#without ever making things official. when really if i found out for certain any of them were interested in me i would have died of shock 😭 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

turntechgaykid · 2 months

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My Headcanons for the Strawhats: (Monster Trio)

Luffy:

- Low-key has REALLY bad abandonment issues (see him telling Ace he keeps following him into a dangerous forest bc it makes him feel less alone, Sabo's 'death', Saboady, Marineford, etc)

- Autistic

- When he relaxes/sleeps his body will become super slack an his arms an legs will spread out all over

- HATES the cold and his body hurts when it's too cold out (rubber breaks easily when frozen)

- Will drink but is superrrrrrr picky about booze

- Has very green eyes an no one can convince me otherwise

- Love language is Physical touch (He bites people, affectionately)

- (Based on my Headcanons that Luffy is Brazilian and Robin is Peruvian) His first language is Portuguese an if he forgets a word he'll ask Robin to translate

- Favorite color is red (any shade)

- Likes collecting shiny rocks/pretty sea shells

- Is the most emotionally intelligent person on the crew an has really good observation skills but takes most things at face value/doesn't question them bc he can't understand why someone wouldn't want to show/say exactly what they mean

- If he cries or gets embarrassed enough to blush he'll cover his face with his hat

- Likes when Nami/anyone paints his nails but can never sit still long enough to get them done nicely

- Ambidextrous

- Knows a lot about bugs and can rattle off facts about them for hours

- Really really good at guessing games to the point everyone thinks he's cheating somehow

- Has stretch marks alllll over

- Eats so much bc his stomach stretches no matter how much he eats so he never really feels 'full'

- Has HATED Garp ever since he did nothing to help during Marineford

Zoro:

- Has dimples but he's insecure so he tries hiding them

- Everyone thinks he has green eyes but I think he has brown eyes

- His love language is Acts of service

- Extremely touch starved (if someone plays with his hair he is passing out IMMEDIATELY)

- Secretly loves that (other then Robin) Chopper always goes to him first for everything

- Really loves forests, if they land on an island with one he's most likely heading there first

- Unofficial Official first mate of the strawhats

- When it comes to keeping the crew safe he trusts Robin & Sanji the most (other then the Captain ofc) because he knows they won't hesitate to kill someone they're fighting

- Nami is like a sister to him

- Is actually REALLY good at math an confused tf out the crew when they found out (is now in charge of keeping track of the amount of necessities on the ship or how much they need for a certain amount of time)

- Will forget how long he's been going when training an won't realize til someone stops him

- Gets worried/nervous anytime he watches someone walking down stairs

- Knows a shit ton of knife/sword tricks (can absolutely swallow a sword)

- Doesn't like showers bc he hates water on his face

- Is willing to follow Luffy's orders without question (Post time skip, Pre time skip -specifically before thriller bark- Zoro would still question Luffy)

- One of the few Straw hats that hasn't dated anyone (Sanji had some flings w/ regulars at Baratie, Usopp w/ Kaya, Nami had a few flings here an there, Franky had been with a few people back on water 7 and Brook had been with a few people back when he was alive)

- His favorite color is Sage green/Gold

- Taught Chopper some sword fighting techniques (Brook also joined in an taught Chopper some of his moves)

- Loves taking naps with Chopper (Chopper is low-key his favorite person on the crew)

- He an Robin have little competitions to one up eachother with gifts or things for Chopper bc they both wanna be his favorite >:)

Sanji:

- Loves the ocean/thinks it's the most beautiful part of nature ever

- Either is a Queer Cis guy OR a Queer Trans woman<3

- Ace was absolutely his gay awakening but he thought it was a 'fluke' til he stayed on the momorio island and accepted himself

- Sees it as a HUGE compliment when anyone on the crew gains weight bc it reaffirms he's doing his job well :)

- Loves loves loves all animals and won't let anyone hurt them (including rodents/other "gross" animals)

- Has insectophobia/arachnophobia and OCD

- HATES having anything covering to much of his face/head bc of the mask Judge had him in

- Pulls on his hair when frustrated/angry/overwhelmed/etc.

- French is his first language

- Knows how to figure skate, do ballet and learned gymnastics

- His love language is Words of affirmation

- Writes letters to Zeff at least once a week (after the events at WCI he started addressing Zeff as Dad in his letters)

- Is secretly writing his own cookbook

- Has anisocoria, effects his right eye (anisocoria can easily be confused with heterochromia. It gives the appearance of two different eye colors, but the variation only relates to pupil size — which can cause one eye to look darker than the other — not the actual eye color.)

- Sanji an Usopp are actually really close (both their moms passed bc of sickness both had shit dads plus soba mask + sogeking friendship is superior)

- Sees Zoro as a brother (their dynamic is like the eldest brothers who try to compete over everything)

- Sees Robin as a mother figure but low-key feels guilty about it

- Told Nami everything about his past after WCI and they're really close now

- Sees Luffy a bit as an obnoxious younger brother

- When it gets really hot he'll let Chopper sit inside/in front of the freezer for a little bit

#one piece #monkey d luffy #roronoa zoro #vinsmoke sanji #straw hat pirates #monster trio #acesan #only a little though

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thecameronchronicles · 1 year

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Raw

TW: Smut. Unprotected sex. Smut. Language.

JJ Maybank x Kook Reader.

SUMMARY: Going bare with JJ!

WORD COUNT: 1500

REQUESTED

Could you write for JJ or Rafe (you choose) where him and reader always wear protection but she asks him to not wear a condom for the first time and he thinks it’s the best thing ever 🙏🏽

I love your writing so much I miss you and I can’t wait for you to be back

*THANK YOU SO MUCH! LOVE THIS! HOPE YOU ENJOY*

Raw

His toes anchored into the sheets just as your fingers had into his shoulders. His kiss alone enough to need every part of him against you. The claw made into the bare shoulders from an a nearly naked torso quick to validate this as he smirked against your neck.

"Slow down there, princess, we've got all night."

"I need to feel you, JJ..."

"I'm right here..." He pressed your hand over this heart, a jackhammer beat behind your palm. If this were any other moment, you'd count the pulse behind each breath as a reason you loved him. But it had been days since you last felt his touch and you were desperate enough to set all romance to the sidebar.

"All of you, JJ..." You explained, fingers already working his belt as he offered that wide smile that showcased his dimples.

"Well who am I to argue?"

"My boyfriend..." You lived to remind him of this. His eyes illuminated yet lowered to the title.

"All your little stalkers on Figure Eight know that?"

"Every one, JJ..."

"They know that you let me touch you wherever I want? Why you're always smiling like that when you go back to them?" He clenched his jaw at the thought of you leaving him, knowing you were returning to them. Those he could never be or even come close to comparing to. Yet, this was why you loved him. He wasn't predictable or set to follow any set of footsteps or reputation. In fact, he wanted to break that correlation between his father and him. Luke and JJ couldn't be any more different. Yet another reason you loved him.

"I don't hide you, JJ..."

"Well even if you tried, gonna be hard to explain all these little hickies and scratches...slap marks to this ass..." He took a sharp hold to the mass in his hand.

"Goddamn...this perfect ass..." He shook it for a moment as you gasped at the sudden act of dominance, certain to leave more than just slap marks, possibly even bruising.

"I mean it, JJ...I want all of you..." He leaned to the bedside table.

"No..." His focus shot to you, always an advocate for consent as he read your expression well. Taking in every detail of your body to ensure he hadn't crossed some line.

"I want to feel all of you inside of me..."

"Like from a different angle?'When he found the truth just out of reach, your impatience shown, you just took hold of his cock as it teased against you from behind his trunks.

"Please, JJ..."

"But what about a baby...Not sure you know this, sweetheart, but I am gonna end up marrying you one day...But I wanna do it right..." Your eyes swelled with his words. His compassion and care shown through every action since you made your relationship official just over a year prior. But until now you'd never been quite this vulnerable. Close. But not so...naked...bare...raw...

"I took precautions...I've wanted to without a condom-"

"I don't know if I'll be able to last as long as I normally would have..."

"Your mouth can make it up to me if you can't..." You turned with seductive eyes.

"You're sure?"

"More than I've ever been of anything..." You confessed as truthful a confession as ever as he nodded.

"I'm nervous..." He explained while fumbling for his pants.

"Just focus on me..." You kissed him, guiding his pants from his waist before exposing him to you. But as your hand wrapped around his shaft, he took hold of your wrist.

"If you do that, I definitely won't last."

"So choking on you is out of the question?"

"Goddammit, woman, what are you trying to do to me?" He chuckled.

"Trying to get you to come inside of me..."

"You really want me to?"

"Not sure how much clearer I can be, JJ..." He took your hands between his before pinning them abruptly beside your face. A gasp left from your lips parted just enough to hear this utterance.

"Are you saying I can have you anyway I want?"

"Is being naked and doing it without a condom not enough?" You chuckled as he rose over you and to the edge of the bed. A sudden grip of your ankles pulled you into your stomach. A single pinch of her suit tied behind her neck and it was discarded on the floor.

"John B is gonna kill me if you soak his sheets...."

"How am I supposed to- He answered by simply pushing your suit to the side. Somehow the exchange that much hotter as he slipped against you. Savoring just your warmth alone before teasing that point of entry he frequented in repetition.

"You already feel so good..." He began to ride into you from behind, your lower lips quivering to where you pulsated for him. His touch no longer enough.

"Please...JJ..."

"I can't wait anymore..." He hoped to tease you, to hear you beg as it made your privileged lips that much sweeter for him. And as you'd compromised enough, he sunk into you as you moaned.

He was completely exposed yet concealed within you. But in contrast to when even the thinnest of protection would wrap around him, nothing compared to how you felt now. It showed immediately in the way his kindness shattered and obliterated into pure carnality. The gradual snap of his hips kept your own pinned as his fingers intertwined with your as he fed your grip further into the sheets.

"Fuck..." He spoke into your shoulder as your nearly naked body accepted his as the glutton you were for him. Every inch of his perfect body in contact with yours as he was desperate for you. Until he slowed.

"JJ?"

"I want to take you in every inch of this chateau in every position..."

"I can't wait, JJ, please..." You groaned before those tense lips fell slack to the way his hand rode up between your breasts and captured one for stability. Your hand released to direct him to your clit.

"Please, JJ...I'll be so quiet, nobody will even hear us..."

"What's the fun in that?" He hoisted your hips to meet his, keeping his shaft in place, before he guided your hand around the headboard.

"I want everyone to know how fucking good I feel inside of you...all to know you're all mine." He slapped your ass.

"Only mine." Another swat made you whimper as he was unhinged behind you. The headboard sure to scar the wall at the mercy of each wave as it was impossible for the other pogues and invitees of the party to be unaware of why you slipped away.

"JJ!" You nearly shrieked as he thrust you harder into him, amplifying the sensations by further depth and speed as you continued to call out to him. But no matter the volume you pleaded, nothing silenced that of the rush of skin to skin contact.

"Last chance to change your mind, princess...I know you can be indecisive..." He teased, a hand to your hip sharpening its grip as he exhaled deeply behind you.

"Come inside me, JJ! I want to feel you come for me!"

"Yes ma'am..." He answered breathlessly before those final sets of thrusts ripped you through your orgasm. Your body not allowed to bask in the twitch of his cock before a second rush interrupted the bliss prior to overstimulation. Two orgasms side by side as you were shambles in his arms.

"Please tell me we can have it like this every time?"

"Only if you do THAT everytime..." He pulled you up to him, a whimper of his sudden absence making him smirk.

"My greedy little princess already want more?"

"I was promised your mouth..."

"That was if I disappointed...and with how wet these little bottoms are..." He traced your thighs."And how you're dripping, I'd say I didn't..."

"But what would John B think if you didn't clean up your mess?" He flexed his brow as you expected him to lie you flat. Instead, his breath was on your bawling lower lips.

"You make even more of a mess and you'll be the one explaining it to him."

"Gladly-" you gasped to the heat of his tongue as it made contact with the promise you held him to for a role he had certainly played. The softest whimper of his name left just prior to that final wave of pleasure that brought stars to your eyes and a new rush of ecstasy between your thighs. Setting him up for a new position himself as you were made well aware this was anything but over...

