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suzumenokakimono · 3 years

Text

I was here first I

Pairing: Namjoon / Jimin x reader,

Genre: AU, smut, fluff, angst, roommates to lovers, fwb, friends to lovers

Word count: 7k

Summary: Jimin was your roommate, best friend and in love with you so bad it wasn’t even funny. His friends knew this all along and were surely surprised you’ve never noticed. But you didn’t. You were oblivious as the Earth was round. Now, Jimin decided it was time to finally confess to you. He asked one of his closest friends, Namjoon, to help him. But what if you end up liking Namjoon instead of Jimin?

A/N: English is not my native language. I do not apologize.

Masterlist | Chapters: One | Two | Three (incoming)

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First ring of the doorbell found you in your bed, still in sweatpants, oversized T-Shirt of your favorite band and a face mask covering your face. You looked up, for a moment, scared you’re late and didn’t calculate properly the time you needed for your preparations. But no. You still had a good 30 minutes before scheduled leaving. You had no intentions on going out even a minute earlier. Plus, your company would have never left without you. Being late was not a problem in this situation.

You got back to scrolling through Twitter when you heard a ring for the second time.

“Y/N! Can you let him in?!”

This time it was your roommate, screaming from the bathroom. He’d been taking a shower for the past 30 minutes, getting ready for tonight. He’d gotten pretty excited and you didn’t know why. But you did know that person standing on the other side of your apartment door, was his friend that was supposed to join you tonight. You’d never met him before, even though they’d been working together and both had known each other for quite some time. You’d just heard some stuff about him and he seemed nice.

You really didn’t want to move from your cozy bed but that annoying sound was going around your apartment and making you crazy. Also, that guy was still ringing the doorbell.

“FINE!”

Lazily you left your room, kicked the door to the bathroom, probably scaring the shit out of your roommate and opened the front door.

“Come in. Jimin is still in the bathroom, making himself pretty. His room is over there.”, you pointed towards the door behind you.

“Thanks.”

Your nose was inside your phone all the time, you didn’t pay any attention to the guest. You heard his response but didn’t put a mind to it. You just noticed he came inside. He seemed tall or at least that was how he looked like while he was passing by you. By the time you realized you should say something more and be at least a little less rude, he was gone in Jimin’s room. When you turned around, the door was already closed. You shrugged your shoulders, thinking you would have time to talk to him later, so you went back to your room, while still being stuck to your phone. Passing by the bathroom you didn’t hear any water running so you assumed Jimin was done with the shower. This meant you still had time.

When your door closed and you were safely covered by your warm comforter, Jimin ran out from the bathroom, shirtless in his sweatpants and still with wet hair. It was not that he was shy next to you or something, but this time he wanted you to see him when he was ready. And he was doing everything to manage to do that on time. Because he was always late. Everywhere. All the time. And for the first time he cared so much he wanted to be ready on time.

He got to his room and immediately went straight to his closet.

“Where is that black T-shirt…”, he was mumbling to himself.

“Hello, to you too.”

Jimin jumped in place, hitting harshly to a shelf. Grabbing his head with his arms he looked outside the closet.

“Fuck, Namjoon. You scared the shit out of me.”

“Y/N let me in”, Namjoon chuckled to himself.

He was sitting on the bed and reading a comic book.

“So you met her?”, Jimin’s face immediately brightened up after hearing your name.

“I can hardly say that. I think she was too invested in something on her phone.”

“But you saw her? What do you think of her?”, Jimin was persistent in talking about you.

“Black face mask really outlined her eyes.”

“She’s probably picking up some cute outfit right now. I must look perfect tonight…”, Jimin already stopped listening and got back to rummage through his clothes.

Namjoon smiled to himself. This evening was kinda special for Jimin.

For the past three years that you’d been friends with him and you for two years that you’d been living together, he’d been madly in love with you. So madly, he had no idea what to do with it. How to confess to you, what move should he make. How to tell you how he felt about you. All his other friends, with Namjoon on top, were pretty puzzled about this. Jimin was always a good looking guy, with a hairstyle on top and nice clothes. He never complained about the lack of female company. Or confidence. So why was it so hard when it was coming to you?

You were his friend and he was definitely scared of losing you. He’d met you at a party and probably 5 minutes later he’d developed his crush on you. He’d taken your number, with the intention of asking you out later. But you’d written him first and started to send him memes and cute pics of cats from the internet. He’d thought that was adorable but pretty fast realized you were treating him like just a friend. Which had been fine at the beginning! You hadn’t been anything serious so he couldn’t have been mad at himself about this. But the more you’d been spending time together the more he was liking you not just like a friend. When you’d been looking for a place to live, because your earlier roommate had been moving out and you couldn’t have afforded the place on your own and he’d offered you a room at his apartment, he’d been already madly in love with you. He’d known that this was not the best idea, given his feelings towards you. But at the same time, he’d wanted to have you close to himself.

Two years later, you were close friends, he was dying inside to be with you and finally decided enough is enough. Or actually Namjoon did. He was the one who had convinced Jimin that he should confess to you. From the beginning Jimin was scared that after doing so, he would find out you didn’t reciprocate his feelings, they would become a problem and you both would drift apart. But Namjoon had pointed out that otherwise it was going to be worse. Especially if you found someone else, not knowing about Jimin’s affection.

