#which isn’t like the worst thing

[yellowsubiesdance]

i wish i could fully trust myself and say it was a good interview, but i legitimately have no idea

#i just don’t know if i answered all the questions correctly #i don’t know how i feel about my answers #and i had to ask them to repeat a couple of questions #which isn’t like the worst thing #but one of the times was directly after i said a good leader listens 😭 #ok i have to remember that this is just a job and if i don’t get it it doesn’t mean i’m a failure or anything #it just means it isn’t right for me right now #but i am gonna get the job! i did interview well! and i’m going to be in a good place in the fall!! #everything will happen exactly as it should #see? the doubt goes away just like that #fuck you doubt!! i’m good at what i do and i can be successful no matter what #i was honest with a sales pitch-esque vibe! #i spoke truthfully about my flaws without harshing them too hard #i got there early! to show that i’m driven! #the only reason i might not get it is if there’s someone who interviews better than me #but that doesn’t speak badly on me!

[cinnamonsly]

i don’t think there is anything worse in this entire world than desperately clinging onto a hyperfixation you’ve had forever that you know is slowly fading away from you

#and you know there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it either #literally one of the worst feelings in the world #yes this may or may not be about CCCC #like i still love the characters and album to death but my brain doesn’t have a frickin chokehold on them anymore like it did #which is honestly one of the main reasons for this massive art block rn #this isn’t to say CCCC/CJ art and content is going away. no worries about that #but i find it rly hard to draw stuff for things i am not currently hyperfixated on #ugh it’s a struggle. but i’m working on it #thanks for ur patience

[makotonaegiunderstander]

something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.

“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”

#makoto naegi #Danganronpa character analysis #Danganronpa #danganronpa thh #danganronpa future arc #I fucking love Makoto Naegi man. #I think there’s a fine line of nuance to Makoto that’s easy to miss bc he doesn’t really make it known #he’s not a pushover and he’s not overpowered. he’s a people pleaser but he will say what needs to be said #he’s an immovable object and the exact opposite of Junko but he’s also just a normal guy who’s optimistic and (un)lucky #he isn’t invincible but he has immense power to his words the same way Junko did #if anything his superpower is being kind above all else. he’s compassionate to some of the worst people in the world. #he was even conpassionatr to an extent to Junko. he didnt want her to kill herself despite everything she’s done #and he still acknowledges that for years she was a classmate and friend. #I do think the more he learned abt what she did the more he’s come to actually hate her though #post the first game he always refers to her without a suffix to her name which is one of the most subtle rude things you can do #it means you have zero respect for the person you’re referring to #and he speaks about her with some venom he doesn’t use for anyone else in the future arc #he’s not incapable of feeling negative emotions #I really liked the future arc scene bc it showed that Makoto DID experience enough despair to have overcome him if he didn’t refuse #and that it still affects him deeply. people treat him like he’s either this perfect ideal Chad or this baby chick who’s so delicate #and no one really focuses on how makoto shoulders so much and yet is still vulnerable. #honestly that guy was DUE for a mental breakdown even without the tape. it would have happened eventually #I actually wrote one based on him finally hitting a breaking point after giving so much of himself away and keeping nothing for himself #that his issues that he shoves down constantly finally can’t be held down anymore. Hajime helps him bc he knows how that feels #it was a LONG time ago that I wrote that but honestly if I can remember where i was going w it I might finish it #it was initially an rp but I could make it a fic #anyway. the point is Makoto is SO much more complex than people give him credit for #the most fundamental thing about him is that he’s normal and that’s ok! that’s what helps him rise!

