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kangnina · 3 days

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MDNI - Rich!Jungwon 6

Jungwon Masterlist

Now Playing - Feisty by Jhameel; SINphony by Kim Wooseok

To your surprise, Sunoo’s simple plan was effective. The guards stepped back and just let you leave with him. You're absolutely sure that at least one of them notified Jungwon because he showed up at the art gallery just in time for you to explain the symbolism of your painting to the audience standing in front of you. He stood back behind the gatherers but he did not smile when your eyes met his. It was obvious that he was not happy but maybe you could reason with him. Maybe you could get him to see things your way. As the crowd of people move on to the next exhibit, Jungwon approaches you with two of his guards. “Please don’t make this harder than it has to be, Jagiya,” he says, holding out his hand to you as they step forward. You frown but you take Jungwon’s hand. He leads you out of the building. “I’ll call you!” you hear Sunoo yell from his exhibit as you walk out the entrance. Jungwon shoots Sunoo a death glare. Sunoo rolls his eyes. The car ride is silent– which is far more nerve racking than if he were to lecture you about leaving the safety of your home. When you try to speak, he just raises his hand to silence you before looking out of the window. Wow. He’s really mad… this time it’s because of me. He goes straight to his office. You follow him. This silent treatment can’t go on all night.

“Jungwon, please talk to me.”

“Why? You obviously aren’t going to listen,” he says, pacing back and forth in front of his desk. He runs a hand through his hair but he still doesn’t look at you. Even when he’s frustrated, he still looks absolutely handsome. Grey three piece suit. He must have had a late meeting to still be suited up at this hour.

“People are always going to be jealous of me. I can’t hide forever. You knew this event was important to me.”

“... and I thought you understood that you are important to me. I made that clear,” he snaps, looking at you. His brows are furrowed as he crosses his arms. “What if something happened to you? Do you have any idea how scared I was when I found out you threatened the guards and left– without even telling me? What has gotten into you?” You walk up to him and put your hands on his shoulders.

“It wasn’t my intention to scare you–”

“You disobeyed me.”

“What?”

“You heard me. No more visits from Sunoo. He is not your friend if encourages behavior that puts you in harm’s way.”

“Are you fuckin’ serious? You can't tell me who to be friends with! I am a grown woman. I make my own decisions.” Jungwon raises an eyebrow as he clicks his tongue.

“Then you better be prepared to deal with the consequences.” It surprises you, when he suddenly pulls you to face his desk. Stepping behind you, he presses his hand firmly against your back, making you bend over until your face touches the desk. Jungwon roughly pulls up your pencil skirt and yanks down your panties.

“Jungwon, please–” you say softly, your feisty attitude suddenly evaporates.

“You’re going to count. Loud and clear or I’ll start over.” He smacks your right ass cheek. Hard.

“One,” you yelp. He does it again but on the opposite side.

“Two,” you groan.

“What was that?” he asks.

“TWO!” you shout. Jungwon alternates left to right, making you count up to ten. Your ass is on fire when he finally stops. You hear him unbuckle his belt before you feel him pressing the tip of his cock against your pussy. You hiss as he firmly grabs your sensitive cheeks to spread them so he can watch as he sinks into you. Making a puddle of you already has him on the verge of blowing his load. He pauses to take deep breath, But once he’s deep inside, he shows you no sympathy. Your knees bang against the desk as it scrapes across the wooden floor. Your moans mixed with his grunts, echoing off the walls. His hips meet your sore ass as he drills in completely with each thrust.

“I’m– sss– sorry, Wonie," you whine, eyes squeezed shut to hold back tears.

“Are you?” he growls.

“Yessss.” Jungwon pulls you up, still buried deep in you. His right arm wrapped around your stomach, his left hand around your neck.

“Do not lie to me just because you can't think straight with my dick in you right now," he whispers in your ear as he strokes against your sweet spot making your legs tremble. "Are you gonna be a good girl, Jagiya?”

“Mmm. I’ll be good. Promise. Please. Please. So Close." The pain of your abused ass mixed with tightness from the knot in your core has you feeling delirious. You’re willing to give Jungwon your soul right now if he asks for it. Clenching and panting in desperation. “Please.”

“Not tonight baby,” he says as he suddenly stills, filling you up with his cum. He quickly pulls out of you completely. Ruining your impending orgasm. You crumple over, bracing yourself on his desk; your body shaking with frustration as he straightens himself up and sits behind his desk. “I have work to do. Go to bed. Get some rest, Jagiya.” he says. When you hesitate to move, he tilts his head as he looks at you expectantly. You peel yourself off his desk, fixing your clothes and slowly walk out of the room. His cum dripping through your panties, down your leg.

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@nyfwyeonjun @maymarrylhs @nyxtwixx @ilabjungwon @enha-ism @belowbun @mydearestwonnie @woniesprincess04 @esiromi @crispysharkwizard @snoopypupp @moonlightndaydreams @daydreams-after-dark @wildflowermooon @emi-en

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blue-thief · 2 months

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@galaxynajma here are the actor/artist/writer isakainess hcs i mentioned earlier 🫡 (this got wayy longer than i was expecting it to be so it's basically a fic outline atp

kaiser started off as a child actor which explains... everything

when he was really young he popped up in a few roles for some pretty big movies

his biggest role as a kid though came when he was about ten where he played a big supporting character in a long-running kids' sitcom (think stuff like hannah montana, icarly, etc)

he's more or less cut off contact with his parents but he was fortunate to get a hold of his money once he turned 18

he's since moved out, rents out his own modest apartment, and he's shown up in a few moderately successful things

he's far from being an a-list actor but he's got a decent following

even though most people wouldn't be able to recognize his face, he can mention the stuff he's been in and people will be like "ohh yeah i've heard of that, i've been meaning to check it out"

he usually has to wear makeup to cover up his tattoo. most of his notable roles came before he cut + dyed his hair

his goal is to become an oscar-winning actor and he was able to get the lead role for a really serious film. his new hair just happened to suit the role

meanwhile there's ness the writer

he started off studying something STEM-related to appease his parents. besides, he needs a backup plan just in case the whole writing thing doesn't work out

but he soon dropped out due to being overwhelmed by how intense his competition was

fortunately enough he's still in contact with an ex classmate and he got some money doing copywriting for their side gig's website

on top of that he started submitting flash fiction and poetry to different competitions and magazines like CRAZYYY just to make a little more money

kaiser stumbles across one of his pieces, looks into him a little more, and finds ness's personal blog

he reads up on ness ranting about his parents and how he has no money

at this point kaiser's kinda fallen in love but he doesn't wanna seem too weird

and he reaches out to ness saying, "hey ik this sounds kinda weird but if you really wanna pursue your dreams but you're low on money you can become my roommate"

at first ness is like "wtf is this guy gonna try to kill me"

but he's late on rent and about to get evicted so he's DESPERATE

he agrees to meet kaiser to assess the vibes

and well. obviously ness falls head over heels in love with kaiser

(obv kaiser isn't gonna kill ness but don't follow in ness's footsteps guys you probably won't end up being as lucky)

and it works out great. kaiser's more than happy to cover most of the rent, he's out most of the time filming, and ness just has this bigass apartment where he's got ample space to work

anyway while kaiser's out and about one day he's at this cafe

there's this one worker on break, still in his apron and everything

he's off in the corner doodling something

the worker is isagi

and kaiser notices isagi is drawing HIM

kaiser goes up to him all smug like "wow, are you a fan? you want an autograph?"

