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gmbencompetence · 2 years

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Arcana Fans,

Can we talk about the Tarot Decks? The Arcana Tarot Decks. I’m proud of them. It also ends in a painful memory. They are, all in all, the high and low of my time at Nix Hydra

In short: I’m one of the main people that made Arcana Tarot Decks a reality.

My job was answering emails, monitoring the Arcana social media tags, and generally having my finger on the pulse of the community. I knew that, by a wide margin, Tarot Decks were the biggest request. My coworker (who shall remain nameless for their privacy) was part of the team that made the Arcana and knew how much Tarot resonated with fans. This co-worker and I fought for about 1-1.5 years getting them greenlit.

In all honesty, they were a completely audacious idea. Nix Hydra didn’t make much money from merchandise. Maybe $100 a month. The cost of an *initial* run of Arcana Tarot Decks would take something like $25,000 to get going. This is because of creating the art, securing people to help package/ship them, actual costs of packaging/shipping itself, and more. Also, my partner on the project was very insistent that we work with a company that produced them at an extremely high quality with gold trim edges. Gold trim edges was important (they were right).

So, the Nix Hydra merch store made less than $200 a month, and my coworker and I were trying to pitch something that would COST $25,000~ to get started. If it made $25,000 back, that’s still a waste of time because it means we would have made the same money just skipping the whole thing.

This next part is fuzzy, but if I remember right, we tested the waters with stickers. We stocked Arcana stickers to see how quickly they sold. They sold fast. Like… fast. This was good. It was our test case to at least prove that “People want Arcana Merch”. It heated the iron, and my coworker and I struck. We got the approval!

So here’s the most nerve wracking moment of my career here. I’ve been in the game industry 12 years, but I’ve never run a merchandise store Nix Hydra. Even after that, I sent out a few sticker sheets every month. Forget about convincing a company to invest $25,000~ into my mad idea. And then… if they DID sell. What, then!? I always have a lot of anxiety, and I kept thinking of ways it could go wrong. What if I broke some international shipping law? What if I did the math wrong and operated at a loss? What if the site charged people the wrong amount? I KNEW the Tarot Decks would sell, but that was scary, too!

The day came that we flipped the switch. I was so excited. I was so excited! I was so… scared. At this point, all that was left was to see if we could make above the starting amount…

We made about $200,000 in the first 24 hours. Now, this was 3-4 years ago, so I may be SIGNIFICANTLY off. But my point is that we made six digits very quickly. By this same time tomorrow, this went from “Gunpowder and Coworker’s brassy, sassy idea” to “Merch is a hit! What’s next?”

Over the next few months and weeks, we had a joyful hectic hell of the best anxiety. Problems would come up. We’d knock them down. We’d run out of storage space in the office and it would look almost comical. We’d have truckloads of shipment issues. I soon found out that simply taking the packages to the post office was its own complicated project. All of this expanded into hiring people to help with merch. These people were extremely passionate about The Arcana and began to be advocates for what merch to add next. I could gush about how amazing they are for hours, but for privacy’s sake, I’m refraining from saying much about my coworkers.

So like that, we went from “Merch doesn’t sell” to “We need a merch department” in a few months. By the time I left the company, the CEO (you’ve seen his name around) projected the Merch alone to be a $1M a year revenue stream. I don’t know if we ever hit that goal. My point was that he felt it was possible, which made me happy.

… which brings me to how the story ends painfully. I have moderate ADHD. I personally think it’s severe, but my doctor says moderate, so hey. I tend to fall behind on assignments a lot. I also tend to get distracted super easily. It can ruffle feathers in a work environment. I did not realize how much. See, this project was in full swing, my work was going well, and I had also designed all the gameplay of Heart Hunter (that was me! I’ll write a post on that later). I felt good about all of this. I had a meeting with the CEO and was going to ask him for a raise.

“[Name], just so you know, I sometimes sit and my desk and go over the pros and cons of letting you go.” He said it conversationally. It was casual to him. My stomach fell out. I asked him why, and it turned out that he was being very, very literal.

See, he made a pros and cons list of every thing he likes about me and every thing that he doesn’t. I’ll spare you the whole list, but in the Cons side was “Doesn’t focus on work all 8 hours of the day”. I was flabbergasted and told him “But… I do a lot of projects. And YOU said the merch store is estimated at $1M a year!” At this point, it is extremely important to note that nothing about the merch store was in my job description besides “Ship stickers and answer emails”. Literally everything I mentioned above were things I did in my spare time without being asked. Out of love for the company.

“Yes, I agree that you’re very passionate and creative. See, I put that on the list!”

He points to the Pros and Cons list. “passionate and creative” is cancelled out by “doesn’t focus all 8 hours of the day”. It was a tie. The project I co-led started a whole new department and seven-digit (estimated) revenue… it wasn’t even the only one I did (Heart Hunter was also a side project, albeit one I was assigned). And all of that, in his mind, was cancelled out by “doesn’t work all 8 hours a day”.

I never got a raise. I never got a bonus. I never even got job security. None of it mattered to him.

I started looking for a job the next day.

—-

There’s more to the story, but I think this is the main point. This is the best and worst of Nix Hydra. It was a place where people like my coworker and I would make extra time to work on new things simply because we believed in our work that much. Where players joyfully supported our work because it resonated with them. Where new employees would be so passionate about their work that they would keep an entire department afloat on their own fantastic ideas. It was also a place where none of this could even amount to job security or recognition. It was frustrating, and it was joyful.

I meant every single smile at a public event. So did every member of the team that was there. It was never “just PR”; it was people who were over the moon to get to help create these stories and worlds and moments. We loved it. But management never loved us back. And that stung.

Thank you, every single person who posted their tarot decks. Who put them into your cosplays. Who did readings.

Thank you everyone who posted your Heart Hunter moments. Who shared the postcards I fought tooth and nail to see in the game (It was SO difficult to convince some people that “postcards would be the type of reward players want”).

My entire life, I’ve had joyful moments in games and game communities. My lifelong dream was to help make those moments come alive for others. When you all celebrated this game and those aspects of it, that was very genuinely a lifelong dream come true.

Thank you for reading this. And also The Arcana.

#arcana #the arcana #nix Hydra

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whumpcloud · 1 year

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made some forms and logs for when peter was being trained as a pet for worldbuilding/lore reasons <3 under the cut because Long

content: (institutionalised) pet whump, implied kidnapping, shock collars, muzzling, near-death, broken bones, restraints, sedation, memory loss, dehumanisation, general torture, implied noncon but not towards whumpee in particular

BASIC INFORMATION

ASSIGNED HANDLER: Westley Santana, #30716

DESIGNATION: Companion Service (as of 05/01/19)

PROCUREMENT METHOD: Pick-up

ASSIGNED NUMBER: 012994 032994 (as of 05/01/19)

PREVIOUS NAME: Finlay Noah Wright

AGE: Eighteen

SEX: Intersex (Klinefelter Syndrome)

GENDER: Male

ETHNICITY: White, Scottish

SKIN TONE: Light, warm undertones

EYES: Green

HAIR: Auburn

HEIGHT: 5'10

WEIGHT: 9st 9lb

OTHER NOTABLE FEATURES: Freckles.

