#which i am Unwilling to do

[altruistic-meme]

Updates in bookbinding:

BOOKPRESS!!! yes it's kind of bad bc it's 2 $5 cutting boards from walmart and some screw c-clamps but im EXCITED to have smth better than. a large stack of books piled on top of each other.

currently being pressed is Scared to Live (But I'm Scared to Die) by @major816 bc its what i managed to get to the printing stage first! I'm gonna be sewing tomorrow since I'm only working a half-day so wish me luck with that :')

and for printing stage... well...

let's say I've had quite a time figuring that out

something something my printer was only like $40 and among the things it lacks, including the ability to actually do printing on both sides automatically (I could cry)(actually I did cry), i have also learned it likes to do scaling when printing in booklet :) which is why I've been having such a difficult time with the huge margins and tiny fonts and printing 2789 signatures trying to fix the issue as you can see above :)

with Scared to Live, I did the typeset for it which meant I had a lot of ability to edit the original document in order to fix the issues presented by my printer, which meant ultimately there were only ~6-7 test prints to fix it.

Even In Another Time by @irregularcollapse however. well. she did the typeset herself and shared it and i have spent so much time staring at it bc it's so pretty and i adore it. however that meant I only had the pdf version and pdf is infamous for being basically uneditable. which has been fun.

outside of staring listless at my computer, I also got help from my dad, and then help from a family friend who does printing semi-professionally (among other things), and we Still Didn't Kniw What To Do. eventually I caved and got the adobe free trial and FINALLY I fixed the issue. So yay! EIAT is next to be printed, possibly tomorrow or over the weekend :)

now i need to find a place to recycle paper. bc I have So Much.

#also need to look for a place to trim the edges bc quite frankly i dont think ill be able to without fucking up my nice paper #which i am Unwilling to do #also phlegmatuc when you see this i know i couldve asked you and we mightve been able to work it out #but aside from the many pages of paper and ink and the much frustration i mostly wanted to figure it out #in case i run into the same issue again later when i cant just ask the person who made the typeset!! and i did figure it out so im happy :) #tho idl what ill do about having to pay for adobe.... maybe ill just pay for like. a month at a time when i have to fjsjjf #or ill just try and make more of my own typsets. we'll see. #anywho #<3 #shh ac #adventures in bookbinding #big post but also! big updates and im happy and proud #also also i acknowledge that a LOT of binders - especially early on - have book presses like this so im happy with it

[xerith-42]

Hey is there anyone on this god forsaken hell site willing to draw Blazein wallpaper for me? I have been digging through Tumblr tags and Pinterest and found NOTHING!! I JUST WANT TO LOOK AT MY LITTLE GUYS EVERY TIME I OPEN UP MY PHONE IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR??

#i am willing to pay btw #but I ask whos willing bc I know a lot of ppl in this fandom do not enjoy ein #and are unwilling to draw him #which. is a choice. they can make. #[is shaking with rage] #aphblr #mystreet blaze #mystreet ein #blazein

[localcryptideli]

You know sometimes I think that the reason I stopped being on the sokai ship online is that the reasons why I think the ship is nice are so separate and different from how I see most people interpreting the characters and wanting the ship to be that it just loses all appeal to me.

#it's about vulnerability and peace to me okay #It's about sora being unwilling to leave kairi behind where she is a bit slower than the rest of the group #it's something I could absolutely project headcanons on disability on #it's about kairi signifying home and peace and stability #where sora's world became incredibly chaotic #it's about being accepted as who you are not what you can or cannot do #and sora being appreciated because of who he is beyond the keyblade #and kairi's life being valued even if she is not a big strong warrior #it's about the drama of kairi clinging to a past sora desperately wants to have again but cannot go back to #and kairi having the POTENTIAL to relate to that struggle due to her own past #it's about both having the experience of being left behind #and both being kind at heart and clinging to normalcy where they can #it's about being selfish about it too and not recognizing the ways in which the other grew #stubbornly clinging to the way they knew each other because the leap of change is scary albeit necessary in the long run #and stepping on each other's toes because of this because they don't recognize their goals and personalities shifted #that's what's yummy to me #whereas with soriku I am very aligned to fandom interpretation hence why I am waaay more intense about it here #but yeah I... don't want kairi to be a super goddess girlboss that saves sora that's not why she is appealing to me #as someone who struggles with not shining for skills and being left behind I treasure the fact that she is narratively important #and treasured by her friends - but still not super OP and the best of the best and a perfect flawless problem solver and hero #I enjoy that she is weaker and her best friend would STILL risk it all to see her safe - she is not disposable or an afterthought #and she matters because of who she is and the friendship she brings not because of what she can bring to the team of keyblade wielders #i need to find a tag for personal updates