and isagi's like "bro idfk who you are i just really liked your tattoo"

they talk a bit and isagi tells kaiser where he can find more of his work

isagi's mostly focused on digital art and commissions but he's also studying animation

kaiser finds his instagram and commissions isagi

"that napkin doodle you made of me was pretty good but i'd love to see how well you can capture my beauty given ample time (and money) ;)"

kaiser quickly becomes isagi's most frequent and highest paying client

you can say he's basically become isagi's (and to an extent ness's) sugar daddy

but kaiser likes to think of himself of those wealthy patrons from the renaissance

kaiser loved swinging by the cafe to ask about isagi's progress on his latest commission

one day he overheard isagi panicking about not being able to pay rent

and kaiser's like "you can move in with me and my roommate if you want"

and well. isagi does exactly that

ness kinda gets all crazy and possessive like "WHO'S THIS HOW DID YOU MEET HIM HOW DO YOU KNOW HE'S NOT-"

suffice to say he and isagi don't get along at first

but kaiser's never home so it's mostly just them on opposite sides of the apartment, sending glares at each other every now and then

it's BECAUSE kaiser is never around that isagi and ness are forced to bond with each other eventually

FUCK THIS POSTED INSTEAD OF GETTING SAVED AS A DRAFT

oh whatever i'll probably make this into a fic and fill in the rest that way 😭😭

#i might make this into a proper fic someday idk #blue lock #bllk #isagi yoichi #yoichi isagi #michael kaiser #alexis ness #kaisagi #kainess #nessagi #isaness #isakainess #kainessagi

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lambertdiary · 8 months

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After All These Years - Chapter Three

‎‎‎‎‎Chapter One ✩ Chapter Two ✩ Chapter Four

Chapter Summary: Y/N and Dalton finally reunite after 10 years, but things quickly get serious and complicated.

Word Count: 1.9k+

Warnings: fluff, spoilers of 'Insidious: The Reed Door", mentions of blood, possessed Dalton, language, angst ending

A/N: I wanna start off by saying that there is a lot of dialogue! I'm not gonna lie, I just wasn't sure how to go about the 'catching up' so I did the best I could! As always please let me know what you think. Also the timeline for the ending of the movie is a little confusing to me so I'm sorry if it doesn't make any sense here 😭 but I really hope you like it!

MASTERLIST ✩ SEND ME A REQUEST

Their reunion was special, something they both craved for ten entire years. They didn’t say anything at first but all their emotions were conveyed through that hug.

“I never thought I would see you again” Dalton was the first to speak once he pulled away.

“I can definitely say the same thing about you!” Dalton guided them and they both sat on his bed “I thought…” She didn’t know if she should tell him how she believed for 10 years that he was dead, but Dalton stared at her waiting for her to finish “I thought you… I thought I lost, like really lost you”

“I don’t blame you” He looked hurt, and he was. Remembering what he has gone through since he moved away was hard.

“What happened then?”

“Uh-“ He let out a nervous laugh “It’s complicated”

“Yeah” Y/N looked down, she wasn’t really expecting a whole life update but she thought he would share at least something, he told Chris didn’t he? They were roommates for like two days and he still opened up to her. Of course it wouldn’t be like when they were kids and they used to tell each other everything, they weren’t kids anymore and she had to keep reminding herself that “So, did you make a new best friend?”

Dalton shook his head, almost embarrassed to admit it “No. Did you?”

“Not like when we were friends, no”

“It would be hard to top that” He chuckled, Y/N joining shortly after.

“I agree. You know, my mom used to describe our friendship like a once in a lifetime connection” She said, standing up front his bed.

“She was probably right” Dalton looked up at her as she paid attention to the wall that was behind them. Y/N could recognize the people on the drawings

“Wow Dalton, you painted all of these?”

He blushed as he stood up next to her “Yeah. I destroyed one the other day, it was of my grandma”

She turned her head to face him “Why would you do that?”

“My art professor, she’s… something else. Not what I expected but she’s fantastic” He looked proud of himself and he should be, considering even Armagan was excited to see what he would do.

“Is that what you’re working on right now?” Y/N asked when she saw an unfinished piece.

“Yeah, it’s my first project for art class”

“What is it? A door?” She was tilting her head trying to decipher what was on the canvas.

“I’m not sure” He whispered.

“You’re not sure?” Dalton shook his head and Y/N could feel he was hiding something “I know this is a weird question but… were you just in my room?”

Dalton looked at her in pure shock, why would she know that? He knew that she heard him but why would she know that was him? “How would you-” But he didn’t know how to finish his question.

“Dalton, what’s going on?”

He hesitated for a moment, but ultimately decided to tell her. If someone could understand what was happening, it was her “Something really weird is happening to me. Ever since I got here I have been seeing things… things you would only see in your nightmares but they are real. I saw a kid at a frat party and he was dead, they said there was an incident and 10 minutes later I saw him in one of the bathrooms” He got closer to the unfinished canvas “This painting, that’s how it all started. The first day she asked us to dig deep into our memory and as soon as I did something came back to me, something from my past that I didn’t know existed and tonight I fell asleep and then I woke up in a… different dimension that was like a dream but it wasn’t a dream, and I went to see Chris” Y/N raised her eyebrows “I know how it sounds, but I’m telling the truth”

“So what you told me when we were kids, that you could fly out of your body… that was real?”

“I told you that?” Dalton’s eyebrows furrowed, why can’t he remember doing something like that?

“Yeah, you used to- you talked about it a lot. And when we said goodbye the day you moved away you said you’d visit. I can’t remember if I believed you or not but-“

“Did I?” Y/N looked at him confused “Did I visit you?”

She denied softly, not wanting to sound like she was resenting him “No. I overheard my parents say that you were in a coma so… I don’t think I waited for you”

Dalton nodded, a guilty feeling coming to him “Did I ever mention a red door?”

“No, sorry. I don’t think you did”

“Do you remember anything about me going to this other place?”

“Uh- not really, only that you could go there when you were sleeping and that sometimes you could see other… things in there with you” Y/N swallowed, getting nervous he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to but Dalton remained silent. He didn’t understand the fact that this was something he could do but didn’t remember at all “Why? What’s going on?”

“I think I made a mistake, I’m getting closer to something… or something is getting closer to me” Y/N was trying to process everything that he was saying, she wanted to help him but she didn’t know how.

“And this red door, it has something to do with it?”

“I think it does” They both looked at the painting, Y/N didn’t think she would be walking into this when he knocked on his door but whatever it was, she wanted to support him “Anyway, how are things?” He rushed to change the subject when he got a bad feeling.

“Good I guess. I’m still right where you left me” She chuckled, but noticed Dalton’s smile fade away “Sorry, I just meant that I didn’t move, all this time I stayed there”

“I’m sorry”

“For what?”

“Moving away” Y/N looked at him confused as to why he would apologize for something he had no control over “I always felt guilty after leaving” “Dalton you were like 9, what other choice did you have?”

“I didn’t but I wish I didn’t have to leave, or at least that we didn’t lose contact after I did”

“Yeah, me too. Things changed a lot after you left, the new neighbors were this old couple who got really mad when it was too noisy outside”

“I guess they didn’t sell lemonade during the summers?”

