stuffeddeer2

[stuffeddeer2]

he/him prns but in a girl way. she/her prns but in a guy way. does any of this make sense

[stuffeddeer2]

all her friends have terrible taste (x)

#they both look so hgood #hilda claude THE bsfs ever #this is so canon btw this actually happened #claude

[stuffeddeer2]

dazai fidgets a bunch, and you can usually tell who he feels close to based on who it is he fidgets . . . with.

he would mess with odasaku and ango's glasses at the bar, grabs kunikida's shoulders and arms and messes with the fabric of his clothes, plays around with atsushi's hair, and messes with just about every bit of chuuya. his hands, his gloves (on more than one occasion he's managed to slip one off and marvel at the ridiculous softness of his skin), his hair, his sleeves, (his face)

the only people to have reciprocated this are oda and chuuya. oda would mess with dazai's hair in the same way the latter now does atsushi's. chuuya would mess with dazai's hands during meetings, sometimes fidgeting as well with the topmost layer of his bandages.

just. dazai not knowing jackshit about normal physical touch and getting his fill in whatever lame ways he can

#ITS TRUE ITS TRUE IM ASAGIRI AND I SIGN OFF ON THIS ITSEFNA #HFSUOIENFHCSELCA #AWEFGCNUEFCE #AKEGFBCUENFCE #AEHGFCBEUGFCA #okay phew. deep breaths. #wait one more #FESNFIUSGNDRGDSR #okay im normal again #dazai

[stuffeddeer2]

dazai and soft touches. his fingers are like feathers on your skin, ever so lightly brushing over the apple of your cheek as you ramble about your day. he's staring at you with a lovesick smile (one that would surely make kunikida vomit his heart out)(he is happy that dazai has you now though)(he just wishes he didn't have to see it).

he traces your freckles and birthmarks before pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. you're trying really hard to not show him how much of an effect he has on you but it's hard – you keep stumbling over your words and he thinks you're absolutely adorable.

whenever you have a bad headache, he makes you lay down on his lap. he tells you to close your eyes with a whisper and you do. he drags his slender fingers across your nose, massaging the skin so, so gently. he puts just a tad more pressure into the strokes as he moves down from between your furrowed brows. it works. he can see and feel you relax into him, your fingers loosening their grip on the hem of his sweater.

he then focuses solely on your brows. he pushes up and over them, quite literally smoothing away the pain. he listens to your soft breaths, he observes the way the corner of your lips twitch every once in a while. he loves it when you melt into him, when you allow yourself to relax in his hold. he takes pride in being able to make you feel better with the simplest touches.

ok but if we're talking about pre-relationship dazai... he's just a little more reserved. he's holding back. a lot. moving through a crowd, he doesn't hold your hand – he just links your fingers, or maybe even just your pinkies. and it somehow feels even more intimate than actually holding hands. neither of you comment on it though. he's holding onto you so gently, the tug is almost non-existent and it just feels right.

saw a post abt him fidgeting a lot and i haven't stopped thinking about it. he does it with yout hand, too. you're just standing in a line, waiting to order a cup of coffee when you suddenly feel him taking your smaller hand into his. you don't ask, only merely eyeing him quietly. he hums to himself as he holds it; he compares the sizes but his face doesn't change, doesn't show whether he liked the difference or not. he traces the lines on your palm and tries to count them all. he isn't startled when you take a step forward as the line moves up, he just steps alongside you without ever raising his eyes. you let him do his thing.

i also think he likes to twirl a strand of your hair between his fingers a lot. he seems to be doing this very mindlessly aswell. seems. he literally never says anything about it, he just does it.

ALSO!! seemingly random and accidental touches!!!! he hands you a cup of coffee and his fingers brush over yours, he swipes an eyelash from your cheek with a smile, he boops your nose as he teases you. and whenever he passes by you, his hands linger on your waist or on your lower back. he acts like all of these are not intentional, that they just happened but he knows exactly what he's doing. he's just a little touch starved, okay?? but he doesn't really know how to voice it yet:((((((((

#HIM FIDGETING W U IM SICK 😭😭😭😭 #i love dazai + little touches #the booping nose? YES #you are simply correct. #close enough. Welcome Back Asagiri #dazai

[stuffeddeer2]

I SLITHERED HERE FROM EDEN JUST TO SIT OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR !

FEATURING: D.OSAMU + PM!FEM!READER

sometimes he likes to go back to your house just to relive a few memories

CW: angst, dazai commits breaking and entering, erm lowkey forgot how to tag but theres no real warnings

A/N: FINALLY GOT SOMETHING OUT AFTER SO LONG AHEKJRBGVBFVK idk how i feel abt it tho...

this was a routine dazai knows very well.

jamming the pin into the keyhole, twisting it a few time until a click is heard and then rotating the handle to push open the door into your apartment.

just as expected, the door creaked open to a silent, empty apartment. if you were home, after all, a shot would've already been fired in his direction. maybe it'd hit him in the head, spraying his brains across the floor of your apartment and yet, dazai wouldn't even care, too enamored with you to realise the sticky mahogany spilling from a hole in his head.

dust floated in the rays of light that seeped through the curtains. items thrown haphazardly across the floor indicated you were probably in a rush when leaving, which was strange- you never were late for anything, you were always the most punctual out of the three of you years ago.

dazai could remember it vividly: you scolding him and chuuya for bickering like children, hurrying towards meetings while dazai pouted and chuuya grumbled.

and yet he could also remember how the sunlight glowed on your skin, leaving you a picture of angelic beauty in his eyes, even as your lips crinkled in a frown at the pairs childish antics as you chided them.

the kitchen was cleaner than the rest of the house, a little too clean. dazai wondered if you had even had time to eat before you left, tracing a slim finger around the rim of a mug half-filled with dark coffee. he stopped his finger along a part of the mug, imprinted a muted red in your lip gloss. you still use the same one, don't you? dazai always thought it looked pretty on you. he didn't even need to close his eyes to imagine you, your features burned into his mind and voice the ringing in his ears.

dazai doesn't think he'll feel the same those moments around you felt, with all your attention and devotion focused on him-

the sound of the door opening and shutting slammed dazai's heart into the pit of his stomach. he glanced at the oven clock-4:30? you were always held up 'til seven- before promptly ducking under the counter top.

if you came into the kitchen, he's so done.

your footsteps were muffled by the walls as you shrugged off your coat with a rustle of fabric, sighing. dazai didn't have to look to know, your hands were running in your hair, shoulders drooping with exhaustion.

truth be told, dazai doesn't think he would care being caught by you. he just fears your rejection.

your footsteps got closer and he could hear you, your sweet voice laced with exhaustion, mumble something under your breath. he tensed, eyes darting around for any kind of escape from the predicament.

his heart was racing. was he scared? no, was he...nervous? claws crawled up from his stomach, his throat clenching around their spindly fingers and his stomach churned at the thought of your face when you see him.

disgust, betrayal, hurt.

dazai is a selfish man, and yet he thinks he'll throw up if you look at him with anything but the gentle, affectionate gaze you spoiled him with.

your footsteps keep getting closer, closer. dazai's stomach churns and he holds his breath so hard his head spinned.

you were going to catch him. you were going to find him and scream at him, you were going to pat out every little insult that dazai knew he deserved but please, don't let them come from you.

you sighed and mumbled softly, turning the other way and ambled towards your room. the rush of blood in dazai's ears quieted a bit and he let out a breath once he heard your bedroom door close, lungs burning.

it's funny that he never got this anxious when faced with certain death during a mission, yet getting caught by you was enough to make him crumble. he lets out a shaky breath, half nervous chuckle and half relieved sigh as he stands up after a bit. waitng for noise behind the door of your room, dazai quietly padded his way towards the door. maybe he can leave, he doesn't have to cause you such distress again, it's for the better after all...

...or so he lies.

the door to your room opens with a creak and standing out in the middle of your living room, dazai knows he's done for. he doesn't even bother to turn around, not wanting to see the horrified look on your face. he just stands there, frozen with his back turned towards you.

dazai thinks he'll throw up.

"...dazai?" your voice was so soft, yet so filled of disbelief it hurt him to the core. you called for him again, this time with a quiver in your voice and dazai just wants to die there.

are you crying? did he make you cry? dazai didn't turn around, he doesn't want to see if he really did just make you cry.

too caught up in his thoughts, dazai didn't hear you tread carefully towards him, yet he registered the soft brush of your fingers through his clothes, the hesitancy with which you touched him that only traded for firmness as you brushed his back, as if you were checking if he was real.

"osamu." you sounded so hurt it made dazai sick. why are you calling him by his given name? he doesn't deserve it, he never deserved you after all. he shouldn't even be here in your apartment, he should be half dead in a ditch, drunk off the cheapest sake he has.

"you're here...you're really back, aren't you osamu?" you sobbed quietly.

shit, you're really crying.

reluctantly, dazai turned back towards you, swallowing thickly when your breath hitched at the sight of him. you cupped his face, the right side of his face that he'd always keep covered.

"please don't cry." he wanted to say to you, yet the words wouldn't come out. dazai remained silent, brushing tears off your face. you simply shook, rubbing your thumb along his cheekbone and dazai had to resist the urge to tear away from you and run out.

as if you sensed his wish, his hesitancy to this all, you pulled him closer, burying your face against his neck.

"don't go, please?" you mumbled. dazai let out a shuddering breath, his fingers gliding to rest on the small of your back. He really should leave, even if you begged him to.

and yet like the fool he was he stayed.

dazai walked back until he hit the edge of your couch, plopping down and settling you on his lap.

"...I really didn't mean for you to find me." dazai managed out, a weak smile on his face as he brushed your hair out of your face.

"then why did you break into my house?" dazai chuckled, but stayed silent. his lips brushed against your temple, rubbing his hand up and down your back.

"that's a secret, my dear!" he teased lightly, though his face didn't match his tone as his eyes fell upon your tear-stained face.

He sighed, tilting your head up. he brushed away your tears with the back of his fingers, lips pursed as dazai looked at you.

oh, how he wished it could all go back to those old days, when you life a little less complicated for dazai.

Now, he realises as you shake in his hold, it was never normal. you just came in and changed everything, didn't you?

REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED !!

©Cheriiyaya 2024

#sick to my stomach #I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IMS O UPSET #IN THEBEST WAY #lowk love dazai breaking in to the apartment of those he likes LMAO #just him creeping around missing u.. yeah #hes TERRIBLE and i need him TERRIBLY #thank u for the food #dazai

[stuffeddeer2]

Your legs wrapped around his waist. How scary! Being so high up in the sky wasn't on your to-do list this morning, and the quick speeds he was flying at only served to make it worse. Eyes shut tightly, arms wrapped around his neck, the best you could do was pray he didn't drop you.

"Settle down, pretty. We've landed." With flushed cheeks, Hawks gently patted your head.

Still holding onto him as tightly as you could, you shook your head, which was buried into his chest.

Hawks smiled at the action, finding your fear to be a little cute. So, no more heights — got it. "We're on solid ground, promise."

One of his hands begins carding through your hair, trying to help you relax. Honestly, he'd be happy to remain in this position with you, but you both had a job to do.

You were shaking like a leaf, trying to steady your breathing. The feeling of his gloved fingers in your hair did help relax you, finally pulling your head from his chest and opening your eyes.

Ah, it's quite pretty out.

A gorgeous sunset sat on the horizon, immediately relaxing you. Limbs no longer shaking, you quickly unwrapped yourself from Hawks' torso and stepped onto stable ground. Or stable roof, rather. Heights isn't your fear, but apparently flying is.

"It's pretty," you murmur, fixated on the warm reds filtering through the air.

Teasing lilt to his tone, Hawks replies, "Not nearly as pretty as you."

You spin to look at him with a smirk, and Hawks could feel his heart soar. He's used to flying through the skies, but the sight of you with your smile, surrounded by such a perfect view nearly took his breath away.

"Remind me to never agree to fly with you again."

Trance broken, Hawks chuckled at your words. "I might have to goad you into it. How else can I have such a pretty birdie cling to me so tightly?" His hands were shoved into his jacket pockets, signature charismatic grin causing you to roll your eyes.

"You could always ask, y'know," you wink back. Hawks would love to ask, he'd love to take you out properly. The idea of you holding him by your own volition almost makes him swoon.

"We should— "

"Are you in position?" sounds from both of your earpieces.

"Yes," you reply quickly and professionally.

Hawks frowns, eyes downcast as the flirtatious mood you two cultivated changes to something more serious and professional. Right, the mission.

He uses his feathers to silently pick the lock of the door that leads to the roof you two currently occupy. Saying nothing in his earpiece, he slowly moves the heavy metal door to try and make the least amount of noise possible. You can do all the talking; suddenly, he doesn't feel like it.

#self rb #hawks x reader #gm :)

[stuffeddeer2]

Your legs wrapped around his waist. How scary! Being so high up in the sky wasn't on your to-do list this morning, and the quick speeds he was flying at only served to make it worse. Eyes shut tightly, arms wrapped around his neck, the best you could do was pray he didn't drop you.

"Settle down, pretty. We've landed." With flushed cheeks, Hawks gently patted your head.

Still holding onto him as tightly as you could, you shook your head, which was buried into his chest.

Hawks smiled at the action, finding your fear to be a little cute. So, no more heights — got it. "We're on solid ground, promise."

One of his hands begins carding through your hair, trying to help you relax. Honestly, he'd be happy to remain in this position with you, but you both had a job to do.

You were shaking like a leaf, trying to steady your breathing. The feeling of his gloved fingers in your hair did help relax you, finally pulling your head from his chest and opening your eyes.