TAGLIST: @hopebaker @drewspisces @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4tangerine @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @camilynn @sweetestdesire @onmykneesforrafe @jjmaybanksangel@phildunphyisadilf @mashdan0916 @pankhoeforlife @pankowperfection

MASTERLIST

JJ MAYBANK MASTERLIST

JJ MAYBANK 2ND MASTERLIST

JJ MAYBANK AND KOOK READER MASTERLIST

MARCH MADNESS MASTERLIST

#jj maybank #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank smut #outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks smut #outerbanks #outerbanks fanfiction #outerbanks smut #obx #obx fanfiction #obx smut #rudy pankow #jj maybank x kook!reader

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vidding · 7 months

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On June 23, 2021, You Tube announced that any Pre-2017 unlisted videos will be made private on July 23, 2021. Why? BTW this is an attempt to raise awareness about an event few fans may even know took place and highlight the importance of supporting archiving projects. It's written by those directly involved - any re-blogs are appreciated. An example of a rescued vid is at the end. Security update: Why? You Tube screwed up when it first developed unlisted videos. There was a loophole. Any unlisted video that was added to a playlist would automatically be made public. Oops! June 23, 2021 was when they made a formal announcement about their efforts to rectify it. You Tube's Solution? - Blanket privatization of ALL pre-2017 unlisted videos & then apply the security update for all new unlisted videos going forward. What if you don't want your pre-2017 unlisted videos to be made private? Filling out a form telling You Tube to do nothing is one option. Great for people who don't mind filling forms to send to You Tube. Make your videos public. 🤨 or download them and reupload them then make them unlisted with the new update. 🙄 You can watch the video below for descriptions of all the options. Most not ideal. Official Video: Released June 23, 2021. You can watch it whenever if you want to, but I must say contrary to what one would expect it is a very clear explanation without too much technical jargon. However, it doesn't really explain the obvious ramifications of this.

youtube

What are the freaking Ramifications: You Tube is 18 years old. What?!?!! 😲 Yeah, I know. Any pre-2017 videos would account for more than half of You Tube's history (11 years) and therefore fandom's history on You Tube. How many fans would be aware they had a 30-day notice and could act in time? Were you even aware of this?

More Issues: More importantly, how many users with abandoned accounts with noteworthy, valuable unlisted fanvids are no longer around to fill out a form. How many "Dead Embeds" would be the result of this when the videos go private. Many prefer to Unlist and Embed on other sites. Unlisted is not the same as private. It only means the videos can't be searched and found on You Tube but is available to anyone with a link or Embed. Private basically means no longer accessible and limited to people who were emailed a link directly.

There were only 2 people in Fandom (to my knowledge) who worked on rescuing content like that. We had about 2 weeks before the July 23, 2021 deadline to archive about 11 years of Pre-2017 unlisted fanvids and ask questions later. One of those people was Morgan Dawn and the other was myself. Other archive teams did work on this but their focus was on other types of videos related gaming, political history, anime, etc. Essentially non-fandom. In a nutshell, our collaboration led to the rescue approximately 12K unlisted fan videos. 12K fanvids that would have been made private forever and unable to be seen. The Work About 50% of that total came from accounts that had never uploaded a video since 2018. The work involved required more technical knowledge & resources than we had ever used before on any prior archive projects. There were several brand-new archive techniques we developed specifically out of necessity during that intense time period. One example was renting multiple virtual machines to sift through thousands of playlists just to find a fraction of unlisted videos. There was so much at stake. What happened with the content that was archived?

To my knowledge, there isn't an Open Doors for fanvids. There is just a few dedicated individuals who may be bad at promoting their work. Let's face it, when there is a fire at a library you marshal all resources to save as many books as you can and worry about everything else later. If archiving speaks to you whether that is fanzine, oral history or fanvid related, then there are certain things you can do:

Follow this Tumblr (we will post about relevant projects here)

If you have time, ask us how you can volunteer on projects and see if what we offer works for you. You can always opt out.

Re-blog this so that maybe someone who does have time sees this.

If you don't have time support our Patreon https://patreon.com/vidding

If you don't have time or money like this post acknowledging you appreciate that this work is being done even if you can't assist in those ways.

Choose whichever options work for you if possible.

This kind of work is done by very few people and not necessarily by those you would think would do this type of work. It can fly under the radar and so can support. This is an attempt to raise awareness which sometimes we are too busy to take time to do. If support doesn't go to the right places projects like this may never have happen or may not be as successful as they could be. This Unlisted You Tube Project is a perfect example of something a lot of fans may not be aware even took place. Thank you for whatever method of support you choose. The following experience was brought to you by archiving.

The following vid is one of the 12k saved. It's a Kirk/Spock vid. You will not find this vid anywhere but here. I know. I went to the original vidder's You Tube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@xKelociraptor and they have other vids on there. Last vid uploaded 11 years ago and no contact info. You want to know the kicker? I looked at all the other vids they have available but the best one (in my opinion) is the one that was unlisted & rescued. Unlisted vids are not necessarily unfinished projects or bad takes of a final version that should not see the light of day. They can in some cases be the best vids you will never see.

If you liked this post you might like this:

The last vidder friendly hosting & streaming site?

#fanvid #vidding #archiving #Youtube

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miela · 7 months

Note

Could you do Tom holland x fem!reader

You were invited to wedding. Just walk around in church, lots of people and you bump into someone that hold your waist, you look up that you never knew who it was. You might be apologizing. He would love to seat with you. Then after that go to reception that you two talks to each other. *fluffiness*

(Hope you will write it,thanks and have a good day)

THIS IS SO CUTE HOLD ON-

I hope you like this! I enjoyed writing this a lot! Thank you so much for this request!

Beautiful Stranger

Pairing: Tom Holland x Stunt Double!Reader Genre: Fluff Warnings: Insecurity (Maybe???) Extra: Song inspiration is "Finally // Beautiful Stranger" - Halsey Word Count: 3.8k

↪ divider by firefly-graphics

You’ve been to plenty of weddings and each one of them has been bittersweet. You loved weddings, truly, but they reminded you of the fears and doubts that you had about yourself. You were never considered conventionally attractive and never really dated anyone because of it, whether it was because you were everybody’s last choice or you were afraid of getting too close to someone and they saw you how you saw yourself. On top of that, you have seen so many marriages fail so badly, including the one with your family members. You just couldn’t understand why you would put yourself in such a stressful situation like that.

So when your friends daydreamed about love, you daydreamed about your future plans instead.

You knew you wanted to be in the entertainment industry, despite the shit show it is. But you couldn’t help but love the art of cinema and movie making. You grew up loving action and adventure movies and wanted to be a part of that. You didn’t get much support from your family and it killed your dream for a little while, but after seeing videos online and watching the MCU and other action-filled movies, you couldn’t help but feel that you were meant for this. So you trained yourself to do stunts, dance, and martial arts so you could be a stunt double. Once you made your big break there. You found yourself happier than ever.

Through this job, you found one of your greatest friends, who was also a stunt double. Since you both looked similar you were often paired to be in action movies together. If one of you landed a job, the other usually followed. It worked out well because you both get along so well. You guys were a dynamic duo and your pair nickname was the Dynamite Doubles in the industry.

She often told you that you should try acting because of how into the character you get sometimes, but you told her that you didn’t want to because of how shy you were about it. You didn’t think you could actually do certain things in a film and not mess it up and accidentally break character. Also, you didn’t want that kind of fame. The most you could do is probably just be an extra in the background.

One day, she told you that she was seeing someone. When you met them you could tell they really loved each other and that they were meant to be. This person was also a stunt double so you knew who they were by face. They were so adorable together and honestly, it warmed your heart to see them so happy together (even if it made you feel lonely sometimes).

And that’s how you ended up here. At their wedding.

It was beautiful and sweet. You would’ve been a bride’s maid but she had so many sisters who easily filled the role, so you really just became the assistant to the Maid of Honor who was her eldest sister. You didn’t mind not being part of the bridal party officially, you really didn’t want any attention on you whatsoever.

When you arrived at the church, you went to your friend, wished her luck, and then went to go find your place in the pews. When you entered, there were already so many people there and it made you kind of nervous to be walking around without someone, but you could manage. Once you sat down you would feel better and much more relaxed. You seem to have been too excited to plant yourself in a chair because you forgot to pay attention to your surroundings. You tripped over someone’s foot and fell very quickly toward the edge of the seats. But before you could crack the bridge of your nose on the pew, a strong arm gripped around your waist to stop you from the catastrophic event that would’ve happened.

You stared with wide narrowed eyes at the seat edging as your heart raced in your chest. Your entire body was tense and cold from shock.

Way to avoid bringing attention to yourself.

Before you could process anything the strong arm pulled you up and helped you to stand up straight on your feet. Once you caught your composure a moment later you looked up at the face of the one who saved you.

“Careful there, darling,” the most beautiful sound came from his lips as they were filled with concern. “You alright?”

Your eyes shifted rapidly from embarrassment at all the eyes on you and your face burned. You nodded in response.

“Thank you,” You replied sheepishly. “I’m sorry.”

His arm slowly moved from your waist once he realized your composure was back.

“There’s no need to apologize. It was my fault for not paying attention to where I was going. I should be the one apologizing. I’m sorry.”

You smiled and nodded still not meeting his gaze. “It’s okay, I should’ve paid attention to where I was walking as well.” You rubbed your arm nervously and were still rather embarrassed as all hell. “I should go to my seat. Enjoy the wedding.”

And with that, you went and sat down with a deep sigh and full of embarrassment.

The wedding itself was beautiful and heartfelt and sweet and now it was time for the after-party celebration. You sat down at the table with a few of your friend’s cousins that you had met before and you sat silently as you observed the conversation. Once you were able to you went up to your friend and their new spouse and congratulated them with hugs and smiles. Then it was time for food.

As you were getting your food, you bumped into someone and a hand quickly grabbed your waist catching you from stumbling before you and your food could fly all over the place.

“Excuse me, love.” It was that voice again.

You hummed, more like squeaked, in response and quickly made your way back to the table to eat your food. After a while, your friend came over wearing something more comfortable and dance-worthy than her original wedding dress and sat down next to you.

“I’ve heard you’ve been swept off your feet twice today,” She teased.

You rolled your eyes with a smirk. “By myself. It’s not like I was carried away after saying my vows and tying the knot. It was more of an im-so-clumsy-for-a-stunt-double kind of deal.”

She laughed. “You have no idea who kept saving you do you?”

“Hm?” you asked in response. “I mean, no, I was too busy being embarrassed to hell by myself to get a good look at him. I just know he’s British.”

“I swear you are so oblivious of your surroundings sometimes,” She giggled. “But don’t worry, I got you. Wanna come dance with us?”

“I will in a bit,” you smiled. “I wanna let my food settle a little more. Plus you have to dance with your significant other.”

“Okay,” she smiled. “You better come dance, (Y/N) or I’ll drag you onto the dance floor.”

You laughed. “I will, I will.”

And with that, she got up and joined everyone else on the dance floor doing different line dances and other wedding song favorites. You watched everyone for a bit before deciding the scroll on your phone aimlessly checking social media. You were so engrossed in your phone that you didn’t realize when someone sat next to you.

“Hello,” the voice said sheepishly.”

You gasped softly and looked over at the figure, your heart racing again.

He blushed. “Sorry…I keep disrupting your flow today.”

You finally got a good look at the face of the person who saved you twice today. You had to question if the universe was messing with you or not.

It was Tom Holland.

To say you were a fan was a bit of an understatement. You watched all of his movies, shows, and interviews and you loved his craft of acting. Uncharted is a comfort movie for you and you watch it all the time and he is your favorite Spiderman. Not only that, you admired the fact that he does his own stunts and that he has a background in dance and gymnastics. One of your dreams was to one day be able to work on the same set as him. So him approaching you and sitting next to you at your best friend’s wedding sounds like a scene in a rom-com or some sick joke being played on by some higher power.

You understood what your friend meant now.

“H-hello-” you stuttered out feeling a bit, starstruck for a moment.

“Hi,” He smiled. You couldn’t believe you were seeing his charming smile in person. “Oh…I said that already.”

You giggle softly and set your phone down.

“I’m Tom,” He continued.

“I know,” you blurted before mentally smacking yourself. “I mean…I’m (Y/N).”

