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authorofdanger · 5 years

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Reason Of Survival Part 1

Genre:Angst

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, violence, kidnapping, and death.

Stray Kids Mafia AU

My breathing was ragged as I took another blow to my chest. It was another losing fight for me this week but what was the point in winning? Another day having the shit beaten out of me? To possibly having a full meal once a day and two smaller ones to try to motivate me more? Some clean water? A fucking shower? I dont have a good reason to keep fighting so I kept taking all the hits from my opponent. It felt like hours before I was on the ground with a broken wrist, fractured nose, bloodied face, cracked ribs, and bruises littering my entire body. It's not the worst I have endured in a fight but it's not my best either.

I was tossed back into my cell like a piece of meat and I could barely let out a cry from the pain of the impact. My hair was pulled up harshly which forced me to look my boss in his eyes. "The fuck is wrong with you? You were my top fighter for years and now you cant even win a single fight! And for what? Some cell mate you had for only a few months? Pathetic." My cell mate, Libby, died last week after losing her tenth fight. Boss decided she was no longer useful and.... well you can guess from there. She was my only friend in this hell hole and the only person I wasn't forced to fight. We took care of eachother and became eachothers motivation to keep going and keep winning. At this rate I'm not too far from joining her.

"I'm warning you. Either start winning or I will find better use for you," he warned before releasing my sore scalp and slamming my cell door shut. I crawled over to my personal first aid kit and cleaned myself up the best I could without water or a mirror. My wrist was going to have to wait until my weekly body check from my cell section's nurse. Leaning against the cool concrete wall I listened to the fights continuing the floor above me so I could have an idea of which cells would need to be cleared tonight.

*****

"Let me fucking go," a voice boomed down the hall which ripped my attention away from the fight. I glanced over through the bars and saw a boy being dragged this way by two guards. He looked young, possibly still a teen, but he was well built and looked to be a perfect candidate in the ring. His red hair was messy on top of his head and his clothes were ripped and bloody. He had to be new though because if he wasn't I'm sure I would have fought him by now. I pulled my legs to my chest to make myself small as the three of them stopped in front of my cell and the boy was tossed inside with me and locked in. "I swear to God your going to regret that when my team gets here," he yelled but the guards only laughed before leaving the hall.

I kept silent as I watched him curiously. Nobody in their right mind speaks to the guards like that unless you are a top fighter. A boy like him could get killed here and the boss wouldn't even bat an eye. He ran his hand through his hair before turning around and jumping at the sight of me. I relaxed my legs a bit when I saw all of the violence in his eyes be replaced with concern. "Are you okay," he asked. I let out a small painful laugh. "You're kidding right?" His eyes scanned around my body and stopped when it hit my wrist. "Its not nice to stare you know," I scoffed before shutting my eyes and leaning my head back, "you a new fighter or something?"

"Prisoner. I was captured while on a mission with my team." Prisoner? We dont have prisoners. We have fighters, sex workers, and the guards but not prisoners. "So a fighter? You look too innocent to be a guard and the boss doesn't typically want a baby faced male sex worker." My eyes shot back open in fear as I felt a hand gently grab my wrist but I didnt pull away. "I can wrap this. It might help." Without an answer he had a hold of my first aid kit and made a good makeshift cast. The entire time I kept my eyes on his face which held a sense of focus and care that kept me calm most of the time of contact. "You know it's not nice to stare," he mocked while finishing up. I rolled my eyes but chose to ignore his comment.

"What's your name?" "Y/N. Yours," I asked as he put up the kit. "Jeongin. How long have you been here?" To be honest I'm not too sure. One day I just woke up in this cell with no recollection of my past and I've been here ever since. "Years," was the easiest answer I could give him. I could see his shoulders tense up a bit but his face remained calm and held little emotion. It's odd seeing a newbie so relaxed after being brought in. Normally they would be screaming, fighting, and finding any way to escape. Jeongin on the other hand seems to accept his fate or maybe he has a plan that is bound to fail, either way it's too hard for me to read him quite yet.

"How old are you? I'm seventeen," he asked. He was probably trying to relax any fears I have of him and truth be told it was working but seventeen? And he was talking about a team and he is holding himself together? Something isnt quite right about him but how can I judge in a place like this. "I dont really know anymore. The boss has a file on me somewhere but I had a serious head injury a while back and all I remember is my name and a few scattered memories here and there. It's all a bit of a blur. Hey you said something about a team right?" His eyes shined at the question. Whoever this team is he must hold a good amount of fondness to them. "They're like brothers to me. There are nine of us in total and we run a pretty well known mafia group if I do say so myself. It's a tough job but it gives us all the thrill we have craved since birth. I'm their hacker, I can crack any passcode and hack any electronic device in minutes. Been doing it since I was about fifteen." His hopeful look dimmed as he trailed into a deep thought.

"I wonder if they know where I am." Against my better judgement I reached my hand out for him and led him to sit beside me and laid his head on my shoulder. I dont quite understand what he is feeling right now but I have a good idea. "I wont let anything happen to you Jeongin. Your brothers are coming and they will get you out of here, until then I promise I will keep you alive." Now the question was how was I going to do that? How was I going to protect another person when I can barely protect myself?

*****

The next morning we were woken up by the sounds of sobs and screaming, the usual sounds the morning after fighting matches. Today is the day where cellmates discover that their best friends, lovers, and family members are gone. Today is also the day where if we have any weak links we either move them to the sex worker section or they get killed off. It's always hard to hear no matter how long you have been here and I feel that these sounds will haunt me until the day I die. "What's happening," Jeongin whispered as I watched people being ripped from their cells and new people being added. "They're cleaning out cells. Removing weak links, adding new people, and moving people around. Dont think to much about it." He only nodded his head before taking his body weight off of me and looked around. He mentioned before that he was in the mafia, shouldn't this not bother him at all? "There's kids here too?" Does he expect the boss to have morals? If they can be of any use he will keep them. "Some were born here and some were taken. Again dont think to much into this stuff. It only adds to the depression." He turned his head and looked at me with an unreadable glare. "I'm going to get you out of here," he said more to himself but I only gave him a small smile before fear rose in my chest. I quickly got up and pushed him behind me as the boss opened my cell and slightly chuckled at my protectiveness.

"Well looks who is finally up and moving again," he said darkly while pulling a remote out of his suit pants pocket. I prepared myself for the electric shocks that were about to hit me through my shock collar but refused to stand down, he is testing me I know it. "So I see you have gotten to know our new little addition. I figured he would bring something out in you." I ticked my eyebrow up at him and listened carefully at every single word he was saying and being prepared for any questions he may ask. "I was thinking of adding him to this unit but maybe he would be better as-" "You wont take him," I interrupted boldly, "you want me to win then fine but you cant have him." I know his games and he has done things similar before. He wants his best fighter to win him big bucks in the ring and this is a sick way of doing it. A grin found it's way on his lips as he pressed the button on the remote, nearly bringing me to my knees if Jeongin didnt grab me by the waist to hold me up.

"How about we make a little deal then pet," he laughed before turning off the collar, "as long as you keep winning in the ring he doesnt have to even lift a finger. You continue your little stunt and your losing streak then I trade you two out. Maybe he can do better then you." Jeongin's grip on me tightened and he whispered in my ear "I can handle this. Dont do it." Closing my eyes and shaking my head I felt like there wasn't much of a choice. If I can help it I dont want anyone else in that ring even if it means I have to work myself to death. "He wont be in the ring? Or a part of the sex group," I asked as bravely as I could. "No. You will take up any and all of his jobs I would have pinned him to do. His whole life will depend on your actions." Could I handle that? The extra fights, possibly be in the sex ring as well, any and everything he would have to go through plus my own schedule? "Deal."

*****

"You didnt have to do that," Jeongin sighed while cleaning the dried blood off my face and body since we got our cleaning bucket. "You dont want to be out there. I've been doing this long enough to know what to expect. You just have to trust me on this." I let in a sharp inhale as the soaked rag swiped over my nose which definitely was broken. He mumbled out a few apologies but continued on until most of the blood was off of me and in the bucket. "We should be getting showers tonight for the selections," I explained as he examined the bruises and other various injuries I had. "Selections?"

"Other bosses from other districts come and decide who they want to pin against their own fighters. They also discuss which prize they want if they win. Sometimes its money and sometimes it's the losing fighter. Most of the others here I had fought at one time or another and my boss claimed. I could be fighting about four fighters if I'm lucky in the next three days."

"You call that lucky?" "Lucky as in minimum. Usually on my own I get between two or three and now that I add on your count," I began but stopped myself. I dont need him feeling bad about something that isnt his fault. "You wont be fighting. Chan and the others will find us by then," he assured quietly after a guard passed our cell. I could only give him an assuring smile. How long will it be before he gives up hope? I've been here for years and after a few months I gave up on the thought of escape. Once you end up in a cell there is no leaving, you are no longer a human in a sense but like an animal. Nobody really cares about you as a person anymore and you might as well be erased from the outside world.

"I bet Seungmin has already tracked my location by now," he added "and Chan is probably calling either Sungjin or JB! Oh or Woojin could be calling Jungwoo! It would be a mess if all of NCT came you know," he continued. At some point I zoned out of what he was saying so I myself wouldn't get my hopes up. I thought back to Libby and how right now she would be playing with my hair or how she would be trying to learn fighting strategies from me. Maybe she would have punched Jeongin in the face by now because of his optimism levels, she never was one to see the glass half full.

"Are you even listening to me," he chuckled which pulled me back to the present. "Kinda. Hey Jeongin can we not talk about escaping right now? Maybe you can tell me more about your friends in general?" As if he understood what I was getting at he nodded his head and began to ramble on about all the adventures he has been on through the years. Though he may be a little too hopeful and cheerful he is the perfect amount of light for this dark situation, and in my mind I vow to never let anything happen to him.

Even if it kills me.

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kewltie · 5 years

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Somehow, in the last couple of weeks I got a slew of new people coming to my blog and hit 1k followers（○□○）. I’m beyond shocked. Like, I’m pretty sure 90% of you are bots or inactives but to those that are breathing: hello, and thanks for sticking with me! I’m stoke and humbled by your presence especially those that been with me for so long now. I may not know you personally but you know me. Maybe not very well since I’m intensely private and all I do is ramble about my accursed writing habits lmao but!!!! You’re here anyway despite everything and I’m very grateful for your constant support.

So to welcome to new people and because I don’t I ever did any introduction post before.

Hello, I’m kewltie. QT. Trina. That girl who keep starting shit and never finishing it a;sjdf;alsjdf;alsjdfa. I’M TRYING. Anyway, here are a few notable things about me and this blog in case you wanna make sure this is someone you wanna, ya know, stick around:

this is my writing blog. so all you’ll see are huge block of texts from either teasers of stuff im currently working or random pieces that im in the mood for but mostly it’s just me complaining about writing sobs.

i’m in my mid 20s and have been in fandom since i was like preteen. LJ-era, so yea im a fandom oldie. over a decade of experience here.

since i have been through several fandom purges bc of ya know censored ship :///// im very much YKINMK aka Your Kink Is Not My Kink but your kink is okay!!! i dont care for your problematic kinks or ships bc i have my own so yea im cool with you if you are cool with me.

i live in socal so i come off as US-centric sometimes but im vietnamese.

bnha is the fandom im writing and most active in but im in like a gazillion fandom. a hyperbole but kinda true?? supernatural, hannibal, voltron, harry potter, 1D, kpop, marvel, sherlock, etc. but you won’t see any of those fandom post here since i only write for ONE fandom at a time bc i cant focus on anything else /o\ lol.

i swear a lot. like, A LOT. regularly, religiously like every twenty words out of my mouth is a fuck you. it doesn’t mean anything honestly. i just do it when im being overly emotional so when im exicited, upset, sad, etc.

im overly emotional and sensitive w/ a truck load of anxiety and crippling self esteem.... so i dont do well interacting w/ people. mostly. i try tho!!!!! i mainly just keep to myself and stay in my corner of the fandom. i dont care for fandom drama or anything like that. i just want to read and write in peace. kthx.

when i make a post on here it’ll mostly be in lowercase, mostly in caps, abuse the word like, and use a lot of exclamation point like 90% of the time.

i identified as queer. and maybe demisexual/grey-ace??? idk sexuality is confusing and im still figuring it all out but i know at least im comfortable with the label queer.

i dont write smut for personal reason. maybe one day in the future but its’ not for me right now. dont have a problem reading it but writing is impossible for me.

i dabbled in all genres. i dont really have a specific genre/niceh i personally enjoy more than the rest or specialized in. i love fantasy, scifi, horror, romance, kinks etc etc. so you’ll find me producing just about anything. you may get trash rom com one day, epic space opera the next, fantastical tales of gods and magic after that, some dark twisted shit later, and anything really when the mood strike me.

i write for MYSELF. everything i ever produce is bc i wanted it so i did it. so if a fic idea is terrible is only bc I HAVE TERRIBLE TASTES.

im a very whimsical writer. i write demanding largely on my mood and whatever strike my fancy so it’s all RANDOM which also mean i procrastinate and have a long list of WIPs. i never run out of ideas so that’s the big problem sobs.

im a voracious reader. if i have to chose b/t writing or reading, it would be reading EVERYTIME YOU ASK ME. i have a semi-secret ao3 reading account with 1k+ bookmarks across various fandoms. it’s my pride and joy!!!!!!!!!!! i love reading fanfic so much T_____T.

i am a media junkie. i love reading comics (manhwa, manga, webtoons, manhua, etc), watch kdrama/cdramas, love nature/space docu series, tv-shows, etc etc so that leak a lot into my writing. whatever im reading/watching can have influence my reading like wanting to write a gazillion palace aus bc i can’t stop burning through chinese palace/harem dramas.

i may not be good w/ people but i hope i come off as easy and chill bc i really am!!!! honestly im more afraid of you than you are of me so uh, hi and you’re rad and thanks so much for following me even though i dont think im worth your time lmao /o\. I DONT WANT TO DISAPPOINT YOU BUT I KNOW I WILL. uh, like i said paper thin self esteem.

#the girl #a;sjdf;asjdf I M STILL TRYIING TO FINISH THIS FIC #FUCK ME FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK #tmr i think maybe???#it'll be done this week I SWEAR

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comicteaparty · 4 years

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November 25th-December 1st, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from November 25th , 2019 to December 1st , 2019. The chat focused on Action Hat: Big Trouble in Little Everywhere HD Remix Gold Deluxe Edition by Sergio Ragno.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Action Hat: Big Trouble in Little Everywhere HD Remix Gold Deluxe Edition by Sergio Ragno~! (https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/action-hat-big-trouble-in-little-everywhere-hd/list?title_no=260255)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until December 1st to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite strip in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Of the strips with a connected story, which one did you like the best and why? Overall, do you prefer the interconnected story strips or the one-off strips more? What is your reasoning?

AntiBunny

Favorite strip so far is this one here https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/action-hat-big-trouble-in-little-everywhere-hd/the-legality-of-keeping-it-real/viewer?title_no=260255&episode_no=41 mostly because it is quite different from the rest. Since Action Hat is largely a running gag comic that's been doing "wins by doing absolutely nothing" since before Luigi made it cool, this page is a refreshing shake up of the usual gag, being entirely dialogue driven.

To answer the second question, I prefer the one offs. There's a little bit of connection between strips, in that any given of episode of the Simpsons is connected by common characters, and that every event that doesn't contradict the status quo is canon, but mostly it's meant to be taken one strip at a time. Read, get your laugh, and go about your day. Action Hat is best read that way in my opinion. Not unlike a newspaper comic in that regard. Not to be binged, but to be taken in small, regular doses.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Which jokes connected with you the most from the comic, whether in terms of relatability or hilarity? Also, which jokes caught you the most off-guard in terms of making you laugh?

mariah (rainy day dreams)

So I didn't make it all the way through the archive but to sort of answer questions 1, 3, and 4, I thought the strip that had Detective Detective-Partner's gun was super funny. The premise of the already a farsical type of comedy, but I feel like adding a second inanimate object character just pushed it to a new level of funny for me. Especially since the gun just goes off without provocation in the last panel. I'm not sure if that's enough to call the gun my favorite character, but that joke was definitely a highlight moment while I was reading though.

SergeXIII

Hello everyone, thank you for taking the time to read my comic this week.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. What piece of advice from Action Hat do you actually think is also a good lesson for how we should carry ourselves in life? How in general do you think the comedy of the comic shows how it can be used to say things about life?

RebelVampire

1) My fave strip is definitely this one: https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/action-hat-big-trouble-in-little-everywhere-hd/cool-guys-dont-look-at-explosions-action-hat/viewer?title_no=260255&episode_no=21 This was exactly where I wanted the idea to go, but it was still funny when it happened. Won't get into specifics since I don't want to spoil it for others at this juncture, but suffice it to say, I'm impressed the payoff was everything I dreamed of. 2) I liked the The Power of Love series the best. I am in love with the concept that theres a Guns and Bourbon store, and everyone acts like its the most common thing in the entire world. And I like the story about Detective Partner and Ex Wife met because it's a love story that fits too well in this world. There were just a lot of great continuing gags through. In terms of the second part of this question, I don't really have a preference. I actually like that the comic does a bit of both, since that gives wider appeal. Doesn't matter what you like, there's something for all.

3) My favorite character is Action Hat. Because Action Hat is the wisest of all characters despite not saying a single thing. And that's just badass. 4) The jokes that have connected with me the most are the ones regarding common cop tropes. Like the fact Detective Partner is a macho dude who doesn't open up to people, or that there's massive property destruction, etc. As a fan of cop dramas and cop action stories, I equally enjoy when people make fun of it cause they can be over the top and ridiculous. As for jokes that caught me off guard, it was definitely the one about the shopkeeper being Velma. Cause the entire time I saw the resemblance but thought, nah, that's impossible. But then someone said it. XD

RebelVampire

5) My favorite illustration is definitely from the same strip I answered for number 1. I love the explosions and the angles chosen. Especially the last panel where Detective Partner's face is slammed against the camera. It really gives some good depth to the image that really captures the badass atmosphere it wanted. 6) I think the advice in this strip is actually good https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/action-hat-big-trouble-in-little-everywhere-hd/enter-the-hat-9/viewer?title_no=260255&episode_no=9. Which to me the advice is that people do often lash out because of their own insecurities and fears. And while there is, of course, a line we need to draw at toxicity, sometimes we need to be patient and gentle with others to make them understand how their actions hurt us. In general, though, I feel this comic is a good reflection of how comedy is often a callback to human condition. And that in a lot of ways, it helps us deal with uncool things in life by making us laugh and remind us that sometimes, we need to take a step back from life and consider things from other angles (or even just take a break).

