#which is fucked!! up! because the last person in my head like that was my fuckin dad

[naomiarai]

𝔸𝕕𝕕𝕚𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕 — 𝙻. 𝙷𝚎𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚞𝚗𝚐

╔. ■ .═══════╗

➤ in which you’ve grown a liking to the roommate of the guy you tutor.

╚═══════. ■ .╝

➤ PAIRING — heeseung × fem! reader

➤ GENRE — romance, smut, fluff, comedy if you squint, f2l, college au

➤ WARNINGS — mentions of drinking, dom! heeseung, big dick! heeseung, sub! reader, unprotected sex, pet names (baby, pretty), oral (m.rec), vaginal fingering, doggy, manhandling, lots of kissing, creampie, multiple orgasms, spanking, slight nipple play, kind of public sex?/ semi public sex. [ lmk if i missed anything ]

➤ WC — 6.6K

➤ AUTHOR — reblogs and feedback are appreciated! (not proofread)

➤ [ enha masterlist ] [ taglist ]

You lift your head from the fiction book it was practically buried in, taking in your surroundings. The cafeteria was huddled with people, either stuffing their faces or babbling too much to care about their cold food. Reaching for your spoon, you fit the last of your rice into your mouth, chewing far too slow, with a sudden foul expression. You stare at Beomgyu, who weirdly stumbles his way towards you. What an idiot.

He makes his way to chair beside you, carelessly dragging it to sit down. You swallow expectedly, pulling a poker face. Beomgyu’s the last person you’d talk to, truly because he was a complete imbecile. The kind that if you were to tell him that he was one, he'd start fake crying and stick his very blue tongue out. (Yes he almost always has a blue fucking lollipop stuck in his mouth, and it TOTALLY irks you.)

Clearly not a big fan of him. So why would said Beomgyu come up to you?

He rotates his chair to completely face yours, letting out a deep breath; smiling at you uneasily. You arch your eyebrow, holding back a snort at how stupid he looks eyeing you.

“Uh..hi.. I’m Beomgyu, Choi—” he says; getting cut off by you before he could finish.

“Choi Beomgyu, I know,” you drawl. Who doesn't at this point?

He swallows nervously; eyes wandering away from yours, “Look, I know this is totally out of character for me, and I would kill to go back but, I kind of need your help” he whispers as if to make sure no one hears him.

Your face contorts into disbelief and confusion. Thats odd.

“Help? Why would you need my help?, don’t you have your buddies for that?”

Beomgyu's nervous, fidgeting with his fingers on the table. “Well, they could try, but it won't really help,” he confesses. “My grades are too low, I can't keep up the act of being okay, you know?” he mutters lowly.

You press your tongue against your cheek, getting what he’s trying to say.

“So, you're asking if I can tutor you?" you clarify, waiting for his nod. He quietly agrees. While tutoring isn’t exactly your specialty, you’ve given it a shot in the past. You could easily say no and leave him without help, but the opportunity to earn some extra cash is tempting enough to give it a go.

“Alright, what's the wage?” you ask in a relaxed tone. Beomgyu seems relieved, attempting to hide his grin.

“Thinking $10 per hour?” he suggests tentatively.

“Not quite what I had in mind,” you respond, unimpressed. Come on Beomgyu, you’re pretty loaded.

“How about $15?” he proposes without hesitation.

“Hmm, on second thought..”

“$25!” he interjects, irritation creeping into his voice.

You smile, content with the improved offer. “Deal.”

“Great, we can meet at my apartment, I just moved in last month; I need to be independent apparently” he says quickly. “Just a heads up, I have a roommate. I totally had to fight him for the apartment, so we’re rooming. He won't be a bother, we'll just have the place to ourselves in my room, he’s never home anyway”.

You nod in understanding and inquire, “Is he from around here?” Beomgyu nods and responds, “Yeah, his name's Heeseung, you know, the one thats’s boring AF?”

You take a brief pause, running your tongue over your lips as you wrack your brain for any sign of a Heeseung among your classmates. Surprisingly, you can’t seem to place him, which is unusual since you typically have a good grasp of everyone in your year. It's possible that Heeseung is just someone who prefers to stay under the radar, which might explain why you haven’t heard of him.

“Weird, I don’t know a Heeseung in our year” you say with confused tone.

Beomgyu shrugs nonchalantly, his eyes rolling in dismissal. “He’s always been like that. Anyway, I’m only still rooming with him because, well, he's almost never home and I can’t cook” he says, eyes bored.

The lunch bell rings loudly, abruptly halting your conversation. You glance at Beomgyu and manage a small smile. “I’ll drop by tomorrow; today's just too busy, you inform him. He gives a thumbs-up in response. With that settled, you start clearing your tray.

╰┈➤

Exiting the elevator, you walk down the corridor, each step bringing you closer to Beomgyu's door. He's waiting for you, his dark hair easy to spot in the hallway. You approach him, greeting him by waving your hand.

You quickly kick off your sneakers and step in, scanning the area with a keen eye. Everything looks neat enough, but the sight of a mop leaning against the wall and the freshly mopped floor makes you wonder. Did he just clean up right before you got here? Seems likely, considering he didn't bother to sweep before mopping. Looks like cleaning isn't really his thing.

Beomgyu gestures towards his room, pulling you out of your thoughts. You follow him inside, and as you step in, you’re greeted by a burst of color. The walls are painted a bold red, adorned with pictures and posters of basketball stars and iconic moments. You can't help but admire the shiny pictures that catch the light, giving the room a vibrant energy. “Cool room” you say, feeling drawn to the bright atmosphere created by all the basketball themed decor.

“Thanks” he says proudly, glancing up at his room.

You glance over at him, smoothly pulling out one of the chairs positioned by the desk, then lowering yourself onto its burgundy red cushion. Beomgyu follows your lead, exhaling audibly as he takes a seat beside you. He picks up a book from his cluttered desk and flips through it, his brow furrowed in concentration. Eventually, he slides it over to you, saying quietly, ‘I don't understand this.’

Examining the content, you meet Beomgyu's gaze with a bored expression. “Beomgyu, this is really basic," you remark casually, flipping through the pages without much interest. You know you’re being fairly annoying saying that. But if Beomgyu wants you to tutor him, he’ll have to deal with it.He gives you a dramatic eye roll and clenches his teeth, interrupting you with a sarcastically sweet tone, “Can we just get to the point already?” You stifle a chuckle, nodding in agreement. “Alright, alright”.

After spending about two hours tutoring, you're ready to wrap things up. Despite Beomgyu's jokes sneaking in here and there, you feel good about how it went. Plus, getting paid $50 is a nice bonus for your time.

You lean back in your chair, letting out a tired yawn. “Well, I guess it's time to head out,” you mumble, reaching for your bag. Beomgyu nods in agreement, rising from his seat. Just then, the sound of the front door being unlocked catches you off guard, causing you to glance at Beomgyu for reassurance. He seems unfazed. Oh. It must be his roommate, Heeseung, if you remember correctly.

You don’t think much of it, heading out of his room towards the door, Beomgyu following close behind. Glancing at the hand holding the door still, you stop on your tracks, awkwardly waiting for this Heeseung to enter. The soft creak of the door’s release draws your attention, as your eyes meet his, times seems to momentarily halt. Were people supposed to be this good looking or was it the lack of love in your life? God, he’s mesmerizing.

“_______”? You hear Beomgyu say, as your mind cuts your train of thoughts. “This is Heeseung, the one I was talking about yesterday” he tells you as you nod quietly in his direction, eyes still fixated on Heeseung.

Heeseung eyes you up and down, humming when Beomgyu introduces you as the girl from class who tutors him. You look familiar. You smile shyly, legs heading towards the end of the door. But what you caught on his face just as you stepped out brings red to your cheeks.

He fucking smirked.

It leaves you pondering, as you mutter a ‘bye’ to Beomgyu, not bothering to look at him. What was that? Did he do that to fluster you? You shouldn’t overthink it. Maybe he does that all time. Whatever, you’re not going to dwell on it. But it does leave you with more enthusiasm to come over to tutor Beomgyu. You’ll hope the only thing you’ll do here is teach.

It’s been about a month since you’ve been tutoring Beomgyu. You’re overall pretty satisfied with how it’s been going; you could see genuine improvement with him.

Other than the fact that you’re effort is going on the right track, you might also be taking advantage of your time there. Your suspiciously long ‘study breaks’ might have not always been for the said purpose. They might have been to make small talk with his roommate; when he arrived home earlier than usual. Or when the times up and you have to leave, delaying your departure so you can see his face atleast once a day. You can’t deny the attraction. Sure, the small talk might be slightly awkward but you atleast get to know him.

You walk out of Beomgyu’s room, on one of your so called ‘breaks’. Today's a good day. Heeseung’s home early!

You make your way towards the kitchen; you must say the counters are well done. They’re like a distraction if it gets awkward talking to him As the door to Heeseung's room swings open, the subtle movement sends a shiver down your spine, causing you to flinch involuntarily. You straighten up, hands crawling up a cabinet to find a glass for water.

You feel his figure behind you, somehow so close yet so far. “On break?” He asks, voice raspy. Must’ve took a nap. “Yeah” you mumble taking ahold of a glass. You turn around, drinking in his figure; oh fuck he’s in a tank top.

You almost stumble walking forward to fill your glass, just when you feel him grab your glass, “I’ll fill it for you. Grab me one too will ya?” he says grinning. Oh does he have to smile like that infront of you?

Nodding slowly, you walk back, getting another glass and handing it over to him. Heeseung mutters a ‘thank you’, proceeding to fill it up.

“Beomgyu tells me you don’t recognize me. I sit behind you in chemistry, silly , i was waiting for you to realise” he says with slight confusion laced into his words.

Your eyes become slightly wide, imagining yourself inside chemistry class. It ticks your brain. Of course, that’s why you must have looked familiar to him. “Right, sorry I never caught that”.

Before he can say anything you hear Beomgyu’s whiny voice calling your name, indicating it’s been far too long since you’ve been gone.

Now you’re on your way to Beomgyu’s again. It’s a Saturday, but he requested you to come. Just as you enter your cab, you hear the loud shrieking sound of thunder, indicating rain. Getting in, you sink into the cozy cab seat, the sound of rain tapping on the windows and occasional flashes of lightning outside creating a quite yet filled atmosphere. You gaze outside with a slight pout. It’s quite late as your leaving now, you hope the rain calms down by the time you have to go home.

Stepping out of the cab, rain pours down relentlessly. You dash towards the elevator, hands shielding your head from the downpour. Inside, you quickly fix your hair in the mirrored walls, hoping the rain doesn’t worsen. Looking into the mirror like walls of the elevator, you fix up your hair. God, you really hope the rain calms down.

The elevator’s soft robotic hum faded as you stepped into the familiar corridor, your feet moving automatically towards the well known door. With a sigh, you rang the doorbell, the sound cutting through the quiet. Taking off your sandals, you huff, waiting.

You hear feet walk up behind the door, unlocking it. But you don’t expect to meet eyes with Heeseung, white earphones stuck in his eyes and a song paused on his phone.

“Beomgyu’s not home..? It’s a Saturday anyway, you tutor him on Saturdays too? Geez” he says as you stand still, digesting what he just said.

Before you can answer him, your phone buzzes, a notification.

[Choi Beomgyu], 7:14 PM :

heyy im so sorry but uh i forgot i had plans today.. youve probably reached by now and its raining like crazy and I don't think its gonna stop so you can stay over for the night in my room, i’ll be at a friends’. use one of my tshirts or smtg. also heeseung's home so you wont get killed at night! again sorry!! </3

You internally roll your eyes. Seriously? But you can’t stay mad at him, he seems kind of genuine.