So Jimin was gathering all his strength and confidence to organize this evening. The whole idea was to go out with you to a bar or a club and use alcohol courage to finally ask you out. Namjoon was supposed to be a cover for this whole scheme. You weren’t supposed to realize what was going on, until Jimin smoothly swooped in and confessed. Simple as that!

“You think you’ll manage to do it tonight?”, Namjoon asked, while Jimin disappeared in his closet again. He put a comic book on a desk, remembering he has to finish it later.

“I have to”, Jimin sounded pretty serious.

“In case something was going wrong, we should have a sign or a code.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean, if you decide not to do it, we should have a plan B to back up without her knowing what was going on.”

Jimin closed his closet, while wearing a simple, black T-shirt. It wasn’t a fancy or an expensive one but he knew you liked him in it. You’d told him that once, when you’d been both buzzed a little and had been watching some show on Netflix. He didn’t remember what show that was or what alcohol you’d been drinking, but he didn’t forget your words.

“I have to do it”, Jimin repeated himself.

Namjoon didn’t get back to the topic. He knew Jimin was right. But he also knew what his role that night was. He wanted to help his friend. Not only, so he confessed to you, but also if anything went wrong and he needed to evacuate Jimin or you. Jimin was known for being dramatic. Any outcome of the night might have been pretty big.

Jimin finally got ready. After finding his special T-shirt, he matched it with some tight black jeans and leather boots. He came out of the room to look for a jacket and Namjoon followed him to the hall. It was his first time at your place and he started to actually look around. At that very moment you left your room and came right across to him. You looked so much different than before. You were wearing a pretty, black short dress, with a pink flower pattern. You’d put on matching makeup, added some earrings. Your hair was tied up in a messy ponytail and you were just picking up some shoes. Jimin saw you, but he just took a quick look. He knew how good you can look so even though he liked your outfit very much, he wasn’t staring, he was preparing for leaving as well.

But Namjoon froze in place and was tracing your every move. He didn’t believe he’d actually ignored you before. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. And while you were trying on a pair of shoes, you noticed that. You noticed him. You knew Jimin’s friend was supposed to join you tonight, you’d opened the door for him, but hadn’t paid any attention. And now you noticed this tall guy standing in your hall and staring at you, with his mouth open, still in a weird shock.

He was wearing a long green jacket and a white T-shirt with a random print on it. Dark jeans and black heavy boots were making his legs look even longer and slimmer than they really were. He also wore a beanie, which was more as a fashion statement, because it was not cold outside. He looked good. You couldn't have called him handsome straight away, not ugly as well. He was definitely different than the other guys. And his eyes. He was staring at you without any embarrassment. You liked those brown eyes.

Jimin snatched both of you to reality by dropping his keys to the floor. You blinked a few times and realized you stopped in place and forgot what you were actually doing. You looked at Namjoon again but he broke eye contact and was helping your roommate. That also helped you to gather yourself and finally chose some shoes. Jimin picked up his keys and let you out first. He gestured to Namjoon to do the same, but before he left, he grabbed Jimin’s arm and pulled him behind the door.

“Is… is that Y/N?”, he asked quietly, to make sure you didn’t hear him.

“Yes...Who else? You’ve already seen her...”

Jimin looked at him like he was doubting his big brain was still there and working. He eyed him up and down with unspoken questions and followed you, leaving his friend in the hall. At that moment Namjoon started to doubt that including him in tonight’s plan was a good idea. After all, he was supposed to help Jimin to hook him up with you, not snatched his three-years-old crush right in front of his nose.

Thirty minutes later you ended up in a newly opened club in the city. The moment you arrived, you found your table, which had been reserved a few days earlier just in case and ordered the first round of drinks. Jimin wasn’t waiting for anyone and finished his before you even started yours and ordered another one. You had trouble catching up and at some point Namjoon’s hand covered your drink, just to stop you from drinking that fast. Jimin was not stopping himself at any point though.

He was nervous. You’d noticed that pretty quickly but wasn’t able to connect the dots. There was no reason for him to act like that. At least you couldn't have thought of any. The drinking though was not an issue, it was actually a normal part of the evening. He absorbed alcohol like water or at least that was what he was telling everyone. He liked drinking and had never said no, convincing people around him he had a strong head and alcohol didn’t affect him much. You would be the first person to destroy that image, vividly remembering in what kind of state he’d used to be after all those occasions. And as always alcohol did help him to relax and become fun and chatty him. He was touching your hands, arms, knee and even tacking your hair behind your ear when you both were laughing. You were feeling comfortable around him. You knew how flirty he can be, how touchy he was even without alcohol. You’d gotten used to that and had to admit you liked that. It was somehow flattering, even if it didn’t mean anything.

With his fourth drink Jimin started to talk. Like a lot. He was talking about you, him, how you’d been living together, he even mentioned how you’d both met. When this topic had come out, you started to laugh remembering that party

“You came with your friends and started to drink right away!”, you pointed at him, while telling the story. “I don’t know how much you had drank but you fell from your chair like three times before the evening even started for good!”