[macbethz]

every human being on planet earth has been an asshole some point and idk this culture of like immediately deplatforming and deleting everything related to a piece of media when the creator is revealed to like…have a bad breakup or had an onlyfans subscription or smth is so insane to me. There is no person on earth that would survive twitters scrutiny y’all are not gonna have any media left. getting “EVERYONE YOU LOVE HAS DONE SOMETHING UNFORGIVABLE” tattooed on my forehead

#this isn’t abt that dre-m smp guy btw I’m talking abt like. actual situations where it’s an interpersonal conflict that should not be a #fucking callout post #HAVE TO CLARIFY bc people always assume the worst n that was the last major callout situation #other than the one that spawned this post which I don’t even wanna drop bc I didn’t read the full thing or care to #but the parts I did read were just. relationship drama. like if this person is a predator talk abt that not them being a dick sometimes #remember that situation w wiII wood. lmao #warlock wartalks

[ickypuppi3]

“i always thought you were the most beautiful girl i ever seen” and “you make me feel like a person” from requiem for a dream but make it steve and billy

#billy hargrove #steve harrington #harringrove #nasty!steve #sorry but it has to be #steve telling billy he’s the most beautiful boy he’s ever seen i’m so- #billy telling steve he makes him feel like he’s a person #like he’s beautiful #every time i remember that film exists i feel so deeply unwell it’s not even funny #you know like the worst vibes possible #i think it’s because it’s fucked up on a relatable level #you know like been there done that type thing #it makes me wanna throw up i’m not even joking that’s like the one film that has the ability to affect me that negatively #which is what makes it so perfect for nasty!steve #like their dynamic isn’t even remotely similar to harry and marion #but those lines work too well #also gives me the incentive to talk about them doing hard drugs together but #you know #that’s for another day maybe #can’t be bringing the mood down that much on a sunday #ickyspeaks

[heartpascal]

Hi I saw your last post about your dog. Just a couple months ago I also lost my 10 year old dog due to cancer and it was just so fast and so devastating. It’s been months and some days I still cry because of how much I missed her. I’ve had some of the best days and been like “god I wish my dog was here to see this”. It’s hard man, really fucking hard. I just wanted you know that however way your emotions go or how you (healthy) cope with this death is completely valid. It’s valid to feel happy that their gone and not in pain. It’s also valid to wish you could be with them again. It’s valid to make edits or artwork or anything to cope. Your emotions are valid. Sending an internet hug <3

oh dude :( it’s one of the worst feelings ever. i am feeling your pain right now, and i’m sorry you’re going through this too :(

there’s just nothing like it. they’re so ingrained into your life that when it’s gone you really realise just how much they were there, yk? i come home and i still expect him to come running and barking at the door as soon as i open it, it’s just so weird. it’s almost surreal. my birthday next month and it’s just making me so sad that he’s not gonna be there for it :(

it IS really hard. i hope you’re doing as well as you can be without her :( i’m sending you so so much love. thank you so much for this <3 i think i needed it <3

#heartpascal says #one of the worst things for me about a pets death is that like #it feels like the world should stop #like that dog was a massive part of my life #why isn’t everybody as upset as i am? #which i know is NAWT rational #they didn’t know him or love him like i did #but that’s like. what it feels like should be happening #yk? #idk #not sure if i’ll ever have another dog after him :( he was my best boy #but my beloved i am sending you all of my love and hugs #this is an awful feeling #nobody deserves to go through this #PETS SHOULD LIVE FOREVER!!!

[sleepdepravity]

I know I’ve been on this big blue planet for three decades at this point but conceptualizing social boundaries is hard what do I do when a guy I sort of know just messages me out of nowhere that he had a dream about me rocking a bikini

#like is that inappropriate or is it an instant block orrrrrrr #I know it really really depends on context and all that jazz #but also part of the context is I’m used to having a ‘eh whatever’ approach to things like this #and also having a ‘well whatever’ about things I shared about myself too #which. has not led to the greatest success for me. historically. #(thinking about the time one of my coworkers secretly used a picture of me as his phone wallpaper) #anyways. I also have to consider what flirting is and how much of that is appropriate too #maybe???? I dunno. I guess this could be flirting?? #honestly the flirting(?) isn’t the worst part though the worst part is that he’s not a great conversationalist #trying so hard to throw him a ball and he just doesn’t volley it back #personal malkylife

[sindumpster]

Accidentally logged into my old mistake blog and only notifs I had gotten in the past year were for that one post with almost 1K notes

And I remember absolutely hating it and now I have the reminder that I really don’t crave that kind of attention anymore