“I know,” he smiled with a light chuckle. “Nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.”

He was wearing a black suit with a white button-up shirt under it. His curls were slicked back and his skin was glowing. Or that could be your starstruck moment going on in your mind, you couldn’t tell.

“I noticed you sitting over here all alone and wanted to ask you if you were okay,” he explained.

“I’m okay,” You smiled back, trying to calm your nerves. “I’m usually a wallflower at weddings. I like observing the fun more than getting lost in it.”

“Really?” He asked but it came out more like a statement. “You don’t like to dance?”

“Oh, I love dancing,” you replied. “I just…never really have anyone to dance with.”

There was a quick moment of silence before he spoke again.

“Would you like to dance…with me?”

Your eyes widened. “Um…” and before you could think of an answer, your mouth spoke for you. “...Sure!”

Next thing you knew, you were on the dancefloor with none other than Tom Holland. You wanted to pinch yourself to make sure that you weren’t dreaming this, but it felt so vivid at the same time. You figured that if it’s a dream you may as well have fun with it.

You knew Tom was a sweet guy, all you ever heard was good things about him from other people who had worked with him, so if you felt uncomfortable with something you knew he would understand. That eased your mind a little as you awkwardly danced with him. The tension was thick but not enough to freak you guys out. When you got a little bit more comfortable with each other's presence, you began to move more fluidly. After a couple of fun songs, another line dance song came on which made it even easier to get comfortable with each other.

But then a slow song came on and everyone grabbed their pairs, minus the children who all opted to find a place to grab more food and treats, and teenagers who opted to sit at the table and be on their phones. You and Tom really only had each other as options if you wanted to slow dance. So when he looked at you lifted his eyebrows in question, you smiled and nodded.

“May I have this dance?” He asked holding his hand out and bowing.

“You may, you giggled and softly placed your hand in his.

You both walked further into the dance floor and when you found a comfortable spot, you put your hands on his shoulders and he put his on your waist sheepishly. You realized how close you were to him now and it made your face burn. You had never danced with someone like this before and it just now occurred to you how close you were. You went to homecoming years ago but you went with a group of friends and you sat down when slow songs came on, You skipped out on prom because there was no way you were gonna spend so much money just to not have a date. It made you realize how inexperienced you were when it came to these things, and it reminded you how inexperienced you are with a lot of things when it came to romance.

Your first dance ever is with Tom.

You looked up at him meeting the gaze of his soft, dark eyes and your face burned more at the eye contact. You needed to divert your overthinking and quickly before your timid nature took over and you ran off like a deer.

“So, what brings you to the wedding?” you asked.

“I’m mates with the groom,” he responded.

“Oh!” You chimed. “I had no idea that you knew him, but then again I never really asked.”

“We worked on Civil War together. He was a stunt double on there.”

That’s right! You had forgotten all about that.

“Oh, lucky him.” You giggled. “I always wanted to double in a Marvel movie.”

“You haven’t?”

“Nope,” you shook your head looking at your hand on his shoulder for a moment. “But one day, hopefully.”

“I think you’ll do great,” He smiled causing you to look up at his gaze again. “I’ve seen a lot of the stuff you stunted for.”

“Really?” Your eyes beamed.

“Absolutely,” He responded with a smile. “I’ve also seen your videos on YouTube.”

Oh.

Not only did you work on films and movies but you also made your own short films on YouTube of different fight scenes to show off your skills and also as a portfolio for jobs. You also posted dance videos from the dance studio that you worked with.

And he’s seen them.

“Your craft is very unique,” he continued.

“Thank you,” you smiled. “I’m very proud of it.”

You moved your hands to clasp together at the back of his neck so your arms could rest more comfortably as you two swayed.

“I am a fan of your work too,” you said to him. “I watch Uncharted like every week.”

He chuckled softly. “You like it that much?”

“I do! I grew up reading and watching things with pirates in it and also watching Indiana Jones. Uncharted is like a mix of both but contemporary. So I hold it close to my heart. I also want to play the games but I’m so busy usually.”

He kept a small smile on his face as you spoke.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it so much.”

A simple silence fell between you guys as you listened to the song play and tried your best to not make the situation awkward by your lack of knowledge on any of this. In all honesty, you wanted to run but at the same time, you didn’t, both for obvious reasons. It brought up a thought to your brain that made you giggle softly.

“What is it?” Tom asked curiously with a wonderous look on his face.

“Nothing,” you replied with a smile.

“Nothing, eh?” He asked with a mischievous look in his eye. “That doesn’t sound like nothing.”

“It’s Nothing,” you sang.

“Hmmm,” He hummed in doubt. “Alright, fine. Don’t tell me.” He turned his head looked away dramatically and playfully.

You let out a laugh. “You really wanna know?”

“I mean you don’t have to tell me,” he smirked.

“If you wanna know, I can tell you.”

“Well, if you insist, darling.”

Your face burned at the pet name and mentally scolded yourself to keep your composure.

“I had a thought,” you began.”

“You had a thought,” he repeated.

“A memory, if you will.”

“A memory,” he said the octave of his voice raising.

“Mhm,” you nodded and smirked mischievously.

He squinted his eyes at you curiously.

“I remember an interview you had,” You began. “Where you talked about dancing with Madonna and you freaked out and walked away.”

He winced and groaned at the memory and you giggled softly.

“Not my most shining moment I will admit,” he said with a strained voice but a smile on his face. “What brought that on? Are you afraid I’m going to run away from you?”

“No,” you shook your head. “I just… never mind.”

He hummed again. “Do you want to run away from me?”

Your eyes widened. “N-no…! Of course not! I just…when I try something new…especially with someone else…I get nervous an my first instinct is to run for the hills. It’s nothing personal, I promise.”

He thought on your words for a moment and then looked at you questioningly. “I’m not sure I quite follow.”

“I…never danced with someone before.”

He looked at you with a look of surprise on his face. “Really? Why is that?”

You shrugged. “No one really wanted to dance with me.”

“Well, they’re all a bit daft. I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to dance with you.”

Your mind couldn’t process what you were hearing right now. His words looped and echoed in your mind as you looked up at him searching for an explanation of his words. Surely he wasn’t flirting…was he? Were you just being delusional? Probably. Someone like him couldn’t possibly find someone like you attractive. Hell, even your friend looked like a better version of you…a more conventional version of you. That’s why she was here getting married. You weren’t anything special, you were just…you.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked pulling you from your thoughts.

You shook your head and looked down avoiding his gaze.

“I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable…”

“You’re not, no, it’s not you…you’re perfect.”

Your eyes widened at your comment and you slowly looked up at him to see a blush dancing across his nose and cheeks. “You’re sweet, darling.”

You smile in response but stay silent as you listen to the rest of the song.

Beautiful stranger, here you are in my arms and I know

That beautiful strangers only come along to do me wrong

And I hope

Beautiful stranger, here you are in my arms

But I think it's finally, finally, finally, finally, finally safe

For me to fall

After the slow dance, you and Tom went your separate ways due to you both being summoned by different people. The rest of the reception you had Tom on your mind, as anyone would. Even though you were a nervous wreck and you swore you had sweat marks on the pits of your dress, you very much enjoyed yourself. You smiled to yourself several times throughout the rest of the party.

Your friend and her man left for their honeymoon as you all threw confetti at them and you were getting ready to leave out the door after. You started walking to your car when you heard fast and loud footsteps heading your way.

“(Y/N)!”

You stopped and turned to see Tom jogging toward you.

“Tom…!” You said with wide eyes as he stopped in front of you slightly out of breath.

“Hey,” He greeted. “You shouldn’t walk alone. It’s dark out here.”

You went to protest but decided against it. “You’re right.”

“Can I walk you? Even If I have to stop at a distance and make sure you get in your car safely.”

You thought about it for a moment and then nodded with a small smile. He returned the smile and you both began walking at a slow pace. The wind blew softly but it was enough for the cold to kiss your skin. You shivered and rubbed your bare arms. You knew you should’ve brought a jacket but it was so warm earlier you didn’t think it would get this cold.

You heard a shuffle and then felt fabric drape over your shoulders and instant warmth engulfing you. You processed that Tom had put his suit jacket around you and you looked up at him wonderously. His white button-up shirt was clinging to his muscles and it made your face burn enough to were the cold air felt good rather than rigid.

“Don’t worry about me,” He smiled. “I’m rather warm right now.”

“Thank you,” you replied.

“No worries.”

A moment of silence fell between you guys before he spoke up again.

“So…um I was wondering, if I could have your number, maybe?” He asked his voice a little strained.

You looked at him surprised and your emotional defense walls instantly reacted and went up.

“Ah,” You pressed your lips together and spoke with a playful tone. “So that’s the real reason you’re here.”

“No. Well, yes and no,” He started. “I really do want to make sure you get to your car safely, but I wanted to ask for your number much earlier…since we first ran into each other.” You stopped walking and he followed suit. “I know we barely know each other but I would like to get to know you more.”

You blinked rapidly. “But...why?”

He was taken aback a bit as you kept looking at him with your walls still built up high.

“Well,” he began nervously. “I find you…charming.” Your eyes widened as he continued. “I’ve been interested for a while…but I had no way of knowing how to connect with you without it seeming weird.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I am kind of a fan of yours too. Like I said before, I watch your videos on YouTube. And when I found out you were my mate’s girlfriend’s best friend I got a little excited about it. So when we kept running into each other today, I took it as a sign to make a move.”

Your face softened in response and your face burned once again as you looked down.

“So this is me, making my move,” he continued. “If you’ll have me.”

His words resonated with you. You never thought of yourself as anything like that so it was strange hearing it from him. It’s not like you hated yourself. Quite the opposite actually. You loved how you looked and how you were as a person. You worked hard on yourself to make sure that you had confidence in yourself and were happy with yourself. You were afraid that the rest of the world wouldn’t see that.

You look up at him with a smile, deciding to take a chance. “Okay.”

He smiled and sighed in relief. A Moment later you, both traded numbers and he walked you the rest of the way to your car and opened the door for you. You gave him back his Jacket and you looked at each other.

“Please, let me know when you get home.”

“I will,” you respond.

He smiled in response. “Goodnight, darling.”

“Goodnight, Tom.”

With that, he closed the door to your car and stood there until you drove off safely. Through your mirror, you could see him visibly cheering to himself and it made you giggle and your heart fill with warmth.

#tom holland #tom holland fic #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland fluff #tom hollander #request

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waytooinvested · 11 days

Text

Forgotten, Not Forgiven - Chapter 7

Still reeling from finding out the truth herself, Lena suddenly finds herself in the midst of an odd role reversal in which she knows that Kara is Supergirl, but Kara no longer has any idea she has ever been more than an ordinary human. And what’s more, Lena has no choice but to keep the truth from her for her own protection…

Rift era reconciliation/fix-it fic, starts out kind of on the angsty side but there will be more fluff down the line.

This and previous chapters are also on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Annie: Hey, can we meet? Need to hash some things out re: project specs

Lulu: Yes, but not tonight. I have a bodypump class

Annie: Seriously? I think this takes priority over lifting weights??

Lulu: A bodypump class WITH KATIE

Lulu: The social side is as important as the technical side if we want to get clinical trial subjects on board

Lulu: But I suppose I can meet you afterwards if we can do this with food

Annie: Fine, but shower first I don’t want you dripping sweat all over the important documents

Lulu: Oh fuck off A

Annie: That’s not very professional LL

Despite her intention to remain completely detached, Lena couldn’t help enjoying her text based sparring matches with Alex, which had shifted gradually from brief, to the point messages laced with a certain amount of genuine hostility to something that was more like a kind of good natured antagonism.

It was nothing like the way they had used to interact in the pre-rift days, and it didn’t make them anything more than reluctant allies, but all the same, it was a nice change of pace from dealing with people she had to be perfectly polite to all day as the CEO of L-Corp. At least with Alex (alias Annie) she could tell her to fuck off if she wanted to. It was refreshing. And honestly a little cathartic.

As, in a different way, was going to her exercise class with Kara.

Since their first painful, slightly stilted lunch there had been three more, plus a few quick coffee dates and now a twice weekly gym session; and it had reached the point where she could see her without feeling like she was shattering all over again.