This memory always made you laugh. You were absolutely astonished how a guy like him could have fallen from any sitting surface, without even a drop of alcohol. His relationship with chairs was truly very complicated.

While you were still laughing, you turned around to Namjoon to tell him everything about that, so you missed Jimin’s face expression. He was sitting on your other side the whole time and quietly listening to how you had fun. He wasn’t drinking that much and that fast like the two of you, but didn’t want to fallout from the party as well. He needed to stay more sober, though. Just in case he had to play his wingman role. When you’d started your story you put your hand on his wrist that was on a table, with his drink. You were not sure why you’d done that. Alcohol started to talk through you which had always made you a little touchy and more brave. Not Jimin level though. You wanted some kind of physical contact with him. At first he looked at your hands, still listening to you. Then he looked at you, the same way as he did in your apartment. With those beautiful, brown eyes, going right straight through you. Your temporary courage made you not froze and silenced but your heart definitely skipped a bit and you felt a heat coming straight to your face. There was something at his gaze that you liked so much. You felt a little sparkle between you two and were getting excited. Things like that rarely happened to you and you really wanted to know where this was going.

For a moment you forgot you were not alone there. You stopped babbling, cleared your throat and got back to Jimin. You wanted to drag him to the whole story-telling but he somehow had stepped back. He moved a little further from you on his seat and looked like he had completely lost his attention to what had been happening next to him. He wasn’t smiling as wide as before. He was also looking away, at the bar, people on a dance floor, somewhere else. You pulled out your hand to him but he moved away and got up from his seat, hiding that with an excuse of going for another drink. Before you even had said anything he left your table not looking back.

What the hell had just happened?

“Did I say something wrong?”, you turned to Namjoon once again.

“No. Absolutely not.”, he shook his head and looked at you. “Jimin is… he has something on his mind. You don’t need to worry about that.”

His words didn’t help you much though. You started to recreate all that had happened when you’d come to the club, somehow thinking it was your fault. Namjoon saw that, he saw your face expression.

“Y/N! Don’t.”, he finished his drink in one sip. “Please, don’t torment yourself with this. Let’s get you another drink, shall we?”

Saying last words he grabbed your hand and smiled at you. He had probably the most charming smile you had ever seen. He was smiling with this whole face, his full lips and dark eyes. And you noticed how cute dimples showed up on his cheeks. His smile was really contagious.

You nodded at his proposition, feeling being under his spell, not being able to answer him this time and wanted to get up to the bar but he stopped you.

“I’ll bring it to you. Same as before?”

You thanked him and sat back in your place. Him leaving your table had snapped you from the effect he had on you. You’d barely just met but you were starting to like him. He was getting cuter each minute you were spending together. You weren’t sure he felt the same way, though. He was Jimin’s friend and technically he’d come with him, not with you. When you’d first heard he’d invited someone to this evening, you hadn’t been convinced to this idea. Meeting new people was always stressful and you just wanted to have fun after a long week at work and not dealing with some random dude that you’d barely known. Thankfully, that dude, was a lot different than you’d suspected.

Namjoon disappeared among the crowd, same as Jimin had before. For a moment you were left alone and you started to look around, checking to see if you could find your roommate, who you were still worried about. However, he was nowhere to be found. Namjoon had told you not to think about that, but you couldn't help it. He was not just your roommate but a friend after all.

Before you started your coming train of thoughts on what might had happened that had upset Jimin, Namjoon came back with your drinks. When he was putting glasses he accidentally spilled some on the table and on your dress. He immediately pulled out his hands like was trying to stop it from spilling any further, which was of course pointless.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry!”

“That’s fine”, you chuckled. “There won’t be any stain, no worries”.

Namjoon didn’t look convinced. You smiled at him, took your drink and took a big sip, showing how much you didn’t care about the dress. He smiled back and did the same.

Since you were left with Namjoon alone, he took the responsibility to talk with you, to entertain you. And, because both of you were getting pretty drunk already, it wasn’t that hard. You didn’t know each other, so he started asking tons of questions about you. About your life, job, where had you lived before and why the hell had you agreed to live with Jimin in the first place. He also listened to everything you were saying, which made you feel more comfortable around him pretty quickly. For the whole time he was also looking straight into your eyes. He was paying his full attention to you. He didn’t look bored or anything. He really was enjoying this conversation with you.

He was also providing more drinks. You were getting more and more dizzy. At some point you excused yourself and went to the bathroom. On your way back you thought you saw Jimin and stopped in place. You narrowed your eyes to have a better focus. The world really started to spin around and you needed a moment. But you were not wrong. That was indeed Jimin. He was standing close to the bar, on the side that was not visible from your table. And he was talking to a girl. His arm was around her waist and while you were lurking at them, her hand landed on his neck to keep him close. They were definitely flirting. All this time you were worried he was upset and he’d just wanted to find someone and get laid!