“I think I’ll have to crash here tonight,” you admit, your cheeks flushing slightly as you offer a tentative smile. As if on cue, Heeseung pulls the door open wide, ushering you inside with a dramatic gesture. “Beomgyu asked me to use his room, kay?” you explain, feeling a sudden surge of liveliness.

Heeseung chuckles at you, his eyes fixed on you as he watches you set down on your bag on the couch heading into Beomgyu’s room. You still feel captivated each time you enter his room; you wonder what Heeseung’s room looks like, you’ve only ever seen glimpses of it whenever he came out of it. Black walls or something.

You look around for his closest, quickly landing your eyes on the half-black, half-red wardrobe. Grabbing the handle and tugging it open, you start to look for t-shirts, thats’s something comfortable. And maybe some shorts as well. Yeah, you might look a bit awkward in it but it’s just for one night.

You frown your face, unable to locate any t-shirts. God, where does this man keep his things?

“What’re you looking for so interesting?” you hear a familiar voice say, flinching at it. You turn around to find Heeseung, arms crossed leaning against one of the open doors of the wardrobe. Dangerously close to you, you must say.

“B..Beomgyu asked me to use his t-shirt or something for the night” you explain, licking your lips. “But I just can’t find any”, you say with a annoyed sigh.

Was it just you or did you imagine the look of distate on Heeseung’s when you mentioned wearing Beomgyu’s t-shirt?

“They’re all in the wash, the idiot probably forgot, use mine,” he tells you, staring into your eyes with miniscule smile.

You can’t help but feel shocked by his offer, causing your heart to beat faster. It may seem insignificant, borrowing clothes, but it’s Heeseung. Your voice feels trapped in your throat, a rush of excitement running through your veins. It just feels special when it comes from him. But you definitely can’t say no, can you?

You reply in a quiet voice, trying not to seem overly enthusiastic, “If you’re completely sure...” He responds with a gentle smile while gently tugging at your wrist. Surprised by the gesture, you let out a soft gasp but ultimately decide to go along with it.

Entering his room, directly opposite Beomgyu’s, the matte black walls catch your eye, imbuing the space with a sleek, modern vibe. The abundance of books scattered; if arranged with proper shelving and space could make a pretty mini library.

As you find yourself in the midst of his room, you can't help but admire the coolness of both of your rooms. “You guys have such cool rooms” you exclaim, watching as Heeseung frantically searches through his closet. You hear his echoed chuckle as you walk towards him, taking a peek at his closet. He seems to have just destroyed its neatness. But you do notice the many t-shirts laying flat and wrinkled on the floor.

“There’s a like a billion one of those t-shirts you’re searching for on the floor, Lee” you tell him, bending down to pick up the two you see. “And a pair of shorts too” you add. Heeseung hums in response with a grin, sighing as he pulls out a pretty white t-shirt and a pair of black shorts. Certainly a little too big for you, sure as hell comfortable. Plus it’s Heeseung’s, makes it all the better.

He turns towards you, holding the t-shirt out in display. “I think you’d look nice in this” he tells you trying to contain a smile sheepishly. Did he do all this searching, messing up his well organised wardrobe, just because he thought this one specific one would look good on you? You would kiss him if you could right now.

You try to stay calm, trying to hide your eagerness as you thank him softly, taking it from him. Turning around, you move to leave; but stop on your tracks when you feel his hand on your wrist stopping you. Instinctively you look back, Heeseung’s face mere inches away from yours. If you moved any closer, your lips would touch his. And you don’t know if that’s a risk you’re willing to take.

“You forgot this” he says,handing you the black shorts, brown orbs still looking into yours. You feel some sort of relief when he says that, quickly taking it from him. “Right” you say in response walking away.

As you walk away, you think about what just happened; would he have kissed you back if you did first? Does he like you like that? Or is it just some occurring tension between you two? You don’t know but you’ll let it play out like this.

Standing before the bathroom mirror, you take a moment to appreciate the comfort and loose fit of your attire. The t-shirt drapes effortlessly over your torso, offering a snug yet relaxed feeling. The shorts fit good at your waist too, thanks to it being elastic. Heeseung was right about thinking it’d look good on you. And again, it’s his.

You step out of the bathroom, slowly walking your way into the living room. You spot Heeseung on je couch, a video game console in his hands and eyes fixated on the TV screen. Stopping on your tracks you watch him, completely not noticing you. From what you’ve seen, he’s not as boring as Beomgyu has told you before. You see a second console on the coffee table. It’s so obvious they play together.

“Mind if I join in?”, you ask, your voice brimming with excitement as you make your way over to the couch where he's lounging. With a playful bounce, you settle yourself down right beside him, looking over at him.

His eyes roam over you, and you feel your cheeks heating up. Is he pleased with how his clothes fit you, or does he see something off? Heeseung’s gulp breaks the tension, and he meets your gaze once more, leaving you uncertain about what his look truly means.

“Do I look weird or something?” you say, laughing awkwardly. Please say no.

He almost immediately denies your assumptions, “No, fuck you don’t,” he says swallowing once more, “You look..good, that’s all” he continues. No, that’s not what he wants to say. He thinks you look hot. But best left inside his head. You internally sigh in relief, thank god. Resuming back to what you said, you ask again giggling, “So can I play?”

He nods his head in agreement, grinning. Bending over to grab the other console, you shuffle into a comfortable seating position, hands on your knees. “Good luckkk” you drawl with confidence. Heeseung scoffs at you with a smile, he’d kiss that attitude out of you but he'll watch you play for now.

“I’ve experienced Beomgyu storming out in anger because he didn't win like five times in a row,” he tells you with a cocky smile. Alright, skilled gamer Heeseung. Although your confidence may have wavered, you refuse to let it affect you. Your main goal is to enjoy yourself during your time here.

“Beomgyu acts like you’re so boring, yet he seems to have pretty good friendship with you” you say softly. Heeseung hums in response, “It’s because I only play with him sometimes, not really so often. He’s just over-dramatic, really” he brushes off.

You nod in understanding, “Let’s play then, shall we?”

You don’t think you’ve ever laughed this hard at someone’s face before. Heeseung’s face when you swiftly went past him and won the game has you breaking into peels of laughter. His face is truly priceless.

“Did that hurt your ego?” you say between soft giggles. Heeseung stares at you, holding back a grin. The way you feel confident after winning over him, entices him; He wants to ruin that confidence, he wants to ruin you. “Beginners luck” he replies instead. You continue to giggle at him, laughter dying down as silence pierces through. It’s peaceful, not awkward at all as the both of you sit in the rather calming quietnesss.

The quiet room suddenly got noisy with your unexpected hiccups. You felt them like tiny jumps in your chest, making you stumble as you hurried to the kitchen, your steps clumsy against the relentless spasms. Opening up the very familiar cupboard, you tap against its inner floor, reaching for a glass. Gasping quietly as you land your feet from tip toeing; you lick your lips, turning to go fill it up.

You’ve always liked this kitchen. It gave you a feeling nostalgia; having such a similar one back at your parents house.

“You enjoyed winning so much didn’t you?” Heeseung says with amusement lacing his words. Gulping down the last of your water with an uncontrollable smile, you nod at him. You like having him slightly worked up. It’s entertaining.

Heeseung walks over towards you, suddenly caging you with his arms. Your hands instinctively grasp at the counter behind you, eyes darting down. His eyes look into yours sharply inching even closer, if you went just a little closer, your noses would touch and at that point you should just kiss. Temptation clouds your mind and ball of confidence strikes you; retrieving your hands from the counter, you pause before connecting your lips to his.

His lips freeze against yours; certainly was not expecting you to do that. But as soon as he hears your soft whine, his arms that once surrounded the space around you, grabbed at your waist. The soft feeling of his lips on yours melts your body into desire, but before you can fall under it, you pull away.Heeseung groans just as you cut contact, looking at you with an puzzled expression. What are you doing to him? You give him what he wants and blatantly take it away. That’s the game you play huh? You tip toe, bending your neck over his as you take a peek at the wall clock fixed in the living room, just next to the kitchen. 10 PM it read. Time does fly when you have fun.

“Sex this late night ruins my sleep” you tell him with a fake pout plastered on your face. “Maybe next time, Lee” you add on as you cup his face, only to kiss his cheek before slipping away out. Heeseung freezes, shock etched across his features as he replays the scene in his mind. He grapples with your intentions, wondering when this “next time” will occur. It’s clear you’re pushing his buttons, you literally kissed him for a hot minute and left him helplessly hanging. You’re good at switching up aren’t you? If he has to play this game to put you in your place, then so be it.

All confidence that resided inside you vanished as soon as you closed the door to Beomgyu’s room. God, did you actually do that? Your ego definitely seems to spike sometimes. You don’t know if you regret it; from the sheer look in his eyes and searing kiss, it was obvious he liked you too. You just might have left quite an impression on him, it was bold of you. The future of your actions lay flat for tomorrow.

You wake up to the noise of the front door being opened, assuming it was Beomgyu, you rub your tightly closed eyes open. Having slept fairly well last night, you quickly got out of bed, arranging the sheets neat. This wasn’t your bed or home to leave untidy, like you occasionally do. Although you think Beomgyu is no better than you.

Walking out you see Beomgyu, helping himself to a cup of ramen. You’d like some breakfast before you leave.

“Hey, got another cup?” you ask with grogginess evident in your voice. Beomgyu finally takes a look at you, pausing at your question for a few minutes before nodding. He turns back momentarily to grab another cup, sliding it over to you. You can’t help but turn your eyes over to Heeseung’s room. Is he still in bed?

“Where’s your ‘boring’ roommate?” you ask him with a hint laughter in your voice. Beomgyu gives you a sarcastic roll of his eyes, “He left for the gym right as I came in” he says replying to your asked question. Oh. You guess the only time you’ll see him again is on Monday.

Finally pouring in the hot water, you close the cup with the paper lid, waiting. As you sit waiting for your meal, lost in your thoughts, your mind wanders aimlessly. Suddenly, a sharp gasp escapes your lips as your attention is abruptly pulled back to reality by Beomgyu, who has made an odd noise while pointing his index finger in your direction.

You look at him with a confused expression, “I thought I told you use my t-shirt? That’s not mine” he says, staring at you for an answer. Halting for short second, you reply back “I looked through your closet, and Heeseung told me that they were all in the wash, genius. So he lent me his”

Beomgyu looks at you with squinting eyes, processing all what you said before he casually hums. Opening your lid back up, you mix your noodles before going in for a much needed savory bite, humming in delight you look up with happy eyes.

“So, What did you do last night?” Beomgyu questions, inching his elbows closer to you. The question is harmless and innocent if you view it the way you should, but in your case, there are only two things memorable — winning over Heeseung and kissing Heeseung. You can’t help smile internally remembering them, you still feel the feeling of his lips on yours if you think about it long enough.

Beomgyu waves his hand infront of you, as to pop your thinking bubble, “R..Right, yeah, I didn’t do much, just played some video games and went to bed, that’s all” you answer stuttering slightly at your words.

His eyes light up at the mention of video games, a grin fighting for freedom on his face, “Who won?” he asks enthusiastically. You’re sure Beomgyu’s hoping for you to say that you had won, recollecting that he always lost to his skilled roommate. Licking your lips in a swift motion, you press your lips together in a tight smile, gazing at Beomgyu.

The look on your face is all he needs to let out a sigh of happy relief, “Fuck yes! Somebody actually beat Heeseung” he exclaims with delight offering you a high-five, which you gladly receive. Slurping up the last of your breakfast, you walk over to throw in the trash informing Beomgyu on the way that you’ll head out after changing back into your clothes from last night.