[lucihens]

this a very unnecessarily philosophical, potentially verbose, written by a barely 20 odd year old with the mental age of a 10 year old whose innate logic comes directly from the autism gremlin in her mind take on tim bradford. you have been warned.

it's interesting that tim thinks he's been lying to himself and is mad at himself for seemingly actually being what he thinks he fundamentally isn't, rather than what he thinks or thought he was. but he doesn't understand that he can't be fundamentally anything in respect to action and nature. he can't define who he is as a whole as one clear cut, unchanging thing that he lives by for the rest of his life. because that's the complete opposite of what human nature is in my opinion. his personality may be consistent. but his nature never will be. because it changes. ALL THE TIME. pretty much everyday your processes change even a little bit with new information you gain. who you are now is not who you were last week. and while you may have a strict and specfic moral law in which determines the way you act in the long run, the decisions you make and the way you act (short term) depend on the moment. so tim is saying that what he did in the moment back in the army, and what he did in the moment dealing with ray, and what he did in the moment lying to IA, was him going against his code and who he thought he was, and that must therefore mean that who he has been consistently in the past was actually all a lie, was him pretending to be something he wasn't just because he did somethings 'out of character'. i don't think he can understand that being as strict and by the book as he is is not actually a sustainable human trait. because many instances call for many different reactions. but him setting such rigid guidelines he must follow so he can actually consider himself a good man, has set him up to fail again and again in respect to his feelings of self worth. setting such high standards for himself that he'll never be able to live up to has made it so easy for his self-belief to falter, teeter, and completely fall off the edge. confusing his personality with his nature has made it practically impossible to realise that his actions, if flawed, reckless and bringing negative consequences, don't make him fundamentally flawed. fundamentally wrong and screwed up. he doesn't realise that actions merely add to the portfolio of a person's life, good or bad, and despite the contents of his biography, he is still worthy of love. because he is not fundamentally flawed, or a fraud, but a man who regularly shows empathy, and loves anyway, despite being told (by others, but mainly himself) he won't experience the same in return.

#i have always been bewildered by tim and the way he thinks since he's very black and white #but doesn't realise that all the colours of the rainbow are inside of him #i have an egotistical logic man in my brain who always thinks he's right #so if this is illogical to you blame him #but this is my inexperienced philosophy on the difference between fundamental personality vs enviroment influenced nature #i like to speak the things that flow out of my brain #so feel free to disagree #i am not always correct #but i love tim and i need him to realise he's a little dumb and unwilling to realise the true attributes of what makes a human #and that he's not wrong for doing what humans do #which is make mistakes and learn from them #and he's still allowed to be loved #because humans love each other despite what they do because it's fundamental to humans to be like this #you are not special baby #it's okay #you'll be fine #just like i am fundamentally tautologous #yet you like my posts anyway #i'm very sorry #especially if you loathe my lack of capital letter usage #goodnight #the rookie #chenford #tim bradford

[twpsyn-who]

Talking a little bit about 'boycotting Eurovision' under Keep Reading, feel free to scroll down if is not what you want to see.

The most used argument on the matter of banning Israel from Eurovision is the fact that Russia got banned from Eurovision, which is the worst argument anyone could bring.

Kindly reminder that Russia didn't get banned because of the war with Ukraine. Russia got banned because many countries has threatened to withdraw from the competition. Sadly, that's a big difference.

Yes, the countries has threatened to withdraw because they support Ukraine and see Russia as the party in the wrong. That was their reason. EBU's reason for banning Russian was because those countries threatened to withdraw, not because the war was bad and Russia must be stopped.

