#why couldnt that still be true

[marstyler42]

What if the organizing of the cases in the O.I.A.R being different from how they were organized in TMA with the original 14 entities is causing a remanifestation where the separations between the new entities are completely different. What if by organizing the cases and they are single-handedly driving this universes interpretations of the fears. They aren't categorizing existing things, they are creating the boundaries.

#tmagp #reading through some other theories and this occured to me #because theres no way they are still robert smirks 14/15 #it wouldnt make sense from what weve seen #so the question is: are they one big fear entity again #or have the lines between them been redefined #and what if the oiar is manipulating those shifting differences and causing them to manifest more concretely #just as fundementally different categories of fear than before? #the magnus protocol #the magnus archives #the magnus pod #we established already that there was power from collecting statements and gertrude specifically devoted her time to making the archives #messy and hard to find things in #to delay progress #why couldnt that still be true

[baeshijima]

it is now officially the 25th which means...

merry christmas everyone !!! regardless of whether u celebrate or not, i hope u all have a lovely day with whoever u spend it with or with urself <33

#sophie's idle chatter #this is scheduled so im HOPING it posts at 12 am.... prays.... #i havent been super active in the past month or two bc life is kicking my ass (<- has said this countless times already but its still true) #also !! i see asks and ill try and answer them when i actually have the time and energy 😭 ik i say this a lot but ive been drained good god #(not so) mini life updates : #the new lovebrush chronicles main story update has made me weep so much... ive done both clarence and ayns routes and.... #my god.... this story is darker and honestly im loving it AND i love how they did the chara roles in this world (alkaid... ourgh...) #my tear glands arent tho bc ayn ending 3.... what the fuck was that i couldnt sleep after doing that ending??? ITS WAS SO SAD AND FOR WHATF #currently having to wait until the 27th so i can do lars route 😔 #the recent ep of apothecary diaries.... ourgh my heart.... jinshi and maomao beloveds :(( #oh !! and ive gotten back into my ace of diamonds/daiya no ace phase and have been rewatching the series... #sobbing chris and yuki and miyuki my beloveds.... kissing ur foreheads and holding u gently..... #the way i got back into it bc im catching up on s2 of a clean sweep (a korean baseball variety show that i love with all my heart ;w;) #my mum is a traitor tho bc she watched every new ep that came out on tuesdays while i was in uni 🧍‍♀️ so now im catching up on the 30 eps #on my own 🧍‍♀️ #OMG AND ALSO DR STONE S3??? WHY WAS I NOT NOTIFIED THAT PART 1 CAME OUT MONTHS AGO AND PART 2 WAS MORE RECENT??? #i havent been doing that much writing recently tho bc the fingers wont type but the brain is exploding with ideas i cannot handle this #i do want to get back to the haitham sxf series tho.... and also my oc various x reader series....... #tbh ive been contemplating abt publishing the haitham series on ao3 once i write more chapters before publishing them #idk i feel like the series would be nice to have on ao3 as well as tumblr JHDG #thats abt it i think? #anywho if u read this far then know i am giving u a warm cookie as a condolence prize for getting through this life dump <33 #ill leave it off here but i hope u all have a lovely day !! mwah mwah merry chrysler everyone 🎄🫶 #queue... ueueue

[boxofthings]

the lack of content always reminds me why I hate shipping ghostroach

#i am STARVING bro #why couldnt i just ship gh0sts0ap like everyone else there is SO MUCH good content for those two id be fed for days #youll never know true pain until youve hyperfixated on a rarepair or an unpopular asf character #if roach is not brought back for the next game im suing #this takes me back to 2013 when i was desperately searching for any ghostroach content i could find in the trenches of ff.net #which i still have no idea how to navigate #had a friend tell me to just read my own fics if i start getting real desperate lmao #but i physically CANNOT look at my own fics ever again once ive written them it makes me violently cringe #gotta stare at the wall and imagine a happy future for these two instead ig

[sonknuxadow]

my reaction to that information

#whoever wrote this isnt providing an actual source for the claim either but theyre allegedly reliable so . um. #What if we all died #i said before htat i guess theres a chance this COULD be true but i was still hoping it was fake because like . #ive always hated it in fan castings sorry. i never got why people thought he'd be a good fit #and keanu reeves has been on my mental list of ''people they should NOT cast as shadow'' ever since the second sonic movie came out #why couldnt it have been an actual voice actor come on man.