SergeXIII

I really appreciate all of these questions, RebelVampire, but I especially appreciate question number 6. The gag of the cop and inanimate object duo has been done before, but I always thought that what makes Action Hat stand out is that it serves as kind of a conscious for Partner (and Lynda, who is new to this version of the comic), so it is really valuable for me to get feedback on this so as to gauge the effectiveness of this.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Given Action Hat is not a speaking character, how do you think this works in terms of the comic’s comedy? In other words, what aspects of the visuals and other characters’ dialogues help pull the comedy off?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. What is your favorite aspect of Detective Partner’s and Action Hat’s relationship? What has been your favorite moment between them so far? What about these aspects when it comes to Action Hat and Lynda?

RebelVampire

7) I enjoy seeing Detective Partner and Action Hat interact the most. I really love how the two play off of one another. Especially cause Action Hat is, you know, a hat. And I really like that despite basically just sitting there doing nothing, Action Hat is still given a personality because of how everyone else interacts with him. And I like how Detective Partner makes Action Hat super wise. 8) I think the silence works cause of two main reasons. First, what I hinted at to above. Even if Action Hat doesn't speak, there's still a lot of personality there because of the words other characters add in. And that itself is kind of funny cause it's just a ridiculous idea to have an inanimate object be in the police. So in essence you wind up these ridiculous situations that are brought on by other characters cause of what they assume an inanimate object said.

RebelVampire

9) A detail I really appreciate in the comic is actually the throwbacks to police drama tropes. Like the gruff partner, the dirty business dude trying to bribe people, the belligerent chief always complaining about the wanton destruction. It takes a lot of knowledge to really capture the cop drama spirit, and I love seeing it present while also torn apart in the most entertaining ways possible. 10) My favorite aspect of their relationship is probably their honesty. Like I love how Detective Partner basically immediately apologized to Action Hat for lashing out and became best friends. And I like how much Detective Partner idolizes Action Hat too, cause it is both funny while also revealing of Detective Partner's own wisdom. My favorite moment between them is still probably the one from my fave strip, but I've mentioned that to death. As for Lynda, I like the patience in their relationship. Not a whole lot of people have patience for anything, and I just like this is kind of a key point to their relationship. It's got that good slow burn kind of feel. For fave moment, I like when Lynda is touched Action Hat "waited" for her. And it had nothing to do with the fact it's a hat and has no legs to move.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. What sort of tropes of cops and cop dramas have you seen in the comic so far? In what ways do you think the comic successfully subverted them and/or changed how you thought about them?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. In general, what other police-drama related shenanigans are you hoping to see Action Hat tackle? How do you think those scenarios will play out?

RebelVampire

11) I think this comic's strength is just how the comedy works. There's lots of creative ways it uses both the fact Action Hat doesn't talk and is an inanimate object to its advantage. There's also just a good balance in how it treats everything since the comic somehow acknowledges the ridiculousness while at the same time taking it seriously. So in the end, it's just got a great tone for having fun with the subject matter. 12) I've talked about this one quite a bit already. But got the disgruntled chief who forces partners together, gruff partner who just like guns, massive property damage, sleezy rich dude, etc. The comic does a great job of reminding you that all this action stuff is actually silly if you were to frame it in the context of reality. Like there's only so much property damage the police will take before firing someone, etc.

13) I am looking forward to seeing other cop action drama tropes. Like serial killers etc. Theres so many more cop stuff to be explored that I'm really hoping to see. 14) In line with the above, I would like to see Action Hat and Detective Partner deal with internal investigations. Cause theres always that one scenario where the cops get framed and get in super trouble and then they have to solve their own case. I'm just waiting for the moment where Detective Partner is like "Action Hat how could you!?" THere's a silent pause, and then Detective Partner gasps and is like "YOU WERE FRAMED I'm sorry I doubted you."

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Action Hat: Big Trouble in Little Everywhere HD Remix Gold Deluxe Edition this week! Please also give a special thank you to Sergio Ragno for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Action Hat: Big Trouble in Little Everywhere HD Remix Gold Deluxe Edition, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/action-hat-big-trouble-in-little-everywhere-hd/list?title_no=260255

Sergio’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SergeXIII

Sergio’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/sergexiii

Sergio’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/sergexiii

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #action hat: big trouble in little everywhere hd remix gold deluxe edition #action hat #sergio ragno #studio sergexiii

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gamingandeducating · 5 years

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Life Is Strange 2: Episode 2

While Episode 1 started off the Diaz brothers absconding from the law, meeting everyone’s favourite fictional travel blogger, getting captured by a weird old guy, learning which berries to eat and to avoid AND owning a puppy, you would expect episode 2 to follow up the bumper episode with more action and start driving the plot forward, sadly not.

So straight out the gate, what the fuck guys? Really? Mushroom? Life is Strange has also been good at giving you ownership of your choices and made the characters contingent on your decisions, or at least given you the illusion that this was the case, but within about 10 minutes your dog dies with (from what I can tell) no way for you to avoid this. I am not against these set piece events that are unavoidable in order to have the narrative impact and give the motivation to characters to move forward, but this had no impact for me. Mushroom is introduced late in episode 1 and killed in the first chapter of episode 2 and this leaves me to ask the question, is this here for shock value? And sadly my answer is, yes. It feels unnecessary, almost like the worst parts of the walking dead or GOT, the idea that the devs need to be hard-arsed and hit you in the gut unrelentingly. The choice that they gave was semi-interesting but for me the whole thing smacked of needing a hook for the episode and this was the choice they made.

The episode moves on and we meet Sean and Daniel’s grandparents. They are written and acted brilliantly. They are quite clearly not your classic warm and cuddly grandparents who wrap you up in warm blankets and pull at your cheeks, but the week you spend with them does offer them an opportunity to grow and develop this side. In this section we also meet Chris, AKA Captain Spirit. I didn't play Captain Spirit and after some reading about what happened I am really glad I didn't. I thought Chris was a normal kid, not unlike myself at that age, making up stories, running around, falling off shit and his dad was just a guy going through relationship problems, however the metaness of the whole thing would have lead me to play this whole sequence differently. While I was uncomfortable in Chris’s dad’s truck as he told me about how hard he finds life, it was because I was a teenager who didn't know how to deal with this random guy spilling his heart to me and not because this guy beats his kid. For me this was a better theme to hit on. The idea that behind normal family issues might be bigger, darker problems and I think I will go back to Captain Spirit now (although like I said, I think playing CS first would have ruined this experience rather than adding to it). I also enjoyed the scene at the market, it was pleasant and I felt safe for myself and my brother. So safe in fact that I spent money which I had been hoarding the weeks prior. The interaction with Cassidy was meh and I couldn't help but feel how superficial and manufactured this interaction felt, but we did pick a Christmas tree, so its not all bad.

The last act was pretty dumb as well and I hated most of it. The “breaking in” to your mum’s room was boring as hell and when you got in there all the advice about being careful just goes out the window. I get it, you’re kids, but actually Sean is surprisingly mature and knows his way around the cautious brother routine, and yet doesn't keep an ear out for the grandparents returning from church and instead gets stuck reading a letter that seems to be a paragraph long for about 2 minutes. Its just a bit ridiculous and my emersion was completely shattered when Sean couldn't say (the writers didn't provide me with) anything that could have shown how absurd it is that my grandparents hide my mother’s presence from me. Where LIS excels is that it’s dialogue feels pretty real, sure the hella’s and cool kid speak is not frequent in my everyday conversation but the content of the conversation is fair and they normally present me with a choice that I would say in that situation, however this time they didn't. I was always defending myself as opposed to attacking the lies and secrecy and that didn't feel right for a 16 year old full of idealism. I am in two minds about the final choice as I am not sure what the consequences of it truly were but that is when games of the genre work best. When the decision you make doesn't have obvious consequences or when we look back and say “X happened because I did Y” but the subtle ripples are often the most satisfying.

This episode felt like filler in all of the worst ways. There was little to no character progression, little backstory and remarkably little consequence. I think most worryingly of all I still dont know what the point of Season 2 is and we are 40% through and I hope that it will gain some focus in the next weed filled episode.

#xbox one #xbox one x #ps4 #ps4 pro #video games #video game review #life is strange #life is strange 2 #choose your own adventure #captain spirit

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ac-ars · 5 years

Text

high for this

i dont even have anything to say for my defense

also i wanna thank chica de cielos for handling my complaining when i was writing t h i s

have fun

Luna Valente doesn’t expect much fun when she gets accepted to the University of Oxford, but it’s the only way to stay away from her controlling aunt. She doesn’t expect also Matteo Balsano, who is the most helpful out of everyone there. Is he really as perfect as it seems though?

previous chapters here

🌙

4/ trust me girl, you wanna be high for this

Her alarm snooze sounds for maybe a fourth time this morning. Luna had decided Saturday will be studying day; she has some test next week and it would be nice to know anything this time. She keeps wondering why she decided to study something that forces her to take chemistry and physics as majors, but hopefully they will take her head away from all cloudy thoughts and buzzes in her stomach.

She made out with Matteo less than twelve hours ago and she feels like she needs more than the small amount of sleep she got herself, but also her sleep sucked anyway. Luna didn’t manage falling asleep properly; she kept waking up and rolling around her warm bed, constantly thinking about this one very special boy. Her body was shaking softly with excitement, every nerve has been curling and uncurling nervously, and in general Luna hasn’t decided yet whether this feeling is great or if it sucks.

Eventually, she reaches for her phone, to turn off the damn alarm sound. It used to be one of her favorite songs, but since the day it was set as the waking up music, Luna couldn’t do anything except genuinely despising it.

She sits up, pulling the blanket all over her shoulders to keep at least a little warm, and yawns loudly, blinking because her eyes aren’t really used to darkness of early morning yet. The screen of the phone is definitely too bright, so Luna lets out small growl turning the brightness as much off as possible. Only then she can see anything, and her notification bar is full, putting another wave of buzz all over her body. There is some insta notification, few texts on group chat with the girls, mail from near bookstore and new youtube video from buzzfeed. No messages from Matteo has her disappointed; they shared few messages after she got back to her dorm so it’s not like he was supposed to leave something for her to smile after waking up, but it would still be better than nothing.

Still, she sends him quick ‘morning’ and locks her phone, throwing it on the pillow again. Apparently she gets up too quickly, because her eyes go black and she needs to support herself on the head of the bed. Her feet aren’t really happy to touch the cold floor, but that’s just karma for being so giddy last night and forgetting to put on the socks. Weather forecast isn’t really nice and Luna still hasn’t bought all wintery stuff. She noted in her head that she should tell Ambar or the girls to go with her, even if she knows she will surely forget.

🌙

The brunette leaves shower in actually better mood, wearing fluffy robe and just as fluffy slippers. The heating is put on max and that’s decent time for Luna to have herself breakfast. She sets on the water for the tea, and opens the fridge to wonder what to eat when someone knocks to the door.

Luna huffs, wondering who can be here without saying anything before and at this cold, early hour of eight in the morning. She goes slowly to open the door and stares at her guest with one eye closed.

“What are you doing here?” That’s all she can let out, despite it sounding undeniably rude.

He smiles. “Well, it’s very nice to see you too, Luna.”

She rolls her eyes, trying to hide the blush but her wet hair is in loose, messy bun so no way for that. Matteo sighs and kisses her cheek quickly as he passes her the warm cup.

“Coffee?” The brunette asks, already planning how she could put all said coffee to the sink and replace it with some tea.

Yet, he only sends her a smile. “Nah, this time hot chocolate. I already had my coffee and guessed you would be more up for something sweet.”

Luna raises her eyebrows surprised but takes one of the cups from his hand and closes the door as he is already inside her dorm.

“Thank you very much, but really what's the reason you are here so early?”

His eyes slide lazily down her body, making her feel like she is wearing nothing and that's not really the safest feeling to have around Matteo Balsano. Small smile forms on his mouth and he eventually is back with his eyes to her face. “I was going to class nearby and just wanted to see you,” he says almost matter of factly with a shrug.

Luna isn't sure if it was a good idea; now she definitely is gonna be a mess, now remembering his kiss from last night and the fact that she will probably keep it only for herself.

“So, are you gonna dress up or this robe is that comfy?” Matteo asks and Luna rolls her eyes, blushing slightly. “Leave me and my robe alone, if you don't like something you can not look.”

He hums, pushing one of untidy strands of her hair behind her ear. “I don't want to not look at you, I wouldn't deny myself this kind of pleasure.”

Luna kinda dies inside, but tries to keep it cool and just nod and drink her chocolate. Her red cheeks surely betray how she feels inside, at least a little. There is something very warm in that wrong way, the one that she didn’t really want to feel around him until last night and yet here she is, wanting to crawl out of her skin to get as close to him as possible. Matteo smiles smug at that as if he could read her mind. “Anyway, how was your sleep?”

She shrugs tiny, licking her lips after she takes the cup away. “It was nice, I talked to my mom before sleep. How was yours?”

Small something appears in his eyes, but just for a second and then he is all himself again. “It was quite decent,” he just says and starts putting tea boxes in some order so it looks definitely neater than after Luna left it last night. He is humming some song, probably fully aware of her watching him carefully. He is wearing those black jeans and Luna has her weak moment, again remembering why she has issues whenever she sees a boy with long legs. She is sure it's cold and yet he doesn't have any hat on his head, and that's the image thing she would never be able to pull; she always picks being comfy and warm over making sure her hairstyle stays in place.

“So,” she starts very not casual. “When do you have the class?”

He looks up at her with small smile. “In like thirty minutes.”

“Well, so I think it's time for you to go, Matteo.” Luna hums and he walks up to her. “If you are kicking me out, then I will go.” His voice is light, very much hinting the tease hidden behind these words and the brunette shakes her head.

“It's not me having double major studies if I remember correctly,” she says slowly and starts playing with the collar of his shirt, not sure why the fuck is she doing that; he hasn't done anything indicating that something changed in their relation since last night's kiss and that's probably her seeking for some kind of proof that maybe it did. Or him stating that it didn't, it would be still better than not knowing.

Boys are confusing.

He just smiles, again, he keeps smiling, but each of his smiles means a different thing. “You are very right here, caring about my attendance. I will get going. I hope you have nice morning, sweet thing. Let me know if you have any fun plans.”

He winks, kisses her forehead twice without pulling away his lips from her skin, and with that he is gone.

She better goes and gets dressed.

🌙

The thing about studying with your friends in some coffee shop, is that you all pick some coffee shop of your liking, then just get to the table and order something to drink as you take out the notes or laptop with the presentation.

In Luna’s case it’s almost the same, with one tiny exception. She can’t focus at all. She is reading the same page for the fifth time and still gets nothing. Like, absolutely nothing and it’s all because she has no idea whether she should tell her friends about Matteo or not.

She used to tell them everything before; they know each other few long weeks already and they literally talk about every single thing, which sometimes grosses Luna a little. Still, she isn’t sure if she should mention this very important piece of information, but this piece of information seems so weird in her head, not to even try to say it out loud.

The girls won’t suspect anything anyway, because they are busy with their own stuff, yet Luna is just trying to imagine what their reactions would be. Jim would most likely just huff and growl; she still needs some time to accept that Luna is willing to hang out with a boy who steal her drink and made them all go home. Yam wouldn’t do much except throwing shook gasps at her, at them all and wiggle her eyebrows annoyingly whenever Matteo would appear around them, while Nina would just silently judge her or something. Or maybe she would be chill and nice, and happy for her friend to be happy.

Is she happy though? She isn’t sure, and she doesn’t plan on trying to dig that hole deeper than it already is.

The book finally manages to be interesting, and Luna actually is focused, she is reading one paragraph, then the second and third, and she turns the page, proud of herself.

“Luna! You haven’t updated us recently!” one of the girls says, a little too loud for the coffee shop filled with people, and few people send them confused stares.

“What?” Valente answers, slightly confused and Jim rolls her eyes. “What’s up with you and Balsano?”

Blush that creeps way up to her cheeks surely betrays something, but no one really asks and she just sends a shrug. “I don’t know. I guess the same as yesterday, though the last time me and you talked, you hated his guts, Jimena.”

“Oh, it was in the past. I grew up.” Literally every person by the table rolls their eyes and the ginger friend of theirs pouts. “I really did.”

“You didn’t,” Yam says and Luna needs to stop her snort.

Jim flips her hair and starts braiding it, because it started getting into her eyes. “You may all be mean, I don’t care. I just want to know how’s Matteo with Luna. Maybe if someone tells him that he should bring her a drink instead of stealing her vodka shots he will learn. Plus he is too hot to be mad at him long.”

Luna blinks surprised, this is the most ridiculous shit she has ever heard Jim saying, and she has heard much, much of weird stuff.

“Well,” she shrugs. “You can be the one who enlightens him, I am not sure if he is willing to study anything except physics or some music connected things.”

Yam bites on her muffin and sighs heavily. “I’m sure he would be thrilled to learn some anatomy with you.”

Nina chokes on her coffee so much that her glasses almost fall off the bridge of her nose and she has to support them. Jim giggles and high fives her bestie and Luna just wants to go home.

She came here to study and yet here she is, being the protagonist of her friends’ kinky jokes. The day sounds dazzling.

“We should change the topic,” Nina says quietly, “I remember you girls talked about some party before when Luna went to order our stuff.”

Luna nods to herself, because that sounds like a safe thing to talk about, Jim and Yam always love to get some idea to drink, and dance, and definitely flirt with the boys.

“Actually yes! There is one on this Saturday, but we don’t have invitation.”

“Does any party really need an invitation these days?” The brunette asks with raised eyebrows and her ginger friend sighs sadly. “Yes. Or that’s what we overheard the other day from the conversation of Ramiro, the curly guy who is buddy buddy with Balsano, and some girl. You can’t just get there.”

She turns to Nina who shakes her head as well. “So if we can’t go then why are we talking about that?”

“Because you can totally get us in.” Yam grins saying it as if it was obvious, and Luna almost feels silly for not understanding the hidden meaning. “I can’t make someone invite you to their party if they don’t know you. Plus going somewhere without knowing anyone and the host is dumb and even you aren’t that dumb.”

Jim hums and kicks her foot lightly. “Talk to Matteo. He will be there probably and it will help us.”

Luna rolls her eyes. “He never talked to me about that, this is his personal life and I am not getting into that, because you are bored and decided to get more acquaintances in uni.”

Nina sends her encouraging smile and nods, which makes her feel a little better.

“You don’t really care that he will go there, and drink, and meet some drunk people as well?” The blonde asks, mixing her coffee with the spoon. “You know, drunk girls, and stuff.”

