are now out? Is it the groups of guys we saw in one panel?

in mess is mine, i just made up new friends for bear. we never really see him hang out with anybody and he is soooo isolated compared to tim. i didn't really like those 3 guys we saw in urban legends so i just... made up new ones! and bear deserves to have people who love him and take care of him.

so if you've been on my page for long enough, you know i have like a reoccurring oc?, i guess you could call it, called mori. he's in like everything i write, when i want someone connected to bear. alongside mori, there's khadija, chinna, and jam. but i'm still developing those characters.

after writing data analyst!bernard, i've been playing with the idea of putting jimmy and tyrone in there too. but i know my own strengths and putting that many characters means a lot of them are gonna get sidelined. (maybe i can put them in as a throwaway line? much to think about.)

i know that him being isolated is probably what made him so susceptible to the cult in the first place, but isn't there something so real about watching your friend slowly destroy themselves? isn't there something so tragic about being able to do nothing but pick up the pieces after each event? of wanting him to stop hurting himself but it seems like he doesn't know how to live unless he's hurting? mori, chinna, 'dija, and jam love bear, but it's not enough.

And what do they know more about than Tim?

everything. in urban legends, they've just started reconnecting. and i've taken that to mean that there was no contact after the shooting. so if we do the math, let's say they were both 16/17 during war games and i've always hc both of them as being around 21 when they meet up again, that's about 4-5 years that tim has missed. people change a lot in just 1 year! to miss around 5??? yeah tim barely knows this man anymore.

and yeah, bear still smiles the same and he still makes outlandish conspiracy theories but bear is so unfamiliar to tim these days. he might as well be a different person. and i think for tim, who is having all these new feelings at seeing bear again, would feel uncomfortable. where is his bear who laughed with his mouth open? where is his bear who didn't have scars on his arms and back? where is his bear who took up the whole room with his personality? tim doesn't know.

the story takes place in the hospital after the attempted sacrifice as tim deals with bear's friends, who are complete strangers to him, just knowing exactly what to do while he fumbles around. one of the scenes that i first wrote was tim sitting in the waiting area struggling to fill out the paperwork. and then bear's friends come in and do it effortlessly.

i hope this answers your questions!! i feel like i got so excited talking about this, it came out a little incoherent lol.

#and i think it would chafe at him. this idea that he who /was/ bear's best friend knows him less than these strangers #that bear has a whole life outside of him.#bc the last time he saw bear‚ they were each other's life and now... they're what? strangers? less than friends more than aquaintances?#also really surprised at the poll results #i definitely thought that summertime sadness would win #but i get it. even i have a hard time writing the breakup fic #also so little votes for pain (you made me a believer)#wow that's crazy to me #summertime sadness and pain are the ones i have most written for #but history is winning #and i completely understand. i too love the secret husband trope #asks #introspective.txt #timbern #MORI MY BELOVED #YOU ARE SO CONVIENIENT TO ME #SO ADAPTABLE #mori lore time: his full name is morihito. yes i do have kanji for it also his parents disowned him. bear is 2secs away from giving mori hi #mori lore time: he's named after my favorite host from ohshc

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mai-mai-lim · 1 year

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Ashley Jang's fate in all CTM endings

alrighty, i am way super late to this but considering Ashley's role as a Toppat AND being the estranged cousin of Henry, i wanna see what fates she would be in the main storyline, including the main ending i focus on which is triple threat.

inspired by androidcharles, jaytoons7 and bluetorchsky on their OCs fate eheh

now then, shall we dive in to the deep deep sea?

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Before we get to CTM, im gonna dive a bit into ITA, specifically this route:

Rapidly Promoted Executive

Ashley was in the airship when Henry became the leader, she felt familiar towards the figure but doesn't question further in fears of recognize the wrong person. It was only after Henry got captured in the Wall when she realized the new leader is the cousin she is looking for.

(i feel like i have to include this route first due to the relationship between Ashley and Henry)

Anyway, now we dive into CTM!