[sovonight]

;

#still thinking abt that scene in the underdark where xan is (force) propositioned by that drow lady #and while his first response is shock/apprehension ('*me*??') #radri loses regulation over the volume of her voice going 'what?! no!!' louder than anyone's ever really heard her before #when challenged though she can't come up with a drow-valid reason why hunrae *can't* just take xan #(yes i just now remembered her name lmao) #the thoughts 'bc consent??' 'he'd hate that' '*he's mine he promised*' keep getting translated into an ineffective verbal 'you just cant' #so xan saves himself and falls into a worse mood after it and radri falls into an equally poor mood at how she couldnt do anything/she can #never really do anything can she #oh but there's a kind of equivalent/reversal moment when radri's offered a 'night with one of with phaere's males' as a reward #and xan is just silently panicking/trying to reassure himself with 'she wouldn't' 'she'd hate that' 'she loves me... right?' #radri honestly has an easier time with the excuse this time bc she's not feeling as much panic/pressure as earlier #but the excuse that comes out is along the lines of 'uh monogamy is custom in my city and i already have a male--' #'NO no not one of these guys in my party!! (don't look too closely at them!)' #'i prefer not to travel with him! to make the reunions sweeter...??' #xan's mind catches on 'i prefer not to travel with him' and he gets in a bitter mood bc that might as well be true-- #bc really what use is he when he can't even do anything to help/save/protect her despite being right by her side #the underdark has them both on an internal monologue of 'i hate this' but while xan's is mainly towards their surroundings #radri's is almost entirely inward & so isnt eased the moment they reach the surface like xan's is

[hauntingblue]

Zoro with tashigi makes me so insane.... "I can't tolerate your existence" "you say all the stupid things she said"

#which btw the things kuina said were not stupid.... like that's just misogyny zoro that's just them facts.... he is just mad it is true #and like reasonably but he internalizes them still lmao #zoro is like the most misogynist feminist ally #its the i cant handle my feeling so i cant handle yours either #i won't fight you bc you're a woman but not bc i hate u is bc women are weaker than me (a man) but like respect #SHE DOES HAVE SORU. WHY NOT USE IT MORE IDK..... #nami will hit the children with the stick or what... #TASHIGI SHIGUN!!! SHIGUN!!! #AND IS THIS THE FIRST TIME A WOMAN HAS BEEN BADLY INJURED IN A FIGHT???? BC NAMI IN ARABASTA WAS THE FIRST GETTING HER FEET IMPALED BUT IT #DIDNT MATTER THAT MUCH AFTER LMAO #well at least zoro hit her lmao #this is a loss for feminism everywhere this has set women back 100 years #and all this so zoro can hit a woman. i guess that's progress but not on poor tashigi's honor and physical wellbeing lmao #did he use haki to scare her???? hello? what happened???? IN HALF??? #jesus christ he couldnt have done that earlier #so no haki??? #what the hell is that then #i think the problem is that zoro respected kuina bc she was better than him. and like thats his standard to respecting women.... #and as he gets better it gets harder to reach lmao #zoro hates sanji so much bc deep down he is the same #... omg #also tashigi end his ass!!! wdym he lets you have the credit. cut him in half hamburger style #luffys climbing technique.... interesting to say the least... #talking tag #watching one piece #episode 613

[kraviolis]

with the rising fascism in the world, im not gonna trust any new medias with stories that make the villain an agent of chaos & terror while the hero/es fight to preserve the status quo.

#after 9/11 there was a rise in childrens media where this was exactly the case #a foreign threat to peace that must be eliminated #and sure there were a lot of good stories made with that format. doesnt erase the true intent being the message. #and now theres come a rise of stories with empires and dictators as villains who are destroyed by rebellions #a good example of the stories about preserving the status quo are literally all of the marvel movies #thats why ragnarok was breath of fresh air. they didnt preserve the legacy of someone who destroyed thousands in the name of 'keeping peace #odin's legacy was burned to ash and thor put his people first. #another example is HP. even the newest stories set hundreds of years in the past still aim to preserve the status quo #and make the oppressed trying to fight back into villains by giving them really good points and then making them into murderers #a good example of a story that does the OPPOSITE is the owl house. god that show was so perfect. #just the subtle touch of luz's magic not having a white core like belos's in the end was so perfect. #making her final most powerful form look like a stereotypical villain with the black eyes and clothes and her dark magic?? #her palisman being able to shapeshift into stereotypically feared animals like spiders scorpions snakes and bats?? #the fact that she looked like a demon while belos was pretending to be carrying out the will of his god? that he was on some holy crusade? #belos believing himself to be the hero of the story even to the bitter end because he couldnt imagine that people he considers subhuman #had any right to life. that they werent just pests to be crushed in the name of his god. and in the end he was the one crushed like a bug. #so good. so good. so good. dana terrace i am kissing you #i like the owl house more than i like gravity falls and BOY is that saying something #krav talks