This situation isn't the same. Why? Because many countries support Israel in their genocide. Because this time around Palestine is the party in the wrong. Because we're taught to believe that Israel isn't in the wrong here.**

Boycotting Eurovision won't work. There are people out there who don't know the truth and want to watch Eurovision. There are people out there who don't care and will watch Eurovision regardless of the situation. There are people out there who, despite having the facts, still don't see Israel as the bad guy in this situation and will watch Eurovision. Sadly, boycotting won't work unless everyone does it.

The only way Israel will get banned, in my opinion, is by going through the same thing as Russia. If other countries threatened to withdraw- and not any countries, but the ones investing the most in Eurovision, then yes. That will get Israel banned.

Otherwise? The only thing we do is hurt artists that don't deserve it. Artists who use Eurovision as a way to get more exposure and experience. Artists who deserve to be heard.

Don't vote for Israel's entry. Don't stream their song either. Heck, turn off the TV when is their turn to perform.

**This whole situation (the war, not Eurovision) isn't only black and white. Civilians die daily because of this, all of them from both sides. Innocent people who has no fault. Let's not forget that

#Honestly I'm tired of the whole 'Russia got banned Israel should be banned too' speech because is truly bullshit #It has nothing to do with the war per se. It was because countries were unwilling to participate in support for Ukraine #If the whole situation was truly political then other countries wouldn't be able to participate either #Is it fair? No. But that's the situation #Alas Eurovision exist so we forget about the bad in the world for a bit and be more united. Have some fun. Stuff like that #I'm going to get so much hate over this omg. But this is just my opinion/point of view on the matter #Sadly this whole situation isn't even about helping the innocent put in danger by this situation. Is about hate like everything else #My wording is so shitty but people on the internet don't understand shit unless I call 'X bad Y good' so we go with that #eurovision 2024 #Also another reminder that THE WHOLE AUDIENCE chanted 'Cha Cha Cha' during eurovision 2023 and were rotting for Finland to win just to lose #Many entries got fucked up by the jury votes too. Our opinion doesn't matter as much as some of you might think lol #Jury votes GOT CHANGED during another eurovision under shitty reasons (I can't remember which year but there were 5 or 6 countries who got #their votes changed). Eurovision has never been fair #We always get annoyed over it and trash talk it then watch it the next year #Also this is not the same as boycotting brands and shit like that who support Israel. No money go from Eurovision to Israel. #This competition as far as I am aware (please correct me if I'm wrong) doesn't support Israel in any way #Be it financially or by donating arms or any other way #Their only fault is for allowing Israel to participate. That's all #Weapons* don't ask me why I said arms instead sorry #i'm tired lol #Fair warning I won't answer any replies to this post

[raiiny-bay]

thinking about it & genuinely i don't think i could have picked a better name for kel if i tried. that guy is a kelly through & through

#for all the things i would change about this story if i were start it over completely (which is a lot) #kel's name & character is not one of them #i really think i got that right on the first try #i would probably change dhes' name however. not entirely. just the spelling. i'd spell it normal. like destin instead of dhestyn #though i would also consider changing it to destiny bc i think his parents are eccentric enough that they would name their son that lol #i'd also make his last name rosa instead or just give him a more Spanish last name in general #bc i do think keith 100% would have taken judy's last name instead of the other way around like it is now #i also would have made the kids college-aged bc the boys getting together in high school & staying together forever is so unrealistic #especially bc they're both more or less their first real relationships #but yk. #that's what happens when you start a story as a kid & just keep retconning it over the years. things start to get a bit fucky & silly #i have made a few major changes to the plot over the years but i think some changes would be a lil TOO big #& i am unwilling to take the leap & make them #but that's also why there's the kel & co multiverse! every change i want to make can exist if i just. make an AU for it #there are no limits to the multiverse #rainyrambles

[thetardisisnotourdivision]

I can't fucking believe that I procrastinated my gender for like. A good three years.