You knew Jimin was popular with the girls. You’d always known that. Girls liked him for his look, his smile, his flirty side which he wasn’t able to turn off even with you. He wasn’t a fuckboy, at least you’d never noticed anything. Bringing home stranger women was not his thing. It had happened a few times, since you’d been living together but at some point he’d just stopped doing that. You guessed he wanted to try again. Maybe going out brought up some memories and he’d found himself in a women’s company again, without any effort.

When you got back to your table Namjoon was waiting with fresh drinks and you already knew you had to ask him to stop buying them. Otherwise you would end up under the table and no one wanted to see that.

“I just saw Jimin. He’s talking… well, at this point probably making out with some girl”.

When Namjoon heard that, his eyes went wide open.

“He what? A-are you sure? You sure that was Jimin?”, he started to look for his friend.

“It’s hard not to recognize that butt of his”, you laughed to yourself from your brilliant joke. Jimin’s butt was indeed something.

“But… Jimin was…”

“Was what?”

Namjoon immediately bit his tongue. He couldn't have told you what Jimin was supposed to do. You were not supposed to know until he finally confessed to you! But for some reason he’d seemed to abandon the whole plan. Why the hell was he making out with some other girl? That didn’t make any sense. Like him leaving the table without any explanation. Had he changed his mind? Had he noticed how Namjoon was looking at you? Had… no, that was impossible. He would have never stepped down after noticing his friend liked you. He’d been in love with you for too long.

Namjoon got lost in his thoughts and didn’t notice how you sat closer to him. His consciousness was just coming back to him. He felt your thigh right next to his. You accidentally knocked him with your elbow when you were fixing your dress in your boobs area, at this point not caring much who was watching. And Namjoon was watching.

You looked at him with a question in your eyes and he froze, for a moment being scared you might had noticed and had read his mind, which he was pretty sure you could. You looked so pretty. He was damn sure it was all written on his face, how much he liked looking at you, how he actually liked you and probably everyone had already known what thoughts were storming into his mind. He shifted nervously in his seat, starting to sweat a little. He looked at the bar, like was making sure Jimin was really there, though he didn’t see him at all. When he maintained eye contact with you again, he licked his lips, making a decision in a brain of his.

“Nothing. Good that he’s having fun.”

You snored at that and took a sip of your fresh drink, totally forgetting about your previous statement, enjoying sweet and cold beverage.

“Y/N, do you wanna dance?”

He surprised you with his offer. He surprised himself, to be honest. But he was sure, if he spent a little more on wondering should he do it, he would had never done that. You didn’t hesitate for a second. You nodded and at the moment he smiled at you one more time with the most sincere smile. You felt yet again how your face was turning red under his gaze and was thanking for your makeup and dark lights in the room. He took your hand in his and guided you to the dance floor, making small steps so both of you wouldn’t fall into anyone. It was full of people but you found an empty spot for yourselves, a little in the back. You felt his arms around you immediately, dragging you close to him. You were surprised by his bold action again, but you didn’t mind. You wanted him to touch you, to hug you. And also do the same to him. You could only imagine how it would have been to lean your head on his chest, to smell his scent, maybe feel his heartbeat.

And at that moment, like if the universe had heard your thoughts, music changed and a slow song started to play. Before your clouded mind realized what was happening, Namjoon put his arms around you and pulled you even closer to him. Dream was coming true and you felt another heat wave hitting your body but you didn’t want to show him that. Instead, you wrapped your arms around his neck and shyly looked up into his eyes. As before, he was looking right at you. It seemed like he wanted to look only at you, all the time. Maybe it was alcohol talking but you noticed his gaze was shifting from your eyes to your lips. And then back again. He hugged you tighter, you felt how his fingers were drawing circles on your back, which made you shiver despite the heat in the club. He parted his lips and took a deep breath. He looked like he was having an inner fight with himself and was actually losing. He got nervous and you felt how he tightened his fist on the back of your dress. To soothe his struggle you reached out to his hair that was pointing out under his beanie and started to play with some on his neck. It seemed to work. He looked at you again with those eyes that you liked so much from the very first moment you saw him and leaned to you. A kiss was soft, gentle and very quick. When your lips met your breath hitched, you dug your fingers into his neck, nervousness taking control under your body. He leaned back a little but didn’t move away, keeping his forehead right against yours, eyes closed. You grabbed his arm and hummed, more to yourself because you were damn sure he didn’t hear that. But maybe he felt that. Or maybe he was in the same state of mind as you were, because a moment later he kissed you again but this time much deeper. You felt his hand on your neck, holding you close to him. Other hand still on your back, making sure you would stay there with him. His tongue started poking on your lower lip, asking for permission. And you gave it to him. He opened your lips with his, you felt his tongue on yours. He tasted like his drink, a little sour and sweet at the same time. You smiled to yourself, liking that taste.

When he pulled away, he grabbed your hand from his neck and took to his chest. You felt how fast his heart was beating, giving he must had been pretty nervous about this. If the light was brighter he was pretty sure you would had noticed his dilated pupils, full of desire for you, for more.