MEDICAL EXAM

MEDICAL CONDITIONS

Klinefelter Syndrome - Does not need to be managed.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - Does not currently take medication. Should be manageable through training as 012994 already indicates restlessness and a desire to complete tasks.

Added 05/01/19 by W. S. #30716 - Due to designation change, '94's ADHD may pose an issue. Will be trained in memory retention methods and will encourage '94 to suggest ways in which specific issues may be mitigated. Do not use negative reinforcement in this area.

RESPONSE TESTS

EMOTIONAL: N/A - see notes. Added 19/01/19 by W. S. #30716 - Responds best to positive reinforcement. Usual response to positive stimuli is happiness. Negative reinforcement to be used only when aggressive. Usual response to negative stimuli is crying.

MENTAL: Overwhelmed by bright lights and loud noises. Easily fatigued.

PHYSICAL: Flinches often, even when calm. All body parts function normally. Scar on the underside of chin due to a childhood accident. Underweight, full and consistent meals recommended.

SEXUAL: N/A - see notes

ADDITIONAL MEDICAL NOTES

012994 had to be restrained and sedated for the majority of the exam. As such, the medical examiner was only able to complete the physical and mental response tests. It is recommended that other response tests are carried out after wiping, if necessary.

MEDICAL EXAMINER: Cara O'Malley, #61214

OTHER STAFF PRESENT: Westley Santana, #30716, Nathan Carrigan #10818

REASON FOR OTHER STAFF: Safety - 012994 displayed violent and aggressive behaviour before, during, and after the exam.

TRAINING

RELEVANT SKILLS

Cleaning - worked part-time as a cleaner for two years.

LITERACY

L-3

To be kept

Added 05/01/19 by W. S. #30716 - Literacy in medical areas to be increased.

SKILLS TO BE TRAINED

Socialisation

Conversation

Domestic work

Emotional suppression

Friendly behaviour and taking initiative (to be encouraged through positive reinforcement)

Added 05/01/19 by W. S. #30716 - Medical training to be added: types of medication, administration of medication, surgery aftercare, emotional de-escalation (particularly in terms of anxiety), physical de-escalation (do NOT train until after aggressive behaviours have been eliminated)

METHODS

Both positive and negative reinforcement depending on the behaviour in question.

Added 05/01/19 by W. S. #30716 - Any and all methods to be used, at handler's discretion.

SCARRING?: Added 05/01/19 by W. S. #30716 - No preference

ADDITIONAL NOTES: N/A

SIGNING

I, Finlay Wright, relinquish my former identity and life to Petrix. At time of signing, I am of age to consent, fully lucid, and completely aware of what I am signing and why. See Form #06 for full legal terms and conditions.

PET SIGNATURE: F. N. Wright

HANDLER SIGNATURE: Westley Santana

LAWYER SIGNATURE: E. Fisher

TIME & DATE OF SIGNING: 13:48 PM, 01/09/18

HANDLER NOTES:

Apologies for appearance in photograph. '94 lashed out and had to be muzzled and restrained for handler and '94's own safety. Will be muzzled and shock collared for the foreseeable future. W. S. #30716, 11/08/18

Designation changed to Service. Assigned Number changed accordingly. W. S. #30716, 05/01/19

—

HANDLER LOG

Main Handler: Westley Santana #30716

Other Handlers: Nathan Carrigan #10818 (BANNED from handling 032994's training as of 21/02/19, see Entry #8)

#1 Mentoring Nathan Carrigan #10818. Allowing Nate to oversee parts of '94's training, with supervision obviously. '94 bit me during medical examination. W. S. #30716, 11/08/18

#2 Wiped today, immediately after signing. Aggressive and violent behaviours still present, despite expected disorientation and memory loss. Somehow '94 still thinks something is wrong, though '94 doesn't actually seem to know what it is. Working on it. Will send '94 to be wiped again if necessary. W. S. #30716, 01/09/18

#3 Initial buyer dropped their offer because it's taking too long. '94 is still aggressive and violent. Waiting on the go ahead to train '94 as a Serv. Need more of those but mostly need to see the little fucker taken down a peg. W. S. #30716, 28/12/18

#4 Designation changed from Comm to Serv. Muzzle removed due to promisingly good behaviour. W. S. #30716, 03/01/19

#5 Wes got attached and decided to buy '94. I think he just likes the challenge. Additional notes made to info form by Wes. N. C. #10818, 05/01/19

#6 '94 managed to break Nate's pointer finger. '94 is now muzzled until further notice. Do not let '94 trick you into sympathy. '94 will bite. W. S. #30716, 17/02/19

#7 Wiped again due to violence. It didn't help. N. C. #10818, 18/02/19

#8 Nate nearly killed '94. Will no longer mentor him and will ban him from interacting with '94 in the future. Recommend extending Nate's probation, if not firing him outright. Luckily '94 is unscarred and should heal completely within the next month. W. S. #30716, 21/02/19

#9 Think the near-death experience scared '94. '94 is much more obedient and willing, and though still has bouts of aggressive behaviour, is no longer violent. Working on it. W. S. #30716, 07/03/19

#10 Emotional suppression training is going exceptionally well. Almost proud now that '94's stopped being a mouthy little fucker. Shock collar has been removed. W. S. #30716, 29/03/19

#11 Had a panic attack during training. '94 immediately responded and stepped up to assist. Unplanned, but shows how much progress '94 has made. '94 is extremely eager to be doing something helpful, though this means that leaving '94 alone causes anxiety and restlessness. However, as a side effect, '94 is consistently grateful to see me and has begun to ask for tasks unprompted. Useful. W. S. #30716, 14/04/19

#12 Training completed to my standards. Bringing '94 home today. W. S. #30716, 25/04/19

#13 Darling '94 remembered previous name. Had to bring in for a wipe. Unfortunate. W. S. #30716, 08/10/19

taglist: @whumpsday @roblingoblin285

#polly's prose #delicate #peter (darling)#westley santana #nathan carrigan

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invernom · 4 months

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So I'm diagnosed inattentive adhd, undiagnosed-but-strongly-suspecting autistic & undiagnosed-but-damn-certain-of-it osdd type plural system, I have some particular experiences that I feel like kinda blur lines between diagnoses, between what traits I have and what I don't, and why I do or don't act in certain ways.

Aka I just feel frustrated about memory issues, repression & childhood & the burden of proving diagnoses when I have a brain that got way too good at masking everything, even from itself, and I wanted to disjointedly vent about it

So for a long time I've had a niggling feeling like I've been skating forward in life operating like I've always done, but there's a lot of mental processing that goes on in my subconscious that I'm not really able to touch and understand. And I feel like I have a continuous, uninterrupted experience of my life & access to memory (I.e. no blackouts or time loss traditionally associated with DID) but then again I also intellectually know I have memory like a seive and forget stuff all the time

And I can't remember a lot of my past, except when I start trying to connect to parts of myself, my experience and feelings I don't traditional access (or have long-term suppressed) when operating on a day-to-day level. Then I can get vivid, clear memories flooding back to the point where I almost feel like I'm there again (which is still fucking wild to me, when I'm used to my memories always being hazy and scattered!)

But like even though I'm gaining access to more of my memories, there's still a lot I don't have. And I've met (and blended with, at one point) parts of myself that restrict or open access to memories/information to different parts of my mind??