[cassandrattpd]

just told my not-boyfriend whatever person that ive been referring to him as my partner at work bc i was not about to explain our weird fwb situation to professional office company, especially when it includes 50 something year old men

and he.......was okay with it..........

not sure what to make of this

#like i specifically spent the majority of my therapy session this week deciding NOT to inform him of this #bc of the potential for it to blow up into a ~thing #which would be very inopportune bc im in a really good place rn and WE are trending very positive in our interactions and he's been #very much leaning in lately #and historically if i push a boundary that makes him pull back HARD #and there was this whole other layer of our office holiday party being tomorrow and him having offered to go (a shock in and of itself!!!) #but before he was able to go i would have to tell him this and it just wasnt worth it to mess up the place we're at #but my therapist told me i still have to go to the party bc being a big girl and learning how to socialize without a crutch (booooo!!!!) #but even after i told him i had decided to go on my own i still felt sooooooooo guilty #its not even like its a lie!!!! but its enough of a lie to not REALLY be the truth and i couldnt stand it ssbbhfdsdgjjjjj #so i told him and he's just like 'eh that's what everyone thinks anyway thats what they all would have assumed if i went to the party 🤷' #and like!!!!! so true bestie!!!!!! but if thats nbd for everyone to think that then why isnt it just........true.......yknow #walks like a duck talks like a duck looks like a duck CAN CALL IT A DUCK???? whats left to it not being a duck

[freakingpeepseverywhere]

Display the Scrungle

#i honestly couldnt believe he's so lanky #cant wait to give him a lil makeover so i can have a before/after photoshoot #also i gave him a good brushing whcih is why he looks so smooth and fluffy #doesnt matter really if he doesnt look like my true blue son yet he is still my son and i will treat him with respect #Treat your blue dudes with respect even if they havent gone through the PTP (Professor Transformation Procedures) #The Professor Project

[chiisana-sukima]

Happy Wincest Wednesday!

What's one headcanon (cute, sexy, or otherwise) you have about the brothers and the Impala? Time spent in or on it, or things they've done in it, Sam indulging Dean somehow with it, or (etc)?

Happy Wincest Wednesday-Thursday, Phyn! Thank you so much for the ask. <3

I have so many headcanons about Sam, Dean and the Impala. The main one is that they're both very weirdcesty about it. They don't have a sexual relationship with--or even sexual thoughts about--each other. Obviously! That would be sick and bad, and especially in Dean's case, outright wrong. It would be the polar opposite of protecting and looking out for Sam, so clearly he would *never*.

...But it's hardly Dean's fault, or Sam's, that they've both banged chicks in Baby's back seat. That's just a natural outcome of the Impala being, for all those years, their only real home. And it's hardly his fault he's proud that Sam can pull such gorgeous babes, and that maybe when Sam was in high school and first started dating, Dean helped him out a bit by handing over the keys and telling him the best make out spots and giving him advice on what songs got which kinds of girls in the mood, and maybe even making sure he knew there were always extra condoms in the glove compartment (and although Dean *certainly* never looked in the glove box the next morning to see if Sam had gotten lucky, it's not his fault he has to replenish the supply so he does kinda keep track.) If he sometimes fantasizes just a little about some of Sam's chicks later himself when he's banging one out in the shower--about what they were like for Sam, maybe sweet and faux demure, laying on the worn back seat with their clothes still on but the door open to give Sam room to get his head up under their skirt, or maybe shameless and wild, going down on Sam at the drive in, with Sam still in the driver's seat and the soundtrack to whatever movie of the week was drowning out his cut off moans--well, if he thinks about those things on occasion, that's just because he's a red-blooded American man, and Sam has excellent taste in women.

Usually.

Sam usually has excellent taste in women.