But instead of that you saw how his gaze changed in just one second. From soft and blissful to scared and maybe even panicked. He realized what just had happened, what he had done and immediately got scared. He wanted that, for a second that even had sounded like a good idea. He was also convinced you wanted to kiss him. The way you had been looking at him… He broke an eye contact, embarrassed of himself and looked around, making sure nobody actually had seen what you were doing, which felt extremely stupid at a place like this. Though he was thinking only about one person there. He dropped your hand and stepped back, keeping a safe distance from you. He closed his eyes and mouthed something to himself. You hadn’t heard him and wanted to ask what was wrong when you felt someone’s presence next to yourselves.

Jimin put his hand on your arm, which made you jump in place and turned you to him. His face was close to yours and you had no doubt he hadn’t stopped drinking after leaving you and Namjoon. His breath smelled like an alcohol and he was slightly swaying in place.

“I was looking for you.”

“You were the one that left”, you pointed out. Jimin smiled at you with that cute smile when his eyes were completely disappearing, changing into two thin lines. He liked when you were sassy and all smart ass. He thought it was cute.

“Can I talk with Namjoon?”, he asked.

You looked at a guy in front of you, still frozen in place. You wanted to get back to what you started, to kissing and dancing, and touching. You really liked that and was getting the impression Namjoon had too. But he was avoiding eye contact, probably for the first time this evening so you just nodded at your roommate and left the two of them.

You got back to your table and took your unfinished drink, still dizzy after what happened between you and Namjoon. You were just wondering, why had he stopped so abruptly. He’d been the one that asked you to dance and kissed you. So, did he like you or not? Still being on a cloud nine, you were taking sip after sip of your drink, thinking about Namjoon and his full lips on yours.

Meanwhile, Jimin turned his friend around, so you wouldn’t be able to guess what they were talking about. Namjoon felt his sweat coming down his back. He had screwed up, hadn’t he? He knew that. He was feeling like a kid caught by his parent on doing something he’d been specifically told not to do. Jimin was surely about to put him into place and he had nothing to defend himself. Nothing than that he was drunk, stupid and liked a girl his friend was in love with. Extremely poor excuse.

“I need you to take Y/N home.”

“Listen…”, Namjoon started to talk at the same time, trying to put back in time what was coming but he quickly realized what he’d been asked to do. “Wait-what?”, and his drunken ass didn’t understand the request the way he should.

“Change of plans. Y/N is pretty drunk anyway. I don’t want her to go home alone. Go with her, make sure she’s safe.”

“But… you…she”, Namjoon was completely lost.

“We’ll talk later. I…”, he brushed his hand through his hair and took a deep breath. “I just don’t want her to get into any trouble. She can do stupid things while drunk.”

With that Jimin left, taking a quick look at you. Namjoon stood on a dance floor, not sure how to understand what just had happened. Had Jimin seen him kissing you? Why had he left you earlier without any explanation and then had asked him to take you home? And why had he been making out with another girl? Nothing of that made any sense. Especially the kiss. Everybody had been kissing not a person they should! Kissing you had been an impulse and even though he’d enjoyed that very much, he knew it had been a mistake. He’d wanted to do that. And hell, he was pretty sure you’d wanted too. He had to quickly calm himself, before more something would happen.

Still, he decided to do as he’d been asked to. He got back to you. Your drink was gone already and he realized Jimin had been right about you being drunk. Maybe even a little too drunk. So he helped you leave the table, making sure you wouldn’t spill his own unfinished drink. You slipped your hand under his jacket and wrapped your arm around his waist. Your head first landed on his shoulder and then slid off to his neck. He felt your hot breath on his skin and his mind was going places. He was tempted to hug you, to pull you closer to him. He was getting sure he was too drunk as well. Alcohol in his blood was starting to take control over him, telling to take you home, but not yours. To kiss you again, but not on the lips. To touch you, but not on your hand or back. He felt dizzy and barely called a cab. He helped you to get into the car, then he sat on the other side. He took a deep breath and leaned his head on the back. He needed to get you home safely and forget about everything.

But you didn’t give him a chance. At this state you’d forgotten what embarrassment was, your shy ass had been put into silence and brave version of you had gone out the surface. Once again your lips were dangerously close to his neck and it was starting to drive him crazy. It was like you’d known where his weak spot was. It made him groan deep in his throat and cursed any god that had ever existed for allowing this. Each passing second you were getting more and more irresistible to him.

He gently cupped your cheek and turned to you.

“...Y/N”, his voice was hoarse and he couldn’t help it.

He wanted to ask you to stop. To chill for a moment, move to the side, so he could start breathing and thinking straight again. He wanted simply to put you into bed, make sure you fell asleep and do the same at his place. And maybe take a long, cold shower. But he did not do such a thing.

A little shyly, a little not sure what he was doing, he found your lips again. You immediately reciprocate the kiss, deepening it and pulling him to you. He was so confused yet again was getting so aroused, he lost control. You grabbed his T-shirt with your fist and moaned quietly when his hand traveled from your face to your waist. His touch was gentle and carrying but you knew he was able to hold you in place like that, right where he wanted. You didn’t want to stay behind, so you left his T-shirt and slid your hand down and found his inner thigh, dangerously close to his dick. When you squeezed a little, you felt his muscles tense but he didn’t push you away. He wanted you to touch him everywhere, all night. He was sure he had not only lost his control but also mind. He absolutely loved kissing you.