“No” She snickered at the memory of her neighbors, she never liked them but it makes sense why “At least they didn’t get rid of the lemon tree, that would’ve been a bummer” She said, giggling. Dalton looked at her with affectionate eyes, there was something so nostalgic about it, about her “So you went to a frat party?”

It was now his turn to laugh, admitting that was embarrassing for some reason “Yeah, my dad thought I would want to join and Chris made us go when she found the flier”

“Right, that makes more sense. I never would’ve taken you for a frat dude”

“Wow, you still know me better than my own father does, even after all these years”

Y/N looked at him muddled, as far as she can remember him and his dad always had a great relationship “What happened with your dad?”

“Uh…”

“Sorry, we don’t have to talk about it” Dalton lt out a nervous laugh, he was prepared to talk about his family, but a yawn interrupted him “I guess it’s getting late”

Dalton looked at the time and noticed how late it was. Y/N started to walk out and he was following her, until she stopped just outside of his dorm “Let’s talk tomorrow after class, I have a few things I wanna show you”

“Okay” He replied “I’m sorry I scared the shit out of you”

They laughed together, just like old times “It’s okay, just don’t ever do it again”

Y/N went back to her room. She was happy about what just happened, she felt like her inner child healed a little when she saw Dalton again. But most importantly, she was relieved it was actually him.

The next morning Chris was really excited to know that Dalton was Y/N’s Dalton, and she was humble enough to give herself all the credit of their reunion. Y/N liked her a lot, she could sense that they would become great friends, and not being alone in her room made her feel better.

The day couldn’t go by any slower. Y/N kept checking the time every 5 minutes. Of course she was excited (and honestly a little anxious) about seeing Dalton again and show him all the pictures and memories she brought with her. Good thing she was in a better mood now, for her things were finally falling into place, she wasn’t as stressed out with her new routine, she was making friends and she was getting used to being away from her old life.

Dalton on the other hand, he saw something weird during art class, again. He felt like the more he worked on the painting the deeper he got in whatever this was. The progress was showing but he still couldn’t recognize the person on the canvas, and at this point he wasn’t sure he even wanted to. Once he was back in his dorm he called his brother with a lot of questions, but unfortunately hung up with no answers. He knew that if he wanted to know what was haunting him or what the red door meant, he would have to go find the answers himself. He was willing to do that, but he couldn’t put anyone he knew at risk, especially not Y/N.

Dalton: Something came up, can we meet up tomorrow instead?

Y/N stared at the message for a while, devastated, but she didn’t wanna seem bitter about it.

Y/N: No problem! See you tomorrow then :)

With a free afternoon, she decided to catch up on one of her big group projects and head to the library with a few other students to work there. School work was consuming but being with a bunch of people who couldn't care less about it made it a million times worse. Y/N was working her hardest to not snap at the other kids, only one of the girls was actually contributing but she could feel her eyelids getting heavier by the second.

She didn’t realize it was night time until she got a message from Chris, looking at the time before she read what it said.

Chris: Come to Dalton’s dorm Chris: NOW!

Y/N literally ran out of there, she didn’t even have time to give any explanations to anyone (not that she cared) as she just grabbed her backpack and sprinted to Dalton’s dorm. Once she was standing outside, she tried knocking on the door. It was so quiet and dark inside she thought the room was empty, until she heard Chris yell out her name.

She tried opening the door but it didn’t work, trying a few more times and finally forcing it open. Nothing could have prepared her for what was inside: Chris laying on Dalton's bed and Dalton looking back at her like a disturbing embodiment of darkness, eyes as fiery as the sun and blood flowing out of his mouth.

tag list! @emilyahgreen27 @chloekienzle @llvmos @mayathepsychic1999 @daltonshotgf @i2raggi @taymour13 @maddiescinema @fluentmoviequoter @omgrachwrites [If you wanna be removed from my tag list please let me know!]

#after all these years #dalton lambert #dalton lambert x reader #dalton lambert fluff #dalton lambert imagine #dalton lambert fic #dalton lambert fanfic #dalton lambert imagines #insidious #insidious the red door #insidious 5 #ty simpkins

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tokiro07 · 9 months

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In a recent interview about the Undead Unluck anime, Shonen Jump editor Takumi Hashimoto noted that Tozuka is a fan of Tom and Jerry and that he wanted UU to have a similar comedic atmosphere

And wow, once you know that? Not only is it really obvious in Andy's initial pursuit of Fuuko, it also explains where Tozuka gets his ideas for how inventively Andy can hurt himself

Like no one else is getting brutalized nearly as much as Andy, obviously because they have the survival instincts to not be constantly taking hits, but it just feels so odd that every attack goes through him like butter. Knowing that he was inspired by Tom and Jerry slapstick though? Yeah, I can absolutely see Andy walking through an extended ironing board and simply splitting in half as he keeps going, why not?

This also once again reinforces what I said about Undead Unluck having a really similar vibe to One Piece; if Luffy is the embodiment of rubber hose animation, then Andy is the embodiment of animated slapstick. They're both cartoons adapted to the context of a battle manga, which forces them to be extremely imaginative and oftentimes humorous in relatively dark situations. The contrast is more notable for UU since it's gory, but both are energetic, fun-loving cartoons in worlds that think they're political or fantasy war dramas

The slapstick theme gets even better though when you realize that the other lead, Fuuko, also perfectly facilitates that sort of comedy despite not being immortal, and for one simple reason: because of her Unluck. Andy can survive anything that happens to him, but what good is a Tom without a Jerry to drop a crate of bananas on his head?

Unluck creates slapstick situations, even if at first they were fatal. Andy once got hit by a truck that threw him into the mouth of a shark because he thought he got off easy from the truck. That's hilarious, and exactly the kind of thing that would happen to Tom. Fuuko has learned how to use Unluck so as not to kill people, and this has resulted in her being able to basically just pull pranks on people if she wants to (ex: dropping a bowl of noodles on Mei's head during an otherwise serious martial arts battle)

They're two sides of the same coin, the slapper and the receiver, and they're expertly balanced so that even if one of them is missing for an extended period of time, the other is perfectly capable of holding up the series' brand of humor on their own merits

I wonder what other fun revelations about Undead Unluck will be unearthed in the days to come

#undead unluck #fouryearsandananime #uu spoilers

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makingspiritualityreal · 3 months

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Lessons from my Anime Phase

Many years ago, before I matured into my spiritual journey, this used to be an anime blog. I don't regret this phase of my life, even though I completely outgrew it, because I believe it taught me something important.

The content of a creation is more important than the form. There is anime (sadly not as many as you would think) that is a good piece of art. There are regular movies that suck. These years taught me to look deep beyond the surface form and into the meaning of any creation. I'm still waiting for a movie as good at depicting the power of wishful thinking and self repression as Perfect Blue.

Supressing one's emotions leads to serious repercussions. One of the reasons some people find anime so weird is because it is literally an outlet for the collective mentality and emotionality of Japanese societal pressure. It feels exaggerated, but it is a reaction to the external forced numbness and politeness the Japanese society is plagued with. If you don't deal with how you feel regularly and don't express it and process it, if you don't make friends with your demons, you keep bubbling like a cauldron. It leads to having a very edgy, very draining life, not being present with yourself. It leads to not being able to function and ultimately making simple things feel like the end of the world.