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Triple Threat (main universe story)

Managed to escape from The Wall along with some fellow Toppat members, and somehow snag a ticket back home in South Korea. She heard about the news regarding the Toppat clan defeat from three US government agents, and set off to the US to find her cousin and trying to bring him back home...... and taking revenge for the Toppats and win this family feud.

Valiant Hero

Despite hearing what happened to Henry at the Wall and felt distraught, she continued on with Toppat work and went along to the space station. She survived from the explosion but lost her job and traumatized. Once returning to SK, she told her family her work had a sudden laid off and cried over losing her cousin and work. Unbeknownst to her, Henry is also crying over a heavy loss somewhere on the other side...

Cleaned 'em Out

She was mad at the stolen valuables, offering her help to investigate who did it. It took a while, but they found out the thief is the same person who contributed to getting the airship division arrested. Upon doing further background checks, Ashley knew what she would do to track her cousin down, and told her fellow Toppats that they "have an advantage", either find the thief himself, or someone from the government.

Special BROvert Ops

Got arrested. While being taken away, she glanced at the two agents and thought one of them looked familiar. Henry happened to look at her direction and saw her glance before the soldier prompted her to move along. Henry brushed it off and continued his convo with Charles. Seeing that Henry turned over a new leaf, Ashley scoffed and felt it's ironic that she was caught instead, saying that "he won again".

Revenged

Died in the wreckage site. Before her death, she barely saw a half cyborg figure, not knowing it was Henry. Some time later in SK, the Min family learnt the news of Ashley's death as well as Henry's death. Discovering that they died in the area where a criminal airship laid near, they wondered if Henry somehow brought Ashley into the criminal life and is the one led to their deaths. Nonetheless, they acknowledged him as family for the last time, and have the cousins' childhood photo as a memorial.

(Alternatively: they have Ashley and a younger Henry's portrait due to not having his most recent photo)

Toppat King

Despite a slight awkward reunion at the start, she is just happy she is able to find him, and "just like old times", she works alongside Henry well and got along with Ellie too. Henry is a bit baffled on the efforts Ashley hiding her true work from their family, but promised he will not rat her out to the family.

Toppat 4 Life

She was surprised that Henry came back from the dead AND protected the clan from government forces, but glad to have him back regardless. Similar to the Toppat King ending minus Ellie.

Toppat Civil Warfare

After the whole dethronement ceremony and the death of Reginald and RHM, she stayed on Ellie's side as a safety net. However, she was EXTREMELY conflicted. For one, she thought it's best to go along with Henry because he's blood relative, but his action in The Wall reminded her of Henry's choice of leaving the family. She wanted to look for Henry on her own but knows there is a chance it will jeopardize hers and Henry's life.

Besides that, her blood relation with Henry is eating her mental state up because if ANYONE on Ellie's side know about the fact, well, let's just say it will not end pretty.

Toppat Recruits

Happy to be reunited with Henry after finding out he joined the Toppat clan. She still tried to convince him to go back home but to no avail. Eventually, she just leave him be on doing his own things in the clan.

Stickmin Space Resort

Happened to be in the rocket when Henry hijacked it. She was surprised to find her cousin stole the rocket even though he was supposed to be dead, but also slightly impressed. Later she became an employee of SSR, being a receptionist and offering language help towards foreign guests. She is also considered as a major contributor on reforming the Toppats on board.

Maybe, just maybe, Ashley is the one who came out with the resort idea.

It is also the only ending that the Min family knows Henry's whereabouts after years without any communication. They were pretty surprised with his decision as a resort owner but welcomed it since it meant he ditched the criminal life. They also thought that Henry was the one who offered Ashley a job in the resort.

Capital Gains

She was in the rocket doing preparations when the crash happened, was angry with how the train got wrecked (with some of her stuff got destroyed) and that RHM died. Did not know it was Henry and Ellie who stole the money cart.