And blending with or connecting to various parts of myself has given me temporary access to memories, knowledge and traits/behaviors that I lose once we separate, which is fucking weird! Like afterwards I'll have clear memories of what blending was like and what I experienced myself saying, thinking or doing when blended, but like the wellspring of knowledge & personality that the alter brought up that generated those things isn't there anymore. And I can't really capture the same results if I try to mimic them without the connection. Also some of my alters have special interests and deep insights about stuff I've never thought deeply on or even thought about thinking deeply on & then they come blend with me and I'm infodumping & I'm like ???? :O

So like it's really cool to be introduced to my own hidden depths and to find out about parts of myself I didn't know about or thought I'd lost, but it's also still deeply frustrating to navigate trying to prove I'm a system or autistic to anybody who's skeptical or needs proof from my childhood or my family's recollections of me.

Like the adhd really hasn't been a problem to prove or talk about to others, but the plurality is mostly internal or is stuff I explore alone (bc it makes me feel vulnerable or weird, and generally talking about it feels like trying to describe a weird dream or a paranormal encounter to someone).

And the autism... How do I prove autism to my therapist when my brain has restricted my access to most of my childhood memories, and my family members also have shit memories (possibly bc of their own neurodivergence)? And what childhood behavior of mine is remembered by myself/others is influenced by the unique blend of my neurodivergent traits plus the hidden, subconscious work my mind learned to do & dissociate from in order to keep me functioning on the day to day.

Like the more I learn about my own brain via my system & the more I connect to my true self in its various parts, the more solid I feel in that feeling I've always had that part of the reason my surface-self is so scatterbrained and foggy most of the time is bc a LOT of thinking, processing, remembering & feeling has been happening where I can't reach.

And that's probably been happening since I was a small child, too. I feel like my smart, sensitive and intuitive little brain internalized a lot of stuff in its quest of trying to grow up & fit in & function, and a lot of autistic traits that may otherwise become a noticeable pattern in some children came out a few times for me, got a negative response from others, and bc of that I repressed and dissociated from them. Or the traits others didn't like that I couldn't subconsciously repress I learned to consciously repress or hide, bc even when I didn't understand why I had them I knew they were undesirable.

(Also, side note, I get the feeling I developed as an osdd system that has an always-fronting shell alter to handle day to day life smoothly is bc of this slow, imperceptible poison drip kinda ND trauma and repression.)

So if I'm right on this theory, then it both shows how damn resourceful & adaptive my brain has always been, and would further confirm why I'm completely screwed on ever proving my autism to someone who needs proof of patterns in my childhood behavior to diagnose/believe me.

Like the biggest, most significant breakthrough I've ever had in my life towards healing & really reconnecting with myself after years spent in burnout & depression came only bc I asked myself "hey, what if I might be autistic?" & then had a sudden, clear experience of meeting other alters... and yet those are the 2 possible diagnoses I may never be able to officially confirm.

#the inverlife #personal #rambling

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nagitoedit · 1 year

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read an article thats half good and half bad and the half good part is "people are being very immature in todays world and desperately trying to deny responsibility for their actions and deny their responsibility to try and take care of the world and people around them" and then the bad half is "you are infantilizing yourself by having memory issues and by liking trivial stupid baby things like stuffed animals"

specifically it said "We are a generation of adult babies [...] It’s there in the notion that people with ADHD can’t text back their friends because they lack object permanence (a skill that babies develop at eight months old)."

which. yes many people rely too much on their disorders or neurodivergencies to like. absolve them of basic human responsibilities but i also need whoever wrote this to understand that some people genuinely do have memory loss issues that they cannot control. it makes their lives so much harder and can be genuinely really really upsetting to have to live with but god forbid you have to remind them to respond to your text or something so horrible and awful like that. like why dont YOU learn some patience and compassion for your disabled friends.

#hope you die go to hell etcetcetc #get normal about disabled people

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forkaround · 1 year

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this whole debate in BL fandom and really fandom in general about 'pure things are the best'. It's not always framed that way but you read between the lines and that's what it boils down to, that anything problematic is inherently bad. It's reductive and lacks all nuance and the reason I mention it is because lately I'm seeing it in my own writing. Now mind you I'm a loner by nature (Very Kim Theerapanyakul of me tbh) it's not the best or healthiest thing out there but I don't have anyone irl who is into fandom let alone BL fandom so maybe these opinions are affecting me more than they would someone with similar minded friends but point is - I'm noticing that as I'm plotting or basically throwing ideas at a WIP seeing what sticks, I've found myself repeating what these takes say. For eg: I've been working on Unravel which has two pairings where one of each pairing is neurodivergent. The BL part - AarushVarun pairing is not giving me any problems but the GL part - SaviNishita is so very very difficult to write. Primarily because I keep needing it to be unproblematic given that Nishita is Autistic. I don't know why Varun having ADHD isn't giving me the same problems but that might have something to do with my own biases or internalized misogyny.

I switched from working on better WIPs to this one, which has been troubling me for months because I recently started living with my parents and Nishita... I'll just come out and say it... Nishita is a self-insert. Thing is though, she is not by any means the first self-insert I've written. I have Hayley who is deeply troubled and would have been burned at the stake some hundred of years ago and she isn't even queer. I bring it up to say I've not really had that problem where the self-inset becomes a Mary Sue that everyone just likes and she has all the abilities and powers that are necessary for the plot. So it's befuddling that I'm struggling with Nishita. And over and over again I come to an idea that would be really cool to explore in it's most obvious theme - consent, determination, childhood trauma and memory loss, power, etc. And over and over again I'm noticing myself reject the ideas because AUTISTIC(TM) and thus she has to be a decent person.

See the difference in Hayley and Nishita, which I realize as I'm writing this, is Hayley is never canonically called to be autistic. It's unmistakably there. But it's never canonically confirmed. She has a diagnosis of major psychotic depression (also self-insert) and later on generalized anxiety. But even they come much later in the story as convincing her, despite the fact that she is self-aware of this, and her convincing herself and not seeing it as a weakness is a thing that needs to happen first. And her mental health is not the center focus of the stories. It's all the loner detective shenanigans she gets up to while she pins for her ex-serial killer bf. (It's a whole thing and not a spoiler)

But making Nishita explicitly Autistic even just to myself makes her all the more difficult to write for because I keep anticipating what the audience will perceive it as. I want it to be honest but also want to be 'not-problematic'. It's instinct with this character. I keep painting her the victim over and over again, I keep seeing her as powerless and baby-fying her because this non-nuanced internet culture has somehow stuck it into my head that NDs or mentally ill people should never ever ever be the villain in any capacity which is weird since I have no intention of making Nishita a villain.

I am, for the most part, aware of my own cognitive dissonance. I am aware that it shouldn't be like this. However, it's the explicit nature of the diagnosis, which is very, very important to the story I initially wanted to tell, is what is holding me back. I am looking for solutions. The first being to write the story and then worry about reactions. But as my self insert would suggest, I have all those things and instead of it being easy, somehow it's harder to write it.

(Feeling cute, might delete this later)

#writing #autistic character #adhd characters #neurodivergent characters #bl fandom #wip: unravel #wip: hayley #midnight thought vomit

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knotmagickstudios · 1 year

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ADHD/Autism Diagnosis as an adult, part 5

Part 4 can be found here.