As if remembering something important, he calls you again, “ _______!, just wanted to let you know, I’m hosting a party at my parents’ place on Monday you know, since the semesters about to end. And they’re not home anyway. Your’re invited if you’re up for it” he blurts out.

“Who's gonna be there?” you question, intrigued.

“Like practically everyone; Yuna, the girl with red glasses, Heeseung, me, duh and—

“I’ll be there, send me the address” you cut him off, rushing back inside and change before you leave.

You apply a coat of rosy lip gloss, pressing your lips together with satisfaction. You look good tonight, clad in a snug black mini skirt paired elegantly with a delicate white lace tube top and your hair down in waves. The top showcases just the right amount of skin, accentuating the look of your slender silver chain. It’s both sexy and cute.

The party’s at 8 PM, and you’ll be just on time if you leave right now. You take one more good look in your full length mirror, nodding to yourself, before finally heading out.

╰┈➤

You stare in awe at the house the party resided in. It’s truly beautiful, and big. The lively music and joyful voices coming from inside indicate that Beomgyu has invited a lot of people. It’s clear he’s gone all out to make sure everyone has a great time tonight. You enter with a soft sigh, clutching onto your baby pink handbag. The music is loud but quite enough to hear people talk to one another. Your eyes scan around the area; looking for Beomgyu. The large table with drinks catch your eye as you spot Beomgyu sipping on a can of beer.

He locks eyes with you as you make your way towards him, managing a small smile.

“Oh my god, you’re like two minutes late” he exclaims dramatically, holding up his phone in the which glowed ‘8:02 PM’. You give him an unimpressed look. That seems to shut him up as he gives you a small pout.

You grab a can of beer from the table, popping it open and taking a sip.

“C’mon, I’ll give you a house tour, you’re probably the only one who hasn’t been here” he tells already walking ahead.

You faithfully trail behind him as he leads you on a tour through each luxurious room, offering short descriptions of their purposes. The surroundings are nothing short of extravagant, soaring ceilings, intricate architectural designs, and an abundance of totally unnecessary paintings on the wall. The overall aura of the place resembles a palace, filled to the brim with people.

As you both progress down the hallway, the fading music suggests you’re approaching the final room. Each room you’ve passed has been bustling with at least five people, engaged in drinking, sleeping, or playing some sort of game. However, between all this, Heeseung’s absence stands out. You’re left to ponder where he is : Either he dipped out on coming or he’s inside the room you’re just about to enter.

Beomgyu gestures towards the door, softly remarking, “And here’s the last room, my childhood sanctuary.” With a gentle click, he swings it open, revealing a truly elegant space. Stepping inside, you instinctively search for Heeseung, your gaze finally settling on him. He acknowledges Beomgyu, waving at him before he buries his gaze on you.

You look away as soon as you make eye contact, pretending to observe the room instead. Other than Heeseung there are few other guys in the room, they’re all sitting on the bed; probably chatting before you came in.

“What are ya’ll doing just talking? The drinks are downstairs, come down!” Beomgyu tells them with annoyance evident in his voice.

“I’ll stay, not in the mood to drink right now” Heeseung mutters, his eyes still fixated on you. Beomgyu looks at you with bored eyes as if silently letting you know that the person who just spoke is infact really boring. You give him a small giggle before telling him that you’d come down in a bit too. You just might have a little talking to do. Beomgyu gives you an expression of ‘you too?’ before leading the other guys out down with him.

As soon as you turn your head from watching them leave to head down, you slightly flinch at Heeseung walking past you to swiftly lock the door. Safe to say you’re not surprised. You slide your handbag off your shoulder, mounting it on a nearby shelf. Just then you feel a gentle tug at your wrist and immediate contact with Heeseung’s lips. You halt for a second before you wrap your hands around his neck, pads of your fingers pressing into the nape of his neck.

His lips feel just as soft as the first time, addicting you must say. He seems just as eager as you are, slyly pushing his tongue inside your mouth with a grin you could tell he had on. You whine into his mouth, signalling him to pull away to breathe. He pulls away slowly, a string of saliva connecting your lips as you pant heavily. God you really need him right now. His eyes look into yours as you giggle at the lip gloss smeared over his mouth. He looks at you amused as you wipe then gloss off with a focused stare.

“What happened to ‘sex ruins your sleep at night’ ?” he asks you mockingly, running his hands over your ass.

“Your dick’s hard” you retort, hands coming down to palm his cock. He hisses as you do so, mumbling a curse.

“I’ll just go fuck another girl” he tells with a smirk, eager to see your reaction. He’s really trying to piss you off huh?

“No you fucking won’t” you tell him with a laugh, connecting your lips back together. He dosen’t complain, immediately melting into the kiss as you still rub his hard on, making him moan into it. You don’t think you’ll ever get over how good his lips feel against yours.

“That’s right, so suck me off will you?” he says against your lips.

And that's how you end up on your knees, holding onto Heeseung’s thighs tightly while he thrusts his big fucking dick into your mouth. You eagerly suck and twirl your tongue around the lower part of his shaft, making sure to cover it with your saliva. The grip on his thighs becomes even tighter as he pushes his cock deeper into your throat, his mushroom tip brushing against the back.

“J..Just like that baby, god you were made for this” he rasps with eyes closed shut, fingers caressing your hair. You let out quiet moans against his dick, your panties progressively getting wetter. You’re desperate for him inside you.

Continuing to suck him off, you decide to tease him a bit, after all he is, so close to coming. You pull off his dick, retrieving your hands from his thighs and grabbing at the base of it and giving his red tip kitten licks. He groans at loss of your mouth, eyes glaring at your doe eyed ones. “Don’t fucking tease or you won’t get to cum later” he warns you. The thought of not cumming when your pussy was dripping and pulsating like this sent shivers down your spine.

You almost immediately stuff his cock back in your mouth; but you pause when you feel feel Heeseung’s hands gripping your hair, fucking your mouth. It’s sloppy and messy; you feel hot tears well up at your eyes, falling down endlessly as he continues to fuck your throat deep.

“Thats’s a good girl, fuck, ’m gonna cum” he moans, his movements in your mouth gradually easing as he releases his warmth down your throat. Heeseung breathes heavily, his eyes widening with a smile as he gazes at your exhausted expression; cheeks flushed, eyes watery, and most likely a very wet pussy. He bends down to pick you up again, mounting you on his lap as he lifts your skirt, fingers dipping into your soaked cunt.

You whine into his neck, feeling him move your drenched panties to the side, filling your cunt with two of his fingers, sinking in and out of you painfully slow. Heeseung chuckles at your whimpers, finding them cute as he adds a third finger, picking up his pace. He starts pressing wet kisses into your neck, sucking on the shell of your ear which only fueled the building pleasure inside of you.

“Hah—! please, wanna cu..m gonna cum” you groan into his neck as you cream over his fingers, knot in your stomach free as you relieve your high, hugging Heeseung tighter. He brings up his coated fingers up to his mouth, licking them clean.

“Need to fuck you now, but let me eat you out next time, yeah?” he whispers into your ear, as you finally look at him again placing a kiss on your lips. You hum in response, a slight gasp escaping your lips as he flips you on your stomach, ass up in the air; removing the your skirt and sticky underwear. He takes a moment to look at your glistening cunt, slightly swollen from your previous orgasm.

You want to say something you know you shouldn’t, because one, it’s way beyond the truth and two, not when he has you under him like this, no control over him and pussy ready for him to slip into. But you like pissing him off and getting him worked up. Just as you feel his dick poke at your entrance, you whisper, “Small dick”.

You may have said it in a low voice but the way you feel Heeseung stiffen up behind you only confirms he had clearly heard it.

“Oh yeah? Enlighten me on the girl who was fucking choking on this small dick not so long ago” he spits out with amusement lacing his words, cock slipping into your folds whole without notice. You let out a string of choked moans, words breaking down into nothing as he pounds into you relentlessly. Falling face down onto the sheets, you tug on them tighter, body jerking and thighs shaking. To say he felt good buried inside of you was a huge understatement.

He hold your hips tighter, cursing at how you clench down at him each time he goes deeper into you.

“Look at you, cunts sucking me in so good, been desperate for my cock haven’t you?” Heeseung growls with a cruel laugh, leaning down to suck on your back as he still fucks into you. You don’t answer, mind fogged up with cock ruining your pussy as your eyes roll back. One of his hands pull you back up, then grabbing at your bouncing tits, rubbing at your nipples.

He slaps your ass, eyes watching it jiggle with each pound he gives. “Fucking answer me” he demands you, only making you moan louder as you feel his tip brutally hammer at your cervix, pushing you towards the edge.

“Yes! hnng!— fuck yes! gah- please” you blurt out, the need to cum again building up fast.

Heeseung lets out a shriek, cock swollen inside of you as he fills your cunt up with his cum. But he still fucks into you, getting you closer to your high. The way he filled you up only tightened the knot inside you, squirting out on his cock and coating. Your vision sees white as you pant heavily, head throbbing.

Heeseung slowly moves your tired body onto his lap, picking you all over your face as you get back into your senses. “What a way to finally say I love you” he tells you, kissing the crown on your head. You giggle at him, feeling a strong sense of euphoria rush through you.

“I’ve always liked you” you tell him, looking away and playing with his fingers. He chuckles at you, placing another kiss on your lips. “Good, I had a thing for you too” he whispers into your ear.

Suddenly you hear a stiff knock at door, you jolt up in surprise, “Can you please open the fucking door? I need to piss! All the others are occupied!” you hear Beomgyu’s voice outside, desperate to get inside. It makes you realise you literally fucked on his bed, and totally messed up the cheeks. The thought of cleaning it up burns red into your cheeks.

You look up at Heeseung, as if asking what to do. But with the grin he has on his face says otherwise.

“Wait just a little more, I’ve got to make _______ cum again!” he screams out at the door slyly spreading your legs again.

You don’t think Beomgyu has to use the bathroom anymore.

#enhypen hard thoughts #enhypen hard hours #enhypen smut #heeseung hard thoughts #heeseung hard hours #heeseung smut #enhypen x you #enhypen x reader #enhypen x female reader #enhypen x y/n #heeseung x reader #heeseung x you #enha smut #enha fluff #enhypen fanfiction #heeseung fluff #enhypen fluff #heeseung fanfic #heeseung headcanons #enhypen headcanons #enhypen imagines #heeseung imagines #lee heeseung #lee heeseung x reader #enhypen oneshots #heeseung oneshots #lee heeseung oneshot #lee heeseung smut

[daddyslilchickenfingers2]

KINKTOBER (reuploaded)

Pegging (Matt)

Request: none but yall begged for me to bring it back lmao

Warnings: pegging obviously, sub!matt, best friends, bi reader, fingering(male), dual pleasure strap on, use of vibrator, slight edging, use of matty, mommy kink, whiny!matt, 0.2 seconds of matt sucking the strap, i think that’s all, lmk if i missed anything!

A/N: sorry this is a few days late, i’ve been super busy. tomorrow will be posted on time

Y/n’s pov

I was in the kitchen working on my MacBook when my best friend Matt came in and sat across from me. “Hey Matt.” I greeted him without looking up from my computer screen. “Um hi Y/n/n. Can I uh ask you like a really weird and personal question?” he asked. I was a bit confused but nonetheless nodded in agreement, “Sure I guess…” I said while clicking save and closed my laptop to give him my full attention. “I uh- I can’t ask you here, can we go to my room?” he stated nervously, only adding to my confusion.