Of course Kara’s betrayal was still a garotte wire around her heart, but there was something about spending time with her like this that… eased it, a little. Because without her knowledge of Supergirl, Kara gained no advantage from being friends with Lena. She wasn’t stringing her along to ensure that she would help next time her expertise or connections came in useful to the DEO. She wasn’t secretly pumping her for information via fabricated interviews. Since Andrea’s takeover had eliminated Catco’s interest in L-Corp, she wasn’t even garnering brownie points at work from it anymore. In fact, apart from a slightly more upmarket brand of coffee than she might otherwise have been drinking (and really, Kara paid for those as often as Lena did), the only thing Kara was getting out of their friendship now was… Lena.

And that seemed to be enough for her.

More than enough.

Despite the fact that she was still skittish about physical contact and had replaced long greeting hugs and cosying up on the sofa with little waves and the odd shoulder touch, Kara had apparently embraced their renewed friendship unreservedly.

She lit up when she saw Lena arrive at the gym for their class, or happened to bump into her at the coffee cart on her way to work; and told her repeatedly how glad she was that they were friends again. She also seemed to have a sixth sense for when Lena was having a bad day, and two of their lunches had been impromptu affairs when Kara (now officially un-banned from the L-Corp premises) had shown up with take out and sympathy, plus enough extra snacks to keep her going for at least a couple of days. This Kara seemed to want nothing from her but herself, and no matter how hard she tried, Lena found it increasingly difficult not to reciprocate.

It would be different once she got her memories back of course, but for now this was useful. It meant that she could fulfill her role in this project without her emotions getting in the way, and that could only be a good thing.

It also didn’t hurt that Kara looked amazing in Lycra.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘Hey, thanks for coming on such short notice. I went ahead and ordered Thai, I hope that’s alright’.

Lena’s stomach gave an answering rumble at the sight of the take out boxes, and she nodded.

‘Sure, as long as you remembered the lamb panang’.

‘What do you take me for? I got two’.

Alex held up her own forkful of curry in evidence, already well into her portion by the time Lena had stowed her gym bag and settled at the conference table. She pulled the second container towards her and cracked it open, savouring the waft of fragrant steam that curled up from the food as soon as the lid came off. It was the one dish that the two of them had unfailingly agreed on when they ordered take out, and Lena was surprised that Alex still remembered… or maybe she had just chosen it because it was her own favourite, and buying two of the same had been simplest.

Either way, Lena was glad to have it. She had had a long day of work followed immediately by body pump, and apart from a few swallows of the strawberry shake Kara had insisted they share, it had been at least ten hours now since she had last remembered to eat anything. She took several quick, hungry mouthfuls until she was no longer quite so distractingly ravenous, then turned to the business at hand.

‘So, what did you want to talk about? Did you find something?’

‘Not exactly. I brought those extra specs you asked for from the scanner, but I also just wanted to loop you in on what the rest of us have been doing since we last spoke, and get an update on where you are with the Q-wave treatment. I tried asking Brainy, but he just started rattling off a list of technical details and percentage probabilities of different outcomes without actually giving me any kind of timeline’.

Lena rolled her eyes, but a smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she did so.

Of course he had.

‘We’re close. I think another day or so for testing and final adjustments should see it ready to use. I just want to make absolutely sure it’s safe first’.

‘And when it’s ready… how long do you think before we’ll start seeing the effects?’

‘That’s harder to say. We’re in unknown territory here – we don’t even know for sure what the barrier’s made of, let alone whether it will react as we hope. I want to take it very slow to avoid causing any damage by mistake, and there’ll be a learning curve while I fine tune it to Kara’s specific brain waves. It could be weeks. Months even’.

Alex stabbed her fork into a chunk of lamb morosely and sighed.

‘I was afraid you’d say that’.

‘What’s the hurry? Surely it’s more important to make sure we do it right than quickly, and Kara seems to be stable’.

‘Yeah, I know, you’re right. It’s just with Midnight on the loose, and now J’onn’s maybe-evil brother turning up out of nowhere, we could really use Supergirl’s support. Not to mention the unrest her absence is causing around the city. I’m worried if she doesn’t reappear soon we could be looking at riots breaking out, and feeling abandoned by the one alien that most people really trust is not helping with anti-alien sentiments. Dreamer’s stepped up to handle a lot of the day to day stuff which is smoothing things over a bit, and the Alien Amnesty Act getting reinstated has helped, but it’s still a pot that could boil over again if we don’t watch it’.

Lena swirled her fork through her curry, watching the sauce turn the previously unmixed rice from white to yellow. Alex wasn’t wrong – she too had seen the warning signs as the hysterical, inflammatory articles churned out by the gutter press continued to escalate with every day that Supergirl failed to reappear. But that part wasn’t her concern. She was only in this project to get Kara’s memories back, and if life was harder for the DEO in the meantime, well, that was Alex’s problem…

And clearly, it was a problem.

For the first time since she had arrived Lena took in Alex’s appearance properly. She was slumped in her seat, her clothes wrinkled as if she might have slept in them and her eyes ringed with dark shadows as if she might not have slept at all. She had obviously been pulling as many late nights as Lena had recently, without the benefit of the four hundred dollar concealer and fully comprehensive laundry service that kept her own weariness from showing. The pang of sympathy it stirred in her was both unexpected and unwelcome, but Lena couldn’t deny its existence.

She wanted to help.

‘Maybe I could make some adaptations to an image inducer to help keep the peace. I could programme one to mimic Supergirl specifically so that someone else could make a few public appearances on her behalf – just enough to assure everyone that she’s still around. If I can get it to give off the same heat signature as well as appearance and voice, no one should be able to tell the difference even if they scan her. Just as long as she isn’t called on to use her powers beyond what we can work into a modified supersuit’.

Alex considered this, looking momentarily hopeful, but then shook her head.

‘Thanks, but I think it’s better if you focus on perfecting the Q-wave treatment – getting Supergirl back for real needs to be our priority. A public appearance is a good idea though: even if it’s just one interview explaining that she’s away working on something crucial right now but is still watching out for National City and will be back soon, it might help. He’s not going to like it, but I bet we could get J’onn to agree to do it, and he at least has the advantage of actually being able to fly’.

Lena raised an eyebrow, trying and failing to imagine the steadfast, straight laced J’onn J’onzz playing the part of Supergirl.

‘J’onn? Alex, really? Even with shapeshifting, do you really think he can pull that off?’

‘It worked on you’.

Alex spoke lightly, almost like it was a joke, but it wasn't. She seemed to realise exactly what she had just admitted as the words dropped between them like live hand grenades, and all the previous approaching-luke-warm feelings they had managed to build throughout their collaboration froze over in an instant.

‘Shit, Lena I’m sorry. It was just one time, and it was an emergency’.

Lena stayed stiff, her fist clenching around her wooden fork so tightly that it bowed in the middle, threatening to snap under the pressure of her grip.

It was too late for sorry.

All this time she had been struggling with the fact that Kara had been hiding such a huge part of herself, and now it turned out that there had actually been times (one time, so Alex claimed, but why should Lena believe anything from her at this point?) when Kara wasn’t even Kara . She thought back over all the moments they had shared – the intimacies confided, the lingering hugs, the times she had allowed herself to be open in a way she never would have dreamed of with anyone else, and pictured them anew, but with J’onn standing in Kara’s place. It made her feel itchy.

Exposed.

Violated .

‘When?’ she asked through clenched teeth, practically spitting the word in order to keep the shake from her voice and avoid betraying any more of herself to these people than she already had.

Had Kara really been Kara when she promised to always protect her?

When Lena had allowed Kara to see her drunk and self loathing vulnerability after Edge poisoned children in her name?

When she had cried as she confided in her about Lex, and Kara told her she was a brilliant, kind hearted, beautiful soul?

Was any of it ever real?

‘It was nothing, really, you might not even remember. Supergirl was in a coma and James tried to cover at work by telling you that Kara had the flu, but then you decided to go round and check on her. J’onn pretended to be her so you wouldn’t realise she was missing’.

Lena closed her eyes. Of course she remembered.

Kara so rarely got sick, and she had been worried about her. She had taken her soup, and told her about getting together with James. It had been so hard to tell the woman she had unrequited feelings for that she was doing her best to move on with someone else, let alone that she was already afraid it was a mistake, and that he might just be seeing the Luthor name instead of her as a person. But she had persevered, because she loved Kara, and didn’t want a secret to come between them.

What a joke that was.

And now she thought about it, Kara had been acting odd that day, but at the time Lena had put it down to the fever, and the awkwardness of finding out that she was dating someone she had once had feelings for. Because why would she ever suspect that her best friend was being impersonated for the sole purpose of keeping her in the dark and making a fool of her?

She nodded once, put down her fork and pressed the lid back onto her take out box.

‘I have to go’.

She stood up, but Alex grabbed her wrist before she could push back her chair to walk out, hanging on tightly when Lena tried to brush her off.

‘Hey no, Lena, don’t do that. You can’t go off the deep end again. Not now’.

‘Get off me Alex’ she almost growled, but it made no difference. If anything Alex only held on tighter, while the look she turned on Lena was filled with such incongruous understanding that it made her want to scream.

‘I get that this is kind of a messed up thing to find out on top of everything else, but this one wasn’t Kara, okay? She didn’t do it. She was in a coma at the time, Reign was on the loose, we were all freaking out trying to wake her up, and we didn’t know what else to do’.

Kara was in a coma at the time.

Despite herself, a hairline fracture appeared in the ice around Lena’s heart.

Because Kara had been in a coma. Not just Supergirl. Kara. She hadn’t fully taken that part in until now. Lena had been tying herself in knots worrying about fevers and soup and James-fucking-Olsen, and at that exact moment the real Kara had been lying unconscious somewhere without her, beaten so severely that even super powers hadn’t been enough to protect her.

She might have died.

And in that case, of course the last thing on anyone’s mind would have been how the situation might have impacted Lena… but somehow that only made the whole thing more insulting. Things had been so dire, and yet still, they had taken time and resources to spend on lying to her rather than trusting her enough to let her try and help. Because if Lena had found out the truth that way she would have been angry. She would have been furious. But she would have helped. There was no version of Lena that could stand back and watch Kara die without at least trying to save her, no matter how much hurt there was between them. She simply wasn’t capable of it.

‘You could have told me the truth’.

Alex shrugged. ‘It wasn’t our truth to tell. And besides, things were bad enough, the last thing Kara needed was to have her best friend suddenly having all these messy, complicated feelings about her in the middle of that. She needed you to still be her Lena when she woke up’.

‘And what if she hadn’t woken up? What then? You denied me the opportunity to be with her when she needed me the most. You would have denied me the chance to say goodbye to her if things had turned out worse than they did. If I really was Kara’s best friend, then what the HELL gave you that right?’

Somewhere along the way her voice had risen beyond an acceptable volume, but she didn’t care. It felt good to shout at Alex. All this time she had been having cool, controlled arguments with her, when what she really needed was to just scream at her.

‘FUCK YOU ALEX. FUCK ALL OF YOU. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?’

She expected Alex to get up and shout back, or else to have her escorted out of the building, never to be allowed to return, but she didn’t. She took the words that Lena hurled at her and she accepted them, as if she had made a reasonable, well rationed point in a calm conversation the two of them were having.

‘You’re right. The whole situation was fucked up, and none of it should ever have happened. But it did happen, and when it did, there weren’t any good options on the table. We had minutes to decide what to do, and yeah, maybe getting J’onn to step in was the wrong call. I like to think that if things had taken a turn for the worst one of us would have told you about Kara so you could say goodbye to her before it was too late, but to be honest I wasn’t thinking about you at all at the time. I wasn’t thinking about anyone, except Kara, and whether my sister was ever going to wake up again’.

Alex met her eyes, challenging now, though still not without empathy.

‘Would you have been, if you were the one with her?’

And Lena hesitated, though not because she didn’t know the answer. She just didn’t want to admit it, because that would mean she had to stop yelling, and the yelling had felt better than any amount of dignified glaring or wittily crafted retorts. It had freed something inside her that had rarely been allowed room to stretch since she was four years old and had received her first lessons in the rigid control expected of a Luthor. But Alex’s uncharacteristic calm was implacable, and the flame of Lena’s righteous anger flickered dangerously in the face of her apparent willingness to own her mistakes.