Ah, it's quite pretty out.

A gorgeous sunset sat on the horizon, immediately relaxing you. Limbs no longer shaking, you quickly unwrapped yourself from Hawks' torso and stepped onto stable ground. Or stable roof, rather. Heights isn't your fear, but apparently flying is.

"It's pretty," you murmur, fixated on the warm reds filtering through the air.

Teasing lilt to his tone, Hawks replies, "Not nearly as pretty as you."

You spin to look at him with a smirk, and Hawks could feel his heart soar. He's used to flying through the skies, but the sight of you with your smile, surrounded by such a perfect view nearly took his breath away.

"Remind me to never agree to fly with you again."

Trance broken, Hawks chuckled at your words. "I might have to goad you into it. How else can I have such a pretty birdie cling to me so tightly?" His hands were shoved into his jacket pockets, signature charismatic grin causing you to roll your eyes.

"You could always ask, y'know," you wink back. Hawks would love to ask, he'd love to take you out properly. The idea of you holding him by your own volition almost makes him swoon.

"We should— "

"Are you in position?" sounds from both of your earpieces.

"Yes," you reply quickly and professionally.

Hawks frowns, eyes downcast as the flirtatious mood you two cultivated changes to something more serious and professional. Right, the mission.

He uses his feathers to silently pick the lock of the door that leads to the roof you two currently occupy. Saying nothing in his earpiece, he slowly moves the heavy metal door to try and make the least amount of noise possible. You can do all the talking; suddenly, he doesn't feel like it.

#has hawks ever not felt like talking rolling eyes emoji #i hate him!!!! #this has been completed since january. gm! #i have never written for this man before #idk what possessed me to finally post this but imy hawks you smelly awful man #mha hawks #hawks x reader #keigo x reader #my hero academia x reader #mha x reader #h #bnha hawks #hawks x gender neutral reader #takami keigo #keigo takami #keigo tamaki #bnha keigo #mha takami keigo #keigo takami x reader

[stuffeddeer2]

i think of this ProZD video constantly its always so fucking funny

#spamming tags is half the fun of tumblr #i joined tumblr bc i feel like u dont get much writing content on twitter #and with creating it its hard to reach a wide variety of ppl / those who wanna see it #but. i do still us etwitter the most sorry!

[stuffeddeer2]

TRASH SUGAR MAGIC

➛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 2: ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴅᴏᴡɴ

➛ nikolai gogol x fem!reader

➛ cw: mature content, dark content, suggestive, kidnapping, daddy issues, manhandling | words: 5.5k

➛ ao3 | spotify | main menu

It was the most comfortable sleep you have ever got.

When you wake up, you find yourself on a stranger's bed, with your ankles bound to the footboard and your hands tied together. You squirm but it only gets you so far—the man who tied you up did it so tightly that you find it hurt to even move your arms.

You give up and you return to lie down on the bed. The mattress feels a bit rough—probably because it has been used for a very long time. The pillow feels nice though—the owner must have regularly puffed it so it will not sag or pressed down. You roll your head to the side and your nose catches a sweet musky scent on the pillow.

Masculine.

You look around the room. There is no door. The place is worn out but well-kept at the very least. Your house is better looking than this. But this place feels more secure and peaceful than what you call a home.

You wonder if your father is concerned about your whereabouts. You remember leaving the house in the evening to get to work and it has been over twelve hours since you are home. Does he care? Does he think about you as well?

Deep down, you know that thinking about your father caring about you is just a mere cheap fantasy. It has always been that way.

Your mother passed away when you were younger, and you were left with your deadbeat dad. Both of you were and are still struggling with money. You have been working low-paid jobs to support mainly yourself because your father is only selfish to himself.

You remember the moment he got some loan from weird people to build a business. Time is rough and luck is not on his side—his business was better dead than keeping it going. The debt he got himself into was for nothing—because he made more debt to himself when he left that business.

He spiralled down—becoming an avid alcoholic gambler. His worth as a father went down the drain the moment he stole your money from your old piggy bank. You never mention it to him though, pretending that you lost your money in the street.

You do not want to get hit. Bottling up enough makes you spiral down too—becoming less of a daughter, just a servant, another piece of money-bringer for him to leech off.

So you know he would be less concerned about you—especially when you are aware very much of the fact that you are one of his burdens.

You sit up on the bed. You wince, the rope and the ribbon are threatening to tear your skin. You adjust your sitting position as you are currently wearing a dress—it already rides up your thighs which are covered with white stockings. These clothes are rented from the bar—since you can barely afford such cute clothes for yourself.

“Oh, shit!”

You look to the entrance, not realizing a man is standing there, flinching at your sight. You narrow your eyes, remembering his figure and face.

The last thing you see is a sight of tall pale man, with his hair as white as the snow falling from the night winter sky.

Never have you seen such a beautiful man—he is wearing a white shirt beneath a black leather jacket. His pants fit his long legs. His dishevelled hair is braided with a small red pompom. His eyes are mismatched—one emerald and another pale lilac. His figure is tall and toned—he looks strong. You are not surprised since you remember how easily he dragged you to go with him last night.

“Hello...” you say awkwardly and you notice how baffled he is. It is almost endearing—you are sure that this man is much older than you but he looks like he is still in his prime. Perhaps this is his prime.

You know you are being kidnapped right now—but for some reason, the fear you had last night already dissipated when the sleep you got was just too comfortable. You have been living in this area for a few years already. It is a small community, so you thought you had met every possible man in this suburban town. But he is a rare face.

“Do you realize the situation you are in right now?” He asks as he grabs your seized wrists. You flinch at his roughness but you do not pull away. Your arms are already straining and your hands are going numb.

“I asked you a question, girl.” He says. You glance at him. Your name is not just 'girl'. You have a name. Does he not know?

“M-My name is—”

“I already know your name.”

“Oh...”

Well, what were you thinking? He kidnapped you. Of course he already knows about you. You feel a flutter in your heart—knowing that someone takes the effort to get to know you. You wonder what else does he know about you—it feels a bit exciting to play such riddles.

“Hey, if you're trying to play nice just to get on my good side, drop it. I know how to detect a liar, alright? Drop it.” The man says before he nudges your head harshly with his index finger. You almost let out a small whimper as you bring your hands to cover yourself from his finger.

“I-I didn't mean it...” You weakly say, closing your eyes as he keeps poking you.

“Hey, hey, don't look away,” He grabs your jaw and you hiss when he turns your face roughly towards him. Your eyes meet his. Breath hitches when you realize how close he is to you now. “You're in my house now, so we have to establish some rules until you get out of here.”

Get out of here?

You blink confusedly. Did he kidnap you... because of other people? Did he not kidnap you for himself? Did he not take you here because he wants you to stay with him?

“O-Oh, I'm not staying...?” Your lips mutter. You really do think that he kidnapped you because he wanted you—in that way. You feel the glass of hope slowly cracking apart when you learn that this is not the case.

Suddenly he shakes your head, causing you to whimper at his rough handling. “Of course you're not staying. Who the fuck you think you are?”

“I-I thought—”

I thought you wanted to be with me.

“Well, clearly you don't think smart enough.”

When he shoves you away, you whine. You rub your face with the back of your hands, feeling how warm your skin feels. The trace of his touches on your face is still lingering—and it only feeds to your longing.

But it makes you think again. If he kidnapped you, not because he likes you or anything of the sort, what could it be? Does he have a dispute with you? Or people you know? Your senior in the bar? Your manager? Your customers?

“Is it... because of my father?”

“Smart girl! So you can think after all!” He claps his hand, and although there is clear mockery in his voice, you feel a heavy tug in your stomach when he calls you a smart girl. Is that a genuine praise? If so, you want to hear that again.

“Why, yes, that's exactly why. I think you can catch what's up with your dad already, right? If you want to blame anyone, blame him. I'm just a courier.”

You look at him—oh, poor dude. Seeing how he is confident that he will get what he wants from your father makes you pity him. Your father is far from being caring about you.

“I don't think this... will work to get to my father though...”

“Okay? And I don't care. You'll be given to the loansharks very soon and that's it for me.”

Your lips part open when you finally connect the dots. You stare at him—so he is working with the loan sharks your father is indebted to. They must have wanted to use you as a hostage to get your father to pay his mountain of debt. If they go as far as to kidnap you, then your father must have angered them—well, you do expect that he will get in trouble. After all, both of you moved to this suburban area so he would not get tracked easily. He wanted to run away from his problem, and now you have to pay the price for being a hostage.

Huh, that is sad.

You observe your kidnapper—his skin is porcelain smooth, despite the dark circle under his eyes and the scar slit through his left eye. His flaws make him look flawless. You do not really want to leave this place just yet and return to your father shall he ever get his sympathy back and pay his debt for your sake.

You shift uncomfortably, your thighs are clenching. It has been a while since you are in this condition. “Can I go to the toilet?” You ask softly.

“What a good girl, huh? Asking permission to go shit.”

“D-Don't say nasty things like that.” You pout—feeling a bit embarrassed at his vulgarity.

“And who the fuck do you think you are to police my tone, huh?” He grunts before he unties the rope around your ankles. You move your foot but then he grips your ankle, hard. “Don't think of kicking or attacking me. You're not that strong, girlie.” You swallow nervously and nod. You actually do not plan to fight him—you know you will lose either way. You look at your legs and then him and then your wrists.

You bring your wrists close to him, wanting him to untie it. You realize the familiar ribbon around your wrists—no wonder you feel like something is missing from your hair. The man silently untie your wrists and you let out a quiet breath of relief. Your hands are indeed numb and strained. You want to stretch your arms but before you have the chance to do so, he already yanks you to get up from the bed.

Your footings are unstable, especially when you were just freed. You keep stumbling upon your pace, constantly bumping against his chest as he drags you out of the room. He is too rough—too stern. Yet you wish to stay longer in his embrace. He looks messy but he feels nice and warm.

“Make it quick.” He says before he pushes you into the bathroom. You look around the bathroom. It is a small space. It is enough to accommodate a sink with a cabinet full of personal hygiene things, a toilet bowl with a bidet right beside it and a curtain separating the shower area.

You hear the door creaking close and you remember you need to say something to him. You quickly hold the door before he closes it. Your eyes meet his again—his eyes are just mesmerising to gaze at and you know you would never tire of looking at them.

Shyly, you say, “T-Thank you for... letting me sleep on your bed... It was the most comfortable sleep I've ever had.”

You close the door before your embarrassment makes itself more obvious. You lock the door and take off your cardigan. You face the mirror, eyes wandering over your figure. The neckline of your dress is getting lower, you realize. It shows half of your cleavage already. There is a small tear on the dress too.

“You're too rough, sir...” you whisper to yourself.

— ♡

As soon as you got out of the bathroom, your kidnapper once again tied your wrists together with a rope—this time it was not too tight that it hurt you. He brought you to the living room and sat you on the couch before he tied the other end of the rope to the couch leg.

“Don't you dare turn around. Just stare ahead. Or else...” He threatened you, tugging down the skin right under your eye. After you nodded, he left you alone in the living room and you obediently stared straight ahead.

It has been fifteen minutes now and you can hear the sound of water rushing coming from the bathroom. You figure he is getting a shower now. You sit silently, just as you are told. There is a television but you see how old it is—it is most likely not functioning.

You look around the house—eyeing every spot possible. The couch is far from comfortable and you feel slightly bad that the man has to sleep here a whole night.

You still do not know his name...

The sound of the door creaking surprises you. You instinctively turn around and your eyes widen when you see your kidnapper stepping out of the bathroom with a piece of towel hanging around his waist. His body is toned and some parts are covered with tattoos of abstract wings and birds. His hair is wet and unexpectedly longer than you thought.

“I told you to not turn around, didn't I?” He says, monotonously. You immediately turn ahead, but you hear his footsteps approaching. Your heart is beating faster when you can smell his fresh-out-of-shower scent—so nice. His heat is looming right beside you and your head is still stubborn enough to twist slightly.

But not before he grabs your jaw again, holding your head straight.

“Naughty girl. What's so hard about listening to me? You are an escort. Have you never seen a half-naked man or something?” He says, once again his tone is clearly belittling you. You glance to your side, only manage to have a peek at his tattooed ribs. He snorts and lets go of your face. “Sit there nice. If someone's knocking on the door, ignore it.” He says before he turns around to leave.

However, you quickly grab his arm and you feel the fluster increasing, crawling up to your chest when you get a good look at his figure. He grunts, rolling his eyes but he does not say anything or mock you.

He nudges his head as if he is giving you permission to say what you want to him.

You purse your lips, nervous. “I... What's your name?”

“Stop being an idiot. I won't tell you.”

“Please?”

You see him taking a deep breath, rubbing his face with his palm. The droplets of water are dripping from his wet hair onto his body. He is silent for a moment, but his eyes are wandering at you—as if he is trying to find something behind your eyes.

“Please?” you repeat again, sweetly, softly.

He sighs loudly. “Nikolai.”

Nikolai.

Nikolai...

“Nikolai... Okay, okay.” You mutter his name—the way the syllables of his name roll out your tongue feels pleasant.

“Now let go of my arm.”

You blink profusely and look at your bound hands clutching his arm—he could very well yank his arm away from you, but he is asking nicely. You hold back a smile and let go of him. You turn around and your hands are rubbing against your warm face.

He is so nice...

You stay in your position for ten more minutes before Nikolai leaves the room. He sits next to you, fiddling with his phone, texting someone. You only sit there quietly, stealing glances at him. He is wearing a pair of navy blue jeans with a black shirt. A towel is draped over his shoulder, layering beneath his wet hair so it will not dampen his shirt.