#there’s no real point to this just thoughts #I’m honestly happier sharing my work with a small group of friends and getting that validation #than managing accounts and worrying about putting stuff out in the wild #downside is it enables my hermit tendencies so I’m even less inclined to post #when I do have art #…not that I’ve had new art in MONTHS #(I say having opened an art show today with my stuff in the gallery) #(it’s just not the art you guys want) #something something notes and attention isn’t everything #there’s like a certain golden zone level of attention #below it you’re sad people aren’t noticing you #above it and you feel like shit and burnt out trying to appeal to everyone #I don’t give a fuck about feeding social media and esp algorithms anymore #Forreal though mental health improved when I stepped back more and found my group #getting too much attention when I was younger fucked me up #and I’m STILL working through the damage #which I know probs sounds like bullshit to people struggling for attention/recognition #but for me it’s true. maybe improves things for others #but for me it just enabled my worst tendencies that I even got praised for

[myname-isnia]

I always forget just how many love songs I have in my playlist until I’m having an ultra-love-repulsed day and have to try my best to contain my breakdown until I get home

#21 out of 61 songs are related to love in some way #and it always feels like my playlist is trying to give me as many in a row as it can #must’ve gotten like 5 one after the other while walking home today #it’s too much of a hassle to keep taking my phone out of my backpack to switch songs so I just grit my teeth and bear it #and I know my playlist literally can’t read my mood. it’s not sentient. it’s a program #but when I’m so strung out it really does feel like it’s doing it on purpose #and hearing those songs makes everything so much worse #days like these I cannot stand any mention of love or romance or sex or anything else of the sort #I can’t read or think about it without feeling awful #can’t draw can’t write can’t watch shows. nothing #worst thing is I never know when I’ll be having a day like this so I can’t prepare by isolating myself or anything #like preparing a separate playlist with no love songs #bc the only way to find out is to get triggered #which… isn’t something I particularly like doing. at all #and I can’t even indulge in my latest interests because guess fucking what it centres around #ughhhhhhhhh. why couldn’t I have just stayed bi and not have to deal with any of this

[m1d-45]

i would share my builds but. i’m gonna be honest i just go with vibes. weapon would look pretty with certain character? it’s theirs now. artifacts seem even slightly useful regardless of whether or not they’re the most efficient set? slap those bitches on. i play genshin like i play pokemon: with my favorites and while pressing as many buttons as possible until the enemy dies - teddy anon

OH YOU JUST LIKE ME FR FR

kazuha has the isshin sword even though i have an aquila favonia cause that goes to kaeya who i built because i like him, even when he did lower damage. i run kazuha as a dps even though he’s supposed to be support (i have a p well done diluc that does more normal attack damage but.. kazuha :] and kukis supposed to be like a hyperbloom driver i think but i have her as healer. my baizhu is currently using her set cause i like the burn reaction (w benny, who i still haven’t built properly (just a ton of er for burst stuff) and only use for pyro applications lmao) even though he’s supposed to be like. a sub dps. he and kuki probably work well together but i can’t hear that over the sound of my burst support childe who ran freeze with kaeya for an embarrassing amount of my early abyss runs. i still haven’t attempted floor twelve and unless i get my shit together i don’t think i will. strategy i hardly know her, i just go “unga bunga men pretty” and that got me to ar 57. i have yet to level my mona despite her being a great support (she does have a r5 dragons tales for when i want childe to look pretty against the pyro flower but that’s it) and my xingqiu still doesn’t have good artifacts. my team ‘comps’ are “dps dps.2 sub dps/applicator healer” and i have not strayed from this in my entire time playing. chongyun is objectively bad for my current playstyle but that has not stopped me from trying. i will get a freeze team with him xingqiu and maybe kaeya if it kills me