She huffed, but lowered her volume back to something more appropriate for a conversation that wasn’t being held from opposite ends of a firing range.

‘I would have at least called you’.

‘I know you would have. And then we would have found a way to bring her round together just like we’re doing now, and all this… shit would never have happened. I wish that was what happened, but it’s not, and I can’t change that. I would if I could’.

Alex was a liar.

That fact was necessitated by her profession and the years she had spent helping her alien sister to pass for human. She was inarguably and unashamedly a liar, and a good one. She was perfectly capable of lying to Lena now.

And yet despite all of the long ingrained instincts that had been screaming at her to leave and never look back from the moment Alex had told her about J’onn’s deception, some foolish, hopeful part of her that refused to die no matter how many times it was ground into the dirt still clung on, an insistent little voice that stood up to the Luthor training and said yes, but what if...

‘You’re just saying that because you want me to keep helping you with the project’.

‘Of course I do. But it’s not just that. You said it yourself, the Q-wave generator is more or less ready. If we had to we could finish it without you and treat Kara ourselves. But I don’t want to. I want you in on this’.

At last Alex let go of her arm, but they were in too deep now, and Lena didn’t try to leave. She swallowed, and asked the one question she couldn’t answer for herself, the word sneaking out in a whisper that was only half meant to be heard.

‘Why?’

Why do you want me on this?

Why do you care?

Why change your mind about trusting a Luthor when you have another choice?

‘Because this project wouldn’t even exist without your help, and you deserve the credit for saving Supergirl. Look, I know it doesn’t mean much now, but I am sorry we didn’t tell you the truth sooner. It was ultimately Kara’s call, but she trusted me to look out for her best interests and I pushed hard for her to keep her identity secret. I admit that I didn’t fully trust you, and I didn’t want you to know the truth for a long time. And I was wrong’.

Lena gave her a look that she hoped conveyed a healthy amount of scepticism, despite her growing hope that maybe, just maybe, she really did mean it. Because Alex was right, they could do this without her now if they needed to, and it wasn’t as though the two of them had ever been close enough to motivate her to lie for the sake of their personal relationship. But it would be stupid to let her know she was succeeding in getting to her, even just a little bit, and Lena kept her tone hard.

‘That seems like a pretty drastic shift for you. You said it yourself. You’ve never trusted me, despite the fact that I proved myself over and over again working with the DEO. So what’s changed this time?’

‘Mostly Kelly, honestly. She kind of tore into me after what happened in the bunker. In a very gentle, therapist, Kelly way, but still. She made me see how much I fucked up, and how unfair I had been to you all the times before that, and I realised that that wasn’t who I wanted to be anymore’.

‘Well, that tracks. Kelly is much nicer than you are’.

It came out slightly more biting that she had intended, but Alex just snorted, apparently unoffended.

‘Yeah, no kidding. But she is also patiently helping me work out how to be less of an asshole when I go into overprotective big sister mode, and I’m getting there. I can’t change what happened between us in the past. But if you give me the chance, maybe I can do better by you this time’.

It was… something. Lena wasn’t quite sure what yet, but it was enough at least that she allowed herself to sink back into her seat.

‘Okay... Okay, I suppose can understand that. I still don’t like it, but I understand how you ended up where you did. I’ll stay and see the project through’.

Alex’s shoulders relaxed, and she picked up her abandoned fork for another bite of rapidly cooling curry.

‘If it’s any consolation to this whole thing, just remember that J’onn had to have a girly heart to heart about you and James Olsen making out while dressed in a fuzzy robe. I still don’t think he’s recovered from that experience’.

Somehow, despite everything that had just passed between them, Lena found a laugh bubbling out of her at the mental image, and Alex joined in.

And a small piece of the hurt she was holding like a barrier between them crumbled away.

#supercorp #kara danvers #supergirl #lena luthor #If you enjoy it consider leaving me a comment on AO3?#my fic #supercorp fanfic #supergirl fanfiction #kara x lena #multi chapter fic #Forgotten Not Forgiven

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littlewestern · 2 months

Note

999

YELLING AT ME. WHY.

999 is. Gosh. She's everything to me.

Because of her long career, 999 has done just about every job there is to do on a railway, but by far the one she's best at and the one she found the most fun is being a touring engine and being great at it. You know that scene in Devil Wears Prada where Andrea goes to the Paris Fashion Show and part of her job is knowing who everyone is, their relationships to each other, and what their goals and motives are for being at the show? Being a touring show engine means doing all of that and also knowing your mark and where you'll be in two weeks, but you don't have anyone helping you. 999 knows every engine worth knowing, the benefit of which is that you might also get to. Well. Know them-know them. *waggles eyebrows*

Famous Engines have no trouble snagging dates, and 999 has fully and totally embraced the Famous Engine lifestyle, complete with the part where she hooks up with someone and then tries to get her date to hook up with one of her single friends instead. That might actually be her favorite part, since she's.... kiiiiinda spoken for.

AT&SF 2903:

I talked a bit in the Truro post about how engines are polyamorous by nature with a few notable exceptions. This isn't one of them, since 999 gets to jet off to the Railway Speed Record party once a year and have her fun, but she always has a nice place to come home to.

Being the only steam engines at the MSI for years, this definitely started as a situationship with both parties fully intending to keep it that way. After all, 999 is a Famous Engine, and the most notable thing 2903 ever did was be really big and heavy. It's not much of a match, and no one thinks of them as a power couple. However....

Well, 999 likes to buck expectations. She also likes engines who don't take things too seriously, and she likes being able to shed that Famous persona whenever it suits her. She also likes big engines. 2903 pretty well covers all the bases here. He even cleans up nice if you decide to take him out for an evening, although not without the complaint. Which is why she doesn't take him out that often. He's perfectly fine with that.

When 2903 moved to the IRM, it was also probably 999 who suggested that she and Pioneer could take field trips to go visit their very good friends at the other museum. Pioneer wouldn't think to be so forward, but 999 has less of a problem being charmingly audacious, and it certainly worked out in both their favors' (as well as a few other engines').

One of my favorite tropes in fiction is the married couple who are always gossiping and bickering but obviously love each other very much and are still super into each other after all these years. That's the vibe here. Of course, 999 still has her freedom which is why I will at least mention one other engine I like for her.

BOEING 727 (N7017U):

I've not decided whether or not these two ever make it official in any capacity, but they are certainly very good friends. Gal pals, you might say.

Shipping aside, 727 is another engine 999 can fully be herself with, which is nice at a museum where your other choices for company don't rank nearly as high on the 'fun' scale. 727 understands the importance of a good gossip sesh, a virtue which neither of them have been able to impart upon the Pioneer Zephyr, despite 999's best efforts.

I said I haven't decided whether or not they actually "get together", and part of that is their different approaches to the issue. 999 gets to have her fun then go play with her favorite steam engine once a month, but 727 has a bit more responsibility to deal with keeping little planes in line and being a bigger and more integral exhibit besides. That, and she's got a bit of a crush on a certain reclusive submarine.

But 999 is a good friend, and she wants her bestie to be happy. And I did say her favorite part of the whole thing was playing matchmaker...

#nyc 999 #asks #djangodurango #shipping meme #727 #msi #transmissions from the little western

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melffen · 9 months

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Lackadaisy Modern Headcanons

I always found thinking of this characters in a modern setting very funny in terms of how the dynamics they have with each other may change thanks to the new time period, how they would interact with certain things, media, pop & internet culture, trends, etc.

So when I was thinking what pop singer would each character listen to I realized that it would be really funny for Mordecai to secretly be a swiftie. Impossible, in my opinion, but really funny.

But since it was too good of an idea to just abandon it completely due to improbability I decided to change it into this instead:

Mitzi once spread the rumor Mordecai secretly was a Swiftie in order to mess with him.

The chain of events she invented to tell from where she got that information would go pretty much in the same way as how Amy found out Shadow himself is a Swiftie in the official Sonic Frontiers Q&A live stream: She was singing one of her songs to herself (Anti-hero) when she overheard Mordecai suddenly chiming in for a verse thinking no one was hearing him!

This is a lie of course, a little white lie for the sake of fun, but everyone bought it and collectively decided not to confront Mordecai (yet) so he could come out as a Swiftie when he was ready.

So the rumor floated through the speakeasy for a while without Mordecai noticing anything at all.

This was until one night, after finishing a job with Mordecai in a particularly impossible mood, Viktor decided that going through Taylor's entire "This is" selection on Spotify non- stop was better than hearing his cowerker complain about another thing... and so they did.

And there they where, two of the most dangerous trigger man in St. Louis, Missouri, speeding through the roads with "You Belong With Me (Taylor's Version)" on full blast.

Mordecai just went with it for a while because 1. He also wasn't feeling like starting another argument just because, 2. Viktor was driving and so, also in charge of the music and 3. Who was him to judge the big guy if he wanted to expand his music taste? He had seen him spending a lot of time with Ivy anyway.

But for Non- Swifties it can be very hard to listen to so many of her songs for long periods of time (speaking from experience here) so eventually one of them snapped. It was Mordecai of course, it was previously established that Viktor spends too much time with Ivy for his own good.

So, in the middle of "I Knew You Were Trouble (Taylor's Version)", the black cat started asking harshly/begging the slovak to please change the playlist or just turn off the music.

But when Viktor responded with something among the lines of "But ya' like it! Put it so you vould shut up!" Mordecai just stared at him in his typical Mordecai confusion face:

"WHAT IN THE WORLD WOULD EVER MAKE YOU THINK I WOULD LIKE THIS WOMAN'S MUSIC!?!?!? AND TO THE POINT TO OF BEING A FAN!?!?!?"

"MITZI SAY SO!"

Let's just say that they all learned a lesson from that:

Viktor learned to take any information about Mordecai's interests that didn't come directly from the man himself with a grain of salt.

Mordecai learned he had to keep up with people's stupid gossip to prevent any more misunderstandings.

And Mitzi learned that if she wanted to keep Mordecai from finding out all the silly rumors she may or may not have spread about him then she would have to make sure Viktor was out of it, the man was not made for inner gossip.

And maybe, just maybe, both man found a few of her songs quite nice and might listen to them from time to time. Maybe.

*Quietly sneaks "Bad Blood" into the Vikdecai playlist*

#lackadaisy #lackadaisy pilot #lackadaisy headcanons #lackadaisy cats #lackadaisy modern headcanons #tracy g. butler #viktor vasko #mordecai heller #mitzi may #taylor swift #shadow the hedgehog is a swiftie #mitzi loves messing with mordecai #atlas was probably laughing his ass off in the background #what a mad lad

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waterparksdrama · 5 months

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Where do you see water parks in the future? I feel like long term fans won’t be able to grow with them. Bands like fob or Green Day or even atl have fanbases that grow with them (and get new ones) but the older I get the more I can’t relate to awstens lyrics. “Highkey when we fuck” is cringy now but I’d probably have found it cooler when I was younger. And for the TikTok/younger fans he’s trying to appeal to I feel like there will always be a newer and younger Awsten if that makes sense? I just don’t see what direction he’s trying to go long term. I don’t see hi def or waterparks being a sustainable thing financially long term. I just kind of see awsten being chronically online once waterparks is officially done I don’t see any of his friends minus Otto and Geoff sticking around but that’s just my view, hopefully this asks makes sense I wasn’t sure exactly how to word it but what do you think?

yeah i mean i'll answer some other aspects of your ask first but i've been thinking a lot about the feed between awsten and the fandom itself and how they both grow but they never seem to mature. like sure, awsten can grow as a person and the same can happen to fans, but no one ever really seems to mature even as awsten gets into more "mature" topics because of how much he backtracks on his own words and tries to joke around to keep certain things from slipping but ends up sounding like a broken record. i do genuinely believe he can be a good writer it's just that now he's trying to both overcomplicate and simplify the "lore" and music that it just feels. kinda cheap honestly.

and believe me he attaches himself to his perceived youth and current trends easily because even when he was my age, he knew what would happen as he got older and would have to please other people whether he had a music career still or not.

and to answer your main question, once the band ends and awsten ends up producing for other people, i feel like that'll be the only way he'll get a legitimate award for anything really. hiidef will probably never expand out of the parxie sphere and could fall under from poor management from mddn. he'll have his own music but i feel like he'll quietly start working for other people to get his foot in but not without internet meltdowns and rumors of his trashfire life.

i see otto doing the same thing he already does really. if he gets married that's a whole other catch 22 to deal with but otto doesn't really need much outside of what he has. maybe he could play a few local shows and release his own music for once who knows.

i also see geoff in kinda the same situation he already is in too, just like with more consistent twitch streams lol. he'll raise his kid and maybe do studio sessions with other musicians but i feel like he could be a decent moderately successful twitch streamer dad - iz

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thekoopalingsandstuffs · 11 months

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spewart im just curious about the medical issues you said you and your siblings have . can you please elaborate?