#Like in fairness I was in an incredibly abusive environment already #Questioning my gender was the last fuckin thing I needed so I was just like “that's a problem for later” #Butttttttttt... Now I've got no idea what I'm doing #Like I've cut my hair??? I like looking like a boy???? #But I also know that a few months ago I was straight up wearing floor length skirts on the daily and braiding my hair with flowers?????? #and my definition of “boy” and “man” is so inherently fucked up bc of the abuse that I'm unwilling to actually use those words??? #And I chose the name I use for a reason as a promise (long story) but it's really feminine???? #And it'd be nice if people would be ok with using two different names for me if it turns out I am genderfluid but????? #They almost certainly won't?????? #Like most of them refuse to use my chosen name anyway and I'm just. To polite to correct them. #no I'm not canadien I'm british #Anyway help? #Bc I realised all this the other day LITERALLY AN HOUR before I went on stage and almost had a complete breakdown?????? #good news is there's this trans boy in my performing arts group and he was so nice and supportive that I didn't cry in the end #much anyway but still?????? I procrastinated my fucking gender????????? And now I'm fuckin confused??????? #Also I can now cosplay one of my OCs #So that's cool #Remember the name Becky Roberts guys #Like if I am trans for genderfluid or whatever it'll help next year with The Plan (which I may elaborate on if asked) #but also???? My parents still refuse to accept that I'm a lesbian if I tell them “yo I periodically become a boy” #They'll probably yell at me at BEST #“that's not a real thing!!!” NEITHER IS YOUR FAÇADE OF A HAPPY FAMILY BUT YOU BELIEVE IN THAT #*ahem* anyway yeah I'm struggling if anyone has any advice pls help #Oh and I've only told like one person I've cut my hair and I'm meeting up with a load of friends on Sunday #Bwhahahhahahahhah #help me #tw abuse mention #queer community

[mossy-covered-bones]

You mean you can watch something without becoming immediately obsessed with the characters and symbolism?

#anyway i thought the people shipping bilbo and thorin were out of left field but like #did you notice how they did bilbo and thorin right alongside kili and tauriel? you cannot look me in the eye after that and say that bilbo #wasnt at least a LITTLE in love with him. in the way you love a close friend. or someone you look up to and admire #bc bilbo followed that man into battle. several times. and i think that devotion is something akin to love #also i am being unwell abt golem and frodo being character foils #esp considering we’re planning a lotr marathon at some point #and can i just say. i do appreciate that in absence of gandalf bilbo is ALWAYS the voice of reason #mans is so unwilling to ignore his own moral compass for the majority of the series. (which is what also makes his attitude when it comes to #the ring that much more jarring) #anyway yeah so normal abt them :] <-lying #sev rambles #also i was trying so hard not to rant abt billionares and dragons being functionally the same thing. i only did once. considering one of my #moms friends were there you should be so proud of me for my self restraint

[whsprings]

"I feel like you're desperately holding onto your ed" that's because I am. next question.

#cw// ed #iop again #had a chat about how i am unwilling to do the work which is always fun to hear #and i was like 'that makes me feel like a lost cause' and g said 'youre not though! i just cant do this for you.' #also ive been in iop for two months and my weight is the same. idk how i managed that. except also i do. #i convince myself that living like this is sustainable and that i dont need to change #and i have no evidence telling me otherwise #g asked if i wanted to stop working on my ed and just do anxiety work and i told her id probably relapse if i did that #she also asked why i am honest on my meal check in sheets in iop and i told her its because lying is pointless and honesty is #the right thing to do #she said it sounds like a cry for help and i said maybe it is #i honestly dont know what i want or what im doing #i hate this

[isa-ah]

got told yesterday that if i wanna be a man then i have to be a man about it and that being so hard on anyone i meet just bc i have known some really awful people in the last few years isn't fair, and is step 1 to being a very lonely person w no friends. which. fair. but how the fuck do you even go hey i like your vibes wanna hang out? as like an adult to an adult youve only been talking to for abfew minutes. 🤔

#i dont have a phone number you see. i only use discord bc why am i gunna pay monthly when im always on wifi #every irl adult friend ive made has been. how do i put this nicely #a mistake lol #i think perhaps im too nice. but the advice was that im too mean and unwilling to give people time #bc of the shit ive dealt with. and i have to get over that and be a man #which is. supremely fair #but how lol