He pulled away for a second or two, to catch a breath and to look at you. You were difficult to restrain in that moment as you were following his lips, hungry for more. He chuckled quietly to himself, holding your face in his hands. You looked so damn cute. He wanted to devour you whole, give everything that you’d wanted and needed, and see how that was making you to fall apart. Car stopping right in front of your building snapped him from his fantasies, which were getting more and more bold. He paid without even looking at the money and almost pushed you outside.

By the time you reached your apartment, you were kissing like crazy, with tongue, teeth and hands all over your bodies. You tried to open the door but Namjoon pinned you to it and didn’t want to let go. Capturing your lips again, he bit your lower lip, enjoying your little moans you were making. He decided there and then this was his favorite sound ever. He took your keys and blindly guided them to the lock, kissing down your neck, which made a small moan coming out of your throat, again. He chuckled at how easy that had been and how much he liked making you do that.

You almost had fallen to the floor when the door got open but he caught you just in time, pulling you close to him. He kicked the door behind him and you almost dragged him to your bedroom to pull him with you on the bed. You both fell to your sheet, making one pillow fall on the floor. The moment you felt his body weight on you, his lips found your neck. You turned your head to side to give him more access and hissed when you felt his teeth on your skin. His hands started to wander and one slid down, right under your dress and landed on your thigh, quickly finding your hip. He was trailing over your skin with his fingers, playing with the hem of your panties, teasing you and waiting for your reaction. He slid his hand under the material on your hip, keeping his thumb close to the place you wanted him the most. You felt the slightest pressure of his finger, which made a shiver go down your spine and then he took it away, making you wine. He smiled to himself, while his lips were on yours but didn’t say anything. Moving his hand lower, he grabbed your thigh and urged you to wrap your leg around his waist. You did that, adding the other one and hooking them on your ankles. With you holding him tight close to you, he started to grind his clothed cock right into you. You felt his hard length pressing on your pussy, a little painful with his pants still on. He moaned into your ear, that little friction giving him a relief but not satisfaction. He was fully hard and barely thinking. Cute sounds that you were making when his dick was brushing on your clit were driving him crazy. He was breathing loud, breathing down your neck, holding you by your waist to stop you from moving your hips. You were so eager for him to fuck you, you couldn't stay in place. You took off his beanie, threw it on the floor and tugged his hair a little. This made him grunt down in his throat and his hand moved from your hip up, right to the underside of your breast. But he didn’t touch you there. His thumb started to trace from one side to another, barely brushing it making you crazy. Your panties were all wet from your arousal, after all that friction of his cock and you just wanted him to finally take them off.

You attempted to grab him by his wrist and put his hand on your breast when you realized his hips slowed down his pace. The rising pleasure disappeared and you waited for him to do something, but instead of that he laid down, still pressed into you, not moving his body or his hand.

“Wait… Y/N… Slow down… I need to… slow down…”

He was barely able to speak, his voice hoarse and his throat felt really dry. He kissed your neck one last time and stopped for a second, hiding his face in the pillow. He was so hard, it was almost painful. He had no idea how on Earth he was able to stop and think about something else than fucking you with so little blood in his brain. With all his strength that left, he pulled himself on his arms and moved back. Immediately your hands were on him, dragging him back, tagging on his shirt, trying to take it off, asking not to stop. He sat on his heels and hid his face in his hand. What the fuck he was doing?

He felt how the bed shifted in your place. You were kneeling in front of him, still trying to get him back to you. Moving his hands away he saw you right there, he felt your lips on his, on his neck, how you started to touch him. You slid your hands down his body, straight to his hard cock. You started to palm him right then and there through his pants which drew a low moan from him. It felt so good. For a moment he let you do this. He closed his eyes and surrendered to the feeling of your gentle touch on him. His face was hidden in your hair, your scent overwhelmed him completely. He felt how you tugged his T-shirt from his pants, how your hands were roaming on his chest and sliding down his stomach. You unzipped him and wanted to take him in your hand but he grabbed your wrist and stopped you. He sighed heavily, it was still not too late.

He attempted to leave the bed, gather himself and take that last drop of dignity that had been left with him. But you didn’t want him to leave. When he was standing up you hold your hands behind you and unbuttoned your dress. You let it slip off your shoulders and fall down without any restrain, gathering around your hips. When Namjoon looked at you he choked on his breath and nearly tripped. You were naked from your waist up. You didn’t wear any bra because it hadn’t fit the dress. And now Namjoon was looking at your bare breasts and couldn’t believe his eyes. He felt his cock twitch at a sight, still hidden in his unzipped pants. You were so fucking sexy he had no idea how the hell he was supposed to just leave you like this. With his mouth agape, he was looking at how you crawled to him, how the dress pulled down your knees when you reached the edge of the bed and took his hands in yours. You wanted to put them on you, to feel him on your hot skin.

‘Y/N, don’t take this the wrong way…”, he whispered to your ear.