You look down at yourself—you have not showered yet. There are no clothes for you and you certainly need a pair of new underwear. You want to bring it up to Nikolai, but seeing his serious face, you swallow your questions away.

The door is suddenly knocked, with an excited voice calling “Kolyushka, Kolyushka! Open the door! I have come, my friend!”

Nikolai does not say anything. He stands and gets to the door, opening it. You turn to look and you see a man with slightly long dark brown hair and a thin moustache and chin beard entering the house. He is wearing a worn-out puffer jacket and he waddles excitedly towards you.

“Oho, she's cute!” He says before he crouches right next to you. “Hi! I'm Viktor. What's your name?”

You anxiously answer him, finding your voice to be hoarse somewhat. Viktor coos in adoration and pinches your cheek, causing you to whine at his rough touch.

“Vik, Vik. Don't do that. She's valuable.” Nikolai says, tugging Viktor's shirt. Viktor grins and lets go of you before he plops himself onto the floor, sitting cross-legged. Nikolai sits back next to you.

“So?” He asks Viktor.

“So what?”

“This girl. What should we do?”

You are not sure if you should even listen to this conversation, but guess you are. Their laid-back attitude towards secrecy seems to indicate that they do not really have a bigger role in your abduction other than abducting you.

“Yeah, so... So I got in contact with the loan sharks and they actually did not expect that the job would be done so quickly. They thought you would take time to get the girl, so they also take time to find her father.” Viktor says before he looks at you. “Your father is a man of hiding, sweetheart.”

“You're saying they don't even prepare to find her dad before they commission us to kidnap her?” Nikolai sighs. “Why commit crimes when you are not that efficient? What the hell do they think when they want to threaten a man that they don't even bother to seek first?” He rolls his eyes, leaning back to the uncomfortable couch.

“Beats me, dude. That's what they said. I guess her father is one of their rarest victims who actually managed to get away from them for years, which is why they're struggling a bit. Besides, this country is fucking huge.” Viktor replies. “You are not originally from this place either, are you? You moved here.” He says to you and you nod slowly. Nikolai hums and suddenly sits straight. He holds your arm, grabbing your attention.

“Hey, tell us where's your dad.”

Both you and Viktor blink confusedly.

“If you tell us your father's whereabouts—his workplace or house, Viktor can tell that to the loan sharks so they can find him immediately. The faster they find him, the faster you'll be free. You wanna go home, yea?”

“Oh, yeah! You're right, dude! How did I not think of that?”

“Because you're equally stupid like those loan sharks.”

“Hey!”

Your throat feels dry. Tell them your father's whereabouts? You do not really care about the deal between your father and the loan sharks—it is all his fault for borrowing money from obviously bad people. Not only that, even after he borrowed the money, he stole yours.

Greed brings the worst out of anyone.

You are not sure if you want to go home. Is it even a home in the first place? A home should make you feel safer. Comfortable. However, when your mother passed away, she also took home with her to death.

You are left with two options now—if you tell them your father's whereabouts, you will leave this place sooner. The loan sharks will get your father and they will also take you away from Nikolai.

But if I don't tell them...

“Oi, tell us. Where's your dad?” Nikolai asks, shaking your arm. But you only stare at him, pressing your lips tightly shut.

“Not gonna tell, huh? You want us to force it out from you?” Viktor says with a grin. “Why? Do you not want to go home with your dear old dad? Are you afraid they're gonna hurt him? Well, if that isn't the consequences of his own actions.” He laughs, looking at you with amusement.

“I... I think kidnapping me is a mistake.”

“Haha! What the fuck?” Viktor's laugh is even louder, he even slaps his thigh. Nikolai, however, is only looking at you silently. You frown—disliking Viktor's loud attitude, so you turn to Nikolai, reaching for his hand. Why can't this Viktor guy be as calm as Nikolai?

“Can you listen to me, please? Alone?” You ask, voice sweet. Nikolai looks surprised when you touch him—evident by how his eyes are wavering from your face to his hand. He seems to be taken aback by your suggestion.

“You're begging at the wrong person, girl.”

“Please.”

Nikolai sighs and he pulls away his hand from you, causing your touch to drop onto his thigh instead. He swallows nervously before he gestures to Viktor to go away, to get to the kitchen or to wait outside. Viktor giggles before he gets up and taps Nikolai's back, leaving both of you alone. He gets to Nikolai's room and you hear a creak before a faint scent of tobacco tickles your nose.

“Hey, look here,” Nikolai says and you turn to him. “You've been weird for a while now. You know, you aren't the first person I kidnapped for money, but...” Nikolai rubs his lips, gazing at your face.

“Why are you so calm about this? Do you realize that you are in danger?”

His question somehow tugs a curiosity in you as well—Come to think of it, you have been calm for a long while now. You were scared and terrified for your life, sure, when you were dragged into his car last night. But now, you find it easier to breathe.

It is approaching noon, and usually, at this time, you are forced to cook something for your father—while he is lazying around the house, basking in alcohol and garbage. Your life is not yours during the day—only when you go to work, you can feel that you are at least living for yourself. Though, your work does require you to tend to others' needs—so is your life even yours during the night?

Have you ever lived for yourself?

“My father is a horrible man.”

“M'kay?”

“He... Uhm... How do I say this...” You fiddle with your fingers—your hands are still resting on his thigh. “We moved here, across the country, because he wanted to run away from the loan sharks... He keeps telling me that... I'm the sole reason he's in debt and it would be better if I'm gone, like my mother.”

“I-I mean, he's not wrong... I have needs and wants and... that's why I work. But he occasionally steals my money too...” You take a deep breath before looking up at him. “I have a feeling that once he knows he is being hunted again, he will just leave me here and run away again by himself.”

“You're saying that you being a hostage won't work because he won't demand you back?” Nikolai asks and you nod fast.

“I-If he cares that I'm gone... there would be a police report, right?”

Nikolai snorts, poking your head again. “Dummy, such reports about missing people can be done at least after twenty-four hours of disappearance. You still have more than twelve hours with us.”

“Does that mean I'm staying?” You are too quick to ask that. Nikolai suddenly brings his face close to you. His irises are wildly searching for yours and you almost yelp on how close he is. Your face is heating up and your heart is thumping so fast—you fear you cannot breathe properly.

“You don't want to go home, do ya?”

“Uhm...”

“Well, too bad I'm not that nice.” Nikolai snorts scornfully before he gets up, turning in the direction of his room as if he wants to see Viktor. Before he could walk away, you scramble towards him, clawing at his shirt.

“C-Can't you—”

“No, I can't. Unfortunately, little doll, I'm not a babysitter and you are only going to be my liability the longer you are in my fucking house.” Nikolai grabs your hands and pulls them away from his shirt. “I have a more important agenda than taking care of you. Now, sit there quietly and let adults talk.”

“I'm an adult.”

“Then be mature.”

He leaves you alone and your lips quiver—for once after a while, heaviness clouds your chest.

— ♡

“That's what she said...”

Nikolai says to Viktor, with a slow voice as he does not want you to listen. He told Viktor about how your father would probably not demand you back, but he did omit the part where he asked you about you not wanting to go home. Viktor should only know the necessary.

“So, her daddy doesn't want her back, huh?” Viktor sighs as he takes a long inhale of his cigarette before huffing the smoke out. “I'm gonna tell that to the loan sharks. You keep her here—”

“Fuck no. I did my job. I only have to kidnap her, no? Let's just give her to them and we are done.” Nikolai protests, almost pouting as he waves away the smoke hazing his face.

“The loan sharks are not going to retrieve her in one day, Kolyushka. The girl told you that she moved here, didn't she? The place where the debt happened was not here, but rather somewhere she had lived before... And I figured it might be somewhere so far away—Since her daddy ran away to hide. You won't go to the nearby region if you really want to run away from your potential murderers, right?” Viktor says with a smirk before he presses the cigarette butt onto the railing and tosses it outside.

“Why me, though? Why not you and Nastasya?” Nikolai asks, referring to Viktor's girlfriend. Viktor cringes and shakes his head quickly.

“You know how jealous my dear Nastyushka is...” Viktor grumbles.

“Who told you to stick your dick in crazy?”

“Well, if I didn't stick my dick in crazy, I would've been the babysitter now, wouldn't I?” Viktor retorts back with a teasing laugh. He once again taps Nikolai's shoulder. “I don't want this work to prolong any longer, but what can we do? So for now, you take care of her while I'm dealing stuff with the loan sharks, alright? Here, here.”

Viktor takes out several crumpled cash notes before he forces them into Nikolai's hand. He grins. “Treat yourself. And I know you want to negotiate our ratio for the payment for this job... Err... I take thirty, you take seventy. Yeah? Good, good?”

“No. Eighty.”

“A'right, fair enough.” Viktor throws his hands in the air, defeated. He turns to leave but halts his steps and looks back at Nikolai with a smile.

“I think she likes you.”

“Bullshit.”

“Nah, you know I'm not bullshitting. That gaze she has on you is the same one as Nastyushka's when she's between my legs.”

Nikolai huffs, shoving Viktor. “Get out.”

“Geez, you are getting colder and rougher after prison, huh? Kinda miss my old chaotic Kolyushka.” Viktor cackles before he walks out. Nikolai sees him waving at you and you kindly return his wave with your tied hands. He hears Viktor saying something to you but he cannot catch it. Nikolai huffs and stares out the window. He cannot believe he is stuck with his victim, just because of his clients' carelessness.

He closes his eyes, brushing his hair back. Well, at least Viktor promised to give him a bigger ratio for the payment later. That fact alone is enough to solace him.

A creak suddenly surprises him. Nikolai turns to the entrance of his room and immediately walks out, only to see that you are already standing with the rope connecting your wrists and the couch leg stretched apart—as if you are trying to move away.

Without a second thought, Nikolai rushes to you, wrapping his arm around your fragile body, and tightening his hold around you. One arm around your torso and his other hand grips your jaw. You gasp but do not struggle against him. In fact, you look surprised.

“What are you trying to do, huh? You're not going anywhere, ya hear me?” He says harshly. You try to move your head, to look at him as he completely engulfs you in his embrace, but he holds you so tightly that you are only squirming against his body.

“Hey.”

“N-Nikolai...”

Your sweet voice once again halts his tendency to cruelty. Nikolai purses his lips, breath hitching. He looks at you, gazing into your eyes. You open your mouth, trying to speak amidst his rough hold on you. His thumb accidentally slips downward, brushing lightly against your lower lip.

“I'm hungry.”

“Wha—?”

“I haven't eaten since yesterday.”

Nikolai is taken aback—this girl made such a fuss only to complain that she's hungry. He already dislikes that he has to take care of you and he knows he could not let you die and rot yet, as the payment is still not given to him. Your value is still there as long as the loan sharks are actively seeking your father.

“Fine.” Nikolai pushes you to sit back on the couch and leaves to the kitchen. He checks the cabinet and the fridge but he only has bottles and cans of alcohol and carbonated sodas, some biscuits and chips. It is certainly not going to be fulfilling for both of you, because he also has not eaten any breakfast yet.

He has not done grocery shopping in forever. Usually, that is not his concern—but now he has another guest in his house for however long Viktor wants. He wonders if he should even go out with you, as he does not want you to leave his sight, in fear that there is a hidden rebellion in you.

He cannot trust people anymore.

“Hey,” Nikolai calls you and he slips out a knife from his pocket. He cuts the rope to release you and you instinctively wiggle your wrists, attempting to get rid of the strain on your hands. You look at him, confused. And he already figures out what you want to ask. “We are going out. I have nothing to feed both of us. But you ain't leaving my side. I know where and how to find you.”

“I won't leave you.”

“Well... Thanks..? Idiot.”

He drags you to his room and opens his old wooden closet. He takes out a black puffer coat. It is his size, so it certainly looks bigger on you.

“Are we sharing clothes?” You ask, your lips are curving asmile. Nikolai taps your temple with his knuckle, silently calling you an 'idiot' again.

“You are borrowing my thing. The weather is colder today and I'm not letting you freeze to death until I get my money.” He says. “Take off your cardigan.” You obey quietly, taking off your white cardigan. The baby blue dress is already looking loose and Nikolai has been noticing how you keep pulling back your neckline so it would not droop too low.

His desire gets the best of him for a short moment when his eyes trail down on your skin, leering longer on your chest. He takes a deep breath and averts his gaze when you almost notice him staring. “For fuck's sake.” He says as he puts the puffer coat on you. He zips it up until the collar covers half of your lower face. It is indeed bigger on you, as the end of the coat reaches your knees.

“It's very warm and comfy...” You say softly, hugging yourself as you smile at him—though it is hidden behind the collar. “I like it.”

“Your cheapskate daddy never buys you a coat?” Nikolai asks, snarkily as he gets his own jacket to wear.

“Never.”

His hand stops and he glances at you. You seem to not mind about the fact nor do you realize his curiousity. You proceed to say, “When it's cold, I layer my mother's clothes and mine. And... And the bar has heaters, so I sometimes sleep there.”

“Your manager is nice,” Nikolai replies, nonchalantly.

“Mmm... Not really. He is sting with bills, so I work overtime unpaid if I want to sleep there for heat.” You reply as your body sways side to side and Nikolai would admit that you do look adorable being enveloped by a big coat—like a penguin.

“Why are you telling me this stuff? It's been less than twenty-four hours and I already know a lot of unnecessary info about you.” Nikolai grunts as he reaches for a hair tie and starts braiding his hair nimbly. There is only one mirror in the house and that is in the bathroom. But braiding hair has been his primordial skill—he can do it with his eyes closed.