She isn’t looking directly at Luna, but they all know what she is doing right now, trying to manipulate Luna into this shit, but she is better than this and she won’t break even if the tight knot in her stomach makes drinking tea very difficult. She should chill and ignore this, not think about that since Matteo is his own person, he doesn’t need to be watched out and followed like a child in case he does something bad.

“I’m not doing anything. If he decided to not tell me about it, it’s his business and I can’t mix into his private life, girls.”

Heavy sighs from both sides reach Luna’s ears, but at least it means she won the battle. If they knew about the kiss from last night they would never let her get out of this situation. Her phone buzzes softly and there are two texts from Matteo, one ten minutes after the first.

Matteo Hope we can hang out today ?

She bites on the inside of her cheek, not sure if the question mark was to remind her that he exists and needs attention, but despite all promises she has made and will make, the promises she never really promised, yet simply decided she wouldn’t be putting herself on a silver plate for him, are really not in her head right now.

Me yeah what time?

🌙

She hasn't expected that he would actually still want to hang out after she told him she wasn't going to move out of her place anymore today. It was cold enough and when she and the girls left the coffee shop, it started raining, and she didn't have any umbrella or a hood to cover herself. She decided it was enough for her and that's why she is now sitting on the couch in big sweater, wrapped up in a blanket and drinking hot chocolate, while Matteo Balsano is comfortably seated right next to her.

He hasn't texted anyone or talked on the phone since the moment he entered her dorm, but also he hasn't done more than kissing her cheek hi and this has Luna lowkey disappointed. Though, it's all probably because her brain keeps having high hopes for literally everything.

His arm is around her shoulders as he seems very focused on the movie they ended up choosing. Luna isn't able to think clearly having him so close and having his scent in her lungs with every breath is like breathing in nail polish scent that makes her dizzy after being around it too much. The only difference is that he actually smells good and Luna is already addicted to this cologne of his.

It’s a nice and soft afternoon, she doesn't need to think about every word she says in case Matteo will use it against her like her friends would do. She kinda missed the moment when he pulled her to his side, but he is warm and feels safe, so she softly allowed herself to lean against his shoulder. It's not like he wouldn't do that if he didn't want to have her close, right?

He even got her food and snacks, and that has her so, very biased, because as soon as someone brings her any kind of food she is sold, and being sold to Matteo doesn't seem like a bad thing, even if it lowkey feels dangerous for her sanity. His eyes slide quickly over the English subs he put on and he doesn't seem to be throwing any any sneaky glances towards her, she knows because she's been very obviously staring at him and he apparently hasn't noticed it yet. He would tease the hell out of her and Luna would die, but she just can't take her eyes off his face, so steady and calm just like the sea after sunset, already hiding something dark and mysterious.

She sighs softly eventually turning her face to the laptop, deciding to chill and act like a normal person finally, not like a psycho weirdo.

“Are you enjoying the movie?” He asks quietly with a hum and playing with the ends of her hair. Luna blinks turning again to him. “What?”

“I just see you are having fun, being all focused on the screen so I decided to ask you.” He turns to her with a smirk and she wonders how bad would it be to push him off the couch in this very moment.

“I think, Matteo, that you should focus on it yourself, instead of watching me with the corner of your eye.”

He chuckles softly, wrapping a strand of her hair around his finger. “Touché, Luna Valente.”

She just shrugs and wants to move away, but he doesn’t really let her. He pulls her closer instead and kisses top of her head. “I was just messing around, you need to relax sometimes. Anyway, I wanted to ask you something anyway.”

Luna straightens her spine and sits a little up, so she isn’t melted in his arms as he says it. Thousand thoughts runs through her brain, tons of them hopeful for all kinds offers from him to all bad things that could have ever happened and it’s the weirdest thing ever.

“What is it?” she only asks.

Matteo looks back at the screen and sighs a little, leaving Luna wondering if he will look her in the eye or not, but eventually his face is back close to hears, his eyes a little serious yet playful. “There is this guy in my physics group who lives nearby and his parents are out of the town for weekend, because of the work.” Something passes in his eyes, and Luna doesn’t miss this, though she doesn’t touch the topic fully knowing that it’s not the reason why he is talking to her.

“And Ramiro made him organize a party, so I’ve been wondering if you would wanna go with me.”

He is smiling a little, leaning his head against the back of the couch and Luna has no idea what to say. To be honest, she likes him and be around him, but on totally different conditions, when they can chill together somewhere where no one will stare at her and talk, because he is himself and she is lucky that he is giving her his attention.

“I don’t think I should go, Matteo,” she says with a shrug and his eyebrows go up. “And why is that?”

Luna doesn’t feel like she needs to excuse herself, but apparently this boy over here isn’t used to hear no as an answer to anything. “Because I won’t feel comfortable enough there.”

“Come on, you’re never uncomfy.”

“I am, very much and you just never notice it.” She pouts tiny and he boops her nose. “I really think you are life of the party and you would do amazing. Plus I wouldn’t leave you alone for a second so you don’t have to worry about being left and awks.”

The brunette sighs and bites on her lower lip, not sure why he cares so much about bringing her there. She is probably taking it very childishly, but he hasn’t promised that he wouldn’t go away from her to hit on something else, and she plans on not making him do so.

“I want the girls to be there as well.”

He sighs heavily with his eyes looking at the ceiling and she can say it’s a weird offer so she continues. “I mean it’s not that I don’t believe you, I just would feel better that there is someone there I know, plus they would be together so it’s not like they would make drama I’m ditching them for you.” She hopes it makes sense or at least sounds convincing. Her eyes don’t leave his face until he clears his throat, saying just one word. “Fine.”

Luna grins and kisses his cheek a little awkward. “Well then I will go.”

🌙

It’s not that she doesn’t like parties, or people, or alcohol, but it still makes Luna feel very ridiculous and uneven, and the heels she put on didn’t make her any taller actually. Being so tiny can be a curse, especially when people always tease her and lean down while talking to her. Hopefully those creeps who know Matteo will let her go.

Jim pulls her by the hand inside, since they came here together and her ginger friend made sure Luna doesn’t “get lost” on their way, just lacing their fingers and no matter what kind of touch is that, for Luna touch is always reassuring and it’s the support she needs in this situation. Even if she doesn’t really want Matteo or anyone see her holding hand with Jim, no offense to her friend of course.

First thing that hits her as soon as they enter, Yam following them both alone since Nina very surely denied the offer, (leaving them all not-that-surprised), is loud music and basically no light. It’s so dark Luna needs to look under her feet in case she steps on something and trips, especially when those heels are high and she isn’t the most graceful person on the Earth.

The people they pass by are strangers and Luna is sure she sees them all for the first or second time, but in general she doesn’t know anyone personally. Yet, if she did, she probably wouldn’t recognize one human here with the surroundings being too distracting. The hazy chatters, bumping into someone again and again while pulling her friends behind, the music is getting even louder, making Luna’s skin tingle and her thoughts completely messy. The house itself seems to be prepared for the party as much as it’s possible; any vases or breakable things are hidden or out of the sight, everything from the center from the big living room is moved to the side so part of the guests can dance or support the walls while talking to others.

Yam pokes them both at the same time. “We should look for the bathroom and the kitchen now, so we don’t have to search for them later.”

“OMG, yes! First kitchen, though, because I’m hungry.” Jim jumps excited. Luna is kinda tired of her friends using the OMG, but they learned it from their English buddies, so she lets them live with it.

“Already?” Luna frowns, but nods in agreement, since she is forever in need of food and the ginger haired girl pulls them both in some direction as the brunette is definitely not trying to find Matteo in the small crowd formed in the living room.

🌙

The kitchen, as it ended up, is placed nearby. They had to just cross another hallway and open the door to get in. There is another ton of the food on the counters, right after the table in other room. The girls came kinda late, but there is still pizza waiting in few boxes, and Luna is the first one to appear near and take a slice. Jim and Yam do the same while Luna checks on her phone in case Matteo sent her a text, but he hasn’t, he hasn’t texted her or called, or posted on his story anything recently except his laptop with Netflix logo on the screen. If he doesn’t appear here today, she swears she is going to kill him as soon as her eyes reach him, and then herself.

Or she will just take her friends after they have free pizza dinner here, and go to some club just enjoying her girls-only time, and forget Matteo Balsano and her dramatic ass.

That is why she shouldn’t have drunk the few shots Jim made her drink to “chill” before leaving the dorm.

At some point in the middle of taking another bite someone pats her shoulder and she turns around almost smashing the pizza in the person’s dark shirt, because they are too close.

Here she is, out of all possible ways to meet him today, she ended up with mouthful of pizza and lips probably stained with tomato sauce.

“There you are, sweet thing. I see you are enjoying the party already,” he says, smiling as if she wasn’t messiest thing existing. He leans and kisses her cheek before passing her a napkin and taking his arm around her shoulders.

The girls stare at him and he looks at them without changing his face. “Jimena, Yamila, I hope you have fun today and I’m afraid I will have to steal Luna from you.”

Mentioned Luna rolls her eyes at the full names and stealing thing, since she is the one to decide with who she wants to spend the party. Even if she wants to hang out with Matteo, still it’s her choice.

He pulls her closer to his side, yet still casually and the girls just nod, smiling, and Jim raises her eyebrows. “Well, we hope you two have fun too, but please don’t babysit Luna today, because if you will, you will need a babysitter.”

Yam snorts and Luna gasps, Matteo seems surprised a little as well, but he sends her friend a wink. “There is nothing you need to worry about, really.”

“Okay girls, remember to not go alone anywhere, promise me that,” Luna warns them with serious eyes and both of her friends just nod before turning away and leaving with another slices of pizza.

Matteo turns to her with happy grin, as if he got extra toy on Christmas, the one he never found while searching around house. “I almost thought you wouldn’t appear, but at the same time I knew those two would drag you here even if you went back to Mexico.”

She rolls her eyes, but smiling as well, she likes simple being around him and just talking, and his teasing, and when he is looking at her with those funny, excited sparks in his eyes. She might like him a little bit too much.

“Do you really think I would miss an opportunity of getting free food?” she asks, raising her eyebrows and he laughs, reaching to push one loose strand of her hair behind her ear. “Why is your hair up, though?”

Luna shrugs. “I don’t know, I was in a mood I guess. Why?”

Matteo takes his fingers to the back of her head and releases her hair from the hairband. She immediately feels soft tickles on her shoulders and shivers. “Why would you do that?” she asks, but softly, without any drama in her voice surprisingly.

“I don’t know. I like your hair down more i think.”

She smiles. “You do?”

He nods and leans closer, having her almost breathless. “Yeah, and I very like your skirt.”

🌙

Luna has really no idea how much has she drunk yet, but it’s definitely much more than she should. Her head is spinning lightly, yet Matteo is holding his hand on her waist steadily all the time, which she appreciates. She doesn’t really see Jim or Yam since they left her alone with Balsano, and she is sure they are having fun or drinking until they throw up, or both.

Matteo introduced her to some people, though they haven’t stayed with anyone longer, because as he said, he didn’t want them to weird her out and ask too many questions since it's a party, fun for her, and not an interview. This makes sense enough in her head for Luna not to push, it's not like she wanted to meet all of his friends at once. She got to meet Ramiro, Matteo's good friend, or so it looks like, and few girls there keeps watching her with angry eyes. Each time Luna feels uncomfortable enough that she went to get a drink, and here she is now probably too drunk for her own good.

Yet, she still lets herself drag Matteo to dance, even if he sends her amused glance, but she doesn't stop and as long as he doesn't stop her either, it's okay.

Matteo is giving her this weird feeling, this idea of actual freedom that she doesn't have to follow what everyone tells her. She does what she wants, wears what she wants and she isn't sure if she feels like this because of all alcohol she has drunk so far, if it's because of Matteo being so close to her and keeping his hands on her body, while they are dancing slowly in between so many people, or if it's simply her relaxing finally after all those months. She likes it anyway.

She likes swaying lazily pressed to his chest with her arms loose around his neck. He is so, so close she can’t think straight, but she would never anyway especially when his hands are on her lower back, his thumbs sneaked their way under her a bit cropped tshirt. The song is quick and loud, people are jumping and hitting her with elbows, and sometimes pushing her a little. Luna can't care now, she is just focused on those two brown eyes, so warm and soft while he is mouthing her song lyrics and honestly it's the most perfect moment in the world even if she probably looks like mess with her curled hair. His tiny, annoying smile is almost enticing, asking her to go further, to take more, to feel more and feel less at the same time, she loves it and lets it all consume her in this very moment.

It’s the first time he is having her so close in public, around other people and she likes it so much, that he isn’t awkward, or pulling away, or pretending she is just a friend. Though, at the same time he is not kissing her yet, and she thinks that he should have already done that, not once.

He leans closer but turns towards her ear and his breathing on her neck makes her tingle. “Are you enjoying yourself?” he asks and traces the skin behind her ear with his nose, taking deep breath and Luna wonders if it’s still possible to move.

“Yeah, it’s very nice,” she says clearing her throat, because her voice comes out shaky and raspy. Matteo smiles at her and nods, but she continues. “Are you having fun with me, though?”

He raises his eyebrows just so slightly and hums. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “You probably had always had other things to do than spending whole party with one person.”

Matteo bites on his lower lip, making her want to do the same. “What if I like to do so? You are fun, Luna Valente.”

“I’m not sure what is your definition of fun, but that’s definitely not me,” she murmurs while playing with the collar of his shirt. He sends her almost annoying look before sliding his hand from her arm up to her nape and pressing her lips lazily to his finally.

It’s a slow, effortless kiss, but also a hungry and needy one. She can taste the alcohol drink he had before, it’s a bitter taste, yet now she doesn’t care, she just wants him closer and more. They stop in one place, closer to the wall than to the center of the room though, and her fingers tangle in his already messy hair. He tenses for a second, probably having the reflex of taking her hands away from his head, but she kisses him more urgently and he focuses on claiming her mouth as his once again.

The music is somehow dimmed and hazy now, as if her brain couldn’t take more things into her senses and process them, and Luna can only agree that Matteo kissing her is such an overwhelming thing, and she wants to kiss him forever.

His tongue is playing with hers almost teasingly, gliding across her lower lip or backing out for her to decide what she wants now, and she appreciates that. The hand he had placed on her nape to keep her close relaxes now a little, letting it fall a little before he takes it to her waist, under the tshirt she is wearing as the kiss becomes harder. His lips are more expecting and more wanting, he grips on her as if she was the one good thing in the world, or at least that’s what her dramatic, burned mind is saying. She wouldn’t really trust herself though, not when she is in a place like this, with him and doing what she is doing.

Matteo pushes her a little backwards and she is sure that she will step on someone’s foot or other body part, but she meets only cold wall and he is everywhere now. It’s almost too much how lost she is, how she can’t breathe and when he bites on her lower lip, the last drops of her conscience make her stop him and push away for a few inches.

He stares at her with dark, very confused and messy eyes, his breathing is short and shallow, his cheeks are actually red as never before and he looks absolutely breathtaking.

“Everything’s fine?” he asks with a quiet, raspy voice and if she wasn’t so close, she wouldn’t have heard it because of the music being loud again.

She nods tiny and clears her throat, wondering how bad she has to look if he is such a mess now. “I don’t think this is a good place to do something like that.” Matteo opens his mouth softly, but she places her hand on his chest. “And tonight it’s not a good night to do anything more.”

He smiles with this small troublemaker smirk. “I wouldn’t have suggested anything like that, sweet thing.” Luna rolls her eyes, but smiles trying to regain her steady heartbeat. “I think that I need a drink.”

🌙

She doesn’t really care what she will drink, she just wants to cool down her body, and when Matteo asks her if it’s supposed to be alcohol free or not, she just shrugs. “Whatever, as long as it’s cold.”

He laughs and takes some bottle from the fridge and opens it, first taking a sip from it, not really caring to use the glass. The still awake “safety” part of Luna’s brain appreciates this reassurance that nothing suspicious is there, so she takes the bottle and drinks a little.

It tastes bitter, but just a little since it’s probably been sitting in the fridge for a long while, something in her head dims, and that was apparently more than she could have drunk for one night, because everything goes blank.

#soy luna #lutteo #hft #my writing

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xerborgen · 5 years

Text

high school shit

i was actually just watching some back to school videos on youtube and oh boy am i inspired to actually write this entry! i’m going into my last year of high school this incoming school year, and this is what i got so far.

things that I noticed/realized/experienced in high school:

1. i wanted to be alone most of the time

2. i developed a liking to studying for exams/doing notes

3. once something slips out of your mouth, you already have a +1 weight on your shoulders

4. its never good to shut out your friends and expect them to understand it. you owe them an explanation

5. never get too attached. initially, i’m not a kind of person that gets attached attached, i never really resented anyone who left me or never really missed someone that much and seemed possessive.

6. things can go incredibly slow, and incredibly fast

7. slice of tasks off your to do list as many as you can. sometimes i do time my working periods whenever i get that random shot of productivity but sometimes that just doesn’t really do the job a lot, especially if i have a shit ton of works to do over the week. try to do better every time.

8. work better, not harder - whenever i’m doing an overnight homework or task and my eyes get droopy real hard that i can’t even focus on what i’m doing or why the fuck i was there anymore, i choose to go to sleep and not strain myself, and pay myself back in the morning. i come to school early as possible - if not, then i try to “cram” into finishing the homework before the subject when its needed starts. LOOK i know cramming is BAD but i kinda powered through it???? for example, if i cant understand the my fucking math homework the night before, there’s no use stressing out and trying hard to understand it. instead, i go to school and before math class starts, i approach a few classmates to teach me how to do it ((or maybe,,,,, , , give me some answers and i’ll just learn it in time)). that literally saved my life in the long run.

9. in line with my previous statement, its good to have a few close friends and a good reputation in class. i realized that acting emo isnt going to magically have someone gravitate to me and help. i had to reach out, go out there, and even if i dread a lot of people and i have only a few i can tolerate I HAD TO GO OUT THERE AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10. i’ve learnt how to say no

11. even if my chair is left handed or not my fucking back is still going to hurt like a lil bitch

12. i realized how much i daydreamed about school ending and then like???? whap???? the new year comes and like whoosh??? its my finals already?????

13. value time

14. lo-fi is literally my ride or die, this bitch really was at my side EVERYTIME. but forreal, whenever i study or do stuff i usually put on some lo-fi beats and everything just gets better.

15. jack of all trades, master of none. i have a few well-known classmates whom are known to be all-rounders, and a lot of people envied them and proclaimed how they were good at everything. hearing and seeing these made me feel bad about myself, because all i was really good at knew was how to edit, design, dance, study - and i was never sporty nor good at any musical instrument which are UNFORTUNATELY the talents that a lot of people consider as “cool”.