There was the Ruby thing, of course. He knows--knows for certain, though he could never prove it--that when Sam would pocket Baby's keys and sneak out to get his fix while Dean seethed and pretended to sleep, that sometimes he and that demon bitch would bang right there in the Impala's back seat. Baby would stink of sulfur the next day, and Dean would hardly be able to contain his rage. But what was he supposed to say? "Alastair warned me you weren't the pure little Sammy I imagined and you'd get with any demon whore who'd give you what you wanted, so why didn't I come down off the rack and it could be me instead"? Obviously he couldn't say that. He only even thought it sometimes because Hell had fucked him up so bad.

And there was Rachel Nave. That one Dean had assumed was on him--so much so he'd still felt guilty years later and a djinn had made it the reason dream-him and dream-Sam were estranged. But okay, while he shouldn't have stolen Sam's prom date and definitely shouldn't have given in when she insisted she blow him parked behind the school only three days after said prom, it had all worked out fine. Yeah, Sam had been angry one of Rachel's friends saw the whole damn thing, but far from pulling him and Dean apart like maybe it should have, Sam had demanded Dean drive him to school the next day and pull Baby right up front; had paraded Dean around on his arm like--well. Like *Dean* was the prize in the exchange and there was no denying Sam won.

Anyway, that's all in the past now. These days, things between him and Sam are easy. Now when he gets an eyeful of a gorgeous naked babe like that Piper chick in Baby's back seat with Sam, it's just par for the course. She's hot, Sam's, you know, objectively hot too (what're you gonna do, Dean certainly can't help that). So whatever it's all about, maybe it's not exactly normal, and maybe Sam and him are both a little fucked up, but the world has bigger problems. It's only worth dwelling on in a good way.

#wincest wednesday #somehow i got stuck in dean's POV #so i couldnt add in some relevant headcanons that only Sam would know #but Rachel of course was possessed #so when Sam went to give himself to Lucifer at the end of S5 and found out about Rachel #he also found out Dean had banged a demon in the same back seat Sam banged Ruby in #i want Dean to have found out too so he can feel deliciously guilty about being mad at Sam for doing something he unknowingly did as well #but sam would never bring it up so i cant quite fit it into the spn in my head #also though! #sam would definitely be jealous about dean boning anna down in the impala that one time #but would be unable to admit to himself exactly why #anna was so pure and radiated innocence #all the things that sam has never been and can never have #and there dean was just... being handed it all on an angelic silver platter #it would never occur to sam that if ruby reminds him of dean #(and she most certainly does!) #then anna may have reminded dean of sam #but somewhere inside him sam does suspect it's true #and maybe dean's mistaken about any similarities but it still gives sam some comfort #makes him feel warm and loved #and a little less irreparably corrupt

[todayisafridaynight]

this isn't related to rgg at all but finding out you're also a fire emblem fan was great... first the mention of the ike figure then the insane por prices LMAO? i had no idea... what games have you played?

Back In My Day i was known as ‘the eliwood/elihec guy’ and on occasion The Ike Guy LOL but yeah…. Guilty as charged……

As for the games ive played ive played Shadow Dragon (DS remake), Shadows of Valentia, and then FE6-FE3H + FEW (minus Heroes of Light and Shadow)

im an asshole for playing on authentic software hence why i skipped out on FE1-FE5 but maybe one day ill stop being annoying and pick them up on an emulator. Or IntSYS remakes them <- doubtful (well. The rest of the JP-exclusive games anyway lol)

#snap chats #FE is like my DQ honestly LMAO i love the games so much #tho… cant say that nowadays… i havent played any of the new ones since FE3H #no particular reason aside from maybe not being too much of a fan of the art style #but i could just be a true geezer at heart and prefer the old pixel/portrait art of the 2000’s era #SoV’s portrait art is gorgeous tho. that games SOOOO good berkut’s still one of my fave antags to this day #oh but. in case you couldnt tell. FE7 was one of my faves to post for a while LMAO #it was the first game i got to play since my bro got it and let me play it #he also had sacred stones so i played that once i was done with FE7 #then i played brawl and fell in love with ike. as in Big Sword And He Punches/Kicks People #so….. i saved up to buy PoR and later Radiant Dawn (tho i got RD for. MUUUCH much cheaper) #and i mean i always thought marth was cute. And A Girl so when i was able to i got SD #not my favorite game ngl the cast was just. too huge and not memorable but i still love marth as a character #at some point i figured id try to play FE6 and bought a japanese copy (that i had ray chase sign actually) #the hit rate is fucking. ABYSMAL. and my JP was even worse than it is now BUT we got through it #the tellius games def have my fave cast and lore tho and i love the music. and Por do be on my baby the gamecube #and then i got awakening because my childhood bestie- who never played FE before- loved it a million so i figured why not #and then. My Insane Ass. she bought birthright and so of course i bought conquest #but then i heard about the removed features in the JP versions so i bought those and gave her my conquest copy #and then i paid her to homebrew my 3DS because I Am Stupid. so did i pay an obscene amount of money #to play Arguably the worst FE games Yes. but i got to use my ike amiibo so its ok :) #i love how i talk more bout fire emblem on my rgg blog than on my FE blog LMAO thats just how it be #but yeah those are my FE crimes thanks for listening LOL #i oughta cap it there i been talkin WAAAYYY too long LMAO