“I thought you wanted to know more about me.” You reply “I like talking to you. I like talking about myself.” You beam.

“That happens when you have to listen to old people's fuckery every night.” He says before he grabs a gun from his folded white overcoat in the bottom drawer. He hears your small gasp of shock when you see the weapon. Nikolai smirks and presses the gun right on your chest.

“I hope you are aware that I'm just tolerating you. Once you're gone, you're nothing more to me.”

©cherikolya 2024 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated

if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!

#ohhh cherikolya youve done it again #MIND THE TAGS #but check this one out yall omg #i love how mc was kidnapped but shes like. #omg he saved me from my dad.... ❤️ #heart eyes emoji #like from minute one shes head over heels for him and trying to act normal #shes cutieful nikolai is a rugged ex inmate that is just a little mean #HES MEAN FALLS TO FLOOR SLASH POSITIVE #THIS SI SO GOOD I CAN TWAIT FOR MORE #his friend being like brother shes looking at u the way my gf looks at me be careful #and nikolai is like. fuck r u serious #i love them btw idgaf #nikolai

[stuffeddeer2]

lol

#IM SICK TO MY STOMACH SLASH POSITIVE #JINSHI OH HOW I WANT TO GENTLY CRADLE YOU #hold u in my hands . maybe hold ur hands . #him kicking his little feetsies. the pouty frown. you fucking nailed this #THIS IS PEAK JINSHI #he looks so good im crazy #okay mb anyway i love this art so much #jinshi

[stuffeddeer2]

🫶　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

#your style is so delicious #it tastes like a fluffy cake does any of this make sense #claude looks so good i have a crush on him #lorenz get his ass.. #ITS JUST SO SOFT I NEED TO HOLD THIS ART TENDERLY #claude

[stuffeddeer2]

people telling you they reread your fic is the biggest compliment you could ever receive. there are thousands of stories out there begging to be found, to be explored, but your story meant so much to someone that they came back to it eagerly, they went over every word again. to love is to return and loving a fic is rereading it. thank you to all readers and rereaders <3333

#theres this one fic #a liars birthright #bi annually i sit down and reread all of it #changed me to my core #its what made me want to start writing fanfiction #i think maybe ill reread it again now

[stuffeddeer2]

my "i could talk about for an hour unprepared" list!!!

claude von riegan fe3h specifically

bungo stray dogs

the apothecary diaries

popular characters that im a #hater for

the legend of zelda skyward sword!!!!! either the wii version or hd remake i will be on the front lines

i'm not gonna tag but anyone who wants to do this feel free to rb :)

I saw this meme going around on twitter and I think it'll be perfect for this account.

List 5 topics you can talk on for an hour without preparing any material.

#fyodor is on that list my behated #thank u for tagging me raven!!!! #tag game #claude von riegan oh how i miss u....

[stuffeddeer2]

— IF I HAD IT MY WAY, THE F✗CKING SUN WOULD BE GONE

RECEIVERS。stalker!nikolai gogol x fem!reader

CUSTOMER。This is commissioned by @fixedspeech! Thank you for trusting me with this work! I really appreciate it. This story is from nikolai's pov during some of the event in gonna break his fxcking spine, wanna dance until we die

WISHCARD。“I can kill you now and be free forever. You will die and you will feel it too. One more step and I can reach it! I could feel it, love! My freedom! Can you feel it?”

BOUQUET。stalking, n.sfw content 18+, extremely dubious consent, toxic relationship, obsessive and possessive behaviour, gun play, fear play, choking, harsh languages, sexual assault, suicidal thoughts, attempt of suicide, mental instability, manipulation, dead dove do not eat mdni

PRICE。approx. 11.8k words

FREEGIFT。Jealou$y (The Neighbourhood), I Wanna Feel You Close (AIYLOM), Let It Go (The Neighbourhood), She’s My Collar (Gorillaz, Kali Uchis)

❝ Are you still scared of me, my love?

I would not take you as a coward. I think you are a very brave girl. You are strong too. I love seeing you run away and cower before me, especially in that maze. Are you still mad about it? I hope you don't and I hope you realize that you hurt me more than I actually harm you. And we kissed! We kissed a lot! You touched me and I touched you. I wonder if you can feel my heartbeat at that time. They are fast and loud and I was in fucking heaven. I was in heaven when you kissed me. My fingertips still remember every crease of your skin. And my lips can still taste yours.

That bravery and fight you have in you are very appealing to me, dear love. You are just adorable! You're too cute. This is embarrassing to admit, but the things in my head when it comes to you... I want to treat you like an angel, as you are one. But I want to kill you I want to kill you I hate how you're making me feel this strongly to you I shouldn't be This is not good for me I should not desire you more than my own freedom Tell me love what have you done to me I will kill you I will love you and kill you for myself and yourself

What Why I How What is home to you, love? Is it this house you have lived in for long or is it the embrace from a beloved? Is it the room you are confined in to be safe or is it the presence of the person who holds your very heart?

For me, you are my home. When you embraced me in that maze, I was at home. When you kissed me, I'm at home. When you are near, I feel at home. I suppose that is why I always keep coming to your house, the place where I know it will be just the two of us close together. One day, I'll bring you to my place. And I hope you will feel just at home.

You were already at home when you embraced me, love. I'm the one holding your heart and no one else will. No one. ❞

— ✯

Holding his phone directed at you, Nikolai has pressed the snap button so many times, just capturing the sight of you in your kitchen, making a coffee from your newly bought espresso machine.

“Oh, you're so cute...” He whispers to himself, as low as possible, not wanting you to notice him peeking from the laundry room that is just near the kitchen. He watches your every movement, taking notes of the little quirks you do.

Your little frown when the coffee is too bitter, your pursed lips when the hotness of the drink burns your tongue and your satisfied hum when your first latte is a huge success.

However, you suddenly stop after your first few sips. Nikolai blinks, confused. But his confusion is answered quickly when you suddenly grab a long wooden spoon and stomp towards the laundry room.

Oopsie, I got caught.

“You bastard!”

The door is pushed open wide and you barge in as Nikolai takes several steps back with laughter. You threaten to hit him with the wooden spoon but he quickly catches your wrist and yanks the thing away.

“So you noticed me, sweetheart! How flattering!” He says cheerfully, only receiving your grumble. “No hitting, okay? That's not nice, baby.” He says gently before letting go of your wrist. As soon as you are free, you quickly grab the spoon on the floor, pointing it at him.

“Hey, no hitting I say!”

“I don't fucking care, you house invader! Get out! I don't wanna see you!”

Nikolai tilts his head, blinking. “You don't? But what about my show next week, my love? You must come! You never miss my show, no?”

You sigh, rolling your eyes. “No. I won't come again and I will fucking report you to the police—”

“I will kill them all.”

Your stunned face satisfies a sadistic part of his heart. Nikolai smirks, already imagining the murders he might commit in the future for your sake—well, he has already done so. He killed the cops that came to your first report all those months ago.

And he will do it again.

If securing a relationship with you needs him to be violent, he will gladly cross the line. If drowning in guilt will bring him to euphoria with you, he will gladly dirty his hands with blood and sin. Though his head is yearning for someone who would understand his inner battle, his heart is already convinced that you are the one.

I might have to kill you. —His head whispers.

I want to treasure you. I want to keep you by my side. I want to crawl into your skin and hold your heart close to me. I want you I want you I want you I want you —His heart screams.

“Kolya? Ahh!”

You let out a small yelp when Nikolai suddenly grips you, pushing you to the wall and cages you between his arms. His hands reach to your face, caressing you as he brings his forehead close to yours. His breathing gets rigid as he stares deeply into your troubled eyes.

“I want you.” He says.

“I want this.” One of his hands trails down to your chest, and his index finger moves lower, feeling your fast heartbeat. His nail grazes your skin, spelling his name. “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your heartbeat sounds when you are near me?” He giggles. “Listen, listen. Hear how fast it is?”

“W-What are you talking about..?” you ask, shaky. Your hands are clenching on his arms, unsure whether to push him or make him stay. Regardless, Nikolai already takes those as permission for him to be closer. He grabs your hand, placing it on his chest.

“Can you feel it?”

“W-What?”

He brings his lips close to yours, irises shaking with desire as his breath quickens. Your scent is clouding his mind and your heat is warming his skin. Nikolai has to bite his own lips, finding it hard to keep his groan in his throat. He pecks your cheek sweetly, still keeping your hand on his chest.

“Feel it. My heartbeat. They are spelling your name.”

Nikolai can feel your body trembling. He wonders if it is fear or desire. He parts away just a bit, enough space for him to look at your face properly. Fluster and hesitancy. He smiles as he brushes his knuckles against your cheek.

“Are you still scared of me?”

“Anyone would if there's a madman in their house...”

“Madman... Madman, hahaha!” He bursts out laughing. “You say that as if you aren't a freak yourself!”

You shake your head, trying to pull your hand away from his chest—Nikolai knows you felt how fast his heartbeat was. He can feel them thumping in his body himself. But he does not want to release you just yet, so he grips your hand harder as his other hand holds the back of your neck, tilting your head up. His eyes admire your quivering lips—Ah, he wants to kiss you so badly, and he wants more.

“You are so beautiful, my love. You have such pretty lips. Promise me not to let anyone touch them, hm?”

He presses his lips onto yours and Nikolai moans instantly into your mouth. His tongue slithers deeper. Your soft gasp between the small breaks sends electric shocks up his spine, up his head. He leans closer until there is little space between your body and his. Both of his hands roam over your body, squeezing your sides and tracing your curves.

“Haa— K-Kolya—”

Your voice is cut short when he kisses deeper. Your body slowly melts against his and he can feel your legs are shaky between his. His tongue explores your mouth deeply, sucking your own and licking your lips. His breathing gets heavier as his arousal awakens—drunk, drunk, drunk.

Nikolai can feel your frantic hands, sometimes tugging his shirt, sometimes holding his body, sometimes touching his neck. He feels hot—his clothes are caging him. He needs your touches to touch more of his skin, feeling him.

Sometimes he feels your taps against his arm, and he knows you are short on breath. He gives just a quick second for you to take a short breath before he slams his lips onto yours again. His hips slightly grind against yours, and he can feel his pants tighten—Nikolai is just incredibly high with lust.

Until he suddenly feels something is being slipped out from his pocket. He does not mind it at first as he still does not want to leave your lips, but he quickly parts away when something hard and bulbous is poking his chest.

“Oh me, oh my,” He chuckles huskily when he sees you are holding his gun. He wants to make a cruel mockery as you look quite afraid and very nervous for holding a gun—Is this your first time, my love? How pure! How innocent! How corruptible! We are really a match in heaven, my love!

“You are such a brave girl! Too bad that won't hurt me.” Nikolai says, once again steps closer to you but you quickly aim the gun at his head.

“Don't come near! I'll shoot!”

Nikolai could not help but laugh mockingly. He grabs your wrist and yanks you to come closer to him. You instinctively release the gun. Nikolai sighs softly and takes it off the floor. He gives it to you.

“Take it. Hold it. I'll teach you.”

“What..?”

“I'll teach you. Come on, baby.” He urges you to hold it and you hesitantly do. He then stands behind you, wrapping his arms around your body to give you a nice hug before his hands reach to yours that is holding the gun.

“This is called... a revolver. They have this bullet chamber and this little thing behind it is called a hammer. It is the safety pin for this gun. It won't shoot if you don't—” He gently guides your thumb to push the hammer, creating a click sound. “—push it. And now, it can fire.”

Nikolai's fingers nudge yours to the trigger. He then says, “Now press it.”

“Oh, God, what the fuck is this, why am I doing this, why do I get involved with this guy...” He can hear your murmur of frustration and Nikolai clicks his tongue, sternly. His little noise is enough to shut you up.

“I’m teaching you, sweetheart. This is important. What if one day I'm not near and you get bothered or something? One day, you will shoot someone.”

“Well, I don't wanna shoot someone! I'm not a killer like you!”

Nikolai rolls his eyes before he snatches the gun from your hand and shoots the door frame right behind you. It does not make a loud noise but a subtle bang due to the silencer he always equips on the weapon. But the noise is enough to flinch you.

“Now, now, sweetheart. If we were to live together, you would get into... trouble. Because I am the trouble. And at the very least, you know how to shoot a gun. Maybe one day I will gift you one!” Nikolai says, twirling the gun in his hand.

“If I have a gun, I'll shoot you first, bastard.”

“Oh, not if I shoot you first.” Without any second, he already aims the gun on your head and you shriek in fear upon having a deadly weapon against your skin. Nikolai grins maliciously and presses the hammer. Your breath quickens and your hands raise to your head as if to cover yourself. He then holds the gun properly, as if to shoot. Some clattering, and then—

“Bang.”

Nothing.

Nikolai purses his smile, enjoying the sight of your shaking body, dominated by fear of death. He sees how your eyes are shutting close and your breathing stiffens. And when your eyes are slowly opening with realization, your legs cannot bear your weight any longer. You drop to your knees, with teary eyes gazing up at him.

Nikolai feels his cock stiffen at the sight of you kneeling right in front of him. He cackles, tapping the muzzle of the gun on his cheek as his hand grabs your head, keeping your eyes on him.

“I love seeing you afraid like this. You act so tough, but once it shatters, it is just something so adorable.” He says teasingly, patting your cheek. His eyes darken as his gaze pierces straight at you.