- but, it kinda warms my heart whenever there are video presentations or design stuff that gets put on discussion, few of my classmates turn to me and depend on me about it. its like they knew, they knew they could trust me about it, because they liked how i liked how i do. and that kind of makes me giddy... the thought of giving them unceremoniously something to remember me by.

16. i dont know why didnt i put this FIRST but this is actually my favorite. usually, i tend to want to go home immediately after a long day in school, thus making my dad fetch me after class (side note, i dont know if this is a stigma or not but getting fetched after school lowkey is kinda uncool, because i dont know.......im a grown 15 yo waiting for my fetcher to come pick me up but i powered through it and come to the conclusion that i dont rlly care i just want to go home)

16.5 me and my close friends, S, L, G, A, we like to eat at this takoyaki place near my house (its actually inside a mall of some sort, its just a ten minute walk from my place to there). i usually secretly brought my phone with me to school, so even if these takoyaki dates were sudden, i had no reason to bring the offer down. i usually spend these food trips with my friend S, which with the courtesy of her kind mother, usually considers letting us eat at this takoyaki place while she lets their cute dog shanaia be groomed in the pet parlor. me and S, during these times, have talked a lot about different stuff, and i’m really thankful for her - as well as to my other close friends. although i don’t treat anyone as a best friend, they shouldn’t underestimate how much they mean to me.

- having an older sister is nice... me and my older sister actually had a conflict before. i was at an age where everything was just so emotionally scarring that it inflicted some kind of bitter wound in my heart that i just refused to mend that time. i rarely used the word hate, but at that time, i hated my family. i hated how i was treated, i hated how i was so hopeless, but i clung to any piece of comfort i longed. i guess i was just an emotional mess back then... this was all when i was in sixth grade.

things have changed a lot now. my parents have started to listen somehow. i found out that my sister was actually going through something so traumatizing that i failed to acknowledge because i let my emotions take over me.

- now... i gradually am trying to control my emotions - not the other way around. because once your emotions take over you, you get vulnerable. you get easily bitten. you let your guard down, and in this world, keeping your guard down is one risk that you should be wary of taking.

its not that i’m preventing myself to feel, to enjoy... but to regulate my emotions and place them where its best. talk when you’re allowed to, or only talk about personal stuff when i’m with my close friends. once a person sees into me... it could be game over.

i make decisions. and i have to avoid certain circumstances where i could possibly feel a lot of unwanted emotions. although a lot of things are stringed together by fate, and sometimes the scissors are nowhere to be found, and that i was supposed to do something that could blow my cover. its really better if you know yourself, you control yourself. if i couldnt avoid, modify how i behave. how i react. control what i show on the outside.

- i deserve some kind of happiness atleast... i shouldn’t be too hard on myself. i know this, but the pathetic thing is, i can’t do it. sometimes the only thing that deprives me of my own happiness is myself - which is for me, something so pathetic that i can’t even get sick of it.

- if there’s a will, there’s a way

- sometimes its good to look back once in a while... to see how far you’ve gone. if i can still see fragments of my past, then i’ll use that to strive to get further, further away from the demons that haunts me. if i can’t, then... smile, and look forward.

- you can fear things. but don’t let it show on your face. instead, fight it, anyway.

- everyone is just scared as i am.

- i don’t necessarily need to say my stand.

- i can’t judge dramatic people because that would mean i’m judging myself. but when did i have stopped judging myself?

- its good to go out for walks once in a while.

- rainy days elongated with a class suspension are always stuff to look forward for and cherish. the rain only visits me once in a while, i miss it.

- moments are traces of life

- sometimes, you never really see the value of something until they’re gone...

シルエット

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omigodimonfire · 5 years

Text

Fitness Resources a.k.a. How to Get Jacked 2 tha Max

I pick things up and then I put them back down. I do a mix of strength training, weight lifting, and HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) cardio, interspersed with whatever I feel like doing on any given day, so these are all resources that I have found helpful.

Follow-along workout videos

Fitness Blender, and their youtube channel, is one of my faves for workout videos. They have a crapload of videos of all different levels, and they’re really good about talking you through each movement and modifying movements so that you can do things safely at a level you’re comfortable with. Their website has a fantastic search tool, so that you can sort their 563(!!!) videos by duration, difficulty, training style, body area of focus, equipment, etc. It’s so handy.

Velvet Hammer Fitness tends to post longer and more intense workout videos. They also have beginner-friendly videos, and will give you beginner modifications on the intense videos. It feels like I’ve climbed a mountain when I finish some of these.

Kat Musni Fitness has fun 30-45 min videos. She’s weird and she keeps things interesting.

Scola Dondo has a series of dance workout videos. They are super fun to follow, and she always explains that she doesn’t teach the moves because she wants you to watch the video a few times and dance until you get it, which is a clever way to keep yourself moving.

The Fitness Marshall has even more dance workout videos! He choreographs cardio dance moves to hit pop songs, and he talks you through all of the steps. He has a curated playlist for a weekly-ish workout, called The Sweat Set, so it starts with a slower song to get you warmed up, and then a bunch of higher paced songs, followed by another slow song for a cool-down. It’s great fun, and he always makes me laugh.

HASfit is relatively new to me, but it seems to be similar to the Fitness Blender channel. They look like they know what they’re doing.

Yoga, Pilates, etc.

Blogilates, aka Cassey Ho, has a ton of 5-15 min follow-along pilates videos that focus on specific areas of the body. These pilates moves look easy-peasy, but damn do they burn.

Fightmaster Yoga has, by far, the coolest name. She has all kinds of yoga videos, from the short ones that explain certain poses in-depth, to the 1.5 hour long yoga “classes”. I did most of her 90-day yoga challenge* and loved it. I could feel myself getting stronger as the days went on. She’s really good about explaining what each movement is and how it should feel.

Yoga with Adriene has a similar style to Fightmaster Yoga, but with mostly 25-30 min videos. She also has a bunch of themed yoga videos, for example: yoga for hangovers. Realistic.

Flow With Adee has great flexibility videos, as well as a series of videos on stretching and recovering the day after a hard workout. Very useful! [Beware, the comments section on her videos gets real sexual and gross. Don’t look at the comments. :( ]

Sean Vigue Fitness has videos that mostly focus on strength-building yoga and pilates. He’s also kinda weird and makes random jokes. I like his vibe.

* “__ Day Beginner Challenge” things are great for motivation. It’s convenient and a great way to instill a daily habit. They’re a very popular thing, so pretty much any youtube yoga channel will have at least one “30 day beginner challenge” for you to try out.

Information, Tutorials, Articles, etc.

Gold Medal Bodies, or GMB, has lots of articles and tutorials. They’re a great place to go if you want to know more of the science behind a movement, healthy ways to move, or if you have a specific spot that you want to work on (for ex: stiff neck, sore elbows, etc.). They focus mainly on bodyweight movement with no equipment, and they have a few youtube videos to accompany the tutorials.

Bodybuilding.com is another website with articles and tutorials. It’s definitely leaning more towards aesthetic results, but they have useful information and about a million ways to get strong AF.

Athlean-X is a very bro-y youtube channel, but the guy makes great videos on the best ways to work out for strength. He covers form, number of sets and reps, the order you should perform things in, and more. If you don’t know what any of that means, this is a great place to learn.

Meg Squats is a fun channel to check out. She’s funny and has a realistic approach to strength training and life, and she’s strong as shit. DAMN inspirational.

Superhero Jacked has themed workouts for nerds. If there’s a comic book, movie, tv show, or game character that you admire, they’ve probably got a workout for them. They break down a weekly routine for each character that, in theory, will make you jacked like a superhero/ villain. It’s fun to read, at the very least.

Muscle for Life has some really useful tutorials and articles, if you can ignore the heteronormative bs way they’re advertising their books. Honestly, there’s a whole lot of bs going on in the fitness industry and I’m exhausted just thinking about it, but some of these primitive idiots really know their shit when it comes to getting stronger and healthier.

That’s all I can think of right now, but I may add to this later…

As a follow-up, here’s this: you’ve probably heard this a hundred times, but in order for you to really stick with a fitness regimen and reach your goals, whatever those may be, your choices have to be sustainable. If you pick something super difficult and challenging and make yourself do it every day, you will quickly lose motivation and burn out. So try a bunch of things and see what you like, and find something (or multiple things) that you can do every week. Find something that you like. Maybe you won’t be excited to do it every week, but at least you won’t absolutely despise it.

I try to remind myself that my workouts are not meant to be punishments. I’m not working extra hard because of that piece of cake I ate, or because I missed a workout yesterday. I’m working hard because I want to, because I love the way it makes me feel strong and capable. I also have to remind myself that some days I may feel weaker or shittier than other days, and that’s ok. Maybe I’m sore from a previous workout, maybe I didn’t sleep well, maybe I’m just in a terrible mood. It’s ok to take breaks when you need them, and to cut workouts short or skip them entirely. Remember, whatever you’re doing has to sustain you. Push your limits, work hard, be smart, don’t hurt yourself. Someone, probably a yogi, said, “thank your body for everything it does for you.”

#Workout Tips #i forgot i had that tag

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colpeia · 5 years

Text

Sungrass Oasis

~ Music ~

The crisp ocean breeze felt revitalizing and abrupt in such sunbaked air. Beneath an otherwise lavender sky, peach colors streaked around the sun as it hid behind a glittering turquoise horizon. Salty sea turtles roamed the shore.

On a large wooden deck overlooking the beach, a pair of tawny blood elves squatted over the sides of opposite lounge chairs.

A pensive sigh escaped Colpeia as she gazed up. “Well, at least we’re no longer hated for what we’re not.”

The solemn nature of Roholly’s nod didn’t stop the characteristically peppy bounce of her ponytail. She said nothing.

“What are mother and father going to do?”

“They’re returning to the glass forge,” Roholly said. “It’s still there, thankfully, and undamaged. So they’re going to continue running Beamgully Crystal like before.” She hesitated, an uncomfortable thought tugging her lips. “I’m honestly not sure whether Eversong Woods is going to welcome them back with awkward guilt, or the same scowls that made them leave. You know how they are about their craft, though.”

“Passionate.”

“I mean, it’s just as well. Finding a suitable place in Dalaran never got easier. Not for them at least.”

“Are you’re staying, then?” Colpeia asked.

There was gratitude in Roholly’s smile. She glimpsed at her feet. “Mhmm. I’ve already settled in, so it’s like, why return to Silvermoon? Why return to a place that was so quick to cast us out? People I had worked with for years acted like they’d never known me... It hurt.” The echo of grief leaking into her voice dropped to bitter sarcasm, “Really, I’d love to see how they deal with telling patients they need a root canal. They were far too sour. The people I work with now are a lot nicer.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“What about you though? Enough clientele?”

Colpeia huffed a laugh, “They haven’t stopped. Though, most of them have been architects. Civilians want to rebuild and protect themselves. After Lordaeron and what happened in Teldrassil, I’m not surprised.” She stopped, her humble expression heralding a confession. “Actually, because of the extra money, there is something else I want to do.”

“What’s that?” Roholly blinked, bewildered. “And honestly, why? Why work any harder when you’ve already such a solid income?”

“When this war started I was already tired. I’ve rested. Now I see a lot of other people tired. Tired, injured, and very sad. I want to give them a place to rest.” Unthinkingly, she turned to the hills winding just behind and beyond the beach house. They resembled dried and knotted-up honeycombs. “A place with soft seats and hot tea. Maybe somewhere in Gadgetzan.”

“That sounds ambitious when you don’t have a tribe to help you,” Roholly joked.

Colpeia looked back at her and returned a knowing smile.

She sat on the bed, her room under the blue blanket of midnight. A silvery glow brushed every contour. The window behind her was open, revealing distant waves glittering under a nearly full moon. Their rhythmic whisper was a soothing but everyday nostalgia to her while a cool draft carried its hush inside. Colpeia’s long stare sank into the vanity mirror against the wall. She looked as dazed as she felt.

Her motivation wasn’t purely altruistic, and she knew it. This was a time of war. She was plagued by an addiction only battles could feed - not for bloodlust or power, but an insatiable redemption she didn’t need in the first place. It spiraled her into a desperate black hole of this-still-isn’t-good-enough-to-absolve-me. If she dedicated herself to soothing survivors, it meant she couldn’t go to wanton lengths rescuing people in danger.

The mathematician knew a negative feedback loop when she saw one. Colpeia was Tildalune’s curse, which made her feel guilty, which piled onto her continued self-blame, which was Tildalune’s curse. She projected her acquaintance’s death onto people in danger only to re-experience severe personal failure if they weren’t saved. This trigger was unavoidable in wartime.

It was fortunate her tribe offered so many methods of mind-healing; they were helping. It couldn’t stop there, however. Constant over-exposure didn’t help to desensitize her, but a change in environment might.

How does one stop a negative feedback loop? Replace the causing variable. After Tildalune’s death, she had fantasies of nurturing her back to health and providing comfort. What if Colpeia frequently did something that she would associate with this ‘fake memory’? She could soothe people who survived danger, instead of succeeding or failing as their white knight.

She could learn to stop. She could focus on how she’d grown to care about Tildalune instead of how she’d failed her.

Tildalune’s spirit could be free to move on. She promised.

A vague breath of a silhouette flashed the corner of her eye, and a honeyed voice beamed in her head:

It’s time. Run, my sweet desert gazelle. It’s waiting for you. You know I’ll be right behind you.

For the next week Colpeia was a montage of sending proposal letters, receiving terms, ordering equipment, and huddling over a floor plan.

In an eclipse-like flash, holding a crescent pendant, she vanished. Colpeia reappeared amidst the celestial themed tents and Silithus-esque crystals floating above the ground. Presenting her floor plan to a gradually swelling group, she delved into thorough detail - the aesthetic, the business plan, the modest building she’d be renting, the spirit of the lounge. The appraising eyes mulling over her words eventually exchanged amenable glances.

Several yards from the shore, a herd of camels sped majestically across the gold sand, their hooves kicking up clouds in their wake. Thick ribbons of cloth gracefully fluttered behind their human and elven riders. Gadgetzan drew nearer.

Slowing to a saunter through the dusty port town, the half-dozen Shafise approached the clay dome building Colpeia had described. Knicks of moderate wear greeted them.

The following month was a slew of repairs, painting, tiling, heaving furniture, positioning lights atop secured ladders, and repositioning ornaments. Regularly catered at the entrance were water and food fine enough to convey a grateful gesture.

Sungrass Oasis was ready to open.

Colpeia sat over the bar scanning over a collection of slender menus. They catalogued an overwhelming list of loose-leaf and blooming flower teas. The rest were fanciful snacks: clamlette magnifique, clam chowder, goblin deviled clams, firebloom crab cakes, cactus fruit salad, Shafisian desert dumplings, hot roc wings, fried scorpid, and prickly pear sorbet. She wasn’t initially pleased about needing a supply of meat, until a goblin explained they always had these ingredients leftover after pest control and harbor maintenance. It was good they didn’t go to waste. This would also give the Shafise tribe the opportunity to showcase some of their traditional recipes along with blends.

Though a hole-in-the-wall, it was contemporary chic and polished, a message of modern class that she knew would hook the landlord’s interest. The floor was tiled in sleek black, and the walls painted white, brought to life by voguish artwork. Framed in thick, black frames, the paintings were as soothing as they were stylish. They depicted modern abstract, turquoise beaches, and desert blossoms. A few were pieces that might have been pretentious in another setting, but somehow felt innocently trendy here. Two of them were offset by equidistant sandstone bowls resting in tasteful square impressions on the wall. Sweeping glass sculptures ribboned with solid colors, some glittering in the light, added bold character. Most of them were feet tall and stood on the floor.

On each black chair was a plush, pale yellow cushion. Filled with sand, sea glass, and shells, a candle resting in a glass bowl embellished every table, along with a daisy in a white vase. A handful of firebloom petals were strewn about them.

Outdoor seating overlooking the beach waited behind a thick curtain. It ironically had more space than inside. Fit for a posh vacation photograph, a pergola strung with lanterns hung over the display, with translucent lilac curtains draped to the sides. To keep customers warm in the chilly desert evenings, a gemstone fire pit sat in the middle. The area was lined with potted, flowering cacti and a low wicker-weave fence. In place of daises were

One task remained before it opened: Reach out to old friends.

#stories #new tea lounge!#won't be a huge thing #might host a casual event or two with it idk

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raakxhyr · 6 years

Text

Of Demons and Doves||Demon!Ryan||Ch. 2

Previous Chapter

Read it on AO3 or continue reading below

More demon!Ryan stuff (x)

finally got this shit updated! woo!

---

“Don’t fight it, Ryan. Let it overcome you. Embrace it. Being a demon isn’t always a curse, and you, kid, are most certainly a blessing.”

Ryan shot up with a gasp. He looked around to identify where he was, rubbing his eyes, slightly hunched over. The sun was barely shining through the windows, and he looked around his room, allowing his heart to slow down. Micki and Dori had their heads lifted, greeting him with nuzzles and kisses.

His dreams had been erratic lately, and he was losing sleep from time to time. He’s just thankful he hasn’t woken up on the streets.

The one that had just shaken him awake just now, he recalled only in fragments, and he stared off, trying to piece together what he can in hopes he could recover his memory. There was a man standing across from him, face unable to be recalled, large stature, and claws. But, he called him son. He called him his boy, like it was his father speaking to him. Unless this was some nightmarish version of his dad, he wanted to forget about it. But the pure presence of this man kept recurring in the world of his unconscious mind, and he seemed almost familiar, like Ryan had met him before, a long time ago.

Ryan decided he would rather put the thoughts aside, and grabbed his laptop from the bedside table. He opened up a Word document he had created since his weird “shifting” occurrence, and scrolled to where he had left off. For the past few weeks, he’d been keeping records of his dreams and any weird events during the times he was awake. Sometimes, dreams began to blend in with reality, and he couldn’t be sure of what he was seeing exactly, but he trusted his memory enough to put all the detail down to the best of his ability.

Last night’s dream was mellow compared to the others. No killing, no death, no haunting. It’s weird to say that I feel almost too accustomed to it, now. Of course, these are just dreams, and not very threatening to me, but the images are still very real in my mind.

This time I was walking in the middle of a forest. I think there was a highway nearby, because a few cars had passed. It was really dark outside, and I walked up to this man (same guy as all my others?) And he talked to me (something about embracing something like powers I guess) and called me son, again.

Still don't know what he looks like, but very tall, probably works out a lot, good legs.

End of notes.

He read it over again and made sure he wasn’t leaving anything out. Drumming his fingers over the keys, he recalled the sequence of the dream before going back in to rearrange and add more details.