[mayclair]

the whole max and mike’s lives being foils of each other’s is so insane to me bc its like. for mike max is a representation of everything that could have happened to him if his mom left his dad earlier on (and what can still happen when you look at the way things are between them) and for max mike is a representation of everything that she could have had growing up if her mom hadn’t decided to leave her dad as fast as she did

#there is no way they don’t resent each other for it just a little bit. no fucking way sorry #mike knows max grew up with a shittier home life but still wishes his mom had the guts to do the same her mom did and left his dad bc #at the end of the day there is a little bit of bitterness towards both his parents for not making their relationship work out specifically #towards his dad bc his mom is actually involved in his life and did try to pretend that everything was normal when it wasnt which directly #ties into his desperate attempts to make his relationship with el seem normal to both of them when its not bc theyve both never been normal #they dont even know what normal really IS which also ties in to his very deep fear that the two of them will end up like his parents and so #meday he’ll become his dad and he doesn’t know which one is more terrifying so instead he blocks it all out in True Mike Wheeler FashionTM #and just keeps wishing that his mom left his dad because maybe if there was a distance between them when he was growing up maybe things wou #ldve been different maybe he wouldnt be this much like his dad #max on the other hand LOVES her dad they had one of those relationships where he wasn’t neglectful but wasn’t a great parent either but she #still loves him for trying and while her mom did try she gave up after a while while her dad didn’t. that was the real dealbreaker for max #and while after all this time she keeps saying im going to run away to cali and im going to live with my dad. but its not just the need to #see someone who cared for her the most during her early years its also the childish hope that her mom will notice that shes missing anf #come looking for her and that maybe when her parents finally meet again they can reconcile and get back together bc that is really all shes #ever wanted in her life since she was a kid and she feels bad for it bc she knows that her mom and dad’s relationship was never supposed to #last but she still wishes and wishes which is why that little bit of bitterness against mike will never fall away no matter how irrational #it is bc its like. his parents dont love each other but are still together for their kids. why couldnt my parents do the same? was i not en #ough reason for them? and this ties into her breaking up with lucas over and over again bc shes seen her parents and how they never fought #for each other and shes afraid that somewhere along the line her relationship with lucas will turn out the exact same and hell leave her so #its better to just leave now before it gets serious then later when it will hurt too much but lucas keeps coming back for her which makes #her realize that maybe it doesnt have to be like that maybe they wont be like her parents #anyway this is incoherent as fuck but shane mandej voice IVE CONNECTED THE DOTS #mike wheeler #max mayfield #stranger things

[transdib]

me: spends the better part of 2 years slowly being online and talking to people less and less, not responding to messages, not organising any irl get togethers or cancelling last minute cuz i cant handle it

me: *feels isolated, depressed, like a failure, feels unloved, feels guilty and nostalgic for the old days, feels ive grown distant from all my loved ones, and have bad cyclic thinking about how maybe this is all for the better and i cant fucking handle seeing anyone and going out is a big fucking effort

me: 