Getting older is awesome. I would never come back to my past. Every morning felt like torture. Sometimes, even if life is never perfect, it moves you on in simpler ways that allow for balance. Establishment of healthy routines does wonders for mental peace. The Universe putting you in an environment where you can do that, after years of having that taken away from you, feels blissful. With time comes perspective and you can see your life shaping up and taking you somewhere. That allows you to approach the rest of your life with the same philosophy. I can read this post another 10 years into the future, and think wow, my life got even better. But at least now I am relaxed about it and don't overthink how every tiny little thing can go and I don't try to control or micromanage the future.

Youth is overrated. Hottness is overrated. Very few people really get to enjoy being young and hot, and those that do, are probably on Youtube's most watched list now. Being young and hot only pays off if you happen to be an artist, you're in a good film, or you're lucky enough to be in a music video. With those things, you build a legacy you will have forever. But most young women spend their youth and beauty on dating guys they wish they could forget in their 30s. At least I can say I spent it on spiritual growth, which I am really proud of. I was younger and "hotter" once, but paradoxically I feel like I'm becoming more beautiful. I had absolutely no benefits from being young and hot. I had no good relationships and everyone irl always criticized me for breathing. I never felt attractive. My highlights were compliments from my online friends, because noone around me actually thought well of me in my physical life. I'm married now, but this is my first serious adult relationship. I didn't have any good relationships that really appreciated my looks back then. So whatever has passed, hasn't really been used anyway. I was very insecure because I lived surrounded by unfair criticism from many people, who should have been supporting me but betrayed me. Maybe some people have fun in their youth, I honestly didn't. Moving away from all the people that made my youth something I'm glad to put behind me was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Being different growing up is hell for everybody, no matter what form it takes. Being an outcast is probably the number one debilitating thing that makes youth difficult. You have no role models, you have no support, you endure extra pressure. But over time, even those that are different end up finding their place, and they realise they were just different to people around them in their early environment, but they're not that different from the rest of the world.

#spiritual journey #spiritual growth #spirituality #spiritual awakening #personal

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hanmi-xo · 7 months

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Seventeen Complimenting You

S C E N A R I O S | O N E S H O T S | S M U T | M A I N

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How I think the Seventeen members would compliment you.

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Seungcheol: "You're really beautiful. The most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life." He'd be in awe by your beauty but be shy about it at first until you make eye contact with him. That's when he never pulls back. He would gaze at you as if you're the only person in his world.

Jeonghan: "Of course you're beautiful. Isn't it obvious?" He knows how amazing you look, but he is never good at expressing himself through words. For you to ask if you look okay seems like a ridiculous question, because to him you will always look great.

Joshua: "You're beautiful." He would say it when you're looking away from him so he could admire you without you noticing. He's the type to randomly say a compliment just so he can see you get shy. He loves randomly teasing you just to get a reaction.

Junhui: "...You're really pretty." He would be shy but he would want you to know how eye-catching you are. He seems careful with his words but would want to say more when the time is right. Seeing you get flustered is enough for him.

Soonyoung: "You're really pretty! I swear! I'm not lying!" You wouldn't know if he is being serious or not since he likes joking around with you. He would be upset and do his best to make sure you know how amazing you look. He wants you to know how he honestly feels about you even if you try to push him away.

Wonwoo: "Beautiful." Surprisingly romantic, he would tell you you're beautiful when you don't think you are. He would ruffle your hair so your attention would be on him and not on your insecurities. He'll always make sure you're okay even if he's far quieter than the other members.

Jihoon: "Yes, you're beautiful, okay?" He seems like the type to not want to admit things if it makes him feel embarrassed. So for him to call you beautiful takes a lot out of him. He would be flustered afterwards and cover his face to avoid making eye contact with you.

Dokyeom: "Beautiful. Amazing. Gorgeous..." He would not stop throwing compliments at you even if some might be references to memes. It didn't matter if you were down, upset, or frustrated, he would always tell you the aspects that makes you extravagant to him. He's a romantic and he'll make sure you feel loved.

Mingyu: "Don't be silly. Of course you're beautiful." He isn't shy when it comes to complimenting you. He seems confident when he's around you and he even feels more comfortable talking to you. To him, you're his home and he can say whatever is on his mind.

Minghao: "Are you dumb? Do you want me to call you ugly? How do you not know you're beautiful?" He's sassy but he's loving. His remarks can be a surprise at first but that's just how he is. He'll admit you're beautiful but it'll annoy him if you think you aren't. He'll straighten you out so you can see how gorgeous you are to him.

Seungkwan: "Wow, amazing. Perfect." He would clap his hands at you while he admired your existence. To him you were like an art piece that is worth his praise. Before he would be awkward with praising you, but once he got comfortable, it's like a natural thing to him.

Hansol: "You look good. Beautiful as always." He's nonchalant. He doesn't make a big deal nor does he make it awkward. He's cool with it. Your beauty is obviously acknowledged and he makes it known by physical touch and his way of looking at you.

Chan: "Beautiful? Yes! You're beautiful!" He seems like the type to fumble his words because he has too much energy. He'll express himself with honesty, but be a bit clumsy with himself. It's what makes him cute and humorous. He'll get shy afterward and try to calm his nerves so he can speak to you without feeling embarrassed.

• • •

S C E N A R I O S | O N E S H O T S | S M U T | M A I N

#seventeen scenarios #svt scenarios #seventeen fanfic #svt fanfic #seventeen fluff #svt fluff

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pixxyofice · 5 months

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god wow that ai post really WAS that bad. and from such a promising artist too!! And while I can somewhat see the point of originality cause fanart is based off preexisting stuff, trying to say someone's fanart isn't someone's own true art is so fucking stupid. Like I'm so serious that's so godamn stupid. Inspiration is an inherit human thing! Ofc every piece of media ever is inspired by something, even old shit like superman, dragonball and mario! Acting like that doesn't mean it's someone's "true art" is so arrogant and dumb, especially when trying to make the case that ai isn't bad.

wow it's been a while since a post annoyed me that bad but seriously ai has been the enemy for writers, voice/live-action actors, and artists for months! How is the point missed that badly!

YEAH RIGHT???? like uhhh inspiration comes free with your fucking creativity!! ai has none of that, just algorithms.

Tracing isn't even like ai either, it's practice- knowing how shapes work, and with enough of it, can influence a style... or can simply help inform you how to change it up! Which AI inherently can't do on it's own. It's aggregate date things.

And I'm also tired of ai defenders saying it frees things up for disabled people to make art. Which is wrong! They can always make some type of art without the use of complicated stealing ai which scours places for data sets to smash into itself.

Art can be anything. AI maybe could've been handy- a system to see something similar about your own art, a system that provides something you want to put your own spin on

But no. AI is stealing, and AI is being used to PUT ARTISTS OUT OF JOBS COMPLETELY. I saw a post that claimed that there's been scares like this before, but none of the technology before then just outright made """"new"""" looking art...

We don't need copyright protection, we need restrictions on those AI systems. And if they want to work on making AI better after we make sure employers, uh, Don't? Try to replace artists with things that can make """new""" art, then I think that's fine.