I heard the cars before I knew I was in a forest. The conversation with this Leg Man was actually kind of long (like his legs. Longer than Shane. Take that, Shane, you freak). He was telling me to be wary of a red spirit named… the name has slipped my memory, but that’s all. He said this was like another demon or something that wanted to get to me but I can just like...fight it with my demon powers right

I mean if the demon powers are a real thing

Like I know that I have these weird shifting things happening but like I dont have weird spooky powers that I know about or maybe I need to perform a ritual on myself? But I don't mess with that kind of shit because like what if I have to fight another demon and I don't know what I’m doing I mean is my fist really going to hurt them because they’re a demon and I’m not

Or maybe I am a demon I don't know I’m still conflicted and I’m like really confused I wonder if anyone knows about this that I can talk to

But anyway avoid this red spirit or whatever that’s all (what does it even look like, like is it the shape of a human or a cloud? But a red cloud isn’t really that scary. Actually it might be scary, I don’t know. Wouldn’t you be scared of a red cloud? Like that’s some end of the world stuff)

Ryan sighed and put the laptop away, leaning back against the frame of the bed then looked down at his dogs, who had been more than generously comforting. He still wasn’t sure what was happening to him during those times, just that he would look really hairy, and blue. He was digging the blue hair, though. He could probably pretend he had dyed his hair, but that would break the “pristine tipped bro bond”.

He rolled his eyes and hopped out of bed, hyped to start filming for the new Unsolved Supernatural season. They were already a few episodes in, the last filming location having been at the Eastern State Penitentiary. They’d be leaving in a few weeks to Texas to film the next location, the Goatman’s bridge. Until then, it was spending time at the office to work on other projects while their show was on a hiatus.

Ryan was asked to be part of the film and sound crew for others and he thought it would be a good way to bide his time aside from editing and staying home with his dogs and meeting his family at Disneyland (though, he wouldn't mind going every day. Sadly, he was not getting paid for that).

He made his way to the bathroom and began to clean up, the cool water on his face allowing him to feel fresh, along with the minty taste in his mouth. He began shifting halfway through brushing his teeth, and thankfully he wasn’t in agonizing pain this time. There was simply a quiet throb in the back of his head and along his body. Ryan scowled, but he couldn't stop it. He was able to somewhat control how much he transformed if he tried hard enough. He wasn’t sure what it was, but a few meditation and inner self videos seemed to lead him in the right direction. Whatever it was inside of him that he could focus on, he could ease the speed and pain of the moment.

He looked at himself in the mirror and laughed quietly at the toothbrush that now scrubbed a large fang, spitting out what he could and gargled some water. He wasn’t exactly sure how to wash down the fang, but he assumed pouring water on it then wiping it down would work.

He yelped when the water simply splashed on his shirt and over the counter, staring in disappointment as the fangs had disappeared in another shift, and now he looked like an idiot pouring water on himself.

Groaning, Ryan wiped off the counter and walked back to his room to change for the day, tossing his wet shirt in the laundry basket. After cleaning up, he checked himself in the mirror. He had on a plain blue, short sleeve button down, which he adjusted at the collar until his neck was comfortable, and some black jeans. He made sure his hair was properly gelled and did finger guns at the mirror, making a few faces as he posed and checked his hair at different angles.

“Alright, Detective Bergara, it’s time for work. First case: Steven Lim.” He laughed and headed down for a quick breakfast, met his brother at the door, and ran out to his car.

While he sat between all the cars on the road, he began to wonder if he should speak to any local priests, maybe even some exorcists. It was something he’d been thinking about for a long time, but he wasn’t even sure if he could really pinpoint it as demonic possession. He wasn’t getting hurt, except for that pain when he transformed, he wasn’t exactly getting bruised or beaten or bleeding out randomly, and he wasn’t hallucinating (he hoped).

He did think he was hearing voices, though. Maybe he was just caught up from the entire Penitentiary adventure, but he was sure he could hear someone whispering to him when he was alone.

He tried looking up on the internet what to do in the case of demonic possession, just in case it really was his problem. Most of the steps were asking intrapersonal questions, seeking out priests, really reflecting on himself.

Other things he tried to look up like “I suddenly have fangs” or “what to do if suddenly shapeshifting” but the only answers he got were stupid riddles and dumb Quora quizzes.

Most of the time he tried to look through all the supernatural cases he had covered over the so far two and a half seasons of Unsolved. Nothing there was useful to him, since he couldn’t quite connect to any of it. The only answer he had for himself was that something happened where a spirit became attached to him.

It couldn’t have just been coincidence, even with his tendency to try and hold back. Then again, Shane didn’t have any problems.

Ryan’s eyes widened for a little, and an idea popped into his head. Maybe he could ask Shane if he’s been feeling weird at all.

He groaned, sighed, then shook his head. There was no way Shane would admit to any kind of ghost attachment or demonic possession. He’d probably just reason that he was maybe getting sick or overworked. So much for that idea.

He could ask the camera crew, and maybe some others around the office who believed in this kind of stuff, but he also didn’t want to reveal too much of what’s been going on to him to a lot of people.

Ryan shut his eyes briefly in frustration, and decided he would keep to himself for now. There was absolutely no easy way he could explain himself or what he was feeling without sounding like an idiot. Maybe he would just try to live out what was happening and talk to a priest later. While his weird “demon persona” appearance became a natural routine, starting with a gentle burn in his chest to a buzz in his ears, he couldn’t deny that he was still scared by it all, and could only be hoping that he was dreaming. It was only the natural human response, he thought to himself. He’d never seen or experienced anything like this, even in the cases he read over. And every article about demonic possession just seemed overexag-

BEEP! HONK!

Ryan’s eyes shot to his rearview mirror then quickly to the large empty space between him and the streetlight, and he bashfully drove on, his thoughts swept aside. He blew out a quiet stream of air and tried to clear his mind in order to ready for work.

As soon as he got to the office, he was already on his feet, working a camera in a kitchen, and following Steven around LA while he filmed a “Worth It” episode, not necessarily for “Lifestyle” or the main food crew. It was just one of those “on the side” videos. The filming had taken most of the day for one and a half parts of the episode, and he was already prepping for the following days of helping to film.

When they were finishing up for the evening at the office, Andrew had come by to speak with Steven, and Ryan tried to pay little mind to it while he packed up the camera equipment and made sure everything was clean and undamaged. It was when he looked up and saw Steven plant a quick kiss on Andrew’s cheek that he shot his eyes back down and stuffed the bags away into the storage room.

“Uh, Steven,” Ryan said, his hands in the pockets of his jeans after Andrew had left.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Steven turned around with a bright smile on his face, seeming to bounce on his heels.

“You, uh, I didn’t know you and Andrew were together.”

“Oh, um, yeah, we’ve kind of been keeping it on the down-low. It’s been about a month, now.”

Ryan’s eyes widened. “A month? How did I not notice?” He smiled and patted Stevens shoulder. “I’m really happy to hear you two are together.”

“What about you? Finally ask Shane for a kiss?”

“What?” Ryan choked and stared at Steven in shock, voice breaking. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, come on, Ryan. It’s obvious you like the guy.”

“I- do not!” At this point, Ryan’s cheeks had began to tint a light pink, and a falter in his voice had him double thinking his answer. “I...I don’t...think I do.” His voice became quiet, and he began thinking about every shared moment between him and Shane, but ignored the flutter of his heart, and looked back up at Steven. “There’s no way.”

“Please, Ryan, look at you. You totally do.”

“You’re just planting thoughts in my head!”

“Am not, you totally like him! It’s not crazy.”

“It’s one hundred percent crazy.”

“Like your belief in ghosts.”

“No!”

“Yes!” Steven began to laugh. “I need to set up a Worth It date for you two.”

“That is not happening.”

“It will one day. You just watch. I’ll get that video approved.

Ryan bit his tongue and walked out of the office with Steven. “So, how did you know?”

“How did I know what?”

“How did you know that you liked Andrew?”

Steven smiled and unlocked his car to drop his bags inside. “I don’t know, really. I mean, maybe it was after a couple drinks we shared during our last trip. Maybe it was the time we spent getting to know each other while we filmed the show.” He sighed and leaned against his car, staring at the fading colors of the sky while the sun clung to the horizon’s edge. “I just felt it in my heart. The way I would feel when I was with him, talking to him, looking at him, listening to him. Everything about Andrew made me smile. Even when we got to arguing over foods and when he would irritate me and I’d irritate him back.” He shrugged and looked at Ryan. “You just feel it.”

“Just feel it, huh…” Ryan’s hands grew clammy at his sides, his heart racing at Steven’s words, except instead of Andrew, it was Shane he would replace the thoughts with, and he almost hopped on his feet. “I guess I know what you mean. But, I don’t know if I really feel this way, yet. I mean sure, I’ve spent almost two years working close with him on Unsolved, and longer from when I first came here…” He paused, and pursed his lips. “I’m also a horrible flirt, so I wouldn’t know if I was really making good moves or not.”

“Just be yourself, Ryan. I’m sure Shane loves that about you. You’re a good guy. I’ve never seen him smile and laugh more around someone, or try to be as picky and nice at the same time. I think I’ve been around both of you long enough to pick it apart.” Steven gave Ryan a gentle squeeze on the shoulder. “You’ll know.”

“Thanks. I guess I’ll just think about it for now.”

Ryan bid his farewell to Steven, and headed to his own car, enjoying the quiet night on the road. When he got home, he thanked his brother for watching the dogs, waved goodbye as he left, and went to shower then crash on his bed.

“Do I like Shane?” Ryan asked as he lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, and his heart jumped at the words. “I don’t like Shane,” he said, trying to deny the thought, but his voice faltered and betrayed him. “I like Shane,” he whispered, and he felt a warmth form in his chest. “I like Shane,” he said again, stronger this time, and a smile covered his face. “Oh, man.”

Ryan groaned, turning over in his bed, his hand slipping beneath the pillow as he pressed his face into it, staring at the soft cotton cover. “This is crazy…”

For the rest of the night, he began to question his real feelings for his best friend, and eventually slipped into a disturbed sleep.

The next morning, he woke up to the sound of his dogs growling and whimpering at his door. He sat up and saw Micki and Dori with their ears flat against their head, tails between their legs, standing in the doorway and staring at him with teeth bared. He looked down at himself and saw his clawed hands, suddenly stiffening from the sight as it took him by surprise, and pressed his tongue up against the two fangs that held his mouth open.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, voice still raspy from just waking up. When he threw his legs to the side of the bed and went to stand up, his dogs began to approach him with barks.

Ryan stared down at them and held his hands up. “Stop, sit, and be quiet,” he ordered, to which he watched Micki and Dori follow his commands immediately. With surprise, he cautiously began to walk around his bed and around the dogs on the floor, who sat watching him, as if waiting for him to continue commanding them. “Um, lay down and roll over?”

And just like that, they did lie down and roll over. Ryan stared in awe, and shut his eyes as he felt his skin tighten again when he shifted back to his completely human form. His dogs got up and began to jump up to him, wanting to be held. He knelt down and pondered in quiet thought at what just happened while he went to pick one up, but stopped himself.

Ryan sat there, kneeling down, and placed his hands on his thighs, flat. “Stand, Micki. Dori, lay down.” His dogs just stared at him and bounced up to his lap. He sighed, and tried to focus in on himself again, wondering if it had to do with the weird shifting abilities.

He inhaled and exhaled slowly, searching inside of himself for….something. Something that felt like it could burn his chest inside out, and the fire began to spread throughout his body. When he opened his eyes, it didn’t seem like he had transformed at all, but the burning in his chest was still there. Feeling a little defeated, he stood up. “Okay, you guys. I don’t know what I was thinking. Just sit there and be good.”

When Ryan left to go to the bathroom, he realized that his dogs, who’d usually tag along beside him on the way there, hadn’t come at all. He looked around his feet and the hallway then went back to his room where the dogs sat, staring at him patiently. He stood in his doorway in stupor. “Come, follow,” he said, and the dogs immediately got up, in sync, and stood at his feet.

He walked towards his bathroom and they stepped at the same time. When he walked backwards, they still followed. As he went towards the sink, they followed, then began to jump around at his feet again, and the burning in his chest was gone.

“Woah,” he whispered quietly, and decided he would try to hone in on this “new ability” of his, and would try to test it on other animals. Maybe Zach would let him meet Bowie.

For now, he needed to hurry up and get ready before he was late to work.

Same morning routine, same drive to work, same flood of thoughts. Except now he was panicking over what he would do if he ran into Shane. Would he ask him about what Steven said? Would this affect their relationship? He wasn’t sure how to act, wasn’t sure what he was going to do. Everything should be normal between them, but with these new feelings, what really could be normal to him, anymore?

Ryan was lost in his thoughts as he wandered to his desk, attention focusing now on the box that sat there. Shane stood there, smiling, and Ryan felt his heart melt for a good few seconds.

“Hey, Ryan.”

“Huh-hi-hey, Shane, what’s this? New gift?”

“Yeah, more fan-stuff I think.”

“Sweet. I wonder what’s inside.” Ryan grabbed some scissors and his phone, and began to take pictures as he opened the box. The contents within were a few letters and some artwork, along with several bags of popcorn.

They thanked the person who had sent the gifts and Ryan signed onto his computer to make sure he clocked in for work.

A quiet snicker drew Ryan’s attention and he looked to the side to see Shane recording him on his phone and decided to reach out and stop the recording, mostly out of jokes. Shane waved his arm around and they got into a little bit of a fight as the timer ran down, and they ended up laughing together.

“So, heard you had another busy day ahead of you.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Yesterday was a long day of recording, and we’ve just gotten halfway through. We’re going somewhere downtown today. What about you?”

“Just writing up some new Ruining History episodes today.”

“Oh, yeah. I remember you mentioning you were bringing it back. I’m sure everyone’s going to love it.”

“They better.” Shane smiled and slipped on his headphones as Ryan got up to grab the camera equipment. “Oh, Ryan.”

“Huh?”

“You should bring some extra water today. Heard it was going to be extra warm this afternoon.”

“Thanks. I’ll be sure to check that in with Steven.”

Shane gave him an endearing smile and Ryan for a moment felt like he wanted to kiss his forehead before he left. He stood frozen for a good moment, like he was going to speak again, but Shane had already turned towards his computer screen.

He bit his tongue, shook his head, and left to meet Steven.

On his way, he ran into Zach, and remembered he wanted to test something out. He adjusted the back on his shoulder and tapped him on the back.

“Hey, hey, Zach.”

“Ryan! Hey, what’s up?”

“Are you free this weekend at all?”

“This weekend? Yeah, I’m not really doing anything. Why?”

“I wanted to know if I could come over and meet Bowie?”

“Oh! Sure! I’m sure he’d love to meet you. What about your pups? They wanna come along?”

“Um, sure? I guess, yeah. That’s fine.”

“Cool! Just text me what time you wanna come by and I’ll make sure the place is at least presentable.”

“Thanks.”

Ryan smiled as he left and marked the upcoming Saturday on his phone’s calendar before meeting Steven in one of the studio rooms.

“Hey, look who finally made it!”

“Sorry, we got a new fan-package and went to record it.”

“Yeah, I saw you got into a bit of a tousle, too, huh?” Steven elbowed him gently and Ryan rolled his eyes.

“It was just because he was dicking around.”

“Okay, okay, I believe you.”

“And he said to bring more water since it was going to be extra warm today.”

“Ohhh!” Steven snapped his fingers. “That’s what I forgot. Thanks for reminding me.”

As the day continued on, another busy round of filming had Ryan and the rest of the crew sweaty and tired. They wrapped up a little earlier this evening, and Ryan was more than happy to be back at the air-conditioned office. Andrew came by again, this time pulling Steven aside to talk in private, and Ryan went to pack away the cameras alone.

“Hey, welcome back, Ryan,” a familiar voice welcomed him, and Ryan swiveled his head to see Shane approaching him.

“Oh, Shane, hey.” He smiled and shut the storage room door. “How was your writing?”

“Super productive, and I already have an idea for the next episode I want to make after it.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, got it while doing research for this episode. I’m thinking...pirates, eh?”

Ryan laughed and walked with Shane to the kitchen so he could grab another swig of water before he could get home and drink from the comfort of his living room. He looked out the window on the other side of the near empty office, and caught the sun just above the horizon, then turned back to Shane.

“Pirates sounds super fun. You have anyone in mind?”

“Not yet, but I know I want someone super wild.”

“I mean, you are ruining history, so let’s spoil some more.”

“Oh, you make it sound bad. Don’t tell me you don’t get a few fun quips at me.”

“Okay, okay, maybe I do enjoy it because I can pick on you.” Ryan looked over his shoulder to see Steven and Andrew holding hands as they walked out together, and Shane followed his gaze. “Man, I didn’t know for so long. Did you?”

“Hm? Yeah. I noticed early on.”

“You did?! I didn’t even notice! Steven just told me yesterday after I saw Andrew kiss him.”

“Talk about oblivious.”

“No, I just- I’m busy and I don’t pay attention to these things!”

“Okay, sure Ryan, like your love-dar isn’t broken.”

“Did you just say love-dar?”

“Yeah. Why, bad name? Love-ner? Like love scanner? Or… loooove…hm…”

“No, no, I don’t need a love-whatever. I am quite fine just knowing my own interests and others when they feel comfortable enough to spread the news.”

“You like someone?”

“Ech, I mean, I don’t know, yet. Why, do you?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You do?”

“I just said I did, didn’t I?” Shane raised an eyebrow at him, then laughed and elbowed his shoulder. “Why, you jealous?”

“What? Jealous? Of someone I don’t know? Sure, okay, me, jealous of someone that likes you, Shane. As if.”

Ryan’s cheeks began to burn as Shane laughed. They walked outside of the building together, and Shane pat Ryan’s shoulder.

“I’m teasing you, bud,” Shane said, smiling. “Just wanted to see how you would react. I don’t know if I quite like someone, yet, either. Just waiting to see what’ll happen.”

“Yeah…right, yeah. Of course you are-were-are.” Ryan cleared his throat, and caught the sound of something rustling from the bushes just beside the gate of the parking lot. “You hear that?”

“Uh...yeah, coming from there, right?” Shane looked in the direction of the movement, and Ryan held his breath for a moment before they both walked towards the noise.

A cat jumped out at them, and Ryan yelped, ordering a strong, “stop!” towards the cat, which landed just in front of them and stared up at him, pupils slitted and calm as it swished its tail around.

“Woah,” Shane breathed out, and looked between Ryan and the cat. “You know this cat?”

“No idea,” Ryan replied quietly, staring back down at it, and he thought his chest could catch fire any moment.