#life of doge #this is probably a cry for help lmao idk #im still trying to figure out why this got triggered tho i have a pretty good idea why i think.... #but lemme tell you #lockdowns meaning i couldnt organise things + the incessent anxiety of leaving the houe #cuz what if theres covid what if i make my disabled housemate sick #resulting in organising meet ups feeling Abstract and Impossible #plus my neurodivergent arse dedicating every god damn fork i have into having a fulltime job #which not even neurotypical ppl should be expected to balance with personal life #those 2 things are certianly not helping #and coincidentally those 2 things happened within the last 2 years #i was online a lot more bc of lockdowns and before my job #but since starting work ive just. i just cant #those arent the only reasons of course but they certainly are not bloody helping #i miss how things used to be.... #here ive been spending years explaining to a loved one that isolation bad #and now im falling into those exact bad cycles and habits and thought patterns #of course its not true isolation like im leaving the house almost every day for work #but just. the wall ive put up and how i practically dont use my phone anymore and im impossible to contact #i hate it. i hate how thats what ive become #and i hate how its probably deteriorated at my relationships #bc it means im not being the friend i want to be #so of course ppl are going to give me the same energy back #of course me feeling unloved and uncared for and moved on from is literally all my fault #i have no one to blame but myself #whatever. im just so fucking over feeling like this. #negative -

[caffeinatedopossum]

About your last post, being persistently exposed to trauma, residually as a child, is absolutely a fucked up thing whether or not anything directly happened to you. Whether or not others take it seriously that is absolutely valid trauma and I'm sorry and hope you feel better soon.

Thank you :(( I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it was damaging

#tw csa mention in these tags #i think i didnt realize it was traumatic because when stuff started to come out #it was allegations about my dad from one of my sisters #saying that he sa'd our sister and my dad immediately went to jail #but my mom was devastated and couldnt function. idk exactly what happened because its blurry (i was only 7 so yeah) #idk somehow our mom got him out of jail tho and i was told (VERY emphatically) that he wasnt actually guilty #my sisters were forced to testify #saying that they had lied essentially and it wasnt true #and thats what i was told too. i was told that it was a lie and it hadnt happened and i believed that #because i was 7. most children my age didnt even know what sex WAS let alone abuse #i also didnt really care because i didnt understand. i was just scared and i missed how my family used to be #but obviously it never went back to the way it was #my parents moved us really far away. out of state. and after that i was never allowed to stay home alone with my dad again #which was upsetting for me because i hated going most places (i would get sensory overload and i had bad anxiety already) #and i also didnt understand why my mom was so convinced someone would spread allegations again if they had no reason to #basically it was years and years of me slowly realizing what really happened #and it never fully sunk in... i think in a way im still that terrified 7 year old deep down. in denial because acceptance isnt acceptable #skfkgj sorry for the trauma dump it just helps to talk about specifics sometimes

[malkaviian]

i am having a great time here on life dot com

#/s #i only ate a scrambled egg today; i couldnt finish it and i feel sick #something else happened today that just showed how this girl is even more manipulative. how did you turned out like this. #or maybe you were ALWAYS like this and youre just showing your true nature now? how i didnt realized this before? we were friends for years #and honestly at this point i would say whatever ruin your life; nobody is going to stay that long around you like we did. #but you have A WHOLE ASS CHILD. A 4 NEARLY 5 MONTHS OLD BABY THAT DEPENDS TOTALLY ON YOU!!!! #STOP BEING SO SELFISH!!!! AT LEAST THINK ABOUT THE SON YOU CLAIM TO LOVE!!!! #maybe im exaggerating but i feel betrayed by someone i saw as a sister + i saw her son as a nephew. #i already lost a 11 years friendship last year why is this happening to me again. and is ending in a horrible way #sorry that the rest of the group dared to still do friend stuff even after you became a mom and thus became unable to do certain things now #i *get* it; you feel envious. but we cant stop our lives just because YOURS changed. we told you multiple times we love you and your son #we love when you bring him with you because we love him; and two of us dont even like kids that much. we were excited the whole pregnancy #we supported you because we can imagine how difficult being a young; single mom is. we did that because youre important #but we committed the horrible sin of doing things without you; because you yourself said you couldnt and/or dont want to go #we committed the horrible sin of still being friends with each other and eventually bring in another friend #whom we tried for you to get along; but it didnt happened and were in the wrong for still hanging out with him. #we tried to talk about you feeling excluded from the group; but you only told us 'i dont know'; because if you directly said #'i dont like that you three have a social life together without me even when im literally unable to follow your steps now because im a mom' #you would sound extremely selfish. and you know what? you are. i get missing the stuff youre not able to do now being a mom; its normal #but its not a fucking excuse to try to destroy the rest of the group. i love how youre pretending to be the victim in this case #by saying 'oh [x] said she felt uncomfortable with me she doesnt want to be friends with us anymore :((' when its not what happened #she said the problem is YOU; not the rest of us. she told you the problems she has with you; we saw the fucking convo #and youre twisting her words to make her look like the attacker. plus trying to make us think she also wants to stop being friends with us? #literally not whats happening. you think were just going to take your word anyway and not ask her about it? #even when breaking a friendship out of nowhere is pretty important? were just going to go 'oh [x] is a bitch' without asking anything. #also we know now she has been your punching bag for so long. we saw convos and your recent attitude towards her confirm it. #anyway youre a fucking selfish manipulator who cares about things going her way only. and were seeing it now #well; i guess at least it means were aware of your true nature; even if we feel betrayed for how long you pretended towards us #things are going downwards and is literally your fault #negative