Not to go even further on a tangent but uhhh you know the gay sex cat picture that was ai created and the creator made a bit of a point about which I forgot because once others figured out it was ai generated I deleted and ignored?

Well I was just thinking about that and it's like. If it weren't for the fact that AI has been just rampantly stealing from artists, it would've been a pretty funny post. It's fuckin gay sex cats. But because of the AI thing, we tossed it.

'Stop training the system that will only be used to further devalue artists' kinda thing.

Remember right when the thing started, where there wasn't much data and it was just kinda freaky? People used that for inspiration. That's not stealing, that's exercising creativity, and I just. Ughh.

Thanks for ranting and enabling this rant now uhhh I'm not tagging this except for long post.

#long post #if this gets outside my circle im killing people but im making it rebloggable for my mutuals

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silawastaken · 3 months

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HELLO, ITS CHRIXYTY FROM AO3!!!! i decided to make a tumblr account just so i can interact with you on here :3 why? because i can. dont question me. i do strange things sometimes. (a lot of the time) but dont we all?

(i was serious when i said i would stop hovering like a ghost and start interacting. you better expect a LOT of comments from me from now on BECAUSE I JUST NEED TO SHOW MY APPRECIATION.)

ANYWAYS CHAPTER 13 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ THANK YOU FOR THIS WONDERFUL PIECE OF ART. THIS WHOLE FIC IS A MASTERPIECE AND I LOVE THE ANGST !!! (ESPECIALLY DAZAI ANGST 🤗)

like im not even joking no fic has ever made my heart pound every second i read it before...like literally nothing could be happening and my heart is pounding at 150 bpm like damn its so good you might give me a heart attack frfr.

chuuyas so dense but i can kinda get his point of view :( UGH the slow burn is just making me anticipate the moment he finds out dazai's his soulmate even more...(betting chuuya will punch dazai out of anger because he realises dazai did all those things to himself...and then he'll feel the pain from the punch and be 100% certain and will start bawling cause idk emotion overload?? i can imagine it but yea im yapping a lot haha)

OH AND HIS FRIENDS FINDING OUT ABOUT ODAS DEATH??? AHH

also it makes me happy when authors refer to the canon universe in their fics somewhere like when dazai called his friends his "little detective agency" like its a small detail but it just makes me happy.

okay im SERIOUSLY yapping way too much but i needed to get all this out somewhere. my bsf is getting sick of me talking so much grrrrr >:(

(permission to one day when this fic is finished print it all out and bind it?? so i can forever keep it as like a memento and pass it down to future generations so they too can appreciate this amazing piece of literature??)

wow i wrote a lot. if only i could write this much for my fic in such a short time during writer's block.

WAITWAITWAITWAIT. I NORMALLY TRY TO ANSWER THESE TOPIC BY TOPIC BUT BINDING. MY. FIC???? HELL YES YOU HAVE PERMISSION WHAT THE HELL??? THAT'S SO COOL??? if i ask very nicely would you make me one too..? I'd pay postage and everything 🙏🙏 i wish i had the patience to bind fics into books but it requires so much time and patience that I don't have 😭

My only thing I would want to say is that I plan on revising some of the earlier chapters where it doesn't quite flow the way the rest of the chapters do, so if I finish it before I've done that (which probably won't happen, but just in case), I would recommend waiting a little!

ANYWAY. making an entire tumblr acc just to interact with me here? ...that's dedication man🫡 I already said it but I appreciate EVERY comment i get so i will be waiting with baited breath after every chapter!!

Glad you're loving the angst tho, I'm having a lot of the time throwing dazai and chuuya into a washing machine full of stones every chapter. great character building.

The reveals are gonna be so fun I can't wait to write them honestly. I'm so excited!!! Still got ages to go tho, so strap in it's gonna be a while.

I ALSO LOOOOVE REFERENCING THE CANON WHILE WRITING. THE NYE FLASHBACK WHERE DAZAI THINKS ABOUT HIS CONVERSATION WHERE THEY WANT TO BE DETECTIVES. OMG. I WAS SO PROUD OF THAT. AND THE 'soulmate detective agency'.

Do not feel bad about writing a lot cause I loved reading this and responding and once again YOU HAVE FULL PERMISSION TO BIND IT ONCE IT'S DONE.

#love talking to people #please keep yapping in my asks bc they're always so fun to read #bsd #ao3 fanfic #soukoku #soukoku fanfiction #bsd fanfic #silas yaps

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the-ultimate-dissapointment · 2 years

Text

This whole thing is about old fan art from a scrapped fan fiction

Tw for emotional distress and sally yelling

Okay so the premise was basically going to be: Wordgirl goes missing and so does Becky Botsford. Her parents put two and two together.

The whole family, minus Becky and Bob, would be sitting at the dinner table in silence. TJ would be anxiously picking at his food, looking between his parents who were more serious than he had ever seen them. Sensing the tension, Tim allows TJ to leave, leaving him and Sally alone. They sit in silence before Sally says “ We can’t not talk about it anymore.”

Tim glances off, trying to avoid the subject again but Sally has had none of it. The cops can not find their daughter and they both know why. They knew something was wrong when the doctor couldn’t register her saliva during flue tests, when she was solving complex crosswords at age three, when she went her whole childhood never bleeding or bruising when she fell, but they didn’t have all the pieces until now.

Sally lays it out so loudly and clearly that Tim can’t ignore it, and they both end up in tears because they know their baby girl is in trouble.

But once the tears dry up, they’re determined to do whatever they can to find her now that they know who they’re looking for.

Wow this was way more melodramatic then I thought it’d be,, I just wanted a reason to post this old art

#wordgirl #becky wordgirl #becky botsford #sally botsford #tim botsford #tj wordgirl #tally wordgirl #cause they’re married #wordgirl angst #tw yelling #tw angst #Tw disappearance

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efrmellifer · 8 months

Text

XVI. Fiction (Jerk)

heavily suggestive. Post-EW.

Cup of tea tenuously balanced on a saucer in one hand, Etien settled into straddling Estinien’s lap. “What are you reading?” she asked, setting the cup and saucer down on the table behind her.

“You are aware we’re in public, yes?”

She giggled. “And what do you think people will do or say to us?”

He sighed. “A fair point.”

“So. What are you reading, Estinien?” She gently tipped the book toward her, reading its words upside-down. “Oh, dear gods. And you’re worried about me sitting in your lap in public?”

“Don’t be—”

“A jerk?” she finished for him, giggling again.

“Aye.”

She let go of the book, deadly serious as she cupped his cheeks, so he’d look her in the eyes. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to… make fun of you? Judge you? None of that. I’m sorry.”

“I know,” he said, looking away. She dropped her hands.

“You didn’t when you found the art,” Estinien said finally, voice quiet, “so I would hardly imagine you would now.”

“Is this an offshoot of that?”

“If you are asking if it is illustrated, it is not. Though that might have been a pleasant choice for the publishing press to make.”

Etien tipped her head, curious.

“One of the artists whose drawings I have purchased more than once contacted me about a friend of his who was writing pieces of fiction. As he told it, she has made quite a name for herself writing titillating works about the Warrior of Light. This is not her first novel, and they have only gotten more legitimate as she has gone on.”

“They have?”