Suddenly, the cat hissed, and he felt his head go dizzy as everything seemed to tint, and he caught sight of something red flash across the cat’s face and it ran. He rubbed his eyes and looked around, everything back to normal, and Shane stood there staring at the spot where the cat was before he cleared his throat.

“Well, that was weird. I think I may just head home and watch a weird movie in tribute of today.”

“Yeah,” Ryan murmured, and looked up at his friend before pulling him into a hug. He didn’t know why he did it, but it was a sudden action, and immediately he thought his face would burn right off. Instead, he didn’t pull away, and Shane seemed to reciprocate, patting his back. “I, uh, sorry. I don’t know why- I just - I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“It’s okay,” Shane said with a quiet laugh. “I’m surprised, but I appreciate a good ol’ Bergara Bear Hug.”

“Oh no, you even gave it a name? You know I don’t like bears.”

“But you’re, like, a human version of Paddington. Bergara Bear Hug is official.”

“Noooo,” Ryan groaned, smiling, and pushed Shane back a little. “Anything but that.”

“Nope, it is branded now. The Bergara Bear Hug. It’s your secret attack.”

Ryan just laughed and headed towards his car as Shane went towards his. “Okay, fine. Now I need to find something for you, you shit.”

“Love you too, bud. See you.”

“Lo...yeah, see you!”

Ryan skipped a little in his step and hopped into his car, scrolling through his Spotify playlists to find some tunes to listen to while he drove home. He looked up as Shane’s car pulled out of the lot, and he waved goodbye, just as his vision went fuzzy again, and he could have sworn Shane winked at him with the brightest, red eyes, and a whisper of red cloud stream behind him. Ryan blinked, thinking he was just tired, trying to catch a look at Shane’s face again, but he had already turned down the road.

“What the fuck…”

#raaky fics #odnd #demon!ryan #shyan #skeptic believer #demonryan #demon ryan #ryan bergara/shane madej #bfu #shyan fics

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omgkittymonster-blog · 5 years

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KAT'S KETO STARTER GUIDE

a quick guide to starting keto easily and without worries!

⦁ intro ⦁ science ⦁ myths and misconceptions

⦁ breakfast ⦁ lunch ⦁ dinner ⦁ snacks ⦁ food list CHEAT SHEET:

⦁ intermittent fasting ⦁ what to do when you go out to eat ⦁ what to drink and when

⦁ "carb cycling", cheat days, and how tos: ⦁ things to avoid that are a waste of money

INTRODUCTION TO KETO Keto is an amazing diet and/or lifestyle that when paired with multiple other forms of healthy choices can be a quick way to lose a few pounds or a healthy way to live longterm allowing you to still enjoy life without estranging yourself from your friends and family. It is very flexible and people that stick to keto find themselves in love with it and raving about their success, as long as they gave it the proper chance! I myself lost ten pounds the first week I did strict keto and I knew then I was hooked!

SCIENCE BEHIND KETO AND WHY IT WORKS The common american diet is very high in sugar, carbs, unhealthy fats, caffeine, sodium, etc. This recipe is a disaster waiting to happen, heart disease, obesity, cancers, diabetes, among a plethora of other terrible life stealing diseases that effect millions of americans. Whether you do a low carb, or low calorie, or low red meat and fat diet, the idea remains the same. Reduce calorie intake vs output, avoid foods that cause inflamations or gastro-intestinal upsets, and eat filling whole foods that offer a lot of nutrient density. Now, the reason that keto works so good is the science behind the diet: When you reduce the amount of sugar (glucose) your body intakes, which is its normal source of fuel, it panics, uses what it has, burns glycogen which is stored in the liver and muscles, and finally switches your body to KETONES (which burns FATS for fuel instead). When your body is in Ketosis, it will burn your body fat and consumed fats for energy, to do normal body functions. This sounds like a miracle, and I can honestly say it is. Most average americans have anywhere from a 20%-50% body fat ratio, men usually on the lower end of that, where anything over 30% is usually considered overweight. That being said, most people have a lot of fuel to burn that they would never have burned if they were eating a large amount of carbohydrates that the body prefers to burn first. You literally have your own fuel just waiting to go, and you will feel awesome when you see the fat melting off your tummy, thighs, back, face. :D

Myths and Misconceptions When I first started keto I thought I could eat as many hot dogs, burgers, chicken wings, ranch dressings, etc as I could stuff in my face. Truth be told you can, but your body will be severely lacking vitamins and minerals that you need to be healthy so I would suggest making sure to vary your diet, always include a healthy fat (example: salmon, avocado, macadamia nuts) and lots of greens whenever possible. If you absolutely cannot, taking a high nutrient density multi vitamin is really smart, as well as looking into electrolyte mixes or supplements. People will try to bully you or shame you for not eating "just one this" or "you have to try a bite" and after a little while, you absolutely can! But during the first month or so, til you become "fat adapted" it is best to be as diligent as possible, and you will be really proud of the results. Not all fats are created equal: While dirty keto does exist and sometimes is necessary, try to remember that quality of your fuel will always dictate how you feel. Will you feel better after a slice of greasy pizza or a big salad with lots of veggies and roasted turkey? Easy concept. You don't have to starve yourself. This was the hardest part for me to learn at first. Keto foods are filling, yummy, and full of flavor, so eat til you're about comfortably full and give the fork a rest. You'll find you're sated for many hours! Not all people get the keto flu. Some adapt to eating high fat really well with minimal issues. If you are feeling dizzy, lightheaded, or stomach sick, make sure you have plenty of water and if you need to, have a shot of pickle juice or a sprinkle of salt in your water. Vitamin water ZERO is also a decent way to get electrolytes without having to spend a lot on a supplement. I'd avoid zero sugar gatorade though, the sweetener in it is sucralose which is bad for ketosis.

NOW TO THE FUN PART: THE FOOD! I do most of my shopping at a normal grocery store, and most of the things I mention can be bought at meijer, target, walmart, or whatever your local chain is. Buy organic if you want! But it isnt necessary. Meats and dairy foods are best when bought all natural or organic if possible. Look for words like grass finished, or pasture raised.

Breakfast ideas: Omelets - add whatever meats veggies and cheeses from list fit your choosing Cauliflower "hash" - sautee pieces of cauliflower with meats, veggies, top with cheese and let it melt :D keto "cereal" - 2 cups unsweetened coconut, sprinkle with cinnamon, stevia, coconut oil, pecans, macadamia nuts, whatever. bake two minutes per side around 375 til toasted. cool and serve with unsweetened hemp, oat, almond or soy milk and fresh berries if you want! Chorizo and eggs with avocado and sour cream - they do make turkey chorizo too! or make your own by adding hot sauce and spices to ground turkey. :3 "Two Good" Makes a super low carb yogurt that tastes amazing - i eat it with berries or a "Quest" brand protein cookie for breakfast! Chia pudding - 2 T. chia seeds, milk substitute or water, stevia, and whatever flavor you want to add! Peanut butter, cocoa powder for PB cup, raspberry/almond, blueberry/pecan. Chill overnight, awesome grab and go Egg muffins - mix up eggs like youd be making scrambled eggs, add some ricotta or cottage cheese (full fat only), add toppings, bake for 5-10 mins til middle is set (use a tooth pick). Can freeze and pop in microwave or last a week in the fridge. I like mine with pesto and mozzarella with tomato on top.

Lunch ideas: La tortilla factory low carb wrap "blt" - these tortillas are amazing and come in many sizes. If you cant find those, find any brand that says "low carb" - look for net carbs under 6 for best choices. Add avocado, turkey bacon, mayo if desired, lettuce, tomato, peppers, etc. Eat with cheese chips (recipe in snacks) Soups: Creamy chicken chili, broccoli cheese (substitute heavy cream and broth in place for milk in recipes) bone broth veggie soups (imagine PHO or Ramen with no noodles!) MAKE A BIG ASS SALAD WITH WHATEVER MEATS AND CHEESE AND VEGGIES YOU WANT (that are safe on the list ofc) this is what i do a lot, and i put the dressing on the side so i can just munch on it throughout the day without it getting soggy. If you find yourself picking certain parts out of your salad right away, try to focus on those more until your body is craving other things. Some days i eat my meats right away, others i eat all my veggies. Your body often tells you what you need without even realizing. If you're a grazer make a fruit and nut tray, or "lunchables" almost. There is a recipe for whats called CLOUD BREAD. It's basically like a fluffy meringue that is made with cream cheese and eggs. I dont make it a lot, I almost always would rather have those wraps. They're that good and last longer :D Try to keep things with you that you know you will eat, rather than things you think you're supposed to eat, because cold fish sounds disgusting vs that yummy five piece chicken tender with hot sauce. >_>

Dinner Ideas: Dinner is my forte because for a long time I was doing OMAD keto, aka "One meal a day keto" where I would fast until dinner every day, except for coffee, tea and water. During these times I dreamt up many cheat meals that I JUST HAD TO HAVE and went home and keto-ized em. If there's a will there's a way, bahahaha. OMAD is not recommended at the start of ketosis because you may feel low on energy or dizzy sometimes and we want to avoid bad feelings during initiation so when you see the success you have you won't have a negative feeling as to why it happened.

LITERALLY IMAGINE YOUR FAVORITE DINNER. Whatever you're craving. You can hack it. We got this. Chinese/Take out? Easy mode. You can make stir fries, fried cauliflower rice, sweet and sour chicken (using parmesan for a crust!), peanut "noodles" or "zoodles", egg foo young, etc! American: Wings, burgers, brats/sausages, grilled chicken, etc - most cook out foods in whole form are totally safe. Pair with grilled veggies or a salad, or make a pasta salad from zoodles with homemade italian dressing. YUMMMM bish Italian: Low carb tomato sauces and "noodles", Fat head Pizza (link to fat head dough recipe will be at bottom. This shit is dope. I never even liked pizza before this). Chicken Parmesan, "Spaghetti and Meatballs", Lasagna: AND OMG GUESS WHAT. Alfredo is like totally fair game, and its really good with mushrooms and chicken. :P Mexican: HOLY FUCK I EAT THIS STUFF SO MUCH. Like, pretty much everything but the chips and rice are totally gucci for keto. Taco/Burrito bowls, fajitas, ceviche, salsa, avocado salad, guacamole, and for dipping I make cheese chips or thin slices of cucumber spritzed with chili lime and salt. Greek: Greek salad, schwarma, gyros (either without bread or use the low carb wraps), hemp seed "Falafel", tzatziki sauce, feta cheese, olives, etc. I have even made indian and thai curries, moroccan food, middle eastern We have made chicken tenders, french fries, chips, "nachos", fish fry, breaded mushrooms, mozz sticks, cheese curds. All your craving foods! The internet is wonderful for this, just make sure you are paying close attention to how much a portion is, or if its higher in carbs than you're allowed for the day.

Above I posted a picture for a shopping list.

This is a nice shopping list but I find it is sort of strict. Try to stick to these items to start but You can add in things like more nuts or avocados, almond and coconut flours (to make cakes and breads!), and higher starch veggies and fruits as time goes on. I get down on some cantaloupe pretty often, and have a cupcake at least once a month.

Intermittent Fasting IF is typically considered an advance technique or body reset especially after big meal days or cheating, and while it has amazing health benefits, I would suggest you research it yourself and decide if it's right for you. I had a lot of luck with it because I hate to keep track of my calories on an app so I knew if I ate whatever I could within a five to seven hour period that the chances that I would eat more than 1800 calories would go way down. Each person is different, if you feel physically hungry, don't deny that feeling. Here is a link that describes and explains types of IF. https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/intermittent-fasting-guide#methods

What to do when you go out to eat We live in a time where many people eat low carb, or restaurants are very willing to wiggle with ingredients or substitutions. Remember that nicer restaurants appreciate this less, but if you know that it will be happening, you can always call the restaurant and let them know in advance. Many chefs are reasonable and want your business and willing to help. Always check the menu for words like, naked, ask for sauces on the side, try to stick to things that are usually safe, blue cheese, ranch, vinaigrettes, mayos. When a dish comes with a carb side, most places will double up on steamed or grilled veg for very little extra or no charge. I get steak with a literal dick ton of broccoli or asparagus and lotsa butter and its good and filling. :D Burgers can be put on top of a side salad , or ask for a lettuce wrap. Make sure wings and chickens arent breaded before frying or baking. Chinese restaurants usually have a section that has all the same ingredients but sauce on the side and veggies steamed, good for when you go out. Egg drop soup is usually ok as long as you don't eat a gallon of it. If something comes that you really want, but can't have, just have one small bite and cover the rest of it with too much salt or ketchup or something than you can handle, or trade it away. This will prevent you from eating it all. There's lots of options and understand that whenever you go out, there is a chance that you might slip out of ketosis. Don't be discouraged because a small slip is a lot easier to deal with than a big one, and you will feel fine within 12 hrs.

What to drink and when Coffee, espresso, unsweetened teas, club soda or la croix like drinks with zero fake sugars added (look for aspartame, sucralose, dextrose, erythritol, etc), pure liquors with no added flavor or sugar (vodka, gin, whiskey, rum, tequila), dry red wine (cabernet, merlot) dry white wine (sauvignon blanc, brut champagne, pinot grigo, chardonnay). Keep in mind that alcohol still contains a lot of calories and while it will not likely bump you out of ketosis, it does delay your body burning calories because it is too busy trying to destroy the evil alcohol from your bloodstream (dramatic music) so limiting intake in the first month really helps you to get in the swing and feel good and hydrated :P. Side Note: Ketal One makes new no sugar added Botanical Vodka and the Peach one and the cucumber mint one are fucking amazing, the end.

"Carb cycling" cheat days, and how to IF YOU KNOW YOU'RE GONNA CHEAT mentally prepare yourself for that. Know what you want to eat, what isnt worth it, and how to stop yourself when you are done. Ever been on a bender where you drank like three days in a row and by the end you're like dude wtf happened all I wanted was to drink friday night and now its sunday where did it go". This has happened to me lots with holidays and special occasion weekends, and the best advice I have for you is to pay attention to how cheating makes you feel. Don't feel guilty unless you feel bad for your progress or your body. Sadly, potatoes make me feel like garbage so I try to avoid them like the plague even when I do cheat. Try to not eat for as long as you can handle after you cheat to allow your body some rest and to burn the glucose and glycogen that may be still in your system. If you feel good enough some cardio or lifting may help to get you back in faster. Ultimately, if keto is a lifestyle for you, remember that life happens and its ok to be human, and eat things that are unhealthy as long as its not the normal. Remind yourself that you deserve to be happy as well as healthy and balance that in your mind. Being positive and recognizing this will help you to not fall off the deep end either way, by being too strict or completely abandoning keto, which often in the early phase will lead you to gaining all that weight you lost back. Carb cycling is a form of keto diet for athletes or very physical people who benefit from a quick carb before intense activity in order to feed their muscles or whatever but as I am not one of those people, I just stick to my higher carb fruits and veggies when I think I might go for a run or walk, or drag my ass down the road, whatever you'd like to call it. >_>

Things to avoid that are a waste of money Don't buy "exo ketones" or "Keto drinks" or powders, anything "bullet-proof" is basically bullshit, you can make the same things for zillions of dollars less and it will taste better as well. Keto urine strips are pretty much just a waste of money, they aren't really indicative of where you are at. Expensive "keto" supplements aren't necessary, take your multi and drink your electrolytes and you should be good to go. Keep in mind if you are an intense athlete I am not so like talk to your doctor or coach dude.

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theechoofadistanttide-blog · 7 years

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Feeling like I’m having a nervous breakdown

Hey guys so ok this is gonna be a very long post ‘cause I’m having a nervous breakdown and I dont think I can keep going like this.

From where do I start?

I’m listening to “Fuck you” so probably I should start by speaking about Federico. Federico was my ex boyfriend and we were together for about 4 months (you may think it’s not so much time but for me it is). So you know how we broke up? No? Well, me neither. I was just getting very annoyed by his attitude and he gradually stopped asking me to hang out. So one day I called him and he didnt answer. After that day we didnt see each other anymore. That sucks right? No it doesn’t because I am a fucking strange person that can’t prove normal feelings.

I just let it go. That’s the end. And when I see him around the city with his friends, I’m only able to complain about them being all FUCKBOYS!

I FUCKING HATE FUCKBOYS

You wanna know where my hate comes from? All the guys I meet in this fucking city (which is making me wanna throw up so bad) anyway, all the guys just wanna fuck me and I’m fucking fed up! I deserve love and emotions and all those beautiful stuff that you get when someone CARES. I feel like no one cares, so why should I?

I went on a therapy till december, then I had to stop taking ZOLOFT ‘cause it was giving me more anxiety. So I started another therapy. On my own. I started building self-confidence. And now I seriously believe that I’m worthy and that I am unique and that no one can put me down. I SERIOUSLY believe that I’m an amazing creature with all the right stuff in the right place. So where’s the point?

The point is that I’m fed up of being forced to separate sex from emotional commitment: SEX IS EMOTIONAL COMMITMENT, YOU STUPID HYPOCRITES, IF YOU DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON IS LIKE YOU’RE MASTURBATING WITH A DOLL YA KNOW.

But that’s not the end of my relationships’story: ever since I lost virginity I only ended up with guys who wanted to have sex without using fucking condoms. That’s thei point of view: OK YOU KNOW GIRL YOU’RE AMAZING BUT I CANT TAKE ON COMMITMENT CAUSE I’VE LOVED TOO MUCH IN MY LIFE SO JUST LET’S HAVING SEX! AH BUT SWEETIE I DONT USE CONDOMS: I CANT FEEL YOUR VAGINA, YA KNOW. BUT DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT: I CAN CONTROL MYSELF!

YOU KNOW WHAT? NO YOU CAN’T CONTROL YOURSELF! NOBODY CAN! Your fucking penis produces seminal stuff even BEFORE and DURING sex!

What about getting sick??????????? Syphilides? HIV??? FUCK YOU ALL!

This year I had to take 3 (THREE) day-after-pills... Which is like killing your uterus.... I was stupid but what else could I do? Ya... maybe being more conscious and force them to use condoms... But you know, when you fucking hate yourself you don’t care much about future and consequences... You’re just not able to think critically. You do the bad things, you choose bad.

All I thought about ever since a while was being high...

So now we get to another big point of this overwhelming situation: PARENTS... Ya it seems like I got the perfect family: mum’s lawyer, dad’s a doctor... What could be wrong with ita? Just another bored girl complaining about not getting enough attention. NO

I mean, I’m aware of the fact that my life is not SERIOUSLY bad, but anyways: my parents are divorced, my dad is still a fuckboy. He got used to living alone so he does whatever he wanna do, he goes wherever and whenever, without caring about two daughters’ real problems. What if my mum wants to leave for a weekend and leave my little sister with him? She couldnt because “HE’S GOT PROGRAMS”. FUCK I GOT A PROGRAM TOO: I WANNA GETAWAY FROM HERE RIGHT NOW!