Namjoon took a deep breath. He had made up his mind. His hands landed on your shoulders and he gently, but firmly pushed you on the bed. With you starting to touch him again, was really hard but he managed to fully pull you back and lay you down. He took your dress and smoothly slid it down your legs and took it off. You were just in your panties, laying on the bed and waiting for his next move. You put up your hands above your head, stretching, trying to expose your body to him, show him that it was all for him. You yawned and tried to hide it with your hand but Namjoon noticed that. You were starting to get sleepy because of the all alcohol and he wanted to use that to his advantage.

He put your dress on the back of a chair that was standing close to the bed. He looked back at you. You were so god damn beautiful. He was sure in a normal situation he would have never let you go, never left you and spent the whole night tangled in the bed sheets, making all neighbors jealous and restless. But everything was so fucked up. He was wondering if you even were going to remember this evening. It would have been better if not. But on some level, on a very selfish one, he wanted you to. He wanted you to come after him, maybe while being less drunk and try again. Would he be able to resist you? He was willing to find out.

But in that moment he had to leave before Jimin came back. He adjusted himself, still being hard and zipped his pants, feeling uncomfortable. He grabbed your comforter and covered you with it. You’d been already half asleep which made everything much easier. You still trying to act horny and needy was the sexiest image ever that would live in his mind for the rest of his life. Before quietly leaving your room, he took his beanie off the floor and closed the door behind him. He needed a shower. A long, cold shower to sober up and collect his thoughts. Too much had happened and he was on the brink of the edge.

By the time he was going down the corridor in your building he’d gotten a text message. At first he thought you’d woken up and was looking for him, which would have been catastrophic. He had no idea how long he could have resisted you in this state. He was sure he would just run back to your apartment, remembering how you had looked right before he’d left. But it wasn’t you. He had to look closely to make sure he’d seen the name correctly. Things got so fucked up.

Jimin [00:35]: Thanks, Joon. I really appreciate your help. We’ll talk tomorrow.

雀

#bts #bts smut #bts x reader #bts imagine #bangtan #bangtan smut #bangtan x reader #bangtan imagine #namjoon #kim namjoon #namjoon smut #namjoon x reader #namjoon imagine #jimin #park jimin #jimin smut #jimin x reader #jimin imagine

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kbyyru · 6 years

Text

Forgiveness

first off, for those few of you on here who know me and used to pay attention to my page before i left - yes i did have a bit of a breakdown almost a year ago and no, i didn’t do anything. i didn’t hurt myself but man oh man did i feel like it. (unless you count going on a bender hurting myself, then in that case yes i absolutely did)

what prompted this, you may ask? well for both those who did ask and those who didn’t, here we go. for about 6 months of last year (2016 for reference) i was in a borderline - maybe full on - abusive relationship. i will not be saying names; only referring to my ex using pronouns (she, her, and so on)

it started off easily enough, two people who dated once had some time apart and after some time passed started talking again. we eventually decided that things had been worked out enough to give a relationship another chance, which at the time was something i wanted because i actually did have feelings for this girl. one of the things we agreed on was that we were going to make communication more of a priority; lack of communication was something that caused our breakup in the first place. the first few months were honestly the best part. we were actually talking more and making more attempts to see each other, you know, like an actual relationship. i felt like i actually had a girlfriend and i can only assume it was vice versa for her.

obviously this didn’t last. skip to a couple months or so before things ended and it’s back to how things were the first time. it would be days before i get so much as a text/snapchat back versus being left on read. on several occasions i was ready to say “i can’t do this any more, we’re through”, but it never failed - before i would get the chance to say that i would get something from her and it convinced me that things were going to be okay. at these points we would actually get to talk, and inevitably i would try and set up a date. me trying to see my girlfriend would mean contact stops, and it would be some amount of time before i would get to talk to her again. there was always some excuse to why i never got to talk to her as well - she caught sick a lot for someone who hardly ever leaves home and was always too sick to text me back. i would nearly always end up getting bored and opening Facebook only to see that she wasn’t too sick to share posts and get in long comment threads. i can’t talk to her but she can talk to anyone else.

our birthday rolls around (coincidentally we had the same birthday but not the same year) and i see that her favorite band is coming through. i make sure i have the day off work and buy us tickets, trying to be that awesome boyfriend. we go to the show, i’m not really into it (not my type of music) but she has a great time so i’m happy. at one point she goes to show me something on her phone and for the quarter second it takes for the phone to unlock and her to open whatever she was showing me, i see Tinder installed. not wanting to cause trouble (me jokingly asking her if she was cheating while we were first together was the main catalyst to our first breakup, it wasn’t an accusation so much as what i thought would have her say “oh, ha ha, yes definitely” and move on) i ignored it. after all, i have quite a few apps on my phone i haven’t opened in ages.