But I do really want to shoot you. I do want to kill you. I do I do I do. You are the cause of my Hell and Heaven. I want to kill you so I can be free from myself. But I will suffer then. I will be free and I will suffer for eternity. So I want to keep you. I want to keep you so I can be in complete bliss. A bliss where I will stay in this fucking cage forever. A cage where I'm happily a prisoner of you. But you are also imprisoned with me. So is it really suffering if you're with me, my love?

Those words are left unspoken.

Nikolai suddenly lets out a broken chuckle. He crouches right in front of you, once again pointing the gun beneath your chin. The hammer is pushed again and you flinch.

“Kiss me, love. I yearn for you and you alone.”

He notices that you are somewhat surprised—as if you come to a realization or perhaps your head is starting to think again. He wonders if your heart and your head ever argue so much that you become too conflicted. Perhaps they are arguing right now since you do look like you are in a dilemma.

Nikolai wishes to know what is in your mind.

But his thought dies down when he feels your soft lips against his. Your trembling hands hold his face as your lips are kneading his lips. He holds your neck, pressing the kiss deeper as he trails the gun down to your heart, to your tummy and your inner thighs.

Nikolai breaks the kiss and gives a teasing lick on your lower lip. He nudges his gun deeper into your crotch, eliciting a soft moan from your sinful lips.

“Be nice. I'm gonna teach you another way to have fun.”

Fun, indeed.

When he gets you to exactly where and how he wants, he is overcome with ecstasy. He pins you down on your own mattress, licking his lips at the sight of your exposed body. Tits perking up to him, body arches by his touches. Nikolai could not help but throw his head back with a loud moan eliciting from his throat when he buries his cock into your cunt.

“Oh, fuck...” he breathes sensually. His hand trails up your torso, fondling your tits, pinching your nipples on its way to your neck. You gasp when he wraps his fingers around your neck, squeezing it until you grab his arms. Your eyes roll back when he pushes his cock deeper, hips bucking to meet his slow thrust.

“So tight... So warm...” He moans, fastening his thrusts. You let out a string of broken whimpers as your legs wrap around his waist, locking him deep with you. Nikolai chuckles, his hand caresses your thigh as he keeps his pace.

“Hold me, my love.”

Your brain is too clouded with lust and pleasure as you hold him, resting your hands on his broad shoulders and caressing his back. Nikolai leans lower, suddenly giving rough thrusts and receiving your scratches on his back.

“Aah—!”

“Good, good girl,” He kisses your forehead, lowly moaning like a slut against your skin. Chills run down his spine, straight to his cock when you bury your nails on his back, and though they are not hard enough to bleed, they indeed sting.

And it feels good.

Your hands are frantic on his body when the tip of his cock nudges that sweet spot in your drooling pussy. His precum is leaking inside you, adding to the wetness on your crotch. Strings of arousal are damping his pubes and your folds. Your legs tremble around him and your body jerks occasionally. Nikolai groans pleasedly, feeling your walls tighten and warm his girth.

“C-Close...” You whine. “H-Harder, please...”

Nikolai grins wickedly before he suddenly pushes you roughly to break apart from his body. You yelp when he once again places his hand tight around your neck. “Ha— Hrk— K-Kolya— Aah!” You choke out his name when he gets deeper. You whine when his tempo is getting slower—you are close to orgasm and he is messing around.

Nikolai loosens his grip and you whimper, begging him to go harder and deeper. You are close and he knows that. “F-Fuckin' hell, Nikolai..! P-Please, hard—”

Your words cut off short when he suddenly shoves his gun right into your mouth. Eyes wide, you cannot help but gag when Nikolai pushes the muzzle deeper into your mouth. Saliva drools out from the corner of your lips. Your hands clench tightly on his body.

“I can just...” He sighs happily, pressing down the hammer. “... kill you now.”

Nikolai laughs in jitter as he continues to thrust again, this time faster and rasher. He keeps his gun in your mouth, while his other hand moves down to your clit, stroking it teasingly. He stabilises himself and pulls out a few inches before ramming his whole dick into your cunt. You let out a small yelp when your pussy takes him to the base—your tummy bulges.

He is excited.

And you are scared. He is playing with your life by a thread. Anytime he can press the trigger and shoot you through your head. Anytime he can kill you and fuck you cold. Death is  close but your body is reacting to this danger a little too positively.

Nikolai chortles when he leans forward, shoving the gun to the back of your throat, causing you to gag and squirm under him. His irises are twitching as he stares at you with a malicious smile. His breathing quickens as his chest heaves heavily with passion.

“I can kill you right now. I can kill you. I can kill you now and be truly free forever. You will die and I will no longer suffer I feel! You will die and you will feel it too. Aah, it's so close... It's so close, my dove! Just one more step and I can reach it! I can feel it, love! My freedom! Our bliss! Can you feel it?”

“Can,” a thrust.

“you,” another,

“feel,” another,

“me?”

You whine loudly, eyes rolling back as you grip the sheets and shudder under him. You shut your eyes, cunt contracting around his girth tighter. His finger massages your clit diligently. Your tummy feels funny, pooling with intense desire and lust. Your hips shake as they meet Nikolai's, desperate for a release.

“Hrk—! Hmmh! Mmh!” You try to say something but the words are gurgled because of the gun. You pant, eyes hazy when an intense rush of pleasure runs all over your body. You cum, slightly jerking when Nikolai rows his hips slowly.

“There you go, baby. Good girl,” He chuckles as his finger is ghosting over the trigger. You shake your head and Nikolai cackles, crazed.

“Say that you're mine.”

He pulls the gun out—the tip is coated with saliva—before he shoves the gun on your forehead. “Fucking say it.” He demands.

You whimper out weakly, with teary eyes gazing back at him. “Y-Yours… I-I am yours…” 

Nikolai chuckles before clashing his lips with you, sloppily kissing you as he lets go of the gun. His tongue slides inside, moving around yours. Your soft moan between the kiss is harmony to his ear. The kiss breaks but his lips land on your jaw and down to your throat instead. Nikolai smooches his way to nibble your skin and finally he halts right beside your ear.

“Right, my love. You are mine. You're mine and I'm wholly yours. And I won't fucking let you go, not to anyone.”

— ✯

Me [12:37 a.m.] : i'm on my way tho! see you, love❤️

It is past 1AM and Nikolai is excited. He almost arrived at your house. Usually, he parks his car a few blocks away and he would walk to your house. He does not plan to enter respectfully—his way of entering is just breaking in straight from the window. He doubts you have gone asleep since he knows you likely just got home from your party.

He feels somewhat jealous. He wanted to see you partying. In fact, Nikolai planned to follow you to your outing but  Erika had to block him from leaving and attend a meeting with the staff. He dislikes being ordered around but he is fully aware that Erika is being strict because he is slacking off, especially when his main attention in life is not the circus, but you.

Maybe someday he will hire you as a crew member for his circus.

Nikolai grins happily at the thought of you becoming his cute assistant. How romantic would that be! However, his imagination drops instantly when he sees a strange car in front of your garage. Nikolai rushes to hide behind a tree—it does not cover him properly but the sky is already veiled in the darkest shade of blue. He will not get spotted easily. .

He peeks at it, as his thumbs are typing frantically on his phone.

Me [1:16 a.m.] : whose car is that?

“Who the hell is that..?” Nikolai murmurs, watching a man help you to get to your house. His arm is around your waist and he is pulling you closer to his body. And you look too out of it, with your legs wobbly as you try to make it to the door.

His fingers are frantic as he continues to message you. His messages are delivered but unresponded. Nikolai grunts and hits the tree with his fist. He is freaking out and anxious. His stomach is heavy and his chest tenses. For a quick moment, he is angry.

Who's that? Why are you like that? Are you cheating on me? Are you leaving me? Did you forget about me? You're supposed to be mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!

“Fuck.” Nikolai grumbles before he rushes to your house. He gets to the window where he would always stand and peeks inside. He sees you are talking to a man. Your eyes are hazy and full of longing, yet they are fixated not on Nikolai himself but on that fucking man.

I'll kill you. I'll kill you both. I'll kill you and keep you close. And he will witness my love towards you.

Nikolai clenches his fists before he hides behind the wall, careful to not let his figure be seen from inside. Once again, he spams your message with distressed words. He is distressed, worried that you are bringing someone else to your home, knowing that you are fully his.

He peeks again, seeing the man gently supporting you to walk to your room. Nikolai watches attentively, and he frowns after he examines your face, your body, your steps and movements. He realizes you are batshit drunk and although he is relieved that you are most likely not cheating on him, instead he gets more concerned about your well-being. This cannot be! He needs to be the one who takes care of you! Ah, if only he had finished his work sooner, he could have gone to you.

This is all Erika's fault.

Nikolai decides to check the hidden cameras that he has implemented around your house. Though he hates his past and laments over his sins all those years ago, he is thankful for the illegal additional skills he learns. Nikolai clicks on an application on his phone and it immediately shows the recording of your living room. He scrolls a bit, and finally, he gets to the recording of a camera in your room.

You are beneath that man.

And you are struggling.

Pure rage boils in his head. Nikolai wastes no time to rush to the door, twisting the knob. It is unlocked, most likely that stupid fucking man forgets to lock it. He gets inside and to your bedroom. He tries to twist the knob—to hell with all this hiding bullshit. You are getting assaulted while you are barely sober and he could not care less about the consequences. All he wants now is to behead that guy and present his head for dinner.

But the knob to your bedroom is locked.

Oh, now it's locked? Now it's locked! Now it's locked!

Nikolai grits his teeth. His chest hurts. He is clouded with anger and he is high with violent tendencies. He takes his gun out of his pocket, gripping it tightly. He brings his hand up to the door and slams it.

Bam!

And he repeats it again and again, wanting the man to open it so he can bury a bullet in that fucking skull.

“Haa—”

Nikolai stops when his hand is aching. He really did slam the door with his fist roughly. He breathes heavily, trying to calm down when a small realization seeps into his mind.

What am I doing? I get too outraged. I let this anger swallow me whole. I feel controlled. I don't think this is who I want to be. I don't want to feel I am stuck I am brainwashed I am brainwashed I am brainwashed —His heart screams for help, begging you to come out already and embrace him.

Open the fucking door. —Though his head is still full of violence. He wants nothing but blood to spill in this house, and he wants to bathe you in it.

Nikolai's lips parted, wanting to mutter your name, but all it leaves is just a small broken groan. He holds his head, conflicted. He can end his confusion now. He can end the very source that cages him now. He can taste that painful freedom again.

But he is a coward.

He leaves your house immediately. He does not look back as he walks fast to his car. When he is finally alone in the car, Nikolai palms his face, sighing.

I am losing myself to things I despise. I am losing myself to things I despise. I am losing myself to things I despise.

His mumbles are cluttered. Chaos.. He leans back, staring at the night sky, wondering if the choices he made have ever been correct.

Nikolai lets out a shaky sigh. It is not the first time his mind is jumbled over something so simple—he is well aware of it. But it still hurts—knowing the very reason for his happiness is the reason for his inner suffering. For countless times, he has thought of killing you, in hopes he can finally be relieved from this brainwashing.

But just like those years ago... When he contemplated killing a friend, to be truly free—Nikolai does not feel an ounce of his supposed freedom. He still yearns for it. He yearns for something else entirely. At that moment, he knew that he did not truly want freedom. Freedom, free will, or whatever you call it, they are not the number one in the list.

Nikolai wants to be understood.

And he feels strongly that you will understand him.

After all, you are already showing signs of conflicts within yourself. He is convinced you love him just as much as he does. But you are holding yourself back—because you are a good girl.

Nikolai loves himself a good girl.

And he wants to bring you to madness too.

No matter how much he wants to kill you, to get rid of you, to make you disappear from his life—the mere thoughts of you leaving him already makes his head a mess. For months, for almost a year, he always has the chance to end your life. Indeed, just over a week ago, he can definitely shoot you dead—but he does not want it. He is already in agony, he cannot afford to add more to his misery. At the very least, let himself be in bliss.

His phone pings and Nikolai takes it out of his pocket. A new message.

my little dove♡ [1:47 a.m.] : Nikolai?

— ✯

Rotting. He might as well be dead.

Nikolai could not sleep peacefully. The scenario is ringing in the back of his head. He feels angry, frustrated, guilty—angry because a man kissed you, frustrated because of his love towards you, guilty because he could not protect you.

He has called Erika, telling her that he is sick, so he will not come to the circus. Before she could get mad, Nikolai already hung up. And then he is back to rotting again. The bed sheets are pulling him, sticking to his body, not allowing him to move other than to think and think and think.

He tries his hardest to get up. He needs to wash himself. He needs to be clean and proper. He needs to live.

So he makes a small weak stride to the bathroom. Standing by the sink, Nikolai begins his morning routine—at a very slow pace. As he is cleansing his face, he recalls.

He recalls what was his life about before you burst into his life. He remembers Yokohama, the very place he swears to not return. He left in order to pursue his freedom—at that time, well, he would like to find other ways to satisfy his ideal. This circus he returned to is one of his stepping stones. He took the role of the ringmaster, as he dislikes to be under one's subordination. He thought that gaining a sense of power over people would fulfill his heart. Instead, it is just feeding his own loneliness.

Years. For several years, he wanders on this earth, seeking something, someone, anyone, anything, to give him what he wants. He considered committing more atrocities—as evil perhaps the best option for him to differentiate himself from normality.

But Nikolai is just tired.

He has lived over three decades and he is already tired.

And when he thought that there was little meaning to his life and his pursuit, you came into his view.