Anyway there we get to the other big problem: MY MUM... She’s been developping anorexia’s mentality since a couple ago, she doesn’t eat (like 1 coffee and half of a zucchini during all day, when she gets really depressed)... Oh, depression... Ya, a single mum with two problematic daughters, a private career (which is falling into pieces) and other shitty problems CAN GET DEPRESSION. It’s easy, though... But the bigger matter is that she denies it and she gets worse everyday ‘cause her situation gets worse (my grandma is sick, one of my mum’s best friends got cancer and she cant sleep because of worrying too much)... And when I told my father, he said I was wrong after she immediately denied.

Ah, my little sister gets mad with me when I tell my mother to eat. She’s like: “stop telling her what to do she’s an adult, she can take care of herself”

FUCK NO SHE CANT STOP SAYING THAT! SHE’D DIE IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS! SHE SUFFERS OF HEART RATING PROBLEMS! IF SHE DOESNT EAT AND KEEP GOING THIS HARD ON THINGS SHE WILL DIE! FUCK YOU STUPID TEENAGE GIRL

So I’m under pressure. I’M UNDER PRESSURE OK! MY MOM IS NOT ABLE TO GROW MY SISTER UP LIKE SHE DID WITH ME! SHE DOESN’T GET ANY RULE! I DON’T GET ANY RULE! Ok I’m 18 so I can understand when it’s time to stop a little back but SHE CAN’T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHEN IT’S TIME TO TIDY UP HER BEDROOM! She never does it cause nobody tells her! Nobody ever told her! And that’s a stupid example.

Ok, so I’m 18 right? And I got no rules ok? Yeah... cool... I can avoid sleeping, eating and going back home and living properly... I got sick for a week this summer and had to stop smoking.. But then I got better and kept smoking and drinking. Yeah maybe it’s not because I got no rules but because I like it and because it’s the only way to have fun and enjoy your time out in this fucking deserted city full of fucking bastards.

Maybe smoking and drinking arent an issue apparently. But what about taking care? That’s the issue. Here nobody teaches you how to take care of yourself.

So I feel like falling down... And it’s a fucking fast fall. And I get fucking blamed for this.

“You don’t help enough. You’re never happy. Everything someone does for you is shit. You always blame others for your faults. Don’t you think that maybe I’m so tired and depressed because of you, do you? You make me worry so much.”

That’s what my mom keeps repeating. And I keep feeling terribly guilty. For what? For being an adolescent and for having my mother tired to death... I’ve always paid attention to other’s feelings and conditions... I can’t help with this.

I CAN’T HELP WITH THIS OK. STOP. SAYING. THAT I AM. A. FUCKING. MESS. ! Cause you know what, mother? I’M NOT! I’M SUPER COOL AND I NEVER DISAPPOINTED YOU! I WAS PERFECT AT SCHOOL, I GOT THE BEST GRADES IN MY CLASS AND EVERY FUCKING TEACHER COMPLIMENTED! WHAT DO YOU WANT? I’M ONLY 18 AND I’VE ALREADY WRITTEN A COUPLE OF BOOKS! I GOT PLANS FOR MY FUTURE!

SO WHAT? I’M DEPRESSED? I SMOKE? I DRINK? I AM NOT EMOTIONALLY BALANCED? I AM NOT GOING TO APOLOGIZE FOR THAT. NEVER.

IT’S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT! I DIDN’T CHOOSE TO BE CONSTANTLY SAD AND TIRED! ! IT’S NOT MY FAULT....

(My mother doesn’t eat at all when I don’t want to eat... I can’t help with this... Sometimes I just cant think about eating...)

AND FUCK YOU NEVER APPRECIATE MY GOOD MOMENTS AND PERIODS! Like when I’m on top, when I feel like I can do everything.... You never get that.... FUCK YOU!

So being in this fragile situation gives me a lot of stress and anxiety... Luckily I finished school so now I can focus on things I like (and even there, when I wanna do things that I like, there are always problems)..

FUCK THIS CITY FUCK PEOPLE WHO LIVE HERE FUCK MONEY PROBLEMS FUCK FAMILY FUCK MUM FUCK EVERYBODY I WANNA SET YOU ALL AND MY FUCKING LIFE ON FIRE

So you’re reading a lot of anger in my words.. Your’re right, but anger is the only true feeling for me... Sometime I imagine really bad things (like tonight I started thinking about me being raped by my ex’s friends... with my ex being there knowing everything) just to check whether I’m still able to feel sorrow or not.

I often imagined my parents dying... Just for curiosity.. So I think about my feelings: how would I feel? How much would I cry? Would I cry??? What about my sister??

And sometimes I can’t answer, like if there was absolutely nothing in my soul...Just darkness and perdition.

I know it sounds so stupid and pathetic but that’s how I currently truly feel.

Lost.

I used to be really sensitive and cry for everything but then I stopped. Now I am just disgusted. DISGUSTED.. By humanity, first of all.

Lost and disgusted: is there any remedy?

Maybe being high and drunk all tha way.

I fucking hate this place and wanna go away.. Still have to wait for october for university... but actually I just wanna getaway.

The most important thing for me is living a pleasant life and never regret anything.... This city and this situation and the people surrounding me are making me regret a lot. They are making me live with anxiety etc..

SPLEEN. ok? Maybe spleen is my problem.... That’s all.

Fuck. Thank you guys for reading

I just want to let you know that if you read all this you’re my super-heroes.

Thanks, seriously

theechoofadistanttide

#sad #depressing thoughts #life #problems #bad #evile #smoke #weed #alcochol #zoloft #therapy #discussions #vintage #talk #anger #pink #i'm sorry #green

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groundramon · 7 years

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I’m bored and I cant focus on my drawing so...

Since I’ve been ratting on Teen Titans all week even tho I insist I like the show (I SWEAR TO GOD I DO...I was off-put at first but? its okay, its hard for shows to immediately hook me), I think it’s only fair to list some of my major problems with some of my all-time favorite shows and some other shows that are currently on that aren’t really my favorite, but I still think are objectively decent and arguably pretty damn good.

I’m not gonna go in order from best to worst but here we go: (keep reading tag because this is going to get really fucking long and ik i dont usually do this with my rants but i feel like i should this time, idk im inconsistent this is a personal blog sorry)

Steven Universe: - I sometimes feel bad critiquing SU because it’s not too far into its run. I love the show, some of the moments and even full episodes are legitimately mesmerizing, but it...has quite a few problems, yeah.

- The one I bitch the most about is the pacing. Steven Universe tries to combine serialized storytelling, which is telling an overarching story over the course of several episodes (IE Avatar: The Last Airbender, most anime, ect), and episodic storytelling, which is telling several smaller stories that each fit in one episode with little to nothing connecting them besides the characters (IE SpongeBob, We Bare Bears, most cartoons honestly). But emphasis on “tries”; Steven Universe, unfortunately, is not very good at blending these two styles. Steven Universe ridgedly adheres to the idea of having a season that is half filler/”townie” episodes and half “cool alien”/plot-related stuff - and this is something that’s been confirmed, by the way. So while this was fine in the first season (where the only true overarching plot-related episodes that weren’t just worldbuilding were at the end of the season) and the second season (where the plot episodes can be summed up all-together as “they catch and befriend Peridot and learn, not stop, the Cluster”), it isn’t in the later seasons. Season 3 has the following plot points: the Cluster is defeated, Malachite is found and defeated and defused, Lapis joins the Crystal Gems, more homeworld gems (rubies) find earth, Jasper is corrupted and bubbled, its revealed that Rose Quartz shattered (killed) someone, and Steven gets lost in space because of a plan gone wrong with the Rubies (and he’s rescued in the last episode). That is a paragraph worth of plot points. And, being generous (IE including plot-forwarding episodes that feel more like filler than actual plot, like the baseball episode) that is 13 twelve-minute episodes worth of content. All of those plot points are addressed in 2.6 hours time. That is not long enough to visit all those episodes. And there are a few more I didnt count that /are/ related to the aliens, but Bismuth and Centipeetle currently irrelevant and weren’t related to the plot points I listed so I didnt mention them.

- I’m also still waiting somewhat impatiently for resolution on certain character arcs. Pearl’s behavior hasn’t been properly addressed for a while and I’m really hoping they dont wimp out of addressing what a piece of shit she can be sometimes. Like, I love Pearl, but get the fuck outta hear with your Pearl stanning shit. She’s unintentionally awful and I lvoe her for it. I’m more patient about Bismuth but.......crewniverse, im starting to get a little impatient with her too. Bring her back. You should’ve brought her back in the next episode, because her friends shouldn’t have left her bubbled, but whatever. It’s fine. I’m fine. (I’m not fine).

- Also, Lapis’s character arc. Wasn’t properly addressed. One episode she was saying she deserved to be with Jasper and the next she seems fine. One episode she hates Peridot and two episodes (well several episodes, but two episodes as far as they appear) later they’re buddy-buddy with one another. I get that there was probably a time gap where they developed closer with one another, but fuck, I would’ve liked to see that instead of Future Boy Zoltron but okay :) (and i dont even hate future boy zoltron, its just one of the few “meh” episodes I bothered to remember the name of)

- SPEAKING OF UNPROPERLY ADDRESSED CHARACTER ARCS I swear to god Crewniverse, if Amethyst was being sincere when she said she didn’t have self esteem issues anymore, I dont think I can call this one of my favorite shows anymore. Where. Where did she find the resolve to get over her self esteem issues. The last time we saw her talk about them was when she broke down in Sardonyx’s room, but, she was speaking through Smoky Quartz (btw, where the fuck has Smoky been? I literally forgot about her because its been so long...). But still, even if she WAS speaking through a fusion, before then she displayed the same self-destructive mindsets and she was never given the resolve to better herself. All she did was wallow in her own pity with Steven (which? relatable, but not constructive). Show us her getting the resolve to better herself. Show her positively reinforcing herself. Have her whisper “you can do this, Amy,” under her breath right before she kick’s a bad guy’s ass. Have her high-five herself, have her cheer for herself, have her be sincerely proud and acknowledging her accomplishments. Because that’s how you fix self esteem issues and kids should be taught that by someone other than a therapist or the internet.

- Just because a lot of these issues could be fixed with time doesn’t change where they are at this moment. The past pacing issues might not ruin the show for me depending on the direction they go in, but I feel like they’re going to continuously make the same mistakes over and over - and with the intense direction this show is going now, the idea of having five filler/townie episodes in a row while Lars is in space is terrifying because of how awful that pacing is. I do not care about Onion, please go back to Lars. But even if they fix it and the rest of the series is near-spotless, what’s done is done, you cant fix the rushed pacing of the past seasons’ stories and the dumb filler that padded out the seasons in the wrong areas.

- Also, another problem with combining episodic and serialized storytelling is that SU’s story gets WAY too serialized for an episodic show. There’s so much going on that you can’t just sit down and watch a random episode of the show and start watching the show from there, which is a huge problem when you have episodes like Onion Gang and Future Boy Zoltron that take up 30% of the episodes and offer literally nothing to the story and honestly arent usually even that great as far as episodic stories go. You cannot have 30% of your serialized show be 100% filler. That’s bad writing. And SU is in denial of the fact that it’s too serialized to be episodic.

Gravity Falls: - I generally cite Gravity Falls as one of the best combiners of the traditional episodic and serialized styles. It’s what Steven Universe dreams of being; it becomes serialized when it counts (the final half of the last season), but up until then, it’s episodic with just a few clues/reoccuring things sprinkled throughout. However, this show is far, far from flawless.

- Some of the episodic shows, and I mean a lot of the episodic shows, have a tendency to feel rather generic. Ah yes, a girl whose obsessed with boys and boybands. Okay. Seen that. A nerdy, whimpy boy who has a crush on a cooler older girl. Again, seen that. I’m not saying that’s all there is to Mable and Dipper; clearly not. But a lot of their traits encompass many different stereotypes, and while the characters themselves aren’t bad, the situations they find themselves in aren’t always the most original. Sometimes I feel like Gravity Falls is a PG-rated Scooby Doo meets Disney Sitcom. Which is okay if you like Scooby Doo and Disney Sitcoms, but it doesn’t always make for the most eloquent storytelling. Which is fine for a kids show, but less fine for one of the cartoons heralded as a harbinger of the current cartoon renaissance (then again, I’m not into hardly any of the other harbingers of the “current cartoon renaissance” and I’d argue that we aren’t in a renaissance at all; we’re just finally, finally getting some decent cartoons after the awfulness that was the late 2000s)

- I’m gonna say it; we should’ve learned more about Ford’s adventures in the other dimension. It’s possible some of the non-animation related materials (namely books) have information about his travels, but as it stands, I havent got a clue what happened to him during those years. And I want to know. I should know. Its a glaring plot hole in all honesty, because we should know what happened to him and how it affected him. Or maybe im overreacting idk.

Voltron: Legendary Defender: - Hoo boy, where do I even start with VLD

- VLD seems like a show that wants to be character-driven but somehow refuses to. It wants you to be emotionally attached to the characters, but either it does that and does nothing with it, or it doesn’t even bother to do that. The only characters whose struggles I care about are Pidge, Shiro, Allura, and only as of season 3, Keith. Allura I was kinda on the fence about until season 3 but thankfully, if season 3 did one thing right, it was Keith and Allura (and yes I know people are complaining abt Allura’s treatment but I like watching my faves suffer). That leaves two paladins - and Coran, but I’ll give him a pass because literally the only show that’s done a comedy relief right is ATLA so I’m not expecting him to be superbly well-developed - that I dont give a shit about.

- Lets start with Hunk. GOD I want to love Hunk so much. So FUCKING much. But every time a new season comes out, I feel more and more disappointed. This show is so obsessed with melding him down to “the fat kid who eats a lot and makes a lot of dumb jokes” and it’s....so disappointing, because there’s so much potential here for something more. In the first episode of the series, we see Hunk display cowardice (which isn’t an uncommon trait for a fat stereotype) and a prowess for engineering. Yes he’s a bit of a fat stereotype, but you know what? I dont care if a fat character is cowardly, makes bad puns, likes to eat, throws up a lot, all that jazz. I care that they’re more than that. I hate the idea that a character having a stereotypical trait (assuming its not straight-up a caricature) makes them automatically stereotypical. Sorry buddy but smart asian people exist. Preppy blondes exist. And food-loving fat people exist (hi! i know that last one is true because I am one). But they’re so obsessed with ignoring Hunk’s other traits - his love of cooking and his engineering skills. I dont even remember if he used his engineering skills in season 2 and I know he only used it once in season 3. He didnt even cook in season 3. And I think the most telling thing in this show is how the show described Hunk’s relationship with Shiro. As Keith was expressing grief over loosing essentially his big brother figure, Lance thought back to when he viewed Shiro as a legend and a hero, Pidge reminisced about how her father and brother used to praise the guy, and Hunk? Hunk basically said “uhhhhhh he taught me to pilot my lion.....that counts right.” Because Hunk has no relationship with Shiro. Because Hunk has no relationship with any character. He doesn’t even have that much of a relationship with Lance, and the two seemed to be best friends - or at least friends - prior to the formation of team Voltron. At best, Hunk is friends with Lance and Pidge. But all Hunk has done with Keith is make bad jokes while Keith acted all loner-y, and Hunk hasn’t even interacted with Allura and Shiro.

- Now, speaking of Lance, lets talk about him. While Hunk gets points from me because he’s a sweetheart who deserves better, Lance is a flirter whose too high on his own horse and makes even worse jokes than Hunk does. Considering Lance is the one we follow in the first episode, I would’ve expected him to be the most centric member of the team. But first off, fuck me for projecting anime stereotypes/tropes onto a western cartoon (even though voltron was originally an anime kinda but shhh), but secondly he actually is...the most forgettable of all the Paladins. Yeah I said it. I legitimately dont like Lance at this point. Yeah, I said that too. I basically cant remember anything about him besides the fact that he flirts and jokes around a lot and that Klance is inescapable (like, not that its inevitable that you’ll ship it, but you’ll never escape the fandom for it). He’s Sokka with all the charm, intelligence, and depth taken out of him, and also bi but that’s the only improvement. Seriously, what...draws you all to Lance? I dont want to judge, but he’s just....so stereotypical. So boring to me, despite being the most lively paladin. And the development cockteasing. Oh, the development cockteasing. I cant tell you how many times I’ve gotten my hopes up specifically because of something the show said about Lance/Lance seeming to be insecure about something, only for them to immediately shoot it down and replace it with more bad jokes or...nothing at all. Because did Lance even do anything in season 3? He pilots Red now, he had a funny bit with Blue during the “breakup”, he comforted Keith, Keith comforted him, uhhhh ??? did he even have a line in episode 7?? I feel like there might’ve been episodes where he literally had no speaking parts. The only good things I can say about Lance so far are: 1. sometimes hes really fucking funny, and 2. it looks like they COULD be building up to something. But if they’re just cockteasing me all the way through, I’m disowning dreamworks entirely.

- The tone of the show? also shouldn’t vary as much as it does. The tone of a show varying is fine, but it shouldn’t vary in the way it does in Voltron prior season 3 (I’ll get to what I mean by that in a second). In season 1 and season 2, the heavy moments of the show were almost entirely carried by Shiro; there was something for Pidge and something for Keith, but even then, Shiro got involved or was there for the entire time. Shiro, by merely existing, brings the tone of this show down to something almost too serious for a kid’s show (emphasis on almost). During the light-hearted parts, he just has to keep his mouth shut, because the only time he’s done anything funny (besides ironically funny like with his new outfit and haircut) was when he was yelling at Sven. Yelling should not be your only source of humor. But the rest of the show? Was pretty goofy, yeah it took itself seriously sometimes but it also knew how to have fun. Which is fine, a show should be able to have fun sometimes. But that means all parts of the show, including Shiro. Shiro is physically incapable of having fun and that’s kind of sad. Season 3 was better about this though; nothing in season 3 felt fun and goofy, like at all, besides Lance taking selfies with girls in the first episode, and that was just one scene. So I mean, they didn’t fix their problem, but the tone didn’t vary as much. And I’m not saying the tone shouldn’t vary. No, it should; you shouldn’t have all serious moments or all goofy moments. Have some fun, but also take yourself seriously sometimes. The problem is that parts of the show can’t take themselves seriously (Lance, Hunk) and other parts of the show can’t take a joke (Shiro, Zarkon/any villain too but they get a pass since they’re villains).