Appointment number 3 with the neuropsych was super exciting for me because it was medication day!

I normally don't talk about the specifics of my meds, but in this case it's important. I'm not advocating for any specific medication, or for medication in general, but this is my experience. If you need meds to keep your brain from exploding, please take meds. They really do help, even though they can be scary to contemplate!

So, to recap: I went to my doctor for my extreme and long lasting fatigue, which has been causing things like brain fog, difficulty understanding/remembering instructions, short term memory loss, etc. Because I have both fatigue and insomnia, she suggested I get tested for ADHD.

The neuropsych diagnosed me with mild ADHD with very low dopamine, and autism. Because I was hesitant to start a new brain med with everything going on, we waited until appointment 3 of 4 do discuss medication. We did talk about options a little bit earlier on, and I explained why I was hesitant: I already take medication for anxiety/depression, so I want something that's going to play nice with those meds. Second, because of my sleep issues, I didn't want to start on a stimulant until my sleep was under control because I didn't want to mess things up further. He listened, understood, and agreed with my concerns, so we put medication on hold for the time being.

This process started on January 1. December 1, my energy levels just crashed and took my immune system with it. I had zero energy and got sick twice between Christmas and the first week of January. I put my writing and creative work on hiatus until further notice because I just had no energy and couldn't meet any kind of deadlines. All I wanted to do was sleep. I felt like trash.

Between appointments 2 and 3 I had a brainwave that made me feel like an absolute idiot: A big chunk of my sleep problems were caused by sensory issues. I made some changes to my bedding, night clothes, and general sleep set up, and it helped a lot. It's not perfect. I'm not where I want to be. But I feel a lot better and can do more than I could in December.

But back to the meds. Because I was feeling both desperate for relief and more stable than I was before, I felt ready to start a new medication. Essentially, there are 2 options for ADHD: Stimulants (like Ritalin) and "off label" meds. These off label meds are usually designed for depression, but because they increase dopamine levels they also help with ADHD, which is exacerbated by low dopamine. I'm already taking Lexapro, which increases serotonin levels. We didn't want to mess with the Lexapro since it's working, so he suggested adding Stelara, which is the med that plays nicest with Lexapro. I was still worried about things like mood swings or severe reactions that might impact my day job--I'm already having trouble with details, focus, etc, and didn't want them to get even worse.

We spent most of the 30 minute appointment going over the side effects, what to look out for, and how to manage them. Most of the side effects are things I'm either already experiencing due to my chronic illness. The main dangers to look out for were extreme jumps or drops in blood pressure. The rest of the side effects were typically temporary and are supposed to go away after a week or two. The medication itself could take a few days to a month to reach full effectiveness.

We decided the smartest course of action was to start me on a half dose (25mg) for 2 weeks, and then go up to the recommended 40mg at our next appointment.

So far I've been on this new med for about 4 days. The only side effect I've noticed is that it's even harder than usual to regulate my body temperature (I can go from freezing when I'm sitting still to being covered in sweat the instant I move), but that's the only side effect I seem to have. I can't judge my sleep too well because my cat has been an asshole for the last four nights and keeps waking me up for food at 4am, so it's hard to judge things like quality of sleep or fatigue levels.

I am open to adding a stimulant later on, but I want to get some other things evened out first since most of the people I know who have issues with ADHD meds have them with the stimulants. Also, right now meds like Ritalin are hard to get, so I really don't need the headache of withdrawal symptoms or trying to find a pharmacy with it in stock. Hopefully in a few months my sleep will be better, my fatigue will improve, and the inventory issues will clear up, and we can talk about it more then.

So that's where things are. I have 1 more regular appointment, and then we're going to schedule a follow up for some point in the future. I know I was super lucky to get a GP and a neuropsych who have been so great, and that isn't the experience of everyone in this boat. I hope that if you are considering or are trying to get a diagnosis, you get providers who have been as great as these two (trust me, I've dealt with some shit doctors in the past few months, including one who flat out refused to see me).

As always, I'm happy to answer any questions.

#adhd #autism #meds #chronic illness #diagnosis #adult diagnosis

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stary-night · 9 months

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Vent, TW: Dissociation

So I'm doing better now but I just got out of a really bad mental health spiral from overworking myself last school year and I just realized I barely remember anything from that year. I can't remember the material from the classes I took that year, I can't remember some conversations that my friends say we had. And I remember experiencing it, like objectively what type of activities/clubs I did, generally that I hung out with my friends and partner but I only remember a few distinct days or events with more detail. I still dissociate in class but nothing as bad as last year.

I'm really scared because I had some short dissociative episodes (I experience depersonalization/derealization with some time-loss) during the summer and some short but intense feelings of depression from time to time. I feel fine now but I'm worried it's going to come back. I've spent so much of my life not fully present; I just want to be here and not lose any more memories and be able to actually learn stuff from college.

I'm not sure what to do now that I'm in a more stable place - I could try therapy again but I kept on getting triggered and dissociating so it might just make it worse. I was also supposed to formally get diagnosed with ADHD, which could be part of it, but I had to stop therapy due to being out of the state and am unsure if I should restart it again. If anyone has any experience with managing dissociation or general advice I'd love to hear it.

#dissociation #dpdr

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chiropractor-near-me-raleigh · 11 months

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The Basic Principles, & Features, of Neurofeedback Therapy

Having a tough time sleeping at night? Or are you finding it hard to maintain your attention when you read, or do something else? Well if you are answering yes to any of these conditions, and worse you’re performing poorly at school or at work too, then you could be suffering from anxiety (or some other psychological condition). And, if you’d like to overcome these without using medications (because you fear that your liver may bear the brunt), then perhaps I could suggest something safer like, neurofeedback therapy Chapel Hill ! Here’s a sneak peek at the basic principles, and salient features, of this truly innovative treatment form.

Early Origins of Neurofeedback Therapy

According to experts of alternative medicine, neurofeedback therapy Chapel Hill is a drug-free program of improving a person’s brain waves. This has been shown, through hundreds of published studies, to have helped patients who suffer from insomnia, anxiety, concussion, memory loss due to aging, addiction and ADHD.

Neurofeedback was noted to have begun in the 1950s and 1960s, with a doctor named Joe Kamiya conducting a series of studies using EEG, or electroencephalogram, to look at a person’s consciousness. Dr. Kamiya found that by using a simple reward system, his subjects could positively change their brain activity.

Another physician named Dr. Barry Sterman later worked with cats to alter their brain activity, through giving them treats whenever they responded in the “right” way. His study aimed at teaching the cats to increase their sensory motor rhythm, and the cats learned to change their brain patterns to get the treats.

A couple of years later, Dr. Sterman worked with NASA to test the effects of lunar landing fuel exposure, once again using cats in the experiment. When the cats were exposed to the fuel, their brains showed instability. Initially, the cats became drowsy, and then developed headaches then seizures.

However, before the animal rights activists who read this begin protesting, what’s so surprising is that the animals did not experience any deadly effects, because their previous training (or experiments) seemed to have made their brains more resistant to the toxic fuel.

The Benefits of Neurofeedback

According to the proponents of neurofeedback therapy Chapel Hill, brain waves determine how a person feels, interacts with others, and determines how we sleep or organize who we are.