[crescentmp3]

i have work to do. 27497005 dead 7738 injured

#hi do you remember how i had an english presentation on phonetics? its tomorrow #i am 2cm tall and my teacher has no mercy (i showed absolutely no hints of being unwilling and intentionally looked interested in doing it) #it is my nature what can i say. it is making her proud and so i will do it #i am very anxious that i'll mess it up! which i might. #it turns out it's not gonna happen just how i imagined it‚ which is the issue #i imagined i would be giving a presentation in front of an audience! which i think was fair of me to assume #to the contrary there are going to be little stands and people will come up to me to hear what i have to teach. and im supposed to quiz - #- them after! i do not want that #im gonna have to prepare little papers that have words on them and they're gonna pick from that. and then they have to pronounce it right #its stupid. i also need to prepare a large piece of cardboard that has the combination letters im going to touch on #and what sounds they make #the problem is one combination doesn't make just one sound! how am i supposed to visualise /that/? #i /would/ do it in a way that makes sense to me (complex symbol coding that i make up and then memorise) but others don't work like that. #very tragic situation on my end i don't know how im going to do this. #i am the tiniest guy on this earth... how will i do this when i am literally so small(<-is just anxious) #🌙rambling

[pepprs]

in my despera (despair era)

#purrs #talked to her about everything and uhhh. i think she simply cannot compute that being a mom is about more than feeding your kid and bringing #them stuff when they need it (not that that isn’t important or real or anything ofc) or that she has hurt me in ways that run to the deepest #parts of myself. i think i did a good job keeping things civil and not being inflammatory like i usually am but everything i brought up she #refuted by pointing out something that i did wrong which i would then address / explain and apologize for and own up to and then when i woul #would point out stuff she did wrong she would just deflect w my own wrongdoings or change the topic or whatever. lol! and i told her she #night love me but i don’t think she likes me (hashtag ladybird) and she said that that was hurtful to hear but i explained why i felt that w #way and then she did nothing but continue to exhibit the same behaviors that make me feel disliked and quite frankly unloved by her so um. #lol and lawl and lel i suppose. the absolute hopelessness of it. she is never going to understand or change. there are the most basic things #in the world that i need from her which are also the hardest things in the world to ask your own mother ofr and i couldn’t even bring up the #favoritism thing bc everyone was around LOL but um. wow! she does not understand how she is hurting me and nothing i do or say will get #through to her. this will continue and worsen ♥️ i do not feel better i feel worse ♥️ every day brings a new reminder that she is emotionall #unavailable and unwilling to even try to be nurturing in ways that will impact me for the rest of my life ♥️ #delete later #the energy it took not to start crying during that and now im too tired. what a fucked up day it’s been #like it’s as if i didn’t even say anything. she is like i pretend i do not see it <3 #also she was like i had these same kinds of fights w my father but i realized what counted was that he was always there for me and i eas #like you’re not wrong but also… maybe that at least partially explains why you are an emotionally unavailable parent! lol!

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

People will be all like “Neanderthals were wiped out 😔 idk how tho” and I don’t either, obviously, but I do know that some of my Homo sapiens sapiens ancestors were sucking and fucking Neanderthals who were also some of my ancestors and I feel like it’s a bit of a disservice to great great grandparents Neanderthal. There might no longer be pure Neanderthals or even mostly Neanderthal hybrids, but my (several hundred at least) great grandparents were Neanderthals and Homo sapiens who were sucking and fucking each other and I for one don’t forgor that. This one goes out to you grandma eyebrows *goes crazy on a bone or reed flute*

#emma posts #this is a very dumb post but it is something that always itches a little #I’m a pre-history nerd and phylogenetics are messy af #and I understand why they are considered extinct. but that doesn’t mean they are completely gone #because in a way. I’m kinda their legacy I guess just as much as I am that of their human contemporaries at the time #where tf is the shrug emoji. give me a second. 🤷‍♀️ #I know that the conditions behind the sucking and fucking are not completely known. maybe some was unwilling. others were willing. but #those Neanderthals and their ancestors are also mine! #this is stupid and not a big deal but it sometimes greats at me #especially when I haven’t taken all my meds #woke up too late for a few because it’s hot af in here and we’re not supposed to open windows yet >:\ #great (xMany) greandparents eyebrows are still grandparents! #I knew none of them but it does feel a bit unfair #which is very annoying because prehistory is a very prominent special interest of mine #anyway. I don’t actually have a bone or reed flute #but there are reeds and willows I have access to and I found a pigeon skeleton awhile ago so technically I could probably try making any of #those. I just don’t think I’d do well #looks for other prehistoric instruments I might be able to improvise