- Also we REALLY should know all of the Paladins’ backstories by now, ESPECIALLY Keith’s. I know his is a mystery, but we need to know what he knows or else we cant get invested in the mystery. If we dont have the same facts as the characters, we dont know where to start or what to expect. We should’ve also seen flashbacks to Lance and Hunk’s families - ESPECIALLY Lance’s, since he seemed to care so much about them, but welp now that’s gone :). We should’ve also seen more flashbacks to Pidge’s family but at least she’s trying to find them. Nobody else gives a shit about their families and I just. Aaaaaaaaaa this show infuriates me sometimes.

Avatar: The Last Airbender: - There’s nothing wrong with ATLA, move the fuck along

- I’M JOKING IM JOKING SWEATS okay but it’s no surprise I like ATLA and think its near flawless. But still, it’s near-flawless, not flawless.

- If you cant stand a little kiddish cheese, you wont be able to stand ATLA. ATLA takes itself super seriously for something on Nickelodeon, especially something on Nickelodeon in the mid-to-late 2000s (god I wish I watched this show as a kid, my standards would’ve been so much higher and i would’ve known what animation could actually do if you tried) but it’s still written for kids. Which is fine! I actually prefer things written for children over things written for adults. But if you can’t handle something with content that’s clearly written for children, ATLA isn’t for you.

- Ozai fucking sucks. There’s no other way to put it, his character fucking sucks. He’s meant to be the embodiment of pure evil, he’s not meant to be sympathetic like Zuko, but for fuck’s sake, we needed his backstory. And no, The Search doesn’t count; love that comic book, but that’s not enough backstory on Ozai (unless I’ve forgotten an important scene in the comic, idk its been a while). Azula isn’t a sympathetic villain but we see her reasons and backstory. Give us something like that for Ozai. Show us a character that was emotionally neglected and then grew up in a society where killing and genocide were encouraged and praised. THATS the backstory for Ozai I want. I want to know where he came from to fuel my hatred for him, to see him as a real person but not as someone who should’ve done what he did, and I want to hate him BECAUSE he feels like a character. Right now he just feels like the embodiment of evil and that doesn’t make for a good, truly intimidating villain. A truly intimidating villain is one that you understand and can possibly relate to. Not...whatever the hell Ozai is.

- Katara and Aang’s romance plot fucking sucks. I am ace/aro and cannot write romance for shit nor tell when characters have chemistry, but I can still tell this. It’s not...forced? It’s not...rushed? But it’s unnecessary and poorly written and it’s just puppy love and honestly if it was real live I couldnt see their relationship lasting. Also the idea of seeing someone as a brother and then dating them later is verrrry .... poorly worded to say the least bUT ANYWAYS NEXT BULLET POINT

- Toph and Suki could’ve been developed more. Like, they were okayly developed, they were great characters, but idk. Toph didn’t grip me nearly as much as Sokka, Aang, and Katara and I feel kind of bad about it, but thinking about how much development the others got compared to her, it’s not really surprising. I also am not the hugest fan of rude characters anymore, but I digress. Also Suki. Suki had like, little to no development. I want Suki to be part of Team Avatar. Can we do that

- General Zhao also fucking sucks. He’s so generic that the first few times I watched the show, I forgot he was even a significant reoccuring villain.

- Sokka could’ve also been more developed but they could’ve all been more developed honestly? You can always add to perfection. I shouldnt complain about Sokka tho, he was finely developed and I love my nonbending son

The Legend of Korra: - Uhhhh the first season’s ending? 0/10 bad, rushed, not good. I wanted to see Korra deal with the loss of her other elements. I wanted to see her cope with that. But no, because Nickelodeon kept screwing over LOK, they had to rush it because otherwise it wouldn’t have been a happy ending for the series if they potentially had to end it after one season. Fuck Nickelodeon :) but I’m still going to critique LOK for it even if it is Nickelodeon’s fault.

- Bolin and Mako were horribly underdeveloped. Especially Bolin. It’s so sad how underdeveloped “Team Avatar” was in this series compared to the last series. I feel bad complaining about Toph, Suki, and ESPECIALLY Sokka in comparison to LOK. The only one even comparably as bad is Suki, but she got half a season to be developed and these two got an entire series. We got some of their backstory and then...that was it, besides the love triangle that Bolin was barely part of. I guess they were kinda irrelevant for season 2 and season 4, but they had no reason to be missing in the later half of season 4, plus they had season 1 and season 3, so.... God, poor Bolin. It would’ve been nice to see a nice (fat) comic relief guy like him get the same treatment as Sokka, but whatever....its fine.......ill just sit here patiently waiting for my good representation coughs. Also all Mako did was do the love triangle and I Do Not Like Him for it. Keith is a better Mako than Mako ever was because Keith dont need no love triangle and also he already has more development

- Asami also should’ve been more developed, but it looks like there’s potential for more development in the comics so thats good. From the series alone though, she was pretty flat; better than Bolin and Mako for sure, better than Suki from the original series, but not nearly as good as Toph or the others. At least she did have some development and a likeable personality that’s relatively original.

- I hate saying this but...Korrasami should’ve been more developed. I wouldn’t like, take points off of a rating for this point because I mean it was the first lesbian/gay representation in a kids cartoon (from my understanding) and Nick might not’ve even known they were sneaking in something romantic at the end, not to mention they completely subverted the love triangle plot so it actually gains back favor in that way and its great. Also, I mean, they had that buy-curious joke lmao. And I’m pretty sure its expanded upon more in the comic; there wasn’t really room to expand upon it in the show because it was just starting. But they probably could’ve done better than that. It was still okay though and also, the subverting of the love triangle trope is the greatest thing ever and i long for the day that I can do that plot twist in one of my shows lmao.

- The Villains could’ve been more developed. Besides Ammon (who is FUCKING AWESOME and you can FIGHT ME) they all had the same problem as Ozai; we dont have many reasons to see them as human or relatable and it makes it hard to hate them as much as we should. I mean, they do show /some/ human qualities which I appreciate, but I dont entirely understand their motivations half the time and I want to know how they came to view the world the way they do. But at least unlike Ozai, they do feel somewhat human. (Except maybe Unaloq, I didnt like Unaloq very much)

And that’s like half of what I could say about each of those shows, and those are just some of my favorite shows I watch. Dont ask me to go off on like, AOT or something, because I’ll be writing for another three hours lmao (actually feel free to because i wanna INSULT this PIECE OF GARBAGE ANIME that looks rlly pretty but otherwise IS BAD AND IDK WHY I WATCH IT lmao [idk if im joking or sincere sorry]) No show is flawless so I’m going to insult whichever flaws I see. Fight me.

#stormy speaks #stormy shut up about steven universe jfc #i should use a more general tag than that for my analysis ramblings huh #so i can include posts that dont analyze SU #oh well

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themoneybuff-blog · 5 years

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Exploring the Connections Between Your Social Life and Your Financial Life

This is the seventh entry in an eight part series exploring the connections between your finances and other areas of your life. A few weeks ago, I started a series exploring the connections between personal finance and the other spheres of my life. The first entry covered the connections between ones physical life and financial life, the second entry covered the connections between ones mental and spiritual life and financial life, the third entry covered the connections between ones intellectual life and financial life, the fourth entry covered the connections between ones marital life and financial life, the fifth entry covered the connections between ones parental life and financial life, the sixth entry covered the connections between ones professional life and financial life, and today were looking at ones social life and financial life. As noted in the first entry, I tend to view life as a bunch of spheres, or areas of focus. I really like Michael Hyatts list of nine such spheres: physical, mental/spiritual, intellectual, social, marital, parental, avocational (hobbies), vocational, and financial they cover much of what life is all about. Ive come to view these spheres as deeply interconnected, in that success in one sphere is usually linked in some significant ways to success in other spheres (and failures are similarly connected) and that knowing the connections can help people figure out how to succeed in both areas at once. Today, were going to look at the social sphere and how it connects to ones financial life. What Is Social Life? Social life simply refers to the time you spend with other people simply because you enjoy spending time with them and get value out of that time. It encompasses time spent with family, time spent with friends, and time spent in situations where youre getting to know people. This might seem like a common sense definition, but theres actually a lot going on here. Does social media count here? Does interacting with someone online count as actual social behavior? If so, is it weakly social? For me, digital communication with people really only counts as social if its oriented toward spending actual face to face time with that person in the future. For example, if Im looking at a Facebook picture of someone I havent seen in ten years, thats not really social, but if Im talking to someone on Twitter about a game night were going to have next week, thats definitely social. There are many deep connections between ones social life and ones financial life. Here are a few of the key ones. Not having a social life leads to negative health consequences and significant expenses. The social sphere tends to be one of the two areas of life (along with avocational) where people often let it dwindle until its almost gone, then lament the disappearance of that sphere. People are more lonely today than they have been in centuries (if not ever) and that decay of social lives has a lot of profound negative health consequences. In short, if you allow your social life to drift away because youre too engrossed in other areas of life, youll likely find at some point that youre struggling with loneliness, and persistent loneliness is very problematic for ones physical and mental health over the long term. Maintaining your social sphere inherently helps maintain your physical and mental health spheres, which in turn helps your financial life. Your social circle deeply influences your spending choices. Its often said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Im not quite sure thats true, but I do believe that our closest friends and family members have a large impact on how we view the world, what things were exposed to, and what things we think about. Thus, by extension, our social lives impact our financial lives by the spending choices were guided to (or away from) by our social influences. I personally find it very valuable to cultivate social relationships with people who encourage me to make smart spending choices. Friends who are always nudging me to spend have a profound negative impact on my financial life, whereas friends whose company I can enjoy without any spending pressure tend to have a lifting effect on my finances. Friends who are frugal by nature improve my own frugality; big spending friends nudge me toward spending too much myself. We can get trapped in a desire to spend money to impress our friends and acquaintances, often those outside of our most immediate social circle. We want to keep up with the Joneses. We want to have the burst of social cachet that comes with having the cool new thing. We want to be the nicely dressed one in the group, or at least not be the one that is talked about as being shabby. In truth, this is just the spotlight effect in action; because we think about ourselves so much, we over-assume how much others think about us. Yet, many of us find ourselves influenced by these thoughts, overinflating what others might think of us. Its good practice to stop worrying what other people think and instead behave as we would like to be treated, but thats often easier said than done. Friends can help greatly when you need to borrow something or have a major task to accomplish (like moving). Friends can be incredibly useful when you need something in a pinch. Whether its a cup of sugar, a foot in the door at a job, a truck to haul a couch, or an afternoon of help getting ready to move, friends can make all the difference and keep you from spending money on services and products (and theyll likely make the activity more interesting anyway). Naturally, this comes with some expectation of reciprocation, so it means taking on a helpful role in the lives of friends as well. Here are five low cost strategies I use for maintaining and improving my own social life. Strategy #1 Keep Room in Your Life for Social Activity As I noted earlier, it can be very easy to let our social life dwindle away in the face of all of the demands of our other spheres of life. Our health, our jobs, our marriages, our immediate family all of that stuff often takes priority over having a good social life, and so well steal time here and time there from our friends and social connections until, one day, we wake up and realize those connections have dwindled away, and were feeling lonely. Not only is loneliness a bad destination, we also miss out on a lot of fulfillment along the path to loneliness if we let our social lives be sacrificed at the altar of career and family and Netflix and smartphones. Dont let that happen. Block off time on your calendar each week for social events. Make sure youre doing at least something that involves interacting face to face with people that you dont have to interact with (meaning people outside of your professional, marital, and parental spheres). It can be anything you want it to be. It can be a dinner party. It can be a dinner out with friends. It can be a community event. It can be a meeting of a group or organization of some kind. It just needs to be something where you go there with the intent of interacting with others (or people come to you with the intent of interacting). Do this on a weekly basis at the absolute very least, and ideally more often than that. More importantly, block off time on your calendar for these things, and do that each week. Dont let these things slide by, because thats a direct road to a dwindling and disappearing social life and a bout with loneliness. If I look ahead at the next few days and dont have something social on it, Im either looking at the community calendar or Im contacting some friends so that theres something social on there. Strategy #2 Be Proactive in Terms of Meeting People While people might come to you socially by calling you up and texting you and contacting you and inviting you, you cant rely on that for social contact. Its not reliable, and many friendships will fade quickly if you rely on it due to short term scheduling difficulties, introverted natures, missed communications, and so on. If you want to have a social life, you have to be proactive in terms of meeting people (to begin the process of building new friendships) and also maintaining the friendships you have. You cant just expect people to come to you. You cant expect everyone to always have the ideas and always ask you. You cant expect people to keep asking if you have to say no with any regularity. It simply wont happen outside of maybe one or two super close friends. Theyll get the vibe that you dont want to associate with them any more and theyll fade out rather quickly. If you want to grow your social circle and your social life, those people are not going to come knocking on your door. Theyre not going to run into you on the sidewalk. You have to go out there and find them. For me, this means being involved in the community. This means putting in the work to find groups to be a part of so that I have people with at least some common interest to associate with. This means putting away my introverted tendencies and actually talking to new people, which can be hard for me. Its not easy. Its much easier to just look at my phone or read a book. Its also got a high failure rate I dont just go to one event and click with tons of people and suddenly have tons of friends. At the same time, its incredibly rewarding. I have more good friends at this point in my life than I ever have, as well as more acquaintances and people I know and who know me. Thats not a typical thing for an American male approaching middle age. How does this happen? Its simple, and it has just a few pieces to it. First of all, I go to lots of community events that seem interesting to me, and I dont go there with the intent to just stand around. I go to participate. I go to talk to people because I know that the other people there are like-minded and have at least some overlap with me (we live in roughly the same area and have at least some overlapping interests). I dive into lots of little sub-groups. Second, when I go there, I make it a point to be social. I use everything Ive learned from Dale Carnegie (heres a summary) and make a sincere effort to get to know people. If I click at all with someone, I usually find them on social media and follow up in the next day or two with something meaningful (more than just HI! REMEMBER ME!?). The vast majority of people I meet dont click deeply, and thats fine. Over time, some of those people do grow into friendly acquaintances and sometimes eventually blossom into friendships. The key is to find groups and community events youre comfortable with and enjoy. Strategy #3 Plan the Social Events and Invite People To Go One thing Ive found is that social contact sometimes fades because no one takes the initiative to plan anything. Often, this is due to a sense of misguided politeness as they feel like they dont want to push whatever idea they have on others, and sometimes its due to a sense of being overly busy and feeling overwhelmed. Quite often, people just want a clear invitation and a sense that theyre personally invited and wanted at the event. If you want to be social, be that person that starts the event. Come up with something to do and invite people to it. Make the plans, so that its just a matter of the other people showing up. Want to have a game day? Plan one, set a date, invite some people. Want to have a dinner party? Plan one, set a date, invite some people. Want to have a movie night? Plan one, set a date, invite some people. Sure, some will say no. Sure, some others might just no-show. Thats going to happen, and its usually not a slight to you. Forgive it to an extent, unless it becomes a long streak of nos or no-shows, in which case you might want to just do something with that person one on one. Dont just assume that the person doesnt want to be friends with you any more instead, assume that the person is struggling with something, because thats much more often the case, or maybe theyre just disorganized. Let them show you that the friendship is over directly if thats the direction they want to go on dont just assume that it is because the other person has some challenge in their life. You wont always have to do this well, for some friends you might because theyre apprehensive about the planning for some reason but youre almost always better off picking the thing and the time and the place and just inviting people rather than trying to get everyone to fish for ideas. Step up and be the social leader. Strategy #4 Make One-on-One Contact and Catching Up with Friends Into a Routine Over the course of every few months, I make it a goal to touch base in some direct one-on-one way with everyone in my social circle. Ill send them a one on one text just checking in on them (a Hey, how you doin? kind of thing) or Ill stop by some place where I know theyll be and have a chat with them or Ill plan on having lunch with them. My goal with these things isnt to talk about myself, but to find out how theyre doing, especially if I havent seen them lately. Are they doing okay? Whats going on in their life? Do they maybe need someone to talk to? Friendships ebb and flow all the time, but its easy for a friendship to just fade away not due to intent, but due to a natural low point in the relationship when youre both busy with other things at the moment. Maintaining that thread keeps the friendship alive and allows it to bloom again in the future, and it quite often will. As I write this, I cant help but think of several friendships in my life for which this is true. I have friends that live far away that I contact fairly regularly in a deliberate one-on-one fashion, just to see how theyre doing. I can also think of several cases where friendships that would have otherwise faded gradually grew into something deeply valuable again. I do this rather mechanically by using smartphone reminders and such. I dont want to accidentally forget about a friend and let that friendship die, so I set a reminder to keep in touch every month or every other month. My phone tells me to get in touch with Person X again and then I follow through. It works really well. Strategy #5 When a Friend or Acquaintance Needs Help, Do It (Especially If Its a Multiplier) If a friend needs help and I can reasonably give that help, I give it, no questions asked. I dont expect anything in return. Dont I feel used or unappreciated? Nope, not a bit. I choose to help. It is my choice. No one is making me do it. I would feel used if I was forced or manipulated into it, but thats a different situation entirely. What I find is that, if I use this policy, a lot of simultaneous good things happen. For starters, that friend that Im helping is almost always in a better place because of my help. Their life is better, and a rising tide lifts all boats. That friend is usually appreciative, and the friendship we have is strengthened because of it. The opportunity to help is often fun, and it usually feels good. That friend usually thinks highly of me, and that often comes up when Im not around. Again, this isnt an always thing, but its a usually thing. A friend that youve helped without any need of reciprocation is usually going to say good stuff about you when youre not there. Also, when I do need help and send out a call for it, a lot of people are willing to help me because they know Ive jumped up to help them in the past. Again, this isnt a universal thing, but if I help ten friends and then I need help, Im likely to get an offer from at least a few of them. Its worth noting that the best opportunities to help friends are what I call multipliers. Those are situations where the value of the help to your friend is many multiples of what it cost you to help. For example, spending a few hours helping your friend move boxes so they dont have to hire a moving service when they give you some pizza and a drink and you have some laughs and conversation together is a big win. Putting in a good word for a friend when theyre trying to get a job is a big win. Giving a key piece of advice regarding something you know a lot about is a big win. Those should always be given, as it lifts your friends boat quite high with little effort from you. Final Thoughts Your social life is a valuable part of your personal happiness, as well as a key support for your physical and mental health. It has many connections to your financial life as well. Thus, supporting your social life is incredibly important. The big ingredients in a healthy social life are time and attention. Set aside some time and some attention for your social relationships and youll find that youre paid back with far more value that you ever would have expected. Good luck! https://www.thesimpledollar.com/exploring-the-connections-between-your-social-life-and-your-financial-life/

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