Spewart: "Um... alright! Well, starting with me... I have CVS, or Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. It means that I throw up out of nowhere, at random times of day. Not much is known about CVS, so nothing can be done to cure it... Going along with that, I have this thing... It's not really a problem, I guess... um... Basically, for some unknown reason, all of my bodily fluids are vibrant purple. Blood, sweat, tears, urine, saliva, snot, etc. I should also briefly mention... My mental issues. I go to therapy every Thursday. I have... really bad stress, anxiety, and possible other things, but those weren't ever officially diagnosed... I also have a few allergies, but those aren't really relevant..."

"Hariet has epilepsy and takes pills for it, so it's mostly under control. She also has... um... menstrual issues. I... feel uncomfortable talking about it, but it's worth mentioning... She has very heavy... um... "cycles." And is in A LOT of pain during that time. None of her doctors have found an explanation, so she can't take any meds for it... She just has to bare through it and move on."

"Topper has asthma, for one. And also... anger issues. I don't think he needs therapy or anything. It's just he is very hot-headed and easy to annoy. And when he IS mad, he... is very violent. Another thing... he'd probably kill me for telling you this--When he was younger, Topper had bladder issues. And he still kinda does, just not as extreme. It... never actually got diagnosed, so I can't tell you exactly what it is. All you need to know is that if Topper says he needs to go, he REALLY needs to go!"

"As for Rango... He has ADD and sometimes struggles to stay focused or even do basic tasks without getting distracted. I guess his weed addiction sorta fixes that, but... I... don't think that's good(??) He has inverted legs, which is completely normal and natural, but it makes him unable to do certain things like skate or ride a bike. And... oh yeah, his arm! Topper bit it a while ago, and now it's infected... Rango's been taking antibiotics for it, but... we're not sure if they're working... He has an appointment coming up where doctors will decide if his arm is okay, or... has to be amputated. We're praying he'll be fine, but... only time will tell."

#broodals

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easierreadthandone4711 · 5 months

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Shark Week

It’s about that time for my uterus to start torturing me, reminding me that I am not carrying a child inside. I know this, not only because of my calendar but because my emotions just shifted from sad girl to don’t fxckin try me. This usually lasts only a day thankfully, otherwise I’m just a sensitive girly. I think the most embarrassing time was tearing up from a bounty paper towel commercial.. it’s a problem to say the least.

Truly, I think my period serving as a reminder that I’m without child just brings my ass down. I have three babies, two angel babies and I’m still bumming over this monthly reminder? Yes. If there was anything I was certain about, it’s that I am supposed to be a mom. The silly part is getting bummed out as if I’ve even had the sex to make one. 🥲 #sadgirl for life I guess. When am I not a sad girly? When I’m with my babies. Every month, it’s the same thought: do I really wish I were pregnant? Yes. Every. Damn. Month.

I’ll be honest, I’m not even someone who “enjoyed” being pregnant. I didn’t hate it either, however, the hurdles I went through made it difficult to say “I love being pregnant”.

I miscarried the first time I got pregnant, and almost died after having my first. Two blood transfusions were needed, officially putting me in a “high risk” category after an antibody was found. My youngest was the smoothest pregnancy and labor I had. I imagine she’s the reason I’m so confidently ready to keep having babies.

The flutter that turns into kicks is definitely a highlight of all my pregnancies. I would play with my babies while they were in there, a little game of tag if you will. I would tap on different parts of my belly and wait for their response. I spoke to them all the time. Little did they know, they were becoming my best friends. There was never a time I felt alone while I was pregnant, they were as present to me as if they were out of my body already. “Good morningggg” “What are we going to eat?” “You know what you need to try, your grandfathers veal piccata” “Sorry that was so loud, it’ll quiet down again soon” I feel like my hand never left my belly.

When I say I was SAD when they were out of my body… oof. The loneliness I felt. Now I had to share them with this horrible world and this world doesn’t deserve them. The maternal instincts had kicked in when I saw the positive sign on the stick to protect them but it amplified in ways I never imagined. A trip to the grocery store was scarier than it used to be. I can’t trust the drivers around me, everything is filthy, I don’t want them getting sick, every stranger was a potential danger to my baby and it was overwhelming at times. Getting gas? Stepping out of the car with them inside of it, you’d see me making silly faces or waving into the window. “Mommy is still hereeeee - you’re not alone”

Frankly, I don’t think that feeling has gotten any better. They’re ranging from 12-15 years old now and the fact that I can’t be with them every moment leaves a constant reel of ‘things that can go wrong’ playing in my head. Are their peers being kind to them? Are their teachers treating them with respect? Don’t worry, I’m not irrational in any of this. I realize my kiddos have to grow into themselves and this society we live in today and they need to do that their own ways. I can only hope that if they find themselves in a situation where they are unsure how to move, they’ll reach out to me.

I’ll never be able to understand the neglectful parents, The abusive parents, The absent parents - never ever. When I look at my children, there’s not a damn thing I wouldn’t do to keep them happy healthy and safe. Not one fxcking thing. Our babies are born and as a mother, you’re literally their lifeline. You’re it. You’re the one responsible to love them and take care of them. I’m not going to dismiss fathers here but let’s be realistic and admit that there’s something about the bond between a mother and her child. The baby felt you first, they heard you first, their heartbeat started in you. That’s something NOBODY else in the world can say they have except that mother and that child.

Post partum depression is a struggle in itself. Not only did you spend the last nine months growing a life inside of you but now your beautiful baby is here and for some reason you’re not okay. Then you blame yourself. 😓 I should be happy. I should be over the moon in love with my baby. I’m already a bad mom, I’m not even happy. The guilt, the shame and the doubt that inserts itself creates such a dark shadow over you. The baby is crying and you sit there staring off or maybe you cry too. If by chance you’ve dealt with this before, or maybe dealing with it currently, please know, there’s nothing wrong with you. Give yourself some grace as your body just went through something truly traumatic. You did not just deliver a pizza, you grew a life inside of you, managed to bring them into this world - THAT in itself is incredible, as many women who were unable to do so can probably tell you the same, it’s not easy for some. Be proud of yourself, even if just for this moment right here as you read this. Be proud of yourself. You made it this far and you and baby are gonna grow with each other, into this new life together. The life before them doesn’t exist anymore, it’s not supposed to feel easy and seamless. You’re gonna figure it out and I know you’re strong enough because you made it this far already. Don’t discredit the last nine months. Don’t discredit the labor. You did that shit and you’re gonna conquer so much more and it’ll be the most bittersweet and incredible thing to watch your baby learn and grow into their own selves… and as strong as you remain, they’ll mimic your strength in the future. There’s no giving up now mama - you’re gonna show that baby EXACTLY what you’re made of. You’re that badass who brought them into this world and you’re gonna walk alongside them in this world - frankly, they won’t even notice that they’re carrying you too. They’re the reason you keep going ♥️ y’all have each other, just like that day you saw those two lines show up on that stick.

Didn’t expect this post to go this route but I miss my babies and there’s not a second that goes by that I don’t remember why I’m here - and that’s because of them 💜💚🩷

#travel #massachusetts #motherhood #ppd #postpartum #babies #shark week

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callsignbaphomet · 7 months

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So we're continuing the Fallout au info dumping...I decided to break them up into parts as this got ridiculously long. So this is part 2. Guess I can post one part per day.

Part 1 Part 3

Also I wanna add that at any moment I may go back and edit certain details. Y'all know me, nothing is ever set in stone EXCEPT for certain details. And from now on THIS is the current official info. Everything prior to this current info dump is null and void.

From here on out these will be full of all sorts of TWs jsyk. Read at your own risk. If you want me to tag 'em just lmk. I may also be releasing inner demons here.

Trek out of NV:

So the boys joined the caravan of families who were being escorted by a group of 8 hired guns. At first everything was fine, two weeks into the trek Loke found out that they were heading towards Boston to pick up some other family members and the caravan was gonna continue to Canada which he thought was too far but he didn't really wanna stay in Boston either so once they reached Boston he and Jelani would stop to gather their bearings.

So as for the mercs escorting the caravan. They would drink a lot and do a lot of chems practically in front of everyone and would get rowdy, getting into fist fights with each other and getting so boisterous they'd get trigger happy and shoot into the air as a form of celebrating victorious fights. This was obviously making the entire caravan uncomfortable. This didn't sit well with the boys so Jelani called them out on it which the group obviously didn't like.

On the third week the head of the caravan sat down with Loke and made a deal with him and his brother. They were gonna fire the group of hired guns they hired, pay them for their time as to avoid them getting trigger happy, and hire Lo and Jela to escort them as far as they wanted. Lo and Jela agreed so they all had a sit down. It didn't go as smooth as they wanted but at least no one got shot. The mercs got their caps and begrudgingly left while scowling at Loke and Jelani.

The days went by without too much happening. The occasional rabid and/or radiated critter tried to start shit but Loke and Jelani quickly put a stop to it.

There were others around Jelani's age and Loke got sentimental watching him interact with other teenagers and just being one himself in a carefree way. He legit often questioned if he did a good job raising him. He knows their situation wasn't normal and Loke raised him like he was raised: to be prepared for the wasteland and all the shit it could throw at him. However, sometimes he felt he was training him, not raising him and often times he wondered if Jelani was happy and okay, if he felt loved and cared for or if he felt he needed something that Loke wasn't providing. Still, Loke just sat back and enjoyed seeing Jelani just be a teenager and not a mercenary for once. If he was gonna be honest with himself he was feeling sentimental due to the heartbreak of what he left behind in New Vegas and wondered if he would ever see him again.

Almost 2 weeks after the original hired guns were let go the caravan had stopped for the night to eat and then sleep. Much later into the night Dagny woke Jelani up but having had a few drinks he was kind of unresponsive and pushed her away. When she realized he wouldn't budge she went over to Loke but he just ignored her. Jelani then got up and walked away from the camp cuz all that alcohol he indulged in had worked its way through his system and he felt his bladder was about to burst. Dagny followed him as she usually does. Wherever that kid goes, she follows. Once he was finished he was grabbed by someone and taken further into the woods where he was hit hard enough in the back of the head that he blacked out. When he came to the first thing he noticed was that he was sitting on a chair in some old abandoned house, in what was once the basement and in front of him were all 8 of the hired guns from before. Jela then realized that he was handcuffed. As he looked around he noticed Dagny had been tied to some old pipes and her mouth was taped shut. Of course Jelani freaked out at that but Christian, the leader of the group, assured him she was safe and they weren't interested in her but the same couldn't be said about Jelani. See, Christian and the others were pretty salty that Loke and Jelani had cost them their job so they wanted to get even. Initially who they were targeting was Loke, Jelani hadn't even crossed their minds. He's just a kid, they figured he was just backing up his older brother. But once they saw Jelani they figured they could hurt Lo through Jela and they took him instead.

TL;DR version for those that don't want details. Look for ✅ for when the detailed version ends and the rest continues: Jelani was beaten and raped by all 8 of them.

Detailed version if you don't mind reading about this sorta thing: At first they were just gonna beat the shit outta him but Christian (*if you recognize this name from the original version what happened next shouldn't surprise you) is a massive piece of shit. From the second Lo and Jela joined the caravan he was eyeing Jela (yeah, in that way) and Loke noticed. He told him Jelani's a minor and to stay the fuck away from him or Loke would curb stomp him to death. Normally Loke wouldn't just threaten to kill someone looking to do harm to his brother. He would just pull out a gun, pop two in their skull and go about his normal day but the situation was a little restrictive. That just made it worse because Christian saw it as a challenge. So the original plan was just to beat 'im unconscious but Christian got bold as the beating went on.