The proponents further add that neurofeedback therapy Chapel Hill helps the person to harmonize their brain waves naturally (without using medications). During a typical session, the person’s brain “learns” how to bring abnormally slow or fast brain waves into the normal range.

During a typical neurofeedback therapy Chapel Hill session, an EEG technician places a cap on a person’s head, one which has 20 holes in certain places. Gel, which usually feels cold on a person’s scalp, is then placed in each of the holes, and sensors are embedded into each of the holes, with each sensor being able to record the brain’s electrical impulses.

The individual’s brain waves are then compared with a normative database, and a map is generated to show which parts of the brain are too fast, or which parts are too sluggish. The specialist will then help the individual move his or her brain waves towards the normal range, in order for them to feel calmer and more focused.

The therapy’s supporters also add that neurofeedback therapy Chapel Hill can be very beneficial for people who suffer from various types of addictions, eating disorders, chronic fatigue syndrome, migraine headaches, learning disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and insomnia. It can even be helpful with anger management, as well as pain management.

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tetrisfinished · 1 year

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life keeps on moving on and on and on

ramzan mubarak friends! for those of you that partake in this holy month, may all your prayers and worship be accepted and may your experience be beautiful and your soul be refreshed.

for those of you that don't here's a quick tl;dr on ramzan. it is a month during which muslims fast from dawn to dusk (no food, no drink, and yes....not even water lol). we call it ramzan because that is in fact the name of this month in our lunar calendar. the end of ramzan signifies a happy celebration for us and it is called the day of eid ul fitr.

there's, that's a rough idea for you.

it's here, and today is the first day of fasting around the world. this year i've decided to be intentional about fasting and praying and especially actually waking up and having sehri (the meal you eat before the fast starts in the morning). and also this year, i'm going to stop STOP stop STOP STOP STOP associating any wild idea of weight loss with this month.

yes, it has happened in the past, and i've started to feel like it's a quick month of loss but today i'm saying here - i should not do that and so i will stop. part of the reason i didn't have sehri was because my brain kept deciding that it would help with weight loss.

in general though, i've decided to....give up on my weight loss journey. i'm 32 - i think it's high time i shift my focus to my health and make that the journey i'm on. so i'm trying.

i've been trying to get a walk in everyday, i've been trying to actually limit my eating habits (again not because of weight loss, but because they're unhealthy and generally out of late night cravings when really at those hours of the night i SHOULD be sleeping...). i've been trying to get better sleep habits.

all of these things i've been trying - but without much success, i won't lie to you.

also beyond all of this, i'm in a bad state (i feel) with my own mental health. maybe my mental load capacity is more limited than others, but i constantly feel like i'm only ever underachieving by the standard set out by other adults around me. my friends, my family.

and this will lead me to probably the stupidest thing i will claim in this post. which is...thanks to tiktok, i'm almost 100% certain that i've got ADHD. i somehow started watching these videos and realized everything being said about and for folks with ADHD was INCREDIBLY close to my own experience in life.

my working memory is AWFUL. my brain is usually in constant chaos. there are times when i will have time and capability to complete a task but i'm literally paralyzed by the overwhelming nature of that task that i LITERALLY SIT AROUND AND WASTE THAT TIME. that is, of course, until a few hours/days before it's due and the sense of urgency is what grips me the hardest.

i constantly feel like i need a break and i'm constantly burnt out. new and novel things go from being the MOST INTERESTING THINGS IN THE WORLD to all of a sudden a blip on my radar because i've just LOST INTEREST IN THEM. i'm unable to keep down habits - this one is big! i could be doing something for multiple months and yet still one day without it and the habit is broken no problem...

the craziest thing about all of this is....i truly and really thought that all of this stuff was 100% normal! and excuse my language here....i don't mean to suggest that i'm calling myself abnormal....but i am definitely different and differently capable.

so anyway, i've got an appointment with my doctor to hopefully be able to speak with someone who can help me with an actual diagnosis. i feel like knowing it for a fact and allowing myself to accept this part of me and WORK THROUGH IT the way that it's been proven rather than forcing my brain to just continue to change the way it naturally operates will be a huge stepping stone in my life.

the other thing that i need therapy for....like serious fucking therapy....is my marriage.

breaking news - just in: marriage is tough as fucking balls.

ya, what else is new, right?

anyway. that's all i wan to say about that right now.

and that's how my life is rolling around so far.

much love to you all. i wish for you peace and the ability to decipher between what problems are in your control and solve-able vs what you simply have to decide to let go of.

-k

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sunny-satellites · 1 year

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I figured I should do a check-in post. It’s been a while since I was really active anywhere. Right now I’m distracting myself from my certification studies for a moment while I research ADHD medications.

Some general CWs apply below, nothing really graphic but just mentions. I’m not going to trauma dump.

It’s been a really rough almost two months, late jan I came within a few hours of ending my life. Snapped out of it, made my way to inpatient and took a ten day assessment where I’ve been medicated for the first time in a decade. Feels kind of bad that it took me so long to take this first step, but it’s helping.

I had a really bad experience with my medication the first time around 2014, and wound up going through it without more after a near death experience but I hadn’t realized that abject misery had become my default state and I lived with it, assuming that this is how it had to be.

The reason for suicidal ideation getting as out of control as it did it that it’s just always been there, in the background. For maybe about 9-10 years. It’s been the ghost that only I can perceive, just sort of always out of reach and out of sight but never out of mind. Pair that with the bad break up in sept that was the culmination of three months of really bad emotional abuse, and I started to just always feel like everything should end in my death. Didn’t matter how big or small or whatever the incident was, I just couldn’t bring myself to say I wanted to live any longer.

That’s past, kind of, to say that it’s still there but things are getting better. I spoke with my mother a few times while I was in inpatient. She apologized for the long term abuse I went through, and promised some help for the future and my transition, which it means a lot that she’s willing to help me heal even if the things I went through were rarely her fault. I would say that this too has been a thing that’s constantly on my mind. I didn’t exactly luck out and get a loving family- being a teenage runaway at 16, the memory of how nobody came looking for me and from that moment on I was on my own still sits in the pit of my stomach in low moments. I have a couple friends who have my back too, and one old friend who I thought had.. well, hated me, weirdly enough.

CSA survivor, long term abuse survivor, multiple times attempted murder survivor, suicide survivor. I don’t like putting it to terms in highly visible places, but I’ve wanted to be vulnerable for so long and just.. couldn’t. I think I need to force myself to put some of my fears aside, for now. As long as I haven’t taken the time to heal, those words are part of me. I’m learning that after a very long discussion of triggers and causes/effects with a good therapist what my last therapist diagnosed as Borderline is probably more accurately an awful case of PTSD from just living a fraught life for so long. So taking it on myself to go through therapy and also study history/methodology and understanding the symptamology of what I’ve been stubbornly living with for so long helps.

When I asked for help as I was going through the worst abuses at the hands of my step-dad, my family just universally shrugged it off and excused him. Worse are the more esoteric punishments, living under duress and threat of isolation, harm, and having my support taken away; and the horrible long term trauma and fear I lived through during that. And then severe depression constantly paired by loss, loneliness and poverty throughout my early adult-hood. I’m still trying to learn how to process it in a way that doesn’t demean or dismiss myself, and all of it culminates in this steep, emotional incline. It’s hard to figure out where things end on some days, but slowly things are getting better. I’m in therapy once to twice a week, and finally medicated and hopefully going to get something to help my adhd soon.