We got into his room and Matt closed the door behind him, “So you know how you��re bi?” “Oh really, I am? I had no idea!” I replied sarcastically. “Not funny, but like you’re bi, obviously. I um, uh I-I know you have a strap-on…” he stuttered and trailed off. “If your question is why do I have it, I’m going to hit you for being dumb.” I joked, making Matt squirm uncomfortably, “Have you ever, you know, used it on a guy before?” he inquired nervously. “No… Why do you want to know about my sex life you weirdo?” I was suddenly getting a bit flustered because how the hell does Matt know I have a strap-on in the first place and why is he asking me about what I do with it?

“I- uh- I really like y-you and I have um- a fantasy involving you a-and I really want you to do it. Please don’t get mad.” he stated in a rushed tone, stuttering over a few words. I was beyond confused and a bit shocked, “That’s not how I expected this conversation to go. Um, okay, wow- what’s um… what’s this fantasy?” I asked curiously. Matt started to nervously pick at his nails and chew on his lip, avoiding eye contact with me as his cheeks turned pink. “Would you please dom me?” he asked, “And peg me…” he added, saying it so quietly that I almost didn’t hear him.

“What!? Matt are you sure? It’s probably gonna hurt, I’ve-I’ve never done that before. I’ve only ever used it to fuck a girls pussy.” I replied flustered and just as nervous as Matt. He finally looked at me with pleading eyes, “Please? I have lube and I’ve fingered myself before. I’ll be a good boy and listen, I promise!” he begged me. Looking at his face, I reluctantly agreed “I uh- okay, we can try it. I’m just scared I’m going to hurt you.” I told him softly. “You won’t hurt me, it’ll just be uncomfortable at first. I really want this, I’ve thought about it since we were 17. Can we do it tonight? Chris and Nick are going over to a friend’s house.” Matt said quickly, clearly excited that I agreed.

“Sure I guess, but I’m gonna want foreplay beforehand. And I’m probably gonna want to kiss you, like a lot.” I laughed as Matt’s cheeks turned a deep shade of pink again. He started looking down again nervously “Can I kiss you right now?” he asked softly, instead of answering I just tilted his head up and captured his lips in a short but sweet kiss. “Mhm, thank you.” he blurted out after, as I got up and made my way to the door. I sent him a wink before going to my own room where I pulled out my strap-on, which happened to be one for dual pleasure, meaning there was a vibrating dildo that went into me as well.

Even though it had already been cleaned after the last time I used it, I decided to clean it again anyway. I also decided I needed to ask Matt another question so I texted him to come to my room. I laid out a few sets of lingerie, that basically cover nothing, on my bed, but I wanted Matt to pick one anyway. “Um what did you need my help with?” he asked as he stepped into my room, closing the door. “I want you to pick which one you want me to wear tonight.” I said while pulling him over to my bed to look at what I had picked out. I stopped when I noticed Matt kept trying to cover his crotch with his hands, instantly knowing he was hard. “Are you hard right now Matty?” I teased, causing him to blush deeply.

“Only a little bit. I didn’t touch myself, I promise! I-I do have a vibrator in m-my ass though but it’s not on. I just wanted to edge myself so I could cum more later, ‘m sorry I didn’t a-ask.” he stuttered out, extremely flustered. “Do you have the remote?” I questioned as he was eyeing this one black set, which was mostly just straps. “Yes, and I want this one it’s really sexy.” he blurted out before blushing heavily. The one he picked out was a black leather bra and panties set with a grater belt, the bra was basically just an outline of one as it had nothing covering my tits. It did hold my them up nicely though, just like the panties, which were crotchless, and the garter made my ass look good.

“Can I have control of the vibrator until tonight? You think you can handle that without cumming?” I inquired, wanting to know how far I could take things with him. Matt dug into his pocket before pulling out the remote and handed it to me with an embarrassed smile. “I think I can as long as it’s not on 24/7.” he told me as he grabbed my hand and started nervously playing with the few rings I had on my fingers. “Can I ask you a serious question?” I asked Matt, resulting in him nodding. “I’m not judging you, I just want to know, but you don’t have to answer if you feel uncomfortable. Why do you want to be pegged so badly and like having things up your ass? I don’t care if you are, but are you like gay or bi?” I questioned, causing him to drop my hand.

Matt’s face turned a bright red and he had to clear his throat a couple of times before speaking. “N-No, I’m not gay or bi, I don’t find men attractive. I was just young and experimenting one day and figured out how to stimulate my prostate. I wanna get pegged because I’ve seen it on pornhub and it looks really hot.” he said softly. “Plus you’re someone I trust and if I’m being honest, you’re really attractive and you domming me would be the hottest fucking thing in the world to me.” he added, blushing heavily. “Noted. Thanks Matty, that’s all I needed.” I smiled at him before Nick conveniently called for him. This was the perfect time to start teasing him with the vibrator.

After putting the other two lingerie sets away, I walked out to the kitchen, pretending to go back to working on my laptop. I watched as Matt sat down next to Nick on the couch, pulling the small remote out of my pocket I pressed the + button, turning it on to 1, making Matt’s breath hitch a little. He looked up at me with pleading eyes to stop as he was talking to Nick but I turned it up again to 3, making him squirm a bit. “Matt, are you okay? You look uncomfortable and you’re not paying attention.” Nick asked, genuinely concerned.

Matt’s pov

I regret giving Y/n the remote to the vibrator now because I didn’t think she’d turn it on when I was talking to my fucking brother. I was fine when it was on level 1 but when she turned it up to 3 my brain went a bit foggy, I zoned out a little bit until Nick put his hand on my shoulder. “Matt, are you okay? You look uncomfortable and you’re not paying attention.” he asked, I quickly came up with an excuse. “Yeah I’m fine, my head just hurts a bit.” I lied, looking at Y/n and silently asking her to turn it off, which luckily for me, she did. After talking to Nick, I walked over to her, “Please don’t turn it on when I’m talking to my brother!” I pleaded, but that just made her turn it up to 5 while smirking.

“But doesn’t it feel good Matty?” she asked, I let out a whimper and nodded before walking back to the living room. This went on for the next two hours or so until Nick and Chris left, my boxers were soaked with precum and my dick was so hard. I was laying on my bed and I swear I almost came in my pants when Y/n walked in. She was wearing the lingerie set I picked out along with the strap-on, which was black and matched the set perfectly. The strap-on was definitely smaller than my dick, maybe 5 or 6 inches max, but that was good because I don’t think I could take one that’s upwards of 7 inches.

I started squirming as Y/n stood above me, looking down at me and telling me to get undressed. She already had me take the vibrator out like 15 minutes ago, not that it really mattered. “You’re already being such a good boy for me Matty.” she praised, making me whine a bit as her eyes raked over my body. “I’m ready for you to dom me.” I confessed, causing her to stop staring at my body and smile at me. “Where’s your lube at?” she asked me but I just got it for her instead, “Thank you handsome, can you lay on the bed for me?” she asked sweetly, knowing I was a bit nervous to get pegged and have sex with her in general.

Y/n’s pov

I know Matt said he wanted me to dom him, but I could visibly tell he was anxious and nervous so I was trying to be as gentle as I could with him. “Matty, if it’s too much or it hurts too bad let me know and we’ll stop and cuddle okay?” I said while moving some hair out of his eyes. “I promise I’ll say something.” he replied, “What do you wanna start with first babe?” I asked him, wanting to do things his way. “I want to makeout with you.” he giggled, I hovered over Matt and we started kissing slowly at first, then we started full-on making out. I was sucking on Matt’s tongue and he was letting out the prettiest whiny moans as I ran my hands up and down his sides.

Experimentally, I started ghosting my hands across his nipples, loving the whimper it pulled from him. I pulled back for just a second, “Does that feel good baby?” I questioned while rubbing my thumbs over his nipples before rolling them between my thumb and index finger. “Yeah but please more!” he whined, not making too much sense, “Please what baby? What do you want me to do?” I asked as I kissed all over his chest. “Want you to just peg me already. I’m ready mommy.” Matt squirmed. His eyes opened widely when he realized what he just said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mea-“ he started before I cut him off with a kiss.

“Don’t be impatient baby, mommy will fuck you when she’s ready.” I said sternly as I moved towards his aching cock. I discreetly turned my vibrator onto 2, not high enough to make me cum but just enough to get me more wet. His cock was already covered and dripping with precum, “This really gets you worked up, doesn’t it?” I teased as I grabbed the lube. I squeezed some onto my fingers and circled his puckered hole before slowly slipping one in. “Two fingers please, I can take it.” he whined, I added a second finger and Matt was right, he could indeed take it.

I started scissoring his hole opened before adding some more lube and a third finger causing Matt to whimper. “Too much?” I asked, not wanting to hurt him, “N-No just so full.” he panted out in response. I fingered Matt for a few more minutes until he grabbed my wrist and stopped me. “I-I think I’m ready mommy.” he said, looking up at me with those innocent blue eyes. “Are you sure?” I asked as I pulled my fingers out, wiping the rest of the lube off on my thigh. “Really sure, can- can I get it wet with my mouth and control your vibrator, please?” Matt asked nervously.

I handed him the remote and stood up, Matt quickly turned my toy up to 5 which caused me to squirm before he got on his knees. “You look good on your knees baby.” I complimented, making him blush heavily. “How do I um you know, suck dick?” Matt asked, his last two words barely above a whisper. “Well I’m not going to feel anything so you can just do whatever.” I explained, Matt nodded and started to suck on it lightly for a minute as I looked down at him.

He whined and stopped sucking, “I can’t wait, just use lube because I need it now!” he complained, desperately trying not to touch himself. “Okay, get back on the bed for me then.” I said while stroking the side of his face. Once Matt got back on the bed, I put some lube around his hole and onto the strap. “It might hurt baby, so tell me if you need to stop.” “Okay Y/n, please I need you so bad!” he whined. I placed the tip at Matt’s entrance and slowly pushed it in about half way.

Matt let out a choked sob as his hands tightly clenched the sheets and his face held a look of discomfort. “It’s okay Matty, you’re okay.” I soothed him, “P-Put the rest in.” he whimpered. I pushed in the rest of the way before stilling my movements again, not wanting to go too fast. Matt being the sneaky little shit he is, decided to turn my vibrator up to 7, I let out a loud moan as he did so. “Please move.” he groaned quietly, I started pumping at a slow pace as he started to groan a bit.

Even though I was feeling so much pleasure from the vibrator and I wanted nothing more than to start pounding into Matt, I stopped myself because I didn’t want to hurt him. “F-Faster mommy!” he loudly whined, I sped up my movements just a little bit, loving Matt’s whimpers and moans, “Feel good baby?” I panted out. “More! Need more!” he cried out, grabbing onto my shoulders, “Want me to go faster or harder?” I asked, wanting to clarify what he wanted.

“Both, please! Feels so goo—“ he cut himself off with an extremely loud moan as I started fucking into him rougher. “RIGHT THERE! FUCK MOMMY, D-DO THAT AGAIN!” he begged, bending his knees and putting his feet flat on the bed to arch his back more. Even with all the pleasure Matt was experiencing, he was still thinking about me, he turned up my vibrator to 10 which caused me to also join in on his loud moaning.

“Right here Matty? Is that where it feels good?” I asked breathlessly, “Yes! Yes! Please touch my cock, please! Please!” he needily moaned. I started rubbing his cock in rhythm with my thrust as we were both getting closer to the edge. “A-Are you close mommy?” “Very close baby, I just want you to cum first.” I told Matt, speeding up all my movements. “Choke me! Choke me tightly so I can please cum!” he whimpered.

I used my left hand to choke him and a couple seconds later, Matt was painting both our stomachs white with copious amounts of cum, cause me to cum as well and pulled out a him. “M-Matt, vibrator!” I cried for him to turn it off as I was getting overstimulated, “Sorry, sorry.” he apologized out of breath and turned it off my vibrator as I collapsed next to him on my back as we caught our breath.