“The first ones were simply passed, hand-written and hand-bound, between the hands of writer and reader in the market square. Then the next was mass-printed on a printing press, but still distributed in small batches, through the Postmoogles. Now, they have a devoted printer and readership.”

“Oh, wow,” Etien mused. “Have you read the other ones?”

“Not by this author. And I do not know if I wish to read her other works.”

Etien shifted, picking up her tea again and sipping it, saucer held at her chest. “And why’s that? Is something wrong with them?”

“Well, as was the case with the art, the love is missing. Too much raw passion, not enough genuine affection.”

“Well, I assume she—I?—the Warrior of Light is only having flings or one-night stands in these novels? Or have they invented some long-term lover for her, me, the Warrior?” She put her teacup down again, clattering with the force of her frustration, not knowing how to refer to the subject of those stories.

“See for yourself.”

She took the book, eyes flicking back and forth as she read. Eyes widening as she read.

Against his thigh, Estinien felt Etien’s tail straighten in shock, flick in fluster, and thump against him in confused frustration.

She read on, though, turning the page as her brow furrowed, eyes still devouring the text. Finally having had enough, she marked the book and closed it, pressing it against Estinien’s chest. “Well, I have to say, I’m impressed you read this without blushing to the ends of your ears.”

“It is certainly lurid.” He laughed when he realized the insides of Etien’s ears were pink.

“I… cannot identify who this man could possibly be. He’s like no one I’ve ever met. No one I’ve ever been interested in—not even T’ahn.”

He set the book next to Etien’s teacup. “From what I understand, she was involved with a woman in the last installment. So the author had that correct, up to the point that said woman was not in fact an auri ninja from Doma, but a pirate—from the Sanguine Sirens, if I heard right.”

“Goodness,” Etien mumbled.

“But you see what I mean? All steam, nothing underneath it.”

Etien hummed. “You’re just too used to the real thing.”

Now Estinien blushed.

#fic #ffxivwrite2023 #minor edits made

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faffreux · 1 year

Note

how did you fall in love with fawful? when did you realize you loved him? /gen

So I've been trying to type an answer to this for 20 minutes now, no joke. But at some point I realized I was going on a tangent and had literally typed out an entire draft for the first chapter of the essay about this that I want to write so I think those words are better saved for when they may eventually come about, LOL.

It's a complicated story. I don't say that lightly - I'm serious. There's just a lot to it and it's hard to sum up as a result.

But I'll just tell you that there was 7 years of my life where I felt as if I'd never really draw again and like I'd completely lost the confidence for what was once my favorite thing in the world. I went through those seven years BARELY picking up a pencil. I didn't create hardly at all compared to when I was much younger.

On January 1st, 2020 I sat in my room with a pencil and piece of notebook paper in my hands and through tears I said aloud: "I just want to draw again. I don't care what it is... I don't care what comes out. Just... anything. Anyone. Please. I want it to feel like it did before." And in frustration I put my pencil to paper and the first thing that appeared was a familiar face I hadn't seen nor thought of in almost the same amount of time as it had been since I felt my art go missing.

In that moment my pencil seemed to become one of these:

Something sparked in my head again - some part of me I truly felt like I'd lost forever. The first thing I did immediately after that was go online and order both Superstar Saga and Bowser's Inside Story so I could play them again since I hadn’t since 2010.

I played through SSS first and had a bLAST. WOW, I missed this game!! Fawful made me giggle - he was just as entertaining as I remembered him.

Then I played BIS... and uh.................... we'll just say you're talking to somebody who had never experienced a legitimate crush in his entire life prior and suddenly felt his cheeks turn hot at the sight of this bean dancing on the lit stage of the Fawful Theatre. My roommate looked over and asked me from across the room: "Why are you so red? Are you okay?"

And the rest is history.

Everything truly blossomed later on when he began showing up in my dreams and I continued to deepen the love I felt through the art I was finally able to create again.

While I originally created Jolligig completely separate from Fawful, he eventually became the channel I used to express and project the joy and adoration I felt for him. But I LOVE the life he’s taken on since then!! And how excited I STILL AM ABOUT ALL OF THIS.

#fawfultalk #asks

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honnojis · 1 year

Note

hello Zumi have you ever tried competitive Pokémon on smogon?

Nop, never really was my thing. I used to play on showdown, sure, but it'd usually be random battles or hackmons. Actual competitive play stressed me out a bit too much, and I had a really terrible experience when i tried getting into it a bit more by applying for a spot as a leader for an online league, so I've just never bothered since.

Shoutout to Bibs for being a homie w/ hackmons/random battles tho. that shit was fun and i miss it sometimes

For the drama bit, I'll just put it under the cut bc no one really needs to see a wall of text ab me getting salty about it again but wow i sure still think about it sometimes. this was all skype era shit btw, but it's arguably one of the very few things that literally had me seething, which is why I've never bothered with anything comp related since

Funnily enough, the drama wasn't even related to the actual competitive aspect of the whole league that I was supposed to be a part of -- it was bc someone on the league's board committee was awfully petty and two-faced LOL… All bc they didn't like I was potentially going to overshadow their work.

I actually knew them well before this. They were pretty friendly towards me at first, and they initially approached me because wanted to learn how to do pixel art better, so I taught them! They acted really grateful when I gave them advice, and hell, they even did some sprites for Rejuvenation at the time as it was at a time that I was extremely busy with school.

Now fast forward a bit, and a group of ppl from the same community set up an online Showdown league, with leaders for each type. That person was on the board committee, but some other members of the board committee were going behind their back in order to actually recruit me for the league as a leader. I passed the tryouts, and got into the group.

Kicker is, the reason why they went behind the person's back, is bc apparently That Person(TM) was absolutely adamant about not wanting me on the team!

The reason for that?

They didn't want me there so I couldn't get a chance to do any art for the league, because they were afraid they'd get overshadowed by me.

This sounds like bragging, and god i fucking WISH I was kidding in that regard, but I'm completely serious 💀 Apparently ANOTHER league wanted my assistance for sprites, but because That Person(TM) was already on the team, they started throwing a shitfit about how they absolutely could NOT work together with me without wanting to give a real reason, they just kept insisting that they absolutely couldn't. The chatlogs of these moments were sent to me after a group of ppl who were getting aggression aimed at them from the person.

I kinda pieced things together because they were sucking up to me for art advice until they learned what they needed, then I lost contact with them until I got drafted for the league, after which they just... Wanted to chew me out instead, lol. despite never having done anything to prompt such hatred. all i did was help and be nice. and after seeing the logs it kinda clicked in my head that that's what was going on.

funnily enough this all happened around the time they were sucking up to jan bc they were asked to do some work for rejuv, but that shit fell through real quick once jan got the logs of all the shit they've been saying lmao

A whole bunch of shit happened after that, but basically I left the league, some ppl left bc I left, other members got fed up w/ That Person(TM)'s shit and the whole league crumbled before it ever got the chance to take off LOL.