Little Nest Egg

Slightly annoyed for being a little less rich with the money cart stolen, but the incident did not affect her much. She figured they can still earn them back. Again, did not know it was Henry's doing

Master Bounty Hunter

Escaped during the turmoil, managed to return to SK, saying that her job's gone and going to find a new one eventually. She left her hat in her closet, never to be touched upon again. With the main reason to look for Henry gone too, the search for him was also halted

Jewel Baron

Died during the blast, she did not manage to get to an escape pod in time. Henry never knew his cousin was with the Toppats or even in the space station at all, as he is fully focused on the jewels and not caring about anything else. The Min family eventually found out Ashley died and mourned for her. In a last attempt, they tried to call Henry about Ashley's fate, and since he never answered once again, they completely cut off ties with him.

Free Man

With the power in the rocket gone and stuck in space, Ashley was really, really worried if she will ever see her family again. One can only hope the power core will get fixed at all...

Pardoned Pals

Was defending the Toppat clan during the three-way chaos, and barely escaped from the big explosion. With no job to be, she went back home to SK, and left the Toppat life behind. However, she does want to know who caused the rocket to topple...

#ashley jang #thsc #thsc oc #henry stickmin #henry stickmin oc #the henry stickmin collection #guys you dont understand how sad i give myself when writing revenged fate #its also the reason why i switch ashley to cousin from the min family #also i did not expect that SSR is the BEST ending with the cousins until i write it out oh wow #move over TK /j #pardoned pals made me struggle the most cause i honestly dont know if i want to keep her alive or her ded or get her arrested hhhhhh #mai writing invasion

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taegularities · 9 months

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Rid I'm so sad that you're receiving this hate but for me you're one of the kindest people in here. I'm always rooting for you. Sending hugs. 🥰

thank you babe, i think i needed to hear this.. you're the sweetest, all the hugs back 🥺🤍

#dunno if anyone will read the tags but to be fully honest.. someone said it just yday but #it just sucks feeling so lonely bc so many ppl here seem to be in groups and also hate me? i know i cant be liked by everyone that's okay #but all this hate?.. n i see people interact and be friends n stuff and im in my corner here and just extremely lonely #mutuals don't really interact w me either :') and then i always feel awkward and weird bc i think nobody WANTS to be my friend #which used to be different. maybe i deserved it idk #but yeah very lonely and very “everyone hates me” feel and makes me not rlly wanna do tumblr and writing anymore which is why i might close #this blog after cmi :( n wow i think ive never said it that openly and maybe ill delete it all again ufjdjfud ive just been Sad about this #idk i just hate constantly asking myself 'does anyone still care or like me at all' it just sucks #i'm saying all this n anons will once again find a way to send hate lol. just made tumblr very not comforting for me.. and yeah. anyways #thank you to you guys who still send so much love. when i say it means a lot i truly mean it bc it's always nice to know that ppl are still #here 🤍#notes for rid 🌹#anon

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saturnpanther · 1 year

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Do you like Stoken/Stolkien? If so, can have headcanons for them please?? ❤️❤️

OOOOOOO OKAY

So this isn't a main ship of mine, but I actually do really like it. Especially in the context of last nights episode. Although we don't see Tolkien in it- the whole context with the farms and exploring Stan and wealth has me thinking about them.

I understand that this may not be the popular interpretation of the pairing since Stan is down to earth, but i'm inclined to write/feel what I know soooooo let's go.

They could so work with the despondent wealthy youths spending money on fast cars just to feel something trope. I think Tolkien would handle it better, but take Stans dysfunctional upbringing/new found wealth/proximity to Tolkien. Do you know the song Super Rich Kids by Frank Ocean? Yeah.

Thinking about them as late teens/young adults exploring that strange distance where they relate to their peers, and are still down to earth, but also have many new privileges that wealth provides.

At some point they're going to enjoy it and let fucking LOOSE. Because maybe the stress at home is too much, and maybe their friends are being shitty, and it's really easy to blow off steam when you have a little extra cash. I like the idea of them getting lost in a wild youth, and maybe experiencing things together that feel disconnected from reality because they can AFFORD to disconnect from reality.

Of course in this- theres kindness and gentleness. These are good kids. So maybe it gets taxing, and although the sex and glamour of exploring new freedoms is fun, sometimes all they want is the simplicity of a trip to Starks Pond, or a night camping in the woods, sleeping in the bed of Randy's old farm truck. They can vent about expectations, and how much they want to live for themselves, not what their family expects. I see them really enjoying the outdoors, quality time over anything else, and a really stable romance.