#m1d : [chats] #teddy anon #woo lotta tags watch out #this got long but i. feel a lot about this game #i have a lot of ’it works’ builds but only like one solid one which is awkward but not the worst thing #‘jack of all trades master of none; still better than a master of one’ right #(i didn’t use my fully built diluc for the longest time except when grinding cryo flower (chongyun) cause i don’t like overloaded) #(i have a kazuha.) #(and regularly cringe when he isn’t on my team) #ngl it’s embarrassing how dependent i am on kaz. he’s not there i don’t know how to get the enemies together. what do. #before him it was heizou and his burst and before that it was aether and his skill/burst #me when anemo amirite (has a lv 20 jean and sayu i haven’t touched in ages) #that’s a lie sayu helps w crystalflies and unusual hillichurls #and diluc does go on both of those trips too #unrelated but there’s a bird like three feet away from me #just. walkin about. you go little guy i hope you get all the worms (it’s well into the afternoon) #unrelated x2 but i have an au for a piece of media i like and it’s so annoying that only i and like one other person know about it. cringe. #please i want to consume fan content of my au but i’m the oNLY FAN IT SUCKS #birds back. hey guy. wanna hear about my [it technically spans three fandoms oh lord] au? #i do think this is a low point in my life #like i’ll go to be judged and the guy’ll go ‘you made these three medias touch’ ‘they hold hands actually’ ‘why’ ‘funny’ #what do anime minecraft and marvel have in common? me baby #if there is no god to save you then you must make your own #fun fact i first wrote that like ten minutes ago and got a nosebleed right after #if there’s a god they certainly hate me. and that’s fair

[thecowboykatsuki-anon]

My body is doing some FUNKY things on this new birth control and I don’t think I appreciate it

#like i got the arm implant thing mid December and it was all fine and dandy #but the last two-three weeks have been rough #like I was spotting for 1.5 weeks #I cry so much (I mean I’m also grieving so this one isn’t just the birth control I guess) #but the worst thing is the stomach problems I’ve been having for two weeks #like this is tmi but every other meal/drink that’s not water I have to run to the bathroom like 10 minutes after #I also have an ovarian cyst I was supposed to go get ultra-sounded in December but forgot to make the appointment #and my brain is like “oh you’re dying actually. it’s not a cyst and this is your body dying #which does not help my anxiety #I’m really going through it guys #send help #and pepto

[steampunk-raven]

spider in room but everyone else is asleep so no one can help me :/ panic time i guess lol

#having scary things in my room is fun because i get to play the game of “which phobia am i MORE scared of: being around lifelong phobia of #mine OR the phobia of leaving my room and risking Being Perceived” #right now it’s the second one :/ which is pretty funny given that every else is fucking ASLEEP so there’s your proof that phobias can be #SUPER irrational lmao #but also my arachnophobia isn’t the worst like I’ll avoid places where spiders were near recently but i can still sometimes watch videos of #them sooo. yay for me lol? this isn’t true for other bugs (yes ik spiders aren’t bugs but my phobias don’t) which sucks for me because the #second most scary one is viewed as beautiful by most people and so many people love them. noooooo thank you. number one most scary aren’t #talked about but idk why they’re super common. and terrifying and OUT TO FUCKING GET ME. WHY DO THEY ALWAYS RUN *AT* ME #bugs love me. if i think about their existence too much i will have a panic attack. this is not a good relationship. #except for silk moths specifically. Ive never seen one irl and are still a little scared but i have a dnd character who loves them so same #ALSO BEES. I love bees. Not scared at all beyond like a normal reasonable “don’t fuck with them” kinda thing. bees are great i love bees #most of the stingy ones I’m ok with individually actually. i dislike the massive loud swarms of them but on their own they’re cute lol #(also to the bug and/or spider lovers i am not a kill bugs kinda person if this is worded weirdly that is because I’m having a fucking pani #attack please be nice)

[classical-vanity]