I took off the strap and I was honestly just going to put it on the floor because I was too tired to clean it right now but Matt took it from me. He licked all my cum off the vibrating side before he put it on the floor and scooped his cum off of me. Matt stuck his fingers in his mouth to taste himself and moaned when I moved to lick the rest of his cum off his body. “You were such a good boy Matty, you did so well.” I praised him as I kissed his neck, sucking a minimal amount of hickies into the skin.

“Thank you Y/n/n, felt so good.” Matt blushed as I stood up to go take another shower “C’mon let’s go get cleaned up real quick.” I said while helping Matt up. I grabbed my clothes and strap-on as well as a pair of socks, boxers and a tshirt for Matt before we went to my room to take a quick shower. When we got out and got dressed we looked at the time to see Nick and Chris would be home soon. As to not be sus, we sat in the living to watch a movie and Matt was now extra clingy.

I’m not complaining, I think it’s cute, I enjoyed it. Matt had his head on my shoulder and I had an arm wrapped around his shoulders. I was playing with his hair when Nick and Chris walked back in and thankfully neither of them said anything. They probably just chalked it up to Matt feeling anxious about something and I comforted him. Both boys simply just plopped down on the couch to watch the movie with us until we all called it a night, Matt ended up sleeping in my room.

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©Daddyschickenfingers 2024

Do not steal, use, or reupload my work

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#matthew sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo fanfiction #matthew sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #smut #sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplet smut #sturniolo triplets smut #sturniolo x reader #the sturniolo triplets #sturniolo triplets imagine #sturniolo triplets imagines #matt stuniolo fanfic #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #christopher sturniolo

[buckttommy]

Tommy calling Buck “kid” in context of Buck being his Lawyer Apprentice.., do you see the vision?

babe i see the vision so clearly it may as well be tattooed to my eyelids. i didn't finish suits but whatever this is my au, i'm playing with it now.

so we have buck, law school drop-out who, through a little bit of "magic" (hacking, thanks hen) bumps himself up to the top of the list of possible interns out of harvard. he's trying to save money to get his sister out of an abusive situation, and he's terrified because he stopped hearing from her ages ago. he doesn't even know if she's alive at this point, but. he has to try. if nothing else, he has to try and law is kind of the only thing he knows how to do even a little bit, so. here we are. he's hired on as an intern at tommy's law firm and is told he's going to be working under kinard. everyone who says it always accompanies the words with an apologetic little wince which is... not ideal.

apparently kinard is a hardass. he gets results - probably why his firm keeps him on; his close rate is fucking impeccable - but. that's about as far as he goes. buck hears the words "asshole" "motherfucker" and "prick" to describe him well before he meets the man himself. so he's surprised when tommy kinard is... well. unexpected is the only word he can think of. he greets him with a smile and handshake, listens and nods intently when buck speaks, and the man in front of him is SO different from the man buck's built up in his head that he gets a little whiplash. he was expecting some old, white, cocky, alpha male, shithead. what he's not expecting is a gorgeous, attentive, fifty-something who actually looks and talks to him like he's a real person.

buck knows tommy for all of a week before he realizes that every single person in this building, and possibly tommy's entire career field, has gotten him all wrong and he's so fascinated by the man he sees underneath.

tommy is serious and he is intense. those things are all true. but... he's not mean. he's not even unkind. even when buck is late for work. even when he spills coffee on his desk. he waves him off and shushes him when he babbles an apology, for christ's sake. buck has no idea how tommy got this unforgiving and shitty reputation but he's shocked by the fact that he wants to learn. none of it was supposed to last forever. this job was a means to an end, a means to get maddie out of a shitty situation, but. it's more than that now. it's more than that because, when tommy learned what he was trying to do, he wrote him a check to get her on a plane and set up in an apartment (deposit + last month's rent + first month's rent) without batting an eye.

it's more than that because when tommy looks him in the eye and calls him "kid," eyes dark, body so close they may as well be touching, kissing, it sounds like teasing. it sounds like hunger. it's more than that because when tommy calls him "evan," his voice soft and deep and fond, it sounds like it could be so much more.

yeah. yeah.

buck is so. fucking. screwed.

#goddamnit cedric why would you do this to me #[sighs and adds to future wips pile] #tv: 911 #jack answers mail #bucktommy #future wips

[kafus]

a likodot themed analysis of HZ049

hello it's been a while since my last truly longform post like this but guess who watched HZ049 today and is going absolutely fucking feral bonkers about it. it's me. and i have things to say about it of the likodot variety because if i don't get these thoughts out of my head i'll explode.

forgive me for my shipping bias because i'm not sorry. however i am slightly sorry for how messy this post ended up being my god i had a lot of thoughts but i did my best to make this at least somewhat entertaining to read and comprehensive. but it really is a long winding mess LOL. FULL OF PASSION AND ADORATION I LOVE THIS SHOW AND I LOVE LIKO AND DOT MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD

obviously there are heavy spoilers below the cut i'm going to be violently pulling apart all the scenes where these two interact and gnawing at all of it

so. first off. this episode displays massive growth in liko and dot's relationship by method of showing how much liko's behavior around gurumin has changed since these two met and since dot initially confessed to being gurumin. as we all know liko was a massive superfan of gurumin, and then when dot confessed to being gurumin... well liko's reaction was. Uh

well she was having a little bit of a crisis about it LOL. historically liko has gotten very flustered and panicked when reminded that dot is gurumin. and she has been really prone to fangirling still (ie. getting really excited about helping gurumin in HZ019 with the bakery stuff or helping gurumin with the pig town stuff in HZ036), despite knowing the person in the suit. she goes as far as to try to ignore that dot is in the suit entirely and keep them separate in her brain (shown for instance by her freaking out over seeing dot halfway in the gurumin suit in HZ039) because if she were to mentally cross those wires, she wouldn't be able to handle it.

but now in this episode, things have obviously changed a lot over time. the episode opens with a small scene that explains what dot is doing about gurumin while they are traveling on the terastal course (filming them beforehand and scheduling ahead of time lol) but liko and dot have a conversation about (a really CUTE conversation) about gurumin in the process.

do not get it twisted, liko is still very much a fan of gurumin, but this conversation is a lot more comfortable and grounded. she gets a notification about a new gurumin video and she's excited (and surprised because of the timing), but she is not panicking about it. and her first reaction to this information is to directly ask dot (with the softest expression fucking ever??) about it. this directly connects dot and gurumin together in a strong way. liko is no longer running from the fact that dot is the youtuber she looks up to, and in fact she's being pretty upfront about it.

not related to my main point, but i also just want to gush a little here about this scene more - dot reacts similarly to liko showing so much affection for her work in a similar way to how she reacted in HZ008 to liko complimenting her through the door - getting flustered about liko's genuine energy, but this time they know each other and are looking at each other face to face. liko's affectionate energy is enough to make her relent that maybe someday... she could film outside... which shows the sort of effect liko has on her. and also this becomes relevant later in the episode where dot literally does film gurumin videos outside - it's just good writing/foreshadowing lol

anyway, this continues later on when liko is the first to get worried about dot doing the battle livestream with nanjamo as gurumin instead of herself. i think if this situation had happened much earlier on, liko would have been thinking a lot more about the excitement of the idea of seeing gurumin battle in real life, but she doesn't even initially have that thought and have to backtrack, she's immediately worried about dot instead.

ironically, liko recognizing that gurumin isn't dot, as in gurumin is a mask that dot puts on instead of being representational of her true self, drives home liko's recognition of dot as gurumin even more. she understands the connection between dot and gurumin and what gurumin is to dot enough to have this concern in the first place - one roy initially doesn't understand, that is specific to liko. there is zero compartmentalization of dot being a youtuber here! liko is concerned about her friend who is an influencer, where she puts on a mask to be confident and outgoing. dot and gurumin are fully connected.

it's also worth acknowledging that liko holds the gurumin suit and is concerned about it being damaged but nothing more - unlike in HZ021 when she goes to dot's room to give her the suit after it's been washed and cleaned, and she's a little nervous and flustered about it still.

i've always talked about how there's a bit of a difference between shipping liko and dot, and liko and gurumin - not that those two sectors have zero overlap, but that to liko, gurumin and dot were usually kept so separate mentally that fans online could often be sorted into camps of being interested in the running silliness of liko's fascination and flustered behavior with the whole gurumin thing, and liko and dot's connection with each other as normal (girl)friends... liko has progressively adjusted more to dot being gurumin and has had moments where she is able to set aside her fangirl heart to be there for dot (like when she mentions dot being gurumin in her little supportive speech in HZ027), but this episode shows that in a much more drastic and meaningful way, and now those two sectors are FULLY overlapping canonically. i think it is overall a sweet and good thing for them that liko is able to see dot as a whole and directly appreciate her creative skills/work. it is obviously meaningful to dot!

TLDR;

HZ039:

HZ049:

you get the point.

NOW. onto the SECOND thing i want to talk about. the thing i've dubbed LIKODOT TELEPATHY. aka holy shit these girls understand each other without words. liko and dot understand each other on an intrinsic level and often notice when the other is worried, or pushing themselves too hard, or etc. that is EXTREMELY evident in this episode through liko's concern towards dot.

going back to the first scene before the opening theme, liko detects immediately when dot comments on roy's upbeat attitude that dot might be feeling nervous about her upcoming battle, and immediately offers reassurance.

(unfortunately i have to put aside my ramble about liko's continued lack of self esteem and her putting herself down here for another time because otherwise this post will get so off-topic and longer than it has any right to be, but you get the point. also holy shit dot saying "you don't have to fuss so much" but smiling and saying that line like she's happy to have liko fretting about her makes me CRAZY. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. BUT. coughs. ANYWAY)

then, like i mentioned earlier, liko is the first to be worried about dot in this episode. she's the first to notice dot's anxious/shutting down behavior:

the first to recognize that dot might actually walk away unhappy if she were to do her terastal exam as gurumin instead of herself:

and the first to recognize that her filming videos outside is not as genuinely upbeat and happy as it may seem:

(two quick side notes about this, i really like how the writing puts emphasis on liko's concern by contrasting roy's total lack of it multiple times - NOT that he doesn't care of course, but just that liko understands dot particularly well and is in touch with dot's feelings in a special way that roy isn't. additionally, it makes me feel crazy that dot probably got the idea to film outside from liko's affectionate encouragement in the first scene in the episode... like, she's basically trying to use liko's advice to hype herself up and get through this... of course she would!! trusting liko's words has always ended up positively for her!! liko is such a massive support for her!! and liko acknowledges herself that yeah she said that but that isn't what she meant. GOD. i'm so insane about these girls)

this is notable not only because it's very sweet that liko is so concerned about dot, but also because dot doesn't really understand this herself. she is trying so hard to put on the gurumin facade, to run away from her anxiety as far as possible, to avoid the bad. and yet despite her attempts to cover her true feelings up as much as possible, even from herself, liko sees straight through it. dot cannot mask around liko, she understands regardless, sees the parts of her she doesn't want to acknowledge.

the contrast between dot's understanding of herself and liko's understanding of her is immense. directly after dot boldly proclaims that she feels so much stronger as gurumin and happily mentions that she has nanjamo's permission to do their battle as gurumin is when liko finally confronts her. the difference in mood is startling, almost, and easily shows that contrast. i need to break down this confrontation in detail cause it makes me insane

first, liko is still too nervous to say what she wants to say, but as per usual with LIKODOT TELEPATHY (tm) dot immediately notices liko going into her polite i-don't-want-to-inconvenience-you voice and pushes for what the matter is. she can tell immediately that liko has a problem even though liko hasn't said anything yet.