I’ve started practicing hacking again, this time from an ethical side of things and not.. well. If you know, you know. I have a long term goal to get OffSec certified even if that goal is a couple years minimum down the line, but finally facing the music and realizing I.. don’t really want to spend another four to six years getting my licensure for psychiatry. So I’m backing up and taking a different route instead of dwelling on it. I don’t think I’m built for it, just with the sort of trauma I’ve lived through. That might change one day, maybe. Who knows.

Having energy to do things once in a while is nice, but right now everything is still kind of a struggle. Still in a mental health crisis, just, managing to contain everything while I figure out the first steps to heal.

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milkmor0 · 1 year

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Benefits Of Gir Cow Ghee In Ahmedabad

It is a type of clarified butter that has been used for centuries in Indian cooking. Since ghee has a higher smoke point than butter, it is often used in Indian cooking. A2 pure ghee Online manufactured by Milkmor has many health benefits. Milkmor is renowned for making Gir cow ghee in Ahmedabad. This blog covers Desi Gir Cow Ghee Benefits for our wellbeing.

A2 Cow Ghee? What is it?

There are two types of beta-casein protein in cow's milk: A1 beta-casein protein and A2 beta-casein protein. Recent studies appear to indicate that A2 protein is healthier than A1 protein. A2 ghee is made with A2 milk, which contains A2 beta-casein exclusively. Only a few native Indian cow varieties contain this type of protein. Milkmor in Ahmedabad uses only A2 cows to make Gir cow ghee. Gir Cow Ghee has many benefits, including nutritionally being a good source of A, D, E, and K. It aids in the administration of many Ayurvedic medications and treatments. It is also used in several religious rituals.

A2 Desi Ghee: How is it Made?

Milkmor Gir cow ghee in Ahmedabad. Kalyan A2 Ghee Online is made from pure-breed, premium-quality milk from gir cows. Milkmor A2 Desi Gir Cow Ghee is made using the traditional "Wooden-Churned Bilona Process" which minimizes heat generation and preserves the maximum amount of nutrients. Due to its exclusive beta-casein protein, our hand-churned A2 gir cow ghee contains the benefits of desi cow ghee because it is made from the A2 milk of Indian desi cows. By using a bilona, pure A2 milk is converted into curd and then churned into butter. This butter is then cooked over a wood fire in a pot made of cow dung cake to produce pure, healthy, nutrient-dense A2 desi ghee. A2 ghee contains a variety of key vitamins, such as vitamins A, E, K, and D, which are essential nutrients that strengthen immunity and are added benefits of desi cow ghee as well. Additionally, A2 ghee enhances gut health, which improves digestion by detoxifying or purifying the entire body, which improves gut health. Additionally, A2 desi ghee provides the body with a balanced balance of antioxidants and anti-inflammatory compounds, which in turn prevents many diseases. A2 desi ghee is also beneficial for increasing bone density.

Benefits of A2 Desi Cow Ghee

Let's take a look at benefits of desi cow ghee

1. Ghee is a digestive stimulant (A2).

The fact that A2 ghee strengthens and controls the digestive system is one of its main advantages. The lower chain fatty acid concentration of A2 ghee makes it easier to absorb and enhances the release of several enzymes as well. For those with digestive problems, A2 Desi Gir Cow Ghee will make their meals break down more smoothly and effectively. It has been proven to relieve constipation and remove toxins from the colon by consuming one tablespoon of A2 ghee with lukewarm water every day.

2. Provides Weight Control

No matter if you want to gain or lose weight, A2 ghee can help. It is believed that conjugated linoleic acid (CLA), which is found in A2 ghee, can improve metabolic conversion, which can result in weight loss and belly fat loss. It has been shown that A2 ghee is capable of reducing insulin resistance and lowering diabetes risk.

3. Helps in holistic development of children.

I believe that children can benefit greatly from A2 Ghee because it houses their body, promotes the proper development of their bones, brains, muscles, and other body parts, as well as reducing dental decay in your kids. An added bonus is that it also serves as an energy booster.

4. Provides nutrition for children

It helps to increase brain power or serves as a brain tonic for sharp intellect and memory. Because it is enriched with Omega 3 and 6 fatty acids, it also lowers the likelihood of ADHD and other neurological conditions. As well as providing sufficient energy for children's growth, A2 Ghee provides a wide range of fat-soluble vitamins that are important to providing adequate nutrition and enhancing immunity. It has always been a fantastic component of many Ayurvedic treatments, and it also plays a crucial role in the promotion of health due to the fact that pure cow ghee plays such an important role in promoting good health.

5. Supplies Skin Care Nutrition

In addition to soothing the skin, A2 desi ghee can also be used to treat various skin constituents when applied to dry or even burned skin. In addition to providing softness and suppleness to your lips, ghee can also help relieve the chapping of your lips. Besides promoting the health and glow of your skin, hair, and nails, ghee is also well known for improving the health, glow, and radiance of your skin, hair, and nails if you consume milk before bedtime.

6. Healthy, Strong Bones

There is one fat-soluble vitamin included in A2 ghee called vitamin K2. This vitamin is essential for maintaining bone density and is one of the fat-soluble vitamins in A2 ghee. Using vitamin K2 in the right dosage can help prevent tooth decay in children and adults as well as support healthy bone development and growth. It can also prevent bone degeneration.

7. Increased Smoke Point

Compared to cooking oils, A2 ghee has a higher smoke/burning point, meaning that it releases no free radicals or impure gases when heated at a high temperature, as opposed to cooking oils, which are characterized by producing harmful smoke when heated at high temperatures.

8. Neutralizes Bladder Pain

A spoonful of A2 ghee taken in the morning helps relieve bladder pain, and A2 ghee and garlic cloves can aid in the treatment of chronic fever.

9. Ensure the Health of Arteries

Having high levels of vitamin K2 in A2 ghee can reduce the amount of calcium that builds up in the arteries, the arteries are protected and healthy blood cholesterol is kept at a healthy level.

10. Heals Injury

Furthermore, A2 ghee helps hasten the healing process of external wounds as well as treating internal injuries.

11. Encourages a Healthier Pregnancy

In order to ensure the fetus is healthy and gets a strong immune system for a normal birth, choose A2 cow ghee as a crucial component of their diet during pregnancy as it may moisturise the body and provide essential vitamins, minerals, and fatty acids to the future mother.

Conclusion

We all know that ghee is essential for our health and wellbeing, however, it must be made from cow's milk and be of a high quality. Only ghee can enhance our bones and internal organs while also providing us with nutrition. The best way to keep your health is to buy authentic and unadulterated A2 Ghee online. Desi Gir Cow Ghee, made from pure desi cow milk, is always good for you. It contains a huge amount of good fats, which improve our overall health and well-being. There is a recommended daily intake of three spoonfuls of Gir Cow Ghee for the general health of adults. Gir Cow Ghee Benefits have long been lauded by Ayurveda as "healing food." The A2 ghee, which is a key source of nutrients for the cells in the body system as it enhances cell renewal and treats all the internal organs, is said to act as a lubricant when added to warm desi cow milk at night. As the age-old Bilona technique is used to make the authentic Desi cow ghee, it becomes crucial to consume it. If you would like more information or to place an order for 100% pure desi cow A2 Ghee, which is made according to the Vedic tradition, you can visit https://www.milkmor.com/. We are your best source for A2 ghee online.