How does one even get over existential dread

#I’ve had it all week and it’s giving me anxiety <3 #i feel like spring is always the worst for my anxiety #and idk it feels like I’m trying but it’s never good enough #(my unhealthy perfectionism yes) #and then I’m also like what even is the point to anything #and then it’s like thinking of all the people in the world and how many we are and how it’s hard for everyone #and we’re all with our own lifestyles and traditions and whatnot #that’s always overwhelming #my brain zooms out too much as my bestie put it #and I also feel like I’m failing at life #even tho that’s not really a thing ???? #25 isn’t old but it feels like I fucked up my life already which is so dumb #I know rationally a lot of things are fucked up the way my anxiety puts it #but i am still not like over it #and this isn’t like new stuff #I’ve had this sort of thought process for years and I can’t seem to get out still #do I just need to go back to obsessively reading romance again #so I’m no thoughts head empty just unrealistic scenarios #do I just gotta ride it out until I’m 30 and I’ll magically get less insane #do I just start looking for a rich husband #okay rant over #feel free to ignore me #this week’s been rough #I’ll hopefully get over this soon #tbd later

[yuribalisms]

Girl I’ve kinda been seeing decided to be weird about me being ace time to nix that ig

#I am definitely not really broken up about it at all #I mean she was nice (before this anyways lol) but like… we didn’t really have much in common and I had p much come to conclusion I didn’t #wanna date her anyways but fjfjkdkskskd #it started because she was like ‘oh we’ve only been hanging out we haven’t done anything else :( are you not into me?’ #and I’m sitting here like ‘oh well I thought we were just getting to know each other’ #but I told her look I’m not opposed to physical intamcy (sexual or otherwise) but I’m ace so my relationship to that is a bit different #and it’ll pretty much be up to you to instigate when you want to do that and not expect me to because of how I operate #and she was like ‘oh…. right….. okay then maybe we can talk about that later’ #which I guess isn’t a HUGE red flag but ive seen another of my ace friends put up with the worst shit in relationships #because her partner didn’t accept her asexuality right out the gate and ya know I don’t wanna deal with that #plus just all the other things I mentioned above #anyways had my experimental dating phase decided I didn’t like it #going straight back to my platonic and queerplatonic relationships and not looking for anything else I much prefer these #I mean if something happens it happens ig but I’m not gonna go looking for it again lmao #this was mostly a vaguely…. awkward and uncomfortable experience #kaz rambles

[thefiresofpompeii]

i don’t want to kill myself but looking at the future sometimes i feel like i have no other option. i fucked it up too far without anticipating consequences and it’s too late to make a change or strive towards any kind of hopeful meaningful existence. there is no way out for someone like me who has nothing going for them, squandered any opportunity, any talent, everything that was handed to them on a silver platter. no interesting personality traits, no aptitudes, nothing to make up for the gaping void where motivation and will to live and thrive and put in effort towards a goal should be. even the most basic steps are a pipe dream. i don’t want to die because i fear the possibility of hell but i no longer see any tolerable way of living.

#i reread parts of mark fisher’s capitalist realism last night and i know it’s unhealthy for theory to cement your own depressive spiral but #i’m thinking of him. even an accomplished thinker and it’s all the fucking same #i’m goinh to listen to swans and cry. i skipped class again and for fucking what #notice how it’s all i i i i i. i have no community no support network no close friends no partner nothing #only my parents who are affluent enough to support me financially but that support is conditional because if #they knew about what i was really like and even parts of my identity that support would be cut off and because i #have no marketable skills i would be left penniless to beg on the street #how long can i keep pretending to be cis and depending on them for vital necessities? until i’m 22? 25? #dropping out isn’t even an option because a bachelors’ degree is prerequisite to getting ANY job that pays above minimum wage but i #feel no passion for the subject i’m studying despite it being literally one of the only things i used to be GREAT at (media analysis; so — #lit major; on foundations for liberal arts; which should be all about PASSION FOR THE SUBJECT) #i’m teetering on the precipice of a steep cliff that drops down into the abyss of abject poverty with no way out #i don’t know what i enjoy doing; what to dedicate my resources and energy to; if i have none left. i don’t even smoke or drink or do drugs #it’s just sober suffering in silence. of course the meds don’t fucking help; meds can’t alter the world around us or our circumstances #this fucking close to going out and buying a rope. i have free will :)) hell can’t be real; it can’t be. worst that could #happen is reincarnation and honestly i could go for a second chance #jamie.txt #tw suicidal ideation