liko doesn't want to rock the boat and is overly gentle with her words (once again i have to push aside my ramble about liko's confidence problems AGH) but finally speaks her piece about the situation.

i want to mention here as well, these two situations are very different, but the similarities of dot noticing liko pushing herself back in HZ027 and then liko recognizing dot pushing herself in kind... SIIIGH

dot's reaction is to stammer with MUCH less confidence than before that she wasn't forcing anything. she's taken offguard by liko's concerns, but it's evident she recognizes what liko is saying within herself and is grappling with trying to maintain her mental wall after liko has cracked it in half with her words. liko was right and saw right through her, and dot isn't sure how to handle it. she avoids eye contact and everything.

this is where i bridge my conversation about likodot telepathy into talking about dot's characterization and growth as a character, so bear with me - quaxly attempts to drive the point liko is making home by separating dot from the gurumin suit, but afterwards is... The Scene. liko tries to bring the conversation back to what they were saying before, but at this point dot is overwhelmed by quaxly's actions and feels socially/emotionally cornered and... she explodes and screams at liko.

i think it's an interesting part of her personality that she is prone to irritable/angry outbursts and yelling when she has her buttons pushed too far and i'm glad that remains consistent for her, especially because...

the last time dot yelled directly at liko like this was in HZ008. the situation is actually quite similar with dot being pushed too far into a situation she doesn't know how to handle by liko reaching out to her more than she is ready for, causing her to lash out. but some MAJOR things have changed since then - obviously, the first time was through the door before they really knew each other, before liko had even seen her face, but this time it's up close and personal and they know each other. but secondly, at the beginning of the show, dot is irritated and overwhelmed by pretty much any attempt at conversation. she has come such a long way that now she's brought to screaming by something much, much more massive, with the whole being streamed live while battling in real life thing, showing how much she has overcome since then... and not only that!! thirdly! the first time, liko was encouraging gurumin, sharing how much of a fan of gurumin she was, and now this second time, it's in reaction to liko essentially telling her "i don't think you actually want to be gurumin in this situation". point is, the amount of growth dot has had is ironically so easy to see in her screaming at liko here because of the sheer level of contrast between the two times it's happened.

by this happening again, it also gives dot the chance to recognize her own shitty behavior and apologize for yelling later even though liko (nor roy) were asking for an apology - in fact they seemed to be surprised that dot wanted to apologize in the first place, like they had forgotten all about it. i think both liko and roy are used to shrugging off some of dot's more irritable behaviors, but this time dot noticed herself that she messed up and takes that moment to say sorry, which is sweet of her and once again a moment of character growth.

considering that dot also follows this up with the statement that she will take her terastal exam as herself, the apology is also connected to it - like she recognized that what liko was saying, the thing that made her yell, ended up being true. it was liko's genuine attempt to help her. and now that she's come to that conclusion on her own, she can see that yelling was even more misguided.

and that's my final conversation topic about this episode - the fact that dot came to that conclusion on her own. yes, liko cracked the wall she was putting up and gave her that starting push, but dot went above and beyond to take that crack and then smash that wall into pieces without liko's help. which despite what it sounds like i think is extremely important for these two's dynamic moving forward.

i'm going to spare you the analysis of dot's fear of cameras, why she hides behind gurumin, as well as a breakdown of the whole part of the episode with varoom bc i'm trying to talk mostly about likodot here, but assuming you've watched the episode you know what i'm talking about. here, i'm focused on the part where liko exclaims that they have to help dot, and dot denies her help and says she wants to handle it on her own, and then from this experience she is able to conclude she wants to do her terastal exam as herself.

this is massive. for so long, liko has practically dragged dot along and held her hand through tackling new experiences... sometimes literally lol, thinking about the scene in HZ027 where liko drags dot to chase after terapagos by the arm. but anyway, on top of that, this is also different from her standing up to her mom in HZ041, which was ALSO massive, but a large part of that episode consisted of liko's interventions, and she was pushed into that situation where she really had no choice in the matter. she had to if she wanted to stay on the brave asagi which was non negotiable. but here? there was nothing stopping dot from just taking the help and running from the cameras. in fact it probably would have been much easier to do that. but she wants to prove herself, and not because she has to to get the thing she wants, but just because... she wants to. she wants to succeed on her own.

and i think that's really important in the context of not just dot herself, but likodot, because while it is very sweet of liko to constantly be pushing dot and leading her to further self understanding and more confidence, and i will always be emotional about liko essentially caring for her to the point of dot braving ending her time as a NEET, the end goal for that should always be that dot is given confidence in herself to exist as a person independently of liko's pushing, for her own sake.

i think it's also incredibly meaningful that liko saw this happen - she experienced running out to help dot like usual, and then actually having her advances denied, but not for bad reasons this time... she gets to see dot be a better version of herself and come to that conclusion liko tried to push earlier, on her own accord, in her own way.

i say all this because i want liko to be able to love dot not as a person to fix but also just... a person. i want what liko has done for her to cause dot to be a better person outside of what liko does, for herself. and i want liko to be able to love the wonderful and more confident person dot becomes as a result. do you understand. am i making sense. GAH. i am so worked up about this. i'm holding them both in my hands and shaking them violentlySJDFJFSD

god. thank you for reading if you've actually come this far. i am going to end off this messy and deranged casual "essay" with a couple of notes i wasn't sure how to fit anywhere else.

one, i think it's very nice that when roy thinks dot's in trouble, liko is sure enough in dot's intelligence and battling skills to say with great confidence that dot MUST have a plan

and TWO, AHHHH I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE AHHHH AHHHHHH WE ARE GOING TO GET EVEN MORE DOT CHARACTERIZATION AND GROWTH AND SHE'S GOING TO FACE HER MENTOR FIGURE HOW AM I GOING TO HANDLE IT AFTER ALREADY WRITING THIS MUCH ABOUT THE FIRST EPISODE IN THIS TWO-PARTER AND ALSO WHAT WAS THIS GAY SHIT IN THE EPISODE PREVIEW AHHHH AHHH

thank you for coming to my ted talk. goodnight tri state area

#likodot #dotliko #guruminshipping #pokemon horizons #trainer dot #trainer liko #anipoke #pokemon horizons spoilers #anipoke spoilers #long post #kiki was here #kiki.txt #horizons #i'm so fucking insanea bout them. hi

[graysturns]

𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕒 𝕘𝕖𝕥 𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕕? | 𝕔.𝕤.

note: hey guys :) this should be short and sweet but i hope you like it anyways. i love soft chris! also last pic is me on my period and that’s why i wrote this + i hate rachel

warnings: none i think just me hating my coworker

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long as you dreaming bout me ain’t no problem,

i don’t got nobody, just with you right now,

11:47 pm

my phone buzzes twice, causing it to brightly light up in its spot right by my face.

“ughh, leave me alone!” i groan, tossing it to chris’ side of the bed.

“what is it baby?” chris walks into our room, shutting the door quietly and placing a water bottle on my nightstand. he sits beside me and rubs my back slowly.

“rachel from work wants me to cover her shift tomorrow. something about ACT testing.”

he raises an eyebrow at me. “isn’t that something you would request the day off for? y’know like, in advance?”

“that’s what i said.” i roll my eyes before proceeding.

“i already told her no, but she keeps insisting because i’m the only person off tomorrow.”

chris leans over to grab my phone, unlocking it and putting it on do not disturb.

“it’s about time you have a day off. they’ve been putting you on the schedule every day now.” he sighs, combing his fingers through my hair.

“i know. and today was shit.” i huff out.

“do you wanna talk about it?” chris watches me intently.

“i just don’t wanna complain too much.”

“baby, i looove hearing you complain. it’s like, my favorite part of every day.” he taunts.

“only if you insist,” i sit up and smile cheekily at him.

he repositions himself so he sits across from me, pulling his knees up under his chin.

“talk to me sweetheart,” he grabs my hand, kissing my knuckles.

“so i clock in, and right away i’m being told to get on the espresso machine. my manager was supposed to work alongside me but she kept getting pulled away for manager things so i was doing both positions at our station, which is fine, but during a rush it can be a lot.” i start to ramble.

“and the second she gets back, i get the feeling that i started my period! and i completely forgot about it because i’ve been so busy, so i didn’t have any tampons on me,” i continue.

chris drops my hand and reaches into his hoodie pocket, revealing a bottle of pamprin.

“i actually got the notification earlier from your period app, so i brought these upstairs.” he smiles to himself, opening the bottle and shaking a couple tablets out on my palm.

“chris, thank you!” i exclaim, popping them in my mouth and taking a sip of the water.

“of course babe, i got you.” he pokes my stomach.

“so what else happened?” he asks me.

“well after that it slowed down a little. but the whole coffee shop was a mess after the rush and since we were closing, we had to deep clean everything. i’m just so sore and i want to die,”

“i get it, babe. did you shower yet?”

“the second i got home. fucking rachel spilled a pitcher of cold brew on my thigh and i was so sticky.”

he nods with a slight smile, moving his body up against the headboard.

he laid back in his spot and motioned me over to lay on his chest.

“fucking rachel.” he tsks while rubbing my back.

“why do you hate her so much anyways?” he drops his head to look at me.

“well, do you remember that one day you came through the drive through right before my shift ended? you were picking me up and decided to get a drink.”

he thinks for a moment, “mhm?”

“well she was working the window, and she came to tell us all there was a hot guy outside. basically telling the girls to come look,”

“yeah i remember a few girls came by, pretending to stock cups or something. that’s rachel?”

my lips drew a tight line.

“remember how she had you pull into a parking spot, saying they’d bring the drink out to you?”

“mhm?” he asks again.

“well, she decided to write her number down on a slip of paper and hoped to give it to you on her way out, along with your coffee. i left before her, so while i was getting settled in the car, she was walking up to you trying to rizz you up.”

his mouth forms an ‘o’.

“what a sneaky bitch!” he chuckles.

i roll my eyes at him.

“chris it’s not funny. my coworker wants to fuck you.”

“well it’s never gonna happen, sweetheart. she’s insane if she thinks that.”

i mess with the drawstring on his hoodie, picking at the plastic end.

“it’s just frustrating. she’s been doing little things to mess with me, since the moment she saw us together in your car. like today with the cold brew, that was fully on purpose.”

he sighs, patting the back of my head. “why don’t you just quit? you don’t need to work.”

“chris, you can’t pay for everything,” i sigh, dropping the thin rope.

“i actually can. besides, i’d much rather have you here at home, happy and free to do what you want with all that extra time.”

i smile up at him, lightly running my nails across his stubble.

“you’re too sweet to me, but i can’t let you financially support me chris. we aren’t even married.”

this time, he rolls his eyes at me.

“so what? we already live together. you’re my shawty or whatever the kids say,” he laughs, picking up a strand of my hair, tickling my nose with the end.

“the kids in 2009, and don’t say that ever again, chris.” i snort.

“no but seriously. i know how much you hate this job. and fucking rachel.” he smirks.

“i’ll apply to a few different places in the morning. and we’ll go from there.”

“no, y/n.” he grabs my hand, holding it between us.

“it’s making you miserable, you can quit now and i’ll hold things down until you find something else.”

“chris, i already told you, it’s not fair to you. you’re not my husband, and you don’t need to provide for me.”

he looks to the ceiling for a moment, pondering.

chris faces me again, grabbing hold of my cheeks. “wanna get married?”

“married? chris i-i’d marry you in an instant but not for this reason. you can’t be-“

he pulls away from me and leans over his side of the bed, digging through his nightstand.

turning to face me, he opens his fist to reveal a ring.

what the hell? i sit up quickly.