It's genuinely one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced that someone abused my trust in a person like that, only using me for my skills, and it actually gave me some trust issues for a few years whenever people asked me for art advice!

i had a whole document of bullshit that this person pulled. i still actually have it somewhere, and frankly i probably should just delete it at some point bc it has no use and i haven't seen this person around in a long time bc they basically got chased out of the community for being a shithead. in my defense for that document though, the fact that a person drove me to get so mad that i started collecting receipts on them kinda tells how hurt i got about this whole situation. to say they were an awful person not only just to me but to a lot of my friends as well is an understatement

#zumi answers #Anonymous #anyways sorry for the rant under the cut im just. bitter i guess

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nights-at-crystarium · 2 years

Text

Rambling about Vivi and my relationship with the game

Okay the response to my previous post was bigger than I anticipated, you guys are making me feel supported and valid and thank you so much for that ;o; <3

I’m an anxious person and an overthinker. Should I just make art posts and occasional headcanons/analyses/observations? Should I be more personal? I made this blog with this specific purpose to be openly cringe about my new obsession, so I guess there’s no point in trying to moderate myself, worst case scenario people will just scroll past something that doesn’t interest them, right?

I’ve never really told you how I got into the fandom and how Vivi was born, although it’s a peculiar story. Maybe I’ll talk about my ✧content plan✧ too if there’s still post space left. So if you wanna know more about that, I invite you under the cut!

The background’s a bit depressing, a fair warning. I’ve been an mmo and oc nerd since 2012, my first game was Wakfu: quit in 2015-2016 but kept the ocs, about a dozen of them, still hoping to tell their stories one day, then GW2: another dozen characters that never really got the chance to grow into ocs. By the time I started poking around in ARR in 2021 I felt listless and fandom-homeless so to say. Both Wakfu and GW2 are pretty obscure to begin with, then the games themselves strayed too far from my standards and expectations, that on itself is worth a huge rant but this isn’t the place and time. Games do fail, fandoms do die down. I still play GW2 to this day since I find its mechanical aspect, a loud word fully deserved: perfect, it’s plain fun.

But in late 2021, when I still slogged through ARR on my own, I also watched WoodenPotatoes, my fav GW2 youtuber, play all the way up to 5.5. I share a lot of common traits with that guy, namely the cynicism :’D I was like, show me what you’ve got, convince me why you’re such a critically acclaimed game. GW2 and FFXIV are polar opposites in several ways, I won’t derail into comparisons either, just wanna say that I had my standards and a lot of criticism for the mechanical side of FFXIV (spoiler: I still do, but there are other empty niches that FFXIV fills for me!). I was in a full cynic mode, and even that didn’t stop me from being completely blown away, wiped from the surface of Earth when I saw the aforementioned guy play and comment on ShB.

Turns out there was one box unticked for me, I didn’t only feel unwelcome in my old games/fandoms, I also missed the safety and trust you have in FFXIV concerning the lore/story. Despite being an artist with a knack for oc development and interactions, I thought of myself as a mechanical mmo player. You know, raids, pvp, tryharding. I still find great joy in that, geez, I play GW1 (one) which regularly hands me my ass on a plate and I LOVE that, but yeah, I didn’t realize I also needed the comfort of knowing that I can emotionally invest in a game’s story and characters without worrying about the immediate future.

*claps hands together* Here comes the catboy!!!!

I’ll drop the highly specific and personal details for now since those are worth a full essay on their own, just gotta emphasize how much I needed this story and this character right then and there, at the end of 2021. The more I thought about him, the more at home I felt. That I could still survive into my thirties, go through everything in my life, feel nearly drained of will to live and create, and then meet a character that’d bring me back up to 100 within months, if not weeks.

My personal life’s still a mess too big to even mention it, so I won’t. I’m just aggressively burying my head in the sand and hyperfocusing on the new comfort zone. You can tell I’m being productive, each art on this blog is like, me actively trying to comfort myself, luckily it works every time.

So, new game, new passion, what about the character I experience that passion through? My WoL was a lala.

My WoL was a lala.

Look I didn’t even glam her properly..... I just loved the hilarity of the dragoon class flavor + pink potato, I farmed those sweet commendations because of that. I also had a catgirl on another account, I actively tried to find a character that’d click with me, that’d ground me in the game world.

I’d just watched WoodenPotatoes’ complete playthrough up to 5.5, my own progress was still at ARR, these two lovely lasses were.. Lovely, but I didn’t vibe with them. Bluntly speaking with the privilege of hindsight: my gay ass wasn’t at peace. I tend to gravitate towards male ocs.

Third time’s the charm, eh?

I was going into my own playthrough knowing that ShB isn’t only a storytelling masterpiece, but a vicious dating sim as well. My only braincell was already fixated on Raha and I needed a character for him.

That probably separates Vivi from many other WoLs. He was born for ShB, for Raha, with a specific purpose. Why elezen? Because, firstly, I’ve already been drawing elf people since 2012, it’s my comfort zone, secondly, by the time I dove into ShB I was acutely aware of the catboy WoL army, other races just never clicked with me, elezen however is the obscure cool kid among this bustling party of cat and bunny people. *shrugs* I just can’t help myself! I told you about Wakfu and GW2 specifically to point out that I’m drawn to obscurity, to niches, hell, hardly related but to prove the point: I’m also a rhythm game addict and I have an obscure anime rec blog. A vocaloid fan since 2008? Listening mostly to voca metal, alternative, all those nerdy niche things.

So I join a popular game, become obsessed with a popular character, and, being myself, choose an obscure race for my WoL \o/

Just to clarify, there’s no self-deprecation, only statements. I’m confident in my tastes and choices, whatever they may be, I’m only liking the good stuff >:D

Next part of the story you can already see if you scroll down to my first posts here. Knowing his destination, I started working on Vivi’s character, picking glams for him, slowly figuring out how to draw him (I’d say his visual development’s 80% complete by now). Fortunately for him, not only I’ve made 30+ ocs over the last 10 years, I also make adopts for a living. I’ve got the skills needed to develop a cool and happy character. Look, happy character =/= character without some kinda issues and angst, I mean happy as in relatable, believeable, alive.

Alive, that he sure is. If thinking about Raha as a separate character brought me back to life, looking at him through Vivi’s eyes made me feel like I’m in love too. Another thing to make clear: Vivi isn’t me, both him and Raha are my kin to a degree but I’m trying my best to stay aware and away from projecting. It’s just inevitable that you as a creator become some kinda medium/proxy for your character’s thoughts and feelings, and it’s beautiful. Even if I find myself in pain and wailing sometimes on their behalf, ha.

I don’t have much good going on in my own life so I live through my characters. It’s hard to explain how exactly I know things about them, of course it doesn’t come all at once. Vivi’s been around for 5 months now. I started working on his story early on, however I’d say my vision of him and Raha only fleshed out in the past 2 month-ish.

Can’t believe a weeb game made me write fics again. I’ve published one over on AO3 already, a few more are slowly cooking still, mentioning them only because they actually complemented my creative process behind art and comics, helped me get that elusive “feel” for the characters, and generally, surprisingly, approaching writing on a serious level did good things to my mental state, previously disastrous. My head feels like a much more orderly place now. Well, it’s also brimming with the catboy and elf feels, which is ever welcome.

So, I’m going about my business, then something clicks, I get an idea, a scene, an interaction, and rush to write it down. There’s a 20k+ words main document for my comic, several side-documents for later chapters and random unordered stuff, fics that fit into the main storyline and should be published within context. Soon I’ll be ready to start telling their story.