He remembers, oh, he truly remembers the very first second he laid his eyes on you. You, whom he saw from thousands of spectators. Your adorable face caught his attention but when he focused on longer, he found more. A lone person, smiling cheerfully by herself. Even when the acts on the circus stage were getting grotesque, you were not horrified—you were amazed.

Interest became an attention. Attention became a curiosity. Curiosity became a desire. And his desire became a pure obsession.

Nikolai did not think he would get that deranged over a person, after what happened with his dearest friend years ago. But he did. He gets too deeply into your elements. He knows he wants to pursue his freedom—you. A strange yearning blooms in his heart. He got back to commit heinous crimes for you. He stained his hands with blood, for you.

Nikolai gets nauseous upon thinking back to the crimes he committed. He killed innocent cops who tried to help you. He threatened your past partners. He killed some of them. They were begging for their lives as their blood spilled out from their orifices and wounds. Nikolai remembered the pang of empathy that barges his heart but he convinced himself that it was for the best.

But the 'best' is just locking himself up in his love towards you.

What is free will? How does one 'free' themselves? Nikolai tries to remember what he did in Yokohama—and the only answer he has in mind is just to kill himself. He truly had made his choice to die, though he changed his mind. But it is not too late to die.

Nikolai feels like he is not himself. His vision feels like he is navigating a body, rather than living through that body. The monologues, the whispers, the voices—they are cacophony.

Am I living? Am I not living?

“To be free is to allow myself to die. To die or not to die, I will regret both anyway. It is not too late to die. It is not too late to be free. Not too late. Not too late. Not too late..” Nikolai says to himself with a broken laugh, as if he is persuading himself to go through it. His palm has several pills. Breathing quickens, he shoves the pills into his mouth.

Swallow. Swallow. Swallow and die, die, die, die

“Kolya?”

Your voice.

He stops. Your voice pulls his consciousness to live through his body and yet it is not enough to make his head make sense.

Are you here? Are you here for me?

Nikolai then quickly opens the toilet bowl lid, shoving his fingers into the back of his throat to force himself to vomit out the few pills he has consumed. His view is blurry and distorted. And he can hear your voice. He hears you.

He cannot die yet when you are here, when you are near.

For seven minutes he spends vomiting and coughing out the pills, he wipes his mouth hastily and rushes out from the bathroom. His smile broadens as he expects his one and only. 

He calls your name. 

Realization hits, smile withers, hope shatters. 

What do you expect, fool?

You are still alone in this house.

— ✯

It takes Nikolai about two hours to properly wash up and clean up. He has showered. With a pair of shorts hanging low on his waist, he makes himself a simple breakfast—peanut butter and jelly toast. It is actually something he noticed about you. You tend to make simple toasts to bring to your office when you are running later than your usual schedule. He smiles to himself, reminiscing that one time he saw you eat peanut butter and jelly toast deliciously while you were reading a novel in your room.

You like that toast. So he likes it too.

He makes a cup of instant coffee to go along with it. He sits at the dining table, taking his phone to see if there's any work for him. As the leader of the circus, he has to oversee everything—the funhouse, the finance, the staff, the merchandise, the circus shows. He is glad he knows how to work those stuff since he disguised himself to be a government official several years ago.

Nikolai opens the messaging app, only to find a message from you.

my little dove ♡ [10:28 a.m.] : What's with the flowers? You think you're gonna spook me because you know where I work at?

Nikolai frowns. Flowers? He does not recall sending you flowers. Great idea though—surely he will send you one after this, but who is this person who gave you flowers? He replies to your message.

Me [10:30 a.m.] : what flowers? my little dove ♡ [10:31 a.m.] : Nothing. Sorry, wrong person. Me [10:31 a.m.] : tell me my little dove ♡ [10:31 a.m.] : Nothing. I thought you bothered me, so yeah. my little dove ♡ [10:32 a.m.] : Don't bother me! I'm working.

Nikolai is confused. Although he wants to pressure more for answers, he will not bother you for now. He would like to ask you about last night though. He wants to know whether you are fine or not, whether you are hurt or not. But he is not sure if he should bring up that conversation now.

However, he remembers that man. The man that held and kissed you. He grumbles, munching the toast stiffly before he gets up and brings his coffee to his working desk. Nikolai sits, turning on the computer.

He is glad that his friend was a cybercriminal. And he will find out who was that fucking man and who gave you the flowers.

— ✯

“Fuckass house.”

Nikolai grumbles as he looks at the house of the man who bothered you. He found out his name is Alex. Boring name, Nikolai thought. As usual, he parked his car far away and walked. If something goes wrong, at least it will not be easy for the authorities to trace him by his car.

Nikolai looks at his watch—it is past 12AM. He strides towards the house and examines its outside. All windows are covered with curtains, except a few. Nikolai makes a round with quiet steps and he gets to the back where the kitchen would usually be.

He wears his full face mask with his hood on. It is the same one he uses when he stalks and haunts you. Fully intentional—as he discovered this morning that Alex will come along with your friend group to his circus show. He already has a plan in mind on how to teach that bastard a real lesson. Tonight, it is just to spook him.

Nikolai knows people would think he is a dumbass based on how he acts—loud, annoying, slacking off. But that plays well to his advantage as people tend to be friendlier and lower their guard around him. There are only a good handful of people who are aware of how dangerous he is.

He likes that little boost of ego. He wonders what your reaction would be when you learned that he was one of the perpetrators of an infamous global terrorism attack several years ago. Will you be impressed or frightened?

Nikolai needs to focus now. He will scare Alex and when the time is on his side, he will kill him. He already made up his mind—no sympathy for this bastard who dared to touch what's his.

Nikolai gets to the back. He notices a door that leads to the kitchen. He cannot get in through the window as there are bars. So he resolves to the door. It is locked, however after a few twists. It is not really a problem as Nikolai shoots the knob, rattling it loose and pushes the door with his whole weight.

He is in the house. Carefully, he closes the kitchen door and treads deeper. The living room is dark. But he can hear voices from around the corner. Nikolai ignores it for a moment. He instead checks around, planning an emergency hiding spot and his exit route.

His goal is just to scare Alex tonight. He gets to the kitchen and takes out a bag of bloody kitchen knives from his coat. He exchanges the clean knives on the counter with the bloody ones—this is purely for dramatic effect and a distraction. Then, Nikolai opens a nearby storage room and hides in it. He leaves a gap between the door and the frame, just enough for him to aim his silenced gun at the kitchen.

He presses the hammer and then the trigger—three times he shoots randomly to the kitchen. The bullets hit a steel pot, making it fall. And then the cabinet and the plates.

He retracts his gun when he hears a door creaking. Just a few seconds later, Alex leaves a room with suspicion on his face. Nikolai gets angrier, scanning his face and appearance to take note of the details.

“Ugly bastard... Who the hell do you think you are?” He murmurs to himself as he watches Alex getting panicked and scared. Alex checks the mess in the kitchen, unaware of Nikolai's glare. He then runs to his bedroom before he leaves again to the kitchen. This time, he has a phone in his hand.

“Calling the police, huh?” Nikolai mumbles. He slowly opens the storage room door and lowers his body. His destination is Alex's room. While Alex is busy explaining crazy things to the emergency officer, Nikolai stalks quickly into the bedroom.

Alex's bedroom is not as big as yours. It is just like something a middle-class person would possess. A bed, a closet, unwashed clothes, a desk with computers on it. It seems that Alex was playing a game before Nikolai made a commotion. Nikolai leans forward to the computer, clicking stuff to see if Alex is planning something to do with you.

He does not find any polaroids or list of future gifts or a special collection box of you or anything like that in Alex's room. But he does find an interesting receipt when he rummages through the trash bin. A receipt from a flower shop. It seems that Alex bought a bouquet around 9AM this morning and there was a delivery fee too. He connects the dots easily. Alex paid for a bouquet and for someone to send it somewhere. Nikolai cannot fathom why and how but his guts are telling him strongly that the flowers you received were from Alex. He clicks his tongue—How boring! How normal! Is this really the man who wants to appeal to my girl? Fool.

Though, he is glad that Alex does not go overboard... yet. Because if he did, Nikolai would dig his heart out right there and then.

Nikolai wants to linger around longer but he hears Alex's panicked voice getting louder—He is coming. Nikolai looks around and he rushes to the window, pushing it wide enough for him to squeeze out of the room. As soon as he is out, Nikolai reaches for the handle and closes it back. And at the same time, the door to Alex's bedroom is being opened.

“Yes! Please send the police—”

Alex freezes and Nikolai stands straight. He faces him. Although his mask limits his vision, he can still see Alex's shocked face. Alex is shouting profanities at him but still maintains his distance from the window. He yells at the phone for help.

“He's right in my window! Just send anyone!”

Nikolai tilts his head, glaring at Alex. He is certainly looking down on him—this? This is the man who tried to woo you? This? This thing?

Nikolai rolls his eyes. He hopes that the mask will not conceal his disgusted face. Alex is still scared and he is no longer on a phone call. Instead, he is reaching for a baseball bat by his desk and holds it cautiously. Nikolai snickers behind his mask.

I have a gun, dumbass.

He knows the police or some kind of authorities are coming. Nikolai pulls the hood lower and he jogs away from Alex's house. He can already hear the faint siren of the police.

“Hey!” Alex shouts and Nikolai turns his head slightly, seeing the man looking at him from the window. The longer he sees Alex, the deeper his anger is digging into his heart—knowing that this man would be a bigger trouble for him if he let Alex live any longer.

His fingers are itching to get the gun and fire it directly at him.

But Nikolai knows better than to play a rushing game. He ducks his body, slipping between bushes and trees, and disappearing into the neighbourhood.

— ✯

A few days have gone by and Nikolai is reluctant to go to work. At the ripe hour of eight in the morning, one of his crew members is already knocking on his campervan. Nikolai grumbles, stretching himself on the bed. His hair is a mess.

“Sir! Sir, are you awake? Are you dead?”

“Yes, I am! Go away! I will come to the rehearsal right on time, alright? Shoo!” Nikolai shouts back from the window. He grunts in dissatisfaction. He really does not have the energy to work, especially when he has not contacted you for a couple of days already, ever since he stalked Alex to his house.

Nikolai gets up, leaning over his small working desk. A board of polaroids is on the table. They are pictures of you and when he sees his particular favourite photo of you, he giggles to himself. He props his head on the desk, eyes staring at each of your photos.

“You know,” He suddenly says—to you. His finger traces one polaroid, taken two months ago. It was snapped exactly at the moment when you noticed his presence and stopped swaying your body according to the music you put on. He remembers giggling at the sight of you quickly running away to your room after you saw him.

“I think you were embarrassed because I saw you enjoying the music a little too much. But you're the cutest girl ever.” He says. “I love you so much, you can't even understand.” He sighs, kissing the photo before he leans back. Throwing his head back, Nikolai mourns over his solitude in this campervan.

He wonders how it would look if you were standing in his van right now—laying on his bed, trying on his coats and shirts, watching him work, tidying up his mess. Nikolai stares blankly at the space in front of him, deluding himself into another reality where you are in his space, within his orbit.

His mind is playing tricks again—he can somehow imagine and see your presence, feel your touch and hear your voice, despite being fully aware that he is just a lone clown in this room.

That fantasy is teasing his fingertips. It's near and yet it's so far out of reach. He can just kidnap you, bring you here and tie you forever—but that is his twenty-sixth plan if you still insist. He prefers it if you come directly to him, inviting yourself into his home and making it complete all over.

Nikolai palms his face, caressing his skin before he sighs. He is losing his mind—and it will happen again, slowly but surely—and it is because of the mere thoughts of you being in his campervan. He wonders if this love is truly ridiculous—has anyone ever loved someone this strongly? Like this? Like him?

His questions are unanswered when he hears a knock on the door. Nikolai gets up and strides to the door, opening it.

“Oh, fucking hell— Wear your clothes!” Erika groans.

Nikolai looks down, realizing he is just in his navy blue pants. He forgets to wear a shirt beforehand—well, he often sleeps shirtless and he just woke up no more than thirty minutes ago. Nikolai grins and slams the door on Erika. He grabs a white shirt and wears it.

Then he opens the door again, only to be met with Erika whose back is facing him.

“Hey, I'm dressed up already.”

Erika turns and lets out a sarcastic sigh of relief. “Thank God. Now can we talk professionally?” She asks, placing her hand on her hip. Nikolai scrunches his nose and crosses his arms. He leans against the door frame of the campervan, eyes looking around the field before they land on Erika again.

“Is this about... what, fuckin' investors or something?”

“Well, that is on our agenda too. You have three reports to look over...” Erika's voice enters through one ear and leaves through another. He does not have the energy to listen at all. He knows what he has to do—he is not that incompetent but perhaps the way he poses himself makes him look like that.

Though he is very annoyed with Erika's strictness, she is quite irreplaceable. He purses a smile when his head fantasises about the chances of you working along with Erika.

“What do you think if I get you an assistant?” Nikolai suddenly asks and Erika stumbles over her words. She blinks confusedly and looks at Nikolai with disapproval.

“I'm basically your assistant and I need an assistant? An assistant for an assistant?”

“I’m just suggesting.”

“Right... Funny. I don't think I need another brat to take care of, thanks. Don't burden anyone else to keep up with your shit.” She says, huffing before she gives him a file. Nikolai takes it and Erika turns to leave.

“Erika.” She turns around. Nikolai stares at the tents of the circus. He knows you are coming today with your friends. Alex will be here. And he would love to 'tease' him with a sprinkle of violence. He does not have a clear plan in his head but he could set some traps, waiting for these mouses to step into them.

“Erika, I want to give away at least... seven to ten free tickets to a funhouse.”