“y/n.” he holds the ring up.

“i’ve been wanting to do this for a while. i know my timing may not be ideal, but i hate the fact that i’m not your husband, and i hate the fact that you won’t let me take care of you. married or not, i’m always going to be here to take care of you, to help you, to love on you, especially when you’re having a day like today.” chris takes my hands in his, holding the ring on his fingertip.

“..but i’d really rather be married to you and do all those things.”

“chris, you don’t mean..” i begin.

“don’t act all surprised now.” he wiggles his eyebrows.

“you know i love you, we’ve talked about getting married someday. i think we should just do it sooner than later.”

“chris, i don’t know what to say. i want to marry you, i just don’t think it should be because i hate my job.”

“it’s not because of that. i’ve been planning this, if i wasn’t then there wouldn’t be a ring here. what do you think?”

“holy fuck, chris.” i take his hand and open it, placing my left one in his palm.

“let’s get married.” i smile up at him.

he slides the ring on and tackles me into a hug, causing us both to fall backwards on the bed.

“i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you!” he chants while peppering kisses all over my face.

short, sweet kisses turn into a long, heated make out that gets interrupted by three dings from my phone.

“did you not see me turn your phone on do not disturb?” chris huffs out.

“i swear to god if it’s rachel..” i pause, leaning over to pick up my phone.

“she did that ‘notify anyway’ thing. she’s insisting i cover for her tomorrow.”

my phone starts to buzz in my hand, causing chris’s head to snap in its direction.

“absolutely not!” he grabs the phone and clicks it off, throwing it on the other side of the bed.

“fucking rachel. someone needs to punch her in her throat.” he says jokingly.

“h-hello?” a small voice escapes my phone.

“shit, chris i thought you declined the call!” i lunge for the device, end the call and turn the phone off.

“do you think she heard me?” he asks, wide eyed, with a smile tugging on the corners of his lips.

“i don’t care, i’m quitting that job anyways. i have a husband now.’ i beam at him, waving my hand in his face.

“hell yeah you do!” he places his hands on my waist and brings me back down to him.

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hope u liked it 🤍 also this is dedicated to rachel i hate u please quit so i don’t have to! just kidding that’s mean! (i’m not)

comment if u hate rachel too

tags!

@imwetforyourmom @anonymouslyachrisgirl @junnniiieee07 @imtalkinnonsense @wh0resstuff

if you wanna be added comment here!

#Spotify #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo fanfic #nick sturniolo fanfic #fanfic #soft chris

[pepprs]

my anxiety is unbelievably fucking bad rn. i am so scared

#purrs #delete later #ask to tag #(​putting slashes thru things so that they don’t show up in search btw) #i have no right to be scared bc im not there. but im so scared for the people of ga/za. and i am so scared that… idk. it’s completely my #fault bc i go looking for these kinds of things on purpose to hurt myself. but i doomscrolled last night about ww/3 and the possibility of #nu/clear war being fueled by is/rael’s ‘war’ on pale/stine and not only am i sick with fear about the people living directly in that region #but i am so fucking scared of the possibility of nu/clear war. or like. any war breaking out in the us. which i know is a ridiculous self #centered thought to have but my anxiety is out of fucking control rn and it has been getting worse throughout the week. i just don’t know #how to wrap my head around the violence of this week. and so few je/wish ppl i know irl are antizi/onist and ppl just expect me to be #supportive of is/rael jsut bc im je/wish and it makes me fucking FURIOUS not only because i resent these horrors being committed to innocent #people in the name of my own people but it is so extremely dangerous to conflate j/udaism with zi/onism. the consequences diasporic je/ws #are goi ng to face are of course nowhere near as central or all-consumingly violent as the people in gaz/a and i feel personally safe enough #as someone who (and i know this is kind of a terrible thing to say) passes very easily as a go/y (esp w a mask on) and has a g/oy last name #but i am so fucking terrified of the antise/mitism getting worse here and have been exposing myself to evidence of it even though it is #extremely destructive to my mental health. but also i deeply resent the rhetoric around ‘reach out to your j/ewish friends they’re suffering #rn’ because…. we are not a monolith nor are we the direct victims in this situation and it just feels so uncomfortable and centering to make #it an issue of silence etc etc when… there are innocent ppl in g/aza who are experiencing terror no human being should ever have to endure #and most of them are children and they are the people who will ‘pay’ most directly and immediately and severely for what happened a week ago #i just feel so fucking on edge from this entire situation and unable to do anything to help when the destruction is imminent and this #nightmare of a country is at the core of so much suffering in this world and it will take centuries to undo it all and in the meantime so #many innocent people are going to die and maybe the entire world will be destroyed by nu/clear war which we are basically begging for at #this point. it’s so hard to function in my personal life when i am keenly aware of what could be happening at any moment #i don’t know how to end this post. im just fucking scared and there’s nothing i can do

[nerdynikki94]

Honestly? Did I want more from DTAMHD? Yes, I did. I wanted something signifying actual progression for Dennis' character (even just a crumb of genuine growth) , and I sincerely don't think we got that. However... we did get a fascinating insight into the process of his mind. Dennis' level of self-denial is so ironic and profound. He can't acknowledge the inevitability that he's middle-aged.

(I swear this episode honestly has given me an alt hc, that the show is based in his mind; because logistically, a man of his lifestyle and malnourishment could not commit the feats he is constantly sailing through. TGGB & DTAMHD... back-to-back? What happened to his hand? Did he even sprain it? Or is he just the most dramatic brat in the gang - clearly the latter.)

It is important to note that he didn’t fix the actual problem. He momentarily masked the symptoms, but ignore long-term help with blood pressure medicine is not going to fix the issue, nor is it going to protect him from fucking keeling over in a stressful situation (when he's not in a contained and quiet Doctor's exam room) and his blood pressure spikes.

I'm honestly a little jaded at this point (16 Fucking Seasons of crumbs, y'all), but if one were to continue 'trusting the structure' this episode conveyed a lot.

The B Plot: The pressure cooker. The metaphor parallels the building pressure Dennis quick-tempered bouts of rage. So, to toss out a little 'cat-in-the-wall' conjecture here: The pressure cooker is Dennis, but we all saw him eat that bloody diamond in the end and we all heard Mac's speech about coal turning into diamonds under massive pressure. Dennis' experience is a theory of pressure, he daydreams it all in the span of a minute or so. He's roleplaying with hypothetical obstacles. There's no risk. Maybe Dennis, isn't the pressure cooker, but the coal.

If I were to try and take anything hopeful out of this episode, it would be the way the narrative is showing us that this episode acknowledged that Dennis isn't ready yet. It's not his turn to break. It's going to take real, substantial pressure to get that diamond.

It was a hell of a misdirect (and honestly a little bit of a slap in the face), but if these characters live in the real world, where people are bound by the laws of mortality, then Dennis should have his time.

Genuinely, who fucking knows?

I'm not hating on the episode. We all know this is the trashy dick joke sitcom. I just thought that if Mac & Charlie could have moments of genuine heartbreak, culminating in deep catharsis, that maybe Dennis could have that too.... but no.

Can't wait to see the sunny dudebros miss the point & proclaim Dennis Reynolds - SA victim, traumatized individual with an emotionally tumultuous personality disorder - the new Andrew Tate.

I'm sorry, but yeah. I'm a little miffed. It was all a dream, and everything goes Dennis' way. Y'all I'm fucking tired. This was a great episode for Glenn, but a fucking frustrating episode for Dennis. I may have wanted a little macden, but all I cared about was seeing Dennis face the limitations of his mortality, to see that he's failing his body and his brain. He didn't have to actually take the medicine (I wouldn't expect him to), but Goddammit, everything seems to work out in his delusional favor. So, of course he's going to continue being delusional, and probably only change for the worse.

I'll say it: I wanted a broken Dennis, and we did not get that. He didn't even crack, the unbearble and apparently now canonical Golden God. That episode's title was intended to tease sunnyblr.

Excuse the plethora of tags. I just kept getting more irritated.

#what i take from the episode is further insight to the lengths of Dennis' repression which adds to my fic #iasip s16 #i will say this: i can't dislike this episode solely because of how phenomenal glennjamin's performance was. #I'd say I'm retracting the title of macden 'truther'. I'm still a stan. but this ep made me realize dennis is too coddled by the narrative #with TGGB he's constantly winning. even the game he doesn't stay to watch the end of. his body performing near miracles. wtf #the real reason I'm seriously bothered is the sunny dudebros. they already idolize dennis #this ep has only made it worse because the obvious point of Dennis' actual delusions will go right over their heads. #anybody with a grounded sense of reality can tell you that dennis did not solve a problem #he dreamt up a scenario in some kind of toxic meditation session. he's getting older. and his denial is metastasizing #Dennis' denial isn't sustainable. I'm kind of cutting off my investment in that regard. he's a fucking mess & he's currently being idolized #dennis reynolds #definitely not my favorite episode. not bc of lack of macden. a little bc Den needs limitations. mainly bc 'it was all a dream' is cheap #ranting.excuse me for wanting 1 of my fave characts actually have his poor health.self-destructive coping mechanism/trauma acknowledged #can't believe i was actually afraid i wouldn't be able to write because too much might happen in DTAMHD...! 🤣 #it should've all happened. but instead ended w/him getting charges pressed when he tried to break into ceo's home #ngl. this one hurt. I'm ready for Mac to give up on Dennis. i just wish this fucking show would let him. #excuse me while i go bawl like a baby watching MFHP. because I'm heartbroken that Dennis' BPD makes him push Mac away. #let's just say that realization has been bogging me down in my personal life the last couple of days. & this bummed me out. #Robert McElhenney. I'm outside the studio screaming at you to just let Mac move on & actually meet someone! #I'm not saying he deserves a relationship. but fuck... after 40 yrs of repression can he at least have a fling & fall out of love w/Den? #Dennis won't ever let him meet someone. & he'll never treat Mac like he actually cares about him.bc his own vulnerability terrifies him.😭

[tempestclerics]

.

#sola said #hm thinking about the fact that before last spring i never really experienced the anxiety of #'what if this person secretly hates me but isn't telling me and is just resentfully putting up with my presence' #and that's a thought that takes up. way too much of my brain now and there's a fucking point source to it. i can trace it to a specific #conversation and being told a lot of information i didn't want to be privy to and can't unknow #and i just. i miss the version of me that didn't have that in their head #i resent that whole conversation and information and relationship #i am just. so angry and sad because it didn't have to be like this and i know that because It Didn't Used To Be Like This #my friends don't hate me. i know that #but i used to Believe it which is different. and i am so fucking angry at you for taking that away from me #delete later

[sirnica]

Well, not even antidepressants can help me from being on the verge of tears from hearing an older coworker you actually really like and respect absolutely going to town while blasting you and how much you fucked up to another coworker.

I will never do anything for this lab again.

#i didn't fuck up! #i did exactly what my boss told me! #and what also you told me #they were in the office across from mine talking so so loudly #i hate this job i hate this job #so there are these new guidelines for food microbiology and we have the old ones too #the lab boss told me to add the new ones #i did it on the last worker day of 2023 #and last week i was like should i delete the old ones #i asked him multiple times if he was sure #and he said yes #so i deleted them #and now it's my fault #and apparently that also messed up the whole system which it didn't and it couldn't #i hate it here #and she's going basically from person to person saying O fucked up #like she was talking to the head of s completely different lab right now #my lab boss stood up from me yesterday apparently #it just doesn't make me feel any better because he's like the only one

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did #bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried #another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one #machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem #god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8 #and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration #ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a #personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up #bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like #yayyy vacation soon ☺️ #ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine #ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought #my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home #god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great #i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc #thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days #and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst #move. bc again. im barely a functional person #god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive #down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno #unrelated

[chrisbangs]

.