This post’s already too huge and waffly and wow if you’re still here, wow. You’re just as crazy as myself, but sincerely thanks for sticking with me :’>

I promised to talk about the so-called content plan, well, I sort of already did, mentioning the comic. If you’re observant, you may have noticed the name Fragments and some numbers floating around my tags. Fragments is the cheeky name of the comic, there IS a deeper explanation but I’ll leave it for another post. Whatever bits and pieces I’ve published under that name so far are “canon” and DO belong to the main story, however, I haven’t officially introduced the comic yet, there’ll be a launch and all that. Someday. Sometime soon.

It’s big and promising and exciting, still it’s just my personal project that I wanna be thorough with. Sorry for possibly being too vague about it, I take the “ship it when it’s ready” approach, I don’t rush things because they’re first and foremost for my own enjoyment.

For now thanks for looking at the random pics and comics I’m posting, I treat them as character flavor samples, as promo illustrations so to speak, while I’m chipping away at the main comic in the background.

Okay I spoke my heart out just like yesterday, feels nice. Thanks for all your support once again ;/////; <3

#text post #personal #nextlvl rambles

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airyucat · 1 year

Video

Hello again, tumblr. It’s a fitting that that my first post back comes from a place of deep pain. I used tumblr a lot in grad school, some of the most painful years of adulthood. It’s not that I don’t trust my loved ones, but it’s that I still have intrusive thoughts that I let become thoughts. But this animation also comes from a place of deep gratitude. I wanted to add more outlines to the video, but if you’re in it, how dare you not give up on me >:c How dare you always support me, no matter what I’m going through. Absolutely rude (am I supposed to specify sarcasm here). If you’re in the video, I love you inexplainable amounts. And if you’re not, or you’re wondering if you are, I probably love you too. But I have a constant feeling of a valley bigger Valles Marineris cut through my being. Loved one prove to me they love me over and over again, and my stupid scientist brain collects stupid evidence and puts together a stupid hypothesis and runs simulation upon simulation on why this is wrong actually, why those people don’t care about me, why they’re lying to me actually. I have far away friends on other states and countries, so we try and plan online events, that get cancelled or where 2 people show up and can only stay for 15 minutes. If you truly cared about me, why don’t you call, or message, or reach out, of your own volition. Why do I have to wait until I’m cracking and deseperate and seek you out in pain for us to connect? I left an online group I loved - I let one person ruin it for me - and there went a big piece of my life. And people who said they still cared about me, why should a hi every now and then be enough? We used to move mountains with tremendous conversations, but now I just get a Merry Christmas in response to me saying it. I have friends here, in norcal, that live 2 hours away by driving, and 3 hours away by public transit. It’s exhausting, I often need to spend the night if it’s a late event, and I’m so far away that there are events I miss by not knowing about them. I’ve known them forever, but like, not as long as the full time I’ve known them. I met some before moving to Michigan for grad school, others when visited norcal but lived in michigan and then socal. So I was MIA physically from their lives from 2012-2018

Trauma led me to move back to norcal at the end of 2018. I got a job in SF, and my now spouse, Tai, and I moved to a cheap area still far from friends. It was supposed to be temporary, but I’m bad with money, and weddings can be expensive, and it’s hard to save up when a pandemic hits. But, in late 2018, everything felt broken, awful, horrible. Honestly that time and the year before felt like “what if our whole polycule that hadn’t even formed yet fucked up every thing every where all at once.”

So, 2019 was the year Tai and I took time to ourselves fix serious issues in our relationship, which meant we were distant from everyone, no matter the distance. We got cats at the start of the year though, two of the best decisions I’ve ever made. The end of 2019 was when we we finally reconnected back with our poly partners, and started reaching out to friends. And then, well, happy happy 2020 pandemic. Mid-2021 was spent reconnecting for me, but disconnecting for Tai, for similar reasons. “If you truly cared about me, why didn’t you reach out until you found out how bad things were.” I like to think we’re both decent at masking though. As a kid, before my dad starting ripping up all my art, he ripped up the ones where I drew sad faces. Because you’re not supposed to be sad, ever. Early 2022 I lost my one of my best friend’s dad. He felt like my dad. How sad was I allowed to be? I still don’t know, and next month it’ll have been a year since.

Did you know that a wedding at Disneyland and another wedding at a Hindu temple are really, really hard to plan? That’s what almost half of 2022 was. The weddings themselves, in May, on our anniversary, and the honeymoon, wow. Breath-taking. Especially for all the adlibbing we ended up doing (no rehearsal needed). 12 years since I met Tai. 11 years since I asked them out. 8 years since I proposed. Took us long enough.

My favorite pictures are the ones with or of loved ones, particularly our polycule and wedding party. I generally never get nostalgic, but I cry thinking about all the people that supported us. A lot of them are outlines in the video. My chest physically hurts knowing I will not be able to express how damn much I love them. People from all those three groups above? Didn’t matter how long the drive was, or the plane costs and delays, or the wallet-draining hotels, buying Indian and Disney-bounding clothes, spending a day in weather that was too hot for them... they did it. For Tai. For me. They did it. Side note - I’ll never forget that my (white) girlfriend taught me how to tie a sari. If you ever feel like an outsider to your cultural roots, remember me. And after the wedding... it was back. June, July, August, September, October, worse worse worse feelings of being excluded, people not wanting to be around me, doesn’t matter how false those feelings were. You can know something logically and not know it. Tai withdrawing from everyone. Accidental emotional neglect - if someone’s masking well enough, you don’t know. You can’t know. You can’t. And it matched my self narrative anyways: I’m disgusting and people don’t want me around. It solves everything; no one can kick you down if you’ve already done it. Emotions compounded by feeling unskilled in art, drained by my job’s commute and miniscule amounts of time off, Kaiser giving me scraps of therapy once every 8 weeks... My mental health pludged. October. Went to Europe with my girlfriend. Met some internet friends IRL. Covid finally got its claws into me, but my symptoms were just a sore throat, and I thought, maybe I was climbing up mentally. Maybe I got this! Halloween. My fave holiday. Sat around the apartment and did nothing. November. My birthday. It hit. It always hits hard. I can mitigate it with a party, and I did two weeks later, but having friends in their 20′s makes me wish I didn’t spend half of those years rotting away getting a PhD. I guess I can slap a Dr. in front of my last name now. 32 is the age one of my fave webcomic writers ended her long-running comic, and had plans but not really, and I think about her a lot, now that I’m that age. What am I going to do? I’ve got 10 months left to this age.

We went to a convention that emotionally hit Tai bad, and now they really really really won’t reach out to our friends. And I started trying to see friends more and talk to them more and... burnt myself out a little I think, because if you feel excluded and think people don’t want you there and aren’t used to interactions without a spouse or partner, seeing friends more isn’t a magic cure. It’s helping I think... I hope. I had to also come to terms with the fact that I’m probably never going to move to Hawaii, or have kids, or buy a house of be a Cool Internet Artist™, and might never be able to retire. Everything felt like it was crumbling. And then I drew this ...last week? It feels like a million years ago, but the new year did just happen. Here I am now. I’m going to keep trying I guess. I don’t know why, really, but here I go. I’ll try and be on here more, and just, share more. Take things out of my head and plop them down, and hope that the void yells back every now and then. Love, Airyu (Agni)

#cw gore #cw vent #cw depression #animation #procreate #art #artists on tumblr #animators on tumblr #animator #indie animator #personal vent #vent

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