#Gir Cow Ghee in Ahmedabad #cow ghee #best cow ghee in ahmedabad #best pure cow ghee in india #gir cow ghee #best cow ghee #pure ghee #a2 gir cow ghee #best cow milk in india

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turing-tested · 3 years

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third person memories person here, i also wanted to say i experience time loss in a similar way, i even keep track of my days to the hour via journaling which i was able to implement in an attempt to help my adhd time blindness (which i'm starting to feel like maybe my adhd experiences have some crossover w did but i digress) and even with that i know i still dissociate, my time blindness is a lot better, i'm less stuck when i have a Thing in two hours because i know how much i can do in an hour, unfortunately my.. medium length time? is still easy to lose and i think that's from dissociation, so while i may be able to, via journal, be like "awesome i did this thing for an hour :)" i might still be like "WAIT IT'S SUNDAY???" or "no... there's no way that happened a WEEK ago ????" i can generally tell when another part of my brain has been in charge due to discrepancies in a timeline i would give, like one day i might say "oh yeah this week we did a, b, f, and g !!" whereas later i might be like "oh i liked doing c and d, oh and i know we mustve done a and b too" yknow?? anyway i just think it's neat and it's frustrating how abstract trying to explain this stuff can be so i really appreciate the stuff you post about your experiences

oh I like this and it's nice to get this perspective on it! if you don't mind, I'd love to know what you use to journal/remind yourself with

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cronchy-bones · 5 years

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Adhd things that need to be talked more about (because adhd is more than just not being able to focus)

Short term memory loss. Seriously, I forget things that are said to me 5 minutes ago or will forget I opened a soda and will have 3 open cans by the end of the day with none of them finished. A lot of people don't know about this, and so they think that I don't care enough to listen to what their saying (which I do!!! I just can't remember it) or that I'm lazy because of all the things I don't end up doing because I forgot I had to do them.

Lack of motivation. Listen, I honestly can't do anything on my own for the most part. I have to have someone else tell me to do something or have them set goals for me because it's so damn difficult for me to do it myself. Again, I'm not lazy, I just have trouble doing things on my own

Language processing difficulties. Sometimes, English and words in general don't work out in my head. Reading or even listening to someone talk can be extremely difficult for me to understand because my brain just won't work. Why? Can't tell you 99% of the time! It's not that I need to focus, it's that my brain is just buffering.

Needing multiple forms of stimulation at all times. I have a tin of putty that I keep in my book bag and a smaller one I keep in my purse at all times because of this reason. If I want to learn anything at school, I have to be able to look at something, hear something, and have something to do with my hands. Otherwise, it's probably a big nope for me. What's frustrating is that since this isn't talked about enough, I often get called childish or get looked down upon because I have to play with silly putty in a highschool class.

Hyperfixation. Adhd can mean not being able to focus, but it's also focusing too much on something! This can mean anything from a certain interest someone is in to at that moment, to something like a song that has been stuck in your head for a week. People seem to not understand this and think that we're boring and have nothing else to talk about or that we're annoying because we keep bringing the same things up over and over again but that's not the case. Trust me, I'm annoyed with the hit or miss song too, but at least it's not playing in your head constantly like it is for me

These are all the ones I can think of right now, but it's really important we talk about this stuff more. All of these things that come with adhd can be very frustrating for those around us because they don't understand that we can't help it. To an outsider, it may just look like a person with adhd is just lazy and doesn't care, when it's actually just how our brains are wired. None of us want to be frustrating to others!! In fact, all of this frustrates us too!! But since adhd is just known as "not being able to focus", people don't realize what all comes with it and how it can really fuck everyone over.

Please add more if you can think of anything else!! I'm horrible with lists lol

#adhd #actually adhd #adhd problems #adhdlife #mental health #hyperfixation #long post #mine

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autistic-beshelar · 4 years

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Neurodivergent Link Headcanons (BOTW)

Here are... my headcanons for ND Link! I’ve tried to put them in fairly concise bullet points so hopefully they make sense. A lot of the autistic/adhd traits overlap, but I’ve put them in separate sections just to try and make this easier to read

Headcanons under the cut!

Autism:

- sensory seeking! Link needs constant stimulation and his preferred sensory input is touch, whether it’s rubbing his palms over tree bark or smushing his face in soft pillows. Auditory and visual stimulation are good too, but he’s very, very tactile. Of course taste is another big thing for him, he loves cooking and trying out new food and exploring different tastes, whether it’s sweet or spicy or sour, the stronger the better.

- he stims. SO MUCH. he has so many stims that I’m going to make a separate post to include all of them, but the main ones are rocking and flapping his hands.

- very good with gross motor skills, generally good with fine motor skills but there are a select few he struggles with - he has very poor handwriting, has to focus tying shoelaces, struggles washing his hair, overestimates how hard he’s brushing his teeth and makes his gums bleed

- poor interoception. Has a hard time telling when he’s hungry, or tired, or in pain. Sometimes he will walk around with an injury and not realise until he sees blood. Finds it hard to recognise negative sensations and his body tends to just interpret them as discomfort.

- very good at recognising and deciphering expressions and body language, but not particularly good at (or interested in) emulating it. He’s very astute and can pick up on microexpressions and hidden glances and the like, and can work out people’s true feelings or motivations, but in a social context he’s not necessarily good at responding to it.

- easily picks up on small details and notices things others don’t - this can be related to the former point, but also just in general. Also very good at pattern recognition which lends itself well to solving shrines.

- nonverbal. Mostly uses sign to communicate, or noises (usually with animals or people he’s comfortable with). Can occasionally manage to speak in short bursts when he has to, but it’s few words and usually stuttered, and if he gets at all stressed (which he often does if he’s forced to talk) he won’t be able to say much of anything. He can talk a little around Sidon and Zelda, they’re pretty much the only he feels comfortable enough to be verbal with, and they understand the way he talks and are patient when he’s slow or gets words mixed up.

- difficulty with eye contact. Either too little or too much, though usually it’s the former. He only tends to stare at people if he likes them, or if he’s angry with them or trying to make them uncomfortable

- echo echo lalia. Loves to repeat fun noises, especially animal noises, but sometimes words (sees a dog and just goes doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy for the next hour). He does this with sign as well, but tends to prefer making fun mouth sounds

- special interests in food and horses! Those twins at the stable were right. That’s all that’s on his mind. Food and horses. He really loves trying out new ingredient combinations and exploring different tastes. And he knows a great many horse facts.

- forms connections with animals more easily than with people. This is partly because when he first left the Shrine of Resurrection he was alone in the wilderness, and partly because he doesn’t really talk, but it’s also just an autism thing. People are friendly to him, but he doesn’t tend to form deep connections with them like he does with animals.

- can tell the time by the position of the sun in the sky but can’t read a clock. What are those numbers on the slate. It’s a mystery!

- has mild visual processing issues, mostly struggles to focus on things like screens or pages, things look blurry or strangely coloured, or have a weird overlay.