#every now and then i think abt deleting every single social media and dying . like #i really genuinely think abt just dying fr like #👎👎👎 #there's only 1 person i've been wanting to talk to lately #and like no one else lol #i just feel so fucking out of my head #why is everything so fucking bad #i barely leave the basement these days .. i just stay in bed and sleep #and i have less than a week to get the fuck over this random stupid rut i'm in #because fucking classes start on tuesday #i wanna kms so bad lol #like i would rather be dead than do another year of college rn #it's so fucking bad for me lmfao #i don't have any support or anyone to talk to and i feel like i'm going fucking crazy #i'm on academic probation is the best part so if i fuck up this semester i get kicked out which like part of me would love ik like #the part of me that's tired and exhausted and just done with everything i wouldn't mind being kicked out but #the ik . that my parents would fucking kill me knowing that i wasted 4 years worth of tuition money and just fucking flopped as a student #waking up wishing i hadn't woken up every fucking day... i feel sick inside... #my anxiety is spiking all over again and i can barely even organize my thoughts lately #i literally threw up last night cause i worked myself up into such hysterics . like lmfao... #i cant get a grip and i cant get the fuck over how bad i feel and no one fucking LISTENS when i saw i hate this and i'm not good enough for #this fucking subject i wanna fucking kill myself holy fuck it's crazy how much i wanna die.. #i used to wonder abt that 4th year kid who killed himself when i was at my old uni like how fucking bad was it for him that in his last year #he just couldn't take it anymore and now i'm in the funniest position of literally understanding exactly where he was lol #last year... and i cant do it... i just cant fucking do it and i wanna kill myself i think about it every day i think about it 24/7 and #i'm just so... tired doesn't even encompass what i'm feeling right now i'm fucking exhausted and empty and i have nothing left man i cant #fucking do this... every day im dragging myself kicking and screaming to school and dealing with a 4 hr round trip commute in the shitty ass #weather that we get and getting verbally and emotionally abused by profs and getting 0 acknowledgment for ANYTHING and it's not like my work #is even GOOD enough to begin with so ofc it's not gonna get any acknowledgment like jdjdjdkdkskd i just dont . have it in me to do this #for another fucking year... i literally cannot do this... and i have no other thoughts in my head other than killing myself lmfao...

[h3rmitsunited]

I was going back through my old school stuff from like 1st grade and there was this like journal where we had to write like a couple sentences each day to practice writing and stuff and i had this one day where part of what I wrote was "I hate myself today because I had to change my card to yellow" (the cards were like discipline things so you started with green and if you weren't being good you had to stand up and go to the front of the class to change your card) and I don't remember what it was for but I'm sure I was just like maybe talking or something like that.

But like damn. Even just thinking about the times I had to change my cards in those classes makes me want to cry. I remember always being so upset anytime the teachers weren't happy with me and then I think about me now and how I'm always expecting people to think the worst of me or be hiding that they don't like me or always expecting the other shoe to drop even if they've been telling me I'm doing a good job because I'm bad and I need them to just tell me why and what exactly they're holding back

And I've got a review coming up at work soon with my bosses since it's almost my 6 year anniversary of working there and all I can think is oh good now they can stop telling me how great I am and how happy they are to have me there and just tell me everything I'm doing wrong because I know the compliments aren't right and they have to have been holding back what all my issues are.

And I think something in my upbringing may have kind of fucked my head up... just a little bit

#peeerrhaps i should start looking at therapists again to work on some isssssuuuueeesss.... #the last one was not that helpful but she was the first person i looked at and tried and she did well enough #just didnt really get deep into anything under the surface #i literally cant take compliments. like idk if its like a youre supposed to be humble so dont let it go to your head thats turned into #dont internalize any praise ever but if anyone ever complains about you then its real and you should internalize it times a thousand #or maybe its just a i kinda hate myself and dont feel like i deserve good things or anything ever #i think some of it is im ashamed about my stupid inability to get to work on time. like if i force it and work myself up #maybe i can be on time like a few days in a row #but the momentum drops so fucking fast and then im back to well im here before we open even if i was supposed to be here 20 minutes ago #but also like i get there before stuff is going on and like its not that late and i havent mentioned the issue because #i feel like if i did theyd say oh well then just get here at the later time youve been arriving close to its fine #but then stupid brain will go okay so this is the new time which means that im going to shift to arriving even later #so i just have to keep relying on the shame and guilt and panic to get me there in the mornings #which is not fun #i just hope the review goes well other than my bad time management #i feel like it will... hopefully. theyve talked about possibly 'promoting me' which would be me doing the same stuff ive been doing #basically but then id just have the title (and pay 🤞) to go along with that #i dont want to get my hopes up but we'll see what happens #im going to like try super hard to get to work on time until the review though and like after but still #come on clarissa do a good job

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

embarrassed to report that, 2.5 years later, i have realized it's probably NOT that driscoll is an exceptionally difficult book to write (i mean, it is Hard, but it's not like Unspeakably Difficult).

it's probably that literally Every Single Time i've made this The Project(tm), i have been in the midst of an Upheaval/Subpar Working Conditions. that, uh. That Would Do It.

#text #personal #writing #in btw #driscoll #listen this hit me like a ton of bricks last night lol #nano draft was gr8 and fun and fast (i was just lonely as fuck but the writing was good!!) #draft 2 was the first thing i started working on as panini hit and then i was in the process of moving back in with my parents (ugh) #draft 3 was 2.5months of fighting my dad for the writing room (which mom offered me as such since it was HER BEDROOM) #(dad didnt realize that was the deal because his head is so far up his own ass hes oblivious to anyone else :) ) #so then i moved my desk into my room and that helped #draft 4 has been starting a new job and simultaneously losing ALL ACCESS to a Quiet House #and apparently the Quiet was the major support pillar of making words go #(which makes sense because once bro was up and gaming id have to tap out of words and then mom got home and all bets were off) #(so writing hours were morning/afternoon when i could pretend i was home alone) #getting off after 5 or 6 means everyone is awake and loud by the time i get home #so #no wordsing success :( #anyway my mom has said a few times Driscoll Is Too Hard Try Something Else :( #and yes its hard but. its mostly hard because fucken environment #so not setting it aside is a good call because the environment wont change 🙄🙄 #gosh i need to get the fuck out of heeeeere #anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk

[moteldogs]

need to leave this relationship vs impossibility of doing so

#we broke up in september and then got back together and that! was a mistake #but like we’re so enmeshed at this point it feels too late #every thought and feeling I have gets filtered in my head thru how I think she would feel about it. just automatically on instinct #which is fucked!! up! because the last person in my head like that was my fuckin dad #and then there’s the logistics of it. we live together and she doesn’t have a car so I can’t just break up with her because then where’s #she gonna stay and how’s she gonna get around #it would be easier to stay and just suck it up and keep my mouth shut but physically I can’t do that. I’m exhausted I’m on edge and #just like. bone deep bitterness #del later

[pepprs]

ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.

#purrs #delete later #idk. i typed a bunch here and then deleted it and now idk what to say. i just feel so lonely. i have had fucked up relationships with every #single older adult in my life and never had someone who could a) stay in my life b) be consistently present in my life c) meet my emotional #needs d) actually See me and accept me for who i am. Like not one person who can be all four of those things. and i have to be all four of t #those things for myself now because im 24 and i missed my chance. but how fucking shitty and painful is that? especially after a year like t #this. the way it’s literally ending the SAME way last year did. huge scary promotion (which i haven’t even talked about on here or to anyone #but lia today actually. but it might be huger and scarier than i thought. which is good but also HUGE -‘d scary. and not a bad thing of bc o #course but it’s so fucking… perilous? like it makes me feel profoundly imperiled because i have extremely good reason to feel that way. and #i have to endure the mortifying ordeal of applying for my own job AGAIN after the first time was so horrible. lol) and also losing a beloved #mentor figure who understood me in a way no one else did which mattered immensely even if they couldn’t do the whole presence thing or #whatever. and now i only have one older adult in my life left (aside from my therapist who doesn’t really count bc i only see her once a #week and we barely know each other still) who is like. here and helping me and i KNOW i am so sick in the head i KNOW and i should not be #writing it but every single day i am fucking terrified that i am being or will be separated from him emotionally or physically jsut like all #the others so. LOL!!!!! i am normal and well adjusted. but it’s like so fucking painful because im grasping at straws but again the reality #is im 24 and the only people on this earth who it is fair for me to expect all 4 from and who should’ve provided it to me are my parents. #and i missed my chance with them forever and now i have to do it myself. and that’s ok sometimes and i can handle it… except in the moments #where im sobbing hysterically and everything carries on. when i am in my darkest moments i want to run to an older adult and have them #comfort me but i truly cannot do that with any of the ones i still have left / regularly interact with for so many reasons. and it’s so #painful it makes me sick sometimes. and now i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see in this world. but how can i do that when i #haven’t finished grieving over them leaving which feels like leaving ME — NOW — in this moment when i have never needed more support of that #kind more. how can isummon it within myself. im not ready yet. i need a long hug and a hand to hold that won’t (have to) let go. when im #crying i need someone to take me somewhere and comfort me and calm me down. and im 24 so i can’t ask for it. but oh my god i need it. and i #missed my chance. and lia left today and she only ever did that for me metaphorically but… tonight i feel more alone than ever. #and it’s like i don’t even have the emotional intelligence or whatever to ASK for that. bc im playing by ear and i don’t know how to read #the music of it. im self taught. that fucking sucks. that SUCKSSS. also that’s too strong a way to put it liek obviously my friends who are #closer to my age are INTEGRAL to me being able to function and i learn from them and cherish their support. but just like i can’t be a mom #to me my friends can’t either. so it’s like what the fuck do i do. get steamrolled by relentless grief and rage every day i guess. #also side note. everything carried on when i was in brighton too. i came home early ofc but it’s like nothing changed in my absence. and #that has fucked me up SUPREMELY. i think that might be a root of it. like hm… it seems my presence doesn’t have impacts. but idk

[trashbaget]

.

#nevermind i was just sleep deprived and being dramatic lmao #he’s just some guy #bro he is #he is so fucking cute it’s not funny anymore #he’s attractive as hell and such a snazzy lil dresser #he always makes me laugh and our inside jokes are incomprehensible in the best way #i get so much pure joy just from talking to him that it’s just a little barbaric #i just want to know what his hand feels like with his fingers locked in mine #i want to hold onto him and spin around in his kitchen making food and minding his cats weaving through our legs #i want to curl into him on the couch and watch movies and put my head in his lap so i have to crane my neck up and around to see him properl #i want to lean into his personal space and look at his lips and not be afraid that i’m doing something i shouldn’t #i want to crash into him at the end of a long day and just be in his arms and listen to the sweet hum of his lungs hold me like a lullaby #god i just want something to HAPPEN #because things are always fucking HAPPENING between us but nothing’s HAPPENED to make me Know it isn’t all in my head #like we pretty hellkin much went on a date going for a walk in the woods and then watching a movie afterward #in the words of a friend: you dont watch corpse bride alone with someone after going on a walk in the woods. not platonically. #another friend was breaking out shit theyd noticed from LAST YEAR that makes them think he’s into me #my friends are pretty convinced that he’s into me and that just……that kinda fucks me up bc what if he doesnt? howd ALL these ppl get duped? #i guess i never realized how close we really were already which. does that >really< say anything…? #was this a didnt know what was right in front of me situation? #are we getting to the chorus? to the climax? to the thick of things? #what is Happening #what is happening between us #what are we doing what are we becoming is there anything really here