[a-shrieking-cloud-of-bats]

wait I still need to make that Link Bank post

let me do that

in case tumblr explodes

#if tumblr explodes my internet popularity explodes with it #what little I have #may as well preserve what amount I can #bats speaks #it is really my only connectivity and probably the only connectivity I will have as long as I am unwilling to Booze Up #which I still obviously think is a good idea #basically everyone in my family immediate family abused substances at some point in their life #I Already Have My Character Development Trauma Thanks I Don't Need To Do That One

[ranboolivesaysstuff]

HEY! Just because I am now 20 I think having something to kind of re establish boundaries would be good! Considering the ones I put all those times ago have changed :D GENERAL RULES! Do not be racist, sexist, homophobic, antisemitic, ableist, or discriminatory against anyone for any reason. Please if someone is calling you out for things you have done or said, please self-reflect and take the proper steps to change or remove yourself from the community. If you see something you do not like, and it IS MADE WORSE BY BRINGING ATTENTION TO IT, THEN IGNORE IT! Bringing attention to problems that just arent really problems with either the community or me in general are not worth it! Please use common sense when thinking about what/what not to engage with! I personally wish that people in the community do NOT engage with people who just obviously do not like me! Chances are they want a reaction from it so it is MUCH better to just not argue with someone whos mind you will not change! ALLOW CRITICISM OF ME AND MY CONTENT! IF YOU DONT AGREE OR DONT LIKE THEN DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT IT!!!! ALL IT WILL DO IS CAUSE UNESSICARY DRAMA!!! DO NOT make ANY comments or content about me that is explicitly sexual. I completely understand that lately there have been bits due to the changes in how I’ve been presenting myself and how I’ve been presenting more femininely, but that does not allow anyone to use that as an excuse to sexualize any features and such that are more feminine or masculine. Remember that femininity is not sexual and should not be seen or created as such just because its there! (for example, the Vtuber costume and chat being overly weird over the added boobs where there was no need for it). DO NOT draw me in ways that are sexual either, such as highlighting any aspects in a sexual way, or making the content something sexual. I am completely okay with being drawn as any body type, masculine presenting or feminine presenting, as long as you stick to this! PLEASE DO NOT SPECULATE ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE!!! Making jokes about certain topics CAN be fine, but a line is crossed when it becomes a legitimate speculation or if a joke is said when I have expressed my discomfort! RESPECT MY FRIENDS!!! All of my friends are their own, incredible people. And they do not deserve to be lumped in or referred to as JUST "my friend". Be respectful in their chats even when im not there, and be respectful to all of them everywhere else! IF SOMEONE IS TRYING TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU MAY BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG PLEASE LISTEN!!! There has been a lot of times in which I have seen people be unwilling to change in the face of a genuine discussion, and that is not something I want in the community! I should NOT have to police every single thing because it should NOT take me saying something in order to change your mind! As my words are not worth more or less when it comes to a lot of subjects! And lastly, do good. Whenever you have the ability to. BE POSITIVE!!! The hater mindset is very draining and can be very toxic to both you and the people around you, so highlight the good instead of the bad if you have the ability to! I am so incredibly proud of how far this community has come, and I cannot wait for the future!!! I have spent some time writing this, but it may not be perfect, so I will update this as time goes on and I think of more, or if something needs to be SUPER cleared up, but for now these are the main ones! I will NOT be updating this after every little thing however, as I do not want you guys to feel like the only way that something is wrong is if I talk about it! As you guys should be able to sustain yourself as a community without my consistent input! Imma go enjoy my birthday by eating a pizza :) thank you all!

[nakitengoku]

Phoenix no you can’t do this again. Remember what happened last time

I was smart this time, I prommy. But also, she started it, this is just payback for when she bonked me while I couldn't retaliate

#quinn answers #hi rex :) #listen. ive learned from my mistakes #i now know that the reset happens at 12am EST which is 9pm for me #which means that directly before 9pm if i havent already hit post limit i can reblog bomb the shit out of it #and it wont affect me for long enough to matter #and i had to. she reblogged like. a hundred AFTWR she knew i couldnt do anything #im petty. i remember #but i am sorry for our mutuals who are caught in the crossfire. your sacrifices will be remembered o7 (however unwilling)