after the show i start seeing more of the “she commented on this post” things pop up through Facebook, and it would always be her tagging some other guy in memes. me, being someone who loves memes, didn’t give it much thought at the time. then the memes started being less meme-y and more like things that people tag their S.O.’s in. naturally i grow suspicious but don’t have any concrete evidence that something’s going on. it was because i had no real evidence that i didn’t confront her. a few weeks/however long after the concert, i don’t exactly remember, i send her a message saying that i was concerned about her. not accusatory, nothing of the sort, it was me being concerned about someone who at the time i cared about a great deal. this was when she decided we needed to break up so she could “focus on getting herself help” for what i was assuming were suicidal thoughts.

why was i assuming suicidal thoughts? some time earlier she mentioned that she was in a bad place and that was why i went almost a week with no contact (again, i saw her sharing several posts and commenting back and forth with anyone/everyone who commented on them). i did ask her what was going on then but she didn’t want to talk about it and maybe a week or so later things were back to what could be called normal in this situation. the breakup message was her saying she needed to focus on herself, get her head straight, possibly commit herself to an institution because her thoughts were that troubling. once again, naïve me said “okay, good luck, hope you get what you need” and our relationship was finished. i will admit in that instant i was sad, it hit hard out of nowhere, but like the day after i was back to normal. after all, that whole “relationship” the majority of it was like i didn’t have a girlfriend and was just sending texts/snapchats off into the void, never to get answered. we would end up talking off and on after that on a platonic level only; things like the occasional “how are you doing”. i went back and forth for what felt like too long on whether or not to say something to her mom about what she told me. eventually i decided that i would want someone to say something if it were me talking about potentially committing myself and i sent a very politely worded message to her mom. i got one back saying how she had no idea and would be talking to my ex about it. during one of the last times we talked she told me that it was a shitty thing of me to do and of course after hearing this i felt like an giant asshole for saying anything in the first place. (which yes, it might have been wrong but at the time i did still care about her - even though we weren’t together - and didn’t want anything to happen)

finally, i see through Facebook that she’s in a relationship again. i wouldn’t have thought too much about it if it wasn’t the guy she had been tagging in memes all those months ago. it finally hits me like a goddamn freight train: my suspicions were right. i had been getting blown off because i was being cheated on. it hurt all the much worse because, like i mentioned earlier, i had been scrolling through Facebook and seeing all these memes she was tagging the d-bag in and then the relationship status change. both of these were things that she NEVER did while we were “together”; in fact i felt like i was being kept a secret the whole time. if anyone in our “relationship” was tagging anyone in memes, i was the one tagging her. i hardly ever got so much as a like, and if i got a comment on them it was a cause for celebration. with this other guy, though, there would be comment threads and mutual tagging, pretty much like every other relationship i know of. it was just my luck that i was in the restroom at work absentmindedly scrolling through Facebook like any other night when i saw the relationship status change because i still remember how i froze up when i saw it. eventually i got the strength back to get up (my legs had since gone numb, that’s how long i had been sitting there), quickly finish the rest of my tasks, and go home to be alone.

i didn’t delete her immediately because i was trying to get the strength up to call her out on her bullshit (for those who don’t know i’m someone who HATES confrontation of any kind: being involved in it, hearing it, anything). i do eventually delete her without saying anything about what happened; but i don’t just unfriend her. i go through all forms of social media and scrub every trace of her out of them. Instagram pics, mentioned Tweets and Facebook posts, she was completely wiped out of and unfriended/unfollowed everywhere.

some time later i get a Facebook friend request from her. i leave it unresponded and move on. some months later, i get another one and because i have a small bunch of them to respond to from people i met at a meet & greet, i unintentionally add her back. i start seeing posts from her in my feed and realize what happened. this gets me upset again and i send a poorly worded message demanding to know why she added me, turns out it’s because she “wanted to know how i was doing”. if she clearly didn’t care before, why would she now? i leave her on read (have to admit, it felt good doing that after it had been done to me so many times) and close the conversation. i did apologize later because i believe that even though i had been done so wrong i didn’t need to stoop to her level. my apology gets more or less shrugged off, and that was the last contact i’ve had with her other than sharing memes that she’s shared herself.

now, it should be noted that she does deal with some form of depression/anxiety issues, because the few times i was at her place i saw the pill bottles. this much i can confirm. what i CAN’T confirm is how much she was using these problems as an excuse. while we were “together” it felt like she was constantly under this dark cloud and that’s why i was getting ignored, but now after the pieces have more or less been put together a lot of those times it was definitely just an excuse not to have any contact with me. and before anyone reads this (if they’ve even read down this far) and slams me in the comments, i deal with occasional waves of depression myself. but, unlike her, i actually talk to people even when all i want to do is curl up in my bed and drink myself into a coma (yes, that is something i’ve thought about doing sometimes. i’ve also had several bouts of intrusive thoughts over my life, and briefly considered self-harming). i felt sick the entire time i was typing this, but at the same time i feel relieved that i’ve finally put this out somewhere - even if nobody will read it. if you did read it, props to you because this was one massive wall of text. and to her - she knows who she is, so i still will not be naming names - if you read this, i (now to you) obviously know what you did and i hope you know that karma will catch up to you. however, as the title says i have forgiven you for my own sake. it's undoubtedly healthier for me than keeping all this hate and negativity bottled up any longer.

#text wall #depression #story #anger #lifeupdate

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