[snekdood]

Im so tired of acting the way i think some ppl on here think i should act. Im tired of assuming theyre seeing me through the lens my ex provides for them. Im tired of feeling like nothing i say or do matters anyways because people have made up their mind about me and refuse to try to see me in another light. I know who I am and I know what im like and im tired of trying to almost essentially help people see me change my behavior for the better from something i never even was? Because i guess i feel like if i act like most people dont know about the issues between me and my ex that means other people will think im just *pretending nothing is wrong or happening*. It feels like i cant win either way. I cant play pretend as this horrible person whos trying to reform and have people allow me the chance to actually change and recognize that change and i cant also be myself and just know myself without people thinking im just ignoring this thing that isnt even a thing i need to work on or ever even fucking did. Im so tired of feeling convinced that other people are convinced im horrible and having to work from there and having to try to navigate that situation and get someone to see my side of things because ive just come to the conclusion that some people just will refuse to and idk. Theres nothing i can do in this situation. I just know i didnt deserve any of it.

#im like one of the most careful fucking people in the world istg #even before all of this but now especially after this bc im operating under the assumption that ppl see me as if im not #i almost feel brainwashed by what i think others perception of me is like online. #and then i try to go through the steps i think someone who did fo those things would do. or as if i did do those things and what id do #in that situation afterward. but i didnt do those things. and i dont need to live and operate as if i did to prove to other ppl i have the #emotional and mental maturity that i do #i dont need to sit here and let people gaslight me into their perception of me or at least what i think it is #i am such a good stinky lil guy. its people like my ex and the people around them online that brought out all this bitterness in me. #i resent those people so much. and i cant help but feel like theyre all stalking me still all the time. they want me to live like that too #like im in a panopticon. but this is what im saying- if i move on like i know myself and operate as myself the way ik myself #THOSE PEOPLE will come around and then act like im ignoring the situation with my ex and 'trying to escape responsibility' #i dont know why i feel so obedient to their perception. i mean i guess i know why like probably bc of my brother pushing me into a box #and me feeling like i have to stay in there or be abused. i feel the same way with my ex- if i dont act like ive been in the box they put #me in this whole time then they are going to get mad at me and try to come after me more i feel like. #i feel like thats when theyre really going to try to sic their followers or friends after me. #idk but im going to stop. i dont care how you see me. its not real. its not true. it never was. i was abused by this person and thats the #final truth about it. im not saying i couldnt have been reactively abusive sometimes with them but all the things they say i did #that they did to me but say i did but x10 worse? no. fuck off. thats not fucking me. you DONT KNOW ME. YOU HAVENT BEEN AROUND ME #ALL MY LIFE GROWING UP. IF YOU KNEW ME YOU WOULD KNOW ID NEVER DO THAT SHIT. YOU WOULD FUCKING KNOW THAT. #which is why i know you dont know me. none of you do. im tired of operating the way i think you want me to. #im tired of trying to empathize with people i dont want to LIKE my ex or my brother or my sister or my dad #im tired of trying to see things the way they do. how my ex is probably just this dumb scared kid inside who does dumb shit and doesnt #think about the consequences and doesnt care about the consequences of their actions because their only priority is #self preservation. like i dont care. i understand but i dont care. they still hurt me. they still did what they did to me. #they still know they did something wrong otherwise they wouldnt have started this whole smear campaign. #im tired of trying to sympathize with them. give them a million chances to change. do what i can to encourage them to actually have empathy #even towards the people they hurt and like to smear. #because they dont do the same for me. i know. i know theyre still shit talking me. i know they cant stop because if they did theyd have to #have more empathy about me on a whole lot of things they dont want to think about bc they dont want to feel about how they treated me #and continue to treat me by keeping up this narrative abt me online. they dont give a fuck so why am i extending so much to them.