Also MUSIC! They would 100% both be into making each other playlists of whatever they're feeling. I think they are both okay with words, but music translates better. They're in Tolkien's room with a vinyl on, just talking until 2am because they feel so comfortable with each other- and the silence with just a song in the background, and Tolkien playing with Stans hair is just as comfortable.

#bye i like this more than style im SOORY #south park #sp #Stoken #Stolkien #stan marsh #tolkien black #wow omg i did not mean to write a whole ESSAY #but I dig this ship!!!!#so thank you for asking!!!!#REAL LOVEEEEE #IM SEARCHING FOR THAT REAL LOVE #the line “panic and patch me up”#MADE FOR THEM #i keep adding tags im crazy #but super rich kids is one of my all time fave songs and I love it for them #its gentle and kind of sad but really beautiful

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welcometohale · 7 months

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I’m sitting in class. Participation is 15% of my grade. The professor talks for a few minutes, pauses for effect. Or was it a pause for comments? The professor continues speaking. Longer this time. Another pause. What was the question? Look away. Don’t make eye contact. Participation is 20% of my grade.

The lectures are easy. It’s a free willing discussion. If you have something to say about a topic you say it in between professor tangents. It sparks a new tangent. A classmate has something to say. Their words are well put together and knowledgeable. They knew this topic before taking the class. This is something they’ve thought about before. I don’t know anything about the topic. I’ve never thought about this. I won’t think about it again after the final. What do I know about? What do I think about? What lecture could I attend and be able to make comments like that?

There's pages flipping, turning to a Romantic poem I’ve never read. I don’t know the page number. No one says it out loud because they know. They mention something about the piece that I don’t notice, even though I read it. Are we reading the same pieces? Participation is 50% of my grade.

A classmate told me in private that they hated this class. Or that they hated the professor. Why are their comments so knowledgeable? How do they seem to know every scrap of information you can only get from internet backrooms and first edition copies of books? How does it all stay in their head?

Someone makes a comment, someone else laughs. An inside joke only to those who have a familiarity with the topic you can only get from studying it in leisure. Because you enjoy it. The professor enjoys the subject, why else would you teach it at a college level? My classmates seem to enjoy it, at least the ones who aren’t actively skipping class all the time. What do I do in my leisure time? What niche am I so knowledgeable about I can talk for hours and impress someone with?

My psychiatrist says it’s not ADHD. She has it, and she would know if I had it. I forgot to tell her all of my symptoms. She prescribes Zoloft. She asks if I’ve ever considered autism. I tell my mom. She’s quiet on the phone call. I know she’s thinking it’s her fault and she worries someone will think she’s a bad parent for not noticing. She wonders how my dad will react. I tell her not to mention it.

Nothing I know a lot about is impressive. None of it can make a classroom discussion more interesting. I can’t speak in a way that people understand. I stumble, I forget to say things, I don’t know how to say it, I don’t speak up. I get notes from the professor. ‘I enjoy what you have to say. I wish you would speak up in class more. Tell me how to help you. You must participate.’ I have conversations with friends and roommates. ‘Why are you so quiet? You have to participate. I participate in my classes all the time. You’re going to fail the class. Why is it so hard for you to speak up.’

I don’t have answers to these questions. I never have. I’ve been called shy. They ignore me when I say I can’t physically speak up. They tell me I just have to get over it. I have to force myself to do things. I have to get used to it. They ignore me when I tell them my body just won’t do the things that I have to.

Participation is 100% of my grade.

#uhhhh heres this i guess #wow taking poetry and non fiction classes is really having some sort of effect on me #anyway yea i made myself sad in my class so i spent the last twenty minutes of class writing this #now im gonna go pick up my prescription and take a nap #hale vents #hale writes

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pepprs · 1 year

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not to keep liveblogging the retreat but it’s over now (it has been for most of the day). i cried so much today and it was amazing. im so sad and so happy and so relieved and so tired and so proud