ADHD:

- inattentive AND hyperactive AND impulsive, a triple threat

- gets the Zoomies. Often ends up conking out afterwards. Will run around chasing frogs all day and then just fall asleep in the middle of a field

- Can’t Stay Still. Has To Bounce Leg.

- nonexistent sleep schedule. Granted, he doesn’t sleep well or regularly what with travelling all over Hyrule, but even without that his sleep would be terrible

- sometimes zones out in the middle of a conversation. Good luck guessing whether he’s having a seizure or if he’s just thinking really hard about jellyfish

- alternatively, he will hyperfocus. Very good at hyperfocusing on shrines, or anything that involves challenges. Also good at hyperfocusing on physical activities.

- executive functioning… what’s that. Link doesn’t know. Link can’t organise to save his life and honestly thank god for the sheikah slate because without it he’d be screwed. Cannot schedule, cannot plan, cannot organise.

- thrillseeking!!! He gets easily understimulated and needs adrenaline to survive. Will do anything remotely dangerous for fun and profit.

- often thinks very quickly, usually jumping quickly from one thing to the next, but only about certain subjects (usually related to animals, nature, food, chaotic activities) and usually when he’s full of adrenaline. Although other times, especially when he’s tired, it’s just. Dial up noises. Head empty

- focus juice… for mentally taxing activites? Nonexistent.

Expressive language disorder:

(It used to be separated into receptive language disorder, expressive language disorder, or mixed, but these days it’s lumped together into developmental language disorder. However I use expressive language disorder for link because he specifically only has problems with expressive language (forming his own words) and not receptive language (understanding other people’s words)).

- gets words in the wrong order

- sometimes replaces a word with something else, especially if the signs are similar

- has difficulty with tenses (more so in verbal speech)

- often misses out words completely

- has quite a large vocabulary, but struggles with word recall. Will sometimes remember the word he meant to use hours later

- often flaps his hands in an attempt to remember a word, if he can’t think of it he will try to find an alternative

- c a n n o t s p e l l. Sometimes when he doesn’t know the sign for something, he’ll try to fingerspell it, but if the word is hard to spell he’ll try and find an alternative

- finds sign much easier than spoken language, because its grammatical structure (particularly how it uses tenses and combines language with muscle memory) is simpler to use for him, and because it’s so expressive he finds it easier to get his point across

- his language disorder is a part of why he’s nonverbal (as well as that he has a bit of a stutter), so signing in general is just much easier, though not everyone knows sign, and he isn’t fluent himself.

Epilepsy:

- has temporal lobe epilepsy

- mostly gets absence seizures and focal seizures

- absence seizures (essentially his brain ‘switching off’) are his more common ones. They usually only last a couple of seconds, and tend to look like he’s just distracted or zoning out (which he also does because of ADHD), though sometimes his eyelids will flicker, or if he’s walking or doing something he’ll suddenly stop, and go back to it like nothing happened. He isn’t aware of them at all. If they happen during something like a conversation with someone, he’ll just dismiss it as being distracted, though he does start to notice when he has longer absences and misses whole sentences, or has clusters of absences.

- focal aware seizures (auras) usually present as deja-vu, intense fear, or out of body feelings. He doesn’t realise they’re seizures for a while, since he experiences these anyway, and attributes the deja-vu to the memory loss, but eventually learns to tell them apart because his auras tend to come on very suddenly, though they can last a while

- he also gets focal impaired awareness ones, which tend to happen more when he’s very tired, especially when waking up/going to sleep. When he gets auras he’s still completely aware of his surroundings (and usually doesn’t have trouble moving, unless it’s a particularly bad one), but with impaired awareness he gets drowsy and confused, and won’t understand what people are saying

- usually his focal seizures stay just that, but sometimes they will become tonic-clonic seizures. This is usually only when he’s exhausted/injured/extremely stressed/otherwise worn down. Most of the time his auras come on soon enough to warn him he might have a worse seizure, so he can go somewhere safe (at least, once he realises he’s epileptic

- they’re arguably the mildest, but his absence seizures at the most dangerous, even though they’re usually short, because he gets no warning for them. He usually gets them a couple of times a day (especially waking up/going to sleep), but he gets them more frequently if he’s very tired, and if he gets absence clusters it makes it really hard to do anything.

- his main triggers are sleep deprivation, missing meals, extreme stress, and extreme heat. Which is unfortunate considering he spends his time running around Hyrule on no sleep and forgets to eat all the time.

in conclusion link is neurodivergent and i love him. thank u for ur time pls feel free to comment ur opinions and headcanons etc

#link #breath of the wild #the legend of zelda #also for context i am autistic + adhd #if u have epilepsy or a language disorder and i got anything wrong/said anything problematic here pls lmk!#mmm this took a long time to write bc i dont have brain cellsss #is rebloggable!#simply do not clown if u are not ND thank u #kokiri chatter

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neptunebeetle · 2 years

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UMMM FOR THE CHARACTER THING tricky madcom and steve btb . clown hell =:)

TY WIFEY i love clown hell yayye

Tricky

Sexuality Headcanon: Homosexualest ever. Gay clown <3 mlm n ace too methinks

Gender Headcanon: Trans man xenogender but i dont have anything specific in mind rlly.. he/it n various neopronouns.. maybe ill just *steals your plurgender tricky hc*

A ship I have with said character: Trickjeb is the only ever :)

A BROTP I have with said character: theres several i think.. tricky & hank enemy besties. I think audi & tricky friendship is hilarious and great. Tricky & crackpot horrible gay people friendship <3

A NOTP I have with said character: uhh hm. Im not rlly into tricky/hank idk what its called. Just not for me personally.. frankly im not very much into any other pairing w him LOL

A random headcanon: UHHHHH im bad at this part. Hrm. Well lets see.. i enjoy the hc that the improbability drive shit gave him memory loss bc its so sad and tragic which is not always my forte but… sometimes well yknow. Uhhh i think he’s autistic n doesjt have top surgery andd OH LIKE hes still really fucking smart after the whole zombie clownification . Hes just silly. I like him being super short but i also enjoy interps where hes not hehe

General Opinion over said character: love and so much of it <33 i want to squish him ^_^

Steve

Sexuality Headcanon: GAY homosexul. Men liker 😁

Gender Headcanon: nonbinary as fuckk… he/they

A ship I have with said character: the. Steve & cesare 😏 theyre divorced sometimes but i think theyre in love sorry . Why does cesare call u babygirl

A BROTP I have with said character: steve & penny have such a fun silly dynamic shes so polite to him when the others are like steve wtf BUT ALSO seeing him hang out w tim & billie is fantastic i love friendship. Explodes. Hes weird and they love him

A NOTP I have with said character: uh. IDRK i dont really see him get shipped w anyone much LOL.. im sure theres ones where if they existed id dislike very much lawl

A random headcanon: he changes size for fun. I think hes like tim height or so but he makes himself smaller or bigger just cause. I think he has things wrong with him! Theyre absolutely not human they r clown species. They live in the foodtruck. I dont think they make any profit off the business bc they dont care about money personally like they just dont need it. The job pays generously as a result. Hes adhd :]

General Opinion over said character: hes so fucking shaped and one of the funniest fucking characters ever. Steeeeeve

#u already know all these but yas #answerin asks #wife tag

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