Erika frowns, looking at Nikolai with uncertainty. “Sir, may I remind you that... we already gave away free tickets for the circus show. Now you want to give away ten tickets for a funhouse? That's a lot of money! For what? Is there an event I wasn't aware of?” She asks. Nikolai shakes his head.

“Like I always said, it is just a fun thing to do for lucky visitors. Money is not really my priority. So, Erika, go prepare them and hold them for me. Can you do that?” He asks back, purposely lowering the octave of his voice, giving Erika an illusion of sternness. She hesitates but at the end, she nods slowly, agreeing. Nikolai knows that while she always questions his abrupt decisions, it is rare for her to be completely against it—he knows these circus people do respect him to a certain degree.

“Right. Okay, whatever. What funhouse do you want?”

“The antique house.”

— ✯

“Gogol, don't tilt your head down so much.”

“M'kay, sorry.” Nikolai says nonchalantly. He brings his phone up a bit, so he can type his messages to you. He smiles, enjoying the interaction he is having with you now although it is just online. It feels like he is speaking with you directly.

“You're smiling so hard, Gogol. What's up? A new hookup?” His make-up artist teases as she carefully pats the brush on his cheek. Nikolai snorts.

“My lover. I don't hook up that much, mind you.”

“Oh~ that's cute! I bet she must be very nice.” She asks, genuinely sounding happy for Nikolai. Nikolai chuckles at her remarks—Nice? Well, he guesses he could call you nice, if he ignores the fact that you have slapped and kicked him.

“She's a nice girl. I might introduce her to you guys one day.” Nikolai says, delighted. His eyes then wander around the mirror in front of him. It reflects his background—his circus troupes, his gymnasts, his acrobats, his magicians, his jesters, his staff. A sense of warmth and comfort courses deeply into his nerves as he reminisces about how you too enjoy watching these people's hard work.

“I'm pretty sure she would love all of you too.”

The show is going well and as of now, the stage belongs to a trio of acrobats who are currently performing horror and thrilling acrobatic acts. The audience could not stop gasping and screaming in fear—it is just what he wants to receive from these people.

Nikolai stands closely behind the curtain that separates the stage and backstage. Fire and dust dominate the stage. Though his view is disrupted, Nikolai is determined to seek you within the crowds. And it takes him about five minutes to locate you, that is after he curses the acrobats to move just a bit to the right so he can take a good look at you.

He smiles when he sees your jaw hanging when the acrobats are hanging in the air with the support of the ropes. Your amazement is his entertainment. Your little flinch and your lips mouthing 'Wow!' make Nikolai beams wider. Your skin glimmers under the luminous fire, and Nikolai can only think of how magical you look.

However, sometimes, his entertainment has its flaws.

Alex is sitting beside you.

Oh, Alex. Alex, fucking bastard. You just stay away from the holder of my heart, huh?

Nikolai notices how Alex keeps stealing glances at you. He feels a tang of envy when Alex talks to you about things—that aren't even important, she doesn't want to listen to you, little boy, go away go away go away—and how you respond to him nicely with a sweet smile. Envy is spreading over him and he could only subdue it quietly.

Patience, Kolyushka. Patience. This envy is temporary. My little dove is eternity.

The show ends well.

Nikolai actually does not really stay on the stage after ending the show for pictures. But ever since you caught his attention, whenever you are present in the circus tent, he finds himself staying behind. He takes pictures with the fans, yes, but his main goal is to get you to come and take a picture with him.

That was literally his whole initial plan to get to you. Approach you not as a stalker but as a ringmaster, and then play gentleman. Ask for your number and then contact you normally. Yes, that was his plan. No mentions of stalking to you.

But fate has been kinder—things play out differently, you provoked this bloody path on himself and yourself. The switch flipped when you screamed, “Come and fetch me!” with people around looking at you weirdly.

After months of waiting, you finally stay. Though, this time, you are staying because your friends want to take a picture with him. Nikolai certainly enjoys teasing you by signing your tits—that is an act he does not expect from you at all. How brave! How surprising! He loves surprises and to think that you decide to do that? Ah, so adorable!

If he is a little crazier, he will kiss you right at that moment.

He interrogates your group, under the pretense of friendliness. But really, he wants to find a little opening he could pry and exploit. He listens and watches your friends' reactions and acts carefully, especially Alex who stands one foot too close to his supposed distance. He should be far far far away from you—better yet, Alex should be on the road, getting hit on by a car.

“Hey, you okay?” Nikolai hears Alex's question and he wants to just snarl at this guy. Of course you are okay. Why is this bastard asking ridiculous questions? When Nikolai is near, you are always okay!

You two exchange looks but before you can respond to Alex, Nikolai quickly throws his bait, speaking theatrically, “Ah, it seems that this little dove has told me a piece of information! Hear ye, hear ye! Did I just confirm my assumption that you groupie haven't been here in this haunted fair before?” He asks as he retreats the gold marker from your skin. Without any bit of shame, Nikolai fixes your neckline and blouses, purposely brushing his hand over your tits. It is unfortunate that he has his gloves on or else he could have felt your skin now.

“Yes, we actually got free tickets. Well, to be exact, I was approached by a young guy and he gave me some tickets. So I just shared it with my friends here.” a woman from the group replies. She has a nice smile, yet Nikolai could not really pinpoint why but she has a certain vibe to her that needs him to watch her carefully. After all, he knows you are not close with most of these people. Colleagues, acquaintances, co-workers—but not friends. He knows.

He knows how it feels to be just a colleague for some he considered a friend.

Nikolai realizes there is an opening for him to set up his trap. He grins, squeezing your shoulder lightly. “Well, I'm glad our marketing team is doing well! But since most of you are pretty much first-timers here, why don't you enjoy one of our playhouses for free?”

He almost laughs when he feels your disbelief stare at him, but he just keeps his eyes on your friends, hoping they will accept his offer. Or at the very least, he wants Alex to accept his offer. He needs Alex to come with him to the funhouse, so he can make a headline of a murder case in a horror circus.

“It's ok—” You try to protest but Nikolai quickly cuts you off, speaking louder so your friends will not ask you to repeat yourself.

“Wouldn't that be fun? I mean, it's too early to leave the fair! We have a lot of playhouses and I would love to see newcomers' reaction to our fair!” He says jovially. His smile is broad, giving them a sense of friendliness and the feeling of being welcomed to his territory.

“Wait, really? More free tickets?” the woman who replies to him initially asks. She has taken the bait clearly when she looks visibly excited.

“Yes, sweetheart!” Nikolai exclaims, clapping his hands. “You guys can all try one of our playhouses! Well, let's see... One.. two... three... yes, yes, that's more than enough. That settles it! I know a perfect funhouse for your group!”

I know a perfect game for you, Alex.

“... Really? More free tickets? I mean, we already come here without paying, so, are we really going to get the same opportunity? Wouldn't the higher-ups of this fair get mad about free tickets being given just like that?”

Welp, Nikolai does not expect Alex would voice out his concern. He thought Alex would just follow the others. But maybe he gets cautious after what happened to him last night. Nikolai smirks, cockily says: “Honey, I lead this circus, the very heart of this fair.”

He then taps your shoulder, receiving a small flinch from you—How cute, you adorable bunny. “Well! What do you all say? Would you like to play our funhouse?” He asks.

“I'm in, yeah.”

“I don't have anything to do after this, so I'm in.”

“Ooh, I like free things.”

“I’m with Julia...”

Nikolai smiles victoriously when the majority of you people agree to take his offer. He looks at you, tilting his head. You are eyeing him with a slight frown on your face. No doubt you are suspicious of his dramatic plan and Nikolai is more than happy to play quizzes with you.

“I'm with them... I guess.” You reply slowly. Nikolai clasps his hands, gasping happily.

“Great! Just a second, ladies and gents,” He says before he turns his head to the curtain. “Erika! Come here! Hey you! Tell Erika to come here now!” He shouts for his assistant, ordering an employee who is pushing a cart of technical boxes. He looks baffled but he obediently leaves the cart to call for Erika.

As Nikolai waits, he turns to the group. He sees Alex approaching you. Nikolai scoots closer but keeps his eyes on the curtain. His ears are focusing on the conversation between you and Alex, spoken in low volume.

“You don't look like you wanna go along,” Alex says.

“N-No. I do want to go. It's just—”

“If you wanna go home, I can accompany you.”

No. No, no, no. He tried to kiss you, to shove his disgusting tongue down your fucking throat when he accompanied you home the first time. He is not nice. He is going to do worse things to you. How dare he? How unaware he could be? What a waste of space, I should've killed him last night.

Nikolai tugs your blouse from behind, though he still does not turn to you. But from the corner of his eyes, Nikolai can see you look at your friend group and then him. You then turn to Alex. Nikolai's fingers clutch your blouse tighter, sending silent signals to you.

Don't. Don't follow him. Don't let him in. Don't go. Don't leave me.

“Uh, I think it's fine. I don't really wanna go home right now... Thanks for the offer though.” He hears you say and Nikolai finally breathes out in relief. He purses his lips, swallowing back his smile.

“Really? I am totally fine to ditch along with you.”

“No, Alex. I am fine. I'm staying.” You repeat, this time a bit stricter. Nikolai almost cracks out a sneer. He feels very proud of you. In his heart, he mocks Alex for his pathetic failed attempt—Ha! Suck it, you son of a bitch.

“Gogol,” Nikolai's eyes focus again on the curtain when his name is called. He spots Erika walking towards him. She is wearing high-waisted pants and a black shirt. A red lanyard is hanging on her neck. Nikolai notices how you turn to look at Erika and your gaze is leering for quite a few moments on her. Erika, however, only gives you a glimpse of a smile before her attention is diverted to Nikolai.

“The tickets,” Nikolai says and Erika straightaway opens her folder and takes out a bundle of tickets. “This is the antique house one, right?” He asks. Erika nods. Nikolai smiles pleasantly and gives the bundle of tickets to you who is the nearest person to him.

“Here you go, love. I'm not sure if they’re enough or more for you guys, but if there are leftovers, just leave the tickets to the staff who takes care of the funhouse.” He says and you nod, taking the tickets. But before you could examine them, Julia snatches the tickets from your hand. It is not rude or rough but by your expression, Nikolai sees that you are utterly speechless and taken aback.

“Thanks for this, mister!” One of your friends says and they walk off, following Julia who is already enthusiastic about their scary journey. You sigh softly and are about to follow too before Nikolai pokes your shoulder. You glance at him and he smiles.

‘Thank you,’ He mouths.

Your eyes linger on his face. Your irises wander on his face as if you are trying to read his mind. But you then realize that Erika is still beside him. You nod timidly and step away before you turn around and catch after your friend.

“You like that girl.”

Nikolai turns to Erika. She smiles coyly and Nikolai sighs in a playful manner. “What are you? A psychologist now?”

“I just get the feeling,” She shrugs her shoulders and leans close. “Don't tell me the giveaway thingy is your attempt to impress her.” She says, hushed. Nikolai snorts scornfully.

“First of all, no. It's not too impress her.” It is the truth. Nikolai has already impressed you by other playful means. “And second of all, haven't you noticed how she keeps attending our show? She's like a loyal customer! Gotta get people's favour, am I right?” He grins before he turns around to leave the tent. Erika shrugs off her shoulders as she follows his steps.

“Right. Whatever you want, boss. As long as you don't pull weird ass shit.”

Nikolai stifles his laugh—Oh, he already pulled weird shit and he will do it again. He brings his hand to Erika's back, patting her in a friendly manner. “I know what I'm doing. Now, go and oversee the clown corners. Make sure they are working hard to make people piss their pants.”

“What the fuck— Hey, that's supposed to be your job. You go!” Erika objects and Nikolai shakes his head playfully. His fingers start to unbutton his vest.

“I have important things to do! I'm leaving the clown corner to you!” Nikolai says happily and immediately disappears into the backstage tent, making his way to his stylist to change his clothes.

And he is totally unaware of you who have been watching him and Erika from the entrance. Curious.

— ✯

Nikolai puts on a long coat over his body, fixing the sleeves. He also takes one of his jackets and folds it nicely so he can carry it. He buttons up his black shirt before he reaches for the mask in his drawer. He also grabs a couple of sharp knives and tissues, which he stuffs into the pocket of his pants.

His lithe fingers are moving swiftly on his hair, braiding it. Satisfied with his look, he leaves his campervan and hurries to a funhouse by going through the back route. After about five minutes, he arrives at 18xx Antique House. He can hear the screams of people from the funhouse. He wonders if one of those screams is yours. He slips into the staff room from the back, being greeted by one of them.

“Oh, hello, sir.”

“Hey,” Nikolai replies shortly to the guy who greeted him. He smiles and opens one of the lockers to shove the jacket inside it. He glances at the staff and when he sees that they are not looking, he quickly takes out the mask and puts it inside the locker too. Nikolai slams the door close before he turns to them.

“Sir, are you supervising us?” one of them asks.

“Nope. I'm... well, I'll explain later. May I see the cameras?” He asks as he walks to the monitoring table. Nikolai scans the monitors carefully, trying to see if the current group that is playing this funhouse is your friend group or not. Fortunately, it is not your group.

So he can proceed with his fun game.

“God damn, these people are not even finding clues but making a mess. It's gonna be hard to tidy up the mysteries again.” One of the staff says. Nikolai turns to him, cocking his eyebrow. The guy looks at Nikolai and grins. “Sir, I think we should add ten more minutes to the waiting time.”

“Fifteen minutes are more than enough for you guys to put back the mysteries in its place. You don't have to put the clues in the same spot, you know?” Nikolai says as he flaps his shirt, already feeling hot in this room. “Why the hell is it so hot? Turn the AC on.”