Jela wasn't just gonna sit there and take it though. He managed to land a few good blows but his hands were handcuffed behind his back and the cuffs had been secured way too tightly making movement challenging. However, there were 8 of them and they soon overpowered him. They tossed him to the ground and got to work and after beating him to the point where Jelani was about to lose consciousness they stopped and Christian made a suggestion. He didn't outright say it but the wording was enough for Jelani to understand what his intentions were. He could take a beating, he'd been in fights before but what was being suggested unsettled him. As the group closed in he fought them off as best as he could even though a lot of his injuries made it hard. He managed to break one of their noses with a well placed headbutt but before he could continue to fight back Christian had grabbed an old beer bottle and smashed it on the back of Jela's head causing him to collapse and lose consciousness for almost 3 minutes.

On Christian's order they actually waited for him to wake back up to start the assault but not before taping his mouth shut and tying his legs. When one was doing the assault the others held him down and forced him awake whenever he looked like he was about to faint or punched him whenever he closed his eyes. After the third guy had his turn with Jelani Christian ripped the tape off his mouth, pushed the sharp end of a knife against his throat and threatened to slit his throat if he bit down and began to orally assault him while he waited for the others to finish. The one that had his turn with Jela would push his head forward, keeping it in place. It took all the strength Jelani didn't have left to push back. Occasionally they'd let go so he could catch his breath but they barely let him breathe long enough before Christian would continue. This was followed by mocks about "breathing through his nose" which he was bleeding from. When all 7 finished Christian had his turn and he was incredibly cruel about it. The other 7 were pretty rough with him but Christian made it a point to REALLY make it hurt and the more Jelani cried and screamed the more he'd make it hurt. Christian encouraged him to fight back in a mocking way but Jelani just couldn't anymore. He was far too exhausted, in too much pain and had already lost a lot of blood. Christian put his hands all over him while whispering some messed up shit in his ears (just fucked up shit related to what Christian was doing to Jela). Unlike the others he took his time too and occasionally continued to beat him. At one point Christian hit 'im with the broken beer bottle and split open his upper and lower lips.

This was already detailed and messed up enough so I left a detail or two out. When I say Christian was super cruel during the rape I mean he was very fucking cruel.

✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅

When Christian was done with Jelani the group left him there where he lost consciousness. Christian tried to clean some of the blood but he was covered in Jelani's blood. He took the key to the handcuffs and tossed it next to Jelani and left. Dagny had struggled so much that she broke the rope she was tied with and ran to Jelani but he was out cold. She pushed him a bit but he wasn't responding so she tracked down the camp to find Loke. Back at camp they noticed Jelani was missing and were getting ready to go out to look for him when Dagny came running towards Loke. He knew damn well that that nightstalker was never far from Jelani and seeing her snout taped shut scared the living fuck out of him. He took off the tape and got her to track Jelani down.

Eventually Dagny led Loke to some run down building 2 miles from the camp. Dagny ran down to the basement and started barking to get Loke's attention. When he reached the basement he felt his heart stop and his stomach drop. For a split second he thought Jelani was dead so he ran over and checked for a pulse. Once he found a pulse Loke checked him over and that's when he noticed Jelani's pants were down to his thighs. Loke started to panic and cry when he saw a lot of blood between Jelani's legs and the horror of the realization set in.

Loke carefully tried to get Jelani to wake up while trying to control his panicking as it wouldn't do either of them any good and he needed to focus on helping his kid brother. Eventually Lo managed to wake Jela up but as soon as Jela saw Lo he started to cry. He was in so much pain that he couldn't really move, he couldn't talk either.

No, Jela was NOT okay. Loke untied his legs, carefully removed the broken tape, uncuffed him, and took him back to the caravan where a doctor looked him over and confirmed what Loke had suspected. Among the injuries Jelani had a few cracked ribs, torn open lips, swollen black left eye (it wasn't swollen enough to be shut tho the sclera of that eye was bloody), vocal hemorrhaging (he screamed and yelled so much he tore his vocal cords), injured larynx from the strangulation, bruised mouth (the soft and hard palate), concussion, bruised wrists (from the hand cuffs), and lacerations and bruising.

Some of the injuries were treated, most others would recover on their own in 4 to 6 weeks if he took it easy, the cut to the back of his head needed 11 stitches and a lot of stimpaks and med-x was used on him to help with the recovery and alleviate some of the pain. The non-physical injuries were hard to tell, all the doctor could tell Loke was that it was only with time and support. Given the situation they decided to take a few days to sit and rest while Jelani somewhat "recovered". Loke was torn and twisted with guilt. He knew now that Dagny was trying to warn him there were intruders around but he ignored her.

As for Jelani he spent the first day away from the group and just cried. He didn't want anyone near him or touching him, he didn't wanna eat or drink anything much less let Loke near him. He didn't blame him at all, no one was to blame but he felt an immense amount of shame knowing how his brother found him and Jelani knew that Loke knew what had been done to him. On day 2 he just slept, he curled up next to his brother and slept. On day 3 he was quiet but at least he was eating again but everywhere he went he needed Loke to be there too. Jelani told Loke he just wanted to forget it happened and that holding the group because of him wasn't gonna change what had been done to him so the next morning they kept going.

As the days kept passing Loke noticed a bitterness in Jelani that wasn't there before and every time he asked him about it Jelani just told him to forget it. Loke gave him his space but kept a close eye on him because Loke knew Jelani was still hurting from the assault. He also noticed Jelani wasn't sleeping, not really. Every time he did fall asleep he'd wake up in a jolt and often times with tears in his eyes and shivering. He always refused to go back to sleep after that happened. Loke was obviously worried, he tried talking to Jelani but he'd change the subject or outright told Loke he just wanted to forget it happened. Regardless of not knowing how to help his kid brother he was determined to help him however he could.

Three weeks after the assault they were close to the outskirts of Massachusetts and the path they were using had been blocked by a ton of debris. The group stopped to check the map and try to find a way around as the debris was far too much and most of it looked very heavy to manually move. Jelani noticed an old warehouse next to a train station which they could use even though it would add an extra day depending on the status of the area. He volunteered to check it while Loke checked another possible route.

When both returned Loke said his route was fucked due to possibly the same storm that fucked up the main route but if they moved carefully they could get through and maybe move some of the debris out of the way. Jelani reported that while the map was outdated his was still a viable route to take and wouldn't take 3 to 4 days like the other route would. Somehow a large and deep fissure formed next to the warehouse and a river passed through it now but it seemed like a rickety wooden bridge suspended by rope was used to connect both sides of the fissure. It wasn't very wide so they'd have to take it slowly. Loke insisted that the other way seemed safer even if it would take a lot longer but Jelani kept insisting that the way he was suggesting was better. In the end Loke relented and the group went the way Jelani suggested.

As they reached the warehouse a massive deathclaw emerged from behind them and began to attack the group. Some people were injured but Loke ran towards the massive lizard and got its attention while telling Jelani to get everyone into the warehouse and to stay in there with them. Jelani got everyone inside the warehouse and told them to keep quiet but instead of staying inside like Loke had ordered he grabbed his mom's sniper and ran out to help his brother. The deathclaw had pinned Loke down on the bridge and had slashed at him in several areas and was about to bite down but Jelani shot it in the back getting the creature's attention. It didn't immediately go for him because right behind Jelani was a smaller deathclaw that pounced on him and began slashing at him. Loke freaked out and shot the animal in the head while the bigger deathclaw was distracted. The smaller one died instantly but pinned Jelani down as it was heavy. The big one turned to run towards Loke. It managed to pin him down again but before it could do anything Jelani shot it again and this time he managed to shoot one of its eyes out. As the massive beast turned its attention to Jelani Loke had gotten out a knife and began cutting the rope while yelling at the deathclaw though its attention was fully on Jelani as it crept towards him.

Jelani noticed what Loke was doing and began to freak the fuck out as he tried to push the smaller dead deathclaw off of him. As the bridge waddled when one side came apart the deathclaw looked back at Loke and froze as it seemed to realize the bridge was breaking. It tried to run but Loke began to cut the other rope in time to stop it from getting to Jelani.

As Loke finished cutting the rope he looked at Jelani and both looked at each other momentarily as Loke said, "I love you!". Jelani managed to push off the deathclaw, ran to the edge and watched in absolute horror as his brother fell through the fissure and hit the water. His screaming turned to cries as he desperately yelled for his brother but the only thing he saw resurface was the deathclaw. The group came out of the warehouse and ran to Jela but couldn't find Lo anywhere. They saw the bridge was broken and Jela at the edge of the fissure crying and screaming and they put two and two together. They tried to get Jelani to go with them but he refused to move. They kept trying to get him to move but eventually he pulled a gun out on them and told them he wasn't going to leave without his brother. He even refused any of them to treat his wounds.

There really was nothing they could do for him so they left his and his brother's things next to him and an extra bag with food, water, medicine and some ammo and continued on their way.

Jelani spent 4 days just sitting in the same spot hoping against hope that Loke survived the fall and was just slowly making his way back to him. On the 5th day he accepted the fact that Loke wasn't coming back and he'd just lost the only person he ever had and loved. He grabbed his things, the extra bag, Dagny, and made his way to Boston.

#OC au: Fallout #au Loke tag #au Jelani tag #au Dagny tag #au oc things

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madllamamomma · 1 year

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To all that it may concern:

Hi. It’s me, ya Mad Llama Momma.

Yes. It’s been a very long time, and I am sorry.

Since the start of this year I have been unfortunately going through, well, a lot. Mentally and physically.

Now that I am where I am today, in January of 2023, I see that I was at an all time low and just didn’t know it. 2022 was a year of me kick staring my healing journey of my mind, body and soul. And let me tell you it has NOT been easy. Between new multiple physicians and even going through two therapist (holistic therapy was kinda a joke for me personally), a liver surgery scare, coming to realized that I had an eating disorder, and stopped drinking because of said liver surgery scare, it has been a fucking exhausting year. (Note: I had a kind of contusion on my liver from some unknown trauma 🤷‍♀️. Yeah, my doctor didn’t even have a clue.)

Turning 30 also was very mind boggling to me, and I literally mourned my 20s for almost half the year and was crying about the fact I wasn’t where I thought I’d be by now.

I wanted to be knee deep in a blossoming career and making the world brighter and better. As last month, I officially quit my job and do not have plan to go back to the medical field at all.

I wanted to be wearing a size 12-14 and somewhat fit. But I’m currently a size 22 and the biggest and most out of shape and unhealthy that I’ve ever been.

I wanted to be a mother by now. But due to my overall health, it just wasn’t in the cards at that point.

I feel like all of our young lives we are told that we are supposed to be in a certain place by a certain age or we are failures, freeloaders, lazy, etc. But I’m coming to terms that this isn’t true and that 20s aren’t the official end of my fun youth nor the end of my life.

This entire year also sparked something in me. Sometimes we need to think hard about where we are at in our lives and evaluate if it was even worth it. Sometimes, things happens and makes us question who we really are and makes us think if we really are truly happy.

I realized I was using the Arcana and my fanfics to heavily disassociate and a way for me to escape our crazy world and in a very unhealthy way. It was great when it was working, but when it wasn’t, all my depression and anxiety came flooding in without any remorse, and I couldn’t even muster myself to write anymore despite having so many ideas.

I am happy to say that I’ve been in regular therapy session, I started ceramics again (where I make a lot of crazy sub par mugs and other functional pottery), my liver is almost all the way healed, I started back to yoga, and I’ve been losing weight safely for my health.

After being restricted all of my young life, I am feeling like I have been able to be my most authentic self than I have ever been and I feel like for the first time in my life, and I am finally thriving. I was afraid of entering my 30s feeling lost and feeling bad that I wasn’t a hot young 20 something year old, but instead I’m entering an era where I am focusing on me. And it feels great. It feels amazing.

I have a lovely husband who is my best friend and soulmate and that loves me and supports me, I have a wonderful set of found family that loves me for me and never ask me to change or to be anyone else other than myself, I feel like I can be creative without being restricted. And it feels great. I’m figuring myself out and I am so happy I am able to do it.

(TL;DR) For all the people out there who feels stuck, who feel like they can’t be themselves, who feel like nothing is ever going to change—please just know, it does get better. People are out there to help you, people who want you to be your best self. Sometimes it takes medication, sometimes it takes lengthy therapy sessions, sometimes it takes putting up boundaries with your family and limited the time you spend with them, and sometimes it takes just you admitting that you need help.

Please don’t give up on your healing journeys even if you family doesn’t support you. Please don’t think you are alone.

Please. Please. Do not give up.

Happy New Years my lovely hungry trash pandas,

❤️

Your Mother Llama.

#the arcana #the arcana game #madllamamomma #the real life #happy new year #get motivated #get help #please share #love your momma llama

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sfb123 · 2 years

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6, 7, and 12 for Liam and Riley from the Halloween questions, please! 💕💕

I feel like we should be opening these asks by saying trick-or-treat lmao

Halloween OTP Questions

6. Do they love trick or treating? If they’re adults, what excuse do they use to go trick or treating? If they don’t go trick or treating, do they love when kids come to their house asking for candy?

Shock of all shocks, Liam never really got to trick or treat growing up. According to Constantine, it was not proper for a prince to go door to door begging his subjects for candy.

One Halloween when Liam was little, Constantine was out of town, so Eleanor had some of the staff set up in different parts of the palace, and took Liam for the best version of trick or treating that she could.

For he and Riley's first Halloween, he took that memory and turned it into a new tradition, so on the weekend before Halloween, he invited the Cordonian children to trick or treat at the palace. There would be members of the nobility and the Royal Council scattered around the palace, handing out candy to the kids.

Riley loved this tradition because she loves Halloween, and trick or treating. Before she came to Cordonia, she loved giving out candy and gushing over the little kids in their adorable costumes. She always does the same thing when the kids come to the palace, and before they had Eleanor, she would always tell Liam which costumes she would 'definitely' be putting their kids in, and which ones were never going to happen.

Once Eleanor and David came along, they got to participate in the official palace trick or treat, but Liam wanted better for them then he had, so when they got old enough, he would always make it a point to open up his and Riley's schedules so that they could take the kids trick or treating, either in Cordonia, or they would fly to the states so they could experience it the way their mother did. Plus, they were able to stay a little lower key and fly under the radar trick or treating in the US.

7. Do they watch horror movies during Halloween or do they watch normal movies? Which ones and why?

They watch a few of the classics, some of the Halloweens, Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th. Freddy vs. Jason, but mostly to rag on it. Liam had seen a couple of horror movies with Drake when they were younger, but for the most part, Riley was introducing him to them. He got frustrated at one point, because he noticed that she would always look at him right before something big would happen (so she could see his reaction) and it would ruin the surprise. The one horror franchise that Riley absolutely refuses to entertain in any way shape or for, is the Child's Play. She has been terrified of Chucky her entire life, and she can't even look at him without freaking out. She told Liam about this, but swore him to secrecy because she knew if that information found its way to certain people, it would be used against her (see the next answer below).

In non-horror Halloween viewing, aside from Nightmare Before Christmas (which she makes him watch for both Halloween and Christmas, and sometimes just on a random day outside of either holiday season), Riley makes Liam watch It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown every year. As a matter of fact, she has made it an annual tradition for every holiday that has a Peanuts special, that they will watch said holiday special. Liam loves how excited she gets to watch them, but he always feels bad for that poor Charlie Brown, and doesn't understand what everyone has against him.

"Why do those adults keep rocks in their home just to give to that one boy when he comes trick or treating? What did he ever do to them?"

12. Do they play jump scare pranks on each other, play jump scare parks on other people together or are they the ones being played jump scare pranks on?

Riley has tried to do jump scare pranks on Liam, but he's way too aware of his surroundings for it to ever be satisfying, so she just gave up.

Riley on the other hand, scares almost too easily. If she's walking down the hall and someone just happens to be opening a door or walking around the corner, she'll scream and jump ten feet in the air, sometimes even ending up on the floor. Even though he doesn't mean to do it, Liam always feels awful when he's the cause for it. Not that he doesn't laugh a little every time it happens.

Of course, once Drake found this out about Riley, he took full advantage of it. He scares the shit out of her every chance he gets. Riley tries to reciprocate, but he knows she's trying so she seldom succeeds. But those times that she does, she gets him good, and she rubs it in his face for weeks.

They have both tried to get Liam to help scare the other, but he has taken a hard stance against it. He would never plot against his wife or his best friend. Not to mention his fear of retaliation from either.

Thank you so much for the ask @queenrileyrose! 🧡🖤🎃

#halloween asks #halloween #writer asks #otp asks #otp headcanons #liam x riley #liam x mc #trr fandom #trr fanfiction #the royal romance #choices the royal romance

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eisforeidolon · 2 years

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After watching the trailer of TW in was quite natural that Jensen would get some heat as somehow he has put himself into that spot but now things are again going out of hands. My dash is filled with posts like Jensen is backstabber, Jensen is cunt, Jensen is just like his unhinged fans, Jensen and Misha are no different etc... To an extent where it is frustrating. Maybe I am wrong to think like that, but I cannot dismiss someone without giving him benefit of doubts just by judging his one wrong decision. Also, Jared posted something supportive for Jensen, his stans think he did that because he is great and classy which is very much true- but also I believe he is smart enough not to extend his support over a backstabber if there was no mutual understanding between themselves regarding the scenario. Or he can do it to avoid controversy, I don't know if that was necessary. However, I was damn angry and frustrated on Jensen and still am, but haven't found any reason to think he is the worst person ever till now, but this kind of posts mentally forces to believe that which is tiring. It makes me think whether I am being blind to certain truths because I don't want to handle them, but also I don't want to be judgemental on someone I don't know for his offense on someone else because I necessarily don't know the whole story. It's a strange conflict. You are one of them most sane peoples of this fandom whi are extremely rare nowadays, so coming to you for rescue. Hope you don't mind.

I think it's important to remember that SPN fandom is ... really super extra about everything. Prequelgate both set off brand new conflict and brought a lot of previously subterranean stan resentment up to the surface.

I'll just say again, consider the biases of the blogs you're reading. Compare what they're saying to direct sources and available facts. Consider what seems reasonable given everything you know.

For example, when a blog talks about a new development, do they frequently leave details out that don't fit with their opinion? Do they state what are clearly their interpretations as facts? Do they drastically contradict themselves from one post to another, depending on what will spin better for a consistent underlying agenda? Is their response to what they're reacting to actually proportionate? Can they admit to even the possibility of being wrong? Do they spend a lot of time claiming to be superior and uninterested while constantly diving into the wank they're supposedly above and the topic they don't care about? Does their opinion depend on believing some kind of underlying reason that doesn't actually make much sense if you follow the logic through? Does their version of events require whoever they stan to be a moronic, helpless blob that needs their protection? Or whoever they don't to be an idiotic mustache-twirling villain?

I'm not going to tell you who or what to believe, but I think if you consider the overall picture any given blog is painting in terms of the factors above? It might help you determine how seriously you should actually be taking what they say. Especially when it doesn't agree with your own impressions from the original context without the extra stan spin on top. This fandom is full of a lot of very heavily invested, very opinionated people. A lot of whom have very specific pictures built up in their heads of who J2 and each J individually should be. I think it's good to examine other opinions, but in doing so it's very important to consider how much weight they actually deserve. I personally have no more interest in digging for hidden clues in J2's positive statements and interactions with each other since prequelgate to prove they're fake than I ever had in searching for clues in the show to secret hidden storylines.

One last consideration in terms of dealing with all the negativity? Despite considering myself a wank blog, I actually officially follow only a small handful of SPN blogs that are largely wank free. I enjoy interacting with a much wider circle of blogs, but sometimes I find it very helpful to be able to check into the fandom on my dash without also having to check in to the wank, if that makes sense.

#askboxery #anonymous #anti actor stans #minor anti prequel sentiment #long post

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tickle-her-senseless · 2 years

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Reblogging vs reposting - a rant…

I wonder how long it’ll be before a certain someone decides to save and re-upload my latest bunch of gifs 😒 All I seem to see around here these days are re-uploads of my old gifs by the same person, usually with hundreds of notes on them. When their blog initially appeared, the majority of the owner’s posts were just copypasta of my gifs from the previous few years - not reblogs, to be clear. Giving her the benefit of the doubt (she was new and pretty young), I sent her a friendly message:

As you can see, her response was to block me with no reply - but it hasn’t stopped her from continuing to rip my gifs off, going way back to the days when I was still learning and didn’t know how to make them without a big “makeagif.com” watermark at the bottom right 🙄 I guess she either sees them in reblogs (which is how I see her posts everywhere) and saves them, or she views my blog in a browser window without signing in. I just had a look at hers using the same trick, and there are asks saying things like “where did you find that video? I’ve been looking for that for years” and she replies along the lines of “oh, it’s not available on the site where I found it anymore”. I doubt she’s ever even seen most of the videos I used to make the gifs. They were just lifted from my blog.

“But Swift, why get so precious about it? Aren’t you stealing from the original videos when you make gifs anyway?”

One or two people have asked me similar things over the last several years. My take on gifs can be broken down into 5 parts…

1. They’re ubiquitous on the Internet and seem to get a free pass as low-quality glimpses lasting a couple of seconds with no audio. Major entertainment studios tend to enforce copyright restrictions with an iron fist, but you never see them going after gifs. Official accounts can be seen posting humorous gifs that others have made of their films, shows, music videos etc etc. They’re just part of Internet culture at this point. I’ve seen gifs others have made of me tickling my friends out there online … I’ve even seen a couple of me being tickled, God help me 😱

2. I believe that enough work goes into making a gif for it to qualify as transformative content. Most of it is actually the time spent watching a video like a hawk (usually with the sound off for context) and waiting for a brief spike of beauty or intensity or excitement. Then I’ll replay it a few times, screen record it, crop out any black bars, trim it (sometimes trying to make it loop as smoothly as possible), convert it to a gif while adjusting the size, FPS, format etc, optimise it to get the file size down and finally post it with a caption. All of this was learned through trial and error … which is plain to see in my earliest posts 😅 If reaction videos fall under transformative content from which some people make a fortune, my little non-profit tickle gifs are OK by me.

3. As a hard rule, I never make gifs from videos that aren’t already available to view somewhere online. A lot of them are actually from preview clips posted by the studios themselves, since they put all of the best moments in there anyway! I’ve been known to pay for tickle videos, but I never use them as gif material.

4. I spend a fair bit of time telling people where gifs are from when they ask eg. “Oh, it’s from a free preview of this video by this studio, full version available on Clips4Sale here.” I reckon I’ve actually directed a lot of traffic towards creators by this point.

5. I’m just continuing a convention that pre-dates my involvement on Tumblr and will probably carry on for a long time. When I arrived here, I was more interested in well-drawn art, well-written stories and community meet-up/session videos which warmed my icy heart and really made me want to be a part of things here. To my surprise, the engagement on gif posts dwarfed every other type of content, even videos. Ironically, I don’t actually get much pleasure from them myself, I find them empty without the audio. I always want to hear how much the lee is suffering, sue me 😁 Still, I figured that learning how to make gifs would be the most effective way to integrate myself here - and I was right, it was 😉 I do think it’s crazy, though, that a gif of mine could get hundreds of notes in 24 hours when I was posting regularly, but talented artists and writers struggle to get a few dozen in total. They’re the real content creators.

Anyway, yeah, there you go. It’s also true that content takes on a life of its own to some extent once you upload it. I see a bunch of my stuff on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok … people regularly upload it to Discord servers that I’m in (or even help to moderate) and I just smile to myself and don’t say anything. Posting a gif on a different platform is one thing, but I do think that posting literally dozens of them on the exact same platform is shady as hell when the reblog button exists. Especially when I reached out amicably and was blocked with no response.

It’s been one of the factors behind my activity dropping off so much in the past year - motivation to make gifs is hard to find when you know that someone’s waiting to help themselves to anything you throw out there. The only reason I haven’t named this person is that she’s on the young side, although not a minor (as you can see, my original message to her was sent over a year ago and I never said anything in public to spare her any flaming that might ensue) but I have to admit, it’s beginning to grate on me - especially when I see people tagging her blog as the source when they incorporate the gifs into their own posts…

#tickle community #tickling #tickle gifs #reblog don’t repost #losing the will

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