“The AC is broken. We already put it on sixteen Celsius  and it still feels like twenty-five.” The other guy says. Nikolai just sighs, reminding himself to bring this issue up to the technician team later. He takes off his coat and undoes a couple of buttons on his shirt.

He watches the monitor again and this time, the current group has finished playing. All of them are caught by the scare actors and they do not finish the game. He watches them leave the funhouse—glad that they still had fun, though one person was crying—and then his eyes catch sight of something.

Your group is approaching the entrance of the funhouse.

“Haha...” He lets out a breathy chuckle but stops himself before his staff questions him. He looks at them. They are preparing to leave the room so they can reset and clean up the funhouse for the next players. The door to the staff room is suddenly open from the outside and the scare actor who worked a hard time just now enters the room.

“That was so tiring! The fuck, I should've gone back to the food stalls!” He whines but stands straight when he notices Nikolai is sitting at the monitoring table. “Sir, I'm not tired. I love this job.”

“Oh, okay! Damn, you don't say!” Nikolai replies casually. He waves his hand dismissively, allowing the scare actor to get to his locker. The rest of the staff are about to leave but they halt when Nikolai suddenly speaks, “Wait, all of you.”

They turn to him and he smiles. “After you clean up the set, you are all dismissed—”

“Are we fired?”

“Hey, I'm currently talking! And no, you all are not fired. Well, unless you want to if you go against my words.” Nikolai grins snarkily before he continues, “I'm taking over this funhouse for a while... for reasons unspeakable. So, consider this a time for you to leech off somewhere. And don't worry, your pay won't get cut. Things are rough, I know. I am not that bad, okay?”

“Wow, really, sir?”

“I’m bringing up your name if Erika asks!”

“Am I excused too?” The scare actor asks with a muted voice. Nikolai looks at him and once again waves his hand dismissively.

“Yeah, yeah, you too. Go, go. Matter of fact, I'm suggesting you go to the food stalls and consider your next job option.”

“Sir, I really love this job.”

His staff then leave him alone, including the scare actor who is eager to leave and change his costume. Nikolai returns his focus to the monitors, watching the staff clean and resetting the funhouse. His eyes then drift to one monitor that is showing the recording of a camera located at the funhouse entrance.

He sees you.

His heartbeat rapidly accelerates. He stares at you, observing your every movement. You seem nervous and he sees how you look troubled when Julia is talking to you. Nikolai frowns, biting the inside of his cheek.

Is she bothering you, sweetheart? I'll watch her closely. You have nothing to worry about, love.

For ten minutes, you are conferring about something with the employee at the entrance. Occasionally, he also checks how the cleaning staff are doing and they seem to be done with the set. He expects five more minutes before your group enters the funhouse.

It takes less than that when the walkie-talkie buzzes before a voice echoes—“A group is waiting. Is the set clear now?”

Nikolai examines each monitor to make sure the set is empty and free to use. He smiles—this is all according to his luck and he cannot believe how easily he could control the whole scene. He talks to the walkie-talkie, telling the employee to allow your group to finally get inside his trap.

Although he would love to play another chasing game with you, his goal tonight is not you—How terribly sorry, I am for you, dear dove. I'll feed your fright later. Nikolai has another victim that he has been killing in the back of his mind. His eyes glare at Alex, who just cannot put himself at least a hundred feet away from you.

But that is fine. He will teach him a lesson now. A real lesson this time. No more staring competition. He wants to make sure there is blood spilled tonight, even a little drop.

Nikolai gets up from the seat at the same time you, Alex and one of your friends parted away from the others. His fingers brush over your figure on the screen. He reaches for his mask from the locker and places it on his face.

Nikolai will ruin someone's night tonight. And perhaps he will ruin you more and more.

©cherikolya 2024 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated

if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!

#he makes me sick /pos #ykw #i am not immune to propaganda #nikolai wants me so badly guys #forgive him he did nothing wrong #nikolai #mind the warnings !!!!

[stuffeddeer2]

Being (aro)ace, for me, is aggressively saying the most vile sexual things about a character and actively dodging anyone that tries to flirt with me because ew, don't do that

#just like me fr

[stuffeddeer2]

omg i just had an idea…..nikolai tokyo drift street racer….he’s tatted and wears pressed on shirts….oh mygod..

𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙚𝙧!𝙣𝙞𝙠𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙞 + 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚

replies ✥ *gasp* new character unlocked??? hello street racer!nikolai muehehehe

content ✥ fem!reader, petnames

You were left alone by the bar. Your friend has been gone for about an hour now, spending her time with her partner who is one of the racers here. You are self-conscious of the environment of this street racing gang and you have found solace in staying just by the bar.

The noise of cars, the screeching of tyres and road, the cheers and curses from the people, sexy ladies standing by expensive cars—Oh, this place is so not for your introverted self. You wish you could go home but you have no exact idea how to get back without your friend's guidance.

You sigh once again as you watch the race of three cars that are happening right now. The cars are so fast—like a bullet. But you do not find it fun to just wait until a car is approaching the same checkpoint.

“Hey, pretty.”

You hear someone say, but you don't turn around since you thought the call was not for you. Until the person pokes your shoulder multiple times, causing you to turn quickly.

And you see a smiling man standing right beside you—his smile is adorable and innocent, and yet his appearance is rough. He has his white hair tied into a small bun, wears a compressed black shirt with matching pants and his arms are covered in abstract tattoos.

Beautiful man.

“Hello, pretty.” He says again, propping his hand on the bar table, looking at you. You feel heat rushes to your face and your stomach is twisting. He is standing so close—close enough that his cologne is practically ingrained in your head now.

“H-Hi...”

“You alone?”

“Obviously.” You reply almost too quickly, your tone sounds sarcastic. And you are quick to correct yourself upon seeing his amused face. “I-I mean, I wasn't alone. I had my friend and she's... gone somewhere.”

He grins. “You look new. Is it your first time coming here?” You nod slowly, eyes scanning his face—he is indeed a pretty man. His skin is flawless, though there is a scar slit down his left eye. He smiles at you and offers his hand. “My name is Nikolai. You are?”

You look at his hand—rings and silver bracelets. You reach it and your heart makes a small jump upon feeling his touch. You mutter your name and Nikolai hums pleasedly.

“Nice to meet you, love. Now, I'm cutting to the chase here. I think you're really cute.” He says, not bothering to hide his flirtatious manner. He clasps your hand with both of his and says excitedly, “Since your friend isn't around, she doesn't mind if I steal you for a moment, right? Oh—Oops, silly me. I should've asked you if you're already someone else's. So do you have any partners or something?”

He talks so smoothly—but a little rambling. Something about his tone reminds you of a jester. Lively and witty. Humorous and theatrics. It is a complete contrast to his looks.

“No, I don't see anyone at the moment...”

He giggles. “Well, isn't that perfect?” He releases your hand, nudging his head to the parking area that has a fleet of racing cars. “Would you like to come with me? I can show you around. Besides, isn't it boring to just sit here and drink your third glass of cocktail?”

“Well... you are right, but—”

“Come on, baby. I'll show you fun. You gotta have some fun if you came here after all those troubles.” He tries to convince you again. You are unsure. You do feel bored, yes. And now that you have a company, it's not a problem to have fun a little, right? Your friend is gone and this man is being all buddy-buddy.

“I guess I could...”

Nikolai smirks as he gestures for you to follow him. You do, trailing him by his side. He asks you a couple of casual questions. Though you are getting comfortable with him, you cannot help but notice curious eyes from passersby.

Is he well-known here? Why do they look at me like that? Or am I kissing my own ass?

Timid by the unwanted attention, especially when you are finally entering the proximity of other racers, you cling your hand to Nikolai's tattooed arm, scooting closer.

“Ah, don't you worry baby. These people not gonna eat you.” He says. “No one's gonna bother you. If they do, I'm gonna shoot them.”

“What— That's not funny..!”

“Oops, my bad, darl'.” Nikolai grins, guiltless. He stops by a dark red racing car with black and white patterns around it. You scan the car, noticing a common occurrence of a theme here. This car must be expensive when you see the logo on it.

“You’re pretty rich.” You say when you touch the patterns. They feel like stickers and surprisingly, you see it is almost peeled off. Nikolai taps the car proudly.

“Uh-huh. Expensive car, cheap stickers. Don't get me wrong, I just love to dress her up frequently. Cheap stickers are easy to take off.” He explains. “Let's get inside. I decorated the interior more.” He opens the door, inviting you to get in. You follow him, getting into the passenger seat, and indeed, the interior of his car is much more flamboyant.

There are small decoration pieces of jester masks, the dashboard is covered with black and white stripes-printed fabric, and a few red pompoms are hanging on the rearview mirror. The backseat is covered with white fabric with black diamonds printed on them. There are two small cushions on the seat too.

“Phew, okay.” Nikolai enters the car after he is done talking with other racers briefly. He closes the door and starts the engine, turning on the AC and radio. You lean forward, looking outside. Colourful racing cars all around.

Suddenly the car is moving out from the parking lot. You turn to Nikolai. Your eyes cannot stop staring at his tattooed arms, trailing down to his body. You almost forgot what you wanted to say to him, distracted by his physique.

“Nikolai? Where are we going?”

He smirks and says nothing as he drives his car to the racing road.

“Wait. Wait, are you racing now? Wait, I thought you were just gonna show me around—”

“I said I'm gonna show you fun, didn't I?” Nikolai grins teasingly. More cars are approaching the starting line. The fierce noise of roaring engines is all around you. You look outside the window beside you, seeing that the spectators are all spirited up for another race for the night. You even see your friend among the crowd, with a beer in her hand.

A presence looms behind you and you feel his warm breath teasing your neck. Nikolai reaches for the seatbelt right next to you. His scent salivates you and you swallow nervously when you peek a glance at his bicep. Your stomach makes a funny twist when he is just too close.

Nikolai cackles at your face when you turn to him. He grins and stretches his arms.

“Buckle up, darling! If I win this race, I'll get your number!”

©doukeshi-kun 2024 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, more @/cherikolya

if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!

#i gasped #keshi delivering peak once again #hes so.......... #i need him /normal #(/not normal) #this is SO. GOOD!!!!!!!! #i love when hes a little cocky it makes me giggle tbh #i hope he loses ❤️ #nikolai

[stuffeddeer2]

THINKING ABOUT...kissing him <3

FT: D.OSAMU + FEM!READER

a/n: i hate this sm ahewiskhdkjw

Dazai swears that every time you kiss him, he's never tasted anything sweeter.

He pressed himself against you, fingers sliding under your shirt-his shirt, that you were wearing- and tracing the soft skin underneath as he kissed you hungrily, desperately. He drank you in like a parched traveler at an oasis, drunk off the sighs and whines that left your lips every time his slotted against yours. Dazai's grip on your waist tightened as he deepened the kiss, letting out a desperate noise as he gently tugged at your bottom lip with his teeth. heart pounding in his chest.

He wants you, needs you. you were the only thing that tethered him to this life, and he didn't want to let the vessel of his heart go.

All of that ceased when you pulled away, pretty eyes wide and heat radiating off your cheeks as you stared up at dazai, lips plumped and swollen as you panted for breaths of air. dazai thinks you mumbled his name, but he wasn't paying attention to that very well.

God, you looked beautiful to him- all this for him of all people. His grip on you tightened a thought rang through his head; that he was ruining you, defiling an angel that he had no right to lay eyes on.

But those thoughts were consumed by the maddening need for you- the need of your lips on his, your skin against his, and the selfish desire to continue feeling the things that you make him feel.

"Why'd you pull away?" He whispered softly, fluttering thick, dark lashes at you, a pout adorning his lips. He leaning in to kiss you again, whining when you pulled away with a smile curled at your lips.

you opened your mouth to say something but dazai didn't need to hear you, he knew what you'd say would be a teasing challenge to earn back your touch.

He touched his lips to the fluttering pulse on your neck, trailing upwards with every kiss punctuated with a silent "I love you" and fire left behind in it's wake.

"osamu..." you sighed, tilting your head back as he gently sucked at your skin, and dazai loved the way he could make you fall apart.

dazai dragged lithe fingers over your skin, grasping at the buttons on your shirt to reveal more skin for him to attend to. he smiled against your skin as he felt the way your body trembled underneath his, the way your breath shook as he raised himself up and slotted his lips to yours. He parted your lips with his own, dragging his tongue across your teeth and pressing down on your hip as you trembled.

"You're gorgeous, bella', so perfect..." he groaned as he pulled away, chest heaving while he ran his knuckles over the contours of your face. "Don't deserve you, I swear..." that made you frown, which he quickly remedied with a short kiss, pulling away after and resting his forehead against yours.

"'samu..don't say stuff like that." you sighed, tugging him back to your mouth. his lips quirked up, whispering when you let his go.

"why not? no mortal soul deserves to bask in your ethereal glow, my darling." He giggled, cupping your face and pressing his lips to every part of it.

You sighed and rolled your eyes, lips tugging up. "yeah...just stop talking and kiss me, 'kay?" you giggled, sitting up on your elbows.

dazai simply raised an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in his eyes that you knew all too well. He pushed you back down with a thud, looming over you with a grin that made your heart tumble over itself.

"Hm? you want me to kiss you? how 'bout we...do a little more, yeah?"

#this is so fucking cute #why am i jumping up and down #kickin g my feetsies #fluttering my eyelashes #squealing #cutest shit ive ever read and it only gets better. #READ THIS!!!!!!!!!! #dazai